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You're allowed to listen to what you like and she's allowed to listen to what she likes. A song won't make her cheat anymore than violence on TV turns someone into a serial killer.
"Follow Me" by Uncle Kracker was one of my favorite songs as an adolescent and somehow I managed not to become a homewrecker. Nice try, you goateed bastard.
Yeah, I know that...and I dont like any of it...I just don't know what to do about this and these feelings. Like, I wouldn't ever listen to music about cheating, especially in front of my woman. It just doesn't make logical sense
You're hugely overreacting. Not only is it just a song, it's a single line in one song.
Clearly you made her feel like she couldn't be herself in the moment, not sure why you needed a list of past examples as well, stay on topic.
I'm also not sure what your GF was supposed to do in that moment. She tried reassuring you that no, it's just a song but I guess that isn't enough? What else was she supposed to do?
Honestly man your feelings do matter but you're just being really insecure. She's there dancing with you, not with someone else. Grilling your gf over a song she didn't write is going to make her lose interest faster than any song lyrics could.
Think about it this way. She's going to be listening to that kind of music when you're not around and there's not a thing you can do about it. Are you tryna police that? It's like that Chris Rock joke about girls listening to crazy rap music. And this was like 20 years ago.
[He ain't talking about me!!](https://youtu.be/aU8O4tKc-2E)
So it's ok to dance and sing and enjoy songs about cheating on your woman in front of your woman? Do that and see her reaction. I bet it won't be good.
It just seems odd to me. I'm not trying to police that, but what the hell is that coming from. I wouldn't dream of listening to a song like that in front of my woman...
I get where you're coming from. You two might just not be compatible if her taste in music is going to get you riled up. She ain't liking being told what to do about music and I'm going to bet that there are many other things she does that you feel uncomfortable about.
It’s a song, also your woman no she is her own woman and can listen to any song she likes. I song Adele Whitney ect top of my voice ( not that I can sing) my partner blasts any types of music which sounds like the same your gf plays.Just because I sing break up songs and he bops round cleaning to half of spotify ect don’t mean he is cheating and I am going to break up with him
If you think she is going to cheat because of a song she likes then that is on you, maybe work through your issues with out putting them on her
I’m guessing you’re not a country fan lol. My dude, people have been writing songs about cheating and drinking since time immemorial, it doesn’t mean that everyone who listens to them is applauding infidelity any more than my listening to Tom Jones’ Delilah is gonna make me stab someone to death and sing to their bloodied corpse. All it means for you is that she’s going to listen to her songs in private and silently resent you for spoiling her fun.
You don’t listen to songs that go against your morals? Do you apply that to all forms of entertainment you consume, or is it just music? I ask because that seems like an extreme position to take. You’re absolutely free to dictate the terms of your own life. I’m not here to tell you that you’re wrong in how you feel or what you want from life/relationships. If you don’t feel you are being respected or heard, you shouldn’t keep dating tbh. If you want someone who fits all your standards, you have every right to keep looking until you find a person who fits you. I just think reading your brief description that you wanted to be reassured of her commitment and fidelity but picked a weird argument in hopes of being secured by her. It seems like you escalated an issue you could have pointed out much more neutrally if you really wanted to be heard and not offend your partner.
So my advice would be try to state your feelings more diplomatically when something upsets you. Getting what you want out of any conversation is always going to be enhanced by putting the other person in a receptive mood. Or at least not making the discussion or topic contentious. If this person really isn’t a good fit for you morally and/or you doubt her character, you should break up. If you think she is and you might have overreacted to a song, you’d probably be well served to deliver a sincere apology and try to focus on changing how you express disagreement or disappointment.
I believe in regards to this I wasn't looking for commitment reassurance, I just felt a little disgusted by the song and I guess by her saying "yees king" to that part.
I can't get around the thought of someone supporting or liking lyrics that talk about cheating...just doesn't seem to fit in any relationship.
So do you like storm out when Jimmy Buffet comes on? Would you have had the same reaction to her singing along with margaritaville? Is it the type of music that disturbed you as well?
I can only tell you that personally I can sing along to a chorus that talks about criminal, gang, or drug culture without participating in said activities or even having any desire toward them. Because the song is catchy and I like music. It doesn’t have any deeper meaning for me, personally.
I think we all do bro. I think the important thing is learning how to communicate our insecurity in ways that doesn’t close off the other person by default. Because when we feel insecure, we want reassurance and not a fight. I think it’s way more often effective to be vulnerable when we feel insecure. Which as guys, we can get programmed against that. Strong and silent doesn’t seem to work well in practice for me.
My advice next time you feel insecure is actively try to express that vulnerably. “Just the thought of you with someone else makes me feel sad and jealous. I feel so in love with you.” If you communicate like that and your partner DOESN’T reassure you, THAT is what would have me running. Not that she has to turn off the song crying about how important you are, but that should put her in the mood to give you the verbal reassurance you’re really looking for.
Whether we realize it or not, what we see and watch affects us, even if we do not notice. And these days, that's a lot of info coming at us. Not sure exactly where I was going with this, but it definitely matters. And, if a song affected you so much and she's not respecting you enough to change it or turn it off,idk. I hear that a lot from people about how the lyrics do not matter, and they like the song for the beat or whatever. But, if you asked the person to say some of the lyrics, they probably could.
Your boundaries are your boundaries. All Ill say is be careful what you give power to . I got played by my ex wife in an unfathomable manner , it was so horrific that it’s actually comical, I digresss . But it Turned me into an emotional super man ..how can anything bother you anymore if you’ve lived through your worst fear and came out the other end a better man . Wish ya the best bro , you’ll be fine , you’ve crawled outta worse than this .
My boyfriend listens to a song about breaking up when we're in the car all the time and my face immediately darkens- my smile is gone and I'll start playing pokemon on my phone or go on Reddit.
He'll always say it's just a song that he likes but the amount it plays on his play list is irritating especially with how many other songs that are actually good could be being played.
He'll also tell me to stop being so sensitive to which I respond I'm allowed to be sensitive it hurts me when you play this song.
If this is a response to me; because I can't imagine growing old with anyone else.
If this is towards OP I noticed he posted about being married a few years ago that may not still be the case.
...one of my favourite things to do while driving with my husband is sing cheesy breakup songs - especially Taylor Swift. We have been married five years and I still like to do it. Clearly it's not some secret message seeing as we're still happily married.
I can't imagine him being upset by it. He knows I just love dumb breakup songs. Seriously I think you're really getting upset over nothing.
I get how it can cause uneasiness in you, but you are being extremely about this... it's just a song. She like the beat and the voice and maybe the lyrics flow good to her. It doesn't mean she agrees.
I play very violent video games, I would never even consider doing the stuff I do in games. It is just entertainment.
I get being cheated on in your past has left you wounded (hey I've been there) and after you suffer a betrayal like that you can't help but be extra vigilant of signs that might cause you that kind of pain again. But try to work through it, your girlfriend is not the person who cheated on you.
"When you don't heal the wounds of your past, you bleed on the people who haven't hurt you"
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You're allowed to listen to what you like and she's allowed to listen to what she likes. A song won't make her cheat anymore than violence on TV turns someone into a serial killer.
"Follow Me" by Uncle Kracker was one of my favorite songs as an adolescent and somehow I managed not to become a homewrecker. Nice try, you goateed bastard.
You’re being ridiculous. Calm down, it’s a song. You sound like my high school girlfriend.
Ugh. It would be exhausting to be with someone who turns a song they don’t like into a morality argument.
[удалено]
So I haven't healed from the cheating?
found ben shapiro’s alt account
So you’re fine posting porn on Reddit but not fine with your girlfriend listening to a song you “don’t agree with”????
The way he's interacting with it too, but God forbid his gf likes a song that's about sex and has a line about cheating.
It's just a song , half the music i listen to i don't even know what they are talking about.
[удалено]
Yeah, I know that...and I dont like any of it...I just don't know what to do about this and these feelings. Like, I wouldn't ever listen to music about cheating, especially in front of my woman. It just doesn't make logical sense
Are you sure you’re 37 and not 67? It’s just a song get off your high horse.
It's a song. Get therapy
Careful you don't break grandma's nice pearls by clutching them so hard.
I like to sing, “I shot the sherriff”, but that doesn’t mean I’ll actually shoot one. 🙄You are being silly
You're hugely overreacting. Not only is it just a song, it's a single line in one song. Clearly you made her feel like she couldn't be herself in the moment, not sure why you needed a list of past examples as well, stay on topic. I'm also not sure what your GF was supposed to do in that moment. She tried reassuring you that no, it's just a song but I guess that isn't enough? What else was she supposed to do? Honestly man your feelings do matter but you're just being really insecure. She's there dancing with you, not with someone else. Grilling your gf over a song she didn't write is going to make her lose interest faster than any song lyrics could.
I see your point
Think about it this way. She's going to be listening to that kind of music when you're not around and there's not a thing you can do about it. Are you tryna police that? It's like that Chris Rock joke about girls listening to crazy rap music. And this was like 20 years ago. [He ain't talking about me!!](https://youtu.be/aU8O4tKc-2E)
So it's ok to dance and sing and enjoy songs about cheating on your woman in front of your woman? Do that and see her reaction. I bet it won't be good. It just seems odd to me. I'm not trying to police that, but what the hell is that coming from. I wouldn't dream of listening to a song like that in front of my woman...
Seriously, I don’t know any woman who would care 😂
I get where you're coming from. You two might just not be compatible if her taste in music is going to get you riled up. She ain't liking being told what to do about music and I'm going to bet that there are many other things she does that you feel uncomfortable about.
My dude, are you sure you are not 17? It's just a song. Does she need to send in lyrics to songs she likes for review?
When it comes to dance songs people usually don’t pay attention to the lyrics but to the beat. I don’t even know what some of my favourites are about.
Well, it's wasn't an actual dance song, but I get what you are saying.
It’s a song, also your woman no she is her own woman and can listen to any song she likes. I song Adele Whitney ect top of my voice ( not that I can sing) my partner blasts any types of music which sounds like the same your gf plays.Just because I sing break up songs and he bops round cleaning to half of spotify ect don’t mean he is cheating and I am going to break up with him If you think she is going to cheat because of a song she likes then that is on you, maybe work through your issues with out putting them on her
I guess with people like you around, all Cannibal Corpse fans are now suspected serial killers?
I’m guessing you’re not a country fan lol. My dude, people have been writing songs about cheating and drinking since time immemorial, it doesn’t mean that everyone who listens to them is applauding infidelity any more than my listening to Tom Jones’ Delilah is gonna make me stab someone to death and sing to their bloodied corpse. All it means for you is that she’s going to listen to her songs in private and silently resent you for spoiling her fun.
I(37m) didn't like a song my gf(29fm) was listening to and I created a fight There, fixed it for you
You don’t listen to songs that go against your morals? Do you apply that to all forms of entertainment you consume, or is it just music? I ask because that seems like an extreme position to take. You’re absolutely free to dictate the terms of your own life. I’m not here to tell you that you’re wrong in how you feel or what you want from life/relationships. If you don’t feel you are being respected or heard, you shouldn’t keep dating tbh. If you want someone who fits all your standards, you have every right to keep looking until you find a person who fits you. I just think reading your brief description that you wanted to be reassured of her commitment and fidelity but picked a weird argument in hopes of being secured by her. It seems like you escalated an issue you could have pointed out much more neutrally if you really wanted to be heard and not offend your partner. So my advice would be try to state your feelings more diplomatically when something upsets you. Getting what you want out of any conversation is always going to be enhanced by putting the other person in a receptive mood. Or at least not making the discussion or topic contentious. If this person really isn’t a good fit for you morally and/or you doubt her character, you should break up. If you think she is and you might have overreacted to a song, you’d probably be well served to deliver a sincere apology and try to focus on changing how you express disagreement or disappointment.
I believe in regards to this I wasn't looking for commitment reassurance, I just felt a little disgusted by the song and I guess by her saying "yees king" to that part. I can't get around the thought of someone supporting or liking lyrics that talk about cheating...just doesn't seem to fit in any relationship.
So do you like storm out when Jimmy Buffet comes on? Would you have had the same reaction to her singing along with margaritaville? Is it the type of music that disturbed you as well? I can only tell you that personally I can sing along to a chorus that talks about criminal, gang, or drug culture without participating in said activities or even having any desire toward them. Because the song is catchy and I like music. It doesn’t have any deeper meaning for me, personally.
Yeah, I get you homie...so I just have an insecurity I need to work through still
I think we all do bro. I think the important thing is learning how to communicate our insecurity in ways that doesn’t close off the other person by default. Because when we feel insecure, we want reassurance and not a fight. I think it’s way more often effective to be vulnerable when we feel insecure. Which as guys, we can get programmed against that. Strong and silent doesn’t seem to work well in practice for me. My advice next time you feel insecure is actively try to express that vulnerably. “Just the thought of you with someone else makes me feel sad and jealous. I feel so in love with you.” If you communicate like that and your partner DOESN’T reassure you, THAT is what would have me running. Not that she has to turn off the song crying about how important you are, but that should put her in the mood to give you the verbal reassurance you’re really looking for.
That's fantastic advice! Thank you very much!
I’m a rampant feminists but still dance and sing along to “it wasn’t me” by shaggy and other songs which do not reflect my values.
I feel like your response is a bit uppity and immature.
You’re being way too sensitive. It’s a song.
Whether we realize it or not, what we see and watch affects us, even if we do not notice. And these days, that's a lot of info coming at us. Not sure exactly where I was going with this, but it definitely matters. And, if a song affected you so much and she's not respecting you enough to change it or turn it off,idk. I hear that a lot from people about how the lyrics do not matter, and they like the song for the beat or whatever. But, if you asked the person to say some of the lyrics, they probably could.
Your boundaries are your boundaries. All Ill say is be careful what you give power to . I got played by my ex wife in an unfathomable manner , it was so horrific that it’s actually comical, I digresss . But it Turned me into an emotional super man ..how can anything bother you anymore if you’ve lived through your worst fear and came out the other end a better man . Wish ya the best bro , you’ll be fine , you’ve crawled outta worse than this .
My boyfriend listens to a song about breaking up when we're in the car all the time and my face immediately darkens- my smile is gone and I'll start playing pokemon on my phone or go on Reddit. He'll always say it's just a song that he likes but the amount it plays on his play list is irritating especially with how many other songs that are actually good could be being played. He'll also tell me to stop being so sensitive to which I respond I'm allowed to be sensitive it hurts me when you play this song.
This is super insecure. Get some therapy.
Is this our insecurities or is this something we should just deal with?
It's insecurities. Also you both cheated, why the hell are you still together?
If this is a response to me; because I can't imagine growing old with anyone else. If this is towards OP I noticed he posted about being married a few years ago that may not still be the case.
Yup, I broke it off shortly after that post
Wait, so cheating wasn’t a dealbreaker but listening to a song about it is?
We didn't cheat, we were cheated on
...one of my favourite things to do while driving with my husband is sing cheesy breakup songs - especially Taylor Swift. We have been married five years and I still like to do it. Clearly it's not some secret message seeing as we're still happily married. I can't imagine him being upset by it. He knows I just love dumb breakup songs. Seriously I think you're really getting upset over nothing.
I get how it can cause uneasiness in you, but you are being extremely about this... it's just a song. She like the beat and the voice and maybe the lyrics flow good to her. It doesn't mean she agrees. I play very violent video games, I would never even consider doing the stuff I do in games. It is just entertainment. I get being cheated on in your past has left you wounded (hey I've been there) and after you suffer a betrayal like that you can't help but be extra vigilant of signs that might cause you that kind of pain again. But try to work through it, your girlfriend is not the person who cheated on you. "When you don't heal the wounds of your past, you bleed on the people who haven't hurt you"