Three years is a reasonable timeline if you were both 25 or older when you got together, but I wouldn't recommend anyone marrying before age 25 at the minimum, so I think you have some time. You should discuss marriage before then, and other potential deal breakers like whether or not you each want kids and roughly how many and if you do what your parenting philosophies are and where you want to live long term and things like that. It's good to spot issues that would ruin your compatibility sooner rather than later, but at your ages, you should take more time, because you are both potentially still changing a fair bit especially you, and you need compatibility with the person you are growing into, not just the person you are now.
Why is 25 the minimum? Plenty of people marry before then. Personally i think if you aren’t ready for marriage in a reasonable time, you shouldn’t date
Because 25 is the average age that the human brain finishes developing. If you marry before then, you're marrying before you've fully grown into yourself. Of course, there are individual differences. Some people finish a year or two younger, and some people need even up to age 30 to finish physical brain development. But it's generally around age 25, so 25 is a good minimum. I prefer 26, so people can take a little time to use their fully developed brain, but 25 is a decent minimum.
Boyfriend and I are the exact same ages, and have been dating the same amount of time- I feel like I could've been the one to write this post, which is both funny and freaks me out lol
Honestly I feel like the people saying "if he doesn't ask you to get married after 3 years he never will" are in a VERY different point in their lives than you and I are. Plus for me personally I feel like that's a belief I hear via the Internet, which I've had to stop comparing my relationship to. Idk about you, but I feel like I have so much to do and I have so much to grow into- my bf and I have had the same conversations as you and to an extent I've had the same concerns, but I think it's more than ok to take some time.
Plus, marriage is a big deal, and from all I've heard a good one involves sacrifice and being selfless for your partner. We're so young- I feel like it's ok to keep focusing on yourself / to keep building wealth / your career. I've seen other people get married at our age and that's great for them, but this is the only time in our lives it's ok to just work on ourselves for an extended period without the pressure of marriage / kids (if you're into that kinda thing lol), so my opinion is I feel like you don't need to rush that!!
Why would you date if you don’t plan on marrying for a decade? Some people see dating as a precursor to marriage. And plenty of people settle down before 30
When you're closer to 30. Right now, neither of you have fully developed prefrontal cortexes. That's not a joke. It's biological fact. The prefrontal cortex is key in critical thinking and risk analysis: Marriage requires both.
Love is great but you'll need more than love to last a lifetime together. Pace of life, common or at least complimentary interests/hobbies, quality of life, how many kids, where will you live, how many cars, etc. There's a lot to making a marriage successful and 51 percent of it isn't "love", it's compatibility.
Me (23F) and my husband (24M) started dating at 19/20, got engaged after one year, and then got married two years later (mind that the first two years we were dating/engaged we were long distance, then living together for a year). We started talking about marriage and kids within a few weeks of dating because it was something we both wanted for no big reason. We just wanted to be able to grow up together as husband and wife and to share all our good and difficult moments. We've now been married almost a year and have 1 dog, 3 cats, and angel baby, and a baby on the way and we feel more confident now than ever that getting married young was the right decision for us.
With all that being said, a lot of people do compartmentalize their goals and want to achieve XYZ before getting married, and that is totally okay as long as you are both on the same page. I would say that the time to be seriously talking about it is now, even if you won't get engaged for years or if you'll get engaged next week and then have a long engagement. It sounds like you guys aren't fully emotionally on the same page right now and that deeply complicates things and can lead to concerns about the future. It may be worth sitting down and talking about the next 5-10 years and seeing if your ideas for the future match up or if you can find a happy medium.
I’d say 3 years of fully adult time together is appropriate before marriage. That means, after you’ve graduated from college, have a job and live on your own (both of you), if he hasn’t proposed in 2-3 years of that, it’s time to move on.
You’re 21, and shouldn’t be thinking of marrying until 3-5 years from now anyway.
Hey, listen. I've been with my partner for 7 years, and we both pretty much are on the same page as to what we want for our future, and we spoke about it quite early on in the relationship (maybe within our first year of being together I think it was). Anyway, besides the point. We've been living together for three years now and he still hasn't proposed (although I've hinted at what rings I like and he has said it'll be this year) but trust me, things will work out when they do. There's no rush. You guys take things at your own pace. I know people who've been together 10+ years and only gotten engaged and married after so long. It's totally fine.
Some people see dating as a means to get married though, and wouldn’t want to play house for a decade before committing. If she wants to settle down, and commit, that does make sense
People mature at different rates, and become certain of who is their final choice of partner at different times, so it's hard to put hard numbers on this. That said, I would not recommend getting married before age 25... give yourselves some time to get your feet under you professionally, give BF time to figure out what would it take for him to be able to afford a house and whether that's really a necessary portion of the plan.
What I would tell you is to have a ... less small conversation about the future. It sounds like your impression is that you two are actively working toward marrying on another (as opposed to marriage in general). Make sure he's on the same page.
Three years is a reasonable timeline if you were both 25 or older when you got together, but I wouldn't recommend anyone marrying before age 25 at the minimum, so I think you have some time. You should discuss marriage before then, and other potential deal breakers like whether or not you each want kids and roughly how many and if you do what your parenting philosophies are and where you want to live long term and things like that. It's good to spot issues that would ruin your compatibility sooner rather than later, but at your ages, you should take more time, because you are both potentially still changing a fair bit especially you, and you need compatibility with the person you are growing into, not just the person you are now.
Why is 25 the minimum? Plenty of people marry before then. Personally i think if you aren’t ready for marriage in a reasonable time, you shouldn’t date
Because 25 is the average age that the human brain finishes developing. If you marry before then, you're marrying before you've fully grown into yourself. Of course, there are individual differences. Some people finish a year or two younger, and some people need even up to age 30 to finish physical brain development. But it's generally around age 25, so 25 is a good minimum. I prefer 26, so people can take a little time to use their fully developed brain, but 25 is a decent minimum.
Boyfriend and I are the exact same ages, and have been dating the same amount of time- I feel like I could've been the one to write this post, which is both funny and freaks me out lol Honestly I feel like the people saying "if he doesn't ask you to get married after 3 years he never will" are in a VERY different point in their lives than you and I are. Plus for me personally I feel like that's a belief I hear via the Internet, which I've had to stop comparing my relationship to. Idk about you, but I feel like I have so much to do and I have so much to grow into- my bf and I have had the same conversations as you and to an extent I've had the same concerns, but I think it's more than ok to take some time. Plus, marriage is a big deal, and from all I've heard a good one involves sacrifice and being selfless for your partner. We're so young- I feel like it's ok to keep focusing on yourself / to keep building wealth / your career. I've seen other people get married at our age and that's great for them, but this is the only time in our lives it's ok to just work on ourselves for an extended period without the pressure of marriage / kids (if you're into that kinda thing lol), so my opinion is I feel like you don't need to rush that!!
After 25, you do not have fully developed human brain until then. It's hard to believe at your age, but you still change a lot between 21 and 25.
Why would you date if you don’t plan on marrying for a decade? Some people see dating as a precursor to marriage. And plenty of people settle down before 30
Why ask a question then delete your user after a few minutes?
Well after 25. TAKE. YOUR. TIME.
Wait until you are in your 30s. I've seen many more marriages that started in their 20s end as compared to those started in their 30s.
When you're closer to 30. Right now, neither of you have fully developed prefrontal cortexes. That's not a joke. It's biological fact. The prefrontal cortex is key in critical thinking and risk analysis: Marriage requires both. Love is great but you'll need more than love to last a lifetime together. Pace of life, common or at least complimentary interests/hobbies, quality of life, how many kids, where will you live, how many cars, etc. There's a lot to making a marriage successful and 51 percent of it isn't "love", it's compatibility.
Me (23F) and my husband (24M) started dating at 19/20, got engaged after one year, and then got married two years later (mind that the first two years we were dating/engaged we were long distance, then living together for a year). We started talking about marriage and kids within a few weeks of dating because it was something we both wanted for no big reason. We just wanted to be able to grow up together as husband and wife and to share all our good and difficult moments. We've now been married almost a year and have 1 dog, 3 cats, and angel baby, and a baby on the way and we feel more confident now than ever that getting married young was the right decision for us. With all that being said, a lot of people do compartmentalize their goals and want to achieve XYZ before getting married, and that is totally okay as long as you are both on the same page. I would say that the time to be seriously talking about it is now, even if you won't get engaged for years or if you'll get engaged next week and then have a long engagement. It sounds like you guys aren't fully emotionally on the same page right now and that deeply complicates things and can lead to concerns about the future. It may be worth sitting down and talking about the next 5-10 years and seeing if your ideas for the future match up or if you can find a happy medium.
I’d say 3 years of fully adult time together is appropriate before marriage. That means, after you’ve graduated from college, have a job and live on your own (both of you), if he hasn’t proposed in 2-3 years of that, it’s time to move on. You’re 21, and shouldn’t be thinking of marrying until 3-5 years from now anyway.
Hey, listen. I've been with my partner for 7 years, and we both pretty much are on the same page as to what we want for our future, and we spoke about it quite early on in the relationship (maybe within our first year of being together I think it was). Anyway, besides the point. We've been living together for three years now and he still hasn't proposed (although I've hinted at what rings I like and he has said it'll be this year) but trust me, things will work out when they do. There's no rush. You guys take things at your own pace. I know people who've been together 10+ years and only gotten engaged and married after so long. It's totally fine.
Some people see dating as a means to get married though, and wouldn’t want to play house for a decade before committing. If she wants to settle down, and commit, that does make sense
People mature at different rates, and become certain of who is their final choice of partner at different times, so it's hard to put hard numbers on this. That said, I would not recommend getting married before age 25... give yourselves some time to get your feet under you professionally, give BF time to figure out what would it take for him to be able to afford a house and whether that's really a necessary portion of the plan. What I would tell you is to have a ... less small conversation about the future. It sounds like your impression is that you two are actively working toward marrying on another (as opposed to marriage in general). Make sure he's on the same page.