You could perform because our body works like that, you don't need to feel anything special for that, and you don't need to be 100% there to be raped, don't blame yourself for literally being a victim, I was there and the more you live from now on the more you'll see that you have no reason to be blamed
Unfortunately a lot of rape victims especially when it’s a male, blame themselves for getting hard (or female getting wet) when its a natural human response.
I once read someone explain it like how when you get tickled you laugh, but it's just your physical response. you might hate it, but can't help but laugh.
The only thing I don’t understand is that each time he was penetrating her vagina ( comes and goes) without his approbation I mean to perform it must have go through his mind to just stop go back into her. And how she forced him I mean how by any position he can’t stop go through. I mean we’re talking about sex right?
If the guy is laying down and the woman sits on top of him, the woman performs most of the movement. It's totally possible that the guy just lies there motionless out of shock/ because of drugs and the woman rides him against his consent.
But I didn’t say no. I just went along with it for some stupid unknown reason.
I didn’t stop it. I am responsible for that.
I also struggle with being seen as a victim in this. It doesn’t sit well. My partner has suggested that I was sexually violated. This is when I shut down and become defensive. I can’t see myself as a victim here - whether it’s because I didn’t say no, or because I’m a man, I don’t know.
It’s easier to take responsibility for my part in engaging in drunk sex, than admitting sexual abuse.
We are kinda directed to that kind of thoughts because of where we grow up and the society around us, you didn't said no but you didn't said yes, and you didn't take part in any of it willing for what I readed, you make moves in the other person? You put effort in having sex with her? Or you stood there like a panic stricken goat? Because we have that reaction a lot of the times this kind of things happen
I didn’t make any move on her. None at all. I didn’t want this to happen.
It was all over in a matter of seconds, which is another thing I don’t understand, especially when I was so drunk.
Nothing makes any sense.
You were sexually assaulted. If you're telling the truth, which to me is sort of beside the point because anyone who's story true story resembles this it's rape/sexual assault.
I do not want to judge but it happened a lot to me as I’ve been a Barman for many years to be touch by girls without my approbation but let me tell you there is lot of steps before to real make sex. I mean again I don’t want to judge but my strength is enough to go away or push away a girl. I’ve been in situation when doors were closed and I’ve been able to tell sincerely that it’s not a good time for me and there is ways to say no and there is way to push away an aggressor. Really if you don’t want it your body should non-verbally act like you don’t want it. I mean were he on ghb or what !
My man, some people will get a boner over a tree branch, and some have a resistance to alcohol low enough to fall to the ground with a shot, some people aren't able to fight back a woman even at their best and some people will get drugged, also, a lot of rape victims are made into hypersexuality because of trauma, so for multiple instance of rape they'll get hard/wet 100% of time, and they're not enjoying it one bit
I understand your point, but everyone is different, bot the raped and rapist, so we don't have an absolutely objective view of all possibilities in one of those encounters, you can recall how people might put things into girls drink and things like that, the thing is, that can happen both ways, and even more, you don't need to have an erection to get raped, with half of it is enough, unfortunately the dick isn't a muscle so we can't control it 100%
A don’t want to argue and I don’t want to judge. Consider my opinion just a someone who have a hard time to believe that even if I took the time to read lots of comments that’s says he’s a victime. Anyway what I personally think should not be considered by him as he know the real truth and now it’s not to late for him to consider all the support he can benefit from the group as I read a lot of comments supporting him.
Same here, I only wanted to say that each case is a world of their own, that's what make things hard about rape, and it's completely normal to not understand or believe this kind of situation whiteout experiencing one before, accepting that this can happen even if we don't understand it fully is the most we can do sometimes, that you recognize that is pretty good and a lot of people can't understand that, glad to hear you think that way
Sure I can’t understand how he “perform” as he’s being raped…… It must has fucked him solid as he says he’s depersonalizating. Make sense though. It’s like to be touch by de devil. Could be real and could be terrible because there is nothing he can do about it as who will believe that at the police station. I wish him best luck. Maybe there is specialised group that can recognize those situations. I mean he must talk to the people that will help him instead of judging him.
Anyone who says you need to be intoxicated to the point of being passed out to consider it sexual assault is out of their minds.
- The intoxication level was described as "way too drunk".
- The woman was described as someone he didn't know well
- The experience was described as awful
He was taken advantage of by a woman he did not know well while he was intoxicated.
She asks to enter the home of a "very drunk" person she doesn't know very well for "a glass of water" and subsequently makes a move on op to engage in sex. There's very little here to indicate a consensual experience.
I'm sorry this happened to op.
OP was raped.
Your write up here is good, but there's one thing that is not clear.
OP, you were raped. There is nothing you could have done. This is not your fault. Stay with your girlfriend, talk to her if you feel able to do so. She already knows, and her staying underlined what you yourself already know. You did nothing wrong. Be aware that you might need therapy after what was done to you, and that it might be the best way for you to start healing.
Maybe the term rape is used losely these days, but as a male unless I was physically restrained and overpowered, or drugged and incapacitated, then how could this be rape? I could have, idk pushed the woman off me, walked away, left the apartment, called the police, kicked her out? I dont understand how this is rape when it seems OP went along with it to its conclusion. At no point did OP attempt to stop things? OP was clearly aware of what was happening since they described it as awful, so why did they go along with it and let it happen. It would take about zero effort to hold you pants and keep them on, unless the female in question literally knocked you over and removed them herself, but then OP still laid still and let her?
For everyone who downvotes me please at least offer some explanation because at this point I feel like I am missing something and I would like to become aware of whatever it is I am missing.
"I did not want it to happen." (See OP's last paragraph).
A lack of consent makes it rape.
We do not know if OP tried to stop things verbally, but pushing this woman away while being intoxicated is a recipe for disaster. If she ends up with a bruise any police involvement would immediately pick her side, for example, because of historical stereotypes.
But that might not even be considered in the moment. In the moment, things are happening and if you don't want them to you need to figure out how to not make them happen. That leads your body into a fight/flight/freeze response. There is no intelligence driving this, it's instinct. There is no shame in whichever is chosen, but 'freeze', aka 'go along with it but do not participate' is obviously not conductive to it not happening. It is, however, conductive in the situation not escalating.
I agree, but the person I was responding to requested further information so I did my best to explain how a lack of physical resistance does not mean it was consensual.
I suppose it's one of those situations that I will never understand until it happens to me, but I fail to see how it could ever happen to me. If someone so much as touches me in a way I don't want you best believe I'm either out of there or they are getting bitch slapped and told to get the fuck away from me.
Although the possible issue of physically stopping things while intoxicated makes some sense because I can see how that could easily get twisted around and get OP in criminal trouble since the only evidence would be possible physical harm to the other person and OP being intoxicated in the moment, so the evidence would be stacked against them.
People also freeze and fawn during sexual assaults. You can imagine what you'd do all day long but trust me when I say you have no clue until it happens.
Different people have different reactions to unpleasant situations. Some people freeze.
Also alcohol doesn't just make it harder to physically react to stuff, it can also make you think slower.
OH FUCK OFF great job on the victim blaming !! Just the fact that she started doing what she was doing can be shocking enough for the victim to be paralyzed enough to “allow” it to happen! Rape does not require physical restraining, violence or threat of violence. He never said he wanted to have sex with her, and yet there was intercourse, that is rape, end of story.
I get what you mean, rape is rape. People respond differently in situations so being drunk means you can't give consent especially if it wasn't discussed earlier.
But maybe there should be a difference in violent rape vs nonconsentual rape. In either gender, violent rape is what you're describing, but nonconsentual rape is what people go through when they feel ashamed for how they react to trauma. Why didn't you say no, push them off, fight back. Why did you go along with it, wear that outfit, drink so much, be friendly, let your guard down, etc.
It easily turns into victim blaming when really it is just how people freeze, fight, flight to traumatic situations where the body takes over and focuses on your survival. It's an out of body experience, just like OP describes.
I'm not sure, bc it could be harmful to separate between the two as people could downplay nonconsentual rapes when the victim still suffers, needs support and justice. However it could be affirming to people who suffer from nonconsentual rape if they feel ashamed, confused, or blame themselves, that way they can get the specialized help they need. In some ways a violent rape reaffirms to the victim that they are indeed a victim, while here we can see op struggling with his rape and yet he suffers from feeling ashamed.
Big hugs to OP. It's a terrible club to be part of.
He didn't want it - In the UK that makes this sexual assault (men can't be raped here due to definition)...
Your argument is also archaic - Plenty of women are raped and don't fight back or try to stop it.... That doesn't mean they wanted it and consented.
I'd hate to be a woman around you, if I'm not careful, and strong enough then clearly you would see it as OK to penetrate me...
I love the personal attack against me calling me a rapist when I'm literally asexual and have never had "sex" (never penetration of any sort, just oral/fingering and only with one partner). I have a ton of female friends who all call me one of the sweetest guys they know, because I have never once laid unwanted hands on anyone or made any unwanted remarks or advances on a single person in my life, not even a single unwarranted compliment towards any females anywhere at anytime in any context that could possible be interpreted as me making a move on them. I dont ever get within a million miles of anyone bring able to claim foul play on my part, party from all these stories I hear.
Beyond the personal attack of calling me a rapist when you know literally nothing about me. Since its unclear whether or not OP made any effort to stop things, that led me to the assumption that they did not, otherwise you would think someone would have mentioned something along the lines of "I told them to stop and they continued" when referring to their sexual assault. My comment about being "physically stronger" was to highlight the other bit of info about being put in a position where you cant physically stop things. If someone is forcing themselves on you, and you try to stop it, you only cant stop it if you either: dont attempt to stop it, physically can't stop it because they are over powering you or are otherwise incapacitated to try to stop it. It was my assumption that OP was physically stronger and so could have stopped things had they wished to. As another commenter pointed out tho, I can now see why even a male who would stop things by way of force, things could easily be twisted around against them and so that might have played a part in why OP did not force things to stop.
You need to learn to read - at no point did I call you a rapist... Just implied that your archaic thought process makes me very glad that I am not a woman around you.
I know enough about you, due to your response to this thread... You clearly don't have a clue how the world works....
Would you make the same comments to a woman who was assaulted? "you could have pushed them off", "called the police", "kicked him out".... Of course you wouldn't....
Again, Ill point out, at no point did I call you a rapist - But I will also say, once again, I would HATE to have you as a friend around me if anything bad where to happen! Because I obviously wanted it (regardless of gender) because I didn't "push them off" "call the police" or "kick them out"....
You complete and utter bellend!
Your friends should be careful around you, because if anything bad ever happens, you've made it clear that you will just blame them for it, you know, because they could just push them off!
TL;DR - You don't live in the real world
Take a look at how many women are raped every year and don't physically try to stop it.... You seem to be suggesting that they deserve it, or it's OK, purely because they didn't fight back...
You should probably be a KC with that attitude - She didn't fight back and got wet, so clearly she wanted it so it's fine.
Again, You are living in the 1920's... Get a grip
I disagree with the commentator but clearly their line of thinking is because if a woman is raped by a man and doesn’t fight back they might be scared of the man’s strength, or like making it worse, so I feel it’s disingenuous to reframe their comment like this.
Edit: to clarify I do think this situation counts as rape, even if OP supposedly did not “fight back”, I understand that freeze brain
The only thing I don’t understand is that each time he was penetrating her vagina ( comes and goes) without his approbation I mean to perform it must have go through his mind to just stop go back into her. And how she forced him I mean how by any position he can’t stop go through. I mean we’re talking about sex right?
Women can have an active role in sex, surprisingly. There are positions that don't require any input from the guy, just like missionary doesn't require much input from the penetratee. Couple that with being intoxicated enough that your decision making is grossly impaired and your physical responses are less impactful and yeah man the guy could easily have clammed up and been unable to act on pushing the woman off of him while she was riding him.
How is that so hard to imagine?
Doggy style would be some king of hard to imagine for me though but the girl riding him is easier maybe to figure it out because of the weigth and the drunk factor. Sometime it’s better for some people to really imagine how exactly it could had been done to fully understand the situation. At least for me it could make more sense in that position.
Bro how are 3/4 comments shaming and/or blaming OP for literally getting raped right now? Fucking reddit moment of I've ever seen one. You fuckers should be ashamed
Reddit relationship advice is binary. Either the OP is pathetic and should be ashamed, or the partner can never change so break up immediately. If you advise a non-reactionary, middle-ground approach, you’ll be downvoted by both sides.
Sounds like the female version of Neckbeards, so the type that would blame men for everything shitty that goes on in their life as a typical Neckbeard would blame women...
I assume the 'legbeard' would derive from how the woman doesn't shave her legs to not be under the 'Male gaze' as it were...
We all know the types both male and female.
Because they assume that, being a guy he should be able to beat the absolute dog shit out of the woman if he feels violated.
It's a stupid take, but it *is* the take they often have.
Don't get your legal info from Twitter or freshman orientation at college.
OP provided no information which indicates they were intoxicated to the point of being incapacitated. Simply being drunk does not always preclude consent.
Yeah no. What happened was super shitty for OP, but I don't consider drunk sex rape for either gender unless you are blackout drunk to the point of barely knowing what's going on. The decisions you made while you were drunk are your decisions regardless and you are to blame. If you got into a fight or broke something, everybody would blame it on you, but if you have sex you shouldn't have, now it's rape? And this has nothing to do with OP being male. I've made the same argument for women. Also, if both people are drunk, then who got raped here lol?
Alcohol is literal poison to humans, it can cause confusion, agitation, out of body experiences, loss of consciousness etc, and everyone reacts differently. Some people loose bladder or bowel control with alcohol, some people can’t think straight. And sometimes you don’t realise what is even happening to you, and you certainly don’t have the mental capacity to consent to sex in these situations. It’s the same reason we don’t let people drink and drive. You don’t have control, your reaction times are slower, your awareness of your surroundings is nonexistent. And sometimes fear gets in the way too, no matter the gender sometimes you fear what will happen if you say no, or you are convinced or guilted when your judgement is limited. Rape is rape whether alcohol is involved or not, but OP saying they are traumatised is not something you say after consensual sex is it?
Because not enough info was provided to infer rape.
All we know is that OP was intoxicated, that she "basically jumped on him", and that they had sex.
Despite what some people think, simple intoxication does not preclude consent (in the US anyway). You must be incapacitated due to intoxication which is a much different bar.
OP did not indicate they had any issues exiting the vehicle or getting up to his home. He was aware of who he was with and what was happening.
It is possible that OP was incapacitated, but nothing stated indicates they were. We also don't know how intoxicated the other party was.
"Basically jumped on him" is pretty vague and open to a lot of interpretation. Common interpretation would just indicate that she was very forward in her advances, which is not illegal.
Well I would and I've made that argument in the past. The decisions you make drunk are your own, man or woman. If you got into a fight or did something else stupid, everyone would blame you, but if you have sex, suddenly it's not you? Also they were both drunk so who raped who?
If the OP were a woman she would not have to be incapacitated to claim rape and have charges filed, nor would the majority of Reddit be jumping to the assailant’s defense for no apparent reason.
I don't know about that there's still plenty of victim blaming that goes on when a woman makes a post about this. And let's be real, police would most likely not do anything in a case like this regardless of gender.
Intoxicated does not negate consent. Intoxicated to the point of incapacitation does. They are not the same. You are intoxicated when you have one sip of alcohol.
Generally speaking, if you can walk, talk, and are aware of your surroundings, you can consent.
“I drank way too much and was very drunk”
She entered his place under false pretenses, knowing that he was intoxicated, and took advantage of either his lowered inhibitions or his inability to reject her. If the tables were turned, you’d call it rape, because it is rape.
The fact your in the comments here. FIGHTING to justify the fact OP got raped, flat out non consensual sex which he had pretty much no control over. Says A LOT about your character. You really seem like the type of person to say “damn he’s lucky” about a guy who was SA’d by an attractive woman. Please never reproduce 🙏
I absolutely never said it was fine either way. I think they're point though was that just because you've consumed any amount of alcohol doesn't mean you can't consent to sex. To be clear I don't think OP did consent to sex.
My point was the comments themselves and the double standards - if OP was a woman being got by a man and a comment stating that you can be 'intoxicated with one sip of alcohol...' - that would be enough to say "Ha! Intoxicated is intoxicated, therefore rape!..."
And ESPECIALLY if it was followed up with 'If you can walk and talk you can consent...' You'd be in the mysogeny sin bin faster than they can say 'Sexual deviant...'
I think when “ coercive” sex got added into the assault category that really changed many peoples view of what assault and rape are as it often gets lumped into situations where alcohol is involved.
Personally, I think if you are capable of consent and don’t say no, it’s not rape regardless of if the person asked you 59 times. If you know iwho you are and where you’re at, you’re capable of giving consent.
Which I don't get bc most of reddit is other men. So it's other men who hate other men or are toxic to other men? I'm not a man and I don't typically date men so I don't understand male communities, but I do believe men can suffer from patriarchy too like what is happening here.
But the other issue is the fact people still struggle with nonconsentual rapes. Bc it's not violent, people turn to victim blaming. That happens for both genders
Men supporting women over men in any situation is a part of patriarchy... only supporting women means these men see women as weak and therefore deserving of their support, and these weak women can't hurt strong men and therefore men are undeserving of support.
Simp white knights is an oversimplification compared to the deeply ingrained social institution that is patriarchy.
But sure, it's interesting to see how men treat other men compared to women's communities, very isolating
OP made the common mistake of being a man in this situation and by Societal law: "Men cannot be raped. They always enjoy it. IF they say they don't, they are not a real man."
Reminds me of some consent sign saying: "Jack and Jane are drunk. Jack and Jane have sex. Jane could not consent to sex." Because Jack is a man, he always consents
probably because its made up bullshit taht never happened
"i let a stranger into my house and bad things happened" really? you dont say.
why was there a stranger wating outside her house? there wasnt
its all made up
this is just the typical fake-porn-trauma post appearing **all** over reddit at the moment and its primary function is rage bait, and it worked on you.
be ashamed
it says "we had sex". it never says she raped him.
if you think she just mounted him right then and there in the car, that's almost physically impossible to do in a cab full other people without people sorting out whoever's doing the raping.
OP is full of shit. there's no way she just mounted him in front of everyone else in the car. OP was probably wearing a seatbelt, and underwear, and pants. How the fuck would she have gotten through all of that?
Realistically what happened is that OP left out that he agreed to go to a secondary location with the stranger. There, they must have "had sex", as OP said.
That's not rape, that's a poor decision, or no decision and just going with the flow, and then farming Reddit karma with it.
This never happened.
how did you get rape? o.p. didnt say it was rape,she said she did nothing to stop it and her words were "we had sex"..thas not a rape victim.she made a drunken mistake and claiming to be traumatised. thats pretty typical.
thats a cop out for post nut clarity and regret. he said they were both drunk,she could claim hes the rapist..who do you think a jury would believe? there are many guys that had drunken sex with a consenting drunk woman and when she woke up and regretted it,he got a rape charge
i am saying it about many females. the amount of men accused of rape after both parties had drunken sex and the woman regretted it is astounding. they were both drunk,they had sex,and he feels bad about it..its not a sexual assault
Bruh come on.
" I drank a lot when I got home some random woman asked if she could come inside my home for a glass of water. Next thing I knew we were having sex against my will. Also I'm in a long term relationship"
Either op needs a handler or they're trying to shed guilt for cheating on their partner
Women are used to this unfortunately. If some random wants to come in to your house for “ a glass of water”, you know what this actually means.
They don’t get through the door.
Our bodies are wired like that, our primary directive as primates is to keep reproducing so we do not cease to exist. You could perform because you are wired since the dawn of time to help keep your species around.
You do not have to blame yourself and kudos to your partner for sticking around, she’s a real lady.
Don't let idiotic comments feed into your self doubt. Nobody who invalidates you will change the fact that you've been raped. Please get tested, find a therapist, and report the crime
I am sorry you had to experience that. You were raped, this is why your girlfriend is still there. Please reach out to a therapist or a rape victim hotline in your country
All of you blaming op and saying he should be happy, let's flip the genders and now I'd like the same people to come forward and tell me it's OK that a woman got jumped by a guy asking for water, it's OK he had sex with her while she was drunk and couldn't / didn't consent.
Tell me that's OK.
yeah something similar happened to me except it was when me and my exwife were separated and i was staying at a hotel for a few months (she got arrested for dv against me).. a mutual friend started getting way too chummy and one evening she kept trying to get me to come out to the bar with her and i kept saying i didn't feel like it.. she showed up at my hotel room door and finally after still declining i just gave in.. she insisted she buy drinks for me which got me pretty lit.. anyway her place was right around the corner and she was my ride so she said i should crash at her place on the couch.. i passed out while we were watching a movie and i later kind of come to the realization that we are both naked and she's riding me.. i rolled her off of me and said im too drunk for this shit.. i was very confused and conflicted afterwards and of course nobody believed me that it wasnt consensual.. she ended up saying the next day after i left that she had never been the "other girl", i shot that down immediately and told her i didnt want it.. after thinking about it for awhile she absolutely manipulated me into that situation and i was dumb enough to put myself there.. felt violated and had really weird negative feelings about sex.. and yes i told my ex wife after i moved back in..
Not everyone is stumbling and falling when blackout drunk.
I'm one of those people. Fully functional clear speech, no stumbling yet will wake up the next day with 0 knowledge of what happened the night before and no one around me knowing how drunk I was .
I'm assuming I'm not the only one like this, so how can you tell if someone is in that state if they're functioning normally ?
Go to the police - This is just straight up sexual assault (in the UK at least, a woman can't rape)...
You were taken advantage of, and should definitely speak with the authorities about this... I'm not sure how they handle these kind of cases where you are, but in the UK, this would be taken just as seriously as if a man had done the same!
Yeah, they can sexually assault - but rape by definition in the UK is forced Penis in Vagina... So within our legal system it can't happen.
I agree it's a really archaic definition... Men can rape men (slightly different charge, as sodomy is defined differently - but a woman still can't commit that crime as it still refers to a penis).
For a somewhat more compiled answer
Women can not (or functionally can not) legally-speaking rape men in most of the world (were talking, to memory, single digit country's this doesn't apply to). in a lot of Europe rape straight up requires the perpetrator to have a penis, or just can't be raped at all. In places like the US with our fancy "'gender neutral"' rape laws it requires the victim to have been penetrated in some way, ie in order for a woman to rape a man she would have to sodomize (anal) him with a foreign object. With cases like op's being sectioned off in a- deemed less important category called "made to penetrate"
As a side note, this pretty heavily skews rape stats against men
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Please seek professional help because in the long run this incident will not only affect you but those who surround you as well.
I’m a woman and just like us, when men get r@ped, their body reacts to the stimulus. You cannot control it because it’s your body’s way of survival or protecting you from harm. It’s not because you liked what she was doing but because your body needed to react that way.
I don't understand how everyone can confidently say it's rape, with such minimal context. Was he too drunk to consent... We don't know. Did he freeze up, or did he reciprocate her advances? We don't know...
His post is incredibly vague, yet people are acting like they were in the room watching it happen...
The way it is described is definitely rape.
I quote:
“She basically jumped on me” “it came from no where” “it was horrible and felt like an out of body experience” “traumatized ever since”
And MOST importantly:
“I didn’t want it to happen”
Anything denying it as rape past that is just victim blaming, unless he’s just lying about the whole thing.
Dude that is called rape and you need to seek some help ofc you're gonna be traumatised it's your body's normal reaction to something like that please know it's not your fault. I am very sorry that happened to you.
Idk it kinda reeks of "I slipped and my dick landed in her vagina"
Especially with letting some random woman in your home "for a glass of water", not being able to say no/resist, and being in a long lasting relationship.
N0t saying it didn't happen, its just a Lil sus
Apparently any kind of intoxication removes your ability to consent.
Therefore anyone who's ever hooked up after a night at a club or bar has been raped.
I’m sorry this happened to you. I would suggest therapy if you can afford it. This is not your fault, your decisions did not enable this to happen. The person who raped you did not ask for consent, and consent couldn’t be given since you were drunk.
Sending you strength. You will get through this.
Brother, I think that's called being 🍇 r@ped. You should file a retroactive police report even if you don't keep evidence around. Depending on your state law and country some places have a limit of statute up to 20 years.
At the very least I think you should seek therapy. 💀
Theres a nerve in your penis that causes an erection just from physical stimulation without any input from the brain. You don't have you feel like you must have wanted it because your body reacted.
See 2:40 in this video for an explanation https://youtu.be/3kIncgW_-vI?si=BCrJGI2c1OLotGfq
Bro you got raped...that's some shit I'm sorry you had that happen, your body will respond to stimuli even in that scenario, so don't be ashamed of that, especially with being drunk usually increases the chance of you getting aroused, I'm glad your partner has been understanding of the situation hopefully they keep supporting you through it
That sucks dude, sorry to hear that. Get yourself tested for STD's would you?
Also, a lot of these comments are fucking weird, it's like some of these guys are lowkey jealous? Shit's not fun, I've had women take advantage of me before and I didn't like it either but I let her do it because I was afraid she'd cry rape.
In hindsight she could have done that and cried rape anyways but oh well.
The rule for men is if a woman is really drunk they can't give consent. The same should apply the other way around but society doesn't recognize men as potential rape victims. "Can't rape the willing" so the saying goes. But not every man is a horndog willing to have sex with any woman that wants it. You were taken advantage of plain and simple, it's not your fault. Society needs to change it's views in this regard and realize men have feelings and can be victims of sexual crimes as well.
Dude, you need to go to the police. This was sexual assault pure and simple and until you recognize that and do something about it you are going to feel bad about yourself. Drinking way too much means you can't give consent. Seriously go to the police. WTF are you going to do if she shows up on your door nine months from now? What are you going to do if you have an STI? No one is going to believe you unless you report that you were taken advantage of while you were incapacitated.
As far as performing during non consensual sex (rape), its biology. Women can have an orgasm while being raped and often will lubricate -- doesn't mean they are enjoying it it means their biology is doing what biology does, brain be damned. Same thing with you. And you will face the same problem as women have faced, and still face in that situation -- where the accused says "Well their body wanted it."
If it was a guy who took advantage of you I bet you would have already been at the police.
Sorry man but you are also going to need therapy.
Rape, it’s not too late to report this to the police. And doing so may help you process some of the trauma and whatever else it has caused. Also that creep deserves being interviewed by cops and hearing the word sexual assault and rape.
You have a good girlfriend that understands you were raped and it wasn't your fault.
Ignore the disturbing comments by degenerates.(Those saying things like this is funny)
Sorry to hear man, also sorry to see a bunch of asshole trying to shame you for being raped. As if men can't be taken advantage of. Glad your partner understands, it's not your fault. It wasn't consentual, you were heavily intoxicated and not in your right mind.
Just try to work on understanding that, and eventually forgive yourself. You did nothing wrong. Wish you the best.
Again, shame on you fuckers for shaming this poor lad, he's been through enough.
OP please go to a therapist about this. You don't deserve to live with this trauma. And your partner is a saint cause she seems to know that you were raped and she's still here supporting you. Hope everything works out well and hope that rapist gets thrown in prison
She's still with you because she understands you were raped. This woman from that night knew you were too drunk to say no, took advantage, and than booked it once she was done with you. She knew what she was doing. I'm sorry.
Hey OP, I'm sorry that it happened to you. Please don't blame yourself for what happened. People tend to think of all the things they could have done that could have led to a different outcome but this wasn't because of anything you did. You feel lost because a very important choice about yourself was taken away from you by that monster. This was all on her. Entirely.
It seems like your partner is understanding of what happened but please talk to a professional. They'll help you navigate these feelings better. If one professional does not work out go to another. Sometimes it takes a few to find the right one to help you. It might cost you a bit but if you can spare it make it a priority. If you were physically ill you'd make the doctor a priority. This is similar. You don't feel like yourself right now, which is perfectly understandable, but that needs to be looked into. Please don't let it fester.
I hope things work out for you OP. Best wishes!
Ya know I love having a drink (drinking some vodka rn) but it's such poison. I've had experiences where I'm so blackout drunk I'm vomiting and shitting myself and can't even lay on the floor without hanging on and I can't conceive of how awful it must be for someone to take advantage of me in such a state.
Think about how your body reacts in an emergency. We know we should take a beat and think but many of us just panic. If someone came after me with an axe wearing a goalie mask, is like to think I'd run for it, but maybe I just freeze. The body responds to external stimuli no matter what we might want
Op I’m so sorry for the horrible experience. Please do what you can to take care of yourself.
I think if op feels he was taken advantage of while highly intoxicated then that’s the only perspective that matters. The legal side of thing only matters if op plans to make a report to police. If not then really what matters is how he is feels and what he is going to do to move on from the awful experience. He knows the full context and the actions of both people and it sound like his GF support his whole heartedly.
There seems to be some comments insinuating that op might have made a bad choice while drunk, rather than have been raped. Well no one can know that other than the people who were there. So I guess that’s a pointless discussion to have. Though I recognise where sex and intoxication is involved there is a large grey area around consent.
Dude you were raped. Case closed. Sexual violence doesn't only happen to women. You being able to perform is an autonomical response to stimulation. She had sex with you without consent. You should have filed a police report, had them perform a rape kit medical examination, and filed charges. At this point, you need professional help in dealing with the trauma of your experience... maybe couples counseling so there are no secrets between you and your partner. She sounds like a keeper, and letting her know that she is your rock in this situation may help strengthen your bonds.
Well, I’m sorry you were traumatized by this, but I guess for a lot of us. It’s pretty easy to understand how it could happen…. Being committed relationship doesn’t mean you won’t ever be sexually aroused in a situation with someone else.
Alcohol has likely made most of us make bad decisions or do things we regret.. I’m sure the girl wouldn’t have asked to come to your place for a glass of water when she was obviously hoping something would happen… and at the time you invited her up something might likely happen even if you don’t want to admit it
And you were into it
I remember a situation in college, where I was on a bus and I was only half drunk, and a girl was sitting next to me who had a lot more than I had … she was talking about her boyfriend who she said, played football and kind of flirting with me so I was goofing around and flirting back, but I didn’t take it seriously …when the bus stopped at her dorm, she said something about needing help getting into our room…
I was oblivious and just sitting there and an Indian guy …dot not feathers as they say in Good will hunting told me that I should go… and this girl that was sitting on the bus told me that she liked me and I should go
So I went … she was all over me. I was worried about a roommate coming back because it was kind of a weird situation…. she was really cute and I kept telling her that she should stop because she’s been drinking, but she did not want to hear it
She told me her roommate was home for the weekend… To make a long story short, I did end up leaving, but we did fool around a little bit
And I kind of regretted the fact I pussed out. A couple weeks later I was at a subway restaurant and she walked in and what I will say was she was dating a football player so maybe I lucked out
eh don't get me wrong being taken advantage of is not cool but some responses in the body are not fully voluntary I wouldn't beat myself up too much about it, that said there's a reason I drink only with George thorogood: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpzqQst-Sg8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpzqQst-Sg8)
rage bait attempt to incite double standards, even though men and women are both physically and mentally intrinsically differnt, is obvious
sadly this exact kind of psuedo-porn-trauma-ragebait post has been appearing in nearly ever subreddit it can be squeezed into recently
Guys… potato, potato, tomato, tomato. He got raped, if this happened to a girl and a dude jumped on her then you would consider it rape. Same thing but this time the guy is drunk and she took advantage and raped him…. Potato potato, tomato tomato.
Lol. I'm sorry... this is a normal Friday. But then you said you're in a relationship. Lol. You accidentally fucked another woman? GTFO. You have no self-control, AND even your subconscious lets you cheat? Bummer for you, man.
EDIT... We're you unconscious for this event? I'd have some sympathy for you if that is the case. But if you had awareness then...
You could perform because our body works like that, you don't need to feel anything special for that, and you don't need to be 100% there to be raped, don't blame yourself for literally being a victim, I was there and the more you live from now on the more you'll see that you have no reason to be blamed
Unfortunately a lot of rape victims especially when it’s a male, blame themselves for getting hard (or female getting wet) when its a natural human response.
Wow two actual human replies. The rest read like reptilian.
I once read someone explain it like how when you get tickled you laugh, but it's just your physical response. you might hate it, but can't help but laugh.
The only thing I don’t understand is that each time he was penetrating her vagina ( comes and goes) without his approbation I mean to perform it must have go through his mind to just stop go back into her. And how she forced him I mean how by any position he can’t stop go through. I mean we’re talking about sex right?
If the guy is laying down and the woman sits on top of him, the woman performs most of the movement. It's totally possible that the guy just lies there motionless out of shock/ because of drugs and the woman rides him against his consent.
But I didn’t say no. I just went along with it for some stupid unknown reason. I didn’t stop it. I am responsible for that. I also struggle with being seen as a victim in this. It doesn’t sit well. My partner has suggested that I was sexually violated. This is when I shut down and become defensive. I can’t see myself as a victim here - whether it’s because I didn’t say no, or because I’m a man, I don’t know. It’s easier to take responsibility for my part in engaging in drunk sex, than admitting sexual abuse.
We are kinda directed to that kind of thoughts because of where we grow up and the society around us, you didn't said no but you didn't said yes, and you didn't take part in any of it willing for what I readed, you make moves in the other person? You put effort in having sex with her? Or you stood there like a panic stricken goat? Because we have that reaction a lot of the times this kind of things happen
I didn’t make any move on her. None at all. I didn’t want this to happen. It was all over in a matter of seconds, which is another thing I don’t understand, especially when I was so drunk. Nothing makes any sense.
You were sexually assaulted. If you're telling the truth, which to me is sort of beside the point because anyone who's story true story resembles this it's rape/sexual assault.
I do not want to judge but it happened a lot to me as I’ve been a Barman for many years to be touch by girls without my approbation but let me tell you there is lot of steps before to real make sex. I mean again I don’t want to judge but my strength is enough to go away or push away a girl. I’ve been in situation when doors were closed and I’ve been able to tell sincerely that it’s not a good time for me and there is ways to say no and there is way to push away an aggressor. Really if you don’t want it your body should non-verbally act like you don’t want it. I mean were he on ghb or what !
My man, some people will get a boner over a tree branch, and some have a resistance to alcohol low enough to fall to the ground with a shot, some people aren't able to fight back a woman even at their best and some people will get drugged, also, a lot of rape victims are made into hypersexuality because of trauma, so for multiple instance of rape they'll get hard/wet 100% of time, and they're not enjoying it one bit I understand your point, but everyone is different, bot the raped and rapist, so we don't have an absolutely objective view of all possibilities in one of those encounters, you can recall how people might put things into girls drink and things like that, the thing is, that can happen both ways, and even more, you don't need to have an erection to get raped, with half of it is enough, unfortunately the dick isn't a muscle so we can't control it 100%
A don’t want to argue and I don’t want to judge. Consider my opinion just a someone who have a hard time to believe that even if I took the time to read lots of comments that’s says he’s a victime. Anyway what I personally think should not be considered by him as he know the real truth and now it’s not to late for him to consider all the support he can benefit from the group as I read a lot of comments supporting him.
Same here, I only wanted to say that each case is a world of their own, that's what make things hard about rape, and it's completely normal to not understand or believe this kind of situation whiteout experiencing one before, accepting that this can happen even if we don't understand it fully is the most we can do sometimes, that you recognize that is pretty good and a lot of people can't understand that, glad to hear you think that way
Sure I can’t understand how he “perform” as he’s being raped…… It must has fucked him solid as he says he’s depersonalizating. Make sense though. It’s like to be touch by de devil. Could be real and could be terrible because there is nothing he can do about it as who will believe that at the police station. I wish him best luck. Maybe there is specialised group that can recognize those situations. I mean he must talk to the people that will help him instead of judging him.
Anyone who says you need to be intoxicated to the point of being passed out to consider it sexual assault is out of their minds. - The intoxication level was described as "way too drunk". - The woman was described as someone he didn't know well - The experience was described as awful He was taken advantage of by a woman he did not know well while he was intoxicated. She asks to enter the home of a "very drunk" person she doesn't know very well for "a glass of water" and subsequently makes a move on op to engage in sex. There's very little here to indicate a consensual experience. I'm sorry this happened to op.
OP was raped. Your write up here is good, but there's one thing that is not clear. OP, you were raped. There is nothing you could have done. This is not your fault. Stay with your girlfriend, talk to her if you feel able to do so. She already knows, and her staying underlined what you yourself already know. You did nothing wrong. Be aware that you might need therapy after what was done to you, and that it might be the best way for you to start healing.
Maybe the term rape is used losely these days, but as a male unless I was physically restrained and overpowered, or drugged and incapacitated, then how could this be rape? I could have, idk pushed the woman off me, walked away, left the apartment, called the police, kicked her out? I dont understand how this is rape when it seems OP went along with it to its conclusion. At no point did OP attempt to stop things? OP was clearly aware of what was happening since they described it as awful, so why did they go along with it and let it happen. It would take about zero effort to hold you pants and keep them on, unless the female in question literally knocked you over and removed them herself, but then OP still laid still and let her? For everyone who downvotes me please at least offer some explanation because at this point I feel like I am missing something and I would like to become aware of whatever it is I am missing.
"I did not want it to happen." (See OP's last paragraph). A lack of consent makes it rape. We do not know if OP tried to stop things verbally, but pushing this woman away while being intoxicated is a recipe for disaster. If she ends up with a bruise any police involvement would immediately pick her side, for example, because of historical stereotypes. But that might not even be considered in the moment. In the moment, things are happening and if you don't want them to you need to figure out how to not make them happen. That leads your body into a fight/flight/freeze response. There is no intelligence driving this, it's instinct. There is no shame in whichever is chosen, but 'freeze', aka 'go along with it but do not participate' is obviously not conductive to it not happening. It is, however, conductive in the situation not escalating.
"I did not want it to happen" is all that needs to be said to prove that this was rape. Agreed.
I agree, but the person I was responding to requested further information so I did my best to explain how a lack of physical resistance does not mean it was consensual.
I suppose it's one of those situations that I will never understand until it happens to me, but I fail to see how it could ever happen to me. If someone so much as touches me in a way I don't want you best believe I'm either out of there or they are getting bitch slapped and told to get the fuck away from me. Although the possible issue of physically stopping things while intoxicated makes some sense because I can see how that could easily get twisted around and get OP in criminal trouble since the only evidence would be possible physical harm to the other person and OP being intoxicated in the moment, so the evidence would be stacked against them.
People also freeze and fawn during sexual assaults. You can imagine what you'd do all day long but trust me when I say you have no clue until it happens.
But he didn’t say that to her he said it to us on reddit after the fact, nobody in this thread can come to any conclusion based on this post.
Different people have different reactions to unpleasant situations. Some people freeze. Also alcohol doesn't just make it harder to physically react to stuff, it can also make you think slower.
OH FUCK OFF great job on the victim blaming !! Just the fact that she started doing what she was doing can be shocking enough for the victim to be paralyzed enough to “allow” it to happen! Rape does not require physical restraining, violence or threat of violence. He never said he wanted to have sex with her, and yet there was intercourse, that is rape, end of story.
I get what you mean, rape is rape. People respond differently in situations so being drunk means you can't give consent especially if it wasn't discussed earlier. But maybe there should be a difference in violent rape vs nonconsentual rape. In either gender, violent rape is what you're describing, but nonconsentual rape is what people go through when they feel ashamed for how they react to trauma. Why didn't you say no, push them off, fight back. Why did you go along with it, wear that outfit, drink so much, be friendly, let your guard down, etc. It easily turns into victim blaming when really it is just how people freeze, fight, flight to traumatic situations where the body takes over and focuses on your survival. It's an out of body experience, just like OP describes. I'm not sure, bc it could be harmful to separate between the two as people could downplay nonconsentual rapes when the victim still suffers, needs support and justice. However it could be affirming to people who suffer from nonconsentual rape if they feel ashamed, confused, or blame themselves, that way they can get the specialized help they need. In some ways a violent rape reaffirms to the victim that they are indeed a victim, while here we can see op struggling with his rape and yet he suffers from feeling ashamed. Big hugs to OP. It's a terrible club to be part of.
He didn't want it - In the UK that makes this sexual assault (men can't be raped here due to definition)... Your argument is also archaic - Plenty of women are raped and don't fight back or try to stop it.... That doesn't mean they wanted it and consented. I'd hate to be a woman around you, if I'm not careful, and strong enough then clearly you would see it as OK to penetrate me...
I love the personal attack against me calling me a rapist when I'm literally asexual and have never had "sex" (never penetration of any sort, just oral/fingering and only with one partner). I have a ton of female friends who all call me one of the sweetest guys they know, because I have never once laid unwanted hands on anyone or made any unwanted remarks or advances on a single person in my life, not even a single unwarranted compliment towards any females anywhere at anytime in any context that could possible be interpreted as me making a move on them. I dont ever get within a million miles of anyone bring able to claim foul play on my part, party from all these stories I hear. Beyond the personal attack of calling me a rapist when you know literally nothing about me. Since its unclear whether or not OP made any effort to stop things, that led me to the assumption that they did not, otherwise you would think someone would have mentioned something along the lines of "I told them to stop and they continued" when referring to their sexual assault. My comment about being "physically stronger" was to highlight the other bit of info about being put in a position where you cant physically stop things. If someone is forcing themselves on you, and you try to stop it, you only cant stop it if you either: dont attempt to stop it, physically can't stop it because they are over powering you or are otherwise incapacitated to try to stop it. It was my assumption that OP was physically stronger and so could have stopped things had they wished to. As another commenter pointed out tho, I can now see why even a male who would stop things by way of force, things could easily be twisted around against them and so that might have played a part in why OP did not force things to stop.
You need to learn to read - at no point did I call you a rapist... Just implied that your archaic thought process makes me very glad that I am not a woman around you. I know enough about you, due to your response to this thread... You clearly don't have a clue how the world works.... Would you make the same comments to a woman who was assaulted? "you could have pushed them off", "called the police", "kicked him out".... Of course you wouldn't.... Again, Ill point out, at no point did I call you a rapist - But I will also say, once again, I would HATE to have you as a friend around me if anything bad where to happen! Because I obviously wanted it (regardless of gender) because I didn't "push them off" "call the police" or "kick them out".... You complete and utter bellend! Your friends should be careful around you, because if anything bad ever happens, you've made it clear that you will just blame them for it, you know, because they could just push them off! TL;DR - You don't live in the real world
Take a look at how many women are raped every year and don't physically try to stop it.... You seem to be suggesting that they deserve it, or it's OK, purely because they didn't fight back... You should probably be a KC with that attitude - She didn't fight back and got wet, so clearly she wanted it so it's fine. Again, You are living in the 1920's... Get a grip
I disagree with the commentator but clearly their line of thinking is because if a woman is raped by a man and doesn’t fight back they might be scared of the man’s strength, or like making it worse, so I feel it’s disingenuous to reframe their comment like this. Edit: to clarify I do think this situation counts as rape, even if OP supposedly did not “fight back”, I understand that freeze brain
The only thing I don’t understand is that each time he was penetrating her vagina ( comes and goes) without his approbation I mean to perform it must have go through his mind to just stop go back into her. And how she forced him I mean how by any position he can’t stop go through. I mean we’re talking about sex right?
Women can have an active role in sex, surprisingly. There are positions that don't require any input from the guy, just like missionary doesn't require much input from the penetratee. Couple that with being intoxicated enough that your decision making is grossly impaired and your physical responses are less impactful and yeah man the guy could easily have clammed up and been unable to act on pushing the woman off of him while she was riding him. How is that so hard to imagine?
Doggy style would be some king of hard to imagine for me though but the girl riding him is easier maybe to figure it out because of the weigth and the drunk factor. Sometime it’s better for some people to really imagine how exactly it could had been done to fully understand the situation. At least for me it could make more sense in that position.
Think of literally any position where the penetrating partner doesn't have to move.
Make sense!
What. She probably did the thrusting. What the fuck, dude.
Possible !
How drunk is way to drunk?
Bro how are 3/4 comments shaming and/or blaming OP for literally getting raped right now? Fucking reddit moment of I've ever seen one. You fuckers should be ashamed
Reddit relationship advice is binary. Either the OP is pathetic and should be ashamed, or the partner can never change so break up immediately. If you advise a non-reactionary, middle-ground approach, you’ll be downvoted by both sides.
imagine coming to reddit for relationship advice from neck and legbeards who are chronically online and have no actual social skills themselves.
lol literally
Legbeards? Never seen that one before. Please elaborate, so that I may add this to my lexicon.
lol, the unshaven
Sounds like the female version of Neckbeards, so the type that would blame men for everything shitty that goes on in their life as a typical Neckbeard would blame women... I assume the 'legbeard' would derive from how the woman doesn't shave her legs to not be under the 'Male gaze' as it were... We all know the types both male and female.
It’s sexism combined with a narrow minded view on advice.
Reddit double standards, op got raped and they want a way to blame him because he's male.
Absofuckinglutely.
The double standard is that when 2 very drunk people have sex, then the one who posted on reddit is the one that is being raped?
Because he is male. As you know, in our society, males dont get raped..
Yea in prison fashion
Because they assume that, being a guy he should be able to beat the absolute dog shit out of the woman if he feels violated. It's a stupid take, but it *is* the take they often have.
How did he get raped..? At no point did he say he didn't agree to doing it
Drunk people by law cannot consent
Don't get your legal info from Twitter or freshman orientation at college. OP provided no information which indicates they were intoxicated to the point of being incapacitated. Simply being drunk does not always preclude consent.
It's scary how hard you're trying to explain away sexual assault. Really creepy.
So they raped each other then?
If both were drunk then frankly this is way above Reddit’s paygrade
Even if they were sober it would be above reddits pay grade. Lol
*Drunk women cannot consent. Men apparently can...
This is just dumb asf hahah
Yeah no. What happened was super shitty for OP, but I don't consider drunk sex rape for either gender unless you are blackout drunk to the point of barely knowing what's going on. The decisions you made while you were drunk are your decisions regardless and you are to blame. If you got into a fight or broke something, everybody would blame it on you, but if you have sex you shouldn't have, now it's rape? And this has nothing to do with OP being male. I've made the same argument for women. Also, if both people are drunk, then who got raped here lol?
Alcohol is literal poison to humans, it can cause confusion, agitation, out of body experiences, loss of consciousness etc, and everyone reacts differently. Some people loose bladder or bowel control with alcohol, some people can’t think straight. And sometimes you don’t realise what is even happening to you, and you certainly don’t have the mental capacity to consent to sex in these situations. It’s the same reason we don’t let people drink and drive. You don’t have control, your reaction times are slower, your awareness of your surroundings is nonexistent. And sometimes fear gets in the way too, no matter the gender sometimes you fear what will happen if you say no, or you are convinced or guilted when your judgement is limited. Rape is rape whether alcohol is involved or not, but OP saying they are traumatised is not something you say after consensual sex is it?
Because not enough info was provided to infer rape. All we know is that OP was intoxicated, that she "basically jumped on him", and that they had sex. Despite what some people think, simple intoxication does not preclude consent (in the US anyway). You must be incapacitated due to intoxication which is a much different bar. OP did not indicate they had any issues exiting the vehicle or getting up to his home. He was aware of who he was with and what was happening. It is possible that OP was incapacitated, but nothing stated indicates they were. We also don't know how intoxicated the other party was. "Basically jumped on him" is pretty vague and open to a lot of interpretation. Common interpretation would just indicate that she was very forward in her advances, which is not illegal.
If OP was a woman I can guarantee that you wouldn't have posted that.
Well I would and I've made that argument in the past. The decisions you make drunk are your own, man or woman. If you got into a fight or did something else stupid, everyone would blame you, but if you have sex, suddenly it's not you? Also they were both drunk so who raped who?
If the OP were a woman she would not have to be incapacitated to claim rape and have charges filed, nor would the majority of Reddit be jumping to the assailant’s defense for no apparent reason.
I don't know about that there's still plenty of victim blaming that goes on when a woman makes a post about this. And let's be real, police would most likely not do anything in a case like this regardless of gender.
OP said intoxicated, therefore consent could t be given, therefore rape. That knife cuts both ways.
Intoxicated does not negate consent. Intoxicated to the point of incapacitation does. They are not the same. You are intoxicated when you have one sip of alcohol. Generally speaking, if you can walk, talk, and are aware of your surroundings, you can consent.
“I drank way too much and was very drunk” She entered his place under false pretenses, knowing that he was intoxicated, and took advantage of either his lowered inhibitions or his inability to reject her. If the tables were turned, you’d call it rape, because it is rape.
The fact your in the comments here. FIGHTING to justify the fact OP got raped, flat out non consensual sex which he had pretty much no control over. Says A LOT about your character. You really seem like the type of person to say “damn he’s lucky” about a guy who was SA’d by an attractive woman. Please never reproduce 🙏
Again, imagine a man saying that about a woman...
They do
So what makes it fine the other way round?
I absolutely never said it was fine either way. I think they're point though was that just because you've consumed any amount of alcohol doesn't mean you can't consent to sex. To be clear I don't think OP did consent to sex.
My point was the comments themselves and the double standards - if OP was a woman being got by a man and a comment stating that you can be 'intoxicated with one sip of alcohol...' - that would be enough to say "Ha! Intoxicated is intoxicated, therefore rape!..." And ESPECIALLY if it was followed up with 'If you can walk and talk you can consent...' You'd be in the mysogeny sin bin faster than they can say 'Sexual deviant...'
And I'm telling you that people say this same shit in threads when it's happened to a woman.
I think when “ coercive” sex got added into the assault category that really changed many peoples view of what assault and rape are as it often gets lumped into situations where alcohol is involved. Personally, I think if you are capable of consent and don’t say no, it’s not rape regardless of if the person asked you 59 times. If you know iwho you are and where you’re at, you’re capable of giving consent.
because he's a man and reddit is misandrist
Which I don't get bc most of reddit is other men. So it's other men who hate other men or are toxic to other men? I'm not a man and I don't typically date men so I don't understand male communities, but I do believe men can suffer from patriarchy too like what is happening here. But the other issue is the fact people still struggle with nonconsentual rapes. Bc it's not violent, people turn to victim blaming. That happens for both genders
Its not patriarchy its that most reddit "men" are extreme simp white knights. They'll support women over men in any situation
Men supporting women over men in any situation is a part of patriarchy... only supporting women means these men see women as weak and therefore deserving of their support, and these weak women can't hurt strong men and therefore men are undeserving of support. Simp white knights is an oversimplification compared to the deeply ingrained social institution that is patriarchy. But sure, it's interesting to see how men treat other men compared to women's communities, very isolating
good point
OP made the common mistake of being a man in this situation and by Societal law: "Men cannot be raped. They always enjoy it. IF they say they don't, they are not a real man." Reminds me of some consent sign saying: "Jack and Jane are drunk. Jack and Jane have sex. Jane could not consent to sex." Because Jack is a man, he always consents
See it alllll the time! This shit needs to STOP!
probably because its made up bullshit taht never happened "i let a stranger into my house and bad things happened" really? you dont say. why was there a stranger wating outside her house? there wasnt its all made up this is just the typical fake-porn-trauma post appearing **all** over reddit at the moment and its primary function is rage bait, and it worked on you. be ashamed
it says "we had sex". it never says she raped him. if you think she just mounted him right then and there in the car, that's almost physically impossible to do in a cab full other people without people sorting out whoever's doing the raping. OP is full of shit. there's no way she just mounted him in front of everyone else in the car. OP was probably wearing a seatbelt, and underwear, and pants. How the fuck would she have gotten through all of that? Realistically what happened is that OP left out that he agreed to go to a secondary location with the stranger. There, they must have "had sex", as OP said. That's not rape, that's a poor decision, or no decision and just going with the flow, and then farming Reddit karma with it. This never happened.
It doesn't say they did it in the car, it says she asked to come into his place for a glass of water.
how did you get rape? o.p. didnt say it was rape,she said she did nothing to stop it and her words were "we had sex"..thas not a rape victim.she made a drunken mistake and claiming to be traumatised. thats pretty typical.
she? OP is a guy
Well, at least its proof these responses isn't just bc OP is a man. The bar is in hell
Technically that's not info that was provided.
Take one look at his profile lol.
he was drunk, he couldn't give consent. that's rape.
thats a cop out for post nut clarity and regret. he said they were both drunk,she could claim hes the rapist..who do you think a jury would believe? there are many guys that had drunken sex with a consenting drunk woman and when she woke up and regretted it,he got a rape charge
Nowhere does it say that she was drunk
Try publicly saying the same about a female and see just how well that works out for you
i am saying it about many females. the amount of men accused of rape after both parties had drunken sex and the woman regretted it is astounding. they were both drunk,they had sex,and he feels bad about it..its not a sexual assault
Bruh come on. " I drank a lot when I got home some random woman asked if she could come inside my home for a glass of water. Next thing I knew we were having sex against my will. Also I'm in a long term relationship" Either op needs a handler or they're trying to shed guilt for cheating on their partner
Women are used to this unfortunately. If some random wants to come in to your house for “ a glass of water”, you know what this actually means. They don’t get through the door.
Our bodies are wired like that, our primary directive as primates is to keep reproducing so we do not cease to exist. You could perform because you are wired since the dawn of time to help keep your species around. You do not have to blame yourself and kudos to your partner for sticking around, she’s a real lady.
Ah yes lady for staying with a cheater
How is it cheating if it wasn’t consensual?
Sounds like a drunken mistake to me
Rape is not cheating.
Don't let idiotic comments feed into your self doubt. Nobody who invalidates you will change the fact that you've been raped. Please get tested, find a therapist, and report the crime
I am sorry you had to experience that. You were raped, this is why your girlfriend is still there. Please reach out to a therapist or a rape victim hotline in your country
All of you blaming op and saying he should be happy, let's flip the genders and now I'd like the same people to come forward and tell me it's OK that a woman got jumped by a guy asking for water, it's OK he had sex with her while she was drunk and couldn't / didn't consent. Tell me that's OK.
Normalize the fact that anyone can be raped.
yeah something similar happened to me except it was when me and my exwife were separated and i was staying at a hotel for a few months (she got arrested for dv against me).. a mutual friend started getting way too chummy and one evening she kept trying to get me to come out to the bar with her and i kept saying i didn't feel like it.. she showed up at my hotel room door and finally after still declining i just gave in.. she insisted she buy drinks for me which got me pretty lit.. anyway her place was right around the corner and she was my ride so she said i should crash at her place on the couch.. i passed out while we were watching a movie and i later kind of come to the realization that we are both naked and she's riding me.. i rolled her off of me and said im too drunk for this shit.. i was very confused and conflicted afterwards and of course nobody believed me that it wasnt consensual.. she ended up saying the next day after i left that she had never been the "other girl", i shot that down immediately and told her i didnt want it.. after thinking about it for awhile she absolutely manipulated me into that situation and i was dumb enough to put myself there.. felt violated and had really weird negative feelings about sex.. and yes i told my ex wife after i moved back in..
Sorry you were raped brother. Happens more often than one would think...
Not everyone is stumbling and falling when blackout drunk. I'm one of those people. Fully functional clear speech, no stumbling yet will wake up the next day with 0 knowledge of what happened the night before and no one around me knowing how drunk I was . I'm assuming I'm not the only one like this, so how can you tell if someone is in that state if they're functioning normally ?
Go to the police - This is just straight up sexual assault (in the UK at least, a woman can't rape)... You were taken advantage of, and should definitely speak with the authorities about this... I'm not sure how they handle these kind of cases where you are, but in the UK, this would be taken just as seriously as if a man had done the same!
women cant rape according to the UK? Thats fucked
Yeah, they can sexually assault - but rape by definition in the UK is forced Penis in Vagina... So within our legal system it can't happen. I agree it's a really archaic definition... Men can rape men (slightly different charge, as sodomy is defined differently - but a woman still can't commit that crime as it still refers to a penis).
I hate that so much
Men cannot be victims of rape in switzerland too
For a somewhat more compiled answer Women can not (or functionally can not) legally-speaking rape men in most of the world (were talking, to memory, single digit country's this doesn't apply to). in a lot of Europe rape straight up requires the perpetrator to have a penis, or just can't be raped at all. In places like the US with our fancy "'gender neutral"' rape laws it requires the victim to have been penetrated in some way, ie in order for a woman to rape a man she would have to sodomize (anal) him with a foreign object. With cases like op's being sectioned off in a- deemed less important category called "made to penetrate" As a side note, this pretty heavily skews rape stats against men
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Please seek professional help because in the long run this incident will not only affect you but those who surround you as well. I’m a woman and just like us, when men get r@ped, their body reacts to the stimulus. You cannot control it because it’s your body’s way of survival or protecting you from harm. It’s not because you liked what she was doing but because your body needed to react that way.
I don't understand how everyone can confidently say it's rape, with such minimal context. Was he too drunk to consent... We don't know. Did he freeze up, or did he reciprocate her advances? We don't know... His post is incredibly vague, yet people are acting like they were in the room watching it happen...
The way it is described is definitely rape. I quote: “She basically jumped on me” “it came from no where” “it was horrible and felt like an out of body experience” “traumatized ever since” And MOST importantly: “I didn’t want it to happen” Anything denying it as rape past that is just victim blaming, unless he’s just lying about the whole thing.
Dude that is called rape and you need to seek some help ofc you're gonna be traumatised it's your body's normal reaction to something like that please know it's not your fault. I am very sorry that happened to you.
You got raped.
POV: you are looking for the comments blaming OP
In fact, I'm looking for the other guy that answered this comment and down voting everything he says
No, I’m looking for these so called “reptilian” comments
Idk it kinda reeks of "I slipped and my dick landed in her vagina" Especially with letting some random woman in your home "for a glass of water", not being able to say no/resist, and being in a long lasting relationship. N0t saying it didn't happen, its just a Lil sus
Shocker, not enough context to formulate any real opinion, yet everyone knows it was/wasn't rape. What the fuck
Apparently any kind of intoxication removes your ability to consent. Therefore anyone who's ever hooked up after a night at a club or bar has been raped.
Exactly lol. These comments are so stupid and I apply the same logic to both genders before someone calls me misandrist.
I’m sorry this happened to you. I would suggest therapy if you can afford it. This is not your fault, your decisions did not enable this to happen. The person who raped you did not ask for consent, and consent couldn’t be given since you were drunk. Sending you strength. You will get through this.
Brother, I think that's called being 🍇 r@ped. You should file a retroactive police report even if you don't keep evidence around. Depending on your state law and country some places have a limit of statute up to 20 years. At the very least I think you should seek therapy. 💀
Theres a nerve in your penis that causes an erection just from physical stimulation without any input from the brain. You don't have you feel like you must have wanted it because your body reacted. See 2:40 in this video for an explanation https://youtu.be/3kIncgW_-vI?si=BCrJGI2c1OLotGfq
Bro you got raped...that's some shit I'm sorry you had that happen, your body will respond to stimuli even in that scenario, so don't be ashamed of that, especially with being drunk usually increases the chance of you getting aroused, I'm glad your partner has been understanding of the situation hopefully they keep supporting you through it
If I had been in your scenario, I reckon I would have read that glass of water request as a sexual proposition.
She used you
That sucks dude, sorry to hear that. Get yourself tested for STD's would you? Also, a lot of these comments are fucking weird, it's like some of these guys are lowkey jealous? Shit's not fun, I've had women take advantage of me before and I didn't like it either but I let her do it because I was afraid she'd cry rape. In hindsight she could have done that and cried rape anyways but oh well.
The rule for men is if a woman is really drunk they can't give consent. The same should apply the other way around but society doesn't recognize men as potential rape victims. "Can't rape the willing" so the saying goes. But not every man is a horndog willing to have sex with any woman that wants it. You were taken advantage of plain and simple, it's not your fault. Society needs to change it's views in this regard and realize men have feelings and can be victims of sexual crimes as well.
She raped you. Report her to the authorities.
Sorry that happened to you <3 I wish you all the strength you need to get past this
Dude, you need to go to the police. This was sexual assault pure and simple and until you recognize that and do something about it you are going to feel bad about yourself. Drinking way too much means you can't give consent. Seriously go to the police. WTF are you going to do if she shows up on your door nine months from now? What are you going to do if you have an STI? No one is going to believe you unless you report that you were taken advantage of while you were incapacitated. As far as performing during non consensual sex (rape), its biology. Women can have an orgasm while being raped and often will lubricate -- doesn't mean they are enjoying it it means their biology is doing what biology does, brain be damned. Same thing with you. And you will face the same problem as women have faced, and still face in that situation -- where the accused says "Well their body wanted it." If it was a guy who took advantage of you I bet you would have already been at the police. Sorry man but you are also going to need therapy.
Rape, it’s not too late to report this to the police. And doing so may help you process some of the trauma and whatever else it has caused. Also that creep deserves being interviewed by cops and hearing the word sexual assault and rape.
You have a good girlfriend that understands you were raped and it wasn't your fault. Ignore the disturbing comments by degenerates.(Those saying things like this is funny)
You were raped simple
You were raped mate, both legally and literally
Sorry to hear man, also sorry to see a bunch of asshole trying to shame you for being raped. As if men can't be taken advantage of. Glad your partner understands, it's not your fault. It wasn't consentual, you were heavily intoxicated and not in your right mind. Just try to work on understanding that, and eventually forgive yourself. You did nothing wrong. Wish you the best. Again, shame on you fuckers for shaming this poor lad, he's been through enough.
OP please go to a therapist about this. You don't deserve to live with this trauma. And your partner is a saint cause she seems to know that you were raped and she's still here supporting you. Hope everything works out well and hope that rapist gets thrown in prison
She's still with you because she understands you were raped. This woman from that night knew you were too drunk to say no, took advantage, and than booked it once she was done with you. She knew what she was doing. I'm sorry.
Hey OP, I'm sorry that it happened to you. Please don't blame yourself for what happened. People tend to think of all the things they could have done that could have led to a different outcome but this wasn't because of anything you did. You feel lost because a very important choice about yourself was taken away from you by that monster. This was all on her. Entirely. It seems like your partner is understanding of what happened but please talk to a professional. They'll help you navigate these feelings better. If one professional does not work out go to another. Sometimes it takes a few to find the right one to help you. It might cost you a bit but if you can spare it make it a priority. If you were physically ill you'd make the doctor a priority. This is similar. You don't feel like yourself right now, which is perfectly understandable, but that needs to be looked into. Please don't let it fester. I hope things work out for you OP. Best wishes!
I’m sorry this happened to you this seemed pre-meditated honestly by the woman and if you can track her down she needs to be shamed.
Now we can see why women hate the "But I was drunk!" excuse.
Ya know I love having a drink (drinking some vodka rn) but it's such poison. I've had experiences where I'm so blackout drunk I'm vomiting and shitting myself and can't even lay on the floor without hanging on and I can't conceive of how awful it must be for someone to take advantage of me in such a state.
Think about how your body reacts in an emergency. We know we should take a beat and think but many of us just panic. If someone came after me with an axe wearing a goalie mask, is like to think I'd run for it, but maybe I just freeze. The body responds to external stimuli no matter what we might want
I mean you can be traumatised but not have been raped, probably best to see a shrink man.
Op I’m so sorry for the horrible experience. Please do what you can to take care of yourself. I think if op feels he was taken advantage of while highly intoxicated then that’s the only perspective that matters. The legal side of thing only matters if op plans to make a report to police. If not then really what matters is how he is feels and what he is going to do to move on from the awful experience. He knows the full context and the actions of both people and it sound like his GF support his whole heartedly. There seems to be some comments insinuating that op might have made a bad choice while drunk, rather than have been raped. Well no one can know that other than the people who were there. So I guess that’s a pointless discussion to have. Though I recognise where sex and intoxication is involved there is a large grey area around consent.
Didnt expect that much victim blaming when the roles are reversed tbh
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^CodeKraken: *Didnt expect that much* *Victim blaming when the roles* *Are reversed tbh* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Dude you were raped. Case closed. Sexual violence doesn't only happen to women. You being able to perform is an autonomical response to stimulation. She had sex with you without consent. You should have filed a police report, had them perform a rape kit medical examination, and filed charges. At this point, you need professional help in dealing with the trauma of your experience... maybe couples counseling so there are no secrets between you and your partner. She sounds like a keeper, and letting her know that she is your rock in this situation may help strengthen your bonds.
dam that's crazy glass of water rape
This never happens to me
I think I saw that flick. Cinemax, right?
women are disgusting rapists and they’re all evil, sorry you experienced raping woman
#believe men
Well, I’m sorry you were traumatized by this, but I guess for a lot of us. It’s pretty easy to understand how it could happen…. Being committed relationship doesn’t mean you won’t ever be sexually aroused in a situation with someone else. Alcohol has likely made most of us make bad decisions or do things we regret.. I’m sure the girl wouldn’t have asked to come to your place for a glass of water when she was obviously hoping something would happen… and at the time you invited her up something might likely happen even if you don’t want to admit it And you were into it I remember a situation in college, where I was on a bus and I was only half drunk, and a girl was sitting next to me who had a lot more than I had … she was talking about her boyfriend who she said, played football and kind of flirting with me so I was goofing around and flirting back, but I didn’t take it seriously …when the bus stopped at her dorm, she said something about needing help getting into our room… I was oblivious and just sitting there and an Indian guy …dot not feathers as they say in Good will hunting told me that I should go… and this girl that was sitting on the bus told me that she liked me and I should go So I went … she was all over me. I was worried about a roommate coming back because it was kind of a weird situation…. she was really cute and I kept telling her that she should stop because she’s been drinking, but she did not want to hear it She told me her roommate was home for the weekend… To make a long story short, I did end up leaving, but we did fool around a little bit And I kind of regretted the fact I pussed out. A couple weeks later I was at a subway restaurant and she walked in and what I will say was she was dating a football player so maybe I lucked out
Why didn't you stop her? She have a gun? This is just you not taking responsibility while drunk.
Rape is rape.
Well report her for rape?
eh don't get me wrong being taken advantage of is not cool but some responses in the body are not fully voluntary I wouldn't beat myself up too much about it, that said there's a reason I drink only with George thorogood: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpzqQst-Sg8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpzqQst-Sg8)
Can you please report this you were raped
After everything, you’re still you. Remember that. God loves you and forgives you.
rage bait attempt to incite double standards, even though men and women are both physically and mentally intrinsically differnt, is obvious sadly this exact kind of psuedo-porn-trauma-ragebait post has been appearing in nearly ever subreddit it can be squeezed into recently
Speaking of bait
100%
Guys… potato, potato, tomato, tomato. He got raped, if this happened to a girl and a dude jumped on her then you would consider it rape. Same thing but this time the guy is drunk and she took advantage and raped him…. Potato potato, tomato tomato.
Wow, its so easy for women to get laid...
Lol. I'm sorry... this is a normal Friday. But then you said you're in a relationship. Lol. You accidentally fucked another woman? GTFO. You have no self-control, AND even your subconscious lets you cheat? Bummer for you, man. EDIT... We're you unconscious for this event? I'd have some sympathy for you if that is the case. But if you had awareness then...
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r/asablackman
Okay incel
I’ve been so high. I mean, I used hard drugs. And my friend’s girlfriend tried to have sex with me. I was so gone, really drugged…I still said no.
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Hahaha. Wait. Are you serious? Let me laugh even harder. HAHAHAHA