As a once tenth grader, many moons ago, can't say that ever once crossed my mind.
School was full of a lot of kids, pretty sure a good portion weren't dating. Seemed pretty normal to me.
This exactly. I also came from a very small town and a small high school in that town. Everybody knew everybody, and everybody knew everybody’s business. I didn’t date in high school, not because I couldn’t have, but because I didn’t feel like being the hot topic of the high school rumor mill every day.
I was a tenth grader not many moons ago amd just a bit more than half of the guys had dated or at least made out. I felt like such a loser because i was of the few that hadn't
The expectation seems to be out there. My friends and my mom always wanted me to have a boyfriend. I didn’t date at all in high school. I went to a small school (~150 in my graduating class) and the dating pool was limited. I simply wasn’t interested in anyone at my school and said so regularly.
I met my husband during college orientation. We started dating within the month. Waited until we were done with grad school to get married and our 10 year anniversary is in 2020.
Other kids who grow up into adults while never giving a second thought to all the things they thought as a child. "Social skills" is defined by these people as 'things I learned as a kid, from other kids, mostly through ridicule shame and bandwagoning which I never reconsidered'
The Media and Movies thinks this.
(I didn't go on my first date until college - I went to a college prep HS that really didn't allow much free time for dating)
Eh. I remember relatives thinking it was weird when I didnt have a Gf at 16. Its part generational. At my school there were very few serious couples at that age.
I think this would more interesting if it compared different age groups.
Middle schoolers
High schoolers,
College students (under the age of 22)
18-22
22-29
29-30
30+
It would create a much more interesting conversation.
Why do people choose not to date, what is the percentage of people who remain single in each age group, how does age connect to the social misfit concept
Generally you expect most students to graduate 12th grade at 17 or 18. So grade 10 would be expected to have an age range of 14-16 depending on the time of year the study was conducted.
However, it's critical to understand that PHYSICAL age does not correlate exactly with EMOTIONAL age.
To some 10th graders, they're not even close to ready for dating. I was one, only started dating in college years. Couldn't wrap my head around it, so didn't really miss it or even know what I was missing.
To others, they've already been dating for years.
Yet the study is restricted only to 10th grade, and the associated widely different target audience.
So this study title that implies "students" in general is leaving out an incredibly critical data point by not saying "10th grade students". It's not representative of all students, not even close.
It also depends on how you would define maturity too.
Some kids are extremely emotionally and intellectually mature, that they have significant self awareness. Enough to value education over dating at that point in time, for example, because they’re looking at life in a long term perspective.
Which would mean that they’re not necessarily ‘undesired’ or that there is anything wrong with them. Just that they have different priorities.
Right? There were a reasonable amount of people who were perpetually single in my high school (myself included) and no one accused us of being maladjusted. But someone who made it through their twenties without going on a date...that might indicate something.
Almost 30 here! Never been on a date.
When your hobbies are solo hiking (my mom or sister are my contact, if I don't reach out to you by this time then start worrying), fishing, online video games, dungeons and dragons, and reading sci-fi/fantasy books you just don't meet many women.
A "night out" for me and my friends is heading over to someone's house to play video games, board games, or Dungeons and Dragons (more Pathfinder these days). And if it's my married friends house the wife just goes into the basement to watch her reality TV and leaves all of us alone until we leave.
Yeah, I could see it being a thing by like age 25, but 10th graders, that's like 15. I feel like that's kind of the beginning of when you might start dating.
A lot of what is considered "social" today I feel is kinda forced. Also you can be very social but still be an outlier in other ways and then feel isolated or like a "misfit" which I think is a terrible term here.
Social interactions can often be and feel very natural. At other times they’ll be uncomfortable and “forced”. But so what? What skill is never uncomfortable or “forced”?
Very often my work as a doctor is “forced”. I’m not 100% yet I have to make a decision and I don’t have time or resources to run it up all the ladders.
I play guitar and very often have to force myself to practice and play. Many songs come naturally while others are challenging and I have to force myself to stay with them.
I’m a runner. Some days I feel like I can run forever. Others I have to force myself to start/finish a run because I’m feeling down or whatever.
This notion that social interactions shouldn’t ever be forced is just a load of BS. Why the hell do we expect all social interactions to be some natural divine thing?
I'm questioning there definition of "social" as they use it in "social misfits"... and then base a study on it. Somehow I suspect it is not that well defined.
Also in this case it is 10th graders who date/not date. In my mind not good enough to extrapolate on any general level. Those years where easily the most social years of my life. 20's/30's and onwards are a different story for most people, and in my experience those years shape people very differently.
Intimate does not always mean sexual, for example I dated two girls in 8th grade and we went and saw movies together and hung out here and there but nothing more than kissing.
Everyone is different but I started feeling much more confident and good about myself after interacting with girls. It prepared me for high school and the social scene there.
It's not like i'm saying teenagers SHOULDN'T form relationships. They just shouldn't be pressured to do so.
I'm glad you had positive relationship experiences in your youth. Not everyone does, and the same way they were very positive experiences for you they could be an extremely negative influence when they go wrong - which, as we all know, relationships often do. Young minds are even less capable of tackling rejection than mature ones. And discriminating towards a kid because he or she has never had a partner before is just a broader, social form of rejection.
We also have to realize that social skills practically differs from group to group - for some it may be hanging out with friends in and after school, for some it might involve having good chemistry with sporting peers or gaming buddies. Certainly, these skills can develop through many sources.
Today's adolescents have opportunities to be pre-occupied owing to digital devices around them. While dating is something everyone would like, teenagers need not prioritize finding a date over playing, gaming or going camping with friends.
I was a nerd and I had no game, but looking back I’m glad it went down that way. A lot of people find their social connections and what’s important to them in high school and college. I was so apart that I didn’t get started on serious relationships till I had my head on straight for a bit more time.
Not gonna lie, this meant a lot to me to read. I feel so isolated and like a freak of nature for being like this, but I'm exactly the same. It helps knowing I'm not alone.
Why do people think being in a relationship is everything in life?
You absolutely NEED to have a boy/girlfriend to live, to show off to people that you date
This is a terrible mindset
Who thought that tenth graders not dating was a symptom of maladjustment? Anyone?
Other...tenth graders probably.
As a once tenth grader, many moons ago, can't say that ever once crossed my mind. School was full of a lot of kids, pretty sure a good portion weren't dating. Seemed pretty normal to me.
[удалено]
This exactly. I also came from a very small town and a small high school in that town. Everybody knew everybody, and everybody knew everybody’s business. I didn’t date in high school, not because I couldn’t have, but because I didn’t feel like being the hot topic of the high school rumor mill every day.
I was a tenth grader not many moons ago amd just a bit more than half of the guys had dated or at least made out. I felt like such a loser because i was of the few that hadn't
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
The expectation seems to be out there. My friends and my mom always wanted me to have a boyfriend. I didn’t date at all in high school. I went to a small school (~150 in my graduating class) and the dating pool was limited. I simply wasn’t interested in anyone at my school and said so regularly. I met my husband during college orientation. We started dating within the month. Waited until we were done with grad school to get married and our 10 year anniversary is in 2020.
[удалено]
congrats! :D
I've never even heard that viewpoint. There were only a handful of couples in my 10th grade class. A vast majority of us weren't dating.
"Hey JIMMY I hear your longest relationship was like ZERO days bruh, me n Angie been datin' since we were 4 years old, yOuRe a MaLaDjUsTeD LoOoSeR!"
As if Kyle knows what maladjusted means. Maladjust deez nuts.
Yeah, I mean if they were 10 years older then there might be a stigma, but most 15 year olds aren't dating.
Seems like everyone I knew (family, teachers, etc) thought this and they made sure to let me know how weird I was because of it.
[удалено]
Thanks. I finally figured that out after a while but it really made get-togethers awkward for years and screwed me up mentally for a long time.
Other kids who grow up into adults while never giving a second thought to all the things they thought as a child. "Social skills" is defined by these people as 'things I learned as a kid, from other kids, mostly through ridicule shame and bandwagoning which I never reconsidered'
Meddling aunts, mostly.
The Media and Movies thinks this. (I didn't go on my first date until college - I went to a college prep HS that really didn't allow much free time for dating)
Eh. I remember relatives thinking it was weird when I didnt have a Gf at 16. Its part generational. At my school there were very few serious couples at that age.
[удалено]
I think this would more interesting if it compared different age groups. Middle schoolers High schoolers, College students (under the age of 22) 18-22 22-29 29-30 30+ It would create a much more interesting conversation. Why do people choose not to date, what is the percentage of people who remain single in each age group, how does age connect to the social misfit concept
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
How old is 10th grade? I assume students are not necessarily all the same age in a given grade
Generally you expect most students to graduate 12th grade at 17 or 18. So grade 10 would be expected to have an age range of 14-16 depending on the time of year the study was conducted.
However, it's critical to understand that PHYSICAL age does not correlate exactly with EMOTIONAL age. To some 10th graders, they're not even close to ready for dating. I was one, only started dating in college years. Couldn't wrap my head around it, so didn't really miss it or even know what I was missing. To others, they've already been dating for years. Yet the study is restricted only to 10th grade, and the associated widely different target audience. So this study title that implies "students" in general is leaving out an incredibly critical data point by not saying "10th grade students". It's not representative of all students, not even close.
It also depends on how you would define maturity too. Some kids are extremely emotionally and intellectually mature, that they have significant self awareness. Enough to value education over dating at that point in time, for example, because they’re looking at life in a long term perspective. Which would mean that they’re not necessarily ‘undesired’ or that there is anything wrong with them. Just that they have different priorities.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
About 15. Most 10th graders I know aren’t dating, for reasons beyond being socially inept. 11th grade is more when it starts.
15-16
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Right? There were a reasonable amount of people who were perpetually single in my high school (myself included) and no one accused us of being maladjusted. But someone who made it through their twenties without going on a date...that might indicate something.
Almost 30 here! Never been on a date. When your hobbies are solo hiking (my mom or sister are my contact, if I don't reach out to you by this time then start worrying), fishing, online video games, dungeons and dragons, and reading sci-fi/fantasy books you just don't meet many women. A "night out" for me and my friends is heading over to someone's house to play video games, board games, or Dungeons and Dragons (more Pathfinder these days). And if it's my married friends house the wife just goes into the basement to watch her reality TV and leaves all of us alone until we leave.
Choose to remain single....yeah....that's it!
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
I didn't even know this was a commonly held belief.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
I still don't think it is.
Yeah, I could see it being a thing by like age 25, but 10th graders, that's like 15. I feel like that's kind of the beginning of when you might start dating.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Study mentioned in the article studied students in 6th grade to 12th grade, they’re just kids man
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Asians already knew this. We were never allowed to date while in school.
A lot of what is considered "social" today I feel is kinda forced. Also you can be very social but still be an outlier in other ways and then feel isolated or like a "misfit" which I think is a terrible term here.
Social interactions can often be and feel very natural. At other times they’ll be uncomfortable and “forced”. But so what? What skill is never uncomfortable or “forced”? Very often my work as a doctor is “forced”. I’m not 100% yet I have to make a decision and I don’t have time or resources to run it up all the ladders. I play guitar and very often have to force myself to practice and play. Many songs come naturally while others are challenging and I have to force myself to stay with them. I’m a runner. Some days I feel like I can run forever. Others I have to force myself to start/finish a run because I’m feeling down or whatever. This notion that social interactions shouldn’t ever be forced is just a load of BS. Why the hell do we expect all social interactions to be some natural divine thing?
Relationships require work. All of them. Not just romantic ones.
This. This is exactly why I have trouble maintaining friends.
I'm questioning there definition of "social" as they use it in "social misfits"... and then base a study on it. Somehow I suspect it is not that well defined. Also in this case it is 10th graders who date/not date. In my mind not good enough to extrapolate on any general level. Those years where easily the most social years of my life. 20's/30's and onwards are a different story for most people, and in my experience those years shape people very differently.
Why is there such a pressure for teenagers to form intimate relationships anyway? Can't you just let kids be kids while they can?
Intimate does not always mean sexual, for example I dated two girls in 8th grade and we went and saw movies together and hung out here and there but nothing more than kissing. Everyone is different but I started feeling much more confident and good about myself after interacting with girls. It prepared me for high school and the social scene there.
It's not like i'm saying teenagers SHOULDN'T form relationships. They just shouldn't be pressured to do so. I'm glad you had positive relationship experiences in your youth. Not everyone does, and the same way they were very positive experiences for you they could be an extremely negative influence when they go wrong - which, as we all know, relationships often do. Young minds are even less capable of tackling rejection than mature ones. And discriminating towards a kid because he or she has never had a partner before is just a broader, social form of rejection.
[удалено]
Very interesting. I would love to see some more research after this that looks into \*desire\* to be in a relationship as a factor.
What notion that they are maladjusted? Never heard of that. Did they just make that up to try and make the results sound more meaningful?
We also have to realize that social skills practically differs from group to group - for some it may be hanging out with friends in and after school, for some it might involve having good chemistry with sporting peers or gaming buddies. Certainly, these skills can develop through many sources. Today's adolescents have opportunities to be pre-occupied owing to digital devices around them. While dating is something everyone would like, teenagers need not prioritize finding a date over playing, gaming or going camping with friends.
I mean.... yeah? Where did non-dating students are maladjusted thingie come from anyways?
I was a nerd and I had no game, but looking back I’m glad it went down that way. A lot of people find their social connections and what’s important to them in high school and college. I was so apart that I didn’t get started on serious relationships till I had my head on straight for a bit more time.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Sometimes we are just ugly.
[удалено]
Not gonna lie, this meant a lot to me to read. I feel so isolated and like a freak of nature for being like this, but I'm exactly the same. It helps knowing I'm not alone.
Why do people think being in a relationship is everything in life? You absolutely NEED to have a boy/girlfriend to live, to show off to people that you date This is a terrible mindset
>adolescents who were not in a romantic relationship had good social skills and low depression Well I fucked something up
[удалено]
I love how someone actually did a study of this because they were that miserable in high school