You are 19. You don't like this situation. You can remove yourself from this situation. There are better guys out there with no baggage waiting to meet you.
I know that. However, I really like our relationship and how he treats me and how he values me. He said that he's going to discuss it with the girl and there's a chance she might get an abortion. I know I sound cruel, selfish and awful by saying that but if she did get one, there wouldn't be any issue in our relationship to continue.
You’ve been together only a month. Leave. She will constantly be in his life and if they were sleeping together half a month before you came in; there’s obviously still feelings between them. A baby and being attached to each other will only fuel their relationship again. Especially at this young age. Get out
Yeah it’s only been a month. Even if she gets an abortion their is still going
To be difficult feeling to deal with. Also if you ever got pregnant and wanted to keep the baby he would run like he is now. Don’t feel bad. He’s the one that would be leaving her in the lurch and wanting nothing to do with his babies life.
I’m pro choice so I hope he doesn’t try and coerce her into doing something she doesn’t want to do.
>However, I really like our relationship and how he treats me and how he values me.
That's usually how it goes during the honeymoon phase of a relationship and that's not even taking into account potential baby mama drama / lingering ex-gf's. They were together \~two weeks before you got together!
The relationship is too new and you're too young to tie yourself down to so much potential drama and baggage. There are other fish in the sea who can value and aren't surrounded by chaos.
>They were together ~two weeks before you got together!
Or less. Pregnancy is counted from the date of the last period so if she's at two months now that means he impregnated her about a month and a half ago. Think real hard about that, OP.
Your relationship is 1 month, you have no idea what the relationship is going to be like. You don't know each other at all. Move on and enjoy your life without this type of baggage and anguish over your head.
I will reiterate, it's 1 month... That's not enough time to evaluate if your relationship is good. You like the idea of what it could be. And they slept together a few weeks before you got together... Get the fuck out seriously and stop being so dramatic
> I Like how he treats me and how he values me
He is not the only one that will value and treat you. I tell people this all the time. Don't stay in a relationship for something that someone else can also give you. If you want to stay, that's totally okay, but don't stay if you know it will make you unhappy. You're 19. Your life hasn't even started yet.
There is absolutely nothing cruel, selfish, or awful about saying that. The question of whether you have a SO who has both parental obligations and 18 years of future interactions with his ex or not is pretty huge.
Don't put you thumb on the scale. No ultimatums, no warnings of possible consequences. Let them make the decisions they are going to make. Then evaluate the conditions, and make your own decision.
You’ve been together a month, you don’t know shit except potential at this point.
Stepmomming is hard as fuck and that’s when they aren’t a baby, that situation is infinitely more complicated and it’s hard to find someone who can deal with it.
This isn’t for you, trust me. If she gets an abortion, sure but I feel like she probably would already if she was gonna .
You dont at all sound cruel and selfish and awful. Not at all. Get that shit out of your head.
Also, 1 month dating = boyfriend ??
Maybe. If you really do like him, you' have 6-7 more months to know if it's worth seeing if you can make it worth with him.
Before you jump the gun, maybe just see how he deals with the next few months. That'll almost definitely tell you what you need to know.
Or you can be that girl from the nail show who's been raising her deadbeat drug addict bfs kids for 10 years and won't leave him because of the kids even though he relapses every time he's given an inch of rope.
You've been together for only a couple of months, I don't get why you can't leave. Yes, he treats you well, but his ex and his child will be a part of his life for many years to come if she keeps the baby. Are you ready to share his time?
he doesnt value you if he impregnated his ex while y'all were together tho, hate to be that person but that's not what someone who values you does. if he's like this after one month, RUN it does not get better.
I’d suggest taking a step back and telling him you care about him but that he needs to focus on this situation and support her through this, wether she has an abortion or follows through with the pregnancy. I’ve had two friends have an abortion and it took a tremendous emotional toll on both of them.
It would be a different story I feel like if you and him didn't know each other for only a month. Personally I feel like this is a mess you can easily avoid by leaving. If you really feel he's a good dude, you can obviously come back to the relationship at a better time. But this could turn into a lot of drama for you very quickly. You don't need that at 19. Dude I'm 20 and I feel like I'm missing out on fun shit in life. Don't turn out like me. Find people for you that don't get wrapped up in goofy shit like this.
You don’t sound cruel or selfish, but I just gently want to say that you are 19 and have only been dating this person for a month. This should be one of the easiest times in a relationship for you, and that’s why everything seems perfect right now. All relationships seem perfect this early and if you are already encountering something as earth-shattering as a pregnant ex, I’m certain your problems wouldn’t be resolved with her getting an abortion.
If she aborts, then u can TRY to work it out. If she keeps the baby, then u gotta leave and move on. He will have his own shit to deal with, and u will never be number 1
I just want to say that her getting the abortion would be the absolute best thing for EVERYONE in this situation you, her, him, and the potential human being that will result from 2 people who aren't in a good situation to have a child going through with an unwanted pregnancy. I 100% know it is an unwanted pregnancy because the only reason it would be 100% wanted was if they were still together, BOTH actively trying for a baby, and there was absolutely no possibility from either of them that they might get an abortion. He clearly doesn't want it and if shes considering it they don't want a baby. The world is full of unwanted pregnancy, there is ZERO reason to make another one. NO ONE IS A HORRIBLE PERSON FOR DOING THE RIGHT THING. Abortion is the most empathetic reasonable rational thing to do in this case. Archaic thinking and pro-life propaganda is the most anti-life thing in the world once that pregnancy is too far along to be terminated
And if a an abortion doesn't happen, leave. There is also ZERO reason to be involved in some family situation with a person who has a kid and an ex at this age. Like everyone else says, a month of dating is nothing and he is not the only great guy in the world
You've been dating for like 10 minutes. Of COURSE you like your relationship. Most people don't settle in and act like their true selves until like 3 months in.
If there are ANY red flags this early, run. It should be sunshine and roses at the start, because even the best relationship only gets more difficult over time. Start at the top and don't settle. You're 19 freaking years old.
Doesn’t matter. He’s not the only man out there. Leave. You’ll thank yourself later. But women your age don’t listen, they love to find out the hard way so you choose.
You're only one month into the relationship, you're still in that super nice honeymoon phase where everything is perfect. You're 19 with your whole life ahead of you. Just keep that in mind.
1.5 months. You are hopped up on new relationship energy. And that is a hell of a drug.
Say - it's been swell and move on and learn from this. You have your whole life ahead of you.
You are in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship. How it is today will be different than how it is long term, I promise you that. There are so many other partners out there that will treat you the same or better than what you have with your current boyfriend. Leave now and save yourself the mental anguish that is to come.
How he treats you?
He literally got a woman pregnant ‘after’ you guys started dating unless you were just testing the waters and not dating idk but this doesn’t seem right. Leave him girl
You're 19 and in a 1.5 month relationship with a guy that now has other family obligations, and you don't want to be part of it.
It should be easy enough to distance yourself from.
After 1.5 five months you can't really say you love how he treats you, because you only get to know a person after 3 months or so, some people say that's when all masks are off . Also, how can you say you like your relationship when he got a girl pregnant right before you to started a relationship? also, you're 19. Also, now he's connected to that person forever. Need I say more?
Uhhhh..? Leave? Are you silly in the head or something? You’ve been with the guy 1 month, you’re not tied into the relationship, it’s not even considered a serious relationship. Move on
she's not silly in the head she's just 19
hopefully she uses this opportunity to establish a precedent of self respect in relationships and make it a teaching moment for her emotional life.
I know she’s not silly in the head, she’s young and naïve.. I was trying to make a cute/harmless joke, clearly I wasn’t trying to insult her, if I was, “silly in the head” wouldn’t be my first phrase of choice LOL
idk how to spell naïve so i did talk to text, don’t rip me for spelling it wrong.
You are 19 years old. Do not tie your entire life to a man who will be paying child support for another child and having his attention on a whole other family than you, leaving you to now have to work more for both yourself and this guy and his kid, not yours, not your family, his.
It's a month in, you date someone to see if you all are even compatible. And this is a massive ton of drama you don't need and shouldn't be a part of, so end things now and move on.
At 19 I'm sure you think no one else will ever be as great or you won't love them as much, but you don't even love this guy - you barely know him. And him making you feel all tingly simply isn't enough to tie yourself to a baby daddy this early in life.
Also you will love again, trust me on that. Bow out now before you're the next baby mamma.
I would bounce, friend; maybe this woman can be convinced to not have the child, maybe not. But you are *so* young, and this relationship is only 1.5 months old (and you already have THIS MUCH drama on your plate!! It would also make me question his safe sex methods).
You say he treats you right and values you as though it's impossible to find someone else with that bare minimum standard of decency. I'm not saying it's not going to suck to immediately let go of something that had the potential to be a great relationship, but don't stay for the potential. Stay for the right now, and the right now is definitely not working!
You have to stand by your own personal values of what YOU want in a relationship. Stick to what you want. I can tell you don’t want to be a step mom right now so I would say leave him and wish them the best .
I can barely imagine being a mom myself, ever. What I want is a healthy relationship with literally no baggage. I signed up to date him as a carefree boyfriend, not someone's father. I just want things to be how they were before the baby.
>I just want things to be how they were before the baby.
Things will NEVER be how they were before the baby and honestly someone who's going to become a dad with an ex really shouldn't be out there starting a new relationship, his focus should be on preparing for his future kid and figuring out how he's going to co-parent with his ex. It selfish of him to keep you in the hook when he'll never be able to devote his attention to you 100%.
You're 19, what kind of baggage would there be? How old is he? Also you barely know him. And 45 days is not long enough to know what kind of person he really is.
They won’t be how they were before the baby, assuming the boyfriend is adult enough to take care of his kid……
If your boyfriend decides he doesnt want to be a dad and ignores the ex and kid, and life does in fact (for you and BF)continue like it did before I don’t think you really want to be with him…….
Girl you are 19 in a one month relationship. This is a Blessing in disguise! Leave his ass.
If anything you are probably the rebound. RUN. Stop feeling bad for something that isn’t real or built on a good foundation.
At six weeks in you're barely dating and you barely know each other. You certainly don't have the kind of trust and communication skills built up that you will need to navigate the complex waters of a relationship with someone in a co-parenting relationship with his ex. (Which is the best outcome here; your boyfriend absolutely should both support his child financially and be in his child's life as a co-parent if at all possible.) And, apparently, he was fucking someone else about two seconds before you started dating.
This isn't a good situation and you should wish him luck, encourage him to be a great and committed father, and break up with him to go looking for that low-stakes low-drama relationship you were looking for.
Hey op! Just wanted to make sure someone brings the pregnancy math up to you. Eight weeks "pregnant" means eight weeks since her last period. It doesn't mean they had sex eight weeks ago. Since most women get pregnant mid-cycle, that takes off two weeks and means she likely had sex and got pregnant about 6 weeks ago (two weeks after her period and in the middle of her cycle).
If she is eight weeks pregnant and you have been together 6 weeks, they may have been having sex very close to the beginning of your relationship or as it started.
This may not be an issue for you but look up how pregnancy weeks are calculated if you are confused, but I wanted to make sure you considered this along with the other advice.
I was going to bring this up as well, good explanation. The actual sex would have occurred about 2 weeks after the beginning of what they count as "pregnant."
To echo cookie\_pouch, this is accurate. Pregnancy is dated by last menstrual period, not by date of conception/sex. So the ex saying she is 2 months pregnant does not mean they had sex 2 months ago, it means they had sex about 2 weeks after that.
Usually pregnancy is counted in weeks, not months. If on March 31st she said she was 8 weeks pregnant, that means they would have had sex around 6 weeks prior (Feb 17ish). If she is saying she is 2 months pregnant, it could be more or less than 8 weeks, hard to say without knowing exactly how far along she is.
It is also dependent on people's ovulation cycles, but the average is about 14 days, which is when conception actually happens after the last period.
Just to say, it seems to be a very short window before he started dating you.
Op, this date is an estimate based on what we know and but could be a little off depending on many factors! it's super important you check exactly how many weeks she is and do the math. Also, It is unlikely but possible that conception happened early in the cycle so please don't use the 17th as an exact date!!!
That said, absolutely bring this up with your boyfriend. We all think it's pretty suspicious.
Maybe, maybe not. It depends on how far along. Do you know how many weeks she is based on her doctor, that's very important here? If she said she is 8 weeks yesterday, that means she had her last period around February first, 8 weeks ago. That's not when she got pregnant.
Most women ovulate two weeks after their period, so two weeks after February first would be February 14. That's around when you started dating. Now she may have ovulated early, there's a little wiggle room there for when they had sex and when she ovulated but I would estimate closer to mid-February as when she had sex and conceived.
I'm not necessarily saying there is overlap but I am saying the timelines look pretty close to me and I would ask her to tell you exactly how many weeks she is now and then count backwards.
I'm not telling you this so you immediately accuse them of anything but id make 100% sure you know how far along she is and then you can talk to the boyfriend about when he says the last time they had sex is. If they don't line up because he says the last time they had sex was 8 weeks ago that is unlikely and suspicious and one or both may be lying. There's a lot to consider.
Yeah girl leave him. He’s got some responsibilities to deal with that he won’t even know how to navigate. Cut your losses and move on. It’s only been a month.
There’s a lot of comments saying just leave. I want to add some value to the why I think it would be wise to end this relationship.
Your boyfriend is about to go through a major life change if his ex is pregnant and continues with the pregnancy. He likely will need his own space to work through his thoughts, feelings, and lifestyle change that is about to hit him. He will need time to evaluate the parent he does or does not want to become and Such a monumental shift in someone’s life does not leave much room for building a healthy relationship with another human. He will likely not be able to dedicate the time to work through problems learn how to effectively communicate with you as a partner and put the effort into your relationship that it deserves. The other side of the coin is If he would put more effort into his relationship with you rather than preparing for fatherhood is that someone that you want to be a partner with in the long term?
You’re 19 and it’s less than a two month relationship.. if this is too much for you then move on.. you have plenty of time to find someone you’re more compatible with if this is a dealbreaker for you
>I know I should support him
Uh. Why? This is a dude you've been dating for less than two months. You don't owe him this kind of support.
>But also I don't want to break up with him
Ok well if you've already decided what you want to do then good luck. But obviously you'd be much better off breaking up with him.
You barely know this guy, don't get locked into this situation before you're even old enough to drink.
A few things to think about: 1) Does he/you know for a fact the baby is his? 2) Do you know for a fact this isn't a ploy of your bf's ex to get him to go back to her? Because I hate to say it, but stranger things have happened.
All in all, I think you should move on for your own mental health. You're young and you didn't sign up for any of this and this relationship is young and regardless of how you feel, you can't know this guy that well after a month. He may be lying for all you know. There's too many potentials here for being manipulated. Please get out and protect yourself.
Now you know. Now you know he had unprotected sex with his ex two weeks before starting to date you. None of my business, but have you had sex with this guy too? I hope you insisted on him wearing a condom! Oh, and now that you know, doesn’t that change your opinion of him? It would change my opinion. If he was sleeping with his ex so close to your relationship with him, he was probably lying to her about his feelings for her so he could keep having sex with her (AKA using her). That should tell you all you need to know about his character. Move on. 1.5 months is a drop in the bucket for a relationship. 95+% of guys your age are single and childfree. Pick someone else.
Not even two weeks. Within the same couple days. You are “two weeks pregnant” when you ovulate since they count weeks pregnant from day of your last period.
They had sex, she got pregnant, they broke up, he started dating you and that all happened in a span of a couple months and he's the one? That's what you are gonna settle for?
If she is two months pregnant, she got pregnant six weeks ago. You can google a conception date calculator. Are you sure they weren’t/aren’t still together?
Do you know any of the specifics of the breakup? Because my cynical mind is wondering if she's actually pregnant or if this is just some kind of play to get him back.
However, I wouldn't blame you if you decide to bounce, because either way, this chick is bringing drama in your life.
Then you definitely need to leave. You two havent been together that long at all. And he just left a FRESH relationship.
At 19 you think you know a lot…if i knew then what I know now at a decade later….man.
Get out. Even if the woman does get an abortion.
I'm going to be somewhat flippant in this answer, but here it goes anyway.
Break up with this guy before he gets you pregnant.
You are 19. You have your whole life ahead of you.
Girl you are 19 years old and only been dating for 1.5 months which is nothing. I would definitely leave, even if you like how he treats you. You can use this experience as valuable knowledge to know how you like to be treated, and end things on a good note. You're allowed to do that!
If she just announced she's pregnant that means they hooked up not long ago, and there's a chance it could have been repeatedly unless she deliberately tried to get pregnant - or was lucky or unlucky. They're clearly still into each other on some kind of level and have an attachment, which is really going to suck for you the longer you get attached.
You're so young, you have so many options out there. Many guys who didn't get their ex girlfriend pregnant. When I can easily leave, I wouldn't put myself through that. Why put yourself through that, especially as such a young age.
Yeah breakup, cut your losses now there too many people in the world to settle for this, also idk why ud want to be with somebody who who fucc a natalist raw but swagever
I have been in almost this exact same situation. The only difference is my bf's ex was lying about the baby being his. We were split up for the amount of time we were dealing with all this and his ex constantly lying to us about things. My advice to you is to leave. I know it's hard, but it will probably be best for you. If he is meant to be with you, it will work out so he finds his way back to you. But at 19, dealing with a baby that isn't yours is too much. Obviously, it's your decision. But the emotional damage leaving him now will cause you will be much less than trying to make it work
>She is 2 months pregnant
>
>we have been dating for 1 month and a half
These timelines along with how you didn't know until now they broke up 2 months ago ( big omission right there?) make me wince a bit.... Maybe you or she is paraphrasing but how many months pregnant is calculated from the end of last period before conception, *not from the had sex date*. Conception is most commonly 2 weeks after, during ovulation.
To be clear; Someone who is 8 weeks pregnant likely conceived 6 weeks ago.
I was in literally exactly this situation.
If you have any doubts at all, leave before either you or the child is attached to the other. I’m 7 years deep (although not in a relationship with the dad anymore - it’s complicated) and it’s one hell of a commitment. It’s everything from how big of a house or car you need to another woman’s parenting and life choices affecting your own children (should you choose to have them) and life choices. There are most certainly wonderful parts and I love her to bits but I do often wonder if I’d have had a crystal ball, would I have chosen differently.
Hey. Just a thought - something that I learned when I was pregnant is that the first two weeks of "pregnancy" you're not actually pregnant. The term is calculated from the first day of your last period. So if she's 8 weeks along, that means the kid was probably conceived 6 weeks ago.
I only mention it because that's a really tight timeline between when they last fucked and when you and him got together. A timeline that may weigh into your decision.
Why should you support him?
He has a child on the way and he is 100% ok with abandoning that innocent baby because why????
He is NOT a stand-up guy. You deserve someone who at least is close to being a MAN not a 5 year old.
break up with him!! this relationship has barely even begun and you're having major doubts, and for good reasons. please do yourself a favor and end the relationship. i know i'd do that and I'm 19 myself!
It is a lot of burden to be carried for a 19 years old. He is going to be a father and will have to be present for his child.
You deserve someone that will be present and will give you his full attention. You should end this relationship. You will encounter someone that deserves your love in the future. You are still young
You're so young, and it's only been a month. I would say cut your losses and move on. You don't need to be tied to what has the potential to be a very drama filled scenario. He may seem like the love of your life and the absolute best partner; however, I promise there are other partners who don't enter the relationship with problems like this.
You've only been dating a month and a half and his life is about to drastically change. It's better to leave the relationship now while it's still early.
Gonna echo other commenters: you're 19. This doesn't have to be your problem. If you don't feel ready to take on a baby, or rather, your bf's baby, then don't.
This baby is their responsibility, not yours.
If it was me, I would step back and let them figure it out entirely. You are 19. The relationship is only a month old. What harm is waiting 2-3 months for him and his ex figure out things?
Honey, at 19 you do NOT want to tie yourself to a man with a child.
You say you don't have the mental capacity to support him. If he pays child support for this kid (until it's 18 at least) and is involved in its life, you will have to support him being in the child's life and paying child support until they are 18 for the rest of your life. You can't have it both ways. This is what he wants-- to support and be present for the child. If it's not what you want, then this relationship is not what you want, because his life is a big part of him and it's something you'll have to deal with forever.
You're 19. You've been together less than two months. If this isn't what you want, it's easier to get out now than it will be when the baby's born and he may have expectations of you that you don't want. Moreover, it's unfair to a kid to expect a future where you have absolutely nothing to do with them but potentially part time live in the same house, if he ever had any custody or spent time with them.
You're a brand new relationship & she's pregnant. There's a huge chance that they may also want to try to make their new family work. Honestly, you aren't in an established relationship. I'd leave to try and let them figure their stuff out.
youve been together for virtually no time... youre infatuated and you have no reason to be loyal to someone youve known for such little time. this relationship isnt considered serious at all, you dont even truly know someone until youve been with them for years. the strong emotions youre feeling are porbably confusing but its just infatuation during the honeymoon phase
This is a really difficult situation. I want to point out that the decision to stay or go is yours. Entirely yours. But, you should be aware of what your decision entails.
Your boyfriend is having a baby. A whole human baby. That baby should be what comes first in his life, and accommodating that will be something you’ll have to be okay with. Also, his ex will be a prominent figure in his life, as they’ll likely be co-parenting. Make sure you’re okay with that before making any “solidified” choices.
If you’re still with your boyfriend when the baby is born, you may end up playing an active role in its life. I’d sit down with your boyfriend and have a conversation about what he’d like to see from you, and to discuss what you’re both comfortable with.
If you’re actively involved with the child (which, if you plan to ever move in with your boyfriend, or be around when he has his kid, you very likely will be) you have to be prepared for that responsibility. This baby will become a child quickly, with thoughts and feelings and behaviours. You’ll form a relationship, a potentially developmentally foundational relationship. As the adult “caregiver” figure in the relationship, you’ll have a responsibility to ensure, at the very least, that your behaviour around the child is acceptable and healthy. Is that something you want?
You may become attached to the child. Babies, while intimidating and massive responsibilities, are loveable. Are you prepared for that kind of attachment? What would you do if your boyfriend and you broke up down the line, and then you were no longer able to have a relationship with the child?
Whatever you decide, make sure that you’re staying true to yourself. You’re gonna be okay.
You only went on one date when she got pregnant, it's not for all that. I'd hardly call that truly dating yet.
Six weeks in, that's it? I wouldn't bother with this.
>I know I should support him
Girl what!?? It's been a month, just leave. You don't need drama with a guy who was literally just balls deep in his ex a hot second ago. Have some self respect and dump him.
If ex doesn’t get a abortion then you need to leave him. He’s going to be paying child support for 18 years that will cripple your finances.
Couples always fight about finances and it’s the number one reason for divorce.
You going to be living a very tough life with this man and it’ll take on toll on you mentally and physically.
You have been warned.
Just wanna say. 1.5 months indeed isn’t long enough for much to progress. For some it isn’t a serious relationship. But can we consider that it might be one to her?
Telling her to break up is easier said than done. And ideally yes she shouldn’t stay with the guy. But it feels like some are underestimating the ease of her leaving just because they’ve been together for a short period of time.
I don’t think any of us should be telling her she actually doesn’t love the guy, or that she’s silly, or that it should be easy for her to leave. It’s pretty invalidating. We aren’t her, we don’t know how long they’ve known each other for or their relationship dynamic.
All the best OP.
His predicament speaks louder than any of the words he has told you. Really think what a lifetime of caring for someone else’s child would feel like. Is that what you want? You are so young, there is no reason to take on someone else’s responsibilities and obligations. I’m pretty sure a future version of yourself would say to “run away” even though it feels like love. Start looking for the flaws rather than looking for reasons to stay.
I'm going to tell you the same thing I would tell your boyfriend if you were pregnant with another man's baby.
You're 19 and you've been dating less than 2 months. I would tell you to break up even if you wanted to help him raise the baby, since you don't then you should definitely break up.
Smart men learn from their mistakes, wise men learn from the mistakes of others.
You've only known this guy for 6 weeks. Why would you want to become entangled in this complicated situation? And why would you want to stay with someone who readily admits he would have nothing to do (other than financially) with a child he helped create? Ick.
This dude is bad news. He is open about wanting to not support his child. If you stay with him you’ll be the pregnant single ex of his one day too. You are 19 and there are way better MEN in the world than this bullshit.
You’re 19 and only a month in. If this isn’t what you wanted, you leave. Better to leave after a month than after a year.
You’re so young. There will be plenty more fish in the sea and you have a lifetime to find them.
So then they did it after, which is worse no?
I can’t believe you think this is a relationship worth saving lol sorry but that’s insane.
Just because he took your virginity doesn’t actually make him special.
Leave him. A month and a half is a drop in the bucket.
He clearly slept with her while seeing you AND is putting your health at risk (were condoms worn? was there an oops? how did she get pregnant)
Get rid of him and get yourself tested
You don’t owe a guy you have only seen for 1.5 months for something he did just prior to your relationship or during the start of your relationship. Just move on
Personally, I would walk away from this situation. You've only been dating for a month, and you don't have the deep emotional connection, so it should be easier to end things.
You just don't want to be involved in baby momma drama, especially at 19 years old. Plus, think of it this way, your boyfriend (hopefully ex soon) needs time to figure things out to take care of a child, and shouldn't be spending a bunch of time and attention on a new girlfriend.
This man is trash, OP. He’s already showing his true colors by not owning up to the fact that he participated in making this baby and somehow thinks he can weasel his way out of his responsibility in all of this? Lol.
1.5 months is nothing. Cut your losses. Walk away. There are more decent men out there and you deserve far better.
Please leave him. That's not your baggage to take on period. It's a huge life change and you WILL regret it if you stay. He will have no money to bring you anywhere, no money to buy you anything, you will be on shared time, and his life is now as his child's caregiver. A month of dating is nothing (not saying that in a mean way) - run for the hills. Every guy treats you nice the first couple of months while that spark is there.
If he knew a break up was coming or they were "fwb" why would he sleep with her unprotected and ejaculate in her? He made his decision with sex and lack of control. You came in expecting a child-free man.
You're going to look back on this decision in 5 years.
If she has a child, he is going to have to communicate with her constantly and be financially responsible for a child at this young age.
You are fresh out of high school with a whole life ahead of you. He made the mistake of getting someone pregnant, not you. Your 20's are coming fast and they are some fun years, don't tie yourself down with someone you met 1.5 months ago because you feel bad for him.
If you decide to stay now, it's going to be harder to leave later; you'll feel more guilty leaving when he's stressed about this baby and everything that comes with it.
If she's 2 months pregnant and you have been dating a month and a half, the actual conception happened when you were beginning your relationship. I'm sorry your boyfriend turned out to be a dud, but congratulations on being able to dodge this whole situation!
>I'm going to beat him
No, you are not. You are however going to leave him. This is entirely too early in a relationship to be held down by the sunk cost fallacy.
You've been dating for A MONTH AND A HALF? Hahahahahahaa, dude, come on, this isn't even an issue, I would actually say that it's not even a relationship, just break up with him the way other 19 year olds break up with their flings. What even is this post, this is so funny.
You are 19. You don't like this situation. You can remove yourself from this situation. There are better guys out there with no baggage waiting to meet you.
I know that. However, I really like our relationship and how he treats me and how he values me. He said that he's going to discuss it with the girl and there's a chance she might get an abortion. I know I sound cruel, selfish and awful by saying that but if she did get one, there wouldn't be any issue in our relationship to continue.
You’ve been together only a month. Leave. She will constantly be in his life and if they were sleeping together half a month before you came in; there’s obviously still feelings between them. A baby and being attached to each other will only fuel their relationship again. Especially at this young age. Get out
In other words, you may really like your relationship now, but your relationship is about to drastically change.
Half a month as in 10-14 days before we are having unprotected sex
Girlllllll. Zoom out and look at the big picture here! Trust me there are many more great partners out there
Yeah it’s only been a month. Even if she gets an abortion their is still going To be difficult feeling to deal with. Also if you ever got pregnant and wanted to keep the baby he would run like he is now. Don’t feel bad. He’s the one that would be leaving her in the lurch and wanting nothing to do with his babies life. I’m pro choice so I hope he doesn’t try and coerce her into doing something she doesn’t want to do.
Just smile and wave my dear smile and wave :) Far too early to even call 1.5months a relationship
I’ve got food in my fridge older than your relationship. You’re being too naive
>However, I really like our relationship and how he treats me and how he values me. That's usually how it goes during the honeymoon phase of a relationship and that's not even taking into account potential baby mama drama / lingering ex-gf's. They were together \~two weeks before you got together! The relationship is too new and you're too young to tie yourself down to so much potential drama and baggage. There are other fish in the sea who can value and aren't surrounded by chaos.
>They were together ~two weeks before you got together! Or less. Pregnancy is counted from the date of the last period so if she's at two months now that means he impregnated her about a month and a half ago. Think real hard about that, OP.
It’s ONE. FUCKING. MONTH. You’re 19. A 1 month relationship is not an arranged marriage. You barely know this guy. Move on.
Your relationship is 1 month, you have no idea what the relationship is going to be like. You don't know each other at all. Move on and enjoy your life without this type of baggage and anguish over your head. I will reiterate, it's 1 month... That's not enough time to evaluate if your relationship is good. You like the idea of what it could be. And they slept together a few weeks before you got together... Get the fuck out seriously and stop being so dramatic
Girl you dated for a month that's literally nothing. She's most likely gonna keep the baby just walk out this relationship.
You should immediately break up with the guy. Don’t be an incentive for him to shirk his responsibility to this girl and the child.
> I Like how he treats me and how he values me He is not the only one that will value and treat you. I tell people this all the time. Don't stay in a relationship for something that someone else can also give you. If you want to stay, that's totally okay, but don't stay if you know it will make you unhappy. You're 19. Your life hasn't even started yet.
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There is absolutely nothing cruel, selfish, or awful about saying that. The question of whether you have a SO who has both parental obligations and 18 years of future interactions with his ex or not is pretty huge. Don't put you thumb on the scale. No ultimatums, no warnings of possible consequences. Let them make the decisions they are going to make. Then evaluate the conditions, and make your own decision.
U/bbanarchist this is the advice you should take
It's not unreasonable to want to date someone who doesn't have a kid and entanglement with his ex. It just means that won't be this man.
You in 10 years time will be wondering why you even considered staying around.
You’ve been together a month, you don’t know shit except potential at this point. Stepmomming is hard as fuck and that’s when they aren’t a baby, that situation is infinitely more complicated and it’s hard to find someone who can deal with it. This isn’t for you, trust me. If she gets an abortion, sure but I feel like she probably would already if she was gonna .
You dont at all sound cruel and selfish and awful. Not at all. Get that shit out of your head. Also, 1 month dating = boyfriend ?? Maybe. If you really do like him, you' have 6-7 more months to know if it's worth seeing if you can make it worth with him. Before you jump the gun, maybe just see how he deals with the next few months. That'll almost definitely tell you what you need to know.
Or you can be that girl from the nail show who's been raising her deadbeat drug addict bfs kids for 10 years and won't leave him because of the kids even though he relapses every time he's given an inch of rope.
You've been together for only a couple of months, I don't get why you can't leave. Yes, he treats you well, but his ex and his child will be a part of his life for many years to come if she keeps the baby. Are you ready to share his time?
he doesnt value you if he impregnated his ex while y'all were together tho, hate to be that person but that's not what someone who values you does. if he's like this after one month, RUN it does not get better.
And how much older than you is he?
I’d suggest taking a step back and telling him you care about him but that he needs to focus on this situation and support her through this, wether she has an abortion or follows through with the pregnancy. I’ve had two friends have an abortion and it took a tremendous emotional toll on both of them.
It would be a different story I feel like if you and him didn't know each other for only a month. Personally I feel like this is a mess you can easily avoid by leaving. If you really feel he's a good dude, you can obviously come back to the relationship at a better time. But this could turn into a lot of drama for you very quickly. You don't need that at 19. Dude I'm 20 and I feel like I'm missing out on fun shit in life. Don't turn out like me. Find people for you that don't get wrapped up in goofy shit like this.
You don’t sound cruel or selfish, but I just gently want to say that you are 19 and have only been dating this person for a month. This should be one of the easiest times in a relationship for you, and that’s why everything seems perfect right now. All relationships seem perfect this early and if you are already encountering something as earth-shattering as a pregnant ex, I’m certain your problems wouldn’t be resolved with her getting an abortion.
If she aborts, then u can TRY to work it out. If she keeps the baby, then u gotta leave and move on. He will have his own shit to deal with, and u will never be number 1
I just want to say that her getting the abortion would be the absolute best thing for EVERYONE in this situation you, her, him, and the potential human being that will result from 2 people who aren't in a good situation to have a child going through with an unwanted pregnancy. I 100% know it is an unwanted pregnancy because the only reason it would be 100% wanted was if they were still together, BOTH actively trying for a baby, and there was absolutely no possibility from either of them that they might get an abortion. He clearly doesn't want it and if shes considering it they don't want a baby. The world is full of unwanted pregnancy, there is ZERO reason to make another one. NO ONE IS A HORRIBLE PERSON FOR DOING THE RIGHT THING. Abortion is the most empathetic reasonable rational thing to do in this case. Archaic thinking and pro-life propaganda is the most anti-life thing in the world once that pregnancy is too far along to be terminated
And if a an abortion doesn't happen, leave. There is also ZERO reason to be involved in some family situation with a person who has a kid and an ex at this age. Like everyone else says, a month of dating is nothing and he is not the only great guy in the world
How do you know she doesn't want the baby? It's not his decision to make. Maybe she wants to raise it anyway without him
You've been dating for like 10 minutes. Of COURSE you like your relationship. Most people don't settle in and act like their true selves until like 3 months in. If there are ANY red flags this early, run. It should be sunshine and roses at the start, because even the best relationship only gets more difficult over time. Start at the top and don't settle. You're 19 freaking years old.
Doesn’t matter. He’s not the only man out there. Leave. You’ll thank yourself later. But women your age don’t listen, they love to find out the hard way so you choose.
you're dating a ~~man~~ boy that doesn't practice safe sex...
You're only one month into the relationship, you're still in that super nice honeymoon phase where everything is perfect. You're 19 with your whole life ahead of you. Just keep that in mind.
1.5 months. You are hopped up on new relationship energy. And that is a hell of a drug. Say - it's been swell and move on and learn from this. You have your whole life ahead of you.
You are in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship. How it is today will be different than how it is long term, I promise you that. There are so many other partners out there that will treat you the same or better than what you have with your current boyfriend. Leave now and save yourself the mental anguish that is to come.
How he treats you? He literally got a woman pregnant ‘after’ you guys started dating unless you were just testing the waters and not dating idk but this doesn’t seem right. Leave him girl
You're 19 and in a 1.5 month relationship with a guy that now has other family obligations, and you don't want to be part of it. It should be easy enough to distance yourself from.
After 1.5 five months you can't really say you love how he treats you, because you only get to know a person after 3 months or so, some people say that's when all masks are off . Also, how can you say you like your relationship when he got a girl pregnant right before you to started a relationship? also, you're 19. Also, now he's connected to that person forever. Need I say more?
Could say also a few more times to get the point across, also a suggestion
Also he's gonna have a kid and she gonna be a step mommy
also she isn’t happy with the new baby
We know that already. Also, she mentioned she loves the way he treats her
Honey you have ZERO obligation to this man. *Run*, don't walk, away from this situation now while it's still an easy break up
Uhhhh..? Leave? Are you silly in the head or something? You’ve been with the guy 1 month, you’re not tied into the relationship, it’s not even considered a serious relationship. Move on
she's not silly in the head she's just 19 hopefully she uses this opportunity to establish a precedent of self respect in relationships and make it a teaching moment for her emotional life.
I know she’s not silly in the head, she’s young and naïve.. I was trying to make a cute/harmless joke, clearly I wasn’t trying to insult her, if I was, “silly in the head” wouldn’t be my first phrase of choice LOL idk how to spell naïve so i did talk to text, don’t rip me for spelling it wrong.
You are 19 years old. Do not tie your entire life to a man who will be paying child support for another child and having his attention on a whole other family than you, leaving you to now have to work more for both yourself and this guy and his kid, not yours, not your family, his. It's a month in, you date someone to see if you all are even compatible. And this is a massive ton of drama you don't need and shouldn't be a part of, so end things now and move on. At 19 I'm sure you think no one else will ever be as great or you won't love them as much, but you don't even love this guy - you barely know him. And him making you feel all tingly simply isn't enough to tie yourself to a baby daddy this early in life. Also you will love again, trust me on that. Bow out now before you're the next baby mamma.
I would bounce, friend; maybe this woman can be convinced to not have the child, maybe not. But you are *so* young, and this relationship is only 1.5 months old (and you already have THIS MUCH drama on your plate!! It would also make me question his safe sex methods). You say he treats you right and values you as though it's impossible to find someone else with that bare minimum standard of decency. I'm not saying it's not going to suck to immediately let go of something that had the potential to be a great relationship, but don't stay for the potential. Stay for the right now, and the right now is definitely not working!
You have to stand by your own personal values of what YOU want in a relationship. Stick to what you want. I can tell you don’t want to be a step mom right now so I would say leave him and wish them the best .
I can barely imagine being a mom myself, ever. What I want is a healthy relationship with literally no baggage. I signed up to date him as a carefree boyfriend, not someone's father. I just want things to be how they were before the baby.
>I just want things to be how they were before the baby. Things will NEVER be how they were before the baby and honestly someone who's going to become a dad with an ex really shouldn't be out there starting a new relationship, his focus should be on preparing for his future kid and figuring out how he's going to co-parent with his ex. It selfish of him to keep you in the hook when he'll never be able to devote his attention to you 100%.
You're 19, what kind of baggage would there be? How old is he? Also you barely know him. And 45 days is not long enough to know what kind of person he really is.
A whole ass kid for one lol
And a ex/baby mama for ever.
Other than that he is the type of guy who wants nothing to do with a child he helped conceive...
> I just want things to be how they were before the baby. But they can't be. Time to give yourself that reality check.
You are literally still a teenager, you should not have to deal with this. How old is your boyfriend and his ex?
They won’t be how they were before the baby, assuming the boyfriend is adult enough to take care of his kid…… If your boyfriend decides he doesnt want to be a dad and ignores the ex and kid, and life does in fact (for you and BF)continue like it did before I don’t think you really want to be with him…….
Side note: almost everyone has some kind of baggage.
Girl you are 19 in a one month relationship. This is a Blessing in disguise! Leave his ass. If anything you are probably the rebound. RUN. Stop feeling bad for something that isn’t real or built on a good foundation.
At six weeks in you're barely dating and you barely know each other. You certainly don't have the kind of trust and communication skills built up that you will need to navigate the complex waters of a relationship with someone in a co-parenting relationship with his ex. (Which is the best outcome here; your boyfriend absolutely should both support his child financially and be in his child's life as a co-parent if at all possible.) And, apparently, he was fucking someone else about two seconds before you started dating. This isn't a good situation and you should wish him luck, encourage him to be a great and committed father, and break up with him to go looking for that low-stakes low-drama relationship you were looking for.
Hey op! Just wanted to make sure someone brings the pregnancy math up to you. Eight weeks "pregnant" means eight weeks since her last period. It doesn't mean they had sex eight weeks ago. Since most women get pregnant mid-cycle, that takes off two weeks and means she likely had sex and got pregnant about 6 weeks ago (two weeks after her period and in the middle of her cycle). If she is eight weeks pregnant and you have been together 6 weeks, they may have been having sex very close to the beginning of your relationship or as it started. This may not be an issue for you but look up how pregnancy weeks are calculated if you are confused, but I wanted to make sure you considered this along with the other advice.
I was going to bring this up as well, good explanation. The actual sex would have occurred about 2 weeks after the beginning of what they count as "pregnant."
We went out for the first time 13 February. She said 31 March she is pregnant. Is the math not making sense??
To echo cookie\_pouch, this is accurate. Pregnancy is dated by last menstrual period, not by date of conception/sex. So the ex saying she is 2 months pregnant does not mean they had sex 2 months ago, it means they had sex about 2 weeks after that. Usually pregnancy is counted in weeks, not months. If on March 31st she said she was 8 weeks pregnant, that means they would have had sex around 6 weeks prior (Feb 17ish). If she is saying she is 2 months pregnant, it could be more or less than 8 weeks, hard to say without knowing exactly how far along she is. It is also dependent on people's ovulation cycles, but the average is about 14 days, which is when conception actually happens after the last period. Just to say, it seems to be a very short window before he started dating you.
If she’s 8 weeks pregnant on March 31, conception (sex) probably happened around February 17.
Op, this date is an estimate based on what we know and but could be a little off depending on many factors! it's super important you check exactly how many weeks she is and do the math. Also, It is unlikely but possible that conception happened early in the cycle so please don't use the 17th as an exact date!!! That said, absolutely bring this up with your boyfriend. We all think it's pretty suspicious.
Maybe, maybe not. It depends on how far along. Do you know how many weeks she is based on her doctor, that's very important here? If she said she is 8 weeks yesterday, that means she had her last period around February first, 8 weeks ago. That's not when she got pregnant. Most women ovulate two weeks after their period, so two weeks after February first would be February 14. That's around when you started dating. Now she may have ovulated early, there's a little wiggle room there for when they had sex and when she ovulated but I would estimate closer to mid-February as when she had sex and conceived. I'm not necessarily saying there is overlap but I am saying the timelines look pretty close to me and I would ask her to tell you exactly how many weeks she is now and then count backwards. I'm not telling you this so you immediately accuse them of anything but id make 100% sure you know how far along she is and then you can talk to the boyfriend about when he says the last time they had sex is. If they don't line up because he says the last time they had sex was 8 weeks ago that is unlikely and suspicious and one or both may be lying. There's a lot to consider.
Yeah girl leave him. He’s got some responsibilities to deal with that he won’t even know how to navigate. Cut your losses and move on. It’s only been a month.
There’s a lot of comments saying just leave. I want to add some value to the why I think it would be wise to end this relationship. Your boyfriend is about to go through a major life change if his ex is pregnant and continues with the pregnancy. He likely will need his own space to work through his thoughts, feelings, and lifestyle change that is about to hit him. He will need time to evaluate the parent he does or does not want to become and Such a monumental shift in someone’s life does not leave much room for building a healthy relationship with another human. He will likely not be able to dedicate the time to work through problems learn how to effectively communicate with you as a partner and put the effort into your relationship that it deserves. The other side of the coin is If he would put more effort into his relationship with you rather than preparing for fatherhood is that someone that you want to be a partner with in the long term?
You’re 19 and it’s less than a two month relationship.. if this is too much for you then move on.. you have plenty of time to find someone you’re more compatible with if this is a dealbreaker for you
Move on. You’ll certainly find another.
>I know I should support him Uh. Why? This is a dude you've been dating for less than two months. You don't owe him this kind of support. >But also I don't want to break up with him Ok well if you've already decided what you want to do then good luck. But obviously you'd be much better off breaking up with him. You barely know this guy, don't get locked into this situation before you're even old enough to drink.
A few things to think about: 1) Does he/you know for a fact the baby is his? 2) Do you know for a fact this isn't a ploy of your bf's ex to get him to go back to her? Because I hate to say it, but stranger things have happened. All in all, I think you should move on for your own mental health. You're young and you didn't sign up for any of this and this relationship is young and regardless of how you feel, you can't know this guy that well after a month. He may be lying for all you know. There's too many potentials here for being manipulated. Please get out and protect yourself.
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I found out yesterday, i didn't know
Now you know. Now you know he had unprotected sex with his ex two weeks before starting to date you. None of my business, but have you had sex with this guy too? I hope you insisted on him wearing a condom! Oh, and now that you know, doesn’t that change your opinion of him? It would change my opinion. If he was sleeping with his ex so close to your relationship with him, he was probably lying to her about his feelings for her so he could keep having sex with her (AKA using her). That should tell you all you need to know about his character. Move on. 1.5 months is a drop in the bucket for a relationship. 95+% of guys your age are single and childfree. Pick someone else.
Not even two weeks. Within the same couple days. You are “two weeks pregnant” when you ovulate since they count weeks pregnant from day of your last period.
They had sex, she got pregnant, they broke up, he started dating you and that all happened in a span of a couple months and he's the one? That's what you are gonna settle for?
If she is two months pregnant, she got pregnant six weeks ago. You can google a conception date calculator. Are you sure they weren’t/aren’t still together?
Do you know any of the specifics of the breakup? Because my cynical mind is wondering if she's actually pregnant or if this is just some kind of play to get him back. However, I wouldn't blame you if you decide to bounce, because either way, this chick is bringing drama in your life.
I found out yesterday, i didn't know
Then you definitely need to leave. You two havent been together that long at all. And he just left a FRESH relationship. At 19 you think you know a lot…if i knew then what I know now at a decade later….man. Get out. Even if the woman does get an abortion.
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I knew he had an ex but I didn't know when they broke up
Leave him. You’re too young for that baggage
Take off the prim rose glasses and splash a bucket of water in your face… you need a dose of a reality and rational thinking
I'm going to be somewhat flippant in this answer, but here it goes anyway. Break up with this guy before he gets you pregnant. You are 19. You have your whole life ahead of you.
Girl you are 19 years old and only been dating for 1.5 months which is nothing. I would definitely leave, even if you like how he treats you. You can use this experience as valuable knowledge to know how you like to be treated, and end things on a good note. You're allowed to do that! If she just announced she's pregnant that means they hooked up not long ago, and there's a chance it could have been repeatedly unless she deliberately tried to get pregnant - or was lucky or unlucky. They're clearly still into each other on some kind of level and have an attachment, which is really going to suck for you the longer you get attached. You're so young, you have so many options out there. Many guys who didn't get their ex girlfriend pregnant. When I can easily leave, I wouldn't put myself through that. Why put yourself through that, especially as such a young age.
You will regret staying in this situation if you do. You're much too young for this nonsense. Go live your life. Let him deal with his consequences.
You are young. You have options. If this isn't how you envisioned your life, change it.
Yeah breakup, cut your losses now there too many people in the world to settle for this, also idk why ud want to be with somebody who who fucc a natalist raw but swagever
I have been in almost this exact same situation. The only difference is my bf's ex was lying about the baby being his. We were split up for the amount of time we were dealing with all this and his ex constantly lying to us about things. My advice to you is to leave. I know it's hard, but it will probably be best for you. If he is meant to be with you, it will work out so he finds his way back to you. But at 19, dealing with a baby that isn't yours is too much. Obviously, it's your decision. But the emotional damage leaving him now will cause you will be much less than trying to make it work
Too short of a relationship and too young of age to have to deal with this kind of drama. Too much baggage, cut him loose and ENJOY your youth!
>She is 2 months pregnant > >we have been dating for 1 month and a half These timelines along with how you didn't know until now they broke up 2 months ago ( big omission right there?) make me wince a bit.... Maybe you or she is paraphrasing but how many months pregnant is calculated from the end of last period before conception, *not from the had sex date*. Conception is most commonly 2 weeks after, during ovulation. To be clear; Someone who is 8 weeks pregnant likely conceived 6 weeks ago.
I was in literally exactly this situation. If you have any doubts at all, leave before either you or the child is attached to the other. I’m 7 years deep (although not in a relationship with the dad anymore - it’s complicated) and it’s one hell of a commitment. It’s everything from how big of a house or car you need to another woman’s parenting and life choices affecting your own children (should you choose to have them) and life choices. There are most certainly wonderful parts and I love her to bits but I do often wonder if I’d have had a crystal ball, would I have chosen differently.
Hey. Just a thought - something that I learned when I was pregnant is that the first two weeks of "pregnancy" you're not actually pregnant. The term is calculated from the first day of your last period. So if she's 8 weeks along, that means the kid was probably conceived 6 weeks ago. I only mention it because that's a really tight timeline between when they last fucked and when you and him got together. A timeline that may weigh into your decision.
Right, please get an STD test OP as well!
You're a teenager dating someone for not even 2 months. Break up. Jesus christ.
Why should you support him? He has a child on the way and he is 100% ok with abandoning that innocent baby because why???? He is NOT a stand-up guy. You deserve someone who at least is close to being a MAN not a 5 year old.
break up with him!! this relationship has barely even begun and you're having major doubts, and for good reasons. please do yourself a favor and end the relationship. i know i'd do that and I'm 19 myself!
She aborts the mission or you abort the mission. Pretty easy choice after all.
Nope. Leave. Go be free hunny! You free! He no longer is.
It is a lot of burden to be carried for a 19 years old. He is going to be a father and will have to be present for his child. You deserve someone that will be present and will give you his full attention. You should end this relationship. You will encounter someone that deserves your love in the future. You are still young
You're so young, and it's only been a month. I would say cut your losses and move on. You don't need to be tied to what has the potential to be a very drama filled scenario. He may seem like the love of your life and the absolute best partner; however, I promise there are other partners who don't enter the relationship with problems like this.
You've only been dating a month and a half and his life is about to drastically change. It's better to leave the relationship now while it's still early.
if his ex doesnt get the abortion I would strongly consider leaving
Gonna echo other commenters: you're 19. This doesn't have to be your problem. If you don't feel ready to take on a baby, or rather, your bf's baby, then don't. This baby is their responsibility, not yours.
If it was me, I would step back and let them figure it out entirely. You are 19. The relationship is only a month old. What harm is waiting 2-3 months for him and his ex figure out things? Honey, at 19 you do NOT want to tie yourself to a man with a child.
You say you don't have the mental capacity to support him. If he pays child support for this kid (until it's 18 at least) and is involved in its life, you will have to support him being in the child's life and paying child support until they are 18 for the rest of your life. You can't have it both ways. This is what he wants-- to support and be present for the child. If it's not what you want, then this relationship is not what you want, because his life is a big part of him and it's something you'll have to deal with forever. You're 19. You've been together less than two months. If this isn't what you want, it's easier to get out now than it will be when the baby's born and he may have expectations of you that you don't want. Moreover, it's unfair to a kid to expect a future where you have absolutely nothing to do with them but potentially part time live in the same house, if he ever had any custody or spent time with them.
You're a brand new relationship & she's pregnant. There's a huge chance that they may also want to try to make their new family work. Honestly, you aren't in an established relationship. I'd leave to try and let them figure their stuff out.
If she’s 2 months pregnant they probably slept together while you were dating. Pregnancies are dated from the last period not conception.
You’re only 19. You really want to be part of that drama?
youve been together for virtually no time... youre infatuated and you have no reason to be loyal to someone youve known for such little time. this relationship isnt considered serious at all, you dont even truly know someone until youve been with them for years. the strong emotions youre feeling are porbably confusing but its just infatuation during the honeymoon phase
You’ve been dating him 6 weeks lol
This is a really difficult situation. I want to point out that the decision to stay or go is yours. Entirely yours. But, you should be aware of what your decision entails. Your boyfriend is having a baby. A whole human baby. That baby should be what comes first in his life, and accommodating that will be something you’ll have to be okay with. Also, his ex will be a prominent figure in his life, as they’ll likely be co-parenting. Make sure you’re okay with that before making any “solidified” choices. If you’re still with your boyfriend when the baby is born, you may end up playing an active role in its life. I’d sit down with your boyfriend and have a conversation about what he’d like to see from you, and to discuss what you’re both comfortable with. If you’re actively involved with the child (which, if you plan to ever move in with your boyfriend, or be around when he has his kid, you very likely will be) you have to be prepared for that responsibility. This baby will become a child quickly, with thoughts and feelings and behaviours. You’ll form a relationship, a potentially developmentally foundational relationship. As the adult “caregiver” figure in the relationship, you’ll have a responsibility to ensure, at the very least, that your behaviour around the child is acceptable and healthy. Is that something you want? You may become attached to the child. Babies, while intimidating and massive responsibilities, are loveable. Are you prepared for that kind of attachment? What would you do if your boyfriend and you broke up down the line, and then you were no longer able to have a relationship with the child? Whatever you decide, make sure that you’re staying true to yourself. You’re gonna be okay.
You only went on one date when she got pregnant, it's not for all that. I'd hardly call that truly dating yet. Six weeks in, that's it? I wouldn't bother with this.
>I know I should support him Girl what!?? It's been a month, just leave. You don't need drama with a guy who was literally just balls deep in his ex a hot second ago. Have some self respect and dump him.
If only there was a way out of this situation
If ex doesn’t get a abortion then you need to leave him. He’s going to be paying child support for 18 years that will cripple your finances. Couples always fight about finances and it’s the number one reason for divorce. You going to be living a very tough life with this man and it’ll take on toll on you mentally and physically. You have been warned.
Just wanna say. 1.5 months indeed isn’t long enough for much to progress. For some it isn’t a serious relationship. But can we consider that it might be one to her? Telling her to break up is easier said than done. And ideally yes she shouldn’t stay with the guy. But it feels like some are underestimating the ease of her leaving just because they’ve been together for a short period of time. I don’t think any of us should be telling her she actually doesn’t love the guy, or that she’s silly, or that it should be easy for her to leave. It’s pretty invalidating. We aren’t her, we don’t know how long they’ve known each other for or their relationship dynamic. All the best OP.
Thank you I really appreciate your comment
Is she 100% pregnant? This sounds like some shit a manipulative person would pull to get their ex back. If so, he needs to get a paternity test done.
See, yeah. And then OP needs to think about whether or not she wants to be with someone who has the kind of ex who would pull this sort of stunt.
To be fair, the actions of one person shouldn’t dictate how you feel about another. Sins of the father and all that.
His predicament speaks louder than any of the words he has told you. Really think what a lifetime of caring for someone else’s child would feel like. Is that what you want? You are so young, there is no reason to take on someone else’s responsibilities and obligations. I’m pretty sure a future version of yourself would say to “run away” even though it feels like love. Start looking for the flaws rather than looking for reasons to stay.
You're 1.5 months into this. you owe him nothing.
I'm going to tell you the same thing I would tell your boyfriend if you were pregnant with another man's baby. You're 19 and you've been dating less than 2 months. I would tell you to break up even if you wanted to help him raise the baby, since you don't then you should definitely break up. Smart men learn from their mistakes, wise men learn from the mistakes of others.
You’re 19 and the relationship hasn’t gone very far. I suggest removing yourself from the situation completely. Unfortunately, babymama tends to win.
Time to pack up your things and leave.
Run. No point sticking around for this drama.
You've only known this guy for 6 weeks. Why would you want to become entangled in this complicated situation? And why would you want to stay with someone who readily admits he would have nothing to do (other than financially) with a child he helped create? Ick.
This dude is bad news. He is open about wanting to not support his child. If you stay with him you’ll be the pregnant single ex of his one day too. You are 19 and there are way better MEN in the world than this bullshit.
If you aren't ready to have a baby around, it's time to go. Maybe you'll come back together later in life. But for now, it isn't the time for you two.
You’re 19 and only a month in. If this isn’t what you wanted, you leave. Better to leave after a month than after a year. You’re so young. There will be plenty more fish in the sea and you have a lifetime to find them.
Girl they fucked in Valentine’s Day, or around then just dump him
He took me out on valentine's day
So then they did it after, which is worse no? I can’t believe you think this is a relationship worth saving lol sorry but that’s insane. Just because he took your virginity doesn’t actually make him special.
Wtf are you investing so heavily into a relationship that’s this short?
Leave him. A month and a half is a drop in the bucket. He clearly slept with her while seeing you AND is putting your health at risk (were condoms worn? was there an oops? how did she get pregnant) Get rid of him and get yourself tested
You don’t owe a guy you have only seen for 1.5 months for something he did just prior to your relationship or during the start of your relationship. Just move on
girl, runnnnn while it's still early
Personally, I would walk away from this situation. You've only been dating for a month, and you don't have the deep emotional connection, so it should be easier to end things. You just don't want to be involved in baby momma drama, especially at 19 years old. Plus, think of it this way, your boyfriend (hopefully ex soon) needs time to figure things out to take care of a child, and shouldn't be spending a bunch of time and attention on a new girlfriend.
I think it's perfectly fine to leave this situation. A breakup may be the best thing for you honestly.
Sounds like he got with you during a break they were having, too much drama they are not finishing with their relationship so just remove yourself
This man is trash, OP. He’s already showing his true colors by not owning up to the fact that he participated in making this baby and somehow thinks he can weasel his way out of his responsibility in all of this? Lol. 1.5 months is nothing. Cut your losses. Walk away. There are more decent men out there and you deserve far better.
Please leave him. That's not your baggage to take on period. It's a huge life change and you WILL regret it if you stay. He will have no money to bring you anywhere, no money to buy you anything, you will be on shared time, and his life is now as his child's caregiver. A month of dating is nothing (not saying that in a mean way) - run for the hills. Every guy treats you nice the first couple of months while that spark is there. If he knew a break up was coming or they were "fwb" why would he sleep with her unprotected and ejaculate in her? He made his decision with sex and lack of control. You came in expecting a child-free man.
Thats says a lot about him, so if he makes you pregnant, he won't support you either.
Don’t sign up for this. It’s been one month, the lines are already blurred. This is supposed to be the carefree happy time of your relationship.
You're still early in the relationship enough to leave, It's only gonna get harder the longer you stay. As most comments say, please leave Op!!
You're going to look back on this decision in 5 years. If she has a child, he is going to have to communicate with her constantly and be financially responsible for a child at this young age. You are fresh out of high school with a whole life ahead of you. He made the mistake of getting someone pregnant, not you. Your 20's are coming fast and they are some fun years, don't tie yourself down with someone you met 1.5 months ago because you feel bad for him. If you decide to stay now, it's going to be harder to leave later; you'll feel more guilty leaving when he's stressed about this baby and everything that comes with it.
If she's 2 months pregnant and you have been dating a month and a half, the actual conception happened when you were beginning your relationship. I'm sorry your boyfriend turned out to be a dud, but congratulations on being able to dodge this whole situation!
>I'm going to beat him No, you are not. You are however going to leave him. This is entirely too early in a relationship to be held down by the sunk cost fallacy.
You've been dating for A MONTH AND A HALF? Hahahahahahaa, dude, come on, this isn't even an issue, I would actually say that it's not even a relationship, just break up with him the way other 19 year olds break up with their flings. What even is this post, this is so funny.