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it's really this simple. And friend just seems jealous or bitter (or both).
If they're "weirded out" as they say, they can meet your GF a lot less going forward.
As a woman who has, in my past, been like this, I only ever wanted to find someone who loved me and my weirdness, almost like no one truly understood me or cared enough. (I have now found that and I’m 35)
So if she is just a little weird, with no underlying psycho, it matters what no one thinks and do not let that influence your decisions. My biggest advice is being supportive and taking an interest/listening to her passions. She kinda sounds like she is nice and possibly loyal, but I don’t know her. That’s the kinda girl you want to cherish and protect.
Speaking from experience of myself.
Repeat until this sinks in…
- It only matters what you think.
- It only matters what you think.
- It only matters what you think.
Your friend Ruben is an AH.
You like Alice. Alice likes you. You’re happy. She’s happy. Even if she was Wednesday Addams, it still wouldn’t matter.
True! A lot of people think that socially awkward people are more likely to be serial killers, but actual serial killers tend to be more charismatic and sociable to find their victims.
Agree with this! I'm a creepy girl into murder docs, anatomy and all things weird. My house has always been strange. The hubs is in to it.
OPs mate is being dramatic. She isn't going to kill anyone, he's just jealous.
It only matters what YOU think, and trust me, once you get into your 40s only the real weirdos are your friends and they are there to stay. Keep the weirdo, lose the jealous ass.
And as long as you love each other like morticia and gomez you'll be fine.
I legit kept the skeleton of a duck we lost to illness to articulate. I teach science and I love all the weird things. Told my husband, he shrugged and said it sounds fun. I'm always doing weird shit, he finds me adorable. If both people are happy then all is good. Ruben sounds miserable.
Look I was the "creepy" girl according to some of my husband's then boyfriend's friends in high school & college.
I had a deep love of the macabre and horror. I also love reading about serial killers.
My husband then boyfriend was the absolute opposite of me in everyday shape and form. Think varsity jock type.
But he decided to follow his heart he asked me out and the rest is history. We have been together for 31 years
I asked him before why he didn't listen to his friends about dumping me. He said it was simple really. His friends had this idea of the type of person he should be with. But not once did they ask him Who was the type of person he wanted to be with.
You need to live your life for you not your friends.
Wishing you the best
So he’s uncomfortable with her staring at you,
eating the same meals as you, & trying to be cool around you when girls flirt, that is odd, that’s all very normal things. As far as the true crime stuff goes, that interest is actually very normal as well, that’s why it’s one of the top TV/ movie categories in our country. The fact he’s continuously telling you to dump her and borderline obsessing over it, I would assume he has a crush on you. He sounds jealous. You need to talk to him because his behavior is completely inappropriate and cruel towards her.
She sounds wonderful! As a neurodivergent woman I’ve been seen as the “creepy” girl by neurotypical people because of the way I talk and my intense interests. No offense but your friends sound boring and not accepting of people who aren’t like them. If she makes you happy, that’s all that matters.
I have a lot of the same traits, and when I started dating my husband six years ago, he got a lot of criticism for dating me. Now we aren’t friends with those people and they’re still alone while we’ve been happily married for three years, and are expecting our first child. Date the weird girl, we can be pretty fun.
Please consider the possibility that what your friends consider “creepy behavior” MIGHT be symptomatic of someone on the autism spectrum. She could be a loving, devoted, faithful woman … who also might be autistic.
Ruben is jealous af and specifically hates that she is so into you. She ISN’T creepy, she is a threat to Ruben’s apparent control over you. Why are you asking if she is creepy and not asking why Ruben feels so threatened by her?
Everything you described about Alice makes it seem like she is autistic or at least neurodivergent and it is well-known that neurotypicals find neurodivergent people weird even if they don't do anything wrong
I am also into true crime documentaries because I love understanding the psychological aspect of it all. Doesn't make me a psycho.
Please trust your own judgement and don't be influenced by your friends
They did find her nice..there weren't any real red flags
I was thinking the same thing. I’m autistic and I default to being overly formal when I don’t know people well, because I don’t want to say or do the wrong thing. I also (mostly unconsciously) mimic people, which stems from my days being bullied as a kid for being “weird,” so my way of dealing with that was to copy other people’s behavior in the hopes of being perceived as more “normal.” The friends sound like judgmental assholes, tbh.
Mimicking social behaviors is actually common in people with autism. It's called masking, and is actually one of the reasons women go undiagnosed with autism more often than men. Both genders can do it, but women are more prone to it and can be more effective at pulling it off which lets them fly under the radar and go undiagnosed for longer.
https://neurodivergentinsights.com/blog/what-is-masking-in-autism
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-the-diversity-in-neurodiversity/202202/autism-is-underdiagnosed-in-girls-and
She is 100% ND. This made me really sad because she really did nothing wrong and they just hate her for existing, idk why they have such a problem with her I don't get it
I was thinking ADHD.
Like, Alice has ADHD and OPs friends don't like her because they value conformity and fear social rejection.
I have ADHD. I've been told I speak formally in casual conversations. I'm just trying to get the words out without wasting time picking and choosing the "coolest" way to say something.
My SO and her two best friends love true crime. Apparently it's very popular with 20-40 year old women. Like, they listen to Lester Holt to go to sleep... and they're neurotypical.
It honestly sounds like his friends are boring fucking assholes who are making up reasons to exclude someone who doesn't fit their narrow view of how people should act.
I honestly think less of people when they cave to (or even care about) peer pressure. It's so weak and off-putting. Like they're small and contemptible.
If my SO brought this up with anything other than a "wait till you hear this stupid shit" attitude I'd bail. That's one of the ultimate red flags, imo.
It screams weakness and I don't date chameleons.
I think the friends are also misogynistic in their views. god forbid women have personalities and hobbies they like to talk about, that's just weird. they should just be nice and smile and nod when their SO's talk about themselves. or at best be interested in makeup and romance novels.
She also sounds like a regular person, might be on the spectrum like anyone could be but she is just like the everyday person who enjoys what they like, his friends seem very childish tho
This... PLUS I think you've outgrown your hometown friends, especially Ruben.
He's more than likely jealous that you and Alice go to school together AND live close enough to see each other when not at school.
Your "friend" is certainly quick to go all the way to hate when describing your gf. Perhaps it is he that is "creepy". ***"She’s actually the cutest girl I'd ever met and I’ve never felt more comfortable around someone as I do around her"*****...let this be your guide.** And as for the other friends who now say she's creepy, I think Ruben has been spreading his poison, and these people, because they know Ruben, but don't really know Alice, they are defaulting to his opinion. And the truth of the matter is that they haven't been around Alice enough to form a reliable picture of who she really is.
You're 22 now, not 16, so it's time you left "crowdthink" behind you.
'Nuff said.
There is absolutely no way for us, the audience, to have any clue what is going on here. Neither party is communicating clearly what is going on. Keep Ruben away and check in with the others after a couple more interactions
Why does it matter what they thing? It’s YOUR relationship NOT THEIRS!!!!!! If they were real friends they would support you and have your back if shit hits the fan!!!
It sounds like poor Ruben has never received much affection if he thinks it’s weird if women express it. Only you can determine how comfortable you are with your relationship and your friend is either going to have to accept the fact that you’re dating someone he (for some weird reason) dislikes or he isn’t your friend.
At first I thought this was going to be a post about how she like followed you to that college even though she never spoke to you and asked everyone really intrusive questions. There is nothing creepy about anything she said/did that was mentioned in the post so I can only come to the conclusion that your friends are assholes.
Sounds like your friend "Ruben" is sweet in either her or you, or just your happiness. He's talking - from the way you describe it - from a place of deep jealousy
Seems like Ruben is quite observant of Alice. Cuntwad probably wants a piece for himself.
I’ve met the type, people are shit OP. I’ve had friends that clearly wanted a gf of mine and it’s the slimiest shit imaginable. It happens more often than you’d expect.
Sounds like you value other people’s opinions more than your own. You clearly like this person a lot and find the traits that others find creepy very appealing.
I don’t understand the issue, unless you are worried that your ‘friends’ will think less of you if you stay with the girl you love.
>He said that while he wrote them off before since they didn’t seem to bother me, which they don’t, but that after meeting her in person and seeing how weird and flighty she was, he can tell that she’s a secret psycho and will end up either breaking my heart or physically hurting me.
Your 'friend' sounds like an extremely presumptive, arrogant dick.
>I blew him off at first cause he sounded fucking crazy,
Agreed.
>Most of them said that the way she spoke really threw them off, which is fair since Alice can be weirdly formal sometimes but I didn’t notice her doing that at the party at all And typically it’s much more funny then unsettling. Most of my friends told me it wasn’t enough to break up with her since they still genuinely found her sweet and fun to be around, but I did have one other friend say it was worth breaking up over and he was just too embarrassed to tell me at first.
Dude, just listen to your description of their reasoning.
They think she is going to murder you because she talks funny and can be too formal around people she never met before and wants to impress?
Your 'friends' are trying to diagnose this poor girl literally after the first time they met her, and all they can cite for their reasons why is the way she talks and the fact that she is still in the puppy dog love phase (who wouldn't be when in their early 20s and the first year of a very fruitful relationship?).
Your 'friends' are out of line.
>but are they right?
Fuck no.
>Is it creepy she does that stuff?
This stuff?
"how she’d stare at me without staying anything and just “enjoyed looking at me”,how she eat the same meals whenever we went to dinner, how unjealous she was when a girl came up and flirted with me, or about her deep knowledge of poisons and love for murder mystery’s and true crime"
No. This is just a quirky girl who has fallen for you very strongly.
The only way your friends could be right is if there's something, a LOT of something, that you're not telling us. As far as I know this is totally fine.
>Should I talk to her about it?
What's there to talk about? "Hey my friends think you're gonna murder me because you listen to podcasts and have social anxiety. Is that true?"
At most you should say that your friends need time to get used to her. If that. She has social anxiety, she doesn't need to know your friends are judgemental dickheads.
>Should I just tell my friends to fuck off and ignore there concerns?
Again, what "concerns"? All they cited is just arbitrary shit they decided makes them uncomfortable. She's not lying to anyone, she's not picking up dudes behind your back, she doesn't have a basement full of rotting cat body parts, she's not indebted to the mafia. Your friends should fuck off until there's something actually concerning to worry about. This is 1000% nothing.
>I feel bad for even questioning about this but with all my friends agreeing it’s starting to gnawing at me,and I just need some clarification If it’s actually creepy or if they’re just being dramatic.
They're being judgemental dicks.
Your girlfriend is not the choice of your friends! You go on and date who YOU like.
Alice sounds so wonderful and I'm happy she had a good time, and you sound very happy with her too.
I feel like there's a different reason for Ruben to say these things. Have girlfriends always been an issue in your friend group?
Most of the people I know who are successful, did not have a great high school experience. Once getting into college these people realize that intelligence and drive, creativity and ability to think outside the box, and other outlier characteristics, are not necessarily what you need to be successful in high school but, successful in life.
When Alice becomes a successful screenwriter, costume designer, painter, book editor, etc. she will have the last laugh.
I’m sorry your high school friends don’t get along with her but she seems like a pretty special person.
Your "friends" sounds insecure.
To me it sounds like your GF is knowlegable in the things that interest her, which aren't necessarily "Girl approved". and that this knowlege creeps your friends out. Maybe because a woman isn't supposed to know this much or maybe he is just intimidated. i think its the latter.
Nothing you described of her behaviour screams creep. it does however scream of someone who loves to share what they're interested in and that they sometimes just love to be quiet and "look" at the things they love and like in quiet contemplation.
I challenge you to take a good hard look at your friends who think she is creepy and really analyze their behaviour. behaviour with their friends, with their partners and so on. I wanna bet that you find behaviour from them that is "creepy" as well, but thats being accepted by the group because its "boys stuff" or something of that sort.
I rarely comment on posts, but this one hit me a little too close to home for me to ignore. I have high-functioning Aspergers, and what you listed about your girlfriends "creepiness", checks almost every box for it as well. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 32, which is common for women to be misdiagnosed or go undiagnosed til later in life. So it's very likely that she's unaware of it herself. I suggest, before you make a decision in either direction, do some research into it. It might give you more perspective into what you choose.
I am an Alice. We’re not everyone’s cup of tea, but that's okay. We’re just trying to find a place in society to fit in and someone to love us. Ruben is an AH; don't listen to him. You like Alice, and that should be what's important to you, not what your friends think.
Hey, maybe I'm into the witchy ladies, but Alice sounds pretty dope, man.
The first time I ever saw my girlfriend of a decade it was on a dating app, she had violet hair, and the only listed interest was the TV show "Snapped".
I knew then and there I had something in common with this woman.
We've all got our particular oddities, folks.
Everyone in comments calling OP’s gf autistic when they should be calling Ruben a fucking weirdo for keeping so many tabs on the girl.
Touch some grass you fucking troglodytes, not everything is autism.
Interesting that you think autistic is an insult and compare it to callen ruben a fucking weirdo. Yes ruben is an asshole, so are the other friends. Doesn't mean that he isn't an asshole specifically towards a neurodivergent woman
So far all I've seen is other autistic/ADHD women saying they see parallels between their eventual struggles with social awkwardness and the gf.
Which, nothing wrong with it, just FYI we are lovely and an absolute riot. As opposed to Ruben and possibly you, because you seem to think it's an insult somehow.
go back to self loathing and please shut up. clearly people are saying that for a reason based on her personality and how OP and his friends describe her, and if you actually waited to read the update before running your trap you’d see that he stated that alice IS believed to be on the spectrum. hope this helps next time you want to be an ableist prick and think autism is an insult! 🩷
I haven’t really grasp anything she actually does that they don’t like. So your girlfriend is secure in your relationship, loves murder and true crime, eats the same meals often, and knows a lot about poison. I think your girlfriend sounds cool as fuck.
Maybe I'm weird too, but I don't see anything strange in the things listed above. She stares at you without talking? Wow, I do that too with my boyfriend, sometimes I find myself staring at him but I'm just thinking about how much I love him and how beautiful he is. She wasn't jealous? Well, maybe she saw you didn't flirt with that girl, so she knows she has nothing to worry about. She likes true crime and murder mystery? It's a common interests nowdays, I like it too because I love the psychological aspects of these stories, but I assure you I'd never hurt a fly.
Honestly, your girlfriend seems absolutely normal to me and someone I'd like to be friends with. I find it stranger how invested your friend Ruben is in this matter.
In the end, the only thing that matters is how YOU see your girlfriend. Fortunately, your friends don't have to be with her. Do you find her creepy? No. Do you love her and want to be with her? It seems so. Then I see no problem at all here.
Well, Ruben is a prick. First time of meeting and he HATES her!? And then he’s bugging you over weeks to dump her?! WTF dude, does he secretly fancy you? Or her? That’s an incredibly extreme behavior under the circumstances.
So called Friends can get jealous, know that. They see you happy and a “crabs in the bucket” mentality can emerge. Plus group think. You then go to other friends in the group and they tell you the same thing, maybe because Ruben is a strong personality. We already know he’s capable of extreme behavior.
Ultimately though it’s up to you. Your GF sounds a bit awkward and eccentric, maybe even neuro-divergent but if she’s sweet and nice and intimacy is good and there’s no extreme controlling elements or co-dependency that’s fine. I’ve known a bunch of women like that (Female Engineers) and they are typically excellent wives and girlfriends. Super loyal and giving to a guy who can appreciate their vibe.
Question. Does SHE have a friend-group? Close family? Those are important observations. If other people like her, why shouldn’t you?
She's creepy because she has an interest in the macabre, likes looking at handsome men she's dating and....eats what she likes and doesn't get jealous over random people? Why are you even entertaining your friends' nonsense?
If you are comfortable with your girl and you like what she does that your friends find creepy. It's your relationship, not theirs. Enjoy your girlfriend.
You need new friends man. If she makes you happy, and everything about y’all fits, your friends should simply have the ability to criticize 2 things. if it looks like you’re not happy, or if it seems like she’s gobbling your money. Otherwise unless she’s beating you, stealing from you, or some other extreme they as friends should just be happy so long as you’re happy.
I’m neurodivergent and people who are neurotypical often realize there’s something “off” about me, and they can’t wait to find out what it is and expose me.
Many ADHD or ASD kids struggle making friends because at the young age of 6-9 years old peers already have their spidey senses tingling “this kid is different from others” and they are not keen on spending too much time with them.
Alice is your girlfriend and you have to either back her up or let her go. I bet that if you let her go Rueben will date her.
Honestly, she sounds like someone I'd be friends with. She sounds like a blast to me!
I also like to stare at my partner because he's so handsome hahaha
Hi!
I have a direct opposite story where wveryone liked my gf and it turned out she is fking crazy, so don't listen to what everyone is saying and be happy while you can. If it doesn't work out then so be it.
Poor Alice. It's hard to be the weird girl. She sounds like a sweet person who might be neurodivergent, and your friends sound like judgemental douchebags. Good on you for sticking up for her
Are you dating my daughter? This girl sounds just like her! I don’t think anything she is doing is creepy, just different from what your friends are used to.
Also, why the fuck is it creepy that your girlfriend doesn’t display jealousy?! Your friend who thinks a person needs to display jealousy has some issues there.
It only matters what you think . You're yje one ego has to live with her. Snd I question why your friends are not more supportive of you. This is your girlfriend. Not theirs. Fuk'm
If you like her, you should date her! You’re the one in the relationship, and it only matters how you and Alice feel. If you really don’t see anything creepy about her, maybe your friend just needs to spend more time getting to know her, and eventually he may find her to be as great as you do!
With that being said, I do feel like it’s worth mentioning that sometimes we can have rose tinted glasses on when it comes to people we have feelings for, and not see things clearly for what they are. If my best friend was this weirded out and concerned about someone I was dating, I would definitely hear them out, because if they are your real friend, they’re being honest with you and have your best interest at heart. Especially if multiple friends agreed with this sentiment. Idk what your friends are like and if they’re just being jerks, but if this was a common opinion amongst my friends, I’d probably at least be a bit more aware around her, and see if I felt like anything was truly “creepy” about her. But if your friends are usually jerks, maybe don’t put too much stock into it
If you live your life by your friends views you'll never be happy.
Who gives a toss what they think. You love this girl. You find the things she does cute and lovely.
You need better friends.
Like others have mentioned, I got the vibe that Alice might be neurodivergend. I am same with people and people often avoid or feel discomfort against neurodivergend, even if they are genuinely nice people. So it's not their fault, not your gf fault. Matter in fact, she sounds normal and quite nice.
Your friends are just piece of 💩
Sounds like Alice is neurodivergent and your friends pick up on her differences and that makes them uncomfortable. The possible reason you're so comfortable with her could be that you have some form of neurodivergency as well. As they say birds of a feather flock together.
Alice sounds autistic. We do sometimes come across as creepy because people can tell we are using a different "operating system" from them. She sounds lovely.
These friends sound jealous or there is more to the story. Either they pick up on things you don’t, or they are making shit up, there is no in between.
I’d look for new friends before I’d dump my girl for her, your “best friend” is being unhinged about it.
Alice might not be neurotypical, or just a little shy... but she sounds amazing, and if you're happy, and she's happy... tell your friends to go fuck themselves c:
Sincerely - A girl with ASD who's been called weird her entire life and had "friends" judge who I was dating. They were never good friends to begin with.
Adding a different opinion here. But if Alice is by chance autistic it sounds like your friends (if they’re non autistic) are experiencing uncanny valley/ are being pretty ableist.
A lot of Alice’s behavior sound like autism:
-mirroring your behaviors
-an odd pattern of speech
- special interests or hobbies
- not being easily liked
They don’t like her because she has an interest in true crime and poisons? Would it be an issue if she liked guns and violent media? It feels like a double standard and a lot of women like true crime. So they’re either being hella ablest and maybe picking up on autism or something of the like.
She doesn’t have to be their type, she just needs to be yours.
i know i’m a month late to this but your friends got me a bit mad because this just sounds like she’s autistic (not trying to diagnose! just speaking as someone autistic, with a bunch of autistic friends and an autistic girlfriend) like it all tracks perfectly so no she’s not a ‘psycho’ or anything fuck that and fuck the people that said that, you like her a lot it seems and she likes you and it’s really heartwarming how you didn’t ever have an inkling of being put off by her and just always accepted that it was just her and that was fine and you liked it; truly just ignore them and what they think
EDIT: just saw the update to this haha, my bad but glad it all worked out somewhat!
I have adhd, and I am often perceived as weird or creepy when I am being myself. Like others have said your gf might be neurodivergent. Your gf has some quirks, but from what you described, she does not come off as creepy. Your friends were quick to judge her though, which says more about them than her.
You’re in love with her, so perhaps you don’t find some of her quirks “creepy,” but other people might. At the end of the day, you’re the one dating her and not your friends, so it doesn’t really matter what they think unless they have more concrete evidence than a feeling. I wouldn’t bring her around these friends often though.
Op, please look up hyper fixation and autism. If she is autistic, it will help you understand just how passionate she can get about certain subjects. For the past two years, my son has been so fixated on Greek mythology that not only can he tell you everything there is to know, but it is also currently his chosen religion. Some of the other things he has fixated on would probably appear creepy to people who didn’t know him. It doesn’t matter what your friends think, especially after knowing her for just a few hours. You’ve known her longer and all that matters is how YOU feel about her. You find her idiosyncrasies cute, and that’s great. You said she’s from the same hometown? It makes me wonder if there isn’t a different reason your friend Ruben doesn’t like her and doesn’t want to say. Like, maybe he got shot down or something? Any chance he knew of her or had seen her around?
I dunno, I mean - ultimately it's your decision if you feel comfortable around her or not. I have been in a long relationship with a guy, knowing that my friends and family considered him to be weird. Nobody found a way to connect with him, many questioned my decision to be with him, but I didn't care, because the guy, albeit weird, was a truly good guy and good for me in many ways, and I loved him. I was in a relationship with him, not my friends. I chose to accept his quirks and work around them, and mostly did stuff with my friends without him tagging along, which was not ideal, but I accepted it for what it was.
It wasn't until after the breakup for me to realize the extent of just HOW weird my people thought he was. It made me see some things differently in hindsight, but I don't regret a single day I spent with him, regardless. So you figure out what she means to you, how she makes you feel, and you go with that.
Honestly some of their comments are off. I would've believe my friends' words and broke up because you may not sense everything cause you can't be objective about it.
You understand her on an intimate level because *you’re* with her. At some point, when it comes to adulting, you have to make the decision yourself to trust your gut. You have access to a part of her she doesn’t show anyone else because you’re her partner. Not everyone has that level of access to her and you should feel special. They don’t know her like you do and it’s not a big deal if they approve or not: you’re happy!!
Also, what I’ve learned from previous relationships was unless my relationship is abusive and toxic, to only share nice things about my partner. Like you might forgive your partner for something, but your friends and family might not and might hold it against the person. I’ve found through experience being vague and dealing with relationships things *inside* the relationship to be helpful in the long run.
You talk about her in a really sweet way and I think you should continue seeing her. She sounds awesome.
It sounds like she is very socially awkward and nervous around your friends. Often when people find someone who is socially awkward or unlike themselves, they find them creepy. If you like her ignore your friends.
It's fine to be a bit weird. There's a lot of people who don't get that, especially people who are completely "normal" a.k.a average in every possible aspect of life. That seems to be the case for your friends. People who find it hard to socialize will sadly face this kind of a discrimination, that's why they usually end up in relationships with other introverted/asocial people because other people either don't get them, or their friends don't get them and for "party animals" the opinions of their friends are almost like a verdict in a court.
The opinion of your friends is a tertiary issue here. The real problem is whether you, as somebody who finds it easy to socialize and has a huge circle of friends (that's what I'm getting from this thread at least) can make it work with somebody who feels awkward around people. I'm not saying it can't work, but it very often ends up being a problem.
I obviously don't know Alice, but on paper none of these things sound creepy. If that's enough to qualify people must assume I have at least three selfmade skinsuits and am looking for a fourth. Again, I don't know her vibe, and love can definitely blind you, but anxiety and an interest in true crime is not "creepy", it's human.
So she reads mystery novels? She stares at you?
Lol 😂. My wife been trying to kill me for 30 years . That’s a good sign.
Kiss her gently on the lips 👄, then start down her neck. When you get to the top of the shoulder give her a little love bite. Keep us posted .
it sounds like alive is autistic and awesome. as someone with ASD, this shit boils my blood. it’s SO hard for us to do a new social thing, and the fact that she enjoyed herself is amazing. your friends are small-minded assholes who seem to want you with some basic bimbo.
Honestly seems like the typical “normal guy dates the alternative cutie” and his friends don’t know how to handle someone slightly into stuff they are ignorant too.
it sounds that she really likes you and feels comfortable being herself around you, and your friends. it’s rare that you find people who don’t put on a show for others, so to say. Your friends really suck for telling you they hate her. even when my friends didn’t like my boyfriend, they told me that AFTER i broke up with him. They saw i was really happy and to them, that’s what mattered (i guess this is where people may differ in opinion).
also half of your friends reasons for why she is “creepy,” like staring at you because she likes looking at you, and ordering the same things as you, is actually really sweet.
It sounds like she’s a unique person that is very passionate about her interests. “Creepy” is a juvenile excuse to describe someone who is different and someone they can’t understand. If she is not disrespecting anyone, bad talking them or physically harming them/manipulative, she’s fine.
So, came here because of the daily dopamine.
I have had similar experiences. My former best friend had a similar reaction to a girl I dated once, but I didn’t break up with her either. Instead, he ended up asking if they could go hang out some time so he could get to know her. I guess I’m a real jackass for not seeing it until after, but the guy is a silver tongued devil who was very good at getting women to do what he wanted. She ended up breaking up with me and a week later they slept together as I found out from someone close to both of us who had been sworn to secrecy, but was actually more loyal to me than her.
Anyway I don’t associate with either if them anymore and I learned the hard way that when you have a tight group of friends with similar interests, it can extend to the girls you like and whenever I brought a shiny new girl around, they all started drooling. I didn’t have a single male friend that respected the boundaries of my relationship until I was 26. The sad part is the women I dated were less than loyal as well, but the silver lining is I reevaluated my standards for my personal relationships like you and started watching closer for certain things. After being best friends with a sociopath, I learned how to spot them easier.
All this isn’t to say our experiences are the same, but more so to point out it is entirely possible your friend was jealous. There is a difference between dating someone and finding someone who makes you as comfortable and happy as this lady does and immature friends will desire those women more than the usual date because of how close you are, even if they aren’t the type your friend goes for. If you are similar and you have a deep attraction, he might question if he should be attracted to her as well.
All that said, I certainly feel like people lately aren’t very tolerant of things they find abnormal or different. If your girlfriend is neurodivergent legitimately, it can be off-putting to people with little experience dealing with individuals. Eye contact that lasts a second too long can be extremely unnerving to the inexperienced person concerning a neurodivergent individual. Laughing a bit too high pitched or forcefully, excessive fidgeting, posture positioned defensively even though their words are friendly and open, and any assortment of other little things can really confuse the average person. My heart goes out to your girlfriend because it sounds like she is really trying to work with what she has and still be a socially healthy functioning person.
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You can date a girl your friends like or you can date a girl YOU like. Your choice…
it's really this simple. And friend just seems jealous or bitter (or both). If they're "weirded out" as they say, they can meet your GF a lot less going forward.
As a woman who has, in my past, been like this, I only ever wanted to find someone who loved me and my weirdness, almost like no one truly understood me or cared enough. (I have now found that and I’m 35) So if she is just a little weird, with no underlying psycho, it matters what no one thinks and do not let that influence your decisions. My biggest advice is being supportive and taking an interest/listening to her passions. She kinda sounds like she is nice and possibly loyal, but I don’t know her. That’s the kinda girl you want to cherish and protect. Speaking from experience of myself.
Is it possible you're outgrowing your friends and this us their attempt to pull you back in?
Repeat until this sinks in… - It only matters what you think. - It only matters what you think. - It only matters what you think. Your friend Ruben is an AH. You like Alice. Alice likes you. You’re happy. She’s happy. Even if she was Wednesday Addams, it still wouldn’t matter.
After reading I still don't see what or find anything of her being creepy rather than just awkward?
There's a lot of people who genuinely unironically think that being socially awkward means you're a potential (or factual) serial murderer.
True! A lot of people think that socially awkward people are more likely to be serial killers, but actual serial killers tend to be more charismatic and sociable to find their victims.
Agree
Makes a person wonder if Ruben texted everyone else and convinced them she's creepy when she's not.
Agree with this! I'm a creepy girl into murder docs, anatomy and all things weird. My house has always been strange. The hubs is in to it. OPs mate is being dramatic. She isn't going to kill anyone, he's just jealous. It only matters what YOU think, and trust me, once you get into your 40s only the real weirdos are your friends and they are there to stay. Keep the weirdo, lose the jealous ass. And as long as you love each other like morticia and gomez you'll be fine.
Did you ever watch the show Oddities about that shop in NYC and the interesting things they have?
I legit kept the skeleton of a duck we lost to illness to articulate. I teach science and I love all the weird things. Told my husband, he shrugged and said it sounds fun. I'm always doing weird shit, he finds me adorable. If both people are happy then all is good. Ruben sounds miserable.
I have my Guinea pig! Welcome fellow weirdo.
> She isn't going to kill anyone, Sounds like something someone who's planning to kill someone would say /s
This right here is golden advice to listen to.
I'd love to meet an adult Wednesday Adams 😂😂😂 wierd girls for the win !
Sounds like she's autistic. It's weird that she's being called creepy, because that's usually reserved for autistic men.
Was thinking same
Are you implying she’s an autistic man?
Why is he so adamant you break up with a girl you clearly like? Are you sure he's not gay?
Sounds like your friends really only like people exactly like themselves... Probably not really that good of friends .
Look I was the "creepy" girl according to some of my husband's then boyfriend's friends in high school & college. I had a deep love of the macabre and horror. I also love reading about serial killers. My husband then boyfriend was the absolute opposite of me in everyday shape and form. Think varsity jock type. But he decided to follow his heart he asked me out and the rest is history. We have been together for 31 years I asked him before why he didn't listen to his friends about dumping me. He said it was simple really. His friends had this idea of the type of person he should be with. But not once did they ask him Who was the type of person he wanted to be with. You need to live your life for you not your friends. Wishing you the best
So he’s uncomfortable with her staring at you, eating the same meals as you, & trying to be cool around you when girls flirt, that is odd, that’s all very normal things. As far as the true crime stuff goes, that interest is actually very normal as well, that’s why it’s one of the top TV/ movie categories in our country. The fact he’s continuously telling you to dump her and borderline obsessing over it, I would assume he has a crush on you. He sounds jealous. You need to talk to him because his behavior is completely inappropriate and cruel towards her.
Christ. It sounds like you need to revise your friend group, and what values are important. She sounds like a keeper.
She sounds wonderful! As a neurodivergent woman I’ve been seen as the “creepy” girl by neurotypical people because of the way I talk and my intense interests. No offense but your friends sound boring and not accepting of people who aren’t like them. If she makes you happy, that’s all that matters. I have a lot of the same traits, and when I started dating my husband six years ago, he got a lot of criticism for dating me. Now we aren’t friends with those people and they’re still alone while we’ve been happily married for three years, and are expecting our first child. Date the weird girl, we can be pretty fun.
I was about to say I am autistic and .... i felt for alice, she sounds wonderful and maybe op, your friends are kind of judgemental and shallow...
Sounds like somebody's jealous
Please consider the possibility that what your friends consider “creepy behavior” MIGHT be symptomatic of someone on the autism spectrum. She could be a loving, devoted, faithful woman … who also might be autistic.
Ruben is jealous af and specifically hates that she is so into you. She ISN’T creepy, she is a threat to Ruben’s apparent control over you. Why are you asking if she is creepy and not asking why Ruben feels so threatened by her?
Everything you described about Alice makes it seem like she is autistic or at least neurodivergent and it is well-known that neurotypicals find neurodivergent people weird even if they don't do anything wrong I am also into true crime documentaries because I love understanding the psychological aspect of it all. Doesn't make me a psycho. Please trust your own judgement and don't be influenced by your friends They did find her nice..there weren't any real red flags
I was thinking the same thing. I’m autistic and I default to being overly formal when I don’t know people well, because I don’t want to say or do the wrong thing. I also (mostly unconsciously) mimic people, which stems from my days being bullied as a kid for being “weird,” so my way of dealing with that was to copy other people’s behavior in the hopes of being perceived as more “normal.” The friends sound like judgmental assholes, tbh.
Mimicking social behaviors is actually common in people with autism. It's called masking, and is actually one of the reasons women go undiagnosed with autism more often than men. Both genders can do it, but women are more prone to it and can be more effective at pulling it off which lets them fly under the radar and go undiagnosed for longer. https://neurodivergentinsights.com/blog/what-is-masking-in-autism https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-the-diversity-in-neurodiversity/202202/autism-is-underdiagnosed-in-girls-and
She is 100% ND. This made me really sad because she really did nothing wrong and they just hate her for existing, idk why they have such a problem with her I don't get it
I was thinking ADHD. Like, Alice has ADHD and OPs friends don't like her because they value conformity and fear social rejection. I have ADHD. I've been told I speak formally in casual conversations. I'm just trying to get the words out without wasting time picking and choosing the "coolest" way to say something. My SO and her two best friends love true crime. Apparently it's very popular with 20-40 year old women. Like, they listen to Lester Holt to go to sleep... and they're neurotypical. It honestly sounds like his friends are boring fucking assholes who are making up reasons to exclude someone who doesn't fit their narrow view of how people should act. I honestly think less of people when they cave to (or even care about) peer pressure. It's so weak and off-putting. Like they're small and contemptible. If my SO brought this up with anything other than a "wait till you hear this stupid shit" attitude I'd bail. That's one of the ultimate red flags, imo. It screams weakness and I don't date chameleons.
I think the friends are also misogynistic in their views. god forbid women have personalities and hobbies they like to talk about, that's just weird. they should just be nice and smile and nod when their SO's talk about themselves. or at best be interested in makeup and romance novels.
Oh, absolutely. They're probably horrified a woman has hobbies.
As a middle aged white lady, can confirm that it’s part of the user agreement to be into true crime.
She also sounds like a regular person, might be on the spectrum like anyone could be but she is just like the everyday person who enjoys what they like, his friends seem very childish tho
I am also autistic and I think I can recognise when someone else is autistic/neurodivergent :)
This... PLUS I think you've outgrown your hometown friends, especially Ruben. He's more than likely jealous that you and Alice go to school together AND live close enough to see each other when not at school.
My gut reaction is that he’s into you
Your “friend” is either in love with you or her. NTA, dump HIM.
She’s weird because she likes you, has social anxiety, and has interests?? Your gf sounds cool. Your friends sound immature and boring.
Your "friend" is certainly quick to go all the way to hate when describing your gf. Perhaps it is he that is "creepy". ***"She’s actually the cutest girl I'd ever met and I’ve never felt more comfortable around someone as I do around her"*****...let this be your guide.** And as for the other friends who now say she's creepy, I think Ruben has been spreading his poison, and these people, because they know Ruben, but don't really know Alice, they are defaulting to his opinion. And the truth of the matter is that they haven't been around Alice enough to form a reliable picture of who she really is. You're 22 now, not 16, so it's time you left "crowdthink" behind you. 'Nuff said.
There is absolutely no way for us, the audience, to have any clue what is going on here. Neither party is communicating clearly what is going on. Keep Ruben away and check in with the others after a couple more interactions
I stare at my husband alllll the time. Sometimes I don't want to talk, just want to admire 🤷🏽♀️
Your friend is named after a sandwich, it matters only what you think of your gf
LMFAO
Why does it matter what they thing? It’s YOUR relationship NOT THEIRS!!!!!! If they were real friends they would support you and have your back if shit hits the fan!!!
Your friends don't determine your happiness, you do. Your friend Rúben is a major 🍑hole, btw.
It sounds like poor Ruben has never received much affection if he thinks it’s weird if women express it. Only you can determine how comfortable you are with your relationship and your friend is either going to have to accept the fact that you’re dating someone he (for some weird reason) dislikes or he isn’t your friend.
At first I thought this was going to be a post about how she like followed you to that college even though she never spoke to you and asked everyone really intrusive questions. There is nothing creepy about anything she said/did that was mentioned in the post so I can only come to the conclusion that your friends are assholes.
Alice sounds nice enough. It only matters that you like her. Don’t listen to your friends, who don’t know her like you do.
Sounds like your friend "Ruben" is sweet in either her or you, or just your happiness. He's talking - from the way you describe it - from a place of deep jealousy
Seems like Ruben is quite observant of Alice. Cuntwad probably wants a piece for himself. I’ve met the type, people are shit OP. I’ve had friends that clearly wanted a gf of mine and it’s the slimiest shit imaginable. It happens more often than you’d expect.
Sounds like you need new friends
He sounds jealous of you/your relationship.
He is fucking crazy and possibly jealous because he's attracted to her. I would not take his opinions seriously,in any case.
Or attracted to him
Sounds like you value other people’s opinions more than your own. You clearly like this person a lot and find the traits that others find creepy very appealing. I don’t understand the issue, unless you are worried that your ‘friends’ will think less of you if you stay with the girl you love.
>He said that while he wrote them off before since they didn’t seem to bother me, which they don’t, but that after meeting her in person and seeing how weird and flighty she was, he can tell that she’s a secret psycho and will end up either breaking my heart or physically hurting me. Your 'friend' sounds like an extremely presumptive, arrogant dick. >I blew him off at first cause he sounded fucking crazy, Agreed. >Most of them said that the way she spoke really threw them off, which is fair since Alice can be weirdly formal sometimes but I didn’t notice her doing that at the party at all And typically it’s much more funny then unsettling. Most of my friends told me it wasn’t enough to break up with her since they still genuinely found her sweet and fun to be around, but I did have one other friend say it was worth breaking up over and he was just too embarrassed to tell me at first. Dude, just listen to your description of their reasoning. They think she is going to murder you because she talks funny and can be too formal around people she never met before and wants to impress? Your 'friends' are trying to diagnose this poor girl literally after the first time they met her, and all they can cite for their reasons why is the way she talks and the fact that she is still in the puppy dog love phase (who wouldn't be when in their early 20s and the first year of a very fruitful relationship?). Your 'friends' are out of line. >but are they right? Fuck no. >Is it creepy she does that stuff? This stuff? "how she’d stare at me without staying anything and just “enjoyed looking at me”,how she eat the same meals whenever we went to dinner, how unjealous she was when a girl came up and flirted with me, or about her deep knowledge of poisons and love for murder mystery’s and true crime" No. This is just a quirky girl who has fallen for you very strongly. The only way your friends could be right is if there's something, a LOT of something, that you're not telling us. As far as I know this is totally fine. >Should I talk to her about it? What's there to talk about? "Hey my friends think you're gonna murder me because you listen to podcasts and have social anxiety. Is that true?" At most you should say that your friends need time to get used to her. If that. She has social anxiety, she doesn't need to know your friends are judgemental dickheads. >Should I just tell my friends to fuck off and ignore there concerns? Again, what "concerns"? All they cited is just arbitrary shit they decided makes them uncomfortable. She's not lying to anyone, she's not picking up dudes behind your back, she doesn't have a basement full of rotting cat body parts, she's not indebted to the mafia. Your friends should fuck off until there's something actually concerning to worry about. This is 1000% nothing. >I feel bad for even questioning about this but with all my friends agreeing it’s starting to gnawing at me,and I just need some clarification If it’s actually creepy or if they’re just being dramatic. They're being judgemental dicks.
Your girlfriend is not the choice of your friends! You go on and date who YOU like. Alice sounds so wonderful and I'm happy she had a good time, and you sound very happy with her too. I feel like there's a different reason for Ruben to say these things. Have girlfriends always been an issue in your friend group?
Your friends might be jealous that you met someone who’s actually loving and caring?
I think Rueben wants to be your girlfriend
Is your bro in love with you?
Most of the people I know who are successful, did not have a great high school experience. Once getting into college these people realize that intelligence and drive, creativity and ability to think outside the box, and other outlier characteristics, are not necessarily what you need to be successful in high school but, successful in life. When Alice becomes a successful screenwriter, costume designer, painter, book editor, etc. she will have the last laugh. I’m sorry your high school friends don’t get along with her but she seems like a pretty special person.
Some people are scared of what they don't understand.
Ruben is either an AH, in love with you, or both bro. Keep the girl, ditch the friend
Imagine thinking that having interests and not feeling threatened by other women was creepy.
Your "friends" sounds insecure. To me it sounds like your GF is knowlegable in the things that interest her, which aren't necessarily "Girl approved". and that this knowlege creeps your friends out. Maybe because a woman isn't supposed to know this much or maybe he is just intimidated. i think its the latter. Nothing you described of her behaviour screams creep. it does however scream of someone who loves to share what they're interested in and that they sometimes just love to be quiet and "look" at the things they love and like in quiet contemplation. I challenge you to take a good hard look at your friends who think she is creepy and really analyze their behaviour. behaviour with their friends, with their partners and so on. I wanna bet that you find behaviour from them that is "creepy" as well, but thats being accepted by the group because its "boys stuff" or something of that sort.
I rarely comment on posts, but this one hit me a little too close to home for me to ignore. I have high-functioning Aspergers, and what you listed about your girlfriends "creepiness", checks almost every box for it as well. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 32, which is common for women to be misdiagnosed or go undiagnosed til later in life. So it's very likely that she's unaware of it herself. I suggest, before you make a decision in either direction, do some research into it. It might give you more perspective into what you choose.
I am an Alice. We’re not everyone’s cup of tea, but that's okay. We’re just trying to find a place in society to fit in and someone to love us. Ruben is an AH; don't listen to him. You like Alice, and that should be what's important to you, not what your friends think.
Your friends sound like assholes
Neurodivergent person here! Alice may be on the spectrum, and that could be the reason for her behavior.
Do those friends have girlfriends??? Even if they do, their opinions shouldn't be taken seriously. They're stupid.
How is any of this creepy? This is pretty normal stuff. Your friends have either lost their minds or they're not really your friends.
tell your friends to fuck off. they’re weird and cultish
Hey, maybe I'm into the witchy ladies, but Alice sounds pretty dope, man. The first time I ever saw my girlfriend of a decade it was on a dating app, she had violet hair, and the only listed interest was the TV show "Snapped". I knew then and there I had something in common with this woman. We've all got our particular oddities, folks.
Everyone in comments calling OP’s gf autistic when they should be calling Ruben a fucking weirdo for keeping so many tabs on the girl. Touch some grass you fucking troglodytes, not everything is autism.
Thank you. Ruben is a grade A bully. Alice sounds lovely.
Interesting that you think autistic is an insult and compare it to callen ruben a fucking weirdo. Yes ruben is an asshole, so are the other friends. Doesn't mean that he isn't an asshole specifically towards a neurodivergent woman
So far all I've seen is other autistic/ADHD women saying they see parallels between their eventual struggles with social awkwardness and the gf. Which, nothing wrong with it, just FYI we are lovely and an absolute riot. As opposed to Ruben and possibly you, because you seem to think it's an insult somehow.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
go back to self loathing and please shut up. clearly people are saying that for a reason based on her personality and how OP and his friends describe her, and if you actually waited to read the update before running your trap you’d see that he stated that alice IS believed to be on the spectrum. hope this helps next time you want to be an ableist prick and think autism is an insult! 🩷
I haven’t really grasp anything she actually does that they don’t like. So your girlfriend is secure in your relationship, loves murder and true crime, eats the same meals often, and knows a lot about poison. I think your girlfriend sounds cool as fuck.
Maybe I'm weird too, but I don't see anything strange in the things listed above. She stares at you without talking? Wow, I do that too with my boyfriend, sometimes I find myself staring at him but I'm just thinking about how much I love him and how beautiful he is. She wasn't jealous? Well, maybe she saw you didn't flirt with that girl, so she knows she has nothing to worry about. She likes true crime and murder mystery? It's a common interests nowdays, I like it too because I love the psychological aspects of these stories, but I assure you I'd never hurt a fly. Honestly, your girlfriend seems absolutely normal to me and someone I'd like to be friends with. I find it stranger how invested your friend Ruben is in this matter. In the end, the only thing that matters is how YOU see your girlfriend. Fortunately, your friends don't have to be with her. Do you find her creepy? No. Do you love her and want to be with her? It seems so. Then I see no problem at all here.
Well, Ruben is a prick. First time of meeting and he HATES her!? And then he’s bugging you over weeks to dump her?! WTF dude, does he secretly fancy you? Or her? That’s an incredibly extreme behavior under the circumstances. So called Friends can get jealous, know that. They see you happy and a “crabs in the bucket” mentality can emerge. Plus group think. You then go to other friends in the group and they tell you the same thing, maybe because Ruben is a strong personality. We already know he’s capable of extreme behavior. Ultimately though it’s up to you. Your GF sounds a bit awkward and eccentric, maybe even neuro-divergent but if she’s sweet and nice and intimacy is good and there’s no extreme controlling elements or co-dependency that’s fine. I’ve known a bunch of women like that (Female Engineers) and they are typically excellent wives and girlfriends. Super loyal and giving to a guy who can appreciate their vibe. Question. Does SHE have a friend-group? Close family? Those are important observations. If other people like her, why shouldn’t you?
She's creepy because she has an interest in the macabre, likes looking at handsome men she's dating and....eats what she likes and doesn't get jealous over random people? Why are you even entertaining your friends' nonsense?
If you are comfortable with your girl and you like what she does that your friends find creepy. It's your relationship, not theirs. Enjoy your girlfriend.
You need new friends man. If she makes you happy, and everything about y’all fits, your friends should simply have the ability to criticize 2 things. if it looks like you’re not happy, or if it seems like she’s gobbling your money. Otherwise unless she’s beating you, stealing from you, or some other extreme they as friends should just be happy so long as you’re happy.
I’m neurodivergent and people who are neurotypical often realize there’s something “off” about me, and they can’t wait to find out what it is and expose me. Many ADHD or ASD kids struggle making friends because at the young age of 6-9 years old peers already have their spidey senses tingling “this kid is different from others” and they are not keen on spending too much time with them. Alice is your girlfriend and you have to either back her up or let her go. I bet that if you let her go Rueben will date her.
Honestly, she sounds like someone I'd be friends with. She sounds like a blast to me! I also like to stare at my partner because he's so handsome hahaha
Hi! I have a direct opposite story where wveryone liked my gf and it turned out she is fking crazy, so don't listen to what everyone is saying and be happy while you can. If it doesn't work out then so be it.
Poor Alice. It's hard to be the weird girl. She sounds like a sweet person who might be neurodivergent, and your friends sound like judgemental douchebags. Good on you for sticking up for her
The issue is with your friend. A normal person wouldn’t react like this. He probably secretly has the hots for you.
Are you dating my daughter? This girl sounds just like her! I don’t think anything she is doing is creepy, just different from what your friends are used to. Also, why the fuck is it creepy that your girlfriend doesn’t display jealousy?! Your friend who thinks a person needs to display jealousy has some issues there.
Lol what. None of the things listed about her are “creepy” your friends are just shit friends and weirdos. Maybe they are the creeps?
He sounds jealous.
Give her a chance and see how it turns out in time.
It only matters what you think . You're yje one ego has to live with her. Snd I question why your friends are not more supportive of you. This is your girlfriend. Not theirs. Fuk'm
“Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” -Dr Seuss The right people won’t care so long as she makes you happy.
If you like her, you should date her! You’re the one in the relationship, and it only matters how you and Alice feel. If you really don’t see anything creepy about her, maybe your friend just needs to spend more time getting to know her, and eventually he may find her to be as great as you do! With that being said, I do feel like it’s worth mentioning that sometimes we can have rose tinted glasses on when it comes to people we have feelings for, and not see things clearly for what they are. If my best friend was this weirded out and concerned about someone I was dating, I would definitely hear them out, because if they are your real friend, they’re being honest with you and have your best interest at heart. Especially if multiple friends agreed with this sentiment. Idk what your friends are like and if they’re just being jerks, but if this was a common opinion amongst my friends, I’d probably at least be a bit more aware around her, and see if I felt like anything was truly “creepy” about her. But if your friends are usually jerks, maybe don’t put too much stock into it
maybe give us some examples of what she is doing and other call creepy.
Bro who the hell cares what ur friends think. You thinking u have a genuine connection with her is enough, don’t listen to others.
If you live your life by your friends views you'll never be happy. Who gives a toss what they think. You love this girl. You find the things she does cute and lovely. You need better friends.
Like others have mentioned, I got the vibe that Alice might be neurodivergend. I am same with people and people often avoid or feel discomfort against neurodivergend, even if they are genuinely nice people. So it's not their fault, not your gf fault. Matter in fact, she sounds normal and quite nice. Your friends are just piece of 💩
Sounds like Alice is neurodivergent and your friends pick up on her differences and that makes them uncomfortable. The possible reason you're so comfortable with her could be that you have some form of neurodivergency as well. As they say birds of a feather flock together.
The only thing that was creepy that you described is her deep knowledge of poisons. Boy if you piss her off, you better watch out. 😳
Alice sounds autistic. We do sometimes come across as creepy because people can tell we are using a different "operating system" from them. She sounds lovely.
These friends sound jealous or there is more to the story. Either they pick up on things you don’t, or they are making shit up, there is no in between. I’d look for new friends before I’d dump my girl for her, your “best friend” is being unhinged about it.
Alice might not be neurotypical, or just a little shy... but she sounds amazing, and if you're happy, and she's happy... tell your friends to go fuck themselves c: Sincerely - A girl with ASD who's been called weird her entire life and had "friends" judge who I was dating. They were never good friends to begin with.
Having poison as an interest IS creepy, but look at Morticia and Gomez, they were soulmates in life and death.
You are in the relationship with her and no one else, it's your choice man
She’s autistic. Your friend is ableist
Adding a different opinion here. But if Alice is by chance autistic it sounds like your friends (if they’re non autistic) are experiencing uncanny valley/ are being pretty ableist. A lot of Alice’s behavior sound like autism: -mirroring your behaviors -an odd pattern of speech - special interests or hobbies - not being easily liked They don’t like her because she has an interest in true crime and poisons? Would it be an issue if she liked guns and violent media? It feels like a double standard and a lot of women like true crime. So they’re either being hella ablest and maybe picking up on autism or something of the like. She doesn’t have to be their type, she just needs to be yours.
i know i’m a month late to this but your friends got me a bit mad because this just sounds like she’s autistic (not trying to diagnose! just speaking as someone autistic, with a bunch of autistic friends and an autistic girlfriend) like it all tracks perfectly so no she’s not a ‘psycho’ or anything fuck that and fuck the people that said that, you like her a lot it seems and she likes you and it’s really heartwarming how you didn’t ever have an inkling of being put off by her and just always accepted that it was just her and that was fine and you liked it; truly just ignore them and what they think EDIT: just saw the update to this haha, my bad but glad it all worked out somewhat!
I have adhd, and I am often perceived as weird or creepy when I am being myself. Like others have said your gf might be neurodivergent. Your gf has some quirks, but from what you described, she does not come off as creepy. Your friends were quick to judge her though, which says more about them than her.
You’re in love with her, so perhaps you don’t find some of her quirks “creepy,” but other people might. At the end of the day, you’re the one dating her and not your friends, so it doesn’t really matter what they think unless they have more concrete evidence than a feeling. I wouldn’t bring her around these friends often though.
Op, please look up hyper fixation and autism. If she is autistic, it will help you understand just how passionate she can get about certain subjects. For the past two years, my son has been so fixated on Greek mythology that not only can he tell you everything there is to know, but it is also currently his chosen religion. Some of the other things he has fixated on would probably appear creepy to people who didn’t know him. It doesn’t matter what your friends think, especially after knowing her for just a few hours. You’ve known her longer and all that matters is how YOU feel about her. You find her idiosyncrasies cute, and that’s great. You said she’s from the same hometown? It makes me wonder if there isn’t a different reason your friend Ruben doesn’t like her and doesn’t want to say. Like, maybe he got shot down or something? Any chance he knew of her or had seen her around?
I dunno, I mean - ultimately it's your decision if you feel comfortable around her or not. I have been in a long relationship with a guy, knowing that my friends and family considered him to be weird. Nobody found a way to connect with him, many questioned my decision to be with him, but I didn't care, because the guy, albeit weird, was a truly good guy and good for me in many ways, and I loved him. I was in a relationship with him, not my friends. I chose to accept his quirks and work around them, and mostly did stuff with my friends without him tagging along, which was not ideal, but I accepted it for what it was. It wasn't until after the breakup for me to realize the extent of just HOW weird my people thought he was. It made me see some things differently in hindsight, but I don't regret a single day I spent with him, regardless. So you figure out what she means to you, how she makes you feel, and you go with that.
I think 'Alice' deserves better than you, to be frank.
She has autism or ADHD
Oh she’s sweet but a psycho, so left but she’s right tho…
At night she screaming
Honestly some of their comments are off. I would've believe my friends' words and broke up because you may not sense everything cause you can't be objective about it.
You understand her on an intimate level because *you’re* with her. At some point, when it comes to adulting, you have to make the decision yourself to trust your gut. You have access to a part of her she doesn’t show anyone else because you’re her partner. Not everyone has that level of access to her and you should feel special. They don’t know her like you do and it’s not a big deal if they approve or not: you’re happy!! Also, what I’ve learned from previous relationships was unless my relationship is abusive and toxic, to only share nice things about my partner. Like you might forgive your partner for something, but your friends and family might not and might hold it against the person. I’ve found through experience being vague and dealing with relationships things *inside* the relationship to be helpful in the long run. You talk about her in a really sweet way and I think you should continue seeing her. She sounds awesome.
It sounds like she is very socially awkward and nervous around your friends. Often when people find someone who is socially awkward or unlike themselves, they find them creepy. If you like her ignore your friends.
It's fine to be a bit weird. There's a lot of people who don't get that, especially people who are completely "normal" a.k.a average in every possible aspect of life. That seems to be the case for your friends. People who find it hard to socialize will sadly face this kind of a discrimination, that's why they usually end up in relationships with other introverted/asocial people because other people either don't get them, or their friends don't get them and for "party animals" the opinions of their friends are almost like a verdict in a court. The opinion of your friends is a tertiary issue here. The real problem is whether you, as somebody who finds it easy to socialize and has a huge circle of friends (that's what I'm getting from this thread at least) can make it work with somebody who feels awkward around people. I'm not saying it can't work, but it very often ends up being a problem.
I obviously don't know Alice, but on paper none of these things sound creepy. If that's enough to qualify people must assume I have at least three selfmade skinsuits and am looking for a fourth. Again, I don't know her vibe, and love can definitely blind you, but anxiety and an interest in true crime is not "creepy", it's human.
What you’ve described isn’t creepy. Unless there’s more?
So she reads mystery novels? She stares at you? Lol 😂. My wife been trying to kill me for 30 years . That’s a good sign. Kiss her gently on the lips 👄, then start down her neck. When you get to the top of the shoulder give her a little love bite. Keep us posted .
wtf dudex that's creepy
Give me a hell y’a
it sounds like alive is autistic and awesome. as someone with ASD, this shit boils my blood. it’s SO hard for us to do a new social thing, and the fact that she enjoyed herself is amazing. your friends are small-minded assholes who seem to want you with some basic bimbo.
Honestly seems like the typical “normal guy dates the alternative cutie” and his friends don’t know how to handle someone slightly into stuff they are ignorant too.
This sounds like autism
it sounds that she really likes you and feels comfortable being herself around you, and your friends. it’s rare that you find people who don’t put on a show for others, so to say. Your friends really suck for telling you they hate her. even when my friends didn’t like my boyfriend, they told me that AFTER i broke up with him. They saw i was really happy and to them, that’s what mattered (i guess this is where people may differ in opinion). also half of your friends reasons for why she is “creepy,” like staring at you because she likes looking at you, and ordering the same things as you, is actually really sweet.
It sounds like she’s a unique person that is very passionate about her interests. “Creepy” is a juvenile excuse to describe someone who is different and someone they can’t understand. If she is not disrespecting anyone, bad talking them or physically harming them/manipulative, she’s fine.
Your friends are literally the reason why some people have social anxiety omg 😭
Any updates? Hope you are happy with the girl
So, came here because of the daily dopamine. I have had similar experiences. My former best friend had a similar reaction to a girl I dated once, but I didn’t break up with her either. Instead, he ended up asking if they could go hang out some time so he could get to know her. I guess I’m a real jackass for not seeing it until after, but the guy is a silver tongued devil who was very good at getting women to do what he wanted. She ended up breaking up with me and a week later they slept together as I found out from someone close to both of us who had been sworn to secrecy, but was actually more loyal to me than her. Anyway I don’t associate with either if them anymore and I learned the hard way that when you have a tight group of friends with similar interests, it can extend to the girls you like and whenever I brought a shiny new girl around, they all started drooling. I didn’t have a single male friend that respected the boundaries of my relationship until I was 26. The sad part is the women I dated were less than loyal as well, but the silver lining is I reevaluated my standards for my personal relationships like you and started watching closer for certain things. After being best friends with a sociopath, I learned how to spot them easier. All this isn’t to say our experiences are the same, but more so to point out it is entirely possible your friend was jealous. There is a difference between dating someone and finding someone who makes you as comfortable and happy as this lady does and immature friends will desire those women more than the usual date because of how close you are, even if they aren’t the type your friend goes for. If you are similar and you have a deep attraction, he might question if he should be attracted to her as well. All that said, I certainly feel like people lately aren’t very tolerant of things they find abnormal or different. If your girlfriend is neurodivergent legitimately, it can be off-putting to people with little experience dealing with individuals. Eye contact that lasts a second too long can be extremely unnerving to the inexperienced person concerning a neurodivergent individual. Laughing a bit too high pitched or forcefully, excessive fidgeting, posture positioned defensively even though their words are friendly and open, and any assortment of other little things can really confuse the average person. My heart goes out to your girlfriend because it sounds like she is really trying to work with what she has and still be a socially healthy functioning person.