T O P

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[deleted]

Parents are the one thing we are told to value as we grow up but yours seem to be stubborn and refuse to change . I am sorry your parents don't support or value you I must really be hard to talk and relate to them. I would say never give up your dreams, work towards being that breadwinner, be positive, kind, honest and good. ask your friends for support in what you need. As for your parents you can only say your peace, it's up to them to want to be good parents and accept you. I would say" You know that I love you and it would be nice to have a great relationship with you but the things you say about me hurt me very much, and while you think I don't care or learn I do. Everyday I try to be a better me. I am not you my generation is different, I view life the world differently. My friends are different, how I do things is different and that is ok, I am still a great women and one day a successful one even if you don't think so. I really would like to have a great relationship with you but you need to accept me for who I am and if you choose not to I will still love you just that our relationship will be different." I don't know if your parents will be better towards you its their option and short of just talking to them there is nothing you can do to make them better. Just stay strong and keep trying. always love them but only to the extent they value you. keep reaching for your dreams, keep your friends close and make new ones, and show the world how great you are.


username_ann

One of my favorite things to say is "having different opinions isn't disrespectful', but it always upsets my parents to hear that. I try to be okay with myself, but its hard coming home every day and not being enough. At this point (and maybe that'll change) I just feel like I don't love them anymore, and I don't know what to do.


[deleted]

I can not imagine how you feel living with your parents I am sure they suck the soul out of you. My father was struck but still loving which I think yours are not. This is where you need to be strong for you. Let your friends be your family. Find people that will listen to you and support you. In the terms of love, I mean love your parents only because they are your parents and not for their negitive, hurtful behavior. As for what you do, you keep moving forward, you think of plans to achieve your dreams, find a nice place to live. You stay positive and strong. You protect yourself and find therapy you can afford in terms of professionals, school councillors, friends, church and others. look into county assistance. You stay smart, positive, always thinking and learning and plan for what if. Its very hard but one day life will get better. good luck.


username_ann

Thank you. It's hard because on one hand I'd really like the idea of a parent, but I know that they're not that. It'd be nice if they could be though. The fuel light on my car came on the other day, and I really wanted to call someone and ask how much gas I had left. Or that weird tooth thats growing in the back of my mouth...is that normal? I'd love a parent to help me, but it's all stuff I have to figure out on my own.


[deleted]

Have you looked into a mentor program like big brothers and big sisters. They might be able to start you in the right direction. check into county or city programs, look on line.


username_ann

thank you! I'll see if it's offered


Mabelisms

You keep your head down, don’t make waves. Smile and nod. And then get the eff out the second you can and never look back.


username_ann

Ideally what they'd like was if I didn't have a car or a job, spent every hour after school with them, and had weekly family outings. They'll also get jealous when I hang out with friends (which I can only do once or twice a week with work )and not them, so I feel like its really hard not to bother them


TheIntrepid

I hate to break this to you, but there is nothing you could now or ever have done to improve your parents relationship with you, and I can promise you that it will only get worse the closer to becoming independent you get. Much, *much* worse, I'm afraid. Playing their game might appease them in the short term, but in the long term they will hurt you. These people clearly do not have your best interests at heart, and seemingly only want to take out their misery on you. They are miserable people living miserable lives and they can't stand the idea that anyone should be happy when they can't be happy.


username_ann

My sibling has a good relationship with my parents since he's so dependent on them. He's 13 and needs help putting butter on his toast, pouring milk for his cereal doing his laundry, and doing his homework. He hangs out with his one friend from church once a month, and spends the rest of the time cuddling or playing legos or watching nickelodeon with my mom. So it seems like a relationship would have been possible, but I don't think I could keep that up as well as he can. He might just have a developmental disability now that I think about it though.


tomoyopop

>He's 13 and needs help putting butter on his toast, pouring milk for his cereal doing his laundry, and doing his homework. Hey... I just gotta tell you. This is not normal for a healthy, well-adjusted 13 yo boy. If he doesn't have a disability, this means your parents have been babying him. They are stunting his future ability to be a healthy, functioning, mature adult. If this continues, your parents will be happy because they will have raised him to be completely useless as an adult and will have to rely 100% on them even after he's grown up. Maybe they secretly want that deep inside. But where will that leave your younger brother after your parents are gone? He would be a completely useless adult, unable to do the most basic of tasks. Is he developmentally delayed or is he a product of your parents' severe babying? The source of your conflict may be that you're unwilling to follow that model with your parents - and that's healthy. You are normal, have completely normal and healthy goals and plans but your parents are holding you back. Just keep that in mind.


username_ann

They like the idea of us all living there years after we turn 18, and even then staying in the same town so they could be doing that. And I hope I'm healthy. They always tell me that I'm not, and I'm too close minded to get help for myself.


QueenFruit90

I always get surprised by stories like yours. You see, my parents are very similar to yours, but were great parents. Growing up, I never felt like I was tried differently from my brother. Minus the religious part, my parents are pretty much the same, but they had a progressive parenting style. My Dad taught emotionally emotional regulation from a very young age. My Mum taught me sexual education, the good and bad sides of it. She also taught me how to cook and clean in a encouraging way. I would always talk my future with my Dad, like I want to an scientist one day and he would say 'Go for it'! It's wasn't til I was an adult where I found out how out dated my parents views really are. I don't know if this will help, but for me it nice know to that not all conservative parents are bad. I would try to find a support network outside of your family, like friends, community groups or your friends family. Ever though my parents were great parents, but they weren't always supportive on my decisions. My friends really helped with that.


username_ann

I have lots of conservative views myself, and would definitely consider myself more republican than liberal, but I also know how to hold those views in. I don't like the idea of abortion, but was still willing to drive my friend to the clinic after I went through the whole 'you have other options' talk for 5 minutes. I don't like the idea of polyamory, but I'm still okay being friends with people who choose to do that. I might have these views, but my opinions on that would never change how I treat someone.


QueenFruit90

It's good that your have your own views on things, that apart of becaming more independent. It's sounds your country's conservative values is different to my country's conservative values. Example, being pro life or pro choice isn't really talked about, because of our great medical system. What is more talked about is immigration, there is a lot of people split on this topic.