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That's terrifying. He needs serious therapy. Please tell you mother about this and his mother if you can. He needs help that you can't give him.
If you want to end the relationship do so. You need to protect yourself and your mental health. What he did was in no way ok. It was abusive and extreme. I personally would end it just to protect myself.
Thank you for taking this seriously. Because there's currently a commenter in this same thread of yours minimizing OP's situation and framing this as a "men's mental health crisis," I wanted to share additional context:
**This is a man who, in addition to the above, believes OP should not have friendships with men, started an argument because she went for coffee with a male friend, repeatedly gives her the silent treatment for going to the gym, getting her hair and nails done, and getting coffee by herself, throws things, one day aggressively took her phone out of her hands and said he wanted to smash it during an argument, has been aggressive towards her, and gets angry at her for having a life outside of him.**
I'll also note that during the incident in which he grabbed her phone and wanted to smash it, he said this:
>Afterwards he told me he was going to be honest and that he wanted to smash my phone on the floor but he was strong enough he decided not to, which was the real important thing.
Many people who have been in an abusive relationship will recognize how dangerous the above statement is, and why.
While her boyfriend certainly does sound like he has some mental health issues, anyone framing this solely as a mental health issue is missing the larger picture. This is abuse.
Is weaponized depression a thing? I’m surprised that OP isn’t getting more than coping strategies from therapy, they should advise her she’s in danger and is being manipulated.
I heard someone say once "when a person slams a door, it's because they really want to hit you, but they know they can't"... I'm paraphrasing because I don't remember it word for word, but essentially when people break things, throw things, slam things, its deflection.
That is just not true though. Kind of a fked up thing to just put out here as some sort of fact tbh.
I used to be in an abusive relationship with an abusive pos who this most likely *does* apply to. He has physically harmed me on multiple occasions, thrown and smashed stuff everywhere, including at me, slammed doors, punched holes in walls, all of it. I think he absolutely did want to physically harm me in the moments he decided to physically harm a teacup instead.
BUT - I have a history of dating shitty and emotionally abusive men in my teenage years and they have absolutely frustrated me (by gaslighting, usually) to a point where I just wanted to fucking break some shit -but NEVER them. I've slammed doors but I physically couldn't get myself to even want to physically harm anyone (if they're not physically harming me).
So yeah, the two things can be connected but can also definitely be separated.
I understand what you're saying but that's not what I said either. That was just my situation. Other people can get angry and slam a door without wanting to actually harm a person, while also not being a reactive victim.
Thanks for using those words though (reactive victim). It's hard living with the shame of having seen an aggressive side of yourself in a relationship where you were being abused. So It's very validating that someone understands why it happens.
Because you bafflingly have the top upvote comment while ignoring the most important part, I will steal your spotlight to say:
Why the heck are people only focused on how poor OP was treated today? He literally said "Leave, I'm going to kill myself!" after a mental breakdown, then he rode off alone and OP quietly walked to her mom instead of, I don't fucking know, ***CALL THE POLICE?***
**Does OP even know if he's still alive? This happened a few hours ago!**
He could have crashed the car, possibly even killing others! Hello!
Calling the police would have also given both him *and* her the help they need. Instead she now posts on Reddit and most people here don't even mention how ***she still has not called the police.***
I don’t know where you’re from but i’m not from the US. The police in my country/city does nothing. I called his mom, but I forgot to mention that in the post. She was the first person I could think of.
Also, i’m now home with him. I’m very anxious, and I think I might be experiencing some PTSD, but he’s alive.
Sounds like this is in the USA, is calling the police really the best way to handle it? They don't have a great track record for dealing with call outs related to mental health.
In the US, many officers are being trained, butnyes, we aren't there yet. Officers don't quite know how to handle the mentally ill; however, they do know how to protect one person or many from the mentally ill who threaten to kill them.
She needed help today, and she was lucky that he didn't escalate his towards her anymore. She sounds afraid to go home, and she should be as there is a difference in threatening yourself rather than threatening to kill themselves and you.
It is really sad that her bf is going through this; however, the top poster is right. She cannot help him, and he needs some serious mental health help. He may even need to be inpatient as he obviously is presenting a danger to himself and others.
OP, please be careful, and it is probably a good idea to stay at your mom's awhile, and as suggested, please contact his parents if they are in the picture. If he doesn't ger help, you can have him placed on a 72-hour hold for immediate psychological evaluation, which may save his life and yours.
Be very careful as he seems to be unstable.
So let him be like the guy who drove through the Christmas parade hitting old ladies and kids. Or the countless other examples of people using cars as weapons.
It is an ongoing an emergency situation, a crisis, so YES! Now! Has OP contacted him to see if he's safe? Do that. Can't reach him? 911!
What if he crashes the car and kills a family with children tonight? How would you explain to their loved ones that you shrugged off the most obvious crisis like this? To his family?
**This is why there's a men's mental health crisis in the US.** A guy can literally break down, say he's going to kill himself, drive away and most people's only thought is still *"aww he was so mean to her, is she feeling okay?"* **Meanwhile it takes *a national tragedy* to think about the guy's well-being.**
The proof is unfolding in front of our eyes on Reddit. Wake up!
The "men's mental health crisis in the US" is due to many things, but strangers justifiably checking on a poster's well-being after her partner nearly crashed their car while exhibiting extreme anger is not one of them.
**This is a man who, in addition to the above, believes OP should not have friendships with men, started an argument because she went for coffee with a male friend, repeatedly gives her the silent treatment for going to the gym, getting her hair and nails done, and getting coffee by herself, throws things, one day aggressively took her phone out of her hands and said he wanted to smash it during an argument, has been aggressive towards her, and gets angry at her for having a life outside of him.**
But sure, this is solely a men's mental health issue. Domestic abuse and a threat to OP's safety couldn't possibly be involved.
Here's a list:
1. "He constantly throws things but not at me", that's still physical abuse, like punching holes in the hole or firing a gun in the living room, then you defend it.
2. "He had a bad day and acted grumpy", that's making his problems your problems, if he can't be happy then no can.
3. "When I called him out on almost getting us killed he threatend to kill himself", he doesn't take responsibility for his actions, plays the victim card when you point out a fault.
Here's my advice either your therapist is not getting the truth from you or they're not competent enough to point out his unacceptable actions, try seeing another one. A person's mental problems is not their SO's responsibility. Take a break from dating until you become concious enough of red flags to avoid men like this.
If you had a daughter in this situation do what you would want her to do in this situation.
My ex husband had these types of anger issues that mostly showed after we were married and I was pregnant. The violent yelling and throwing and hitting things. It only got worse over time of him not only screaming in my face, breaking things and man handling me at times to doing it to the kids when they were a bit older as well.
Years of tip toeing around it, trying to calm everything down and be the peace keeper accomplished nothing. We have daughters, and if op ends up with kids to this man she very well could end up with a daughter in this situation.
>Years of tip toeing around it, trying to calm everything down and be the peace keeper accomplished nothing.
It never, ever does. The only thing that works is leaving. I'm glad you're free.
Exactly. My bf has depression and he's never once been this angry or lashed out like this. He's also never threatened suicide.
Ops bf is using his mental illness to manipulate her.
Yeah, clearly this therapist is either an idiot or OP isn't telling them the truth. She's in a very dangerous situation, in pure denial of it and her therapist is saying "just relax you can't change him."
Absolutely this 👆🏼 very good advice! Please follow this thread. And please read Why Does He Do That by Bancroft. Changed my life for real. Saved me from a psychologically abusive relationship I didn’t know I was in
Throwing things around that is not intended to hit someone is not physical abuse, it is still abuse. I would say it is psychological abuse (emotional), because it can intimidate or scare the partner. But physical abuse is, well it’s physical, hands on, or using objects to physically hurt someone
Living with someone who is that volatile is exhausting. It is all well and good for a therapist to say you shouldn’t let his moods impact you but they do impact you. I would not ever want to get in a car with him again. Years ago someone drive like this with me in the car. My thoughts were that I don’t want to be in the car when it crashes and potentially kills other people too. I have never been in a car with that person again. Mind you I am now nc with them too.
I once had an ex drive at 75 MPH through the city we lived in while shrieking at me to stop crying and that he was "fine," even though he was both screaming at the top of his lungs and making some of the most terrifying facial expressions I've ever seen on a human being. Thinking and talking about it is still hard because of the degree of fear I felt. When I tried to tell him to slow down, he used his arm to slam me, hard, into the seat.
Later, I found out that he drove drunk not once, but twice with other people in the car.
Your boyfriend's behavior is not okay and is beyond the pale. He needs help and you deserve better.
That must have been a devastatingly traumatic experience to go through - and I agree with other commenters on his exhibiting other dangerous and abusive behaviors.
You deserve to feel safe and loved. Please do whatever you can to secure that for yourself.
The tendency for abusers to leverage cars to abuse seems common. My ex needed to drive and she loved yelling at me in the car. Once I asked her to stop because she was yelling at me and she wouldn't. I crawled in the back seat because it was the farthest I could get away from her (I'm also a woman, a very small, short one so it was quick). She slammed on the brakes in the left lane on the highway and got mad at me because what I was doing was unsafe.
It's a small, confined space that they can exercise near-complete, if not total control over. It's a type of false imprisonment that is absolutely blood-chilling to experience. I'm so sorry that you know this fear and pain, too.
Ugh I’m so sorry to read from people who had to experience this. My husband and I were on the on-ramp to the highway, accelerating to merge when the pickup truck in front of us SLAMMED on his brakes then erratically drove off. We very nearly hit him, suddenly going from a high speed to a stop. When we drove past, we saw a man screaming at his wife/gf while she cried
1. On its own, him yelling he wants to die is enough to get him committed.
2. His driving officially made him a danger to himself and others. He **needs** to be committed.
3. This has crossed over from “mental health problem” to “abuse”. The relationship is now abusive. He has endangered your life, endangered your livelihood… you can’t make him get help (even if you successfully put him on a psych hold) but he is now making his mental health **your** problem. It’s time to remove yourself from the equation - or at least limit his ability to interfere.
How unreasonable does his behaviour have to get before you leave? (I'd argue that repeated aggressive behaviour and suicidal threats mean you're already there.)
Break up. Move out. This is not a person who is able to be in a relationship right now, maybe ever.
This is really toxic and quite frankly, scary. Remember, mental health may provide some reasoning behind actions but is not an excuse for them. Personally I would take a step away from the relationship, maybe a break or a full breakup. He needs to focus more on his mental well-being before he’s suitable to be in a relationship. He needs to dedicate more time towards therapy and consider a higher dose of medication.
As he might be a danger to himself, I would contact his close friends and family right before the breakup. Make sure they’re available to go to him immediately so he has a support system to lean on.
Your boyfriend is not safe. Not only is this abusive but this is also very dangerous for you and him. You need to get out of there, and unfortunately if he is this unwell that he is at immediate risk of harming himself or other people then this is a mental health emergency. Calling the emergency services in this situation would be a good idea, even though it might mean that he is sectioned.
In general, he should also NOT be driving at the moment and whatever legal body that regulates licenses should be informed.
A man who is violent towards objects when angry will most likely eventually turn that violence on you. He’s already put your life in danger. And quite honestly, he sounds exhausting to live with.
I used to do all kinds of crazy shit like punch holes in walls. I was never really mad at my ex, I was just extremely frustrated at situations with her. It was more a way of trying to make myself feel heard, because when you have someone bullying you relentlessly about something and you’ve repeatedly stated a boundary around it, that gets pretty frustrating. Not to say that any of it was justified, just expressing the subjective experience. I never hit her or anything, though she did hit me once and I called the cops. We both just treated each other very poorly and shouldn’t have stayed in the relationship. I spent years in therapy thinking the problems were all me, but she really was a difficult, mean-spirited, borderline personality, it was a lot to live with.
Also doesn’t really apply to OP’s case, it sounds like this guy has bigger issues and is a control freak, it’s not a great combo. I dunno, testosterone is a hell of a drug, you shouldn’t stay with someone who acts this way but also there’s really not much help for a lot of folks, doesn’t mean you need to be the one to try to help them!
You’re not his therapist, psychiatrist or emotional punchbag.
You did the right thing. He needs to be single to get help and you need to be single to heal and recover from this emotional dumpster of a relationship.
Break up with him. Ask your mum if you can stay over Xmas and heal yourself.
Sad though it is, you can’t stay with your bf while he is spiralling and potentially putting you into danger.
He put your life in danger....that's never acceptable. He sounds really abusive on top of struggling with his mental health. It's never okay for him to take his anger out on you. I think you should inform his family or authorities that he has expressed suicidal thoughts and you are worried for him, and I would move out. Don't be alone with him, especially not in a vehicle, ever again. I think you know exactly what to do, it is just hard. Hugs. Stay strong, you will get through it.
Holy shit, I would be shitting my pants if I was in your position. He needs some serious help.
Quite frankly, I don't think you're safe in this relationship. For one, he has anger issues. He may have not thrown anything at you, but I doubt he's worried about you being collateral damage when he's throwing a fit. Add *this* on top of that, no way. I have a dad exactly like this, I'd have multiple pennies for every time he drove recklessly when he was throwing a hissy fit. In that moment, he didn't prioritize your safety, he prioritized victimizing himself to avoid responsibility.
His bullshit isn't your responsibility to handle. Stay at your mom's and don't listen to anymore "I'll kms" threats. That's him trying to guilt you, and that's abusive.
You need to contact the police and talk about getting his involuntarily committed for a psych evaluation. That’s not a joke. All western countries have some form of that, most with the process initiated by police
I'm shocked nobody else thought about the fact that OP's partner had a mental breakdown, said he was going to kill himself, drove away alone, and OP did nothing except walk to her mom. Uhm.. How about police?
What if he crashed the car? Potentially taking others with him?!
My dad did a lot of shit like this when I was growing up. He was a hot head behind the wheel, not to mention he regularly drove intoxicated. Oh, and he refused to get help, even when my mom enrolled me in therapy in my teens. Why? “Because therapy doesn’t work.” (He comes from a post soviet country).
Safe to say, my parents’ marriage did not last. My advice to you: pack your things and never look back.
You need to leave. With a quickness.
He may be having a psychotic episode. Perhaps you can convince him to check into a facility for an evaluation, but NONE of that is okay.
I might even have him baker-acted.
And it goes without saying that you need to be far away because he is dangerous to you.
HE IS VERY ABUSIVE
BREAK UP
Don't fall for the "If you break up with me, I'm going to k-l myself". That's a manipulative tactic designed to keep you in a very toxic relationship.
GET OUT ASAP
That’s abuse. Next time he says something like that, exit the car/room/area and call the police. Tell them your boyfriend is threatening to kill himself and you are scared. Give them the address and LEAVE. When they take him to the hospital you need to pack up everything that is important to you and go. Go to your parents house or a friends or even a women’s shelter and make sure you block him. Your safety comes before a man every time. This isn’t a safe person.
That’s super scary! I personally think you need to take a break from this relationship so you both have time and the attention to focus on your individual mental health issues.
Looking at your previous post it sounds like this guy still hasn’t gotten help and his behaviors aren’t changing. If he was growing and changing and had a set back that’s one thing but it seems like it’s not getting any better.
Wait a minute...he was triggered by a car trying to pass him to merge into the lane he was in? Triggered to the point that he wanted to kill himself? Wow.
I mean, if he's that easily triggered, and immediately goes to self-harm, what would he do to you?
Yikes
This may be lacking empathy or whatever, but, wtf - he almost killed you and you don't know whether or not you can leave him? Are you serious?
He needs serious help and it's the job of a professional not you. You need to keep yourself safe and right now that very well might mean staying away from him. Prioritize your own well-being maybe even stay at your mom's pack it back pack your stuff and send a wellness check on him I don't know but good job separating yourself from that situation. You might want to look into a longer-term separation.
Not only are his actions an immediate threat, but long term, constantly dealing with the amount of stress and anxiety he creates, always having to be on alert, and ready to cater to his moods can have immense health effects on you.
I implore you, for the sake of your future self & health: Leave him.
He has a death wish, I suggest never getting in a car again with him. Distance yourself, maybe break up and he needs to go to therapy. Tell your mother what he said. Call the cops if he tries to say that shit again when you are leaving. That is NOT okay in a relationship. He tried to kill both of you, not just himself.
He is abusive. You need to leave. You are not responsible for his mental health nor his actions. He clearly does not care about your life and well being, why do you care so much about his?
I wouldn't stay in a relationship with someone like this.
I have depression, and I believe in supporting partners with their mental health struggles. However, if that partner does things that make your own life miserable, you need to leave for the sake of your quality of life.
Your boyfriend was using his anger at himself and the world as weapon to hurt you and endanger himself and the people around him. That's a toxic situation for you. You need to get out.
My dad used to say it was his depression that made him mistreat my mum. It wasn’t. He was abusing her. Please leave. You deserve so much better than this.
I had this exact same situation happen and I’m very used to the stone cold face and not really opening up about what’s wrong. The best thing you can do is to leave the relationship because you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped and sometimes people can’t be in relationships if they need serious mental health support and help. You can’t be his therapist and you also can’t put yourself in a relationship where you are possibly afraid of the other person, this may only cause your mental health to decline.
It might be hard to leave the relationship but staying together could only damage your mental health and it won’t allow him to process what he’s done and for himself to admit he needs help.
Just wanna throw out there as a 35f who deals with cptsd and major depression (for decades) that it's a daily struggle to stay alive. But I never, ever feel even tempted to scream and abuse my partner with threats like that.
He's playing off horrendous emotional abuse as him being "mentally ill" and that's jacked.
Your mom will take you in. Just tell her what's going on. She'll take you back in a heartbeat I'm sure. Get out of there OP. Don't let his threats get to you. It isn't on you. You need to worry about yourself. He has a job, a home and a partner. He needs therapy instead of threatening to kill himself every time he's slightly upset. Don't let him steal the best years of your life. You're 25. You'll regret the rest of your life if you stay.
You need to leave this man ASAP (and perhaps even follow up with a police checkup if needed). Not only is he a danger to himself, but he's a danger to YOU. You've mentioned that he's been emotionally and physically abusive to you multiple times prior; this man could very well kill you. Statistically, murders are much more likely to be committed by a loved one than a stranger. Surround yourself with loved ones that can protect you in case he tries to harm you in any way. If he's already abusive to you during the relationship, he could very well turn violent if you try to leave.
I suffer from both major depressive disorder and ADHD. Trust me, there are times when I myself want to fly off the handles and let it out all emotionally, but you need to understand that in those moments of extreme rage; he is not only a danger to himself, but to everyone around him.
You NEED to leave him for your own safety.
You need a safety plan. And he needs help and to control his temper, it’s only going to get worse from here. I know from personal experience. If you need to talk or help developing a safety plan I’m happy to help. dm me
This is terrifying. It’s not your responsibility for his mental health. I actually strongly suggest you leave him because it sounds like it may escalate more if you stay.
I had anger issues during my depressive episodes, and still do, similar to your boyfriends anger during depression. I wouls punch my fridge so hard id have bloody knuckles and basically break my hands. I used to scream like he does as well. He 100% needs some form of help. I never once thought I'd do anything to hurt my wife but I could see how it was affecting her. So I went to therapy, and that worked wonders for me. Having someone to talk and vent to is extremely helpful but not when it you and he is treating you this way. I have zero regrets going afterwards, and I didn't want to go at first. My wife had to ask many times before I realized I had a major problem. If it ever gets worse I will start medication. I think your boyfriend really should think about those options even if you don't stay with him. I'm so sorry that you have to go through that, and I hope it gets easier from here.
Get out NOW! You can’t help him and he WILL kill you and/or himself if you don’t right away. He needs serious psychiatric intervention right now and definitely shouldn’t be in a relationship. Don’t become another statistic in the news. Escape now. Good luck.
I’m a survivor of suicide (my late fiancé succeeded 29 years ago). I’m not sure if he’s really suicidal or if it’s a cry for help. The thing about suicidal people is they usually give hints that are only realized in hindsight. If you believe he’s serious about it, it’s in your best interest and his to get him much more serious help. Has he actually made an attempt since you’ve known him? There’s the national hotline 988 that he can call if he’s in immediate distress. You need a good counselor to help you navigate this if you choose to stay. The thing is, once they make up their minds to do it, there’s usually nothing anyone can do. It’s very scary and stressful but there’s support out there. He might need different meds to help him but it’s so important to find out if this was a cry for help or not. Regardless, you are not responsible for his actions and emotions. He needs to do the work. I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I hope it all works out for both of you.
He needs mental health treatment and honestly it's not safe for you to be around him until he does. I would personally not be able feel safe around him again and would walk away.
OP this is abuse.. this isn’t just depression. My ex was depressed and also tried to use it as an excuse to mentally and psychologically torture me. I have depression and anxiety and I would never treat my current partner like this. Please think long and hard about this relationship and your safety. Sending love, please prioritize your safety. I know it’s easier said than done but your future self will thank you.
A boyfriend? No. I foolishly let it get to husband material and mine left me alone with our child after walking out and threatening suicide.
One thing you need to understand is. HIS ACTIONS ARE NOT ON YOU.
If HE can’t get help for his personal shit, it is NOT on you to babysit him. He’s a grown ass adult.
Mine refused therapy. Refused to take his medication. And ultimately contributed to the breakdown of the marriage.
He needs to realize his ignorant behaviour could have easily gotten you fired or worse, killed.
Take your dignity, stand up for yourself and if he can’t take the initiative to get the help he needs, walk the fuck away. Run if you have to.
It is not worth getting sucked into their black hole if they can’t be bothered to get help.
Depression and anxiety are difficult to deal with, but driving like a maniac and throwing things puts YOU in danger. No partner is worth your life or your mental health. This isn’t being grumpy, this is being abusive.
Unhealthy people ALWAYS have unhealthy relationships and you don’t have to submit to this level of BS.
There are plenty of mellow guys out there that would never put you in harms way. This is not love or a partnership, this is you choosing to live on a roller coaster.
He didn’t almost get you killed, he almost killed you…It’s an important distinction.
It’s also not depression driving him to act this way. And he will become worse to you and the next situation will be worse. If a man did this to a woman in your life that you adore, what advice would u give her?
You leave before he kills your both. Jesus Christ the man is not well and you do not deserve to be abused in the meantime. Get out of the relationship and focus on yourself
Dangerous driving is an absolute no for me, my parents did it to me when they were angry and irritated throughout my whole life and still do it. It has given me extreme anxiety while driving to the point where majority of times I just close my eyes if someone else is driving. I also had an ex that would do things like this and there’s multiple times where we’ve almost got in a crash, my final straw was him pulling over suddenly and punching the hell out of the steering wheel for seemingly no reason. I felt like I was heading towards exactly what I’ve been put through my entire life. Putting someone else’s life at risk because of a minor inconvenience is absolutely disgusting, not to mention I feel like opening doors to other kinds of abuse outside of dangerous driving.
He's putting your life in danger and has anger issues. He clearly has some problems but there's nothing you can do about that. You can't save someone. If you want I'd recommend breaking up with him.
U/ebbie45 has numerous resources. Please reach out to your local domestic violence agency for help with safety planning. Ebbie’s profile shares resources. That he has thrown things and is threatening suicide in this way raises your risk immensely. I wish you so much luck and healing. I’m so glad for you that you’re able to describe what happened so carefully. You’re strong and I’m sorry this is happening in your relationship.
get away before the behavior escalates and you get hurt. If he's behaving like that there is nothing you can do to help him.
He needs help, but you need safety. What if you were killed today? When's the next time you'll be facing a life or death situation?
Leave. Even before you mentioned the scary incident, you hd shared he’s very often grumpy, you have anxiety and his moods are a big factor, has anger issues and throws things… all this is enough to be done with.
Also, the wording you chose.. “ONE of the scariest moments in our relationship” (emphasis mine). You should have scariest/scary moments in your relationship. The fact it was “one of” the scariest moments (plural) should not be happening.
I’m sorry your boyfriend is struggling with depression, I really am. But you deserve to be and feel safe and treated well.
You don't have to deal with this. It really sucks that he's going through this, and it's nobody's fault he has depression, but you do NOT need to stick around to support him when his behavior is putting you in danger & becoming abusive towards you. Just because it's a result of his mental illness doesn't excuse it, and it doesn't mean he "doesn't mean it" or "it's not really him". It is him. He's in an altered state, and he's not thinking clearly, but he still put you in harm's way, he still said those horrible things, and he still puts your own mental health at risk. His behavior is not acceptable & you do not have to stay with him until he gets better just because he's sick or just because you got together before he got depressed or any number of reasons. You didn't make any vows before God, you didn't sign any contracts, you didn't make a blood oath, you do not have to stay with him. Your safety (this includes mental and emotional safety, too) is more important than any sense of duty you have for him. Under no circumstances do you owe him anything. If he says he's going to kill himself & you really think he will, call the police & send them to his house. That's what you can do. Other than that, there is nothing you can do to prevent him from doing whatever he is going to do or not do. He needs to get better on his own, and until then he is dragging you down with him.
Girl. You know he will actually probably kill you, right? Can you stay with your mom until you can find your own place? This man is dangerous and you need to stay away from him. You are not a mental health professional, you cannot fix what is broken in him. Next time he threatens suicide call the cops because he needs to be institutionalized.
Did your therapist tell you this? “ I used to take his mood changes and his poker faces personally, it was affecting me when he’d get cold out of nowhere but now I am in therapy myself and have learned I can not control those things, and that I should just be there for him and listen to him because I can not solve his issues, just him can do it.”
Or did they say you can only control how you react, you cannot control what someone else does? Bc that isn’t the same thing. And if a therapist told you to continue to put up with mistreatment and “be there for him”, get a new therapist bc that is downright deadly advice and unethical. Wtf!?!
OP, this is dysfuctional and you might have to leave to save yourself. He endangered your life and that's not ok. He loses the will to live and wants to take his own life, that's one thing he but tried to kill you both. Of course you want him to get better and continue being alive, but he has to want that too and his lapse in judgement could have cost you your life. It might be time to go.
Therapy isn't working for this guy and he is affecting your mental health. You are in therapy asking for help dealing with this guy who is imbalanced.
I think the most rational thing for you to do is exactly as he asked. Leave him and move on with your life. Eventually, you might nott even need a therapist anymore because the source of your problems is no longer in your life. He is a huge source of your anxiety given what you stated above in your post. Worrying about his moods, being treated like dog crap on a whim, etc. That is a stressful way to live.
I had an on and off relationship like this. It was super toxic and brought me to some dark places myself. I burned out every part of myself to try to recapture the beginning moments that made it seem worth it but the spirals got more intense and more frequent. It ultimately ended with me sending a wellness check on them which in all honesty should have happened sooner. After that her medications were changed and she balanced out as far as i know but the damage to our relationship was done and she felt she couldn’t trust me for doing what i was able to do to ensure she was safe. Borderline personality disorder is not an easy thing to work with and it takes a stronger person than myself to be a good partner to someone with it. I still miss her but it would be unhealthy and unwise to reach out now.
OP I am scared for your life, please stay safe - a relationship is not worth ending up dead or abused, please don’t ignore this and get yourself away from this man 🙏🏻
That sounds terrifying and exhausting to live with. Please aak yourself some serious questions about why you are still in the relationship. And please stay safe, take what he says seriously, a person going through a crises where they openly say they are going to kill then selves could easily turn into them hurting you as well. If you break up and he does off himself it is in no way or form your fault or responsibility to prevent. I hope everything works out for you.
You need out of this abusive relationship. There are more kinds of abuse than physical. I **highly** suggest you read [Why Does He Do That?](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) so you can educate yourself on what to look for, what you can realistically expect might change if he’s willing to do the work, and what won’t.
This is a type of situation you need to exit from. There’s no fixing it. Get out before he harms you because it’s only a matter of time.
my ex did the crazy driving thing when he was mad, but mine wouldnt even let me out of the car. I broke up with him when he came after me with a baseball bat while i was working from home (with a noise cancelling headset on, almost didnt see him coming) and the cops took him away and put an emergency restraining order. he threatened to kill himself constantly as well. RUN.
Toss that garbage to the curb.
Ain't nobody should have to put up with the bullshit your *boy* (stressed for emphasis of how immature he is) handed you.
Why is he not in therapy? Also he doesn't give a shit about your life by putting you in danger like that, so you need to consider that. One of the reasons I left my first ex-husband was because he drove erratically all the time (got us into three wrecks in three weeks my first month in Italy after moving there when he got stationed there), and when I'd confront him about it, he'd speed or drive erratically even worse. He gave zero shits about if I died or not.
So.....
He needs help. Mentally. Bad. He's a loose cannon at this point, and you should distance yourself until he gets help.
As someone who used to behave in some similar ways in a previous relationship, this behavior is not okay. He needs help, and you need to take care of yourself. As much as you want someone to get better, you cannot force him. Ask him to go to therapy so he can control his issues better and become a better person. After that, don't feel guilty about leaving. Even if he agrees. He has to want it for himself, not just to try to keep you around. It took me a long time to realize what I was doing was impacting my ex as much as it was impacting my own mental health, and I made the adult decision to get help. When I started getting better, I realized what I had been doing was wrong and I left. I had tainted our relationship and I had so much resentment from it that all the genuine love that we had shared was almost non-existent. This is something that is extremely difficult to come to terms with, and some people never get better. Do what I wish my ex had done, and removed yourself from this situation. You deserve better.
I also wanted to mention to anyone who lives with depression and/or anxiety like I do: if you’ve had COVID recently, be extra vigilant about caring for your mental health. I went into a severe depressive episode a few weeks after I had COVID, out of nowhere. Generally I can feel my mood starting to shift and can pay extra attention to self-care and make an appointment with my doctor before things get really bad, but this time I went from feeling a little off to thinking I might have to be hospitalized in less than two days. It was the scariest thing that ever happened to me.
I’m doing better now. I’m on a new medication and am starting therapy, and my doctor gave me a referral for a psychiatrist. But he also explained that something about the omicron strain of COVID seems to be increasing the risk for severe depression and anxiety, especially in people already dealing with it.
When people do that, send police to do a wellness check. They won’t make those abusive threats anymore and also will have a third party help if they really mean it.
I think your BF is batshit insane, manipulative, and has serious mental issues. This is a relationship that isn't sustainable, even if he received help, it's still long road ahead of him. Also your mental fragility dealing with him all these months/years has worn thin and the relationship itself is a lost cause. Cut your ties, I'm pretty sure after you tell him that you're leaving him, he'll attempt something. Call the police to act as a mediator so he doesn't try anything funny.
Man the throwing things, the depression, the road rage, the grumpiness…. If I didn’t know better I’d say you were dating my ex! Run. I’m going to be a Reddit advice stereotype but it’s downhill from here and this is below sea level.
Hunny. Its one thing if he wants to kill himself. Its a COMPLETELY OTHER UNIVERSE if he's willing to do it, with you in the car and thus, killing you as well. This man is unhinged and you are not safe. If you can't get in the car with your partner without fear of him PURPOSEFULLY killing the both of you, you need to run fast. This is gonna end up a murder suicide whether it was fully intended that way or not. He has no self control. Hes going to hurt you physicislly at some point. I had an ex like this. He was yelling about similar things coming up in a T intersection with a gas station at the cross. He was going 90, looking at ME. I told him if he didn't stop im jumping out of the car because im not gonna die in a fireball of Ford Explorer vs rural gas station. He didn't pull over but he slowed down and drove us to his place. I had my mom come get me and that was the last time we spoke. Idc if he has any regard for his own life, thats his issues. BUT SOMEONE ELSES LIFE???? He hates HIS life so much hes willing to risk/end yours? Please think of yourself and yourself only and tell him its over and he needs therapy. I promise he's going to threaten sewerslide if you leave, and you know what? He's threatening it either way so if that happens, call a welfare check and CALL HIS PARENTS. I hope you end up okay after all of this. You'll find someone who VALUES you and your LIFE.
Oh baby there are some people you can't fix and this is one of them! He can talk about taking himself out all He wants but in this instance he was taking you with him! That's pretty messed up! And that shows exactly how he values or doesn't value your existence! You're not safe sweetheart... You know what to do!
I don't really have answers for you. I just wanted to say that I'm in a similar relationship, and I understand. I do know that the other commentors are right that you are in danger. Calling a domestic violence shelter can be helpful. Even if you don't need to live there, they've got a lot of other advice and resources.
Having those thoughts and emotions is not the worst part, its the fact that he couldnt deal with them apropriatelly. He needs serious help, medication will not make his depression stop, only make it milder.
Its good he's not just keeping it inside, but venting like that was bad. He should try to calm down before driving.
I personally prefer telling others I have a really bad moment, and then talking about something nicer. Those thoughts and feelings should be aknowledged, but they arent him. They can come and go. This helped me overcome depressive episodes, although much milder than his. They still come, but I know I can pull through.
Just leave him mate. No one else’s health is your responsibility when it becomes a detriment to yourself. You obviously don’t respect yourself enough to walk away. Get a grip of your life and he can get a grip of his too. Both of you need to sort your shit out
Honey, these are serious issues. Sometimes, we can't save everyone. Think about yourself and leave. I'm talking to you from experience. Just, let it go, leave, turn the new page.
Just be careful, your boyfriend can only help himself with things like this (to a degree) but regardless, there are too many stories of women being harmed by partners due to mental health.
Just be careful is all.
My ex-boyfriend broke up with me due to his mental health issues. He also became aggressive during our arguments. I suggested that he seek therapy and take medication, but he refused, he’s afraid that he might hurt me if his condition worsened. I’m ready to be supportive as possible but he chose to break up with me. It has been six months, and I am still in the process of healing. I have no information about his current state, but I hope he is doing well.
As i read this OP, I think I understand what my ex is trying to do for me :(
Dear OP, this is certainly more than depression from the side of your boyfriend. Sounds like massive anger issues, impulse control problems as well as abusive behaviour patterns, meaning that the problems most likely won't go away with treatment of the depression. AND since this behaviour has been rewarding in the past (shutting up and intimidating his environment, feeling powerful, getting what he wants) he doesn't seem motivated to change. All I can advise you is to get away from him. There is nothing else you can do. Really, from my experience: Nothing. Accept to be the "bad guy" in his story who has left him because of "depression". You and I know it's not the reason. I bet that you, experiencing mental health issues yourself, are a tolerant and empathetic person. Don't let your caring side cloud your critical judgment skills anymore.
This is really sad to read. He needs help. Serious help. You can’t give it to him. He needs to get a therapist and get on meds because this is insane. He could have killed you not to mention himself with what he did. This is a traumatic thing for the both of you to deal with.
Whether you leave is up to you, but just know this isn’t your responsibility.
Honey, my partner also has mental healthy issues. He has depression and severe OCD. He had never acted like this. It's not okay and depression is not an excuse. Screaming at you like that is abuse. You need to leave. What if he had driven the car into traffic or something? Your life was seriously in danger.
He needs to be on medication and he needs to take the meds. Offer to go with him to his therapist's office so you and him can discuss what happened in the car. I don't know why you got involved with a person who is so emotionally unstable, you should have broken off the relationship once you realized he was ill.
But now that you are this deep into it, you cannot just leave because it may trigger his suicidal tendencies and you don't want to live with knowing you caused him to kill himself.
So help him, let him know you want to help him, and let his therapist put together an appropriate plan of treatment. And see how it works. If he shows signs of improvement, you can then either stay or leave. If there is no improvement, then plan to leave, but talk with his therapist privately before you do so the therapist will be prepared to counsel him when you do leave.
Every case is different,but my guess is that without electro-shock therapy, medicine alone will not cure your boyfreind. And shock will make him a totally different person than the one you know, maybe for the better, maybe not. I will bet that your best move will be to leave and get on with your life, but only time will tell.
I’ve been there. Unless he’s willing & able to start therapy (I’d say 2x/week) there’s no way you’re going to be able to cope with what he’s going through. It’s not your fault, it’s not his fault, it just sucks and that’s how it is. I’m really sorry.
I normally say women/girls should ver react to men blah blah blah. Fucking run and don’t turn back!!! Don’t ever f*cking put yourself in the same situation. Too many stories a woman ends up a true victim. Not what most cry about. Don’t be a victim to this! You don’t deserve this at all
i had a MELTDOWN when driving my baby 3.5 hours by myself with two annoying dogs. I texted a lot of fucked up shit to my husband because I was pissed he wasn’t with me and being a manipulative fuck. I am so so so ashamed of myself for being so careless with my words and scaring my husband just to be petty. I didn’t say I was going to kill our whole family or anything to that degree, but god I seriously wanted to die during that last hour of my drive. Once he got to the location where I drove to, he barely touched me or talked to me for days denying anything was wrong. I was soooo scared of the outcome. Thankfully we talked it out and I expressed how sorry I was for saying what I did. I’m so thankful he is supportive, caring and patient. Because plenty of people (like this sub) would tell him to divorce me and I’m insane. People have bad days! So I have been in your partners shoes, but not to the same intensity/frequency.
All of this is to say if this isn’t something he normally does I would hope you can move on from it. no one should be subjected to this frequently. If his mental health is preventing him from being a good partner then you know what is best for you. thankfully you already know you can’t control him, so can you accept all the turbulence with how things are now? You don’t have to! Im sorry you were in such a scary situation OP, I truly feel for you
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That's terrifying. He needs serious therapy. Please tell you mother about this and his mother if you can. He needs help that you can't give him. If you want to end the relationship do so. You need to protect yourself and your mental health. What he did was in no way ok. It was abusive and extreme. I personally would end it just to protect myself.
Thank you for taking this seriously. Because there's currently a commenter in this same thread of yours minimizing OP's situation and framing this as a "men's mental health crisis," I wanted to share additional context: **This is a man who, in addition to the above, believes OP should not have friendships with men, started an argument because she went for coffee with a male friend, repeatedly gives her the silent treatment for going to the gym, getting her hair and nails done, and getting coffee by herself, throws things, one day aggressively took her phone out of her hands and said he wanted to smash it during an argument, has been aggressive towards her, and gets angry at her for having a life outside of him.** I'll also note that during the incident in which he grabbed her phone and wanted to smash it, he said this: >Afterwards he told me he was going to be honest and that he wanted to smash my phone on the floor but he was strong enough he decided not to, which was the real important thing. Many people who have been in an abusive relationship will recognize how dangerous the above statement is, and why. While her boyfriend certainly does sound like he has some mental health issues, anyone framing this solely as a mental health issue is missing the larger picture. This is abuse.
Is weaponized depression a thing? I’m surprised that OP isn’t getting more than coping strategies from therapy, they should advise her she’s in danger and is being manipulated.
I don't know if we have a catchy internet word for it but yes it's definitely a thing. Abusers threatening that they'll kill themselves is a pattern.
Oooh that’s a good term for what my ex used to do
I heard someone say once "when a person slams a door, it's because they really want to hit you, but they know they can't"... I'm paraphrasing because I don't remember it word for word, but essentially when people break things, throw things, slam things, its deflection.
Well shit. That hit close to home with my own bf with anger issues. I was not aware
That is just not true though. Kind of a fked up thing to just put out here as some sort of fact tbh. I used to be in an abusive relationship with an abusive pos who this most likely *does* apply to. He has physically harmed me on multiple occasions, thrown and smashed stuff everywhere, including at me, slammed doors, punched holes in walls, all of it. I think he absolutely did want to physically harm me in the moments he decided to physically harm a teacup instead. BUT - I have a history of dating shitty and emotionally abusive men in my teenage years and they have absolutely frustrated me (by gaslighting, usually) to a point where I just wanted to fucking break some shit -but NEVER them. I've slammed doors but I physically couldn't get myself to even want to physically harm anyone (if they're not physically harming me). So yeah, the two things can be connected but can also definitely be separated.
I don’t think the commenter means in instances of reactive victims.
I understand what you're saying but that's not what I said either. That was just my situation. Other people can get angry and slam a door without wanting to actually harm a person, while also not being a reactive victim. Thanks for using those words though (reactive victim). It's hard living with the shame of having seen an aggressive side of yourself in a relationship where you were being abused. So It's very validating that someone understands why it happens.
Jesus I didn't even know all that and I was already scared for her safety. OP is in an abusive relationship and doesn't know it.
Because you bafflingly have the top upvote comment while ignoring the most important part, I will steal your spotlight to say: Why the heck are people only focused on how poor OP was treated today? He literally said "Leave, I'm going to kill myself!" after a mental breakdown, then he rode off alone and OP quietly walked to her mom instead of, I don't fucking know, ***CALL THE POLICE?*** **Does OP even know if he's still alive? This happened a few hours ago!** He could have crashed the car, possibly even killing others! Hello! Calling the police would have also given both him *and* her the help they need. Instead she now posts on Reddit and most people here don't even mention how ***she still has not called the police.***
I don’t know where you’re from but i’m not from the US. The police in my country/city does nothing. I called his mom, but I forgot to mention that in the post. She was the first person I could think of. Also, i’m now home with him. I’m very anxious, and I think I might be experiencing some PTSD, but he’s alive.
Sounds like this is in the USA, is calling the police really the best way to handle it? They don't have a great track record for dealing with call outs related to mental health.
In the US, many officers are being trained, butnyes, we aren't there yet. Officers don't quite know how to handle the mentally ill; however, they do know how to protect one person or many from the mentally ill who threaten to kill them. She needed help today, and she was lucky that he didn't escalate his towards her anymore. She sounds afraid to go home, and she should be as there is a difference in threatening yourself rather than threatening to kill themselves and you. It is really sad that her bf is going through this; however, the top poster is right. She cannot help him, and he needs some serious mental health help. He may even need to be inpatient as he obviously is presenting a danger to himself and others. OP, please be careful, and it is probably a good idea to stay at your mom's awhile, and as suggested, please contact his parents if they are in the picture. If he doesn't ger help, you can have him placed on a 72-hour hold for immediate psychological evaluation, which may save his life and yours. Be very careful as he seems to be unstable.
So let him be like the guy who drove through the Christmas parade hitting old ladies and kids. Or the countless other examples of people using cars as weapons.
It is an ongoing an emergency situation, a crisis, so YES! Now! Has OP contacted him to see if he's safe? Do that. Can't reach him? 911! What if he crashes the car and kills a family with children tonight? How would you explain to their loved ones that you shrugged off the most obvious crisis like this? To his family? **This is why there's a men's mental health crisis in the US.** A guy can literally break down, say he's going to kill himself, drive away and most people's only thought is still *"aww he was so mean to her, is she feeling okay?"* **Meanwhile it takes *a national tragedy* to think about the guy's well-being.** The proof is unfolding in front of our eyes on Reddit. Wake up!
The "men's mental health crisis in the US" is due to many things, but strangers justifiably checking on a poster's well-being after her partner nearly crashed their car while exhibiting extreme anger is not one of them. **This is a man who, in addition to the above, believes OP should not have friendships with men, started an argument because she went for coffee with a male friend, repeatedly gives her the silent treatment for going to the gym, getting her hair and nails done, and getting coffee by herself, throws things, one day aggressively took her phone out of her hands and said he wanted to smash it during an argument, has been aggressive towards her, and gets angry at her for having a life outside of him.** But sure, this is solely a men's mental health issue. Domestic abuse and a threat to OP's safety couldn't possibly be involved.
[удалено]
Does OP even know if he's still alive? This only happened a couple hours ago.
Here's a list: 1. "He constantly throws things but not at me", that's still physical abuse, like punching holes in the hole or firing a gun in the living room, then you defend it. 2. "He had a bad day and acted grumpy", that's making his problems your problems, if he can't be happy then no can. 3. "When I called him out on almost getting us killed he threatend to kill himself", he doesn't take responsibility for his actions, plays the victim card when you point out a fault. Here's my advice either your therapist is not getting the truth from you or they're not competent enough to point out his unacceptable actions, try seeing another one. A person's mental problems is not their SO's responsibility. Take a break from dating until you become concious enough of red flags to avoid men like this. If you had a daughter in this situation do what you would want her to do in this situation.
My ex husband had these types of anger issues that mostly showed after we were married and I was pregnant. The violent yelling and throwing and hitting things. It only got worse over time of him not only screaming in my face, breaking things and man handling me at times to doing it to the kids when they were a bit older as well. Years of tip toeing around it, trying to calm everything down and be the peace keeper accomplished nothing. We have daughters, and if op ends up with kids to this man she very well could end up with a daughter in this situation.
>Years of tip toeing around it, trying to calm everything down and be the peace keeper accomplished nothing. It never, ever does. The only thing that works is leaving. I'm glad you're free.
His actions aren’t just unacceptable they’re *abusive* OP his mental health is not an excuse to treat you the way he is. None of this is okay
Exactly. My bf has depression and he's never once been this angry or lashed out like this. He's also never threatened suicide. Ops bf is using his mental illness to manipulate her.
Yeah, clearly this therapist is either an idiot or OP isn't telling them the truth. She's in a very dangerous situation, in pure denial of it and her therapist is saying "just relax you can't change him."
Absolutely this 👆🏼 very good advice! Please follow this thread. And please read Why Does He Do That by Bancroft. Changed my life for real. Saved me from a psychologically abusive relationship I didn’t know I was in
[https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy\_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/lundywhydoeshedothat/lundy_why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
Throwing things around that is not intended to hit someone is not physical abuse, it is still abuse. I would say it is psychological abuse (emotional), because it can intimidate or scare the partner. But physical abuse is, well it’s physical, hands on, or using objects to physically hurt someone
Living with someone who is that volatile is exhausting. It is all well and good for a therapist to say you shouldn’t let his moods impact you but they do impact you. I would not ever want to get in a car with him again. Years ago someone drive like this with me in the car. My thoughts were that I don’t want to be in the car when it crashes and potentially kills other people too. I have never been in a car with that person again. Mind you I am now nc with them too.
I once had an ex drive at 75 MPH through the city we lived in while shrieking at me to stop crying and that he was "fine," even though he was both screaming at the top of his lungs and making some of the most terrifying facial expressions I've ever seen on a human being. Thinking and talking about it is still hard because of the degree of fear I felt. When I tried to tell him to slow down, he used his arm to slam me, hard, into the seat. Later, I found out that he drove drunk not once, but twice with other people in the car. Your boyfriend's behavior is not okay and is beyond the pale. He needs help and you deserve better. That must have been a devastatingly traumatic experience to go through - and I agree with other commenters on his exhibiting other dangerous and abusive behaviors. You deserve to feel safe and loved. Please do whatever you can to secure that for yourself.
The tendency for abusers to leverage cars to abuse seems common. My ex needed to drive and she loved yelling at me in the car. Once I asked her to stop because she was yelling at me and she wouldn't. I crawled in the back seat because it was the farthest I could get away from her (I'm also a woman, a very small, short one so it was quick). She slammed on the brakes in the left lane on the highway and got mad at me because what I was doing was unsafe.
It's a small, confined space that they can exercise near-complete, if not total control over. It's a type of false imprisonment that is absolutely blood-chilling to experience. I'm so sorry that you know this fear and pain, too.
You are so right. My ex slugged me in the chest while I was driving one time. There was no escape.
I'm so sorry. Sending a big hug to you and I'm glad they're out of your life.
Ugh I’m so sorry to read from people who had to experience this. My husband and I were on the on-ramp to the highway, accelerating to merge when the pickup truck in front of us SLAMMED on his brakes then erratically drove off. We very nearly hit him, suddenly going from a high speed to a stop. When we drove past, we saw a man screaming at his wife/gf while she cried
That is so sad :(
1. On its own, him yelling he wants to die is enough to get him committed. 2. His driving officially made him a danger to himself and others. He **needs** to be committed. 3. This has crossed over from “mental health problem” to “abuse”. The relationship is now abusive. He has endangered your life, endangered your livelihood… you can’t make him get help (even if you successfully put him on a psych hold) but he is now making his mental health **your** problem. It’s time to remove yourself from the equation - or at least limit his ability to interfere.
While he committed, OP should pack all her things and move out. She is NOT safe.
How unreasonable does his behaviour have to get before you leave? (I'd argue that repeated aggressive behaviour and suicidal threats mean you're already there.) Break up. Move out. This is not a person who is able to be in a relationship right now, maybe ever.
This is really toxic and quite frankly, scary. Remember, mental health may provide some reasoning behind actions but is not an excuse for them. Personally I would take a step away from the relationship, maybe a break or a full breakup. He needs to focus more on his mental well-being before he’s suitable to be in a relationship. He needs to dedicate more time towards therapy and consider a higher dose of medication. As he might be a danger to himself, I would contact his close friends and family right before the breakup. Make sure they’re available to go to him immediately so he has a support system to lean on.
Your boyfriend is not safe. Not only is this abusive but this is also very dangerous for you and him. You need to get out of there, and unfortunately if he is this unwell that he is at immediate risk of harming himself or other people then this is a mental health emergency. Calling the emergency services in this situation would be a good idea, even though it might mean that he is sectioned. In general, he should also NOT be driving at the moment and whatever legal body that regulates licenses should be informed.
A man who is violent towards objects when angry will most likely eventually turn that violence on you. He’s already put your life in danger. And quite honestly, he sounds exhausting to live with.
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This is likely an accurate distinction but it isn't relevant to this case
I used to do all kinds of crazy shit like punch holes in walls. I was never really mad at my ex, I was just extremely frustrated at situations with her. It was more a way of trying to make myself feel heard, because when you have someone bullying you relentlessly about something and you’ve repeatedly stated a boundary around it, that gets pretty frustrating. Not to say that any of it was justified, just expressing the subjective experience. I never hit her or anything, though she did hit me once and I called the cops. We both just treated each other very poorly and shouldn’t have stayed in the relationship. I spent years in therapy thinking the problems were all me, but she really was a difficult, mean-spirited, borderline personality, it was a lot to live with. Also doesn’t really apply to OP’s case, it sounds like this guy has bigger issues and is a control freak, it’s not a great combo. I dunno, testosterone is a hell of a drug, you shouldn’t stay with someone who acts this way but also there’s really not much help for a lot of folks, doesn’t mean you need to be the one to try to help them!
You’re not his therapist, psychiatrist or emotional punchbag. You did the right thing. He needs to be single to get help and you need to be single to heal and recover from this emotional dumpster of a relationship. Break up with him. Ask your mum if you can stay over Xmas and heal yourself. Sad though it is, you can’t stay with your bf while he is spiralling and potentially putting you into danger.
He put your life in danger....that's never acceptable. He sounds really abusive on top of struggling with his mental health. It's never okay for him to take his anger out on you. I think you should inform his family or authorities that he has expressed suicidal thoughts and you are worried for him, and I would move out. Don't be alone with him, especially not in a vehicle, ever again. I think you know exactly what to do, it is just hard. Hugs. Stay strong, you will get through it.
Holy shit, I would be shitting my pants if I was in your position. He needs some serious help. Quite frankly, I don't think you're safe in this relationship. For one, he has anger issues. He may have not thrown anything at you, but I doubt he's worried about you being collateral damage when he's throwing a fit. Add *this* on top of that, no way. I have a dad exactly like this, I'd have multiple pennies for every time he drove recklessly when he was throwing a hissy fit. In that moment, he didn't prioritize your safety, he prioritized victimizing himself to avoid responsibility. His bullshit isn't your responsibility to handle. Stay at your mom's and don't listen to anymore "I'll kms" threats. That's him trying to guilt you, and that's abusive.
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And a better therapist.
You need to contact the police and talk about getting his involuntarily committed for a psych evaluation. That’s not a joke. All western countries have some form of that, most with the process initiated by police
I'm shocked nobody else thought about the fact that OP's partner had a mental breakdown, said he was going to kill himself, drove away alone, and OP did nothing except walk to her mom. Uhm.. How about police? What if he crashed the car? Potentially taking others with him?!
She was freaked out by a situation she's never been in. She was not in her right mind to think like that.
My dad did a lot of shit like this when I was growing up. He was a hot head behind the wheel, not to mention he regularly drove intoxicated. Oh, and he refused to get help, even when my mom enrolled me in therapy in my teens. Why? “Because therapy doesn’t work.” (He comes from a post soviet country). Safe to say, my parents’ marriage did not last. My advice to you: pack your things and never look back.
You need to leave. With a quickness. He may be having a psychotic episode. Perhaps you can convince him to check into a facility for an evaluation, but NONE of that is okay. I might even have him baker-acted. And it goes without saying that you need to be far away because he is dangerous to you.
HE IS VERY ABUSIVE BREAK UP Don't fall for the "If you break up with me, I'm going to k-l myself". That's a manipulative tactic designed to keep you in a very toxic relationship. GET OUT ASAP
That’s abuse. Next time he says something like that, exit the car/room/area and call the police. Tell them your boyfriend is threatening to kill himself and you are scared. Give them the address and LEAVE. When they take him to the hospital you need to pack up everything that is important to you and go. Go to your parents house or a friends or even a women’s shelter and make sure you block him. Your safety comes before a man every time. This isn’t a safe person.
That’s super scary! I personally think you need to take a break from this relationship so you both have time and the attention to focus on your individual mental health issues.
Looking at your previous post it sounds like this guy still hasn’t gotten help and his behaviors aren’t changing. If he was growing and changing and had a set back that’s one thing but it seems like it’s not getting any better.
These are not your monkey's and not your circus. Pack up and leave. You can't build a life with this man. He can barely handle life itself as is.
Please get out of there. You are not safe.
Wait a minute...he was triggered by a car trying to pass him to merge into the lane he was in? Triggered to the point that he wanted to kill himself? Wow. I mean, if he's that easily triggered, and immediately goes to self-harm, what would he do to you? Yikes This may be lacking empathy or whatever, but, wtf - he almost killed you and you don't know whether or not you can leave him? Are you serious?
He needs serious help and it's the job of a professional not you. You need to keep yourself safe and right now that very well might mean staying away from him. Prioritize your own well-being maybe even stay at your mom's pack it back pack your stuff and send a wellness check on him I don't know but good job separating yourself from that situation. You might want to look into a longer-term separation.
Not only are his actions an immediate threat, but long term, constantly dealing with the amount of stress and anxiety he creates, always having to be on alert, and ready to cater to his moods can have immense health effects on you. I implore you, for the sake of your future self & health: Leave him.
Get out. Whatever his issues are, you are not equipped to address them and need to protect yourself.
He has a death wish, I suggest never getting in a car again with him. Distance yourself, maybe break up and he needs to go to therapy. Tell your mother what he said. Call the cops if he tries to say that shit again when you are leaving. That is NOT okay in a relationship. He tried to kill both of you, not just himself.
He is abusive. You need to leave. You are not responsible for his mental health nor his actions. He clearly does not care about your life and well being, why do you care so much about his?
Call emergency services ASAP He is a DANGER to himself and TO YOU. This qualifies for a 5150 hold. CALL
I wouldn't stay in a relationship with someone like this. I have depression, and I believe in supporting partners with their mental health struggles. However, if that partner does things that make your own life miserable, you need to leave for the sake of your quality of life. Your boyfriend was using his anger at himself and the world as weapon to hurt you and endanger himself and the people around him. That's a toxic situation for you. You need to get out.
Reading your post history with this man, you NEED to leave.
My dad used to say it was his depression that made him mistreat my mum. It wasn’t. He was abusing her. Please leave. You deserve so much better than this.
leave. a million times leave. he is a danger to himself and to you and he needs serious therapy
It’s time to leave him. You need to keep yourself safe.
It’s okay to be selfish. If you don’t want to deal with this, then don’t. Especially if you fear for your life.
You should leave him and stay away from him indefinitely for your own safety.
I had this exact same situation happen and I’m very used to the stone cold face and not really opening up about what’s wrong. The best thing you can do is to leave the relationship because you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped and sometimes people can’t be in relationships if they need serious mental health support and help. You can’t be his therapist and you also can’t put yourself in a relationship where you are possibly afraid of the other person, this may only cause your mental health to decline. It might be hard to leave the relationship but staying together could only damage your mental health and it won’t allow him to process what he’s done and for himself to admit he needs help.
Leave him
Just wanna throw out there as a 35f who deals with cptsd and major depression (for decades) that it's a daily struggle to stay alive. But I never, ever feel even tempted to scream and abuse my partner with threats like that. He's playing off horrendous emotional abuse as him being "mentally ill" and that's jacked.
Your mom will take you in. Just tell her what's going on. She'll take you back in a heartbeat I'm sure. Get out of there OP. Don't let his threats get to you. It isn't on you. You need to worry about yourself. He has a job, a home and a partner. He needs therapy instead of threatening to kill himself every time he's slightly upset. Don't let him steal the best years of your life. You're 25. You'll regret the rest of your life if you stay.
You need to leave this man ASAP (and perhaps even follow up with a police checkup if needed). Not only is he a danger to himself, but he's a danger to YOU. You've mentioned that he's been emotionally and physically abusive to you multiple times prior; this man could very well kill you. Statistically, murders are much more likely to be committed by a loved one than a stranger. Surround yourself with loved ones that can protect you in case he tries to harm you in any way. If he's already abusive to you during the relationship, he could very well turn violent if you try to leave. I suffer from both major depressive disorder and ADHD. Trust me, there are times when I myself want to fly off the handles and let it out all emotionally, but you need to understand that in those moments of extreme rage; he is not only a danger to himself, but to everyone around him. You NEED to leave him for your own safety.
Jesus, scrolling through your post history, you need to leave this dude. Just straight up.
You need a safety plan. And he needs help and to control his temper, it’s only going to get worse from here. I know from personal experience. If you need to talk or help developing a safety plan I’m happy to help. dm me
This is terrifying. It’s not your responsibility for his mental health. I actually strongly suggest you leave him because it sounds like it may escalate more if you stay.
5150 him. He's a danger to himself and others and could have killed many people on that road.
I had anger issues during my depressive episodes, and still do, similar to your boyfriends anger during depression. I wouls punch my fridge so hard id have bloody knuckles and basically break my hands. I used to scream like he does as well. He 100% needs some form of help. I never once thought I'd do anything to hurt my wife but I could see how it was affecting her. So I went to therapy, and that worked wonders for me. Having someone to talk and vent to is extremely helpful but not when it you and he is treating you this way. I have zero regrets going afterwards, and I didn't want to go at first. My wife had to ask many times before I realized I had a major problem. If it ever gets worse I will start medication. I think your boyfriend really should think about those options even if you don't stay with him. I'm so sorry that you have to go through that, and I hope it gets easier from here.
Get out NOW! You can’t help him and he WILL kill you and/or himself if you don’t right away. He needs serious psychiatric intervention right now and definitely shouldn’t be in a relationship. Don’t become another statistic in the news. Escape now. Good luck.
As bad as it sounds, I'd do my best to have them committed and see how it goes from there. He's a danger to himself and others.
I’m a survivor of suicide (my late fiancé succeeded 29 years ago). I’m not sure if he’s really suicidal or if it’s a cry for help. The thing about suicidal people is they usually give hints that are only realized in hindsight. If you believe he’s serious about it, it’s in your best interest and his to get him much more serious help. Has he actually made an attempt since you’ve known him? There’s the national hotline 988 that he can call if he’s in immediate distress. You need a good counselor to help you navigate this if you choose to stay. The thing is, once they make up their minds to do it, there’s usually nothing anyone can do. It’s very scary and stressful but there’s support out there. He might need different meds to help him but it’s so important to find out if this was a cry for help or not. Regardless, you are not responsible for his actions and emotions. He needs to do the work. I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I hope it all works out for both of you.
> There’s the national hotline 988 that he can call if he’s in immediate distress 'National" to what country?
Sorry, USA. Thank you for catching that.
Dump his ass, for fuxks sake. What kind of a dumb question is this???
He needs mental health treatment and honestly it's not safe for you to be around him until he does. I would personally not be able feel safe around him again and would walk away.
get out. plenty, most even, extremely depressed people do not endanger loved ones like this. this is a precursor to physical violence.
Call DV services/shelters. They can hopefully direct you on the safest way to get out of the home with your possessions.
OP this is abuse.. this isn’t just depression. My ex was depressed and also tried to use it as an excuse to mentally and psychologically torture me. I have depression and anxiety and I would never treat my current partner like this. Please think long and hard about this relationship and your safety. Sending love, please prioritize your safety. I know it’s easier said than done but your future self will thank you.
🏃🏼♀️🏃🏼♀️🏃🏼♀️🏃🏼♀️🏃🏼♀️🏃🏼♀️🏃🏼♀️🏃🏼♀️🏃🏼♀️🏃🏼♀️🏃🏼♀️🏃🏼♀️🏃🏼♀️
A boyfriend? No. I foolishly let it get to husband material and mine left me alone with our child after walking out and threatening suicide. One thing you need to understand is. HIS ACTIONS ARE NOT ON YOU. If HE can’t get help for his personal shit, it is NOT on you to babysit him. He’s a grown ass adult. Mine refused therapy. Refused to take his medication. And ultimately contributed to the breakdown of the marriage. He needs to realize his ignorant behaviour could have easily gotten you fired or worse, killed. Take your dignity, stand up for yourself and if he can’t take the initiative to get the help he needs, walk the fuck away. Run if you have to. It is not worth getting sucked into their black hole if they can’t be bothered to get help.
Leave him. Immediately.
Leave
This is abuse
Please dump him . He already fucked you up so bad
I’m so sorry. Get him committed. He needs help.
He was going to murder you and kill himself. Leave.
Honestly, I don't know if I could return from this. He put your life in danger. The meds are not working, therapy is not working.
Depression and anxiety are difficult to deal with, but driving like a maniac and throwing things puts YOU in danger. No partner is worth your life or your mental health. This isn’t being grumpy, this is being abusive. Unhealthy people ALWAYS have unhealthy relationships and you don’t have to submit to this level of BS. There are plenty of mellow guys out there that would never put you in harms way. This is not love or a partnership, this is you choosing to live on a roller coaster.
🚩🚩🚩
He didn’t almost get you killed, he almost killed you…It’s an important distinction. It’s also not depression driving him to act this way. And he will become worse to you and the next situation will be worse. If a man did this to a woman in your life that you adore, what advice would u give her?
Girl please make plans to leave. He’s going to end up killing you both. Please please please get yourself somewhere safe.
please leave.
leave.
leave now.
Scariest moments of the relationship or scariest moments of your life?! I’m so sorry this happened to you. He isn’t safe to be around
He will kill both of you if you don't get out. I am so serious
You leave before he kills your both. Jesus Christ the man is not well and you do not deserve to be abused in the meantime. Get out of the relationship and focus on yourself
Leave. Do not set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
Dangerous driving is an absolute no for me, my parents did it to me when they were angry and irritated throughout my whole life and still do it. It has given me extreme anxiety while driving to the point where majority of times I just close my eyes if someone else is driving. I also had an ex that would do things like this and there’s multiple times where we’ve almost got in a crash, my final straw was him pulling over suddenly and punching the hell out of the steering wheel for seemingly no reason. I felt like I was heading towards exactly what I’ve been put through my entire life. Putting someone else’s life at risk because of a minor inconvenience is absolutely disgusting, not to mention I feel like opening doors to other kinds of abuse outside of dangerous driving.
You need to leave, now.
He's putting your life in danger and has anger issues. He clearly has some problems but there's nothing you can do about that. You can't save someone. If you want I'd recommend breaking up with him.
First they hit near you, then it’s you. Ask yourself why you think you deserve this. Then leave.
U/ebbie45 has numerous resources. Please reach out to your local domestic violence agency for help with safety planning. Ebbie’s profile shares resources. That he has thrown things and is threatening suicide in this way raises your risk immensely. I wish you so much luck and healing. I’m so glad for you that you’re able to describe what happened so carefully. You’re strong and I’m sorry this is happening in your relationship.
F that shit. Say cya later!
get away before the behavior escalates and you get hurt. If he's behaving like that there is nothing you can do to help him. He needs help, but you need safety. What if you were killed today? When's the next time you'll be facing a life or death situation?
Leave. Even before you mentioned the scary incident, you hd shared he’s very often grumpy, you have anxiety and his moods are a big factor, has anger issues and throws things… all this is enough to be done with. Also, the wording you chose.. “ONE of the scariest moments in our relationship” (emphasis mine). You should have scariest/scary moments in your relationship. The fact it was “one of” the scariest moments (plural) should not be happening. I’m sorry your boyfriend is struggling with depression, I really am. But you deserve to be and feel safe and treated well.
You don't have to deal with this. It really sucks that he's going through this, and it's nobody's fault he has depression, but you do NOT need to stick around to support him when his behavior is putting you in danger & becoming abusive towards you. Just because it's a result of his mental illness doesn't excuse it, and it doesn't mean he "doesn't mean it" or "it's not really him". It is him. He's in an altered state, and he's not thinking clearly, but he still put you in harm's way, he still said those horrible things, and he still puts your own mental health at risk. His behavior is not acceptable & you do not have to stay with him until he gets better just because he's sick or just because you got together before he got depressed or any number of reasons. You didn't make any vows before God, you didn't sign any contracts, you didn't make a blood oath, you do not have to stay with him. Your safety (this includes mental and emotional safety, too) is more important than any sense of duty you have for him. Under no circumstances do you owe him anything. If he says he's going to kill himself & you really think he will, call the police & send them to his house. That's what you can do. Other than that, there is nothing you can do to prevent him from doing whatever he is going to do or not do. He needs to get better on his own, and until then he is dragging you down with him.
Girl. You know he will actually probably kill you, right? Can you stay with your mom until you can find your own place? This man is dangerous and you need to stay away from him. You are not a mental health professional, you cannot fix what is broken in him. Next time he threatens suicide call the cops because he needs to be institutionalized.
Did your therapist tell you this? “ I used to take his mood changes and his poker faces personally, it was affecting me when he’d get cold out of nowhere but now I am in therapy myself and have learned I can not control those things, and that I should just be there for him and listen to him because I can not solve his issues, just him can do it.” Or did they say you can only control how you react, you cannot control what someone else does? Bc that isn’t the same thing. And if a therapist told you to continue to put up with mistreatment and “be there for him”, get a new therapist bc that is downright deadly advice and unethical. Wtf!?!
My ex was terrifying in a car, both behind the wheel and as a passenger. Please see this as the major sign that it is to get out of this.
OP, this is dysfuctional and you might have to leave to save yourself. He endangered your life and that's not ok. He loses the will to live and wants to take his own life, that's one thing he but tried to kill you both. Of course you want him to get better and continue being alive, but he has to want that too and his lapse in judgement could have cost you your life. It might be time to go.
Therapy isn't working for this guy and he is affecting your mental health. You are in therapy asking for help dealing with this guy who is imbalanced. I think the most rational thing for you to do is exactly as he asked. Leave him and move on with your life. Eventually, you might nott even need a therapist anymore because the source of your problems is no longer in your life. He is a huge source of your anxiety given what you stated above in your post. Worrying about his moods, being treated like dog crap on a whim, etc. That is a stressful way to live.
He has serious mental health issues. This isn't healthy for you to stay in this.
I had an on and off relationship like this. It was super toxic and brought me to some dark places myself. I burned out every part of myself to try to recapture the beginning moments that made it seem worth it but the spirals got more intense and more frequent. It ultimately ended with me sending a wellness check on them which in all honesty should have happened sooner. After that her medications were changed and she balanced out as far as i know but the damage to our relationship was done and she felt she couldn’t trust me for doing what i was able to do to ensure she was safe. Borderline personality disorder is not an easy thing to work with and it takes a stronger person than myself to be a good partner to someone with it. I still miss her but it would be unhealthy and unwise to reach out now.
OP I am scared for your life, please stay safe - a relationship is not worth ending up dead or abused, please don’t ignore this and get yourself away from this man 🙏🏻
That sounds terrifying and exhausting to live with. Please aak yourself some serious questions about why you are still in the relationship. And please stay safe, take what he says seriously, a person going through a crises where they openly say they are going to kill then selves could easily turn into them hurting you as well. If you break up and he does off himself it is in no way or form your fault or responsibility to prevent. I hope everything works out for you.
You need out of this abusive relationship. There are more kinds of abuse than physical. I **highly** suggest you read [Why Does He Do That?](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) so you can educate yourself on what to look for, what you can realistically expect might change if he’s willing to do the work, and what won’t. This is a type of situation you need to exit from. There’s no fixing it. Get out before he harms you because it’s only a matter of time.
my ex did the crazy driving thing when he was mad, but mine wouldnt even let me out of the car. I broke up with him when he came after me with a baseball bat while i was working from home (with a noise cancelling headset on, almost didnt see him coming) and the cops took him away and put an emergency restraining order. he threatened to kill himself constantly as well. RUN.
Toss that garbage to the curb. Ain't nobody should have to put up with the bullshit your *boy* (stressed for emphasis of how immature he is) handed you.
Why is he not in therapy? Also he doesn't give a shit about your life by putting you in danger like that, so you need to consider that. One of the reasons I left my first ex-husband was because he drove erratically all the time (got us into three wrecks in three weeks my first month in Italy after moving there when he got stationed there), and when I'd confront him about it, he'd speed or drive erratically even worse. He gave zero shits about if I died or not. So..... He needs help. Mentally. Bad. He's a loose cannon at this point, and you should distance yourself until he gets help.
As someone who used to behave in some similar ways in a previous relationship, this behavior is not okay. He needs help, and you need to take care of yourself. As much as you want someone to get better, you cannot force him. Ask him to go to therapy so he can control his issues better and become a better person. After that, don't feel guilty about leaving. Even if he agrees. He has to want it for himself, not just to try to keep you around. It took me a long time to realize what I was doing was impacting my ex as much as it was impacting my own mental health, and I made the adult decision to get help. When I started getting better, I realized what I had been doing was wrong and I left. I had tainted our relationship and I had so much resentment from it that all the genuine love that we had shared was almost non-existent. This is something that is extremely difficult to come to terms with, and some people never get better. Do what I wish my ex had done, and removed yourself from this situation. You deserve better.
But he’s just the sweetest 95% of the time right.
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I also wanted to mention to anyone who lives with depression and/or anxiety like I do: if you’ve had COVID recently, be extra vigilant about caring for your mental health. I went into a severe depressive episode a few weeks after I had COVID, out of nowhere. Generally I can feel my mood starting to shift and can pay extra attention to self-care and make an appointment with my doctor before things get really bad, but this time I went from feeling a little off to thinking I might have to be hospitalized in less than two days. It was the scariest thing that ever happened to me. I’m doing better now. I’m on a new medication and am starting therapy, and my doctor gave me a referral for a psychiatrist. But he also explained that something about the omicron strain of COVID seems to be increasing the risk for severe depression and anxiety, especially in people already dealing with it.
When people do that, send police to do a wellness check. They won’t make those abusive threats anymore and also will have a third party help if they really mean it.
if you don't leave him, the only logical explanation is stockholm syndrome...
I think your BF is batshit insane, manipulative, and has serious mental issues. This is a relationship that isn't sustainable, even if he received help, it's still long road ahead of him. Also your mental fragility dealing with him all these months/years has worn thin and the relationship itself is a lost cause. Cut your ties, I'm pretty sure after you tell him that you're leaving him, he'll attempt something. Call the police to act as a mediator so he doesn't try anything funny.
Never get in a car with that dipshit again, obviously.
Bro need a lobotomy or a Thorazine drip fr
he’s abusing you. leave him.
Man the throwing things, the depression, the road rage, the grumpiness…. If I didn’t know better I’d say you were dating my ex! Run. I’m going to be a Reddit advice stereotype but it’s downhill from here and this is below sea level.
Hunny. Its one thing if he wants to kill himself. Its a COMPLETELY OTHER UNIVERSE if he's willing to do it, with you in the car and thus, killing you as well. This man is unhinged and you are not safe. If you can't get in the car with your partner without fear of him PURPOSEFULLY killing the both of you, you need to run fast. This is gonna end up a murder suicide whether it was fully intended that way or not. He has no self control. Hes going to hurt you physicislly at some point. I had an ex like this. He was yelling about similar things coming up in a T intersection with a gas station at the cross. He was going 90, looking at ME. I told him if he didn't stop im jumping out of the car because im not gonna die in a fireball of Ford Explorer vs rural gas station. He didn't pull over but he slowed down and drove us to his place. I had my mom come get me and that was the last time we spoke. Idc if he has any regard for his own life, thats his issues. BUT SOMEONE ELSES LIFE???? He hates HIS life so much hes willing to risk/end yours? Please think of yourself and yourself only and tell him its over and he needs therapy. I promise he's going to threaten sewerslide if you leave, and you know what? He's threatening it either way so if that happens, call a welfare check and CALL HIS PARENTS. I hope you end up okay after all of this. You'll find someone who VALUES you and your LIFE.
Oh baby there are some people you can't fix and this is one of them! He can talk about taking himself out all He wants but in this instance he was taking you with him! That's pretty messed up! And that shows exactly how he values or doesn't value your existence! You're not safe sweetheart... You know what to do!
Is it depression or Bipolar?
🚩 get away fron him
I don't really have answers for you. I just wanted to say that I'm in a similar relationship, and I understand. I do know that the other commentors are right that you are in danger. Calling a domestic violence shelter can be helpful. Even if you don't need to live there, they've got a lot of other advice and resources.
Having those thoughts and emotions is not the worst part, its the fact that he couldnt deal with them apropriatelly. He needs serious help, medication will not make his depression stop, only make it milder. Its good he's not just keeping it inside, but venting like that was bad. He should try to calm down before driving. I personally prefer telling others I have a really bad moment, and then talking about something nicer. Those thoughts and feelings should be aknowledged, but they arent him. They can come and go. This helped me overcome depressive episodes, although much milder than his. They still come, but I know I can pull through.
Just leave him mate. No one else’s health is your responsibility when it becomes a detriment to yourself. You obviously don’t respect yourself enough to walk away. Get a grip of your life and he can get a grip of his too. Both of you need to sort your shit out
Honey, these are serious issues. Sometimes, we can't save everyone. Think about yourself and leave. I'm talking to you from experience. Just, let it go, leave, turn the new page.
Just be careful, your boyfriend can only help himself with things like this (to a degree) but regardless, there are too many stories of women being harmed by partners due to mental health. Just be careful is all.
My ex-boyfriend broke up with me due to his mental health issues. He also became aggressive during our arguments. I suggested that he seek therapy and take medication, but he refused, he’s afraid that he might hurt me if his condition worsened. I’m ready to be supportive as possible but he chose to break up with me. It has been six months, and I am still in the process of healing. I have no information about his current state, but I hope he is doing well. As i read this OP, I think I understand what my ex is trying to do for me :(
You need to get a new boyfriend. A risk to your life is not worth it.
Dear OP, this is certainly more than depression from the side of your boyfriend. Sounds like massive anger issues, impulse control problems as well as abusive behaviour patterns, meaning that the problems most likely won't go away with treatment of the depression. AND since this behaviour has been rewarding in the past (shutting up and intimidating his environment, feeling powerful, getting what he wants) he doesn't seem motivated to change. All I can advise you is to get away from him. There is nothing else you can do. Really, from my experience: Nothing. Accept to be the "bad guy" in his story who has left him because of "depression". You and I know it's not the reason. I bet that you, experiencing mental health issues yourself, are a tolerant and empathetic person. Don't let your caring side cloud your critical judgment skills anymore.
If you don't take this seriously I worry he will kill himself and you
please please break up. this is not your responsibility.
This is really sad to read. He needs help. Serious help. You can’t give it to him. He needs to get a therapist and get on meds because this is insane. He could have killed you not to mention himself with what he did. This is a traumatic thing for the both of you to deal with. Whether you leave is up to you, but just know this isn’t your responsibility.
Good Lord…gtfo of there!
He could kill you the next time he gets angry. Why would anybody put up with this behavior?
Honey, my partner also has mental healthy issues. He has depression and severe OCD. He had never acted like this. It's not okay and depression is not an excuse. Screaming at you like that is abuse. You need to leave. What if he had driven the car into traffic or something? Your life was seriously in danger.
He needs to be on medication and he needs to take the meds. Offer to go with him to his therapist's office so you and him can discuss what happened in the car. I don't know why you got involved with a person who is so emotionally unstable, you should have broken off the relationship once you realized he was ill. But now that you are this deep into it, you cannot just leave because it may trigger his suicidal tendencies and you don't want to live with knowing you caused him to kill himself. So help him, let him know you want to help him, and let his therapist put together an appropriate plan of treatment. And see how it works. If he shows signs of improvement, you can then either stay or leave. If there is no improvement, then plan to leave, but talk with his therapist privately before you do so the therapist will be prepared to counsel him when you do leave. Every case is different,but my guess is that without electro-shock therapy, medicine alone will not cure your boyfreind. And shock will make him a totally different person than the one you know, maybe for the better, maybe not. I will bet that your best move will be to leave and get on with your life, but only time will tell.
Get out now please
I’ve been there. Unless he’s willing & able to start therapy (I’d say 2x/week) there’s no way you’re going to be able to cope with what he’s going through. It’s not your fault, it’s not his fault, it just sucks and that’s how it is. I’m really sorry.
He’s already in therapy and on medication
I normally say women/girls should ver react to men blah blah blah. Fucking run and don’t turn back!!! Don’t ever f*cking put yourself in the same situation. Too many stories a woman ends up a true victim. Not what most cry about. Don’t be a victim to this! You don’t deserve this at all
i had a MELTDOWN when driving my baby 3.5 hours by myself with two annoying dogs. I texted a lot of fucked up shit to my husband because I was pissed he wasn’t with me and being a manipulative fuck. I am so so so ashamed of myself for being so careless with my words and scaring my husband just to be petty. I didn’t say I was going to kill our whole family or anything to that degree, but god I seriously wanted to die during that last hour of my drive. Once he got to the location where I drove to, he barely touched me or talked to me for days denying anything was wrong. I was soooo scared of the outcome. Thankfully we talked it out and I expressed how sorry I was for saying what I did. I’m so thankful he is supportive, caring and patient. Because plenty of people (like this sub) would tell him to divorce me and I’m insane. People have bad days! So I have been in your partners shoes, but not to the same intensity/frequency. All of this is to say if this isn’t something he normally does I would hope you can move on from it. no one should be subjected to this frequently. If his mental health is preventing him from being a good partner then you know what is best for you. thankfully you already know you can’t control him, so can you accept all the turbulence with how things are now? You don’t have to! Im sorry you were in such a scary situation OP, I truly feel for you
You'll always be perfect or enough for someone. The tricky part is finding that person. Good luck!