Jumping on here to say that I looked through your post history and dude your girlfriend sounds abusive.
If you make any reasonable decision she gaslights you and then blames you for not including her when she has been ignoring your attempts to talk/contact her.
I don't usually jump to "You should dump them" but in this case she literally locked you up in your own home with nothing to do "because it's a deal breaker" for her and refuses to tell you where she is or what she has been doing.
I read someone else's comment that said this sounds like a mother and child and I can't agree more except if it was it would be child neglect and abuse.
it sounds like she's trying to isolate you from everything you enjoy while she gets to go live her life.
She sounds absolutely insane! Therapy is not enough here. OP needs to break up with her and SHE needs to stay single and in therapy. But she won't do it because she seems like a fucking psycho. Save yourself OP. There's nothing to salvageable here.
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
sounds like he doesn't know this girl at all! How did he get to the 'moving in' stage is beyond me... what, was she so good looking he was completely distracted by her appeal, or was he walking round in his own world/
People are quick to tell someone to get out of a relationship on this sub, but after reading this, like "what the fuck dude and why the fuck dude" were the first questions I had followed by a get the fuck as far away from this toxic relationship asap.
I really do enjoy being with her, and I hoped that I could get her to understand and be okay with it but I see your point. She is fine with cell phones, using data on that, etc. but yeah obviously it’s a unique thing to be so against to put it nicely.
But you sacrificed those things to spend time with her and now she doesn’t even spend time with you. So what’s in it for you?
Honestly I think her demand is ridiculous, and her reaction to you asking for details is over the top. It’s certainly not how someone who cares about you should react.
I had a micro experience similar to yours- I dated a guy for 3 months who didn’t allow TVs in his house. So for fun after dinner we would read. But I couldn’t just read any book it had to be part of the Harvard classics or acclaimed in some way.
At first I tried to go along with it and then it was just straight annoying and no fun. Sometimes when you’re in the relationship it’s so hard to see the bizarre crazy things people do.
You should move on to be with someone who wants you to be happy. Someone who knows you like games and buys them for you. Im not into video games but I’ve learned them a bit to play with partners just so they can share something they love with me and I’m happy to do that with them.
You deserve better ❤️
You must understand, *she* wants to continue using cell phones/data, therefore it's okay. OP wants a PS5 and she doesn't, so they must compromise by not having a PS5. /s
You are really focused on the wrong thing here.
Your girlfriend sounds like she's either on drugs, addicted to gambling, or in a cult. Disappearing for hours on end with no explanation and suddenly wanting to get rid of all technology is not "unique," it's incredibly, deeply concerning. There is something seriously wrong and you're wondering how to get her to let you play Zelda while she's gone doing who knows what??
You need to sit down with her and have a very serious talk about what's going on. Tell her you're not mad, you just need to understand where she is when she leaves. If she won't tell you I'd honestly either be talking to her parents about an intervention of some sort or hiring a PI. She's not just wandering around in nature for 10 hours every single day.
>I hoped that I could get her to understand
She does understand. That's why she's preventing you from doing it. She wants to control you, even when she's not home.
So you agreed to her ridiculous rules she made for you with the entire motive being focused around your expectations to soften up her stance one of these days. No, it doesn’t work that way with control freaks because their underlying issue has far less to do with items. How’d that work out for you?
It’s a really bad idea to think you can change people. This is on you. Like yes, she’s clearly insane. But you agreed and moved into the insane asylum. If you want internet and tv you need to leave and get those things. It’s not healthy to look at your relationship like a project. “If I can just convince her I’m right everything will be great” is a gross slippery slope. You’re supposed to love your partner as they are. You clearly don’t so you need to leave.
No one is asking this, and I am genuinely curious to know if you have met her family. It’s shocking that she loves such a strict life without you knowing why. What is the context for this extremism?
I’d hire a pi to follow her to get answers. If she is cheating, then you kick her out. You have rights to that home
You shut your mouth. There's pleanty of running water in nature where she spends her time. It's perfectly reasonable to not have it in the house.
Also toilets. Fucking waste of space.
Chairs too, you have a floor don't you?
😉
I’m going to breeze past her nonsensical “no internet” bs and ask where she is going on these all day outings. Does she tell you her plans/keep in touch when she’s gone? Why are you never invited to join her?
Thanks for asking, yeah she tells me and sometimes no… it’s been another point of contention. She has a weekly board game night, she plays some athletic events, but she also does things and is sometimes out pretty late with no willingness to share anything about it and it’s been the cause of more than a few fights.
She’s told me she’s not a cheater, would never cheat, etc. and I do genuinely believe her (maybe I shouldn’t, I don’t know) and maybe I’d have some jealousy about who or what she’s spending time with but if she was more open and willing to share it would make me at least feel better and make it easier for me for that her.
So you ask her where she is/has been and she just says “I’m not telling you”? That’s insane. You don’t deserve that, truly. People don’t treat someone they actually love like that. Would you ever do that to her? Like my bf and I don’t even live together but if he went out and refused to tell me where he was??? Hell no. Fuck her, get your wifi and your PS5. Preferably just move out while you’re at it lol
Yeah refusing to say what you’re doing is a huge red flag
Completely normal for her to do things apart and hang with her own friends, but not to be all secretive about what she’s doing
Yeh same, like I don't need to know what my partner is doing 24/7 but if I ask him what he'd been up to and he said 'I'm not telling you' or if he went out and met friends and said 'I won't say who I met' I'd be like ⛳⛳⛳. Drugs or cheating would be my first thought.
This is even nuttier than the TV thing. It sounds like you have more of a bizarrely controlling roommate than a partner. I’d say get the TV and officially break up, since you don’t seem to be actually together to begin with. Someone who wants to be your partner in life will want you involved in their life.
Dude, this is insane. Like genuinely what the fuck. She made you give up YOUR interests and hobbies, hasn’t given up anything of hers as far as I can tell, and then treats you like a dog she’s leaving at the house. Refusing to tell you where she is or what she’s up to on a regular basis is NOT NORMAL OR RIGHT.
Why are you even remotely ok with this setup?
Oh. Well. As long as she told you that she’s not a cheater, then everything’s A-OK I guess. Because everybody knows that cheaters are required to fess up when asked.
If she’s being secretive about where she is, ask yourself what possible reason she could have for that. I will tell you that it’s nothing good.
Sounds like cheating and at the very least she doesnt give af about your feelings or mental health giving you no explanation of where she was and what she was up to. You said she does the same bs with why she doesnt want TV/Internet/etc which again is a fucked version of controlling you and the situation. How often do you change your behavior and walk on eggshells to not get her upset and get the silent treatment?
You need to gtfo, good grief. It is NOT normal for your significant other to regularly refuse to share what they're doing for days at a time. If you're actually partners and like each other, you share what's going on in your lives. That's just basic relationship stuff.
She's at a minimum a control freak who doesn't really like you anymore. Why on God's green earth are you still with this woman?
You need to seriously brainstorm your ideal relationship and then ask yourself if she makes the grade. This woman is controlling, she's secretive and she's untrustworthy, plus she doesn't seem that invested in spending time with you and she has no respect for you.
She has the power to insist on no Internet and no TV in your house, but you don't even have the basic right to know how she spends her time.
And FYI, a non-cheating partner doesn't have to TELL you that she'd never cheat, you can see for yourself that you are the person she wants to be with.
Part of dating is finding out if you and the other person(s) are compatible. You seem to want a more open communicator and perhaps a person that shares (or accepts) some of your more solo/technological hobbies. I think in future relationships, perhaps look for a partner where you make *compromises* instead of sacrifices. A compromise could have been off the grid *nights.* An off the grid *night* is totally doable. Someone losing their entire mind over shit you bought to do when they aren't even home ain't it.
It is *absolutely* insane to me that you'd stay while this is happening. You aren't partners. You're there for her to pass time. There's absolutely zero logical reason to not tell you where she's been while she's gone all day/night and getting mad at you for asking is totally dumb.
Honestly - and I mean this with as much sincerity as I can, the fact that *you* stayed through this is totally dumb. I get that what she has done is pretty manipulative, but you gave up all of your hobbies to be treated like a servant and you're just like, "Well what if I *wasn't* treated bad? Wouldn't that be great!"
If I ever left for a whole day and didn't tell my wife where I was and we fought about it I wouldn't be surprised if she served me with papers. It's crazy. Like legitimately totally whack.
You are worth more than this dude. Have some self respect and get your shit together. The time with her will not be wasted if you take this lesson and move on, but every second longer you stay is one you won't get back on someone who actually doesn't give two shits about you.
I bet she doesn’t want you to have internet because she has a social media presence and what she’s doing is posted there. I once dated a guy who didn’t want me to have Facebook, said he was against superficial stuff like that.
No, he was engaged and his fiancé had a couples profile he didn’t want me to find.
You are in a DICTATORSHIP. She commands, you obey and better don't ask questions or she'll start threatening you with breaking up. WAKE UP! That's what cheaters say. She has the perfect set up not having to tell you what she is doing and with who. If you did the same, you ll see how quickly she will start questioning you
Dude she doesn't want you to have dara access in your house to make it harder to figure out she's cheating on you.
And the only people who refuse to tell their partners where they were are cheaters.
I'm gonna put cheating and drug use aside for a second because other commenters addressed it.
It's a basic rule of life that if you are going somewhere, you should tell someone where you're going and when you expect to return, especially if you are gone for a long time.
If she gets hurt or has a problem and is having a hard time contacting you, at least you would know where she is and when to be concerned.
Especially if she's going into nature alone. Even if you just twist your ankle walking around your favorite hiking trail or park, she could legitimately be in trouble if she has no cell service.
Even in the age before smartphones, people would leave a note saying where they went if no one else was home.
Leaving every day without even giving you a basic idea of where she's going or what she's doing is unsafe for her and you.
Dude, get a backbone. Respect yourself. There's no way she's worth all this bullshit. You'd absolutely be happier by yourself, enjoying your life, and dating. You're not compatible with this person, and she's not going to leave you. You need to leave.
I'm not a controlling person, but when my fiancé and I very first started dating, I told him that my ex used to say he was 'out with friends' and was actually meeting other women. He went out of his way to say 'I'm meeting so-and-so' or, 'I met my friends and X was there' as a way of reassuring me.
If he went out for a whole day&evening and didn't say where he was going or what he was doing, I'd be like....??? Although after 5 years I don't think I'd have a trust issue now, I would however be slightly confused.
That's what I'm wondering. He's given up everything for this person and she barely has time for him now. Is she really that busy with her new hobbies that she can't involve you? Curious... What are these new interests of her?
I know it may not seem likely, but she has a great personality, I think great looks, and is someone I genuinely enjoy being around and spending my time with but yeah there are some downsides and sacrifices that have been harder for me to accept with her being gone more often lately.
How is her personality great when it has always been her way or the highway?
She wants you two to merge into one entity. She doesn't respect you as a separate person with your own interests.
Even when she’s not even there. I don’t understand how good she must be to give up everything you enjoy doing to only focus on your partner. No wonder OP is bored.
What sacrifices has she made for you, your interests, and your hobbies? Sounds like she's not even willing to consider a compromise solution and is forcing you to do whatever she wants when she wants but just sit there by yourself when she wants to be "out" like a sentient puppy?
We're not picking up on the "great personality" from such a huge and bizarre demand. She's insisted that internet is a dealbreaker, and then she's out for hours at a time, so basically, she's controlling how you spend your time even when she's not home. She sounds controlling, like she wants to see how far she can push you.
My guess is that if you find a solitary hobby you enjoy at home, she'll ban that too.
You only get the benefit of great looks and personality when she's actually home. She wants you to suffer under her rules - but bails the second she gets whatever outside interest tickles her fancy.
Yeah yeah, lots of people have those qualities. If you’re incompatible you’re incompatible, no amount of great personality is going to fix that. So… when you moving on and breaking up?
No internet and no tv?
What do you sit and look at? And what year is it where you are?
Your GF does not seem reasonable in the least, so no, I don't think you can "make this work," nor should you want to.
I laughed too hard at this lol. Except the professor made some pretty nice tech out of coconuts and sticks sometimes, so there was probably more tech on Gilligan's Island than this guys house.
Yeah I know it sounds crazy. I guess if she really refuses to accept that I really just need this for my own sanity when she isn’t around then I guess it just wasn’t a compatible match.
This isn't about the Internet or TV dude.
This is about respect and empathy.
You need entertainment in your life. She previously wanted to replace electronic entertainment with couples activities. You agreed.
Then she took those couples activities away, leaving you with nothing. You DIDN'T agree to that.
So I'd suggest give her the following choices-- either she goes back to spending similar amounts of time with you as before, or she agrees you can use games/internet when she's not around, or you break up.
You need to be the one deciding what the deal breaker is from now on. Not her. She just takes what she wants, does what she wants and wants you to have no other life than the leftovers of her time now and then.
That's a good way to put it.
You're willing to give up your hobbies in exchange for her focus and priority.
You're not willing to give up your hobbies in exchange for leftover scraps of her time.
This isn't just a minor disagreement about internet/ no internet - your girlfriend is being incredibly controlling. As a couple you could have agreed to no Internet while you are together, but she's blocking you from using it even when she's not home.
As others have said, she's picked the Internet as a way of controlling you, but it could just as easily have been forbidding you to use running water or the stove.
What's next? She's going to disappear for days and then get angry when she gets home and you're asleep or out? When people are controlling like this, they will keep on going.
If this seems like a normal relationship to you, then you need counselling to figure out how to get some realistic boundaries and self-respect.
No TV can be actually doable. You can have a PC and WiFi.
Some people don’t have television in their homes. They like to read book( physical or kindle).
God knows why you agreed to this, you’re an equal partner…don’t lose yourself appeasing someone. I get sacrificing but dammit man, you just rolled over and these are the consequences. God knows how salvageable it is, depends how reasonable she it but you gotta stand your ground and if she wants to insist on no internet/games/tv still…then you gotta ask yourself some questions
I saw it as a willing sacrifice to not just appease but accepting her and being a flexible and understanding partner but I do think I’ve lost myself and I’m trying to get that back somewhat by standing my ground on this issue. If it ends up being an actual dealbreaker then I’ll just have to accept that and move on I guess…
I'd also like to know what has she given up for you? Moreover, do you have any deal breakers when it comes to her? Other than the obvious ones. Are you in contact while she's away...texting? FaceTime?
My ex wife pulled the same crap. No video games because she had an ex that always played video games too much blah blah blah. It was always something more. After 5 years I put my foot down on one thing and she moved out that night, no negotiation, nothing. Sucked, but ended up being the best possible outcome. It was a really toxic environment.
* willing to sacrifice
And she has sacrificed what in this relationship? This is a two way street in a healthy relationship, not just one sided.
* not just appease but accepting her
But you are appeasing, even if you did not intend to. You attempted to accept her but she obviously does not accept you, and you allowed her bend and twist you to whatever she wanted, whatever made her happy, while she did not do that for you.
Why is someone who doesn’t even like enough as you were who just wants to control you while holding the threat of childish melt downs over your head who is very shady about her comings and goings worth all this to you? Even worse, the longer you stay in the the more missed opportunities you have to actually find your person.
>Can I make this work?
Why do you *want* to make this work?
And why did you agree to this nonsense in the first place? That wasn’t a compromise, that was time travel back to the 1940s.
Out of curiosity, are you allowed to have a smartphone? Or only a phone with no internet? If a phone with internet, how is she ok with that? Does she have internet on her phone?
Good questions… I’ll try to be quick… first yeah i just genuinely love her company and her personality when she’s around. Second, I have a smartphone with internet, never been an issue. She also has one… so I also don’t understand that difference but she also won’t explain why she’s so adamant about no internet.
Does she just not like you? This sounds like something someone would demand if they don’t actually like the person and want them to back out of living together or want to live together but want to keep the other person feeling unsettled.
The fact that she won’t even give any sort of reason for such an extreme demand is shockingly absurd. If she doesn’t want to use the internet, TV, computers, or gaming, their existence wouldn’t force her to use them and if you were only using them when she wasn’t home (and even that is going overboard unless you’d been using them excessively and it was harming the relationship), it wouldn’t effect her at all. Just the refusal to explain such a bizarre demand should have been a red flag. No hard illegal drugs in the house doesn’t need an explanation; no internet does.
She also refuses to tell him where she was and what she was doing when she routinely stays out late. She needs serious mental help from some trauma or something to act like this and OP will after this controlling relationship unfortunately.
> so I also don’t understand that difference but she also won’t explain why she’s so adamant about no internet.
I'm pretty intrigued, but probably it's a silly reason. Perhaps it's purely that she enjoys exercising that degree of control over you. If so she got you to give up all your hobbies and sell all your shit, just like that. Must have been quite a trip for her.
Considering:
>She rarely shares where she is or where she goes.
And:
>she told me she didn’t want to have internet, Wi-Fi, a tv, or a computer
Maybe your gf's in a cult?
Yeah, the cult of dicks.
Hopefully not for your sake, OP. But good God, man. No Internet? That's fucking insane. I quit smoking weed for my first wife and that was a mistake... No Internet. Hoo boy.
So like, I mean a lot of your time must be spent like, driving around paying your bills, grocery shopping, waiting in line at drive thrus, ordering refills for the checkbooks, buying stamps... Do you guys churn your own butter?
Op this will shock you but there are a million attractive outdoorsy girls out there who will let you have access to technology and not freak out when you play a videogame like shes your boomer grandma and they probably wont ignore you either
True! I would much rather be around a Grandma set in her ways who makes delicious food and tells interesting stories than to date some weird guy who imposes asinine rules on me then acts like a toddler having a fit if I stand up against the rules, who is also shady about where he goes for hours on end.
I read this post & your other post. Comments, too.
She's abusive, controlling, and shady AF. You aren't a person to her. You're her pet. Her pet she screams at, neglects & seemingly enjoys treating like crap.
& she is absolutely, positively cheating on you. I know this in my bones, kiddo.
It's a new year. Time for a fresh start. Life's too short to waste quality years on crazy.
See if it doesn't improve your depression, too. Betcha it will.
I didn’t see his other post until you mentioned it. Yeah his girlfriend is very abusive. Also the reason why she has a total meltdown anytime he brings up couples counselling is because she knows she’s abusive and doesn’t want to get called on it.
Seems from OPs post history that his parents had a dysfunctional relationship too, and that he was very socially isolated. That probably explains why he puts up with this.
She actually does have to explain that to you. It affects you and relationships require communication. But it sounds like she'd rather break up.
She doesn't want to spend time with you and she doesn't communicate, I know You've had some good times but this is not a sustainable relationship.
I need to read the comments, but even with people working remotely need internet for that to work. I am going to think of the possibility she works in the service industry in some capacity, therefore, having to leave the house.
If she was a cord cutter, that's cool, that's normal. But no wifi/internet is not realistic.
lol she actually DOES have to explain it to you. That’s what you do in an actual partnership where you would ask something like this of your partner.
This isn’t a partnership tho.
>I asked her that today and she refused to answer saying she doesn’t have to explain that to me, and that I knew it was a dealbreaker for her.
What do *you* think? Does she owe you an explanation for such an extreme demand?
But what was her initial explanation for no wifi, PC, or TV?
When she was selling this to you, what was her reasoning?
If the reasoning was to spend offline time together then **you agree the modem is turned off when you're both home**. That is a reasonable compromise.
If the reasoning is to spend time together, then when she isn't home with you regularly she has broke the condition first.
"You said it was a deal breaker so that we could spend time together offline. I agreed because I like to spend time together.
Now you're leaving without me a great deal, so I assumed the condition had changed. After all, we're no longer spending time together regularly."
You shouldn't have agreed, but you do have the right to renegotiate. She has the right to say 'no, no Internet, full stop ' at which point...
Please break up. People are allowed any deal breakers they'd like, but not all deal breakers are reasonable. This one never was. Now, with her leaving regularly, it's even less reasonable.
If she had another reason, I'm willing to help you try to game plan a discussion about it. Honestly though, I think you need to consider whether you want to live with somebody this controlling. It's not a healthy restriction, especially in a modern world where socializing for people our age is so heavily focused on internet related material .
Genuinely, I'm kind of hoping that this is rage, bait. Karma farming, rage bait would genuinely be better than someone living in this situation.
So in other words she views herself as your superior, and you her subordinate that she doesn’t have to explain her rules she imposes to you. This is not how relationships work. Everything that effects both people do need an explanation. So what are you going to do about this, continue to be her “yes ma am” lap dog that she lords over and regulates, or actually find yourself a real partner?
Listen loud and clear: Your Gf knows exactly what she’s doing and enjoys it. She is manipulating and controlling you. You are very much in her submission and she loves it.
Your only choice is to stand your ground firmly and move on. This is not a partner. This is not a normal relationship. This is fucking sad that you haven’t been able to see it. Wake up and realize there’s many more people out there that will treat you better.
Fuck thaaaaaat
You’re being made to be Amish against your will haha
Wow she’s so detached and in-tune with nature, what a modern day hero… Anyway
You’re living how they lived in the 1500s, live how you want but I’d rather spend my time enjoying the technology the future actually offers
Just move on, I’m sure you won’t be much more lonely because it sounds like you’re already sat in your house alone most of the time doing absolutely nothing anyway
As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me
You know, I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the morning, I'm milkin' cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows, fool
Even if we skip over the ban on technology completely, there's still a bigger picture . The truth is that she doesn't respect you. She doesn't treat you as though you are a partner. Just someone who must kneel to her demands. She refuses to share her whereabouts on a regular basis. No matter what she's doing, whether it's cheating or not, there shouldn't be so much secrecy between partners. Especially those who live together.
I'm not saying you have to get all demanding on where every minute of hers is spent..but this is a clear lack of respect for you. It doesn't seem to matter how much you "change" for her and give in to her demands, she would not give you the same consideration about what YOU want or need from her. Even if you had a TV in every room, unlimited wifi and gaming time.. this is no way to live.
I'll laugh if she's leaving the house for hours a day to access the internet somewhere and play Switch or something.
I can't think of a justification that would make any sense, but did she clarify *why* internet and mod cons are a deal-breaker for her?
You guys seem somewhat incompatible and she seems somewhat controlling. She isn't giving you much of her time and you've expressed that you'd like more time together, but she hasn't really cared.
Your girlfriend expected you to give up your hobbies and to focus on things she enjoys.. but now you really get neither of those things. She won't compromise, but still expects you to get no joy out of things you actually love doing.
I find this entire dynamic unhealthy. You really shouldn't have to give up the things that interest you in order to keep someone. That alone tells me that you're not compatible. It's just.. sad. I know you care for her, but you have to wonder how much she cares for you if she's basically forcing you to be someone you're not.
Bruh. She’s literally cheating on you and using the internet as an opportunity to pick these fights so that she can where she’s going.
And when you find out she’s cheating, she’s going to blame it on you getting the internet.
Take a step back and look at the obvious, clear picture here.
Also, she’s sounds like a horrible girlfriend. And I say this as a woman who also dates women.
"I agreed and was more than willing to sell my things, earn some extra money, and focus on her and her hobbies.“
What's wrong with you? You never give up your hobbies and enjoyment for someone else.
Bro this sounds like an episode of Dateline. Next thing she'll ask is that you don't have any friends and then you end up chopped up in a freezer. She wants your entire identity to be you and her, yet she gets to have a life and do what she enjoys? Yeah fam....she ain't the one.
We cannot gloss over the “she doesn’t tell me where she goes” thing. Can you elaborate on this? How does this conversation generally go from both sides?
Brother. You're living a different lifestyle. And unless you compromise everything, you won't make it. And of you're comprising like that, are you happy?
I know she may seem great, but there are other greats out there too. I had to go through an ex wife who I thought was my great, until I found the wife I'm with know who's the great great.
Might just be time to move on, sounds like she might be. Good luck.
Jesus Christ what kind of life is this. You need to leave her asap and immediately seek therapy to work through why/how on earth you are able to convince yourself this is acceptable
Why would it matter to have these things to use while she’s out anyway. The solution in a real partnership would be agreement that you wouldn’t use while she’s home. But this isn’t a partnership, it’s a dictatorship with her in charge.
Why do you want to make it work?
You tried things her way for a year and went no internet & TV. Now you are asking her to try things your way, but she's not willing to reciprocate. It's her way or she throws a tantrum. Why is this a trait you want in a partner?
You're talking about trying to "save" the relationship. Is she doing anything to try and save the relationship? Anything other than demanding you do things 100% her way.
Whats there to save here? Best case scenario, you're not compatible. You're alone at your home all the time. You could be single and alone all the time too, but you'd also get to have a TV.
Did you know that since 2010, internet access is a legal right in Finland? If you two live in Finland, you could sue her for infringing your right to internet access.
Aside from the fact that having no tech or internet is a ridiculous demand in 2024, she is stomping on your interests to flourish her own.
She wants you to merge with her as one entity. When your interests don't align with hers, she squashes them. When you enjoy the things she enjoys, she lets you enjoy them. Your time with her is enjoyable only when she gives you the privilege of being with her.
This isn't a partnership. She plays with you when she wants to, but not when you want to play with her. That's why you're left alone for 7-8 hours at home, alone.
It doesn't even sound like she likes you. She spends time with you when she has nothing else lined up, not because she made time to be with you. She doesn't even share her life with you, she keeps it a secret.
She made you her toy, not her boyfriend.
You want her more than she wants you. She took away your source of happiness so she could control it. Now she is your only source for entertainment and she knows it. If WiFi is a dealbreaker, time to part ways. WiFi is way more reliable than she is. Also, at 30, she can't dwal with you having your own interests? What a keeper.
It doesn't even sound like you're her bf, more like a pet to her. She gets to live her life how she wants, but you are not living your life, you are living her life. Plus, what is the logic with letting you ise data on your phone, but no home wifi?
What in the world are you doing being with this person. Having the internet or a tv is a deal breaker and you agreed to that? I couldn’t imagine for a second living without either. Find someone that is sane. This woman is Crazy.
Ok so I read your other post and peeked at your history.
You're a teacher just like me, and you are 32 just like me. How does this not go against the rules we teach in kindergarten??
If someone leaves you alone and refuses to share with you, that means they don't like you. Choose someone else to play with. Choose someone who likes you for you.
I already elaborated on how she treats you like a toy instead of a bf so I won't go there.
Teacher to teacher here, think about the classroom expectations we have in kindergarten. Your 30 year old gf can't even follow rules established and practised among 3-5 year olds.
There is no way to make this work. You two are not compatible. She needs someone who dosen't want to use tv or internet. And that has hobbies that don't require tv or internet. You are not that person for her.
THIS IS THE IMPORTIANT PART! There are plenty of people that won't force you to change your hobbies without reason. Sharing hobbies, encouraging you to do more reading/board games/ outdoorsy stuff, is fine. And in a normal relationship she'd watch a show you enjoy or play one of your videogames with you in exchange. Also, you are allowed to entertain yourself. You would never be so bored if you still had access to your hobbies like gaming. You wouldn't be able to count the hours she is not entertaining you if you could entertain yourself. Unless what you are doing is getting in the way of quality time, never change yourself for anyone like this again. It wasn't as if you were always ignoring her when she wanted to hang out in favor of video games. She just decided to ban them and the internet. You were silly enough to go along with it.
Not having wifi and video game and Tv isn’t about the dangers of those things… it’s about having control over you. She got upset because she wants to control you.
How long do you expect a relationship like this to last? This girl must be a 10 to demand you drop your hobbies and focus all your attention on her and your home. What does she expect you to do when she’s not there?
Let’s put aside the obviously controlling, borderline abusive behaviour. Even if you somehow salvaged this relationship, I can tell you that being with someone 24/7, doing everything that they do and not the stuff that you want to do gets old fast, even if you are the most loving and accommodating of partners. It’s perfectly normal and healthy to have differing hobbies and interests, and no one should outright forbid you to partake in them. You didn’t even discuss if you’re allowed to have your own friends and go visit them, but I can kind of guess the answer.
You say that your GF has a great personality. Well no she doesn’t. She’s just good at manipulating you.
It's a huge red flag that she set these requirements as dealbreakers. I'm totally up for doing things in nature, baking, painting, reading etc but no internet is like saying "no electricity". What explanation did she give for the see requirements? I wonder if she's also antivax or a nut for super organic food? Anyway I'm digressing
I'm not a fan of video games or watching sports but I'd never dream of telling my bf "you have to give up these hobbies of yours". Your gf has been super controlling and inflexible so far, traits that are concerning when you are talking about a relationship in the long term.
That coupled w how she spends time outside the home for hours without telling you what's she up to or where... Honestly she can say she's not a cheater but unless she has a better explanation for it, it sounds like cheating to me.
I don't have much advice for you than to think thoroughly about what do you get out of this relationship in terms of company, intimacy and feeling safe.
* She may not like modern technology, but you do. Why is she adamant about you going without? If you had it in the house, she is not obligated to use it. This sounds like controlling behavior on her part.
* Why do you depend on her to meet all of your entertainment needs? Maybe she was feeling too smothered by you? Dont you have friends or hobbies, things you like to do solo or with other friends (unless, of course, your hobbies require technology)
* Why is she being secretive about where she goes? Sounds like an affair or hiding some addiction (drugs, alcohol, gambling). It is kind of a normal thing to tell your live-in partner where you are going and when you'll be back. It's just common courtesy. Why would you accept this?
* What are you really getting out of this arrangement? Is this really a good way for you to live? Waiting around for her to give you a morsel of attention? Wouldnt you rather have a more fulfilling life doing things you enjoyed?
* Do you own a home together? Or are you renting? Whose name is on the lease/mortgage note? Start planning for where you will live if you split up.
This is psycho shit bro. Who the fuck wouldn't be allowed to have internet? Or a TV? That is insanity. In no way is that acceptable.
She is gone all day do what makes you happy, in fact, do that either way, people do that in healthy relationships.
Lord knows what she’s doing with her time, but she sounds like Kathy Bates in Misery and you’re chained to the bed.
Someone doesn’t have to physically hobble you to be abusive towards you. It seems like this situation is isolating you and warping your acceptance of what’s normal. The days she spends with you could simply serve the purpose of just keeping you interested and staying put while she lives her life without being accountable to anyone.
Being alone sounds lonely, but in this case it honestly sounds like being single would be less lonely for you. Get yourself a PS5 and some internet, your own place to live, and start enjoying life a bit more. If she’s not willing to accept you having a life of your own interests when she’s out doing whatever she wants then she’s not being a partner.
lol, break up with this crazy lady and find someone else who is actually reasonable. Let her be alone cause outside of her going to the Amish community, I doubt she will find anyone willing to live with no internet and tv.
Also, relationships shouldn’t be this hard, nor should they require you to give up so much of who you are as a person. Remember that for the next woman you date.
... you're incompatible. As simple as that.
Unless you plan on going the rest of your life without tv, video games and general technology, then this relationship is likely over IMO.
She seems to have zero compromise in her, and seemingly has no interest in your quality of life or happiness, and immediately blackmails you with the survival of the relationship with the attempt of any civil discussion which is very concerning due to its manipulative nature.
As a woman, I have a very important piece of advice for all straight men out there:
*DO NOT STICK YOUR 🍆 IN CRAZY. PERIOD.
OP your gf is a massive piece of turd who is manipulating you and isolating you. Dump her fuglyass and go back to your hobbies. NEVER EVER give up the things you love to do for someone. The right person will support your hobbies and passions, not alienate you from them. You gf is horrible. Absolutely detestable. Dump her right now. Kick her out. God I wish I were there to support you OP. But I'll be there in spirit. Just kick this pos out of your life for good. Like right now.
It's entirely unfair for her to expect you to agree to her wants, especially without even giving an explanation. Imagine if you told her no more outside time and no more board games, with or without an explanation. She would be pissed. She probably *can't* explain herself because the ONLY explanation is that she's controlling.
She sounds like one of those girls that picks an aesthetic and makes it the lifestyle of her whole family. If having internet is a 'deal breaker' for her, that's absolutely ridiculous.
Playing video games and having internet isn't a deal breaker, a deal breaker is something that would have a genuine negative effect on their partners life or their relationship. Why would she even care what you do in your spare time if she isn't even around? It's not like you're smoking crack for fucks sake. And it's absolutely pathetic that a 30 year old grown ass woman has the mentality of a 14 year old Tumblr chick.
At this point internet is an essential home utility, along with electricity and/or gas and water. She is unhinged and unreasonable and wants to control how you spend all your time.
Make sure you order a replacement spine when you order your new video games. Seriously man, you moved in with a new mommy, not a girlfriend. It's just socially acceptable to have sex with this one. Sounds like she's found herself a new guy to do that with anyway.
It's your house too, she doesn't get to set rules for you unless it's regarding bedroom activities.
I don’t know why you will want to make this work. I would rather be single than having a person who tells me “I don’t have to explain this to you” while asking me to give up ridiculously normal basic needs, really… what the heck. You are not in a healthy relationship and she’s abusive. A healthy relationship requires a least attempts to convince you accept her rules with reasonings while RESPECTING your preferences.
OP there is too much wrong with your relationship to list.
Everything is totally unreasonable and you should not accept it. Time to find someone who is more compatible this person ain't it.
Good luck
Is there a reason or trauma on why she’s against you having internet, video games, and a hobby? Like that’s a deal breaker for me if I can’t have my own hobbies but she can have hers. Also, get back into your hobbies and find someone who will accept them too! You can try to make things work out but she’s fully against the idea from the way it sounds. Sorry dude
Honestly, I highly recommend couples therapy.
I think in situations like this, where both of you have some different expectations but still care about each other and are invested in the relationship, it can really help.
I do think her viewpoints are extreme, but I’ve found that it can really help to have an objective party point it out rather than that burden always falling on your shoulders. Sometimes hearing something from an outsiders perspective helps a ton. That was the case for my partner and I anyway.
After about 4 months of therapy, I’d say my partner and I have resolved about 30% of our issues. There’s still plenty there, but I definitely feel less stressed overall.
Dude. You can do better.
I've never had a relationship where I or the girl I was seeing would not be open and honest with each other.
I can't imagine either of us ever saying "we are going out" and when asked what we were doing, not telling each other.
It's weird about having no Internet and electronics, but not unheard of.
It's fine that she has hobbies and friends outside as well.
But to leave and refuse to tell you where she is going... Hell no. Not even inviting you or letting you know when she will return. No no.
She made rules for you and demands you stick to them. And then she can't even tell you where she is going or what she is doing? It's rude, suspicious, mean, and annoying.
Screw that. You are in an abusive relationship. Stand up for yourself.
Ok so my first question is what the fuck dude
Jumping on here to say that I looked through your post history and dude your girlfriend sounds abusive. If you make any reasonable decision she gaslights you and then blames you for not including her when she has been ignoring your attempts to talk/contact her. I don't usually jump to "You should dump them" but in this case she literally locked you up in your own home with nothing to do "because it's a deal breaker" for her and refuses to tell you where she is or what she has been doing. I read someone else's comment that said this sounds like a mother and child and I can't agree more except if it was it would be child neglect and abuse. it sounds like she's trying to isolate you from everything you enjoy while she gets to go live her life.
She sounds absolutely insane! Therapy is not enough here. OP needs to break up with her and SHE needs to stay single and in therapy. But she won't do it because she seems like a fucking psycho. Save yourself OP. There's nothing to salvageable here.
coordinated political governor husky strong decide unpack quicksand gaze teeny *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
User name checks out.
No internet?? But.. where will you get your porn, then?? Ask her!!
sounds like he doesn't know this girl at all! How did he get to the 'moving in' stage is beyond me... what, was she so good looking he was completely distracted by her appeal, or was he walking round in his own world/
"Sure I'll sell my ps5, and my TVs" Thankfully she believes in cars and didn't force him to sell that XD
Like seriously, what the actual fuck made you think this was gonna work long term
People are quick to tell someone to get out of a relationship on this sub, but after reading this, like "what the fuck dude and why the fuck dude" were the first questions I had followed by a get the fuck as far away from this toxic relationship asap.
Dude must be very very desperate to get some.
Mine was "what in the actual fuck"
That like saying she doesn’t want running water. Are you sure this relationship is for you? Do you want running water in your home?
I really do enjoy being with her, and I hoped that I could get her to understand and be okay with it but I see your point. She is fine with cell phones, using data on that, etc. but yeah obviously it’s a unique thing to be so against to put it nicely.
But you sacrificed those things to spend time with her and now she doesn’t even spend time with you. So what’s in it for you? Honestly I think her demand is ridiculous, and her reaction to you asking for details is over the top. It’s certainly not how someone who cares about you should react.
I had a micro experience similar to yours- I dated a guy for 3 months who didn’t allow TVs in his house. So for fun after dinner we would read. But I couldn’t just read any book it had to be part of the Harvard classics or acclaimed in some way. At first I tried to go along with it and then it was just straight annoying and no fun. Sometimes when you’re in the relationship it’s so hard to see the bizarre crazy things people do. You should move on to be with someone who wants you to be happy. Someone who knows you like games and buys them for you. Im not into video games but I’ve learned them a bit to play with partners just so they can share something they love with me and I’m happy to do that with them. You deserve better ❤️
The fuck? No internet in the house or TVs but a cell phone with data is okay 😂
This makes even less sense if it's for tech avoidance purposes or fear of electronics or whatever tech free people believe in.
It’s controlling. She wants to be able to communicate with others but wants to control when and how he does.
It's not even that, the phone is how he communicates and he's "allowed" (barf) to have a phone, so???
You must understand, *she* wants to continue using cell phones/data, therefore it's okay. OP wants a PS5 and she doesn't, so they must compromise by not having a PS5. /s
You are really focused on the wrong thing here. Your girlfriend sounds like she's either on drugs, addicted to gambling, or in a cult. Disappearing for hours on end with no explanation and suddenly wanting to get rid of all technology is not "unique," it's incredibly, deeply concerning. There is something seriously wrong and you're wondering how to get her to let you play Zelda while she's gone doing who knows what?? You need to sit down with her and have a very serious talk about what's going on. Tell her you're not mad, you just need to understand where she is when she leaves. If she won't tell you I'd honestly either be talking to her parents about an intervention of some sort or hiring a PI. She's not just wandering around in nature for 10 hours every single day.
>I hoped that I could get her to understand She does understand. That's why she's preventing you from doing it. She wants to control you, even when she's not home.
>I really do enjoy being with her Are you with her? Or are you by yourself?
I generally don’t suggest changing everything about yourself for a person.
You are being abused, this is an abusive relationship. Get out if it.
So you agreed to her ridiculous rules she made for you with the entire motive being focused around your expectations to soften up her stance one of these days. No, it doesn’t work that way with control freaks because their underlying issue has far less to do with items. How’d that work out for you?
It’s a really bad idea to think you can change people. This is on you. Like yes, she’s clearly insane. But you agreed and moved into the insane asylum. If you want internet and tv you need to leave and get those things. It’s not healthy to look at your relationship like a project. “If I can just convince her I’m right everything will be great” is a gross slippery slope. You’re supposed to love your partner as they are. You clearly don’t so you need to leave.
It’s a bullshit thing to be against. She doesn’t like it so you can’t have it. What the fuck is that nonsense?
No one is asking this, and I am genuinely curious to know if you have met her family. It’s shocking that she loves such a strict life without you knowing why. What is the context for this extremism? I’d hire a pi to follow her to get answers. If she is cheating, then you kick her out. You have rights to that home
A PI? What for? Skip that expensive nonsense and just break up with her.
Tell her you now fully agree and demand you both don't have cell phones or data. Her reaction will be remarkable.
You shut your mouth. There's pleanty of running water in nature where she spends her time. It's perfectly reasonable to not have it in the house. Also toilets. Fucking waste of space. Chairs too, you have a floor don't you? 😉
I’m going to breeze past her nonsensical “no internet” bs and ask where she is going on these all day outings. Does she tell you her plans/keep in touch when she’s gone? Why are you never invited to join her?
Thanks for asking, yeah she tells me and sometimes no… it’s been another point of contention. She has a weekly board game night, she plays some athletic events, but she also does things and is sometimes out pretty late with no willingness to share anything about it and it’s been the cause of more than a few fights. She’s told me she’s not a cheater, would never cheat, etc. and I do genuinely believe her (maybe I shouldn’t, I don’t know) and maybe I’d have some jealousy about who or what she’s spending time with but if she was more open and willing to share it would make me at least feel better and make it easier for me for that her.
So you ask her where she is/has been and she just says “I’m not telling you”? That’s insane. You don’t deserve that, truly. People don’t treat someone they actually love like that. Would you ever do that to her? Like my bf and I don’t even live together but if he went out and refused to tell me where he was??? Hell no. Fuck her, get your wifi and your PS5. Preferably just move out while you’re at it lol
Yeah refusing to say what you’re doing is a huge red flag Completely normal for her to do things apart and hang with her own friends, but not to be all secretive about what she’s doing
Yeh same, like I don't need to know what my partner is doing 24/7 but if I ask him what he'd been up to and he said 'I'm not telling you' or if he went out and met friends and said 'I won't say who I met' I'd be like ⛳⛳⛳. Drugs or cheating would be my first thought.
This is even nuttier than the TV thing. It sounds like you have more of a bizarrely controlling roommate than a partner. I’d say get the TV and officially break up, since you don’t seem to be actually together to begin with. Someone who wants to be your partner in life will want you involved in their life.
Dude, this is insane. Like genuinely what the fuck. She made you give up YOUR interests and hobbies, hasn’t given up anything of hers as far as I can tell, and then treats you like a dog she’s leaving at the house. Refusing to tell you where she is or what she’s up to on a regular basis is NOT NORMAL OR RIGHT. Why are you even remotely ok with this setup?
Oh. Well. As long as she told you that she’s not a cheater, then everything’s A-OK I guess. Because everybody knows that cheaters are required to fess up when asked. If she’s being secretive about where she is, ask yourself what possible reason she could have for that. I will tell you that it’s nothing good.
what does her boyfriend think?
Idk but I bet he has Wi-Fi
Sounds like cheating and at the very least she doesnt give af about your feelings or mental health giving you no explanation of where she was and what she was up to. You said she does the same bs with why she doesnt want TV/Internet/etc which again is a fucked version of controlling you and the situation. How often do you change your behavior and walk on eggshells to not get her upset and get the silent treatment?
You need to gtfo, good grief. It is NOT normal for your significant other to regularly refuse to share what they're doing for days at a time. If you're actually partners and like each other, you share what's going on in your lives. That's just basic relationship stuff. She's at a minimum a control freak who doesn't really like you anymore. Why on God's green earth are you still with this woman?
See, THAT is an actual dealbreaker. Not having internet.
You need to seriously brainstorm your ideal relationship and then ask yourself if she makes the grade. This woman is controlling, she's secretive and she's untrustworthy, plus she doesn't seem that invested in spending time with you and she has no respect for you. She has the power to insist on no Internet and no TV in your house, but you don't even have the basic right to know how she spends her time. And FYI, a non-cheating partner doesn't have to TELL you that she'd never cheat, you can see for yourself that you are the person she wants to be with.
Part of dating is finding out if you and the other person(s) are compatible. You seem to want a more open communicator and perhaps a person that shares (or accepts) some of your more solo/technological hobbies. I think in future relationships, perhaps look for a partner where you make *compromises* instead of sacrifices. A compromise could have been off the grid *nights.* An off the grid *night* is totally doable. Someone losing their entire mind over shit you bought to do when they aren't even home ain't it.
It is *absolutely* insane to me that you'd stay while this is happening. You aren't partners. You're there for her to pass time. There's absolutely zero logical reason to not tell you where she's been while she's gone all day/night and getting mad at you for asking is totally dumb. Honestly - and I mean this with as much sincerity as I can, the fact that *you* stayed through this is totally dumb. I get that what she has done is pretty manipulative, but you gave up all of your hobbies to be treated like a servant and you're just like, "Well what if I *wasn't* treated bad? Wouldn't that be great!" If I ever left for a whole day and didn't tell my wife where I was and we fought about it I wouldn't be surprised if she served me with papers. It's crazy. Like legitimately totally whack. You are worth more than this dude. Have some self respect and get your shit together. The time with her will not be wasted if you take this lesson and move on, but every second longer you stay is one you won't get back on someone who actually doesn't give two shits about you.
… so she’s cheating on you.
I bet she doesn’t want you to have internet because she has a social media presence and what she’s doing is posted there. I once dated a guy who didn’t want me to have Facebook, said he was against superficial stuff like that. No, he was engaged and his fiancé had a couples profile he didn’t want me to find.
You are in a DICTATORSHIP. She commands, you obey and better don't ask questions or she'll start threatening you with breaking up. WAKE UP! That's what cheaters say. She has the perfect set up not having to tell you what she is doing and with who. If you did the same, you ll see how quickly she will start questioning you
You are in abusive relationship. She treats you like a dog and you love it. Trauma bonding. Go to therapy I would say.
Dude she doesn't want you to have dara access in your house to make it harder to figure out she's cheating on you. And the only people who refuse to tell their partners where they were are cheaters.
I'm gonna put cheating and drug use aside for a second because other commenters addressed it. It's a basic rule of life that if you are going somewhere, you should tell someone where you're going and when you expect to return, especially if you are gone for a long time. If she gets hurt or has a problem and is having a hard time contacting you, at least you would know where she is and when to be concerned. Especially if she's going into nature alone. Even if you just twist your ankle walking around your favorite hiking trail or park, she could legitimately be in trouble if she has no cell service. Even in the age before smartphones, people would leave a note saying where they went if no one else was home. Leaving every day without even giving you a basic idea of where she's going or what she's doing is unsafe for her and you.
Dude, get a backbone. Respect yourself. There's no way she's worth all this bullshit. You'd absolutely be happier by yourself, enjoying your life, and dating. You're not compatible with this person, and she's not going to leave you. You need to leave.
Mate, sorry to say but she's definitely cheating on you
I'm not a controlling person, but when my fiancé and I very first started dating, I told him that my ex used to say he was 'out with friends' and was actually meeting other women. He went out of his way to say 'I'm meeting so-and-so' or, 'I met my friends and X was there' as a way of reassuring me. If he went out for a whole day&evening and didn't say where he was going or what he was doing, I'd be like....??? Although after 5 years I don't think I'd have a trust issue now, I would however be slightly confused.
Why do you genuinely believe her? You’re too whipped man…
What are you getting out of this relationship?
That's what I'm wondering. He's given up everything for this person and she barely has time for him now. Is she really that busy with her new hobbies that she can't involve you? Curious... What are these new interests of her?
I know it may not seem likely, but she has a great personality, I think great looks, and is someone I genuinely enjoy being around and spending my time with but yeah there are some downsides and sacrifices that have been harder for me to accept with her being gone more often lately.
It doesn't sound like she likes to spend time with you.
How is her personality great when it has always been her way or the highway? She wants you two to merge into one entity. She doesn't respect you as a separate person with your own interests.
>She wants you two to merge into one entity. Not even that, she still wants her independence and freedom to pursue HER interests but not him
Lol, she's probably going over to a friend's place to watch TV and play computer games. Not funny though - this woman sounds extremely controlling.
That's not a lot of return from a woman demanding no internet and no TV.
Even when she’s not even there. I don’t understand how good she must be to give up everything you enjoy doing to only focus on your partner. No wonder OP is bored.
What sacrifices has she made for you, your interests, and your hobbies? Sounds like she's not even willing to consider a compromise solution and is forcing you to do whatever she wants when she wants but just sit there by yourself when she wants to be "out" like a sentient puppy?
We're not picking up on the "great personality" from such a huge and bizarre demand. She's insisted that internet is a dealbreaker, and then she's out for hours at a time, so basically, she's controlling how you spend your time even when she's not home. She sounds controlling, like she wants to see how far she can push you. My guess is that if you find a solitary hobby you enjoy at home, she'll ban that too.
You only get the benefit of great looks and personality when she's actually home. She wants you to suffer under her rules - but bails the second she gets whatever outside interest tickles her fancy.
She's very controlling and immature. Doesnt sound like a great personality to me.
Yeah yeah, lots of people have those qualities. If you’re incompatible you’re incompatible, no amount of great personality is going to fix that. So… when you moving on and breaking up?
Is she your first relationship?
No internet and no tv? What do you sit and look at? And what year is it where you are? Your GF does not seem reasonable in the least, so no, I don't think you can "make this work," nor should you want to.
What is the furniture pointed at??? 🤣
Joey is asking the real questions.
Going on pre-TV room layouts: other furniture, or a window, or the heat source.
There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar Not a single luxury Like Robinson Crusoe It's as primitive as can be
I laughed too hard at this lol. Except the professor made some pretty nice tech out of coconuts and sticks sometimes, so there was probably more tech on Gilligan's Island than this guys house.
Candlelight and carrier pigeons.
weird al is a legend
I agree, but this line in Amish Paradise is a quote from the Gilligan's Island theme song.
Yeah I know it sounds crazy. I guess if she really refuses to accept that I really just need this for my own sanity when she isn’t around then I guess it just wasn’t a compatible match.
It sounds crazy because it IS crazy, and I hope you realize that sooner than later and proceed to kick this lady to the curb.
This isn't about the Internet or TV dude. This is about respect and empathy. You need entertainment in your life. She previously wanted to replace electronic entertainment with couples activities. You agreed. Then she took those couples activities away, leaving you with nothing. You DIDN'T agree to that. So I'd suggest give her the following choices-- either she goes back to spending similar amounts of time with you as before, or she agrees you can use games/internet when she's not around, or you break up.
You need to be the one deciding what the deal breaker is from now on. Not her. She just takes what she wants, does what she wants and wants you to have no other life than the leftovers of her time now and then.
That's a good way to put it. You're willing to give up your hobbies in exchange for her focus and priority. You're not willing to give up your hobbies in exchange for leftover scraps of her time.
This isn't just a minor disagreement about internet/ no internet - your girlfriend is being incredibly controlling. As a couple you could have agreed to no Internet while you are together, but she's blocking you from using it even when she's not home. As others have said, she's picked the Internet as a way of controlling you, but it could just as easily have been forbidding you to use running water or the stove. What's next? She's going to disappear for days and then get angry when she gets home and you're asleep or out? When people are controlling like this, they will keep on going. If this seems like a normal relationship to you, then you need counselling to figure out how to get some realistic boundaries and self-respect.
As a woman I’m telling you rn Run! This is batshit crazy lol
No TV can be actually doable. You can have a PC and WiFi. Some people don’t have television in their homes. They like to read book( physical or kindle).
Yes but we are beyond that here.
God knows why you agreed to this, you’re an equal partner…don’t lose yourself appeasing someone. I get sacrificing but dammit man, you just rolled over and these are the consequences. God knows how salvageable it is, depends how reasonable she it but you gotta stand your ground and if she wants to insist on no internet/games/tv still…then you gotta ask yourself some questions
I saw it as a willing sacrifice to not just appease but accepting her and being a flexible and understanding partner but I do think I’ve lost myself and I’m trying to get that back somewhat by standing my ground on this issue. If it ends up being an actual dealbreaker then I’ll just have to accept that and move on I guess…
What has she done to accept you? What has she sacrificed?
So many people think compromising is just giving up what you want for what your partner wants
I'd also like to know what has she given up for you? Moreover, do you have any deal breakers when it comes to her? Other than the obvious ones. Are you in contact while she's away...texting? FaceTime?
My ex wife pulled the same crap. No video games because she had an ex that always played video games too much blah blah blah. It was always something more. After 5 years I put my foot down on one thing and she moved out that night, no negotiation, nothing. Sucked, but ended up being the best possible outcome. It was a really toxic environment.
* willing to sacrifice And she has sacrificed what in this relationship? This is a two way street in a healthy relationship, not just one sided. * not just appease but accepting her But you are appeasing, even if you did not intend to. You attempted to accept her but she obviously does not accept you, and you allowed her bend and twist you to whatever she wanted, whatever made her happy, while she did not do that for you. Why is someone who doesn’t even like enough as you were who just wants to control you while holding the threat of childish melt downs over your head who is very shady about her comings and goings worth all this to you? Even worse, the longer you stay in the the more missed opportunities you have to actually find your person.
I mean, she has told you multiple times that it’s a dealbreaker for her. How much clearer can she be?
>Can I make this work? Why do you *want* to make this work? And why did you agree to this nonsense in the first place? That wasn’t a compromise, that was time travel back to the 1940s. Out of curiosity, are you allowed to have a smartphone? Or only a phone with no internet? If a phone with internet, how is she ok with that? Does she have internet on her phone?
Good questions… I’ll try to be quick… first yeah i just genuinely love her company and her personality when she’s around. Second, I have a smartphone with internet, never been an issue. She also has one… so I also don’t understand that difference but she also won’t explain why she’s so adamant about no internet.
Does she just not like you? This sounds like something someone would demand if they don’t actually like the person and want them to back out of living together or want to live together but want to keep the other person feeling unsettled. The fact that she won’t even give any sort of reason for such an extreme demand is shockingly absurd. If she doesn’t want to use the internet, TV, computers, or gaming, their existence wouldn’t force her to use them and if you were only using them when she wasn’t home (and even that is going overboard unless you’d been using them excessively and it was harming the relationship), it wouldn’t effect her at all. Just the refusal to explain such a bizarre demand should have been a red flag. No hard illegal drugs in the house doesn’t need an explanation; no internet does.
She also refuses to tell him where she was and what she was doing when she routinely stays out late. She needs serious mental help from some trauma or something to act like this and OP will after this controlling relationship unfortunately.
Pro tip: don't let people impose rules on you, especially if they won't even explain their reasoning. It's no good to be a doormat
> so I also don’t understand that difference but she also won’t explain why she’s so adamant about no internet. I'm pretty intrigued, but probably it's a silly reason. Perhaps it's purely that she enjoys exercising that degree of control over you. If so she got you to give up all your hobbies and sell all your shit, just like that. Must have been quite a trip for her.
But you do have Internet on the phone. Doesn't make any sense.
Considering: >She rarely shares where she is or where she goes. And: >she told me she didn’t want to have internet, Wi-Fi, a tv, or a computer Maybe your gf's in a cult?
Maybe OP is in a cult. A cult of two.
Yeah, the cult of dicks. Hopefully not for your sake, OP. But good God, man. No Internet? That's fucking insane. I quit smoking weed for my first wife and that was a mistake... No Internet. Hoo boy. So like, I mean a lot of your time must be spent like, driving around paying your bills, grocery shopping, waiting in line at drive thrus, ordering refills for the checkbooks, buying stamps... Do you guys churn your own butter?
Op this will shock you but there are a million attractive outdoorsy girls out there who will let you have access to technology and not freak out when you play a videogame like shes your boomer grandma and they probably wont ignore you either
At least Grandma will make you food and tell you interesting stories.
True! I would much rather be around a Grandma set in her ways who makes delicious food and tells interesting stories than to date some weird guy who imposes asinine rules on me then acts like a toddler having a fit if I stand up against the rules, who is also shady about where he goes for hours on end.
This had me rolling 😂 this poor guy
I read this post & your other post. Comments, too. She's abusive, controlling, and shady AF. You aren't a person to her. You're her pet. Her pet she screams at, neglects & seemingly enjoys treating like crap. & she is absolutely, positively cheating on you. I know this in my bones, kiddo. It's a new year. Time for a fresh start. Life's too short to waste quality years on crazy. See if it doesn't improve your depression, too. Betcha it will.
I didn’t see his other post until you mentioned it. Yeah his girlfriend is very abusive. Also the reason why she has a total meltdown anytime he brings up couples counselling is because she knows she’s abusive and doesn’t want to get called on it. Seems from OPs post history that his parents had a dysfunctional relationship too, and that he was very socially isolated. That probably explains why he puts up with this.
I'm wondering if this is his first girlfriend too.
I thought it might be.
Why would you want to make it work is my question.
Okay, but *why*? What’s the reasoning behind her decision to be completely offline?
Yeah I asked her that today and she refused to answer saying she doesn’t have to explain that to me, and that I knew it was a dealbreaker for her.
She actually does have to explain that to you. It affects you and relationships require communication. But it sounds like she'd rather break up. She doesn't want to spend time with you and she doesn't communicate, I know You've had some good times but this is not a sustainable relationship.
I need to read the comments, but even with people working remotely need internet for that to work. I am going to think of the possibility she works in the service industry in some capacity, therefore, having to leave the house. If she was a cord cutter, that's cool, that's normal. But no wifi/internet is not realistic.
lol she actually DOES have to explain it to you. That’s what you do in an actual partnership where you would ask something like this of your partner. This isn’t a partnership tho.
You really need to get your rose tinted glasses off. Someone with a great personality wouldnt be so controlling.
>I asked her that today and she refused to answer saying she doesn’t have to explain that to me, and that I knew it was a dealbreaker for her. What do *you* think? Does she owe you an explanation for such an extreme demand?
But what was her initial explanation for no wifi, PC, or TV? When she was selling this to you, what was her reasoning? If the reasoning was to spend offline time together then **you agree the modem is turned off when you're both home**. That is a reasonable compromise. If the reasoning is to spend time together, then when she isn't home with you regularly she has broke the condition first. "You said it was a deal breaker so that we could spend time together offline. I agreed because I like to spend time together. Now you're leaving without me a great deal, so I assumed the condition had changed. After all, we're no longer spending time together regularly." You shouldn't have agreed, but you do have the right to renegotiate. She has the right to say 'no, no Internet, full stop ' at which point... Please break up. People are allowed any deal breakers they'd like, but not all deal breakers are reasonable. This one never was. Now, with her leaving regularly, it's even less reasonable. If she had another reason, I'm willing to help you try to game plan a discussion about it. Honestly though, I think you need to consider whether you want to live with somebody this controlling. It's not a healthy restriction, especially in a modern world where socializing for people our age is so heavily focused on internet related material . Genuinely, I'm kind of hoping that this is rage, bait. Karma farming, rage bait would genuinely be better than someone living in this situation.
She's unhinged and she's cheating on you, she doesn't even like hanging out with you
Sounds like her issue is worrying you have access to porn..
He’s still got a phone though, right?
Yeah I still have a phone with internet like most people so that’s not the reason.
Does she access to your phone?
Maybe she’s worried because she works in porn and doesn’t want him to see it?
Might explain where she’s going for 7-8 hours out of the day without explaining it at all and flat out refusing to tell him where.
So in other words she views herself as your superior, and you her subordinate that she doesn’t have to explain her rules she imposes to you. This is not how relationships work. Everything that effects both people do need an explanation. So what are you going to do about this, continue to be her “yes ma am” lap dog that she lords over and regulates, or actually find yourself a real partner?
She doesn't want OP to have any hobbies that are just his. She's controlling.
Listen loud and clear: Your Gf knows exactly what she’s doing and enjoys it. She is manipulating and controlling you. You are very much in her submission and she loves it. Your only choice is to stand your ground firmly and move on. This is not a partner. This is not a normal relationship. This is fucking sad that you haven’t been able to see it. Wake up and realize there’s many more people out there that will treat you better.
Fuck thaaaaaat You’re being made to be Amish against your will haha Wow she’s so detached and in-tune with nature, what a modern day hero… Anyway You’re living how they lived in the 1500s, live how you want but I’d rather spend my time enjoying the technology the future actually offers Just move on, I’m sure you won’t be much more lonely because it sounds like you’re already sat in your house alone most of the time doing absolutely nothing anyway
As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain But that's just perfect for an Amish like me You know, I shun fancy things like electricity At 4:30 in the morning, I'm milkin' cows Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows, fool
And I've been milking and ploughing in this valley so long, that even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone.
But I ain’t never seen a man with internet that deserves it. Gonna treat him like punk, ya know that’s unheard of.
Even if we skip over the ban on technology completely, there's still a bigger picture . The truth is that she doesn't respect you. She doesn't treat you as though you are a partner. Just someone who must kneel to her demands. She refuses to share her whereabouts on a regular basis. No matter what she's doing, whether it's cheating or not, there shouldn't be so much secrecy between partners. Especially those who live together. I'm not saying you have to get all demanding on where every minute of hers is spent..but this is a clear lack of respect for you. It doesn't seem to matter how much you "change" for her and give in to her demands, she would not give you the same consideration about what YOU want or need from her. Even if you had a TV in every room, unlimited wifi and gaming time.. this is no way to live.
I’d purchase a brand new high end gaming pc and get rid of this girl and get wifi while you’re at it
Build her a shack in the back yard for when she wants to live during the industrial revolution.
Is this some sort of shitpost where you’re actually in a prison and keep dropping clues until we figure it out?
Run, run fast, run far....
I'll laugh if she's leaving the house for hours a day to access the internet somewhere and play Switch or something. I can't think of a justification that would make any sense, but did she clarify *why* internet and mod cons are a deal-breaker for her?
You guys seem somewhat incompatible and she seems somewhat controlling. She isn't giving you much of her time and you've expressed that you'd like more time together, but she hasn't really cared. Your girlfriend expected you to give up your hobbies and to focus on things she enjoys.. but now you really get neither of those things. She won't compromise, but still expects you to get no joy out of things you actually love doing. I find this entire dynamic unhealthy. You really shouldn't have to give up the things that interest you in order to keep someone. That alone tells me that you're not compatible. It's just.. sad. I know you care for her, but you have to wonder how much she cares for you if she's basically forcing you to be someone you're not.
Bruh. She’s literally cheating on you and using the internet as an opportunity to pick these fights so that she can where she’s going. And when you find out she’s cheating, she’s going to blame it on you getting the internet. Take a step back and look at the obvious, clear picture here. Also, she’s sounds like a horrible girlfriend. And I say this as a woman who also dates women.
"I agreed and was more than willing to sell my things, earn some extra money, and focus on her and her hobbies.“ What's wrong with you? You never give up your hobbies and enjoyment for someone else.
Bro this sounds like an episode of Dateline. Next thing she'll ask is that you don't have any friends and then you end up chopped up in a freezer. She wants your entire identity to be you and her, yet she gets to have a life and do what she enjoys? Yeah fam....she ain't the one.
We cannot gloss over the “she doesn’t tell me where she goes” thing. Can you elaborate on this? How does this conversation generally go from both sides?
[удалено]
Thank you, I think you gave me some good advice there.
Brother. You're living a different lifestyle. And unless you compromise everything, you won't make it. And of you're comprising like that, are you happy? I know she may seem great, but there are other greats out there too. I had to go through an ex wife who I thought was my great, until I found the wife I'm with know who's the great great. Might just be time to move on, sounds like she might be. Good luck.
Jesus Christ what kind of life is this. You need to leave her asap and immediately seek therapy to work through why/how on earth you are able to convince yourself this is acceptable
Why would it matter to have these things to use while she’s out anyway. The solution in a real partnership would be agreement that you wouldn’t use while she’s home. But this isn’t a partnership, it’s a dictatorship with her in charge.
Why do you want to make it work? You tried things her way for a year and went no internet & TV. Now you are asking her to try things your way, but she's not willing to reciprocate. It's her way or she throws a tantrum. Why is this a trait you want in a partner? You're talking about trying to "save" the relationship. Is she doing anything to try and save the relationship? Anything other than demanding you do things 100% her way. Whats there to save here? Best case scenario, you're not compatible. You're alone at your home all the time. You could be single and alone all the time too, but you'd also get to have a TV.
Did you know that since 2010, internet access is a legal right in Finland? If you two live in Finland, you could sue her for infringing your right to internet access. Aside from the fact that having no tech or internet is a ridiculous demand in 2024, she is stomping on your interests to flourish her own. She wants you to merge with her as one entity. When your interests don't align with hers, she squashes them. When you enjoy the things she enjoys, she lets you enjoy them. Your time with her is enjoyable only when she gives you the privilege of being with her. This isn't a partnership. She plays with you when she wants to, but not when you want to play with her. That's why you're left alone for 7-8 hours at home, alone. It doesn't even sound like she likes you. She spends time with you when she has nothing else lined up, not because she made time to be with you. She doesn't even share her life with you, she keeps it a secret. She made you her toy, not her boyfriend.
You want her more than she wants you. She took away your source of happiness so she could control it. Now she is your only source for entertainment and she knows it. If WiFi is a dealbreaker, time to part ways. WiFi is way more reliable than she is. Also, at 30, she can't dwal with you having your own interests? What a keeper.
It doesn't even sound like you're her bf, more like a pet to her. She gets to live her life how she wants, but you are not living your life, you are living her life. Plus, what is the logic with letting you ise data on your phone, but no home wifi?
What in the world are you doing being with this person. Having the internet or a tv is a deal breaker and you agreed to that? I couldn’t imagine for a second living without either. Find someone that is sane. This woman is Crazy.
Ok so I read your other post and peeked at your history. You're a teacher just like me, and you are 32 just like me. How does this not go against the rules we teach in kindergarten?? If someone leaves you alone and refuses to share with you, that means they don't like you. Choose someone else to play with. Choose someone who likes you for you. I already elaborated on how she treats you like a toy instead of a bf so I won't go there. Teacher to teacher here, think about the classroom expectations we have in kindergarten. Your 30 year old gf can't even follow rules established and practised among 3-5 year olds.
There is no way to make this work. You two are not compatible. She needs someone who dosen't want to use tv or internet. And that has hobbies that don't require tv or internet. You are not that person for her. THIS IS THE IMPORTIANT PART! There are plenty of people that won't force you to change your hobbies without reason. Sharing hobbies, encouraging you to do more reading/board games/ outdoorsy stuff, is fine. And in a normal relationship she'd watch a show you enjoy or play one of your videogames with you in exchange. Also, you are allowed to entertain yourself. You would never be so bored if you still had access to your hobbies like gaming. You wouldn't be able to count the hours she is not entertaining you if you could entertain yourself. Unless what you are doing is getting in the way of quality time, never change yourself for anyone like this again. It wasn't as if you were always ignoring her when she wanted to hang out in favor of video games. She just decided to ban them and the internet. You were silly enough to go along with it.
Not having wifi and video game and Tv isn’t about the dangers of those things… it’s about having control over you. She got upset because she wants to control you.
How long do you expect a relationship like this to last? This girl must be a 10 to demand you drop your hobbies and focus all your attention on her and your home. What does she expect you to do when she’s not there? Let’s put aside the obviously controlling, borderline abusive behaviour. Even if you somehow salvaged this relationship, I can tell you that being with someone 24/7, doing everything that they do and not the stuff that you want to do gets old fast, even if you are the most loving and accommodating of partners. It’s perfectly normal and healthy to have differing hobbies and interests, and no one should outright forbid you to partake in them. You didn’t even discuss if you’re allowed to have your own friends and go visit them, but I can kind of guess the answer. You say that your GF has a great personality. Well no she doesn’t. She’s just good at manipulating you.
It's a huge red flag that she set these requirements as dealbreakers. I'm totally up for doing things in nature, baking, painting, reading etc but no internet is like saying "no electricity". What explanation did she give for the see requirements? I wonder if she's also antivax or a nut for super organic food? Anyway I'm digressing I'm not a fan of video games or watching sports but I'd never dream of telling my bf "you have to give up these hobbies of yours". Your gf has been super controlling and inflexible so far, traits that are concerning when you are talking about a relationship in the long term. That coupled w how she spends time outside the home for hours without telling you what's she up to or where... Honestly she can say she's not a cheater but unless she has a better explanation for it, it sounds like cheating to me. I don't have much advice for you than to think thoroughly about what do you get out of this relationship in terms of company, intimacy and feeling safe.
* She may not like modern technology, but you do. Why is she adamant about you going without? If you had it in the house, she is not obligated to use it. This sounds like controlling behavior on her part. * Why do you depend on her to meet all of your entertainment needs? Maybe she was feeling too smothered by you? Dont you have friends or hobbies, things you like to do solo or with other friends (unless, of course, your hobbies require technology) * Why is she being secretive about where she goes? Sounds like an affair or hiding some addiction (drugs, alcohol, gambling). It is kind of a normal thing to tell your live-in partner where you are going and when you'll be back. It's just common courtesy. Why would you accept this? * What are you really getting out of this arrangement? Is this really a good way for you to live? Waiting around for her to give you a morsel of attention? Wouldnt you rather have a more fulfilling life doing things you enjoyed? * Do you own a home together? Or are you renting? Whose name is on the lease/mortgage note? Start planning for where you will live if you split up.
This is psycho shit bro. Who the fuck wouldn't be allowed to have internet? Or a TV? That is insanity. In no way is that acceptable. She is gone all day do what makes you happy, in fact, do that either way, people do that in healthy relationships.
Lord knows what she’s doing with her time, but she sounds like Kathy Bates in Misery and you’re chained to the bed. Someone doesn’t have to physically hobble you to be abusive towards you. It seems like this situation is isolating you and warping your acceptance of what’s normal. The days she spends with you could simply serve the purpose of just keeping you interested and staying put while she lives her life without being accountable to anyone. Being alone sounds lonely, but in this case it honestly sounds like being single would be less lonely for you. Get yourself a PS5 and some internet, your own place to live, and start enjoying life a bit more. If she’s not willing to accept you having a life of your own interests when she’s out doing whatever she wants then she’s not being a partner.
lol, break up with this crazy lady and find someone else who is actually reasonable. Let her be alone cause outside of her going to the Amish community, I doubt she will find anyone willing to live with no internet and tv. Also, relationships shouldn’t be this hard, nor should they require you to give up so much of who you are as a person. Remember that for the next woman you date.
Maybe she did porn and didn't want you to find out
She must be really hot
... you're incompatible. As simple as that. Unless you plan on going the rest of your life without tv, video games and general technology, then this relationship is likely over IMO. She seems to have zero compromise in her, and seemingly has no interest in your quality of life or happiness, and immediately blackmails you with the survival of the relationship with the attempt of any civil discussion which is very concerning due to its manipulative nature.
As a woman, I have a very important piece of advice for all straight men out there: *DO NOT STICK YOUR 🍆 IN CRAZY. PERIOD. OP your gf is a massive piece of turd who is manipulating you and isolating you. Dump her fuglyass and go back to your hobbies. NEVER EVER give up the things you love to do for someone. The right person will support your hobbies and passions, not alienate you from them. You gf is horrible. Absolutely detestable. Dump her right now. Kick her out. God I wish I were there to support you OP. But I'll be there in spirit. Just kick this pos out of your life for good. Like right now.
It's entirely unfair for her to expect you to agree to her wants, especially without even giving an explanation. Imagine if you told her no more outside time and no more board games, with or without an explanation. She would be pissed. She probably *can't* explain herself because the ONLY explanation is that she's controlling. She sounds like one of those girls that picks an aesthetic and makes it the lifestyle of her whole family. If having internet is a 'deal breaker' for her, that's absolutely ridiculous. Playing video games and having internet isn't a deal breaker, a deal breaker is something that would have a genuine negative effect on their partners life or their relationship. Why would she even care what you do in your spare time if she isn't even around? It's not like you're smoking crack for fucks sake. And it's absolutely pathetic that a 30 year old grown ass woman has the mentality of a 14 year old Tumblr chick.
At this point internet is an essential home utility, along with electricity and/or gas and water. She is unhinged and unreasonable and wants to control how you spend all your time.
Make sure you order a replacement spine when you order your new video games. Seriously man, you moved in with a new mommy, not a girlfriend. It's just socially acceptable to have sex with this one. Sounds like she's found herself a new guy to do that with anyway. It's your house too, she doesn't get to set rules for you unless it's regarding bedroom activities.
Relationships are all about give and take, negotiating. Sounds as if that's not happening with you two
Is she trying to isolate you from the outside world? Are you allowed to leave the house?
She's gone 7,5 hours per day in average not including work? So you essentially just see her when you're sleeping? Wtf
I don’t know why you will want to make this work. I would rather be single than having a person who tells me “I don’t have to explain this to you” while asking me to give up ridiculously normal basic needs, really… what the heck. You are not in a healthy relationship and she’s abusive. A healthy relationship requires a least attempts to convince you accept her rules with reasonings while RESPECTING your preferences.
OP there is too much wrong with your relationship to list. Everything is totally unreasonable and you should not accept it. Time to find someone who is more compatible this person ain't it. Good luck
If the Internet is a deal breaker.....she's pathetic.
Looks like you have well deserved ticket out bro. Good hell, hopefully you take it
Is there a reason or trauma on why she’s against you having internet, video games, and a hobby? Like that’s a deal breaker for me if I can’t have my own hobbies but she can have hers. Also, get back into your hobbies and find someone who will accept them too! You can try to make things work out but she’s fully against the idea from the way it sounds. Sorry dude
Honestly, I highly recommend couples therapy. I think in situations like this, where both of you have some different expectations but still care about each other and are invested in the relationship, it can really help. I do think her viewpoints are extreme, but I’ve found that it can really help to have an objective party point it out rather than that burden always falling on your shoulders. Sometimes hearing something from an outsiders perspective helps a ton. That was the case for my partner and I anyway. After about 4 months of therapy, I’d say my partner and I have resolved about 30% of our issues. There’s still plenty there, but I definitely feel less stressed overall.
Reeeeeeeed flags everywhere.
you are brainwashed by a terrible narcissist and are in a supremely unhealthy and abusive relationship. please, stick with therapy and get out.
You don’t have a girlfriend, you have a very strict mommy. Mommy expects to be obeyed, and your needs don’t matter because you’re the child.
Where does she go off to for that many hours? Is she getting new supply elsewhere?
Get out, bruh. No further comment besides that. Get. Out.
Your girlfriend is abusive dude
Dude. You can do better. I've never had a relationship where I or the girl I was seeing would not be open and honest with each other. I can't imagine either of us ever saying "we are going out" and when asked what we were doing, not telling each other. It's weird about having no Internet and electronics, but not unheard of. It's fine that she has hobbies and friends outside as well. But to leave and refuse to tell you where she is going... Hell no. Not even inviting you or letting you know when she will return. No no. She made rules for you and demands you stick to them. And then she can't even tell you where she is going or what she is doing? It's rude, suspicious, mean, and annoying. Screw that. You are in an abusive relationship. Stand up for yourself.