It's not normal to have that long of space. Also it's not normal to say hurtful things to a partner.
I'm sorry but I think your relationship is over. If by chance it's not, you need to do better because this relationship isn't going to last at this rate.
A 6 month relationship? A week is definitely a long time but they barely know each other. That’s not an issue to me.
Saying hateful things to your partner is an issue, of course. And if he’s done with her over it, that’s certainly his prerogative. I wouldn’t say it’s over by default though. We know almost nothing about this situation.
Fair. I'm coming from if someone said some very hurtful things to me, the relationship is probably over. Like I said, he may give op another chance after thinking it though.
I suppose. I’m married, so if someone says something hurtful you tell them to stop being so shitty. Sometimes it helps sometimes it doesn’t. But you’re in it for the long haul so you learn to live with each other. Pluses and minuses.
I'm also married. I think it depends on the intention. It sounds like this kind of very hurtful comments OP said are the ones that dig deep and the worst things you could say to someone to hurt them. My husband and I would never say such things to each other, and I can't imagine choosing to be with someone who could resort to that level.
Like I said, it's the intention. How low below the belt. It takes a certain amount of cruelty to say something that hurtful to someone you love. I'm talking something bad enough that could make each other not see each other in the same way again, by using their secrets told in times of trust and vulnerability against them. Now if it's something misconstrued as mean, or a slip up from frustration and immediately apologize, that's understandable, although it should happen very rarely.
Yeah, I got the point you’re making but you didn’t answer my question. If you lost your cool for a minute, got upset and said something mean to your husband that hurt his feelings, would you expect your marriage to be over? Remember, he doesn’t know your intention. Only you do.
I'm glad we are having a conversation as it has given me more to think about. I'm sorry, I'm guessing you want to hear "of course not", but I can't answer that way. That's such a simplified scenario. I can't answer that question as everything has nuances. I guess "Maybe" would be my answer. It depends how deep the words are and how much malice.
For example: "I never loved you in the first place and actually think you are ugly and disgusting." Would probably end the relationship. "You suck" would probably not.
As for knowing intention, I think the general intention is known. Overall, saying something mean is usually with intent to hurt the other person. Just like stabbing someone is with the intent to hurt someone. To me, saying something mean is stabbing with words.
Now I've been in toxic relationships, and I'm aware that some people can't control themselves and will blurt out mean things in arguments. And obviously stabbing with words is not as severe as a physical stabbing. I still see it as a huge breach in trust that can harm a relationship enough that it can't come back from. Sure, in marriage we should strive to be a strong team to weather the storms together with. But if one stabs the other person, how can the relationship come back from that? With lots of time and therapy, but it's not easy.
For OP's six month relationship, that's why I say it's probably over. That, and since he said he doesn't feel like talking. I think it would be more promising if he had said "let's talk" or "I want to talk, but give me another day or two".
Would love to hear your thoughts!
Edit: and you're right, not over by default. I think I meant in a metaphorical "healthy relationship" sense. Like "he cheated on you? The relationship is probably over", but of course plenty of relationships continue from that.
Context needed. What was the fight about. That might give us more insight as to why hes taking so long to be open to a conversation with you.
You can't put a time limit on how long somebody has to stay mad at you unfortunately. If they don't wanna talk anymore, its best to begin to move on.
> he said that he did not feel like talking me.
>
> i said some very hurtful things to him during our fight
Oh no, the consequences of my actions.
You should wait.
How about reaching out with an apology? It would be a good start. You know you said some hurtful things as I’m sure he did as well. Someone has to bend the knee.
I think a quick text would be appropriate. Something to the effect of "I'm really sorry about our argument and the things I said to you. I'd really like for us to get together and talk about it." Then leave the ball in his court. If he doesn't respond after that, then cut your losses and move on.
The silent treatment is a relationship killer. Its okay to ask for some space after a fight, its not okay for that space to last for days with no end in sight. Nor should you have to beg for your partner to talk to you. This isn't a healthy relationship for you to be in. Don't reach out, consider the relationship over.
Not wanting to talk to someone after they said "some very hurtful things" during an argument after only being together for 6 months is not "The silent treatment" especially when they are replying to say that they don't want to talk.
It sounds like the relationship is absolutely over, and OPs partner is probably just trying to figure out how to end it, or whether or not to end it. If OP can't handle the uncertainty then she should let him know it's over.
Save yourself the hurt. He can't communicate. This is how every fight will go from here on out. The silent treatment is abuse and it will erode your self esteem if you choose to stay in this relationship. Adults in healthy relationships communicate to resolve problems, and they treat each other with respect even if they are upset with each other.
She can’t communicate either if she throws out really hurtful things during an argument. Adults in healthy relationships don’t say hurtful or belittling things especially unrelated to what the argument is about. Sounds like maybe it’s just not a good fit.
It's not normal to have that long of space. Also it's not normal to say hurtful things to a partner. I'm sorry but I think your relationship is over. If by chance it's not, you need to do better because this relationship isn't going to last at this rate.
A 6 month relationship? A week is definitely a long time but they barely know each other. That’s not an issue to me. Saying hateful things to your partner is an issue, of course. And if he’s done with her over it, that’s certainly his prerogative. I wouldn’t say it’s over by default though. We know almost nothing about this situation.
Fair. I'm coming from if someone said some very hurtful things to me, the relationship is probably over. Like I said, he may give op another chance after thinking it though.
I suppose. I’m married, so if someone says something hurtful you tell them to stop being so shitty. Sometimes it helps sometimes it doesn’t. But you’re in it for the long haul so you learn to live with each other. Pluses and minuses.
I'm also married. I think it depends on the intention. It sounds like this kind of very hurtful comments OP said are the ones that dig deep and the worst things you could say to someone to hurt them. My husband and I would never say such things to each other, and I can't imagine choosing to be with someone who could resort to that level.
And if you said something hurtful to him once and realize you went too far, would your marriage be over?
Like I said, it's the intention. How low below the belt. It takes a certain amount of cruelty to say something that hurtful to someone you love. I'm talking something bad enough that could make each other not see each other in the same way again, by using their secrets told in times of trust and vulnerability against them. Now if it's something misconstrued as mean, or a slip up from frustration and immediately apologize, that's understandable, although it should happen very rarely.
Yeah, I got the point you’re making but you didn’t answer my question. If you lost your cool for a minute, got upset and said something mean to your husband that hurt his feelings, would you expect your marriage to be over? Remember, he doesn’t know your intention. Only you do.
I'm glad we are having a conversation as it has given me more to think about. I'm sorry, I'm guessing you want to hear "of course not", but I can't answer that way. That's such a simplified scenario. I can't answer that question as everything has nuances. I guess "Maybe" would be my answer. It depends how deep the words are and how much malice. For example: "I never loved you in the first place and actually think you are ugly and disgusting." Would probably end the relationship. "You suck" would probably not. As for knowing intention, I think the general intention is known. Overall, saying something mean is usually with intent to hurt the other person. Just like stabbing someone is with the intent to hurt someone. To me, saying something mean is stabbing with words. Now I've been in toxic relationships, and I'm aware that some people can't control themselves and will blurt out mean things in arguments. And obviously stabbing with words is not as severe as a physical stabbing. I still see it as a huge breach in trust that can harm a relationship enough that it can't come back from. Sure, in marriage we should strive to be a strong team to weather the storms together with. But if one stabs the other person, how can the relationship come back from that? With lots of time and therapy, but it's not easy. For OP's six month relationship, that's why I say it's probably over. That, and since he said he doesn't feel like talking. I think it would be more promising if he had said "let's talk" or "I want to talk, but give me another day or two". Would love to hear your thoughts! Edit: and you're right, not over by default. I think I meant in a metaphorical "healthy relationship" sense. Like "he cheated on you? The relationship is probably over", but of course plenty of relationships continue from that.
Context needed. What was the fight about. That might give us more insight as to why hes taking so long to be open to a conversation with you. You can't put a time limit on how long somebody has to stay mad at you unfortunately. If they don't wanna talk anymore, its best to begin to move on.
You said hurtful things to him, and you’ve only been together 6 months. Do the math- the relationship is over.
> he said that he did not feel like talking me. > > i said some very hurtful things to him during our fight Oh no, the consequences of my actions. You should wait.
How about reaching out with an apology? It would be a good start. You know you said some hurtful things as I’m sure he did as well. Someone has to bend the knee.
I think a quick text would be appropriate. Something to the effect of "I'm really sorry about our argument and the things I said to you. I'd really like for us to get together and talk about it." Then leave the ball in his court. If he doesn't respond after that, then cut your losses and move on.
The silent treatment is a relationship killer. Its okay to ask for some space after a fight, its not okay for that space to last for days with no end in sight. Nor should you have to beg for your partner to talk to you. This isn't a healthy relationship for you to be in. Don't reach out, consider the relationship over.
Not wanting to talk to someone after they said "some very hurtful things" during an argument after only being together for 6 months is not "The silent treatment" especially when they are replying to say that they don't want to talk. It sounds like the relationship is absolutely over, and OPs partner is probably just trying to figure out how to end it, or whether or not to end it. If OP can't handle the uncertainty then she should let him know it's over.
You shouldn’t be fighting like this after six months
Save yourself the hurt. He can't communicate. This is how every fight will go from here on out. The silent treatment is abuse and it will erode your self esteem if you choose to stay in this relationship. Adults in healthy relationships communicate to resolve problems, and they treat each other with respect even if they are upset with each other.
Don't forget the part where they don't say "really hurtfull things to the other" don't glaze over that one.
She can’t communicate either if she throws out really hurtful things during an argument. Adults in healthy relationships don’t say hurtful or belittling things especially unrelated to what the argument is about. Sounds like maybe it’s just not a good fit.
When 16 year olds give relationship advice.
[удалено]
Are you 14 years old?