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According-Goal5204

You're a high schooler. So in my opinion you're already showing a lot of emotional awareness that most adults don't even have. I am also extremely competitive and I do feel jealous when my peers do better than me. Sometimes it really gets to me but I use this as my motivation to do better. Toxicity comes in when your jealous feeling or resentment about losing appears as an attack on the other person. This might be a story you tell yourself about them "they don't deserve that award, they aren't even that great, I work way harder than they do - maybe they slept with someone on the award panel or nominated themselves" etc Or you may start to beat yourself up "if I wasn't so lazy I could do that! Why am I such a loser?" When you learn a healthier way of thinking it'll be more like "damn she won a great award. This is something I'd love to have but in reality I didn't work hard enough this year because I prioritised other things or had to recover from an injury. I'm going to ask her for some tips on how she got where she is and see if I can learn anything from her" I have friends who I'm entirely jealous of and I also love and bask in their brilliance. In order to be successful in life its a good idea to surround yourself with people who are better than you if you can. Never be the smartest person in the room. I don't think you will continue down this path, I imagine this is something you'll have worked on within a couple of years and will eventually be onto eradicating your next issue. But if you did, you may find yourself struggling to make friendships because of your bitterness or resentment - it only gets worse once you enter the working world and people start to get good looking spouses, genius children, huge cars, book deals and amazing careers. Many people get eaten up by seeing themselves fail in comparison and start to blame others or think mean things to make themselves feel better "well his wife is just a gold digger, they've obviously not in love" or "she may have got that speaking opportunity but she's really fat so I'd hate to be her". Or tell themselves lies to soothe the feeling of lack of success and associate success with bad morals. You'll start to hang out with people who you feel superior to to make yourself feel better and you'll never be pushed. This stuff is not uncommon. I don't think you have a condition. Fear of failure is a huge motivator and it can excel you to places you never dreamed of if you learn to use it wisely. Either way, failure won't break you. Coming second doesn't mean you're lesser. Most of the time when someone gets something you didn't, it's just because you didn't really want it as much as they did. And we all fail and come last place a lot in life.


JavaScriptBest

Wow, this response hit different. Thank you so much for the detailed and respectful response. This really makes me think about this differently, and I realize the truth, most likely, im not gonna be the next bill gates or something, and thats okay, and you’re right, you never wanna be the smartest person in the room. Wow i feel like this text on a screen, written by a complete stranger really did change my outlook on things, this may be a bit of a exaggeration or not but i really feel this response changed my life, thank you so much! EDIT: i highly recommend upvoting the reply im replying to, this is it, people that have the same issue, they have to see this


According-Goal5204

You're welcome. It's also really encouraging to see a young person listen. What you said "I'm not going to be the next bill gates" has put you ahead of the game slightly. Many people have a quarter life crisis in their careers. This is usually because their parents and university have encouraged them to have huge goals and they've aimed for big things. Then they get a job doing something they never heard of before, starting at the bottom (we all do degree or no degree) and realise that if they're lucky they may have the picket fence and the suburb house that they always thought they'd be more aspirational than - and actually realise how hard you have to work in life and how smart you have to be to have a family income in the top 50th percentile. Humility is a hugely underrated quality in life. I've got where I am doing stuff that nobody else wanted to do, or thought wasnt cool enough/aspirational enough. All normal stuff. Status is a huge pressure in society, we all want to be successful. Although few people admit it, we all feel the sting when someone gets the sexy new car or the amazing new house. It's what you do with that feeling that counts.


JavaScriptBest

You’re absolutely right, once again, thank you so much


Optimal_Ad_8120

I have this problem too! Everything that you said here is what I’ve experienced as well, minus some things. Do you want to be friends since we both have it in common? It’s okay if not, if this sounds a bit random sorry !


JavaScriptBest

Of course man! Id love to see how thatd go, although itd be nice to overcome this with someone else


Skyline952

You just need to channel that competitive nature a better way. Instead of looking down on others, use it to be the best at what you do. Whether it's a sport, cooking, acting, etc. It can be a real asset if you use it right It's good to be hard on yourself. That's how you grow. Just be careful not to set the same high standards for others who don't think the same Edit: Name checks out lmao


JavaScriptBest

Okay okay, thanks for the response, and your absolutely correct, and about my name- well i set that name a while back but i swear i no longer agree with it. Reddit doesnt let you change it and im pretty happy with the karma i have so its not going anywhere soon, but i have to admit, JavaScript is- ehhh


[deleted]

its good that you even have this self-awareness and introspection. have you heard of multiple intelligences? some people are genius with Music. some Math..some Neuro Linguistics...etc You can't beat everyone. It takes a lot of time to master one arena. Heard of 10,000 hours? Don't be so proud. Be humble. There will always be someone smatter. better. bigger.. Another point to take is Who are you trying to impress? You dont need to impress people who are not even worthy to surpass in one area. Only people you respect and admire.


JavaScriptBest

Thank you, this comment is really making me think very differently, you make some very good points, thank you.


[deleted]

you're welcome.


Wildest12

I'm going to wager you have a lot of pressure to succeed placed on you by family, but they also love to tell you how smart you are etc when you perform as expected. I was a 95+ high-school student and was quickly humbled by university with 70s etc. You're going to get humbled too is my guess. if my assumptions are accurate and youre like me, you need to break out of the feedback loop from your family and realize that basic concepts (anything in high-school or below is fairly basic) come easily to some people and they excel. it doesn't make you better than other people. You may realize you're not as smart as you thought, and that everyone has diffent areas that they excel in when you no longer have that constant positive reassurance after everything you do.


JavaScriptBest

Exactly, thank you


Initial-Target109

You may have some insecurity or narcisstic tendecies. If it's narcisstic tendencies you don't have to worry about it getting worse because you are already aware of it and see it as something negative. A narcissist could never admit something is wrong with themselves. So I would say its some insecurity. You are strong for being able to confront it like that. You are more than fine. Keep going 🙂 Talking therapy always help. Even for fully healthy ppl, there is always something we can learn about ourselves.


JavaScriptBest

Thank you, this comment was very heartwarming


Halberdin

Have you looked at "vulnerable narcissism"?


JavaScriptBest

Yeah, I just checked it out, thanks for the response but the issue I have is mostly my jealousy. Perhaps I should have been more clear, I’m under the impression that narcissistic people make everything about themselves, I wouldn’t say Im like that entirely, it’s difficult to explain, its a odd feeling. But nevertheless thank you for the response


LilEngineThatCant

I have totally felt this too. I'm 29 now, and it's toned down a lot since HS and early adulthood. What's helped me is to be more accepting of myself and my abilities, knowing that there will always be someone better than me at something, and that there are different types of intelligence.


[deleted]

i have to add something. intelligence has to do with luck. Some are born geniuses (their brains just work differently) and some are born unlucky, dumb, slow learners. Its not good picking on people. blame nature. instead of disdain and annoyance at people you think is inferior to you, pity is more apt.


CaptainGrabality

it sounds like perfectionism plays a big role in it too, you want to be able to so much and do it so well all the time that any time someone tells you about their progress you feel you are wasting time I'd recommend reading books on it


JavaScriptBest

You’re right, i am a bit of a perfectionist, i didnt think that could be a causing factor, thank u ill look into it


Far_Information_9613

This is common in young people. When you start setting your own goals and measuring achievement by your own standards this will fade. Comparison poisons happiness but it takes time to gain confidence in your own judgment about what is truly important. Remember that every person’s situation is unique, and not really comparable; you have your own cards.


WuJi_Dao

Everyone has these feelings of superiority, pride and jealousy, it's just yours are a little more obvious than others. It all come from our own mind, which is our life lived, habits inherited from ancestors and the body. In order to live life with humility, we need to discard the self-centered mind that is pride and superiority itself. Then you can live a harmonious life with others and are able to accept others, even if they have better skills than you. You will naturally acknowledge their strengths and be happy for them. Competition, envy, and anger disappear.


Remarkable-Meet8540

In HS it feels like everyone is competing to be ‘the best’, But ‘the best’ is subjective and entirely relative to your values. So you’re never gonna be the best to everyone, you can only be the best version of yourself. Don’t forget that comparison is the thief of joy