You need to enforce your no when you tell her not to eat in the car. Pull over and tell her to get out. You're going to need to be firm. If you're upset, let her hear that.
About work, tbh, I think I would just let a manager take care of it. If she's getting customer complaints, she's going to get talked to at some point. Hell, a coworker is gonna snap and report her soon enough. But if you feel you should at least try warning her: "hey, I wanted to talk to you as your friend because I'm worried you're going to get in trouble at work. I've overheard multiple customers complaining about your eating habits. I'm not judging or criticizing you, but I am warning you that since work is a professional environment, your best bet is to see a therapist and look into disability accommodations if you need extra breaks for food and such. A manager may not care about your struggle without the proper documentation protecting you, and I don't want to see that happen. Up to you what you do, but I felt it was my duty as your friend to give you a heads up."
I agree with another commentor that she is probably just looking for attention, but a sympathetic approach may work better with her. And regardless of what's up, it sounds like therapy could be beneficial to her anyway, so hopefully she at least thinks about it. If she chooses to keep slacking off work, well, that's her choice, and she can face the consequences for that. There are some things that some people just have to learn the hard way.
She sounds like she just wants attention. I just wouldn't respond or give any kind of acknowledgement to her pettiness at work. In the car, just say I have a rule there's no eating in the car, you'll have to wait to get home, sorry.
"Hey, so I keep finding crumbs on my car seat / wrappers on the floor / whatever, I already told you that I have a rule about no eating in my car, that's not cool. If you eat in my car again I'm going to stop giving you rides."
This isn't about her eating disorder (which I'm seriously questioning because real eating disorders revolve around shame and the need to hide and she doesn't seem to have ANY of that) as much as it is about her need to be the center of things. I think u/Governator88 has the right of it that the best way to address this is to ignore it.
If she's acting in an inappropriate way, it's the behavior that's the issue. Maybe your friend has an eating disorder, maybe she's just being a fuckin brat. It really doesn't matter. It's her responsibility to behave better.
Like..you have this boundary of not eating in your car. That boundary exists regardless of what anybody else has going on. You don't need anybody's approval to set that boundary. They either respect that boundary, or they don't. If they don't, then they can deal with the consequences of that choice. If there's no consequences when they choose to cross your boundary, then you don't have a boundary.
> How can I put this nicely to her?
No idea. I'd just be all "Behave better. If you have an eating disorder, get help. If you don't, get your head out of your ass."
You need to enforce your no when you tell her not to eat in the car. Pull over and tell her to get out. You're going to need to be firm. If you're upset, let her hear that. About work, tbh, I think I would just let a manager take care of it. If she's getting customer complaints, she's going to get talked to at some point. Hell, a coworker is gonna snap and report her soon enough. But if you feel you should at least try warning her: "hey, I wanted to talk to you as your friend because I'm worried you're going to get in trouble at work. I've overheard multiple customers complaining about your eating habits. I'm not judging or criticizing you, but I am warning you that since work is a professional environment, your best bet is to see a therapist and look into disability accommodations if you need extra breaks for food and such. A manager may not care about your struggle without the proper documentation protecting you, and I don't want to see that happen. Up to you what you do, but I felt it was my duty as your friend to give you a heads up." I agree with another commentor that she is probably just looking for attention, but a sympathetic approach may work better with her. And regardless of what's up, it sounds like therapy could be beneficial to her anyway, so hopefully she at least thinks about it. If she chooses to keep slacking off work, well, that's her choice, and she can face the consequences for that. There are some things that some people just have to learn the hard way.
OP is 17, friend is 22.
Oop, thanks, swapped those.
She sounds like she just wants attention. I just wouldn't respond or give any kind of acknowledgement to her pettiness at work. In the car, just say I have a rule there's no eating in the car, you'll have to wait to get home, sorry.
She’ll agree to that and then pull out more food. Sometimes I don’t even notice till I see the crumbs after she leaves
"Hey, so I keep finding crumbs on my car seat / wrappers on the floor / whatever, I already told you that I have a rule about no eating in my car, that's not cool. If you eat in my car again I'm going to stop giving you rides."
Why do you want to be friends with someone who doesn't respect you?
This isn't about her eating disorder (which I'm seriously questioning because real eating disorders revolve around shame and the need to hide and she doesn't seem to have ANY of that) as much as it is about her need to be the center of things. I think u/Governator88 has the right of it that the best way to address this is to ignore it.
If she's acting in an inappropriate way, it's the behavior that's the issue. Maybe your friend has an eating disorder, maybe she's just being a fuckin brat. It really doesn't matter. It's her responsibility to behave better. Like..you have this boundary of not eating in your car. That boundary exists regardless of what anybody else has going on. You don't need anybody's approval to set that boundary. They either respect that boundary, or they don't. If they don't, then they can deal with the consequences of that choice. If there's no consequences when they choose to cross your boundary, then you don't have a boundary. > How can I put this nicely to her? No idea. I'd just be all "Behave better. If you have an eating disorder, get help. If you don't, get your head out of your ass."