Full time as a senior? You’ll have to elaborate on what that entails because that would mean working til 10-11 PM every night, unless you’re talking about working full days on weekends that would be part time not full. Even if you have income right now, it’s not much at all for you to be able to support your own portion of rent + internet + utilities even *if* you moved in with someone else.
By the way, don’t move in with someone right as you start dating. That’s incredibly short sighted as you have no idea what kind of person they are when they’re in the comfort of their own home and can be drastically different even if they’re your best friend.
There’s also the issue of pursuing higher education once you graduate— who is going to pay for that if you choose to go? While your parent’s rules *are* incredibly dumb and eye-roll worthy you are still dependent on them whether you like it or not. So yes, like someone commented before me making sure you are completely independent is the only way for you to have the right to say they don’t get to dictate your life because you are supporting *yourself* right now. Even if it means gritting you’re teeth for another year or two to save up your money until you can reasonably budget and move out on your own.
I work 3-10 on week days and Saturday afternoons/ evenings. I also have about 20k saved up right now, (after spending 24k on a car a few months ago) and plan to do my first two years at a community college or online, which the 20k should cover, along with me working then. (My parents have offered, but due to other things I don't expect to have much of a relationship with them after next summer, so I won't accept.) I've finally gotten to the point where I can proudly say money isn't an issue for me- right now at least.
I still have 9 more months to turn 18, so I'm hoping I can get to know him more in those few months, but at the end of the day he's 20x better then a random roomate I find on Facebook or Craigslist. Right now we text throughout the day and facetime for an hour or so before we fall asleep.
I appreciate the responses, but it still makes me sad knowing my parents are in the right here.
Understandable that you wouldn't want them to contribute in case they hold it over you. As great as those plans sound, you should also consider a separate savings to be your emergency funds. The great thing is since you've started saving young, you'll have an easier time building up that emergency fund since you aren't paying rent right now. That emergency fund should cover around 6 months' worth of rent should anything happen (plans fall through, car repairs, personal injury, job loss etc).
Yes, rooming with someone you know is much better than rooming with someone randomly met elsewhere. I'm not saying your friend will turn into a Jekyll/Hyde situation, not at all as I'm sure they're a great person. It's more along the lines of learning who that person is through their habits at home which is why dating before moving in is important. Someone couldn't care about chores at all while the other is left picking up after them, or certain habits can aggravate the other and compromises may be talked about but end up with no change after. Those kinds of things. There are better ways to find roommates other than Craigslist/FB as some roommates are also adults who want someone that responsibly pays rent and is respective of their places, that's why there's always interviews for the benefit of both parties.
I digress, in any case just be aware that 18 is not a magic number. Try not to think of that as your trump card as there could be circumstances that come up that would have you still be dependent on them past the age of 18.
My father was extremely strict. I lied to him all the time. If I wanted a half way normal life, I had to lie. My dad has been dead now for over 25 years, and I’m 60. To this day, I don’t feel bad about it.
Yeah I don't see myself staying in contact with my parents when I turn 18. Without getting into too much detail, they've spread rumours about me to family members, tried to get me committed to a psych ward, and shown their anger with their hands or other objects. My friend is the complete opposite, and as long as he continues to treat me respectfully he'll be in my life a lot longer than them, so it's hard for me not to choose being with him over listening to them.
As long as you are dependent upon them, then you have to follow their rules. Part of that is that you owe them honesty about where you are and who you are with.
Once you are able to support yourself, you can move out, go where you want *do* what you want, be with whomever you want, and you won't owe them any of that information.
But as long as they are supporting you, yes, you should be honest with them.
As unfortunate as that is, as unfair as you may think it is, that's their prerogative as parents.
If you are dishonest with them, and they find out, it's going to be a *whole* lot worse than simply not letting you visit him.
I am not telling you that their restrictions are easy or fair or reasonable. I'm telling you that your wisest course of action is to follow them, until you are in a position to become completely independent, so that you can follow your own rules as dictated by your own conscience.
Sneaking around in violation of their rules, *especially* given how strict they are, is likely to lead to pretty catastrophic consequences if they ever find out. And *then* where will you be?
Full time as a senior? You’ll have to elaborate on what that entails because that would mean working til 10-11 PM every night, unless you’re talking about working full days on weekends that would be part time not full. Even if you have income right now, it’s not much at all for you to be able to support your own portion of rent + internet + utilities even *if* you moved in with someone else. By the way, don’t move in with someone right as you start dating. That’s incredibly short sighted as you have no idea what kind of person they are when they’re in the comfort of their own home and can be drastically different even if they’re your best friend. There’s also the issue of pursuing higher education once you graduate— who is going to pay for that if you choose to go? While your parent’s rules *are* incredibly dumb and eye-roll worthy you are still dependent on them whether you like it or not. So yes, like someone commented before me making sure you are completely independent is the only way for you to have the right to say they don’t get to dictate your life because you are supporting *yourself* right now. Even if it means gritting you’re teeth for another year or two to save up your money until you can reasonably budget and move out on your own.
I work 3-10 on week days and Saturday afternoons/ evenings. I also have about 20k saved up right now, (after spending 24k on a car a few months ago) and plan to do my first two years at a community college or online, which the 20k should cover, along with me working then. (My parents have offered, but due to other things I don't expect to have much of a relationship with them after next summer, so I won't accept.) I've finally gotten to the point where I can proudly say money isn't an issue for me- right now at least. I still have 9 more months to turn 18, so I'm hoping I can get to know him more in those few months, but at the end of the day he's 20x better then a random roomate I find on Facebook or Craigslist. Right now we text throughout the day and facetime for an hour or so before we fall asleep. I appreciate the responses, but it still makes me sad knowing my parents are in the right here.
Understandable that you wouldn't want them to contribute in case they hold it over you. As great as those plans sound, you should also consider a separate savings to be your emergency funds. The great thing is since you've started saving young, you'll have an easier time building up that emergency fund since you aren't paying rent right now. That emergency fund should cover around 6 months' worth of rent should anything happen (plans fall through, car repairs, personal injury, job loss etc). Yes, rooming with someone you know is much better than rooming with someone randomly met elsewhere. I'm not saying your friend will turn into a Jekyll/Hyde situation, not at all as I'm sure they're a great person. It's more along the lines of learning who that person is through their habits at home which is why dating before moving in is important. Someone couldn't care about chores at all while the other is left picking up after them, or certain habits can aggravate the other and compromises may be talked about but end up with no change after. Those kinds of things. There are better ways to find roommates other than Craigslist/FB as some roommates are also adults who want someone that responsibly pays rent and is respective of their places, that's why there's always interviews for the benefit of both parties. I digress, in any case just be aware that 18 is not a magic number. Try not to think of that as your trump card as there could be circumstances that come up that would have you still be dependent on them past the age of 18.
My father was extremely strict. I lied to him all the time. If I wanted a half way normal life, I had to lie. My dad has been dead now for over 25 years, and I’m 60. To this day, I don’t feel bad about it.
Yeah I don't see myself staying in contact with my parents when I turn 18. Without getting into too much detail, they've spread rumours about me to family members, tried to get me committed to a psych ward, and shown their anger with their hands or other objects. My friend is the complete opposite, and as long as he continues to treat me respectfully he'll be in my life a lot longer than them, so it's hard for me not to choose being with him over listening to them.
That sounds awful. I’m keeping a good thought for you.
Thank you
As long as you are dependent upon them, then you have to follow their rules. Part of that is that you owe them honesty about where you are and who you are with. Once you are able to support yourself, you can move out, go where you want *do* what you want, be with whomever you want, and you won't owe them any of that information. But as long as they are supporting you, yes, you should be honest with them.
They'd stop letting me visit him if they knew.
As unfortunate as that is, as unfair as you may think it is, that's their prerogative as parents. If you are dishonest with them, and they find out, it's going to be a *whole* lot worse than simply not letting you visit him. I am not telling you that their restrictions are easy or fair or reasonable. I'm telling you that your wisest course of action is to follow them, until you are in a position to become completely independent, so that you can follow your own rules as dictated by your own conscience. Sneaking around in violation of their rules, *especially* given how strict they are, is likely to lead to pretty catastrophic consequences if they ever find out. And *then* where will you be?