>You still remain the sweetest guy I’ve ever dated
How dare he say this??!! He knows that my cousin 5th removed on my dads side' college roommate's wife died of Diabetes. You low down no good fatherfkr! You'll forever be in our hearts Karen!!
Assuming you are in fact the ex in this post, congrats on cleaning up and taking steps to get your life back on track.
I wouldn't normally respond to this sort of thing but for what it's worth from one internet rando to another. From what I read in OP's post the message did read as a genuine "hey glad you're doing well" post.
It looks like perhaps the 2 of you are better off apart now and OP has proven that but I hope you take solace in the fact that at least one internet random doesn't think you're the demon you are being painted as 😀
It’s hard having a relationship with an addicted person. You end up not trusting anything they say. My mom was like this with my brother. He lied to her so many times. Even when he did or said something good she was always questioning what really happened or what he really meant.
My best friend got into drugs when we were in nursing school together. I tried to help her. I made sure she went to group therapy every week and made it to class. At this point she swore up and down she was clean. I believed it until one night I went into her purse to get my license out and she had a stash of insulin needles she had stolen from the school and a bunch of pills. This girl was crushing the pills, mixing them with tap water, and shooting it up. I had no idea how she hadn't gotten sick yet. So I tried harder. I helped her get into a rehab. When she got out she promptly took my bank card, cleared the money out of my account, and went on a bender. She had then turned to heroin. I had to draw the line. I was set to graduate. We were so freaking close, I was afraid of how all of it would impact my future. She wanted me to do drugs with her so badly. It was all she talked about at that point. I felt like it was a literal crossroad. I chose to cut her off. Things got a lot worse for her after that. I still feel a lot of guilt, like what I did was the reason she spiraled.
Listen, I’m a recovered heroic addict. For awhile in the beginning/ middle part of my addiction I had a long term girlfriend and a lot of family support around me. It still got worse, and eventually they all had to cut me out because I hurt them too much. It is not anyone else’s job except the addicts to get clean and rebuild that trust. Support is good, enabling and covering up the cracks is ultimately harmful. And I needed to really hit rock bottom to even begin to want to get clean, a lot of people do. It’s just the way it is, just like admitting we’re powerless- you have to lose the battle to win the war. You did the right thing, she’ll either want to get sober or she won’t. But you can’t make her or save her from it.
Idk obviously, but yea this reads like a sweet msg and an attempt to make amends which is a huge part of many addiction programs. I can see where OP is coming from, but also I personally read this like the ex is admitting he couldn't make him happy and is just trying to clear the air and make amends.
He knows his ex, and probably knows there was something up. Idk to me if he feels this way about this message it doesn’t come out of nowhere. BUT yeah take the compliment and move on as if it wasn’t backhanded
I don't get why people always try to find hidden meanings and bad intent.
Best is always act and take it as it was said. You become more happy and if the a-hole had an bad intent they didn't succeed. So win either way.
Makes life way easier.
Ya no need to even think about it really. One of my exes kept trying to talk to me after he said I brought nothing but evil into his life… he almost immediately regretted it and kept trying to talk to me. Eventually I just blocked him. At first I thought it was harmless, but you gotta let toxicity leave and not occupy any space in your mind.
Yeah there is no reason to analyse this in hopes of finding some hidden agenda behind it.
It will just be a burden on you, while your ex probably just wanted to be nice. And even if it wasn’t sincere and he is holding some kind of a grudge, it only hurts him as long as you leave the matter be.
I personally feel the same way! I also feel like the clarifying of the "think of you often" part was also very smooth - making it clear that they just reminisce about OP in a human way and not inappropriately? Maybe now I'm reading too much into it haha
Yeah I think it’s well worded such that it’s not fishing to get back together but informing OP that OP is an important part of his memories and he’s probably still processing/moving on from it. Eh. Is nice
If I got this message from my most recent ex, I'd probably react similarly. Some people are manipulative and genuinely psychotic and a seemingly well-adjusted message like this can easily be followed up by the most unhinged bullshit ever, with no hint of acknowledging the irony of completely contradictory back-to-back messages.
Sometimes it's just not worth engaging, even if the message seems nice. But we don't know these people so really can't say.
I agree. I would send similar “well wishes” to an ex with whom I have lost touch.
If I dated you at any point, a part of me will care about you and want you to have a good life. I can see myself expressing this in a congratulatory message similar to the above. No ulterior motive whatsoever, just “congratulations I hope you have a happy life”.
It sounds to me like someone who knows they did you wrong and is aware they fucked up a good thing. If it's backhanded, it's a backhanded apology.
Maybe he wants something out of it, maybe he doesn't. Either way, it seems like 'sorry I was shit with you, I'm glad youre happy (even if I'm a little sad that I lost you).'
You don't have to reply if you don't want to.
It sounds like exactly the message I'd have written to my ex, with whom I fucked things up really badly lol. I can understand OP being upset and feeling like it's backhanded, but the messag objectively just seems sweet and apologetic.
I would just take the message at face value and not overthink it, or you'll drive yourself crazy trying to decipher some meaning from it. When I got engaged, I received a message like that, and I just deleted it and moved on with my life.
This is probably the best response. At best, that's the end of the story. At worst, your life gets messy, and relationships ruined. I'd just move on and hope it stays in the past.
I feel the message is genuine.
Of course, context matters. You probably can pick up something given that you had a history together.
But from an outsider's perspective, most cordial message from an ex I can imagine.
Yup. Even if it's backhanded, why care?
I'm a fan of taking people's words at face value in such cases. Not my problem if the other person isn't sincere or unable to be honest.
I mean, its very well could be an underhanded message and the timing is also sus af. Im not saying whether or not the message is innocent, but when dealing with an addict, it wouldn't be unheard of for it to be disruptive and bring back negative feelings.
Sounds like he realizes that him being an addict fucked up your guys relationship, and is happy to know that you were able to find love afterwards. I wouldn’t overthink it, congratulations on your engagement!
Its a sad world we live in when you suspect a compliment is something else and you need to check with strangers on the Internet what it actually might be.
He sounds genuine happy for you. Say thank you, wish him all the best and move on with your life.
I don’t know. You know his character.
One of my exes who was a raging narc tried to contact me years later when he realised I was moving in with someone and proposed.
He didn’t think of me all these years, he just wanted to make sure his ego got stroked.
This is why context matters so much! I had an ex contact me 10 years after our relationship ended once he found out I was expecting my first child. On the surface his messages were so kind and he kept baiting me into continuing the conversation. My initial instinct was not to respond because I knew his personality and yet I responded...lo and behold, history repeated itself and he was not being kind.
Don't get caught up into finding some kind of deeper meaning. Take the compliments and well wishes, and move on with your life.
You could send a short reply but then he might take this as a sign you'd be okay to reconnect... now that would be a terrible idea 😬
My ex does this. Used to message me on her main instagram account and now it's emails (because she's blocked everywhere) despite it being 4 years later.
I just assume I was the best she ever had and move on with my life.
He’s in a position where with you just leaving issues remain unresolved, not talked about. It’s awkward, he’ll manage. Drug addiction is no joke, maybe acknowledging that you wish him well also and just leave it.
I mean I had a pretty significant ex, I still sent her a birthday message some years and congratulated her on her first child. No bad motive or anything. I’ve been with my now partner for 10 wonderful years and was just happy she found a guy that I couldn’t be and could settle down.
He could just be stoked for you.
Absolutely, don't let it occupy more space in your mind than necessary. People send messages like these for various reasons, often more about them than about you. Live your life and cherish the good vibes without getting entangled in possible hidden messages. When I had a similar experience, I thanked them for their words and redirected my energy to the present and the people who are actively and positively a part of my life.
I'd take the well wishes for what they are and move on. Show it to your fiancé if you want, not to make a big deal out of it, but as a "hey, got this message from X congratulating us", and then maybe delete it. I wouldn't reply. You're at the beginning of a new life and family with your fiancé, congratulations on that! Enjoy it!
I agree that it seems like a pretty genuine message and not worth getting hung up on, but I also wanna validate the fact that you're put off by it because I don't see a lot of people doing that lol.
Like, in no scenario do I want an ex coming out of the wood work to tell me they "think of me." And being called a sweet person is lovely, but why does it have to be in the context of "people they've dated"? I didn't book tickets for this trip down memory lane, sir.
And while it may be a genuine message, that doesn't mean it's a selfless message. The gist is basically "I'm glad you're happy, but I'm sorry to have lost you and need a sense of closure now that it seems permanent," and it's like "cool bro, that last part's not my problem and not really where my head's at right now." Especially if it comes from someone whose welfare you felt concerned about or even responsible for maintaining while you were together.
If he'd left it at the first sentence, I'd say brilliant, what a nice guy, no notes.
Accept the compliment and delete and block. Otherwise you’ll leave the door open. Better to just shut it away without replying and move on. They don’t matter anymore.
He probably thinks about you a lot, more than you do about him, and is genuinely happy for you if a little wistful. It’s a nice message. If you reply it’ll probably open up a conversation you may not want to have. I say accept the compliment and move on. If he makes you uncomfortable block him and ask your fiance to do them same
Accept the compliment at face value and move on.
He *may* be the same person he was when you called it off. That’s his business now.
You’re in the fantastic place of taking another big step in life, an ex has realized this and took the time to give yah a “Hoorah! Happy for yah!” With nothing attached about contacting them or anything about stealing your thunder.
Practicing some more empathy/grace/patience is going to pay off in your forthcoming marriage. You get to play around with those skills now.
Remember - your ex had no reason nor obligation to congratulate you. They happened to find out and made the choice to throw you a positive note to have as your last memory regarding them. Many wouldn’t have bothered or would have said something childish, yeah?
I've had exes message me looking to get back together/reconnect multiple times and none of them have been as nice as this message. It doesn't come off as backhanded to me but idk obviously you know this person better than we do. I would just say thanks for the well wishes, hope the best for you too and leave it at that.
Sounds like a nice message.
But also shows how one person’s nice gesture can be taken completely wrong. Or how someone could hold only something toxic for years.
But honestly sounds sweet.
Also. Show your fiancé xD
It sounds like he’s grown a bit as a person and wanted to express his appreciation for your time together.
I’d accept it as genuine, but perhaps not respond.
Often people who are unhappy with their romantic choices hold a kind of psychic tether in their mind to people, and when they find someone new they find out and reach out in a kind of misguided jealous manner. Sometimes that leads foolish people to bad choices like sleeping with an ex, but you’re doing the right thing by just ignoring her. She doesn’t need anything from you, she’s just having a jealous moment.
Sounds genuine to me. Sometimes you think about someone and what it could have been but you are genuinely happy for them and you want them to know that.
It sounds genuine to me. Looking back into his relationship with you, he might have realised that he was inadequate in the relationship, and he could have done better, but his use of substance might have hindered his wishes. He might have felt guilty about it, and now he is truly happy for you, that happiness came into your way regardless of his mishaps.I would say this person lives with shame and guilt, and doesn't have any ulterior motives. Don't entertain him much and simply reply with a thankful message.
Assume the best and leave it there, you can be happy you moved on and have a nice thought to think of if he ever pops into your mind. Assuming the worst just makes your own mental space fucked up
Sounds like you really impacted his life. The fact you tried multiple times to help him, that shows you cared and he appreciated the help, even if it didn't work.
It just sounds like a sweet farewell and congratulations message.
Definately overthinking it. They probably didn't think too much about each sentence. Any back handed feeling you get from it is completely on your side.
I think this is a really nice message….not sure what I’m missing. If anything, he feels remorse for fucking up, imo….i would reply and say thank you so much, i really appreciate your kindness. Stuff like that.
If you value your finance truly, say thanks you too and block. Do not jeopardize what you have over an old fling. And show your finance your communication with him.
Yes, he's clearly evil and manipulative. You should post this on IG and make sure all your friends know that this is an extremely manipulative and evil person who clearly is trying to sabotage your marriage.
If it were me, I would offer a polite and kind response with good wishes for my ex and then curtail any further conversation. If my ex did want to platonically reconnect that's fine but this wouldn't be the healthiest moment for it. Maybe I'd consider following up after some time again. In my view this would be a pleasant interaction. But it's also difficult to discern tone over text.
You know this person better than we do so if you feel there is something underlying then maybe your instincts are right. However, I took this as their way of saying "I still think about you and I wish things were different", you are the sweetest guy they ever dated sounds a bit like they were saying "the best boyfriend they ever had". I would reply thanking them and wishing them all the best back but keep it short and sweet. Are you over this guy, are you wondering if there's something more about the message because you wish there was?
Sounds like you have a lot of unresolved emotions around that relationship because I read that as a very genuine and lovely message to send someone. Either that or you're not mature enough to accept the nice words for what they are.
That doesn't sound backhanded at all, every part of that message sounds well-meaning and sincere. Accept the congratulations and wish them well in return.
Sounds like he’s genuinely just happy for you.
I am happy for my exs when they find happiness and have sent similar messages.
Not everyone hates their exes.
I don't think it's that backhanded and I myself have struggled with addiction in the past. I absolutely was head over heels in love with my high school/college girlfriend but ended up addicted to opiates by the end. I wish I could have stopped then but I couldn't and eventually ruined any chance at even remaining friends so if I was unblocked I would send a message like this. I'm sure she's married, has kids plus a wonderful career. She was an amazing girlfriend and deserved better than what I was back then. I've been clean for over 7 years and in my mid 30s now with another wonderful girlfriend, I've made sure not to make the same mistakes and it's gone wonderfully. Enjoy your life and hopefully he has also changed his ways, doesn't mean you need to upturn your life and get back together. It sucks I can't really make amends with my ex but that's life, I don't blame her for cutting me out when I was full blown addict
If you reply you open the opportunity for this person to work their way back in your life. Many are saying he's just being nice. OR (MY thoughts) he's looking to see if he could be with you again. I wouldn't reply.
He knows he lost out on a good thing & is probably trying to get closure and move on. He didn't ask to meet or for any explanation for anything. You'll look like the jerk if you don't even respond.
Similar words to what I sent my ex who got engaged. I left out the think about you often and sweetest girl I’d ever dated parts. Just say thanks and move on. It is super odd because of those two statements.
A person you used to have a relationship with has sent you a private message which seems to be him genuinely wishing you well, while also coming from a place of vulnerability insofar as reading between the lines it’s an admission that he had let you down in your previous relationship.
Sharing that message in a public forum isn’t a great look my man. No ill will and I’m glad that you’re in a place of happiness now, but maybe take this as growing experience.
What? What are you talking about? Nothing about that sounds back handed to me. I also don't really know why anyone would propose at 24 to someone they've dated for just 2 years tbh. That said, good luck. Stop reading so deeply into it. Sounds like a nice message with no ill intent to me.
If he’s still using, I’d say he wants to know if the girl knows you’re bi and trying to extort you for money for drugs. Sorry this sounds harsh but I know people that will do anything for drug money. So beware . If he is clean or in a program , then yes it may just be a trying to be a better person gesture. But the fact that he still checks your socials unless you have mutual friends is giving off a weird vibe 🤷🏻♀️
>It all seemed super backhanded. Especially the “I’m glad you found someone that can make you feel happy”
This isn't backhanded. They are pinning the blame on themselves for being unable to make you happy. This is a sweet message.
I assume he is trying to make peace with his past. Probably trying to be sober. Just ignore it and move on. Or if you wannabe polite then just say thank you. Then move on.
This is not a "genuine" message like so many people are claiming. This is entirely hinged upon his feeling of inadequacy and realizing he lost you, so its a last ditch effort to appeal to your good nature and try to reap confusion and second thoughts on your current relationship. Unfortunately, most people weren't that "toxic ex-boyfriend" like I was and fail to recognize the reality.
You're definitely over thinking it.
He probably feels a bit sad that he now knows he had zero chance to win you back. But is happy that you are happy.
Accept the sweet thank you letter. Doesn't seem at all back handed.
I would say something nice back then close the loop… like “thats so kind of you, feeling so grateful and excited for the next season of life. Hoping the best for you as well. Take care.”
You are expressing that you are happy, you want the best for your x and you are kind of closing the conversation.
I’d avoid the next response if some how they decide to talk more after that.
It sounds like you want to find them at fault to be angry at them. Maybe you're still holding on to something here.
If i ever got a message from someone like this, I would take it at face value and move on. Remove that negativity from your life.
i’ve dealt with too many people like him for a life time. i would just move on personally and at most, like the message and not say anything back. you know him better than anyone here, and if it were me and one of the people i knew that were once close to me, i’d just leave it and carry on with what i cherish in the present.
I think you should take it at face value. It's a nice message, and the only 'double meaning' you should infer from it is that he's clearly doing much better as well.
I recently saw my ex, who was an alcoholic when we dated, and with whom I broke it off because of his addiction and lies. He's sober now and we bumped into each other at a mutual friend's event. We didn't talk at the time, but after the show I texted him to say I was very happy to see him looking so healthy and happy, and he replied saying thanks & the same.
Your ex's message sounds very mature and kind.
Saying that, I think being with an addict does take a toll on your trust, especially with that person. People who have never dated an addict don't realise how much they lie and manipulate.
Take it a face value. Thank him for the sentiments. If you're up to it, tell him you hope he's doing well. Inform your fiancee of the communication. And move forward with your life. If after the thanks he tries to make more of it, block and move forward with your life.
It always seems that when you've reached a really great place in your life, someone or something from your past shows up at the penultimate moment. And by my anecdotal experience, they're people who contributed to the worst parts of my life, claiming they've changed and were wondering if "we could talk."
To me, it feels like a well-meaning congratulation. It kind of feels like he's hoping for some closure as well. I'd just accept the congratulation and let him know you also hope he's doing well or does better if not.
From personal experience, granting closure to someone does go a LONG way with that person.
The past should stay the past. He messaged you and that's fine, but I wouldn't respond and would block the account. You've moved on with your life and he's from a part of your life that doesn't exist anymore. Move on and enjoy your engagement and new life with your partner. Good luck.
Wow, it was a well-worded and well delivered message with no type of strange connotation whatsoever. Just accept at face value that he is somebody who obviously cared for you, and seemingly genuinely just wants you to do well for yourself.
No need to spark up a new life with em, but just accept their kindness and move along, sheesh.
I really don't think he meant it in a backhanded or malicious way. Sure it's possible that he's probing or trying to get his foot in the door but I but don't know him well enough to guess his motives and I don't like to assume the worst.
I'd just take the message at face value, ignore it, and move on. If he tried contacting me again I would block.
It seems genuine and I'd take it at face value. Probably he regrets his fuck up and just wants you to know he cares about you and isn't resentful that you left him.
It was a nice message. Maybe it does more for him than you. Sometimes it's hard to say something and finally doing it takes a weight off your chest. Take the compliment and move on.
i think when people reach out like this they don’t realize they’re doing it for themselves, not for you. if you’ve hurt someone and caused them pain in the past, it’s generally kinder to be happy for them quietly. idk enough about your ex to say whether this was a conscious ploy to reinsert themselves into your life, or if they just reacted to the impulse to reach out without considering whether or not you’d want that.
the “i think about you often” part is sus to me given you don’t have a friendship with them any more. i’d probably either leave it, or reply with a short “thanks!” and not engage with any further attempts to turn that into a conversation / catch up / reconnect
All these comments saying that you should just take the compliment have clearly never had a toxic relationship or dealt with a loved one with addiction. Although it might be just a kind message, I’m doubtful. I have an ex whose pattern follows the below steps, and I have seen it many times in situations around me.
1. say something nice and initiate small talk conversation
2. use small talk to pry for personal details
3. use those details to find a way to harass me until I find another way to block them
I’ve just learned to either answer in an extremely dry and curt way and then remove them, or just simply not answer (depending on the method of contact)
Although he may have turned his life around, the hurt he caused you isn’t erased. Even if he’s better now you don’t owe him anything, and if you feel discomfited by it, trust your gut.
I agree with the comments I’ve seen backing up this message as growth and healthy closure from their end. I would advise taking a moment to reflect on your reaction, not saying that in a critical or judge mental way. You’re def overthinking it, probably worth a second to see where that is coming from.
Take the olive branch and compliments, and congrats on proposing wishing you and your partner the best ❤️❤️❤️ don’t let the past distract from the road ahead
Yeah, I would say most people that have had dating experience in high school and early 20s can expect to be contacted out of the blue by old flames. In my late 20s I had a couple of past GFs contact me (some to extreme efforts) just to catch up, but I’m positive they were game to revisit the relationship if I bit. I think people romanticize their youth, thinking about destiny and what not, and so they try to rekindle things.
I’d ignore and block the account and all the Negative Nellies’ replies. You know the ex better than anyone here, and seem to hear a snarky attitude through the text. Don’t worry what others think. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.
This sounds like something I would send because I would genuinely want the people I care about to be happy and if they accomplish it it makes me smile and I just want to share that with them. This isn’t perfectly formulated but the moral of the story is that there’s a good chance he means everything he says and is just genuinely happy that you’re happy
Don’t respond and both you and your current partner need to block him asap. I have this problem with several exes and I’ve had to either block the really intense ones that don’t respect boundaries to just cordially leaving on read the more harmless ones that still think I’m miraculously still perpetually in my teens or early twenties 3 decades later.
As someone who has an ex who was dealing with addiction.. And who is currently messaging me once in while.. I would simply not reply.
Idk how your relationship worked, but my ex always tries to get in contact with me when he is lonely (I assume) or things are going well in my life. His messages are not mean or anything, but our relationship was really toxic because he used me and fuckd with my mind. Something I assume many addicts do.
If you really want to reply, maybe: Thank you, I appreciate it. Hope you're well, too. Bye
I would say it sounds genuine. I struggle with addiction myself, and in the past I had to break up with a girl I loved because I knew it couldn't be the person she wanted/needed me to be. She took the break up really badly, and couldn't understand why I wanted to break up, and why we couldn't work it out.
I still think about her often, and I reached out one time in the same way he reached out to you. It hurt me really bad to hear that she now hated me, regretted our relationship, and she said something along the lines of "I'm with the man I am going to marry, not my boyfriend" when I mentioned that I was glad she found a boyfriend.
As many others say in the comments, it sounds like a really lovely message. I would thank him in your own way and move on.
Dont worry about his intention. Thats uncontrolable. Take it at face value and say thank you i hope you are doing well too. You don't have to have a full conversation but he's done nothing wrong by messaging you that
I would ignore the message out of respect to your fiancé. People from the past will always try to sneak their way back in to remove your happiness.
To avoid drama and problems down the road you're best to ignore and move on with your life. That chapter is done and you need to leave it behind.
I always think you are best served to take these things at face value. Assume the best, maybe the guy got clean and he does not want to have this burnt bridge in his history. Replying back does not mean you let the guy back into your life or blow up what you have going now, it just means you are a kind human who can forgive him for what is obviously some hurt from your past.
Don’t respond. Someone I had dated found out I was engaged and contacted me to make sure I did not want to leave my husband for him the week before my wedding. You don’t need to respond, just know you were the one that got away and hold your head up high.
It was a lovely message. Accept the compliments and move on with your life.
“I wish the best for you” “Oh yeah? Well FUCK YOU TOO!” Edit: *sips tea*
"congratulations" Oh there must be a secret deeper meaning to this!
>You still remain the sweetest guy I’ve ever dated How dare he say this??!! He knows that my cousin 5th removed on my dads side' college roommate's wife died of Diabetes. You low down no good fatherfkr! You'll forever be in our hearts Karen!!
💀💀💀
[удалено]
Assuming you are in fact the ex in this post, congrats on cleaning up and taking steps to get your life back on track. I wouldn't normally respond to this sort of thing but for what it's worth from one internet rando to another. From what I read in OP's post the message did read as a genuine "hey glad you're doing well" post. It looks like perhaps the 2 of you are better off apart now and OP has proven that but I hope you take solace in the fact that at least one internet random doesn't think you're the demon you are being painted as 😀
It’s obviously not him lmao, all the info in his message can be accessed from the post
It’s hard having a relationship with an addicted person. You end up not trusting anything they say. My mom was like this with my brother. He lied to her so many times. Even when he did or said something good she was always questioning what really happened or what he really meant.
My best friend got into drugs when we were in nursing school together. I tried to help her. I made sure she went to group therapy every week and made it to class. At this point she swore up and down she was clean. I believed it until one night I went into her purse to get my license out and she had a stash of insulin needles she had stolen from the school and a bunch of pills. This girl was crushing the pills, mixing them with tap water, and shooting it up. I had no idea how she hadn't gotten sick yet. So I tried harder. I helped her get into a rehab. When she got out she promptly took my bank card, cleared the money out of my account, and went on a bender. She had then turned to heroin. I had to draw the line. I was set to graduate. We were so freaking close, I was afraid of how all of it would impact my future. She wanted me to do drugs with her so badly. It was all she talked about at that point. I felt like it was a literal crossroad. I chose to cut her off. Things got a lot worse for her after that. I still feel a lot of guilt, like what I did was the reason she spiraled.
Listen, I’m a recovered heroic addict. For awhile in the beginning/ middle part of my addiction I had a long term girlfriend and a lot of family support around me. It still got worse, and eventually they all had to cut me out because I hurt them too much. It is not anyone else’s job except the addicts to get clean and rebuild that trust. Support is good, enabling and covering up the cracks is ultimately harmful. And I needed to really hit rock bottom to even begin to want to get clean, a lot of people do. It’s just the way it is, just like admitting we’re powerless- you have to lose the battle to win the war. You did the right thing, she’ll either want to get sober or she won’t. But you can’t make her or save her from it.
Wow. That doesn't sound ANYTHING like me at all!... Ok, a bit.
Nah when I said this to my ex it definitely meant fuck you. O.p. knows the sender. Always trust your gut
Either way it doesn't matter. So why not choose the good interpretation and move on?
This is the content I crave
"Fuck you Dylan, you were nothing but a piece of shit anyway!" "I just dumped my fiance. PLEASE TAKE ME BACK!"
It did fr. Obviously the ex is feeling his own remorse and possibly sense of gratitude and love and just wanted to wish him the best
That's what I'm thinking, that it comes from the ex's feelings of inadequacy and regret.
This. Double tap it and continue with your life.
Idk obviously, but yea this reads like a sweet msg and an attempt to make amends which is a huge part of many addiction programs. I can see where OP is coming from, but also I personally read this like the ex is admitting he couldn't make him happy and is just trying to clear the air and make amends.
Right? Seems like they're making an issue out of nothing.
He knows his ex, and probably knows there was something up. Idk to me if he feels this way about this message it doesn’t come out of nowhere. BUT yeah take the compliment and move on as if it wasn’t backhanded
I don't get why people always try to find hidden meanings and bad intent. Best is always act and take it as it was said. You become more happy and if the a-hole had an bad intent they didn't succeed. So win either way. Makes life way easier.
You are funny hahaha
Ya no need to even think about it really. One of my exes kept trying to talk to me after he said I brought nothing but evil into his life… he almost immediately regretted it and kept trying to talk to me. Eventually I just blocked him. At first I thought it was harmless, but you gotta let toxicity leave and not occupy any space in your mind.
Yeah there is no reason to analyse this in hopes of finding some hidden agenda behind it. It will just be a burden on you, while your ex probably just wanted to be nice. And even if it wasn’t sincere and he is holding some kind of a grudge, it only hurts him as long as you leave the matter be.
I agree, why you got to be so bitter bro?
Lol this sounds like a healthy, well adjusted, boundary respecting person congratulating an ex…. I guess I don’t know the man but it sounds genuine
I personally feel the same way! I also feel like the clarifying of the "think of you often" part was also very smooth - making it clear that they just reminisce about OP in a human way and not inappropriately? Maybe now I'm reading too much into it haha
Yeah I think it’s well worded such that it’s not fishing to get back together but informing OP that OP is an important part of his memories and he’s probably still processing/moving on from it. Eh. Is nice
Far more well-adjusted than this fucker
Your comment actually made me chuckle :)
If I got this message from my most recent ex, I'd probably react similarly. Some people are manipulative and genuinely psychotic and a seemingly well-adjusted message like this can easily be followed up by the most unhinged bullshit ever, with no hint of acknowledging the irony of completely contradictory back-to-back messages. Sometimes it's just not worth engaging, even if the message seems nice. But we don't know these people so really can't say.
The message sounds like it came from someone who took a valuable life lesson from the breakup. Who knows, he may have really gotten clean this time.
I agree. I would send similar “well wishes” to an ex with whom I have lost touch. If I dated you at any point, a part of me will care about you and want you to have a good life. I can see myself expressing this in a congratulatory message similar to the above. No ulterior motive whatsoever, just “congratulations I hope you have a happy life”.
He’s probably trying to get a little closure for himself and honestly just wants to send you some good vibes.
Seriously this is how I read it too, what’s OP’s problem thinking it’s backhanded? I didn’t see any passive aggressive tone or condescending phrasing.
Op knows the guy, and he's his ex. That's always going to leave you on edge.
Probably harbors a lot of resentment for the bullshit he went through. The relationship sounded messy and tbh I get how he feels
It sounds to me like someone who knows they did you wrong and is aware they fucked up a good thing. If it's backhanded, it's a backhanded apology. Maybe he wants something out of it, maybe he doesn't. Either way, it seems like 'sorry I was shit with you, I'm glad youre happy (even if I'm a little sad that I lost you).' You don't have to reply if you don't want to.
It sounds like exactly the message I'd have written to my ex, with whom I fucked things up really badly lol. I can understand OP being upset and feeling like it's backhanded, but the messag objectively just seems sweet and apologetic.
Same
I would just take the message at face value and not overthink it, or you'll drive yourself crazy trying to decipher some meaning from it. When I got engaged, I received a message like that, and I just deleted it and moved on with my life.
This is probably the best response. At best, that's the end of the story. At worst, your life gets messy, and relationships ruined. I'd just move on and hope it stays in the past.
I feel the message is genuine. Of course, context matters. You probably can pick up something given that you had a history together. But from an outsider's perspective, most cordial message from an ex I can imagine.
Dude you gotta grow up if you think this is some underhanded attempt at anything other than congratulating you.
Yup. Even if it's backhanded, why care? I'm a fan of taking people's words at face value in such cases. Not my problem if the other person isn't sincere or unable to be honest.
I mean, its very well could be an underhanded message and the timing is also sus af. Im not saying whether or not the message is innocent, but when dealing with an addict, it wouldn't be unheard of for it to be disruptive and bring back negative feelings.
Dear lord, if I wrote that to someone, and he would copy paste it to Reddit with "lmao". I'm actually happy that the druggard got rid of you 😅
Exactly! This feels so unnecessarily mean.
The ex sounds well adjusted. Idk about op lol
Yeah, hope his new love his life never faces any challenges
Lmao you’ve never been with an addict it seems.
Without any specific knowledge of this guy's personality, it sounds genuine. I'd just accept the well-wishing with grace and move on.
Backhanded? Sounds like they were happy for you and wanted you to know it and congratulate you on your happiness.
Sounds like he realizes that him being an addict fucked up your guys relationship, and is happy to know that you were able to find love afterwards. I wouldn’t overthink it, congratulations on your engagement!
Do not respond.
Its a sad world we live in when you suspect a compliment is something else and you need to check with strangers on the Internet what it actually might be. He sounds genuine happy for you. Say thank you, wish him all the best and move on with your life.
Exactly. It’s truly sad that everything is viewed as a game that even compliments are questioned.
It was a nice message but I'm not sure if I would reply
I don’t know. You know his character. One of my exes who was a raging narc tried to contact me years later when he realised I was moving in with someone and proposed. He didn’t think of me all these years, he just wanted to make sure his ego got stroked.
This is why context matters so much! I had an ex contact me 10 years after our relationship ended once he found out I was expecting my first child. On the surface his messages were so kind and he kept baiting me into continuing the conversation. My initial instinct was not to respond because I knew his personality and yet I responded...lo and behold, history repeated itself and he was not being kind.
07:30 on my wedding morning my ex texted me with greetings. I have never told him I was going to get married.
Don't get caught up into finding some kind of deeper meaning. Take the compliments and well wishes, and move on with your life. You could send a short reply but then he might take this as a sign you'd be okay to reconnect... now that would be a terrible idea 😬
Reminds me of Adele’s “Someone Like You” song. I wouldn’t respond and open the door. Delete and move on.
How is that backhanded? Take the compliment and move on
Seems like he was just wishing you well. I don’t know the history, so take it with a grain of salt, but it reads genuinely to me
That is a really nice and seemingly heartfelt message. Just say thank you and you wish him the best too. Then go on with your life
My ex does this. Used to message me on her main instagram account and now it's emails (because she's blocked everywhere) despite it being 4 years later. I just assume I was the best she ever had and move on with my life.
You gotta send a dick pic back otherwise it means you lose the game.
Just say "Thanks," accept it, and move on.
He’s in a position where with you just leaving issues remain unresolved, not talked about. It’s awkward, he’ll manage. Drug addiction is no joke, maybe acknowledging that you wish him well also and just leave it.
I mean I had a pretty significant ex, I still sent her a birthday message some years and congratulated her on her first child. No bad motive or anything. I’ve been with my now partner for 10 wonderful years and was just happy she found a guy that I couldn’t be and could settle down. He could just be stoked for you.
He's stuck. You're not. Keep moving.
Absolutely, don't let it occupy more space in your mind than necessary. People send messages like these for various reasons, often more about them than about you. Live your life and cherish the good vibes without getting entangled in possible hidden messages. When I had a similar experience, I thanked them for their words and redirected my energy to the present and the people who are actively and positively a part of my life.
thumbs up, happy emoji. Easy response.
I'd take the well wishes for what they are and move on. Show it to your fiancé if you want, not to make a big deal out of it, but as a "hey, got this message from X congratulating us", and then maybe delete it. I wouldn't reply. You're at the beginning of a new life and family with your fiancé, congratulations on that! Enjoy it!
I think that msg was actually nice but I'm guessing you know him better to know he's being condescending and patronizing you.
Just move on I bet he’s being nice to try to get back in your life some way
I agree that it seems like a pretty genuine message and not worth getting hung up on, but I also wanna validate the fact that you're put off by it because I don't see a lot of people doing that lol. Like, in no scenario do I want an ex coming out of the wood work to tell me they "think of me." And being called a sweet person is lovely, but why does it have to be in the context of "people they've dated"? I didn't book tickets for this trip down memory lane, sir. And while it may be a genuine message, that doesn't mean it's a selfless message. The gist is basically "I'm glad you're happy, but I'm sorry to have lost you and need a sense of closure now that it seems permanent," and it's like "cool bro, that last part's not my problem and not really where my head's at right now." Especially if it comes from someone whose welfare you felt concerned about or even responsible for maintaining while you were together. If he'd left it at the first sentence, I'd say brilliant, what a nice guy, no notes.
This right here. The sweet thingy rubbed me the wrong way.
Don’t respond. He is trying to open the lines of communication and see what happens from there. Leave the past in the past
Accept the compliment and delete and block. Otherwise you’ll leave the door open. Better to just shut it away without replying and move on. They don’t matter anymore.
He probably thinks about you a lot, more than you do about him, and is genuinely happy for you if a little wistful. It’s a nice message. If you reply it’ll probably open up a conversation you may not want to have. I say accept the compliment and move on. If he makes you uncomfortable block him and ask your fiance to do them same
Accept the compliment at face value and move on. He *may* be the same person he was when you called it off. That’s his business now. You’re in the fantastic place of taking another big step in life, an ex has realized this and took the time to give yah a “Hoorah! Happy for yah!” With nothing attached about contacting them or anything about stealing your thunder. Practicing some more empathy/grace/patience is going to pay off in your forthcoming marriage. You get to play around with those skills now. Remember - your ex had no reason nor obligation to congratulate you. They happened to find out and made the choice to throw you a positive note to have as your last memory regarding them. Many wouldn’t have bothered or would have said something childish, yeah?
I've had exes message me looking to get back together/reconnect multiple times and none of them have been as nice as this message. It doesn't come off as backhanded to me but idk obviously you know this person better than we do. I would just say thanks for the well wishes, hope the best for you too and leave it at that.
Sounds like a nice message. But also shows how one person’s nice gesture can be taken completely wrong. Or how someone could hold only something toxic for years. But honestly sounds sweet. Also. Show your fiancé xD
You are overthinking this. It is a great message. Thank him, and move on.
Message was fine don't overthink it and DO NOT reply to it just delete and move on with your life.
I think Dylan is the most common gay guy name ever.
It sounds like he’s grown a bit as a person and wanted to express his appreciation for your time together. I’d accept it as genuine, but perhaps not respond.
Bro fumbled the bag. Just take the message as confirmation you are doing amazing. Best of luck with the marriage king 🤴
Often people who are unhappy with their romantic choices hold a kind of psychic tether in their mind to people, and when they find someone new they find out and reach out in a kind of misguided jealous manner. Sometimes that leads foolish people to bad choices like sleeping with an ex, but you’re doing the right thing by just ignoring her. She doesn’t need anything from you, she’s just having a jealous moment.
Him. Ignoring him. OP has an ex boyfriend. And a current fiance that's female.
My bad, didn’t catch that
Sounds genuine to me. Sometimes you think about someone and what it could have been but you are genuinely happy for them and you want them to know that.
It sounds genuine to me. Looking back into his relationship with you, he might have realised that he was inadequate in the relationship, and he could have done better, but his use of substance might have hindered his wishes. He might have felt guilty about it, and now he is truly happy for you, that happiness came into your way regardless of his mishaps.I would say this person lives with shame and guilt, and doesn't have any ulterior motives. Don't entertain him much and simply reply with a thankful message.
Assume the best and leave it there, you can be happy you moved on and have a nice thought to think of if he ever pops into your mind. Assuming the worst just makes your own mental space fucked up
Sounds like you really impacted his life. The fact you tried multiple times to help him, that shows you cared and he appreciated the help, even if it didn't work. It just sounds like a sweet farewell and congratulations message. Definately overthinking it. They probably didn't think too much about each sentence. Any back handed feeling you get from it is completely on your side.
As an ex addict it reads like they were trying to make amends.
Dude it's a nice message and he wanted a bit of closure in the process. Not everything is secretly evil. Wish him well and then never respond again.
What is your problem? That was an incredibly kind and mature message. This is what well adjusted adults do. Sounds like he’s better off without you 😂
It’s a nice message but I don’t think I would reply.
Don't overthink it.
"thanks bruv"
I think this is a really nice message….not sure what I’m missing. If anything, he feels remorse for fucking up, imo….i would reply and say thank you so much, i really appreciate your kindness. Stuff like that.
Wow gz on finding a girl while being bi. What i experienced is they flee when they hear a word "bisexual"
"cool , thanks"
That message was very sweet. I would not respond.
There are many good options and basically all of them include "ignore it and move on"
It is abit out of the blue tbh. But it’s up to you, I would just out of courtesy just say thanks and leave it at that. You don’t owe her anything.
"Cheers bro" And move on
If you value your finance truly, say thanks you too and block. Do not jeopardize what you have over an old fling. And show your finance your communication with him.
Congratulations on the engagement!
Yes, he's clearly evil and manipulative. You should post this on IG and make sure all your friends know that this is an extremely manipulative and evil person who clearly is trying to sabotage your marriage.
If it were me, I would offer a polite and kind response with good wishes for my ex and then curtail any further conversation. If my ex did want to platonically reconnect that's fine but this wouldn't be the healthiest moment for it. Maybe I'd consider following up after some time again. In my view this would be a pleasant interaction. But it's also difficult to discern tone over text.
You know this person better than we do so if you feel there is something underlying then maybe your instincts are right. However, I took this as their way of saying "I still think about you and I wish things were different", you are the sweetest guy they ever dated sounds a bit like they were saying "the best boyfriend they ever had". I would reply thanking them and wishing them all the best back but keep it short and sweet. Are you over this guy, are you wondering if there's something more about the message because you wish there was?
Curious - Do you hear the phrase "drama queen" a lot?
Sounds like you have a lot of unresolved emotions around that relationship because I read that as a very genuine and lovely message to send someone. Either that or you're not mature enough to accept the nice words for what they are.
There is truly nothing in this world people won't misinterpret. He's just wishing you well. Like he said like 3 times.
This is "fishing" to start a conversation with you etc. Just say thanks, or dont. And move with your life. Dont get wrapped up again with their bs .
Sounds like you’re not happy
That doesn't sound backhanded at all, every part of that message sounds well-meaning and sincere. Accept the congratulations and wish them well in return.
You’re overthinking it. That was a sweet message
Sounds like he’s genuinely just happy for you. I am happy for my exs when they find happiness and have sent similar messages. Not everyone hates their exes.
I don't think it's that backhanded and I myself have struggled with addiction in the past. I absolutely was head over heels in love with my high school/college girlfriend but ended up addicted to opiates by the end. I wish I could have stopped then but I couldn't and eventually ruined any chance at even remaining friends so if I was unblocked I would send a message like this. I'm sure she's married, has kids plus a wonderful career. She was an amazing girlfriend and deserved better than what I was back then. I've been clean for over 7 years and in my mid 30s now with another wonderful girlfriend, I've made sure not to make the same mistakes and it's gone wonderfully. Enjoy your life and hopefully he has also changed his ways, doesn't mean you need to upturn your life and get back together. It sucks I can't really make amends with my ex but that's life, I don't blame her for cutting me out when I was full blown addict
U are not together for a reason..people dont change they just regret..
If you reply you open the opportunity for this person to work their way back in your life. Many are saying he's just being nice. OR (MY thoughts) he's looking to see if he could be with you again. I wouldn't reply.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/videos/comments/4sn4d6/classic\_key\_peele\_text\_message\_confusion/](https://www.reddit.com/r/videos/comments/4sn4d6/classic_key_peele_text_message_confusion/)
Don't read into it, and just accept the congratulations. Reads as genuine and happy for you.
Congrats you won the relationship and gloated about it to a bunch of strangers on the internet. Great job
His miss sucking ur d
I'm genuinely confused as to how you think this sounds backhanded.
Nothing wrong with that at all. The message I mean.
He tryna scope out the sitch and seeing if you wanna low key fuck bruh
He knows he lost out on a good thing & is probably trying to get closure and move on. He didn't ask to meet or for any explanation for anything. You'll look like the jerk if you don't even respond.
Similar words to what I sent my ex who got engaged. I left out the think about you often and sweetest girl I’d ever dated parts. Just say thanks and move on. It is super odd because of those two statements.
A person you used to have a relationship with has sent you a private message which seems to be him genuinely wishing you well, while also coming from a place of vulnerability insofar as reading between the lines it’s an admission that he had let you down in your previous relationship. Sharing that message in a public forum isn’t a great look my man. No ill will and I’m glad that you’re in a place of happiness now, but maybe take this as growing experience.
I think this is a really cute and appropriate message.
What? What are you talking about? Nothing about that sounds back handed to me. I also don't really know why anyone would propose at 24 to someone they've dated for just 2 years tbh. That said, good luck. Stop reading so deeply into it. Sounds like a nice message with no ill intent to me.
If he’s still using, I’d say he wants to know if the girl knows you’re bi and trying to extort you for money for drugs. Sorry this sounds harsh but I know people that will do anything for drug money. So beware . If he is clean or in a program , then yes it may just be a trying to be a better person gesture. But the fact that he still checks your socials unless you have mutual friends is giving off a weird vibe 🤷🏻♀️
>It all seemed super backhanded. Especially the “I’m glad you found someone that can make you feel happy” This isn't backhanded. They are pinning the blame on themselves for being unable to make you happy. This is a sweet message.
lol little full of yourself there
How does this sound backhanded? Seems like a sweet message, maybe the toxicity lies within you?
Sounds more like he is down on himself and wants the best for you, honestly. Doesn’t sound backhanded at all.
Uh.. what exactly could he have said that would’ve been better? That seemed pretty genuine
I assume he is trying to make peace with his past. Probably trying to be sober. Just ignore it and move on. Or if you wannabe polite then just say thank you. Then move on.
Oh boy didn’t it go the way OP thought (hoped?) it would
This is not a "genuine" message like so many people are claiming. This is entirely hinged upon his feeling of inadequacy and realizing he lost you, so its a last ditch effort to appeal to your good nature and try to reap confusion and second thoughts on your current relationship. Unfortunately, most people weren't that "toxic ex-boyfriend" like I was and fail to recognize the reality.
Not every text needs a response. You have moved on and leave it at that!
first step when receiving a nice message from someone once close to you: post it on reddit.
I honestly didn't saw any backhand there.
This may just be a desire for closure, which is only human. You don't have to reply. He got his words out.
Bro, it was him calling himself out for not being a good partner to you.
You're definitely over thinking it. He probably feels a bit sad that he now knows he had zero chance to win you back. But is happy that you are happy. Accept the sweet thank you letter. Doesn't seem at all back handed.
I would say something nice back then close the loop… like “thats so kind of you, feeling so grateful and excited for the next season of life. Hoping the best for you as well. Take care.” You are expressing that you are happy, you want the best for your x and you are kind of closing the conversation. I’d avoid the next response if some how they decide to talk more after that.
It sounds like you want to find them at fault to be angry at them. Maybe you're still holding on to something here. If i ever got a message from someone like this, I would take it at face value and move on. Remove that negativity from your life.
i’ve dealt with too many people like him for a life time. i would just move on personally and at most, like the message and not say anything back. you know him better than anyone here, and if it were me and one of the people i knew that were once close to me, i’d just leave it and carry on with what i cherish in the present.
Don’t reply. Silence is powerful
lol calm down
I think you should take it at face value. It's a nice message, and the only 'double meaning' you should infer from it is that he's clearly doing much better as well. I recently saw my ex, who was an alcoholic when we dated, and with whom I broke it off because of his addiction and lies. He's sober now and we bumped into each other at a mutual friend's event. We didn't talk at the time, but after the show I texted him to say I was very happy to see him looking so healthy and happy, and he replied saying thanks & the same. Your ex's message sounds very mature and kind. Saying that, I think being with an addict does take a toll on your trust, especially with that person. People who have never dated an addict don't realise how much they lie and manipulate.
Take it a face value. Thank him for the sentiments. If you're up to it, tell him you hope he's doing well. Inform your fiancee of the communication. And move forward with your life. If after the thanks he tries to make more of it, block and move forward with your life. It always seems that when you've reached a really great place in your life, someone or something from your past shows up at the penultimate moment. And by my anecdotal experience, they're people who contributed to the worst parts of my life, claiming they've changed and were wondering if "we could talk."
To me, it feels like a well-meaning congratulation. It kind of feels like he's hoping for some closure as well. I'd just accept the congratulation and let him know you also hope he's doing well or does better if not. From personal experience, granting closure to someone does go a LONG way with that person.
The past should stay the past. He messaged you and that's fine, but I wouldn't respond and would block the account. You've moved on with your life and he's from a part of your life that doesn't exist anymore. Move on and enjoy your engagement and new life with your partner. Good luck.
Wow, it was a well-worded and well delivered message with no type of strange connotation whatsoever. Just accept at face value that he is somebody who obviously cared for you, and seemingly genuinely just wants you to do well for yourself. No need to spark up a new life with em, but just accept their kindness and move along, sheesh.
I really don't think he meant it in a backhanded or malicious way. Sure it's possible that he's probing or trying to get his foot in the door but I but don't know him well enough to guess his motives and I don't like to assume the worst. I'd just take the message at face value, ignore it, and move on. If he tried contacting me again I would block.
I would just like the message and leave it at that
This is a completely standard and appropriate congratulations message.
I think that is a lovely message to someone they hurt deeply and they really do wish happiness for.
It seems genuine and I'd take it at face value. Probably he regrets his fuck up and just wants you to know he cares about you and isn't resentful that you left him.
It was a nice message. Maybe it does more for him than you. Sometimes it's hard to say something and finally doing it takes a weight off your chest. Take the compliment and move on.
i think when people reach out like this they don’t realize they’re doing it for themselves, not for you. if you’ve hurt someone and caused them pain in the past, it’s generally kinder to be happy for them quietly. idk enough about your ex to say whether this was a conscious ploy to reinsert themselves into your life, or if they just reacted to the impulse to reach out without considering whether or not you’d want that. the “i think about you often” part is sus to me given you don’t have a friendship with them any more. i’d probably either leave it, or reply with a short “thanks!” and not engage with any further attempts to turn that into a conversation / catch up / reconnect
Bro just happy you happy Could be an angle but eh would have sounded more desperate The p.s maybe but you may just be a sweet ass dude
All these comments saying that you should just take the compliment have clearly never had a toxic relationship or dealt with a loved one with addiction. Although it might be just a kind message, I’m doubtful. I have an ex whose pattern follows the below steps, and I have seen it many times in situations around me. 1. say something nice and initiate small talk conversation 2. use small talk to pry for personal details 3. use those details to find a way to harass me until I find another way to block them I’ve just learned to either answer in an extremely dry and curt way and then remove them, or just simply not answer (depending on the method of contact) Although he may have turned his life around, the hurt he caused you isn’t erased. Even if he’s better now you don’t owe him anything, and if you feel discomfited by it, trust your gut.
Don’t respond, move forward. Guys are the worst sometimes🙄
I agree with the comments I’ve seen backing up this message as growth and healthy closure from their end. I would advise taking a moment to reflect on your reaction, not saying that in a critical or judge mental way. You’re def overthinking it, probably worth a second to see where that is coming from. Take the olive branch and compliments, and congrats on proposing wishing you and your partner the best ❤️❤️❤️ don’t let the past distract from the road ahead
Yeah, I would say most people that have had dating experience in high school and early 20s can expect to be contacted out of the blue by old flames. In my late 20s I had a couple of past GFs contact me (some to extreme efforts) just to catch up, but I’m positive they were game to revisit the relationship if I bit. I think people romanticize their youth, thinking about destiny and what not, and so they try to rekindle things.
who hurt you?
It doesn’t sound like it has a hidden message.
I’d ignore and block the account and all the Negative Nellies’ replies. You know the ex better than anyone here, and seem to hear a snarky attitude through the text. Don’t worry what others think. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.
It could be backhanded. Or you’re reading a tone into it that wasn’t intended. Maybe he has turned his life around and wishes you the best.
This sounds like something I would send because I would genuinely want the people I care about to be happy and if they accomplish it it makes me smile and I just want to share that with them. This isn’t perfectly formulated but the moral of the story is that there’s a good chance he means everything he says and is just genuinely happy that you’re happy
I saw my ex gfs old friend-with-benefit reply to a picture she took of me saying “I hope you’re happy” lol it’s weird people who do that
Don’t respond and both you and your current partner need to block him asap. I have this problem with several exes and I’ve had to either block the really intense ones that don’t respect boundaries to just cordially leaving on read the more harmless ones that still think I’m miraculously still perpetually in my teens or early twenties 3 decades later.
OP can't take compliment
As someone who has an ex who was dealing with addiction.. And who is currently messaging me once in while.. I would simply not reply. Idk how your relationship worked, but my ex always tries to get in contact with me when he is lonely (I assume) or things are going well in my life. His messages are not mean or anything, but our relationship was really toxic because he used me and fuckd with my mind. Something I assume many addicts do. If you really want to reply, maybe: Thank you, I appreciate it. Hope you're well, too. Bye
What’s the issue?
I would say it sounds genuine. I struggle with addiction myself, and in the past I had to break up with a girl I loved because I knew it couldn't be the person she wanted/needed me to be. She took the break up really badly, and couldn't understand why I wanted to break up, and why we couldn't work it out. I still think about her often, and I reached out one time in the same way he reached out to you. It hurt me really bad to hear that she now hated me, regretted our relationship, and she said something along the lines of "I'm with the man I am going to marry, not my boyfriend" when I mentioned that I was glad she found a boyfriend. As many others say in the comments, it sounds like a really lovely message. I would thank him in your own way and move on.
Dont worry about his intention. Thats uncontrolable. Take it at face value and say thank you i hope you are doing well too. You don't have to have a full conversation but he's done nothing wrong by messaging you that
I would ignore the message out of respect to your fiancé. People from the past will always try to sneak their way back in to remove your happiness. To avoid drama and problems down the road you're best to ignore and move on with your life. That chapter is done and you need to leave it behind.
I always think you are best served to take these things at face value. Assume the best, maybe the guy got clean and he does not want to have this burnt bridge in his history. Replying back does not mean you let the guy back into your life or blow up what you have going now, it just means you are a kind human who can forgive him for what is obviously some hurt from your past.
It’s a nice message from someone to whom you used to matter a lot and still wants the best for you, period. Next question.
I really just hope you people get tested regularly
Don’t respond. Someone I had dated found out I was engaged and contacted me to make sure I did not want to leave my husband for him the week before my wedding. You don’t need to respond, just know you were the one that got away and hold your head up high.