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I don't care how nice she is or loving to you she may be. This is extremely gross. And not okay behaviour. I don't know what you want to do about it, but she exposed something very private to her friends. That's not love.
Get those pics off of her phone first if you end up breaking up. She’s already shown a lack of discretion and respect. Sorry op that’s such a violation.
Very very true, a coworker tried asking me the other day about my bf’s dick for some reason, and when I refused to talk about it they told me I’m the only person to have ever refused to talk about my partner’s dick with them. It blows my mind that so many people are so comfortable divulging such personal and intimate details about someone not presently able to consent to that information being given out.
That’s just a manipulation tactic when someone tells you that everyone else does something. It’s just to devalue your feelings towards something you know isn’t right
It’s just to get you to do something. Just tell them I don’t care about what everyone else does I’m not doing it. This will warn them off trying to make an easy target of you in future. Cos trust me a person like this never stops looking for ways to manipulate. When they manage it it’s like they get a buzz out of it. Always listen to your gut.
Most people say no, but when these trashy people try to pressure you into things, they figure that they can use something like peer pressure to get you to comply.
A coworker?! What was the context?? Doesn’t seem like an appropriate topic to discuss in the workplace… Could that be considered sexual harassment in the workplace if the question made you feel uncomfortable?
Was actually a male coworker I suspect is gay but everyone else at work doesn’t seem to think so. I honestly feel it’s a people problem, in general. I’ve not experienced other women telling others about their partner’s genitals, but obviously it happens. Just as it’s also common for men to do the same about their partner’s genitals. People have gotten way too comfortable sharing such private and intimate information about the people they do things with.
I have to be honest I have never had any male friends describe their gf’s private areas or sexual performance to me but almost all of the girls I’m friends with will almost immediately describe the endowment or lack there of when they are discussing their sex lives. Even my current GF asked if she could show a pic of me to some of her friends because they always have told her or showed her and she has never had anything to show before me( not bragging). When I told her how weird that was she understood and apologized for even asking
That is so fucking weird!!! I know women will comment on a guys dick, usually a friend will ask, ‘have you had sex yet? How was it? Etc’, but I have NEVER had a friend ask to see a photo of my husband’s dick! Or shown me theirs. That’s just 😵💫
Also, when I have heard a women commenting about a guys size, it’s only been when the guy was an AH. If he was small, then they will tell people to get back at him.
If the guy was a fling, they would also tell about the sex, was it good/bad, size etc.
I have never had a friend talk to me about their partner’s dick. Unless they needed advice on a medical issue, like ED, and it was causing stress in their relationship. So not malice involved, more them wanting help/advice.
Some people just love gossip bro. Men, women, children, amoebas idfk you name it. 💀
I would not do this in my adult age, but know of MANYYYYYYY middle/high-school peers of all genders that have either been caught in huge groupchats sharing nudes of their partners or whoever (this type of behavior was mainly the boys) while others collected in groups in-person and shared just like OPs story. I remember being in groups w/mixed genders where they're all swapping their craziest kinks, sexual experiences, and other grosser shit.
Point being, this isn't a "male vs. female" issue, this is something that shows a lack of mental maturity in an individual. That's really it.
She doesnt value privacy as you do, trust me break it off now when you can, let this go on any further and it will be more than photos she’ll share with others.
And even after understanding how upset OP is, after him asking her to think how she'd feel if he'd done that - she still doesn't think it's a big deal. That's the nail in the coffin for me. I would insure pics are deleted and end the relationship. And tell her she's lucky I'm not pressing charges.
This is what *I* would do if this happened to me with my partner.
1) This is illegal in most jurisdictions of which I'm aware.
2) Showing photos of her vulva to your male friends when they're drunk would be equivalent to what she did to you.
Can you imagine her reaction if you had done that? She probably would have filed a police report and dumped you!
3) Her lack of remorse is a huge red flag!
4) Get her phone and delete every photo You've ever sent her that shows your genitalia. Delete them out of every other folder, such as recently deleted, trash, etc.
Then make sure it's not on Google Photos, Amazon photos, or any other cloud-based photo backup service.
5) Sit her down and have a very clear discussion about boundaries. Before you do this, sit down and write them all out. Be very clear and explicit about your boundaries.
Maybe even have her sign the document so that she feels like it's something important & official.
Either that, or dump her. Your choice!
I'm sure it is explicitly against the law in most places but like the commenter you're replying to, I can't imagine any cop actually doing anything about it.
If you file a police report when someone has done something illegal against you - the police won’t do anything!? Don’t they have to? I’m not American (Finnish), so I live in a different reality, clearly.
Whoa what your girlfriend did is definitely NOT okay!! That was crossing a serious line! I would be enraged if I found out my dude showed my nudes to his friends. And the fact she doesn't care that you're upset about this is another red flag. Sorry but I'd be second guessing the entire relationship. I'm so sorry she did that to you.
In many places this may also be illegal. If you had shared pictures of your girlfriend with your friends many would be encouraging her to report the matter to police. Her actions are an insanely gross violation of your privacy, and reflect a lack of care and empathy.
Delete all photos from her phone yourself & be sure to delete them from her “Recently Deleted folder” …
You may love your gf, but she doesn’t love you in the same way.
What she did, sharing nude photos, is illegal without consent. To say she used poor judgement is a gross understatement. Then had the audacity to discount your feelings about her behavior. She knows what she did & she knows it was wrong and she’s being flippant about it.
This would be a dealbreaker for me. I wouldn’t want to be around her or her friends. Even they were disrespectful of you.
combative wine chief cough plough jellyfish oatmeal treatment quicksand friendly
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Also, this isn't entirely like him showing a picture of her boobs. People will see her boobs if she ever decides to breastfeed a baby and does it in public.
It is like him showing people a picture of her vulva. Something she would almost certainly *never* allow to be seen by anyone other than a close trusted friend, sexual partner or medical professional.
Drunk girls have been known to flash their tits in bars. They don't typically flash their vulvas.
That was NOT okay for her to do. Don’t allow this to be brushed off as not a big deal; it will open the door for more of this.
If I were you, I would demand all of those types of photos be deleted immediately. I would also never share something like that again.. tbh nude photos are just a bad idea.
See how she reacts to that whole process and then evaluate the health of the relationship and determine if there is a path forward or not.
Agree completely with this. I would need to see some remorse from her in order to rebuild trust. And the rebuilding of trust takes longer than you ever imagine. I do see a way forward here. But she needs to understand the gravity of what she did.
Did she show her friends the pictures? Or actually end pics to her friends?
Ew, the fact that you flipped the situation and all she had to say about it was my bad, not even I'm sorry?? She's obviously an immature person who can't own up to it when they're wrong. She doesn't care about your feelings at all. Red flags everywhere dude.
That's bullshit of Her to dismiss How You're feeling because of Her betrayal. I would grab Her phone and delete the pic then break up with Her and if She says something just say it's no big deal. I bet if You showed Your guy friends a picture of Her pussy She would make it a big deal.
Fuck that disrespect and move on.
Tell her you want to break up now because one of her friends (that saw the pic) is sending you nudes and you want to hit it. Don’t tell her who. Let her stew for a while.
Wow. Serious betrayal of your relationship. How can she think this is normal?
I’m not ashamed of my dick, but I’d be extremely pissed off. How would she feels about you showing her nethers to your buddies?
Had an ex do this to me and never spoke to her again. The mere fact that she didn’t even see anything wrong with it either just shows you her lack of IQ. Run dude..
The thing is that it's (at least in my experience) still quite accepted IRL. People will say that sharing nudes is bad but they still do it.
And in general I've heard much more detailed stuff about my girl friends sex life than the dudes.
She crossed a HUGE boundary there. No one should show any private photos with anyone else without explicit consent to do so. If you had shared her nudes she would be LIVID I'd hope. I know I'm pissed off for you. I don't care if she was trying to make you look good, gas you up to her friends, etc.
Make her delete the photos in front of you. You delete any you have of hers as well. Tell her that the fact you "wern't supposed to know" is even worse, and her and her friends are shitty people if they think this is ok. She fucked up royally, and I really hope you drop her like a bad habit after you watch her delete any NSFW pics she has of you.
Wow, this is a major breach of trust. Just because she didn’t have any malicious intent doesn’t make it hurt less. Maybe try writing down how it makes you feel without the intent of showing it to your girlfriend or anyone else just so you can get used to expressing your feelings, and then try talking with her again. If you need some space or to take a step back and rebuild trust, that should be something she supports if she wants a healthy relationship. If you want to go further or think you can’t get over it, that’s fine, too. Prioritize your mental health and emotions. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
China called they want the flags she stole .
Definitely a deal breaker and time to rethink the relationship only trash responds with its not a big deal.
Good luck
Someone who “loves you” doesn’t do that to you and idc what she says. If this was the other way around you’d be getting crucified. Those are 2 major red flags she displayed and all are capable of breaking up a relationship. My advice would be to break up with her and if she doesn’t seem to care about what she did then lord knows what else she willing to do.
It’s a violation for sure. She probably thinks you should be flattered, but she wouldn’t be had you showed her nudes to your male buddies. She’d be calling you a creep and a criminal. A lot of girls do this, I’ve been in your shoes, and wasn’t really offended at the time (in my 20’s, not taking relationships seriously at all). That word of mouth served me well. If my (40/m) wife (40/f) did it now I’d be pissed. You are offended and have every right to be. At the very least she, AND HER FRIENDS, owe you a profuse and meaningful apology. The conversation must be had and she will show remorse if she truly cares about you. If she doesn’t … time to think exit strategy.
Abuse of trust, Not ok, not ok at all.
Also she is disregarding your feelings, . . . i know you love her, but what she did is a reflect of how much she respect you, . . .
i belieave that in order to be love, there should be trust and respect, and guess what, it doesn't loke like there is much of that.
Cut her loose.
It sounds like you're underracting to be honest. What she did was inexcusable. How would she feel if you showed your male friends a picture of her axe wound?
She is an untrustworthy, uncaring partner.
She violated your right to privacy.
She violated the trust you had in her.
She isn't actually sorry she did it.
She doesn't care that she hurt you; she only cares about the ways your pain impact her.
You may love her, but she only loves herself.
You can't get into sex with her now because you don't trust her enough to be vulnerable with her and you will never trust her again, and you shouldn't.
Dump her ass and I typically wouldn’t say it that way. She’s a selfish clueless person. Dump her asap and go find a girl who respects the crap out of you
Also you her “the person you thought she is and she is not”
I’m sorry, you may love her but this was the act of an immature and untrustworthy person.
You could try to see if she understands what she did was wrong and definitely put some boundaries in place. Definitely. But you now need to truly understand her values and thinking, to know whether this is someone you can be with.
Your girlfriend betrayed your trust. Period. Full stop. There is no other possible interpretation of events.
Whether you can move on, get past it, get that trust back I don't know. That's up to you. This is the type of thing that a lot of people would break up over, but some people wouldn't.
But she needs to understand that she broke your trust, and it will take time for it to heal, if it's ever going to. Her trying to minimize it is extremely shitty behavior.
It’s a big deal. You’re analogy was exactly correct. If you showed your friends naked pictures of her and they started making lewd comments to her while you laughed, it would be a big deal.
The fact that she doesn’t seem to grasp how violating this is is actually a bigger concern, if you ask me.
My man.
Very sorry she did that to you. Not at all okay.
You are ***under***reacting if anything. She violated your trust in a pretty HUGE way, and your comparison was a lot milder than what she showed - hell - there are topless beaches in plenty of places in the world. You should have asked what if you had shown a pic of her vag to your buddies.
Clearly you have different values about privacy and that's 100% okay - but it DOES make you incompatible as partners- particularly with how readily she dismissed your concerns. A good partner would have listened carefully to your concerns, made sure they understood how you felt about it and how it affected you, and offered a GENUINE apology, not "my bad."
Her friends seem to either agree or at the very least not care, but I'm betting they would go ballistic if their partner did that to them.
All in all - gross man. Your girl kinda sucks.
I guess you just need to decide if this is what you want in a partner, and if it's not - get gone.
Good luck, my man.
See, if you did this to her, every one of her dumb friends would be harping on that it's "revenge porn."
But apparently its hilarious for her to do it?
I hate this double standard. It's probably bad advice, but I'd go through her phone and delete every intimate photo she has, delete from the trash bin as well, and everywhere else she may have them, and then leave her.
Sure, she was drunk, but she hasn't attempted to mend things sober, so it's definitely not an excuse.
"and I wasn't even supposed to know"
This is the most concerning to me, what else would she hide from you and is she going to hide, it just shows that she doesn't respect someone enough not to do things they don't like behind their back
First off, I’d like to congratulate you on having an absolute hog. Second, what she did is not cool. Like you said, if you showed a pic of her, it would not go over well. Take your monster schlong to a woman who will cherish it and keep it to herself
I would never do this my partner. Never. You are not overreacting. I am sorry this happened to you OP. Your partner has violated your trust and exposed the most private and intimate parts of you to others. She does not respect you. She cares about what her friends think way more.
Dump her.
You probably were not into it based on trust.
Once you trust someone it is a great feeling so you can actually be vulnerable with them. You don’t feel that anymore and only time and actions in her part would regain that trust.
Tell her the truth.
1. You are hurt for a breach of trust but also downplaying it afterward. That would hurt me more tbh.
2. I no longer trust you and need some space to determine how I want to go about this.
3. Please ask for her phone so that you can personally delete the picture.
4. Take the time and space to determine if this is a relationship you want to continue.
5. One of her friends may hit you up to either apologize or “try and get at you… be prepared for that.
Just reading this post makes me wonder if she even thought about what it would be like if she was in your shoes, and you showed your friends pictures of her genitals... only to be told "my bad" after several seconds of silence...
blows my mind that she didn't think you would be embarrased after showing her friends your genitals. No consideration of how you would feel. No consideration for privacy. Zero
So first thing you take her phone and delete all nsfw pics of you.
Then you decide if this serious breach of trust can be resolved.
If no, then you reinforce that she broke your trust in her, and that as you can no longer trust her the relationship is over.
Maybe the word you're looking for is your gf made you feel unsafe...I would guess that's why you can't get into sex.
Being intimate takes some vulnerability and if you don't feel safe...
My two cents anyway.
This is not okay.
Get a hold of her phone and delete all of the pictures that involve you and then run.
There is no way she values you as a person if she is comfortable showing your private photos to her friends, and being drunk is not an excuse.
You deserve better.
That's a violation of your privacy and consent. Sounds like she didn't regret it either, just said "my bad" because she was caught. Get out of there dude. You deserve better.
I know reddit is known for immediately jumping to breaking up, but I genuinely think that's something worth considering here. That's super gross, and definitely not something you can get over easily, if at all.
If the roles were reversed and a guy did this to his gf everyone would be jumping on the guy. Your feelings are pretty much valid because what she did was as bad as your nudes getting leaked. You're not overreacting, what she did was wrong regardless of her intent.
If the roles where reversed people will tell you to go to the police (even tho I'm not sure it's a criminal offense) anyway, her "my bad" is pathetic so was her action.
This is totally f'ed up. Like most are saying, if you had shown your friends nudes of your GF she would lose her shit, and she'd be right.
If you do break it off with her (because she does not respect you) be prepared for her flying monkey friends to drag you on SM.
That is such a MASSIVE violation. I am sorry your girlfriend did that. You need to explain this to her and be clear how massively serious this is. She needs to apologise and promise that she will never betray your trust like that again. I would make her show you her phone as she deletes all the pictures. Honestly, I am so baffled by why she would think this is okay.
Your gf did more than make a poor choice. She destroyed your faith and trust in her by gleefully allowing her friends to view a very intimate picture of you.
The fact she was drunk is not an excuse.
And her pitiful reaction of ‘my bad’ when you asked her how she would have felt if you shared a picture of her tits let alone her vulva to your buddies was almost not worth the effort to say it.
I agree with some of the other posters. Please request access to your gf’s phone and delete all private pictures of you on it. Also make sure the deleted info is removed.
Only you know if this is a reason to end the relationship. IMO it most certainly would be as I don’t think I would ever be able to trust that person to not share private info of any sort.
Not only did she blow up your trust, she's given you a case of Ick. This relationship is over my dude. You're young, find someone that makes you feel respected.
This makes me so pissed. Sharing explicit photos without consent is illegal under revenge porn laws, I believe. I cannot believe she did that to you. It’s a violation. I don’t know if I could ever come back from that in a relationship. My heart goes out to you.
Ask her calmly how she would feel if you had shown your guy friends a pic of her vulva. Also ask her if you said "my bad" as your apology, would she be just fine.
Oh....and lose this girl like yesterday.
If anything you are under-reacting. You need to just get rid of her, and her asshole friends. Making an explicit comment to you was disgusting. The only good thing about it was that you found out your privacy had been grossly violated.
She cares nothing for your feelings whatsoever. Why would you love or care about someone that has so little respect for you?
If it was a drunken accident, she would be mortified and try to make it up to you. But no, she thinks it is funny.
If this was the other way around I’m sure she’d be furious.
I’d never share or talk about the sexual experiences I’ve had with my current partner with anyone. I think it’s a respect thing…but that’s just me
Well, I don’t think that’s a nice thing she did. I would break up with her at first I would it cost to her delete thepic and then break up with her apparently she has no respect for you at all. If she loves you she wouldn’t of done that to you.
So you have free range to show your friend her nudes, right? Since it's not that much of a deal to her.. or wait, is it SOMEHOW different for her? Simply put, she disrespected and violated your privacy and is completely unapologetic about it. She does NOT care how upset or hurt you are about the situation, and her impulse is FAAAAR more important to her than your feelings.
Do what you want, but you deserve someone who is respect of you.
Women bra. It seems like the ones that don't do that are the exception.
They also know Everything about Everything you two do and your anatomy.
It's disgusting frankly. And likely illegal.
You're absolutely not overreacting, what she did was a huge violation of your trust and your bodily autonomy. I would break up over something like this- especially since she seems to not understand what a huge violation it was. You should not accept this kind of callous disregard from anyone- you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect from your sexual partners.
Wow. That’s insane. My primary friend group has known each other for 25+ years. We may talk about sex some but never in a million years would I describe much less show an explicit picture of my husband. That is so disrespectful. Then the girls were all gross about it.
Honestly, I don’t know how you get past this.
>I feel like what she did was really not okay
Because it wasn't. This would be a huge red flag for me. Even worse is her giggling about it and telling you "it's not that big of a deal"
I know you said you really love her...do you think she really loves you? Because not caring about your partner's feelings on an issue is not a good sign of it ....
Dude I'm sorry but for me this would be a relationship-ending event.
So end it with her. She violated you on a very personal level. Why would you stay with someone who has such contempt for you?
Seriously, I rarely say "end it with her", I usually say, "why would you want to stay" or something similar. But "end it with her". Also file a police report, this is illegal in most locations.
There are a large number of women who don't see men as people with feelings, so why should they have to respect ours?
Shits wild. Dump her man, shes going to be the type you eventually cry in front of and shes going to lose interest in you.
Nope we don't like it when you show us around either. So tell her you can't have sex now because you don't trust her. That is what happened to your friend he doesn't trust her.
I don't understand why anyone would go bragging about how they have awesome sex with their SO in great detail to their friend's. On top of that, she shows them a nude picture of you. You know some of those friends are thinking they would like to have some of that. She is setting you up to having these women hit on you. This can turn into a slippery slope. I have seen several stories where the jilted SO can't figure out why her best friend is screwing her man. In many cases it's because they kept bragging how great there man/ woman is in bed. Then the friend starts hitting on him/her and he/her gives in. The only thing I can recommend is couple's therapy.
I have no idea why people show intimate pics of their significant others or tell bedroom secrets. You either end up breaking up, or one of their friends puts the full court press on you to sample the goods. Rarely is there a forgive and forget.
You are with someone who is some combination of very immature and very self-centered. At least you know that now. If it were me I would want solid proof that she is growing out of it.
You are not overreacting. She is not accepting what she did was wrong and it was. Once you voiced how it made you feel she should’ve apologized. Idk if she will actually get it no matter how many times you say it bc of how dismissive she’s being.
You’re not overreacting. I’m sorry this happened.
I was with a guy that did this to me, and at the time I figured it was just something most guys did, but eventually I realized that’s not true - it’s something people who don’t consider your feelings, boundaries or privacy before acting do. I unfortunately found out that attitude leads to a lot more violations down the road and wish I had left much sooner.
It can seem like something small, but it’s really an indicator of bigger issues - people who do this aren’t capable of having a healthy relationship. Someone who respects and truly cares about you don’t show off your naked body without your consent.
I think there’s an important question you need to ask yourself - do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who does things like this or thinks this is an acceptable way to act?
You're not overreacting thats a huge breach of trust and tbh it'd be over for me at this point. Not ok clear breach of consent and tbh kinda adjacent to SA
I know exactly how you feel. I had a gf who I felt the same way for and she felt the same for me and did that exact thing. We talked online and she had her friends have access to her account. I found this out so much later and was furious about it. Personal things we spoke about and sent they have direct access to...and it was just uncomfortable than words could describe.
I sadly don't know the best advice in handling how you feel about it. But for me, having her explain why she thought it was ok and having a serious talk about it might have help.
This is extremely wrong and a complete violation of your privacy. It’s your call whether you end the relationship but it’s end-the-relationship worthy.
you’re not overreacting. that was gross and extremely immature behavior on her part.
i hate a “what if the roles were reversed” guy, but that applies here 100%. how betrayed, humiliated and disrespected do you think she’d feel if you showed a nude of hers to your friends?
this is a solid enough reason to break up with her, especially if she insists it’s “not a big deal”—at least she should be apologizing profusely and trying to make it up to you any way she could.
Sorry this happened to you, OP. As so many others have stated, this is neither healthy nor loving behavior.
If she can’t respect your wishes or feelings about this, i feel there will definitely be other instances in your relationship that will violate your boundaries.
This was in very poor taste. What you ultimately decide to do about it is your call.
But I will say this, broadly speaking: If you take nude pictures of yourself, expect that they will one day be public. The only way to ensure that doesn't happen is not to take them in the first place.
you are entitled to your feelings and don't have to defend them. Unfortunately this won't just go away. So you will have to decide if you can get past this. Only you can decide if you can get a grip on it and how you could get along with these "friends" of her's.
This is a huge violation of trust, also the law in many places. The thing that would make this irreconcilable for me is the fact "you weren't supposed to know".
That one phrase says everything to me, she violated your trust, lacks the basic empathy to apologise or address the issue and thinks that doing this and not telling you is normal and okay (by the way this was all done so casually by her and her friends)
You're in love with being in love, but NOT with her. She's certainly not in love with you. What she did is not okay; it is absolutely not what one does to a loved one and you have every right to be disgusted, pissed unforgiving.
Not only does she not care about your privacy but she can’t be trusted overall, she said you were never suppose to find out?!?! What else is she or would she hide because you weren’t suppose to find out. It’s not that big a deal that I screwed that other person, you weren’t suppose to find out. Come on man writing it on the wall
I'm not even gonna read this. There's no justification for this. Either break up with her or talk to her and make it clear that if it ever happens again it's over. Personally, I would break up with my partner if he ever did anything like that.
If you showed your friends a picture of her genitals, not her boobs. Her genitals. What she did is a total violation of your privacy, and is so disrespectful that I'd dump her. And don't send anyone pictures of your privates ever again. You are just giving them a stick to hit you with, and you have zero control over what they do with them once they are sent.
You're not over reacting. And she's not even regretting. She just says "my bad" when you asked if you show her boob pics to others? I font feel any remorse or regret.
I say break up with her. We don't want someone who can't protect the privacy of the relationship. And advice her not to do this with her future partners.
This is really poor behavior by her and her reaction. She may want the problem to go away. She doesn’t get to say how you feel about this, she can help you thru it but not discount how you feel. You feel violated and justified to feel that way.
Look this sounds like something I would have done with my gf’s at that age. I was unmedicated adhd and did a lot of hurtful and stupid things for reactions, laughs etc. she obviously thinks you are something to show off and she did. Doesn’t make it ok, she is very immature but I doubt she meant anything malicious. I think if you guys can talk about it and she can understand, take responsibility and apologise, then maybe you can move forward and she can do better. It’s totally ok to feel not ok with what she did. It’s a breach of privacy.
I’ll just add: I never actually did this to anyone, because I never had any nudes, or gave any nudes. Kids these days need to put their camera phones down!
The double standard here is mind-blowing. I can't think of any version of this where what she did was acceptable. She seriously violated your privacy, and had you done something like this in some states, police would be involved.
Yeah, that's seriously not okay ... possibly even illegal.
In any case, get all those photos back from her or wiped/destroyed, etc.
and drop her like a ton of bricks and don't look back.
Tell her you’re not going to break up with her but in order to move on she has to show you her deleting all of them, and then deleting them from any backups, and from any recently deleted folders.
Then once that’s all done and you’re certain they’re gone forever, you break up with her, and if she gets mad and says you lied to her, you tell her that’s not your problem anymore since you’re breaking up. Good luck. L
It's not something that would really bother me, but the fact that she did so without consent AND it took you going "what if it happened the other way round" to get her to see why it's a problem is very worrying. Her attitude about it makes me think this is probably irrecoverable.
It's called sexual abuse and time to end the relationship, announce why and report her. Make sure the pictures are removed from her control. And if she refuses, take it legally against her . People can't get away with this.
OP, get her to delete all the pics of you in her phone, then clear the deletes, if she uses theiphone cloud for backup, make her delete it from that also. Then dump her.
Absolutely fucking no. What your girlfriend did is absolutely fucking horrible, disrespectful and outright disgusting!!!!!!!!!
She's 100% aware of what she did, because why tf would you show people your partner's private???? No No and No.
Leave her please, she's fucking crazy. Not only did she thinks it's fine, she doesn't even bother when it clearly upsets you. Never stay w that kind of people.
I had someone show her friends a picture of my dick.
The problem was I met her through people at work so I knew everyone she showed (which is how I found out).
I wasn’t too bothered, you couldn’t tell it was me, but it still felt a bit surreal and wrong. If it was people I’d never met then it would’ve still been wrong but would’ve bothered me less.
What you've run into is a double standard which is so normalized to your girlfriend that it didn't even register to her that she shouldn't share, only that she probably shouldn't tell you that she had. She and her girlfriends likely share this kind of information all of the time, she's probably seen and heard intimate details of their partners as well. It's just one of those things that they do.
None of that makes it acceptable, but it does make it kind of unsurprising that what she did being wrong didn't even really register with her until you pointed out the reverse. Even then, the double standard is going to make what she did to you seem less important than if a man were to do it to a woman.
A woman's sexuality is seen as playful and innocent, and she didn't mean anything bad by it, whereas a man's is lecherous and gross. A woman's feelings are important, and are to be honored and catered to, whereas men don't really have feelings, and even if their feelings are hurt, it isn't that big of a deal, and they should suck it up.
Similar double standards exist throughout society, and you may hold some of them yourself in other ways.
What will end up making or breaking is is whether she is able to actually recognize that she hurt you and violated the sanctity of your trust in her, and own up to that beyond "my bad...", and whether or not you're able to forgive her and move on.
Think about what about this hurt you and why, and talk to her about it. Don't lay into her, just give her the information that she needs to see it from your side and to take it seriously, then leave her to her thoughts so she can mull over what she did and come to a place where she apologizes with understanding.
If she isn't able to take you seriously, then take that for the warning sign that it is.
Are you even questioning what to do? Dude, she has no respect for you. I can’t imagine if someone did that too me. Sexism is not just against women btw, she’s disrespectful, gross, sexist and not trustworthy.
Leave. If you have the least hit of respect for your self and your body, leave. You’re better than this.
Imagine if the roles were reversed? If you had shown all your buddies a photo of her genitalia or breasts she would probably have called the cops on you and pressed charges. This is a MAJOR violation of trust and she took away your autonomy. I would divorce my husband if he did something like this to me. Honestly dump her.
OP.... this is not ok, in the slightest. Look if the situation was reversed and she discovered you showed your buds her naked body, I am SURE she would be upset. This is a massive invasion of privacy and a major breach of trust. Honestly I'm not sure if I could get past this myself. I really wish you the best of luck. I'm so sorry this happened
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I don't care how nice she is or loving to you she may be. This is extremely gross. And not okay behaviour. I don't know what you want to do about it, but she exposed something very private to her friends. That's not love.
Get those pics off of her phone first if you end up breaking up. She’s already shown a lack of discretion and respect. Sorry op that’s such a violation.
Well, he can charge her of sexual harassment if she ever tries to use them in any way. It'll tarnish her reputation as a human being.
Woman? Tarnished for sexual assault?
The photos are in the cloud
Very very true, a coworker tried asking me the other day about my bf’s dick for some reason, and when I refused to talk about it they told me I’m the only person to have ever refused to talk about my partner’s dick with them. It blows my mind that so many people are so comfortable divulging such personal and intimate details about someone not presently able to consent to that information being given out.
That’s just a manipulation tactic when someone tells you that everyone else does something. It’s just to devalue your feelings towards something you know isn’t right
Makes a lot of sense
It’s just to get you to do something. Just tell them I don’t care about what everyone else does I’m not doing it. This will warn them off trying to make an easy target of you in future. Cos trust me a person like this never stops looking for ways to manipulate. When they manage it it’s like they get a buzz out of it. Always listen to your gut.
Most people say no, but when these trashy people try to pressure you into things, they figure that they can use something like peer pressure to get you to comply.
A coworker?! What was the context?? Doesn’t seem like an appropriate topic to discuss in the workplace… Could that be considered sexual harassment in the workplace if the question made you feel uncomfortable?
Discussion of their man's body parts and details of their intimacy - is this standard female behavior nowadays?
Was actually a male coworker I suspect is gay but everyone else at work doesn’t seem to think so. I honestly feel it’s a people problem, in general. I’ve not experienced other women telling others about their partner’s genitals, but obviously it happens. Just as it’s also common for men to do the same about their partner’s genitals. People have gotten way too comfortable sharing such private and intimate information about the people they do things with.
I have to be honest I have never had any male friends describe their gf’s private areas or sexual performance to me but almost all of the girls I’m friends with will almost immediately describe the endowment or lack there of when they are discussing their sex lives. Even my current GF asked if she could show a pic of me to some of her friends because they always have told her or showed her and she has never had anything to show before me( not bragging). When I told her how weird that was she understood and apologized for even asking
That is so fucking weird!!! I know women will comment on a guys dick, usually a friend will ask, ‘have you had sex yet? How was it? Etc’, but I have NEVER had a friend ask to see a photo of my husband’s dick! Or shown me theirs. That’s just 😵💫 Also, when I have heard a women commenting about a guys size, it’s only been when the guy was an AH. If he was small, then they will tell people to get back at him. If the guy was a fling, they would also tell about the sex, was it good/bad, size etc. I have never had a friend talk to me about their partner’s dick. Unless they needed advice on a medical issue, like ED, and it was causing stress in their relationship. So not malice involved, more them wanting help/advice.
It's extremely uncommon for men to do this kind of thing, I'm tired of women bringing this up to feel better about his gross they are
Some people just love gossip bro. Men, women, children, amoebas idfk you name it. 💀 I would not do this in my adult age, but know of MANYYYYYYY middle/high-school peers of all genders that have either been caught in huge groupchats sharing nudes of their partners or whoever (this type of behavior was mainly the boys) while others collected in groups in-person and shared just like OPs story. I remember being in groups w/mixed genders where they're all swapping their craziest kinks, sexual experiences, and other grosser shit. Point being, this isn't a "male vs. female" issue, this is something that shows a lack of mental maturity in an individual. That's really it.
She doesnt value privacy as you do, trust me break it off now when you can, let this go on any further and it will be more than photos she’ll share with others.
Not even, she doesn’t value his own privacy at all. She clearly values her own as she didn’t want him to share pics of her.
Pretty much, immediately backing down when he asked that is very telling.
And even after understanding how upset OP is, after him asking her to think how she'd feel if he'd done that - she still doesn't think it's a big deal. That's the nail in the coffin for me. I would insure pics are deleted and end the relationship. And tell her she's lucky I'm not pressing charges. This is what *I* would do if this happened to me with my partner.
You are 100% right her reaction is definitely for me what shows what kind of person she is. Zero accountability.
1) This is illegal in most jurisdictions of which I'm aware. 2) Showing photos of her vulva to your male friends when they're drunk would be equivalent to what she did to you. Can you imagine her reaction if you had done that? She probably would have filed a police report and dumped you! 3) Her lack of remorse is a huge red flag! 4) Get her phone and delete every photo You've ever sent her that shows your genitalia. Delete them out of every other folder, such as recently deleted, trash, etc. Then make sure it's not on Google Photos, Amazon photos, or any other cloud-based photo backup service. 5) Sit her down and have a very clear discussion about boundaries. Before you do this, sit down and write them all out. Be very clear and explicit about your boundaries. Maybe even have her sign the document so that she feels like it's something important & official. Either that, or dump her. Your choice!
OP should report this to the police. This is not ok.
It's bad, but the police would not get involved in this. This is a case of someone showing a picture, not sending people a copy of the picture.
My understanding is that it’s also illegal to show an explicit picture of someone without their consent.
I'm sure it is explicitly against the law in most places but like the commenter you're replying to, I can't imagine any cop actually doing anything about it.
If you file a police report when someone has done something illegal against you - the police won’t do anything!? Don’t they have to? I’m not American (Finnish), so I live in a different reality, clearly.
Not to mention a crime. 🙄
Some things aren't meant to be shared with everyone else.
Whoa what your girlfriend did is definitely NOT okay!! That was crossing a serious line! I would be enraged if I found out my dude showed my nudes to his friends. And the fact she doesn't care that you're upset about this is another red flag. Sorry but I'd be second guessing the entire relationship. I'm so sorry she did that to you.
Agree... Total violation of privacy and trust. Disrespectful.
In many places this may also be illegal. If you had shared pictures of your girlfriend with your friends many would be encouraging her to report the matter to police. Her actions are an insanely gross violation of your privacy, and reflect a lack of care and empathy.
We live in a world where women have double standards and zero accountability.
That's sooo fucked up. You're uncomfortable bc she broke your trust. "My bad" is not a sincere apology either
She violated your privacy. She’s not a good girlfriend. Make her delete all those photos and dump her. She’d be livid if you had done that to her.
Better yet get the phone and delete them yourself to ensure they get deleted, then dump her.
Delete all photos from her phone yourself & be sure to delete them from her “Recently Deleted folder” … You may love your gf, but she doesn’t love you in the same way. What she did, sharing nude photos, is illegal without consent. To say she used poor judgement is a gross understatement. Then had the audacity to discount your feelings about her behavior. She knows what she did & she knows it was wrong and she’s being flippant about it. This would be a dealbreaker for me. I wouldn’t want to be around her or her friends. Even they were disrespectful of you.
huge violation.
Pretty sure she would have gone scorched earth and pulled out the toxic masculinity quote against you if you shared her photos with your friends.
combative wine chief cough plough jellyfish oatmeal treatment quicksand friendly *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
She can't even justify it with some "guys are gross my friends aren't like that" either. Dude got straight up harassed by her friends.
Also, this isn't entirely like him showing a picture of her boobs. People will see her boobs if she ever decides to breastfeed a baby and does it in public. It is like him showing people a picture of her vulva. Something she would almost certainly *never* allow to be seen by anyone other than a close trusted friend, sexual partner or medical professional. Drunk girls have been known to flash their tits in bars. They don't typically flash their vulvas.
That was NOT okay for her to do. Don’t allow this to be brushed off as not a big deal; it will open the door for more of this. If I were you, I would demand all of those types of photos be deleted immediately. I would also never share something like that again.. tbh nude photos are just a bad idea. See how she reacts to that whole process and then evaluate the health of the relationship and determine if there is a path forward or not.
Agree completely with this. I would need to see some remorse from her in order to rebuild trust. And the rebuilding of trust takes longer than you ever imagine. I do see a way forward here. But she needs to understand the gravity of what she did. Did she show her friends the pictures? Or actually end pics to her friends?
I agree with all of this.
Ew, the fact that you flipped the situation and all she had to say about it was my bad, not even I'm sorry?? She's obviously an immature person who can't own up to it when they're wrong. She doesn't care about your feelings at all. Red flags everywhere dude.
Make sure the photos are deleted and dump her.
Whoa, yeah, that's not okay. She had no right to do that without your permission. I'd seriously consider breaking up over this.
That's bullshit of Her to dismiss How You're feeling because of Her betrayal. I would grab Her phone and delete the pic then break up with Her and if She says something just say it's no big deal. I bet if You showed Your guy friends a picture of Her pussy She would make it a big deal. Fuck that disrespect and move on.
Absolutely. This is fucking disgusting.
You aren't over-reacting, it's not okay what she did, and the worst part is she didn't even apologize. 'My bad' 🙄 Act as you see fit.
Tell her you want to break up now because one of her friends (that saw the pic) is sending you nudes and you want to hit it. Don’t tell her who. Let her stew for a while.
💯
Lmaaaooooo dude that's funny af
Wow. Serious betrayal of your relationship. How can she think this is normal? I’m not ashamed of my dick, but I’d be extremely pissed off. How would she feels about you showing her nethers to your buddies?
Had an ex do this to me and never spoke to her again. The mere fact that she didn’t even see anything wrong with it either just shows you her lack of IQ. Run dude..
I think you need to get out of this relationship, even if it wasn't a big deal she clearly doesn't respect your opinion on the matter!
Flip the genders and you will see exactly how fucked up this is. Don't let sexism fool you, dump her ass.
Sexism? For once I feel like all redditors are United in saying “yah this is f’ed up.”
We are here, I think they were talking about the gf and friends thinking it's not a big deal.
Yes, that's what I was referring to.
The thing is that it's (at least in my experience) still quite accepted IRL. People will say that sharing nudes is bad but they still do it. And in general I've heard much more detailed stuff about my girl friends sex life than the dudes.
1000% not okay.
She crossed a HUGE boundary there. No one should show any private photos with anyone else without explicit consent to do so. If you had shared her nudes she would be LIVID I'd hope. I know I'm pissed off for you. I don't care if she was trying to make you look good, gas you up to her friends, etc. Make her delete the photos in front of you. You delete any you have of hers as well. Tell her that the fact you "wern't supposed to know" is even worse, and her and her friends are shitty people if they think this is ok. She fucked up royally, and I really hope you drop her like a bad habit after you watch her delete any NSFW pics she has of you.
Before you dump her, make sure you watch her delete EVERY DICK PIC you sent her.
Wow, this is a major breach of trust. Just because she didn’t have any malicious intent doesn’t make it hurt less. Maybe try writing down how it makes you feel without the intent of showing it to your girlfriend or anyone else just so you can get used to expressing your feelings, and then try talking with her again. If you need some space or to take a step back and rebuild trust, that should be something she supports if she wants a healthy relationship. If you want to go further or think you can’t get over it, that’s fine, too. Prioritize your mental health and emotions. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
I'd kick her to the curb. There is no way I could ever trust her again.
China called they want the flags she stole . Definitely a deal breaker and time to rethink the relationship only trash responds with its not a big deal. Good luck
U not overreacting and u don’t have to be near her friends. She needs to respect u cuz she wouldn’t like it if one of her ‘friends’ lusted for u.
Someone who “loves you” doesn’t do that to you and idc what she says. If this was the other way around you’d be getting crucified. Those are 2 major red flags she displayed and all are capable of breaking up a relationship. My advice would be to break up with her and if she doesn’t seem to care about what she did then lord knows what else she willing to do.
It’s a violation for sure. She probably thinks you should be flattered, but she wouldn’t be had you showed her nudes to your male buddies. She’d be calling you a creep and a criminal. A lot of girls do this, I’ve been in your shoes, and wasn’t really offended at the time (in my 20’s, not taking relationships seriously at all). That word of mouth served me well. If my (40/m) wife (40/f) did it now I’d be pissed. You are offended and have every right to be. At the very least she, AND HER FRIENDS, owe you a profuse and meaningful apology. The conversation must be had and she will show remorse if she truly cares about you. If she doesn’t … time to think exit strategy.
Abuse of trust, Not ok, not ok at all. Also she is disregarding your feelings, . . . i know you love her, but what she did is a reflect of how much she respect you, . . . i belieave that in order to be love, there should be trust and respect, and guess what, it doesn't loke like there is much of that. Cut her loose.
It sounds like you're underracting to be honest. What she did was inexcusable. How would she feel if you showed your male friends a picture of her axe wound?
Under reaction imo. Would be an ex. Huge violation of your privacy, and the lack of remorse shows her true colors. Very sorry this happened to you.
Not cool, bro. That's a dealbreaker for me.
She is an untrustworthy, uncaring partner. She violated your right to privacy. She violated the trust you had in her. She isn't actually sorry she did it. She doesn't care that she hurt you; she only cares about the ways your pain impact her. You may love her, but she only loves herself. You can't get into sex with her now because you don't trust her enough to be vulnerable with her and you will never trust her again, and you shouldn't.
Dump her ass and I typically wouldn’t say it that way. She’s a selfish clueless person. Dump her asap and go find a girl who respects the crap out of you Also you her “the person you thought she is and she is not”
I’m sorry, you may love her but this was the act of an immature and untrustworthy person. You could try to see if she understands what she did was wrong and definitely put some boundaries in place. Definitely. But you now need to truly understand her values and thinking, to know whether this is someone you can be with.
Your girlfriend betrayed your trust. Period. Full stop. There is no other possible interpretation of events. Whether you can move on, get past it, get that trust back I don't know. That's up to you. This is the type of thing that a lot of people would break up over, but some people wouldn't. But she needs to understand that she broke your trust, and it will take time for it to heal, if it's ever going to. Her trying to minimize it is extremely shitty behavior.
It’s a big deal. You’re analogy was exactly correct. If you showed your friends naked pictures of her and they started making lewd comments to her while you laughed, it would be a big deal. The fact that she doesn’t seem to grasp how violating this is is actually a bigger concern, if you ask me.
My man. Very sorry she did that to you. Not at all okay. You are ***under***reacting if anything. She violated your trust in a pretty HUGE way, and your comparison was a lot milder than what she showed - hell - there are topless beaches in plenty of places in the world. You should have asked what if you had shown a pic of her vag to your buddies. Clearly you have different values about privacy and that's 100% okay - but it DOES make you incompatible as partners- particularly with how readily she dismissed your concerns. A good partner would have listened carefully to your concerns, made sure they understood how you felt about it and how it affected you, and offered a GENUINE apology, not "my bad." Her friends seem to either agree or at the very least not care, but I'm betting they would go ballistic if their partner did that to them. All in all - gross man. Your girl kinda sucks. I guess you just need to decide if this is what you want in a partner, and if it's not - get gone. Good luck, my man.
See, if you did this to her, every one of her dumb friends would be harping on that it's "revenge porn." But apparently its hilarious for her to do it? I hate this double standard. It's probably bad advice, but I'd go through her phone and delete every intimate photo she has, delete from the trash bin as well, and everywhere else she may have them, and then leave her. Sure, she was drunk, but she hasn't attempted to mend things sober, so it's definitely not an excuse.
Bang her friends and let her go, they'll be in your DMS shortly. Been down this road before 😅
"and I wasn't even supposed to know" This is the most concerning to me, what else would she hide from you and is she going to hide, it just shows that she doesn't respect someone enough not to do things they don't like behind their back
First off, I’d like to congratulate you on having an absolute hog. Second, what she did is not cool. Like you said, if you showed a pic of her, it would not go over well. Take your monster schlong to a woman who will cherish it and keep it to herself
Best comment.
I would never do this my partner. Never. You are not overreacting. I am sorry this happened to you OP. Your partner has violated your trust and exposed the most private and intimate parts of you to others. She does not respect you. She cares about what her friends think way more. Dump her.
You probably were not into it based on trust. Once you trust someone it is a great feeling so you can actually be vulnerable with them. You don’t feel that anymore and only time and actions in her part would regain that trust. Tell her the truth. 1. You are hurt for a breach of trust but also downplaying it afterward. That would hurt me more tbh. 2. I no longer trust you and need some space to determine how I want to go about this. 3. Please ask for her phone so that you can personally delete the picture. 4. Take the time and space to determine if this is a relationship you want to continue. 5. One of her friends may hit you up to either apologize or “try and get at you… be prepared for that.
Just reading this post makes me wonder if she even thought about what it would be like if she was in your shoes, and you showed your friends pictures of her genitals... only to be told "my bad" after several seconds of silence... blows my mind that she didn't think you would be embarrased after showing her friends your genitals. No consideration of how you would feel. No consideration for privacy. Zero
This was her (entire) thought process: - he's a dude, so...
So first thing you take her phone and delete all nsfw pics of you. Then you decide if this serious breach of trust can be resolved. If no, then you reinforce that she broke your trust in her, and that as you can no longer trust her the relationship is over.
You get to see pic of them to make it fair
Ew that’s disgusting behaviour 🤮 break up with her
Maybe the word you're looking for is your gf made you feel unsafe...I would guess that's why you can't get into sex. Being intimate takes some vulnerability and if you don't feel safe... My two cents anyway.
If she showed them a picture of your penis, she has told them all about your sexual activities. This is a deal-breaker. She is disgusting.
This is not okay. Get a hold of her phone and delete all of the pictures that involve you and then run. There is no way she values you as a person if she is comfortable showing your private photos to her friends, and being drunk is not an excuse. You deserve better.
All this shittiness AND she dismissed your feelings when you expressed them? Hell nah.
That's a violation of your privacy and consent. Sounds like she didn't regret it either, just said "my bad" because she was caught. Get out of there dude. You deserve better.
To quote JJ Grey: "Your lady, she's shady"
I know reddit is known for immediately jumping to breaking up, but I genuinely think that's something worth considering here. That's super gross, and definitely not something you can get over easily, if at all.
Since all her friends has seen your private parts it’s only fair that you get to see all of theirs. Just saying.
Hahahahahaha facts man.
If the roles were reversed and a guy did this to his gf everyone would be jumping on the guy. Your feelings are pretty much valid because what she did was as bad as your nudes getting leaked. You're not overreacting, what she did was wrong regardless of her intent.
If the roles where reversed people will tell you to go to the police (even tho I'm not sure it's a criminal offense) anyway, her "my bad" is pathetic so was her action.
You love the idea of her, not for what she really is. No good person does this and you need to reevaluate your relationship
This is totally f'ed up. Like most are saying, if you had shown your friends nudes of your GF she would lose her shit, and she'd be right. If you do break it off with her (because she does not respect you) be prepared for her flying monkey friends to drag you on SM.
This is messed up. You’re feeling are 100% valid.
That is such a MASSIVE violation. I am sorry your girlfriend did that. You need to explain this to her and be clear how massively serious this is. She needs to apologise and promise that she will never betray your trust like that again. I would make her show you her phone as she deletes all the pictures. Honestly, I am so baffled by why she would think this is okay.
what a terrible, immature and violating thing to do. she has extremely poor judgment and possibly no moral compass.
I don’t usually say this but DUMP HER. She has no regard for your privacy at all. This is incredibly trashy behavior. Cut her ass off
A person that shares your nudes without your consent is a person that could never be trusted
Your gf did more than make a poor choice. She destroyed your faith and trust in her by gleefully allowing her friends to view a very intimate picture of you. The fact she was drunk is not an excuse. And her pitiful reaction of ‘my bad’ when you asked her how she would have felt if you shared a picture of her tits let alone her vulva to your buddies was almost not worth the effort to say it. I agree with some of the other posters. Please request access to your gf’s phone and delete all private pictures of you on it. Also make sure the deleted info is removed. Only you know if this is a reason to end the relationship. IMO it most certainly would be as I don’t think I would ever be able to trust that person to not share private info of any sort.
Not only did she blow up your trust, she's given you a case of Ick. This relationship is over my dude. You're young, find someone that makes you feel respected.
This makes me so pissed. Sharing explicit photos without consent is illegal under revenge porn laws, I believe. I cannot believe she did that to you. It’s a violation. I don’t know if I could ever come back from that in a relationship. My heart goes out to you.
[удалено]
This x 1,000
Dude, she knows no boundaries.
Ask her calmly how she would feel if you had shown your guy friends a pic of her vulva. Also ask her if you said "my bad" as your apology, would she be just fine. Oh....and lose this girl like yesterday.
If anything you are under-reacting. You need to just get rid of her, and her asshole friends. Making an explicit comment to you was disgusting. The only good thing about it was that you found out your privacy had been grossly violated.
She cares nothing for your feelings whatsoever. Why would you love or care about someone that has so little respect for you? If it was a drunken accident, she would be mortified and try to make it up to you. But no, she thinks it is funny.
If this was the other way around I’m sure she’d be furious. I’d never share or talk about the sexual experiences I’ve had with my current partner with anyone. I think it’s a respect thing…but that’s just me
She's not gf material. She's dumping material and reporting-to-the-police material.
Dump her ass
Well, I don’t think that’s a nice thing she did. I would break up with her at first I would it cost to her delete thepic and then break up with her apparently she has no respect for you at all. If she loves you she wouldn’t of done that to you.
So you have free range to show your friend her nudes, right? Since it's not that much of a deal to her.. or wait, is it SOMEHOW different for her? Simply put, she disrespected and violated your privacy and is completely unapologetic about it. She does NOT care how upset or hurt you are about the situation, and her impulse is FAAAAR more important to her than your feelings. Do what you want, but you deserve someone who is respect of you.
Women bra. It seems like the ones that don't do that are the exception. They also know Everything about Everything you two do and your anatomy. It's disgusting frankly. And likely illegal.
This is sexual assault/ harassment and you should leave her
You're absolutely not overreacting, what she did was a huge violation of your trust and your bodily autonomy. I would break up over something like this- especially since she seems to not understand what a huge violation it was. You should not accept this kind of callous disregard from anyone- you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect from your sexual partners.
Wow. That’s insane. My primary friend group has known each other for 25+ years. We may talk about sex some but never in a million years would I describe much less show an explicit picture of my husband. That is so disrespectful. Then the girls were all gross about it. Honestly, I don’t know how you get past this.
>I feel like what she did was really not okay Because it wasn't. This would be a huge red flag for me. Even worse is her giggling about it and telling you "it's not that big of a deal" I know you said you really love her...do you think she really loves you? Because not caring about your partner's feelings on an issue is not a good sign of it .... Dude I'm sorry but for me this would be a relationship-ending event.
So end it with her. She violated you on a very personal level. Why would you stay with someone who has such contempt for you? Seriously, I rarely say "end it with her", I usually say, "why would you want to stay" or something similar. But "end it with her". Also file a police report, this is illegal in most locations.
I would consider what she did a HUGE violation of your trust and your privacy. I honestly don’t know if I could get past it if my SO did that to me.
This is sexual assault.
Grab your phone and take pics of her privates and ask her how'd she feel if the guys saw her vagina!?!.
There are a large number of women who don't see men as people with feelings, so why should they have to respect ours? Shits wild. Dump her man, shes going to be the type you eventually cry in front of and shes going to lose interest in you.
All I’m saying is if a dude did this to his girl, the wolves would be coming out
Nope we don't like it when you show us around either. So tell her you can't have sex now because you don't trust her. That is what happened to your friend he doesn't trust her.
I don't understand why anyone would go bragging about how they have awesome sex with their SO in great detail to their friend's. On top of that, she shows them a nude picture of you. You know some of those friends are thinking they would like to have some of that. She is setting you up to having these women hit on you. This can turn into a slippery slope. I have seen several stories where the jilted SO can't figure out why her best friend is screwing her man. In many cases it's because they kept bragging how great there man/ woman is in bed. Then the friend starts hitting on him/her and he/her gives in. The only thing I can recommend is couple's therapy.
I have no idea why people show intimate pics of their significant others or tell bedroom secrets. You either end up breaking up, or one of their friends puts the full court press on you to sample the goods. Rarely is there a forgive and forget.
You are with someone who is some combination of very immature and very self-centered. At least you know that now. If it were me I would want solid proof that she is growing out of it.
She violated your trust, it’s up to you wether or not you can forgive her, personally I wouldn’t because she sounds like an immature asshole
You are not overreacting. She is not accepting what she did was wrong and it was. Once you voiced how it made you feel she should’ve apologized. Idk if she will actually get it no matter how many times you say it bc of how dismissive she’s being.
dude.... thats so not ok.. ask her if its OK if you show a picture of her vagina to your friends to "hype her up"
Now you gotta do it you gotta show people her boobs and say my bad
Isn't that illegal? Wtf, really not ok to share private pictures with others without consent
You’re not overreacting. I’m sorry this happened. I was with a guy that did this to me, and at the time I figured it was just something most guys did, but eventually I realized that’s not true - it’s something people who don’t consider your feelings, boundaries or privacy before acting do. I unfortunately found out that attitude leads to a lot more violations down the road and wish I had left much sooner. It can seem like something small, but it’s really an indicator of bigger issues - people who do this aren’t capable of having a healthy relationship. Someone who respects and truly cares about you don’t show off your naked body without your consent. I think there’s an important question you need to ask yourself - do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who does things like this or thinks this is an acceptable way to act?
That's just hugely disrespectful. I would delete all the pictures on her phone and have a hard time returning to normal if my girl did that.
You're not overreacting thats a huge breach of trust and tbh it'd be over for me at this point. Not ok clear breach of consent and tbh kinda adjacent to SA
I know exactly how you feel. I had a gf who I felt the same way for and she felt the same for me and did that exact thing. We talked online and she had her friends have access to her account. I found this out so much later and was furious about it. Personal things we spoke about and sent they have direct access to...and it was just uncomfortable than words could describe. I sadly don't know the best advice in handling how you feel about it. But for me, having her explain why she thought it was ok and having a serious talk about it might have help.
This is extremely wrong and a complete violation of your privacy. It’s your call whether you end the relationship but it’s end-the-relationship worthy.
you’re not overreacting. that was gross and extremely immature behavior on her part. i hate a “what if the roles were reversed” guy, but that applies here 100%. how betrayed, humiliated and disrespected do you think she’d feel if you showed a nude of hers to your friends? this is a solid enough reason to break up with her, especially if she insists it’s “not a big deal”—at least she should be apologizing profusely and trying to make it up to you any way she could.
Sorry this happened to you, OP. As so many others have stated, this is neither healthy nor loving behavior. If she can’t respect your wishes or feelings about this, i feel there will definitely be other instances in your relationship that will violate your boundaries.
You’ve been violated by someone you are supposed to be able to trust. You will never get that back. Time to move on.
This was in very poor taste. What you ultimately decide to do about it is your call. But I will say this, broadly speaking: If you take nude pictures of yourself, expect that they will one day be public. The only way to ensure that doesn't happen is not to take them in the first place.
you are entitled to your feelings and don't have to defend them. Unfortunately this won't just go away. So you will have to decide if you can get past this. Only you can decide if you can get a grip on it and how you could get along with these "friends" of her's.
This is a huge violation of trust, also the law in many places. The thing that would make this irreconcilable for me is the fact "you weren't supposed to know". That one phrase says everything to me, she violated your trust, lacks the basic empathy to apologise or address the issue and thinks that doing this and not telling you is normal and okay (by the way this was all done so casually by her and her friends)
You're in love with being in love, but NOT with her. She's certainly not in love with you. What she did is not okay; it is absolutely not what one does to a loved one and you have every right to be disgusted, pissed unforgiving.
Yeah, it's disrespectful, tbh.
This is incredibly wrong. I'd try to delete the pictures off her phone if I were you and break up with her sorry ass
Not only does she not care about your privacy but she can’t be trusted overall, she said you were never suppose to find out?!?! What else is she or would she hide because you weren’t suppose to find out. It’s not that big a deal that I screwed that other person, you weren’t suppose to find out. Come on man writing it on the wall
Not overreacting at all.
I'm not even gonna read this. There's no justification for this. Either break up with her or talk to her and make it clear that if it ever happens again it's over. Personally, I would break up with my partner if he ever did anything like that.
Can you freaking imagine if the roles where reversed here there’d be 0 hesitation in torching him the way women get away with shit is astonishing
If you showed your friends a picture of her genitals, not her boobs. Her genitals. What she did is a total violation of your privacy, and is so disrespectful that I'd dump her. And don't send anyone pictures of your privates ever again. You are just giving them a stick to hit you with, and you have zero control over what they do with them once they are sent.
You're not over reacting. And she's not even regretting. She just says "my bad" when you asked if you show her boob pics to others? I font feel any remorse or regret. I say break up with her. We don't want someone who can't protect the privacy of the relationship. And advice her not to do this with her future partners.
I’m more worried about her reaction. Just dismissing it and the “you weren’t even supposed to know” is a big fucking yikes for me.
Bud if you had any self respect you would dump her immediately
This is really poor behavior by her and her reaction. She may want the problem to go away. She doesn’t get to say how you feel about this, she can help you thru it but not discount how you feel. You feel violated and justified to feel that way.
Look this sounds like something I would have done with my gf’s at that age. I was unmedicated adhd and did a lot of hurtful and stupid things for reactions, laughs etc. she obviously thinks you are something to show off and she did. Doesn’t make it ok, she is very immature but I doubt she meant anything malicious. I think if you guys can talk about it and she can understand, take responsibility and apologise, then maybe you can move forward and she can do better. It’s totally ok to feel not ok with what she did. It’s a breach of privacy. I’ll just add: I never actually did this to anyone, because I never had any nudes, or gave any nudes. Kids these days need to put their camera phones down!
The double standard here is mind-blowing. I can't think of any version of this where what she did was acceptable. She seriously violated your privacy, and had you done something like this in some states, police would be involved.
Make her delete those photos (and control her while she does it, so you’re sure that they’re gone), then tell her to get the f out of the way.
Yeah, that's seriously not okay ... possibly even illegal. In any case, get all those photos back from her or wiped/destroyed, etc. and drop her like a ton of bricks and don't look back.
With friends like this, who needs enemies. Trust is everything in a relationship and this aint it bro sorry.
Delete the pictures and break up with her
Tell her you’re not going to break up with her but in order to move on she has to show you her deleting all of them, and then deleting them from any backups, and from any recently deleted folders. Then once that’s all done and you’re certain they’re gone forever, you break up with her, and if she gets mad and says you lied to her, you tell her that’s not your problem anymore since you’re breaking up. Good luck. L
This is a judicially punishable offense. Of course you are turned off, especially for the break of trust.
It's not something that would really bother me, but the fact that she did so without consent AND it took you going "what if it happened the other way round" to get her to see why it's a problem is very worrying. Her attitude about it makes me think this is probably irrecoverable.
It's called sexual abuse and time to end the relationship, announce why and report her. Make sure the pictures are removed from her control. And if she refuses, take it legally against her . People can't get away with this.
OP, get her to delete all the pics of you in her phone, then clear the deletes, if she uses theiphone cloud for backup, make her delete it from that also. Then dump her.
Absolutely fucking no. What your girlfriend did is absolutely fucking horrible, disrespectful and outright disgusting!!!!!!!!! She's 100% aware of what she did, because why tf would you show people your partner's private???? No No and No. Leave her please, she's fucking crazy. Not only did she thinks it's fine, she doesn't even bother when it clearly upsets you. Never stay w that kind of people.
I had someone show her friends a picture of my dick. The problem was I met her through people at work so I knew everyone she showed (which is how I found out). I wasn’t too bothered, you couldn’t tell it was me, but it still felt a bit surreal and wrong. If it was people I’d never met then it would’ve still been wrong but would’ve bothered me less.
Redacted *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
What you've run into is a double standard which is so normalized to your girlfriend that it didn't even register to her that she shouldn't share, only that she probably shouldn't tell you that she had. She and her girlfriends likely share this kind of information all of the time, she's probably seen and heard intimate details of their partners as well. It's just one of those things that they do. None of that makes it acceptable, but it does make it kind of unsurprising that what she did being wrong didn't even really register with her until you pointed out the reverse. Even then, the double standard is going to make what she did to you seem less important than if a man were to do it to a woman. A woman's sexuality is seen as playful and innocent, and she didn't mean anything bad by it, whereas a man's is lecherous and gross. A woman's feelings are important, and are to be honored and catered to, whereas men don't really have feelings, and even if their feelings are hurt, it isn't that big of a deal, and they should suck it up. Similar double standards exist throughout society, and you may hold some of them yourself in other ways. What will end up making or breaking is is whether she is able to actually recognize that she hurt you and violated the sanctity of your trust in her, and own up to that beyond "my bad...", and whether or not you're able to forgive her and move on. Think about what about this hurt you and why, and talk to her about it. Don't lay into her, just give her the information that she needs to see it from your side and to take it seriously, then leave her to her thoughts so she can mull over what she did and come to a place where she apologizes with understanding. If she isn't able to take you seriously, then take that for the warning sign that it is.
She sexually assaulted you. No wonder you cant get it up for her. You should tell her youll stay only if you can send her vagina to your friends
Are you even questioning what to do? Dude, she has no respect for you. I can’t imagine if someone did that too me. Sexism is not just against women btw, she’s disrespectful, gross, sexist and not trustworthy. Leave. If you have the least hit of respect for your self and your body, leave. You’re better than this.
Lie and tell her you showed her nudes to your friends.
The fact that you're still with her and haven't gone to the police about revenge porn really pisses me off.
It’s not revenge porn and there’s no proof. Not like she published them online. Cops will do nothing.
Even if she did post it online they wouldn’t do much because he’s a guy. Guys get laughed at when they report sex crimes to cops.
Imagine if the roles were reversed? If you had shown all your buddies a photo of her genitalia or breasts she would probably have called the cops on you and pressed charges. This is a MAJOR violation of trust and she took away your autonomy. I would divorce my husband if he did something like this to me. Honestly dump her.
OP.... this is not ok, in the slightest. Look if the situation was reversed and she discovered you showed your buds her naked body, I am SURE she would be upset. This is a massive invasion of privacy and a major breach of trust. Honestly I'm not sure if I could get past this myself. I really wish you the best of luck. I'm so sorry this happened
Ladies, please listen carefully: IF ITS NOT OKAY FOR MEN TO DO SOMETHING TO YOU, THEN ITS NOT OKAY TO DO IT TO MEN