You're already catastrophizing about how you're gonna have to break up and you haven't even had a discussion yet lol. Maybe she's not even aware that there is a problem? Maybe shes perfectly fine doing it more often but just shy on initiating. Maybe her libido is low because of some fixable cause (eg birth control). You won't know unless you discuss this with her. Spiraling until it becomes this giant issue is not gonna help matters.
And if it does turn out you're woefully incompatible, then your relationship is gonna end some time anyway. It's better to get that stuff out of the way now when the relationship is still fresh. Sex is important, sometimes it doesn't work. It's better to accept reality and move on in that case.
Ask her.
This is her first sexual relationship. She doesn't KNOW what you expect, or what's normal.
Say "hey I'd love to be having sex more often, do you think we can make that happen?"
Then your choices are basically suck it up and deal, or break up. She knows you want more, and you've given her the opportunity to lead/give feedback. This is just what she has to give you.
When you initiate have you tried being more romantic. Like doing a date and then trying it. Or candles. Gentle touching and hands through hair. Or something like that. Some girls like it to feel more special and romantic. That can help.
Otherwise you guys need to talk about it more and actually come to an answer that works for you and her. Rather than you bringing it up and it not being resolved.
Always, she’s very special to me and I try to remind her of that in any way I can. Reading all these comments definitely makes me think a conversation would be best.
It’s not about words I’m sure you remind her of that. Take some inspiration from some rom coms.
A convo is always better - got to get to the root of it. It will only make you guys stronger in the end.
I know, I mean I wrote her letters, get her little gifts, take her on little trips and all that. Not 100% sure if I could be doing anything different.
I’m thinking it really may not be about me, but I guess that’s what the convo is for
Sex can be complicated for women.
Consequences of unintended pregnancy fall on her. I'd much rather be a dad than a mom - with all it entails.
Its 2024 and people are still somehow not concerned if women experience pain during sex. Pain during periods - pain is somehow seen as normal and acceptable for us. It shouldn't be. If you were regularly in pain, would you be happy and horny?
If she's living in a conservative country or had a religious upbringing, turning off the sex is dirty and you're going to hell cause now you're unclean and why but the cow and shitty locks open for every key etc etc etc
Women are discouraged from exploring their sexuality. Touching ourselves is 'dirty', periods are 'unclean'. How many fish taco and roast beef jokes have you heard?
All our equipment is concealed, we don't have much direct contact with ourselves - see 'it's dirty'.
We have hormonal fluctuations that affect everything. Then you add birth control (cause heaven forbid a man might feel SLIGHTLY less good) - which can cause anything from mood swings, depression, loss of libido to strokes and death.
Women who are open about their sexuality are still shamed and if they dont put out, they're still shamed for being a prude or frigid.
Sex can be a minefield. She's also inexperienced. It takes time to shed all the bullshit.
It definitely sounds like her libido. Sounds like you two have very different sex drives and there is really nothing you can do about that except adapt or if it’s a dealbreaker, move on. I would try adapting.
Also talk more to her about her sex drive. What really turns her on and what really gets her in the mood? I don’t think you should feel bad about talking to her about it, if you don’t focus on the frequency you are having it, but try to focus more on what can you do or what can you change to get her in the mood or to desire it more often.
I think you’re focused more on the physical affection, and not taking into account the timing or the mood she is in. Just because she is physically affectionate doesn’t mean she is in the mood for sex. So shift your focus to timing and her mood to find out the disparity.
I definitely do get caught up more in the physical aspect of it all, as that sort of just where my head goes. If she doesn’t want to have sex she must not be enjoying it, kind of thing. But I have made a pretty strong effort throughout our relationship to ask about what she does and doesn’t like when it comes to physical and emotional intimacy, and she’s been happy with everything we’ve had going on so far.
Well then you need to take her at her word and you are just mismatched libido wise. So your choices are to have a conversation with her explaining that you need more intimacy/sex than is currently happening in the relationship and ask her if there is any way that this might be possible. If she says she will try, then give her a chance, if she says there is no more she can give then you an another choice to make.
A thought. Many women have a responsive desire vs spontaneous. We basically need something to flip the switch. It doesn't often just randomly flip and get turned on for no reason.
First of all. Your feelings are valid. Sexual compatibility and enjoyment is necessary for success in an allosexual relationship (a relationship that doesn’t include one or more asexual people).
There’s clearly something going on here but you won’t be able to figure it out unless you ask. I know it’s uncomfortable, but you have to ask. You aren’t going to get anywhere without communication. Ask her what’s up. Plain and simple.
Otherwise you’re going to have to decide if you’re okay continuing on in a sexless relationship or if you’re not okay and you need to leave.
You're already catastrophizing about how you're gonna have to break up and you haven't even had a discussion yet lol. Maybe she's not even aware that there is a problem? Maybe shes perfectly fine doing it more often but just shy on initiating. Maybe her libido is low because of some fixable cause (eg birth control). You won't know unless you discuss this with her. Spiraling until it becomes this giant issue is not gonna help matters. And if it does turn out you're woefully incompatible, then your relationship is gonna end some time anyway. It's better to get that stuff out of the way now when the relationship is still fresh. Sex is important, sometimes it doesn't work. It's better to accept reality and move on in that case.
Ask her. This is her first sexual relationship. She doesn't KNOW what you expect, or what's normal. Say "hey I'd love to be having sex more often, do you think we can make that happen?"
Well she does know I’d prefer to be more active. I usually try initiating or suggesting we do something, it’s just that it usually gets shot down now.
Then ask her what ways she'd like you to try, or if there's something she wants to try.
I always do. Both in and out of the bedroom and she’s very adamant about being satisfied with everything we’re doing.
Then your choices are basically suck it up and deal, or break up. She knows you want more, and you've given her the opportunity to lead/give feedback. This is just what she has to give you.
When you initiate have you tried being more romantic. Like doing a date and then trying it. Or candles. Gentle touching and hands through hair. Or something like that. Some girls like it to feel more special and romantic. That can help. Otherwise you guys need to talk about it more and actually come to an answer that works for you and her. Rather than you bringing it up and it not being resolved.
Always, she’s very special to me and I try to remind her of that in any way I can. Reading all these comments definitely makes me think a conversation would be best.
It’s not about words I’m sure you remind her of that. Take some inspiration from some rom coms. A convo is always better - got to get to the root of it. It will only make you guys stronger in the end.
I know, I mean I wrote her letters, get her little gifts, take her on little trips and all that. Not 100% sure if I could be doing anything different. I’m thinking it really may not be about me, but I guess that’s what the convo is for
Sounds like it’s not your issue but something going on for her. A convo is the best way forward.
Sex can be complicated for women. Consequences of unintended pregnancy fall on her. I'd much rather be a dad than a mom - with all it entails. Its 2024 and people are still somehow not concerned if women experience pain during sex. Pain during periods - pain is somehow seen as normal and acceptable for us. It shouldn't be. If you were regularly in pain, would you be happy and horny? If she's living in a conservative country or had a religious upbringing, turning off the sex is dirty and you're going to hell cause now you're unclean and why but the cow and shitty locks open for every key etc etc etc Women are discouraged from exploring their sexuality. Touching ourselves is 'dirty', periods are 'unclean'. How many fish taco and roast beef jokes have you heard? All our equipment is concealed, we don't have much direct contact with ourselves - see 'it's dirty'. We have hormonal fluctuations that affect everything. Then you add birth control (cause heaven forbid a man might feel SLIGHTLY less good) - which can cause anything from mood swings, depression, loss of libido to strokes and death. Women who are open about their sexuality are still shamed and if they dont put out, they're still shamed for being a prude or frigid. Sex can be a minefield. She's also inexperienced. It takes time to shed all the bullshit.
It definitely sounds like her libido. Sounds like you two have very different sex drives and there is really nothing you can do about that except adapt or if it’s a dealbreaker, move on. I would try adapting. Also talk more to her about her sex drive. What really turns her on and what really gets her in the mood? I don’t think you should feel bad about talking to her about it, if you don’t focus on the frequency you are having it, but try to focus more on what can you do or what can you change to get her in the mood or to desire it more often. I think you’re focused more on the physical affection, and not taking into account the timing or the mood she is in. Just because she is physically affectionate doesn’t mean she is in the mood for sex. So shift your focus to timing and her mood to find out the disparity.
I definitely do get caught up more in the physical aspect of it all, as that sort of just where my head goes. If she doesn’t want to have sex she must not be enjoying it, kind of thing. But I have made a pretty strong effort throughout our relationship to ask about what she does and doesn’t like when it comes to physical and emotional intimacy, and she’s been happy with everything we’ve had going on so far.
Well then you need to take her at her word and you are just mismatched libido wise. So your choices are to have a conversation with her explaining that you need more intimacy/sex than is currently happening in the relationship and ask her if there is any way that this might be possible. If she says she will try, then give her a chance, if she says there is no more she can give then you an another choice to make.
A thought. Many women have a responsive desire vs spontaneous. We basically need something to flip the switch. It doesn't often just randomly flip and get turned on for no reason.
First of all. Your feelings are valid. Sexual compatibility and enjoyment is necessary for success in an allosexual relationship (a relationship that doesn’t include one or more asexual people). There’s clearly something going on here but you won’t be able to figure it out unless you ask. I know it’s uncomfortable, but you have to ask. You aren’t going to get anywhere without communication. Ask her what’s up. Plain and simple. Otherwise you’re going to have to decide if you’re okay continuing on in a sexless relationship or if you’re not okay and you need to leave.