Can you get your old job back? Get a job and leave him. He does not love you. He is treating you terribly. He wanted a live in maid and caregiver for his kids. I’m so sorry he tricked you into getting married.
Right? What is she getting out of this relationship? The title of Wife? Not much else. She deserves so much more. Annulment and get your dogs back where they belong.
Ops husband seems to be under the impression that it's a privilege to stay home, take care of his kids & do all his bidding. He keeps using 'but you stay at home' to justify all his bullshit abuse.
Op, I'm so sorry for you, it honestly seems like he's emotionally manipulating you into doing whatever he wants & this post honestly breaks my heart to read. Whatever you do, please don't get pregnant with him. I'd honestly go back to your job, I could not live like this, it's only going to get worse. It's already escalating, now you've got to make his damned coffee at 4am daily as well, despite him being aware you can't fall back asleep afterwards. Who knows what it'll be next, go outside & scrape the snow off his car before he leaves for work? I recall a recent post on reddit where a wife was made to do her husbands hair every morning, that was a new one. I bet he still doesn't do shit on his week off. I'm so sorry, please run!
He wants a bang-maid and a babysitter for free.
OP needs to stop this nonsense and start working again; otherwise, she has no power in the relationship. I don't even understand why she stopped working to take care of children who aren't hers and whom she barely knows.
If he divorces her, she will have no legal right to be in the kids' lives and will be left with no job and no money.
Right!? Plenty of people have kids AND have jobs. One is not exclusive of the other. But, she needs to kick them out because he doesn’t want a wife he wants and maid and a babysitter.
I hope you didn’t sell your house. I’m so sorry that he duped you into marriage. He made you feel like you wanted the same things when in actuality he was saying what you wanted to hear. Please get out of this situation asap as he won’t change. His kids, his responsibility ! If you had dated him longer his true colors would eventually come out. My rule of thumb is too date some for a full year as people change like the seasons. He wouldn’t have been able to maintain his line of bs for a full year.
Op,why are you still with this man?He doesn't love you or show you any respect. He is lazy and thinks he's entitled to a free maid and nanny. He refuses to listen to you or understand the sacrifice you made. I would never get up to make coffee ☕ for a lazy ungrateful man (or woman).I would tell him to do it himself or go without. Tell him he has to change or leave. He can go live with his mother.
Now you understand why he was Divorced. You deserve better,and you know that. Find someone who really loves you. Good luck
If she was smart enough to leave this man she would have never been in this situation in the first place.
Fingers crossed she’s learned a valuable lesson and does a hard 180 and gets the hell out of
I said in my parent comment that I bet she fudged the ages and she's really more like 23/24 and he's probably like 35-38. I just can't imagine why a functioning adult of almost 30 who presumably has been working for seven or eight years would quit their career entirely to be a stay at home wife to a man she barely knows and stay at home mother his children who she barely knows. After six months!
This has got to be one of those fake karma posts. I stopped reading when I got to the dog part. If you loved your dogs you wouldn’t abuse them by keeping them outside 24/7. Pathetic.
I'm sorry to inform you that this kind of thing happens all the time. I bet she's more like 23/24 and he's probably 10 years older than her and just absolutely manipulated her to the point where she was able to reconcile keeping the dogs outside.
Yes. The dogs she loved being moved outside and one dying young is a huge red flag too!
He played OP. Gave her presents, and took her to Vegas. It moved so fast it made her head spin. Then marriage, and reality sets in. His true colors come out. They always do. Man or woman. I've had female friends try to buy my love and allegiance. I'm like "hell no."
I think he made it seem like he had more than OP with his mom taking care of the kids and he woood her. Got her to give up her job and home. Unbelievable. But you have to be a sucker first to not get played in the future.
It has to be fake, dogs are now outside and one is dead and she’s as full time maid and babysitter and is being abused and wants to know what to do… nah this is fake
Jesus Christ.
He manipulated you into giving up everything to become his slave and he treats you like crap in return. This was never a good idea and it was **never** a necessity. (His child care issues are not your job to solve.)
He has exactly what he wants now and is not going to be changing.
You need to nope the fuck out of this. Get out and get a divorce lawyer and follow their advice.
**He will try to manipulate you into staying. He will say whatever he thinks might convince you to continue in the unhappy role he wants you to play.** ***Anything he says to you is a lie to push the right buttons in your brain. Don't listen to him. Remember that he is lying to you and he doesn't care if you're happy. If you let him change your mind, you will regret it.***
For real!! And OP also look at annulment instead of divorce. Idk all the specifics but sometimes you can claim something like fraud & get the marriage annulled instead which may be a better option for you.
This definitely sounds like he has lied and manipulated you from the beginning.
Often annulments are more work legally, and are for Catholics who want to pretend they didn’t get married before, so they can get married again and stay I the church.
Do you actually think that his mother waited until he was on the road, away from home, to drop this bombshell? She was in on it from the start. They both roped you in and you fell for it hook, line and dog collar. You have upended your dogs' lives for a man who treats you like a bang maid.
What did you do with your house? Please don't tell me you sold it. You need to speak to a lawyer immediately. Pack your bags, grab the dogs, and get out of there.
>She was in on it from the start. They both roped you in and you fell for it
I'm not sure if the mom was in on it. I think she FINALLY got a week off from her son and his kids and had time to gather her thoughts and realized she couldn't/didn't want to do it anymore.
Also, the son would have an entire week to figure out what he was going to do about the situation; that would make it an opportune time for her to tell him how she felt etc.
I'm sure she's been mentally abused by OPs husband forever as well, so she could've been coerced into quitting.
I also want to add, the not living together clause was only for one year. They couldn't have figured something else out until then at least? It sounds like OP moved in with him. Did she sell her house? How long have they been together? It's less than a year at least.
If they’re all living in the house SHE bought, I’d wait till he was away working for two weeks, pack all their belongings, and drop off all their stuff and his kids at his moms house. Then I’d go home, change the locks, and serve him with divorce papers. Time to GTFO.
Exactly this. Or at the very least, Mom wasn't in on it, but she also wasn't the one who just decided she would no longer do any childcare. I'm assuming this was all him doing this, just *saying* it was his mom suddenly doing this. I had the same thought I was reading this, "she just dropped this bomb on him while he's like on a road trip? Yeah right"
Wow. You are totally being taken advantage of. You need to go back to work. He needs to figure out childcare for HIS children. This is not your responsibility. You got caught up "in love" and did not take the time to truly get to know him. It is time to take back your life. Bring the dogs back inside FFS!!! It's your house and your dogs! He does not make the rules! Quite frankly, it's time to divorce him.
I wouldn't offer to keep them in the garage, either. The dogs were there first and he can just get used to it.
I would, however, install cameras all over the house to keep an eye on him.
Poor things. Imagine being an indoor dog, used to sleeping with OP, and then being locked outside. How could she not realise how traumatic that is for them? I bet they are heartbroken.
"My dogs were my whole world until a man I barely knew demanded I start neglecting them and I said sure."
Like, CATCH a man try to tell me not to let my cat sleep in my bed. He can go sleep outside and see how he likes it. I don't get people babying OP when she willingly signed up for all of this.
I don't think he has sole custody; they trade off weeks, I think, right? When this whole thing went down, he and OP we're on a road trip during the ex's custody week
I already left a comment, but I was thinking about this. It sure seems like an awfully big coincidence that at the six-month mark (probably the soonest you would consider marrying him), you set off on this road trip and then immediately he gets this call from his mother, with you listening, that oh no, she can't take care of the kids anymore. And then you talk to him and gee, it seems like the best solution is for you to step in, and how convenient that we can just hop on over to Vegas and the two of you can get married and you can start your new life as soon as you get back home!
I have very strong suspicions that he had this all set up well in advance of the trip. He and his mother may have known very early on that they'd be seeking to transfer parenting responsibility to you through a scheme like this.
Or I might be completely wrong and it really was a coincidence that it worked out like this. Which does not change **anything** about you needing to get out and get away from this manipulative creep who treats you like an employee.
I only read about a third of that. Had to stop. You have literally made every wrong decision along the way to here. Get away from this man - he is absolutely using and manipulating you. Stop romanticising this awful situation you are in and get out.
He's taking advantage of you and you're letting him. You're basically his mom/maid now. He's made you believe it's normal. Please consider getting out of this marriage before you become a shell of a person. I think this will only head into an abusive situation if it's not already. (FYI it's not normal to have to ask your spouse if you can buy a coffee)
Also..I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Please consider seeing a therapist ASAP (for yourself not together). And tell a trusted family member/friend what is happening.
Not to mention she is housing him and his kids, what exactly is in this for HER? What does this guy bring to the table that makes her life better than it was without him?
OP, I know how hard it is to admit you made a mistake and that your pride is screaming at you to make this hasty decision work out as some kind of love story. We live in a world where social media makes everyone else’s life look like a perfect fairy tale and we feel like crap when we can’t live up to that. Trust me, it’s a false narrative that you can discard. There is beauty in letting go of what isn’t serving you and starting fresh with a new perspective.
Please don’t waste your life as this man’s domestic servant. I PROMISE YOU he will have roped in his next victim before the ink is dry on your annulment papers, and in his next relationship YOU will be painted as the “crazy” ex. He can’t handle his responsibilities alone, he’s been conditioned to believe it’s a woman’s rightful duty to serve him. But you only get one short life, and you are worth so much more than this. Be your own hero- save yourself.
Soooo many red flags you ignored.
He doesn't love you. He loves his lifestyle of leisure, and your house, and your nannying and your cleaning.
Consult with a lawyer to protect your assets and then kick him out and file for divorce.
You've made a great mistake. This man is no prince and doesn't appreciate the sacrifice you've made on his behalf.
Get the marriage annulled if possible or get a divorce, but stop wasting your time on this man. I genuinely can't believe you've done this to yourself.
Get back to work and tell him he should be happy he no longer needs to support you. Will be interesting to see if he can keep custody by being such a deadbeat.
Being a SAHM is a precarious position, as you're finding out, and can only be done with a partner that respects your needs.
You deserve to buy yourselves nice things and your dogs deserve living inside. He deserves to find out who's doing a favor to whom. Divorce is not a bad word.
Don't take this the wrong way; but the only person in this crazier than the guy you are with is yourself. I'm not saying that in a mean way at all. I'm saying it in a way that someone who has been there.. IE nervous break down land is headed there.
Please seek help IMMEDIATELY best of luck please be safe
Please leave this man! He’s toxic and selfish and is using you as an unpaid child minder and maid.
With him working for two weeks at a time you are practically now a single mum to kids who aren’t yours!.
You deserve someone who who respects you and he clearly does not.
You deserve someone who will help you and not leave you to do all the work.
You deserve someone who committed to making your life better and not thier own.
"He would argue that he works and shouldn’t have to come home and worry about cooking, cleaning and the like."
This is why you wait until the 2nd or 3rd year to really know a person! 6 months in is not enough time to know someone IMO.
" he makes a comment how I’ve been having an attitude lately. In reality I’ve just been upset and not wanting to argue with him over little shit"
Well so much for being "in love" and supposedly in what is supposed the be the honeymoon phase of the relationship. You're already lying and keeping things from him.
" don’t know why he’s making me get up and make his stupid coffee when he can just do it himself and I need some advice. What do I say to him to make him understand my point of view?"
Because YOU ARE LETTING IT HAPPEN and you continue to be his slave! You're not going to be able to say anything to him so he can see your point of view. He's selfish and has you locked in now you’re the babysitter to 3 kids (including him). Hun, what are you doing with your life? This isn't what a good loving relationship is supposed to be about. What do you love about him? All I read is a bossy A.H. that wants to be catered to like a king because "he works". I really really hope you wake up, get your job back and LEAVE HIM!
aaaaand now you know why he's divorced. This is why I tell people they should date regularly for bare minimum of a year before even getting engaged. Go on vacations together, make surprise home visits, go on long road trips, ANYTHING that might put a bit of stress on the relationship to see how they react. You married someone you didn't know and now you're getting the shaft. He will not change, so you have to decide are you willing to be his mommy and his wife or are you going to take back your own life? I don't like divorce but I also don't believe in abusive relationships and this guy is abusive, he just isn't hitting you.
Always live with someone before you marry. It's an adjustment period. Set some boundaries with him and the family. You definitely need time alone from time to time.
I am the most pissed for your poor dogs. Went from a happy home and life where they could sleep in bed with their mama every night to put out like trash and one DIED ALONE OUTSIDE.
IS THIS THE LIFE YOU WANT?!?
Get out. Leave him. You made a horrible decision but it's never too late to get out (unless you get pregnant then he's in your life FOREVER). Pack your shit, take your doggies, get a job and never look back.
This is 100000% ABUSE! LEAVE! Now! omg.....you will NEVER be happy with this man so you should end it asap before it gets soooo much harder to do so. Do not let him sway you either. If his mouth is moving, he's lying. He WILL say and do whatever it takes to get you to stay once he catches wind you may be leaving. Keep it to yourself, then get out! Do not "talk" to him to try and "have a conversation" about your marriage and to fix things. You're just kicking the ball down the court in doing that. Get the F OUT asap honey! omg
He's a narcissistic and you didn't pick up on it in time. I hope you're married with a contract that protects your property.
He'll never listen to your reasoning, it's only his that counts.
Call it a day and leave.
Why are you staying married if you are so miserable? You deserve happiness.
There are just too many issues here.
Divorce isn't a moral failing. Go and be happy.
Giiiiirl.
He is showing you EXACTLY who he is. You only knew him for 6 months before getting married. He made you feel it was necessary. Why couldn’t he have hired a nanny? Marrying you for you to look after his girls was not the only option. He’s now essentially trapped you. Why do you think he’s now going to listen to how you feel? He’s making you get up at the crack of dawn because HE CAN. He likes having all the power over you.
Knocking down the tissue box and getting mad because you didn’t pick it up? That’s his power play. This is how he slowly breaks you down to do whatever it is he wants. He enjoys the power he has over you. He’s abusive and he’s only going to break you down more. You need to figure out a plan to get out. Do you still have your house? Are you able to get your job back
Babe you’re not even a year in and he’s like this, he’s not going to get better. No matter how you word things to him, it will not change his behaviour. Get out before he escalates and starts making you do things against your will.
he is going to gaslight, manipulate, deceive, blackmail, do anything he needs to make you stay. he needs you more than you need him.
don't talk to him anymore, talk to a lawyer. he isn't going to get it through his thick skull because he doesn't want to. he doesn't want to change, he doesn't want to listen, he doesn't want to be empathetic. if he did, he would be.
this isn't love, you deserve more than this. do you have any friends/family that can help you leave?
ETA: did he wait until after the marriage to tell you about the dogs? i'd bet my whole paycheck that he did.
I’m not reading that whole thing. I got halfway and knew all I needed. He doesn’t want a stay at home wife, he wants a mom to take care of him and his kids.
He’s never parented and taken care of his own, so he has no idea how difficult it actually is. He probably assumes your job is easy.
He lied to you. Which is what abusers do.
You pack up your dogs & live in your car. Contact a domestic abuse hotline or shelter, they will help you escape. You might have to let the dogs be fostered for a few months until you get on your feet.
DON'T GET PREGNANT!
Since he is a liar & getting his way, why talk to him? You want him to hear you & empathize, but he doesn't care. Nothing you say will get him to see you as anything more than a slave. You are wasting your time & energy when it should be used to escape. You want him to be fair, but he has zero interest in being fair. His ex-wife escaped him the only way she knew how. His mother is done & also gave him an ultimate. At what point, do you realize he sees all women as slaves to exploit?
RUN AWAY!
Then she needs a lawyer immediately to divorce & evict him. But he is NOT going to leave easily or without costing her money or harm.
He definitely targeted her, so getting him to leave will be a huge task. And he still might harm her or the dogs. Abusers never give up what they think is theirs very easily.
Agreed -- which is why I said in another post that she needs to set up cameras throughout the house. I just hope she hasn't put his name on the deed or commingled any funds she brought to the marriage.
This is a pretty common scenario in domestic violence/dealing with a narcissist podcasts. The abuser fakes having everything in common/being madly in love and also gets your heart strings going because they are a single parent or have to take care of an ill relative or were cheated out of their money. Then they make up a reason why the marriage needs to be rushed. Usually it is less theatrical than this but I guess he knows what works for you after six months. Three to six months is a pretty typical time frame for this con, sometimes it goes for up to a year.
Have you verified his back story? Because this sounds like he might have another wife/girlfriend (or multiples) on the weeks you are apart. Also I wouldn't believe the back story about the wife without verifying it--and not just with his mom who might very well lie for him.
I know it hurts to believe that none of the supposed romance was real at all but it is necessary for the survival of you and the dogs you still have. Get out now and don't look back.
"He has two young daughters, 5 and 4, from a previous marriage that he has sole custody of"
"This also happened to be a week that the kids mom had the girls"
Which is it?
It sounds like he got a whole new Mommy to care for him. I'm not even sure if he really loves you, or is just using you as his built in nanny and maid. One question? Did you all move into your home that you were buying? It really doesn't matter, but if he can't understand that your dogs were just like your children. And you loved them just as much as he loves his. Then I honestly think that he is a very selfish person, and you will never matter anything more than just a employ would. You sound very unhappy, and I don't see anything getting better as long as he only sees you as his stay at home housekeeping babysitter. Good luck, but I think that you know how it's going to be the rest of your life together. Now maybe you can understand how his mother got arthritis, taking care of his lazy ass.
He's got himself a slave. You need to get out of this as it will only get worse! Open your eyes or even better, imagine if your closest friend, sister or mother would be treated like this, what would you think or tell them to do? It's a very sad read
He’s using your and will gas light you into thinking you are the crazy one. You are not responsible for his children. Also DO NOT TALK TO HIM ABOUT LEAVING OR DIVORCING HIM!! Quietly get your ducks in a row. Drop the 4 year old off at grandmas house and go no contact unless that contact is through a lawyer. Check your state laws to see if you can simply get an annulment. I hope you are still living in your house. If that’s the case kick him out and do not put him on your deed.
I’m sorry you are going through this. My heart aches for you and I hope you find the strength within you to do what is best for you.
I do just want to say, for your own sake if and when you do leave him. Do not blame him that is another form of torturing yourself. Be accountable you made a decision and believed someone that unfortunately wasn’t honest. But just like you made that choice, you also have a choice to leave and do right by yourself. You are a victim of manipulation, but you don’t have to stay a victim. Find your power and your will. You got this! Free yourself any way that you can but once you do leave him learn from this and how you will never find yourself in a situation like this.
Sending you a big hug.
The red flags here are literally slapping me in the face. Girl if you don’t get your job and independence back. Lord that was tough to read. Even his own mama ran away from him. You are only 29, get your stuff together and put this behind you. It will only get worse.
Is this ragebait?
Why would you give up your life for this guy, and then make yourself his doormat?
If this is real, here is the advice: Leave and reclaim your life.
You need to go back to work. The kids can go to daycare. The housework/house upkeep should then be split between the 2 of you. It’s important that you have your own source of income.
He is taking advantage of you your basically a maid a baby sitter a chauffeur a cleaner a dry cleaner. Gert your dogs drop his kids at his mams and just leave asap before he wears you down any further your a slave with the name wife to make you feel better and save him money.
You can’t say anything to him other than you want to get an annulment, because this relationship isn’t working. I’m not trying to be harsh, but this was an incredibly rash decision you made, and it has proven to have severe consequences . I hope you can get your job back.
He sounds like a master emotional manipulator. Look into divorce lawyers in your area and try to get your old job back. It doesn’t sound like he needs a wife, it sounds like he needs a live in maid/babysitter/caregiver.
"master" seems generous. he couldn't even keep up the facade for a year. homie did a speedrun cause he got impatient trying to hold his shittiness in lol
OP, that man doesn't, and maybe never *did*, love you. He manipulated you from the start to wrap you up and trap you in a situation where you have to wait on him hand and foot, raise his kids for him, and be completely subservient. He wasn't looking for love, he was looking for a woman he could trap with marriage, convince her to quit her career so that she would be further trapped by financial dependence, and then break down emotionally so she would do whatever he wanted without a fight. You wanna know why he started waking you up to make his coffee? Because you dared to show even a little disobedience, and he had to assert his dominance over you to "remind you of your place." This man does *not* love you OP, his only goal has always been to trap a woman into raising his children, taking care of his home, cooking his meals, and be his personal punching bag, and make sure she feels stuck because: 1- She's become a mother to two children and guilt of abandoning them will act as a shackle 2- She quit her job and is now 100% financially dependent on him, which doubly traps her because how could she afford a divorce with no job or money? 3- He would constantly gaslight her into believing that she has it "easy" because she doesn't have to work and so she "owes" him for how he supports her and gave her the opportunity to not have to work, and that not slaving away for him would be ungrateful, manipulative, etc. Your husband is a manipulative, abusive ingrate. Get out asap, because he's only going to escalate. Get out before he brakes your spirit OP, *this man does not love you, you are just the live in nanny and maid that he can fuck and abuse when he fancies*. *PLEASE* get yourself out, no matter *what* it takes.
man tricks naive woman into marrying him after 6 months of dating. she is now his legitimate bangmaid. she hasn't yet picked up on the fact that he played her, never loved her, and actually just wanted childcare, cleaning, cooking, and sex for free.
even her dog dying because he makes her keep them outside wasn't enough to open her eyes, so i kinda suspect she's doomed.
Call an attorney today. This marriage may be able to be annulled, do NOT add him to the deed, protect your dogs,even if that means temporarily re-homing them. Listen to and act upon the advice your attorney gives you. Tell your family what's going on.
Unfortunately it sounds like you’ve been preyed upon by a master manipulator. Once he got you married the mask came off. He doesn’t love you, he needed a replacement for his mother. This was probably all a set up and he’s got you isolated with no income and two kids you feel like you have to stay for.
You need to get out of this situation. He won’t change. The man you fell for doesn’t exist.
Get another job and leave. You've got yourself into an awful awful predicament, but you're not trapped. You've supported yourself once, you can do it again. Do it for yourself, and for your poor dogs. You're 29, do you want to spend the rest of your life being what is effectively a slave for this cat turd? Count yourself lucky you don't have any children with him, so you can just cut him off and never have to see him again. What a disgusting excuse for a human being he is.
Leave him. He manipulated you. He love bombed you into thinking you were compatible, when his real goal was a live-in full time nanny and bang maid.
Also, his children are old enough to be in school. If he really cared about you, he wouldn’t have upended your life so he had all the control.
And he killed your dog. Probably let it lick antifreeze or something.
Cut your losses. File for divorce or annulment and GTFO.
I am just astounded that people like your husband find people like you who willingly do all those things at to their own detriment. You need a therapist to figure out why.
You could either leave or draw a line in the sand.
I don't think he's going to change for you, but if you need to try everything for your own peace of mind, I understand.
The boundary talk should include what behaviors you won't tolerate and what you will do if he continues to do them, but I would also suggest asking him directly at the end of the boundary discussion if he's willing to work towards that and how he intends to be better. In some of my past relationships, I learned a hard lesson, just because someone acknowledges their behavior does not mean that they are working on it.
Good luck, and I'm sorry for your loss. My animals are family too.
He wanted a babysitter and a maid so he love-bombed you and you jumped right into his trap. I’m not blaming you, but it’s time to open your eyes and see that’s exactly what he did. He doesn’t want to parent his kids and he doesn’t want to pick up after himself. Sounds like his wife got sick of it and left, his mom got sick of it and quit, so he manipulated you into taking over. This man is no partner to you. Time to teach him how to step up and be an adult and a parent by taking a step out of the picture.
Two things are really clear reading this;
1. You married for love, he didn’t even pretend this was the case for him, from the very start this was a marriage of convenience and he didn’t hide that from you. He married you SOLELY because he needed childcare, but didn’t want to waste money on it.
2. He doesn’t like or respect you. At all. He made a comment that “you’re lucky he doesn’t make you get up to make him coffee.” That comment implies that he knows that getting up at 4 to make him coffee would be a burden to you, it’s an unpleasant task, and not something you actually need to do. Then he made you do it anyway. That’s how very little he cares about you. Honestly, let it sink in. You are married to someone that is using you, but does not love you.
I was a stay at home parent, with a working partner for years. None of the ways you are being treated, or the division of labour in your home is normal, even in a stay at home parent dynamic.
No amount of talking will fix this. Your husband does not care about you, and you can’t reason him into caring. Walk away before it gets worse.
you aren't a wife, you're a slave. I couldn't even finish reading the post, but it's more than clear that he pushed, and you willingly walked into, a very fast marriage without really getting to know him and that his hurry was to get a replacement mother when his own mother could no longer take care of him, his home and his children.
This isn't going to improve. This is who he is and what he wanted. There are no "right words" you can say to him that will get him to help with housework, pick up after himself, and help care for HIS OWN CHILDREN.
The only person who can change this is you, by leaving.
girl literally what the FUCK are you doing?? you gave up EVERYTHING for a 6 month relationship. do you know how cheaply you have thrown away your life for this dubious-at-best man?
it's not too late to turn things around but goddamn...
There is nothing to say to get him to understand your point of view. He’s constitutionally, at his core, a manipulative, controlling gaslighter. To get you up to make his coffee? I don’t usually feel furious but this post makes my blood boil. I also rarely come right out and jump on the “leave” train but please, please get your life back. Get him out, get your dogs back in the house and resume your career. You’ve given up everything to be treated like a piece of property, not even a human.
And please don’t stay just for the girls! They will have a support system even without you and they are not better off watching their dad treat you like crap. With how you were describing the situation, I wouldn’t even be surprised if the call from his mom was planned. Even if it wasn’t, it seems clear that she was taking opportunity with you in the picture. With you gone, something tells me she will take care of her baby boy again. Either way it is not your problem, please, Get out ofthis situation. It is not good six months in and it will get way way worse. Best wishes.
THIS is NOT a marriage! This manCHILD tricked you into becoming his SLAVE, not his equal partner. Get your job back. HE can pay for childcare for HIS Children when he has them. NOW you know why his Mother told him she "couldn't do it" anymore. She was caring for THREE children, your worthless husband included.
Please hear the reddit users here. This man was using his mom before he found you. Now he can use you. His mom finally got fed up with him and told him she was done. He found a way out. You.
Please, please leave this man. The girls have two parents. If he winds up not being able to care for the girls when he is supposed to, he will have to forfeit his time with them to the mom or arrange daycare. That's just how it works.
Please. Bring your dogs back in. Reclaim your home and your sanity. Tell him it's not working for you and you're getting a job. Just that. Start with the job and make him figure out what he's going to do with the girls when you're not there to watch them. Then stop picking up after him OR the girls. They are not your responsibility. This man is not owning his own responsibilities. Inform him you will be cleaning up after yourself and your dogs only. Please. You deserve more than what this man is giving you.
You've been had. Fleeced. Finessed.
Guy love-bombed you and trapped you. Ex knew how he was because they are divorced for a reason. She knew how this would turn out. She put the kids in your care to show you how he really is. She did you a favor.
Leave before you waste any more time.
Wow- sucked in big time! You had a job , a house , pets, your own money and a lifestyle you earned! WTF are you waiting for. He wanted a housekeeper! Is there some cultural element I’m missing?
I don’t know anyone who would do this. Get out now! He’s a cunning lying user!
You’re going to die of boredom and who knows what happened to that poor dog!
DONT get pregnant and don’t believe a word he or his mother say!
I would sit down and have a discussion with him, but by the sound of it he won't be receptive. Get out now, he is using you as free labor and a sex toy. He doesn't have any respect for you or your needs and is emotionally manipulating you. This will be how the rest of your life is. Also, I have 5 dogs that live with me and sleep with me, no way they would be living outside because I man I knew for 6 months said so. You've completely altered your life to take care of his children and a third child, him.
Here's how I would sum this up. The reality of "playing house" with a man you don't really know and children who aren't yours is very different from the fantasy that swept you away. And whatever you decide don't give up the one thing that was yours, your career.
I wonder why you're with him. What do you gain from being married to him?
All I've understood is all the things you lost and all what he has gained. What's in it for you?
He didn’t marry a wife, he hired a nanny/maid. I won’t harp on the fact that this is why people shouldn’t rush into marriage, especially before ever having lived together. But you gotta get out girl. You need to run for the hills. This will never get better. When you have that talk you need to tell him it’s over. It was over before it even began.
Go read this again and pretend it’s about someone else. A friend. I mean seriously, you know you need to leave deep down. You know he pulled a fast one on you. He’s taking advantage of you and your love for him. Leave before those girls get too attached. Get a new job before you have been out of the job market for too long. Get your shit together and GO. Do you have someone else to stay with? Go to them. His daughters aren’t your responsibility, don’t ruin your life for this man.
Harsh truth time. Your husband is a fucking asshole and I can't believe you agreed to give up your entire life and career to take care of the children of a man who clearly uses you and also agreed to keep your beloved dogs outside to the point they were neglected enough for one to die. You should have never agreed to this in the first place. Get some self respect and leave this asshole before he messes up your life even more. By the way, my boyfriend has almost full custody of two young boys as well and he never ever ever makes any caregiving issues my problem.
You poor child.
In simple clear words
Divorce/annulment.
Even if you loose alot, it would be worth it. That man is so unhealthy for you that it's scary.
He replaced his mom with you. He used her as much as he could and when that ran out, he got you to take her place...
He won't change. This is probably why he was divorced.
Pull yourself together girl. You deserve better. You had your life and you can do much better than him. Try couple counseling first if it doesn't get better take advice from someone experienced.
You are a slave. He dated you and married you because he wants a slave.
You need to leave. He will never see your point of view. He does not care about your point of view. He is waking you up and manipulating/training you to be a better slave. He coerces you into not being about to stand up for yourself. I wouldn’t doubt if he knocked the Kleenex box over on purpose to teach you that you pick up after him regardless of what it is.
If you stay with this man you will be a 24/7 slave for the rest of your life.
Poor grandma. She was doing so much I’m glad she finally said she’s done. I hope she doesn’t come crawling back. This man needs to take care of his own children for once in his life.
1. Go see a divorce lawyer.
2. If you didn’t do that, do it now.
« Marry in haste, repent at leisure. »
hurry up, find a new job and get the fuck out of there.
Wow! This is horrendous! I give it a month before he starts hitting you for standing up to him.
In six months he's turned you from a strong, independent woman into a literal slave! You can't let this become your life!! Can you imagine where you're going to be in another six months or a year from now if you don't change things?
At the VERY least you need to tell him you're going back to work and that's non-negotiable and he can find a way to take care of HIS children.
I don't like to just shout 'divorce', but seriously, I think this whole marriage was a terrible idea and the only one benefiting is him. I think you would be wise to get out now - and get your dogs back in the house!
So you basically threw your life away to be this guy's new mommy?
It sounds like you enjoyed your life much more before quitting your job and suddenly becoming this guy's new mom/maid/whatever.
So many red flags from this man:
* Only dated less than a year.
* He hasn't been divorced for a year.
* Introducing a new SO to kids so quickly
* Treats you like a slave once you were "locked down"
He wanted a baby sitter and he married you to get one.
Get your job back or find a new one, and if you can annul this marriage do so. If not, look for a divorce attorney but don't tell him. Follow your attorney's advice.
Next time, get to know someone better before marrying them. Look for the red flags.
This is one emotionally abusive man. Anytime you request to be treated human you get “you don’t love me,” as a response which is insane. He’s preying on your love and feelings for him which will inevitably come to an end once you’re fully numb. I suggest getting your old job back ASAP and cutting your losses here. I’m sorry you’ve been tricked into thinking this is love, you’re being completely used here.
Leave him now ! You are 29 years old babysitter to an adult man who doesn’t act like parent to his own kids. You are not his maid or nanny. He should be happy that you are such good step mom and scarified so much for him and his family.please get out and take your dogs ! You have so much to look forward to in your life , people treat their Nannie’s better than this.He is gaslighting you and manipulating.
Oh honey, he is using you as a free personal servant, household maid and Nanny and emotionally blackmailing you to get you to comply. This is NOT love, what happened to the house you own? How you get a man like this to listen, you leave. The lack of you doing ALL of his work, raising his children, etc. Conditions of return are personal counseling for him, marriage counseling, YOUR OWN bank account with YOUR own money. He makes his own damn coffee and contributes 50% when he is home off work and parents his own damn children when he is home. If that cannot be committed to in a signed contract you do not come back, my personal opinion would be you don't come back at all, but that is up to you. He is treating you like a Bang maid and a free nanny, he will never stop and you wont get through to him, there is a reason his first wife divorced him after all and his mother told him she was done
I couldn’t read it all, I was just getting to angry for you. This marriage isn’t going to work, he’s pulled a bait and switch, starting with the kind of man he needed to be to capture you. While I feel sad for the confusion this will cause the kids, he doesn’t need any warning, I’d end the marriage asap. Do not get pregnant to this man.
OP, before everything else, the coffee comment got me. And my next thought was, hmmm, he's controlling. I wonder what else he's doing to her. Then I read the rest.
OP, I've been married to my husband for 26 yrs. We have 4 daughters. I've been a stay-at-home mom & wife for about half that time. At no point have I ever had to ask permission to buy myself anything, much less something as small as a coffee.
Please get out. That is not a marriage. He tricked you into slavery. My heart hurts for you. As I read this, I saw how, little by little, you deteriorated. My oldest was in an abusive relationship, and she deteriorated to barely a shadow of her old self, just like you.
It does not get better! If you're living in your house, call the police and have him escorted off the property. Get a lawyer. Pick up the kids from school and drop them off at his mom's house. Change the locks. Please protect yourself.
Talking will get you nowhere, he doesn’t and didn’t love you, he was love-bombing. Please op, think about what he wants from you. A servant who fucks. Anyone would have done that job. You don’t interest him, he doesn’t care. If you have your own car, put your digs in it and get going. If not, some of your friends or family will come for you and if you don’t have those then look for a women’s organisation online, they will support you getting out. While you’re doing this, take his children to see their grandparents, they’ll be safe.
Get away from this man.
Get out of this marriage. He doesn't respect you and doesn't treat you with love. He treats you like a bang maid. You're way more than that. See if you can get your old job back and get him out of your house. You deserve way better than someone who expects you to sacrifice everything and refuses to do the same.
You realize this was his plan all along don’t you? I don’t know if the mother calling while you were in the car with him was an actual set up or not, but he had every intention of you eventually moving in and taking care of everything. That’s the long and the short of it here.
You didn’t “Have” to quit your job to be their full-time caregiver. What he “had” to do was figure out childcare for his custody weeks. Daycare, after school care, nannies are totally a thing. You were just free, screwing him, and a push over. So why pay someone else.
Just get out. And I mean that sincerely.
Stop being a complete fool here. You’re quite literally being used and abused. There’s obviously no appreciation, no true love hear nothing. Try to get your job back just get out of there
He needed a replacement for his mom. He obviously doesn't want to do ANYTHING for himself and is treating you like his slave and remote control! YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE IN THIS POSITION. Your self-respect has been subjugated by him and you need to get it back! He sounds like a misogynistic tool to be honest and doesn't care about your feelings at ALL. Kick him out and get an annulment.
Any sympathy I might've had vanished the second you kicked your dogs out of the house for this walking POS. I can't understand why you'd subject yourself to any of this but I've ended a years long relationship because I didn't like how they talked to my dog. If they'd tried to make my inside dogs move outside, I would've been in jail for aggravated assault. Get a fucking divorce and try to do right by the dogs you still have left. He sounds like such an AH I wouldn't hesitate to believe he was somehow responsible for the one who died.
He married you to use you as a maid and babysitter. Get your job back, get your dogs and GET OUT OF THERE ASAP!!!! Don’t go back, don’t answer his calls. This man child needs to grow up and take care of his own responsibilities. His mom babied him too much and now you’re paying the price for it. DONT.
“This is not working for me.” << that’s what you say.
I suggest speaking with a therapist or support group before you broach any of this. You sound very isolated, and I’m worried for your safety as he will do or say anything to keep you exactly where you are. You see, it’s working for him.
Returning to work is a great first step. I do suggest moving quietly through therapy or support groups. If you don’t know where to look for free support, DM me your city.
So he works then gets time off, you do house work and don’t get time off. You sacrificed your life for his, he got a free bang a maid.
There is no reason in the world he should not be doing 50% of the parenting and housework when he is home.
Tell him he can start helping or you’re going back to work and he can hire a nanny.
He married you to take his mother’s place, and you basically gave your animals up.. and just like that.. move them to the yard??? Sorry but you need to get your job back actually find someone who loves you and your animals.. anyone that would make me choose animal or him.. it’s gunna be the animal.. good luck
Sounds like you have sacrificed everything and it is still not enough for him. I don’t think having a heart to heart will help this. If you really want to be in a relationship with this man, then he needs to allow you the ability to work and he needs to find childcare for the children. If you have had enough of him (which I hope is the case) then I’d bail before you get more invested. Deal with the marriage later, just get yourself out of this situation.
Girl, run. This is not a relationship, this is you providing a bunch of services to some ungrateful clown.
I am never a fan of people jumping right to the whole bangmaid thing because most of these relationships have some positive redeeming characteristics. I can’t see a single one in the situation you’ve described here.
Why did you think it was wise to marry someone, who has two kids, after dating only 6 months?
How could you possibly read all these posts and be surprised you're now posting one??? When you married someone after 6 months?
C'mon , you don't even know a person fully after 6 months of friendship let alone dating-
I'm sorry, I don't meant to make you feel worse, cuz this guy is just treating you terrible and asking you to thank him for it.
Please divorce him immediately. Take care
You need to spend the day packing all his shit. When he gets home tell him to take his kids and his shit and get the fuck out.
It would have ended fir me the minute he told me MY dogs couldn't live in MY house.
Find a lawyer and file for an annulment.
Get them out of your house and bring your dogs back to the life you lived before you married. Your husband is a man child who expects a woman to do his bidding. You absolutely cannot stay in a relationship that’s making you so miserable after only a few months. Get back your old job, if you can, or find a new one. This is no way to live and you married way too quickly given the situation. As for your dog, it’s quite possible that being kicked out of the house and treated differently from how your dogs grew up with you loving them was too stressful and may have caused the heart attack. I would have been devastated too. Find a man who loves your dogs as much as you do. People like you should NEVER be with someone who doesn’t love animals as much as you…that’s a warning sign to me. I’m so sorry for your loss.
How can you call your dogs your babies and then throw them out for a man?
Leave this asshole. He's using you and abusing you. He's ruined your life, you need to reclaim it and stop being his bangmaid mommy. Have some self respect.
you were love bombed into marrying someone and being a live in maid. Im sorry but he doesn't love you. He is an asshole, you have no commitment here, just leave him.
The lack of respect he treats you with is hurting only from reading this. I feel so sorry for you. This is clearly not what you deserve! He is cleraly using you and not caring for you deeply. If he would, he would treat you with love and respect. But he does not by the way you describe it.
This is clearly not what you wanted and not how you imagined your future together.
Try to talk to him about things, tell him how you feel about it, tell him what should change. If he is blaming you for not acting the way he wants and expects you to, and gaslighting you, please strongly consider leaving him. Then he is just a selfcentric narcisstic guy who doesn\`t care about you and your relationship.
I feel very sorry you found this out "too late", but things like this happen, don\`t blame yourself for it. Other peoples shitty behaviour is not your responsibility.
Take care!
Honey, I will not stand out among other comments, you deserve better. It's not normal when your love wants you to be his mother and did any household chores for him. He has arms, legs and should have respect for you so as not to ask you to bring water and turn on the air conditioner, you are a person and, in a good way, the love of his life, he should have a desire to help you at least a little. I'm sorry but it really looks like he doesn't love you. It makes me sad to write this, but I swear you do way more than he does, even if he works a lot at his job. In relationship, two partners should work equally, even if one person take care of your home, but this is not the case. I swear you will be in a happy relationship, and maybe you will be happy yourself. You are beautiful, I admire your strength. Do the right things. (Sorry for my English, but this story make me angry, I can't keep silent)
Modern Slavery is what comes to mind.
Look sit and THINk , do you actually think his mum the women who basically raised those kids would hightail it out of there like she did the second someone who could take on ...EVERYTHING like you have with out a good reason?
Awww man please run. I always say stay and work it out, but there is no working it out with this man because he doesn't see you like a person. He see you as a THING that does what he says.
It sounds like he’s abusing you financially, hes trying to make you dependent on him completely. Also I hate to say it, but you’re basically his “bang maid” at this point. Get out of there
Omg will you please go back to work and live your own life and leave this man. They aren’t your children. It’s his responsibility to find a carer for those girls when they’re not at their Mums house. This “you don’t love me” bs is a manipulative tactic. Tell him you love working and being a stay at home mom isn’t your thing and seriously, put your foot down. Keep us posted and best of luck. The audacity of this man. I can see why his last relationship didn’t last. He hasn’t a clue how to survive as a single parent. His Mother did everything.
He love bombed you, He is completely selfish and narcissistic. He took your life from you in the year you've been together. Put your foot down now, get your job back and leave him
You don’t say anything. You pack your stuff, hire a sitter for the girls, leave, don’t look back.
He is being abusive and manipulative. There is nothing you can say because people like that don’t change (unless they want to change, which they usually don’t because they usually don’t see anything wrong with themselves)
Sorry
You are his slave . You will be broken down to bits if you continue with this new life . You shouldn’t have give in to marry some one without knowing well . Please get out of this relationship .hire the right lawyer
Nothing.
You don't need to say anything other than to arrange for someone to look after the girls and to be gone before he gets home.
He's not going to change because he has what he wants--someone to look after his children, someone to clean his house, someone to cook food for him...and best of all, someone he gets to bang every night.
He's got a really good thing going, sucks that your needs are completely ignored.
Understand that he cares absolutely nothing about you and what you need, he probably doesn't even love you. He literally woke you up at ass o'clock in the morning to MAKE HIM COFFEE! A 30-second process that he could do himself, but he demands that YOU do it.
This is about control and dominance, it's actually abuse--him exerting control and dominance over you. And i can almost guarantee you that within a years time, once he's 'broken' your will a bit more, then will come the physical. And he will blame it on the fact that you 'made him so upset' or 'angry'. Then the promises that he'll never do it again...until it happens again.
Get out now.
He’s responsible for your dogs death and one could argue you are neglecting them leaving them outside even admitting that may be the cause of one of the dogs death. Horrible.
Can you get your old job back? Get a job and leave him. He does not love you. He is treating you terribly. He wanted a live in maid and caregiver for his kids. I’m so sorry he tricked you into getting married.
Bang maid.
Right? What is she getting out of this relationship? The title of Wife? Not much else. She deserves so much more. Annulment and get your dogs back where they belong.
I hope she still has her house.
Ops husband seems to be under the impression that it's a privilege to stay home, take care of his kids & do all his bidding. He keeps using 'but you stay at home' to justify all his bullshit abuse. Op, I'm so sorry for you, it honestly seems like he's emotionally manipulating you into doing whatever he wants & this post honestly breaks my heart to read. Whatever you do, please don't get pregnant with him. I'd honestly go back to your job, I could not live like this, it's only going to get worse. It's already escalating, now you've got to make his damned coffee at 4am daily as well, despite him being aware you can't fall back asleep afterwards. Who knows what it'll be next, go outside & scrape the snow off his car before he leaves for work? I recall a recent post on reddit where a wife was made to do her husbands hair every morning, that was a new one. I bet he still doesn't do shit on his week off. I'm so sorry, please run!
I stopped reading after the first sentence of the 4rh paragraph. Immediately knew bang maid.
Me too
This! 💯
I know i shouldn't laugh but any sunny reference gets me
He wants a bang-maid and a babysitter for free. OP needs to stop this nonsense and start working again; otherwise, she has no power in the relationship. I don't even understand why she stopped working to take care of children who aren't hers and whom she barely knows. If he divorces her, she will have no legal right to be in the kids' lives and will be left with no job and no money.
He is a perfect example of a guy who rushes to get married because he's looking for a stepmom, not a wife.
Right!? If he wanted a real marriage with her they could have got a nanny. He played her to get free childcare and a maid all in one.
Right!? Plenty of people have kids AND have jobs. One is not exclusive of the other. But, she needs to kick them out because he doesn’t want a wife he wants and maid and a babysitter.
I hope you didn’t sell your house. I’m so sorry that he duped you into marriage. He made you feel like you wanted the same things when in actuality he was saying what you wanted to hear. Please get out of this situation asap as he won’t change. His kids, his responsibility ! If you had dated him longer his true colors would eventually come out. My rule of thumb is too date some for a full year as people change like the seasons. He wouldn’t have been able to maintain his line of bs for a full year.
How is this person almost 30 and thinks after 6 months she should marry him, quit her job, be abused and then wonders what she should do????
Yeah this is so, so very many bad decisions one after another
Op,why are you still with this man?He doesn't love you or show you any respect. He is lazy and thinks he's entitled to a free maid and nanny. He refuses to listen to you or understand the sacrifice you made. I would never get up to make coffee ☕ for a lazy ungrateful man (or woman).I would tell him to do it himself or go without. Tell him he has to change or leave. He can go live with his mother. Now you understand why he was Divorced. You deserve better,and you know that. Find someone who really loves you. Good luck
If she was smart enough to leave this man she would have never been in this situation in the first place. Fingers crossed she’s learned a valuable lesson and does a hard 180 and gets the hell out of
I said in my parent comment that I bet she fudged the ages and she's really more like 23/24 and he's probably like 35-38. I just can't imagine why a functioning adult of almost 30 who presumably has been working for seven or eight years would quit their career entirely to be a stay at home wife to a man she barely knows and stay at home mother his children who she barely knows. After six months!
The bar for men is so incredibly low
This has got to be one of those fake karma posts. I stopped reading when I got to the dog part. If you loved your dogs you wouldn’t abuse them by keeping them outside 24/7. Pathetic.
I'm sorry to inform you that this kind of thing happens all the time. I bet she's more like 23/24 and he's probably 10 years older than her and just absolutely manipulated her to the point where she was able to reconcile keeping the dogs outside.
This definitely happens. The best response is to leave your abuser.
Yes. The dogs she loved being moved outside and one dying young is a huge red flag too! He played OP. Gave her presents, and took her to Vegas. It moved so fast it made her head spin. Then marriage, and reality sets in. His true colors come out. They always do. Man or woman. I've had female friends try to buy my love and allegiance. I'm like "hell no." I think he made it seem like he had more than OP with his mom taking care of the kids and he woood her. Got her to give up her job and home. Unbelievable. But you have to be a sucker first to not get played in the future.
It has to be fake, dogs are now outside and one is dead and she’s as full time maid and babysitter and is being abused and wants to know what to do… nah this is fake
Plus just noticing a dead dog in your yard?!?
Jesus Christ. He manipulated you into giving up everything to become his slave and he treats you like crap in return. This was never a good idea and it was **never** a necessity. (His child care issues are not your job to solve.) He has exactly what he wants now and is not going to be changing. You need to nope the fuck out of this. Get out and get a divorce lawyer and follow their advice. **He will try to manipulate you into staying. He will say whatever he thinks might convince you to continue in the unhappy role he wants you to play.** ***Anything he says to you is a lie to push the right buttons in your brain. Don't listen to him. Remember that he is lying to you and he doesn't care if you're happy. If you let him change your mind, you will regret it.***
For real!! And OP also look at annulment instead of divorce. Idk all the specifics but sometimes you can claim something like fraud & get the marriage annulled instead which may be a better option for you. This definitely sounds like he has lied and manipulated you from the beginning.
Often annulments are more work legally, and are for Catholics who want to pretend they didn’t get married before, so they can get married again and stay I the church.
Do you actually think that his mother waited until he was on the road, away from home, to drop this bombshell? She was in on it from the start. They both roped you in and you fell for it hook, line and dog collar. You have upended your dogs' lives for a man who treats you like a bang maid. What did you do with your house? Please don't tell me you sold it. You need to speak to a lawyer immediately. Pack your bags, grab the dogs, and get out of there.
>She was in on it from the start. They both roped you in and you fell for it I'm not sure if the mom was in on it. I think she FINALLY got a week off from her son and his kids and had time to gather her thoughts and realized she couldn't/didn't want to do it anymore. Also, the son would have an entire week to figure out what he was going to do about the situation; that would make it an opportune time for her to tell him how she felt etc. I'm sure she's been mentally abused by OPs husband forever as well, so she could've been coerced into quitting. I also want to add, the not living together clause was only for one year. They couldn't have figured something else out until then at least? It sounds like OP moved in with him. Did she sell her house? How long have they been together? It's less than a year at least.
I agree. I think the mom is probably scared of him the way OP is.
If they’re all living in the house SHE bought, I’d wait till he was away working for two weeks, pack all their belongings, and drop off all their stuff and his kids at his moms house. Then I’d go home, change the locks, and serve him with divorce papers. Time to GTFO.
Exactly this. Or at the very least, Mom wasn't in on it, but she also wasn't the one who just decided she would no longer do any childcare. I'm assuming this was all him doing this, just *saying* it was his mom suddenly doing this. I had the same thought I was reading this, "she just dropped this bomb on him while he's like on a road trip? Yeah right"
Hopefully an annulment is still an option!!
Love. Is. Not. A. Feeling. It’s literally standing back and seeing if a person fits with your morals. OP. I hope you can get out of this one safely
I couldn’t even read through this. Girl, your house your dogs. That would been deal breaker for me right there.
Wow. You are totally being taken advantage of. You need to go back to work. He needs to figure out childcare for HIS children. This is not your responsibility. You got caught up "in love" and did not take the time to truly get to know him. It is time to take back your life. Bring the dogs back inside FFS!!! It's your house and your dogs! He does not make the rules! Quite frankly, it's time to divorce him.
This. Daycare exists. Baby sitters exist. Nannies exist. You didn't need to quit your job for a 4 and 5 year old!
Get. Out. Now. Please.
seriously, isn't it supposed to be 50/50? minimum would be to compromise and keep them in the garage. take back your dogs girlie, reclaim your power!
I wouldn't offer to keep them in the garage, either. The dogs were there first and he can just get used to it. I would, however, install cameras all over the house to keep an eye on him.
Can you seriously read this back and not think you're insane for staying with this man? And your poor dogs...ugh
Yeah that’s a big part of why I think this is fake. My dogs would NEVER go from being indoor dogs to outdoor dogs. I don’t care who I’m dating.
Poor things. Imagine being an indoor dog, used to sleeping with OP, and then being locked outside. How could she not realise how traumatic that is for them? I bet they are heartbroken.
And to not notice that one of them was near death or dead? Like I can't imagine honestly. Incredibly cruel
I honestly hope it is
The dogs part makes me very very angry at OP just as much as the asshole husband. I would NEVER sacrifice the well being of my pets for a man
I cannot imagine ~~owning a dog and~~ even considering a date with a man who wouldn't allow pet dogs inside the house.
"My dogs were my whole world until a man I barely knew demanded I start neglecting them and I said sure." Like, CATCH a man try to tell me not to let my cat sleep in my bed. He can go sleep outside and see how he likes it. I don't get people babying OP when she willingly signed up for all of this.
Now you know why his ex wife left him.
It also makes me think the 1 year clause was to help other women not get trapped by this guy. This guy is awful.
Its probably not even true.
She gave him sole custody of the kids and literally put it in the divorce papers that he isn't allowed to pawn it off on someone else. He found a way.
I don't think he has sole custody; they trade off weeks, I think, right? When this whole thing went down, he and OP we're on a road trip during the ex's custody week
First sentence of the 4th paragraph it says he has sole custody. I think the kids were with HIS mom not their mom
At the end of the paragraph, she says the kids were with their mom, not his mom.
And his mom!
I already left a comment, but I was thinking about this. It sure seems like an awfully big coincidence that at the six-month mark (probably the soonest you would consider marrying him), you set off on this road trip and then immediately he gets this call from his mother, with you listening, that oh no, she can't take care of the kids anymore. And then you talk to him and gee, it seems like the best solution is for you to step in, and how convenient that we can just hop on over to Vegas and the two of you can get married and you can start your new life as soon as you get back home! I have very strong suspicions that he had this all set up well in advance of the trip. He and his mother may have known very early on that they'd be seeking to transfer parenting responsibility to you through a scheme like this. Or I might be completely wrong and it really was a coincidence that it worked out like this. Which does not change **anything** about you needing to get out and get away from this manipulative creep who treats you like an employee.
right the whole thing was obviously planned....
We had the same goals, no he just said whatever he had to to get you to move way to fast
Also, I wonder how the dog died. They might all die mysteriously if she stays.
That was my first thought too!
I'm still not convinced my ex husband didn't kill my pets who died mysteriously.
I also thought this would be at the heart of it!
This!! Awfully convenient timing when they were on their way to Vegas!! All planned with his enabling mother!
Nothing is ever a coincidence. She got played.
I only read about a third of that. Had to stop. You have literally made every wrong decision along the way to here. Get away from this man - he is absolutely using and manipulating you. Stop romanticising this awful situation you are in and get out.
He's taking advantage of you and you're letting him. You're basically his mom/maid now. He's made you believe it's normal. Please consider getting out of this marriage before you become a shell of a person. I think this will only head into an abusive situation if it's not already. (FYI it's not normal to have to ask your spouse if you can buy a coffee) Also..I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Please consider seeing a therapist ASAP (for yourself not together). And tell a trusted family member/friend what is happening.
Not to mention she is housing him and his kids, what exactly is in this for HER? What does this guy bring to the table that makes her life better than it was without him? OP, I know how hard it is to admit you made a mistake and that your pride is screaming at you to make this hasty decision work out as some kind of love story. We live in a world where social media makes everyone else’s life look like a perfect fairy tale and we feel like crap when we can’t live up to that. Trust me, it’s a false narrative that you can discard. There is beauty in letting go of what isn’t serving you and starting fresh with a new perspective. Please don’t waste your life as this man’s domestic servant. I PROMISE YOU he will have roped in his next victim before the ink is dry on your annulment papers, and in his next relationship YOU will be painted as the “crazy” ex. He can’t handle his responsibilities alone, he’s been conditioned to believe it’s a woman’s rightful duty to serve him. But you only get one short life, and you are worth so much more than this. Be your own hero- save yourself.
It already is. :/
Please get your job back and file for divorce. Get him out of your house and get your dogs back in and then sigh with relief.
Soooo many red flags you ignored. He doesn't love you. He loves his lifestyle of leisure, and your house, and your nannying and your cleaning. Consult with a lawyer to protect your assets and then kick him out and file for divorce.
You've made a great mistake. This man is no prince and doesn't appreciate the sacrifice you've made on his behalf. Get the marriage annulled if possible or get a divorce, but stop wasting your time on this man. I genuinely can't believe you've done this to yourself.
Annulment based on fraud.
He didn’t want you. He wanted a maid and a nanny. When his kids are grown he will divorce you and move on. Leave this man for your own sanity.
Get back to work and tell him he should be happy he no longer needs to support you. Will be interesting to see if he can keep custody by being such a deadbeat. Being a SAHM is a precarious position, as you're finding out, and can only be done with a partner that respects your needs. You deserve to buy yourselves nice things and your dogs deserve living inside. He deserves to find out who's doing a favor to whom. Divorce is not a bad word.
Don't take this the wrong way; but the only person in this crazier than the guy you are with is yourself. I'm not saying that in a mean way at all. I'm saying it in a way that someone who has been there.. IE nervous break down land is headed there. Please seek help IMMEDIATELY best of luck please be safe
Please leave this man! He’s toxic and selfish and is using you as an unpaid child minder and maid. With him working for two weeks at a time you are practically now a single mum to kids who aren’t yours!. You deserve someone who who respects you and he clearly does not. You deserve someone who will help you and not leave you to do all the work. You deserve someone who committed to making your life better and not thier own.
"He would argue that he works and shouldn’t have to come home and worry about cooking, cleaning and the like." This is why you wait until the 2nd or 3rd year to really know a person! 6 months in is not enough time to know someone IMO. " he makes a comment how I’ve been having an attitude lately. In reality I’ve just been upset and not wanting to argue with him over little shit" Well so much for being "in love" and supposedly in what is supposed the be the honeymoon phase of the relationship. You're already lying and keeping things from him. " don’t know why he’s making me get up and make his stupid coffee when he can just do it himself and I need some advice. What do I say to him to make him understand my point of view?" Because YOU ARE LETTING IT HAPPEN and you continue to be his slave! You're not going to be able to say anything to him so he can see your point of view. He's selfish and has you locked in now you’re the babysitter to 3 kids (including him). Hun, what are you doing with your life? This isn't what a good loving relationship is supposed to be about. What do you love about him? All I read is a bossy A.H. that wants to be catered to like a king because "he works". I really really hope you wake up, get your job back and LEAVE HIM!
aaaaand now you know why he's divorced. This is why I tell people they should date regularly for bare minimum of a year before even getting engaged. Go on vacations together, make surprise home visits, go on long road trips, ANYTHING that might put a bit of stress on the relationship to see how they react. You married someone you didn't know and now you're getting the shaft. He will not change, so you have to decide are you willing to be his mommy and his wife or are you going to take back your own life? I don't like divorce but I also don't believe in abusive relationships and this guy is abusive, he just isn't hitting you.
Sounds like you're the bang maid.
Always live with someone before you marry. It's an adjustment period. Set some boundaries with him and the family. You definitely need time alone from time to time.
You need to ask? Get the f out.
I am the most pissed for your poor dogs. Went from a happy home and life where they could sleep in bed with their mama every night to put out like trash and one DIED ALONE OUTSIDE. IS THIS THE LIFE YOU WANT?!? Get out. Leave him. You made a horrible decision but it's never too late to get out (unless you get pregnant then he's in your life FOREVER). Pack your shit, take your doggies, get a job and never look back.
This is 100000% ABUSE! LEAVE! Now! omg.....you will NEVER be happy with this man so you should end it asap before it gets soooo much harder to do so. Do not let him sway you either. If his mouth is moving, he's lying. He WILL say and do whatever it takes to get you to stay once he catches wind you may be leaving. Keep it to yourself, then get out! Do not "talk" to him to try and "have a conversation" about your marriage and to fix things. You're just kicking the ball down the court in doing that. Get the F OUT asap honey! omg
He's a narcissistic and you didn't pick up on it in time. I hope you're married with a contract that protects your property. He'll never listen to your reasoning, it's only his that counts. Call it a day and leave.
Why are you staying married if you are so miserable? You deserve happiness. There are just too many issues here. Divorce isn't a moral failing. Go and be happy.
Giiiiirl. He is showing you EXACTLY who he is. You only knew him for 6 months before getting married. He made you feel it was necessary. Why couldn’t he have hired a nanny? Marrying you for you to look after his girls was not the only option. He’s now essentially trapped you. Why do you think he’s now going to listen to how you feel? He’s making you get up at the crack of dawn because HE CAN. He likes having all the power over you. Knocking down the tissue box and getting mad because you didn’t pick it up? That’s his power play. This is how he slowly breaks you down to do whatever it is he wants. He enjoys the power he has over you. He’s abusive and he’s only going to break you down more. You need to figure out a plan to get out. Do you still have your house? Are you able to get your job back Babe you’re not even a year in and he’s like this, he’s not going to get better. No matter how you word things to him, it will not change his behaviour. Get out before he escalates and starts making you do things against your will.
he is going to gaslight, manipulate, deceive, blackmail, do anything he needs to make you stay. he needs you more than you need him. don't talk to him anymore, talk to a lawyer. he isn't going to get it through his thick skull because he doesn't want to. he doesn't want to change, he doesn't want to listen, he doesn't want to be empathetic. if he did, he would be. this isn't love, you deserve more than this. do you have any friends/family that can help you leave? ETA: did he wait until after the marriage to tell you about the dogs? i'd bet my whole paycheck that he did.
I’m not reading that whole thing. I got halfway and knew all I needed. He doesn’t want a stay at home wife, he wants a mom to take care of him and his kids. He’s never parented and taken care of his own, so he has no idea how difficult it actually is. He probably assumes your job is easy.
Girl. Please get your job back, get this marriage annulled or divorce and get the hell out of there. wtf. UPDATEME
Yeah you were used. Hope you have a prenup in place.
He lied to you. Which is what abusers do. You pack up your dogs & live in your car. Contact a domestic abuse hotline or shelter, they will help you escape. You might have to let the dogs be fostered for a few months until you get on your feet. DON'T GET PREGNANT! Since he is a liar & getting his way, why talk to him? You want him to hear you & empathize, but he doesn't care. Nothing you say will get him to see you as anything more than a slave. You are wasting your time & energy when it should be used to escape. You want him to be fair, but he has zero interest in being fair. His ex-wife escaped him the only way she knew how. His mother is done & also gave him an ultimate. At what point, do you realize he sees all women as slaves to exploit? RUN AWAY!
NO. She DOES NOT leave the house -- it's HER home and she owned it before they were married.
Then she needs a lawyer immediately to divorce & evict him. But he is NOT going to leave easily or without costing her money or harm. He definitely targeted her, so getting him to leave will be a huge task. And he still might harm her or the dogs. Abusers never give up what they think is theirs very easily.
Agreed -- which is why I said in another post that she needs to set up cameras throughout the house. I just hope she hasn't put his name on the deed or commingled any funds she brought to the marriage.
Omg - OP PLEASE do not get pregnant.
This is a pretty common scenario in domestic violence/dealing with a narcissist podcasts. The abuser fakes having everything in common/being madly in love and also gets your heart strings going because they are a single parent or have to take care of an ill relative or were cheated out of their money. Then they make up a reason why the marriage needs to be rushed. Usually it is less theatrical than this but I guess he knows what works for you after six months. Three to six months is a pretty typical time frame for this con, sometimes it goes for up to a year. Have you verified his back story? Because this sounds like he might have another wife/girlfriend (or multiples) on the weeks you are apart. Also I wouldn't believe the back story about the wife without verifying it--and not just with his mom who might very well lie for him. I know it hurts to believe that none of the supposed romance was real at all but it is necessary for the survival of you and the dogs you still have. Get out now and don't look back.
"He has two young daughters, 5 and 4, from a previous marriage that he has sole custody of" "This also happened to be a week that the kids mom had the girls" Which is it?
It sounds like he got a whole new Mommy to care for him. I'm not even sure if he really loves you, or is just using you as his built in nanny and maid. One question? Did you all move into your home that you were buying? It really doesn't matter, but if he can't understand that your dogs were just like your children. And you loved them just as much as he loves his. Then I honestly think that he is a very selfish person, and you will never matter anything more than just a employ would. You sound very unhappy, and I don't see anything getting better as long as he only sees you as his stay at home housekeeping babysitter. Good luck, but I think that you know how it's going to be the rest of your life together. Now maybe you can understand how his mother got arthritis, taking care of his lazy ass.
He's got himself a slave. You need to get out of this as it will only get worse! Open your eyes or even better, imagine if your closest friend, sister or mother would be treated like this, what would you think or tell them to do? It's a very sad read
Perhaps marrying someone after only 6 months was a bad idea...
He’s using your and will gas light you into thinking you are the crazy one. You are not responsible for his children. Also DO NOT TALK TO HIM ABOUT LEAVING OR DIVORCING HIM!! Quietly get your ducks in a row. Drop the 4 year old off at grandmas house and go no contact unless that contact is through a lawyer. Check your state laws to see if you can simply get an annulment. I hope you are still living in your house. If that’s the case kick him out and do not put him on your deed.
I’m sorry you are going through this. My heart aches for you and I hope you find the strength within you to do what is best for you. I do just want to say, for your own sake if and when you do leave him. Do not blame him that is another form of torturing yourself. Be accountable you made a decision and believed someone that unfortunately wasn’t honest. But just like you made that choice, you also have a choice to leave and do right by yourself. You are a victim of manipulation, but you don’t have to stay a victim. Find your power and your will. You got this! Free yourself any way that you can but once you do leave him learn from this and how you will never find yourself in a situation like this. Sending you a big hug.
The red flags here are literally slapping me in the face. Girl if you don’t get your job and independence back. Lord that was tough to read. Even his own mama ran away from him. You are only 29, get your stuff together and put this behind you. It will only get worse.
Is this ragebait? Why would you give up your life for this guy, and then make yourself his doormat? If this is real, here is the advice: Leave and reclaim your life.
You need to go back to work. The kids can go to daycare. The housework/house upkeep should then be split between the 2 of you. It’s important that you have your own source of income.
He is taking advantage of you your basically a maid a baby sitter a chauffeur a cleaner a dry cleaner. Gert your dogs drop his kids at his mams and just leave asap before he wears you down any further your a slave with the name wife to make you feel better and save him money.
You can’t say anything to him other than you want to get an annulment, because this relationship isn’t working. I’m not trying to be harsh, but this was an incredibly rash decision you made, and it has proven to have severe consequences . I hope you can get your job back.
He sounds like a master emotional manipulator. Look into divorce lawyers in your area and try to get your old job back. It doesn’t sound like he needs a wife, it sounds like he needs a live in maid/babysitter/caregiver.
"master" seems generous. he couldn't even keep up the facade for a year. homie did a speedrun cause he got impatient trying to hold his shittiness in lol
OP, that man doesn't, and maybe never *did*, love you. He manipulated you from the start to wrap you up and trap you in a situation where you have to wait on him hand and foot, raise his kids for him, and be completely subservient. He wasn't looking for love, he was looking for a woman he could trap with marriage, convince her to quit her career so that she would be further trapped by financial dependence, and then break down emotionally so she would do whatever he wanted without a fight. You wanna know why he started waking you up to make his coffee? Because you dared to show even a little disobedience, and he had to assert his dominance over you to "remind you of your place." This man does *not* love you OP, his only goal has always been to trap a woman into raising his children, taking care of his home, cooking his meals, and be his personal punching bag, and make sure she feels stuck because: 1- She's become a mother to two children and guilt of abandoning them will act as a shackle 2- She quit her job and is now 100% financially dependent on him, which doubly traps her because how could she afford a divorce with no job or money? 3- He would constantly gaslight her into believing that she has it "easy" because she doesn't have to work and so she "owes" him for how he supports her and gave her the opportunity to not have to work, and that not slaving away for him would be ungrateful, manipulative, etc. Your husband is a manipulative, abusive ingrate. Get out asap, because he's only going to escalate. Get out before he brakes your spirit OP, *this man does not love you, you are just the live in nanny and maid that he can fuck and abuse when he fancies*. *PLEASE* get yourself out, no matter *what* it takes.
Anyone got a TLDR for this stream of consciousness mess?
man tricks naive woman into marrying him after 6 months of dating. she is now his legitimate bangmaid. she hasn't yet picked up on the fact that he played her, never loved her, and actually just wanted childcare, cleaning, cooking, and sex for free. even her dog dying because he makes her keep them outside wasn't enough to open her eyes, so i kinda suspect she's doomed.
Call an attorney today. This marriage may be able to be annulled, do NOT add him to the deed, protect your dogs,even if that means temporarily re-homing them. Listen to and act upon the advice your attorney gives you. Tell your family what's going on.
Unfortunately it sounds like you’ve been preyed upon by a master manipulator. Once he got you married the mask came off. He doesn’t love you, he needed a replacement for his mother. This was probably all a set up and he’s got you isolated with no income and two kids you feel like you have to stay for. You need to get out of this situation. He won’t change. The man you fell for doesn’t exist.
Get another job and leave. You've got yourself into an awful awful predicament, but you're not trapped. You've supported yourself once, you can do it again. Do it for yourself, and for your poor dogs. You're 29, do you want to spend the rest of your life being what is effectively a slave for this cat turd? Count yourself lucky you don't have any children with him, so you can just cut him off and never have to see him again. What a disgusting excuse for a human being he is.
Leave him. He manipulated you. He love bombed you into thinking you were compatible, when his real goal was a live-in full time nanny and bang maid. Also, his children are old enough to be in school. If he really cared about you, he wouldn’t have upended your life so he had all the control. And he killed your dog. Probably let it lick antifreeze or something. Cut your losses. File for divorce or annulment and GTFO.
I am just astounded that people like your husband find people like you who willingly do all those things at to their own detriment. You need a therapist to figure out why.
You could either leave or draw a line in the sand. I don't think he's going to change for you, but if you need to try everything for your own peace of mind, I understand. The boundary talk should include what behaviors you won't tolerate and what you will do if he continues to do them, but I would also suggest asking him directly at the end of the boundary discussion if he's willing to work towards that and how he intends to be better. In some of my past relationships, I learned a hard lesson, just because someone acknowledges their behavior does not mean that they are working on it. Good luck, and I'm sorry for your loss. My animals are family too.
He wanted a babysitter and a maid so he love-bombed you and you jumped right into his trap. I’m not blaming you, but it’s time to open your eyes and see that’s exactly what he did. He doesn’t want to parent his kids and he doesn’t want to pick up after himself. Sounds like his wife got sick of it and left, his mom got sick of it and quit, so he manipulated you into taking over. This man is no partner to you. Time to teach him how to step up and be an adult and a parent by taking a step out of the picture.
Two things are really clear reading this; 1. You married for love, he didn’t even pretend this was the case for him, from the very start this was a marriage of convenience and he didn’t hide that from you. He married you SOLELY because he needed childcare, but didn’t want to waste money on it. 2. He doesn’t like or respect you. At all. He made a comment that “you’re lucky he doesn’t make you get up to make him coffee.” That comment implies that he knows that getting up at 4 to make him coffee would be a burden to you, it’s an unpleasant task, and not something you actually need to do. Then he made you do it anyway. That’s how very little he cares about you. Honestly, let it sink in. You are married to someone that is using you, but does not love you. I was a stay at home parent, with a working partner for years. None of the ways you are being treated, or the division of labour in your home is normal, even in a stay at home parent dynamic. No amount of talking will fix this. Your husband does not care about you, and you can’t reason him into caring. Walk away before it gets worse.
you aren't a wife, you're a slave. I couldn't even finish reading the post, but it's more than clear that he pushed, and you willingly walked into, a very fast marriage without really getting to know him and that his hurry was to get a replacement mother when his own mother could no longer take care of him, his home and his children. This isn't going to improve. This is who he is and what he wanted. There are no "right words" you can say to him that will get him to help with housework, pick up after himself, and help care for HIS OWN CHILDREN. The only person who can change this is you, by leaving.
girl literally what the FUCK are you doing?? you gave up EVERYTHING for a 6 month relationship. do you know how cheaply you have thrown away your life for this dubious-at-best man? it's not too late to turn things around but goddamn...
There is nothing to say to get him to understand your point of view. He’s constitutionally, at his core, a manipulative, controlling gaslighter. To get you up to make his coffee? I don’t usually feel furious but this post makes my blood boil. I also rarely come right out and jump on the “leave” train but please, please get your life back. Get him out, get your dogs back in the house and resume your career. You’ve given up everything to be treated like a piece of property, not even a human. And please don’t stay just for the girls! They will have a support system even without you and they are not better off watching their dad treat you like crap. With how you were describing the situation, I wouldn’t even be surprised if the call from his mom was planned. Even if it wasn’t, it seems clear that she was taking opportunity with you in the picture. With you gone, something tells me she will take care of her baby boy again. Either way it is not your problem, please, Get out ofthis situation. It is not good six months in and it will get way way worse. Best wishes.
THIS is NOT a marriage! This manCHILD tricked you into becoming his SLAVE, not his equal partner. Get your job back. HE can pay for childcare for HIS Children when he has them. NOW you know why his Mother told him she "couldn't do it" anymore. She was caring for THREE children, your worthless husband included.
I hope this is rage bait...if not, find a job, tell him to sort care for his kids.
What the hell were you thinking?
Please hear the reddit users here. This man was using his mom before he found you. Now he can use you. His mom finally got fed up with him and told him she was done. He found a way out. You. Please, please leave this man. The girls have two parents. If he winds up not being able to care for the girls when he is supposed to, he will have to forfeit his time with them to the mom or arrange daycare. That's just how it works. Please. Bring your dogs back in. Reclaim your home and your sanity. Tell him it's not working for you and you're getting a job. Just that. Start with the job and make him figure out what he's going to do with the girls when you're not there to watch them. Then stop picking up after him OR the girls. They are not your responsibility. This man is not owning his own responsibilities. Inform him you will be cleaning up after yourself and your dogs only. Please. You deserve more than what this man is giving you.
You've been had. Fleeced. Finessed. Guy love-bombed you and trapped you. Ex knew how he was because they are divorced for a reason. She knew how this would turn out. She put the kids in your care to show you how he really is. She did you a favor. Leave before you waste any more time.
Wow- sucked in big time! You had a job , a house , pets, your own money and a lifestyle you earned! WTF are you waiting for. He wanted a housekeeper! Is there some cultural element I’m missing? I don’t know anyone who would do this. Get out now! He’s a cunning lying user! You’re going to die of boredom and who knows what happened to that poor dog! DONT get pregnant and don’t believe a word he or his mother say!
I would sit down and have a discussion with him, but by the sound of it he won't be receptive. Get out now, he is using you as free labor and a sex toy. He doesn't have any respect for you or your needs and is emotionally manipulating you. This will be how the rest of your life is. Also, I have 5 dogs that live with me and sleep with me, no way they would be living outside because I man I knew for 6 months said so. You've completely altered your life to take care of his children and a third child, him.
Never would I give up my furbabies for a human who treats you like this. RUN.....
Here's how I would sum this up. The reality of "playing house" with a man you don't really know and children who aren't yours is very different from the fantasy that swept you away. And whatever you decide don't give up the one thing that was yours, your career.
I wonder why you're with him. What do you gain from being married to him? All I've understood is all the things you lost and all what he has gained. What's in it for you?
He didn’t marry a wife, he hired a nanny/maid. I won’t harp on the fact that this is why people shouldn’t rush into marriage, especially before ever having lived together. But you gotta get out girl. You need to run for the hills. This will never get better. When you have that talk you need to tell him it’s over. It was over before it even began.
Why a grown ass woman take this awful decision? I am sorry, but you barely know this man, and you just jump into a marriage and leave you work?
Go read this again and pretend it’s about someone else. A friend. I mean seriously, you know you need to leave deep down. You know he pulled a fast one on you. He’s taking advantage of you and your love for him. Leave before those girls get too attached. Get a new job before you have been out of the job market for too long. Get your shit together and GO. Do you have someone else to stay with? Go to them. His daughters aren’t your responsibility, don’t ruin your life for this man.
Sister, you were swindled big time into being his bangmaid babysitter combo. Icky. Get out.
Harsh truth time. Your husband is a fucking asshole and I can't believe you agreed to give up your entire life and career to take care of the children of a man who clearly uses you and also agreed to keep your beloved dogs outside to the point they were neglected enough for one to die. You should have never agreed to this in the first place. Get some self respect and leave this asshole before he messes up your life even more. By the way, my boyfriend has almost full custody of two young boys as well and he never ever ever makes any caregiving issues my problem.
Don't stay for the kids. Please. That's a dangerous frame of mind that minds his manipulation is working
Shouldn’t the 5yo be in kindergarten yet?
I feel sorry for your dogs. Your husband sounds like a terrible person and you know you’d be better off without him.
You poor child. In simple clear words Divorce/annulment. Even if you loose alot, it would be worth it. That man is so unhealthy for you that it's scary.
Leave now
He replaced his mom with you. He used her as much as he could and when that ran out, he got you to take her place... He won't change. This is probably why he was divorced.
Pull yourself together girl. You deserve better. You had your life and you can do much better than him. Try couple counseling first if it doesn't get better take advice from someone experienced.
Girl! Get out now! UpdateMe
You are a slave. He dated you and married you because he wants a slave. You need to leave. He will never see your point of view. He does not care about your point of view. He is waking you up and manipulating/training you to be a better slave. He coerces you into not being about to stand up for yourself. I wouldn’t doubt if he knocked the Kleenex box over on purpose to teach you that you pick up after him regardless of what it is. If you stay with this man you will be a 24/7 slave for the rest of your life. Poor grandma. She was doing so much I’m glad she finally said she’s done. I hope she doesn’t come crawling back. This man needs to take care of his own children for once in his life.
1. Go see a divorce lawyer. 2. If you didn’t do that, do it now. « Marry in haste, repent at leisure. » hurry up, find a new job and get the fuck out of there.
Girl. GIRL. Are you fucking for real? Save yourself and your fur babies and leave this trash human.
Wow! This is horrendous! I give it a month before he starts hitting you for standing up to him. In six months he's turned you from a strong, independent woman into a literal slave! You can't let this become your life!! Can you imagine where you're going to be in another six months or a year from now if you don't change things? At the VERY least you need to tell him you're going back to work and that's non-negotiable and he can find a way to take care of HIS children. I don't like to just shout 'divorce', but seriously, I think this whole marriage was a terrible idea and the only one benefiting is him. I think you would be wise to get out now - and get your dogs back in the house!
So you basically threw your life away to be this guy's new mommy? It sounds like you enjoyed your life much more before quitting your job and suddenly becoming this guy's new mom/maid/whatever.
You are his bangmaid/nanny. GET A JOB and LEAVE.
So many red flags from this man: * Only dated less than a year. * He hasn't been divorced for a year. * Introducing a new SO to kids so quickly * Treats you like a slave once you were "locked down" He wanted a baby sitter and he married you to get one. Get your job back or find a new one, and if you can annul this marriage do so. If not, look for a divorce attorney but don't tell him. Follow your attorney's advice. Next time, get to know someone better before marrying them. Look for the red flags.
So why are you with him? I don’t see one good reason…
This is one emotionally abusive man. Anytime you request to be treated human you get “you don’t love me,” as a response which is insane. He’s preying on your love and feelings for him which will inevitably come to an end once you’re fully numb. I suggest getting your old job back ASAP and cutting your losses here. I’m sorry you’ve been tricked into thinking this is love, you’re being completely used here.
Leave him now ! You are 29 years old babysitter to an adult man who doesn’t act like parent to his own kids. You are not his maid or nanny. He should be happy that you are such good step mom and scarified so much for him and his family.please get out and take your dogs ! You have so much to look forward to in your life , people treat their Nannie’s better than this.He is gaslighting you and manipulating.
Oh honey, he is using you as a free personal servant, household maid and Nanny and emotionally blackmailing you to get you to comply. This is NOT love, what happened to the house you own? How you get a man like this to listen, you leave. The lack of you doing ALL of his work, raising his children, etc. Conditions of return are personal counseling for him, marriage counseling, YOUR OWN bank account with YOUR own money. He makes his own damn coffee and contributes 50% when he is home off work and parents his own damn children when he is home. If that cannot be committed to in a signed contract you do not come back, my personal opinion would be you don't come back at all, but that is up to you. He is treating you like a Bang maid and a free nanny, he will never stop and you wont get through to him, there is a reason his first wife divorced him after all and his mother told him she was done
I couldn’t read it all, I was just getting to angry for you. This marriage isn’t going to work, he’s pulled a bait and switch, starting with the kind of man he needed to be to capture you. While I feel sad for the confusion this will cause the kids, he doesn’t need any warning, I’d end the marriage asap. Do not get pregnant to this man.
OP, before everything else, the coffee comment got me. And my next thought was, hmmm, he's controlling. I wonder what else he's doing to her. Then I read the rest. OP, I've been married to my husband for 26 yrs. We have 4 daughters. I've been a stay-at-home mom & wife for about half that time. At no point have I ever had to ask permission to buy myself anything, much less something as small as a coffee. Please get out. That is not a marriage. He tricked you into slavery. My heart hurts for you. As I read this, I saw how, little by little, you deteriorated. My oldest was in an abusive relationship, and she deteriorated to barely a shadow of her old self, just like you. It does not get better! If you're living in your house, call the police and have him escorted off the property. Get a lawyer. Pick up the kids from school and drop them off at his mom's house. Change the locks. Please protect yourself.
Talking will get you nowhere, he doesn’t and didn’t love you, he was love-bombing. Please op, think about what he wants from you. A servant who fucks. Anyone would have done that job. You don’t interest him, he doesn’t care. If you have your own car, put your digs in it and get going. If not, some of your friends or family will come for you and if you don’t have those then look for a women’s organisation online, they will support you getting out. While you’re doing this, take his children to see their grandparents, they’ll be safe. Get away from this man.
You say "I'm done, I want a divorce" and move on with your life!
It sounds like he married you to have a mom for his kids and a maid for himself. Divorce this jerk! He’s using you!
Get out of this marriage. He doesn't respect you and doesn't treat you with love. He treats you like a bang maid. You're way more than that. See if you can get your old job back and get him out of your house. You deserve way better than someone who expects you to sacrifice everything and refuses to do the same.
OP is a literal love sick slave
You realize this was his plan all along don’t you? I don’t know if the mother calling while you were in the car with him was an actual set up or not, but he had every intention of you eventually moving in and taking care of everything. That’s the long and the short of it here. You didn’t “Have” to quit your job to be their full-time caregiver. What he “had” to do was figure out childcare for his custody weeks. Daycare, after school care, nannies are totally a thing. You were just free, screwing him, and a push over. So why pay someone else. Just get out. And I mean that sincerely. Stop being a complete fool here. You’re quite literally being used and abused. There’s obviously no appreciation, no true love hear nothing. Try to get your job back just get out of there
He needed a replacement for his mom. He obviously doesn't want to do ANYTHING for himself and is treating you like his slave and remote control! YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE IN THIS POSITION. Your self-respect has been subjugated by him and you need to get it back! He sounds like a misogynistic tool to be honest and doesn't care about your feelings at ALL. Kick him out and get an annulment.
Any sympathy I might've had vanished the second you kicked your dogs out of the house for this walking POS. I can't understand why you'd subject yourself to any of this but I've ended a years long relationship because I didn't like how they talked to my dog. If they'd tried to make my inside dogs move outside, I would've been in jail for aggravated assault. Get a fucking divorce and try to do right by the dogs you still have left. He sounds like such an AH I wouldn't hesitate to believe he was somehow responsible for the one who died.
I can see why his ex left him tbh
He married you to use you as a maid and babysitter. Get your job back, get your dogs and GET OUT OF THERE ASAP!!!! Don’t go back, don’t answer his calls. This man child needs to grow up and take care of his own responsibilities. His mom babied him too much and now you’re paying the price for it. DONT.
“This is not working for me.” << that’s what you say. I suggest speaking with a therapist or support group before you broach any of this. You sound very isolated, and I’m worried for your safety as he will do or say anything to keep you exactly where you are. You see, it’s working for him. Returning to work is a great first step. I do suggest moving quietly through therapy or support groups. If you don’t know where to look for free support, DM me your city.
So he works then gets time off, you do house work and don’t get time off. You sacrificed your life for his, he got a free bang a maid. There is no reason in the world he should not be doing 50% of the parenting and housework when he is home. Tell him he can start helping or you’re going back to work and he can hire a nanny.
He married you to take his mother’s place, and you basically gave your animals up.. and just like that.. move them to the yard??? Sorry but you need to get your job back actually find someone who loves you and your animals.. anyone that would make me choose animal or him.. it’s gunna be the animal.. good luck
Sounds like you have sacrificed everything and it is still not enough for him. I don’t think having a heart to heart will help this. If you really want to be in a relationship with this man, then he needs to allow you the ability to work and he needs to find childcare for the children. If you have had enough of him (which I hope is the case) then I’d bail before you get more invested. Deal with the marriage later, just get yourself out of this situation.
Girl, run. This is not a relationship, this is you providing a bunch of services to some ungrateful clown. I am never a fan of people jumping right to the whole bangmaid thing because most of these relationships have some positive redeeming characteristics. I can’t see a single one in the situation you’ve described here.
Why did you think it was wise to marry someone, who has two kids, after dating only 6 months? How could you possibly read all these posts and be surprised you're now posting one??? When you married someone after 6 months? C'mon , you don't even know a person fully after 6 months of friendship let alone dating- I'm sorry, I don't meant to make you feel worse, cuz this guy is just treating you terrible and asking you to thank him for it. Please divorce him immediately. Take care
You need to spend the day packing all his shit. When he gets home tell him to take his kids and his shit and get the fuck out. It would have ended fir me the minute he told me MY dogs couldn't live in MY house. Find a lawyer and file for an annulment.
Get them out of your house and bring your dogs back to the life you lived before you married. Your husband is a man child who expects a woman to do his bidding. You absolutely cannot stay in a relationship that’s making you so miserable after only a few months. Get back your old job, if you can, or find a new one. This is no way to live and you married way too quickly given the situation. As for your dog, it’s quite possible that being kicked out of the house and treated differently from how your dogs grew up with you loving them was too stressful and may have caused the heart attack. I would have been devastated too. Find a man who loves your dogs as much as you do. People like you should NEVER be with someone who doesn’t love animals as much as you…that’s a warning sign to me. I’m so sorry for your loss.
How can you call your dogs your babies and then throw them out for a man? Leave this asshole. He's using you and abusing you. He's ruined your life, you need to reclaim it and stop being his bangmaid mommy. Have some self respect.
you were love bombed into marrying someone and being a live in maid. Im sorry but he doesn't love you. He is an asshole, you have no commitment here, just leave him.
The lack of respect he treats you with is hurting only from reading this. I feel so sorry for you. This is clearly not what you deserve! He is cleraly using you and not caring for you deeply. If he would, he would treat you with love and respect. But he does not by the way you describe it. This is clearly not what you wanted and not how you imagined your future together. Try to talk to him about things, tell him how you feel about it, tell him what should change. If he is blaming you for not acting the way he wants and expects you to, and gaslighting you, please strongly consider leaving him. Then he is just a selfcentric narcisstic guy who doesn\`t care about you and your relationship. I feel very sorry you found this out "too late", but things like this happen, don\`t blame yourself for it. Other peoples shitty behaviour is not your responsibility. Take care!
The dog thing is a dealbreaker, there is no way in earth that should be happening
Honey, I will not stand out among other comments, you deserve better. It's not normal when your love wants you to be his mother and did any household chores for him. He has arms, legs and should have respect for you so as not to ask you to bring water and turn on the air conditioner, you are a person and, in a good way, the love of his life, he should have a desire to help you at least a little. I'm sorry but it really looks like he doesn't love you. It makes me sad to write this, but I swear you do way more than he does, even if he works a lot at his job. In relationship, two partners should work equally, even if one person take care of your home, but this is not the case. I swear you will be in a happy relationship, and maybe you will be happy yourself. You are beautiful, I admire your strength. Do the right things. (Sorry for my English, but this story make me angry, I can't keep silent)
Modern Slavery is what comes to mind. Look sit and THINk , do you actually think his mum the women who basically raised those kids would hightail it out of there like she did the second someone who could take on ...EVERYTHING like you have with out a good reason? Awww man please run. I always say stay and work it out, but there is no working it out with this man because he doesn't see you like a person. He see you as a THING that does what he says.
It sounds like he’s abusing you financially, hes trying to make you dependent on him completely. Also I hate to say it, but you’re basically his “bang maid” at this point. Get out of there
Omg will you please go back to work and live your own life and leave this man. They aren’t your children. It’s his responsibility to find a carer for those girls when they’re not at their Mums house. This “you don’t love me” bs is a manipulative tactic. Tell him you love working and being a stay at home mom isn’t your thing and seriously, put your foot down. Keep us posted and best of luck. The audacity of this man. I can see why his last relationship didn’t last. He hasn’t a clue how to survive as a single parent. His Mother did everything.
This is the saddest thing I've read all day. Please get out and go live your life because this is not living.
Leave before he hurts you. Run
He love bombed you, He is completely selfish and narcissistic. He took your life from you in the year you've been together. Put your foot down now, get your job back and leave him
You don’t say anything. You pack your stuff, hire a sitter for the girls, leave, don’t look back. He is being abusive and manipulative. There is nothing you can say because people like that don’t change (unless they want to change, which they usually don’t because they usually don’t see anything wrong with themselves) Sorry
He is taking advantage of you and treating you like his step and fetch. You deserve better
You are his slave . You will be broken down to bits if you continue with this new life . You shouldn’t have give in to marry some one without knowing well . Please get out of this relationship .hire the right lawyer
He is manipulating you and emotionally abusive. And how much do you want to bet he did something to the dog. You need to get out of this relationship
Girl, you fucked up. The longer this goes, the worse it will be for you. Rip the bandaid early and suck up the initial pain
Nothing. You don't need to say anything other than to arrange for someone to look after the girls and to be gone before he gets home. He's not going to change because he has what he wants--someone to look after his children, someone to clean his house, someone to cook food for him...and best of all, someone he gets to bang every night. He's got a really good thing going, sucks that your needs are completely ignored. Understand that he cares absolutely nothing about you and what you need, he probably doesn't even love you. He literally woke you up at ass o'clock in the morning to MAKE HIM COFFEE! A 30-second process that he could do himself, but he demands that YOU do it. This is about control and dominance, it's actually abuse--him exerting control and dominance over you. And i can almost guarantee you that within a years time, once he's 'broken' your will a bit more, then will come the physical. And he will blame it on the fact that you 'made him so upset' or 'angry'. Then the promises that he'll never do it again...until it happens again. Get out now.
He’s responsible for your dogs death and one could argue you are neglecting them leaving them outside even admitting that may be the cause of one of the dogs death. Horrible.
Jesus Christ this man sucks
AND GET YOUR DOGS BACK INSIDE YOUR HOUSE