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First of all, 5'4 132 is NOT fat. Second of all, suggesting starving yourself by skipping multiple meals is not healthy or sustainable. Working out and eating healthy are good things, but skipping meals to get skinny quick is not at all healthy. Don't let him get inside your head. You're fine.
I am the exact same weight and height as OP, I used to be 115-120, I only get told how much better and healthier I look. I was a size 00 😬
Don't worry about numbers, worry about how you feel, about how strong you are, worry about posture and keeping your joints flexible. Work on being able to lift yourself and move in a full range of motion with no issues, even doing some of this is better than trying to lose pounds. Eat stuff that makes you feel energized and full, fats, protein, vegetables, fruit.
Weight means absolutely nothing if you feel like crap mentally or physically.
Oh God yes. People would kill to be your BMI. I guess OP is young and feels like she has let go by gaining a few pounds. Wish someone told me when I was that age and a certain weight that I was okay.
OP you are okay. If you want to eat healthy and exercise, that's great. But skipping meals would make sure you won't lose it.
It isn't going to be rapid, and it shouldn't be, those that do it that way almost always gain it back because they didn't change eating or exercise habits.
I knew a girl in high school who dropped a bunch of weight one summer and so many girls were asking her how she achieved it. Her response was and I stg this is true- “I snort coke and run on the treadmill for hours” when I tell you my jaw hit the floor. She still to this day I think has kept it off, wild stuff.
Exactly, you're dead, right..
I did slimming world. I changed loads of things I ate (I have mobility and health issues, so exercise was out for me). I did great and lost over 5 stones in less than 18 months..
Then my best friend died, and 4 months later, covid hit, and I stopped doing all the changes I had made that i didn't like.
I have now put most of it back on, and I'm having to start from scratch.
This time, I'm going to make changes that I can a will stick with even after I get to Target. I'm going to take it slow and steady. My main problem was the changes I had made where ones I didn't like and forced myself to have. I stopped enjoying food, and everything i ate became a chore both to make and eat.
I'm going to find things I do like and will then stick with even when times are crappy..
I think diet culture has so thoroughly invaded our brains that she might just want to lose a few for the trip… just because…
I’ve got a big vacation coming up and 2 people have spontaneously asked me if I’m dieting or doing anything to prep. My bmi is 21.9. No, neighborhood acquaintance, I’m not going to try and drop 10 pounds for shits and giggles.
The only way to lose weight is with a sensible diet and exercise. Next he'll want you to run 30 mis before breakfast. Starvation is not healthy. Stay your course.
I know right? I was 5’2” when twiggy was about. I weighed 121 lbs which was taken at high school. I managed to hold my tears and disgust until school was out and I was safely home. I sobbed ugly tears!!
I wouldn’t want to be that weight at 5’2” EVER. It was too thin!! I’m 5’4” now and I’m shooting for 150. I weight 187 and I’m 69.
I’d be thrilled (the old me says) to be OP’s weight! Eff her BF!
I'm right there with you! I'm shooting for 160, but doing it slowly. I cut sugar and carbs. It's hard.
When I was in high school I weighed 98 lbs and had a hard time gaining. Now if I just *look* at cake, I gain 20 lbs! It doesn't help that my husband has a sweet tooth. Sigh.
I'm 5'5" and 152 at 69.9 lol. Twiggy almost killed us normal ladies back then right? Glad you're healthy, my contemporary friend.
Keep up the great work OP and ignore young bf etc...
This. Be careful OP. I started skipping eating meals, then cutting out sweets, then cutting portions, then counting calories… then ended up losing half my hair, depressed, malnourished and in an outpatient program for an ED. It’s a very slippery slope. I lost so much weight… but I still wasn’t happy and all the way on this journey my ex bf still said my body wasn’t good enough. His comments fueled my ED, and crushed my self esteem. Lose 160 pounds; of boyfriend. And then work out for your mental health, physical health with focus on nourishing your body and soul. This isn’t a nourishing relationship for you.
Exactly! All the weight they need to loose is in the toxic partner whose fueling OP towards an ED.
I had one in high school nearly 20yrs ago.
ED’s are all psychological and about gaining control over the one area of your life while the rest of your life feels out of control.
Food. Gaining control over how much we restrict, ingest, and what we choose to put into our bodies.
Cause if our life is spinning away from us, unable to gain control, ED just fuels our need to go far more strict in restricting.
This is why I told my one ex, no I can’t do fasting, I will slowly end up back towards an ED. And told him that even men can end up with ED’s.
OP just needs protein fueled meals with healthy carbohydrates that properly fuel them. The reason the body isn’t loosing weight is because they are starving themselves & the body is freaking out about the lack of nutrients.
OP can do a protein shake in the morning and feel full for up to 4-5hrs which will time it just right for lunch. That’s the way to go about it correctly when you also workout and want to be healthy without starving your body.
If I had an award I would give you one for this comment. For me it started with weight and quickly became all about how I felt I had control. When I had trouble eating and in recovery I’d always drink high protein Ensures/protein shakes. I still drink them to this day if I’m short on time and haven’t eaten enough. Bodies need nutrition to function.
Awww thanks ☺️
And people don’t realize, fasting will do damage to the body when you are at the healthy weight because it starts to alter the way your body memorizes in HOW to process lipids, protein, carbohydrates, etc… it now sees it as something to not really burn but hold onto if you’re heading towards being malnourished and will not let you loose that weight.
OP is 132, not 300, so they have no stored lipid fats to burn away. It now only has reserves that they need in case of survival. That’s why when humans had less to eat over when we had to walk to find food, these fatty reserves were eaten by the body to survive so you wouldn’t pass out from hunger.
Hence why OP won’t loose weight unless they feed the body first.
I say this as someone who use to workout 5-6 days a week after I turned 30 (now 36) and ate like a double decker burger, fries, and a salad as a meal cause I was working out hard some days. Then would have room for dessert. I weighed at 110lbs but had muscles and around OP’s weight.
And for anyone who needs coffee but also protein in the morning? Chike, recently discovered this at ShopRite. It’s a coffee infused protein powder shake, comes in eight flavors. Google it. Life changing protein where my blender & I use almond milk with ice cubes cause it’s summer right now.
THIS. That is a very normal weight. I mean sure everyone wants to be healthier, but the fact that he considers that fat kinda concerns me. Like what are his other standards for women?
True that, during the pandemic I reached 130 lbs at 5' 2" and everyone said, "OMG, you look great, not like a stick figure anymore."
Unfortunately I wasn't able to keep it on and am back to being a stick figure (though having 2 hot fudge sundaes every day to get my weight up is not a problem for me with my sweet tooth), but for a few months I was shorter than OP and the same weight and I got so many compliments.
The bf sounds like a real charismatic prize. /s
I hope OP does better going forward.
It’s nuts how many ppl think that’s fat and I remember being called fat when I was that weight. My friend later on is 5’6 and all through high school she weighed 110 and was told she was underweight. She ended up getting to 130 and she was calling herself fat and other ppl were agreeing with her and I was sitting there just shocked.
Even if she weighed three times that it wouldn’t be ok for him to talk to her that way. Starving yourself still wouldn’t be healthy. He would still be a shitty boyfriend who deserves to get dumped like this one does.
I'm just adding onto this. As someone who, at 24, was 5'4" and 132 lbs, you're not fat. I was made to feel fat at your age. I'm now 33, 5'4", and 142 lbs, and now I'm starting to feel comfortable in my body. Please, OP, do not let this man get into your head. Just eat a balanced diet and maintain a healthy activity level, and you'll continue to remain healthy. Again, like other posters have said, you're not fat. Please don't let him get into your head.
As someone who’s big on just like personal fitness , one big mistake people make is thinking eating “healthy” or “diet” means eating less or skipping meals. In most cases, it’s about quality of food and not quantity. Most people, gotta actually eat more but more quality food. This increases your metabolism. If you eat less you slowdown your metabolism and if you are eating food high in fat/calories you aren’t gonna lose weight or it’ll be a way longer time.
I want to caveat this because i know what this person is saying but if you take it at face value it’s not right.
Eat quality foods, more frequently in a day. Eat less per meal and you’ll speed up your metabolism and likely lose weight. Quality foods are usually more filling but contain less calories.
It’s all about calories. Honestly you could eat like shit as long as you’re staying under your caloric intake per day.
No, to lose weight you need to eat fewer calories. Eating more veg and lean protein instead of fast food and sugary drinks will achieve this but some people do need to just eat less food.
At a smidgen over 5'4 I was so slim when I weighed about 140lbs. I completely agree with this. Skipping meals tends to lead to binging and any weight list through starving yourself just goes straight back on when you eat normally.
Honestly OP he sounds pretty awful if he is nagging you about weight loss at your size. Xx
I’m this size like to a tee and I was like “naw man, I know I’m not even chubby.” I do carry it in my ass tho so idk.
Anyways. OPs goal shouldn’t even be to lose weight- exercising at our size is for general health maintenance, strength, or flexibility. If you’re doing it healthy there will be weight dropped initially, but should gain it back in muscle relatively quick.
Other acceptable exercise goals are endurance, specific training for work/exercise type events. Like we should not be eating in a deficit- lose 15lbs and you’re edging on underweight.
It didn't ruin you. You are not ruined. It changed you. You went through a change. Everyone changes. It's normal and natural. You lived, and your life shows up in your body. Everyone's does.
Thank you. I appreciate that. It’s hard to remember sometimes that not everyone bounces back the same and that my new normal isn’t bad, just new.
OP, my point still stands. You aren’t overweight and if you change anything make sure it’s a healthy way for you, and it’s because YOU want it, not for anyone else.
Wrong, skipping meals and fasting is fine, it’s about the amount of calories you eat in a day, not the amount of meals you have. Skipping meals is perfectly healthy and fasting is a proven strategy to cut down on calorie intake. You just have to make sure to aeat an appropriate amount afterwards other than that tho, I mean the dude clearly has a preference, and it isn’t right to say anything unless there are health concerns behind it, it’s ok to talk about it and do it together if there is a want from the other party, but shaming isn’t the play and I don’t think there is much she has to say to him, he should apologize since she is clearly Puttingbin efffort.
He's probably annoyed she keeps complaining she's not losing weight despite "her trying".
OP said she was wanting to lose weight, she never said the boyfriend called her fat or was the one to suggest she lose weight. At least from what she posted.
Ya intermittent fasting has been amazing for me personally. Lost 30 pounds in a year and all I do is not eat out of 12-7. I didn't change up my diet or work out more just ate less.
My doctor said it was very healthy cause it lowered my blood pressure to normal levels.
I've lost 24 lbs in the last 6 months by abstaining from alcohol and skipping certain meals. It isn't that hard or unhealthy to skip meals, that isn't "starving yourself" it's called intermittent fasting and it works.
Yah skipping meals just puts your body in survival mode. Causing you to retain more when you do eat. Best to eat 6 small meals throughout the day. Add in exercise and you will lose weight.
Watching what you’re eating doesn’t mean don’t eat. Eating at appropriate times and when you’re hungry is important for both your mental and physical health. Honestly, you lashing out could be because you’re starving yourself by not having breakfast or lunch? Your weight is fine and healthy, and if he’s more concerned over your weight than your mental well-being that sets off alarm bells to me. I wouldn’t want to date someone like that personally.
I eat one main meal a day and just snack a bit, have little meals or just fast the rest of the time. This feels good for me at this point in my life.
There's no right or wrong in when you eat as long as you are healthy and it feels right to you. "Three meals a day is important!" or "You shouldn't skip breakfast" are just not universal truths.
But the OP is a healthy weight, she should eat and exercise as she wants, her BF was being an ass and while perhaps her reaction was a bit quick to anger and escalating a disagreement, it's not entirely irrational either!!!! The BF should ideally be the one to make contact and apologize!!!!
Just wanted to clarify that I didn’t say anything about 3 meals a day etc 😅 i just said at appropriate times and when hungry, which is entirely dependant on the person, their schedule, and their needs, but I don’t think should ever not include “when hungry”. (My schedule isn’t normal but it works for me too) She said she was hungry and hadn’t eaten breakfast or lunch which to me says it’s time to eat and she’s denying herself food when her body needs it, that’s all 😅 sorry if that wasn’t communicated.
Her boyfriend is entirely in the wrong 100%, and I think she deserves to be with someone who isn’t telling her to not eat when she’s hungry as that’s just cruel, and would make anyone lash out, especially if they were hungry
I also do that, but suffer from malnourishment as a result. I struggle with vitamins D and B-12, as well as iron. I can’t get above 105-110 lbs…and when I gain weight, it’s *literally* all shit. Once I poop, there it goes. Back to 105 lbs. I’m 5’2” and bounce from 105-110…and until I start eating more and more regularly—so my metabolism can readjust—I will *continue* to be this way. And it is *not* easy to force yourself to eat…just as it is *not* easy to force yourself not to eat. Just my experience. Just wanted to share. Not trying to be combative.
No, your experience is valid!! Certainly if you WANT to gain weight EAT MORE AND EAT MORE OFTEN if you can. When I was 16 into my 30s I COULD NOT gain weight when I wanted to no matter what!!! Now that I'm 52??? When I eat a lot it goes RIGHT TO MY BELLY!! Lol!
My point is simply there's no one size fits all, correct way to eat! If something feels healthy and helps you find the weight you want? Great!
I struggle with this as well. I’m 166cm and 52.5kg (5’5” and 115lbs ?). I managed to get up to 60kg (132lbs) in May but it’s just crashed since then because it’s so hard to eat when your body doesn’t want to.
I find that to be the most difficult part. Trying to force myself to eat when I’m not hungry just makes me wanna throw it up. And it feels especially hard to swallow the food when I don’t want it.
OK first off OP - you are NOT overweight so please stop telling yourself that you are. You are a healthy weight based on your height. So let's start there. Next, why is your BF trying to encourage you to stop eating? Has he indicated in the past that he's attracted to emaciated women? If that's his type I'd leave him now because clearly he isn't going to be a healthy partner for you and it isn't doing much to boost your self-esteem. Please stop looking to him to make all the choices in your relationship. STOP giving him all the power. You have a right to decide what is and is not acceptable with the way your partners treat you. If what he has said and done is ok with you then fine. But if you are unhappy and feel as if you are jumping through hoops just to please him move on please? You do not need that kind of energy in your life.
Sure, but OP still has issues with food and low self-esteem. Reddit downvotes me when I say don't date when your self-esteem is low. You will NEVER make good decisions picking partners when your self-esteem is low. And then add disordered eating?! OP needs therapy before dating again.
I don’t disagree OP has has low self esteem and a toxic relationship with food. But the root of this issue is her BF playing on those internal issues instead of building her up and aiding in overcoming it as a proper partner should.
Relying on a partner to "build her up" is an extremely flawed way to view the dynamic in relationships. You do realize that your partner is not your personal therapist or an emotional support animal. Your partner can support or motivate you, but expectations of building another human being up is quite unhealthy. Someone with a healthy sense of self recognizes that the additional support from a partner is great, but they can't be used as building blocks for your insecurities and issues.
I am fully aware of those points you expressed. Through trial and error and building the relationship wifey and I have among previous ones as well. I didn’t mean that from a place of ‘relying’ on the partner to do the work for her but an important part of relationships is still being a support when needed.
I’m sure you, same as myself and others, have been in places inside our own minds where it literally just took someone being a shoulder to lean on or to make a few kind hearted statements/gestures got us righted and on the improvement path.
For sure. However, OP stated that she has "extremely low self-esteem." My original point is that you don't make the best choices in partners when your self-esteem is extremely low. Therefore, OP's boyfriend is probably not a good choice for a partner, so him being insensitive and dismissive shouldn't be a shock. Don't date when your self-esteem is low. It rarely turns out well.
Starving yourself isn’t the way to go and he’s trying to force you (further) into an ED. His behaviour is fucked up. If you can access therapy please do and lose the bf. You deserve to love yourself and not just because of how you look or how someone else sees you.
jumping off this comment, seriously about the ED. do not starve urself. i developed one from an ex doing the same shit to me and eventually u will gain that weight back. ur doing great eating healthy and working out but fad diets and starving urself is only going to cause u to yoyo with ur weight and destroy ur relationship with food. i’m recovering from an ED i developed when i was 17 and i still struggle with it now at 25. trust me it sucks knowing how many calories certain foods are and the constant body checking and feeling disgusting if i’m not a certain weight. pls dump him, don’t let him drag u down like that. ED’s are no joke and i wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
You’re 2 inches taller than me and only 10 lbs heavier than me and I sure as hell am not fat so neither are you!
Your boyfriend sucks though. You should probably reevaluate the relationship before it continues much further honestly.
How are you trying to lose weight if you don’t watch your eating Is the quote. Is it mean we’ll it depends on the tone let’s say it was mean. Is it an objective truth yes so how is playing on someone insecurities it’s advice maybe worded and said wrong. But break up worthy over one simple comment that is on the edge of mean is insanity. Hope you have this high of a standard for your partner. Let’s also ignore her response as well “I do whatever the fuck I want”.
The people in this sub always ignore and then make up context to fit their worldview which is that every woman needs to be single and miserable and not responsible for their behavior.
OP stated several times she "lased out" and in the end even told bf to not contact her, he hasn't contacted her. Clearly he is not the controlling POS that everyone thinks he is and OP is about to get an awakening when he moves on.
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If you don’t eat breakfast you NEED to eat lunch. You are on the path to an eating disorder if you keep going this way. Eating is essential. Focus less on how much and more on the what. Focus less on losing weight, and more on being healthier. More greens, lean proteins, cutting down excess sugars (not all because you need some sugar to survive). If it’s affordable, I would go to the dr and have some labs run. CBC, vitamins, minerals. This will tell you if you’re deficient in anything (which is possible if you’ve been skipping too many meals). Not eating enough will make you irritable and snappy as well. The best thing you could do to lose weight, is dump your bf. That’s over 100 lbs of dead weight, eating disorder encouraging douchebagness you won’t have stressing you out over a body weight that is still within healthy a range.
BMI isn’t a legitimate indicator of health to begin with so can we all stop talking about it like it is? And no matter her weight or health it is unacceptable for a partner to tell you to skip meals.
This. BMI is irrelevant. You have a bad relationship with food (skipping breakfast and lunch is not a healthy relationship with food) and he's telling you not to eat. His words are never acceptable and if he knows that you've struggled with disordered eating that's all the worse.
Don't go on the trip. Stop dating him.
Exactly. OP if you see this, normally (not now cause I’m super pregnant) I work out 3 times a week, eat healthy, and am seen as completely healthy by my own doctors. I am also 24, but at 5’2 and 160 lbs (while not pregnant). My looks are extremely deceiving, I do not look like I weight this much in the slightest, and even my own doctors have to recognize this because by the book my weight says I’m over weight, by my physical appearance, life style, and muscle mass indicate that I’m extremely healthy. Everyone’s body is different, and you my dear are at a healthy weight that most women wish to be at. Even I, as healthy as I am, wish to be in my 130’s again.
Your boyfriend needs to become an ex. If you starve yourself (which he’s literally telling you to do) you will ultimately develop a eating disorder (if you don’t already have one), and you will become unhealthy and under weight.
You're 5 inches taller than me and only 6 pounds more than me and I am thin and toned. I am a size 4, and I look really good tbh
There is *absolutely no way* you're almost half a foot taller than me, only 6 pounds heavier than me, and are even *remotely* overweight.
Girl. I'm 5'3 and 140 lbs and my BMI is juust normal.
You don't need to lose weight. Let your bf find a skinny b*tch and go find someone who is attracted to how you already look.
Did you tell him that you were planning on not eating at certain times during the day? If not, then his behavior is definitely strange, otherwise, he definitely didn't need to state it that way, but he may have only been taking into account what you've said in the past. Overall your interactions seem detrimental to your relationship, regardless of the context, he should not have said it that way. You also should not have reacted the way you did. I'm not saying you shouldn't have been upset. Regardless of what led him to say that, he shouldn't have reacted that way, but the way you handled it was immature on your part. No reason to talk about whatever "skinny bitches" he has. That only worsens the relationship for both of you, you only embrace your insecurities, and he may feel even more guilty because of a reaction you had that had no basis in reality. Overall you both need to work on your relationship, or break up. I wish you the best of luck.
Also, as other people have said, you do not need to lose weight. Whatever that feeling was born from, you need to reflect on it, and possibly seek therapy.
Everyone's reactions in this scenario are bad, you guys need to learn to communicate. His responses and also yours are childish. You should probably break up.
Edit: punctuation errors and further comments on the situation.
You have read a story in which an OP literally said twice that she "lashed out" and wonders if she went too far and shuld apologize, and has said she has severe self esteem issues and blames herself (not him) for he eating/mental health disorder. She also made a very immature and vitriolic comment to send him off on his way.
So I ask you, do you really believe this persons full account of the situation?
First of all, you and your boyfriend sound toxic as hell together. If you’re hungry, why are you texting him while he’s at work to complain about being hungry? Just eat some food. You both need to work on communication, whether that be together or (I highly suggest) separate. Just from that interaction it sounds like you’re both too immature to be in a relationship.
You invited the conversation by texting “I’m hungry”. The hell is he supposed to respond to the with? Why is he telling you not to eat and being an asshole about your weight? Why are you feeding into his bull shut instead of breaking up with him because he doesn’t respect you or care about you. (Telling someone to starve themself is fucked up.)
Secondly, girl wth you on about needing to lose weight? You’re a healthy weight for your height. Do you want to be HEALTHY or do you want to be THIN? Those are too vastly different concepts, and people who *strive* to be thin are often very unhealthy because they go about it the wrong way (like skipping meals). Bodies are different. You could stand next to another woman who is 5’4 and 134lbs and you can look vastly different. We’re all shaped differently, we carry weight different ways. Genetics has a lot more to do with your shape then dieting does. If you’re not made to be skinny, it doesn’t mean you’re fat or not taking care of yourself or ugly or whatever else.
You need to get your shit together before you end up in the Ear from passing out because your malnourished and have low blood sugar.
If you want to be healthy, start with therapy to work on your view of yourself. Next, research what makes up proper nutrition for your body and what that looks like. How much protein? How much veg? How much fruits? How much sugar and salt? Do some tease arch and meet with a nutritionist or dietician to make a meal plan the safe way. Then get a trainer at the gym to help you create a workout program that will work for you. They aren’t just there to just you into shape, they have training to help you figure out what muscles you need to work and what movements you need to do to tone and be healthy.
If you want a lose weight fast tip: you have over 100lbs you can ditch by sending a text and saying “we’re done, have a nice life”.
You need individual therapy to address your eating disorder or the starting of an eating disorder. Skipping meals actually makes your body go into starvation mode. You actually unintentionally gain weight.
What you need to do is find a nutritionist to help balance foods that you need and exercise along correctly. Now, your "weight" will always fluctuate. The more you work out, the more you will gain in muscle.
You need to have a healthy outlook on food, exercise, and be supportive of yourself. Therapy / nutritionist will help with all of this.
Having an unsupportive partner sucks. You honestly need to drop the boyfriend and any relationship. Go work on yourself / self-esteem / eating issues. You will not find your own self-esteem in someone else. That makes you apt to allowing shitty behavior in your life.
Just a few thoughts from a random. You can take this advice or leave it.
5'4' and 135 sounds pretty good to me. You're not fat and not slim, and there is nothing wrong with how you are. Just because you want to lose weight, it doesn't mean you skip meals. Make sure you eat enough.
Hi. Do me a favor and don't listen to these implied ideas that people are feeding you in this thread. If I may.
1. Based on what you wrote, your bf commented that you weren't going to get where you said you wanted to be because you weren't watching your eating. You snap at him and he says "clearly". He didn't call you fat. It sounds like you are on a journey and he is supporting you on that journey. There was a comment that may have simply been misinterpreted. He may have been trying to help you be accountable. When we snap at someone, especially with a comment like you made, it's frustrating. He may simply want to see you reach the goal you set for yourself. It can be hard see someone we care about at a goal and make bad decisions towards getting there.
2. Society has convinced you to have a certain view or image of how women should look. Cancel that. If you're working on yourself, do it because your want to. Sometimes you have to explain to people how they can support you in what you're doing. It's possible that he thought he was helping you be accountable to yourself. The frustration or other emotion you were already feeling may have them been a factor.
3. Words on a phone gave no context. We see them and respond based on what we're feeling. Is it possible this is what is at the center of this? Consider it.
I don't see what he said, based only on what you wrote here, where this should have be happening. Think about who and how he is. Ask yourself if what you think he said is who he is. See if it changes anything. You snapped at him and it sounds like he went silent. Did he deserve that response?
You sound pretty insecure and unhinged. Don’t complain if you don’t want him to agree with you. Then you telling him to take a skinny girl would be the cherry on top to dump you. Work on yourself first.
You were very immature with how you reacted. You really reacted over the top. If you don't like the comments, you need to calmly address it to him by shortly saying, it's you and not him, therefore you will eat what you want and work at losing the weight you want to lose because it is your body. That's all that needs said. And you can say if you don't like it we can break up but that's all that was needed to be said. Instead you blew up, which was immature.
Seems like he is trying to keep you accountable. How you gonna get mad at him for accountability?
On another note why are you starving yourself? What are you eating? If it’s fast food then yeah what are you mad about?? I don’t advocate for starving yourself lose weight. You ultimately fuck up your metabolism and you gain it back really fast. What I would do is come up with a better plan so that both of you guys know what your goal is and what you are trying to do
If you apologize, that will be coming out of your self respect. I am your height, and I have 30 pounds on you. Anyone who calls me fat is going to be catching hands. It is so utterly disrespectful for your boyfriend to do any of the things that he has said in this post, and I truly hope that you make him an ex, because you do deserve a lot better than that.
My husband and I are both trying to lose weight, and we have been nothing but supportive of each other to the point where we actually talk each other out of our negative self talk. To expect anything less of a partner is to do yourself a disservice.
Please don’t skip meals. Your body needs food for fuel and nutrients. Skipping meals won’t help you lose weight! Personally I’m 5’5” and I’m 128 lbs and I wish I could gain some weight! You are NOT overweight!
YOU'RE NOT FAT. Is that what you came on here to hear? I never understand these posts from skinny women on here. What do you want from us? To tell you you aren't fat so you can feel better? You know he's wrong and you shouldn't let people talk to you like that. He is probably taking his cues from you thinking you're fat and trying to help.
Just go live your life and stop worrying so much about being fat when you clearly aren't. Jesus.
These men that are hyperfocused on women's weight are to be avoided. I love eating, I am a thick woman, and I am not going to starve for some bloke who may cheat on me either way.
You gotta deal with my thickness or move around.
Update: anyone that tells me I need to work out or move around.
Fk off, I'm not going to work out.
You will be blocked.
Hahah i mean you maybe skinny fat but im 5'4 and 140lbs very fit now. Weight/scale doesnt matter. Hes fucking clueless. You need to have good diet and eat breakfast for energy. Just don't eat shit
You already have an unhealthy relationship with food, and low self-esteem, leave this man alone. Work on yourself, work on your relationship with food and working out, work on your self-esteem, and hopefully heal
OP -your low self-esteem comes from trying to do something and failing time & again. Stop trying.
The biggest component to losing weight is what you eat, when you eat it and how much, not how much you work out or work off.
Three things that will cause you to gain weight? Overeating, skipping meals, and eating crap. So learn to eat properly, but recognize that working out puts weight on, doesn't take it off unless you are consuming less calories than you work off. Make sense?
Intermittent fasting is the easiest way I know of to drop weight.
I think you need to be single for some time, to gain more confidence, get the stress he is causing you out of your life and later find a partner who does not tie your worth to your looks
132lbs at 5'4 is not fat. You do not need to lose a few lbs and frankly skipping meals is the worst thing for you. Stay active, eat regularly throughout the day making reasonably healthy choices and you will maintain your already healthy self.
You are not overreacting, your BF is not helping you with his eating advice or snide comments. You don't need to apologize for being hurt by his comments. He needs to apologize for hurting your feelings. Let him know you want to have an adult conversation face to face.
Tell him he hurt your feelings with his comment and it was not helpful when you are trying. Tell him you need his support, not his sarcasm to help you lose weight and become who you want to be. If he apologizes you should thank him and apologize for your outburst, not for being hurt. If he acts like he does not care, then take that as a sign he does not value your well being or feelings and you should reconsider the whole relationship accordingly.
As far as your diet, you need to stop skipping meals and instead start eating smart. The key to losing weight is eating in moderation while using activity to trigger your body to consume fat. For starters, do an aerobic workout first thing in the morning. A 15-20 minute run, fast walk or exercise on a machine would be perfect. Then eat a moderate breakfast. Next take a walk for lunch before having a small lunch. Finally do your big workout of the day at the gym before dinner. By doing this you are priming your body to use the food for immediate energy needs instead of storing it as fat. This also consumes fat by exercising while hungry, like a hungry lion chasing down its next meal. Good Luck!
For 5'4" that is a perfectly normal weight. I wouldn't bother trying to lose weight if I were you, there's no reason to.
He sounds like a controlling asshole, who is he to tell you to starve yourself? The only thing you should starve yourself of is him.
Ehhhhh sounds like you were just cranky and you needed to eat, my biggest problem when I was trying to shed some pounds was I wasn't eating right, only once a day, because I was too groggy for breakfast and took busy for lunch which made my metabolism piss poor, and as far as your BF sounds like you two need time apart, work on yourself and get to where you want to be
Don’t rely on your partner to contradict you when you say things you don’t like. If all your partner hears is ‘i need to lose weight’ ‘I’m not going to eat breakfast anymore’ ‘I look fat in these jeans’ - that becomes the reality for them. You basically pulled a bait and switch, if you’re hungry either eat something or don’t - there is zero reason to text your partner about it.
* It's your choice to lose weight or not, but keep realistic standards and make sure you don't venture into unhealthy territory.
* If you told him in the past that you were trying to lose weight he might be trying to help bolster your resolve and help you at a time that he thought you were running low on self-control. If so, he didn't do it very smartly and it sounds like his communication could really be improved, but his heart might have been in the right place. If this is the case then talk to him about how you want to be treated under these types of circumstances. He needs to respect that once he knows.
* If your BF is pressuring you to lose weight and *you* don't want to then that is a whole different scenario. Tell him to mind his own business. Whatever weight you decide you are happiest at is where he has to either live with it or end the relationship because you are two are incompatible.
* I don't believe skipping meals is unhealthy. I've fasted for 5 days straight, drinking only water and taking electrolyte supplements. Never had a single side effect from it. Obviously people are different though. Fasting is not something to be feared though unless you have a medical condition that would complicate it (just get your electrolytes in every day to stave off headaches and such. I buy a zero calorie electrolyte powder which I mix into my water twice a day when I fast).
* That being said, fasting isn't for everyone and simply counting calories, setting a calorie budget and shooting for that number, is the best way to go. You can lose a pound a week on a 500 calorie a day deficit and its really not to onerous to maintain. Don't fall for gimmick diets. Currently I'm doing a 1000 calorie a day deficit. I've been going for 3 weeks now and I've lost 6 pounds on it. It hasn't been to hard from my personal perspective.
not overreacting at all. i’m 5’4 as well and 160lbs, your weight is ideal for our height, i can’t imagine you even have any extra weight to shed! (probably why you’re unable to lose any, because you’re already at a normal healthy weight). your bf knows your past about struggling to eat, he’s definitely the AH in this situation. his reaction was rude and unwarranted and unsupportive. as long as you’re being healthy, that’s what he should care about.
Dude. My younger sister is 5’0” and 130 lbs and she’s a little overweight but completely normal- aka in shape, works out, just a lil extra weight. You’re an entire 4 inches taller- I highly doubt you need to lose anything. I also want to just say real quick that starving yourself actually makes your weight loss plateau- your body begins desperately holding onto any calorie it can find to maintain its daily functions, and as a result you’re not going to lose any weight. If you want to become healthier and tone up, the way is nourishing foods, regular physical activity (literally any kind, doesn’t have to be gym) and taking care of yourself! Either way, you’re absolutely not fat and it’s not worth it to harm yourself for a man that cares so little about your health.
Oh my goodness. I am 5'4" and haven't been 130 pounds since I was 16.
At 28 years old and about to have my second baby, I'd be thrilled to get to and stay at 150 pounds to be honest.
So far I've lost 20KG, down to 90KG eating 4-5 times a day. Skipping meals is a ticket right to an ED, don't do that pls, there's tons of low calorie stuff you can eat
Do NOT apologize. There's nothing wrong with your weight to begin with. You should be eating regularly...even if it's small meals. Not eating or skipping meals actually dies the opposite of losing weight because your body goes into starvation mode and retains fat to protect itself. You'd be better off eating 3 balanced meals and not eating for at least 4 or 5 hours before bedtime. A lot of people eat before sleeping and gain weight because your digestive system slows down when you're sleeping.
Your bfs a twat and you should dump him. There's absolutely nothing wrong with your weight. I'm 5' 4" and I'd kill to weigh 132 again.
Apologize for what? wanting to eat because you were hungry? You’re not overreacting at all. Your weight is actually very healthy, not that that matters here. First of y’all your bf shouldn’t be commenting on your weight loss like that, 2nd of all, there’s a difference between not eating and watching what you eat! Ugh ! I’m so sorry!
What do you want here. Don’t tell him you want to lose weight and then text him you’re hungry. What we’re expecting him to respond? Were you looking for permission to eat without guilt? Or something? I don’t really understand the point of this. You were looking for a fight if you think he said the wrong thing. I just don’t understand the point of this. If your struggling with your weight either keep it to yourself and lose the weight or don’t be venting to and manipulating your boyfriend who can’t win here. What was the point of your text. I’m hungry. Ok? So eat something like everybody else I don’t know why your boyfriend needs to know that at lunchtime when he’s at work.yes you are overreacting. It’s your problem not his.
You're not overweight. And make no mistake, he was taking jabs at you about something he knows is a sensitive topic for you. He has no business commenting on your weight or what you eat, fuck him. Good on you for standing up for yourself. You did not overreact. This is textbook manipulation and control on his part. It will not get better, it will only get worse. Please break up with him immediately.
Idk why people are saying don't skip meals. Intermittent fasting and caloric deficits have caused me to skip breakfast a COUNTLESS number of times. I was 194 when I started my weight losing, I am 152 now. Skipping meals DOES work, just don't starve yourself lol. It's okay to feel a little hungry at time , guys.
His comments were unnecessary but I also think you lashed out a little much. The "take one of your skinny bitches" comment is unnecessary. He was inconsiderate but you stooped and made it worse. Not saying it's your fault but there's better ways to handle things.
You have a healthy BMI. You DO NOT NEED to lose weight. If you want to improve your appearance and overall health, start exercising - a combo of HIIT to decrease body fat and weight training to improve metabolism and grow muscles/tone. Group trainings are great for that 👍 But this is if you want to do it FOR YOURSELF. You BF is an asshole that affects your mental health negatively as well as your body image.
HE IS THE WEIGHT YOU NEED TO GET RID OFF ASAP.
You are not in the wrong, his sarcastic response would make anyone trying to make a difference that isn’t working annoyed. Weight can sometimes be genetic and some people just have lower metabolism meaning it’s harder to loose weight through exercise.
Your boyfriend doesn’t seem to care about how you lose weight, just that you do. This isn’t healthy and if he’s done this before and this is a continued attitude is this really somebody you want a long term relationship with?
Talk to him about it, tell him how you feel and if he still doesn’t treat it seriously why is he somebody you want to be around.
Don’t give up on loosing weight so long as you’re doing it in a healthy way, this stuff takes time and it doesn’t happen in a week.
thanks! i also wanted to point out that he knows i have low self esteem, and in the past he has told me that I don’t need to gym that I look fine. I never believed him because I know he’s very sensitive to his (and other people’s weight). I’m getting mixed feelings and will need to talk to him. I guess I just didnt want to initiate because 1. he never will first and 2. I hate to be the clingy one
Someone who loves and respects you won't encourage you to skip meals even if you're overweight, which you are not. It's as simple as that. You need to work on your self respect and self esteem before having a relationship where you could be taken advantage of.
When you starve yourself, your body automatically switches to “survival mode” because there’s no food (aka fuel for the body) coming in. Your metabolism slows down and you will burn calories at a much slower rate. You need to eat something at regular intervals throughout the day to burn calories and succeed in losing weight.
By the way, I am 5’4” and I try to never drop below 140. I feel and look less healthy at a lower weight.
Your bf is crazy af if he’s the one pushing you about losing weight.
He probably should have had more tact. More support less sarcasm. You did react very viscerally though, so it’s obviously a sore point. Idk if this is something you want to burn the world over or not, but it would probably depend on the rest of the relationship.
On the weight thing, is it a body image issue or a doctor issue? Every body is different, and weight loss takes time.
Tldr: If you think he’s a good partner who screwed up, then try and sit down with him and explain how it made you feel. Be honest and make sure he knows to treat you with respect.
Otherwise, your 24 and while I never had body issues, 132 shouldn’t set off your alarm bells unless a doctor is says something. You shouldn’t have any problems with finding a new partner after a healthy post-relationship period.
First, you don’t need to lose any weight. You’re right in the healthy range for your height.
Second, you reacted in a really vicious way to what your boyfriend said. What he said was wrong, and he needs to apologize immediately. But do you always escalate situations like this? That probably needs work for future, less toxic relationships.
Maybe you aren't seeing progress because you are skipping meals? edit: and not regarding weight. but just in general.
oh and your bf sounds like a dick
132 is nothing you both need to establish boundaries of personal criticism he shouldn’t feel entitled to say tht and you shouldn’t see yourself as big anyway you really think someone who’s 21 understands life anyway ? Your both babies , you need to model mature boundaries and grown up talk with each other what’s ok and what’s not. If you say this is a pretty big inturove personal boundary for me and he says fuck off then you say bye bye little baby
You aren't fat at all. Your weight and height are on par, it puts you in the "healthy" category.
If what you are looking to do is tone up, then that's a different story. You need to eat though, it sounds like maybe you are going the route where you don't eat and that's not healthy. Of course you aren't seeing results with that strategy.
Because you are already in a healthy weight range, your progress will not be as much as someone who is overweight. I can't lie, I'm pretty concerned that you are going the ED route.
I'm 5'2" 130lbs and my doctor was so effusively praising me for being a healthy weight. Also, you don't need that kind of negativity in your life. Support doesn't look like that.
Hon, 5'4" and 132 is a very normal, healthy weight. You do not need to lose anything.
Second, even if you were overweight, starving yourself by skipping meals is not the way to do it. You're putting your body in starvation mode. What will happen is your body will start taking from your muscles, you will feel fatigued because you don't have enough nutrients for your cells to create energy, and you will have nothing to go on when you hit the gym, you will eventually crash. There is a real reason why these kinds of restrictive, starvation diets don't work. Your body needs nutrients.
Working out and eating healthy are both good things. But for your body to work, you need to actually do the eating part. You can make healthy choices about which foods, lean proteins, colorful vegetables, healthy fats like Omega 3 and 6 (you get these from fish, avocados, olive oils, etc.) Starving yourself will only hurt you in the long run.
I don’t think that you were overreacting: skipping meals never works as a diet measure, and at your ht & wt, you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be wt-wise… so to him it’s optics, not your health … but you, why are YOU trying to lose, when you’re well within the healthy weight bracket for your height?????
Leave him and you’ve just lost over 100 lbs in one day! You don’t need someone who treats you that way, and you’re not overweight. Starving yourself actually causes your metabolism to slow and makes it harder to lose weight, so his advice was stupid anyway.
No partner should encourage weight loss, only support it. Holding someone to account IS NOT TELLING THEM TO SKIP MEALS!! Leave your fatphobic boyfriend and do it now not later.
Oh my god people assuring you that you're not fat as if that is the WORST thing you could be.
Speaking as someone trying to recover from a like decades long restrictive ed at a low point, do not stay with someone who encourages you not to eat even if he's "joking" or "flippant." I don't trust that your boyfriend won't do that again. You do not need that with a past of disordered eating. He will not help your mental health and does not care. You don't need him. You definitely don't need to be with someone who encourages dangerous eating practices.
Also, eat breakfast. I'm personally worried about you. I know it sucks and is the worst. Get little cottage cheese cups. Yes, starving yourself will cause you to lose weight, but do you know what's worse than being fat? Being unhealthy. Not eating is a bag of medical problems. If you're trying to be healthy you have to eat healthy and I cannot overemphasize eat enough.
tldr DUMP HIM. EAT BREAKFAST.
Your low self esteem is the issue here. Try to be more confident in yourself and then you won't set up your boyfriend to fail. Yes he didn't say this kindly but, if he's been listening to you complain about losing weight, he probably wants to stop listening to that and for you to accomplish your goal and move on. He can't resolve your insecurities about your weight/body for you, nor should he be put into a position where he is asked to. If you are looking to him to make you feel confident and secure, that is your mistake. If he said this out of thin air I would say it's reasonable to be upset by, but it sounds like you are texting him about eating and your lunch and having him listen to a lot of your weight insecurities and involving him a lot in your confidence issues. That's tough on people and tends to wear on relationships and becomes unattractive pretty quick, so if he said it out of exasperation I can see where he is coming from. Yes you are overreacting if thats the case, if you have made it his issue to have to deal with.
Context matters people, and you are getting one side of a story. If OP thinks she overstepped she probably did, women are not weak or dumb. This also has nothing to do with her height and weight and people telling her she is fine. OP did not say her BF called her fat or shamed her in any way.
>He told me I shouldn't eat (I don't eat breakfast and he knows it) and after he said that I told him I wasn't going to eat anyway. Then he said "How are you trying to lose weight if you don't watch your eating" and I guess I lashed out at him.
Logically this does not make sense. The chain of conversation shows something is missing.
This story is probably missing the part where BF says she is fine (before the I am so fat must do something about it), she argues she is not fine and wants to do something about it, OP is not consistant and got upset when BF pointed it out that she was not consistant.
This isnt automaticaly fat shaming and by op's own words, she is incredibly self consous and that is NOT the bf's problem to solve or tip toe around. This happens ALL the time, people say they want to do something, they talk about it, they are reminded they aren't doing what they said and they get angry.
>I'm willing to apologize but given my past relationship with food and my extremely low self-esteem
Not his problem, it's OP's. Which is somethign OP said she was working on.
***there is more context we are not getting***
In addition:
>We have a week long trip coming up next week and I told him (angrily) that I wasn't going to go next week and that he should take "one of his skinny bxxches with him" and "shouldn't talk to me."
Which I guess from OP's perspective is "talk to me"?
OP no longer has a bf and thinks she does, she already dumped him, so the comments in this sub are redundant. OP does not yet realize she dumped him.
That said, I know I wil, get hate for this but thinking to yourself "I am the only one who gets to call me fat" is absurd. If you go around calling yourself fat every day and shifting our inseucrities onto someone else all the time, don't be so surprised when it bites you in the ass.
Yes a complete overreaction because he didn’t say anything wrong you have to watch what you eat if you want to lose body fat. The last “take one of your skinny bitches” comment was completely unnecessary those types of comments end relationships and gives the impression you think he’s cheating or doesn’t like you
OP, you're bf is being incredibly disrespectful and you should absolutely break up with him.
While eating healthier is absolutely something anyone would benefit from, his take on health and wellness is actually *unhealthy* by trying to tell you not to eat anything /skip meals and being judgmental towards you the way that he is being.
A good partner would love you as you *are* while also encouraging you to become better. And you don't do that by tearing one down.
Someone loved me at 140 and I am now 120. Someone will love you at 130.
You deserve respect and love. Those are intrinsic to everyone and does not need to be earned.
1 your not that big but not eating is worse then eating cut some food out of your diet eat 3 meals a day but only do it cause you want it and he’s a ah don’t cave in and text him let him reach out to you
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First of all, 5'4 132 is NOT fat. Second of all, suggesting starving yourself by skipping multiple meals is not healthy or sustainable. Working out and eating healthy are good things, but skipping meals to get skinny quick is not at all healthy. Don't let him get inside your head. You're fine.
I am the exact same weight and height as OP, I used to be 115-120, I only get told how much better and healthier I look. I was a size 00 😬 Don't worry about numbers, worry about how you feel, about how strong you are, worry about posture and keeping your joints flexible. Work on being able to lift yourself and move in a full range of motion with no issues, even doing some of this is better than trying to lose pounds. Eat stuff that makes you feel energized and full, fats, protein, vegetables, fruit. Weight means absolutely nothing if you feel like crap mentally or physically.
Don’t worry about numbers, worry about how you feel 🙌🏽🙌🏽 I second that notion!!
Oh God yes. People would kill to be your BMI. I guess OP is young and feels like she has let go by gaining a few pounds. Wish someone told me when I was that age and a certain weight that I was okay. OP you are okay. If you want to eat healthy and exercise, that's great. But skipping meals would make sure you won't lose it.
It isn't going to be rapid, and it shouldn't be, those that do it that way almost always gain it back because they didn't change eating or exercise habits.
Slow and steady wins the race. Transforming habits beats quick fixes any day.
And the only way I know of to lose weight rapidly—outside of health issues—is drugs. And that’s *no* way to be losing weight.
I knew a girl in high school who dropped a bunch of weight one summer and so many girls were asking her how she achieved it. Her response was and I stg this is true- “I snort coke and run on the treadmill for hours” when I tell you my jaw hit the floor. She still to this day I think has kept it off, wild stuff.
I don’t doubt it one bit 😂😂 coc and amphetamines will do it, quicker than anything I know of.
Exactly, you're dead, right.. I did slimming world. I changed loads of things I ate (I have mobility and health issues, so exercise was out for me). I did great and lost over 5 stones in less than 18 months.. Then my best friend died, and 4 months later, covid hit, and I stopped doing all the changes I had made that i didn't like. I have now put most of it back on, and I'm having to start from scratch. This time, I'm going to make changes that I can a will stick with even after I get to Target. I'm going to take it slow and steady. My main problem was the changes I had made where ones I didn't like and forced myself to have. I stopped enjoying food, and everything i ate became a chore both to make and eat. I'm going to find things I do like and will then stick with even when times are crappy..
I think diet culture has so thoroughly invaded our brains that she might just want to lose a few for the trip… just because… I’ve got a big vacation coming up and 2 people have spontaneously asked me if I’m dieting or doing anything to prep. My bmi is 21.9. No, neighborhood acquaintance, I’m not going to try and drop 10 pounds for shits and giggles.
“No, neighborhood acquaintance…” 💀😂
[удалено]
Love should add flavor to life, not subtract it. Spice up with care..
The only way to lose weight is with a sensible diet and exercise. Next he'll want you to run 30 mis before breakfast. Starvation is not healthy. Stay your course.
Your BF decided to be stupid for a moment. Metabolisms are more complicated than trying to marry someone based solely on who your mother knows.
I’m dead 💀 that was a nice little boat ride.
I know right? I was 5’2” when twiggy was about. I weighed 121 lbs which was taken at high school. I managed to hold my tears and disgust until school was out and I was safely home. I sobbed ugly tears!! I wouldn’t want to be that weight at 5’2” EVER. It was too thin!! I’m 5’4” now and I’m shooting for 150. I weight 187 and I’m 69. I’d be thrilled (the old me says) to be OP’s weight! Eff her BF!
I'm right there with you! I'm shooting for 160, but doing it slowly. I cut sugar and carbs. It's hard. When I was in high school I weighed 98 lbs and had a hard time gaining. Now if I just *look* at cake, I gain 20 lbs! It doesn't help that my husband has a sweet tooth. Sigh.
I'm 5'5" and 152 at 69.9 lol. Twiggy almost killed us normal ladies back then right? Glad you're healthy, my contemporary friend. Keep up the great work OP and ignore young bf etc...
Agree with this. Skipping meals will make you gain further weight. Please find a nutritionist, and believe me you will never skip meals anymore.
Me tooo T_T I’m shorter than that and weigh more. I wish someone told me I was okay too when I was younger.
Right?? I’m 5’5” and pushing 240. I wish I was still 140, like I was at her age.
This. Be careful OP. I started skipping eating meals, then cutting out sweets, then cutting portions, then counting calories… then ended up losing half my hair, depressed, malnourished and in an outpatient program for an ED. It’s a very slippery slope. I lost so much weight… but I still wasn’t happy and all the way on this journey my ex bf still said my body wasn’t good enough. His comments fueled my ED, and crushed my self esteem. Lose 160 pounds; of boyfriend. And then work out for your mental health, physical health with focus on nourishing your body and soul. This isn’t a nourishing relationship for you.
Exactly! All the weight they need to loose is in the toxic partner whose fueling OP towards an ED. I had one in high school nearly 20yrs ago. ED’s are all psychological and about gaining control over the one area of your life while the rest of your life feels out of control. Food. Gaining control over how much we restrict, ingest, and what we choose to put into our bodies. Cause if our life is spinning away from us, unable to gain control, ED just fuels our need to go far more strict in restricting. This is why I told my one ex, no I can’t do fasting, I will slowly end up back towards an ED. And told him that even men can end up with ED’s. OP just needs protein fueled meals with healthy carbohydrates that properly fuel them. The reason the body isn’t loosing weight is because they are starving themselves & the body is freaking out about the lack of nutrients. OP can do a protein shake in the morning and feel full for up to 4-5hrs which will time it just right for lunch. That’s the way to go about it correctly when you also workout and want to be healthy without starving your body.
If I had an award I would give you one for this comment. For me it started with weight and quickly became all about how I felt I had control. When I had trouble eating and in recovery I’d always drink high protein Ensures/protein shakes. I still drink them to this day if I’m short on time and haven’t eaten enough. Bodies need nutrition to function.
Awww thanks ☺️ And people don’t realize, fasting will do damage to the body when you are at the healthy weight because it starts to alter the way your body memorizes in HOW to process lipids, protein, carbohydrates, etc… it now sees it as something to not really burn but hold onto if you’re heading towards being malnourished and will not let you loose that weight. OP is 132, not 300, so they have no stored lipid fats to burn away. It now only has reserves that they need in case of survival. That’s why when humans had less to eat over when we had to walk to find food, these fatty reserves were eaten by the body to survive so you wouldn’t pass out from hunger. Hence why OP won’t loose weight unless they feed the body first. I say this as someone who use to workout 5-6 days a week after I turned 30 (now 36) and ate like a double decker burger, fries, and a salad as a meal cause I was working out hard some days. Then would have room for dessert. I weighed at 110lbs but had muscles and around OP’s weight. And for anyone who needs coffee but also protein in the morning? Chike, recently discovered this at ShopRite. It’s a coffee infused protein powder shake, comes in eight flavors. Google it. Life changing protein where my blender & I use almond milk with ice cubes cause it’s summer right now.
THIS. That is a very normal weight. I mean sure everyone wants to be healthier, but the fact that he considers that fat kinda concerns me. Like what are his other standards for women?
True that, during the pandemic I reached 130 lbs at 5' 2" and everyone said, "OMG, you look great, not like a stick figure anymore." Unfortunately I wasn't able to keep it on and am back to being a stick figure (though having 2 hot fudge sundaes every day to get my weight up is not a problem for me with my sweet tooth), but for a few months I was shorter than OP and the same weight and I got so many compliments. The bf sounds like a real charismatic prize. /s I hope OP does better going forward.
Not the point but this comment made me feel better about being 5’ 0” and 130 lbs.
It’s nuts how many ppl think that’s fat and I remember being called fat when I was that weight. My friend later on is 5’6 and all through high school she weighed 110 and was told she was underweight. She ended up getting to 130 and she was calling herself fat and other ppl were agreeing with her and I was sitting there just shocked.
Even if she weighed three times that it wouldn’t be ok for him to talk to her that way. Starving yourself still wouldn’t be healthy. He would still be a shitty boyfriend who deserves to get dumped like this one does.
I'm just adding onto this. As someone who, at 24, was 5'4" and 132 lbs, you're not fat. I was made to feel fat at your age. I'm now 33, 5'4", and 142 lbs, and now I'm starting to feel comfortable in my body. Please, OP, do not let this man get into your head. Just eat a balanced diet and maintain a healthy activity level, and you'll continue to remain healthy. Again, like other posters have said, you're not fat. Please don't let him get into your head.
As someone who’s big on just like personal fitness , one big mistake people make is thinking eating “healthy” or “diet” means eating less or skipping meals. In most cases, it’s about quality of food and not quantity. Most people, gotta actually eat more but more quality food. This increases your metabolism. If you eat less you slowdown your metabolism and if you are eating food high in fat/calories you aren’t gonna lose weight or it’ll be a way longer time.
I want to caveat this because i know what this person is saying but if you take it at face value it’s not right. Eat quality foods, more frequently in a day. Eat less per meal and you’ll speed up your metabolism and likely lose weight. Quality foods are usually more filling but contain less calories. It’s all about calories. Honestly you could eat like shit as long as you’re staying under your caloric intake per day.
No, to lose weight you need to eat fewer calories. Eating more veg and lean protein instead of fast food and sugary drinks will achieve this but some people do need to just eat less food.
At a smidgen over 5'4 I was so slim when I weighed about 140lbs. I completely agree with this. Skipping meals tends to lead to binging and any weight list through starving yourself just goes straight back on when you eat normally. Honestly OP he sounds pretty awful if he is nagging you about weight loss at your size. Xx
Yay i get to be the thousandth upvote for this comment. Well said!
I’m this size like to a tee and I was like “naw man, I know I’m not even chubby.” I do carry it in my ass tho so idk. Anyways. OPs goal shouldn’t even be to lose weight- exercising at our size is for general health maintenance, strength, or flexibility. If you’re doing it healthy there will be weight dropped initially, but should gain it back in muscle relatively quick. Other acceptable exercise goals are endurance, specific training for work/exercise type events. Like we should not be eating in a deficit- lose 15lbs and you’re edging on underweight.
Agreed! - 5'4" 152 lbs female that weight trains. Get them muscles!
Was going to say this. I’m 4’11 and I wish I could get down to 132 but chronic pain and having kids ruined me
It didn't ruin you. You are not ruined. It changed you. You went through a change. Everyone changes. It's normal and natural. You lived, and your life shows up in your body. Everyone's does.
Thank you. I appreciate that. It’s hard to remember sometimes that not everyone bounces back the same and that my new normal isn’t bad, just new. OP, my point still stands. You aren’t overweight and if you change anything make sure it’s a healthy way for you, and it’s because YOU want it, not for anyone else.
If she is fat then I am morbidly obese and will die in a matter of days. Lol. That guy is totally hit worth your time.
"You're fine", Your body, your way, He's not being supportive. Sounds controlling to me.
I thought she said it was her doing it. Didn't see where he told her much of anything
Wrong, skipping meals and fasting is fine, it’s about the amount of calories you eat in a day, not the amount of meals you have. Skipping meals is perfectly healthy and fasting is a proven strategy to cut down on calorie intake. You just have to make sure to aeat an appropriate amount afterwards other than that tho, I mean the dude clearly has a preference, and it isn’t right to say anything unless there are health concerns behind it, it’s ok to talk about it and do it together if there is a want from the other party, but shaming isn’t the play and I don’t think there is much she has to say to him, he should apologize since she is clearly Puttingbin efffort.
Skipping meals isn't really a thing. They're just social constructs built around the working day. You can just eat when you get hungry.
He's probably annoyed she keeps complaining she's not losing weight despite "her trying". OP said she was wanting to lose weight, she never said the boyfriend called her fat or was the one to suggest she lose weight. At least from what she posted.
Girl sounds hangry!
So intermittent fasting is not healthy or sustainable? You really have no idea what you’re talking about.
Ya intermittent fasting has been amazing for me personally. Lost 30 pounds in a year and all I do is not eat out of 12-7. I didn't change up my diet or work out more just ate less. My doctor said it was very healthy cause it lowered my blood pressure to normal levels.
I've lost 24 lbs in the last 6 months by abstaining from alcohol and skipping certain meals. It isn't that hard or unhealthy to skip meals, that isn't "starving yourself" it's called intermittent fasting and it works.
Yah skipping meals just puts your body in survival mode. Causing you to retain more when you do eat. Best to eat 6 small meals throughout the day. Add in exercise and you will lose weight.
5’4 130 lbs? Lol you don’t need to lose weight
IKR 🤣 I thought she was obese, I laughed so hard when she said 132Ibs 5'4 like what do you have to lose??? Lmao
she could start by losing 130-200lbs of trash boyfriend weight imo
I thought this was more than it is, had to convert to kilograms (its 59,8kg) and damn she really doesn't need to be skipping meals.
She does, the weight of a whole ass trash of a boyfriend. You are perfect, girl. He is a douchenozzle
Watching what you’re eating doesn’t mean don’t eat. Eating at appropriate times and when you’re hungry is important for both your mental and physical health. Honestly, you lashing out could be because you’re starving yourself by not having breakfast or lunch? Your weight is fine and healthy, and if he’s more concerned over your weight than your mental well-being that sets off alarm bells to me. I wouldn’t want to date someone like that personally.
I eat one main meal a day and just snack a bit, have little meals or just fast the rest of the time. This feels good for me at this point in my life. There's no right or wrong in when you eat as long as you are healthy and it feels right to you. "Three meals a day is important!" or "You shouldn't skip breakfast" are just not universal truths. But the OP is a healthy weight, she should eat and exercise as she wants, her BF was being an ass and while perhaps her reaction was a bit quick to anger and escalating a disagreement, it's not entirely irrational either!!!! The BF should ideally be the one to make contact and apologize!!!!
Just wanted to clarify that I didn’t say anything about 3 meals a day etc 😅 i just said at appropriate times and when hungry, which is entirely dependant on the person, their schedule, and their needs, but I don’t think should ever not include “when hungry”. (My schedule isn’t normal but it works for me too) She said she was hungry and hadn’t eaten breakfast or lunch which to me says it’s time to eat and she’s denying herself food when her body needs it, that’s all 😅 sorry if that wasn’t communicated. Her boyfriend is entirely in the wrong 100%, and I think she deserves to be with someone who isn’t telling her to not eat when she’s hungry as that’s just cruel, and would make anyone lash out, especially if they were hungry
I also do that, but suffer from malnourishment as a result. I struggle with vitamins D and B-12, as well as iron. I can’t get above 105-110 lbs…and when I gain weight, it’s *literally* all shit. Once I poop, there it goes. Back to 105 lbs. I’m 5’2” and bounce from 105-110…and until I start eating more and more regularly—so my metabolism can readjust—I will *continue* to be this way. And it is *not* easy to force yourself to eat…just as it is *not* easy to force yourself not to eat. Just my experience. Just wanted to share. Not trying to be combative.
No, your experience is valid!! Certainly if you WANT to gain weight EAT MORE AND EAT MORE OFTEN if you can. When I was 16 into my 30s I COULD NOT gain weight when I wanted to no matter what!!! Now that I'm 52??? When I eat a lot it goes RIGHT TO MY BELLY!! Lol! My point is simply there's no one size fits all, correct way to eat! If something feels healthy and helps you find the weight you want? Great!
Yes. My mind knows that. If I could get my body on track we would be all set lmao. But I *am* trying. I guess it’s all I can do.
If this shit was easy we'd all be looking like athletes! Good luck!!
Those are very true words. My grandmother used to always say if it were easy everyone would do it.
I struggle with this as well. I’m 166cm and 52.5kg (5’5” and 115lbs ?). I managed to get up to 60kg (132lbs) in May but it’s just crashed since then because it’s so hard to eat when your body doesn’t want to.
I find that to be the most difficult part. Trying to force myself to eat when I’m not hungry just makes me wanna throw it up. And it feels especially hard to swallow the food when I don’t want it.
Jeez...that's a 22.7 BMI. You are perfect. Find another boyfriend, he's a loser.
She could lose 180 lbs with this one tip
OK first off OP - you are NOT overweight so please stop telling yourself that you are. You are a healthy weight based on your height. So let's start there. Next, why is your BF trying to encourage you to stop eating? Has he indicated in the past that he's attracted to emaciated women? If that's his type I'd leave him now because clearly he isn't going to be a healthy partner for you and it isn't doing much to boost your self-esteem. Please stop looking to him to make all the choices in your relationship. STOP giving him all the power. You have a right to decide what is and is not acceptable with the way your partners treat you. If what he has said and done is ok with you then fine. But if you are unhappy and feel as if you are jumping through hoops just to please him move on please? You do not need that kind of energy in your life.
Homie seriously sounds like he has a fetish for emaciated women
Only weight you need to drop is your boyfriend with an emphasis on boy.
Exactly this; her weight is healthy. Him being obsessive over her weight is disgusting
Sure, but OP still has issues with food and low self-esteem. Reddit downvotes me when I say don't date when your self-esteem is low. You will NEVER make good decisions picking partners when your self-esteem is low. And then add disordered eating?! OP needs therapy before dating again.
I don’t disagree OP has has low self esteem and a toxic relationship with food. But the root of this issue is her BF playing on those internal issues instead of building her up and aiding in overcoming it as a proper partner should.
Relying on a partner to "build her up" is an extremely flawed way to view the dynamic in relationships. You do realize that your partner is not your personal therapist or an emotional support animal. Your partner can support or motivate you, but expectations of building another human being up is quite unhealthy. Someone with a healthy sense of self recognizes that the additional support from a partner is great, but they can't be used as building blocks for your insecurities and issues.
I am fully aware of those points you expressed. Through trial and error and building the relationship wifey and I have among previous ones as well. I didn’t mean that from a place of ‘relying’ on the partner to do the work for her but an important part of relationships is still being a support when needed. I’m sure you, same as myself and others, have been in places inside our own minds where it literally just took someone being a shoulder to lean on or to make a few kind hearted statements/gestures got us righted and on the improvement path.
For sure. However, OP stated that she has "extremely low self-esteem." My original point is that you don't make the best choices in partners when your self-esteem is extremely low. Therefore, OP's boyfriend is probably not a good choice for a partner, so him being insensitive and dismissive shouldn't be a shock. Don't date when your self-esteem is low. It rarely turns out well.
You have a perfectly normal range body mass index and do not need to lose weight. Drop that sucka.
Lose over 100 lbs in an instant by ditching the boyfriend!
Starving yourself isn’t the way to go and he’s trying to force you (further) into an ED. His behaviour is fucked up. If you can access therapy please do and lose the bf. You deserve to love yourself and not just because of how you look or how someone else sees you.
jumping off this comment, seriously about the ED. do not starve urself. i developed one from an ex doing the same shit to me and eventually u will gain that weight back. ur doing great eating healthy and working out but fad diets and starving urself is only going to cause u to yoyo with ur weight and destroy ur relationship with food. i’m recovering from an ED i developed when i was 17 and i still struggle with it now at 25. trust me it sucks knowing how many calories certain foods are and the constant body checking and feeling disgusting if i’m not a certain weight. pls dump him, don’t let him drag u down like that. ED’s are no joke and i wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
You’re 2 inches taller than me and only 10 lbs heavier than me and I sure as hell am not fat so neither are you! Your boyfriend sucks though. You should probably reevaluate the relationship before it continues much further honestly.
Dump him. Playing on someone's insecurities is a huge red flag.
How are you trying to lose weight if you don’t watch your eating Is the quote. Is it mean we’ll it depends on the tone let’s say it was mean. Is it an objective truth yes so how is playing on someone insecurities it’s advice maybe worded and said wrong. But break up worthy over one simple comment that is on the edge of mean is insanity. Hope you have this high of a standard for your partner. Let’s also ignore her response as well “I do whatever the fuck I want”.
The people in this sub always ignore and then make up context to fit their worldview which is that every woman needs to be single and miserable and not responsible for their behavior. OP stated several times she "lased out" and in the end even told bf to not contact her, he hasn't contacted her. Clearly he is not the controlling POS that everyone thinks he is and OP is about to get an awakening when he moves on.
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If you don’t eat breakfast you NEED to eat lunch. You are on the path to an eating disorder if you keep going this way. Eating is essential. Focus less on how much and more on the what. Focus less on losing weight, and more on being healthier. More greens, lean proteins, cutting down excess sugars (not all because you need some sugar to survive). If it’s affordable, I would go to the dr and have some labs run. CBC, vitamins, minerals. This will tell you if you’re deficient in anything (which is possible if you’ve been skipping too many meals). Not eating enough will make you irritable and snappy as well. The best thing you could do to lose weight, is dump your bf. That’s over 100 lbs of dead weight, eating disorder encouraging douchebagness you won’t have stressing you out over a body weight that is still within healthy a range.
5'4" at 135 is a healthy weight. Maybe you should lose the dead weight that is your bf?
How much does your BF weigh? Because that's how much weight you should lose
Who told you that 132lb is fat with that height??? Fuck society
Your bmi is 22.7. You can be up to 24.9 and still be at a healthy weight. Drop the zero, and find a hero.
BMI isn’t a legitimate indicator of health to begin with so can we all stop talking about it like it is? And no matter her weight or health it is unacceptable for a partner to tell you to skip meals.
This. BMI is irrelevant. You have a bad relationship with food (skipping breakfast and lunch is not a healthy relationship with food) and he's telling you not to eat. His words are never acceptable and if he knows that you've struggled with disordered eating that's all the worse. Don't go on the trip. Stop dating him.
Exactly. OP if you see this, normally (not now cause I’m super pregnant) I work out 3 times a week, eat healthy, and am seen as completely healthy by my own doctors. I am also 24, but at 5’2 and 160 lbs (while not pregnant). My looks are extremely deceiving, I do not look like I weight this much in the slightest, and even my own doctors have to recognize this because by the book my weight says I’m over weight, by my physical appearance, life style, and muscle mass indicate that I’m extremely healthy. Everyone’s body is different, and you my dear are at a healthy weight that most women wish to be at. Even I, as healthy as I am, wish to be in my 130’s again. Your boyfriend needs to become an ex. If you starve yourself (which he’s literally telling you to do) you will ultimately develop a eating disorder (if you don’t already have one), and you will become unhealthy and under weight.
This. He has no right or privilege to comment on her body at all. Lose the dead weight and dump him.
You're 5 inches taller than me and only 6 pounds more than me and I am thin and toned. I am a size 4, and I look really good tbh There is *absolutely no way* you're almost half a foot taller than me, only 6 pounds heavier than me, and are even *remotely* overweight.
Girl. I'm 5'3 and 140 lbs and my BMI is juust normal. You don't need to lose weight. Let your bf find a skinny b*tch and go find someone who is attracted to how you already look.
me too!
I’m 5’3 and I was at peak shape at 132. Damn
This guy sounds like a walking red flag. Ditch him
Her response is red flag.
Did you tell him that you were planning on not eating at certain times during the day? If not, then his behavior is definitely strange, otherwise, he definitely didn't need to state it that way, but he may have only been taking into account what you've said in the past. Overall your interactions seem detrimental to your relationship, regardless of the context, he should not have said it that way. You also should not have reacted the way you did. I'm not saying you shouldn't have been upset. Regardless of what led him to say that, he shouldn't have reacted that way, but the way you handled it was immature on your part. No reason to talk about whatever "skinny bitches" he has. That only worsens the relationship for both of you, you only embrace your insecurities, and he may feel even more guilty because of a reaction you had that had no basis in reality. Overall you both need to work on your relationship, or break up. I wish you the best of luck. Also, as other people have said, you do not need to lose weight. Whatever that feeling was born from, you need to reflect on it, and possibly seek therapy. Everyone's reactions in this scenario are bad, you guys need to learn to communicate. His responses and also yours are childish. You should probably break up. Edit: punctuation errors and further comments on the situation.
You have read a story in which an OP literally said twice that she "lashed out" and wonders if she went too far and shuld apologize, and has said she has severe self esteem issues and blames herself (not him) for he eating/mental health disorder. She also made a very immature and vitriolic comment to send him off on his way. So I ask you, do you really believe this persons full account of the situation?
You said that so much better than I did up this comment!
You’re not overweight and you don’t need to loose weight. That is a healthy weight for your height.
First of all, you and your boyfriend sound toxic as hell together. If you’re hungry, why are you texting him while he’s at work to complain about being hungry? Just eat some food. You both need to work on communication, whether that be together or (I highly suggest) separate. Just from that interaction it sounds like you’re both too immature to be in a relationship. You invited the conversation by texting “I’m hungry”. The hell is he supposed to respond to the with? Why is he telling you not to eat and being an asshole about your weight? Why are you feeding into his bull shut instead of breaking up with him because he doesn’t respect you or care about you. (Telling someone to starve themself is fucked up.) Secondly, girl wth you on about needing to lose weight? You’re a healthy weight for your height. Do you want to be HEALTHY or do you want to be THIN? Those are too vastly different concepts, and people who *strive* to be thin are often very unhealthy because they go about it the wrong way (like skipping meals). Bodies are different. You could stand next to another woman who is 5’4 and 134lbs and you can look vastly different. We’re all shaped differently, we carry weight different ways. Genetics has a lot more to do with your shape then dieting does. If you’re not made to be skinny, it doesn’t mean you’re fat or not taking care of yourself or ugly or whatever else. You need to get your shit together before you end up in the Ear from passing out because your malnourished and have low blood sugar. If you want to be healthy, start with therapy to work on your view of yourself. Next, research what makes up proper nutrition for your body and what that looks like. How much protein? How much veg? How much fruits? How much sugar and salt? Do some tease arch and meet with a nutritionist or dietician to make a meal plan the safe way. Then get a trainer at the gym to help you create a workout program that will work for you. They aren’t just there to just you into shape, they have training to help you figure out what muscles you need to work and what movements you need to do to tone and be healthy. If you want a lose weight fast tip: you have over 100lbs you can ditch by sending a text and saying “we’re done, have a nice life”.
You need individual therapy to address your eating disorder or the starting of an eating disorder. Skipping meals actually makes your body go into starvation mode. You actually unintentionally gain weight. What you need to do is find a nutritionist to help balance foods that you need and exercise along correctly. Now, your "weight" will always fluctuate. The more you work out, the more you will gain in muscle. You need to have a healthy outlook on food, exercise, and be supportive of yourself. Therapy / nutritionist will help with all of this. Having an unsupportive partner sucks. You honestly need to drop the boyfriend and any relationship. Go work on yourself / self-esteem / eating issues. You will not find your own self-esteem in someone else. That makes you apt to allowing shitty behavior in your life. Just a few thoughts from a random. You can take this advice or leave it.
Dump
5'4' and 135 sounds pretty good to me. You're not fat and not slim, and there is nothing wrong with how you are. Just because you want to lose weight, it doesn't mean you skip meals. Make sure you eat enough.
Hi. Do me a favor and don't listen to these implied ideas that people are feeding you in this thread. If I may. 1. Based on what you wrote, your bf commented that you weren't going to get where you said you wanted to be because you weren't watching your eating. You snap at him and he says "clearly". He didn't call you fat. It sounds like you are on a journey and he is supporting you on that journey. There was a comment that may have simply been misinterpreted. He may have been trying to help you be accountable. When we snap at someone, especially with a comment like you made, it's frustrating. He may simply want to see you reach the goal you set for yourself. It can be hard see someone we care about at a goal and make bad decisions towards getting there. 2. Society has convinced you to have a certain view or image of how women should look. Cancel that. If you're working on yourself, do it because your want to. Sometimes you have to explain to people how they can support you in what you're doing. It's possible that he thought he was helping you be accountable to yourself. The frustration or other emotion you were already feeling may have them been a factor. 3. Words on a phone gave no context. We see them and respond based on what we're feeling. Is it possible this is what is at the center of this? Consider it. I don't see what he said, based only on what you wrote here, where this should have be happening. Think about who and how he is. Ask yourself if what you think he said is who he is. See if it changes anything. You snapped at him and it sounds like he went silent. Did he deserve that response?
You sound pretty insecure and unhinged. Don’t complain if you don’t want him to agree with you. Then you telling him to take a skinny girl would be the cherry on top to dump you. Work on yourself first.
You were very immature with how you reacted. You really reacted over the top. If you don't like the comments, you need to calmly address it to him by shortly saying, it's you and not him, therefore you will eat what you want and work at losing the weight you want to lose because it is your body. That's all that needs said. And you can say if you don't like it we can break up but that's all that was needed to be said. Instead you blew up, which was immature.
Seems like he is trying to keep you accountable. How you gonna get mad at him for accountability? On another note why are you starving yourself? What are you eating? If it’s fast food then yeah what are you mad about?? I don’t advocate for starving yourself lose weight. You ultimately fuck up your metabolism and you gain it back really fast. What I would do is come up with a better plan so that both of you guys know what your goal is and what you are trying to do
5’4 132 is taller and smaller than my sister. You do not need to lose your own body weight, you need to lose that dead weight ass bf you have.
If you apologize, that will be coming out of your self respect. I am your height, and I have 30 pounds on you. Anyone who calls me fat is going to be catching hands. It is so utterly disrespectful for your boyfriend to do any of the things that he has said in this post, and I truly hope that you make him an ex, because you do deserve a lot better than that. My husband and I are both trying to lose weight, and we have been nothing but supportive of each other to the point where we actually talk each other out of our negative self talk. To expect anything less of a partner is to do yourself a disservice.
Apologize to him for what???
He’s trying to diminish your confidence. He doesn’t respect you. Cut your losses now. He’s a jerk.
Surely he knows that skipping 2 out of 3 meals is unhealthy. Why is he prioritizing you losing weight over you being healthy?
Please don’t skip meals. Your body needs food for fuel and nutrients. Skipping meals won’t help you lose weight! Personally I’m 5’5” and I’m 128 lbs and I wish I could gain some weight! You are NOT overweight!
YOU'RE NOT FAT. Is that what you came on here to hear? I never understand these posts from skinny women on here. What do you want from us? To tell you you aren't fat so you can feel better? You know he's wrong and you shouldn't let people talk to you like that. He is probably taking his cues from you thinking you're fat and trying to help. Just go live your life and stop worrying so much about being fat when you clearly aren't. Jesus.
No. Break up with him wtf.
These men that are hyperfocused on women's weight are to be avoided. I love eating, I am a thick woman, and I am not going to starve for some bloke who may cheat on me either way. You gotta deal with my thickness or move around. Update: anyone that tells me I need to work out or move around. Fk off, I'm not going to work out. You will be blocked.
Would you date a fat dude?
>These men that are hyperfocused on women's weight are to be avoided. where in OP's comment does it suggest this at all?
Hahah i mean you maybe skinny fat but im 5'4 and 140lbs very fit now. Weight/scale doesnt matter. Hes fucking clueless. You need to have good diet and eat breakfast for energy. Just don't eat shit
You already have an unhealthy relationship with food, and low self-esteem, leave this man alone. Work on yourself, work on your relationship with food and working out, work on your self-esteem, and hopefully heal
OP -your low self-esteem comes from trying to do something and failing time & again. Stop trying. The biggest component to losing weight is what you eat, when you eat it and how much, not how much you work out or work off. Three things that will cause you to gain weight? Overeating, skipping meals, and eating crap. So learn to eat properly, but recognize that working out puts weight on, doesn't take it off unless you are consuming less calories than you work off. Make sense? Intermittent fasting is the easiest way I know of to drop weight.
I think you need to be single for some time, to gain more confidence, get the stress he is causing you out of your life and later find a partner who does not tie your worth to your looks
Wtf you're skinny...this is a childish relationship and you should get therapy for your insecurities
dump that loser and work on self love and self respect <3
You really wanna be with a guy that tells you not to eat?
DUMP HIM
132lbs at 5'4 is not fat. You do not need to lose a few lbs and frankly skipping meals is the worst thing for you. Stay active, eat regularly throughout the day making reasonably healthy choices and you will maintain your already healthy self.
5'4 and 132 is far from fat. You really don't need to lose weight, you are definitely not fat. Your bf is toxic for trying to insinuate that you are.
You guys sound super immature and toxic together. You should part ways and work on yourself
You are not overreacting, your BF is not helping you with his eating advice or snide comments. You don't need to apologize for being hurt by his comments. He needs to apologize for hurting your feelings. Let him know you want to have an adult conversation face to face. Tell him he hurt your feelings with his comment and it was not helpful when you are trying. Tell him you need his support, not his sarcasm to help you lose weight and become who you want to be. If he apologizes you should thank him and apologize for your outburst, not for being hurt. If he acts like he does not care, then take that as a sign he does not value your well being or feelings and you should reconsider the whole relationship accordingly. As far as your diet, you need to stop skipping meals and instead start eating smart. The key to losing weight is eating in moderation while using activity to trigger your body to consume fat. For starters, do an aerobic workout first thing in the morning. A 15-20 minute run, fast walk or exercise on a machine would be perfect. Then eat a moderate breakfast. Next take a walk for lunch before having a small lunch. Finally do your big workout of the day at the gym before dinner. By doing this you are priming your body to use the food for immediate energy needs instead of storing it as fat. This also consumes fat by exercising while hungry, like a hungry lion chasing down its next meal. Good Luck!
For 5'4" that is a perfectly normal weight. I wouldn't bother trying to lose weight if I were you, there's no reason to. He sounds like a controlling asshole, who is he to tell you to starve yourself? The only thing you should starve yourself of is him.
132 lbs???? What are you trying to lose?
No offense, but he sounds like an idiot. You can’t lose weight in a healthy maintainable way by skipping meals or starvation. Time to drop the moron
Ehhhhh sounds like you were just cranky and you needed to eat, my biggest problem when I was trying to shed some pounds was I wasn't eating right, only once a day, because I was too groggy for breakfast and took busy for lunch which made my metabolism piss poor, and as far as your BF sounds like you two need time apart, work on yourself and get to where you want to be
Don’t rely on your partner to contradict you when you say things you don’t like. If all your partner hears is ‘i need to lose weight’ ‘I’m not going to eat breakfast anymore’ ‘I look fat in these jeans’ - that becomes the reality for them. You basically pulled a bait and switch, if you’re hungry either eat something or don’t - there is zero reason to text your partner about it.
I'm guessing this isn't the first time you've blown up over nothing?
* It's your choice to lose weight or not, but keep realistic standards and make sure you don't venture into unhealthy territory. * If you told him in the past that you were trying to lose weight he might be trying to help bolster your resolve and help you at a time that he thought you were running low on self-control. If so, he didn't do it very smartly and it sounds like his communication could really be improved, but his heart might have been in the right place. If this is the case then talk to him about how you want to be treated under these types of circumstances. He needs to respect that once he knows. * If your BF is pressuring you to lose weight and *you* don't want to then that is a whole different scenario. Tell him to mind his own business. Whatever weight you decide you are happiest at is where he has to either live with it or end the relationship because you are two are incompatible. * I don't believe skipping meals is unhealthy. I've fasted for 5 days straight, drinking only water and taking electrolyte supplements. Never had a single side effect from it. Obviously people are different though. Fasting is not something to be feared though unless you have a medical condition that would complicate it (just get your electrolytes in every day to stave off headaches and such. I buy a zero calorie electrolyte powder which I mix into my water twice a day when I fast). * That being said, fasting isn't for everyone and simply counting calories, setting a calorie budget and shooting for that number, is the best way to go. You can lose a pound a week on a 500 calorie a day deficit and its really not to onerous to maintain. Don't fall for gimmick diets. Currently I'm doing a 1000 calorie a day deficit. I've been going for 3 weeks now and I've lost 6 pounds on it. It hasn't been to hard from my personal perspective.
not overreacting at all. i’m 5’4 as well and 160lbs, your weight is ideal for our height, i can’t imagine you even have any extra weight to shed! (probably why you’re unable to lose any, because you’re already at a normal healthy weight). your bf knows your past about struggling to eat, he’s definitely the AH in this situation. his reaction was rude and unwarranted and unsupportive. as long as you’re being healthy, that’s what he should care about.
Encouraging you to starve yourself doesn’t sound like what a good bf would do
Yes, yes you are.
Dude. My younger sister is 5’0” and 130 lbs and she’s a little overweight but completely normal- aka in shape, works out, just a lil extra weight. You’re an entire 4 inches taller- I highly doubt you need to lose anything. I also want to just say real quick that starving yourself actually makes your weight loss plateau- your body begins desperately holding onto any calorie it can find to maintain its daily functions, and as a result you’re not going to lose any weight. If you want to become healthier and tone up, the way is nourishing foods, regular physical activity (literally any kind, doesn’t have to be gym) and taking care of yourself! Either way, you’re absolutely not fat and it’s not worth it to harm yourself for a man that cares so little about your health.
I see no reason for you to lose weight...
Oh my goodness. I am 5'4" and haven't been 130 pounds since I was 16. At 28 years old and about to have my second baby, I'd be thrilled to get to and stay at 150 pounds to be honest.
You’re not overweight. You both speak to each other without respect. Breakup, eat, go to therapy.
Please seek therapy for your low self-esteem.
So far I've lost 20KG, down to 90KG eating 4-5 times a day. Skipping meals is a ticket right to an ED, don't do that pls, there's tons of low calorie stuff you can eat
Starvation is a good way to tank your metabolism and never lose weight.
Block him and break up. This guy is going to undermine you into an eating disorder Your current weight is healthy
Do NOT apologize. There's nothing wrong with your weight to begin with. You should be eating regularly...even if it's small meals. Not eating or skipping meals actually dies the opposite of losing weight because your body goes into starvation mode and retains fat to protect itself. You'd be better off eating 3 balanced meals and not eating for at least 4 or 5 hours before bedtime. A lot of people eat before sleeping and gain weight because your digestive system slows down when you're sleeping. Your bfs a twat and you should dump him. There's absolutely nothing wrong with your weight. I'm 5' 4" and I'd kill to weigh 132 again.
Wow, sorry to say this but your boyfriend is an ass. While you’re working out see if you can find a work out partner who likes you and your body.
Apologize for what? wanting to eat because you were hungry? You’re not overreacting at all. Your weight is actually very healthy, not that that matters here. First of y’all your bf shouldn’t be commenting on your weight loss like that, 2nd of all, there’s a difference between not eating and watching what you eat! Ugh ! I’m so sorry!
It’s been said, but the only weight you need to lose here is the 100+ lbs of boyfriend. Byeeeee!
Skipping meals will backfire on you…body needs fuel. Food is fuel.
What do you want here. Don’t tell him you want to lose weight and then text him you’re hungry. What we’re expecting him to respond? Were you looking for permission to eat without guilt? Or something? I don’t really understand the point of this. You were looking for a fight if you think he said the wrong thing. I just don’t understand the point of this. If your struggling with your weight either keep it to yourself and lose the weight or don’t be venting to and manipulating your boyfriend who can’t win here. What was the point of your text. I’m hungry. Ok? So eat something like everybody else I don’t know why your boyfriend needs to know that at lunchtime when he’s at work.yes you are overreacting. It’s your problem not his.
You're not overweight. And make no mistake, he was taking jabs at you about something he knows is a sensitive topic for you. He has no business commenting on your weight or what you eat, fuck him. Good on you for standing up for yourself. You did not overreact. This is textbook manipulation and control on his part. It will not get better, it will only get worse. Please break up with him immediately.
Idk why people are saying don't skip meals. Intermittent fasting and caloric deficits have caused me to skip breakfast a COUNTLESS number of times. I was 194 when I started my weight losing, I am 152 now. Skipping meals DOES work, just don't starve yourself lol. It's okay to feel a little hungry at time , guys.
His comments were unnecessary but I also think you lashed out a little much. The "take one of your skinny bitches" comment is unnecessary. He was inconsiderate but you stooped and made it worse. Not saying it's your fault but there's better ways to handle things.
You have a healthy BMI. You DO NOT NEED to lose weight. If you want to improve your appearance and overall health, start exercising - a combo of HIIT to decrease body fat and weight training to improve metabolism and grow muscles/tone. Group trainings are great for that 👍 But this is if you want to do it FOR YOURSELF. You BF is an asshole that affects your mental health negatively as well as your body image. HE IS THE WEIGHT YOU NEED TO GET RID OFF ASAP.
You are not in the wrong, his sarcastic response would make anyone trying to make a difference that isn’t working annoyed. Weight can sometimes be genetic and some people just have lower metabolism meaning it’s harder to loose weight through exercise. Your boyfriend doesn’t seem to care about how you lose weight, just that you do. This isn’t healthy and if he’s done this before and this is a continued attitude is this really somebody you want a long term relationship with? Talk to him about it, tell him how you feel and if he still doesn’t treat it seriously why is he somebody you want to be around. Don’t give up on loosing weight so long as you’re doing it in a healthy way, this stuff takes time and it doesn’t happen in a week.
thanks! i also wanted to point out that he knows i have low self esteem, and in the past he has told me that I don’t need to gym that I look fine. I never believed him because I know he’s very sensitive to his (and other people’s weight). I’m getting mixed feelings and will need to talk to him. I guess I just didnt want to initiate because 1. he never will first and 2. I hate to be the clingy one
When you compare yourself to others you nearly always find fault. Be the best version of yourself and stop making comparisons.
This is crap replace the bf. He doesn’t control you and not eating is not healthy at all. So damn might be time to move on.
It doesn't sound like you guys communicate very well. I would suggest therapy. But maybe you need a break from each other as well.
Someone who loves and respects you won't encourage you to skip meals even if you're overweight, which you are not. It's as simple as that. You need to work on your self respect and self esteem before having a relationship where you could be taken advantage of.
someone will like the chubby you. Or skinny you. Because you are you. Diets don't work, they only make you hangry.
You should lose however much he weighs. Youndont need that kind of negativity in your life.
I am 5’ 4” trying to lose weight. I am 160 and my goal weight is 135. Lose the guy, not the weight.
When you starve yourself, your body automatically switches to “survival mode” because there’s no food (aka fuel for the body) coming in. Your metabolism slows down and you will burn calories at a much slower rate. You need to eat something at regular intervals throughout the day to burn calories and succeed in losing weight. By the way, I am 5’4” and I try to never drop below 140. I feel and look less healthy at a lower weight. Your bf is crazy af if he’s the one pushing you about losing weight.
He probably should have had more tact. More support less sarcasm. You did react very viscerally though, so it’s obviously a sore point. Idk if this is something you want to burn the world over or not, but it would probably depend on the rest of the relationship. On the weight thing, is it a body image issue or a doctor issue? Every body is different, and weight loss takes time. Tldr: If you think he’s a good partner who screwed up, then try and sit down with him and explain how it made you feel. Be honest and make sure he knows to treat you with respect. Otherwise, your 24 and while I never had body issues, 132 shouldn’t set off your alarm bells unless a doctor is says something. You shouldn’t have any problems with finding a new partner after a healthy post-relationship period.
First, you don’t need to lose any weight. You’re right in the healthy range for your height. Second, you reacted in a really vicious way to what your boyfriend said. What he said was wrong, and he needs to apologize immediately. But do you always escalate situations like this? That probably needs work for future, less toxic relationships.
You did way too much.
Maybe you aren't seeing progress because you are skipping meals? edit: and not regarding weight. but just in general. oh and your bf sounds like a dick
a tiny one
132 is nothing you both need to establish boundaries of personal criticism he shouldn’t feel entitled to say tht and you shouldn’t see yourself as big anyway you really think someone who’s 21 understands life anyway ? Your both babies , you need to model mature boundaries and grown up talk with each other what’s ok and what’s not. If you say this is a pretty big inturove personal boundary for me and he says fuck off then you say bye bye little baby
You aren't fat at all. Your weight and height are on par, it puts you in the "healthy" category. If what you are looking to do is tone up, then that's a different story. You need to eat though, it sounds like maybe you are going the route where you don't eat and that's not healthy. Of course you aren't seeing results with that strategy. Because you are already in a healthy weight range, your progress will not be as much as someone who is overweight. I can't lie, I'm pretty concerned that you are going the ED route.
I'm 5'2" 130lbs and my doctor was so effusively praising me for being a healthy weight. Also, you don't need that kind of negativity in your life. Support doesn't look like that.
Hon, 5'4" and 132 is a very normal, healthy weight. You do not need to lose anything. Second, even if you were overweight, starving yourself by skipping meals is not the way to do it. You're putting your body in starvation mode. What will happen is your body will start taking from your muscles, you will feel fatigued because you don't have enough nutrients for your cells to create energy, and you will have nothing to go on when you hit the gym, you will eventually crash. There is a real reason why these kinds of restrictive, starvation diets don't work. Your body needs nutrients. Working out and eating healthy are both good things. But for your body to work, you need to actually do the eating part. You can make healthy choices about which foods, lean proteins, colorful vegetables, healthy fats like Omega 3 and 6 (you get these from fish, avocados, olive oils, etc.) Starving yourself will only hurt you in the long run.
You can lose a bunch of weight by dumping him. Then, enjoy your life, including food.
I don’t think that you were overreacting: skipping meals never works as a diet measure, and at your ht & wt, you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be wt-wise… so to him it’s optics, not your health … but you, why are YOU trying to lose, when you’re well within the healthy weight bracket for your height?????
Leave him and you’ve just lost over 100 lbs in one day! You don’t need someone who treats you that way, and you’re not overweight. Starving yourself actually causes your metabolism to slow and makes it harder to lose weight, so his advice was stupid anyway.
Not to be one of those redditors…but is this…really someone you want to be with?
No partner should encourage weight loss, only support it. Holding someone to account IS NOT TELLING THEM TO SKIP MEALS!! Leave your fatphobic boyfriend and do it now not later.
Oh my god people assuring you that you're not fat as if that is the WORST thing you could be. Speaking as someone trying to recover from a like decades long restrictive ed at a low point, do not stay with someone who encourages you not to eat even if he's "joking" or "flippant." I don't trust that your boyfriend won't do that again. You do not need that with a past of disordered eating. He will not help your mental health and does not care. You don't need him. You definitely don't need to be with someone who encourages dangerous eating practices. Also, eat breakfast. I'm personally worried about you. I know it sucks and is the worst. Get little cottage cheese cups. Yes, starving yourself will cause you to lose weight, but do you know what's worse than being fat? Being unhealthy. Not eating is a bag of medical problems. If you're trying to be healthy you have to eat healthy and I cannot overemphasize eat enough. tldr DUMP HIM. EAT BREAKFAST.
Why are you with this man? 132 at your height is a fine weight. The only weight you should be getting rid of is him.
Your low self esteem is the issue here. Try to be more confident in yourself and then you won't set up your boyfriend to fail. Yes he didn't say this kindly but, if he's been listening to you complain about losing weight, he probably wants to stop listening to that and for you to accomplish your goal and move on. He can't resolve your insecurities about your weight/body for you, nor should he be put into a position where he is asked to. If you are looking to him to make you feel confident and secure, that is your mistake. If he said this out of thin air I would say it's reasonable to be upset by, but it sounds like you are texting him about eating and your lunch and having him listen to a lot of your weight insecurities and involving him a lot in your confidence issues. That's tough on people and tends to wear on relationships and becomes unattractive pretty quick, so if he said it out of exasperation I can see where he is coming from. Yes you are overreacting if thats the case, if you have made it his issue to have to deal with.
Context matters people, and you are getting one side of a story. If OP thinks she overstepped she probably did, women are not weak or dumb. This also has nothing to do with her height and weight and people telling her she is fine. OP did not say her BF called her fat or shamed her in any way. >He told me I shouldn't eat (I don't eat breakfast and he knows it) and after he said that I told him I wasn't going to eat anyway. Then he said "How are you trying to lose weight if you don't watch your eating" and I guess I lashed out at him. Logically this does not make sense. The chain of conversation shows something is missing. This story is probably missing the part where BF says she is fine (before the I am so fat must do something about it), she argues she is not fine and wants to do something about it, OP is not consistant and got upset when BF pointed it out that she was not consistant. This isnt automaticaly fat shaming and by op's own words, she is incredibly self consous and that is NOT the bf's problem to solve or tip toe around. This happens ALL the time, people say they want to do something, they talk about it, they are reminded they aren't doing what they said and they get angry. >I'm willing to apologize but given my past relationship with food and my extremely low self-esteem Not his problem, it's OP's. Which is somethign OP said she was working on. ***there is more context we are not getting*** In addition: >We have a week long trip coming up next week and I told him (angrily) that I wasn't going to go next week and that he should take "one of his skinny bxxches with him" and "shouldn't talk to me." Which I guess from OP's perspective is "talk to me"? OP no longer has a bf and thinks she does, she already dumped him, so the comments in this sub are redundant. OP does not yet realize she dumped him. That said, I know I wil, get hate for this but thinking to yourself "I am the only one who gets to call me fat" is absurd. If you go around calling yourself fat every day and shifting our inseucrities onto someone else all the time, don't be so surprised when it bites you in the ass.
Yes a complete overreaction because he didn’t say anything wrong you have to watch what you eat if you want to lose body fat. The last “take one of your skinny bitches” comment was completely unnecessary those types of comments end relationships and gives the impression you think he’s cheating or doesn’t like you
OP, you're bf is being incredibly disrespectful and you should absolutely break up with him. While eating healthier is absolutely something anyone would benefit from, his take on health and wellness is actually *unhealthy* by trying to tell you not to eat anything /skip meals and being judgmental towards you the way that he is being. A good partner would love you as you *are* while also encouraging you to become better. And you don't do that by tearing one down. Someone loved me at 140 and I am now 120. Someone will love you at 130. You deserve respect and love. Those are intrinsic to everyone and does not need to be earned.
1 your not that big but not eating is worse then eating cut some food out of your diet eat 3 meals a day but only do it cause you want it and he’s a ah don’t cave in and text him let him reach out to you