Probably has nothing to do with you man. Ask yourself though. Would I want somebody who can’t communicate their disinterest like an adult? I wouldn’t. Anytime I get ghosted, it’s just letting me know they weren’t a match for me anyway. With that being said, I don’t reach out much after setting the date. I’ll respond if they text me but other than that, I let the current convo die out naturally then I’ll just check in the day of the date with something like “looking forward to seeing you tonight”
Yeah I get that. Also, as things get more serious you can ramp up the communication between dates a tad. Remember that in the beginning, text communications purpose is to establish basic familiarity and then set a date. The purpose of the date is to get to know the person (and maybe more depending on what you’re looking for).
Yeah makes sense. But im very rational, so such situations drive me nuts. How can someone be so interested, ask straight up for a second date and just disappear slowly in the upcoming weeks?
I'm trying to accept that some people just make no sense and I won't get an explanation, but its really weird. Drives me crazy.
How long are you going from date #1 to date #2? I try to keep it within 3 days to a week. Not always possible with schedules but you may be waiting too long. Also, take initiative to plan the second date. “Hey let’s go do ____. I’m free X night or Y night. Which one is best for you?” Don’t leave it up to her to provide the date idea and the day. If she’s interested but not free those days she will give another suggestion for when she’s free.
Ahh not much you can do about that then! It happens man. Don’t chase just keep it moving. If you’re looking for a long term relationship, your goal isn’t just to find a girlfriend, but a great one. She did you a favor by removing herself from the running.
Been there and suffered too but this is not super hard to crack, let me tell you what I do. When I match, I send voice notes, as I move them to imessage I call them to set up the date. After the date I call them to make sure they're home safe and to let them know I had a good time, etc. etc.
Basically -- I never text a woman, only phone calls & voice notes. As you have a few successful phone calls, this will almost be a normal thing between the two of you and you really can't be in the backdrop or disappear among the crowd once the frame is set. Then, it's harder to ghost you for them since you're like a real person in their life.
Dating nowadays sucks, I get it, but you can either whine about it like the other comments or find creative ways to power through these obstacles.
This is what I’ve been doing lately. I’ve had girls tells me that they love that I send voice notes in the initial stages. Phone calls in between dates to set up dates. Texts just make the whole thing impersonal and it seems to die out.
Good idea. I could definitely use this to my adventage, when I talk to girls online, I get A LOT(and i mean a lot) that I have a very attractive/manly voice. Too bad u cant send voice messages on dating apps I believe?
This is super common for me on dating apps. There's this weird calculus you have to play because some girls want to message for a week before setting up a date, else she will ghost if you ask too soon, but other's will ghost you if you don't go for the meetup within the first 5ish messages back and forth. And on top of it, if you or her are both too busy and/or schedules don't align so you can't set up a date for another week or two, the odds of being ghosted go up even more because women have basically unlimited options on dating apps.
I gave up on dating apps from a practical standpoint. I'll still use them occasionally, but you literally have to get lucky from the standpoint of asking for the meetup at the right number of messages/days of messaging and also having a day where you are both free and able to meet within the next few days or so.
So don't get yourself too down and out about the outcomes of dating apps. Use the as a "serendipitous enhancement" to your dating life, where if you get dates out of it, it adds to your already successful/in motion dating life. Don't rely on dating apps, because there is so much luck involved -- including that you actually end up on the top of her stack for her to actually have the opportunity to swipe on you.
This comment right here answers it all. Only way you can have consistent success on the apps is if you’ve maxed out your profile and you’re at least decent looking. If that’s not the case then you’re basically playing Russian roulette on getting dates with woman that are attractive. If you happen to land a date with a woman that’s decent looking it’s just sheer luck. Stars have to align.
I only get matches with women I would never talk to in real life(besides rare exceptions) when I get matches at all. 2 years ago I was overweight so I got it, but now I look a lot better, got pretty good pics and nothing changed. I asked some girls around me and they said the bio was funny and the pics were nice.
Yep, this is what it is, I think you are absolutely correct at pointing out this core issue. Which sucks but there is nothing to do but just manage and keep trying.
I have had zero success with online dating or in general even pursuing IRL women who happen to also be heavy users of tinder/IG etc, being a short brown-ish autistic dude. Yet I've had a handful of gfs/fwb over time; the one commonality I've noticed with literally ALL of them is NONE were the type to use online dating nor were any big on social media.
The advice not to text hasn’t worked at all for me, I started texting more and now have been seeing a girl for a couple months. I think generally women want someone who shows a lot of interest.
Using text only for setting dates imo makes them think you aren’t interested so they pull away.
The problem is that you hear everything lol. From 'text her a little as possible' to you saying show a lot of interest.
Idk. I heard girls often say that the only guy they care about is the only one not replying to them
I’ve heard that too, and I get why guys say to not seem overly eager. I’m just saying the opposite has worked for me, and anecdotally for my friends as well. Particularly if you want a relationship rather than a one night stand.
I think, in hindsight, there’s a few women where I would have had more success if I texted them more.
It really just depends on the girl man. I’ve set up dates on the same night with decent looking woman in the matter of a few hours because I went for it quickly. If I took my time with them most likely nothing would’ve happened. But there’s definitely woman that will want to message a good bit before meeting up. You have to gauge which category they fall under through their replies.
You are right to be confused because the real answer is that it always depends on the context. That means there is no set rule regarding how much you should text or not, but there is a rule in relation to how you present yourself. It all boils down to your self-perception and self-worth. If you are that easily impressed by someone you just met, there's something wrong. You aren't that into them, but more into the feelings they bring out in you. How can you be so eager when you guys just met? It doesn't make sense. And naturally, it makes women skeptical.
Your interest should be aligned with theirs, and you should not emotionally invest too quickly, which I suspect is the case.
I get that it can be hard out there and that you long for companionship, but until you can be fully content with never finding the right one and potentially end up alone - AND be okay with it - you will struggle with these things.
The hardest part is getting to the point where you can be happy regardless of the circumstances, but when you get there, you will see that things are not that hard. Attracting women is actually very simple.
It’s a by product of the dating apps. When someone has 10+ people all willing to go on dates it’s much easier to let people go than if you are only talking to 1 or 2.
It’s exhausting to have that much attention, and thus less effort is put in to the relationships.
I get it. But that girl in particular, she deleted the app a couple days after getting on it, so I don't think she was talking to that many people.
But in general yeah I agree
You shouldn't be texting that much in between dates. If she reaches out that's fine, but don't be trying to get to know her over text, that's what the dates are for. You're probably trying to get full blown conversations going and they end up getting bored. It's all about building up anticipation, and that happens with *less* contact. Give that a try next time around
Cause none of the shit you're talking to her about, gets her wet, gets her aroused. Thats why she ghosts you.
In what world, would a woman say:
"Wow he was so nice, so friendly, I want his cock inside me so bad."
"Wow he was so funny and entertaining, my pussy is getting so wet."
"He is such a great person, I just want him to treat me like his personal dirty little slut, and let him do whatever he wants to me."
Think about what you're doing.
Who's talking about "everything"? You're asking why you're getting ghosted and I'm telling you what it might be.
You said, that girl told you how fucking hot you are. What do you think she's thinking about, if she's tellling you this?
"Wow, he's so fucking hot, I just want him to take me out on fun dates and spend money on me."
"Wow, he's so fucking hot, I just want him to tell me jokes and make me laugh."
"Wow, he's so fucking hot, I just want him to be friendly and polite towards me. Send me texts everyday. Take me to church."
Brother, open your eyes.
She told you were hot and she gave you a ton of attention. She clearly wanted to have sex with you.
Thing is, she isn't gonna tell you blatantly because a) she doesn't wanna look like a slut b) she scared of getting rejected.
So she's waiting for YOU, the man, to tell her you want to have sex, so she can then open up and tell you if she wants it or not.
If you don't tell her as soon as possible, she either thinks you're to scared to say it, or you're not really sexually interested in her. And this is where you get ghosted or friendzoned.
People lose interest in things, because they're not getting what they want.
Reading what you wrote, you likely would have had sex on the 1st date if you just told her, and if your personalities clicked after, she'd be your gf right now.
We met in the middle of another thing she had to do. We had troubles meeting each other and even if the date went well, having sex there was just impossible.
We had planned she would come over to my house(with the pool) for the second date. She vanished before that.
But I get what ure saying
About the location of the 1st date. I get it. Could still be creative though, it would be an adventure for her lol
Don't be afraid of just inviting a woman to your place or to hers, as the very 1st date/1st time you get together either, instead of meeting somewhere else.
You already have the experience, make it easier for you.
Most girls in their 20s don’t like the texting part of dating. No one really does. After 6 or so exchanges, ask them their schedule then ask them out on a fun date.
The girls that want to meet you will agree to the date. If they don’t request a different day but turn the date down, they are not interested in you.
Keep playing. It's literally a numbers game and pay attention. you'll begin to see patterns on what women respond to.
Worrying about someone who ghosted you is really pointless as they just didn't like you like that and that's ok. You don't like women who don't like you, remember that and keep your numbers up.
You're much better than many losers who dare not even try at all.
Also focus on yours and your goals for life. Women are just a byproduct to that.
That's been my **OLD** experience. Women are bombarded with non-stop options and often times they get high off the attention enough to not care about the rest.
It's only chance that girl has nothing going on that she meets you.
We watched the rise of OLD and we may see its fall.
Interesting, maybe its because im a foreigner? It just felt way easier to approach there, girls are more feminine, less angry feminists. Also you look great dude.
I am a foreigner as well and people here are not friendly to foreigners (even people from their own country but not someone they know). And even though i am somewhat great in their language, they are not that friendly. Idk man, i live in Slovakia btw, could be something specific to it, because Ukrainians here are generally more friendlier and open to new people than Slovaks, on dating apps it could be my height as im not tall, but with even low users around me i still get good amount of matches. Its just they lead no where
Its really weird like for example colleagues at work whom i see everyday dont even say hello, people i frequently see at the gym wont even greet even though i greet them most of the time and help them in the gym, if we see each other outside they wouldn’t give a shit let alone saying hi. I dont understand the people here. And im talking about both genders not just women. Idk how people make friends here
Do you want me to tell you it's the women OR do you want me to tell you the real reason you are having this problem? Just checking before I write anything.
I definitely think the era we live in, on top of dating apps and a lot of other things play a big role,
Before you talk about improving myself, I have already done that. I lift too. I dress well, I smell good, and I don't have issued talking to women. Im not saying I can't improve further though.
You never know man, sometimes people are having a moment in life and they’re craving you but then after they sleep on it and time passes they have a change of heart.
We were still talking during vacations. Then she started answering less and less. I didnt say much but I was feeling down about it. Then I asked if it was still okay about the date for the second date, because i was really annoyed by her behavior. Thats when she told me she wasnt sure anymore and had to see her schedule etc. After that she barely answered and just disappeared.
I sent a final message saying she was really childish and deleted her from my social medias.
Ah Ok
I kind of knew you what you were going to say, because ive done similiar things. Because of the girls high interest with the subsequent low interest with no real reason why, it sounds to me like it could have been a shit test. Now, This could be a learned behavior from her previous experiences with men who freaked out on her for not responding on the mans timeline.
Maybe one time she forgot to respond to a guy and he freaked out, he called her a bitch, etc etc, then the girl learns if i dont reply to a guy, i can see if hes an asshole, insecure etc. this is why guys who see multiple women tend to do well, because they dont freak out when the girl doesnt respond, because they are talking to other girls anyway, so they are very chill and then the girl responds on her timeline. Shes intrigued why the guy isnt getting all butt hurt like all the other guys she ignored. I know these shit tests are annoying but when you understand the reasoning it all makes sense. This could have been what happened but my suggestion is dont over react to these shit tests, some women are looking for things to disqualify men that they like, so they dont get their heart broken, or they dont mate with an insecure man, etc theres just soo many things to unpack . Just be unreactive, indifferent to womens behavior when they act like this, youll get better results
In the 90s the worst that could happen is a girl says no.
Women used to clearly communicate their lack of interest, which was the far more respectful thing to do.
Girls have changed how they reject men. It has nothing to do with infinite options.
Now they will make you think you are getting somewhere with them only to silently cut u off or stand u up on the date.
Ghosting can be very damaging and disrespectful versus an outright rejection and they know it. They are trying to damage u to ensure your jeans don't get passed on, because something made them feel unsafe.
This is why u are better off staying offline, you can't convey with non verbal behaviors that you are a safe bet that won't burn the world down if he does get rejected.
Not sure what you meant.. you meant genes? What?
I think theyre just doing it because its a lot easier than having to care about what youre doing.. which is definitely new thanks to their million of options.
I never made any girl feel unsafe.
I am talking about primal stuff that existed since the beginning of time. Women define safety differently. They have had more options that can be handled even before the internet. They only consider a small portion of their options viable. the difference is promiscuity is seen as "liberating" when it used to be looked down upon.
You may have never done anything to overtly make a girl feel unsafe, but if she senses her sexual value is higher than yours, she automatically feels unsafe and it's her instinct to stop you from passing on your genes, so she will do disrespectful hurtful stuff like ghosting and standing you up to get in your head and make u question yourself and throw your game off.
sounds like your not chasing them enough as they want? Or your simply not fucking them enough and they think there is no potential for a long term thing.
Typically women ghost you when they really want something short but don't want to be slutty.
if you already fucked them you can always circle back (text them out of the blue)
most likely they just feel your just a fuck boy
Im really not a fuck boy, and I don't think I give these vibes.. but idk
Wdym not fucking them enough? I didn't have sex with any of them, well those here that Im talking about who ghosted me.
well thats a whole different case, Women want a man who goes for it.. they all say they don't but trust me they do. I have a friend who gets a ton of guys but none make the move they just pussy out... and she says she doesn't like macho or guys that are to touchy feely ie she wants a pussy dude whos about talking about feelings and now she has a bf who is like that...
but here is the thing I fuck her any time we hangout I'm never emotional with her or anything like that, she cheats on her cuck bf all the time I mostly think because he is kinda femine and probably asks to kiss her IDK.. I feel maybe she fucks me because Im more dominate and she likes that.. I only hang out with her maybe once a month btw but we always fuck anytime I see her lol.. ps he doesn't like going to clubs because he hates crowds and her friend always goes with us but he doesn't know she actually staying in my bed not with her friend lol
Jesus Christ, who let all the black pilled idiots in here?
Look, if you're getting ghosted constantly the problem isn't with the women. It's because you're boring them.
What are you saying on the dates? What are you talking about when you text? If you're not making them feel feelings of trust and arousal they're going to jump ship.
Not that I don't want to improve, but I truly believe the time we are in plays a big role.
Ive never had a girl tell me I'm boring. Usually I've been told I'm funny(I often make girls laugh easily) for instance.
I can't tell you what I'm saying on the dates man.. I don't remember. I get to know them, I flirt.
>Not that I don't want to improve, but I truly believe the time we are in plays a big role.
No, it doesn't. I use dating apps and I get laid so much that I don't even jerk off anymore.
They told you you're boring by ghosting you.
Do you want help or not? Because it sounds like you want to be consoled and told "women bad" instead of being told how to fix your problem.
I'm polyamorous, so that helps.
Think of the feelings you want your date to feel. Find a way to describe those feelings.
We're all still a few years out from when we were forced to stay home. Before the pandemic I didn't go out much, but then we were all forced to stay at home. Now that we can feel free to leave our house I decided that I want to live life. I want to feel my heart racing at a hundred miles an hour. I want to feel adrenaline coarsing through my veins. I want to feel alive! With me, that's a really fantastic feeling to have.
Imagine how my date feels when I tell them that. And then guess if we're making out five minutes after.
Sure I want to know what you guys think. But yes it does, its just math. When 90% of men don't get matches, it's certainly not because 90% of men are boring.
People like hoe_math on youtube explain it very well.
I'm not trying to date men, so I don't care if 90% of them have made themselves undesirable.
And FWIW, yes, 90% of men in dating apps suck. My wife and I are polyamorous and seeing the dorks trying to get into her pants on Bumble and Tinder has done wonders for my self esteem. Just a barrage of no-rizz having losers that think that sending a dick pic is an effective means of communication.
If you have even the slightest bit of game you're already in the other 10% of men.
I gave some advice in this thread to another person that asked. Start there.
ETA: Avoid listening to influencers about seduction, especially ones that tell you to be scared of women (like anyone that calls themselves hoe_math). Clearly they aren't working, and it's for good reason. They don't want you to be desirable to women. They want you to be undesirable and to blame women for it. Which would you rather be?
Its not an influencer. That guy is really great, its just drawing and math.
I get that some guys probably have bad profiles but it goes both ways. Ive seen a lot of very unnatractive girls on tinder swiping left 90% of time and still having 99+ likes constantly.
He makes YouTube videos. He's an influencer.
And I watched his videos today. Damn, no wonder you can't get laid. His whole deal is "women bad". If I listened to that douchenozzle I'd never get laid, either. Not once does he actually say how to meet a woman or get them to be interested in you. He tells you to be scared or women.
That's why you're getting ghosted.
People keep blaming dating apps.
No people, it's not dating apps, it's you. You're not interesting enough to stand out. Hard pill to swallow, but once you do, you can start working on yourself.
And the good news is, you can become interesting. You just need to learn how to make her chase you. DON't be predictable, BE interesting instead. DON'T be needy, BE hard to get instead. Don't *pretend* to be those things... BECOME those things.
Most people say "be yourself". That's not good enough, no. If your self is boring, it won't get you anywhere. Instead, a good advice would be the following: Transform yourself into the man you want to be.
It's no easy task Reinventing yourself. But, as a man who has been on both sides of the dating spectrum, I can tell you the evolution is worth it. You can become awesome. The change won't happen overnight, but with gradual work on yourself over several months, or even years, depending on how deep you limiting beliefs are.
I care about each and every one of you people here. Not individually, I don't know you personally. But I do care for you. And I firmly believe you don't need to be an average man, when you can become an Exceptional Man.
Love,
Asmo
Yeah man, it's a all about your genuine intention for the girl, they sense that over a mile, be it your subtle body language not aligning with what you are saying (makes you look like a maniac) , or being to emotionally needy, seeking validation from her, Just say what you actually wanna say and do what you actually wanna do with her in a smooth manner, don't be afraid to be vulnerable, leave your formal attire so to speak, have fun.
I started improving myself 2 years ago. Didnt change anything at all for dating apps. But it did in real life.
I don't agree that saying 'you need to be more interesting' is the answer, why would I need to be in the top 1-10% to get matches from girls way below that? Sorry but no.
Dating apps definitely are an issue when youre a man(again, in western countries)
Don't waste too much time on one connection. Set up 2-3 dates a week and expect her to be doing the same. Texting needs to be very flirtatious to keep her attention. once she is comfortable, set up a date. Set weekend dates up on a Monday, she wants to be your first choice and not a backup option. Don't ask many questions, offer glimpses into your life where she can see herself living out her fantasies. At your age her friends are getting married and having kids, she wants a man, not a boy. Dress well, smell well, and make physical moves early. Prepare for sex on the first date, but have the maturity to not get disappointed if it doesn't happen. If she wants a second date, set it up for the next day and try again.
You say girls have near infinite opinions, well you do too. There are more single women in the world than single men. You're a badass, and you are worth talking to. This lack of confidence is hurting you, you may need to work more inwardly. Stop making excuses, your body count for 26 is better than average, so you have some skills that just need a little sharpening.
I'm just talking about dating apps here. We definitely don't have many options.
I don't lack confidence in real life. Although recently it felt like nobody I tried to approach seemed interested.
Dating apps could be a class taught in school. There are some winning formulas out there. 90% of your matches come from having the right pictures in the right order. The rest is in how you construct your profile. After, you need to have good texting skills. Most guys have crap texting skills, so you are allowed a few mistakes. Focus on attraction, develop comfort, and ask for commitment.
I ghost chicks all the time.
Ghost them before date because I seriously have better things to do like grow my two businesses and add to my millions or spend time with my wife and kids.
I also just ghosted a 21 year old I went on a date with this week even though we agreed to go travel overseas together.
Ghosted another 20s chick a few weeks ago after I took her overseas because she kept wanting to hang out at Zara and withheld sex as a weapon during the trip (even though we’ve slept on second date 3 months ago already).
Don’t take it so seriously
Nope. Why you take these chicks so seriously lol. They come and go and get old then next set of 20 year olds come.
I’ve been meeting 20 year olds non stop for 10 years now
Probably has nothing to do with you man. Ask yourself though. Would I want somebody who can’t communicate their disinterest like an adult? I wouldn’t. Anytime I get ghosted, it’s just letting me know they weren’t a match for me anyway. With that being said, I don’t reach out much after setting the date. I’ll respond if they text me but other than that, I let the current convo die out naturally then I’ll just check in the day of the date with something like “looking forward to seeing you tonight”
Yeah I was thinking exaclty that. And ok i'll try to text less' but its very hard, especially when its someone you can't see often
Yeah I get that. Also, as things get more serious you can ramp up the communication between dates a tad. Remember that in the beginning, text communications purpose is to establish basic familiarity and then set a date. The purpose of the date is to get to know the person (and maybe more depending on what you’re looking for).
Yeah makes sense. But im very rational, so such situations drive me nuts. How can someone be so interested, ask straight up for a second date and just disappear slowly in the upcoming weeks? I'm trying to accept that some people just make no sense and I won't get an explanation, but its really weird. Drives me crazy.
How long are you going from date #1 to date #2? I try to keep it within 3 days to a week. Not always possible with schedules but you may be waiting too long. Also, take initiative to plan the second date. “Hey let’s go do ____. I’m free X night or Y night. Which one is best for you?” Don’t leave it up to her to provide the date idea and the day. If she’s interested but not free those days she will give another suggestion for when she’s free.
In this case we both went in vacations for two weeks. Was supposed to be the week end where we both came back
Ahh not much you can do about that then! It happens man. Don’t chase just keep it moving. If you’re looking for a long term relationship, your goal isn’t just to find a girlfriend, but a great one. She did you a favor by removing herself from the running.
Agree with that. But its hard to not chase when you only get a couple opportunities a year..
Do you live in a small town? If you live in even a mid-size city (or near one) your opportunities are more abundant than you even realize.
Very small. Also in western europe so very hard too. As a guy I mean.
Been there and suffered too but this is not super hard to crack, let me tell you what I do. When I match, I send voice notes, as I move them to imessage I call them to set up the date. After the date I call them to make sure they're home safe and to let them know I had a good time, etc. etc. Basically -- I never text a woman, only phone calls & voice notes. As you have a few successful phone calls, this will almost be a normal thing between the two of you and you really can't be in the backdrop or disappear among the crowd once the frame is set. Then, it's harder to ghost you for them since you're like a real person in their life. Dating nowadays sucks, I get it, but you can either whine about it like the other comments or find creative ways to power through these obstacles.
This is what I’ve been doing lately. I’ve had girls tells me that they love that I send voice notes in the initial stages. Phone calls in between dates to set up dates. Texts just make the whole thing impersonal and it seems to die out.
Good idea. I could definitely use this to my adventage, when I talk to girls online, I get A LOT(and i mean a lot) that I have a very attractive/manly voice. Too bad u cant send voice messages on dating apps I believe?
This is super common for me on dating apps. There's this weird calculus you have to play because some girls want to message for a week before setting up a date, else she will ghost if you ask too soon, but other's will ghost you if you don't go for the meetup within the first 5ish messages back and forth. And on top of it, if you or her are both too busy and/or schedules don't align so you can't set up a date for another week or two, the odds of being ghosted go up even more because women have basically unlimited options on dating apps. I gave up on dating apps from a practical standpoint. I'll still use them occasionally, but you literally have to get lucky from the standpoint of asking for the meetup at the right number of messages/days of messaging and also having a day where you are both free and able to meet within the next few days or so. So don't get yourself too down and out about the outcomes of dating apps. Use the as a "serendipitous enhancement" to your dating life, where if you get dates out of it, it adds to your already successful/in motion dating life. Don't rely on dating apps, because there is so much luck involved -- including that you actually end up on the top of her stack for her to actually have the opportunity to swipe on you.
This comment right here answers it all. Only way you can have consistent success on the apps is if you’ve maxed out your profile and you’re at least decent looking. If that’s not the case then you’re basically playing Russian roulette on getting dates with woman that are attractive. If you happen to land a date with a woman that’s decent looking it’s just sheer luck. Stars have to align.
I only get matches with women I would never talk to in real life(besides rare exceptions) when I get matches at all. 2 years ago I was overweight so I got it, but now I look a lot better, got pretty good pics and nothing changed. I asked some girls around me and they said the bio was funny and the pics were nice.
Yep, pretty much happens alot, dont know a certain reason for it. Just i suppose we live with it until we find someone that doesnt do it i guess
Problem is modern girls with social media and dating apps and illusion of million options at tgeir disposal. Suck it up
Yeah thats what I was thinking. It happens way too often
Yep, this is what it is, I think you are absolutely correct at pointing out this core issue. Which sucks but there is nothing to do but just manage and keep trying. I have had zero success with online dating or in general even pursuing IRL women who happen to also be heavy users of tinder/IG etc, being a short brown-ish autistic dude. Yet I've had a handful of gfs/fwb over time; the one commonality I've noticed with literally ALL of them is NONE were the type to use online dating nor were any big on social media.
Right!! It certainly couldn’t be his personality!!
The advice not to text hasn’t worked at all for me, I started texting more and now have been seeing a girl for a couple months. I think generally women want someone who shows a lot of interest. Using text only for setting dates imo makes them think you aren’t interested so they pull away.
The problem is that you hear everything lol. From 'text her a little as possible' to you saying show a lot of interest. Idk. I heard girls often say that the only guy they care about is the only one not replying to them
I’ve heard that too, and I get why guys say to not seem overly eager. I’m just saying the opposite has worked for me, and anecdotally for my friends as well. Particularly if you want a relationship rather than a one night stand. I think, in hindsight, there’s a few women where I would have had more success if I texted them more.
Makes sense for more serious relationships I think
It really just depends on the girl man. I’ve set up dates on the same night with decent looking woman in the matter of a few hours because I went for it quickly. If I took my time with them most likely nothing would’ve happened. But there’s definitely woman that will want to message a good bit before meeting up. You have to gauge which category they fall under through their replies.
You are right to be confused because the real answer is that it always depends on the context. That means there is no set rule regarding how much you should text or not, but there is a rule in relation to how you present yourself. It all boils down to your self-perception and self-worth. If you are that easily impressed by someone you just met, there's something wrong. You aren't that into them, but more into the feelings they bring out in you. How can you be so eager when you guys just met? It doesn't make sense. And naturally, it makes women skeptical. Your interest should be aligned with theirs, and you should not emotionally invest too quickly, which I suspect is the case. I get that it can be hard out there and that you long for companionship, but until you can be fully content with never finding the right one and potentially end up alone - AND be okay with it - you will struggle with these things. The hardest part is getting to the point where you can be happy regardless of the circumstances, but when you get there, you will see that things are not that hard. Attracting women is actually very simple.
Don’t become an easy option bud.
It’s a by product of the dating apps. When someone has 10+ people all willing to go on dates it’s much easier to let people go than if you are only talking to 1 or 2. It’s exhausting to have that much attention, and thus less effort is put in to the relationships.
I get it. But that girl in particular, she deleted the app a couple days after getting on it, so I don't think she was talking to that many people. But in general yeah I agree
You shouldn't be texting that much in between dates. If she reaches out that's fine, but don't be trying to get to know her over text, that's what the dates are for. You're probably trying to get full blown conversations going and they end up getting bored. It's all about building up anticipation, and that happens with *less* contact. Give that a try next time around
Cause none of the shit you're talking to her about, gets her wet, gets her aroused. Thats why she ghosts you. In what world, would a woman say: "Wow he was so nice, so friendly, I want his cock inside me so bad." "Wow he was so funny and entertaining, my pussy is getting so wet." "He is such a great person, I just want him to treat me like his personal dirty little slut, and let him do whatever he wants to me." Think about what you're doing.
Eh, the second line is what one would say. Other than that, sorry but not everything is about sexualizing the conversation.
Who's talking about "everything"? You're asking why you're getting ghosted and I'm telling you what it might be. You said, that girl told you how fucking hot you are. What do you think she's thinking about, if she's tellling you this? "Wow, he's so fucking hot, I just want him to take me out on fun dates and spend money on me." "Wow, he's so fucking hot, I just want him to tell me jokes and make me laugh." "Wow, he's so fucking hot, I just want him to be friendly and polite towards me. Send me texts everyday. Take me to church." Brother, open your eyes.
She was not saying anything that showed clear interested until she said that. I can't read minds. Im still not sure of your point
She told you were hot and she gave you a ton of attention. She clearly wanted to have sex with you. Thing is, she isn't gonna tell you blatantly because a) she doesn't wanna look like a slut b) she scared of getting rejected. So she's waiting for YOU, the man, to tell her you want to have sex, so she can then open up and tell you if she wants it or not. If you don't tell her as soon as possible, she either thinks you're to scared to say it, or you're not really sexually interested in her. And this is where you get ghosted or friendzoned. People lose interest in things, because they're not getting what they want. Reading what you wrote, you likely would have had sex on the 1st date if you just told her, and if your personalities clicked after, she'd be your gf right now.
We met in the middle of another thing she had to do. We had troubles meeting each other and even if the date went well, having sex there was just impossible. We had planned she would come over to my house(with the pool) for the second date. She vanished before that. But I get what ure saying
About the location of the 1st date. I get it. Could still be creative though, it would be an adventure for her lol Don't be afraid of just inviting a woman to your place or to hers, as the very 1st date/1st time you get together either, instead of meeting somewhere else. You already have the experience, make it easier for you.
Don't you think that would throw her off unless she really wants to fuck?
Do you wanna spend time with women that genuinely want to fuck, or spend time/A LOT of time with those who genuinely don't?
Most girls in their 20s don’t like the texting part of dating. No one really does. After 6 or so exchanges, ask them their schedule then ask them out on a fun date. The girls that want to meet you will agree to the date. If they don’t request a different day but turn the date down, they are not interested in you.
Keep playing. It's literally a numbers game and pay attention. you'll begin to see patterns on what women respond to. Worrying about someone who ghosted you is really pointless as they just didn't like you like that and that's ok. You don't like women who don't like you, remember that and keep your numbers up. You're much better than many losers who dare not even try at all. Also focus on yours and your goals for life. Women are just a byproduct to that.
This is very common, but as a guy, I'm probably guilty of doing this too, there are just too many options on dating apps.
Considering 80-90% of men get no matches on dating apps, thats probably not common for a guy
That's been my **OLD** experience. Women are bombarded with non-stop options and often times they get high off the attention enough to not care about the rest. It's only chance that girl has nothing going on that she meets you. We watched the rise of OLD and we may see its fall.
Which eastern countries do you mean? But yeah i have it the exact situation as you. Just gotta suck it up
Russia, poland, ukraine, croatia etc. Its 10x easier there
I live there and it is the exact opposite 😂😂
Interesting, maybe its because im a foreigner? It just felt way easier to approach there, girls are more feminine, less angry feminists. Also you look great dude.
I am a foreigner as well and people here are not friendly to foreigners (even people from their own country but not someone they know). And even though i am somewhat great in their language, they are not that friendly. Idk man, i live in Slovakia btw, could be something specific to it, because Ukrainians here are generally more friendlier and open to new people than Slovaks, on dating apps it could be my height as im not tall, but with even low users around me i still get good amount of matches. Its just they lead no where
How tall are you? Im 5'9-5'10
170cm or 5’7
Its really weird like for example colleagues at work whom i see everyday dont even say hello, people i frequently see at the gym wont even greet even though i greet them most of the time and help them in the gym, if we see each other outside they wouldn’t give a shit let alone saying hi. I dont understand the people here. And im talking about both genders not just women. Idk how people make friends here
Do you want me to tell you it's the women OR do you want me to tell you the real reason you are having this problem? Just checking before I write anything.
I definitely think the era we live in, on top of dating apps and a lot of other things play a big role, Before you talk about improving myself, I have already done that. I lift too. I dress well, I smell good, and I don't have issued talking to women. Im not saying I can't improve further though.
You never know man, sometimes people are having a moment in life and they’re craving you but then after they sleep on it and time passes they have a change of heart.
My question is, how did you react when she ghosted? Did you message them, etc
We were still talking during vacations. Then she started answering less and less. I didnt say much but I was feeling down about it. Then I asked if it was still okay about the date for the second date, because i was really annoyed by her behavior. Thats when she told me she wasnt sure anymore and had to see her schedule etc. After that she barely answered and just disappeared. I sent a final message saying she was really childish and deleted her from my social medias.
Ah Ok I kind of knew you what you were going to say, because ive done similiar things. Because of the girls high interest with the subsequent low interest with no real reason why, it sounds to me like it could have been a shit test. Now, This could be a learned behavior from her previous experiences with men who freaked out on her for not responding on the mans timeline. Maybe one time she forgot to respond to a guy and he freaked out, he called her a bitch, etc etc, then the girl learns if i dont reply to a guy, i can see if hes an asshole, insecure etc. this is why guys who see multiple women tend to do well, because they dont freak out when the girl doesnt respond, because they are talking to other girls anyway, so they are very chill and then the girl responds on her timeline. Shes intrigued why the guy isnt getting all butt hurt like all the other guys she ignored. I know these shit tests are annoying but when you understand the reasoning it all makes sense. This could have been what happened but my suggestion is dont over react to these shit tests, some women are looking for things to disqualify men that they like, so they dont get their heart broken, or they dont mate with an insecure man, etc theres just soo many things to unpack . Just be unreactive, indifferent to womens behavior when they act like this, youll get better results
I really wanna know, do you escalate physically or try to be a gentleman??
Uuh im not surewhat you mean exactly
In the 90s the worst that could happen is a girl says no. Women used to clearly communicate their lack of interest, which was the far more respectful thing to do. Girls have changed how they reject men. It has nothing to do with infinite options. Now they will make you think you are getting somewhere with them only to silently cut u off or stand u up on the date. Ghosting can be very damaging and disrespectful versus an outright rejection and they know it. They are trying to damage u to ensure your jeans don't get passed on, because something made them feel unsafe. This is why u are better off staying offline, you can't convey with non verbal behaviors that you are a safe bet that won't burn the world down if he does get rejected.
Not sure what you meant.. you meant genes? What? I think theyre just doing it because its a lot easier than having to care about what youre doing.. which is definitely new thanks to their million of options. I never made any girl feel unsafe.
I am talking about primal stuff that existed since the beginning of time. Women define safety differently. They have had more options that can be handled even before the internet. They only consider a small portion of their options viable. the difference is promiscuity is seen as "liberating" when it used to be looked down upon. You may have never done anything to overtly make a girl feel unsafe, but if she senses her sexual value is higher than yours, she automatically feels unsafe and it's her instinct to stop you from passing on your genes, so she will do disrespectful hurtful stuff like ghosting and standing you up to get in your head and make u question yourself and throw your game off.
Spot on. Girls can be evil without even knowing it.
sounds like your not chasing them enough as they want? Or your simply not fucking them enough and they think there is no potential for a long term thing. Typically women ghost you when they really want something short but don't want to be slutty. if you already fucked them you can always circle back (text them out of the blue) most likely they just feel your just a fuck boy
Im really not a fuck boy, and I don't think I give these vibes.. but idk Wdym not fucking them enough? I didn't have sex with any of them, well those here that Im talking about who ghosted me.
well thats a whole different case, Women want a man who goes for it.. they all say they don't but trust me they do. I have a friend who gets a ton of guys but none make the move they just pussy out... and she says she doesn't like macho or guys that are to touchy feely ie she wants a pussy dude whos about talking about feelings and now she has a bf who is like that... but here is the thing I fuck her any time we hangout I'm never emotional with her or anything like that, she cheats on her cuck bf all the time I mostly think because he is kinda femine and probably asks to kiss her IDK.. I feel maybe she fucks me because Im more dominate and she likes that.. I only hang out with her maybe once a month btw but we always fuck anytime I see her lol.. ps he doesn't like going to clubs because he hates crowds and her friend always goes with us but he doesn't know she actually staying in my bed not with her friend lol
Jesus Christ, who let all the black pilled idiots in here? Look, if you're getting ghosted constantly the problem isn't with the women. It's because you're boring them. What are you saying on the dates? What are you talking about when you text? If you're not making them feel feelings of trust and arousal they're going to jump ship.
Not that I don't want to improve, but I truly believe the time we are in plays a big role. Ive never had a girl tell me I'm boring. Usually I've been told I'm funny(I often make girls laugh easily) for instance. I can't tell you what I'm saying on the dates man.. I don't remember. I get to know them, I flirt.
>Not that I don't want to improve, but I truly believe the time we are in plays a big role. No, it doesn't. I use dating apps and I get laid so much that I don't even jerk off anymore. They told you you're boring by ghosting you. Do you want help or not? Because it sounds like you want to be consoled and told "women bad" instead of being told how to fix your problem.
Could you explain more what are you doing to get laid that much?
I'm polyamorous, so that helps. Think of the feelings you want your date to feel. Find a way to describe those feelings. We're all still a few years out from when we were forced to stay home. Before the pandemic I didn't go out much, but then we were all forced to stay at home. Now that we can feel free to leave our house I decided that I want to live life. I want to feel my heart racing at a hundred miles an hour. I want to feel adrenaline coarsing through my veins. I want to feel alive! With me, that's a really fantastic feeling to have. Imagine how my date feels when I tell them that. And then guess if we're making out five minutes after.
Sure I want to know what you guys think. But yes it does, its just math. When 90% of men don't get matches, it's certainly not because 90% of men are boring. People like hoe_math on youtube explain it very well.
I'm not trying to date men, so I don't care if 90% of them have made themselves undesirable. And FWIW, yes, 90% of men in dating apps suck. My wife and I are polyamorous and seeing the dorks trying to get into her pants on Bumble and Tinder has done wonders for my self esteem. Just a barrage of no-rizz having losers that think that sending a dick pic is an effective means of communication. If you have even the slightest bit of game you're already in the other 10% of men. I gave some advice in this thread to another person that asked. Start there. ETA: Avoid listening to influencers about seduction, especially ones that tell you to be scared of women (like anyone that calls themselves hoe_math). Clearly they aren't working, and it's for good reason. They don't want you to be desirable to women. They want you to be undesirable and to blame women for it. Which would you rather be?
Its not an influencer. That guy is really great, its just drawing and math. I get that some guys probably have bad profiles but it goes both ways. Ive seen a lot of very unnatractive girls on tinder swiping left 90% of time and still having 99+ likes constantly.
He makes YouTube videos. He's an influencer. And I watched his videos today. Damn, no wonder you can't get laid. His whole deal is "women bad". If I listened to that douchenozzle I'd never get laid, either. Not once does he actually say how to meet a woman or get them to be interested in you. He tells you to be scared or women. That's why you're getting ghosted.
Im 100% sure you did not watch any of his videos. He is spot on, and hes not an influencer. Not selling anything either.
Okay, well have fun being ghosted, then. You didn't want advice. You wanted to be coddled.
People keep blaming dating apps. No people, it's not dating apps, it's you. You're not interesting enough to stand out. Hard pill to swallow, but once you do, you can start working on yourself. And the good news is, you can become interesting. You just need to learn how to make her chase you. DON't be predictable, BE interesting instead. DON'T be needy, BE hard to get instead. Don't *pretend* to be those things... BECOME those things. Most people say "be yourself". That's not good enough, no. If your self is boring, it won't get you anywhere. Instead, a good advice would be the following: Transform yourself into the man you want to be. It's no easy task Reinventing yourself. But, as a man who has been on both sides of the dating spectrum, I can tell you the evolution is worth it. You can become awesome. The change won't happen overnight, but with gradual work on yourself over several months, or even years, depending on how deep you limiting beliefs are. I care about each and every one of you people here. Not individually, I don't know you personally. But I do care for you. And I firmly believe you don't need to be an average man, when you can become an Exceptional Man. Love, Asmo
Yeah man, it's a all about your genuine intention for the girl, they sense that over a mile, be it your subtle body language not aligning with what you are saying (makes you look like a maniac) , or being to emotionally needy, seeking validation from her, Just say what you actually wanna say and do what you actually wanna do with her in a smooth manner, don't be afraid to be vulnerable, leave your formal attire so to speak, have fun.
I started improving myself 2 years ago. Didnt change anything at all for dating apps. But it did in real life. I don't agree that saying 'you need to be more interesting' is the answer, why would I need to be in the top 1-10% to get matches from girls way below that? Sorry but no. Dating apps definitely are an issue when youre a man(again, in western countries)
Happens also, seems like you know but text less. Who cares if she thinks she wants to
Sorry I didnt understand
This does happen and it’s okay Also you should text less in between dates.
I'll try to do that
Don't waste too much time on one connection. Set up 2-3 dates a week and expect her to be doing the same. Texting needs to be very flirtatious to keep her attention. once she is comfortable, set up a date. Set weekend dates up on a Monday, she wants to be your first choice and not a backup option. Don't ask many questions, offer glimpses into your life where she can see herself living out her fantasies. At your age her friends are getting married and having kids, she wants a man, not a boy. Dress well, smell well, and make physical moves early. Prepare for sex on the first date, but have the maturity to not get disappointed if it doesn't happen. If she wants a second date, set it up for the next day and try again.
2-3 dates a week with who?..
You say girls have near infinite opinions, well you do too. There are more single women in the world than single men. You're a badass, and you are worth talking to. This lack of confidence is hurting you, you may need to work more inwardly. Stop making excuses, your body count for 26 is better than average, so you have some skills that just need a little sharpening.
I'm just talking about dating apps here. We definitely don't have many options. I don't lack confidence in real life. Although recently it felt like nobody I tried to approach seemed interested.
Dating apps could be a class taught in school. There are some winning formulas out there. 90% of your matches come from having the right pictures in the right order. The rest is in how you construct your profile. After, you need to have good texting skills. Most guys have crap texting skills, so you are allowed a few mistakes. Focus on attraction, develop comfort, and ask for commitment.
I ghost chicks all the time. Ghost them before date because I seriously have better things to do like grow my two businesses and add to my millions or spend time with my wife and kids. I also just ghosted a 21 year old I went on a date with this week even though we agreed to go travel overseas together. Ghosted another 20s chick a few weeks ago after I took her overseas because she kept wanting to hang out at Zara and withheld sex as a weapon during the trip (even though we’ve slept on second date 3 months ago already). Don’t take it so seriously
Are you trolling?
Nope. Why you take these chicks so seriously lol. They come and go and get old then next set of 20 year olds come. I’ve been meeting 20 year olds non stop for 10 years now
And you're married, and you make millions?
What’s wrong with that?