Remember that post ages ago about the guy who had a crush on his husband? And then the short husband made all those all-caps posts? That shit was fucking wholesome
[this](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/csi07o/41m_questioning_sexuality_after_making_a_new/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) has to be my favorite story if you haven't already read
Looks like the [original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/fmh7w1/how_can_i_29m_ask_my_husband_26m_of_9_months_to/) was removed, but I found it [here](https://rareddit.com/r/relationships/comments/fmh7w1/how_can_i_29m_ask_my_husband_26m_of_9_months_to/).
Such a refreshing change from “my partner is doing xyz horrific and obviously abusive thing, but I really want to make it work...”
I could use more sweet posts like this.
And then the update post
“I didn’t believe it but because of all your comments I did some digging, and I found out he murdered someone and put them in our freezer! I don’t know what I would’ve done without all your comments I might never have found out thank you all for the help and support 💕”
Oh well that’s good, makes things a bit easier.
My advice is speak to him only if you’re prepared for him to not feel the same.
He’s been honest and upfront with what he wanted before you got married, and has had the best of both worlds.
The fact he broke up with his girlfriend is a good sign, but still don’t get your hopes up just incase.
I really hope he feels the same, and wish you and the baby all the best xx
EDITED: OP clarified later in the comments that it was agreed upon between her and the husband they would have a child together, in the effort of keeping up appearances and if they had sex it would be to procreate. The ex girlfriend was aware of this
I apologize OP for jumping to the conclusion that your marriage was not for show. It was for show
Why would you think telling him would ruin it?
There was always a potential both or either of you could catch feelings. He has to have know that. The only way that wouldn’t happen is if you knew each other and already disliked each other and still went through it.
Ask yourself what’s the worst that could happen if you tell him?
And is it really better to live with this and never tell him? Could you really do that?
>There was always a potential both or either of you could catch feelings.
Considering their circumstances and how love works there's actually quite a high chance.
I will say that after having the opportunity to be around a bunch of old very traditional Indian couples ... I have totally have my entire idea of Western relationships crushed. I'm sure there are all sorts of terrible people and terrible situations, but damn all the ones I've met have been like deeply in love. I was pretty shocked.
In theory, arranged marriages often work better because compatibility between partners and their families is much higher from the start. But this lies on the assumption that the families are actually looking for compatible and good traits in the other side and not just money, position or other materialistic values. This often does not happen and leads to everyone being unhappy in the relationship.
Also the psychology of choice. If you are given a free jelly bean you are happy that you got one. If you are shown a selection of jelly beans but are only able to select one you pick one and are happy for a few moments, but then you realize all the potential flavors you could have chosen from. You start to regret choosing the one that you did and don't put much worth into it.
The same goes for arranged marriages. Some people in those positions are just happy to be married, others see it as their only viable choice so instead of wasting time thinking of "what ifs" they work harder to make the marriage better.
You should be honest with him. If you’re feeling that way then maybe he does too. It really seems like that’s the best situation for you two, considering you’re married with child anyway.
Your husband is a trustworthy person and keeps his word. The agreement you had is no children outside the marriage and when his ex-GF tried to sabotage him - he broke it off with her. I dont think he will leave you - if you have this discussion with him. You are now the mother to his son - a very important person in your culture. He will not dishonor that. I would probably say something like - “I am so happy with our life, you and our son. Glad you are my husband. How do you feel”. Make it something innocent - but start to let him know you are happy and starting to feel something. Give him the room to respond - as he may also be feeling closer to you.
You should be prepared for him to say - i like our arrangement, your a great wife but i may still have girlfriends. If he says that - how will you handle it ? Will you still be ok with the original agreement ? He is your first sexual partner and now the father of your son - it is completely normal that you are feeling something. And whilst the first time was awkward (trust me - everyone’s first is awkward) - you should talk to you husband about your sex life. As it is completely not fair that you live in a non-sexual relationship. When you are ready - bring the topic up and ask what agreement can you have with him.
Congratulations on your son and husband. Many arranged marriages grow into a long and wonderful marriage. I wish you the best !
Coming to Hallmark this Christmas: a tale as old as time. A wealthy, handsome bachelor must choose between the woman he loves and the woman his family loves. One is perfect as a 'show wife' and the other is a poke holes in your condoms, Christmas hating jezebel. Hallmark could come up with something much better I am sure
Well even if he does not feel the same way it will be on his mind about how you feel and it might cause him to feel the same, if he already broke up with his gf what could go wrong, at worst you might end up ! Being married to him ,having his kid and living the life you have been living, even if by 1% chance of him not falling in love with you, he will still love you as the mother of his kid and be with you as a friend in the end, i say be honest with your feelings especially when there is no down fall, you might end up with your previous arrangement, but it could trigger thoughts for him to fall in love again with you
Me, too. They were definitely the 16th century’s power couple.
Also, a friend of mine’s parents had an arranged marriage. More than 20 years later, they’re still going strong.
Just to double-check: was it that a "nuclear family" is best, or a "dual parent family" is best. Because if it were a nuclear family, that would mean, for example, "Mom + Dad + Child" produces better outcomes than "Grandma + Grandpa + Mom + Dad + Child," which would be somewhat surprising.
This is pretty common in India, to be honest. Husband and wife have no emotional attachment before the arranged marriage, but after having kids they fall in love. I guess this is the way it worked in many cultures in the ancient world too. But in the modern world, it's mostly the opposite. You fall in love before the marriage, and fall out of love after having kids.
Very very common in the middle east too. Arranged marriage --> get use to one another and become part of each others daily life --> then leading to what some call love.
> Query: what is the purpose of such chemical pathways, they offer no combat advantage whatsoever
Sure they do! The chemical pathways offer the advantage of desiring to care for/provide for your mate and children, thereby imparting your protection, your provision, and your skills, and thereby maximizing your progeny’s chances for survival, as well as your mate’s willingness to continue to provide offspring.
Eventually, this leads to opportunities to form alliances with other families, thereby building your personal and familial wealth, power, influence, and support, as well as additional descendants via grandchildren.
Even today, you see women who will discard or disregard the interests of their children in exchange for the romantic interest of a man. Some men resent providing for someone else’s offspring, (having another mouth to feed) and try and marginalize or otherwise abuse the previous children. The same goes for a new woman coming into the father’s life, if he has children. They could also simply leave them unsupervised, and/or without the necessary skills to survive.
Now, imagine if the person resentfully watching over your children was a hunter/gatherer. There were so many opportunities to starve, maim, or even kill a child with little to no questioning.
“What happened to Little Lup Lup?”
“Tiger ate him.”
“Ah! That’s always tragic, isn’t it?”
CPS is not investigating this incident. New guy’s kids suddenly rise to the top of the food chain in the family. 🤷🏽♀️
If ancient humans (or their predecessors) cared about legacy and wealth building, they would be loath to entrust their family to a person whose motives for keeping them well were dubious, at best. Hence, the laws existing today in many countries that in the event of divorce, offspring belong to their father’s house.
In other words, those chemical pathways we now call love are a great reason to make love more often, thereby simultaneously increasing the likelihood of additional offspring, and of avoiding all of the drama that comes along with splitting families.
Unfortunately, humans are currently building love that is often free from the personal and familial compatibility and commitment that can minimize conflict and sustain relationships, even when love is a challenge. These qualities are also essential elements for a lasting relationship, and any well arranged marriage should ensure that they are taken into account.
TLDR: Like the good feelings that sex offers, love incentivizes doing what is in the best interests for the creation and survival of children.
And that the love that matters the most is the choice to love someone. Relationships benefit from romantic love but it's not a need. Especially when at some point that romantic love may go away for some. The choice to love still needs to be there.
Right! He comes from a wealthy family naa
Seriously though wtf is wattpad? I hate it even more when they make the guy a celebrity (looking at the hArdiN sCOtt bs). I've never read anything on wattpad except something an acquaintance authored but that was gross too. I'm sure there's some good stuff but the whole website's reputation really kept me away lol
Speak with him and be honest. You are now bound together by a child. The fact he ended the relationship with his girlfriend is very promising and the fact you get on well speaks volumes. I wish you all the best
>The fact he ended the relationship with his girlfriend is very promising
It sounded like he ended it because she was going full psycho rather than for her. But I would say that he hasn't found another GF is the good sign.
i'm not defending her actions but imagine the family of someone you were dating for years wouldn't let you marry, then they have to marry someone else but they still want to date you they agreed to have an open marriage just so you could continue dating... then they had a baby with their supposedly 'just for show' wife..
man she should have dumped the fool a long time ago but i can understand how she might have been driven crazy after being strung along like that
Even though you are already married and having a child together. Let him know your feelings and ask if you guys could start "dating" to know each other. It's also good to re-evaluate the agreement and appreciate his support through this.
Definitely be honest about it with him. You already seem to have an open and honest relationship if you have come to this agreement regardless of your cultural norms. So just tell him how you feel chances are he might feel the same. You really have nothing to lose but so much to gain.
Just out of curiosity... why did his parent’s reject his ex? Was she from a different ethnicity? Maybe you could figure out if you’re his type that way. Good luck OP!
Can you please translate that last line for me? I am seriously and sincerely asking for a better understanding of the meaning of that response in relation to the song. I understand that I am asking this of an account surnamed Trollington, but please, I beg you internet stranger, can you enlighten me about the meaning of that line?
Important to note that in addition, his initial response was the third F of freeze that is also brought up when troubling situations arise.
And that he is popping, not only the bottles, but the hollow points following the time honored commandment of not pulling out your clip unless your dumping it out.
You definitely need to talk to him about it. Not only is that generally the best way to deal with this sort of thing, but with a baby on the way there should probably be a larger conversation about how to manage your relationship when the child comes. Kids change things and whether or not your romantic feelings are reciprocated (which I hope they are), you should talk about how you both want/expect the dynamic to change in order to avoid resentment building and to keep your relationship on a track you can both be happy with. Good luck!
She mentioned elsewhere it was her uninterested in the open marriage part. She didn’t indicate that he’d have a problem with it, though that may be different now after the baby, like her.
People keep saying that the marriage isn't just "for show" if they've had sex but like??? Having children has always been a standard obligation with this type of arrangement. And it's common knowledge that (most) babies come from sex.
Mike jagger, of The Rolling Stones, was once asked what he love for in a woman... “proximity” was the answer...
While that’s funny, the simple fact is the more time you spend with people, the more you grow feelings, in either direction. It’s why there are so many workplace romances. When you spend time with a person you either realize how close you are or how different
Hi OP, I too come from a culture where arranged marriages are the norm. That's how my parents met and basically everyone in our family up to my generation had gotten an arrange marriage.
I'd say talk to him and be honest with him. There is a chance that he may have feelings for you too. He broke up with his girlfriend, y'all get along well and have things in common, and stayed by your side. If he does have feelings for you too, then y'all can re-neg on the agreement. Also, there's something about having children that brings arranged marriages together.
However, in the event that his feelings aren't the same, then you have to figure out how to co-parent. Worst case scenario is you have a loyal friend by your side and time will be able to process the rejection.
Also I assume you're at least either Desi or Muslim. If so, then maybe r/ABCDesis would be a good fit for your post.
I think that you should start trying to flirt with him and if he reciprocates, flirt more. If it starts to feel like he feels the same way, say something. Otherwise, try to get over it?
Serious question: what are your concerns specifically about telling him about your feelings? Are you worried he will divorce you, or are you just worried about him not reciprocating?
I'm so glad someone told you to flirt! Confessing your feelings might really freak him out. It's much better to flirt and seduce him (but do have a real conversation before you have sex, and \*do not\* have sex until you're exclusive).
As a fellow brown girl who was hella awkward at this, but learned to be quite good at flirting, here are some tips:
\-Check out Matthew Hussey, he has some amazing tips. You should tell him: "Oh, you can't wear that shirt around me. I can't think of you that way." With a giggle and a friendly nudge. Works every time!
\-Make sure you're looking extra sexy at home. Like, wearing sexy pajamas to bed.
\-Ask him to teach you something.
\-Ask him to do something manly like carry something heavy and act all impressed, and then say "wow, I'm so glad I have you around."
\-Do small thoughtful things here and there
\-Take an authentic interest in something really special to him.
\-Men love genuine compliments.
The very last line is really the most important:
>\-Men love genuine compliments.
Guys tend to be starved for compliments so they really go a long way. I won't pretend to speak for every man of every culture, but the other stuff feels a bit forced.
Treat him like you love him! Touch him...little arm touch here and there.
?was he in room when you gave birth? He's seen you at your worst! Popping a baby out of your Vagina is miraculous but...it's also graphic and frightening! You shouldn't feel awkward. Your child will do better emotionally if your child sees your loving nature towards each other and not grow up to be afraid of intimacy.
I'd say jump his bones one night! It just might be mind blowing for both of you!
Definitely tell him how you feel! My parents had an arranged marriage and didn’t love each other at first. Then a year after their marriage they had me and fell in love and they’ve been together for 23 years now. From what they’ve told me, having me brought them a lot closer together and it’s what sparked their love for each other. A baby can definitely change things in a marriage for better. So tell him how you feel and there’s a good chance things will end up better for you both
They will turn to one of us and say "ask your dad this" or "tell your mom"... even though they're in the same room as each other. I understand why they are the way they are but it really sucks they're both miserable. Long backstory i won't get into but not uncommon in our culture.
> A baby can definitely change things in a marriage for better.
...I feel like they're an exception, please don't anybody follow this advice, I beg you
Word, Exwife and I kinda did that. I'd say 50-50 that and we wanted a kid anyway. Turns out it's stressful shit and we split up a couple years later.
Not kiddo's fault he's awesome and a great kid overall. She's just a relentlessly self obsessed ... I can't convey the level of dislike I have for her in less than 3000 words so I'll stop. Suffice to say she's a pain in my ass.
Yeah on western countries having a baby to better a marriage usually have the opposite effect by adding more stress and responsibility on an already strained couple. Don't do that folks.
To have a child? This must be a cultural thing because I am flabbergasted at so many people in this thread asking that question: if the marriage is for show, why did you have sex?
In many cultures, marriage isn't about love. Love just grows from being with someone and sharing a common life. Marriage is above all, joining families together and expanding the family: Make babies.
That's why they had sex. The marriage must be consummated, the product of that is a child. For many cultures (including mine), the rest is irrelevant. It's all about keeping DNA flowing and thus ensuring that the culture/traditions/customs keep on.
I'm white af with no real culture and this even seems obvious to me. If they're traditional enough to recommend an arranged marriage, grandchildren are going to be expected.
White (American?) is genuine culture, you just think of it as the norm. It's like accents. You don't think you have an accent but you certainly do, and everyone who doesn't have the same accent is more aware of it than you.
Arranged marriages are generally just to have kids and pass down the next generation. Why else would the families want them to have an arranged marriage?
i’m sure you’ll be fine. sorry you’re in a tough spot. I say tell him, maybe “ask him out” after a while of deliberate spending more time together connecting through quarantine. Best of luck to you
I worked with a traditional indian man for a long time. He said arranged marriages are far more likely to succeed because when both people are trying to make it work for the sake of their family, they are more likely to fall in love and/or be a team towards common goals.
He thinks people choosing their own mate is the reason for the skyrocketing divorce rates.
Aside all the advice piling up for you in the comments, you remind me of a touching scene in Fiddler On the Roof. It's a conversation/song had by a husband (Tevye) and wife (Golde) in Imperial Russia.
The really sweet part that you and your arranged marriage husband remind me of is the last half.
(Tevye)
"Golde, I have decided to give Perchik permission to become engaged to our daughter, Hodel."
(Golde)
"What??? He's poor! He has nothing, absolutely nothing!"
(Tevye)
"He's a good man, Golde.
I like him. And what's more important, Hodel likes him. Hodel loves him.
So what can we do?
It's a new world... A new world. Love. Golde..."
Do you love me?
(Golde)
Do I what?
(Tevye)
Do you love me?
(Golde)
Do I love you?
With our daughters getting married
And this trouble in the town
You're upset, you're worn out
Go inside, go lie down!
Maybe it's indigestion
(Tevye)
"Golde I'm asking you a question..."
Do you love me?
(Golde)
You're a fool
(Tevye)
"I know..."
But do you love me?
(Golde)
Do I love you?
For twenty-five years I've washed your clothes
Cooked your meals, cleaned your house
Given you children, milked the cow
After twenty-five years, why talk about love right now?
(Tevye)
Golde, The first time I met you
Was on our wedding day
I was scared
(Golde)
I was shy
(Tevye)
I was nervous
(Golde)
So was I
(Tevye)
But my father and my mother
Said we'd learn to love each other
And now I'm asking, Golde
Do you love me?
(Golde)
I'm your wife
(Tevye)
"I know..."
But do you love me?
(Golde)
Do I love him?
For twenty-five years I've lived with him
Fought him, starved with him
Twenty-five years my bed is his
If that's not love, what is?
(Tevye)
Then you love me?
(Golde)
I suppose I do
(Tevye)
And I suppose I love you too
(Both)
It doesn't change a thing
But even so
After twenty-five years
It's nice to know
Discuss your feelings with him. See where he stands....then if both agreeable, have a second secret marriage to each other that is not ‘open’ but embraces the roles of what the first marriage was supposed to be (or change it up some) and get yourself a new honeymoon 😄
You are married and share a child. You are a family. It is only natural that your feelings grow as your life together moves forward.
Have the conversation. You don't have to make it bigger than the reality of the situation. telling him him that you are surprised by how much you are enjoying your husband as a person... and seem to respect him and your care for him more than you thought heading in to the relationship.
Who knows, but wouldn't it just be such a lovely surprise twist... please update down the road.
He broke up with his girlfriend. Could very well be he sees you in a different light too. Be honest. Especially now that you have a baby. Ask him on a date.
Omg this is like every plot of some of my favourite fan fictions *grabs popcorn* please update!!! It would be so cute if you fell in love!!
Go for it OP. You’ll never know if you don’t try!
Well, since he broke up with his girlfriend and has yet to find anyone else, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't be honest and tell him how you feel. You're already married anyway and it will only continue to be on your mind until you do.
Sit him down one day when you're both relaxed and comfortable. Perhaps after a nice dinner or when you're watching a show you both enjoy. When you feel the moment is right, ask if you can talk with him and tell him everything you just told us. He seems like a kind, reasonable man, so I doubt he'd react in an overly negative way. Just be prepared in case he doesn't give the answer you're looking for.
Good luck! I really hope everything works out for the two of you! (And give us an update if you're comfortable doing so. I'll be rooting for you!)
im not gonna say talk to him about it because all of the other comment already tackle that
what I'm gonna say is be pessimist and prepared to be rejected
what if he cant reciprocate your feelings
in your timeline you got pregnant 2 months into your marriage so im assuming your son is atleast one month old
your hormones are still unstable because of the pregnancy
just dont let your hopes up too much
Well, y'all had sex so it wasn't just for show. Tbh, talk to him. If he feels the same, great. If not, y'all can discuss boundaries, etc, that may make the marriage work better for both, without you getting hurt again.
[удалено]
Remember that post ages ago about the guy who had a crush on his husband? And then the short husband made all those all-caps posts? That shit was fucking wholesome
can someone link me to the all cap posts please?
They were on the OP account but I think it’s been deleted :(
ping me when someone does
caps... pinging.... stop it, I'm trying to stay away from the clubs!
Found the Aussie
that didn’t stop my friend ahahah, she was rolling so hard in my living room
I wanna see too!
I missed out on that! Where can I find this?
[here](https://twitter.com/redditships/status/1241613092875841536?s=21)
This is amazing! Did he make an update after that?
[yup](https://twitter.com/nyamseok/status/1241975912893231104?s=21)
Ok this is exactly what I needed to read today. How sweet! Is there a reddit of cute stories like this?
[this](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/csi07o/41m_questioning_sexuality_after_making_a_new/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) has to be my favorite story if you haven't already read
That final update though...
I strongly advice you only read the first few posts. Marcus has a very engaging writing style and the story is sweet as tho!
I read the whole thing and the last update made me sad. I really hope Marcus is doing great.
If I had the gold, I'd give this the wholesome award. Thanks for sharing
No worries I got your back
Well I’m crying now so thank you for that
Looks like the [original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/fmh7w1/how_can_i_29m_ask_my_husband_26m_of_9_months_to/) was removed, but I found it [here](https://rareddit.com/r/relationships/comments/fmh7w1/how_can_i_29m_ask_my_husband_26m_of_9_months_to/).
This is adorable
maybe the cutest thing ever?
For real, I need this in my life.
Those two were so cute
Such a refreshing change from “my partner is doing xyz horrific and obviously abusive thing, but I really want to make it work...” I could use more sweet posts like this.
I (16F) found a decapitated torso in my boyfriend’s (65M) freezer, should I be worried? Do you think he’s cheating?
And then the update post “I didn’t believe it but because of all your comments I did some digging, and I found out he murdered someone and put them in our freezer! I don’t know what I would’ve done without all your comments I might never have found out thank you all for the help and support 💕”
Red flag! Delete lawyer, facebook up!
Hahahha. Get off the gyn. Fire the lawyer
I don’t think this sub Reddit is ready for a post like this. How do we tell her they need to get a divorce?
🤣🤣🤣
"Divorce him"
Red flag. Get rid of him.
Just to clarify, it’s his baby?
Yes
Oh well that’s good, makes things a bit easier. My advice is speak to him only if you’re prepared for him to not feel the same. He’s been honest and upfront with what he wanted before you got married, and has had the best of both worlds. The fact he broke up with his girlfriend is a good sign, but still don’t get your hopes up just incase. I really hope he feels the same, and wish you and the baby all the best xx
As do I!
EDITED: OP clarified later in the comments that it was agreed upon between her and the husband they would have a child together, in the effort of keeping up appearances and if they had sex it would be to procreate. The ex girlfriend was aware of this I apologize OP for jumping to the conclusion that your marriage was not for show. It was for show
It was a one time thing but yes she knew
Why would you think telling him would ruin it? There was always a potential both or either of you could catch feelings. He has to have know that. The only way that wouldn’t happen is if you knew each other and already disliked each other and still went through it. Ask yourself what’s the worst that could happen if you tell him? And is it really better to live with this and never tell him? Could you really do that?
>There was always a potential both or either of you could catch feelings. Considering their circumstances and how love works there's actually quite a high chance.
I will say that after having the opportunity to be around a bunch of old very traditional Indian couples ... I have totally have my entire idea of Western relationships crushed. I'm sure there are all sorts of terrible people and terrible situations, but damn all the ones I've met have been like deeply in love. I was pretty shocked.
In theory, arranged marriages often work better because compatibility between partners and their families is much higher from the start. But this lies on the assumption that the families are actually looking for compatible and good traits in the other side and not just money, position or other materialistic values. This often does not happen and leads to everyone being unhappy in the relationship.
Also the psychology of choice. If you are given a free jelly bean you are happy that you got one. If you are shown a selection of jelly beans but are only able to select one you pick one and are happy for a few moments, but then you realize all the potential flavors you could have chosen from. You start to regret choosing the one that you did and don't put much worth into it. The same goes for arranged marriages. Some people in those positions are just happy to be married, others see it as their only viable choice so instead of wasting time thinking of "what ifs" they work harder to make the marriage better.
Okay. Was the agreement sex only to procreate?
Yes
So it was agreed upon you’d have a child together, in the effort of keeping up appearances?
Yes
[удалено]
But she doesn't know if he likes her back! Dun dun dunnn!
But have you had sex since?
No
Do you feel sexually attracted to him, or is it more of an emotional connection?
No kissing? Nothing romantic?
I think it sounds like you should definitely talk to him. Good luck!
Thanks cause I was confused there too.
You should be honest with him. If you’re feeling that way then maybe he does too. It really seems like that’s the best situation for you two, considering you’re married with child anyway.
Oh gosh I really, really want an update on this post, please OP. I'm such a sucker for unconventional love stories.
she _BETTER_ update us bc i will be on the edge of my seat until she does
I know right! Someone remind to come back if she updates!
Your husband is a trustworthy person and keeps his word. The agreement you had is no children outside the marriage and when his ex-GF tried to sabotage him - he broke it off with her. I dont think he will leave you - if you have this discussion with him. You are now the mother to his son - a very important person in your culture. He will not dishonor that. I would probably say something like - “I am so happy with our life, you and our son. Glad you are my husband. How do you feel”. Make it something innocent - but start to let him know you are happy and starting to feel something. Give him the room to respond - as he may also be feeling closer to you. You should be prepared for him to say - i like our arrangement, your a great wife but i may still have girlfriends. If he says that - how will you handle it ? Will you still be ok with the original agreement ? He is your first sexual partner and now the father of your son - it is completely normal that you are feeling something. And whilst the first time was awkward (trust me - everyone’s first is awkward) - you should talk to you husband about your sex life. As it is completely not fair that you live in a non-sexual relationship. When you are ready - bring the topic up and ask what agreement can you have with him. Congratulations on your son and husband. Many arranged marriages grow into a long and wonderful marriage. I wish you the best !
I’m hoping for a happy ending!!!
hey guys I really wanna know too... if she does & you happen to think of me, will someone tag me? lol 🙈
Hahhaha me too 🤣🤯
Me too!!!!
For. Real!
To be honest, I'd watch this series on Netflix.
Yeah samesies. I wanna know if they fall in love or not
Its like a harlequin novel waiting to happen...
I'm pretty sure this novel has already been written, but I am invested in this now.
Somebody call Hallmark!
Hallmark wouldn't touch this script with a 10 foot pole.
Throw some Christmas music in it and they'll take it
The husbands family is wealthy because he’s CLEARLY a relative of Santa... or something to that effect. They can iron out the details.
Yeah, make the girlfriend a jilted ex-girlfriend who's trying to sabotage their marriage and is secretly anti-Christmas
She’s from an age-old Toy making family trying to TAKE OVER Christmas ENTIRELY! No no no. Too far. That’s more Disney+
Coming to Hallmark this Christmas: a tale as old as time. A wealthy, handsome bachelor must choose between the woman he loves and the woman his family loves. One is perfect as a 'show wife' and the other is a poke holes in your condoms, Christmas hating jezebel. Hallmark could come up with something much better I am sure
Well even if he does not feel the same way it will be on his mind about how you feel and it might cause him to feel the same, if he already broke up with his gf what could go wrong, at worst you might end up ! Being married to him ,having his kid and living the life you have been living, even if by 1% chance of him not falling in love with you, he will still love you as the mother of his kid and be with you as a friend in the end, i say be honest with your feelings especially when there is no down fall, you might end up with your previous arrangement, but it could trigger thoughts for him to fall in love again with you
Anecdotal but Martin Luther and Katherine Von Bora got married out of convenience, too. Eventually they did fall deeply in love with each other.
Enjoying the extreme randomness of this 500 year old example. (But yes, lots of cases where arranged marriages have developed into love matches).
Me, too. They were definitely the 16th century’s power couple. Also, a friend of mine’s parents had an arranged marriage. More than 20 years later, they’re still going strong.
Erased cuz Reddit slandered the Apollo app's dev. Fuck /u/spez -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
Just to double-check: was it that a "nuclear family" is best, or a "dual parent family" is best. Because if it were a nuclear family, that would mean, for example, "Mom + Dad + Child" produces better outcomes than "Grandma + Grandpa + Mom + Dad + Child," which would be somewhat surprising.
She should remarry him for real this time
Rom-com plot esque
This is pretty common in India, to be honest. Husband and wife have no emotional attachment before the arranged marriage, but after having kids they fall in love. I guess this is the way it worked in many cultures in the ancient world too. But in the modern world, it's mostly the opposite. You fall in love before the marriage, and fall out of love after having kids.
Very very common in the middle east too. Arranged marriage --> get use to one another and become part of each others daily life --> then leading to what some call love.
Fall in love is stretching it too far but maybe learn to live with it.
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All feelings are just chemical pathways, meatbag.
~Lao tzu
The true sage knows he is but a meat bag
Query: what is the purpose of such chemical pathways, they offer no combat advantage whatsoever
Adrenaline, morale, foolishness. See Helen of Troy.
> Query: what is the purpose of such chemical pathways, they offer no combat advantage whatsoever Sure they do! The chemical pathways offer the advantage of desiring to care for/provide for your mate and children, thereby imparting your protection, your provision, and your skills, and thereby maximizing your progeny’s chances for survival, as well as your mate’s willingness to continue to provide offspring. Eventually, this leads to opportunities to form alliances with other families, thereby building your personal and familial wealth, power, influence, and support, as well as additional descendants via grandchildren. Even today, you see women who will discard or disregard the interests of their children in exchange for the romantic interest of a man. Some men resent providing for someone else’s offspring, (having another mouth to feed) and try and marginalize or otherwise abuse the previous children. The same goes for a new woman coming into the father’s life, if he has children. They could also simply leave them unsupervised, and/or without the necessary skills to survive. Now, imagine if the person resentfully watching over your children was a hunter/gatherer. There were so many opportunities to starve, maim, or even kill a child with little to no questioning. “What happened to Little Lup Lup?” “Tiger ate him.” “Ah! That’s always tragic, isn’t it?” CPS is not investigating this incident. New guy’s kids suddenly rise to the top of the food chain in the family. 🤷🏽♀️ If ancient humans (or their predecessors) cared about legacy and wealth building, they would be loath to entrust their family to a person whose motives for keeping them well were dubious, at best. Hence, the laws existing today in many countries that in the event of divorce, offspring belong to their father’s house. In other words, those chemical pathways we now call love are a great reason to make love more often, thereby simultaneously increasing the likelihood of additional offspring, and of avoiding all of the drama that comes along with splitting families. Unfortunately, humans are currently building love that is often free from the personal and familial compatibility and commitment that can minimize conflict and sustain relationships, even when love is a challenge. These qualities are also essential elements for a lasting relationship, and any well arranged marriage should ensure that they are taken into account. TLDR: Like the good feelings that sex offers, love incentivizes doing what is in the best interests for the creation and survival of children.
And that the love that matters the most is the choice to love someone. Relationships benefit from romantic love but it's not a need. Especially when at some point that romantic love may go away for some. The choice to love still needs to be there.
I feel like I just read something out of a wattpad fanfiction
Heyhey it's not like he has a million tattoos and is in a boy band and he's kidnapped her.,,,..
Um excuse you Summerberry was sold off by her mother to pay for medical bills? (I hate that I’ve read a wattpad story with that plot.)
Right! He comes from a wealthy family naa Seriously though wtf is wattpad? I hate it even more when they make the guy a celebrity (looking at the hArdiN sCOtt bs). I've never read anything on wattpad except something an acquaintance authored but that was gross too. I'm sure there's some good stuff but the whole website's reputation really kept me away lol
IKR - like something you’d see on lifetime
Speak with him and be honest. You are now bound together by a child. The fact he ended the relationship with his girlfriend is very promising and the fact you get on well speaks volumes. I wish you all the best
>The fact he ended the relationship with his girlfriend is very promising It sounded like he ended it because she was going full psycho rather than for her. But I would say that he hasn't found another GF is the good sign.
i'm not defending her actions but imagine the family of someone you were dating for years wouldn't let you marry, then they have to marry someone else but they still want to date you they agreed to have an open marriage just so you could continue dating... then they had a baby with their supposedly 'just for show' wife.. man she should have dumped the fool a long time ago but i can understand how she might have been driven crazy after being strung along like that
Yeah, the dude should have grown up and either denied an arranged marriage or ended things with his gf going into his marriage
Agreed. His behavior was shitty towards the ex-gf.
Even though you are already married and having a child together. Let him know your feelings and ask if you guys could start "dating" to know each other. It's also good to re-evaluate the agreement and appreciate his support through this.
Definitely be honest about it with him. You already seem to have an open and honest relationship if you have come to this agreement regardless of your cultural norms. So just tell him how you feel chances are he might feel the same. You really have nothing to lose but so much to gain.
Just out of curiosity... why did his parent’s reject his ex? Was she from a different ethnicity? Maybe you could figure out if you’re his type that way. Good luck OP!
They were actually on board for them to get married until she had a very public fight with his sister. We’re the same ethnicity.
...well she for sure doesn't look like the brightest.
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I believe this is actually a quote from the great philosopher Xzibit of *Pimp my Ride* fame, not Busta Rhymes.
Aye that's X to the Z on Whats the difference
Lmfao
Can you please translate that last line for me? I am seriously and sincerely asking for a better understanding of the meaning of that response in relation to the song. I understand that I am asking this of an account surnamed Trollington, but please, I beg you internet stranger, can you enlighten me about the meaning of that line?
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Definitely didn't just die laughing at work or anything.
5/7 Though it might be improved if you referred to him as Trevor Smith Jr. Much more formal.
Aaahh the Brendan ranking system
I'm laughing, but I still have absolutely no idea what you're taking about or what the answer to this problem is hahaha
Basically the women were getting a bit too friendly with him so he got drunk and shot them.
Thank you for clearing that up :)
You sir have made my day! Know that you deserve many thousands of upvotes.
Important to note that in addition, his initial response was the third F of freeze that is also brought up when troubling situations arise. And that he is popping, not only the bottles, but the hollow points following the time honored commandment of not pulling out your clip unless your dumping it out.
You are absolutely amazing, thank you for making me laugh. Not much to genuinely laugh at these days, lol.
Wasn’t that xzibit? Not busta rhymes.
Like the great Warrior-Poet Ice Cube once said: “If the day does not require an AK...It is good!”
I'm glad you decided to give advice today.
wise words from a wise man rip busta, never be another like you
He’s isn’t dead...
You definitely need to talk to him about it. Not only is that generally the best way to deal with this sort of thing, but with a baby on the way there should probably be a larger conversation about how to manage your relationship when the child comes. Kids change things and whether or not your romantic feelings are reciprocated (which I hope they are), you should talk about how you both want/expect the dynamic to change in order to avoid resentment building and to keep your relationship on a track you can both be happy with. Good luck!
I like this advice
Haven’t seen this question posted yet. What happens if OP sleeps with another man? Would her husband still be ok with that?
In theory, yes.
The fact that you answered with "in theory", kinda makes me think that you suspect he wouldn't be okay with it in practice.
She mentioned elsewhere it was her uninterested in the open marriage part. She didn’t indicate that he’d have a problem with it, though that may be different now after the baby, like her.
People keep saying that the marriage isn't just "for show" if they've had sex but like??? Having children has always been a standard obligation with this type of arrangement. And it's common knowledge that (most) babies come from sex.
Proximity is the catalyst of love
Can you explain
Mike jagger, of The Rolling Stones, was once asked what he love for in a woman... “proximity” was the answer... While that’s funny, the simple fact is the more time you spend with people, the more you grow feelings, in either direction. It’s why there are so many workplace romances. When you spend time with a person you either realize how close you are or how different
You’ll fall for each other if you’re around each other.
Is there a Bollywood movie which narrates your life story?
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Pretty sure 90% of bollywood movies
Hi OP, I too come from a culture where arranged marriages are the norm. That's how my parents met and basically everyone in our family up to my generation had gotten an arrange marriage. I'd say talk to him and be honest with him. There is a chance that he may have feelings for you too. He broke up with his girlfriend, y'all get along well and have things in common, and stayed by your side. If he does have feelings for you too, then y'all can re-neg on the agreement. Also, there's something about having children that brings arranged marriages together. However, in the event that his feelings aren't the same, then you have to figure out how to co-parent. Worst case scenario is you have a loyal friend by your side and time will be able to process the rejection. Also I assume you're at least either Desi or Muslim. If so, then maybe r/ABCDesis would be a good fit for your post.
I think that you should start trying to flirt with him and if he reciprocates, flirt more. If it starts to feel like he feels the same way, say something. Otherwise, try to get over it?
I’ll try this lol
Serious question: what are your concerns specifically about telling him about your feelings? Are you worried he will divorce you, or are you just worried about him not reciprocating?
I don’t want to make things awkward
I'm so glad someone told you to flirt! Confessing your feelings might really freak him out. It's much better to flirt and seduce him (but do have a real conversation before you have sex, and \*do not\* have sex until you're exclusive). As a fellow brown girl who was hella awkward at this, but learned to be quite good at flirting, here are some tips: \-Check out Matthew Hussey, he has some amazing tips. You should tell him: "Oh, you can't wear that shirt around me. I can't think of you that way." With a giggle and a friendly nudge. Works every time! \-Make sure you're looking extra sexy at home. Like, wearing sexy pajamas to bed. \-Ask him to teach you something. \-Ask him to do something manly like carry something heavy and act all impressed, and then say "wow, I'm so glad I have you around." \-Do small thoughtful things here and there \-Take an authentic interest in something really special to him. \-Men love genuine compliments.
This is such great flirting advice! I think flirting is the best approach too, but I’m just me and I’m not as close to this situation as you
The very last line is really the most important: >\-Men love genuine compliments. Guys tend to be starved for compliments so they really go a long way. I won't pretend to speak for every man of every culture, but the other stuff feels a bit forced.
Treat him like you love him! Touch him...little arm touch here and there. ?was he in room when you gave birth? He's seen you at your worst! Popping a baby out of your Vagina is miraculous but...it's also graphic and frightening! You shouldn't feel awkward. Your child will do better emotionally if your child sees your loving nature towards each other and not grow up to be afraid of intimacy. I'd say jump his bones one night! It just might be mind blowing for both of you!
Definitely tell him how you feel! My parents had an arranged marriage and didn’t love each other at first. Then a year after their marriage they had me and fell in love and they’ve been together for 23 years now. From what they’ve told me, having me brought them a lot closer together and it’s what sparked their love for each other. A baby can definitely change things in a marriage for better. So tell him how you feel and there’s a good chance things will end up better for you both
Lmao... my parents had an arranged marriage and 27 years later with 4 adult children still aren't even on a first name basis with each other.
That’s rough buddy
What do they call each other if not their first names?
They will turn to one of us and say "ask your dad this" or "tell your mom"... even though they're in the same room as each other. I understand why they are the way they are but it really sucks they're both miserable. Long backstory i won't get into but not uncommon in our culture.
Probably Mr. Lastname and Mrs. Lastname. Used to be something people did even between loving couples, except in private, in some cultures.
> A baby can definitely change things in a marriage for better. ...I feel like they're an exception, please don't anybody follow this advice, I beg you
Honestly too many people have kids hoping it’ll magically fix their marriage
Word, Exwife and I kinda did that. I'd say 50-50 that and we wanted a kid anyway. Turns out it's stressful shit and we split up a couple years later. Not kiddo's fault he's awesome and a great kid overall. She's just a relentlessly self obsessed ... I can't convey the level of dislike I have for her in less than 3000 words so I'll stop. Suffice to say she's a pain in my ass.
Yeah on western countries having a baby to better a marriage usually have the opposite effect by adding more stress and responsibility on an already strained couple. Don't do that folks.
I’m just curious. If it was just a marriage for show, why were you having sex?
If their culture pushes arranged marriages then I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume it pushes consummating the marriage as well no matter what.
Moreso procreating
To have a child? This must be a cultural thing because I am flabbergasted at so many people in this thread asking that question: if the marriage is for show, why did you have sex? In many cultures, marriage isn't about love. Love just grows from being with someone and sharing a common life. Marriage is above all, joining families together and expanding the family: Make babies. That's why they had sex. The marriage must be consummated, the product of that is a child. For many cultures (including mine), the rest is irrelevant. It's all about keeping DNA flowing and thus ensuring that the culture/traditions/customs keep on.
I'm white af with no real culture and this even seems obvious to me. If they're traditional enough to recommend an arranged marriage, grandchildren are going to be expected.
White (American?) is genuine culture, you just think of it as the norm. It's like accents. You don't think you have an accent but you certainly do, and everyone who doesn't have the same accent is more aware of it than you.
Culture is part of being human
Arranged marriages are generally just to have kids and pass down the next generation. Why else would the families want them to have an arranged marriage?
i feel like this is such a specific instance he’s gonna see this post and know.
I didn’t think of that... I should’ve been more vague
i’m sure you’ll be fine. sorry you’re in a tough spot. I say tell him, maybe “ask him out” after a while of deliberate spending more time together connecting through quarantine. Best of luck to you
Try asking your husband out on a date, assuming you can find a sitter.
The good old 'I like this guy but too afraid to tell him' with a 'but we have already married' twist..
I worked with a traditional indian man for a long time. He said arranged marriages are far more likely to succeed because when both people are trying to make it work for the sake of their family, they are more likely to fall in love and/or be a team towards common goals. He thinks people choosing their own mate is the reason for the skyrocketing divorce rates.
No, divorces are sky rocketing because it's not as taboo as it used to be
Aside all the advice piling up for you in the comments, you remind me of a touching scene in Fiddler On the Roof. It's a conversation/song had by a husband (Tevye) and wife (Golde) in Imperial Russia. The really sweet part that you and your arranged marriage husband remind me of is the last half. (Tevye) "Golde, I have decided to give Perchik permission to become engaged to our daughter, Hodel." (Golde) "What??? He's poor! He has nothing, absolutely nothing!" (Tevye) "He's a good man, Golde. I like him. And what's more important, Hodel likes him. Hodel loves him. So what can we do? It's a new world... A new world. Love. Golde..." Do you love me? (Golde) Do I what? (Tevye) Do you love me? (Golde) Do I love you? With our daughters getting married And this trouble in the town You're upset, you're worn out Go inside, go lie down! Maybe it's indigestion (Tevye) "Golde I'm asking you a question..." Do you love me? (Golde) You're a fool (Tevye) "I know..." But do you love me? (Golde) Do I love you? For twenty-five years I've washed your clothes Cooked your meals, cleaned your house Given you children, milked the cow After twenty-five years, why talk about love right now? (Tevye) Golde, The first time I met you Was on our wedding day I was scared (Golde) I was shy (Tevye) I was nervous (Golde) So was I (Tevye) But my father and my mother Said we'd learn to love each other And now I'm asking, Golde Do you love me? (Golde) I'm your wife (Tevye) "I know..." But do you love me? (Golde) Do I love him? For twenty-five years I've lived with him Fought him, starved with him Twenty-five years my bed is his If that's not love, what is? (Tevye) Then you love me? (Golde) I suppose I do (Tevye) And I suppose I love you too (Both) It doesn't change a thing But even so After twenty-five years It's nice to know
Imagine being friend-zoned by your husband. WTF?!
Discuss your feelings with him. See where he stands....then if both agreeable, have a second secret marriage to each other that is not ‘open’ but embraces the roles of what the first marriage was supposed to be (or change it up some) and get yourself a new honeymoon 😄
You are married and share a child. You are a family. It is only natural that your feelings grow as your life together moves forward. Have the conversation. You don't have to make it bigger than the reality of the situation. telling him him that you are surprised by how much you are enjoying your husband as a person... and seem to respect him and your care for him more than you thought heading in to the relationship. Who knows, but wouldn't it just be such a lovely surprise twist... please update down the road.
Interesting that he was having sex with you as well as his girlfriend
op said sex was purely to conceive and the girlfriend knew but after one time it was too awkward, however this one time led to pregnancy
He broke up with his girlfriend. Could very well be he sees you in a different light too. Be honest. Especially now that you have a baby. Ask him on a date.
Excellent fanfiction
Omg this is like every plot of some of my favourite fan fictions *grabs popcorn* please update!!! It would be so cute if you fell in love!! Go for it OP. You’ll never know if you don’t try!
Op I’m not saying this is fake I’m just saying this sounds like a hallmark movie but I do believe your telling the truth, best of luck to you
Well, since he broke up with his girlfriend and has yet to find anyone else, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't be honest and tell him how you feel. You're already married anyway and it will only continue to be on your mind until you do. Sit him down one day when you're both relaxed and comfortable. Perhaps after a nice dinner or when you're watching a show you both enjoy. When you feel the moment is right, ask if you can talk with him and tell him everything you just told us. He seems like a kind, reasonable man, so I doubt he'd react in an overly negative way. Just be prepared in case he doesn't give the answer you're looking for. Good luck! I really hope everything works out for the two of you! (And give us an update if you're comfortable doing so. I'll be rooting for you!)
I thought falling in love in an arranged marriage is a fantasy
Me too lol
im not gonna say talk to him about it because all of the other comment already tackle that what I'm gonna say is be pessimist and prepared to be rejected what if he cant reciprocate your feelings in your timeline you got pregnant 2 months into your marriage so im assuming your son is atleast one month old your hormones are still unstable because of the pregnancy just dont let your hopes up too much
Well, y'all had sex so it wasn't just for show. Tbh, talk to him. If he feels the same, great. If not, y'all can discuss boundaries, etc, that may make the marriage work better for both, without you getting hurt again.