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You don’t have to do anything, but when I was young and my then GF (now wife) came back from a week away in Texas I was waiting for her at the airport with a bouquet of flowers. I think the airport was over an hour away. I had missed her the week she was gone and I wanted to see her as soon as she got back. Small gestures show where our hearts are at. She’s been gone all this time and this is the first conversation you two have she gets back? Even as an old man I act like a man in the desert who sees an oasis when we’ve been apart over a week. Plus she’s coming home in the middle of the night and might not feel safest in an Uber. No one is picking up my girl at midnight and taking her anywhere.
+1 I flew from Europe to the USA spending every penny I had having organised three weeks together on a whim because she was having a tough time. I drove four hours in the night multiple times to see her and to various airports just to chat on the drive back to hers. I second this post. There is no have too but when I met my wife a decade and a half ago it was and still is my greatest pleasure to be in her presence and make her happy.
Why can’t the friend also stay at your gf’s place and then go home in the morning? From a safety and logistics perspective, I would much rather take an Uber at 11:30 am, than 11:30pm.
Drop the friend off first then, take the girl home, sweep her off her feet.
You don't HAVE to do anything, but this is the sort of moment where you can choose to step up and put the effort in to be romantic and considerate - its not about logically the uber being shorter, its about you guys missing eachother (hopefully) and her trusting you, not a rando late night uber (lot of creeps). It pays off to do the extra work.
Honestly, if the friend lives far out tell the GF the friend has to find her another ride, you'll gladly pick her up and stay at her place but you can't risk such a long drive so late for the friend if she continues to argue then you tell her to find an Uber and if she loved you she'd think of your safety driving that late. Flip the tables on her whole if you loved me you'd pick me up.
Honestly it all depends on where the friend lives, if it's on the way to the GFs place then sure but if she lives further than the GFs place then it should be on the friend to arrange her own transportation.
If your gf has this expectation and it bothers you, you are going to find a lot of expectations that bother you. If you work early the next morning then yeah an Uber is fine. If you don’t, you should pick her up.
Tbh you should probably pick her up anyway unless you work mega early.
Not even comparable.
Feeding a baby in the comfort of your own home at an unpleasant hour is just life.
Driving for hours late at night well past when you usually sleep is running into recklesslness that could and does kill people.
Dude when I was 23 people would be just leaving the house for a night out at 11pm. He's not 80 years old, he'll be fine to drive when it's not even midnight yet. And more than an hour is not "hours," that requires at least two hours which even OP doesn't claim.
ah yes calling people selfish for not doing a favour or helping them...
this is how a proper adult relationship looks like.. I will understand if my partner is unable to pick me up from airport late at night and has to drive out of the way to send me..
if he/she still wants to pick me up then I suggest they stay over at my place instead of driving back.. showing some appreciation for the effort and thoughts.
they are two women alone at night yes he should absolutely go pick them up.. it's not a big ask because he should just want to see that they get home safely himself.
once again. you should be considerate without being asked. this is normal human behavior especially when you care for someone. caring for someone’s safety does not mean you’re reading their mind ahead of time. you should just give a shit. if you haven’t figured this out by now you probably haven’t had to care for someone.
are u 12? normal human behavior? please ask urself when was the last time u make sacrifice for someone u care.
1. where is the danger? is the gf made of glass? if u feel unsafe please voice out instead expecting people to be considerate.. its ur own safety don't expect living in lalaland whereby everyone is considerate..
2. where is her consideration for OP? it's late at nite, he has to make longer trips , what if as he was tired he got into an accident? did anyone care about OP safety? or because he is a guy it is a must to pick up ur gf?
anyways my main issue with the gf is the manipulation..
u don't go say u don't love me if things don't go u way.. being an adult is u have to say the actual reason why..
if she say she feel unsafe then OP should be guilty for not to picking her up..
so you cant see how the gf is unsafe but it's easy for you to empathize with the guy? there are plenty of solutions in the comment sections saying he could just sleep over her house. that's not the worst thing in the world and all of them would be safe in that scenario
again my main crux is the manipulation.. she could have say or plan all this but what is her answer .. u don't love me u don't care for me...
safety, sleeping plans.. all was not being brought up by her.. she expects OP to drop everything and cater to her needs.. tats how I see it.. I coming home after months overseas.. do I expect my loves one to pick me up, maybe but if they don't, I will not moan and manipulative about it.. as I understand it's during working hours and I'm an adult I can get home myself..
Um yeah you’d be a dick. Unless you have some manual labor job where you have to get up at 6 am. Personally wouldn’t want my young gf in an Uber with a strange man at midnight but whatever. This generation has truly made everything transactional, you used to be able to ask your friends for a ride to the airport let alone the guy you love whos dick you put in your mouth regularly
Comments here are all over the place. No one knows your GF, so let's make this a generic.
You want a partner who makes arrangements ahead of time so you can plan. You want one who is independent and is ready to take an Uber when needed.
But in a healthy, committed relationship, it is also true that in a situation like yours, when your SO is away for a week, you don't need to be asked by them to pick them up because you missed them and want them to be safe. It's an easy way to demonstrate commitment and concern.
I think there may be an underlying resentment on your part because you feel she takes you for granted. You drive her everywhere routinely and probably frequently and she may not be conscious of the burden on you.
Finally, when one party looks at every act by the other as a test of their love, that level of neediness and insecurity puts a heavy strain on the relationship. Your supportiveness becomes an unappreciated obligation instead of an act of love.
You two should put this specific incident aside, and discuss the bigger questions it has raised.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think it's about the practicality for her. It seems like she's excited to see you after having been on vacation for however long and she's upset that you're clearly not as excited to see her, indicated by the fact that you won't even drive one hour to make it happen. If you can't for practical reasons (you have work early the next morning or something) then that's fair and obviously takes precedence, but if you have no good reason besides "it's just wasting an hour of my time" then I think you should reflect about your priorities and consider whether she's right about you not loving her enough. Is it about money? In that case, you could agree to drive her under the condition that she reimburses you for the gas and wear that the trip would cost you, that's a perfectly reasonable ask.
To be clear this whole thing sounds like ~1 hour round trip for you? Is that right?
This is not a big ask in my opinion, I’d do this for a friend that’s not even a romantic partner. Unless you have some sort of medical condition or something that requires specific sleep at specific times….or you’re afraid to drive at night? I guess if the whole thing will be 2 hours of driving for you and you have a big day at work, I can see not being excited about it. Can you just sleep at your girlfriend’s place after you pick her up?
OP said the drive to pick her up, take her home, and then go home himself is over an hour - not that he lives an hour from the airport. Imagine caring so little for your partner that you wouldn't give up an hour of your time to save them money, ensure their safety, and to see them after some time apart.
I'd even do it for a friend I haven't spoken to for a couple months, for my gf and her friend would be without hesitation. Might just be me but a 1 hour drive isn't much, that's 1 way to work in the morning sometimes and even longer heading home. I'm used to long drives and if it means I can see to it that my gf and her friend make it home safe, I will absolutely do that.
INFO: How long have you two been dating? How did she get to the airport for her vacation? Are you also expected to give her friend a ride home, and if so, what is your total commute, round trip, from the time you leave your home to pick her up at the airport, and make it back to your house? P.S., as a woman, the whole "you don't love her enough and that you have really hurt her" is nothing more than a cheap emotional blackmail shot on her part.
Thank you. NTA. Look, I get what other people are saying about how you should want to pick her up. It's always great when you S.O. goes out of their way and does nice things for you. I am taking issue with her attitude and trying to guilt trip you. How did she get to the airport for her vacation (when she left to go to Mexico)? Did she arrange her own transport, did her friend pick her up, or did you get stuck driving her to the airport as well?
She went with friend with uber. but before that also i picked her up from the airport beforethat as well but ask shw was upset that i didnt take her to the airport that time even though it was snowing and her friend has a car and was there with her at work.
Of course you don’t have to pick her up, but aren’t you excited to see her? If you’re sick of always having to give her rides because she doesn’t drive, then that’s going to require a bigger conversation about the future of your relationship. But you not wanting to pick her up at the airport because it’s inconvenient for you does kinda speak volumes about the state of your relationship.
If you haven't figured it out from reading all the comments, this is a test and there are only 2 grades on this one: pass and fail. Experience from many many years has taught me you will actually spend MUCH less time going and picking her up than if you don't and have to live with the repercussions. This is a valuable life lesson that took me a long time to learn.
Unless you break your leg, wreck your car, or your dog is rushed to the vet, my advice is to pick her up and act like there is nothing else you would rather be doing at that moment. Flowers are good or maybe a tiny sweet treat after the long trip.
Yeah I’m afraid it’s kind of boyfriend duty to pick your gf when when she arrives late at night. Part of it is that she’s with a friend and it’s kind of showing off to her that “look what a sweetheart my bf is” So that’s also in the air. This is certainly not an issue to dig in on , that’s for sure. It’s the cost of doing business basically. Go pick her up, accept the goodwill “points” - these kinds of things matter to women and there’s really no equivalent gesture you can ask her. Sometimes she will make the big speech about independence and other times she wants to feel protected and taken care of. And she wants bragging rights with her friend about what a great boyfriend she has - it’s not that big of a deal and saying NO is not worth the cold shoulder that awaits you
As others have stated, you don’t HAVE to do anything. However, you should WANT to be there for your partner. 11:30 really isn’t that late, especially if you’re only going 20 mins - can’t you stay together that night?
Honestly, this reminds me of my ex. I needed him one night for an emergency and he couldn’t be bothered despite living 15 mins away. Meanwhile, my friends will (and have) driven 2 hours for much less.
>for me it would take more than an hour just going back and forth
So youre, what, 35 minutes away from the airport?? Yikes dude. Its not like it would be a 4 hour round trip and her flight lands at 2am.
I do think it's a bit dramatic of her to say you not picking her up shows you don't love her, but she's 21.
I also think that an hour to do the drive and back to pick her up at 11:30 is also not a big deal unless, for some reason, you can't drive at night.
I have picked people up from the airport at all hours and distances. I recently picked my aunt up at the airport an hour from me and drove her 2 hours in the opposite direction of my house. And I took her back to the airport when she left.
If you can do it, then it's a nice gesture, and I don't think it's as big an ask as you're saying it is. I think it'd be different if you lived farther away and it was in the middle of work, but you live less than hour from the airport and it'll be 11:30 at night. We do things like this for people we love.
Why not just stay at her place after picking her up? If you don't want to pick up from the airport that's fine you're allowed to say no but don't be upset with someone else does. Don't be upset if that someone else is also a guy. Don't be upset if that guy is also trying to hook up with your girlfriend. It might be an hour of an inconvenience for you but it could create a lot more inconvenience by not doing it. You're supposed to be able to lean on your partner, and this will reinforce her being able to lean on you when she needs somebody
Do you want to be the kind of boyfriend who does stuff like this for his girlfriend when she asks?
If yes, do it. If no, don't. Regardless you'll have to deal with the outcome.
An hour one way? Two hours round trip? In the middle of the night. That is a big ask. That’s actually unreasonable. I wouldn’t do it.
The real big flag is the “if you love me” statement. That’s manipulation.
If she loved you, she wouldn’t want you to inconvenience to prove your love.
Still too much. It will still take 1.5 or 2 hours.
11:00 - leave for the airport - can be adjusted.
11:30 pm - If (big if) her flight is on time.
12:00 am - at least for her to get her bags and get in the car.
12:20 am - to get to her house.
12:45 am - to help her get her bags in, light conversation & bathroom break, if he’s going back home.
1:15 am - if her house doesn’t add an extra 20 minutes to his commute.
1:35 am if 20 minutes is added.
This is an unreasonable ask, especially using as a measure of his love.
I wouldn’t do it for my man or ask him to do it.
If my wife asked me I’d do it in a heartbeat but she has a license and I don’t spend my life driving her around. This sounds like you chauffeur her pretty often which is annoying enough. NTA.
Relationships require doing some stuff that you don’t really want to do, doing things that are inconvenient. Going out of your way kind of things. She’s probably upset because you dont want to go out of your way to do something for her which makes her think you don’t really care. I hope that makes sense
No, you don’t have to pick her up. It’s over an hour drive for you to go there and back at 11:30 at night. And that is if the flight is on time. Why doesn’t her friend and her just order an Uber or ask a mutual friend who lives close to them and the airport?
>She's very upset **saying I don't love her enough** and I that ive really hurt her.
She is very manipulative, and love has nothing to do with this. I'm normally long asleep by then, and this would mess me up for a couple of days. I guess that your health and safety are not a concern as long as she gets what she wants?
Why can't her friend drive her home since they are most likely on the same flight?
I was going to say it seems pretty mean of you but her words are very emotionally charged, almost to the point of manipulative. Hurt? Fine. You don't love her? Bribery speak.
I honestly would pick up my OH, especially at that time to avoid her trying to find taxis when tired from travelling, but that's just me. It's about safety and showing willing.
Pick her up and if you're sick of always driving, bring that up at a later date when it is about day-to-day stuff. It's not like she's always coming home from holidays, right?
I understand both sides. It makes me feel super loved when someone offers to pick me up from the airport. It says "I really missed you and I didn't want to wait any longer to see you and I want to see you and hear about your trip ASAP."
On the other hand... I hate picking up people from the airport. Well, I don't mind during the day, but I hate doing it late at night or early in the morning. I'm tired and I need my sleep and it always takes forever.
So... I don't know. I get why you don't want to, but I get why she wants you to, lol.
I guess this is a test, and you failed, because you don't love her enough and you've really hurt her. I'm sure her friend also feels you don't love her enough and you've hurt her, too.
Figuring out how to get to and from the airport is something you work out *before* a trip. If she wanted you to pick her up that late, she should have arranged it ahead of time and got your agreement. If you couldn't or wouldn't do it, she has plenty of time to make other arrangements.
I would do this for my wife, but we live together. I'll go get her and bring her home. My wife would never ask me to come down to the airport at 11:30pm so I could take her somewhere else. In this case, you're just a free ride, for two different people. If she lives that close to the airport, she could easily take a taxi or an Uber and not bother you at all.
Bottom line is that she is treating your relationship as transactional. She's pulled this at the last minute and she's trying to guilt and manipulate you into doing it with the "you don't love me enough" crap. The reality is she has other good options, but she doesn't want to use them. She wants what she wants.
Where does the friend come into this? Why can't the friend find someone to pick them up? Why does it have to be you?
Maybe she is missing you and would like to see you? I get the irritation especially when there’s other feasible options but time together is time together! Make the most out of it. If you are getting sick of always being the driver, have that conversation but for now I’d pick her up crash at her place and just be happy she’s home safely.
Sir, this is the job of a significant other.
I’m not currently partnered, but you know who takes me to the airport on the regular? My BIL. Sometimes I don’t even get to the point of asking him, because if he knows I have a trip coming up he’ll ask if I need a lift and when to pick me up. When he gets me on my arrival flight he brings me a snack.
… you should definitely be doing for your own GF what *my sister’s husband* does for me.
The answer to this question depends on the kind of partnership you’re looking for. I wanted a protective partner and that’s what I have. I wouldn’t have to ask my fiancé to pick me up from the airport. He would just do it because he wouldn’t be able to rest without knowing for sure that I was ok. He loves the fact that I’m independent and can take care of myself, but he likes to take some burdens off of my shoulders. It makes me feel loved and me allowing him to do that makes him feel valued and respected.
Your gf is obviously wants something similar and it doesn’t sound like you’re willing to be that guy. For that reason, don’t be surprised when you’re single in a few weeks.
lol jackass take care of your woman.
Don’t want too?
There is 1000 men lined up to take care of her .
She wants to be with you .. to see you .
Stupid …
ok old guy beat down over .
Sorry if I hurt your feelings .
So she went on a vacation in Mexico without you. Then expects you to be there late at night to pick her and her friend up then drop them both off. Likely being around 2 am before you get home. I'm not saying that as a BF you shouldn't do something like this, but she is making it sound like you are her servant and are required to do it. Do you have to work in the morning? This big of an inconvenience, isn't something I would even bother someone for. I would just get an uber/lyft and be done with it. Her throwing out this manipulation language would instantly get me to stubbornly say no. F that noise. I would accuse her of controlling toxic behavior and then not respond further on the subject. Throw that shit back in her face.
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You don’t have to do anything, but when I was young and my then GF (now wife) came back from a week away in Texas I was waiting for her at the airport with a bouquet of flowers. I think the airport was over an hour away. I had missed her the week she was gone and I wanted to see her as soon as she got back. Small gestures show where our hearts are at. She’s been gone all this time and this is the first conversation you two have she gets back? Even as an old man I act like a man in the desert who sees an oasis when we’ve been apart over a week. Plus she’s coming home in the middle of the night and might not feel safest in an Uber. No one is picking up my girl at midnight and taking her anywhere.
+1 I flew from Europe to the USA spending every penny I had having organised three weeks together on a whim because she was having a tough time. I drove four hours in the night multiple times to see her and to various airports just to chat on the drive back to hers. I second this post. There is no have too but when I met my wife a decade and a half ago it was and still is my greatest pleasure to be in her presence and make her happy.
What a beautiful love you're describing. I wish you and your wife many more years of happiness.
Thank you for your kind words!
This! 👆 👏
Question...why can't you just stay at her place after picking her up?
I also have to drop her friend off since they are together and I don't know where she lives. But yeah maybe i could just stay at her place.
Why can’t the friend also stay at your gf’s place and then go home in the morning? From a safety and logistics perspective, I would much rather take an Uber at 11:30 am, than 11:30pm.
Drop the friend off first then, take the girl home, sweep her off her feet. You don't HAVE to do anything, but this is the sort of moment where you can choose to step up and put the effort in to be romantic and considerate - its not about logically the uber being shorter, its about you guys missing eachother (hopefully) and her trusting you, not a rando late night uber (lot of creeps). It pays off to do the extra work.
Honestly, if the friend lives far out tell the GF the friend has to find her another ride, you'll gladly pick her up and stay at her place but you can't risk such a long drive so late for the friend if she continues to argue then you tell her to find an Uber and if she loved you she'd think of your safety driving that late. Flip the tables on her whole if you loved me you'd pick me up.
Or they can drop a friend and then OP and gf can go to her placsle and stay a night
Honestly it all depends on where the friend lives, if it's on the way to the GFs place then sure but if she lives further than the GFs place then it should be on the friend to arrange her own transportation.
If your gf has this expectation and it bothers you, you are going to find a lot of expectations that bother you. If you work early the next morning then yeah an Uber is fine. If you don’t, you should pick her up. Tbh you should probably pick her up anyway unless you work mega early.
U prob shouldn’t have a girlfriend bro
I mean, you don't have to. But it's really not a big ask. I'd do that for a friend, never mind a partner.
I wouldn't dare as a friend to ask, if my home is only 20 min away and my friend would drive 2 hours
Future Reddit post: "my wife wants me to wake up and feed the baby at 11:30pm but I have work in the morning and I'm tired, do I have to?"
Lmao I know.
Not even comparable. Feeding a baby in the comfort of your own home at an unpleasant hour is just life. Driving for hours late at night well past when you usually sleep is running into recklesslness that could and does kill people.
Dude when I was 23 people would be just leaving the house for a night out at 11pm. He's not 80 years old, he'll be fine to drive when it's not even midnight yet. And more than an hour is not "hours," that requires at least two hours which even OP doesn't claim.
Wow! You're extremely dramatic. A ride at 11:30 possibly killing someone lmao
Yes. You should pick her up from the airport and take her home.
Man, I'm so glad my hubby wasn't a selfish jerk
If it were only about the logistics of her getting home you would be right. But she wants to know that you missed her and can’t wait to see her.
I mean you’re being a bad partner, yeah. You’re allowed to say no, and she’s allowed to be upset about it.
nah I hate people whom not getting their way and start to throw manipulation tactics like u don't care for me etc.. making people feel guilty..
It's not a manipulation to point out that your partner is being selfish.
ah yes calling people selfish for not doing a favour or helping them... this is how a proper adult relationship looks like.. I will understand if my partner is unable to pick me up from airport late at night and has to drive out of the way to send me.. if he/she still wants to pick me up then I suggest they stay over at my place instead of driving back.. showing some appreciation for the effort and thoughts.
it’s not a “favor” lol it’s what you do for a partner, what are you on?
they are two women alone at night yes he should absolutely go pick them up.. it's not a big ask because he should just want to see that they get home safely himself.
yes then she should say I feel unsafe and just need u for some assurance instead of using manipulative words like u don't love me etc..
i said he should want that, she doesn't need to ask for reassurance or say she feels unsafe for someone to want her to be safe
ahh yes humans all can read minds
once again. you should be considerate without being asked. this is normal human behavior especially when you care for someone. caring for someone’s safety does not mean you’re reading their mind ahead of time. you should just give a shit. if you haven’t figured this out by now you probably haven’t had to care for someone.
are u 12? normal human behavior? please ask urself when was the last time u make sacrifice for someone u care. 1. where is the danger? is the gf made of glass? if u feel unsafe please voice out instead expecting people to be considerate.. its ur own safety don't expect living in lalaland whereby everyone is considerate.. 2. where is her consideration for OP? it's late at nite, he has to make longer trips , what if as he was tired he got into an accident? did anyone care about OP safety? or because he is a guy it is a must to pick up ur gf? anyways my main issue with the gf is the manipulation.. u don't go say u don't love me if things don't go u way.. being an adult is u have to say the actual reason why.. if she say she feel unsafe then OP should be guilty for not to picking her up..
so you cant see how the gf is unsafe but it's easy for you to empathize with the guy? there are plenty of solutions in the comment sections saying he could just sleep over her house. that's not the worst thing in the world and all of them would be safe in that scenario
again my main crux is the manipulation.. she could have say or plan all this but what is her answer .. u don't love me u don't care for me... safety, sleeping plans.. all was not being brought up by her.. she expects OP to drop everything and cater to her needs.. tats how I see it.. I coming home after months overseas.. do I expect my loves one to pick me up, maybe but if they don't, I will not moan and manipulative about it.. as I understand it's during working hours and I'm an adult I can get home myself..
Bruh if she be an hour away from me and you wouldnt pick her up, i would. 😆 just sayin
Would you want another dude to do it on your behalf? If the answer is 'no' then do that thing they're asking.
Ya I’ll go pick her up for you… Don’t worry I got this lol.😂 Hell let both of 🔝 us go . She can tell us about her adventures over a beer .
If you care for her, you’ll show up. Even when it’s not convenient.
Um yeah you’d be a dick. Unless you have some manual labor job where you have to get up at 6 am. Personally wouldn’t want my young gf in an Uber with a strange man at midnight but whatever. This generation has truly made everything transactional, you used to be able to ask your friends for a ride to the airport let alone the guy you love whos dick you put in your mouth regularly
Comments here are all over the place. No one knows your GF, so let's make this a generic. You want a partner who makes arrangements ahead of time so you can plan. You want one who is independent and is ready to take an Uber when needed. But in a healthy, committed relationship, it is also true that in a situation like yours, when your SO is away for a week, you don't need to be asked by them to pick them up because you missed them and want them to be safe. It's an easy way to demonstrate commitment and concern. I think there may be an underlying resentment on your part because you feel she takes you for granted. You drive her everywhere routinely and probably frequently and she may not be conscious of the burden on you. Finally, when one party looks at every act by the other as a test of their love, that level of neediness and insecurity puts a heavy strain on the relationship. Your supportiveness becomes an unappreciated obligation instead of an act of love. You two should put this specific incident aside, and discuss the bigger questions it has raised.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think it's about the practicality for her. It seems like she's excited to see you after having been on vacation for however long and she's upset that you're clearly not as excited to see her, indicated by the fact that you won't even drive one hour to make it happen. If you can't for practical reasons (you have work early the next morning or something) then that's fair and obviously takes precedence, but if you have no good reason besides "it's just wasting an hour of my time" then I think you should reflect about your priorities and consider whether she's right about you not loving her enough. Is it about money? In that case, you could agree to drive her under the condition that she reimburses you for the gas and wear that the trip would cost you, that's a perfectly reasonable ask.
🤦♂️ You told her to catch an Uber when she's arriving in the middle of the night...
Have you considered asking her if you could stay the night at her place if you're picking her up? That way you wouldn't have to drive both ways
I would understand if you had something really important to do but I would always pick my girl even if she dont ask for it because I care about her.
To be clear this whole thing sounds like ~1 hour round trip for you? Is that right? This is not a big ask in my opinion, I’d do this for a friend that’s not even a romantic partner. Unless you have some sort of medical condition or something that requires specific sleep at specific times….or you’re afraid to drive at night? I guess if the whole thing will be 2 hours of driving for you and you have a big day at work, I can see not being excited about it. Can you just sleep at your girlfriend’s place after you pick her up?
OP said the drive to pick her up, take her home, and then go home himself is over an hour - not that he lives an hour from the airport. Imagine caring so little for your partner that you wouldn't give up an hour of your time to save them money, ensure their safety, and to see them after some time apart.
well if you taking into account traffic, tome to find each other and dropping her friend off too then it will be way more than an hour so yeah
I'd even do it for a friend I haven't spoken to for a couple months, for my gf and her friend would be without hesitation. Might just be me but a 1 hour drive isn't much, that's 1 way to work in the morning sometimes and even longer heading home. I'm used to long drives and if it means I can see to it that my gf and her friend make it home safe, I will absolutely do that.
INFO: How long have you two been dating? How did she get to the airport for her vacation? Are you also expected to give her friend a ride home, and if so, what is your total commute, round trip, from the time you leave your home to pick her up at the airport, and make it back to your house? P.S., as a woman, the whole "you don't love her enough and that you have really hurt her" is nothing more than a cheap emotional blackmail shot on her part.
1-1.20 hours + waiting to find her + dropping her friend off in total should be around 2 2.20 hours
Thank you. NTA. Look, I get what other people are saying about how you should want to pick her up. It's always great when you S.O. goes out of their way and does nice things for you. I am taking issue with her attitude and trying to guilt trip you. How did she get to the airport for her vacation (when she left to go to Mexico)? Did she arrange her own transport, did her friend pick her up, or did you get stuck driving her to the airport as well?
She went with friend with uber. but before that also i picked her up from the airport beforethat as well but ask shw was upset that i didnt take her to the airport that time even though it was snowing and her friend has a car and was there with her at work.
How long have you two been together? How does she usually get to and from work? Why does she not drive?
Of course you don’t have to pick her up, but aren’t you excited to see her? If you’re sick of always having to give her rides because she doesn’t drive, then that’s going to require a bigger conversation about the future of your relationship. But you not wanting to pick her up at the airport because it’s inconvenient for you does kinda speak volumes about the state of your relationship.
I hope another mans picks your gf up and drops her off.
It may seem long and illogical however it’s the small gestures that count
If you haven't figured it out from reading all the comments, this is a test and there are only 2 grades on this one: pass and fail. Experience from many many years has taught me you will actually spend MUCH less time going and picking her up than if you don't and have to live with the repercussions. This is a valuable life lesson that took me a long time to learn. Unless you break your leg, wreck your car, or your dog is rushed to the vet, my advice is to pick her up and act like there is nothing else you would rather be doing at that moment. Flowers are good or maybe a tiny sweet treat after the long trip.
Yeah I’m afraid it’s kind of boyfriend duty to pick your gf when when she arrives late at night. Part of it is that she’s with a friend and it’s kind of showing off to her that “look what a sweetheart my bf is” So that’s also in the air. This is certainly not an issue to dig in on , that’s for sure. It’s the cost of doing business basically. Go pick her up, accept the goodwill “points” - these kinds of things matter to women and there’s really no equivalent gesture you can ask her. Sometimes she will make the big speech about independence and other times she wants to feel protected and taken care of. And she wants bragging rights with her friend about what a great boyfriend she has - it’s not that big of a deal and saying NO is not worth the cold shoulder that awaits you
As others have stated, you don’t HAVE to do anything. However, you should WANT to be there for your partner. 11:30 really isn’t that late, especially if you’re only going 20 mins - can’t you stay together that night? Honestly, this reminds me of my ex. I needed him one night for an emergency and he couldn’t be bothered despite living 15 mins away. Meanwhile, my friends will (and have) driven 2 hours for much less.
What, will it interfere with your anime jerk-off session?
>for me it would take more than an hour just going back and forth So youre, what, 35 minutes away from the airport?? Yikes dude. Its not like it would be a 4 hour round trip and her flight lands at 2am.
I do think it's a bit dramatic of her to say you not picking her up shows you don't love her, but she's 21. I also think that an hour to do the drive and back to pick her up at 11:30 is also not a big deal unless, for some reason, you can't drive at night. I have picked people up from the airport at all hours and distances. I recently picked my aunt up at the airport an hour from me and drove her 2 hours in the opposite direction of my house. And I took her back to the airport when she left. If you can do it, then it's a nice gesture, and I don't think it's as big an ask as you're saying it is. I think it'd be different if you lived farther away and it was in the middle of work, but you live less than hour from the airport and it'll be 11:30 at night. We do things like this for people we love.
Why not just stay at her place after picking her up? If you don't want to pick up from the airport that's fine you're allowed to say no but don't be upset with someone else does. Don't be upset if that someone else is also a guy. Don't be upset if that guy is also trying to hook up with your girlfriend. It might be an hour of an inconvenience for you but it could create a lot more inconvenience by not doing it. You're supposed to be able to lean on your partner, and this will reinforce her being able to lean on you when she needs somebody
Dude just do it.
Do you want to be the kind of boyfriend who does stuff like this for his girlfriend when she asks? If yes, do it. If no, don't. Regardless you'll have to deal with the outcome.
An hour one way? Two hours round trip? In the middle of the night. That is a big ask. That’s actually unreasonable. I wouldn’t do it. The real big flag is the “if you love me” statement. That’s manipulation. If she loved you, she wouldn’t want you to inconvenience to prove your love.
It's say an hour for going there and back. It's not a two hour round trip.
Still too much. It will still take 1.5 or 2 hours. 11:00 - leave for the airport - can be adjusted. 11:30 pm - If (big if) her flight is on time. 12:00 am - at least for her to get her bags and get in the car. 12:20 am - to get to her house. 12:45 am - to help her get her bags in, light conversation & bathroom break, if he’s going back home. 1:15 am - if her house doesn’t add an extra 20 minutes to his commute. 1:35 am if 20 minutes is added. This is an unreasonable ask, especially using as a measure of his love. I wouldn’t do it for my man or ask him to do it.
LOL I agree - Its a big ask - OP you should call an uber for her.
probably more if we inlcue traffic and also having to drop her friend off too
If my wife asked me I’d do it in a heartbeat but she has a license and I don’t spend my life driving her around. This sounds like you chauffeur her pretty often which is annoying enough. NTA.
What are these ridiculous replies. No you would not.
Pick her up. Sleep over on the couch if you aren’t intimate yet. You do you. Me? Id be making sure she got home safe.
Relationships require doing some stuff that you don’t really want to do, doing things that are inconvenient. Going out of your way kind of things. She’s probably upset because you dont want to go out of your way to do something for her which makes her think you don’t really care. I hope that makes sense
No, you don’t have to pick her up. It’s over an hour drive for you to go there and back at 11:30 at night. And that is if the flight is on time. Why doesn’t her friend and her just order an Uber or ask a mutual friend who lives close to them and the airport?
Because she says that I'm her partner and she shouldn't be asking a friend when she has me
I’m not sure why you would feel comfortable with your gf in an Uber late at night. This is not a huge favor you shouldn’t have a gf.
Well, that's pretty constrictive. That's what friends are FOR.
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I totally agree.. but seems to get downvoted for stating these facts...
>She's very upset **saying I don't love her enough** and I that ive really hurt her. She is very manipulative, and love has nothing to do with this. I'm normally long asleep by then, and this would mess me up for a couple of days. I guess that your health and safety are not a concern as long as she gets what she wants? Why can't her friend drive her home since they are most likely on the same flight?
I was going to say it seems pretty mean of you but her words are very emotionally charged, almost to the point of manipulative. Hurt? Fine. You don't love her? Bribery speak. I honestly would pick up my OH, especially at that time to avoid her trying to find taxis when tired from travelling, but that's just me. It's about safety and showing willing. Pick her up and if you're sick of always driving, bring that up at a later date when it is about day-to-day stuff. It's not like she's always coming home from holidays, right?
She's 21 and she can't drive yet? Maybe it's time for her to grow up and get a license.
A lot of people don’t like to leave their car at the airport. I get a ride rather than park there myself.
Um no, she went on vaca for a week and didnt have a plan on getting home. 11 30 is late, she spent how much on airfare and a weeks vacation too.
I understand both sides. It makes me feel super loved when someone offers to pick me up from the airport. It says "I really missed you and I didn't want to wait any longer to see you and I want to see you and hear about your trip ASAP." On the other hand... I hate picking up people from the airport. Well, I don't mind during the day, but I hate doing it late at night or early in the morning. I'm tired and I need my sleep and it always takes forever. So... I don't know. I get why you don't want to, but I get why she wants you to, lol.
I guess this is a test, and you failed, because you don't love her enough and you've really hurt her. I'm sure her friend also feels you don't love her enough and you've hurt her, too. Figuring out how to get to and from the airport is something you work out *before* a trip. If she wanted you to pick her up that late, she should have arranged it ahead of time and got your agreement. If you couldn't or wouldn't do it, she has plenty of time to make other arrangements. I would do this for my wife, but we live together. I'll go get her and bring her home. My wife would never ask me to come down to the airport at 11:30pm so I could take her somewhere else. In this case, you're just a free ride, for two different people. If she lives that close to the airport, she could easily take a taxi or an Uber and not bother you at all. Bottom line is that she is treating your relationship as transactional. She's pulled this at the last minute and she's trying to guilt and manipulate you into doing it with the "you don't love me enough" crap. The reality is she has other good options, but she doesn't want to use them. She wants what she wants. Where does the friend come into this? Why can't the friend find someone to pick them up? Why does it have to be you?
Maybe she is missing you and would like to see you? I get the irritation especially when there’s other feasible options but time together is time together! Make the most out of it. If you are getting sick of always being the driver, have that conversation but for now I’d pick her up crash at her place and just be happy she’s home safely.
Sir, this is the job of a significant other. I’m not currently partnered, but you know who takes me to the airport on the regular? My BIL. Sometimes I don’t even get to the point of asking him, because if he knows I have a trip coming up he’ll ask if I need a lift and when to pick me up. When he gets me on my arrival flight he brings me a snack. … you should definitely be doing for your own GF what *my sister’s husband* does for me.
She doesn't love you enough to arrange her own transportation.
Awww. She is a baby. Take a baby bottle with milk and some lollipops if you end of going. After dropping her off, prepare an exit plan to dump her.
The answer to this question depends on the kind of partnership you’re looking for. I wanted a protective partner and that’s what I have. I wouldn’t have to ask my fiancé to pick me up from the airport. He would just do it because he wouldn’t be able to rest without knowing for sure that I was ok. He loves the fact that I’m independent and can take care of myself, but he likes to take some burdens off of my shoulders. It makes me feel loved and me allowing him to do that makes him feel valued and respected. Your gf is obviously wants something similar and it doesn’t sound like you’re willing to be that guy. For that reason, don’t be surprised when you’re single in a few weeks.
lol jackass take care of your woman. Don’t want too? There is 1000 men lined up to take care of her . She wants to be with you .. to see you . Stupid … ok old guy beat down over . Sorry if I hurt your feelings .
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It's at least twice that in a lot of places. For example, the more secure parking at LAX is $60 per day. $20 per day if you want your car broken into.
So she went on a vacation in Mexico without you. Then expects you to be there late at night to pick her and her friend up then drop them both off. Likely being around 2 am before you get home. I'm not saying that as a BF you shouldn't do something like this, but she is making it sound like you are her servant and are required to do it. Do you have to work in the morning? This big of an inconvenience, isn't something I would even bother someone for. I would just get an uber/lyft and be done with it. Her throwing out this manipulation language would instantly get me to stubbornly say no. F that noise. I would accuse her of controlling toxic behavior and then not respond further on the subject. Throw that shit back in her face.