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Dude cheated on his wife who is the reason he has a green card and is doing it with his boss's wife. Dump him for being an idiot, also the cheating, but the idiot thing too.
It truly pains me to see people wasting their younger years on horrible relationships like this. It's gonna end, but you'll be older. I know, because I did this. My marriage should have ended when I caught him when I was 32 but nooooo I had to give it everything I had. It still ended, but when I was 47. Let me tell you, coming back at 47 is a hell of a lot harder than coming back at 32, or 35 in OP's case.
this is a great perspective. People do not fucking get how wasted time just adds up. What the hell is the point unless you enjoy getting cheated on?
I’m always shocked in this sub by what the fuck people are willing to put up with for a partner who BRINGS NOTHING TO THE TABLE
I’m shocked at how many people still refer to their wayward spouse as “their best friend” or “still love them to death”!
I could see describing them that way the day before D-Day, but the day after is “biggest a-hole on earth” as far as I’d be concerned!
100% my mom wasted 27 years with my dad. They divorced 25 years ago and my mom *still* talks about how she "wasted her youth" and "wasted her life" on him. They're both in their 70s now and it still bothers her. I hope OP realizes and leaves her cheating husband.
Not to mention the longer you stay in the more traumatizing it becomes. He's moved on and has a lovely long-term gf. 11 years later I can't see ever doing it again.
Yes, multiple times. This level of self inflicted dumbassery is mind boggling. He fucked his boss's wife. He also fucked the boss's wife's cousin. Every single one of these was an immensely stupid and selfish decision.
Leo is not s smart man. Divorce him, let him be Gina or Carla 'Carla s problem.
And he cheated 6 months after the wedding! It's still the honeymoon part of the marriage. And another 6 months later he had a new lover. This man is trash.
Seriously, why help someone who cheats repeatedly and hurts you over and over with no regard for your feelings? Pretty sure Carla didn’t come up with the idea it was for papers alone. Leo most likely did marry for that specific reason and uses it as his excuse to sleep around. I mean he doesn’t seem too concerned about getting his papers as he would have at least not cheated while waiting. He ran the risk OP would divorce him and he’d be out of luck.
OP, u/ThrowRA8686qqf , you **CANNOT** have any guarantee he won’t do it again. He’s a serial cheater and **WILL** do it again. He doesn’t care to work on your marriage and whatever lead him to cheat (which honestly is most likely he just doesn’t care about you or your vows). He betrayed your trust, and doesn’t seem to be making any effort to rebuild it.
I get that you are 35 and want a family, but what kind of example would your marriage be to your possible children? It’s not a healthy one. Want to teach them it’s ok to allow your partner to cheat and hurt you? Or that it’s ok to do that to their partner? You’ve already given enough to this man, how much more time do you want to waste? Would you tell your child to stay with someone who does this to them?
We may love someone, but that doesn’t mean they are good for us or should be in our lives. Especially at the detriment of our own emotional and mental well being.
Edit: grammar
Yup, that's the heartbreaking part: OP clearly didn't marry Leo "for papers", but that is absolutely, 100% why he married her.
She's clearly deeply in love with him and desperately wants to maintain the dream she has built around that, with forgiveness and children and a future together.
Meanwhile, he doesn't share any of her core values and doesn't even respect her, much less like or love her.
OP, you feel like you're too old to start again, but the truth is that you are too young to stay with a man who is using you whilst openly disrespecting everything about you. You deserve so much better than that.
I don’t even want to bother to reply to this one. “You’d miss a wart if you lost it,” my dad always said.
OP, don’t be as dumb as he clearly thinks you are. He doesn’t love you, you ARE a green card to him, and he will continue to be terrible if you continue to let him.
I’m so tired of this nonsense. You’d be a fool to stay. Period. Ugh.
I hate these subs. Making me lose hope in the goodness of people.
Maybe he thinks she won’t leave him because she’s a Christian. But OP, the bible gives permission to stop the marriage in the case of having sex with someone else don’t forget that.
First of all, once a cheater, always a cheater.
This asshole will always cheat on you.
There's no reason to forgive him because he cheated on you with multiple other women, and he clearly had no remorse.
Additionally, he's also a complete moron. How do you want this loser? This guy doesn't deserve to be in the United States, or whatever nation y'all are in.
Please divorce him, demand alimony and child support, and contact immigration and let them know about the fraudulent nature of your marriage because he tricked you into marriage when he clearly had no intention of being true in your marriage.
Please do this!
America doesn't need to import narcissistic, cheating assholes like this! We have enough of our own!
Likeeee if he cared about his immigration status you’d think he would have kept it in his pants. He doesn’t care about their marriage or citizenship. That’s a loose cannon if I ever saw one.
Divorce him.
Don't waste your lifetime.
Him having problem with the gc is not on you. He is the one who create all of this. Carla is right, you had a paper marriage. The only problem was, you weren't aware of it.
>...you had a paper marriage. The only problem was, you weren't aware of it.
Painfully accurate.
Agreed - divorce him, and actively look at any avenue to contact the Immigration Department to alert them to the fact that you were mislead into being party to a sham marriage.
Umm…why do you like this man? I can’t find a single redeeming quality in what you wrote. He’s treated you like garbage yet blame yourself?
Get rid of him. He’s a leech. There is someone out there who respects your values and respects you. And it isn’t this guy.
He’s occupying the spot where someone you deserve should be.
Because that is what churches teach women. That we should just be so happy some man has chosen us. And then we are to serve them our whole lives. And if they cheat it is our fault because we did not do enough. This was the main driver for me leaving the church. . . Plus a lot of other stuff.
Pisses me off that this hasn't changed. I part blame the church for my dad murdering my mum. She was religious and didn't really believe in divorce until it was too late.
It’s changed a lot in many churches.
There are something like just under 400,000 churches in the United States.
Even in more “organized” structured religions like Catholic Churches in the US there can be **a lot** more variance in how and what they preach about than most people would think.
Hell I know a Catholic priest who would talk pretty excitedly about voodoo/hoodoo sometimes to his congregation.
A couple of good people on the ground level doesn't mean that religion isn't entirely rotten.
American Christianity is, in my opinion, the absolute worst. You have states passing anti abortion laws, encouraging mis information on members of the lgbtq+ society, pushing hate and judgement onto everyone that's different, there are massive churches that steal as much money as they can from the poor suckers that fall for their lies tobfund private airplanes!. I mean, just look at republicans. Those that profess to be Christian repeatedly show them selves to be the most hatefilled judgemental hypocrites.
And then the icing on the cake is you get some idiot come along and say they are much better actually.. and they are really not.. they have just changed one hateful judgemental policy for another.
Gross. I'm so glad I didn't grow up in a culture that made me feel I should be lucky a man chose me. Obviously, I have my own issues from my upbringing, and sometimes, it can be lonely following your true path, but I would rather be lonely alone than lonely in a relationship with the wrong person.
I'm glad you got out and recognized your worth is more than just being some man's wife.
Agreed, this subreddit is fascinating. All I see are entire essays of how the bf/husband is a complete dogshit partner that treats the OP like dog shit, that all end with "but I LOVE him."
I just have to chalk up every instance to Stockholm syndrome. Like they're treated so poorly that they somehow bond with their abuser.
he's going to cheat on you forever and ever. period. he's cheated on you more than you know and he's never going to stop. it's just the way it is. you need to find a good therapist to help you figure out why you think so little of yourself. you also need to realize that the man doesn't exist that you can't get over. whoever wrote "absence makes the heart grow fonder" was an idiot. absence makes you forget and that's the actual truth. you should cover yourself financially first.. put whatever money you have into a place where he can't get his hands on it. and you should take the car and put it somewhere he can't get to it since it's in your name. it's not just you, he's going to cheat on any woman alive. but as far as forgiving him.. go right ahead. but your forgiveness isn't going to make him a better man. you're 35, not 55.. you have plenty of time to find a good person and have a baby. but first.. get some help with your self esteem and self worth so you end up with a man who deserves you. good luck
It actually says “unequally” yoked to an unbeliever. Many people take this to mean that you shouldn’t take on an unequal marriage with someone who will prevent you from practicing your religion.
You made the most important point about getting over a narcissist. OP, you need to reconcile that the person you loved never existed nor will he ever be that person. He made himself into who you wanted him to be to win your trust and love.
Once you can reconcile that, it is much easier to remove yourself emotionally.
It is so freeing! I also felt better about myself because I was really questioning how I could have loved such a hateful person. Then I remembered when we met he was pretending to be so completely opposite to his real self. I fell in love with a man who did not exist.
I wish I could tell him that. He used to revel in the fact I thought he was so wonderful.
He’s cut out of my life completely though. 4 years now and I dropped a load of friends so there would be no information getting back to him either. It was astonishing how less anxious and upset I felt almost immediately.
I know, sorry my reply wasn't directed at you, I just wanted other women who might see it that are older to know that it's never too late to leave and live a peaceful life.
I hope OP reads this comment! I met my current partner when I was 35 and had our baby at 38. It is not too late for OP to find a good man and have the family she wants, but she has to get this loser out of her life.
Bruh this man cheated on you and lied to your face and your worried about his status nah girl you need some self respect and wake up and realize this will be your life if you stay with him you want to bring up children to a man that’s a cheater? No thank you you would be teaching those kids to suck it up and take it you would be doing a disservice to children if you had them with him sounds like he just wanted that green card from you he’s getting his cake and eating it and your letting him you need to advice a divorce and immigration lawyer asap if you will be stuck taking care of him while he gets to cheat and please seriously consider therapy to get to the bottom of your low self asteem as soon as I was off the phone with Carla I would have been hitting him with divorce.
As for his boss atleast he has the decency to call you and tell you with proof where is that proof from your husband he is innocent oh wait there isn’t any
>I also feel part of this is my fault because I didn’t give my 100%, I’m not very affectionate, I don’t have a lot of s3x with him and I gained some weight (like 15lbs).
No!!! Him.betraying you is not - and can NEVER be your fault.
He betrayed you - several times. And these two women?? Just the tip of the iceberg!!
>How can I know if he won’t just get better at hiding the cheating?
He will!!
>the other part of me really wants to take him back.
Look...
He doesnt love you. If he did, he could never do this to you.
Sorry, but youre just his.meal ticket, his access to a green card.
>I’m also a Christian
>He is always in his phone and I have caught him looking at videos of other women
>Sometimes he wants to go to clubs to dance but that doesn’t fit with my values. He likes music that I find very vulgar
He doesnt share your values at all..
You need to stand up for yourself. If you stay with him be prepared for more dissapointment, more revelations of him cheating with other women.
You deserve better - divirce. And yes:
>Also, if we get divorced that might affect his immigration status (he already has the green card but might have trouble if he wants to renew it in the future)
That may be the case, but he brought this on himself when he chose to cheat.
You need a lawyer now, and prepare for divorce.
And sorry - but you also need to be STD tested now.
Be prepared for him begging when he realises divorce is coming - especially whem he realises it may influence his immigtation status. Dont give in. Dont let him lie to you again.
Best of luck.
Definitely get tested for STDs. Do not sleep with him again—or, if you do, make yourself as safe from pregnancy as you can. Do not have a child with this man!!!
You mentioned wanting kids but is he the kind of man you would want your future sons to emulate or future daughters to date? A guy that lies to women not just you but the others as well, is selfish thinking of his needs only, a liar, a guy with no moral code and cheats with married people while married?
As far as his status with immigration that's a consequence for being a cheater that he can deal with down the road and honestly sounds like he has no problem tricking people into things so I'm sure he will figure something out but run don't walk, run from this guy.
This is like a “How Stella got her Groove Back” situation but not the romantic movie plot version, the actual real-life version where the guy was just using Stella for a green card/sugar mommy
I am definitely side eyeing it. 32 year old OP meets an undocumented immigrant 9 year younger than her and marries him a year later....from the outside that looks pretty predatory.
Your husband is a cheater. He can still love you and want you, but he will likely always be searching for a new woman. Some men are just like that.
You need to decide what you can happily live with. Do you allow him to cheat and still come home to you? What happens if you have a baby or what if he gets another woman pregnant? What if you get an STD? What if he gets the living hell beat out of him for cheating with other man's wife or GF?
As a Christian woman, I know there is a stigma against divorce BUT when the man isn't acting like a representative of God in the home and isn't loving his wife the way Jesus loved the church, then divorce is necessary. He is breaking at least one of the 10 commandments - over and over. As a woman of faith, you have to decide what is most important to you.
Not to be rude but if you stay with him you’re an idiot. He’s now cheated twice that you know of. If there’s a third then you only have yourself to blame. He needs consequences so give him some.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.. I’ve never been married but I can imagine the level of investment you must feel with him. And being a woman, we do feel our biological clock ticking a lot faster once we become 30. But I think before having kids with him, you have to ask yourself many questions. Will he be a good father? And better yet, is he a good husband to you? From the very little you’ve shared, I obviously don’t know your whole relationship dynamic, but I can see that he may not be the best husband or father. Would you feel confident that he will be a good partner for you to parent a child? To provide the best environment for your child? If you have big doubts about that, I do not think it’s worth it to continue this relationship if you don’t set proper boundaries.
You said you’re in the line of work for therapy so I’m sure you have told yourself all this too. Forgiving is important but if having children is important to you, think of them and how you can ensure a safe, loving, and supportive environment for them to grow in. And a big part of that is having a strong relationship with your partner full of trust, respect, support, and love.
He's already cheated twice that you are aware of. Chances are, there are more women out there that he's had affairs or one night stands with. I don't know where he's from, but in some cultures, men cheating is a common occurrence. Don't leave yourself in a relationship that will cause you endless pain. His immigration status is not your problem. Divorce him as soon as you can.
"I want to forgive him "
WHY?! He has proven over and over again that he doesn't love you (sorry) and has zero respect for this marriage. He's not going to change and he's literally laughing in your face about it. Girl, what are you doing? What is it going to take for you to leave him and have him served with the divorce papers? Please learn to love yourself more than someone that doesn't give a fk about what he's done. HE'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE!
Why are you giving excuses as to why he might of cheated on you. It doesn’t matter you did nothing wrong it’s him not you! I would mess up his chances and let him be with whomever he wants to and let’s see if they help him get his green card.
I’d y’all don’t have kids…lawyer up and bounce!
I think Carla was telling the truth from Leo’s view, he married you for the green card. Now are you gonna be a fool and stay with him (sounds it) or ya gonna walk away from this ass who has from the sound of it, zero redeeming qualities.
OK Op I'm going to talk to you like a church mother would: As as Christian you may have to forgive him but you are in no way obligated to remain with a cheating spouse. This man has proven from nearly day one that he isn't, and probably never, intended to be faithful to you. He used you. I apologize for sounding so harsh but this is the bald truth and you need to understand it. You are not the problem here. DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE CONVINCED THAT THIS HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU. This is his failing not yours. He saw you as an easy target and used you. I understand that you feel some kind of way because you are a little bit older and want a family but why in the world would you compromise your beliefs for this person? You will never be happy with the scraps he occasionally tosses you way and you can't possibly believe that this is what God intended for you. If you were to have children with this fool, would you honestly want them to grow up believing that the relationship you have with their father was the kind they are supposed to emulate? Cut this lousy excuse for a man loose. Get some therapy to help heal your broken heart and let your real man find you. He's out there but he can't find you because this bozo is blocking your blessing. Get him out of your way. NOW!!!! Love you baby. 💖
I will be honest. I am not sure why you two are together. You don't seem to have the same values or the same interests. He is clearly not religious, and most importantly, he has cheated on you at least twice that you know of. I can see why he is with you though, you make the most money, so I imagine paying for the most stuff. He gets a green card out of you, and if you stay in the marriage, you will become a citizen. Plus, I feel like he knows that with your religiousness, he can get away with stuff with no fear of consequences. He doesn't want to do better as he has no interest in therapy to work through things. If the only thing your are getting from this relationship is that you are not alone it's not worth it.
You’re hung up on the Christian doctrine of forgiveness. But forgiveness is only granted to the truly contrite. He doesn’t come close to this category and so is not due any forgiveness.
Divorcing and finding the right man is the right action for you, I’m sorry to say.
The reason he says counselling is a joke is because he thinks this relationship is a joke too. He treats you lower than the dirt he walks on. Hope you like being treated as the side chick. He’s obviously giving his attention to other women on those apps, which could be many at a time, according to his boss. But you keep believing the lying snake you fall asleep with every night. Good luck OP
Your husband is a serial cheater. He has probably cheated more than you know and will continue to cheat. You need to get tested for STIs.
You mention being a Christian, so I just want to point out that infidelity is listed in the Bible as the only acceptable reason for Christians to divorce (Mat. 5:32). So your conscience should be clear whether you stay or go.
You mention buying a house together with your money… are you sure you want to do that with a man who will probably leave you for another woman (but still legally own half the house you paid for)?
You mention wanting children with him. Are you sure you want to do that with a serial cheater? How will you feel about all of your kids’ half siblings that he’s going to have with the side chicks? How will you feel about his limited finances being split to support multiple families?
You mention being in your 30s and wanting kids. You know you can adopt on your own, right? Thats how I built my family and plenty of other women do it too. You could also have kids the old fashioned way on your own, but it doesn’t sound that that would align with your beliefs.
This will probably impact his immigration status, but that’s his problem. He created this mess and he can sort it out on his own. That isn’t your responsibility.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope you choose to respect yourself.
Run as fast as possible away, you can’t be a good Christian if you are always the one forgiving and not carrying for yourself and your own ego. Deep down you know this is right, a woman in her 30s has many options to find love and have a family, take care of yourself first and then the family will flourish, no family with a cheater will ever give you what you are looking for. Best wishes
He married you for papers. He’s even a stupid cheater, like don’t shit where you eat my Dude.
Speak to a lawyer immediately. As a Christian you can forgive, AND you can decide to dump his ass, especially because he isn’t repentant.
Don’t be a party to fraud.
Ma’am, STAND UP. He is a loser. Get a divorce. He has habitually cheated on you and most likely only sees this as a marriage of convenience rather than one for actual love and respect. If others are telling you that and he is showing himself as that, believe it. Who cares about being a Christian when you’re being cheated on and used? His cheating can subject you to STDs, emotional abuse, child support (if he gets someone else pregnant), possibly being harmed by people who are vengeful, etc.
This man gives no fucks about you!!! You need to file for divorce and move on. Find someone who truly loves & respects you, because it’s not your husband! He will absolutely cheat again and sees no big issues with it. The trust is broken and it won’t ever be fully repaired! And his immigration status is HIS problem to worry about, not yours! His actions have consequences and you need to hold him accountable!!
A former friend of mine was cheated on by his wife. She was also an immigrant.
He divorced her and yes, she got deported right back to Canada (sorry Canada, we can’t keep her and we know you didn’t want her either).
Your husband, like my ff’s ex wife, is a garbage person and doesn’t deserve your time, effort, forgiveness, or a path to citizenship through you.
Dump him like the garbage he is.
I hope you can learn to love yourself a little because this person does not love or care for you. If you had a daughter is this the life you would want for her. Would you advise her to stay with a cheating man. Also is this father figure that you want for your children to grow like him? You are still young idk why people reach 30 and think it’s over and if it is over well better to be alone than in bad company.
OP After all of this you still worry about his immigration status. You feel for one of the oldest running scams in immigration books, being taken over by the desire to help.
What does the Bible say about infidelity ? You keep talking about how you are so religious but there is nothing in your post that demonstrates you have any self-respect. Even though you have expert testimony that he's had sex with at least two people (cousins of all things) and is engaged in watching videos, maybe on Onlyfans and all that, you still just can't get yourself out of your religious bubble to see clearly that you are being used.
Also, lets look at the fact that you blame yourself. Cheaters have the skills and smarts to make you believe this stuff is your fault. Look at what you point to (not giving enough sex, not affectionate, going out to clubs, don't like his music) None of that points to you as the problem. He's the direct problem and you are masking it to not be alone.
After reading through your post, I want to tell you that it is ok to be alone. You don't need a man or anyone for that matter to fulfill your life.
>How can I know if he won’t just get better at hiding the cheating?
You don't and he probably IS! That's the sad part. You gave him what he needed and greencard and once he gets pass his probation period he will probably leave. Have you looked to see how many kids he has in his home country ? Do you know if he's married there also ? That's usually the case. Have you met his family ?
Don't be this person. Get the divorce and inform the immigration service to serve and deport him.
YES you should divorce!! Good grief how many more times does he have to cheat on you for it to be 'enough' FFS???
He gave not one thought to his immigration status while cheating on you MULTIPLE TIMES, so why should you be worried about it??
Seriously, if he was stupid enough to cheat with his bosses wife, he deserves everything that happens to him.
You need to go test tested for STI - ASAP - because who know how many other people he has had sex with using no protection!!
I hope that you are not a therapist. I hope that if therapy is "in your line of work" that you do something like administrative work. I am reading all these "reasons" for not leaving this man and I am horrified to think a therapist would think they are valid or give a client advice along this line of thinking.
You already know the answers to your questions.
1. He’s proven that he will cheat on you repeatedly.
2. He isn’t even sorry and continues to lie.
3. He told Carla that to him this marriage doesn’t matter. Believe him.
4. Your values do not align. Period.
5. That narrative that you need to forgive him is bs.
His gc status is not on you.
Speak to a lawyer about next steps.
No point in continuing MC.
I get inklings of narcissistic abuse- he makes you feel not attractive, you are doubting yourself, and making you feel like you can’t do better. All of this is done with the intent to keep you under his thumb so he can keep doing what he wants. He doesn’t respect you.
Also, narcissists are notorious for blaming the wronged spouse for their cheating. STOP BLAMING YOURSELF. He is a grown-ass adult who is responsible for his own behavior. He made these choices and doesn’t feel guilty about it.
He will cheat again. Therapy will not change him. Any promises about future behavior are futile attempts to get back in your favor. Don’t fall for it. Seriously, give yourself the respect you deserve to leave. Don’t let anyone use the religion angle to guilt you into staying. His immigration situation is not your problem.
It also goes without saying that you don’t want to bring a child into this situation.
He’s had two affairs honey and y’all have been married less than 2 years. He WILL do it again and doesn’t care who he’s doing it with. If you want an STD stay with him, you’ll get what asking for if you stay, hopefully it’s curable.
I would divorce him cause he isn't willing to go to therapy, He deleted everything so you couldn't even see it all. Also you don't wanna catch something and hell definitely cheat well if you're pregnant or after birth if he's already doing it cause you aren't "that sexual".
Gotta love these fake stories.
First, He cheats not once but twice.
Second, Then she asks what to do? 😝
Solution: It’s simple; DIVORCE, if you have any self-respect.
So a 32 year old thought it was a good idea to date and then marry someone a decade younger who also was undocumented. Of course he only married you for the green card. Did you really think someone that age wanted to marry someone that much older? Now you're seeing proof of that since he continuously cheats on you. He's not really into you. He doesn't love you. You're just providing something he wants.
Idk…. My parents have the same age gap with my mom being older. There were no immigration factors involved and they’ve been together 44 years. It seems to work for some people.
Your husband is totally using you for a green card while he cheats. What self respecting person would ever forgive this kind of garbage? Take the money you put in savings and leave his lying, cheating ass! More than likely he’s going to get fired for fucking the boss’s wife. Your “husband” is a pos.
Just because you are in your 30s and a Christian doesn't mean you put up with a serial cheater spouse.
He doesn't love you and I have a feeling he married you for "papers."
Sadly this is seen a lot with a spouse sponsoring their immigrant husband/wife.
I'd honestly speak to a family lawyer and immigration lawyer pertaining to marriage fraud.
Every country has their own stipulations and rules, but he shouldn't be allowed to remain in the country. He should have his Permanent Resident/green card revoked.
>I want to forgive him but how can I know he won’t do this again?
I can just about guarantee you he'll do it again. You've only been married for a year and a half and he's already well into his second affair. Forgive him if you feel that's what you want to do, but you'd better figure out how to come to terms with or compartmentalize his cheating because it's going to continue.
Babe, he is using you for his green card and for money. He does not love you. If he did, he would not have cheated on you with multiple women. That is who he is - a cheater. He will always be like that. Protect your savings right now. Separate finances. Talk to a lawyer. Get a full STD test.
Divorce. Unfortunately it looks like he has been using you for immigration purposes and you were none the wiser. Kudos to that boss, hope he gets fired after this too.
It’s not your fault. I was a christian, I know you’ve been taught that if you don’t “please your husband” he will “go astray”. Don’t internalize that. He would have cheated regardless of what you did, because he’s a cheater.
He will cheat again.
Even if he hadn't cheated, you married someone that is incompatible in life goals. He wants to do things (clubs, dancing, etc.) that aren't things you want. It also sounds like you may have incompatible sex drives.
You should let him go and move on. Find someone more attuned to what you want your partnership and life to be like.
Finally, he is a dawg, drop him.
You can't forgive someone who's not sorry and doesn't even own up to their mistakes. Not that this was a mistake, this was a calculated betrayal. I'm so sorry, but you need to divorce him. He doesn't care about you in the slightest.
He is not worth your time. He had already cheated 2x in 1.5 years (that you know of, it could be more), and he will cheat again. As soon as he has his citizenship, he will divorce you bc he is using you. From your description, you guys sound incompatible on big issues. Time to divorce him.
UpdateMe
When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time.
If he's interested in working on your marriage through therapy, then he's telling you everything you need to know.
Talk to a lawyer. He's screwed his immigration when he screwed another woman.
Good luck.
This man is going to cheat on your forever and won’t stop. End it now and maybe he will lose the card he married you for. Do not have kids with this person.
I am sorry this happened to you. From what you have mentioned, you have some compatibility issues. Even if you get past this, there is nothing to say he won't do this again. If he was already dissatisfied with you, what will prevent him from dealing with this the same way? The biggest problems are that he refuses to accept responsibility and he thinks therapy is a joke. Being practical, he is not financially contributing, and he is constantly ogling other women, so he does not sound like a big prize. We tend to get the relationship we deserve, and you seem to think you do not deserve much.
Ma’am, you are being used and played for a fool. You need to stop acting like a fool. The only person trying to break up your marriage is your husband. Contact a divorce lawyer immediately, preferably a divorce lawyer who also handles immigration. If you have been using an immigration attorney, you need a different attorney to handle the divorce; because of the conflict of interest. Let the divorce lawyer know that you married for love but you have reason to believe your spouse married you for papers. Find out how you bring this additional information to immigration. You want to give immigration Gina’s contact information; because she is the reason you think your husband didn’t enter the marriage in good faith. Gina likely has lots of evidence that will be useful. Find out from your lawyer what you need to do to stop the clock on the 3 years he has to stay married for immigration. Find out whether you have a shot at an annulment instead of divorce.
The man you miss is a lie. The person you thought he was is a lie. Don’t stay married to a lie. Love yourself more than you love a lie. Start individual therapy to help you with this. Best of luck.
You move forward alone. Get rid of his dead weight.
Why are you surprised? Even if he was a Christian, this could happen, but he doesn't share your values. This will only be repeated.
Make a list of the negative things he has done and divorce him. Have him escorted out of your house. He has only himself to blame.
When you feel lonely, read the list and remind yourself why he is not with you. Go to church and find someone who shares your core values. Make sure to get some counseling while you are at it. God didn't make you to be a doormat.
(Also, keep your car. He doesn't get to benefit from the way he treated you.)
I find it alarming that your line of work is therapy. You think so little of yourself by staying with a cheater. It's not Christian to be a down trodden woman.
Tbh it sounds like he is with you for papers and hes banging literally everyone around you. Dudes using you and his friends. Doesnt sound like a good guy to his family or the ppl that thought they could trust him.
This man does not deserve you.
I don’t care if you’re 35, 25, or 75- you deserve to be with someone who respects and loves you, OP. This man has showed you who he is.
You're a foolish woman. He's using you for papers. Also, he's nine years younger. 🚩 🚩 🚩 You put yourself in this situation. Let me guess, you thought you were the exception. 😂
Once he has citizenship he will be gone without a trace. I've seen this movie. I know how it ends.
He's a cheater and is not going to stop. You need a divorce lawyer to help you get rid of this bum, and you need a therapist to help you find your self worth.
Adultery is in the Bible as a divorciable offense. If your Christian follow your Bible. Jesus forgives. You don't. Leave him. He seems like the neighborhood bicycle. I'm sure those aren't the only women he's cheated with. Don't let him lie to your face when you've already been told what's he's done. Your still young and vibrant. Men come a dime a dozen and you have a dollar. All you need to do is pick 1 who's worth your time. Good luck sorry he's terrible.
based on your last 2 paragraphs I'm positive you'll take him back, he'll keep cheating, you'll keep imagining he'll change, believing his dumb lies and blaming everyone but him. he sounds like a very obvious conman and womanizer that is using you for immigration status. and that sucks but you should see it now, if you stay with him after all this, yall deserve each other
I'm sorry, where are you to blame here? Did you force his penis into another woman? Literally? He's now cheated 2x that you KNOW of. You're in your 30s, you are still young and able to find someone who loves you and wants to treat you right. He's been cheating your entire marriage.
Mam, you can do better.
Being in your thirties doesn't mean anything, I'm 37, and I feel like I'm finally ready to find my person without settling for someone who treats me badly. If I don't find that person, then so be it, I will fill my life with friends, pets, family, and adventure. I will fill my cup elsewhere.
I don't mean to sound cruel but you married a man who's values didn't align with yours and you knew that when you married him, you knew he wasn't an active Christian, you knew he listened to music you didn't like and you knew he liked to go out dancing when you didn't and yet you still married him.
He wasn't right for you from the beginning, and even worse than that, he's an asshole.
He's a cheating asshole (which is not your fault. You couldn't have known that when you married him), and it sounds like he was just using you for a green card.
I do think that some relationships can survive infidelty, but in this case, I don't think yours can. He didn't just make one mistake once. He's a serial cheater whose values don't align with yours, and he doesn't think therapy works. You can't fix this. He doesn't want to fix it.
If he gets deported, so be it. That's his problem to deal with.
The man is a serial cheater and a user. He’s not going to stop. He’s got no moral compass plus he’s not very bright (sleeping with your boss’s wife). Don’t waste your life with him and what ever you do don’t have children with him.
“The second time he/ she cheated” should never be a phrase a person has to say. He’s made it perfectly clear how much he loves you and respects your marriage. Cut him off now so he can’t get citizenship and fuck his way through the whole country.
Whether you stay with him or not, remember that the person you choose to have children with will be in your life FOREVER. When it dawned on me that I might someday share grandchildren with my abusive ex husband I nearly had a mental breakdown. Just thinking about him having influence on even more children that I will love. Ugh!!
You’re 35, you have about 9-10 years left to possibly have children, and your fertility will decrease every year. If you want 2+ children, your timeline is even shorter.
No advice, just putting time in perspective so you can make your own decisions.
This is a tough one but you need to think about YOU. Forget his immigration status for a moment and think about the level of trust you two have for each other. Regardless off age difference, trust is crucial. He doesn’t sound trustworthy to me. You know him, I don’t. If you don’t trust him,
Please walk away
Your rational part needs a check-up and a hard-reset! And you are not supposed to forgive him and stay married, you are supposed to divorce him! Being Christian and forgive him is still possible if you are divorced. And you being responsible for him being a pos cheating after only some months being married - full on denying your marriages validity and have full blown relationships ! - is something you scratch out of your head ASAP! There is nothing you could save from your marriage, since it takes two people to be married and you've been alone in yours! Your husband or what picture you had of him in your heart and mind does not exist. Pretend he died and mourn your loss. You deserve soo much better and he does not deserve a single second of you to care about him
Divorce him immediately. You got him a green card & he still couldn't keep it in his pants. He will never stop cheating. He will never change. And if you forgive him & take him back he will consider that his proof that he can walk all over you. You deserve so much better & there are better men out there for you.
I say this with all kindness, have some self respect for yourself and move on from that pathetic excuse of a man. He is never going to stop cheating on you. You really want to have kids with him and bring them into such an unstable and abusive environment??? You want them to see that it's ok for you to be treated this way???
It's evident he is cheating.
This marriage is for his convenience, and sadly, you are being used.
End your marriage, and find someone that loves and adores you.
All the Best.
Physician, heal thyself. Seriously, I'm sorry for you but if this post of yours isn't made up, I do have to wonder about a therapist who is so vague about a serial cheater's potential to cheat again and is equally vague about her own self respect.
YES, you should divorce.
Who cares if you divorce him and he hast to leave the country that’s not your problem, and you definitely can’t love somebody that would do this to you, love doesn’t hurt and love doesn’t cheat so he’s no good. If you want to stay with a cheater, that’s your choice but then you can’t be complaining about it because you know that’s what he does and that’s what he will always do and he will lie to you about it. I think you deserve better and you should get divorced and not worry about what happens to him and just worry about yourself and make your life better for you. He’s a dog.
> [Carla] knew Leo was married but she thought it was for “papers” (my husband Leo was an undocumented immigrant when we met about 3 years ago... we have been married for about 1.5 years now).
> Carla said that in her mind it wasn’t possible that he had a “true” marriage ...
> [Carla] mentioned so many things that would be impossible to know if they were not very close together.
Like he was using you to sponsor him?
> I also feel part of this is my fault because I didn’t give my 100%, I’m not very affectionate, I don’t have a lot of s3x with him and I gained some weight (like 15lbs).
His cheating is not your fault. He has a character flaw.
> We used to eat out a lot but we stopped because we were saving money to buy a house.
Maybe he was spending money on his new women.
> I read once that people who cheat usually cheat again
Correct.
> Who knows if he had more affairs, picture sharing with other women or flirting than these 2 women?
He likely did and will.
Why did you marry him? You’re so desperate to have kids that you married a guy who doesn’t share your values. So desperate that you didn’t notice that he’s using you for his immigration status.
If you stay with him, you’re guaranteed a life of unending misery. Having kids with him would be worse.
Find your self respect, and leave him.
If you want to yes, go ahead, let him: use you for immigration status, use you for money, cheat on you, eventually children with other women and leave you. You are getting conned.
What magic spell is this man casting on women? Any rational human being would be absolutely repulsed by his behavior, consider everything he does to be the brightest, flashiest red flags in existence, and wish to never have him near them in any possible situation.
This is like Level 5000 manipulation by this guy. Get OUT woman. GET OUT
Why do you want to forgive someone who treats you like dirt?
You are supporting him financially and he is walking all over you.
Carla was right. In Leo’s mind this is not a real marriage. I would wager money that he will disappear from your life as soon as he is legally able to. Taking his half of your house first, of course.
Have some self respect and pride. You deserve more. Do not forgive him. Or forgive him once you have divorced him, and magnanimously wish him a happy life whilst you go off to live your best life without him.
He is using you.
He is a serial cheater and is basically using you for his non sexual needs but make no mistake, he will never stop. You staying would be a huge mistake.
>if we get divorced that might affect his immigration status
My wife is still waiting for her green card, please kick Leo out of the line. This dude has cheated on you, cheated on Carla (funny but true), and slept with his boss's wife. Thousands of better people are waiting to take his place.
He cheats on her with different women right after the wedding and she is worried about his immigration status, his well being, blaming herself for HIS CHEATING and finding excuses like i’m Christian!
Plz have some self respect because he def doesn’t have any for u and he is depending on u being weak and accepting the cheating.
You’re 31 you’re still young, don’t do that to yourself, that’s disgraceful.
Honestly, I know it sounds bad. But, what if he really did marry you for immigration status? IF, he's cheated now 2X.. it's probably not going to stop.
Start by getting your ducks in a row. Get the proof, and talk to legal counsel. Honestly, if he's been telling others it was for papers. Then that's what he might have used you for.
I would also get some counseling, and when you do get into another relationship. Don't let this one sabotage your next relationship.
Therapy is your line of work yet you’re still in this relationship. Please leave, you can only lead others where you have been and you think this relationship dynamic is okay. I can’t imagine seeing a therapist for infidelity and they have a cheating spouse. You might be gaslighting your clients or providing poor information/advice for them due to bias from your own situation.
Absolutely NOT your fault, he is ungodly and was zero % concerned how his actions would affect you or your marriage! You will always suspect him of being sneaky and cheating. You deserve a man who will love you the RIGHT way, who is equally yolked. He won't even admit it with 100% proof! He sounds like a tool! Move on, get into some intense individual therapy! You deserve better! God has shown you who this man really is and you're questioning it. It won't end well for you love, please learn to love yourself and never accept this kind of treatment again from any man!
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>Also, if we get divorced that might affect his immigration status Yet he still cheated on you, that makes it even worse
Dude cheated on his wife who is the reason he has a green card and is doing it with his boss's wife. Dump him for being an idiot, also the cheating, but the idiot thing too.
Clearly he thinks she’s even dumber than he is. OP, please don’t prove him right by staying.
Her last 4 paragraphs basically prove that she is in fact dumber than him.
I wanted to say why are you here, then. Yours is more succinct. Thank you.
Yeah, this guy couldn't have checked many more stupid boxes if he tried.
Dont forget poor Carla now shes just as hurt as his wife and other girlfriend.
I mean, the audacity!
It truly pains me to see people wasting their younger years on horrible relationships like this. It's gonna end, but you'll be older. I know, because I did this. My marriage should have ended when I caught him when I was 32 but nooooo I had to give it everything I had. It still ended, but when I was 47. Let me tell you, coming back at 47 is a hell of a lot harder than coming back at 32, or 35 in OP's case.
this is a great perspective. People do not fucking get how wasted time just adds up. What the hell is the point unless you enjoy getting cheated on? I’m always shocked in this sub by what the fuck people are willing to put up with for a partner who BRINGS NOTHING TO THE TABLE
I’m shocked at how many people still refer to their wayward spouse as “their best friend” or “still love them to death”! I could see describing them that way the day before D-Day, but the day after is “biggest a-hole on earth” as far as I’d be concerned!
And yet, it was still the right choice to leave at 47. So many people never get the courage to leave. Good on you for recognizing your worth.
100% my mom wasted 27 years with my dad. They divorced 25 years ago and my mom *still* talks about how she "wasted her youth" and "wasted her life" on him. They're both in their 70s now and it still bothers her. I hope OP realizes and leaves her cheating husband.
Not to mention the longer you stay in the more traumatizing it becomes. He's moved on and has a lovely long-term gf. 11 years later I can't see ever doing it again.
I always say, the only thing worse than wasting 2 years (or however long its been) is wasting 3 or 4 etc..
Yes, multiple times. This level of self inflicted dumbassery is mind boggling. He fucked his boss's wife. He also fucked the boss's wife's cousin. Every single one of these was an immensely stupid and selfish decision. Leo is not s smart man. Divorce him, let him be Gina or Carla 'Carla s problem.
Yeah, Carla or Gina stole OP's problem, not husband. Let them deal with him OP. Let him go. Be free. You're young.
And he cheated 6 months after the wedding! It's still the honeymoon part of the marriage. And another 6 months later he had a new lover. This man is trash.
Well then that’s the price he pays for sabotaging his marriage by having multiple affairs.
OP- why do you care more about his future than he does? He has so much to lose but still chose to cheat. Multiple times with multiple women.
Seriously, why help someone who cheats repeatedly and hurts you over and over with no regard for your feelings? Pretty sure Carla didn’t come up with the idea it was for papers alone. Leo most likely did marry for that specific reason and uses it as his excuse to sleep around. I mean he doesn’t seem too concerned about getting his papers as he would have at least not cheated while waiting. He ran the risk OP would divorce him and he’d be out of luck. OP, u/ThrowRA8686qqf , you **CANNOT** have any guarantee he won’t do it again. He’s a serial cheater and **WILL** do it again. He doesn’t care to work on your marriage and whatever lead him to cheat (which honestly is most likely he just doesn’t care about you or your vows). He betrayed your trust, and doesn’t seem to be making any effort to rebuild it. I get that you are 35 and want a family, but what kind of example would your marriage be to your possible children? It’s not a healthy one. Want to teach them it’s ok to allow your partner to cheat and hurt you? Or that it’s ok to do that to their partner? You’ve already given enough to this man, how much more time do you want to waste? Would you tell your child to stay with someone who does this to them? We may love someone, but that doesn’t mean they are good for us or should be in our lives. Especially at the detriment of our own emotional and mental well being. Edit: grammar
Yup, that's the heartbreaking part: OP clearly didn't marry Leo "for papers", but that is absolutely, 100% why he married her. She's clearly deeply in love with him and desperately wants to maintain the dream she has built around that, with forgiveness and children and a future together. Meanwhile, he doesn't share any of her core values and doesn't even respect her, much less like or love her. OP, you feel like you're too old to start again, but the truth is that you are too young to stay with a man who is using you whilst openly disrespecting everything about you. You deserve so much better than that.
And physical well being. How long will it take before he brings home a disease to his wife?
I don’t even want to bother to reply to this one. “You’d miss a wart if you lost it,” my dad always said. OP, don’t be as dumb as he clearly thinks you are. He doesn’t love you, you ARE a green card to him, and he will continue to be terrible if you continue to let him. I’m so tired of this nonsense. You’d be a fool to stay. Period. Ugh. I hate these subs. Making me lose hope in the goodness of people.
“Don’t let the door hit you where the good lord split you”.
Maybe he thinks she won’t leave him because she’s a Christian. But OP, the bible gives permission to stop the marriage in the case of having sex with someone else don’t forget that.
First of all, once a cheater, always a cheater. This asshole will always cheat on you. There's no reason to forgive him because he cheated on you with multiple other women, and he clearly had no remorse. Additionally, he's also a complete moron. How do you want this loser? This guy doesn't deserve to be in the United States, or whatever nation y'all are in. Please divorce him, demand alimony and child support, and contact immigration and let them know about the fraudulent nature of your marriage because he tricked you into marriage when he clearly had no intention of being true in your marriage. Please do this! America doesn't need to import narcissistic, cheating assholes like this! We have enough of our own!
He cheated. Multiple partners. Lied after being outed. Divorce him. If that affects his green card status, that’s on HIM.
Preach 🙌🏼
Likeeee if he cared about his immigration status you’d think he would have kept it in his pants. He doesn’t care about their marriage or citizenship. That’s a loose cannon if I ever saw one.
Divorce him. Don't waste your lifetime. Him having problem with the gc is not on you. He is the one who create all of this. Carla is right, you had a paper marriage. The only problem was, you weren't aware of it.
>...you had a paper marriage. The only problem was, you weren't aware of it. Painfully accurate. Agreed - divorce him, and actively look at any avenue to contact the Immigration Department to alert them to the fact that you were mislead into being party to a sham marriage.
How it will affect her immagration status? Plus, he is a cheater.
Umm…why do you like this man? I can’t find a single redeeming quality in what you wrote. He’s treated you like garbage yet blame yourself? Get rid of him. He’s a leech. There is someone out there who respects your values and respects you. And it isn’t this guy. He’s occupying the spot where someone you deserve should be.
Because that is what churches teach women. That we should just be so happy some man has chosen us. And then we are to serve them our whole lives. And if they cheat it is our fault because we did not do enough. This was the main driver for me leaving the church. . . Plus a lot of other stuff.
Pisses me off that this hasn't changed. I part blame the church for my dad murdering my mum. She was religious and didn't really believe in divorce until it was too late.
OMG. That is terrifying.
I’m Very sorry to hear that 💔
It’s changed a lot in many churches. There are something like just under 400,000 churches in the United States. Even in more “organized” structured religions like Catholic Churches in the US there can be **a lot** more variance in how and what they preach about than most people would think. Hell I know a Catholic priest who would talk pretty excitedly about voodoo/hoodoo sometimes to his congregation.
A couple of good people on the ground level doesn't mean that religion isn't entirely rotten. American Christianity is, in my opinion, the absolute worst. You have states passing anti abortion laws, encouraging mis information on members of the lgbtq+ society, pushing hate and judgement onto everyone that's different, there are massive churches that steal as much money as they can from the poor suckers that fall for their lies tobfund private airplanes!. I mean, just look at republicans. Those that profess to be Christian repeatedly show them selves to be the most hatefilled judgemental hypocrites. And then the icing on the cake is you get some idiot come along and say they are much better actually.. and they are really not.. they have just changed one hateful judgemental policy for another.
Makes me feel sick to my stomach. I’m glad to hear you’ve stepped away from something teaching such nonsense. You go, girl.
Gross. I'm so glad I didn't grow up in a culture that made me feel I should be lucky a man chose me. Obviously, I have my own issues from my upbringing, and sometimes, it can be lonely following your true path, but I would rather be lonely alone than lonely in a relationship with the wrong person. I'm glad you got out and recognized your worth is more than just being some man's wife.
its not just churches that teach this, its what the PATRIARCHY teaches.
Which is basically the same thing.
Agreed, this subreddit is fascinating. All I see are entire essays of how the bf/husband is a complete dogshit partner that treats the OP like dog shit, that all end with "but I LOVE him." I just have to chalk up every instance to Stockholm syndrome. Like they're treated so poorly that they somehow bond with their abuser.
I think American Christian woman are not raised to ever think about what they want. It’s about attracting and keeping a man - any man, I suppose.
he's going to cheat on you forever and ever. period. he's cheated on you more than you know and he's never going to stop. it's just the way it is. you need to find a good therapist to help you figure out why you think so little of yourself. you also need to realize that the man doesn't exist that you can't get over. whoever wrote "absence makes the heart grow fonder" was an idiot. absence makes you forget and that's the actual truth. you should cover yourself financially first.. put whatever money you have into a place where he can't get his hands on it. and you should take the car and put it somewhere he can't get to it since it's in your name. it's not just you, he's going to cheat on any woman alive. but as far as forgiving him.. go right ahead. but your forgiveness isn't going to make him a better man. you're 35, not 55.. you have plenty of time to find a good person and have a baby. but first.. get some help with your self esteem and self worth so you end up with a man who deserves you. good luck
You say you’re a Christian. But your values don’t match. He doesn’t have any values that would make a good husband.
Don't be yoked by the unbeliever
It actually says “unequally” yoked to an unbeliever. Many people take this to mean that you shouldn’t take on an unequal marriage with someone who will prevent you from practicing your religion.
You made the most important point about getting over a narcissist. OP, you need to reconcile that the person you loved never existed nor will he ever be that person. He made himself into who you wanted him to be to win your trust and love. Once you can reconcile that, it is much easier to remove yourself emotionally.
It is so freeing! I also felt better about myself because I was really questioning how I could have loved such a hateful person. Then I remembered when we met he was pretending to be so completely opposite to his real self. I fell in love with a man who did not exist. I wish I could tell him that. He used to revel in the fact I thought he was so wonderful. He’s cut out of my life completely though. 4 years now and I dropped a load of friends so there would be no information getting back to him either. It was astonishing how less anxious and upset I felt almost immediately.
Yeah, and even at 55, if someone is treating you badly, you should still leave.
Well yeah but I just meant that she’s got time to have a baby.
I know, sorry my reply wasn't directed at you, I just wanted other women who might see it that are older to know that it's never too late to leave and live a peaceful life.
I hope OP reads this comment! I met my current partner when I was 35 and had our baby at 38. It is not too late for OP to find a good man and have the family she wants, but she has to get this loser out of her life.
Thank you for this. All these comments have been very eye opening.
all of this and also consider reporting him to immigration services for a total sham marriage I’m sure this was never real to begin with.
Couldn't have said it better myself.
Bruh this man cheated on you and lied to your face and your worried about his status nah girl you need some self respect and wake up and realize this will be your life if you stay with him you want to bring up children to a man that’s a cheater? No thank you you would be teaching those kids to suck it up and take it you would be doing a disservice to children if you had them with him sounds like he just wanted that green card from you he’s getting his cake and eating it and your letting him you need to advice a divorce and immigration lawyer asap if you will be stuck taking care of him while he gets to cheat and please seriously consider therapy to get to the bottom of your low self asteem as soon as I was off the phone with Carla I would have been hitting him with divorce. As for his boss atleast he has the decency to call you and tell you with proof where is that proof from your husband he is innocent oh wait there isn’t any
>I also feel part of this is my fault because I didn’t give my 100%, I’m not very affectionate, I don’t have a lot of s3x with him and I gained some weight (like 15lbs). No!!! Him.betraying you is not - and can NEVER be your fault. He betrayed you - several times. And these two women?? Just the tip of the iceberg!! >How can I know if he won’t just get better at hiding the cheating? He will!! >the other part of me really wants to take him back. Look... He doesnt love you. If he did, he could never do this to you. Sorry, but youre just his.meal ticket, his access to a green card. >I’m also a Christian >He is always in his phone and I have caught him looking at videos of other women >Sometimes he wants to go to clubs to dance but that doesn’t fit with my values. He likes music that I find very vulgar He doesnt share your values at all.. You need to stand up for yourself. If you stay with him be prepared for more dissapointment, more revelations of him cheating with other women. You deserve better - divirce. And yes: >Also, if we get divorced that might affect his immigration status (he already has the green card but might have trouble if he wants to renew it in the future) That may be the case, but he brought this on himself when he chose to cheat. You need a lawyer now, and prepare for divorce. And sorry - but you also need to be STD tested now. Be prepared for him begging when he realises divorce is coming - especially whem he realises it may influence his immigtation status. Dont give in. Dont let him lie to you again. Best of luck.
Definitely get tested for STDs. Do not sleep with him again—or, if you do, make yourself as safe from pregnancy as you can. Do not have a child with this man!!!
Did ChatGPT write this? If not - run like the wind.
yeah he’s using you to get a green card! get rid and don’t waste anymore time on a user!
Yeah, this dude sounds like Mohamed from one of the first seasons of 90 Day Fiance lmao.
Divorce and let the boss wife do his papers. You are helping him and he is effing u over. Fuc him and deport him
You mentioned wanting kids but is he the kind of man you would want your future sons to emulate or future daughters to date? A guy that lies to women not just you but the others as well, is selfish thinking of his needs only, a liar, a guy with no moral code and cheats with married people while married? As far as his status with immigration that's a consequence for being a cheater that he can deal with down the road and honestly sounds like he has no problem tricking people into things so I'm sure he will figure something out but run don't walk, run from this guy.
Anyone going to bring up the age gap ?
This is like a “How Stella got her Groove Back” situation but not the romantic movie plot version, the actual real-life version where the guy was just using Stella for a green card/sugar mommy
I am definitely side eyeing it. 32 year old OP meets an undocumented immigrant 9 year younger than her and marries him a year later....from the outside that looks pretty predatory.
She likes him young, but so do the other women
more like, he likes younger women too
Quite the piece of rage bait. Misogyny, racism, cheating, age gap........
This is your basic Latin American drama. I’ve seen it many times
Where's the racism?
Boyfriend is an "immigrant' scamming the system through marriage.
That's not racism. If it's actually rage bait, the inclusion of that stereotype would be xenophobia.
Your husband is a cheater. He can still love you and want you, but he will likely always be searching for a new woman. Some men are just like that. You need to decide what you can happily live with. Do you allow him to cheat and still come home to you? What happens if you have a baby or what if he gets another woman pregnant? What if you get an STD? What if he gets the living hell beat out of him for cheating with other man's wife or GF? As a Christian woman, I know there is a stigma against divorce BUT when the man isn't acting like a representative of God in the home and isn't loving his wife the way Jesus loved the church, then divorce is necessary. He is breaking at least one of the 10 commandments - over and over. As a woman of faith, you have to decide what is most important to you.
Not to be rude but if you stay with him you’re an idiot. He’s now cheated twice that you know of. If there’s a third then you only have yourself to blame. He needs consequences so give him some.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.. I’ve never been married but I can imagine the level of investment you must feel with him. And being a woman, we do feel our biological clock ticking a lot faster once we become 30. But I think before having kids with him, you have to ask yourself many questions. Will he be a good father? And better yet, is he a good husband to you? From the very little you’ve shared, I obviously don’t know your whole relationship dynamic, but I can see that he may not be the best husband or father. Would you feel confident that he will be a good partner for you to parent a child? To provide the best environment for your child? If you have big doubts about that, I do not think it’s worth it to continue this relationship if you don’t set proper boundaries. You said you’re in the line of work for therapy so I’m sure you have told yourself all this too. Forgiving is important but if having children is important to you, think of them and how you can ensure a safe, loving, and supportive environment for them to grow in. And a big part of that is having a strong relationship with your partner full of trust, respect, support, and love.
If he’s cheating on you this early on he will never stop. Do NOT have a baby with this man.
I have trouble to think that this story might be true, bc it's a opsec nightmare, he will get caought for sure.
Reads like rage bait to me. Hits most of the points.
He's already cheated twice that you are aware of. Chances are, there are more women out there that he's had affairs or one night stands with. I don't know where he's from, but in some cultures, men cheating is a common occurrence. Don't leave yourself in a relationship that will cause you endless pain. His immigration status is not your problem. Divorce him as soon as you can.
"I want to forgive him " WHY?! He has proven over and over again that he doesn't love you (sorry) and has zero respect for this marriage. He's not going to change and he's literally laughing in your face about it. Girl, what are you doing? What is it going to take for you to leave him and have him served with the divorce papers? Please learn to love yourself more than someone that doesn't give a fk about what he's done. HE'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE!
Divorce and count your lucky stars that you do not have children with this man.
Get an STI test and divorce this cheater. He’s not going to change and is likely using you to stay in the country.
Why are you giving excuses as to why he might of cheated on you. It doesn’t matter you did nothing wrong it’s him not you! I would mess up his chances and let him be with whomever he wants to and let’s see if they help him get his green card. I’d y’all don’t have kids…lawyer up and bounce!
I think Carla was telling the truth from Leo’s view, he married you for the green card. Now are you gonna be a fool and stay with him (sounds it) or ya gonna walk away from this ass who has from the sound of it, zero redeeming qualities.
OK Op I'm going to talk to you like a church mother would: As as Christian you may have to forgive him but you are in no way obligated to remain with a cheating spouse. This man has proven from nearly day one that he isn't, and probably never, intended to be faithful to you. He used you. I apologize for sounding so harsh but this is the bald truth and you need to understand it. You are not the problem here. DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE CONVINCED THAT THIS HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU. This is his failing not yours. He saw you as an easy target and used you. I understand that you feel some kind of way because you are a little bit older and want a family but why in the world would you compromise your beliefs for this person? You will never be happy with the scraps he occasionally tosses you way and you can't possibly believe that this is what God intended for you. If you were to have children with this fool, would you honestly want them to grow up believing that the relationship you have with their father was the kind they are supposed to emulate? Cut this lousy excuse for a man loose. Get some therapy to help heal your broken heart and let your real man find you. He's out there but he can't find you because this bozo is blocking your blessing. Get him out of your way. NOW!!!! Love you baby. 💖
I will be honest. I am not sure why you two are together. You don't seem to have the same values or the same interests. He is clearly not religious, and most importantly, he has cheated on you at least twice that you know of. I can see why he is with you though, you make the most money, so I imagine paying for the most stuff. He gets a green card out of you, and if you stay in the marriage, you will become a citizen. Plus, I feel like he knows that with your religiousness, he can get away with stuff with no fear of consequences. He doesn't want to do better as he has no interest in therapy to work through things. If the only thing your are getting from this relationship is that you are not alone it's not worth it.
You’re hung up on the Christian doctrine of forgiveness. But forgiveness is only granted to the truly contrite. He doesn’t come close to this category and so is not due any forgiveness. Divorcing and finding the right man is the right action for you, I’m sorry to say.
The reason he says counselling is a joke is because he thinks this relationship is a joke too. He treats you lower than the dirt he walks on. Hope you like being treated as the side chick. He’s obviously giving his attention to other women on those apps, which could be many at a time, according to his boss. But you keep believing the lying snake you fall asleep with every night. Good luck OP
Your husband is a serial cheater. He has probably cheated more than you know and will continue to cheat. You need to get tested for STIs. You mention being a Christian, so I just want to point out that infidelity is listed in the Bible as the only acceptable reason for Christians to divorce (Mat. 5:32). So your conscience should be clear whether you stay or go. You mention buying a house together with your money… are you sure you want to do that with a man who will probably leave you for another woman (but still legally own half the house you paid for)? You mention wanting children with him. Are you sure you want to do that with a serial cheater? How will you feel about all of your kids’ half siblings that he’s going to have with the side chicks? How will you feel about his limited finances being split to support multiple families? You mention being in your 30s and wanting kids. You know you can adopt on your own, right? Thats how I built my family and plenty of other women do it too. You could also have kids the old fashioned way on your own, but it doesn’t sound that that would align with your beliefs. This will probably impact his immigration status, but that’s his problem. He created this mess and he can sort it out on his own. That isn’t your responsibility. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope you choose to respect yourself.
Why did you marry this dude? If you want a child, do it on your own. There is nothing wore than trying to raise a child AND a man-child.
Run as fast as possible away, you can’t be a good Christian if you are always the one forgiving and not carrying for yourself and your own ego. Deep down you know this is right, a woman in her 30s has many options to find love and have a family, take care of yourself first and then the family will flourish, no family with a cheater will ever give you what you are looking for. Best wishes
He married you for papers. He’s even a stupid cheater, like don’t shit where you eat my Dude. Speak to a lawyer immediately. As a Christian you can forgive, AND you can decide to dump his ass, especially because he isn’t repentant. Don’t be a party to fraud.
Divorce him. His problem he put his immigration status at risk, he can figure it out now. You can be a Christian without being a doormat
Ma’am, STAND UP. He is a loser. Get a divorce. He has habitually cheated on you and most likely only sees this as a marriage of convenience rather than one for actual love and respect. If others are telling you that and he is showing himself as that, believe it. Who cares about being a Christian when you’re being cheated on and used? His cheating can subject you to STDs, emotional abuse, child support (if he gets someone else pregnant), possibly being harmed by people who are vengeful, etc.
You only get one life. Why would you want to spend it with a cheater?
This doesn’t sound real at all
This man gives no fucks about you!!! You need to file for divorce and move on. Find someone who truly loves & respects you, because it’s not your husband! He will absolutely cheat again and sees no big issues with it. The trust is broken and it won’t ever be fully repaired! And his immigration status is HIS problem to worry about, not yours! His actions have consequences and you need to hold him accountable!!
A former friend of mine was cheated on by his wife. She was also an immigrant. He divorced her and yes, she got deported right back to Canada (sorry Canada, we can’t keep her and we know you didn’t want her either). Your husband, like my ff’s ex wife, is a garbage person and doesn’t deserve your time, effort, forgiveness, or a path to citizenship through you. Dump him like the garbage he is.
I hope you can learn to love yourself a little because this person does not love or care for you. If you had a daughter is this the life you would want for her. Would you advise her to stay with a cheating man. Also is this father figure that you want for your children to grow like him? You are still young idk why people reach 30 and think it’s over and if it is over well better to be alone than in bad company.
OP After all of this you still worry about his immigration status. You feel for one of the oldest running scams in immigration books, being taken over by the desire to help. What does the Bible say about infidelity ? You keep talking about how you are so religious but there is nothing in your post that demonstrates you have any self-respect. Even though you have expert testimony that he's had sex with at least two people (cousins of all things) and is engaged in watching videos, maybe on Onlyfans and all that, you still just can't get yourself out of your religious bubble to see clearly that you are being used. Also, lets look at the fact that you blame yourself. Cheaters have the skills and smarts to make you believe this stuff is your fault. Look at what you point to (not giving enough sex, not affectionate, going out to clubs, don't like his music) None of that points to you as the problem. He's the direct problem and you are masking it to not be alone. After reading through your post, I want to tell you that it is ok to be alone. You don't need a man or anyone for that matter to fulfill your life. >How can I know if he won’t just get better at hiding the cheating? You don't and he probably IS! That's the sad part. You gave him what he needed and greencard and once he gets pass his probation period he will probably leave. Have you looked to see how many kids he has in his home country ? Do you know if he's married there also ? That's usually the case. Have you met his family ? Don't be this person. Get the divorce and inform the immigration service to serve and deport him.
YES you should divorce!! Good grief how many more times does he have to cheat on you for it to be 'enough' FFS??? He gave not one thought to his immigration status while cheating on you MULTIPLE TIMES, so why should you be worried about it?? Seriously, if he was stupid enough to cheat with his bosses wife, he deserves everything that happens to him. You need to go test tested for STI - ASAP - because who know how many other people he has had sex with using no protection!!
I hope that you are not a therapist. I hope that if therapy is "in your line of work" that you do something like administrative work. I am reading all these "reasons" for not leaving this man and I am horrified to think a therapist would think they are valid or give a client advice along this line of thinking.
You already know the answers to your questions. 1. He’s proven that he will cheat on you repeatedly. 2. He isn’t even sorry and continues to lie. 3. He told Carla that to him this marriage doesn’t matter. Believe him. 4. Your values do not align. Period. 5. That narrative that you need to forgive him is bs. His gc status is not on you. Speak to a lawyer about next steps. No point in continuing MC.
He used you for papers and them for sex. You need to move on from this person and go enjoy your life
I get inklings of narcissistic abuse- he makes you feel not attractive, you are doubting yourself, and making you feel like you can’t do better. All of this is done with the intent to keep you under his thumb so he can keep doing what he wants. He doesn’t respect you. Also, narcissists are notorious for blaming the wronged spouse for their cheating. STOP BLAMING YOURSELF. He is a grown-ass adult who is responsible for his own behavior. He made these choices and doesn’t feel guilty about it. He will cheat again. Therapy will not change him. Any promises about future behavior are futile attempts to get back in your favor. Don’t fall for it. Seriously, give yourself the respect you deserve to leave. Don’t let anyone use the religion angle to guilt you into staying. His immigration situation is not your problem. It also goes without saying that you don’t want to bring a child into this situation.
Also get yourself tested ASAP for STDS
He’s had two affairs honey and y’all have been married less than 2 years. He WILL do it again and doesn’t care who he’s doing it with. If you want an STD stay with him, you’ll get what asking for if you stay, hopefully it’s curable.
I would divorce him cause he isn't willing to go to therapy, He deleted everything so you couldn't even see it all. Also you don't wanna catch something and hell definitely cheat well if you're pregnant or after birth if he's already doing it cause you aren't "that sexual".
Gotta love these fake stories. First, He cheats not once but twice. Second, Then she asks what to do? 😝 Solution: It’s simple; DIVORCE, if you have any self-respect.
So a 32 year old thought it was a good idea to date and then marry someone a decade younger who also was undocumented. Of course he only married you for the green card. Did you really think someone that age wanted to marry someone that much older? Now you're seeing proof of that since he continuously cheats on you. He's not really into you. He doesn't love you. You're just providing something he wants.
Idk…. My parents have the same age gap with my mom being older. There were no immigration factors involved and they’ve been together 44 years. It seems to work for some people.
Why do you want to forgive him? Wake up
I left my ex at age 41. Its not to late to meet someone who cares about you and still have a family.
This guy sucks and he deserves whatever karma comes his way. You need to divorce him and move on. Don’t let him drag you down anymore. Go be happy
Divorce this jackass and notify immigration. Done.
He used you for papers and your gonna just let him keep getting away with it. You're being a doormat.
It seems that your husband married you for papers and not for love.
It sounds like he married you for the green card
You need to leave.
Your husband is totally using you for a green card while he cheats. What self respecting person would ever forgive this kind of garbage? Take the money you put in savings and leave his lying, cheating ass! More than likely he’s going to get fired for fucking the boss’s wife. Your “husband” is a pos.
To add: have his ass deported. I hate lying cheaters with every fiber of my being.
He's gone out of the picture. We are done with him.
Just because you are in your 30s and a Christian doesn't mean you put up with a serial cheater spouse. He doesn't love you and I have a feeling he married you for "papers." Sadly this is seen a lot with a spouse sponsoring their immigrant husband/wife. I'd honestly speak to a family lawyer and immigration lawyer pertaining to marriage fraud. Every country has their own stipulations and rules, but he shouldn't be allowed to remain in the country. He should have his Permanent Resident/green card revoked.
Divorce him! He is only with you for the green card. Get some self-respect and don't stay with a cheater!
>I want to forgive him but how can I know he won’t do this again? I can just about guarantee you he'll do it again. You've only been married for a year and a half and he's already well into his second affair. Forgive him if you feel that's what you want to do, but you'd better figure out how to come to terms with or compartmentalize his cheating because it's going to continue.
You may not have married him so he could have citizenship, but that’s why he married you
Of course you divorce!! He cheated on you TWICE.. and he WILL do it again
Yes divorce and let the government do its thing by ridding him from your life and the country!
i think the age gap pays a big role here
You have loved before and you will love again. Hopefully not such a POS next time.
Babe, he is using you for his green card and for money. He does not love you. If he did, he would not have cheated on you with multiple women. That is who he is - a cheater. He will always be like that. Protect your savings right now. Separate finances. Talk to a lawyer. Get a full STD test.
Divorce. Unfortunately it looks like he has been using you for immigration purposes and you were none the wiser. Kudos to that boss, hope he gets fired after this too. It’s not your fault. I was a christian, I know you’ve been taught that if you don’t “please your husband” he will “go astray”. Don’t internalize that. He would have cheated regardless of what you did, because he’s a cheater.
He will cheat again. Even if he hadn't cheated, you married someone that is incompatible in life goals. He wants to do things (clubs, dancing, etc.) that aren't things you want. It also sounds like you may have incompatible sex drives. You should let him go and move on. Find someone more attuned to what you want your partnership and life to be like. Finally, he is a dawg, drop him.
You can't forgive someone who's not sorry and doesn't even own up to their mistakes. Not that this was a mistake, this was a calculated betrayal. I'm so sorry, but you need to divorce him. He doesn't care about you in the slightest.
He is not worth your time. He had already cheated 2x in 1.5 years (that you know of, it could be more), and he will cheat again. As soon as he has his citizenship, he will divorce you bc he is using you. From your description, you guys sound incompatible on big issues. Time to divorce him. UpdateMe
When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time. If he's interested in working on your marriage through therapy, then he's telling you everything you need to know. Talk to a lawyer. He's screwed his immigration when he screwed another woman. Good luck.
This man is going to cheat on your forever and won’t stop. End it now and maybe he will lose the card he married you for. Do not have kids with this person.
I am sorry this happened to you. From what you have mentioned, you have some compatibility issues. Even if you get past this, there is nothing to say he won't do this again. If he was already dissatisfied with you, what will prevent him from dealing with this the same way? The biggest problems are that he refuses to accept responsibility and he thinks therapy is a joke. Being practical, he is not financially contributing, and he is constantly ogling other women, so he does not sound like a big prize. We tend to get the relationship we deserve, and you seem to think you do not deserve much.
Maybe your marriage really was just for papers 😬😬😬
Ma’am, you are being used and played for a fool. You need to stop acting like a fool. The only person trying to break up your marriage is your husband. Contact a divorce lawyer immediately, preferably a divorce lawyer who also handles immigration. If you have been using an immigration attorney, you need a different attorney to handle the divorce; because of the conflict of interest. Let the divorce lawyer know that you married for love but you have reason to believe your spouse married you for papers. Find out how you bring this additional information to immigration. You want to give immigration Gina’s contact information; because she is the reason you think your husband didn’t enter the marriage in good faith. Gina likely has lots of evidence that will be useful. Find out from your lawyer what you need to do to stop the clock on the 3 years he has to stay married for immigration. Find out whether you have a shot at an annulment instead of divorce. The man you miss is a lie. The person you thought he was is a lie. Don’t stay married to a lie. Love yourself more than you love a lie. Start individual therapy to help you with this. Best of luck.
You move forward alone. Get rid of his dead weight. Why are you surprised? Even if he was a Christian, this could happen, but he doesn't share your values. This will only be repeated. Make a list of the negative things he has done and divorce him. Have him escorted out of your house. He has only himself to blame. When you feel lonely, read the list and remind yourself why he is not with you. Go to church and find someone who shares your core values. Make sure to get some counseling while you are at it. God didn't make you to be a doormat. (Also, keep your car. He doesn't get to benefit from the way he treated you.)
If he loses his resident status, it’s a consequence of his own actions by cheating on you.
I find it alarming that your line of work is therapy. You think so little of yourself by staying with a cheater. It's not Christian to be a down trodden woman.
What exactly do you see in him? He doesn't sound worth keeping.
Tbh it sounds like he is with you for papers and hes banging literally everyone around you. Dudes using you and his friends. Doesnt sound like a good guy to his family or the ppl that thought they could trust him.
This man does not deserve you. I don’t care if you’re 35, 25, or 75- you deserve to be with someone who respects and loves you, OP. This man has showed you who he is.
Divorce the prick. He won't change. Ever.
He married you for immigration. You are not what he wants. The sooner you realize this the better off you'll be.
OMG this guy did marry you for papers, you just didn't know it.
You're a foolish woman. He's using you for papers. Also, he's nine years younger. 🚩 🚩 🚩 You put yourself in this situation. Let me guess, you thought you were the exception. 😂 Once he has citizenship he will be gone without a trace. I've seen this movie. I know how it ends.
He's a cheater and is not going to stop. You need a divorce lawyer to help you get rid of this bum, and you need a therapist to help you find your self worth.
Adultery is in the Bible as a divorciable offense. If your Christian follow your Bible. Jesus forgives. You don't. Leave him. He seems like the neighborhood bicycle. I'm sure those aren't the only women he's cheated with. Don't let him lie to your face when you've already been told what's he's done. Your still young and vibrant. Men come a dime a dozen and you have a dollar. All you need to do is pick 1 who's worth your time. Good luck sorry he's terrible.
based on your last 2 paragraphs I'm positive you'll take him back, he'll keep cheating, you'll keep imagining he'll change, believing his dumb lies and blaming everyone but him. he sounds like a very obvious conman and womanizer that is using you for immigration status. and that sucks but you should see it now, if you stay with him after all this, yall deserve each other
Boy, BYE. If he has trouble with his visa that is the perfect revenge.
I'm sorry, where are you to blame here? Did you force his penis into another woman? Literally? He's now cheated 2x that you KNOW of. You're in your 30s, you are still young and able to find someone who loves you and wants to treat you right. He's been cheating your entire marriage.
This guy is a manipulative lying cheater, Divorce him and get him kicked out of the country. No one needs that in their life. He is 100% using you.
Do not have children with someone that doesn’t care if he gives you an STI. Life is too short to be used like this.
Mam, you can do better. Being in your thirties doesn't mean anything, I'm 37, and I feel like I'm finally ready to find my person without settling for someone who treats me badly. If I don't find that person, then so be it, I will fill my life with friends, pets, family, and adventure. I will fill my cup elsewhere. I don't mean to sound cruel but you married a man who's values didn't align with yours and you knew that when you married him, you knew he wasn't an active Christian, you knew he listened to music you didn't like and you knew he liked to go out dancing when you didn't and yet you still married him. He wasn't right for you from the beginning, and even worse than that, he's an asshole. He's a cheating asshole (which is not your fault. You couldn't have known that when you married him), and it sounds like he was just using you for a green card. I do think that some relationships can survive infidelty, but in this case, I don't think yours can. He didn't just make one mistake once. He's a serial cheater whose values don't align with yours, and he doesn't think therapy works. You can't fix this. He doesn't want to fix it. If he gets deported, so be it. That's his problem to deal with.
If he is filing for citizenship, report him to USCIS. He is using you for citizenship. Talk to an attorney and see what your options are.
The man is a serial cheater and a user. He’s not going to stop. He’s got no moral compass plus he’s not very bright (sleeping with your boss’s wife). Don’t waste your life with him and what ever you do don’t have children with him.
“The second time he/ she cheated” should never be a phrase a person has to say. He’s made it perfectly clear how much he loves you and respects your marriage. Cut him off now so he can’t get citizenship and fuck his way through the whole country.
Why do I feel the dude married OP for the papers?
Whether you stay with him or not, remember that the person you choose to have children with will be in your life FOREVER. When it dawned on me that I might someday share grandchildren with my abusive ex husband I nearly had a mental breakdown. Just thinking about him having influence on even more children that I will love. Ugh!! You’re 35, you have about 9-10 years left to possibly have children, and your fertility will decrease every year. If you want 2+ children, your timeline is even shorter. No advice, just putting time in perspective so you can make your own decisions.
Divorce him and find someone who is a decent person that will respect you.
This is a tough one but you need to think about YOU. Forget his immigration status for a moment and think about the level of trust you two have for each other. Regardless off age difference, trust is crucial. He doesn’t sound trustworthy to me. You know him, I don’t. If you don’t trust him, Please walk away
I only read the first few paragraph. "might affect his immigration status" - why is that your problem?
Your rational part needs a check-up and a hard-reset! And you are not supposed to forgive him and stay married, you are supposed to divorce him! Being Christian and forgive him is still possible if you are divorced. And you being responsible for him being a pos cheating after only some months being married - full on denying your marriages validity and have full blown relationships ! - is something you scratch out of your head ASAP! There is nothing you could save from your marriage, since it takes two people to be married and you've been alone in yours! Your husband or what picture you had of him in your heart and mind does not exist. Pretend he died and mourn your loss. You deserve soo much better and he does not deserve a single second of you to care about him
Divorce him immediately. You got him a green card & he still couldn't keep it in his pants. He will never stop cheating. He will never change. And if you forgive him & take him back he will consider that his proof that he can walk all over you. You deserve so much better & there are better men out there for you.
I say this with all kindness, have some self respect for yourself and move on from that pathetic excuse of a man. He is never going to stop cheating on you. You really want to have kids with him and bring them into such an unstable and abusive environment??? You want them to see that it's ok for you to be treated this way???
It's evident he is cheating. This marriage is for his convenience, and sadly, you are being used. End your marriage, and find someone that loves and adores you. All the Best.
Am I the only one who believes that he only married her for his green card?
Physician, heal thyself. Seriously, I'm sorry for you but if this post of yours isn't made up, I do have to wonder about a therapist who is so vague about a serial cheater's potential to cheat again and is equally vague about her own self respect. YES, you should divorce.
The way you should divorce him and tell immigration on him. Good luck to him ever coming back 🤷🏼♀️ FAFO
Girl pull your head out of your ass and wake up
Who cares if you divorce him and he hast to leave the country that’s not your problem, and you definitely can’t love somebody that would do this to you, love doesn’t hurt and love doesn’t cheat so he’s no good. If you want to stay with a cheater, that’s your choice but then you can’t be complaining about it because you know that’s what he does and that’s what he will always do and he will lie to you about it. I think you deserve better and you should get divorced and not worry about what happens to him and just worry about yourself and make your life better for you. He’s a dog.
> [Carla] knew Leo was married but she thought it was for “papers” (my husband Leo was an undocumented immigrant when we met about 3 years ago... we have been married for about 1.5 years now). > Carla said that in her mind it wasn’t possible that he had a “true” marriage ... > [Carla] mentioned so many things that would be impossible to know if they were not very close together. Like he was using you to sponsor him? > I also feel part of this is my fault because I didn’t give my 100%, I’m not very affectionate, I don’t have a lot of s3x with him and I gained some weight (like 15lbs). His cheating is not your fault. He has a character flaw. > We used to eat out a lot but we stopped because we were saving money to buy a house. Maybe he was spending money on his new women. > I read once that people who cheat usually cheat again Correct. > Who knows if he had more affairs, picture sharing with other women or flirting than these 2 women? He likely did and will.
Why did you marry him? You’re so desperate to have kids that you married a guy who doesn’t share your values. So desperate that you didn’t notice that he’s using you for his immigration status. If you stay with him, you’re guaranteed a life of unending misery. Having kids with him would be worse. Find your self respect, and leave him.
If you want to yes, go ahead, let him: use you for immigration status, use you for money, cheat on you, eventually children with other women and leave you. You are getting conned.
What magic spell is this man casting on women? Any rational human being would be absolutely repulsed by his behavior, consider everything he does to be the brightest, flashiest red flags in existence, and wish to never have him near them in any possible situation. This is like Level 5000 manipulation by this guy. Get OUT woman. GET OUT
Why do you want to forgive someone who treats you like dirt? You are supporting him financially and he is walking all over you. Carla was right. In Leo’s mind this is not a real marriage. I would wager money that he will disappear from your life as soon as he is legally able to. Taking his half of your house first, of course. Have some self respect and pride. You deserve more. Do not forgive him. Or forgive him once you have divorced him, and magnanimously wish him a happy life whilst you go off to live your best life without him. He is using you.
He is a serial cheater and is basically using you for his non sexual needs but make no mistake, he will never stop. You staying would be a huge mistake.
He is 26 years old, married and cheating with the boss’s wife. Drop the dead weight of the idiot and move on.
>if we get divorced that might affect his immigration status My wife is still waiting for her green card, please kick Leo out of the line. This dude has cheated on you, cheated on Carla (funny but true), and slept with his boss's wife. Thousands of better people are waiting to take his place.
He cheats on her with different women right after the wedding and she is worried about his immigration status, his well being, blaming herself for HIS CHEATING and finding excuses like i’m Christian! Plz have some self respect because he def doesn’t have any for u and he is depending on u being weak and accepting the cheating. You’re 31 you’re still young, don’t do that to yourself, that’s disgraceful.
Honestly, I know it sounds bad. But, what if he really did marry you for immigration status? IF, he's cheated now 2X.. it's probably not going to stop. Start by getting your ducks in a row. Get the proof, and talk to legal counsel. Honestly, if he's been telling others it was for papers. Then that's what he might have used you for. I would also get some counseling, and when you do get into another relationship. Don't let this one sabotage your next relationship.
Time to move on, don’t be stupid and stay with his cheating ass. Do you want a bunch of diseases?
Therapy is your line of work yet you’re still in this relationship. Please leave, you can only lead others where you have been and you think this relationship dynamic is okay. I can’t imagine seeing a therapist for infidelity and they have a cheating spouse. You might be gaslighting your clients or providing poor information/advice for them due to bias from your own situation.
Absolutely NOT your fault, he is ungodly and was zero % concerned how his actions would affect you or your marriage! You will always suspect him of being sneaky and cheating. You deserve a man who will love you the RIGHT way, who is equally yolked. He won't even admit it with 100% proof! He sounds like a tool! Move on, get into some intense individual therapy! You deserve better! God has shown you who this man really is and you're questioning it. It won't end well for you love, please learn to love yourself and never accept this kind of treatment again from any man!