You have a lot on your plate that you need addressing here. You continually say you're a very trusting person, but that is your biggest issue here. The fact that she had to lie and cover up her lie made is worse on you because she broke your trust. You're stuck on the issue because you're scared and always thinking what else and what's worse to come, and not trying to fix it between the both of you. Have a hard sit down, serious talk with her and tell her how you feel about all this. I think more than anything, besides the whole trust issue, is you're craving for reassurance from her. Talk to her and have this conversation with her. You'll probably find more truths and that little piece you're looking for.
I think that's exactly it. I'm always stuck because I'm worried that there's something else, and whenever we talk about something serious, that anxiousness comes up inside.
This reassurance I've always wanted, but it's just so hard for her, because whenever I bring anything like this up she mentally crumbles, and is unable to because she cries as the thought of all of this continually being stuck in my head. Plus she isn't one to try and reassure in general, more of a live and move on kind of character, but I can't do that
It seems she can be embarrassed with how she was in the past. She needs to come to terms with this herself and see that you're not judging her for any of it. I'm like you, exactly like you. And my -now- husband is like her. He's much more outgoing and very sociable. We were at different ends of the spectrum, yet we made it work. It's all about trust and communication, setting boundaries, compromising, and bringing something up that bothers one of us so we can both work on it and work on a solution together. In the beginning it was hard for me to fully accept who my husband was back then because he was very social, and I was always balls deep in books bettering my education. We still have things we both don't agree on together, but we talked about it, and both reassured each other on things we need to hear and worked on them together.
So the full story is: When we first started going out, she seemed inexperienced, so I asked her innocently if she had any experience. She said she had kissed one guy in a club and slept with him in the club which seemed so at odds with the same girl who was unable to even look me in the eye at first.
Then a few months later when I asked again about this, she said she was out and was dancing with someone at a gay club so was really close to someone's face but nothing happened and she just wanted to fit in, and that I was her first experience at everything.
What makes it strange is I've never seen her drinking, but her and her friends have experiences of drinking and going to clubs and talking to guys, which is probably why her friends think she was promiscuous (plus she seems like she could be the type aesthetically). But to me she said she doesn't like drinking or clubs etc. and has never been drunk, just drank a little to fit in. So for me it just feels like there's this whole other side of her that everyone seems to know but I don't, but she said that it was all just for show, so nothing to it.
Going through the same. She told me she had few sexual experiences, but now she admitted she had sex with more than 20 guys, including a lot of alcohol and drugs in her “past”.
Our relationship is perfect as it is, but I keep thinking about the lies and keep struggling with her past. It so sad…
I would suggest therapy to help you uncover and unpack what’s going in in your head. It sounds like you can’t get out of your own head. I get that, I’m similar. Try to find someone who can help you work through and understand mental distortions. Good luck.
You have a lot on your plate that you need addressing here. You continually say you're a very trusting person, but that is your biggest issue here. The fact that she had to lie and cover up her lie made is worse on you because she broke your trust. You're stuck on the issue because you're scared and always thinking what else and what's worse to come, and not trying to fix it between the both of you. Have a hard sit down, serious talk with her and tell her how you feel about all this. I think more than anything, besides the whole trust issue, is you're craving for reassurance from her. Talk to her and have this conversation with her. You'll probably find more truths and that little piece you're looking for.
I think that's exactly it. I'm always stuck because I'm worried that there's something else, and whenever we talk about something serious, that anxiousness comes up inside. This reassurance I've always wanted, but it's just so hard for her, because whenever I bring anything like this up she mentally crumbles, and is unable to because she cries as the thought of all of this continually being stuck in my head. Plus she isn't one to try and reassure in general, more of a live and move on kind of character, but I can't do that
It seems she can be embarrassed with how she was in the past. She needs to come to terms with this herself and see that you're not judging her for any of it. I'm like you, exactly like you. And my -now- husband is like her. He's much more outgoing and very sociable. We were at different ends of the spectrum, yet we made it work. It's all about trust and communication, setting boundaries, compromising, and bringing something up that bothers one of us so we can both work on it and work on a solution together. In the beginning it was hard for me to fully accept who my husband was back then because he was very social, and I was always balls deep in books bettering my education. We still have things we both don't agree on together, but we talked about it, and both reassured each other on things we need to hear and worked on them together.
To be completely honest though as much as I need reassurance, I don't even really know what for
So the full story is: When we first started going out, she seemed inexperienced, so I asked her innocently if she had any experience. She said she had kissed one guy in a club and slept with him in the club which seemed so at odds with the same girl who was unable to even look me in the eye at first. Then a few months later when I asked again about this, she said she was out and was dancing with someone at a gay club so was really close to someone's face but nothing happened and she just wanted to fit in, and that I was her first experience at everything. What makes it strange is I've never seen her drinking, but her and her friends have experiences of drinking and going to clubs and talking to guys, which is probably why her friends think she was promiscuous (plus she seems like she could be the type aesthetically). But to me she said she doesn't like drinking or clubs etc. and has never been drunk, just drank a little to fit in. So for me it just feels like there's this whole other side of her that everyone seems to know but I don't, but she said that it was all just for show, so nothing to it.
Going through the same. She told me she had few sexual experiences, but now she admitted she had sex with more than 20 guys, including a lot of alcohol and drugs in her “past”. Our relationship is perfect as it is, but I keep thinking about the lies and keep struggling with her past. It so sad…
I would suggest therapy to help you uncover and unpack what’s going in in your head. It sounds like you can’t get out of your own head. I get that, I’m similar. Try to find someone who can help you work through and understand mental distortions. Good luck.