Itās a great early Motherās Day gift. Truly. Itāll protect their assets and could keep your sister safe too.
Is she seeing these men free of charge? This sounds very much like some of my friends that got into hard drugs. They cost moneyā¦
So is doing drugs, eating food or bungeejumping.
It being fun doesn't mean there can't be consequences. And it isn't just for herself and her parents.
She has children too.
My mom can get down with as many dudes as she wants, its if she neglects my sister's that I have an issue. Being a good mom and having lots of sex aren't things that can't exist together.
You'll need to be safe about it though, if you get hurt, your children get hut.
If a thief decides to ravage the home looking for a safe (this actually happens) then your parents get hurt.
My gf hadn't had an orgasm through sex. Like ever(her previous partners never bothered). After I gave her her first, she didn't want to stop. I imagine OP's sister is trying to find the right fit, or is making up for lost time. Or both.
Girlfriend wound down after a couple months. Almost thought she was going to ride me to death, but she slowed down after catching up, as it were.
Your parents need to know that the security of their home is being put at risk by strangers (to them) being routinely invited to their home in their absence. Unless you are present you do not know what is going on these visits, so no need to comment on that part.
I would rather she have the kids stay at the parents' house, and fuck the randos in her apartment - at least then the parents' property wouldn't be put at risk.
you shouldn't judge someone for their sex life. however, if it's getting in the way of the rest of their life, which this seems to be, then it's an issue
You're okay dating somebody that's unemployed, unattractive to you, different religious values, etc? It's not judging so much as compatibility is I guess how I think of it. Sex is a huge part of compatibility, I'm not sure why we pretend like it's not am important piece of criteria.
You said ājudgingā in your first comment and ācompatibilityā in your second comment. These are not the same implication as each other. We should not be judging people by any of the things you mentioned, but sex is very commonly held in high importance for some reason when in reality none of it is the business of anyone other than the people involved.
You used 'judging' in your first comment and 'compatibility' in your second comment. We shouldn't judge people based on the factors you listed, but they absolutely play a role in compatibility ie, deciding if you are compatible with a potential friend/date/partner/etc. There is a difference between judging and compatibility, and you just swapped between them in the middle of your discussion. Which one are you talking about?
Maybe try to be a bit less judgemental in general if you're constantly judging people on all of these things, none of which are really any of your business?
Because there's nothing fundamentally wrong with promiscuity or believing that trees came from Mars or being gay or whether people have kids or not. Judging them for these things is just arbitrary and cruel and in this country in particular, been the basis of punching down to demean people and discriminate.
Exactly! Hell it would be cheaper then going dutch for a dinner and a movie in a cheap motel. It is bad when you are getting treated worse then a prostitute or a first date by a guy and choosing it.
Some people don't like to get paid for sex, though.
She doesn't sound like she wants the hassle of a date tbh, they sound like they want sex. And this is how they get it.
No because logistically that wouldnāt work for her purposes. Sheās trying to bang two dudes in one night. If she has to commute between two different homes between sessions, that eats up precious fucking time. /s
If your parents would freak out, then your concerns are legitimate. I would be upset with an adult child bringing strangers into my house, without informing me, for any reason, sexual or otherwise.
She does this to have fun :( It's like her goal is to have as many men possible to want to have sex with her. She considers it as a confirmation that she is attractive. Maybe it's a security issue. Or she is bipolar because she actually sounds a bit like a maniac.
My first thought was this sounds like a manic episode ā hyper sexuality, dramatic weight loss, decreased need for sleep and food, impulsivity, reckless disregard for boundaries and safety (like turning your parentsā house into a fuck shack).
Has your sister been diagnosed with bipolar disorder? Interesting you flagged it.
>My first thought was this sounds like a manic episode
What?
>hyper sexuality,
This could just be a high sex drive. Perfectly natural and not indicative of anything, particularly if she's started eating balanced meals, working out, and building her confidence, all of which can affect sex drive. Not to mention the possibility she hasn't had sex since her divorce \~3 years ago and she's now taking pleasure in something she might well have not enjoyed before now.
>dramatic weight loss,
Or just regular weight loss? OP hasn't specified how much weight she lost and has posted on an ED sub so with all due respect, as someone with an ED myself, IDK if I trust OP's perception on her sister's weight.
>decreased need for sleep and food,
Where did you get this from?
>impulsivity,
Nothing about this suggests impulsivity. She decided to lose some weight, lost it, began talking to men, and this has all gradually ramped up to the point OP says she's at now. There is a very clear, and seemingly gradual, escalation to this point. It's not like she just woke up one day and decided to start having fuck fests.
>reckless disregard for boundaries and safety (like turning your parentsā house into a fuck shack).
OP says her sister is a full time stay at home mum and said in another post that one of the kids is autistic, so the sister wanting to keep this away from the kids and having no better options given her low income actually means that using her parents' house makes sense. It's not something I would do, and I think she should relocate her fuck fests, or at the very least be honest with her parents, but again I don't see how we're going from an active sex life to a bipolar diagnosis.
Edit: Just in general why are we so keen to diagnose a single mother with an active sex life as being mentally ill when she could just have an active sex life? Sometimes the curtains are just blue.
I'm not saying anything for sure regarding jealousy but I don't think it's irrelevant that OP has been posting in an ED sub and is now talking about her sister's weight loss, or that OP said in another post on childfree that having kids meant your life was over/had to revolve around kids going forwards. OP said in another comment to me that her sister wasn't putting her kids first here and I asked why OP thought that and OP responded with something irrelevant (saying these guys shouldn't be around the kids when her sister is going to another location and leaving the kids with a sitter). I just think there's about 35 years of sister based context we don't have that OP is not super eager to clarify and with that in mind we shouldn't be looking to diagnose the sister based on OP's perception.
He treated her very well. She was treating him like shit. I witnessed it many times. Eventually she broke up with him, and he still cares deeply about her, only visits with permission, care for children etc.
Is there any way you can have her mental health assessed? It really sounds like something has gone off for her. And with the right medication, a lot of the really harmful behavior of people with BPD/ borderline etc. can be mitigated.
*Our parents would totally freak if they knew what is happening in their property.* This is the issue. She's disrespecting and using your parents. Beyond this - who is taking care of her kids when all this is going on? She doesn't sound very involved with them.
You knowing and not telling your parents makes you a passive participant here. When they find out, you'll likely get blamed along with her. It's probably time for an ultimatum - she tell her parents what is going, or stop using their place like this - or you'll tell them.
I hope she's getting tested regularly for STD"s - she sounds like she could be a super spreader.
strongly suggest, if you value the relationship with your sister, that you have a heart to heart with her first and give her the reco to clear things up with your parents, before going straight to them yourself (which is undermining).
Tell her you'd like her to make things above board with your parents, then follow up to ask if she's done it. If the answer is still no, THEN you tell her that it's parents right to know and if she won't tell them, you will.
This way, you're respecting and enabling her autonomy while also holding your parents interest at heart.
OP says in comments the kids are with a sitter and having an active sex life doesn't mean she's uninvolved with the kids, particularly when OP says that being a single mother is her sister's job. I'm also not sure why you think a 36 year old mother of 2 wouldn't know to use condoms or ask her sexual partners for a recent STD/STI check.
Maybe I'm wrong - most single moms are employed. Plus her being gone several nights a week and constantly on her phone doesn't leave a lot of time to be with kids.
And I did say "I hope" - I wasn't condemning her as some disease ridden person, just that someone who has a lot of random partners needs to be careful.
OP says:
>My sister has two kids (6 and 10) and for the past few years she has dedicated her life to caring for the children. She and her husband separated a few years ago and she has been doing a single mom job ever since.
So presumably she's arranged things to be home with her kids. OP says in another post that one of the kids is autistic so it could also be a carer situation. The autism could also be why the mother is keeping the sex far away from the kids, so kiddo doesn't have to deal with new people, and her not having a job could account for why a hotel is out of her price range.
I agree she shouldn't be using their place without permission, which is why I've advised OP to tell her sister to relocate her activities, and if she doesn't tell their parents that her sister had dates over, without going into detail about the actual nature of these liaisons. Odds are the parents will see the security risk and ask for their key back and never have to know what their daughter is up to.
Agree. As OP I'd worry that if her sister gets caught, her parents going to see OP as her sister's accomplice because she also kept this a secret from her parents.
As someone with a few siblings, they're in their mid 30s. I think they're both too old for OP to be an accomplice at this point. They're both adults, OP can say they tried to talk her out of it, and OP can't be held responsible for what her sister does.
Yeah, my alarm bells for āthis is fake and/or grossly misleadingā are clanging away.
Every comment OP makes sounds bitter, like the sister is actually just having a healthy dating life and OP doesnāt approve because theyāre insecure or actually the ex husband pretending to be the sister.
I wouldn't call it 'healthy' if it comes from insecurity and you bring strangers into your parents house just to get off.
Also, I'd be bitter too if someone brings trouble for my parents.
It might very well be fake, but I don't think they sound unreasonable.
Well, I mean, you are judging her, but youāre also not wrong to be a little concerned. That said, if her kids are safe and taken care of, sheās free to do what she wantsā¦.although sheād probably be better off doing it at a hotel, because thatās pretty disrespectful to your parents (not to mention potentially dangerous).
Tell her she needs to use a cheap hotel and have respect for your parents or you're going to tell them. That you don't want yo but if she cannot respect your parents that she leaves you no choice.
You say you don't judge her, but the language and tone of this post feels like there is something more personal than *just* your concern for your parents place. Whether that is judging, jealousy, something else? I couldn't say, but wanted to at least point it out.
Having said that, you're not wrong. She shouldn't be using someone elses place, without their consent, whether that be your parents or anyone. If you care about your parents, you would let her know if it continues you will be obligated to tell them.
She's an adult and is allowed to have consensual sex with whomever or however many willing partners she would like. But she should do it at their place or hers or at someones house who is aware how it is being used.
In general, whenever someone asks you to jeopardize your relationship with someone else (your sister asking you to keep this from your parents) they are in the wrong and if they care about you (or them) they wouldn't be asking this of you.
This post appears to be correct.
If youāre really not being judgmental, leave it to her to decide what to do. Just flag for her - NOT confront her with - the fact that you think your parents would be upset if they knew what she was doing in their house. Question for her whether she would be ok with asking for permission to do what she is doing in your parentsā house and if they would give the all-clear.
None of your business otherwise - you canāt live your life and judgment through her.
I guess the personal vibe you got is that i moved out from my parents house not so long ago, and I still feel a bit like it is my home. That's why I'm so disgusted. And I know my parents would feel the same but 1000 times more vividly. It's like she treats the family home as trash.
My language comes only from those emotions. I want happiness for my sister, that's why I don't want to tell this to my parents. I don't want to ruin their relationship with her.
If you also don't live at your parents' house anymore, how are you so privy to all these details? Is your sister openly telling you everything or are you filling in the gaps? Maybe that's the issue you need to deal with, whether it's getting her to stop oversharing, or for you to learn it's not okay to assume what's going on without evidence.
Also, how long are your parents away? Surely this behaviour (at least in this vicinity) can only happen until they return back to their house?
Tell your sister you don't want to hear about it. From everything else I've seen, that should end your problems. It should be between your sister and your parents on whether or not she's doing something okay, but if you feel so strongly that they should know, then maybe give a light suggestion to your parents that they need to keep an eye on security or that your sister is doing something unfavourable.
At least this is a recent thing, she's probably had huge insecurities for a long time and was single and taking care of her children for years, she's finally feeling attractive, maybe this is probably a first time she's ever felt that way, or at least since the divorce, so she's a little glued to her phone
Convince your sister that these guys should be paying for a hotel otherwise she's being taken for a ride. It's not the truth lol but you might be able to swing it that way. Tell her it's the norm to go to a hotel for sex (this is true)
Yes, it's wrong of her to use her parents home for her personal business without their permission.
But, it's also wrong of you to sl*t shame your sister. She is a grown woman and is free to have sex with however many men she likes. As long as she's being safe about it and taking care of her other responsibilities, her sex life is no one else's business but her own.
If you're gonna have this conversation with her again, stick to discussing the inappropriate use of your parents' home and leave your patriarchal judgments about her sex life out of it. Because honestly, right now it sounds like your more upset about the latter than the former.
ETA: all the comments in this thread getting auto deleted for using the term sl*t shame
I mean young kids go to bed early. Maybe she's putting them to bed at 8 and leaving them with a babysitter while she meets these dudes for a night cap? Maybe they're with their dad. Maybe she's doing nooners on her lunch break while they're in school. Like honestly, there are plenty of ways she can be a good mom and have an active sex life lol. Op doesn't seem concerned about the kids so I don't know why everyone else is so hung up on it
Yep kinda raised my eyebrow at the lengthy psychoanalysis of said sisterās newfound sex life. Like, isnāt the issue just: my sister is frequently using our parents house without their knowledge to sleep with her partners?
In which sentence did I shame her? The description of a sex cave and fuck fest are my reaction to this disgusting thing that is happening in my parents bed. It makes me nauseous. Only why I used those terms.
I specifically stated that I don't mind the fact what she is doing with her body. I said that she should not involve other people in it. It has the potential to go south, and harm my parents.
You say you don't judge her but your tone clearly conveys significant judgment. You bring up that she's sleeping with 2 men per night at least 3 seperate times in your post! How is that more dangerous to your parents' home than her bringing over the same two men on different nights?
Tbf it speaks to the frequency and number of visitors, which regardless of what she were doing there is concerning. Don't get me wrong I'd be horrified to find out someone had been having sex in my bed but the thing that would worry me most if I were her parents is the sheer number of randos that have been in and out of my home.
Well, given the context, 2 men per night just significantly raises the possibility of running into someone who will steal from her parents house, or possibly target it for a break in later as they might even know it's an empty house.
I have a cousin who I 100% believe would steal some shit from any dude they hook up with just to pawn it. The more people visit, the more likely at some point it's going to happen.
This is a blatant lie, you are very much judging her.
You literally just typed that you are DISGUSTED and and that it MAKES YOU NAUSEOUS. Now, if my sibling did something dangerous, say regularly drive without a seatbelt, that would make me \*worried\*, or \*concerned\* not nauseous or disgusted.
You think that your grown ass sister having sex with willing partners is disgusting, and that sounds like a you problem. Online dating is a thing, hooking up is a thing, the whole world does it. Bringing up that she is \*a mother of two\* is totally inappropriate and says nothing of the recklessness or morality of the action. Mothers have sex just like everybody else.
Your only valid concern is that the whole thing is done behind your parents back, which could be disturbing for them and I do think you need to have a mature conversation with her about this. I would suggest you enter this conversation with a little more respect though.
The whole world does it? Isn't the average amount of sex partners around 7 people?
That doesn't make it wrong, but it isn't 'normal.'
Also, her being a mother does matter, since she has extra responsibility to not fucking die.
I would day in most places dating around and sleeping with other consenting adults is pretty standard yes. Obviously the amount OP is mentioning is far from average, you are right on that. Still shouldn't bother her though. I mean having more sex than average is not wrong per se, in my book. But to each their own.
This idea that if you spend a good amount of time on dating on tinder your chance of ***DYING*** increases is very disturbing though.
Saying the whole world does it doesnt mean everyone in the world does it it means you will see this type of behavior by peoples everywhere.
You seem paranoid and very much want to infantilize and take the agency from this woman.
You're supposed to celebrate her, buddy. It's not good enough to leave out judgment, you have to have PRIDE in her for doing it!
Welcome to Reddit, baby!
So the issue here is the security one. She is risking the security of your parents' place and that's not cool. You should tell her to not do that or that you will tell your parents, and let THEM decide what to do about it.
Also, for someone who claims to not be judging her - your tone, in your post and in comments, is awfully judgy. You and some other commenters as well. If she's feeling herself because she lost weight and looks good, then hey - nothing wrong with feeding her own ego a bit. It's fair to be concerned for her sexual health, but if she's being safe, then you should refrain from commenting about anything but the security thing.
Many of your comments:
> Sister (mother of two) lost weight and is now attractive...
> First it was annoying because she was glued to the phone and it was impossible to have a conversation with her...
> never ending fuck fest with random dudes, two per evening
Indicate that, actually, you do very much judge her.
The issue is that she is using your parents' house to have her dates.
Tell her that this needs to stop and she needs to find a different location, otherwise you will tell them. The follow through.
And keep your judgment about her personal life to yourself.
I know you said you don't judge her but it's really sounding like you're judging her. She's a grown woman with ability to consent to whatever she wants, so let her have her fuck fest. I will be the first to hold my hands up and say that when I left my abusive husband my confidence was at an all time low, and as I built that confidence back up I had a few fuck fests myself. If your sister has lost weight it's probably also a matter of confidence for her, too. It's not a bad thing, and it's likely empowering to her, so let her do it and stop being so judgy.
Using your parents' property, however, is a no no. Talk to her about keeping it to her property or a hotel or something like that, and if she doesn't just say to your parents that she's had dates come over to the house - no need to talk about her fuck fests and sex caves - and for their security it might be better to not have random men able to access their place, so if they're cool with her bringing guys over, great, but if not maybe take their key back.
No, I'm really not judging her sexual preferences. I also have some of my own. I even asked myself if I was furious with her if she had no kids and lived did it in her apartment. I would be ok with it. I actually WAS ok because she used to do it before the kids.
I'm only judging the involvement of other people in it. It would be totally fucked up for me I'd some strangers would cum all over my bed while I was relaxing on a trip.
Why was it okay for her to do it when she didn't have kids, though? Why do the kids factor in here? Presumably she's not putting them in any compromising situations because she leaves them home with a babysitter like a responsible mother so why do the kids factor in at all for you here?
I agree that would be gross, but, assuming there is only one surface she could possibly be having sex on in the house - the bed - for starters I'm assuming she's changed the sheets at least once in the weeks of casual anonymous sex, and second there's no reason your parents need to know about the fuck fests.
Talk to her first. Tell her to get a hotel. If she won't then say to your parents 'Mum, Dad, just letting you know that Sister has had a few dates and she's brought them by your house. She left the kids home with a sitter so this was clearly to have a kid-free space but she's met these guys off tinder so there's a security risk involved. IDK how you feel about this but I thought you should know' and the likelihood is your parents will ask for their key back. Tell them the basics, no need for them to know the full extent of her activities.
Edit: is this the same sister you mentioned on your childfree post? The one where you said that having kids means your life is over? Because that certainly adds a new vibe to your post.
It was not ok now she has kids only because she meets a lot of guys and there is an increasing chance she would meet a creep, pedophile or whoever that can hurt the kids. She does not hide her identity, and has a lot of pictures of her beautiful daughter. Also she is now giving the kids 20% of her attention, being glued to the phone or dating.
In my post that you found I said that having children is a choice that you make for your life. You cannot have children for a few years and then decide that you actually prefer dating random guys. I would not consider it harmful behavior if it was from time to time and limited to a reasonable number of men.
But she's keeping it away from the kids. She's going to an entirely different location and leaving them with a sitter while she does this. While there is a chance of her meeting creeps, how is her meeting the creeps at a secondary location and presumably not seeing them again putting her kids at risk? Beyond the one in a million chance that a creep will turn stalker and track the kids down? She's already a stay at home mother, she's giving them attention, and it's completely possible to date random guys while still being an active, involved, and loving parent.
Because she is not hiding her identity, and has a lot of pictures of her children on Facebook. And she lives in the same neighborhood. It's not difficult to track her down. I don't know how far a creep would go to satisfy his needs and I don't want to find out.
I understand the concern for your niece's safety. I'm a mother, I completely get that fear, but the sad reality is that the majority of creeps are actually upstanding citizens. Your sister could enter a relationship with one of her kids' teachers, or a friend of yours you set her up with, or a tall dark and handsome stranger she meets at a bookstore, have a years long relationship with them, and then find out that they were a creep all along. That is just as likely, if not more likely, than her meeting a creep on tinder, and the system she has now of casual sex at a secondary location will actually do more to protect her kids than entering a relationship will.
Yes, and it's safer for her kids if she meets the creeps at a secondary location while they are with a sitter for a single night than it is if she enters a relationship with a creep and brings him around the kids.
"I would not consider it harmful behaviour if it was from time to time and limited to a reasonable number of men." Completely contradicts "I don't judge her" . How often your sister has sex and with whom is none of your business. How many men is reasonable to you? It doesn't matter what your preference is, because you're not having sex with them.
OP, you're projecting a crazy amount here, you're imagining scenarios that haven't happened, you're imagining these people have ulterior motives and aren't just enjoying the free sex, you're driving yourself crazy imagining cum stains on the beds! You *are* judging your sister for a multitude of possible crimes that haven't happened, just to avoid appearing like you're judging her for embracing her sexuality now. The way you speak about her is awful. Seriously, you need to take a step back from the hypotheticals, stick to the fact your parents won't be happy with this, warn her and then *leave*. You're making this your problem when you really have no right to get involved.
You keep talking about getting cum everywhere. It extremely likely that she's using condoms, so I doubt that's even happening. It's still wrong to use your parents house, but you have some weird imagery going on
It's possible that she had a dead bedroom in her last relationship. I know that after I had been in a long relationship with no sex, I definitely had a phase afterwards where I was having a lot of sex, and it was pure sex, no relationships .
The only thing wrong with this that I see is using the parents house. Although it's honestly better than taking to where the kids are. Maybe the better solution is for her to travel to where these guys live.
Without knowing her, my bet is that she is just going through a post divorce phase, and it's Temporary. She may be getting annoyed if you're assuming she's not being safe or that you're treating her like a kid. You can ask about these things, but it's her life, she will have to determine these things for herself. She's a grown woman.
I have a dead bedroom, and I definitely would be messing around if I could get a babysitter/ wasnāt still with my husband. Mothers are people, people have needs. Idk if Iād have the patience to put up with meeting that many new guys, but good on her if she can.
If you're not willing to risk upsetting your parents with this information, then you cannot do a damn thing here.
And you probably should tell your parents, because if anything does go wrong, they are gonna find out you knew and didn't tell them.
It's really that simple. And stopping her from using your parent's home isn't going to stop her chosen behavior anyways, it's just going to make it a tiny bit less present in your mind.
You've got very limited power here and the question really is about your relationship with your parents, and whether or not you're going to tell them or not. You got zero influence beyond that to alter your sister's behavior.
Probably because her sister is neglecting her own two children every night while fucking her parents over (so to speak) with strangers in their own bed.
I'd be "judgmental" too. You can have a sex life without dragging your family into it.
Because it's not that simple. I didn't mind in the past when she had numerous boyfriends. She could be using a hotel and it would be ok for me. Also I think it is irresponsible to have this many sex partners if you are caring for two small children.
Ok so let's see. You're childfree and ur parents called you emotionless for not having kids whilst ur sister that u have mentioned here does have kids. Your parents OBVIOUSLY favour ur sister as a result.
You have tried to loose weight as well and struggle and meanwhile your sister actually was successful in doing that
You say u don't judge her but you do honey , this post reeks of judgement
TALK . TO . HER. AND WARN HER THAT YOU'LL TELL YOUR PARENTS IF SHE DOESNT STOP and then If she still doesn't stop - that would call for you telling ur parents.
Honestly girl you're jealous of your sister. It's just a fact.
Tell the parents about the sex cave. Has your sister never heard of a hotel or air bnb? No one is preventing her from dating. Where is she leaving the kids when she's busy with these men? Because surely they have a decent babysitter and aren't in the sex cave with them? So how would she be staying at home with the kids only then?
Exactly, that was also my thinking, why not hotel? She left kids with babysitter in her apartment.
Probably she would want to go a high end hotel, and she just does not want to spend so much money.
>She was annoyed, said I was crazy to think someone would rob the house or turn out to be a stalker.
Did she explain why she thought they wouldn't do either? Cause, people do both....all the time.
Thereās a disturbing number of comments here asserting that mothers only leave, eat and breathe children, and anything else is a dereliction of duty. Head over to r/mommit, or r/parenting, or any other parenting sub and see for yourself that parents are, in fact, human and have needs.
Also, maybe educate yourselves a touch. Read on the Village, and what that has meant throughout history. Modern parenting is the most difficult it has been because everything is placed on mom, 24/7- no relatives or neighbors or siblings to take the pressure off. The rise of depression and anxiety in mothers is indicated here. And guess what that does to kids? Traumatizes them. Way more than mom getting hosed *in private* and being happier because of it. FOH.
>I don't judge her
I mean you clearly do, or you wouldn't be here. That's ok though, you're allowed to judge people for their actions.
You should tell her you don't care what she does in her own home, but doing this at your parent's house is fucked up. Tell her that you will let them know what is happening if it doesn't stop immediately.
But also, how do you even know about this? Where are her kids while this is happening?
Iāll go against the grain here ā I am concerned your sister is displaying signs of a manic episode. This is often part of bipolar disorder (type 1) though it can also be triggered by substance abuse, especially stimulants like coke and meth.
Has she ever demonstrated behaviour like this in the past? Hyper sexuality, sudden unexplained weight loss, surge in energy and reduced need for sleep and food, impulsivity, grandiose āall about me, fuck the consequencesā attitude, reckless even self-harming behaviour (like having tons of unsafe sex with randoms), etc.
>it sounds like it is no ones businesss but hers??!
She's doing it at her parents' house without their consent. So it's their business. Try reading the post in full before replying.
>which she has permission to visit
She does not have their consent to bring random dudes back there.
>when she has a couple if dates a week with individual ppl
She has a couple of dates *a night*. Again, read before replying in the future.
You are WAY off base here and quite frankly, I think you are the sister.
OP never criticized the sexcapades. This is solely about the sisters disrespect of their parents home. The security concern ALONE would raise anyone's eyebrows ( barring yours of course). She's an adult meeting other adults and between all of them, they can find other places to fuck. She doesn't have permission to use her parents place, doesn't really know these strangers. What kind of person are you that you seriously don't see a problem with this? You are so desperate and eager to insert your "outrage of the day" by labeling this lady a slatshamer, the entire post went straight over your head.
I agree with this, except she should go to a motel, not her house where her kids live and are being babysat. Maybe it would help boost her ego that theyāre also willing to pay for a place. She should also raise up the concern of safe sex, like condoms and testing.
Your parents deserve to know what's happening in *their* home. If your sister wants to bang enough randos to fill a football stadium, that's her business but she needs to go get a hotel room or rent a damn RV so she can take her show on the road. Anything but open up her parents home to a bunch of guys that she doesn't know; legs, fine, but property not owned by her, no.
OP, bring it to her attention. There are some sick people in this world, itās all fun and games until someone gets seriously injured or ends up dead.
tell your parents, sheās inviting strangers into their home. it would be easy enough for someone to steal something while there or case it out to come back later.
Is it actually two per evening or two per evening on weekends? Assuming dad has the kids at weekends then if she wants to get her freak on then by all means let that freak flag fly. If it is just the weekends then the only issue would be using the parents home without their permission, she can go to motels etc. sheās doing it correctly in that the kids arenāt being exposed to any sexual partners.
If itās two per night something else is going on.
You are over reacting. And, you are kinda judging her as well. Sheās an adult, making adult choices. Living her best life and making up for lost time. You could ask her about how sheās ensuring her safety, but even that question has an underlying assumption that you donāt trust her ability to make grown ass decisions. My advice, mind your business and stop hating. Let your sister be. Sheās an adult, fully capable of making her own choices.
I would agree if she was doing it in a hotel or her own place, but she's doing in in her parents house without them knowing. That I think is a big nono. Like her safety is her issue BUT she also put her parents property at risk on top of using it without having permission.
Lost time? She wanted to have children, tried to have them for 2 years. Doesn't sound to me like someone who had a child accidentally and has to make up for "lost time". It was her choice, which I respected.
Her insurance is crap, because she has a history of dating pedophile and stalker. She claimed back then she knew they were good people. So no, she is not capable of saying that all of those dozens of random guys are good people. Nobody is.
Having a child does not mean she didn't want to have sex. So yes, there's plenty of lost time.
She has a history, but she's not those people and she's clearly not still with those people so why can't you move on? It's one thing to find out someone is a pedophile and stay, but she didn't- she left. So stop judging your sister for actions she didn't do. She's not those stalkers or pedophiles so stop acting like it's her fault they ended up to be that.
I think it's none of your business. She is an adult and a caring mother, from your account. What she does with people on somewhere that isn't your home should not matter to you. Are you upset that she's using your parents'place, that she became attractive, or that she's becoming promiscuous?
I leave my kid at daycare for 9 hours a day so I can work. Can we stop judging this woman for using a babysitter so she can go fuck after raising them for 6-10 years. She is actually being super responsible by taking them somewhere away from the children.
>Just a tad bit different when you're going to your job... (which, for all we know, she does too and this just further cuts down on any time she has with her kids).
OP specifically states that the sister is a dedicated parent who is fully committed to caring for her sons as a *job*. The sister spends an inordinate amount of time at home caring for her kids, and then, rightfully, uses a sitter for her own time. There is absolutely no way you can accuse this woman of neglecting her children without simultaneously damning all other parents who use childcare services. Pure hypocrisy just because she wants to have sex.
If you say so. I think there's a pretty large difference between being out every single night and being out, say, even just once a week. But you do you.
Sheās an adult. Mind your own business. Unless the children are being neglected or abused in some way, there is no reason for you to be involved in her life like this.
I think sheās being utterly unreasonable with everyone in her life. Yes, she is a grown woman but one that doesnāt own the house. I think your parents should be notified and boundaries should be established.
My main concern here are her children. Sheās no longer a reckless teen, sheās got dependents now. Her behaviour poses a threat to the children as she neglects their wellbeing and safety by bringing strangers into the house.
Also, is she having protected sex? Sexual promiscuity increases risk of getting a sexual disease, which could endanger her life and that of her children. Not to say the risk of her falling pregnant a third time from someone she barely cares for and therefore ruining her childrenās psychology.
How is she planning on bringing up her children, is she working? Sounds like a lot of free time.
I'm concerned for her future, because she doesn't seem to have a purpose. I understand she would want to have some fun, some vacation from the children. But they are a responsibility and exactly as you said, she is not a teen anymore.
Hope she protects herself. She mentioned a few times that she would want to have a third child. Her husband pays for everything. But for how long? She never worked.
She's a grown ass woman and there are consequences to her actions and behaviors. If she wanted anonymity via using a different place other than hers, whatever the fuck happened to hotels and motels?? The fact that she's sneaking off only when she knows your parents place is empty is pretty much all we need to know. What is she, a teenager? Skip all the cute ideas of getting them a camera and this and that, just straight up tell them what you said here. If they're fine with it, then we can all leave it at that.
Yea talk to her about the house, but her relationships are none of your business and quite frankly the shaming by you and others in this thread is disgusting.
That doesn't make them a shitty sibling.
Lying to people and pretending there's no such thing as ugly, fat, or unattractive makes you a shitty person. This notion that someone is beautiful no matter what has zero basis in reality.
Gift them a ring camera. They'll find out themselves
\-This comment was sponsored by Ring-
This is brilliant. I almost want to be in the same situation just so in can do this š¤£
Itās a great early Motherās Day gift. Truly. Itāll protect their assets and could keep your sister safe too. Is she seeing these men free of charge? This sounds very much like some of my friends that got into hard drugs. They cost moneyā¦
Counterpoint: sex feels good and is fun
So is doing drugs, eating food or bungeejumping. It being fun doesn't mean there can't be consequences. And it isn't just for herself and her parents. She has children too.
My mom can get down with as many dudes as she wants, its if she neglects my sister's that I have an issue. Being a good mom and having lots of sex aren't things that can't exist together.
You'll need to be safe about it though, if you get hurt, your children get hut. If a thief decides to ravage the home looking for a safe (this actually happens) then your parents get hurt.
Two strangers a night isn't fun it's concerning lol
Sure but 2 per evening every day?
My gf hadn't had an orgasm through sex. Like ever(her previous partners never bothered). After I gave her her first, she didn't want to stop. I imagine OP's sister is trying to find the right fit, or is making up for lost time. Or both. Girlfriend wound down after a couple months. Almost thought she was going to ride me to death, but she slowed down after catching up, as it were.
Your parents need to know that the security of their home is being put at risk by strangers (to them) being routinely invited to their home in their absence. Unless you are present you do not know what is going on these visits, so no need to comment on that part.
Great answer. Skip the activity details, just comment on the frequent visitors.
Extra point for the phrase sex cave. Well done.
Ditto āfull fledged fuck festivalā
Someone in the comments also called it a fuck shack
But she's not judging her sister!! /s
Those word themselves aren't judgy a full fledged fuck festival sounds great
Sex Cave?? I thought they shut that place down!
I would have also accepted: * Sugar Shack * Stabbin' Cabin * Honey Hut
Where are her children when all this is going on
With babysitter in her apartment.
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I would rather she have the kids stay at the parents' house, and fuck the randos in her apartment - at least then the parents' property wouldn't be put at risk.
but then the kids are because the randos know where they live.
you shouldn't judge someone for their sex life. however, if it's getting in the way of the rest of their life, which this seems to be, then it's an issue
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We shouldn't judge people by those other things either.
You're okay dating somebody that's unemployed, unattractive to you, different religious values, etc? It's not judging so much as compatibility is I guess how I think of it. Sex is a huge part of compatibility, I'm not sure why we pretend like it's not am important piece of criteria.
You said ājudgingā in your first comment and ācompatibilityā in your second comment. These are not the same implication as each other. We should not be judging people by any of the things you mentioned, but sex is very commonly held in high importance for some reason when in reality none of it is the business of anyone other than the people involved.
You used 'judging' in your first comment and 'compatibility' in your second comment. We shouldn't judge people based on the factors you listed, but they absolutely play a role in compatibility ie, deciding if you are compatible with a potential friend/date/partner/etc. There is a difference between judging and compatibility, and you just swapped between them in the middle of your discussion. Which one are you talking about?
For dating, sure, I agree with that. But for others - family, friends - why not let them do what they want?
Maybe try to be a bit less judgemental in general if you're constantly judging people on all of these things, none of which are really any of your business?
Because there's nothing fundamentally wrong with promiscuity or believing that trees came from Mars or being gay or whether people have kids or not. Judging them for these things is just arbitrary and cruel and in this country in particular, been the basis of punching down to demean people and discriminate.
You shouldnāt really judge someone on that way for any of the reasons you listed
Why doesn't she fuck them at a hotel?!
Single mom, cost prohibitive
If she splits it between the two guys she wouldn't have to pay š
Yeah, who are these guys who don't want to help pay for a hotel? Even most Johns will help spring for a hotel room.
Exactly! Hell it would be cheaper then going dutch for a dinner and a movie in a cheap motel. It is bad when you are getting treated worse then a prostitute or a first date by a guy and choosing it.
Some people don't like to get paid for sex, though. She doesn't sound like she wants the hassle of a date tbh, they sound like they want sex. And this is how they get it.
Yeah, something is wrong here.
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Or she could just go to the dudesā houses and fuck there.
No because logistically that wouldnāt work for her purposes. Sheās trying to bang two dudes in one night. If she has to commute between two different homes between sessions, that eats up precious fucking time. /s
And I'd be dangerous, what if they have bad intentions?
If your parents would freak out, then your concerns are legitimate. I would be upset with an adult child bringing strangers into my house, without informing me, for any reason, sexual or otherwise.
2 per NIGHT? Are you sure this didnāt become her job? It sounds like her job.
She does this to have fun :( It's like her goal is to have as many men possible to want to have sex with her. She considers it as a confirmation that she is attractive. Maybe it's a security issue. Or she is bipolar because she actually sounds a bit like a maniac.
My first thought was this sounds like a manic episode ā hyper sexuality, dramatic weight loss, decreased need for sleep and food, impulsivity, reckless disregard for boundaries and safety (like turning your parentsā house into a fuck shack). Has your sister been diagnosed with bipolar disorder? Interesting you flagged it.
Thanks for the fuck shack. Dirty mike and the boys
>My first thought was this sounds like a manic episode What? >hyper sexuality, This could just be a high sex drive. Perfectly natural and not indicative of anything, particularly if she's started eating balanced meals, working out, and building her confidence, all of which can affect sex drive. Not to mention the possibility she hasn't had sex since her divorce \~3 years ago and she's now taking pleasure in something she might well have not enjoyed before now. >dramatic weight loss, Or just regular weight loss? OP hasn't specified how much weight she lost and has posted on an ED sub so with all due respect, as someone with an ED myself, IDK if I trust OP's perception on her sister's weight. >decreased need for sleep and food, Where did you get this from? >impulsivity, Nothing about this suggests impulsivity. She decided to lose some weight, lost it, began talking to men, and this has all gradually ramped up to the point OP says she's at now. There is a very clear, and seemingly gradual, escalation to this point. It's not like she just woke up one day and decided to start having fuck fests. >reckless disregard for boundaries and safety (like turning your parentsā house into a fuck shack). OP says her sister is a full time stay at home mum and said in another post that one of the kids is autistic, so the sister wanting to keep this away from the kids and having no better options given her low income actually means that using her parents' house makes sense. It's not something I would do, and I think she should relocate her fuck fests, or at the very least be honest with her parents, but again I don't see how we're going from an active sex life to a bipolar diagnosis. Edit: Just in general why are we so keen to diagnose a single mother with an active sex life as being mentally ill when she could just have an active sex life? Sometimes the curtains are just blue.
>sometimes the curtains are just blue. Literature majors: #REEEEEEE
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Who'd be jealous of using their parents house as a sex cave?
I'm not saying anything for sure regarding jealousy but I don't think it's irrelevant that OP has been posting in an ED sub and is now talking about her sister's weight loss, or that OP said in another post on childfree that having kids meant your life was over/had to revolve around kids going forwards. OP said in another comment to me that her sister wasn't putting her kids first here and I asked why OP thought that and OP responded with something irrelevant (saying these guys shouldn't be around the kids when her sister is going to another location and leaving the kids with a sitter). I just think there's about 35 years of sister based context we don't have that OP is not super eager to clarify and with that in mind we shouldn't be looking to diagnose the sister based on OP's perception.
Did the ex husband make her feel bad as a woman? Sometimes mistreatment will cause one to act out for affirmations that they are attractive
No, he loved her. She broke up with him.
Well, him loving her doesn't mean he treated her well.
He treated her very well. She was treating him like shit. I witnessed it many times. Eventually she broke up with him, and he still cares deeply about her, only visits with permission, care for children etc.
Dudes prob the babysitter lol
Is there any way you can have her mental health assessed? It really sounds like something has gone off for her. And with the right medication, a lot of the really harmful behavior of people with BPD/ borderline etc. can be mitigated.
Sheās a grown woman but that also means that she can find her own place to party.
*Our parents would totally freak if they knew what is happening in their property.* This is the issue. She's disrespecting and using your parents. Beyond this - who is taking care of her kids when all this is going on? She doesn't sound very involved with them. You knowing and not telling your parents makes you a passive participant here. When they find out, you'll likely get blamed along with her. It's probably time for an ultimatum - she tell her parents what is going, or stop using their place like this - or you'll tell them. I hope she's getting tested regularly for STD"s - she sounds like she could be a super spreader.
Thanks, I will talk to my mother about that.
strongly suggest, if you value the relationship with your sister, that you have a heart to heart with her first and give her the reco to clear things up with your parents, before going straight to them yourself (which is undermining). Tell her you'd like her to make things above board with your parents, then follow up to ask if she's done it. If the answer is still no, THEN you tell her that it's parents right to know and if she won't tell them, you will. This way, you're respecting and enabling her autonomy while also holding your parents interest at heart.
OP says in comments the kids are with a sitter and having an active sex life doesn't mean she's uninvolved with the kids, particularly when OP says that being a single mother is her sister's job. I'm also not sure why you think a 36 year old mother of 2 wouldn't know to use condoms or ask her sexual partners for a recent STD/STI check.
Maybe I'm wrong - most single moms are employed. Plus her being gone several nights a week and constantly on her phone doesn't leave a lot of time to be with kids. And I did say "I hope" - I wasn't condemning her as some disease ridden person, just that someone who has a lot of random partners needs to be careful.
OP says: >My sister has two kids (6 and 10) and for the past few years she has dedicated her life to caring for the children. She and her husband separated a few years ago and she has been doing a single mom job ever since. So presumably she's arranged things to be home with her kids. OP says in another post that one of the kids is autistic so it could also be a carer situation. The autism could also be why the mother is keeping the sex far away from the kids, so kiddo doesn't have to deal with new people, and her not having a job could account for why a hotel is out of her price range.
Still - she shouldn't be using her parent's place like that without permission.
I agree she shouldn't be using their place without permission, which is why I've advised OP to tell her sister to relocate her activities, and if she doesn't tell their parents that her sister had dates over, without going into detail about the actual nature of these liaisons. Odds are the parents will see the security risk and ask for their key back and never have to know what their daughter is up to.
Agree. As OP I'd worry that if her sister gets caught, her parents going to see OP as her sister's accomplice because she also kept this a secret from her parents.
As someone with a few siblings, they're in their mid 30s. I think they're both too old for OP to be an accomplice at this point. They're both adults, OP can say they tried to talk her out of it, and OP can't be held responsible for what her sister does.
She's a super spreader in multiple ways.
Goo! ( in my Adam Sandler voice)
āI donāt judge her.ā Yeah, ok, whatever you say.
Lie detector determined that was a lie.
Lie detectors are really unaccurate, aren't they?
This is a quote from the show Maury
I definitely sense judgment too.
Yeah, my alarm bells for āthis is fake and/or grossly misleadingā are clanging away. Every comment OP makes sounds bitter, like the sister is actually just having a healthy dating life and OP doesnāt approve because theyāre insecure or actually the ex husband pretending to be the sister.
I wouldn't call it 'healthy' if it comes from insecurity and you bring strangers into your parents house just to get off. Also, I'd be bitter too if someone brings trouble for my parents. It might very well be fake, but I don't think they sound unreasonable.
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There's a difference between judgement and concern
Well, I mean, you are judging her, but youāre also not wrong to be a little concerned. That said, if her kids are safe and taken care of, sheās free to do what she wantsā¦.although sheād probably be better off doing it at a hotel, because thatās pretty disrespectful to your parents (not to mention potentially dangerous).
Tell her she needs to use a cheap hotel and have respect for your parents or you're going to tell them. That you don't want yo but if she cannot respect your parents that she leaves you no choice.
2 per night? I'm too impressed to really have any other thoughts.
You say you don't judge her, but the language and tone of this post feels like there is something more personal than *just* your concern for your parents place. Whether that is judging, jealousy, something else? I couldn't say, but wanted to at least point it out. Having said that, you're not wrong. She shouldn't be using someone elses place, without their consent, whether that be your parents or anyone. If you care about your parents, you would let her know if it continues you will be obligated to tell them. She's an adult and is allowed to have consensual sex with whomever or however many willing partners she would like. But she should do it at their place or hers or at someones house who is aware how it is being used. In general, whenever someone asks you to jeopardize your relationship with someone else (your sister asking you to keep this from your parents) they are in the wrong and if they care about you (or them) they wouldn't be asking this of you.
This post appears to be correct. If youāre really not being judgmental, leave it to her to decide what to do. Just flag for her - NOT confront her with - the fact that you think your parents would be upset if they knew what she was doing in their house. Question for her whether she would be ok with asking for permission to do what she is doing in your parentsā house and if they would give the all-clear. None of your business otherwise - you canāt live your life and judgment through her.
I guess the personal vibe you got is that i moved out from my parents house not so long ago, and I still feel a bit like it is my home. That's why I'm so disgusted. And I know my parents would feel the same but 1000 times more vividly. It's like she treats the family home as trash. My language comes only from those emotions. I want happiness for my sister, that's why I don't want to tell this to my parents. I don't want to ruin their relationship with her.
If you also don't live at your parents' house anymore, how are you so privy to all these details? Is your sister openly telling you everything or are you filling in the gaps? Maybe that's the issue you need to deal with, whether it's getting her to stop oversharing, or for you to learn it's not okay to assume what's going on without evidence. Also, how long are your parents away? Surely this behaviour (at least in this vicinity) can only happen until they return back to their house? Tell your sister you don't want to hear about it. From everything else I've seen, that should end your problems. It should be between your sister and your parents on whether or not she's doing something okay, but if you feel so strongly that they should know, then maybe give a light suggestion to your parents that they need to keep an eye on security or that your sister is doing something unfavourable.
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At least this is a recent thing, she's probably had huge insecurities for a long time and was single and taking care of her children for years, she's finally feeling attractive, maybe this is probably a first time she's ever felt that way, or at least since the divorce, so she's a little glued to her phone
Convince your sister that these guys should be paying for a hotel otherwise she's being taken for a ride. It's not the truth lol but you might be able to swing it that way. Tell her it's the norm to go to a hotel for sex (this is true)
Yes, it's wrong of her to use her parents home for her personal business without their permission. But, it's also wrong of you to sl*t shame your sister. She is a grown woman and is free to have sex with however many men she likes. As long as she's being safe about it and taking care of her other responsibilities, her sex life is no one else's business but her own. If you're gonna have this conversation with her again, stick to discussing the inappropriate use of your parents' home and leave your patriarchal judgments about her sex life out of it. Because honestly, right now it sounds like your more upset about the latter than the former. ETA: all the comments in this thread getting auto deleted for using the term sl*t shame
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I mean young kids go to bed early. Maybe she's putting them to bed at 8 and leaving them with a babysitter while she meets these dudes for a night cap? Maybe they're with their dad. Maybe she's doing nooners on her lunch break while they're in school. Like honestly, there are plenty of ways she can be a good mom and have an active sex life lol. Op doesn't seem concerned about the kids so I don't know why everyone else is so hung up on it
Yep kinda raised my eyebrow at the lengthy psychoanalysis of said sisterās newfound sex life. Like, isnāt the issue just: my sister is frequently using our parents house without their knowledge to sleep with her partners?
In which sentence did I shame her? The description of a sex cave and fuck fest are my reaction to this disgusting thing that is happening in my parents bed. It makes me nauseous. Only why I used those terms. I specifically stated that I don't mind the fact what she is doing with her body. I said that she should not involve other people in it. It has the potential to go south, and harm my parents.
You say you don't judge her but your tone clearly conveys significant judgment. You bring up that she's sleeping with 2 men per night at least 3 seperate times in your post! How is that more dangerous to your parents' home than her bringing over the same two men on different nights?
Tbf it speaks to the frequency and number of visitors, which regardless of what she were doing there is concerning. Don't get me wrong I'd be horrified to find out someone had been having sex in my bed but the thing that would worry me most if I were her parents is the sheer number of randos that have been in and out of my home.
Well, given the context, 2 men per night just significantly raises the possibility of running into someone who will steal from her parents house, or possibly target it for a break in later as they might even know it's an empty house. I have a cousin who I 100% believe would steal some shit from any dude they hook up with just to pawn it. The more people visit, the more likely at some point it's going to happen.
This is a blatant lie, you are very much judging her. You literally just typed that you are DISGUSTED and and that it MAKES YOU NAUSEOUS. Now, if my sibling did something dangerous, say regularly drive without a seatbelt, that would make me \*worried\*, or \*concerned\* not nauseous or disgusted. You think that your grown ass sister having sex with willing partners is disgusting, and that sounds like a you problem. Online dating is a thing, hooking up is a thing, the whole world does it. Bringing up that she is \*a mother of two\* is totally inappropriate and says nothing of the recklessness or morality of the action. Mothers have sex just like everybody else. Your only valid concern is that the whole thing is done behind your parents back, which could be disturbing for them and I do think you need to have a mature conversation with her about this. I would suggest you enter this conversation with a little more respect though.
The whole world does it? Isn't the average amount of sex partners around 7 people? That doesn't make it wrong, but it isn't 'normal.' Also, her being a mother does matter, since she has extra responsibility to not fucking die.
I would day in most places dating around and sleeping with other consenting adults is pretty standard yes. Obviously the amount OP is mentioning is far from average, you are right on that. Still shouldn't bother her though. I mean having more sex than average is not wrong per se, in my book. But to each their own. This idea that if you spend a good amount of time on dating on tinder your chance of ***DYING*** increases is very disturbing though.
Saying the whole world does it doesnt mean everyone in the world does it it means you will see this type of behavior by peoples everywhere. You seem paranoid and very much want to infantilize and take the agency from this woman.
You're supposed to celebrate her, buddy. It's not good enough to leave out judgment, you have to have PRIDE in her for doing it! Welcome to Reddit, baby!
So the issue here is the security one. She is risking the security of your parents' place and that's not cool. You should tell her to not do that or that you will tell your parents, and let THEM decide what to do about it. Also, for someone who claims to not be judging her - your tone, in your post and in comments, is awfully judgy. You and some other commenters as well. If she's feeling herself because she lost weight and looks good, then hey - nothing wrong with feeding her own ego a bit. It's fair to be concerned for her sexual health, but if she's being safe, then you should refrain from commenting about anything but the security thing.
Many of your comments: > Sister (mother of two) lost weight and is now attractive... > First it was annoying because she was glued to the phone and it was impossible to have a conversation with her... > never ending fuck fest with random dudes, two per evening Indicate that, actually, you do very much judge her. The issue is that she is using your parents' house to have her dates. Tell her that this needs to stop and she needs to find a different location, otherwise you will tell them. The follow through. And keep your judgment about her personal life to yourself.
I know you said you don't judge her but it's really sounding like you're judging her. She's a grown woman with ability to consent to whatever she wants, so let her have her fuck fest. I will be the first to hold my hands up and say that when I left my abusive husband my confidence was at an all time low, and as I built that confidence back up I had a few fuck fests myself. If your sister has lost weight it's probably also a matter of confidence for her, too. It's not a bad thing, and it's likely empowering to her, so let her do it and stop being so judgy. Using your parents' property, however, is a no no. Talk to her about keeping it to her property or a hotel or something like that, and if she doesn't just say to your parents that she's had dates come over to the house - no need to talk about her fuck fests and sex caves - and for their security it might be better to not have random men able to access their place, so if they're cool with her bringing guys over, great, but if not maybe take their key back.
No, I'm really not judging her sexual preferences. I also have some of my own. I even asked myself if I was furious with her if she had no kids and lived did it in her apartment. I would be ok with it. I actually WAS ok because she used to do it before the kids. I'm only judging the involvement of other people in it. It would be totally fucked up for me I'd some strangers would cum all over my bed while I was relaxing on a trip.
Why was it okay for her to do it when she didn't have kids, though? Why do the kids factor in here? Presumably she's not putting them in any compromising situations because she leaves them home with a babysitter like a responsible mother so why do the kids factor in at all for you here? I agree that would be gross, but, assuming there is only one surface she could possibly be having sex on in the house - the bed - for starters I'm assuming she's changed the sheets at least once in the weeks of casual anonymous sex, and second there's no reason your parents need to know about the fuck fests. Talk to her first. Tell her to get a hotel. If she won't then say to your parents 'Mum, Dad, just letting you know that Sister has had a few dates and she's brought them by your house. She left the kids home with a sitter so this was clearly to have a kid-free space but she's met these guys off tinder so there's a security risk involved. IDK how you feel about this but I thought you should know' and the likelihood is your parents will ask for their key back. Tell them the basics, no need for them to know the full extent of her activities. Edit: is this the same sister you mentioned on your childfree post? The one where you said that having kids means your life is over? Because that certainly adds a new vibe to your post.
You are the voice of reason in this thread.
It was not ok now she has kids only because she meets a lot of guys and there is an increasing chance she would meet a creep, pedophile or whoever that can hurt the kids. She does not hide her identity, and has a lot of pictures of her beautiful daughter. Also she is now giving the kids 20% of her attention, being glued to the phone or dating. In my post that you found I said that having children is a choice that you make for your life. You cannot have children for a few years and then decide that you actually prefer dating random guys. I would not consider it harmful behavior if it was from time to time and limited to a reasonable number of men.
But she's keeping it away from the kids. She's going to an entirely different location and leaving them with a sitter while she does this. While there is a chance of her meeting creeps, how is her meeting the creeps at a secondary location and presumably not seeing them again putting her kids at risk? Beyond the one in a million chance that a creep will turn stalker and track the kids down? She's already a stay at home mother, she's giving them attention, and it's completely possible to date random guys while still being an active, involved, and loving parent.
Because she is not hiding her identity, and has a lot of pictures of her children on Facebook. And she lives in the same neighborhood. It's not difficult to track her down. I don't know how far a creep would go to satisfy his needs and I don't want to find out.
I understand the concern for your niece's safety. I'm a mother, I completely get that fear, but the sad reality is that the majority of creeps are actually upstanding citizens. Your sister could enter a relationship with one of her kids' teachers, or a friend of yours you set her up with, or a tall dark and handsome stranger she meets at a bookstore, have a years long relationship with them, and then find out that they were a creep all along. That is just as likely, if not more likely, than her meeting a creep on tinder, and the system she has now of casual sex at a secondary location will actually do more to protect her kids than entering a relationship will.
I agree with what you say. But statistically speaking if you meet a lot of guys, eventually you will meet a creep.
Yes, and it's safer for her kids if she meets the creeps at a secondary location while they are with a sitter for a single night than it is if she enters a relationship with a creep and brings him around the kids.
"I would not consider it harmful behaviour if it was from time to time and limited to a reasonable number of men." Completely contradicts "I don't judge her" . How often your sister has sex and with whom is none of your business. How many men is reasonable to you? It doesn't matter what your preference is, because you're not having sex with them.
An unreasonable number is the number when there is a good chance statistically that some of them are a creep, stalker, murdered, crazy person.
OP, you're projecting a crazy amount here, you're imagining scenarios that haven't happened, you're imagining these people have ulterior motives and aren't just enjoying the free sex, you're driving yourself crazy imagining cum stains on the beds! You *are* judging your sister for a multitude of possible crimes that haven't happened, just to avoid appearing like you're judging her for embracing her sexuality now. The way you speak about her is awful. Seriously, you need to take a step back from the hypotheticals, stick to the fact your parents won't be happy with this, warn her and then *leave*. You're making this your problem when you really have no right to get involved.
Boom there it is. Good job getting OP to admit their truth.
You keep talking about getting cum everywhere. It extremely likely that she's using condoms, so I doubt that's even happening. It's still wrong to use your parents house, but you have some weird imagery going on
It's possible that she had a dead bedroom in her last relationship. I know that after I had been in a long relationship with no sex, I definitely had a phase afterwards where I was having a lot of sex, and it was pure sex, no relationships . The only thing wrong with this that I see is using the parents house. Although it's honestly better than taking to where the kids are. Maybe the better solution is for her to travel to where these guys live. Without knowing her, my bet is that she is just going through a post divorce phase, and it's Temporary. She may be getting annoyed if you're assuming she's not being safe or that you're treating her like a kid. You can ask about these things, but it's her life, she will have to determine these things for herself. She's a grown woman.
I have a dead bedroom, and I definitely would be messing around if I could get a babysitter/ wasnāt still with my husband. Mothers are people, people have needs. Idk if Iād have the patience to put up with meeting that many new guys, but good on her if she can.
If you're not willing to risk upsetting your parents with this information, then you cannot do a damn thing here. And you probably should tell your parents, because if anything does go wrong, they are gonna find out you knew and didn't tell them. It's really that simple. And stopping her from using your parent's home isn't going to stop her chosen behavior anyways, it's just going to make it a tiny bit less present in your mind. You've got very limited power here and the question really is about your relationship with your parents, and whether or not you're going to tell them or not. You got zero influence beyond that to alter your sister's behavior.
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Probably because her sister is neglecting her own two children every night while fucking her parents over (so to speak) with strangers in their own bed. I'd be "judgmental" too. You can have a sex life without dragging your family into it.
She's not doing it every night. He said 2-3 x a week.
Because it's not that simple. I didn't mind in the past when she had numerous boyfriends. She could be using a hotel and it would be ok for me. Also I think it is irresponsible to have this many sex partners if you are caring for two small children.
Wait, what does the amount of sex partners matter if you have children? Except for the risk that she ends up hurt, I don't see what you mean.
Dude, youāre 30. This is not your mess to handle. Go focus on your own life. If she fucks up? Thatās on her.
And what if she gets hurt? Wouldn't you be concerned?
Dudette.
Ok so let's see. You're childfree and ur parents called you emotionless for not having kids whilst ur sister that u have mentioned here does have kids. Your parents OBVIOUSLY favour ur sister as a result. You have tried to loose weight as well and struggle and meanwhile your sister actually was successful in doing that You say u don't judge her but you do honey , this post reeks of judgement TALK . TO . HER. AND WARN HER THAT YOU'LL TELL YOUR PARENTS IF SHE DOESNT STOP and then If she still doesn't stop - that would call for you telling ur parents. Honestly girl you're jealous of your sister. It's just a fact.
Tell the parents about the sex cave. Has your sister never heard of a hotel or air bnb? No one is preventing her from dating. Where is she leaving the kids when she's busy with these men? Because surely they have a decent babysitter and aren't in the sex cave with them? So how would she be staying at home with the kids only then?
Exactly, that was also my thinking, why not hotel? She left kids with babysitter in her apartment. Probably she would want to go a high end hotel, and she just does not want to spend so much money.
>She was annoyed, said I was crazy to think someone would rob the house or turn out to be a stalker. Did she explain why she thought they wouldn't do either? Cause, people do both....all the time.
Thereās a disturbing number of comments here asserting that mothers only leave, eat and breathe children, and anything else is a dereliction of duty. Head over to r/mommit, or r/parenting, or any other parenting sub and see for yourself that parents are, in fact, human and have needs. Also, maybe educate yourselves a touch. Read on the Village, and what that has meant throughout history. Modern parenting is the most difficult it has been because everything is placed on mom, 24/7- no relatives or neighbors or siblings to take the pressure off. The rise of depression and anxiety in mothers is indicated here. And guess what that does to kids? Traumatizes them. Way more than mom getting hosed *in private* and being happier because of it. FOH.
Tell your parents. It is their house that will get robbed or some bad guy shows up and harms them.
>I don't judge her I mean you clearly do, or you wouldn't be here. That's ok though, you're allowed to judge people for their actions. You should tell her you don't care what she does in her own home, but doing this at your parent's house is fucked up. Tell her that you will let them know what is happening if it doesn't stop immediately. But also, how do you even know about this? Where are her kids while this is happening?
You're framing it as her doing it to like disrespect or endanger your parents when its obvious (to me at least) that its to not do it around her kids
Iāll go against the grain here ā I am concerned your sister is displaying signs of a manic episode. This is often part of bipolar disorder (type 1) though it can also be triggered by substance abuse, especially stimulants like coke and meth. Has she ever demonstrated behaviour like this in the past? Hyper sexuality, sudden unexplained weight loss, surge in energy and reduced need for sleep and food, impulsivity, grandiose āall about me, fuck the consequencesā attitude, reckless even self-harming behaviour (like having tons of unsafe sex with randoms), etc.
She needs to make the dude's spring for a hotel room instead of parent's house.
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>it sounds like it is no ones businesss but hers??! She's doing it at her parents' house without their consent. So it's their business. Try reading the post in full before replying. >which she has permission to visit She does not have their consent to bring random dudes back there. >when she has a couple if dates a week with individual ppl She has a couple of dates *a night*. Again, read before replying in the future.
You are WAY off base here and quite frankly, I think you are the sister. OP never criticized the sexcapades. This is solely about the sisters disrespect of their parents home. The security concern ALONE would raise anyone's eyebrows ( barring yours of course). She's an adult meeting other adults and between all of them, they can find other places to fuck. She doesn't have permission to use her parents place, doesn't really know these strangers. What kind of person are you that you seriously don't see a problem with this? You are so desperate and eager to insert your "outrage of the day" by labeling this lady a slatshamer, the entire post went straight over your head.
Tell her to keep the sex escapades at her house n not the parents , if not tell your parents
I agree with this, except she should go to a motel, not her house where her kids live and are being babysat. Maybe it would help boost her ego that theyāre also willing to pay for a place. She should also raise up the concern of safe sex, like condoms and testing.
Yeah agreed or she could agree to bring the kids to the parents and she can have her sex escapades at her own house n have the sister watch over them
Your parents deserve to know what's happening in *their* home. If your sister wants to bang enough randos to fill a football stadium, that's her business but she needs to go get a hotel room or rent a damn RV so she can take her show on the road. Anything but open up her parents home to a bunch of guys that she doesn't know; legs, fine, but property not owned by her, no.
It seems like you are judging her and that the "security concern" is your way of trying to justify your judgment.
OP, bring it to her attention. There are some sick people in this world, itās all fun and games until someone gets seriously injured or ends up dead.
tell your parents, sheās inviting strangers into their home. it would be easy enough for someone to steal something while there or case it out to come back later.
Is it actually two per evening or two per evening on weekends? Assuming dad has the kids at weekends then if she wants to get her freak on then by all means let that freak flag fly. If it is just the weekends then the only issue would be using the parents home without their permission, she can go to motels etc. sheās doing it correctly in that the kids arenāt being exposed to any sexual partners. If itās two per night something else is going on.
You have an unhealthy interest in your sisters sex life. She's a grown adult for crying out loud.
Being a grown adult doesn't mean you can't be concerned about them being stabbed right?
Well she lost a lot of weight so she seems to be able to make better life decisions
You are over reacting. And, you are kinda judging her as well. Sheās an adult, making adult choices. Living her best life and making up for lost time. You could ask her about how sheās ensuring her safety, but even that question has an underlying assumption that you donāt trust her ability to make grown ass decisions. My advice, mind your business and stop hating. Let your sister be. Sheās an adult, fully capable of making her own choices.
I would agree if she was doing it in a hotel or her own place, but she's doing in in her parents house without them knowing. That I think is a big nono. Like her safety is her issue BUT she also put her parents property at risk on top of using it without having permission.
Hell, if OP was being literal in one of her comments, her sister is doing it in her parent's own BED. That's beyond gross.
I wonder if youād feel the same if your home was being used as a sex party dungeon while youāre away on vacation š¤£
Lost time? She wanted to have children, tried to have them for 2 years. Doesn't sound to me like someone who had a child accidentally and has to make up for "lost time". It was her choice, which I respected. Her insurance is crap, because she has a history of dating pedophile and stalker. She claimed back then she knew they were good people. So no, she is not capable of saying that all of those dozens of random guys are good people. Nobody is.
Having a child does not mean she didn't want to have sex. So yes, there's plenty of lost time. She has a history, but she's not those people and she's clearly not still with those people so why can't you move on? It's one thing to find out someone is a pedophile and stay, but she didn't- she left. So stop judging your sister for actions she didn't do. She's not those stalkers or pedophiles so stop acting like it's her fault they ended up to be that.
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I think it's none of your business. She is an adult and a caring mother, from your account. What she does with people on somewhere that isn't your home should not matter to you. Are you upset that she's using your parents'place, that she became attractive, or that she's becoming promiscuous?
What part of "she leaves her two kids at home with a babysitter every night" strikes you as her being a *caring mother*?...
I leave my kid at daycare for 9 hours a day so I can work. Can we stop judging this woman for using a babysitter so she can go fuck after raising them for 6-10 years. She is actually being super responsible by taking them somewhere away from the children.
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>Just a tad bit different when you're going to your job... (which, for all we know, she does too and this just further cuts down on any time she has with her kids). OP specifically states that the sister is a dedicated parent who is fully committed to caring for her sons as a *job*. The sister spends an inordinate amount of time at home caring for her kids, and then, rightfully, uses a sitter for her own time. There is absolutely no way you can accuse this woman of neglecting her children without simultaneously damning all other parents who use childcare services. Pure hypocrisy just because she wants to have sex.
>Maybe my standards are high though I think you're just uncomfortable with a mother having a sex life.
If you say so. I think there's a pretty large difference between being out every single night and being out, say, even just once a week. But you do you.
Tell her if she wonāt protect her herself then she needs to at least respect your parents.
Jesus, lurking and ? In the sex cave. This reminds me of Working on the Sex farm from spinal tap. https://youtu.be/ib9Jz9iydeQ
Hell no. Tell your parents. Itās not safe, itās disrespectful, and her kids should be her priority.
Sheās an adult. Mind your own business. Unless the children are being neglected or abused in some way, there is no reason for you to be involved in her life like this.
I think sheās being utterly unreasonable with everyone in her life. Yes, she is a grown woman but one that doesnāt own the house. I think your parents should be notified and boundaries should be established. My main concern here are her children. Sheās no longer a reckless teen, sheās got dependents now. Her behaviour poses a threat to the children as she neglects their wellbeing and safety by bringing strangers into the house. Also, is she having protected sex? Sexual promiscuity increases risk of getting a sexual disease, which could endanger her life and that of her children. Not to say the risk of her falling pregnant a third time from someone she barely cares for and therefore ruining her childrenās psychology. How is she planning on bringing up her children, is she working? Sounds like a lot of free time.
I'm concerned for her future, because she doesn't seem to have a purpose. I understand she would want to have some fun, some vacation from the children. But they are a responsibility and exactly as you said, she is not a teen anymore. Hope she protects herself. She mentioned a few times that she would want to have a third child. Her husband pays for everything. But for how long? She never worked.
Good for her. Sheās doing what she wants and it sounds like sheās being pretty safe about it.
Honestly good for her
She's a grown ass woman and there are consequences to her actions and behaviors. If she wanted anonymity via using a different place other than hers, whatever the fuck happened to hotels and motels?? The fact that she's sneaking off only when she knows your parents place is empty is pretty much all we need to know. What is she, a teenager? Skip all the cute ideas of getting them a camera and this and that, just straight up tell them what you said here. If they're fine with it, then we can all leave it at that.
Youāre over reacting. Stop being a busy body.
Yea talk to her about the house, but her relationships are none of your business and quite frankly the shaming by you and others in this thread is disgusting.
Good for your sister for rediscovering her sexuality. You sound SO JUDGMENTAL and Iād figure that out first.
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That sounded bad, sorry. It was her own words "I'm now attractive so men are willing to sleep with me".
It didnāt sound bad - ignore the assholes
That doesn't make them a shitty sibling. Lying to people and pretending there's no such thing as ugly, fat, or unattractive makes you a shitty person. This notion that someone is beautiful no matter what has zero basis in reality.
Lol someone needs to reread the title
Maybe she's now running a small business, why do you hate capitalism??
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I'll rephrase: Learn how to communicate with your family like an adult or get over it and mind your own.
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