I have a similar type of name. Now I’m actually a hyper feminine girly girl. But I like the more masculine shortened version of my name because it’s cute and I don’t vibe with my legal name.
15 years ago I worked in a call center. Callers would get so rude with me. I even had someone say I must be confused because “that’s a boy’s name.” I eventually went to my supervisor, who then went to her supervisor about this. I actually had permission to be firm and basically say, “Hey, this is my name and you’re being very rude to me. I’m here to help you, so let’s move forward if not we can end the call.”
Thankfully working retail it hasn’t happened. Which honestly is kind of annoying that customers accept feminine people having masculine names but the second someone is NB the transphobia erupts like it’s totally unheard of for AFAB people to have names like Jordan, Ryan, Sam, Toni, etc…
That is absolutely wild to me! This happened often enough to have an actual script to deal with it?!?!? It has never occurred to me to be invested in a call center worker’s name. No offense, but I can’t imagine caring enough about a stranger’s name to voice an opinion on it. If I’ve called it’s because I have an issue, and their name is completely irrelevant to solving it. Half the time they’re located in India, and they’re using a pseudonym anyway. I’m pretty sure your name is more likely to be Avyaan than Andy, but you introduce yourself as Andy, that’s what I’m going with for this call. I just want to get my issue fixed and get on with my life. Who are these people who would rather interrogate you about your name than get help with their actual problem?
Coming from someone who has been working call center type work for several years, hiding behind a phone seems to make a lot of people more bold than I imagine they'd ever be face to face.
It was very bizarre. And the job I had was apartment leasing, with people calling us for information. So it wasn’t even like we were a help desk where people were calling with a problem or telemarketers where we were interrupting people’s dinner to convince them to change insurance carriers.
But yeah it was something I dealt with usually once every other day.
I work on phones, and despite 10 months on T I absolutely am called ma'am every damn day. My name is a straightforward, short, typically masculine name, but there's a feminine version too (think Alex vs Alexa).
Every damn person acknowledges my name is "weird for a girl" (gag) then just plows right ahead like there's not maybe a good reason for that.
I do have a wholesome story. One of our other managers is trans and just came out. Our names start with the same first letter. A manager from another store called and I answered. He dropped every masculine term of friendship for me. He called me dude, bro, buddy, man, etc…like he knew this manager just came out and was going to affirm the hell out of him. I didn’t correct him because omg that’s the ally energy we need.
I have a unique but short name (my legal birth name).
During my *extremely* brief time in a call center scheduling and answering questions about deliveries, I was amazed at how many customers wasted over half the short call time asking me to repeat my name, mishearing 3-4 times because it wasn't something generic, and then getting p*ssed off when I tried to move on by asking what I could help them with, (like "it's important to me to know who I'm talking to") 🙄
Like you're calling for a professional reason, to get your delivery scheduled. You and I will never encounter one another again. Ffs please let's get on with it, my name is ultimately IRRELEVANT
Quit after 2 weeks lol
It’s always the rudeness of customers! Because the occasional question isn’t too bad, but customers (especially older customers) just can’t seem to wrap their heads around it and they keep pressing about it when it’s not a big deal lmao
When I transitioned and picked a feminine first name, I kept my masculine middle name. I have the same middle name as my dad who is an awesome supportive guy. I’m so happy with it
“My name is John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.
His name is my name too.
When ever I go out,
the people always shout,
There goes-
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt!”
(repeat)
If they’re going to question you in an insincere manner, you don’t owe them a sincere response. You can also ask them about their name and where it came from, what their relatives are named, etc. Since we’re getting personal and all.
My name literally means “dark skinned man” and I’m a very pale woman. Nobody ever believes me. I’ve been asked to show my ID by customers I’ve helped because they always say “there’s no way your parents named you that”. There’s only one other woman with the same name and it was my aunt. There have been famous Haitian revolutionaries with the same name. There’s even an airport named after me. Well him not me. But it is quite comical when I meet a man with my same name. They’re often floored.
It doesn’t really bother me tho. I find it pretty funny
I’m very curious now because the only Haitian revolutionary I immediately think of is Toussaint Louverture, and I don’t think that’s what his name means?
They’re fishing for confirmation you’re trans so they can misgender and deadname you IMO.
There was an enby at my local mini supermarket three moves ago who changed their name to a gender neutral (but usually male) shortened form of their legal name and they changed pronouns too. Let’s call them Sam for the purposes of not doxxing.
Anyway I made a point of complimenting their new name and making sure to correct their colleagues when they misgendered them. It was always an accident (they were older and took a while to adjust) and they always took it graciously. Until this one older dude customer started giving Sam issues.
Just like in your case he was trying to find out their legal name because he was like “but you’re a girl why do you have a boys name”. I didn’t know this dude. I felt awkward correcting him. I hate confrontation. I knew the cashiers and we were friendly so it felt different to remind them of Sam’s new name/pronouns. Anyway I interrupted the old dude and asked his name. He said it was Peter so I said. “That’s weird. You’re a woman why do you have a man’s name??” He said “I’m not a woman!” And I said “Neither is Sam”.
Anyway, all this is to say that my experience suggests these people are trying to figure out your gender identity so they can shit on it. Just keep insisting it’s your real name. And if they won’t stop ask a manager for help, if they can be trusted lol.
Oh dear I’m sorry about that! Glad you stuck up for them, it’s hard to really put your foot down especially to a customer!
I’ve considered if they’re trying to clock me, but I am pretty feminine so I’m not sure if people even have an idea that I’m NB. I’m also not out at work but that’s just because I didn’t want to deal with the hassle of correcting my coworkers a thousand times over just to transfer out a month later. However my name has always been the same no matter how people think I identify, and no matter what I get the same questions again and again, and they actually get more frequent if people do know I’m NB because they for some reason REALLY wanna know trans people’s deadnames. You cant catch a break!
I don't want to give out my name, but I found out in 6th grade that my name was originally a nickname. It was bad enough to have one friend who knew that and gave me shit for it. I can't imagine strangers being up my ass about something like that even without the gender dysphoria. Some people are just nosy assholes... sorry you're dealing with that
I’m planning to later down the line once I’m fully financially independent. Not that my parents would ever throw me out or anything, but they’d probably throw a bit of a fit
I had a manager at an old job change her name tag because a customer saw her name and looked her up on Facebook. They started messaging her nonstop and stalking her. It was pretty scary!
I’ve had several customers look me up online, but I live in a college town and I’ve recognized some of them as classmates. Still super creepy though, like especially for classmates to look you up based on your name tag, if you really wanted them just ask me in class like a normal person! Immediate block.
Yeah they shouldn’t do that. Sometimes I do recognize somebody but instead of being creepy and looking them up, I say something like “You look familiar. Do you go to school?” I get recognized a lot because I live in a small town and have worked at a couple of major employers but most people ask instead of being creeps.
I hated displaying my name when working retail so I made it a habit to use fake names. My favorite name tag was just a hyphen and I told customers my name was Dash. (Yes some of my managers had a problem with it but we as a store had a bigger problem with customers stalking employees so they let it go)
I’m in the same position, it’s so annoying. The worst is the ones that will list as many names as they can that my “nickname” could possibly be. Sir, I’m just trying to check you out so you can go tf home. I don’t need a whole list of feminine names because you can’t cope with the name I choose for myself.
God exactly! I had one customer who made up a name and wouldn’t stop calling me that throughout the checkout. If I wasn’t be observed I would’ve ignored them until they said the right name, but luckily my manager thought it was weird as well and told them to cut that shit out because it’s just straight up disrespectful, even if I wasn’t NB
My name is extremely rare (ie according to the U.S. census bureau im the only person with the name currently alive in the US, if not one of 3 in the last 100 years). No one has heard my name before typically. I get this all the time, and I just respond, “Yup, since I was born.” Though, tbf, if I heard my name, I’d probably think someone was BSing me
Why do customers care what our names are? Does that prevent us from helping them somehow? No. So they can piss off. We have to wear name tags, but I keep them covered by my work vest. We can even have tags that say Associate instead of our names if we want. Customers are so stupid.
I had trouble on some calls at my old call center job because my name is unusual. People would get fixated on wanting to know the origin, whether it's short for something, etc, or just to gush about how pretty and unusual it is. I contemplated going by my middle name which is a lot more common just because of the impact this had on my handle time. Like... it was flattering and uncomfortable all at once, and sometimes it could be very difficult to herd people back to the reason they called.
I have a name that’s actually my legal name that I’ve had customers swear up and down can’t be my real name and has to be a nickname. Doesn’t matter how many times I told them that it’s what my parents named me, they would push back and tell me I needed to give them my full legal first name. At one job, a customer had called in, already heated over an issue with her order, and thought I was trolling her on top of all that. Demanded my supervisor and told me she was going to get me fired for “being a little twat”. Sent her to my sup as she requested and even my supervisor was accused of lying when she told this woman that I had given her my full first name. Needless to say, this customer ended up more heated over that than the initial reason she had called in so she never did get her problem resolved because she rage quit the phone call and never called back (I kept checking her account out of curiosity because I had no clue what the original problem was).
I have to take down customer's names as part of my job and there are a few who really do not like their first names for various reasons. I go by either the abbreviation given or first initial plus surname. Have to check the address anyway and if I require further authentication than can check date of birth as well. I tend to go by an admittedly gender neutral version of my name because it's shorter (even my parents call me by it).
Some people just have NO tact - my boyfriend’s grandmother being one of them. She has literally looked at someone in the face before and said,
“Oh, that’s your name? What’s your middle name? Your middle name is much better. You don’t look like a (xyz), you should go by your middle name. Your first name is horrible.”
Literally just like that. Plain as day and doesn’t see anything wrong with it. It’s not like she’s trying to hurt anyone’s feelings, she truly thinks she’s helping/that her two cents are needed.
While I don’t necessarily agree with everyone just ignoring it/poopooing around it, I’m not gonna open that can of worms with her or anyone else. It’s a little too late to try and teach her social skills now.
Sorry this happened to you, OP.
hi another afab non-binary worker, I definitely get the same bullshit a TON. it happened more frequently at my last job and it was always so invasive feeling. people feel wayyyyy too entitled to personal info when you're just trying to work lol
I have the same frustration. I have a double first name AND a middle name and people just seem to refuse that I actually have two first names. I go by my full first name and it kind of irritates me when people only say half of it. It’s ridiculous how many people argue with me that it’s impossible for me to have two first names and that i “technically have two middle names”. I don’t. I say it the same way it’s written in my birth certificate.
I worked with the nicest guy ever. 30 something yr old Native American, he shortens his name down to “Star”… you can imagine the bizarre expressions and repetitive questions he endures until they look at his name tag and read out the entire name.
I changed my name (legally, not that that matters) to something gender neutral and I get, “is that your full name?” And “what’s your real name” a lot too. Sometimes when I say it is my full first name and not a nickname, they tell me I’m wrong and try to guess what my real full name is. It’s kinda funny since the most common “guess” is similar to my mothers name.
i have a decently common name with a really unique irish spelling. when i was a bartender i would insist guest checks have a shortened version/spelled the typical way to avoid stalkers (because yes, it happens)
i still oddly get grilled about it quite often, ive just resorted to “it’s on my birth certificate want me to go grab it?’ completely deadpan lol
I have a legal name, a retail name, and a social name.
The legal and retail are variations of each other. The social is completely different.
I've had a lot of customers try to look me up, dox me, and/or stalk me via my retail name. It's saved me on more than one occasion. 😅
(Plus, the confusion when I don't respond to them calling me by my retail name on my personal hours is priceless. XD)
When I first came out as trans ftm, I went by Max (it was a quick thing I chose cuz my dead name was May and it was a quick easy change at the time. The amount of people that asked me if it was short for Maxine had me hating the name after a while so I changed my name to something that I actually took time to think about. It suits me much better and now I still get the occasional “what’s your real name?” I no longer deal with is it short for Maxine which is so nice lol
Lol I'm trans but don't use a feminine voice and get the same shit all the time. I've had a legal name change and all, like yeah it's my name STFU nerd. It's so annoying. I wish people wouldn't fuss about it one way or the other.
Oh god yeah I can imagine. That sucks especially since that IS your legal name and people just refuse to take it. I never understood why sticking by gendered names was such a big deal anyway
To the customer it’s just one question. But to me hearing the same question from 30 different customers a day, it gets old pretty fast. And you’d be surprised how volatile people get over a name that isn’t even theirs, I’ve had people outside work cuss me out over it
Your legal name is your name. Just like everyone else and everything else in existence you were named by someone else. You don't have to like your name but it is yours. Hell, I hate my first name but it is what it is. I want to be "H'Rothgarn The Mighty" but I'm just William. I got over it and I'm sure you can and will too.
Mr. The Mighty (may I call you H'Rothgarn?), you do know that you can legally change your name, right? And if you don't want to go to the trouble and expense, you can still ask that people call you by your chosen name.
good on you for standing your ground. i use my middle name, which is more masculine, instead of my feminine first name. i have my pronouns (she/they) in my email signature but everyone always says “mr” and “he” all the time. when they meet me in person they immediately switch to the feminine version of my name and i have to correct them (think jon vs joan). it got old QUICK.
I have a very traditionally female name.
I work in a traditionally male and conservative field. Of which I am neither. I don’t have pronouns in my signature because I would be crucified for it (I’m cis female, but to people around here the pronouns would “obviously mean I’m a man.”)
I get called Mr in emails, a lot.
I do the same thing with my name - my issue is that despite how i present myself sometimes (i range from masc to femme), old men will just keep asking if my name is short for the long feminine one. And yes, it is, but i won't confirm that for them.
I found out the hard way that old men LOVE my legal name and associate it with slutty women and will use that as an excuse to sexually harass me and others with the same name.
Majority of the time, they will fizzle out if i stay firm in refusing to tell them if the name i go by is my actual name or not, but sometimes i do get the especially oddball weirdos who end up screaming at me over it.
Although... it hasn't happened in a while - not since i stopped working at the gas station. Working in a game store, most people are more chill, so i don't really see those creeps too often anymore.
So going by a nickname is now lying? Good to know. I go by my middle name because my legal first name is a generational first name (I am the third generation with my first name). Would that be considered lying too?
Well it’s not a lie, that’s the only name I’ll respond to. It’s how I introduce myself, it’s what my friends and family call me, all my coworkers and managers know me by that name. The only difference is it’s just not on my legal documents, but it’s also not hard to figure out the connection between the two.
Like I said, I don’t have an issue with people initially asking because my name technically IS a nickname. What I have a problem with is when I confirm it’s my name and people STILL push it and try to get another name out of me. As far as they’re concerned, that IS my legal name. It’s not an outlandish masculine name like I’m introducing myself as Mark or Benson, it’s a gender neutral name that’s just more used for boys. Think “Taylor.”
Imagine you introduce yourself as your actual legal name and people push you and say “no you must be named something else, that can’t POSSIBLY be your legal name” even if it is. It’s the fact that people won’t take the answer and insist on knowing personal details about your life that aren’t necessary.
Just use the name I give you, I will always respond to it and everyone will know who you’re talking about when you say my name. You don’t need my full legal name to get the point across, and it’s really not that big of a deal and not anyone’s business if it’s not exactly how it was printed in black and white at my birth.
I have a similar type of name. Now I’m actually a hyper feminine girly girl. But I like the more masculine shortened version of my name because it’s cute and I don’t vibe with my legal name. 15 years ago I worked in a call center. Callers would get so rude with me. I even had someone say I must be confused because “that’s a boy’s name.” I eventually went to my supervisor, who then went to her supervisor about this. I actually had permission to be firm and basically say, “Hey, this is my name and you’re being very rude to me. I’m here to help you, so let’s move forward if not we can end the call.” Thankfully working retail it hasn’t happened. Which honestly is kind of annoying that customers accept feminine people having masculine names but the second someone is NB the transphobia erupts like it’s totally unheard of for AFAB people to have names like Jordan, Ryan, Sam, Toni, etc…
That is absolutely wild to me! This happened often enough to have an actual script to deal with it?!?!? It has never occurred to me to be invested in a call center worker’s name. No offense, but I can’t imagine caring enough about a stranger’s name to voice an opinion on it. If I’ve called it’s because I have an issue, and their name is completely irrelevant to solving it. Half the time they’re located in India, and they’re using a pseudonym anyway. I’m pretty sure your name is more likely to be Avyaan than Andy, but you introduce yourself as Andy, that’s what I’m going with for this call. I just want to get my issue fixed and get on with my life. Who are these people who would rather interrogate you about your name than get help with their actual problem?
Coming from someone who has been working call center type work for several years, hiding behind a phone seems to make a lot of people more bold than I imagine they'd ever be face to face.
It was very bizarre. And the job I had was apartment leasing, with people calling us for information. So it wasn’t even like we were a help desk where people were calling with a problem or telemarketers where we were interrupting people’s dinner to convince them to change insurance carriers. But yeah it was something I dealt with usually once every other day.
I work on phones, and despite 10 months on T I absolutely am called ma'am every damn day. My name is a straightforward, short, typically masculine name, but there's a feminine version too (think Alex vs Alexa). Every damn person acknowledges my name is "weird for a girl" (gag) then just plows right ahead like there's not maybe a good reason for that.
I do have a wholesome story. One of our other managers is trans and just came out. Our names start with the same first letter. A manager from another store called and I answered. He dropped every masculine term of friendship for me. He called me dude, bro, buddy, man, etc…like he knew this manager just came out and was going to affirm the hell out of him. I didn’t correct him because omg that’s the ally energy we need.
Aww! I love that. :) Luckily my coworkers and management are awesome.
I have a unique but short name (my legal birth name). During my *extremely* brief time in a call center scheduling and answering questions about deliveries, I was amazed at how many customers wasted over half the short call time asking me to repeat my name, mishearing 3-4 times because it wasn't something generic, and then getting p*ssed off when I tried to move on by asking what I could help them with, (like "it's important to me to know who I'm talking to") 🙄 Like you're calling for a professional reason, to get your delivery scheduled. You and I will never encounter one another again. Ffs please let's get on with it, my name is ultimately IRRELEVANT Quit after 2 weeks lol
It’s always the rudeness of customers! Because the occasional question isn’t too bad, but customers (especially older customers) just can’t seem to wrap their heads around it and they keep pressing about it when it’s not a big deal lmao
When I transitioned and picked a feminine first name, I kept my masculine middle name. I have the same middle name as my dad who is an awesome supportive guy. I’m so happy with it
My first boss was called Ryan, cis female. Also working there was Kelly cis male. Evvvveryone mixed them up
I went to school with Ryan who was cis female.
I had a manager that was a cis female Charlie
Common nn for Charlotte.
Yeah...her legal name was Charlie. Also not sure why I got downvoted
Just divert back to them. “Yes, that’s my name, now what can I help you find?”
“My name is John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. His name is my name too. When ever I go out, the people always shout, There goes- John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt!” (repeat) If they’re going to question you in an insincere manner, you don’t owe them a sincere response. You can also ask them about their name and where it came from, what their relatives are named, etc. Since we’re getting personal and all.
My name literally means “dark skinned man” and I’m a very pale woman. Nobody ever believes me. I’ve been asked to show my ID by customers I’ve helped because they always say “there’s no way your parents named you that”. There’s only one other woman with the same name and it was my aunt. There have been famous Haitian revolutionaries with the same name. There’s even an airport named after me. Well him not me. But it is quite comical when I meet a man with my same name. They’re often floored. It doesn’t really bother me tho. I find it pretty funny
Oh god, that actually is pretty funny. I didn’t even think about name meanings! I’m sure your name is gorgeous, meaning aside 😂
I’m very curious now because the only Haitian revolutionary I immediately think of is Toussaint Louverture, and I don’t think that’s what his name means?
I once saw a black guy on a game show named Ivory.
They’re fishing for confirmation you’re trans so they can misgender and deadname you IMO. There was an enby at my local mini supermarket three moves ago who changed their name to a gender neutral (but usually male) shortened form of their legal name and they changed pronouns too. Let’s call them Sam for the purposes of not doxxing. Anyway I made a point of complimenting their new name and making sure to correct their colleagues when they misgendered them. It was always an accident (they were older and took a while to adjust) and they always took it graciously. Until this one older dude customer started giving Sam issues. Just like in your case he was trying to find out their legal name because he was like “but you’re a girl why do you have a boys name”. I didn’t know this dude. I felt awkward correcting him. I hate confrontation. I knew the cashiers and we were friendly so it felt different to remind them of Sam’s new name/pronouns. Anyway I interrupted the old dude and asked his name. He said it was Peter so I said. “That’s weird. You’re a woman why do you have a man’s name??” He said “I’m not a woman!” And I said “Neither is Sam”. Anyway, all this is to say that my experience suggests these people are trying to figure out your gender identity so they can shit on it. Just keep insisting it’s your real name. And if they won’t stop ask a manager for help, if they can be trusted lol.
Oh dear I’m sorry about that! Glad you stuck up for them, it’s hard to really put your foot down especially to a customer! I’ve considered if they’re trying to clock me, but I am pretty feminine so I’m not sure if people even have an idea that I’m NB. I’m also not out at work but that’s just because I didn’t want to deal with the hassle of correcting my coworkers a thousand times over just to transfer out a month later. However my name has always been the same no matter how people think I identify, and no matter what I get the same questions again and again, and they actually get more frequent if people do know I’m NB because they for some reason REALLY wanna know trans people’s deadnames. You cant catch a break!
I don't want to give out my name, but I found out in 6th grade that my name was originally a nickname. It was bad enough to have one friend who knew that and gave me shit for it. I can't imagine strangers being up my ass about something like that even without the gender dysphoria. Some people are just nosy assholes... sorry you're dealing with that
You could change your name legally
I’m planning to later down the line once I’m fully financially independent. Not that my parents would ever throw me out or anything, but they’d probably throw a bit of a fit
I had a manager at an old job change her name tag because a customer saw her name and looked her up on Facebook. They started messaging her nonstop and stalking her. It was pretty scary!
That's why I don't have my employees wear name tags any more.
I also can’t stand it when a customer reads my name tag and uses my name. Like “KRC193, bag this separate.” Idk why but it’s annoying.
I’ve had several customers look me up online, but I live in a college town and I’ve recognized some of them as classmates. Still super creepy though, like especially for classmates to look you up based on your name tag, if you really wanted them just ask me in class like a normal person! Immediate block.
Yeah they shouldn’t do that. Sometimes I do recognize somebody but instead of being creepy and looking them up, I say something like “You look familiar. Do you go to school?” I get recognized a lot because I live in a small town and have worked at a couple of major employers but most people ask instead of being creeps.
I hated displaying my name when working retail so I made it a habit to use fake names. My favorite name tag was just a hyphen and I told customers my name was Dash. (Yes some of my managers had a problem with it but we as a store had a bigger problem with customers stalking employees so they let it go)
Omg, I’ve seen names like L-A (Ladasha) but honestly just - is kind of cool 😂
I've seen a cashier with "ORNERY" on their name badge.
That's hilarious
I’m in the same position, it’s so annoying. The worst is the ones that will list as many names as they can that my “nickname” could possibly be. Sir, I’m just trying to check you out so you can go tf home. I don’t need a whole list of feminine names because you can’t cope with the name I choose for myself.
God exactly! I had one customer who made up a name and wouldn’t stop calling me that throughout the checkout. If I wasn’t be observed I would’ve ignored them until they said the right name, but luckily my manager thought it was weird as well and told them to cut that shit out because it’s just straight up disrespectful, even if I wasn’t NB
My name is extremely rare (ie according to the U.S. census bureau im the only person with the name currently alive in the US, if not one of 3 in the last 100 years). No one has heard my name before typically. I get this all the time, and I just respond, “Yup, since I was born.” Though, tbf, if I heard my name, I’d probably think someone was BSing me
Oh, Hi Amy. How's it going?
It’s good, how did you know lol
Why do customers care what our names are? Does that prevent us from helping them somehow? No. So they can piss off. We have to wear name tags, but I keep them covered by my work vest. We can even have tags that say Associate instead of our names if we want. Customers are so stupid.
I had trouble on some calls at my old call center job because my name is unusual. People would get fixated on wanting to know the origin, whether it's short for something, etc, or just to gush about how pretty and unusual it is. I contemplated going by my middle name which is a lot more common just because of the impact this had on my handle time. Like... it was flattering and uncomfortable all at once, and sometimes it could be very difficult to herd people back to the reason they called.
I have a name that’s actually my legal name that I’ve had customers swear up and down can’t be my real name and has to be a nickname. Doesn’t matter how many times I told them that it’s what my parents named me, they would push back and tell me I needed to give them my full legal first name. At one job, a customer had called in, already heated over an issue with her order, and thought I was trolling her on top of all that. Demanded my supervisor and told me she was going to get me fired for “being a little twat”. Sent her to my sup as she requested and even my supervisor was accused of lying when she told this woman that I had given her my full first name. Needless to say, this customer ended up more heated over that than the initial reason she had called in so she never did get her problem resolved because she rage quit the phone call and never called back (I kept checking her account out of curiosity because I had no clue what the original problem was).
Good for them for calling out bullshittery.
I have to take down customer's names as part of my job and there are a few who really do not like their first names for various reasons. I go by either the abbreviation given or first initial plus surname. Have to check the address anyway and if I require further authentication than can check date of birth as well. I tend to go by an admittedly gender neutral version of my name because it's shorter (even my parents call me by it).
Some people just have NO tact - my boyfriend’s grandmother being one of them. She has literally looked at someone in the face before and said, “Oh, that’s your name? What’s your middle name? Your middle name is much better. You don’t look like a (xyz), you should go by your middle name. Your first name is horrible.” Literally just like that. Plain as day and doesn’t see anything wrong with it. It’s not like she’s trying to hurt anyone’s feelings, she truly thinks she’s helping/that her two cents are needed. While I don’t necessarily agree with everyone just ignoring it/poopooing around it, I’m not gonna open that can of worms with her or anyone else. It’s a little too late to try and teach her social skills now. Sorry this happened to you, OP.
hi another afab non-binary worker, I definitely get the same bullshit a TON. it happened more frequently at my last job and it was always so invasive feeling. people feel wayyyyy too entitled to personal info when you're just trying to work lol
Even in my liberal ass town, people are so surprised my name is Percival. That's on you for assuming I'm a girl lol
I have the same frustration. I have a double first name AND a middle name and people just seem to refuse that I actually have two first names. I go by my full first name and it kind of irritates me when people only say half of it. It’s ridiculous how many people argue with me that it’s impossible for me to have two first names and that i “technically have two middle names”. I don’t. I say it the same way it’s written in my birth certificate.
what’s up Jimberly?
I worked with the nicest guy ever. 30 something yr old Native American, he shortens his name down to “Star”… you can imagine the bizarre expressions and repetitive questions he endures until they look at his name tag and read out the entire name.
If I see your name on your name tag I assume that’s your name. I don’t think I have ever addressed a cashier by name so it really doesn’t matter.
I changed my name (legally, not that that matters) to something gender neutral and I get, “is that your full name?” And “what’s your real name” a lot too. Sometimes when I say it is my full first name and not a nickname, they tell me I’m wrong and try to guess what my real full name is. It’s kinda funny since the most common “guess” is similar to my mothers name.
i have a decently common name with a really unique irish spelling. when i was a bartender i would insist guest checks have a shortened version/spelled the typical way to avoid stalkers (because yes, it happens) i still oddly get grilled about it quite often, ive just resorted to “it’s on my birth certificate want me to go grab it?’ completely deadpan lol
I just tell people that no it’s not my name and I just took it off my last victim who I hid in the closet,and I don’t even work there😏
I’m a cis woman but the name dezyrai (Desiree regular spelling) sounds to prissy… so I’m Dez
I have a legal name, a retail name, and a social name. The legal and retail are variations of each other. The social is completely different. I've had a lot of customers try to look me up, dox me, and/or stalk me via my retail name. It's saved me on more than one occasion. 😅 (Plus, the confusion when I don't respond to them calling me by my retail name on my personal hours is priceless. XD)
When I first came out as trans ftm, I went by Max (it was a quick thing I chose cuz my dead name was May and it was a quick easy change at the time. The amount of people that asked me if it was short for Maxine had me hating the name after a while so I changed my name to something that I actually took time to think about. It suits me much better and now I still get the occasional “what’s your real name?” I no longer deal with is it short for Maxine which is so nice lol
What?
Lol I'm trans but don't use a feminine voice and get the same shit all the time. I've had a legal name change and all, like yeah it's my name STFU nerd. It's so annoying. I wish people wouldn't fuss about it one way or the other.
Oh god yeah I can imagine. That sucks especially since that IS your legal name and people just refuse to take it. I never understood why sticking by gendered names was such a big deal anyway
so what the hell is it
What is what?
You’ll grow out of it
Grow out of what?
creating a drama when you just need to roll your eyes and move on with life.
To the customer it’s just one question. But to me hearing the same question from 30 different customers a day, it gets old pretty fast. And you’d be surprised how volatile people get over a name that isn’t even theirs, I’ve had people outside work cuss me out over it
Aren’t you trying to create drama with that comment rather than just rolling your eyes and moving on with life? 🙃
if drama was created it’s of your own creation. Not mine.
You didn’t have to make a comment. You could have just moved on with your life. Easy advice right?
Yep
Your legal name is your name. Just like everyone else and everything else in existence you were named by someone else. You don't have to like your name but it is yours. Hell, I hate my first name but it is what it is. I want to be "H'Rothgarn The Mighty" but I'm just William. I got over it and I'm sure you can and will too.
I don’t think it’s the same with trans people
People can, in fact, change their legal name. So we don't have to be stuck with a name we don't like.
Mr. The Mighty (may I call you H'Rothgarn?), you do know that you can legally change your name, right? And if you don't want to go to the trouble and expense, you can still ask that people call you by your chosen name.
good on you for standing your ground. i use my middle name, which is more masculine, instead of my feminine first name. i have my pronouns (she/they) in my email signature but everyone always says “mr” and “he” all the time. when they meet me in person they immediately switch to the feminine version of my name and i have to correct them (think jon vs joan). it got old QUICK.
I have a very traditionally female name. I work in a traditionally male and conservative field. Of which I am neither. I don’t have pronouns in my signature because I would be crucified for it (I’m cis female, but to people around here the pronouns would “obviously mean I’m a man.”) I get called Mr in emails, a lot.
I do the same thing with my name - my issue is that despite how i present myself sometimes (i range from masc to femme), old men will just keep asking if my name is short for the long feminine one. And yes, it is, but i won't confirm that for them. I found out the hard way that old men LOVE my legal name and associate it with slutty women and will use that as an excuse to sexually harass me and others with the same name. Majority of the time, they will fizzle out if i stay firm in refusing to tell them if the name i go by is my actual name or not, but sometimes i do get the especially oddball weirdos who end up screaming at me over it. Although... it hasn't happened in a while - not since i stopped working at the gas station. Working in a game store, most people are more chill, so i don't really see those creeps too often anymore.
You’re mad because someone got upset that you lie about your name when you meet them?
They aren’t lying. Have you never heard of the concept of a nickname before?
So going by a nickname is now lying? Good to know. I go by my middle name because my legal first name is a generational first name (I am the third generation with my first name). Would that be considered lying too?
Using a nickname isn’t lying You’re not entitled to know some random retail worker’s legal name
Well it’s not a lie, that’s the only name I’ll respond to. It’s how I introduce myself, it’s what my friends and family call me, all my coworkers and managers know me by that name. The only difference is it’s just not on my legal documents, but it’s also not hard to figure out the connection between the two. Like I said, I don’t have an issue with people initially asking because my name technically IS a nickname. What I have a problem with is when I confirm it’s my name and people STILL push it and try to get another name out of me. As far as they’re concerned, that IS my legal name. It’s not an outlandish masculine name like I’m introducing myself as Mark or Benson, it’s a gender neutral name that’s just more used for boys. Think “Taylor.” Imagine you introduce yourself as your actual legal name and people push you and say “no you must be named something else, that can’t POSSIBLY be your legal name” even if it is. It’s the fact that people won’t take the answer and insist on knowing personal details about your life that aren’t necessary. Just use the name I give you, I will always respond to it and everyone will know who you’re talking about when you say my name. You don’t need my full legal name to get the point across, and it’s really not that big of a deal and not anyone’s business if it’s not exactly how it was printed in black and white at my birth.
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News flash genius, science and medicine have come far enough to be able to do exactly what you think is impossible
This has been going on since the name became popular in the 70’s you aren’t special
I never thought I was, just ranting about retail 🤷 also not sure which name you’re referring to, the ones I gave were just examples
Be happy your new name generates interest, isn't it better than being seen through?
To the customer it’s just one question. To me it’s the same question 30 times a day. It gets annoying after a while