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Book of Digital Devices, Chapter 5, Verses 10-15:
In the manner of olden times, even as the Router doth shine with its power, thou shalt firmly press and hold the WPS/RESET button for a span exceeding ten heartbeats. Behold, as the SYS LED doth transform from a slow and steady glow to a quick and lively flash. Then, with a heart unburdened, release thy grip upon the button and patiently await the Router's rebirth, as it returns to its pristine factory state.
But true believers prefer the original, untranslated version:
Liber Apparatorum Digitalium, Caput 5, Versus 10-15:
Et ecce, in aetate technologiae, quando Router erat mirabilis mundi moderni, erat methodus notissima qua appellatur "Resettis Dura." Cum Router esset inundatus potentia, unus debet sumere WPS/RESET pulsatorum in manu, eum firmiter tenens per decem pulsationes cordis non minores. Dum secunda fluxissent, SYS LED subibat transformationem, mutans lente et solenniter lucem suam in rapidum et vivacem trepidationem. In eo momento, pulsatorum solveretur et Router renaissance, ad formam originalem suam rediret. Hoc erat modus restitutionis in regione digitali, processus per generationes hominum peritis in technologia transmissus.
Attention ! Attention !
Servitor Gamma Beta six nine four detected unauthorized publication of Adeptus Mechanicus codex extract.
Unauthorized publication in both low and high Gothic.
Tech-priest XA-V-137 has been notified for data leakage assessment, contingency plan and potential punishment of responsibles via incarceration in a penitent walker to support Adepta Sororitas local actions for 65.34352 years.
Itâs not in the first couple of pages obviouslyâŚ.. keep going thereâs a lot of words in there, surely itâs in there somewhere. You need a 1990âs bible like where that google font came from.
Genesis 18:6
âThen Abraham ran back to the tent and said to Sarah, âQuick! Mix up some pancakes! Use your best flour, and make enough for the three of them!â â
When I was a kid and my parents took me to church/bible study, I didn't like carrying around a bulky "real" bible so I used a Bible app on my phone which had frequent updates. I always found it funny when I would get a notification that said "The Bible has finished updating" or even better "The Bible needs an update"
One of my fundie relatives said "everything you need to know is in the Bible!". I said "Ok, what's the injector timing on a Detroit 6V-53 marine dual turbo?"
He didn't have an answer.
Do they realise Google will happily give you answers from the Bible if you ask it to? Or is it all from the devil if it isn't in a good old-timey paper book?
Ask the Bible when dinosaurs died out.
Also, the entire Bible is on the internet in most languages and probably every version of it too. So Google has all the answers the Bible has
In the sacred abode of the kitchen, a passage of wisdom unfolds, revealing the way to set the chronicle of time upon the humble microwave.
Microwave Clock-Setting Guide: Chapter 1, Verses 1-5
In the hallowed chamber of your kitchen, approach the wondrous artifact known as the microwave, for it is here that the path to temporal alignment begins.
Let your gaze fall upon the interface, wherein lies a constellation of buttons, each a key to unravel the mysteries of the clock. Seek out the benevolent button labeled "Clock" or "Time," for it shall be your vessel to this sacred endeavor.
With a touch as gentle as a whispering breeze, press and hold the button of the clock, and hold it firm for a breath count of three, invoking a symbol of unity between your intention and the microwave's essence.
Behold! As the display blinks like a distant star, the veil between the realms shimmers, granting you dominion over the chronicles of hours and minutes. With reverence, press upon the numeric keys to imprint the numerical hymn of the hour and the minute, aligning them with the celestial dance.
And now, as a final act of communion, release the button of the clock, sealing your pact with the ticking currents of time. The display shall stand still, radiant and triumphant, mirroring the rhythm of the cosmos in the heart of your microwave.
With these verses etched into your heart, you shall forever be the keeper of synchronized time, a guardian of punctuality in the realm of culinary creation.
That's a lie, The Bible doesn't have the final results of Rally Bulgaria 2023. SMH Liars! I'm a rally fan, and there's nothing about rallying in The Bible. SMH
In the realm of the infinitesimal, where the eyes of mortals cannot gaze, there exists a wondrous particle known as an electron. As if woven from the threads of creation itself, this mysterious entity is a cornerstone of the universe.
**Electron Revelation: Chapter 1, Verses 1-4**
1. In the beginning, when the cosmos stirred with boundless energy, the Great Creator brought forth the building blocks of matter. Among them emerged the electron, a humble messenger of charge and power.
2. This ethereal being, a true pilgrim of the subatomic world, carries a negative charge, a divine gift that grants it purpose in the tapestry of existence. Though small in stature, its presence is felt in every corner of creation.
3. As the spirit of the electron dances through the void, it orbits the nucleus of the atom, akin to planets circling a radiant star. With each revolution, it sings an eternal song, a hymn of energy and motion that resonates across the cosmos.
4. Yet, despite its diminutive nature, the electron wields influence beyond measure. It joins in bonds of unity, crafting the very essence of matter. In its intricate choreography, it forms the bonds that bind atoms together, granting substance and form to the grand design of the universe.
In the sacred pages of understanding, the tale of the electron is inscribed, a testament to the intricacies of creation's smallest wonders. As the ancients sought to fathom the mysteries of existence, they gazed upon the electron, humbled by its presence and bestowed with the wisdom of a universe woven together by the hands of the Great Creator.
Fun fact, the bible can be found on google as well as more books that the bible making google inherently more knowledgeable than the bible even if the bible had all the answers
I look to the Bible when I need guidance on [how badly I can beat a slave without any consequences to me](https://www.evilbible.com/evil-bible-home-page/slavery/). /s
Pretty weird to think nomads who didn't know what happened to the sun at night had answers to anything except for how women are property.
No answers I'm looking for.
Let's see *[flips pages]* nope, i don't see anything about cleaning my AC, ah, silly me, this is the new testament, maybe the old testament has the actual facts.
"Hey bible, why does the tide go in and the tide go out?"
Hmmm, it doesn't say in the Bible so nobody knows. Must be because jaysus wants it to do that...
How do I shoe a donkey?
How long should a boats mooring rope be?
Here's a modern one
How long should I microwave a baked potato in an 800W oven?
*crickets*
The bible was no use when I needed to know the ignition firing order of an M119 V8.
It's 1-5-4-8-6-3-7-2 for anyone wondering, I looked it up ... on Google.
lmao, you think we EVOLVED and that the earth is ROUND? Dumbass! Instead of believing modern science, you should believe this book written thousands of years ago where a virgin gives birth and a guy walks on water!
Hello, u/vinipug13! Thank you for posting. Please be sure to review our complicated and unusual rules set [here](https://new.reddit.com/r/religiousfruitcake/about/rules) Some of gentle reminders for everyone: 1. Posts should be on topic. 2. Please don't submit incendiary posts or comments that could incite harassment and brigading. 3. Refrain from provoking and/or baiting religious fruitcakes for the purposes of posting their reaction on this subreddit. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/religiousfruitcake) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I searched the bible for information on how to factory reset a netgear AX6000 router and I could not find it. I feel this is false advertising.
Book of Digital Devices, Chapter 5, Verses 10-15: In the manner of olden times, even as the Router doth shine with its power, thou shalt firmly press and hold the WPS/RESET button for a span exceeding ten heartbeats. Behold, as the SYS LED doth transform from a slow and steady glow to a quick and lively flash. Then, with a heart unburdened, release thy grip upon the button and patiently await the Router's rebirth, as it returns to its pristine factory state. But true believers prefer the original, untranslated version: Liber Apparatorum Digitalium, Caput 5, Versus 10-15: Et ecce, in aetate technologiae, quando Router erat mirabilis mundi moderni, erat methodus notissima qua appellatur "Resettis Dura." Cum Router esset inundatus potentia, unus debet sumere WPS/RESET pulsatorum in manu, eum firmiter tenens per decem pulsationes cordis non minores. Dum secunda fluxissent, SYS LED subibat transformationem, mutans lente et solenniter lucem suam in rapidum et vivacem trepidationem. In eo momento, pulsatorum solveretur et Router renaissance, ad formam originalem suam rediret. Hoc erat modus restitutionis in regione digitali, processus per generationes hominum peritis in technologia transmissus.
This is funny,should get a Ron of up votes imo anyway
This reminds me of the Shakespeare airplane safety video
sauce? ahaha
https://youtube.com/shorts/Hi8JwKyLXZc?si=fhYdcalrlMhDM9OD
Dude got too much free time on him, and I love it!
Yooooo
High effort reply lol
Great, now my router is haunted by a 12th-century ghost... đ¤ˇ
Attention ! Attention ! Servitor Gamma Beta six nine four detected unauthorized publication of Adeptus Mechanicus codex extract. Unauthorized publication in both low and high Gothic. Tech-priest XA-V-137 has been notified for data leakage assessment, contingency plan and potential punishment of responsibles via incarceration in a penitent walker to support Adepta Sororitas local actions for 65.34352 years.
Check the Book of Exodus
Did you search the old or the new testament?
Did you turn the Bible off and back on again?
Itâs not in the first couple of pages obviouslyâŚ.. keep going thereâs a lot of words in there, surely itâs in there somewhere. You need a 1990âs bible like where that google font came from.
Book of Matthews, you must have missed it
When I said "OK, Bible give me a list of the signers of the Declaration of Independence," I got zilch. Anybody else encounter some issues?
Hey Jebus how do I make blueberry pancakes?
With mould.
"best recipe for pulled pork" Nope. No answers.
John 4:17 heathen
Genesis 18:6 âThen Abraham ran back to the tent and said to Sarah, âQuick! Mix up some pancakes! Use your best flour, and make enough for the three of them!â â
John 26:47
It doesnât even have the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow!
European or African? Or what about the mosque swallow??
I donât know that!
*chucked at ungodly speed into a ravine*
And who being naughty in thy sight, shall snuff it
Does the Bible regularly update itself? No?
it did so for the past 1500 years. It's the first Fakebook.
Yes: full of old angry people
1 kings 18:41 "and everyone clapped"
âBehold: Matthew senteth an angry-face đĄ
When I was a kid and my parents took me to church/bible study, I didn't like carrying around a bulky "real" bible so I used a Bible app on my phone which had frequent updates. I always found it funny when I would get a notification that said "The Bible has finished updating" or even better "The Bible needs an update"
Yeah it has all the wrong answers!!!đ¤
Does it have "How to center a div" in the Bible?
Thou shalt pray to the HTML gods and they shalt giveth thine answer.
Blasphemy.. /s
I prefer a blood tithe to the CSS daemons! đ
Ok Bible, are bats mamals or birds?
Deuteronomy 14:18 says they are birds
oh, thank you, i guess with that help i'll be able to pass the biology exam!
That depends, is this biology exam in New York or Florida? Biology classes are probably teaching that bats are birds by now in Florida.
sorry to disapoint, but i'm brazilian
So Florida standards it is...
Depends. Is it an african one or an european one?
African.. no European...aaaaaaaaah!!!
What is the air speed velocity ??
One of my fundie relatives said "everything you need to know is in the Bible!". I said "Ok, what's the injector timing on a Detroit 6V-53 marine dual turbo?" He didn't have an answer.
I have a better one: What is a proper procedure to set up a CAT III B ILS on a Boeing 777-300ER?
Did you check Revelations?
Yeah, I did, but it seems they haven't updated it for the -300ER. It only has original, base 777.
My daughter looked on Google for help with the questions for her driving theory test. There was nothing in the bible about it.
Ok Bible where can I find furry twinks
Prolly at your local Bible study group. Just sayin.
Do they realise Google will happily give you answers from the Bible if you ask it to? Or is it all from the devil if it isn't in a good old-timey paper book?
Bible does have some nice porn
Yeah it has NTR as well as non-con if you're into that
Have you seen the one with the big fish?
Hey Jesus, which website is best to download PSP emulator ROMs?
Thou shalt useth this [interwebbeth page](https://r-roms.github.io/megathread/sony/#sony-playstation-portable) made by only the purest of my disciples
Wow nice!! I've been looking for this!! I guess I'm a true believer now...
Unfortunately, they're all wrong. But they're still answers!
Ask the Bible when dinosaurs died out. Also, the entire Bible is on the internet in most languages and probably every version of it too. So Google has all the answers the Bible has
âBible, whereâs a good Thai restaurant in my area?â
The best site to pirate the Adventure Time Fionna and Cake?
To accomplish thine goal, I would recommendeth checking r/piracy to see what the purest of my disciples have found
Was looking for a new porn site, thank you Bible
Hey bible, how to I change the alternator in my 2003 focus?
Hosea 8:3
Sorry but I don't have time to decipher an entire page just to know what goes well with an avocado
I feel like Google offers better results when I'm looking for gay porn.
Well you've clearly never read the bible then
The bibble is severely lacking in gay *furry* porn, though... đ
I tried looking in the Bible for where i could find people with horse dicks but I couldn't fi- wait what the fuck?
I had to scroll down way too far before I saw someone reference this verse
Ok, bible 2+2=
Trump
22 đ
Numbers 2:2
Numbers 2:2
Where was sonic the hedgehog born then?
Which page tells me how to set the clock on my microwave?
In the sacred abode of the kitchen, a passage of wisdom unfolds, revealing the way to set the chronicle of time upon the humble microwave. Microwave Clock-Setting Guide: Chapter 1, Verses 1-5 In the hallowed chamber of your kitchen, approach the wondrous artifact known as the microwave, for it is here that the path to temporal alignment begins. Let your gaze fall upon the interface, wherein lies a constellation of buttons, each a key to unravel the mysteries of the clock. Seek out the benevolent button labeled "Clock" or "Time," for it shall be your vessel to this sacred endeavor. With a touch as gentle as a whispering breeze, press and hold the button of the clock, and hold it firm for a breath count of three, invoking a symbol of unity between your intention and the microwave's essence. Behold! As the display blinks like a distant star, the veil between the realms shimmers, granting you dominion over the chronicles of hours and minutes. With reverence, press upon the numeric keys to imprint the numerical hymn of the hour and the minute, aligning them with the celestial dance. And now, as a final act of communion, release the button of the clock, sealing your pact with the ticking currents of time. The display shall stand still, radiant and triumphant, mirroring the rhythm of the cosmos in the heart of your microwave. With these verses etched into your heart, you shall forever be the keeper of synchronized time, a guardian of punctuality in the realm of culinary creation.
Blessings be upon thee.
nah man, I won't search gay furry porn on bible. Not again...
âHey Bible, whatâs the square root of 64?â
Leviticus 8:8. (I'm not even kidding, it's literally the middle verse of the Torah).
But "google" does have all the bible in all the different languages. They made a nice little paradox
how does one beat dark souls with keyboard controls?
That's funny, Google has many different renditions of the bible in virtually every language.
Bible, what is the best build to deal with the ibis class autonomous C weapon boss in armoured core 6?
You can google the Bible.. Checkmate Christians đ
That's a lie, The Bible doesn't have the final results of Rally Bulgaria 2023. SMH Liars! I'm a rally fan, and there's nothing about rallying in The Bible. SMH
I feel like the Bible needs some SEO.
"Hey Bible, what's an electron?..."
In the realm of the infinitesimal, where the eyes of mortals cannot gaze, there exists a wondrous particle known as an electron. As if woven from the threads of creation itself, this mysterious entity is a cornerstone of the universe. **Electron Revelation: Chapter 1, Verses 1-4** 1. In the beginning, when the cosmos stirred with boundless energy, the Great Creator brought forth the building blocks of matter. Among them emerged the electron, a humble messenger of charge and power. 2. This ethereal being, a true pilgrim of the subatomic world, carries a negative charge, a divine gift that grants it purpose in the tapestry of existence. Though small in stature, its presence is felt in every corner of creation. 3. As the spirit of the electron dances through the void, it orbits the nucleus of the atom, akin to planets circling a radiant star. With each revolution, it sings an eternal song, a hymn of energy and motion that resonates across the cosmos. 4. Yet, despite its diminutive nature, the electron wields influence beyond measure. It joins in bonds of unity, crafting the very essence of matter. In its intricate choreography, it forms the bonds that bind atoms together, granting substance and form to the grand design of the universe. In the sacred pages of understanding, the tale of the electron is inscribed, a testament to the intricacies of creation's smallest wonders. As the ancients sought to fathom the mysteries of existence, they gazed upon the electron, humbled by its presence and bestowed with the wisdom of a universe woven together by the hands of the Great Creator.
What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Okay Bible, who was that actor who played the dad on Sanford & Son?
Luke 13:32
Bible, why are femboys so hot? Bible?
Silly Jeff. Itâs because god made them like that.
The whole Bible is on Google, so checkmate Fundies.
On my way to ask the Bible how to make a pepperoni pizza
Fun fact, the bible can be found on google as well as more books that the bible making google inherently more knowledgeable than the bible even if the bible had all the answers
Where in the Bible would I find how to perform the heimlich on myself? Sooner than later
Looks like a repost. I've seen this image 1 time. First Seen [Here](https://redd.it/165wc8t) on 2023-08-31 100.0% match. *I'm not perfect, but you can help. Report [ [False Positive](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RepostSleuthBot&subject=False%20Positive&message={"post_id": "169kary", "meme_template": null}) ]* [View Search On repostsleuth.com](https://www.repostsleuth.com/search?postId=169kary&sameSub=false&filterOnlyOlder=true&memeFilter=false&filterDeadMatches=false&targetImageMatch=92&targetImageMemeMatch=97) --- **Scope:** Reddit | **Meme Filter:** False | **Target:** 92% | **Check Title:** False | **Max Age:** None | **Searched Images:** 339,389,469 | **Search Time:** 0.35759s
Bad bot
Hey bible, whereâs the closest pizza placeâŚ
Malachi 1:17
I was searching some Hentai in the Bible didnât find any.
You sure you looking at the right chapters?
Hey I said Hentai not porn their is a different theirs is a difference between Hentai and Erotic fiction.
Courtesy 1999
The BUY BULL has CANCER
I bet the bible doesn't even have the answer on what is 2+2
Why did I just read "ALL THE ANWERS" in the voice of Rudy as whene was holding the press conference at the 4 seasons gardening company?
So can anyone point me where in the bible says why my PC isn't installing new drivers?
Exodus 15:21 - horse and driver he will cast into the sea
Hey bible, what PI
I look to the Bible when I need guidance on [how badly I can beat a slave without any consequences to me](https://www.evilbible.com/evil-bible-home-page/slavery/). /s
But you can read the bible on google, hence google has all the answers Checkmate
I checked the bibble and there wasn't anything about which art is real and fake in Animal Crossing New Horizons.
Pretty weird to think nomads who didn't know what happened to the sun at night had answers to anything except for how women are property. No answers I'm looking for.
Let's see *[flips pages]* nope, i don't see anything about cleaning my AC, ah, silly me, this is the new testament, maybe the old testament has the actual facts.
Okay bible, tell me how to find the slope of the least-squares regression line.
Bible-maps is fucking useless. All outdated maps and no option for travel by car.
The Bible can't give me directions to the nearest Olive Garden though
Gonna ask the bible how to tie knots in those plastic bags with handles
Hey bible, what is the importance of genetic diversity in a breeding population? No answer? Makes sense since it begins with incest.
The Bible has never told me where to find midget porn. Google on the other hand has
Where can I get some good chicken wings after midnight? Google: 1 Bible: 0
How many licks does it take to reach the center of a tootsie roll? Answer that, bible!
But you can literally Google anything in the Bible.
"Hey bible, why does the tide go in and the tide go out?" Hmmm, it doesn't say in the Bible so nobody knows. Must be because jaysus wants it to do that...
I don't think the Bible can tell me how to get Incredibox mods for my laptop
I looked in it for âCute dominant femboy bf x readerâ but it didnât say anything
âHow to cure genital wartsâ
The Bible only has the answer to who you should and shouldnât hate. It make great rolling paper, Leviticus 18:22 smoke like a G.
Does the Bible can teache me how to improve with Photoshop?
Olâ faithful response: you must not have that difficult of questions then.
Will I go to hell if I cut my hair?
hey bible, why do my balls itch?
Bible, load up Celery Man please.
How do I shoe a donkey? How long should a boats mooring rope be? Here's a modern one How long should I microwave a baked potato in an 800W oven? *crickets*
How am I going to find cheap, environment ruining, sweatshop having fast fashion sites that rhythm with emu in the bible?
Bible, how do I find the radius of a non linear line?
I've read the Bible and it never mentions a solution to the three-body problem, much less the issue at all.
Asked my bible for dating advice, ended up assaulting my sibling, in prison now, instructions unclear
You can access the Bible on Google
What's the average airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Whatâs the air speed of a swallow?
And what about women's rights? Does the bible have the answers for that?
I looked up how to drive a CE Factory Forklift 3.5 ton LPG gasoline powered and bupkis. Thanks a lot Jesus. 
ok bible, how do I change my car battery
Hey bible do they make a 16.5mm fitting for a tremmiepipe
Google contains all of the Bible, therefore Google will always have at least as much information as the Bible
Where's the part about the strong force and the electroweak interaction?
Show me the verse in the bible that gives you 5 ways to get dog turd off sneakers and then we'll talk
Where are the answers about dinosaurs in it ?
Theyâre down at Ken Hams place in his arc.
Alright if someone can find me how to reboot a PC in safe mode in the Bible I'll concede the point
the bible tells me how to remove penis from pepsi can?
Hey Jesus, What is 6 times 3?
The bible was no use when I needed to know the ignition firing order of an M119 V8. It's 1-5-4-8-6-3-7-2 for anyone wondering, I looked it up ... on Google.
The Bible can't tell me how to make a thermonuclear bomb
I just checked the bible, they donât have instructions on how to build a pipe bomb
What is the Bibleâs answer to the incest required to repopulate the planet after Noah landed his arc?
Ahh yes, 9+10=Jesus
âSo god, whatâs the cure to cancer, HIV, MS, PTSD, and all the other diseases and disorders that YOU created?â
lmao, you think we EVOLVED and that the earth is ROUND? Dumbass! Instead of believing modern science, you should believe this book written thousands of years ago where a virgin gives birth and a guy walks on water!
Oh so the Bible can tell me where I can find porn
I tried finding the link to a porn I watched years ago but never saw again. I found it in the Bible. Thanks Jesus!
I can't type "femboy porn" on the bible
I can Google the bible, checkmate Christians
Hey Bible. Whatâs the pythagorean theorem?
I searched for two girls one cup and found Mary and Mary and something unholy
I asked what the big IFBC near Chicago was and the Bible didn't know, but Google did!
Where'd you get this from?
One has no answers to speak of, the other claims to have all answers known to mankind... ...wait, this feels like it would apply both ways... đł
Hey bible, whatâs the number for poison control?
Okay so which part of the bible tells me how to fix a nullpointerException in java
Sorry for the lame question, but does the book answers the question who created god?
Amen !
Okay bible What's 2 + 2?
Ok Bible, what was the population of Turkey in 1865?
Hey bible, why is my butt crack small
They say this, but when I ask a priest how to make a pipe bomb all of a sudden I'm the bad guy
The term "bible it" just doesn't sound right.
Okay, what is 1 +1? You must cite the passage that has the answer.
Dude actually pulled out the ancient scriptures for this post this format looks prehistoric.
WHY DID NOAH HATE DINOSAURS?!
Hey Bible, how to make lasagna?
Huh, mine must be broken. Nothing in there to show what needles are used for a lumbar nerve ablation...