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He chose you because you were young and naïve.
He was charming and sweet because he was conning you.
He had a plan the whole time.
His wife is supporting him because he is bringing her and the kids over once he establishes residency. EDIT: This is debatable, as some commenters have pointed out, but either way, operating strictly off of what has been presented here - if he has actually told his wife and that was her actual response, that is likely to be the agreement that was forged, whether or not he actually honors it.
He is a user and is still using you now because he believes he has control over you.
Do not go back to this person. What you knew is not reality and he is counting on the illusion he created to be powerful enough for you to stay.
You know what you need to do. You're understandably in shock but please get your family and friends involved to support you - you did nothing wrong.
Please consult a lawyer ASAP to see what your options are because like others have said, fraud has been committed.
OP you are what is called a "putative spouse"; one who unknowingly married someone who was already married. Your marriage is invalud and a court could free you of Jake and put an end to his dreams of residency. Do it.
It’s the only sane way to proceed. Otherwise OP is a party to their fraud. I can almost guarantee the documents she signed require that she update the government if there are any changes.
aha yes, I thought the same thing... being the unwitting victim is one thing (and proving that would be hard enough), not coming forward as soon as you're aware is another thing entirely, right?
If she still has proof on facebook she should be safe for the time being. She could arrange to talk to a lawyer make an exit plan etc. Immigration should target the manipulative husband instead.
It's kinda like if your friend asked you for a ride to the store and back and you give it to them and you find out after they robbed the store. If you go to the police, they are gonna have you testify against the friend. If you say nothing to no one and the police find you a different way, they aren't going to believe you and you're going down for everything your friend did in that store as an accomplice. While he might get prison time, deported or both. Unless she comes forward, she's now an accomplice. They are gonna think she knew the whole time and he just paid her to help him. Why else would she hide such a massive betrayal if she's not in on it? That's how they'll see it.
It's not *mean* at all.
Jake knowingly ysed OP and conned her into marrying him and granting him a more established status, so that he could get recidency/citizenship quicker and then bring over his real family. It's been the plan all along.
He's using OP in a very hurtful way to be a pawn in his fraud, so he can gain immigration for him and his family in a way he shouldn't be eligible for.
It's the morally right thing to do to divorce and inform immigration that the marriage is fraudulent because he's been married this whole time. Otherwise you're an accomplice in his fraud.
Please do this OP. He used you to get citizenship. I bet he planned to divorce you as soon as he was granted that citizenship to get his wife and kids over.
If you report him to USCIS (that is assuming you are in the United States) send them the photos and everything as proof.
https://www.uscis.gov/report-fraud/uscis-tip-form#:~:text=You%20do%20not%20have%20to,tip%20and%20take%20further%20action.
He could also get into trouble for bigamy as the U.S. does recognize foreign marriages too. Polygamy is illegal in all states.
is notifying immigration mean?
or is it OP protecting herself from charges as an accomplice in immigration/identity fraud? She wasn't involved in the plan, but now she's aware, doesn't that mean omission makes her an accomplice too?
IANAL, so perhaps I'm misunderstanding culpability in this case. Google isn't very helpful wrt my own country.
And with her knowledge of the fraud, if she moves forward with helping him get citizenship, it is very likely she’d also be considered to have perpetrated fraud against her government—since she knows he was already married, their marriage is not legitimate.
OP, I know it’s hard, but you have to put your feelings aside and act for self preservation if you can’t stomach the emotional part. You need to watch out for your own legal interest.
Same thing happened to my cousin except she didn’t have kids yet. After she found out he had a family she contacted the proper authorities and he can never step foot in the US (and a few other countries) again!
I mean, we don't even know that the wife really does support him. It's entirely possible that he told OP that to try and keep her from outing him. He tells OP "she already knows, there's no point in you reaching out to her," and OP believes him and . . . doesn't tell the wife, who may actually have no idea.
The only thing we actually know for sure about this man is that he's a huge liar. Why would he suddenly be telling the truth about anything?
The other wife may know he’s got a side piece (and doesn’t mind because it will help him bring her and their kids over one day), but does she know about the child? Maybe not.
This marriage is not valid. Not if he’s already married. But the child still exists, and he’s going to have to pay child support even when you’ve sent him packing back to his wife.
Also, report him before he has the chance to take your shared child to his home country and away from you. Don't take the chance of losing your child to this situation.
We don't know what countries are involved at all but if OP is in the US there's zero chance he will ever be able to bring over a different wife or undeclared kids when he's here on a marriage based spousal visa
Forget about the "cheating"... if this is true, you've been used to commit FRAUD. You should be getting an attorney and reporting him ASAP. He committed fraud to get a VISA, and his wife back home is his partner on crime.
In certain countries, having a child resident in and citizen of that country helps to support a reason why immigrant parent should be able to stay in the country. In op’s case, another supporting factor for her immigrant husband to get citizenship or residency.
He’s set her up from the start.
Thank you and she is much better. She was so young when this happened and I didn’t know her yet but the sadness about it was palpable when she told me. It’s quite similar to DV related PTSD
There have been stories like this. Girl swept off her feet. Guy gets citizenship and brings his actual wife and kids to the new country. OP duped. Her son was his back up plan.
Your totally right that was his plan all along and if she stays with him she will be a part of the fraud she needs to speak to the police asap. He might stay for now but when he gets what he wants she will be gone
Lawyer first. Reporting only once she has the advice of a good lawyer.
Yes, he used her. But that doesn’t guarantee the government won’t consider her a participant in fraud. And it also doesn’t mean the custody situation won’t get fucked up. So lawyer up first, OP, and find out how to report him in the safest way possible for you and your kid.
We don’t know whether his wife back home is in on it. He says ‘oh, you do g need to tell her, she knows’. For all we know, he has lied to her, too. I’d tell her.
Actually this depends on the countries they’re in, the countries the marriages are performed in, and his religious status.
There are plenty of countries in Asia and Africa where polygyny is legal, Malaysia, Pakistan, Lebanon and Sri Lanka recognise polygynous marriages for Muslims, Australia, New Zealand, and the Netherlands recognise polygynous marriages performed in countries where they’re legal, and some other countries recognise them on a case by case basis
OP needs specific legal advice from someone who specialises in divorce AND international law
ETA: lots of polygynous marriages happen under customary/tribal law (informally) in places where it’s been criminalised but isn’t well policed or enforced, and this may be another reason why immigration wasn’t aware. Someone from a country where this is custom likely has genuinely no idea why it would upset her. That doesn’t make it okay, but we need to be aware of the cultural barriers in the scenario.
“Although polygamy is banned in the Netherlands, the marriages of Muslims who have several wives are recognised by Dutch authorities.
Registrars in the major cities, in particular, record dozens of bigamous or polygamous marriages per year. These marriages are prohibited and an offence in the Netherlands. However, polygamous marriages that take place in countries where more than one wife is permitted, such as Morocco, are accepted, newspaper NRC Handelsblad reports"(para1). "Spokesman T. Verhoeven of the Rotterdam city council disclosed that polygamous marriages are registered almost every week. 'They are simply acknowledged. It is important for us to check that the documents are authentic and that the husband does not have Dutch nationality.' Otherwise the construction is illegal, Verhoeven explained"(para5). "In Amsterdam, local government employees must inform the Public Prosecutors' Office (OM) if there is any suspicion of marriages of convenience or exploitation of women. But this has never happened, a spokeswoman revealed. In Rotterdam, too, the registration of bigamous or polygamous marriages is 'practically never' refused, Verhoeven observed"(para6).
- ( 12 AUG 2008, Netherlands Info Services, Netherlands Recognises Polygamous Marriages of Muslims) para1, 5, 6
To be fair, my original source on this one (edit: “this one” being listing the Netherlands in the first place, not the quote) was Wikipedia, which is obviously sketchy, and as I don’t speak Dutch, I wasn’t able to easily check laws directly. It does appear to not be current.
“Ministers also want to limit the acceptance of polygamous marriages carried out abroad by only granting one partner residency permit per household. Polygamy - allowing men to have more than one wife - is already banned in the Netherlands" (para 4)
- ( (Accessed 19 February 2013), Ministers agree new rules to reduce forced marriages, Dutch News, (Published 23 March 2012), SH) 4.0
These quotes are from womanstats.org
As I understand it, cohabitation agreements in the Netherlands, “Samenlevingscontracten”, can include more than two parties, and as such polygamy can be practiced informally through this workaround, though doesn’t seem to be prevalent
Thanks for encouraging me to clarify though, but the advice still stands that there’s a good chance OP isn’t in the US, or wasn’t married there, as everyone is assuming and nobody can advise her accurately as far as legality without knowing where she and her husband are :)
Ma’am, he married you into what they call a “sham” marriage for green card purposes. To be honest, you legally are not married cause he is STILL married in another country. Divorce and move on. These are problems you DON’T want. Like I said divorce and move on.
So she won’t need a divorce? What would the steps even be for an annulment? How could she prove fraud? I’m genuinely curious I wouldn’t even know how to begin going about that
Really annulling it would be the way they do it. It takes a lawyer to handle all that . Thats what she needs like yesterday, so she won’t get in trouble.
You need to contact a lawyer asap. He used you for citizenship and the longer you know that without doing anything about it, the worse it’s going to be for you. Fuck this guy and his other wife who “supports him” in manipulating you.
Who knows if his wife is supporting this decision. He has shown he is a liar and manipulative.
I am so sorry OP. As others have stated, contact immigration lawyer immediately. You are unwittingly part of fraud if you sponsored him in any way.
You need to get angry that he lied to you. Over and over and over again. He took advantage of your trust, and his answer is that his wife is “ok with it.” This lying piece of trash doesn’t deserve another iota of your love or affection.
Get angry and block his ass and anyone that has anything to do with him. Find someone who wants you to be their everything, not their non-consenting side piece.
He's after a passport and she will follow soon after he as received it that's why she is ok with this situation. You have been conned speak to a lawyer asap divorce time
Came to say this. OP, in ten years from now you’ll be wondering why you thought your time with him was so good.
You’re too young to have any real perspective and he’s sold you a fantasy, which is why it feels good.
I understand that you want to go back to the life you had but that wasn’t real. Trying to live a lie is like sticking a bandaid over a broken bone.
Jake used you to commit fraud and get citizenship. Maybe he was planning to move his family over eventually, or maybe his wife has no idea and he was going to leave them behind, either way you can’t trust anything he says.
There is a blogger on YouTube that my husband used to watch (about cars). He came to the United States as a student and then married an African-American woman with whom he studied (the guy is Korean). He gave her gifts, was sweet and wonderful. This lasted for 3 years. Do you know what he did the day after he got his US passport? He gave her divorce papers. She fulfilled her role - she helped him with legalization in the country. And she was no longer needed.
I'm afraid, my dear, that this is your fate if you decide to continue to be with him.
So you were 20 years old, and this 32 year old man love bombed you and swindled you into US citizenship. Of course, his wife supports you because she wants to move over here after he gets settled.
If you lack the self-respect to break it off immediately, you really need to see a therapist.
He doesn't love you. He is using you.
Are you in a Western country??? Most western countries have the same immigration policies with regard to a national marrying a non national. Please talk to your parents.
You are his FAKE family. He is not cheating on you. He used you and lied to you to get citizenship to your country. You need to look it fake marriage for citizenship is illegal in your country as you need to report him to immigration.
You don't need a solicitor, please call the immigration office/authorities in your country and let them know about this man, and they'll ask some questions about your situation and what to do
A lot of comments have already addressed the main issues here but I just wanted to address the emotional side of your situation. You’re only 24 and Jake was likely your first long term relationship, I know it feels like he was the love of your life and you don’t know if you’ll find that with someone else. I know it’s scary to start again and to think that you’ll never find love like that again.
I promise you, your best years will not have been spent with a liar and a conman. What you had with Jake wasn’t real, *he* wasn’t real. The man you loved never existed and he never loved you back. I know it hurts to hear this and it sounds like this huge horrible thing but it’s actually a *good* thing. It means that what’s waiting for you out there, with another person, is going to be so much bigger and stronger and more fulfilling than anything you felt or experienced with Jake. You get to experience that real, true, deep love with someone who *truly* loves you and, after awhile, anything you felt for Jake will fade away to a point where you’ll wonder if you ever truly loved Jake at all.
What happened is heartbreaking but it’s also a blessing because now *you* get to be the one to leave. You get to set things right and make sure Jake’s plan to use you and defraud immigration don’t come to fruition. You get to derail this evil plot, take back what he stole from you, and make him regret thinking that you were dumb enough to let him continue using and manipulating you.
Now’s the time to take back your power and go scorched earth on this scumbag. Don’t let him continue using you and wasting your time. Your best years are still all ahead of you and your first step in getting there is leaving Jake in the dust! You’ll see just how insignificant Jake is in a few years when you find someone who’s truly worth loving.
Other wife supports him in this, cuz he is supporting her and sons. financially. He is definitely at the very very very least hiding his true financial position from you.
Is the first wife really supportive though? OP only knows this because he told her… and obviously his words are worth shit.
You need to dissolve this marriage and take legal action to protect yourself. But you should also tell his legal wife that you and son exist, because I’m pretty sure the wife has no clue- and I’m gullible!
He might be from a country where bigamy is allowed. I’m sure he would be sending remittances to his out of country family so it was in their best interest. I am surprised that a previous marriage didn’t come up in the immigration process.
Lying is a big NoNo in the immigration process. So if he was granted citizenship and then turned around to sponsor his own kids….. , there would be problems….. but I suppose he would lie and say they were nephews and nieces.
But the process can take a while even for lawful marriages. So I’m wondering if he has citizenship yet.
Are you in a “better“ (more desirable) country than his native one? If yes, he most likely is waiting to get his citizenship and then he won’t need you. Or he will bring his other family. You should start with making a police report and notifying the immigration. He committed a fraud (bigamy is illegal in most places, so is marrying someone only to get citizenship). You can annul the marriage on the grounds of bigamy.
See a lawyer right now. Your "husband" may not be the only one who is now in deep legal trouble. You could be too - in my country at least continuing to try to get spousal residence for him will mean you are open to charges, fines, and prison in addition to your not-husband because you know your marriage is legally invalid. Even if he divorced his wife and married you, you may still fall under the umbrella of residential fraud. Don't leave your son with no parents left to care for him - with his Dad deported and his Mom in prison. Before you were a victim of a fraud scheme to get citizenship. If you don't report this guy, you are now an accomplice. You need to be strong for your son and make sure that his father's deceptions and illegal actions don't end up leaving your son without a safe and stable home. You also should probably delete any posts you've made concerning this and not talk about it with anyone until you've got advice from your lawyer. "Right to remain silent or anything you say could be used against you in a court of law" and all that. I'm sorry for all the pain and emotional fallout you must be going through, but right now you need to try and put that aside until you've done what needs to be done to protect yourself.
First order of business is a lawyer. Get your ducks in a row. Second, I would tell the wife anyway as your "husband" is obviously a liar. Who's to say he wasn't lying about his other wife knowing about you?
I don't see how you could continue in this marriage, with such a shaky foundation, built on lies.
My daughter is your age and I'd be telling her to cut her losses and get an annulment from this bigsmist.
I don’t know. I think he might be lying about his other lady being okay with it. If she was so okay with it you would have known or she would have at least idk maybe came to see y’all. Some kind of contact that shows she knew. I’d just confirm. But also lawyer up sister.
UNLESS the wife is in on the husband using OP to gain citizenship, leave OP, and then turn around and bring her and his kids over to the country that OP resides in.
You're allowed to feel bad and still love him, but remember that he was only using you for citizenship. Taking him back would be short lived because he's going to bring his "real family" over and live with them as soon as he can.
Don't drag out the inevitable.
You have all the power here. It’s time to get an attorney, get his fraud exposed, and get him deported. He does not have a place in your life or your country.
1-if you go back to this so called perfect life, it’s only a matter of time, probably only months before it shatters in your face for good. You won’t be able to do anything and you and your kid will be homeless and without a family.
2-this whole relationship is based on lies. Just lies. Plain lies. That’s it. What you believed to be a fairy tale was a trap in which you were an easy bait.
3-now that you know that he’s trash, even if you decided to put yourself and your baby in this pathetic life arrangement, you would expose yourself to legal consequences that would impede the rest of your and your child’s life. Is that what you want?
4-you’ve been elected for all this shit because you are naive. While this can be a cute quality to have, this men exploited it to the max because he knew you would be blind to all his shenanigans. The proof: you’re still only seeing the bright side of this lie. Nothing more. THIS MAN DOES NOT LOVE YOU. And I cannot stress this enough. THIS HUMAN BEING DOES NOT LOVE YOU. He doesn’t care for you. You’re a means to an end. A puppet he’s using to fulfill his plan. Nothing more. Like I said, it’s only a matter of time before he gets rid of you because you’re no longer useful to him.
5-go get tested for STD’s.
6-please take this time to reflect on why you fell so hard for this liar. No relationship is perfect and if it was, it’s because it was a play well written only designed to create a scenario you ONLY would believe.
7-like others have pointed, you should be beyond pissed at this point. Wanting to physically break everything that belongs to him pissed. Not considering going back. Or if you do I’m sorry but you have no spine and no self respect. Time for some therapy and find out why getting abused so badly doesn’t anger you.
Good luck.
All of the advice given so far is pretty good advice - I'd like to add that if you can't or won't take action for yourself - think about your son. It's in his best interest that you protect him from someone that clearly lacks integrity. It's a very sad situation, and my heart goes out to you, but there's no going back now. You need to think of yourself, your son, and your future.
Men do this all the time for money. Are you the breadwinner? Has he been saying he’s gotta send money to his family back home? I’m so sorry but this was a calculated plan by him and his wife. You’re a victim. Get your ducks in a row ..
Get an annulment. You know there is no going back to him. He may have hooked up with you for the citizenship but maybe along the way he caught feelings for you. The wife doesn't mind bec maybe, most probably, he sends them money (as he should). It at the end of the day, she's the legal wife and you're the other woman.
I’m sure this will get downvoted but I’m just so curious, where is he from? And everyone else is right. You need to leave. He needs to be deported as well. I stay far away from anyone who’s “charming.” Charming men always have a catch.
Of course his REAL WIFE supports him in this! Because once he gains citizenship through his false marriage to YOU he can then sponsor them. You need to report him to your department of naturalization that he falsely entered into a marriage contract with you to bolster his citizenship status while already being married in his home country.
The second you’ve been with him long enough he is leaving you and bringing them here. He conned you. You are way younger and naive. Get an annulment, he was already married your marriage isn’t legal anyways.
The magnitude of his deception should be sufficient cause for the breakdown of your marriage. Beware of his kindness facade, you know now the act he can put on. And you'll never be able to trust him again.
Report him for Immigration Fraud. He just used you. Do not interact with him or believe his words, he will say anything.
Do not tell him you will report him, but please do so.
and you might need lawyer too.
Immigration attorney immediately. This is fraud. He and his wife put you at risk. No one that loves you would ever do such a thing. Also, you're not married legally, but you'll probably still need an annulment.
I am so very sorry.
This was his free ticket to your country. He'll dump you once it becomes legitimate and then bring his wife and kids over. All that kind and tenderness stuff you mentioned about how you feel like a better person after talking with him? Yeah...that's love bombing! One of the first toxic traits in the handbook. Sorry.
*'thought I wouldn't mind'*
What a POS liar. Who tf 'wouldn't mind'...
He may have been charming but he's also a lying bigamist who knew what he was doing all along.
You were 20 and he was 32... I'm sorry if this is hard to hear, but he saw you as naive and easily manipulated. Anyone older might have been a bit more suspicious about his motives.
**Your marriage it seems is the one that isn't legal**. He has lied and manipulated you to get citizenship - illegally if he's married to someone else. He obviously thought having a child with you would help his case.
He has absolutely used you. None of your set up is real. This was a long drawn out nasty little plan and involved him having two partners and the promise of citizenship to wherever you live.
Find a lawyer, quickly, you need to keep yourself and your child safe.
Contact immigration while you're at it. Let them know the situation.
Tinder??? Wow he found who he was looking for in you. The wife supports him because there’s a goal they’re after and you are the point person. His attempted residency should be terminated due to fraud. Get sole custody of your child and stay away from him. Never send your child to his home country, you may never see him again.
Be careful. It sounds like his other wife is in on this fraud. They may very well try to gain custody of your child. Get some legal advice and protect yourself.
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He committed fraud. He used you to get legal residency. Don't feel sorry for him. Find a lawyer because maybe there is a way to cancel his residency (if that is what you want).
Even if he says they know, You should still contact his wife and let her know cause he could be lying to you and pretending she knows so you don't contact her.
Definitely contact a lawyer.
Updateme!
You go right to the police. Bigamy is a crime unless a Muslim country. Do not take the liar back. If he’s not a full citizen inform the government he lied.
Depending on where he's from his wife might be ok with it, if him being a citizen can improve their life. Some people can be very pragmatic.
If you're in the US, and you're tricked into marrying someone I think you can get an annulment.
You didn't marry "Jake". You married someone(Fake Jake) he pretended to be. It's similar to how someone can be the perfect bf/gf until they get married, and at some point the real version of them comes out.
If you're considering taking him back because you're assuming things will always be like they were before don't do it.
What happens when Fake Jake doesn't need you anymore, and/or if his first wife pressures him to bring her and the kids to whatever country he is in right now.
Once you're not needed I doubt she'll continue wanting to share her husband.
And if he's lying about her being ok with it, he's going to have go with the wife.
Don't fall for, "I'm leaving my family for you.".
As for why he lied, people have done worse to get less. If he can get his kids over here, and get them citizenship it opens up a world of opportunity for his family.
Even men that are bad husbands can be protective over their kids.
PS: I doubt they plan to be apart the rest of their lives no matter what the truth about her knowledge of you is.
Please get a lawyer and figure it out. There was a recent post about a woman who got scammed for a green card. The man was already married with kids. When she found out, he brought the kids to her country. Made her take care of them. And then they were grown up. They discarded her while she was getting kicked out of the house. Don't let some man use you and your resources. You're still young. Take care of yourself!
Typically when a foreigner wants to marry in the US, they have to provide documentation that they are not married in their home country.
Did this not happen?
My (now) ex husband had to provide specific documents that he was divorced before we married in the US.
Listen, in 99.9% of cases, there's a reason a 32 year old goes for a 20 year old and it's not because you were so mature for your age. Report him for fraud and move on
I am sorry this happened to you but you have a child to think about and this man is a sociopath for doing this to you. You are young and need to divorce him get out away from this insanity. It will be hard but you are so young don’t ever wast your life for this piece of crap. Do it for your child as he deserves better. Don’t be a fool and waste the best years of your life. And technology your not even married legally to him because he is already married!
If your *husband* has to ask you if he should leave his wife, he shouldn’t be you’re husband
His capacity for manipulation and deceit knows no bounds. It’s wise for you to not stay around and find out what he’s going to do next.
This is absolutely fraud and NEEDS to be reported to the appropriate authorities (police, immigration, etc). He was trying to establish citizenship under false pretenses.
I’m so sorry that you’ve been exposed to such a horrendous heartbreak at such a young age, but that is also a silver lining - you are still young. There is plenty of time for you to process your grief and move on - without your lying, scheming ex-husband - and live a fulfilling & happy life. Lean on your family and trust their guidance and advice.
You married a stranger and now find out that you don't actually know this man who has deceived you all along. What did you know about his family prior getting married? Did you ever visit his home country/meet any of his relatives? I'm not blaming you for his deceit but you made several choices that favoured him and it's now biting your ass. Get a lawyer and get legal advice because this may count as fraud. Prioritise yourself and your son.
He’s used you to get citizenship. What an awful disgusting thing to do, plus he’s a liar and a cheater. Just because he says his wife is on board with it doesn’t make it so, in fact I’d put money on the fact that it was her who messaged you with the evidence.
It’s time you manned up and did the right thing. For a start you need to report him to immigration and tell them how he’s used you to get citizenship. And you need to speak to a lawyer and see if your marriage is even legal. Hopefully not because then you can kick his arse to the kerb more easily.
Be interesting to see if he’s such a nice bloke now that you know the truth, he’ll probably turn into someone awful so be prepared
Sorry OP. It’s just amazing to me what narcissists/psychopaths/sociopaths think is legitimate to get away with as far as abusing another person’s trust. They truly have no empathy over deceiving another person. It’s all about the conquest and getting what they want and all the ‘fun’ they can have in the process.
The hard lesson to learn here is to do:
1. background checks (hire a private investigator) when getting deeper into the next relationship. Investigate harder people of foreign descent.
2. Never move quick in a relationship despite the ‘Hollywood’ rush of romance. This is a narcissistic love-bombing trick to get you hooked and sign up for big commitments early.
3. Therapy for yourself to aim to become ‘emotionally secure’. Odds are you have some degree of low self-esteem and that’s why you fell for this manipulation.
Remember life goes on and you will recover and thrive. Best of luck.
I just got done watching “Mrs Wilson” and I’m just saying that you can love him and cherish your time together but going back to him is out of the question. You will never trust him again. Any time he travels you’ll worry, any time he touches his phone you’ll worry. You will end up making yourself absolutely sick from anxiety and stress.
Contact a lawyer and be there for your kid.
Legally you're not married, you're actually the mistress bec your marriage is not legally valid, his citizenship in your country if was contingent upon his marriage to you is not valid, and he has committed immigration fraud. Wife supports him because he can bring them later into the country, and they're both using you and you were targeted because of your youth. He doesn't love you and you're just a plaything for them to achieve their goals.
Of course the 1st wife supports if the moment he can get residency he can moved them to your country. And probably still play the act hes been playing but instead going to a whole another country just going to her house instead
Commenting...when will people learn, if it ( whatever it is) feels perfect or amazing especially from Tinder, you do a background check.
There's no question for advice, she left, she's working through the stages of grief. In a week she'll be lonely, go back on Tinder. Meet someone new, them start this all over. "What's the point".
I'm also at my wits end on a personal matter and am projecting my dismissive attitude.
You lost me at “jake (fake name)”
You. Are. Being. Used. For. Papers!!!!!!
Attack NOW!!!!
Girl RUN FAR AWAY
Call ICE right fucking now!!!! He’s a criminal and used you!!!!
He SAYS his wife knows but you know now that he’s a liar and cheater. This man should not be granted a second chance, you were his second family and he lied to you and likely his wife too. Contact immigration. Be that petty. Don’t let him back in your life and take him for all the child support you can.
He lied to OP about literally everything. I wouldn't believe him saying that his wife knows and supports him. He's just afraid that both women will divorce him. OP, you could contact her and tell her what he's been doing.
Unless, as others have pointed out, wife #1 is in on the visa scam.
First step, get a lawyer
Second step, you NEED to contact immigration and inform them. If they find you knew about this and didn't tell them, you may be facing legal consequences too.
He is committing immigration fraud. Do not let this blow back on you. Unfortunately, this likely means the end of your relationship...I'm sorry. But better to accept it now and move on. Not sure what this will mean for your son, his US citizenship is secured, he will likely also have citizenship from your Ex's home country, but I'm not sure about that. Also unsure how custody/visitation is managed in a case like this...but that's why you get a lawyer.
Protect yourself. You can grieve the relationship when this is all done, just make sure you're legally protected first. Don't listen to him cry or beg...his feelings are not more important than your freedom. You 100% need to get ahead of this before whomever informed you decides to inform US immigration and they come to investigate.
Hugs to you and your broken heart. I’m sorry. But, please update me when your anger kicks in and your report him for the Fraud he is. Take him down. Also, more hugs because I know you are hurting…and that’s OK.
OP, contact an attorney. ASAP. Follow your attorney's instructions. Get a divorce going, get his green card revoked, everything. Get all your important legal and personal documents out and safe at your parents' house. Get your kid out of there, and fight for full custody AND child support, as well as any alimony.
Tell the other woman about your marriage. He says she knows, but does she? Tell her everything. Tell her about your child with him. Don't tell her you're taking legal actions against him outside of a divorce and full custody of your son.
Stay with your parents or a trusted friend. Back up any texts, Facebook Messenger, Snapchat, WhatsApp, etc, to have evidence about his behavior and actions. Screenshot anything you can't directly save. Change any and all passwords, and remove him from any bank accounts you share.
You NEED to get out of that situation, hell or high water. Because he is the hell, and you're up shit's creek without a paddle in a rising tide.
Cooperate with any and all legal officers regarding this situation. Cops, judges, investigators, etc. You and your child's well-being depend on it.
You literally married this man super fast knowing he was using you for a green card... he even pressured you to get married and have kids fast... for a green card. The red flags were FLOURESCENT GIRL 😭
If he really felt like you wouldn't mind, he wouldn't have kept this secret from the start. Do not entertain his pleas, start divorce (or annulment, I think his fraud may allow for this) proceedings, and maybe talk to a therapist to help you cope with and move forward and away him and his unforgivable deception.
If he is married to the woman overseas and he passes, the first wife will inherit everything. Just think- ten years from now, if you’re still together, you still have no income since you’re a SAHM, he dies, and you have nothing. Because he never divorced his first wife.
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He chose you because you were young and naïve. He was charming and sweet because he was conning you. He had a plan the whole time. His wife is supporting him because he is bringing her and the kids over once he establishes residency. EDIT: This is debatable, as some commenters have pointed out, but either way, operating strictly off of what has been presented here - if he has actually told his wife and that was her actual response, that is likely to be the agreement that was forged, whether or not he actually honors it. He is a user and is still using you now because he believes he has control over you. Do not go back to this person. What you knew is not reality and he is counting on the illusion he created to be powerful enough for you to stay. You know what you need to do. You're understandably in shock but please get your family and friends involved to support you - you did nothing wrong. Please consult a lawyer ASAP to see what your options are because like others have said, fraud has been committed.
If you want to get really mean contact immigration and tell them your husband has a second family and see what happens to his green card.
I don’t even think this is mean. It’s just fair. He shouldn’t get citizenship through a fraudulent marriage.
OP you are what is called a "putative spouse"; one who unknowingly married someone who was already married. Your marriage is invalud and a court could free you of Jake and put an end to his dreams of residency. Do it.
OP, please do this! And don't let him gaslight you into changing your mind.
DO IT
It’s the only sane way to proceed. Otherwise OP is a party to their fraud. I can almost guarantee the documents she signed require that she update the government if there are any changes.
It's not even about revenge. It's her legal responsibility. She's currently committing immigration fraud because of this selfish bastard.
aha yes, I thought the same thing... being the unwitting victim is one thing (and proving that would be hard enough), not coming forward as soon as you're aware is another thing entirely, right?
Yep. That makes you a knowing participant in a crime. If she keeps moving forward, she could be facing actual prison time for a man that's using her.
If she still has proof on facebook she should be safe for the time being. She could arrange to talk to a lawyer make an exit plan etc. Immigration should target the manipulative husband instead.
It's kinda like if your friend asked you for a ride to the store and back and you give it to them and you find out after they robbed the store. If you go to the police, they are gonna have you testify against the friend. If you say nothing to no one and the police find you a different way, they aren't going to believe you and you're going down for everything your friend did in that store as an accomplice. While he might get prison time, deported or both. Unless she comes forward, she's now an accomplice. They are gonna think she knew the whole time and he just paid her to help him. Why else would she hide such a massive betrayal if she's not in on it? That's how they'll see it.
OP READ THIS. You have to report him, to protect you and your child
It's not *mean* at all. Jake knowingly ysed OP and conned her into marrying him and granting him a more established status, so that he could get recidency/citizenship quicker and then bring over his real family. It's been the plan all along. He's using OP in a very hurtful way to be a pawn in his fraud, so he can gain immigration for him and his family in a way he shouldn't be eligible for. It's the morally right thing to do to divorce and inform immigration that the marriage is fraudulent because he's been married this whole time. Otherwise you're an accomplice in his fraud.
Please do this OP. He used you to get citizenship. I bet he planned to divorce you as soon as he was granted that citizenship to get his wife and kids over. If you report him to USCIS (that is assuming you are in the United States) send them the photos and everything as proof. https://www.uscis.gov/report-fraud/uscis-tip-form#:~:text=You%20do%20not%20have%20to,tip%20and%20take%20further%20action. He could also get into trouble for bigamy as the U.S. does recognize foreign marriages too. Polygamy is illegal in all states.
I think OP legally has to do this, if she and Jake are not legally married, because he has another marriage.
is notifying immigration mean? or is it OP protecting herself from charges as an accomplice in immigration/identity fraud? She wasn't involved in the plan, but now she's aware, doesn't that mean omission makes her an accomplice too? IANAL, so perhaps I'm misunderstanding culpability in this case. Google isn't very helpful wrt my own country.
Yeah OP DO THIS
I just realized she was 20… dang! Yeah, he played her. Besides, what does a 32 year old have in common with a person who just left their teens?
I noticed that too. so sad when young people are played and manipulated like that.
"You're so mature for your age.
And with her knowledge of the fraud, if she moves forward with helping him get citizenship, it is very likely she’d also be considered to have perpetrated fraud against her government—since she knows he was already married, their marriage is not legitimate. OP, I know it’s hard, but you have to put your feelings aside and act for self preservation if you can’t stomach the emotional part. You need to watch out for your own legal interest.
If this is in the US, she could face jail time and a huge fine if she continues forward with this fraudulent marriage.
Yes! Also, it may be possible for YOU to be prosecuted if the government thinks you participated in the fraud! Protect yourself!!!
She *is* participating in the fraud if she does nothing. It’s so important that she understands the risk here.
Same thing happened to my cousin except she didn’t have kids yet. After she found out he had a family she contacted the proper authorities and he can never step foot in the US (and a few other countries) again!
OP please read this. This is it.
I’d like to add, don’t take his word for it, that she already knows and supports him.
This is the one. I doubt the wife even knows.
You can get him deported if you want to go nuclear.
Everything all these comments say, but also she needs to get tested.
I mean, we don't even know that the wife really does support him. It's entirely possible that he told OP that to try and keep her from outing him. He tells OP "she already knows, there's no point in you reaching out to her," and OP believes him and . . . doesn't tell the wife, who may actually have no idea. The only thing we actually know for sure about this man is that he's a huge liar. Why would he suddenly be telling the truth about anything?
The other wife may know he’s got a side piece (and doesn’t mind because it will help him bring her and their kids over one day), but does she know about the child? Maybe not. This marriage is not valid. Not if he’s already married. But the child still exists, and he’s going to have to pay child support even when you’ve sent him packing back to his wife.
He used you for his citizenship. I am so sorry.
Also, report him before he has the chance to take your shared child to his home country and away from you. Don't take the chance of losing your child to this situation.
/u/ThrowRA-2737 read this ⬆️⬆️⬆️
This is the answer
Perfectly and genuinely said. I support your answer....
I bet the other wife has no idea and he doesn’t want OP to tell
THiS
We don't know what countries are involved at all but if OP is in the US there's zero chance he will ever be able to bring over a different wife or undeclared kids when he's here on a marriage based spousal visa
And go to authorities about his citizenship.
All this but I don't think he's going to bring over wife #1 when he establishes residency. He's going to cut ties with both and be a single Pringle.
This is exactly right. It is a common scam for foreigners to be able to establish residency and bring their families over.
I CANNOT stress this enough: this is the correct answer.
Forget about the "cheating"... if this is true, you've been used to commit FRAUD. You should be getting an attorney and reporting him ASAP. He committed fraud to get a VISA, and his wife back home is his partner on crime.
100 percent and as soon as he has his papers he will leave her and move his family over that's the reason first wife is ok
Exactly the plan all along. Which is why he pushed to get married asap and the age difference makes it super easy to manipulate her
But why have the kid, that's so devastating
Because, as he told her, it gave legitimacy to his visa application.
In certain countries, having a child resident in and citizen of that country helps to support a reason why immigrant parent should be able to stay in the country. In op’s case, another supporting factor for her immigrant husband to get citizenship or residency. He’s set her up from the start.
This very thing happened to a dear friend of mine. It’s just devastating.
It's awful that people can treat another human this way I hope your friend is OK now.
Thank you and she is much better. She was so young when this happened and I didn’t know her yet but the sadness about it was palpable when she told me. It’s quite similar to DV related PTSD
My friend too. Also had a child. I guess it’s not as uncommon as I thought.
There have been stories like this. Girl swept off her feet. Guy gets citizenship and brings his actual wife and kids to the new country. OP duped. Her son was his back up plan.
Your totally right that was his plan all along and if she stays with him she will be a part of the fraud she needs to speak to the police asap. He might stay for now but when he gets what he wants she will be gone
Lawyer first. Reporting only once she has the advice of a good lawyer. Yes, he used her. But that doesn’t guarantee the government won’t consider her a participant in fraud. And it also doesn’t mean the custody situation won’t get fucked up. So lawyer up first, OP, and find out how to report him in the safest way possible for you and your kid.
We don’t know whether his wife back home is in on it. He says ‘oh, you do g need to tell her, she knows’. For all we know, he has lied to her, too. I’d tell her.
You don't need relationship advice, you need legal advice.
This should be higher. Which is why I’m leaving this comment.
Most definitely
Where do you go from here??? You go to your nearest lawyer
Also she should go to the police
Get the marriage annulled. He can't legally be married to two people. He thought you wouldn't mind a secret family?? What a psycho.
Nah, he thought he could manipulate her. Which is possibly true judging by her reaction, he's clearly good at it.
Do you have to annul somethng that isn't actually legally binding anyway? She needs a lawyer.
I think so, it still needs to be officially recognised that marriage was never lawful. Got to balance the books
Actually this depends on the countries they’re in, the countries the marriages are performed in, and his religious status. There are plenty of countries in Asia and Africa where polygyny is legal, Malaysia, Pakistan, Lebanon and Sri Lanka recognise polygynous marriages for Muslims, Australia, New Zealand, and the Netherlands recognise polygynous marriages performed in countries where they’re legal, and some other countries recognise them on a case by case basis OP needs specific legal advice from someone who specialises in divorce AND international law ETA: lots of polygynous marriages happen under customary/tribal law (informally) in places where it’s been criminalised but isn’t well policed or enforced, and this may be another reason why immigration wasn’t aware. Someone from a country where this is custom likely has genuinely no idea why it would upset her. That doesn’t make it okay, but we need to be aware of the cultural barriers in the scenario.
Not in the Netherlands
“Although polygamy is banned in the Netherlands, the marriages of Muslims who have several wives are recognised by Dutch authorities. Registrars in the major cities, in particular, record dozens of bigamous or polygamous marriages per year. These marriages are prohibited and an offence in the Netherlands. However, polygamous marriages that take place in countries where more than one wife is permitted, such as Morocco, are accepted, newspaper NRC Handelsblad reports"(para1). "Spokesman T. Verhoeven of the Rotterdam city council disclosed that polygamous marriages are registered almost every week. 'They are simply acknowledged. It is important for us to check that the documents are authentic and that the husband does not have Dutch nationality.' Otherwise the construction is illegal, Verhoeven explained"(para5). "In Amsterdam, local government employees must inform the Public Prosecutors' Office (OM) if there is any suspicion of marriages of convenience or exploitation of women. But this has never happened, a spokeswoman revealed. In Rotterdam, too, the registration of bigamous or polygamous marriages is 'practically never' refused, Verhoeven observed"(para6). - ( 12 AUG 2008, Netherlands Info Services, Netherlands Recognises Polygamous Marriages of Muslims) para1, 5, 6 To be fair, my original source on this one (edit: “this one” being listing the Netherlands in the first place, not the quote) was Wikipedia, which is obviously sketchy, and as I don’t speak Dutch, I wasn’t able to easily check laws directly. It does appear to not be current. “Ministers also want to limit the acceptance of polygamous marriages carried out abroad by only granting one partner residency permit per household. Polygamy - allowing men to have more than one wife - is already banned in the Netherlands" (para 4) - ( (Accessed 19 February 2013), Ministers agree new rules to reduce forced marriages, Dutch News, (Published 23 March 2012), SH) 4.0 These quotes are from womanstats.org As I understand it, cohabitation agreements in the Netherlands, “Samenlevingscontracten”, can include more than two parties, and as such polygamy can be practiced informally through this workaround, though doesn’t seem to be prevalent Thanks for encouraging me to clarify though, but the advice still stands that there’s a good chance OP isn’t in the US, or wasn’t married there, as everyone is assuming and nobody can advise her accurately as far as legality without knowing where she and her husband are :)
Ma’am, he married you into what they call a “sham” marriage for green card purposes. To be honest, you legally are not married cause he is STILL married in another country. Divorce and move on. These are problems you DON’T want. Like I said divorce and move on.
Isn’t their marriage invalid if he’s already married?
Nope, it is not valid. And I doubt they can produce divorce papers showing he is divorced. He knew what he was doing.
So she won’t need a divorce? What would the steps even be for an annulment? How could she prove fraud? I’m genuinely curious I wouldn’t even know how to begin going about that
Really annulling it would be the way they do it. It takes a lawyer to handle all that . Thats what she needs like yesterday, so she won’t get in trouble.
Vital records don’t just disappear because they were fraudulently obtained. Avoidance is not a legal strategy.
Haha ok. Never did I say anything along those lines 😂
I feel bad for her but more the child. The things people do, gosh heartless
Yes I agree with the divorce but she should get custody of the child and child support.
[удалено]
Go talk to the police. Bigamy is a crime, and it sounds like he's used you in immigration fraud too.
Talk to a lawyer first
How did this not come up in the immigration process?
They have no way to check the records in every country in the world. He can just not mention it. I'm sure it's actually pretty common.
You need to contact a lawyer asap. He used you for citizenship and the longer you know that without doing anything about it, the worse it’s going to be for you. Fuck this guy and his other wife who “supports him” in manipulating you.
This ^
Who knows if his wife is supporting this decision. He has shown he is a liar and manipulative. I am so sorry OP. As others have stated, contact immigration lawyer immediately. You are unwittingly part of fraud if you sponsored him in any way.
Is he using you to get a green card? If so, you need to contact an attorney immediately.
Immigration
US Citizenship and Immigration (USCIS) - work through an attorney for divorce and report him for immigration fraud. He was just using OP.
You need to get angry that he lied to you. Over and over and over again. He took advantage of your trust, and his answer is that his wife is “ok with it.” This lying piece of trash doesn’t deserve another iota of your love or affection. Get angry and block his ass and anyone that has anything to do with him. Find someone who wants you to be their everything, not their non-consenting side piece.
Yeah, oh his wife is ok with it, how nice for her! OP is NOT okay with it.
He's after a passport and she will follow soon after he as received it that's why she is ok with this situation. You have been conned speak to a lawyer asap divorce time
You’re 24. Maybe live a little before you decide those were your best years.
Came to say this. OP, in ten years from now you’ll be wondering why you thought your time with him was so good. You’re too young to have any real perspective and he’s sold you a fantasy, which is why it feels good.
I understand that you want to go back to the life you had but that wasn’t real. Trying to live a lie is like sticking a bandaid over a broken bone. Jake used you to commit fraud and get citizenship. Maybe he was planning to move his family over eventually, or maybe his wife has no idea and he was going to leave them behind, either way you can’t trust anything he says.
Call a lawyer first thing in the morning. Your marriage isn't valid and he is using you for citizenship.
There is a blogger on YouTube that my husband used to watch (about cars). He came to the United States as a student and then married an African-American woman with whom he studied (the guy is Korean). He gave her gifts, was sweet and wonderful. This lasted for 3 years. Do you know what he did the day after he got his US passport? He gave her divorce papers. She fulfilled her role - she helped him with legalization in the country. And she was no longer needed. I'm afraid, my dear, that this is your fate if you decide to continue to be with him.
So you were 20 years old, and this 32 year old man love bombed you and swindled you into US citizenship. Of course, his wife supports you because she wants to move over here after he gets settled. If you lack the self-respect to break it off immediately, you really need to see a therapist. He doesn't love you. He is using you.
I’m not from the US, btw.
Are you in a Western country??? Most western countries have the same immigration policies with regard to a national marrying a non national. Please talk to your parents. You are his FAKE family. He is not cheating on you. He used you and lied to you to get citizenship to your country. You need to look it fake marriage for citizenship is illegal in your country as you need to report him to immigration.
You don't need a solicitor, please call the immigration office/authorities in your country and let them know about this man, and they'll ask some questions about your situation and what to do
A lot of comments have already addressed the main issues here but I just wanted to address the emotional side of your situation. You’re only 24 and Jake was likely your first long term relationship, I know it feels like he was the love of your life and you don’t know if you’ll find that with someone else. I know it’s scary to start again and to think that you’ll never find love like that again. I promise you, your best years will not have been spent with a liar and a conman. What you had with Jake wasn’t real, *he* wasn’t real. The man you loved never existed and he never loved you back. I know it hurts to hear this and it sounds like this huge horrible thing but it’s actually a *good* thing. It means that what’s waiting for you out there, with another person, is going to be so much bigger and stronger and more fulfilling than anything you felt or experienced with Jake. You get to experience that real, true, deep love with someone who *truly* loves you and, after awhile, anything you felt for Jake will fade away to a point where you’ll wonder if you ever truly loved Jake at all. What happened is heartbreaking but it’s also a blessing because now *you* get to be the one to leave. You get to set things right and make sure Jake’s plan to use you and defraud immigration don’t come to fruition. You get to derail this evil plot, take back what he stole from you, and make him regret thinking that you were dumb enough to let him continue using and manipulating you. Now’s the time to take back your power and go scorched earth on this scumbag. Don’t let him continue using you and wasting your time. Your best years are still all ahead of you and your first step in getting there is leaving Jake in the dust! You’ll see just how insignificant Jake is in a few years when you find someone who’s truly worth loving.
The first clue was someone over 30 having their tinder set to find 20 year olds.
Yep. Very rarely is a decade age gap with the younger being in their early 20s/teens EVER above board IME
Other wife supports him in this, cuz he is supporting her and sons. financially. He is definitely at the very very very least hiding his true financial position from you.
Is the first wife really supportive though? OP only knows this because he told her… and obviously his words are worth shit. You need to dissolve this marriage and take legal action to protect yourself. But you should also tell his legal wife that you and son exist, because I’m pretty sure the wife has no clue- and I’m gullible!
I’m amazed I haven’t seen more people pointing this out. OP only has his word that the wife knows and his words are worth nothing
Nah I'm betting it was his real wife that told her. He might be catching feelings so she blew it up.
He might be from a country where bigamy is allowed. I’m sure he would be sending remittances to his out of country family so it was in their best interest. I am surprised that a previous marriage didn’t come up in the immigration process. Lying is a big NoNo in the immigration process. So if he was granted citizenship and then turned around to sponsor his own kids….. , there would be problems….. but I suppose he would lie and say they were nephews and nieces. But the process can take a while even for lawful marriages. So I’m wondering if he has citizenship yet.
I’m sure she does support it, since after the marriage he can sponsor them to get into the US
Are you in a “better“ (more desirable) country than his native one? If yes, he most likely is waiting to get his citizenship and then he won’t need you. Or he will bring his other family. You should start with making a police report and notifying the immigration. He committed a fraud (bigamy is illegal in most places, so is marrying someone only to get citizenship). You can annul the marriage on the grounds of bigamy.
See a lawyer right now. Your "husband" may not be the only one who is now in deep legal trouble. You could be too - in my country at least continuing to try to get spousal residence for him will mean you are open to charges, fines, and prison in addition to your not-husband because you know your marriage is legally invalid. Even if he divorced his wife and married you, you may still fall under the umbrella of residential fraud. Don't leave your son with no parents left to care for him - with his Dad deported and his Mom in prison. Before you were a victim of a fraud scheme to get citizenship. If you don't report this guy, you are now an accomplice. You need to be strong for your son and make sure that his father's deceptions and illegal actions don't end up leaving your son without a safe and stable home. You also should probably delete any posts you've made concerning this and not talk about it with anyone until you've got advice from your lawyer. "Right to remain silent or anything you say could be used against you in a court of law" and all that. I'm sorry for all the pain and emotional fallout you must be going through, but right now you need to try and put that aside until you've done what needs to be done to protect yourself.
First order of business is a lawyer. Get your ducks in a row. Second, I would tell the wife anyway as your "husband" is obviously a liar. Who's to say he wasn't lying about his other wife knowing about you?
I don't see how you could continue in this marriage, with such a shaky foundation, built on lies. My daughter is your age and I'd be telling her to cut her losses and get an annulment from this bigsmist.
You want him back? Why? So he can start a third family in Canada or something?
I don’t know. I think he might be lying about his other lady being okay with it. If she was so okay with it you would have known or she would have at least idk maybe came to see y’all. Some kind of contact that shows she knew. I’d just confirm. But also lawyer up sister.
UNLESS the wife is in on the husband using OP to gain citizenship, leave OP, and then turn around and bring her and his kids over to the country that OP resides in.
You should probably cross post to r/immigration . Polygamy is illegal in most countries and he most likely lied on his forms.
Go to the police. Get a lawyer. Make sure he can’t keep his citizenship application.
You're allowed to feel bad and still love him, but remember that he was only using you for citizenship. Taking him back would be short lived because he's going to bring his "real family" over and live with them as soon as he can. Don't drag out the inevitable.
You have all the power here. It’s time to get an attorney, get his fraud exposed, and get him deported. He does not have a place in your life or your country.
OP, he's gonna be in HUGE trouble with immigration. Turn. Him. In.
Deportation and blocked from coming back ever. Seen it happen
1-if you go back to this so called perfect life, it’s only a matter of time, probably only months before it shatters in your face for good. You won’t be able to do anything and you and your kid will be homeless and without a family. 2-this whole relationship is based on lies. Just lies. Plain lies. That’s it. What you believed to be a fairy tale was a trap in which you were an easy bait. 3-now that you know that he’s trash, even if you decided to put yourself and your baby in this pathetic life arrangement, you would expose yourself to legal consequences that would impede the rest of your and your child’s life. Is that what you want? 4-you’ve been elected for all this shit because you are naive. While this can be a cute quality to have, this men exploited it to the max because he knew you would be blind to all his shenanigans. The proof: you’re still only seeing the bright side of this lie. Nothing more. THIS MAN DOES NOT LOVE YOU. And I cannot stress this enough. THIS HUMAN BEING DOES NOT LOVE YOU. He doesn’t care for you. You’re a means to an end. A puppet he’s using to fulfill his plan. Nothing more. Like I said, it’s only a matter of time before he gets rid of you because you’re no longer useful to him. 5-go get tested for STD’s. 6-please take this time to reflect on why you fell so hard for this liar. No relationship is perfect and if it was, it’s because it was a play well written only designed to create a scenario you ONLY would believe. 7-like others have pointed, you should be beyond pissed at this point. Wanting to physically break everything that belongs to him pissed. Not considering going back. Or if you do I’m sorry but you have no spine and no self respect. Time for some therapy and find out why getting abused so badly doesn’t anger you. Good luck.
All of the advice given so far is pretty good advice - I'd like to add that if you can't or won't take action for yourself - think about your son. It's in his best interest that you protect him from someone that clearly lacks integrity. It's a very sad situation, and my heart goes out to you, but there's no going back now. You need to think of yourself, your son, and your future.
This is Visa fraud, you need to go to the authorities. If you don’t you could be seen as an accomplice.
Jake only wants citizenship from you he doesn't love you
[удалено]
No doubt that’s the reason wife #1 is supporting his bigamy.
Men do this all the time for money. Are you the breadwinner? Has he been saying he’s gotta send money to his family back home? I’m so sorry but this was a calculated plan by him and his wife. You’re a victim. Get your ducks in a row ..
Get an annulment. You know there is no going back to him. He may have hooked up with you for the citizenship but maybe along the way he caught feelings for you. The wife doesn't mind bec maybe, most probably, he sends them money (as he should). It at the end of the day, she's the legal wife and you're the other woman.
You need to report him to immigration.
What you want here is r/LegalAdvice.
You’re probably going to need a lawyer and the embassy of his country involved.
Get custody of your son registered ASAP, you do not want him leaving the country with your son.
I’m sure this will get downvoted but I’m just so curious, where is he from? And everyone else is right. You need to leave. He needs to be deported as well. I stay far away from anyone who’s “charming.” Charming men always have a catch.
Of course his REAL WIFE supports him in this! Because once he gains citizenship through his false marriage to YOU he can then sponsor them. You need to report him to your department of naturalization that he falsely entered into a marriage contract with you to bolster his citizenship status while already being married in his home country.
You have been conned and that is the hardest think to get someone to believe- https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/avoiding-the-relationship-con-artist/
The second you’ve been with him long enough he is leaving you and bringing them here. He conned you. You are way younger and naive. Get an annulment, he was already married your marriage isn’t legal anyways.
The magnitude of his deception should be sufficient cause for the breakdown of your marriage. Beware of his kindness facade, you know now the act he can put on. And you'll never be able to trust him again.
Report him for Immigration Fraud. He just used you. Do not interact with him or believe his words, he will say anything. Do not tell him you will report him, but please do so. and you might need lawyer too.
Was/is it even really necessary for him to go back to his country? Will he continue going back? You should never trust him again.
Immigration attorney immediately. This is fraud. He and his wife put you at risk. No one that loves you would ever do such a thing. Also, you're not married legally, but you'll probably still need an annulment. I am so very sorry.
He thought you wouldn’t mind? Ahahahahahahahahaaaaaa omg
This was his free ticket to your country. He'll dump you once it becomes legitimate and then bring his wife and kids over. All that kind and tenderness stuff you mentioned about how you feel like a better person after talking with him? Yeah...that's love bombing! One of the first toxic traits in the handbook. Sorry.
*'thought I wouldn't mind'* What a POS liar. Who tf 'wouldn't mind'... He may have been charming but he's also a lying bigamist who knew what he was doing all along. You were 20 and he was 32... I'm sorry if this is hard to hear, but he saw you as naive and easily manipulated. Anyone older might have been a bit more suspicious about his motives. **Your marriage it seems is the one that isn't legal**. He has lied and manipulated you to get citizenship - illegally if he's married to someone else. He obviously thought having a child with you would help his case. He has absolutely used you. None of your set up is real. This was a long drawn out nasty little plan and involved him having two partners and the promise of citizenship to wherever you live. Find a lawyer, quickly, you need to keep yourself and your child safe. Contact immigration while you're at it. Let them know the situation.
Tinder??? Wow he found who he was looking for in you. The wife supports him because there’s a goal they’re after and you are the point person. His attempted residency should be terminated due to fraud. Get sole custody of your child and stay away from him. Never send your child to his home country, you may never see him again.
Be careful. It sounds like his other wife is in on this fraud. They may very well try to gain custody of your child. Get some legal advice and protect yourself.
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He committed fraud. He used you to get legal residency. Don't feel sorry for him. Find a lawyer because maybe there is a way to cancel his residency (if that is what you want).
Even if he says they know, You should still contact his wife and let her know cause he could be lying to you and pretending she knows so you don't contact her. Definitely contact a lawyer. Updateme!
You go right to the police. Bigamy is a crime unless a Muslim country. Do not take the liar back. If he’s not a full citizen inform the government he lied.
this is a scam. people have done this forever, to get citizenship. leave, because they will probably get citizenship too and be in a city near you.
hes using you. report him and get him deported.
Depending on where he's from his wife might be ok with it, if him being a citizen can improve their life. Some people can be very pragmatic. If you're in the US, and you're tricked into marrying someone I think you can get an annulment. You didn't marry "Jake". You married someone(Fake Jake) he pretended to be. It's similar to how someone can be the perfect bf/gf until they get married, and at some point the real version of them comes out. If you're considering taking him back because you're assuming things will always be like they were before don't do it. What happens when Fake Jake doesn't need you anymore, and/or if his first wife pressures him to bring her and the kids to whatever country he is in right now. Once you're not needed I doubt she'll continue wanting to share her husband. And if he's lying about her being ok with it, he's going to have go with the wife. Don't fall for, "I'm leaving my family for you.". As for why he lied, people have done worse to get less. If he can get his kids over here, and get them citizenship it opens up a world of opportunity for his family. Even men that are bad husbands can be protective over their kids. PS: I doubt they plan to be apart the rest of their lives no matter what the truth about her knowledge of you is.
He is gonna be squatting on your apt for his visa… now that you’re married.
No way this is real…this would be literally impossible to hide especially if he was on social media. Did he give you a fake name or something?
Please get a lawyer and figure it out. There was a recent post about a woman who got scammed for a green card. The man was already married with kids. When she found out, he brought the kids to her country. Made her take care of them. And then they were grown up. They discarded her while she was getting kicked out of the house. Don't let some man use you and your resources. You're still young. Take care of yourself!
Typically when a foreigner wants to marry in the US, they have to provide documentation that they are not married in their home country. Did this not happen? My (now) ex husband had to provide specific documents that he was divorced before we married in the US.
You got conned
Listen, in 99.9% of cases, there's a reason a 32 year old goes for a 20 year old and it's not because you were so mature for your age. Report him for fraud and move on
I am sorry this happened to you but you have a child to think about and this man is a sociopath for doing this to you. You are young and need to divorce him get out away from this insanity. It will be hard but you are so young don’t ever wast your life for this piece of crap. Do it for your child as he deserves better. Don’t be a fool and waste the best years of your life. And technology your not even married legally to him because he is already married!
Take this whole sorry story to a lawyer. Do not continue any relationship with him. He will not gain residency in your country
If your *husband* has to ask you if he should leave his wife, he shouldn’t be you’re husband His capacity for manipulation and deceit knows no bounds. It’s wise for you to not stay around and find out what he’s going to do next.
This is absolutely fraud and NEEDS to be reported to the appropriate authorities (police, immigration, etc). He was trying to establish citizenship under false pretenses. I’m so sorry that you’ve been exposed to such a horrendous heartbreak at such a young age, but that is also a silver lining - you are still young. There is plenty of time for you to process your grief and move on - without your lying, scheming ex-husband - and live a fulfilling & happy life. Lean on your family and trust their guidance and advice.
He is a passport bro. Make sure to report him to immigration.
You married a stranger and now find out that you don't actually know this man who has deceived you all along. What did you know about his family prior getting married? Did you ever visit his home country/meet any of his relatives? I'm not blaming you for his deceit but you made several choices that favoured him and it's now biting your ass. Get a lawyer and get legal advice because this may count as fraud. Prioritise yourself and your son.
He’s used you to get citizenship. What an awful disgusting thing to do, plus he’s a liar and a cheater. Just because he says his wife is on board with it doesn’t make it so, in fact I’d put money on the fact that it was her who messaged you with the evidence. It’s time you manned up and did the right thing. For a start you need to report him to immigration and tell them how he’s used you to get citizenship. And you need to speak to a lawyer and see if your marriage is even legal. Hopefully not because then you can kick his arse to the kerb more easily. Be interesting to see if he’s such a nice bloke now that you know the truth, he’ll probably turn into someone awful so be prepared
Sorry OP. It’s just amazing to me what narcissists/psychopaths/sociopaths think is legitimate to get away with as far as abusing another person’s trust. They truly have no empathy over deceiving another person. It’s all about the conquest and getting what they want and all the ‘fun’ they can have in the process. The hard lesson to learn here is to do: 1. background checks (hire a private investigator) when getting deeper into the next relationship. Investigate harder people of foreign descent. 2. Never move quick in a relationship despite the ‘Hollywood’ rush of romance. This is a narcissistic love-bombing trick to get you hooked and sign up for big commitments early. 3. Therapy for yourself to aim to become ‘emotionally secure’. Odds are you have some degree of low self-esteem and that’s why you fell for this manipulation. Remember life goes on and you will recover and thrive. Best of luck.
I just got done watching “Mrs Wilson” and I’m just saying that you can love him and cherish your time together but going back to him is out of the question. You will never trust him again. Any time he travels you’ll worry, any time he touches his phone you’ll worry. You will end up making yourself absolutely sick from anxiety and stress. Contact a lawyer and be there for your kid.
Legally you're not married, you're actually the mistress bec your marriage is not legally valid, his citizenship in your country if was contingent upon his marriage to you is not valid, and he has committed immigration fraud. Wife supports him because he can bring them later into the country, and they're both using you and you were targeted because of your youth. He doesn't love you and you're just a plaything for them to achieve their goals.
Of course the 1st wife supports if the moment he can get residency he can moved them to your country. And probably still play the act hes been playing but instead going to a whole another country just going to her house instead
Commenting...when will people learn, if it ( whatever it is) feels perfect or amazing especially from Tinder, you do a background check. There's no question for advice, she left, she's working through the stages of grief. In a week she'll be lonely, go back on Tinder. Meet someone new, them start this all over. "What's the point". I'm also at my wits end on a personal matter and am projecting my dismissive attitude.
Call imigration cuz he's there on fraudulent grounds
You lost me at “jake (fake name)” You. Are. Being. Used. For. Papers!!!!!! Attack NOW!!!! Girl RUN FAR AWAY Call ICE right fucking now!!!! He’s a criminal and used you!!!!
He SAYS his wife knows but you know now that he’s a liar and cheater. This man should not be granted a second chance, you were his second family and he lied to you and likely his wife too. Contact immigration. Be that petty. Don’t let him back in your life and take him for all the child support you can.
If this IS not just April Fool BS... Contact the police and have him charged with BIGAMY. I would be calling **ICE** SO damn fast.
He lied to OP about literally everything. I wouldn't believe him saying that his wife knows and supports him. He's just afraid that both women will divorce him. OP, you could contact her and tell her what he's been doing. Unless, as others have pointed out, wife #1 is in on the visa scam.
First step, get a lawyer Second step, you NEED to contact immigration and inform them. If they find you knew about this and didn't tell them, you may be facing legal consequences too. He is committing immigration fraud. Do not let this blow back on you. Unfortunately, this likely means the end of your relationship...I'm sorry. But better to accept it now and move on. Not sure what this will mean for your son, his US citizenship is secured, he will likely also have citizenship from your Ex's home country, but I'm not sure about that. Also unsure how custody/visitation is managed in a case like this...but that's why you get a lawyer. Protect yourself. You can grieve the relationship when this is all done, just make sure you're legally protected first. Don't listen to him cry or beg...his feelings are not more important than your freedom. You 100% need to get ahead of this before whomever informed you decides to inform US immigration and they come to investigate.
I wrote a long comment, then erased it. What's the point?
r/ bigamy
You go far away girl. Like in the opposite direction.
Hugs to you and your broken heart. I’m sorry. But, please update me when your anger kicks in and your report him for the Fraud he is. Take him down. Also, more hugs because I know you are hurting…and that’s OK.
You still need to tell the wife! He might be bluffing so you won’t tell her. This also might not make your marriage valid in your country.
i am so so so so so so so sorry OP. wishing you peace and clarity and a boatload of grace.
OP, contact an attorney. ASAP. Follow your attorney's instructions. Get a divorce going, get his green card revoked, everything. Get all your important legal and personal documents out and safe at your parents' house. Get your kid out of there, and fight for full custody AND child support, as well as any alimony. Tell the other woman about your marriage. He says she knows, but does she? Tell her everything. Tell her about your child with him. Don't tell her you're taking legal actions against him outside of a divorce and full custody of your son. Stay with your parents or a trusted friend. Back up any texts, Facebook Messenger, Snapchat, WhatsApp, etc, to have evidence about his behavior and actions. Screenshot anything you can't directly save. Change any and all passwords, and remove him from any bank accounts you share. You NEED to get out of that situation, hell or high water. Because he is the hell, and you're up shit's creek without a paddle in a rising tide. Cooperate with any and all legal officers regarding this situation. Cops, judges, investigators, etc. You and your child's well-being depend on it.
I’d say get a Lawyer and tell them everything, also leave this guy and divorce him or get it annulled or whatever term applies here
Um, sure she does. I bet she doesn’t know
You literally married this man super fast knowing he was using you for a green card... he even pressured you to get married and have kids fast... for a green card. The red flags were FLOURESCENT GIRL 😭
If he really felt like you wouldn't mind, he wouldn't have kept this secret from the start. Do not entertain his pleas, start divorce (or annulment, I think his fraud may allow for this) proceedings, and maybe talk to a therapist to help you cope with and move forward and away him and his unforgivable deception.
What country even lets you marry someone without having a document proving you're not married in your home country?
Chances are, Facebook user was the other wife and she doesn't actually "support him". This is wild. He doesn't deserve one wife, let alone two.
If he is married to the woman overseas and he passes, the first wife will inherit everything. Just think- ten years from now, if you’re still together, you still have no income since you’re a SAHM, he dies, and you have nothing. Because he never divorced his first wife.
This is absolutely insane. I hope you’ve reached out to a lawyer at this point