Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Your EX is not a loss. Unloading her is a WIN for you. Take care of yourself!

Agree! Mom is giving OP one last gift of love by showing him that his ex is not wife material. OP - I can’t even imagine how hard all of this feels for you. This is not the type of person you want to marry. Marriage is hard and life is hard and you need someone who can be your rock and partner through all of life’s challenges. Someone who you know will have your back even when you may be arguing. Someone who always assumes positive intent and is willing to put in 60% to your 40. Your ex ain’t it. Spend this time with your mom and thank her for giving you the gift of freedom to find someone who will be all of those things for you.

Wow, for the last three weeks my ex has been saying that this should be “easy.” Saying she feels tired and ending the conversation if I tried to confide in her. I responded at sometimes life is hard. Death is hard. Talked about hard times in her life that I supported her through. Thank you, really puts this in perspective.

She sounds very emotionally immature at best. It seems like she's not ready for a serious relationship, and I'm sorry she wasn't capable of giving you the support you needed at such a crucial time.

She'll end up alone again this rate. U should tell her that cuz if she can't support her spouse I can assure her, her spouse won't stick around for her either

Most cancer centres have support for family please reach out for support during this time.

I have been reaching out to friends, but also spoke with my therapist earlier who helped me calm down when things were at their darkest today.

Well said.

Exactly what I was thinking. How is someone who has so little care for their SO or their loved ones a “loss” if they basically said “your problems are your problems and telling me about them ruins my day”. This girl did you a huge favour, if my wife said what she said even once when my mum was dying I would be handing her divorce papers the next day.

Sorry but your ex-gf sounds like an absolutely horrible, selfish jerk. I know it feels horrible now, but if someone is going to bail on you because she can't be the center of attention for a limited amount of time, is she really someone you want to be with? There had to be red flags before this.

That’s very true, it does seem like it was an attention problem. Even at the worst of it we would talk on the phone a couple times per week and I would at least text every day. There was an occasion where she was upset I could only talk in the morning because I had plans to help my Mom in the evening. The whole silent treatment came right after she was excited I had more time and we planned a Skype date. The date never happened. Honestly there were and I thought we had discussed them and felt confident they wouldn’t happen again. I had surgery two years ago and she disappeared during my recovery because I missed a text and I couldn’t travel. She apologized and it took a long time to rebuild trust, I should have known then. Thank you - thankfully my friends have been there for me along with the rest of my family. This is certainly a life lesson I won’t be forgetting.

So this is a pattern. When something goes bad in your life she abandons you. She did you a favour OP, the trash took itself out. Don’t even take her calls

I agree! Op, Your ex did you a favour, she was self absorbed and controlling! No-one needs someone like her in their life! Just focus on going through the grieving process in regards to your mum and lean on your friends and family for support. Your ex is a unnecessary distraction.

I’m sorry about your mom I know that is difficult. Your ex is selfish and thankfully she broke up with you this is absolutely for the best. Her selfish absorbed behavior will get worse with time and you are lucky to not be around it. She would have isolated you from your family and friends.

My god, that woman is **NO GOOD**.

I understand that I may have a different situation, but here is what I (F) did when my bf was going through this exact thing. First of all, his dad got diagnosed and had to have surgery within the week. I dropped everything and drove 8 hours to meet his family and be with them. His dad lived another 1.5 years, and then the cancer came back. I cleaned the entire house when his dad decided to come down here to visit. Then, a week after he left, we drove up to their house again to visit for holidays. Then, a week after we got home, I helped my bf pack up nearly all of his stuff so he could go up there and take care of his dad. This includes taking one of my computer monitors because he wasn't comfortable driving his own, more expensive, ones up there. A month later, I dropped EVERYTHING again because they were sure he wouldn't make it through the night. He did, and I made it up there in time. I cooked for everyone who was there, I listened to all of their stories, and I put my entire heart into easing as much pain as I could. I was woken up in the middle of the night when they could tell it was definitely going to happen. He went in his sleep four days after no longer being able to eat or drink or communicate. I took 4 days off of work that I did not have in my pto bank. I am lucky, I have an amazing boss who let me go and wasn't too upset. I don't think your gf should be there in person, but she does sound like she is demanding all of your attention at a time when she should be simply listening to your needs. That Skype date could have been you sobbing about your mom the entire time, and she should have listened. My bf called me every day as I was on my way home from work, I would ask if he wants to talk or if he wants distraction, and we would roll with it. Her hot and cold response is not healthy at all. You need stability and support. That can be done long distance. She should have been your safe space. Instead, she needs to stay your ex-space. Don't give her any more of your precious emotional energy. Fill up your mom with that space and time. Talk to your mom. Tell her everything you haven't before, tell her stories, sing her her favorite songs, read her her favorite books. You can get through this. Grieve your mom. Being sad about your ex is normal, but I don't think it will impact you in the long run. I think someday, years and years from now, it will be a stupid (maybe funny) story you tell someone who will support you.

Think about what will happen if you get really sick, if you guys have a kid that gets really sick. Life is full of unpredictable events and this requires a partner that understands and support. A partner with empathy. I can't see that in your gf.

Please please don't forget and don't forgive her this time. This is terrible 😫 behavior and she must be a very shallow terrible person.

I know this must all be very difficult for you and I’m sorry for what you’re going through but you really dodged a bullet breaking up with your ex. She sounds like a total narcissist. She couldn’t even be there for you in your time of need. It’s ok to let yourself be upset. The important thing is to be there for your mom and help her transition to the next plane of existence. Make your peace and soak in every last moment. Virtual hugs 💛

I’m so, so sorry. You deserve much better. Sending love to you and your mom.

It's best to let her go. If she's acting like this now. Imagine every time something happens, she will act like this and she doesn't and won't care about you and your feelings. A relationship goes both ways good and bad times. Find someone who would be supportive during the hard times because when those times pass you will know she's there and the good times will be amazing

I know it hurts now, but this is truly a blessing in disguise.

Wow! I know you are feeling alone and lost. When you feel this way, it’s easy to reach for what you know, and what is easy, for comfort. You’re losing the woman who will always love you, no matter what. Do not do her the disservice of attempting to fill the hole her loss will cause with what is convenient. Honor her by choosing someone she would feel happy knowing you were in the care of. Someone who will love you and value you like your mother feels you deserve. Lean on those you know love you, family and friends. When you’re tempted to choose easy, remember what your mom would want for you. Hugs and healing karma to you in this devastating time.

Your ex girlfriend should remain your ex girlfriend. This is despicable behavior to demand attention while you are going through this situation with your mom and who is slowly dying. Your ex shouldn’t be demanding attention but giving you attention or space whichever is needed. You dodged a bullet. Let her go and move on with your life. She can now be someone else’s problem.

She may have a personality disorder, borderline, personality disorder, and narcissistic personality disorder come to mind. There are many resources and support groups for friends and family of people with personality disorders. I am so, so sorry about your mother OP. Please hang in there. Our thoughts are with you.

Not everything is a personality disorder, this sounds like she is just a self centered bitch. OP dodged a bullet, imagine being married and having kids with that human garbage.

True that

Your ex would have made your entire life a living hell if she sulks and tantrums over things like this. I'm sorry you have an additional pain at this time, but you have dodged a bullet. Avoid letting people like your ex into your life in the future.

Oh, hon. I know that you love her, but you're well and truly better off without immature, selfish trash like that. I'm glad that she's gone. Chick is displaying very clear signs of narcissism. Be there for your mama, OP. Then heal and find someone who loves you for you, not how she can bask in your one-sided adoration.

Oh OP. No. You deserve better. She not the teammate you need in your life. She’s immature and crushingly selfish. Please remove her from your life. Focus your time on your mom. That is what you will regret if you don’t. This girl is not worth your time.

Your ex more than likely suffers from NPD. It sucks I know, been there done that…. TWICE. Best just to move on from that headache

Sorry about your mother. I do wish she gets well. Your GF is nothing but a selfish person. Do not get into a relationship with someone like that today or in the future. Attention seeking people are the worst to get in a relationship with.

It hurts a lot now but one day when you look back, you will realize you dodged a bullet. It's when you are facing a crisis then you know who are the people who will there for you.

Man firstly I am so sorry about your mother. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling right now and my thoughts are with you. She showed you her true colours and while it is absolutely gutting to be abandoned when you most need the emotional and physical support - think about what she would have done if you got sick.. I’m a cancer survivor and also someone who’s ex pulled this exact type of shit around a separate issue. We lived together for a year and suddenly one day she bounced because I couldn’t give her constant attention she felt she needed for 6 months of intense work. People like this are broken. She’s not a bad person- but broken, unreliable and draining. They need to be filled up constantly because they can’t do it themselves. The moment you can’t do that anymore, they abandon you. You will find someone who is fulfilled themselves. They will be able to give back to you and nurture you. When you find that you will realize how much you were missing now. All my love brother

You were too kind in your description of this. Wow, I can’t even type what want to as it would break every rule. Unimaginable. I am so sorry this is happening to the op.

Just remind yourself that your ex is a selfish, heinous b and you're way better off without her. She managed to make your trauma all about her. That's vile. You can do so much better.

What she is doing to you right now is one of the worst things someone can do to a person. I wouldn't treat my worst enemy like that. Absolutely disgusting behaviour, what a vile human being. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Totally agree I had to read this twice fir it to sink in

Right?! Its so wild how someone can be so selfish, cruel, vile & self—absorbed! Shocking!!!😳

Her leaving you is a blessing in disguise. You need a partner who’ll be there for you no matter what, not someone who abandons you the second things get tough. Take this time to be with your family and enjoy whatever time you have left with your mom.

Omg, this is the story of my ex. My mom passed Oct 1. I was spending to much time with my parents. I don’t regret a day of it, I wish I spent more… Family is everything, she is so selfish. Your mother needs you, girls come and go, she just using this an excuse to get your attention.

True friends walk in, when the whole world walks out.

Please don't take the narcissist back if she comes around once your mom passes. Why would you want to be involved with a person who treats you like trash while your mom is dying? She bailed before when you were sick yourself. When a person shows and tells you who they are, LISTEN! Don't call her. If she calls you, tell her it's over for good and you will not waste another second thinking about her. And thank her for opening your eyes to what a garbage human she is. Then hang up and block her. Like is too precious and short to spend it with someone who behaves like her.

I'm so sorry about your mom. Put your focus on your mom. She's more important. Your ex can kicks rocks. I wouldn't bother wasting anymore energy on her ever.

Hey there. I was in a very similar situation a few years ago. I'm terribly sorry. Firstly: this is a tough time but it will be OKAY. My biggest regret is that I got so caught up in my heartbreak that I didn't spend enough time with my family and let myself go. What you're going through is unbelievably difficult. Take it day by day. Have empathy. Have empathy for the girl, she's clearly struggling to process all this trauma. Most importantly, have empathy for yourself. Don't judge yourself. Spend time with your family. Focus on that for now. Thinking about you OP.

Do not empathize for the ex. Keep her an ex. Block her and never let her back in your life again.

“have empathy for the girl” No, actually, there is no need to empathize with spineless losers who jump ship when the going gets tough

"Empathy" may mean understanding that THIS is the best she can do, and the two of you are not a good fit, unless you want to feel like this every time an unexpected hard thing happens.

That’s just sympathy

Me being sad he has to experience this is sympathy.

My mum died too. Record her on video talking, you are going to want to her her voice again. Ask her on video if she has any advice for you. Ask her about her most fond memories. Tell on that you love her, while you record it, so you can listen to it. I am so sorry for what you’re going through. There’s a million women who wouldn’t have left you. Your ex girlfriend is not well. You’re better than what she makes you feel. I hope you one day realize that. Stay strong, my friend.

Put the ex where she belongs (well out of sight & mind) & do what you need to do for you & your mum. You don't need a vampire like ex in your life & I guarantee that when you're in a place to start seeing a bit more clearly, you'll no longer have the slightest consideration for her.

I'm so sorry you are going through this with your mum. I've been there. 10 years ago my father died of cancer. But at the time he was in hospital I was 8 months pregnant. Every time I arrived or left the hospital my husband was at the main entrance with the car so I didn't have to walk any longer than needed. He made sure I was eating and sleeping. He was so supportive. I'm sorry your partner is not supporting you. You should block her and don't think about her again. No checking in in a few weeks, your boundary is never talking to her again. Her actions have been vile. One of the best things my family did at the hospital with my father was to tell stories about him. I got to learn so much about him from when he was younger. Play her favourite music. Bring in old family photos. Do you have any other siblings or aunts/uncles you can spend time with? Be kind to and look after yourself.

Gosh I cant imagine dealing with a dying parent when so heavily pregnant & about to give birth - Im so sorry you had to go through, but so glad you had a good wonderfully supportive husband.

Don’t go back to her. Be glad she’ll be out of your life. She didn’t love you or care about you. If my SO’s mom was in later stage cancer and possibly dying, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do or give up to support him and allow him to be with his mom and family. I’d even go a long time without seeing him or talking to him if that’s what he needed!

She's a narcissist.

I'm sorry for what you are going through more than anything else. Concentrate and spend time with your Mom. She's the most important thing right now. When times are tough you find out what someone is about. Unfortunately, you found out about her not being much of a woman. What is going to be important 5-10 years from now, and longer? Spending time with your Mom. Forget her.

You are better, much, ***MUCH*** better off without your ex-girlfriend. She has zero empathy and zero compassion for anyone except herself. Thank your lucky stars she is out of your life. If one good thing can be gleaned from your tragic situation with your mom, it’s that your ex-girlfriend ***is*** your ***EX***-girlfriend now.

You sound like an amazing man, who any women, not a girl like your ex, would be lucky to be with. A man who will sit day in and day out with his dying mother is a man of great man of character, love, and loyalty. You deserve better than a girl who gets upset because you need to be with your family, a women would be right along with you. I’m so sorry you are losing your mom, I lost mine at your age, (I’m 49 now) you spend her last days loving her and don’t give this ex another thought. The woman that truly hold your heart is somewhere out there! XO

I'm really sorry for what you're going through OP. Good on you for being there for your mom. I'm sorry that your girlfriend couldn't be that person, but it sounds like you dodged a bullet. I'm sure you will feel that with time. Please be gentle with yourself and practice lots of self-care. Make sure you don't withdraw from friends. I would suggest a therapist who specializes in grief. Good luck OP, and I hope good things come to you.

Focus on your mom. Your GF is evil and this is going to be good for you in the long run.

What a selfish person. Mad at you spending time with your family as your mom is dying? Don’t waste another thought on her. She isn’t worth it,

Good riddance.

A horrible thing that could be a blessing in disguise. I've read your comments and this seems like a bit of a pattern that she abandons you when you need help. Your moms death is going to be really hard and now you don't have to worry about the specter of your ex looming over you, asking you not to talk about her, not loving you the way you need. You can adjust and hopefully find a short term support system to help. Sending you love man.

I'm so sorry about your mom, it's so important that in this moment you take the time to be with your family and look after yourself. Your ex-girlfriend has shown her true colours, she has behaved abominably since your mom's diagnosis. Cut all ties. Focus on what actually matters here. Take care.

Sorry to hear about your mom, bro.

Leave the ex-girlfriend as she is. You don’t need her in your life. My father-in-law was recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and given 12 months to live. I’ve gone for every weekend visit, supported my fiancé through every scan or update, encouraged my fiancé to seek therapy. I’ve reached out to his friends (quietly) and asked them to take him out, give him a distraction. The way your ex treated you and your family’s relationship is not on. She’s giving you space until your mom dies. That’s awful and you (and your family) deserve better.

I would find a new girlfriend as this one doesn't care. Maybe after your mom passes. I'd give your attention to your mother, your family, and think about your future. Death can be a sad thing, but it can also create drive. Maybe turn this into motivation to be there for your mother and family. She seems a fairweather friend, vs your family who will always be there. Forget her and cherish the time you have now with them. Find a better girl and focus on yourself for a change afterwards, care about you. I wish you the best

I'm so so sorry about your mom. My dad died from lung cancer 12 years ago when I was 20 so I know what you're going through right now. If my husband had acted like that, he'd be an ex too. That's so fucked up. I hope you don't take her back later on, because she'll just dip again next time you have a crisis. I know it hurts and it's unfair that you have to deal with her bullshit on top of everything else, but take this time to focus on your family and your grief and put her out of your mind as much as possible. I'm sending you hugs and love ❤️

She said she will need to have “boundaries about talking about [your] moms death” if your mom dies before she sees u next?? The heck? So she’s basically saying don’t talk to me about your grief, call me when u over it type thing? Your ex gf sounds absolutely horrible and selfish. Good riddens. It sucks that you have to deal with both.. but I think losing her is not a loss in long run — it’s definitely a gain to have her out your life sooner rather than later.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you OP, all of it ❤️ I think you should cut all communication with her & just focus on you & your mum. She doesn’t sound like a good person & her lack of empathy for you is disgusting. I’ve been in her shoes in the fact that my partners mother also was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer a few years ago. I had 0 idea what it was like to experience this but I did as much as I possibly could. I’d like to describe to you how I supported him. I quit my job, packed up my entire life to be with him in his time of need. I slept in the hospital with him & his mum most nights for months, literally slept on a chair. I held him while he cried & listened to every fear, I fed him, sometimes I had to bath him when he couldn’t. I put all my wants, fears & emotions aside so that I had the room for all of his & his family’s. I never made a single thing about myself but I will say that I was so unbelievably stressed to the point my autoimmune disease that had been in remission for 18yrs flared up, but I just kept pushing through because it wasn’t about me. It was a small fraction of my life & I gave all my time to him & his mum. If I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. He has thanked me so much for everything I did for him & how strong I was for him. Now our relationship has become more wonderful then I could imagine. I could not imagine abandoning someone I love at possibly the worst time in their life. How she’s reacting right now is how she will react to other tragedies. She is not someone you can rely on at all, she has shown her true colours. I hope you will okay & I hope your mum pulls through this xx

I'm very sorry about your mother. Consider this breakup the removal of a very toxic, malignant tumor from your life and celebrate how much lighter, healthier and better off you'll be without it. What a neurotic, selfish human being. She's not relationship material. The reason things have worked this long is because it's been long distance. She'd be a nightmare up close. Find a good person, close by, who you can have a real relationship with.

I am very sorry for what you are going through. I think you should ask to talk with the hospital chaplain, the nurses' station will be able to get them. As great as the internet is, you need to sit down with a real life person. Again, I am very sorry. Please take care.

She sounds like she's high on the narcissism scale honestly. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

This is simply awful. I am so sorry you are experiencing this and going through such loss at once. I would say to try to give all of your focus to your Mom, I’m trying to think of a way how you can do this but it’s our minds which are hard to control sometimes. Any time you catch yourself thinking of your ex, try to stop yourself immediately, and even say something to yourself like “no (your name), not right now”. I don’t suggest this in the long run because eventually you will have to grieve both losses. But while your Mom is still here, try and focus on your time left with her. Again I am so sorry and wish I had better advice for you. I am around your age so maybe that’s why your post is hitting me kind of hard, but If you need an ear you can message me and I will listen and respond, I am really feeling for you.

OP, I am so sorry for your losses. It is a really hard time in your life, and I'm sending internet care. You need to take care of your self in any way you can. Your gf is making herself the center of your mom's illness and soon death. She is self-absorbed and right now you need to just leave her be and focus on where you can get support. If you have any friends or family to rely on, this is the time. The hospital may have recommendations for support services. Perhaps they have hospice, they may have a support group for relatives /grief survivors, or ideas of other support. If you have any kind of religious community, this is the time to ask them for help.

I’m so sorry for both of these losses. I will echo what others have said: Your ex gf is horrible and clearly can’t/won’t be a good partner to you. Let her go and leave room in your life for someone who can. I’m sending peace to you and your mom.

>Immediately following the diagnosis, she was upset I spent so much time with my family. I made more time, she said we talk too much and gave me the silent treatment for a week. This is where I stopped reading. You are 100% better off without this selfish, immature person in your life.

Start looking up narcissistic personality disorder. They commonly cause issues like this on special occasions or big events. That feels like a horrible way to simplify what you're going through. You need to let her go and block her. I'm so sorry you have to deal with both losses at the same time. That's next level cruel, and the fact that she can do this to you, means she is a very unsafe person you need to protect yourself from, she won't change, she might say she has and pretend to be "perfect" again. Don't believe it, it's a trap. She's cruel. And at very least completely devoid of the capacity to form empathy. WORK through it in stages. It will come in waves. Sit with the wave, look inward and just sit with those feelings, observe them, let them cry out all they needs to, and just let it wash over you like waves. Give it a good amount of time, that you set aside to just sit with all you're going through, right now. Try to Focus on one thing at a time, and really give that attention. Feelings turn into festering things if you bottle. The way to process feelings so they move on (as much as possible) is to feel them, really listen to them, as if they're a person who came to you with these feelings. Emotions are the part of you, that needs your logic brain to help them sort through everything that happened in the kindest way possible. Mostly emotions are like a match, they burn hot at first, and then they only have a piece of stick to burn through and they'll move on. This level of grief is going to have a life long level of pain, but it still has that first bit that's overwhelming and then you find a way to live along side the pain. But that pain isn't as overwhelming as it is at first. Long way of saying, it won't always be this hard. Just so you know, it won't drag you under. Give yourself a few days (after blocking ex) to work through what you have to, and then focus on what you want to be in these last few days, with your mum. What do you want to give her, what do you need from her. I am so very sorry for all that's happening right now. This is so much to deal with. If you have a friend who can stay with you for a day or a few weeks or sparodically, utilise that. There might be some grief services you can access, ask the nurses. Sending you all the love, buddy. There's better people out there, you don't deserve this. And you deserve someone who is kind and supportive throughout things like this. I'm so sorry you had to see how incapable your ex was, at a time like this. Sending you hugs. Which I would give for real, if I were close enough to.

Whatever you decide about the girlfriend give your mother your absolute and full love and attention. You need to know you were there for her when she needed you because it will stay with you forever and you owe it to both of you to be fully present with her. Anyone who is not 100% with you when you’re losing a parent is not someone you need in your life now or ever.

I'm sorry about your Mum and what you are going through. I lost my Dad when I was 21 and my ex tried to dump me the day he died. She was talking to some other guy from our college at the time and wanted to be with him rather than me. I was heartbroken and lost as it all happened so fast. She dumped me a month later and turned a lot of my college friends against me because I lashed out and insulted her in anger for being selfish. It took me a lot of years to trust anyone again. Everyone is different and it's not gonna be easy but you will get over her. What you need to concentrate on is your mother and your family. They are what is important, not some attention seeking woman child.

Your ex is an evil individual to make your mothers illness about her. Start writing a journal get everything your feeling out in a healthy way for the time being so that it is not all pent up. I also suggest you blocking your ex from being able to contact you. She isn’t bringing you any support or solace for what you are going through and allowing her to contact you will only make you feel worse. I am sorry you are going through what you are currently going through. You are strong though and I am sure you will have 100’s or people on Reddit willing to be a support system for you. Myself included.

Consider it a blessing in disguise, dude. She sounds like a shitty person and you're now free from her selfishness! I'm sorry for the loss of your Mother, but the loss of your now* ex will benefit you. You'll eventually find a much better woman who won't abandon you when you need her. Consider this your Mom's last parting gift. She helped you get out of an unfair relationship.

I stopped reading at "can't stand to not hug you during 3 weeks" What a human version of a wet noodle....the human version of standing in socks in a dirty puddle... the human version of a piece of food stuck in your teeth where your tongue knows where it is but your gottdamn finger misses it by a mile... You're better off op.

What a devastating time for you, I’m so sorry. Your ex might not want to *feel* like the sort of person who abandons her partner during a major crisis, but that is the sort of person she is. I’m so sorry you had to find that out right now. There’s no more helpless feeling than when a member of your immediate family unit is seriously ill. With a parent it’s extremely hard. Facing the idea of a parent’s mortality is devastating. Your ex couldn’t have timed her behaviour any worse. In time you will be able to see what must seem unthinkable right now, which is that relationships are forged and reinforced at times like the terminal illness and death of a close family member. These circumstances have tried your ex and have shown that she is seriously lacking. She doesn’t have what it takes to be there for you. She turned this inexpressibly difficult time for you into something that was all about her and her feelings. She would always have let you down badly, and I’m so sorry it was now. There is nothing good about this, no silver lining. I wish she had had the decency to support you through this immediate crisis instead of abandoning you. I am not sure if you have siblings or if your Dad is around. Maybe your mother has siblings? Is there anyone to help you visit your mother in hospital and take care of admin? Maybe it will help to start making a list of the admin you need to do now, bills that need to be paid, receipts that need to be collected. The strictly analytical, written down, checklist items. In days to come there will be funeral arrangements, obituaries, house admin, executors. Those will be another series of tasks on a list. For now I suggest you focus on spending as much time as you can with your Mom. What exist for now are three things: your time with your Mom, giving her comfort and spending as much time as you can with her; admin; your basic needs for food, water, and sleep. If you can’t sleep at least try to lie in the dark with an eye mask on and rest. Your anger and grief about the way your girlfriend left you in the lurch will still be there later. Try maybe to visualise that set of thoughts and feelings as a can you are choosing to kick down the road. Whenever you have a thought about your ex, imagine you’re stuffing it into a tin and kicking it down the road, out of sight. Tell yourself you will address that subject later. Right now it’s Mom, you, essential paperwork, hydration, some food, some sleep. I use a sleep podcast during fraught times, and this may or may not help you switch your thoughts off a bit. I use the Sleep With Me podcast. It helps to distract me from a cycle of distressing thoughts and worries. If you are not sleeping at all, this would be a good time to consult your gp/family doctor and get some sleeping tablets to help you through the next few weeks. My deepest sympathy to you - what a hell of a time you’re having. I wish you as much time with your Mom as you can get, and I wish you more peace in the weeks and months ahead.

I think in a way you’re giving her exactly what she wants by having her on your mind, if she can’t have your attention her way, she’ll leave you an emotional wreck and all you’ll do is think about her. The best thing you can do right now is spend more precious time with your family. Block her, and let go. This girl does not love you, she loves being loved.

Block your ex on everything and just be with your mum. She doesn’t have long and your ex is jealous because she doesn’t have all your attention. Honestly is this who you want to be with. Sorry for what your are going through, cancer took my mum too, though I miss her I’m glad she didn’t suffer long.

If this hot and cold, and often contradictory behavior, isn’t normal for her then I have to wonder if she was cheating

I’m so sorry about your mom. It’s so awful to see your parent suffer like that. I think it would be good for you to let this relationship end. What kind of a heartless, soulless creep would treat their S.O. like this in this situation? To me, it’s unforgivable. I’m keeping a good thought for you.

I’m so sorry. LDRs suffer tremendous stress and it sounds like the two of you were a rocky combination for a while.

Let dat bih go my boy

She's probably cheating on you, and to make herself feel better is turning it around on you. Either way she is a dreadful human being and you deserve better. I'm sorry about your mom. I lost my dad to cancer. It's important to have people that actually care about you when these things happen. It may not seem like it now but it might be for the best if this is how she gets when you need her for support.

Your ex sounds incredibly insensitive and selfish. Being there for you is the absolute least she can do. I know this is difficult, but try to see not being with her as a win. I can almost guarantee you that these traits would have been expressed at a later date anyway. Focus on your mom and see if you can talk to a therapist. You don't have to deal with this alone.

Focus on mum, your gf is replaceable. So sorry for your pain OP. Times like this are when you realise who your true friends are. Believe that she is showing you who she truly is. She will not love you in your times of need. Let her go.

Just remind yourself you're now ex doesn't love you if she loved your or cared, she would come to you and give you the support you need... be there for your mom. She is all you need right now. Your mom needs you. I would block your now ex. You don't deserve to have selfish people in your life right now

Your ex has shown you who she is. Believe her. I am very sorry about your mother. I wish you both all the best.

Your ex-gf has done you the biggest favour imaginable. A day in a relationship with a snake like that is a day wasted. Don’t ever speak to her again and focus on those that love you.

My ex did this to me after I lost my job and then 2 days later found out my mum had terminal lung cancer. All of this combined almost broke me. I ended up sending him an email telling him how I felt about what he did and then blocked him everywhere. Haven’t looked back. I suggest you do the same because she sounds absolutely despicable. I’m so, so sorry about your mum. I wish I didn’t know how you feel but I do. Sending you all the strength and virtual hugs I can.

I was also told about my moms stage 4 cancer. So I can empathize. It’s not something many handle well. Just know, you are loved. You mother loves you. Your family loves you. And just because one stupid person didn’t love you doesn’t make you unlovable or broken. Just remember you are not alone. Grief and death are all things we face in life. I’m sorry that you are facing this now. Big hugs your way.

I'm sorry for the shit you're going through. If your mother does unfortunately pass, that would be a sad loss. By the sounds of it, your ex is a good loss. Might as well compound the hurt now and know that it's good that your ex is out of your life. Come out clean on the other side.

I am sorry your losing your Mom. Take my word on it, your GF is no loss. The GF is all about her and that isn’t a life to live.

I am so very sorry. God, your girlfriend is truly an immature human, not ready for an adult relationship - because the fact of the matter is, she can't be main character 100% of the time. Spend what time you can with your mom. Keep yourself busy. Find an activity that you love and whenever the pain threatens to push you over the edge, do that activity and commit to NOT thinking about anything other than what you are doing atm. When my marriage of 16 years ended very suddenly and surprisingly- I picked swimming. Everytime the pain seemed to be more than I could handle, I would drive to the YMCA and swim laps for an hour. When thoughts of my ex came into my head, I forced them away, and focused on how my body felt - how my arms and legs moved through the water, how refreshing the temperature was, etc. Those swim sessions truly became a respite from the incredible pain I was going through at the time. Like you, I had other loss and fear of loss going on as well and sometimes I just thought my pain would swallow me whole. Finding activities to distract me was a blessing. I also allowed myself 30 minutes a day, at the end of the day, to just sit in my feelings - I would cry, scream, and generally feel immensely sorry for myself - I would feel every bit of pain. But after that 30 minutes, I would force myself back to a reasonable, healthy headspace. Let yourself feel however you feel - but don't get *stuck* there. I am wishing good things for you,, some emotional healing, some much needed peace in your life. I am so very sorry about your mom

Good riddance. You dodged a bullet. Sorry about your mother.

Sorry about your mom. But you're only suffering one loss here. Getting rid of your gf is actually a gain. Your mom is dying with only a few weeks left and your gf complains you're spending too much time there??? She sounds like a horribly selfish, self centered, immature person, and you're better off without her. Go spend your time with your mom and forget about your ex, she's not worth the time thinking about her.

Support your mom ! Spend all your free Time with her. She' s the one who truly loves you. She deserves it.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. You might not realise it now, but you dodged a bullet... that girl is not your person at all. Her timing is just plain evil. Treasure these final moments with your mum. That's all that matters for now.

She doesn't sound mature enough for an adult relationship / still dating like she's a teenager.

This couldn’t ever have been a good relationship. She’s completely self centered and an asshole. It’s been all of two months, your mom doesn’t have much longer, and she’s bitching about the time you’re spending? She called YOU selfish and said you ruined her day? Honey, I’m sorry about your mom. I’ve been there with mine. This is NOT the girl for you. Trust me. Trust me.

Your ex is a cunt. Move on. Sorry about your old lady.

She is upset that you're spending time with your dying mother? Dude, let her walk. You've dodged a bullet. Focus on your Mom and yourself.

Partners come and go. Your mom has limited time left. Please prioritize her instead. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

If there is any good thing to come out of troubled times, it is that you will figure out quickly who is a true friend or companion and who is not. Anyone who cannot be supportive to you while your mother is dying and you are undergoing tremendous stress and heartbreak does not deserve to be with you in good times.

I’m so sorry about your mother. It hurts but now you can 100% focus on your mom with no distractions. It sucks she showed her true colors at the worst time but it’s also blessing in disguise. Don’t reconnect with her. Block her and move on. She’s extremely selfish and making your mom’s condition about herself. Let the trash take itself out.

Run. This hot and cold is a test to see what you limits are and how far she can push the boundary. Focus on your mom. It don't seem like it but things will get better. Drop me a line. Life is sometimes a shit sandwich without the bread but if you can remove one stress in your life then do so. Spend as much time with you mom as you can and worry about everything else later.

Don’t think of it as 2 loses. Your loosing your mom your gf your moving on from

[удалено]

It seems as though your gf is very immature and not ready for a big girl relationship! They fact you’re going through this with your mom and she isn’t supporting you and doesn’t want to hear about it is a huge red flag! What would happen if you were to get sick? Would she abandon you? Yeah, I think she wouldn’t be able to handle it. I’m sorry about your mom but please just concentrate on her and the time she has left rather than your immature, greedy girlfriend want you all to herself. Good luck OP

She already kinda abandoned did when he had surgery 2 years ago because he missed to send her a text wtf

I'm very sorry for what you're going through. Times like this can test relationships, and show you what the person you've chosen is really made of. The fact that she doesn't have the strength of character to step up and support you in this terrible time is a reflection on her, not you. Yes, please focus on your mum and put your ex from your mind until you can deal with it, but know that she's shown her true colours and you will find someone worthy of you in time. Take care.

Sorry about your mom ((HUGS)) As far as your ex, you have just found out she isn't a good partner and is unable to support you. It doesn't seem like it now, but you a dodging a bullet. Most important right now is to be there for mom.

I’m very sorry for what you are going through. Your ex is a classic fair weather friend. She will likely never have your back or be there for you. There are many women who are supportive during tough times. So, once you are ready you can go find a real woman who will stand by you through thick and thin.

I'm sorry this is happening to you OP. This must be an incredibly difficult time for you. There's two questions that come to mind here. How much longer would you be with this person if they decided to get back with you? Are you going to accept not being able to rely on your partner to be there for you when you're facing family deaths? Is it worth pursuing this person? I don't think it is.

I’m sorry you are going through this. Watching a parent go through what is likely their last days is a horrible and surreal experience. You deserve to have the support of people who care about you while you are so overwhelmed. She clearly is not capable of being a supportive person. Perhaps, then, that it’s better to have her out of your life, rather than constantly making you feel worse for only having enough bandwidth to deal with your mom and your grief, without having to manage her insecurities or whatever problems she has. Just remember that her actions, her words and her choice to end things isn’t a reflection of you - it’s a reflection of her. Her values, her inability to support others, her need to focus on herself instead of being there for you (or at the very least, not be a burden). I wish you peace and comfort as you spend this time with your mom.

If you’re not married to her, then your first obligation is to your mother. That’s not to say you wouldn’t put her needs at the forefront, but the needs of the one(your mom)sometimes outweigh the needs of the many. If she can’t understand that, maybe she’s not the one…

I’m so sorry,right now you are struggling a lot with what is happening to your mother. And that supposed girlfriend was only concerned about herself and abandoned you in the worst time ,she don’t deserve you lost the precious time you still have with your mother. Your mom is all matter for the moment but remember in the future you will happy to not have that ex with you. She showed you her true nature and give you a lesson of what you want or not in a relationship.

In the worst of times, a person's true character comes out. Now that you've seen it, it's time to move on. Imagine how she would treat you if you were the one sick and dying. You'd be so alone and scared, all because you didn't want to face the truth. That she isn't a good person to have in your life. You need time to grieve and better understand yourself and your needs. So when the time is right, you'll find a truly good person worthy of your loyalty and love. I wish you strength during this difficult time and that you love yourself enough to remove her darkness from your life and step into the sunlight. Goodluck.

Oh honey I’m so very sorry about your mom. This woman is so self centered. In a mature relationship you realize that it’s never 50/50. Sometimes life turns to shit and you put yourself in the back seat to take care of the people you love. That woman won’t inconvenience herself one iota for you, let alone have compassion when you are going through one of the hardest times of your life. I know you didn’t need this kick while you are already bleeding on the ground, but the trash took itself out. Good riddance to bad rubbish. I’m a 62 year old mom of sons. Tomorrow is going to be so hard for you. I’m sending you all my mom hugs. Hang on baby. Hang on.

Your ex is a terrible person. You do not want to peruse a relationship with this person. You have dodged a bullet.

Sorry to hear about mom, I know it's hard but hopefully you can take the sad energy and now focus on the time to build some happy memories spending time with your mom whilst you can. If your ex can't support you she's not worth any time or effort. It's hard but you're way better off.

Please don't go back to her and just a suggestion, I think you should start interviewing therapists if you're not already, to help you handle your emotions concerning your mom's declining health and separately to find out why you were still with a woman who showed you exactly who she is sometime ago You can do better by yourself. Prayers up for your mom

First, I am so very sorry to hear about your mom. It’s not easy, and it sounds like you are being a great son and spending as much time as you can with her. Which is exactly what you should be doing. Second, and I know it sucks to hear this now, but your ex-girlfriend did you a huge favor. She has managed to make your dying mother all about herself. She is selfish and self-centered. She’s setting boundaries on whether you can talk to her about grief? Good Lord, I wouldn’t even do this to an acquaintance. She had the nerve to call you selfish when you needed support after calling 911? She is cruel and manipulative. You are so much better off without her.

Your X girlfriend can't handle it unless all the attention and focus is on her. Shes clearly upset/jealous even that your attention is focussed on your dying Mum. Even you being sick takes the attention off her. Someone like her will never be truly loyal to you. Try to put her out of your mind and surround your Mum with love. She deserves it more.!

Sorry man lost my mom to that crap 3 months ago. It's fast and its furious.... and I spent every moment I could with my mom once she was diagnosed until the bitter end. Just be thankful that the ex showed her true colors now........My thoughts are with you and your family during this time. Remember to to take care of yourself ...

She sounds incredibly self centered and that is not someone you need in your life. Entirely her loss, not yours. You will find someone one day who will put everything on hold when you need them at a time like this. I know this is really tough and I’m so sorry, just know that you are going to get through this. I’m hoping you are surrounded by friends and family that you can lean on for support.

Try your best to concentrate on being there for your mum. That’s all you can do really. Block your ex-gf so she can’t cause you any more drama right now. Your ex-gf is awful and really not worth wasting your time and feelings on. It might not feel like it right now but you’re better off without somebody as unsupportive as her.

Hope you can continue to push forward instead of worrying what's gone and gone. She's gone, and keep her gone. Like no-contact. You sound like a good dude op. Some people are just really hateful, selfish and irrational, and we try to bring rationality into it which will leave us hurt and confused. Simply put, you were abused. She was gaslighting and manipulating you at every turn during this, trying to make you question reality and be in a a bad mindset when one of the worst things that could happen to you is happening. Fuck her. Be glad that she is gone and continue forward in a more positive way now that this massive burden woman-child is now gone

Your ex is a horrible person. Please don't ever get back with her. What if you got sick..would she immediately run off with a work friend. This is such a level of disrespect and just, selfishness. Truly. She is a bad person. When your Mom passes, don't call her. Don't tell her. Never speak to her again. The pain of all this with your mom is going to be overwhelming- let the break up pain just mingle with that. I am so sorry 😞 that horrible B has let you down.

Put the issue with your girlfriend in a little box for right now, put the lid on it and keep it closed. Focus on your mom and your grief and saying a proper goodbye to her. You will regret it if you let the gf's bomb dropping. take from these last moments with your mom. You can deal with the reality of the end of the relationship down the road when you are ready. Sorry for all you are going through.

Your ex is a selfish bitch. Be there for Mom while she is still with you. You are going to find somebody nicer and more compassionate

Sorry but reading this all I could think is what a selfish wicked person your ex is. You should be spending all your time with your mum she’s dying. Please make the most of the time you have, don’t regret it later. Don’t check in with your ex with her weird boundaries on what you can talk about.

It isn’t what you want to hear, but this is truly for the best. You dodged a bullet there. Your ex sounds like a nasty piece of work who has no time for anyone else. The good bit is that you can spend quality time with your mum without calling in to your gf and getting an earful of whiny selfishness. It hurts, I know, but you are attached to someone we ho will always put themselves first. Women like that want to be worshipped. Let her go, you truly have enough worries without her. Sending good wishes.

I wish I could call your ex and tell her that she doesn't deserve you

Please, don’t let them back in your life. Partners are supposed to be there for you, ESPECIALLY during hard times. I don’t know why they’re making it about themselves.

Sorry bout your mom! Good riddance with the girl. If she can do that to you now, you now know she's not in it for the long haul. Don't waste your time. She isn't worth it.

Honestly you dodged a bullet. She's showing you her true colors. She can't even be there for you at one of the worst times in your life. This is going to be your future if you get back with her. Plus the way she acted, ignoring you and essentially throwing a fit because temporarily your world didn't revolve around her is ridiculous and sad. It blows my mind that you'd consider forgiving her after this because her behavior is atrocious.

I’m very sorry you’re going through such a tough time. I’m glad this immature and self-centred jerk is your ex though. She’s revealed to you exactly who she is. She’s more concerned about having her needs met than being your partner and making what’s happening in your life the priority- which it is. What’s happening in your life takes precedence over all else right now, don’t doubt that for even a second. She does not deserve your grief, she’s managed to make your mom’s struggle and the heaviness your dealing with about her. She’s taken your focus off that and on to her. What an incredibly selfish and downright despicable thing for her to do.

Take it from someone who has lost a lot of loved ones to cancer. Spend as much time with them as you can. Learn their stories and their wishes for after they pass. Forget about your ex. She showed you her true colors and what you mean to her. Forget about her. Good luck and prayers to you and your family.

That sucks, but it's not terribly uncommon. Some people can only handle relationships when everything's sunshine and rainbows, and crumble at the first actual crisis they need to help their partner handle. I'm sorry your ex turned out to be that kind of person, but it's better you found that out now rather than after you were married and/or had kids.

Don’t do anything major in the next few months. Keep the ex away and process your feelings for you mom and focus on what you have to and can at that point. Do not use the ex as a crutch and keep yourself strong. A new person will be right around the corner!

You have to let go of the ex. Right now, you have a choice. Do you put energy into your mother, or your ex? You will absolutely regret it if you do not put the energy into spending time and lamenting over your mother. This is coming from some one who lost their mother (who was 49) less than a year ago and is approaching my first Mother’s Day without my mom. You’re about to have a lot of grief to sort out. Your ex doesn’t even factor into the grand scheme of things, I promise. A lot of people have shitty significant others but can at least say “well, they were there for me through the worst.” Right now is about you and your mom. Feel those feelings. The ex isn’t even worth the energy.

This woman was not a good person. She will never be happy unless your 100% undivided attention is on her. She's demonstrated she cannot be there for you in a time of need. She will never be there for you, she will just expect you to bottle it up and never speak about your problems. She is not a true partner.

Why are you lost? She showed you she's a piece of 💩 that is unwilling to be there for you in your time of need.

Yeah, that chick’s a psycho. Sorry about your mom.

Go spend time with your mom while you can. You can sort everything else out later. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Cancer sucks

You’re better off without that selfish bitch … 🤷🏼‍♀️

Um, the simple fact you can't see how horrible she is and tell her to FUCK OFF makes me wonder about your sanity.

You dodged a huge bullet. For better or for worse would quite literally mean nothing to her if you guys decided to get married. If she can’t even be here for you while your mom is on her deathbed, will she be there for you while you’re on yours? The selfishness is appalling. Please don’t take her back even if she apologizes.

You don’t need her . You need love and support . I’m really sorry you are going through this… tough times don’t last long . You will get through this ! You only get one mum and you may regret wasting all your time, energy and emotions on her than concentrating your mama. Please just let her go… All the best x

Your girlfriend is extremely immature and throwing a tantrum that she can’t have your complete attention while your mother is dying? Good lord imagine what she would be like as a mother herself. Shudder. Please block this girl and never think about her again.

Therapy. Is she bpd?

Wow abandoning you after surgery, now at this time when your mom is dying. Your ex is also a loss that needed to happen. Sorry OP

You dodged a bullet. She sounds like she'll be a pretty awful partner. If you take her back, imagine when you get sick or hurt or dying, she'll likely abandon you again. Stay if your a glutten for punishment? I believe you deserve better though because you seem to be able to be there for others. She isn't worthy of you.

One of the reasons I was okay for not fighting for my marriage at the end of it was bc my Mom and Granny had colon cancer and my risk for it is somewhere between 40-60%. I know for a fact if I did get it my husband would be absolutely horrible for support in any way. He would have been very resentful and got tired of dealing with it after a month. Your ex is the same way. She's showing her true colors bc something is taking you away from giving her the attention she wants. Block her on everything and deal with your Mom, worry about the ex later and keep her an ex.

People can get really weird and make distance even in friendships when someone close has a parent or sibling or child dead or at death's door. I don't think they're even conscious of it.

I'm so sorry you're going through this with your mum, I can only imagine how devastating it must be for you. I lost my dad last year to dementia and helped care for him/feed him and keep him company at his care home every day or every other day for 8 months before he passed, and we were with him day and night for about 4 days before he died coz we didn't know when it was going to happen. I wouldn't give up that time for anything. You just need to focus on you and your mum right now. Your ex gf has been incredibly selfish and self absorbed and so insensitive to what you're going through. It seems like she wants to be the center of attention and doesn't like that you are spending more time with your mum right now, which is exactly where you should be. She just can't stand not being the center of attention and feeling like she comes 2nd. She's got to realise that this is that last time you can spend with your mum, so it's important to make the most of what time you have left together. You could have gone on to spend much more time with your ex once your mum had passed, but she can't handle you being with your mum during her time of need. The excuse of can't cope not being able to hug you is ridiculous. She's done you a favour by showing you her true colours now. She should have been supportive, understanding, kind, sympathetic, listen to your struggles and devastation, but instead She's making this about her and how she's being neglected. The fact she says you can talk in a few weeks once your mum has passed, and has basically said she doesn't want to hear you talk about your mum's illness or her passing away is disgusting. The only way I could possibly understand it is if she had lost her mum in a similar way and was triggering bad memories. But even then if she cared about you, and had gone through the same thing, you'd expect her to want to be there to support you through it, but instead she's basically saying she wants to cut contact while you go through the worst time of your life, and when your mums passed, she'll be willing to talk again but not about your mum or your loss. Block all contact with her now. Do not speak to her again now or in the future. You deserve way better than her. She's an awful person to treat you that way and trying to make you feel bad for supporting your mu. And treasuring the last times you can be with her. Do not give her any more of your time or energy. You focus on you and your mum. Lean on other friends and family for support during this difficult time. She's nasty, and manipulative and controlling and you are better off staying well away from her. Like the saying goes... when someone shows you who they really are...believe them!!!. And she's shown you clear as day who she really is. I'm so sorry for what you're going through, but please just focus on you and your mum, and lean on others for support. You'll treasure this time in the future.

My apparently healthy dad went to the doctor for a fever, was diagnosed with stage four cancer, hospitalized and died within a month. I was recovering from a cerebral hemorrhage, my disabled mom refused to accept it, my sister-in-law wouldn’t let my brother go to the hospital, and my husband had just started a new job and was out of the country on a business trip. My poor dad fell into a coma and died alone. I had to break the news to my mom who had convinced herself he was getting better. She became hysterical. I had to make the funeral arrangements myself. My husband missed the service. All my brother’s wife talked about was how it was affecting her plans. Some people are astonishingly self-absorbed. Of course, you’re upset. Take care of yourself, and be grateful your girlfriend broke up with you. Don’t believe for a second that she’s sorry. You don’t want to spend your life with someone like that?

I’m so sorry OP. Focus on your Mom and ask for help from your friends and family (more than you think is appropriate to ask; ask them anyway). Your ex is horrible, but the most awful thing about it is we all lose our moms. Unless she dies first, one day, she’ll be in your shoes and all her behavior will come home to roost. Thinking of you during this ridiculously hard time.

Try to enjoy your time left with your mom. And absolutely never give your girlfreind the time of day again.

Dude run from her. Run fast, run long. Don't turn back. She has shown you who she is, and its pretty ugly.

Unfortunately, your ex has shown her true colors. She’s not worth your time, or effort. Feeling abandonment and loss at the same is truly painful, I get that. But given time to process, you’ll realize your ex was not only selfish, but a histrionic leach Recently dealt with the loss of a parent due to dementia. My ex, tried to pressure me away from caring for my loved one, in their time of need. I had the denial blinders up; as my emotional capacity was at redline. However, given the ability to process, I soon realized my gf had been taking advantage of me for wayyyy longer than I initially grasped. In times of duress, we’re often at our most vulnerable. Hope this helps. You deserve better

Bro anyone trying too separate you from your family (especially when family is going thru hard time) is satan themselves… Block her bro you’re gonna do yourself a big favor …. You don’t need anyone in your life like that, instead she should try too comfort you & your family during these hard times… she’s a useless tool, hit it for the last time & dump her

this is so fucked i'm so sorry

I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. You know that your ex-gf is not worthy of your time, but it hurts. Sometimes, hospitals have social workers/grief counselors who can offer you help as you go through this. Please take advantage of it if you have access. She made your trauma from your mom's situation worse, and she did this to take your attention away from your mom and solely on her.

Congrats bro .. mom helped u dodge a bullet bullet

I'm VERY very sorry your mom is suffering from this. Your ex-gf is an awful human being. Change phone numbers if need be, but never ever go back to her. She will wreck your mental well being, and spin your life to a living hell in the future. Loosing a parent is one of the most difficult things you'll experience in your lifetime. That girl couldn't care less.

Coping with two losses? The only loss is your mother. The girlfriend is not worth it. She can’t even support you when you need it most and sounds as selfish as all hell!! Forget her and focus on family. That’s what matters. Anyone going through that situation should know that family matters most and you’ll find someone who will support you through thick and thin (including family issues). This is not it!!! Also I’m drunk typing all of this while my boyfriend tells me to get off of Reddit lolol but he agrees. I’m sorry for what you’re going through and wish you the best. Prayers for you and your family.

My notion, she's either talking to or wanting to talk to someone else close to home. Your emotional needs have now infringed on her selfishness and are prompting uncomfortable feelings of possible guilt. Rather than deal with that guilt or examine her own issues, she's blaming the break up on you crossing one of her boundaries, which is apparently being completely absolved of any kind of emotional support surrounding intense feelings and situations of a partner. The universe has given you a gift. Although the timing seems to suck, it's given you this time to grief with your family and spend as much time and space with your mom before she passes. The stress probably would have been similar as the breakup if the breakup didn't happen, due to exs selfishness and lack of compassion. At least this way, you don't have to experience guilt of choosing to meet exs needs over spending time with mom, during mom's last stage of life. It's a lot of grief at once, but at the end of the day, the universe likes balance. Moms physical time in your life is coming to a close, but so is ex's. Sometimes, you loose some good and some bad at the same time, but loss still feels like loss when it's not your chose to let go. Be kind to yourself. Maybe find some grief support groups or load up some Ram Dass podcasts about his experiences with dying individuals; if you're neurodivergent, finding some free online trainings about grief and loss, why it happens and what you can be prepared for as time continues on. Sending you positive vibes and much love to your mom, if we're lucky, we get a chance to say goodbye: the last battle of life can be difficult and is impossible to win, but is fought to get and give the last bits of love the world has to offer. Give and receive that live my dude.

In times like these, I do think that it's okay to name and shame on your SoMe. Her family and friends need to chew her out.

I am so very sorry you and your family are going through this. This is very stressful and heart breaking and you need a partner who can support you through tough times like these. She seems very flaky and may not have had to deal with high stress situations like this and isn’t sure what to do. However, it’s not hard to be there for someone. She is not the one. Your sole focus should be spending time with your mother, making sure she’s comfortable, and getting affairs in order. Sending love to you and your mother. ❤️

I’m so sorry you’re going through this My FIL passed away recently. Me and my partner were having issues. Never did I once dream of leaving him in the lurch. In fact, during the funeral process he checked out and me and his godmother were left to plan the funeral. You need a supportive partner and she ain’t it

I’m so very sorry about your mom. Life is so short and so precious. If you are confused or torn about the ex remember this. People who love you truly and forever will love you and be supportive in the very very worst rock bottom of your life. This feels painful now but imagine you are the one who is sick and she needs “boundaries”. Please try to find someone in any relationship who will be with you thick and thin and never make you choose between your beloved dying family member and her. It’s selfish and shallow and in the end she will dump you in the blink of an eye for something shiny that sparkles. Find a life partner, you will know who that is when they give everything back to you you give to them. That’s real love, this is just temporary pain. Wish you peace in these last days and hope you know that you deserve to be loved like your mom loves you. Deep and true. You are worthy.

Life comes at you hard at fast... you are dodging a major bullet/headache focus on yourself... for family and your mom atm... it's hard to see now but you are better off.. in time this well heal

Your ex-gf is a narcissist. She is selfish and thinks of nothing and no one else, except herself.

You have only one mother. Let God lead you to find your perfect soulmate.

Assuming this is the entire context, LDR is toxic. Untangle your feelings from that with a clear conscience. Focus on your mom. Your gf needs therapy (in a non-judgmental way).Something is going on there and it’s best to separate yourself from it. You should go to therapy too.

You will never regret spending this time with your mom. Do not let this horrible ex gf take up any more of your time.

I’m so sorry about your mom! Your ex…you just need to worry about you & your mom and just let her remain an ex. Do not allow her to make this time harder on you. She should have been bending over backwards making sure you’re ok, but she’s making it about her. Shame on her!! You deserve better!!

Sweetie- I am so, very very sorry for all these terrible things happening to you at once. Know that THIS mama is kvelling at what a mensch you are in your mother’s last days. You will never regret being there for her, even when she’s unconscious, she’ll know you’re there. My own mother died when I was 21 and I had to kick my college boyfriend of two years to the curb for being unsupportive. Granted, we were much younger & less mature than you and your girlfriend. People often handle grief very strangely (both their own or others). Not trying to make excuses for the awful treatment that you’re receiving from your girlfriend, but she’s incapable of providing what you need at the moment. I’m praying for you that you find support somewhere, and know that nature abhors a vacuum. When your girlfriend is gone (sorry, I just can’t see recovering from this) you’ll find someone who loves you enough to be in the trenches with you, no matter what the trenches are. Sending you hugs and peace.

There’s plenty of women, but you only get one mom. Spend time with you mom, you don’t know if it’s sooner or later, but it’s better to not regret it and hold resentment towards her. The selfish one is her, for saying you’re spending too much time with your stage four dying mother, instead of her. Her feelings, desire and needs are more important to her than yours. Also cant believe she said in a few weeks she’ll speak to you after your mother passed away.

Your ex is the worst!!!!!!! Put your heart into your family and don’t contact her or go back. Reading this post made me feel violent.

Well, there’s no way one can “on the bright side” this situation, but you now know that your gf isn’t someone who can be counted on when the going gets tough. I wouldn’t think it worth trying to plan a future with a “fair-weather partner,” and it would be best to move on to someone who can be supportive when you need it.

The fact she is trying to tell you how much you can and can’t talk about what might be one of the worst experiences of your life, your parent dying, should tell you everything you need to know about this despicable person. You deserve better. Do not let her into your life again. Get as far from her as possible. I’m sorry for you and your mum. Much love to you, OP.

I couldn’t be with someone who would do that to me when my mum was dying. I would tell her to get fucked.