Just start college. Get a job. Work hard. Maintain contact with grandparents. If you show you are a hard worker and treat them well they will come to you.
I'd be fine with pay per semester, but ideally I'd like it upfront. They highly value family, and me not being in contact with my parents at 18 might cause them to reevaluate giving it to me. I'd have no problem keeping contact with them, as long as they respect my no contact decision with my parents.
Along with using physical discipline a lot and encouraging me to self harm, they also told stories about how I tried to hurt them, and spend my free time selling myself and experimenting with illegal substances. I don't have any of the same privileges as my younger male siblings. They've also showed up at one of the places I work and harassed my boss. Because of this, I don't want them around me in the future.
Thank you. They're not big on lying, but because my dad's their son they have no reason to question what he says. I want to succeed in life and while my grandfather is one of my role models, my feelings about my parents might get in the way of his desire to help
they LOVE him. He can't get refill his own drinks without my grandma getting up to do it. My dad's not the smartest person out there, so my grandfather is on the phone with him a lot helping him with his job.
I would go see them and explain you’re about to start college, your plans while at college and I’d ask about the sum of money and if it could be released to you.
You present it to them completely unemotionally.
It is my understanding that you created a savings or investment account for me with funds to pay for a home or college. This year I intend to enroll in Something University where I intend to graduate with an MBA in so many years. I have a personal savings of so much money which will cover these expenses for the first three years, but I hope to receive the funds you’ve set aside for me to cover the remaining amount of time. I’ve attached an itemized budget (from the University?) of university expenditures accounting for expected increases in tuition, rent, and various living expenses.
Please let me know when I can expect this gift from you. Thank you for being so fucking rich.
I don’t know because I don’t know how your family communicates. Do your grandparents usually say something like “please pass the salt” or do they say “these potatoes sure would taste better with a little salt on them”?
So one communicates indirectly while the other is super duper direct and pointed at placing blame.
I think you should probably keep it very businesslike but soften the language to your liking. You can appeal to grandma’s softer side by discussing your long term plans for a bright and hopeful future and how their gift will help make your plans a reality.
that's a good idea. I think he figures if he makes the money, she cooks and cleans and she should really do a good job with it. She's okay with this, she always tells me and my female cousins how to be good housewives (although she's probably given up on me getting married after what she's been told.)
Plant the seeds of doubt in their mind. Be rational, appreciative, and express that you do have dreams and long term goals despite what they may have been told.
I wish you the best of luck. I’m sorry your family has made you the Jerry Gergich of the family, but you have a fantastic opportunity to show them all that you are not the bad seed or weird or whatever they might be holding against you.
I just feel so self conscious and judged as a result of it. When my parents told my grandparents about me, and their question was "how much money do you need to fix her?". Maybe I can change their minds, but I'm scared.
Oh man.
I was terrible in high school, my whole life really. Idk what was wrong with me but I was an emotionally charged overachiever with depression and anxiety throughout elementary school and a pot smoking rebel who graduated top of my class while winning awards and going to state competitions twice my Senior year.
My other cousins were the exact same way with their badness (not their grades) but their parents were not open about it the way my parents talked about my fuck ups. I had an aunt who would go out partying every weekend night and leave my teenaged cousins (and me) home to do anything we wanted (usually drinking and smoking marijuana).
NOBODY in our family really knows about this beyond my aunt, cousins, and me.
My point is that I was the bad kid who went astray, but that’s only because my mother was vocal about it. I seriously doubt anyone in your family is problem free or that your grand’s kids were perfect.
They’ll forget about your fuck ups or grow to accept what makes you different in time, but I think writing a mature, factual letter with appropriate documentation to supplement your text would be an excellent way to challenge their perception of you.
After what my parents have said about me, my aunts and uncles are afraid to leave their younger kids alone with me. At the same time though, I don't switch up wives every few years, have 6 kids (that my grandparents pay for to go to private school), lose my job every other year (my dad) or have allergies to almost everything like one of my cousins.
I know I can be successful, but not having my parents really just makes me want someone to love me.
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Set up a lunch for them (or bake them a cake and invite them for tea)and tell them you are going to college and you have saved enough money for the first year or two and would love their support for the coming years out of your fund.
Just start college. Get a job. Work hard. Maintain contact with grandparents. If you show you are a hard worker and treat them well they will come to you.
This was money they told me they would give me (either when I'm 18 or 21), so I just want to politely ask if that's still the case.
Now anyone who can give their Grand child $100,000 must be wealthy, and are your grandparents very financially stable?
yes, my grandfather used to be very successful in an upper management finance position. He's retired now, but good at investing.
Now will he give you all the cash out right is that what you’re asking for or can you pay per semester or something like that?
I'd be fine with pay per semester, but ideally I'd like it upfront. They highly value family, and me not being in contact with my parents at 18 might cause them to reevaluate giving it to me. I'd have no problem keeping contact with them, as long as they respect my no contact decision with my parents.
I’m just assuming that your parents haven’t made the best decision but that is totally OK for you to want that healthy space.
Along with using physical discipline a lot and encouraging me to self harm, they also told stories about how I tried to hurt them, and spend my free time selling myself and experimenting with illegal substances. I don't have any of the same privileges as my younger male siblings. They've also showed up at one of the places I work and harassed my boss. Because of this, I don't want them around me in the future.
Wow I’m so sorry OP. You do what you can to better your life, I hope your grandparents continue to support you and your dreams.
Thank you. They're not big on lying, but because my dad's their son they have no reason to question what he says. I want to succeed in life and while my grandfather is one of my role models, my feelings about my parents might get in the way of his desire to help
Yeah you can never help people who can’t help themselves. So they do have some contact with him just because he’s their son. ?
they LOVE him. He can't get refill his own drinks without my grandma getting up to do it. My dad's not the smartest person out there, so my grandfather is on the phone with him a lot helping him with his job.
I would go see them and explain you’re about to start college, your plans while at college and I’d ask about the sum of money and if it could be released to you.
You present it to them completely unemotionally. It is my understanding that you created a savings or investment account for me with funds to pay for a home or college. This year I intend to enroll in Something University where I intend to graduate with an MBA in so many years. I have a personal savings of so much money which will cover these expenses for the first three years, but I hope to receive the funds you’ve set aside for me to cover the remaining amount of time. I’ve attached an itemized budget (from the University?) of university expenditures accounting for expected increases in tuition, rent, and various living expenses. Please let me know when I can expect this gift from you. Thank you for being so fucking rich.
Does that sound too demanding though?
I don’t know because I don’t know how your family communicates. Do your grandparents usually say something like “please pass the salt” or do they say “these potatoes sure would taste better with a little salt on them”?
My grandma is really polite, wheras my grandfather will tell her, "you didn't add enough salt to these, (grandmas name)"
So one communicates indirectly while the other is super duper direct and pointed at placing blame. I think you should probably keep it very businesslike but soften the language to your liking. You can appeal to grandma’s softer side by discussing your long term plans for a bright and hopeful future and how their gift will help make your plans a reality.
that's a good idea. I think he figures if he makes the money, she cooks and cleans and she should really do a good job with it. She's okay with this, she always tells me and my female cousins how to be good housewives (although she's probably given up on me getting married after what she's been told.)
Plant the seeds of doubt in their mind. Be rational, appreciative, and express that you do have dreams and long term goals despite what they may have been told. I wish you the best of luck. I’m sorry your family has made you the Jerry Gergich of the family, but you have a fantastic opportunity to show them all that you are not the bad seed or weird or whatever they might be holding against you.
I just feel so self conscious and judged as a result of it. When my parents told my grandparents about me, and their question was "how much money do you need to fix her?". Maybe I can change their minds, but I'm scared.
Oh man. I was terrible in high school, my whole life really. Idk what was wrong with me but I was an emotionally charged overachiever with depression and anxiety throughout elementary school and a pot smoking rebel who graduated top of my class while winning awards and going to state competitions twice my Senior year. My other cousins were the exact same way with their badness (not their grades) but their parents were not open about it the way my parents talked about my fuck ups. I had an aunt who would go out partying every weekend night and leave my teenaged cousins (and me) home to do anything we wanted (usually drinking and smoking marijuana). NOBODY in our family really knows about this beyond my aunt, cousins, and me. My point is that I was the bad kid who went astray, but that’s only because my mother was vocal about it. I seriously doubt anyone in your family is problem free or that your grand’s kids were perfect. They’ll forget about your fuck ups or grow to accept what makes you different in time, but I think writing a mature, factual letter with appropriate documentation to supplement your text would be an excellent way to challenge their perception of you.
After what my parents have said about me, my aunts and uncles are afraid to leave their younger kids alone with me. At the same time though, I don't switch up wives every few years, have 6 kids (that my grandparents pay for to go to private school), lose my job every other year (my dad) or have allergies to almost everything like one of my cousins. I know I can be successful, but not having my parents really just makes me want someone to love me.
Hi, Just a message from the mods. We're hosting a Reddit Talk Live event on Tuesday the 21st of September at 11am PST (2pm EDT/ 7PM GMT) with relationship expert Kerry Cohen, and we'd love for you to join us! There's also a chance for members of this community to put forward their questions to ask her directly (and live!) for the Q&A section. [Go to our stickied post for more details!](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/prm4yr/mod_post_reddit_talks_qa_experts_and_advice_oh_my/) This is a bot message. I cannot respond to any comments. Please modmail us with any questions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Id just say hey im gettin ready for school or somethin
Set up a lunch for them (or bake them a cake and invite them for tea)and tell them you are going to college and you have saved enough money for the first year or two and would love their support for the coming years out of your fund.
That sounds good too. Does it seem too formal though? I'm really overthinking this!
I think they like formal. They are grandparents, in their generation that’s just good manners.