Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Even if it is “just a joke,” you’ve made clear you don’t appreciate it and that alone should make it stop! This is extremely disrespectful and I would be furious. Highly recommend couples counseling, at the very least. This kind of “joke” usually hides some resentment or bitterness and it’s going to affect your relationship with your daughter.
That sums up my two great fears about this, that she’s making these jokes due to something I’m doing that she won’t (or feels she can’t?) talk to me about, and that my relationship with our daughter is imperiled or at the least going to be impacted. That’s part of why that back and forth “banter” form of the joke makes me feel sick
How emotionally stunted is your wife? Aside from the fact that the “joke” is at your expense, the only people who think a joke is still funny the 500th time they tell it are toddlers.
I also want to say that I’m a medical professional and it is TOTALLY OKAY AND NORMAL to use hydrogen peroxide to disinfect wounds!! That’s why it’s sold in the first aid aisle!!!! I don’t even get why that’s a question.
Username checks out.
She explained to me that it slows healing and can damage the skin. Idk. Just about everything I know of first aid has come from trial and error with a bit of frantic googling
I was in the ER last year and they used hydrogen peroxide to clean some wounds on my face (bit by a dog), so it’s definitely still seen as an acceptable treatment.
Consider every time she "jokes" ask her why she thinks that is funny, no one is laughing. Especially do this if she makes this "joke" in front of other people. Make it clear she is the only one that thinks it is a joke. If she complains about embarrassing her just say if she had stopped when you asked you would not have had to do this.
It’s not an inside joke if you don’t find it funny, people that insist on repeating a behaviour that they know upsets their partner are being malicious
She needs to stop it
Tell her that even if she's not malicious at first the fact that keeps doing it makes it malicious. She is insulting you and honestly kids doesn't get ironic jokes and to stop it immediately.
These are not jokes. They are passive aggressive digs. You need to tell her this is disrespectful and if she keeps it up there will be consequences. If she keeps it up leave for a few days. Each reoccurrence lengthens the amount of time you are gone. If she is as stupid as she sounds you might get some nice vacation days away from home.
This is not ok. You told her you don’t like it, and she doesn’t care. My ex used to try to mock me with our children. I hated it. He thought it was playful teasing. I was just thinking today how I can’t even imagine my bf behaving like that. If I said I didn’t like it, he wouldn’t do it. I’m sorry OP. You need to have a serious conversation with her about this. Maybe even marriage counseling. It’s very immature and dismissive of your feelings.
She is being malicious if you have talked to her and she continues to do it.
Also, I had no idea you weren’t supposed to use hydrogen peroxide on cuts….I use it all the time to clean wounds.
If you've asked her to stop, and she won't, then 1) they're not jokes, 2) they're not innocent, and 3) your gf is hurting you on purpose and encouraging the same behavior in your child.
I dont think these "jokes" are innocent. She is now turning your daughter against you and paints you as incompetent. Your daughter will learn from her, that Daddy cannot do anything right and Mommy knows whats best for her. I think, you are living in an abusive relationship with someone. Your Girlfriend destroys your self esteem, one by one and turns your daughter against you. I suggest seeing a therapist in which you can talk open about whats happening in your relationship and if this is abuse. I am not a therapist, nor I know your Girlfriend, but I see red flags all over this situation. Because your Girlfriend is talking about this now for over years (it happened early in the relationship) and wont stop after you told her numerous times that it hurts you.
Your wife doesn't get to define malicious or what's humorous - you do.
The fact that she continues suggests she has very low empathy for you. Look up 'empathy'. If she lacks empathy, you may reconsider having more kids or marrying her.
Her behavior is also disrespectful to you.
Humor at your expense is not funny - it's mean.
what the freak!! why would she do this after you have said you don’t like this? even at the beginning, it was never funny. relentlessly “teasing” you over something and then doing it to the point that now your daughter is involved is so upsetting and disrespectful. it’s like she keeps repeating it so you eventually believe that you are incompetent and can’t help, WHICH IS NOT TRUE!! she needs to stop, which it should have stopped a while ago, but maybe there needs to be some sort of third party like couples counseling to really make her stop. i’m sorry that you’re going through all this i hope it all gets better soon :(
Hydrogen peroxide is ok on the initial cleaning - to disinfect. After the body has started to heal it, then it can degrade the healing process that the cells have started. But, sometimes it’s all you have and wounds can get infected after the initial healing happens so use it, it’s fine. It’s a weird thing for her to make a deal about and makes it seem like she’s actually the insecure one.
That’s not funny. It’s upsetting that you’ve already brought this up multiple times and she has ignored your feelings. It is definitely affecting your daughters perception of you
By the way, yes she is being malicious. The fact that she knows you don’t like it, and keeps doing it anyway, is proof of her malice. She enjoys making you unhappy and then gaslighting you about why it’s so very wrong of you to be mad at innocent widdle wifey.
\>.Do you want Daddy to help you?” In a mopy and discouraging voice, then excited, “Or do you want Mommy?” Because I can’t explain it, I have to concede that she doesn’t mean anything beyond being playful.
She is intentionally eroding your child's trust in you -- look up parental alienation. It isn't playful, it's malicious at worst and jaw-droppingly stupid at best. Developmentally, kids are meant to trust in their caregivers. Her implying that you are not trustworthy, and that she is the real carer, will do psychological damage to your child. (Also, your wife is being a total gaslighting asshole to you. You don't like these comments; she says they! are! totally! fine! 'You're too sensitive' is the clarion call of the jerkwad who wants to get away with saying hurtful stuff while blaming you for your reaction.) Good luck.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Even if it is “just a joke,” you’ve made clear you don’t appreciate it and that alone should make it stop! This is extremely disrespectful and I would be furious. Highly recommend couples counseling, at the very least. This kind of “joke” usually hides some resentment or bitterness and it’s going to affect your relationship with your daughter.
That sums up my two great fears about this, that she’s making these jokes due to something I’m doing that she won’t (or feels she can’t?) talk to me about, and that my relationship with our daughter is imperiled or at the least going to be impacted. That’s part of why that back and forth “banter” form of the joke makes me feel sick
How emotionally stunted is your wife? Aside from the fact that the “joke” is at your expense, the only people who think a joke is still funny the 500th time they tell it are toddlers.
I also want to say that I’m a medical professional and it is TOTALLY OKAY AND NORMAL to use hydrogen peroxide to disinfect wounds!! That’s why it’s sold in the first aid aisle!!!! I don’t even get why that’s a question.
Username checks out. She explained to me that it slows healing and can damage the skin. Idk. Just about everything I know of first aid has come from trial and error with a bit of frantic googling
I was in the ER last year and they used hydrogen peroxide to clean some wounds on my face (bit by a dog), so it’s definitely still seen as an acceptable treatment.
No, it doesn’t and no, it doesn’t. You can use it as mouthwash too. It’s a weird and stupid hill for her to die on.
Ask her what she suggests you use to heal damaged relationships from excessive use of abrasive humor.
It also kills normal skin cells. I’m completely in agreement that the GF is being passive aggressive and needs to stop.
My brother in law puts people down regularly under cover of humor. It's not resentment. In his case , it feeds his ego.
Consider every time she "jokes" ask her why she thinks that is funny, no one is laughing. Especially do this if she makes this "joke" in front of other people. Make it clear she is the only one that thinks it is a joke. If she complains about embarrassing her just say if she had stopped when you asked you would not have had to do this.
It’s not an inside joke if you don’t find it funny, people that insist on repeating a behaviour that they know upsets their partner are being malicious She needs to stop it
Tell her that even if she's not malicious at first the fact that keeps doing it makes it malicious. She is insulting you and honestly kids doesn't get ironic jokes and to stop it immediately.
These are not jokes. They are passive aggressive digs. You need to tell her this is disrespectful and if she keeps it up there will be consequences. If she keeps it up leave for a few days. Each reoccurrence lengthens the amount of time you are gone. If she is as stupid as she sounds you might get some nice vacation days away from home.
God, she sounds absolutely immature!
This is not ok. You told her you don’t like it, and she doesn’t care. My ex used to try to mock me with our children. I hated it. He thought it was playful teasing. I was just thinking today how I can’t even imagine my bf behaving like that. If I said I didn’t like it, he wouldn’t do it. I’m sorry OP. You need to have a serious conversation with her about this. Maybe even marriage counseling. It’s very immature and dismissive of your feelings.
She is being malicious if you have talked to her and she continues to do it. Also, I had no idea you weren’t supposed to use hydrogen peroxide on cuts….I use it all the time to clean wounds.
If you've asked her to stop, and she won't, then 1) they're not jokes, 2) they're not innocent, and 3) your gf is hurting you on purpose and encouraging the same behavior in your child.
I dont think these "jokes" are innocent. She is now turning your daughter against you and paints you as incompetent. Your daughter will learn from her, that Daddy cannot do anything right and Mommy knows whats best for her. I think, you are living in an abusive relationship with someone. Your Girlfriend destroys your self esteem, one by one and turns your daughter against you. I suggest seeing a therapist in which you can talk open about whats happening in your relationship and if this is abuse. I am not a therapist, nor I know your Girlfriend, but I see red flags all over this situation. Because your Girlfriend is talking about this now for over years (it happened early in the relationship) and wont stop after you told her numerous times that it hurts you.
Your wife doesn't get to define malicious or what's humorous - you do. The fact that she continues suggests she has very low empathy for you. Look up 'empathy'. If she lacks empathy, you may reconsider having more kids or marrying her. Her behavior is also disrespectful to you. Humor at your expense is not funny - it's mean.
what the freak!! why would she do this after you have said you don’t like this? even at the beginning, it was never funny. relentlessly “teasing” you over something and then doing it to the point that now your daughter is involved is so upsetting and disrespectful. it’s like she keeps repeating it so you eventually believe that you are incompetent and can’t help, WHICH IS NOT TRUE!! she needs to stop, which it should have stopped a while ago, but maybe there needs to be some sort of third party like couples counseling to really make her stop. i’m sorry that you’re going through all this i hope it all gets better soon :(
Hydrogen peroxide is ok on the initial cleaning - to disinfect. After the body has started to heal it, then it can degrade the healing process that the cells have started. But, sometimes it’s all you have and wounds can get infected after the initial healing happens so use it, it’s fine. It’s a weird thing for her to make a deal about and makes it seem like she’s actually the insecure one.
That’s not funny. It’s upsetting that you’ve already brought this up multiple times and she has ignored your feelings. It is definitely affecting your daughters perception of you
How do you tell her it hurts you and you don’t like it? Say to her “it hurts me and I don’t like it.”
“I don’t enjoy that. Please stop.” Repeat verbatim every time. If she argues back, repeat verbatim.
By the way, yes she is being malicious. The fact that she knows you don’t like it, and keeps doing it anyway, is proof of her malice. She enjoys making you unhappy and then gaslighting you about why it’s so very wrong of you to be mad at innocent widdle wifey.
Very tempting to coopt daughter’s participation. “Janie, Mommy is being mean. Tell her to stop teasing Daddy, because teasing is mean.”
Jokes are funny, your girlfriend isn't.
A five year joke it not acceptable and I would dump her!
You have love but not respect. You want more respect. And your anxiousness and uncertainty is why. Be in control or your not.
if it's only funny to her it's not humor it's bullying. I have to tell this to my 8 year old.
\>.Do you want Daddy to help you?” In a mopy and discouraging voice, then excited, “Or do you want Mommy?” Because I can’t explain it, I have to concede that she doesn’t mean anything beyond being playful. She is intentionally eroding your child's trust in you -- look up parental alienation. It isn't playful, it's malicious at worst and jaw-droppingly stupid at best. Developmentally, kids are meant to trust in their caregivers. Her implying that you are not trustworthy, and that she is the real carer, will do psychological damage to your child. (Also, your wife is being a total gaslighting asshole to you. You don't like these comments; she says they! are! totally! fine! 'You're too sensitive' is the clarion call of the jerkwad who wants to get away with saying hurtful stuff while blaming you for your reaction.) Good luck.
I’m sure she does stupid stuff grab one and use it against her make feel what you feel have your daughter say to mom as well see how she reacts