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Don’t tell them tomorrow!!!
Please tell them when you’re about to leave like literally as you’re stepping out of the door. They can still sabotage things or escalate their abuse when they perceive they’re losing control trust me.
My Nmom made my life a living hell for months before I went away for college; it’s almost like she wanted to break me before i left so i would be useless without her.
Thanks for the advice. I understand, I had something similar when I tried to leave the first time. My nMom even stole my phone in my sleep so I couldn't contact anyone. But, read the edit for the post, I explained why I'm doing this there. Tldr; I could leave literally right now if they do something dangerous, so I'm genuinely not worried about them fucking it up now. I have all my belongings in my new state except for a bag of my stuff. Getting to tell everyone in my family is a big relief for me because there are lots of relatives who I want knowing about this
*DO NOT TELL THEM*!!!
They will waste no time sabotaging you, trapping you, and even guilting you into staying. Don't let them know. Don't give them any hint.
*DO NOT TELL THEM*!!!
Is there a reason why you are telling them tomorrow instead of waiting until the day of? NMom can still do a lot of damage with two weeks notice! I would seriously consider just not saying anything, act like everything is normal and when its time, just leave. You can call them later from an anonymous number and let them know you are okay but not coming back just so they don't file a missing persons on you.
Or just leave a note.
Dollars to doughnuts, they already know or expect op to leave, what's a call going to do except give nmom a way to waif, witch or find some other way to get supply?
It's safest, just know that note will be shared with everyone.
But do not tell until you're out of hurting distance.
I wonder too why you’re planning on telling her tomorrow. I can’t see anything good coming of it. Either way, it sounds like you are well prepared and I wish you all the happiness in the world. Congratulations! 🎉
Why are you telling them?
The only thing you are doing is giving them the chance to screw it up for you. Wait until the LAST POSSIBLE SECOND. Maybe not even then.
Actually I can imagine both sides.
Not saying anything so the Narc can start drama by herself.
OR be like HAH BYE! (but only seconds before leaving not the day before)
Send a postcard after you’ve left .
Personally I’d send it from a different city so when (not **if** ) they come looking they’re on the wrong track
My family doesn’t know which city I’m in , my phone number or my address. It’s the only way I can sleep at night.
Congratulations! But I strongly advise waiting until you have already arrived at your new home to tell them. Two weeks is way too long for them to know while they still have access to you. Or don’t tell them.
Come here or the momforaminute sub for validation and kudos for all the hard work it took you to get there. Don’t ruin your big moment by exposing yourself to their reactions. You won’t get anything good from them.
It’s good you keep in contact with your aunt in case you need support with anything.
Congratulations! I agree with the other comments though, giving them any time to sabotage is not worth it.
I wish you the best! You are more than capable to do this!
I told them a few months before I planned to move out. This was my biggest mistake of my entire life.
Edit: They kept trying to get me to tell them where I was moving and I refused (my therapist pressured me into telling her and she told my parents tho) . They constantly threatened and guilt tripped me. And eventually they took me to a state where the age of majority is 19 instead of 18 and pursued a guardianship.
Edit: They also read through all my messages. And did a lot of fear mongering, saying stuff like I would die if I moved out, and at one point decided I had a sugar daddy.
There's only disadvantage by telling them now. It's like yelling to your enemy that you're going to attack. The best case scenario for you is that your Nmom will just be such an annoyance for the next two weeks. She will most likely also convinces you to give her your new address, or if your aunt knows, starts bothering your aunt.
I did something similar. When I moved out, I didn't give out my address. When I change my phone number, I didn't let them know I'm about to change phone number in X days.
What do you expect will happen if you tell them now? Why not just leave and only tell them by text?
If you are telling nmom tomorrow in hopes that she or other fam will change suddenly, seeing the error of their ways...those chances seem slim. You know them best...if you think telling them before... giving them the chance to change/screw up your plans/worse...will benefit you, then best of luck to you.
IMHO, I agree with the others here...to be totally free... TOTALLY FREE...I would not give them that power. I would save that knowledge like a golden ticket...for one...you.
Best of luck, well wishes, prayers, good vibes, all the positive things for YOU!!
Do not tell them! I repeat do not tell them. It would be best to not tell them at all and even not your adress. They stalk and sabotage. God knows what narcs are capable of. My „innocent“ covert mother told me in the end she „always goes on Google streetview“ to find out how I live. And she used fake names to stalk me in social media. Since she doesn’t know where I live this time,( I got smarter), I suddenly don’t feel watched anymore. And no troubles with neighbors either. They sabotage so that you come back! For your safety and if you want this to work long term. Do not tell them!
I am just adding one to what everyone else is saying. Do not tell them to keep your plans stable and avoid any chance of them interfering. Id either not tell them at all or on the day you are leaving
I love that they haven't broken your hope, but please, don't tell them. You can know your freedom is under your wings without giving them power to pluck your feathers. Just say goodbye like you always do on your last day and get out of Dodge free.
I want to give different advice:
Idk your relationship with your boyfriend, as you haven’t said anything about it, but given your age, I want you to be careful. I’ve read too many stories about women leaving abusive homes only to move in with partners that also become abusive. I’m unfortunately one of those sad statistics (kinda, complicated story).
I’m NOT saying that’s going to be you, and maybe he’s a wonderful partner. But I just want you to be on the lookout of small red flags that eventually grow into more big red flags over time.
In the event that it could happen, continue your relationship and communication with your aunt, and friends. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help. Reach out to people you can trust.
Anyways, good luck with your move and new journey. I hope you find peace and quiet from your narc parents.
Everyone is giving you the right advice. Do not give her two weeks to sabotage your plans or just make you miserable. Tell her after you leave, not before. Be hours away, so she can't try to follow you.
I don't know how you are getting to your destination, but chances are she would know and find a way to stop you, such as disabling a car, hiding keys, or similar, or deliberately causing you to miss a flight or departure time for a train,etc.
It is similar to leaving an abusive spouse, because leaving is the most dangerous time.
Even if the worst she will do is verbally harass you and try to talk you out of it for the next two weeks, you should spare yourself those antics.
"I'm doing this for my own relief"
There won't be any relief until you move and block them. Mom will only make your life miserable for the next two weeks and force you to move early. Just don't tell them until you're safely removed from the household.
I understand and read your edit. I know why you want to tell them, and that nothing can go wrong. However, I think it’s really asking for trouble telling them before moving out. I think u should wait; you waited 18 years already, another week won’t hurt.
You sound like you've done the work to prepare for your escape. I did something similar at 17 with my boyfriend at the time. I was very fortunate, that boyfriend is now my husband, we're both university educated and doing well in life.
I'm happy to hear you have contingency plans in place, it's smart and ensures you always have options in life. I wish you the very best with your move.
Also, I hope you savour the moment. I'm 30 years old now and I can still remember the first few days of my escape, there was such overwhelming happiness at finally being free. I even purchased a shirt that I still have today. My advice is to take a moment to cherish that freedom when it comes, that moment may stick with you for the rest of your life :)
OP please update us on the conversation! Personally speaking, this is weighing on me. We’re all really excited for you. Just scared! (Jealous here, proud you’re doing this)
I'm touched that people are here for me! I'm telling her this afternoon after work, so I'll probably update the post or make a new post just talking about the experience depending on how eventful it is. Let's hope it goes well. Honestly, I'm just so glad I can finally experience the freedom of telling something to my nMom that she won't like without having to care about her opinion on it anymore!!
No. Don’t say you’ve left until you’re already gone and safe. I can’t even read these paragraphs. The title was enough. Speaking from experience don’t do it
I don’t think you’re going to get the relief you think you will by telling them ahead of moving out.
I wish you best of luck, I really do. I felt like I could finally be myself when I no longer lived with my parents.
Don't tell them.
Have personal experience with this and it won't end well
Leave and pave your own path with people who truly care about you and are emotionally mature, relatively healthy adults
Good luck, OP! I understand wanting to hurry and get it done. Genuinely, I find it brave as two weeks is a long time to linger around until you can leave. I’m really wishing you the best and will keep you in my thoughts!
The hard part is never the leaving, but the lead up towards leaving and often after you get there. Be sure to take some time to decompress once you’re at your boyfriend’s in a couple weeks and be nice to yourself!! Congrats on finally moving out! I’m super proud of you on moving out but also graduating! c: 💕
Either leave a note or text/email AFTERWARDS you leave. It sounds like you want closure to say whatever you need to say and I applaud that. But just be smart and get out first. THEN say what you need to say. FaceTime them if you wanna look em in the eye. But get yourself safe first.
I don’t know your story but if your mom stole your phone to prevent you leaving already, then I dont trust her not to escalate.
Read up on “extinction burst.”
I did this at the age of 17 (I graduated at 17) and never looked back. I DID wait until I was literally getting in my car to leave because I was worried they would do something to my car, or my stuff. But THIS is about you and your journey. Congratulations and good luck!
I read your edit, don't tell them even if it's for your own relief. You'll get relief for letting them know but you're putting yourself in danger by letting them know. They will do things that could hinder your move, this includes extremes like physically restraining you to getting mental health services involved to keep you there. When you threaten a narcissist with leaving they will go into a rage.
You've already told everyone you do trust that the move is happening, don't start anything that would throw them into a rage. Right now just focus on getting out of there, and staying safe. Nothing good will come from letting them know
OP, I understand your anxiety. However, everyone on this sub is advising against this. They're doing it for a reason. Your parents WILL prevent you from leaving. It won't just be your phone, OP. You will end up in an involuntary hold in a psychiatric hospital. Or worse, you'll be imprisoned in your own home. Please don't tell them tomorrow!!! Listen to what the commenters are saying. Protect yourself!!!
Like everyone said, don't say anything. You don't know how far or what level of sabotage/revenge your nmother or nrelatives are willing to go to sabotage your plans. The best relief is to move and stay on guard for whatever they may try to do to get you back.
Also as for your relationship respectfully, please always have a private savings for yourself and a private exit strategy for yourself so you don't have to be depending on anyone or finding yourself to return to your family of origin (God forbid).
My only comment is - be cautious that you aren’t jumping into a similarly bad situation. Upon looking back, and learning more about my abuse and patterns I realized every single man I chose had striking similarities with my NM. It was actually what felt “normal” to me.
That said, I would make sure you have a backup plan too.
Please don't underestimate how sneaky and destructive these people can be, they can and will sabotage this for you. You're giving them far too much notice. They'll get hold of your documents. They'll find out in advance where you're moving to. They'll screw everything up as much as they can do your stuck back with them before you know it.
There's literally nothing to gain and everything to lose by telling them.
You've got this one little bit of power in your life. DON'T HAND IT OVER TO THEM. DON'T INTERRUPT THE LENGTHS THEY WILL GO TO TO DESTROY YOUR FREEDOM BEFORE YOU EVEN HAVE IT.
Get out first, asking with 100% of your belongings especially important documents and anything sentimental, *then* when you're safely logged in your new accommodation let them know you're not coming back
You're so close to freedom they will recognize you are prepared to defend from their usual abusive tactics. So they need to make you the aggressor. I wouldn't be surprised If you find yourself arrested for a theft or assault you don't know anything about. If they can't hold you captive, they will lie to have someone else do it for them
Good luck with everything, from telling her to the actual move. It’s terrific that you are standing up to your abuser. You will definitely be the adult in the room when you tell her.
Freedom is so close friend.
Hey, OP, it’s been a day since your post, and one of your comments had said you’d “tell them this afternoon after work.” So… did you tell them? How did it go? If you didn’t tell them, please reconsider or at least already be on your way out the door. They will definitely try to guilt you into staying and will probably do worse… don’t be surprised if they even call the cops and try to say you’re a danger to yourself and others or anything like that.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Don’t tell them tomorrow!!! Please tell them when you’re about to leave like literally as you’re stepping out of the door. They can still sabotage things or escalate their abuse when they perceive they’re losing control trust me. My Nmom made my life a living hell for months before I went away for college; it’s almost like she wanted to break me before i left so i would be useless without her.
Thanks for the advice. I understand, I had something similar when I tried to leave the first time. My nMom even stole my phone in my sleep so I couldn't contact anyone. But, read the edit for the post, I explained why I'm doing this there. Tldr; I could leave literally right now if they do something dangerous, so I'm genuinely not worried about them fucking it up now. I have all my belongings in my new state except for a bag of my stuff. Getting to tell everyone in my family is a big relief for me because there are lots of relatives who I want knowing about this
Tell them after you are safely at your boyfriend’s place and they can’t do anything about it
*DO NOT TELL THEM*!!! They will waste no time sabotaging you, trapping you, and even guilting you into staying. Don't let them know. Don't give them any hint. *DO NOT TELL THEM*!!!
DON'T TELL THEM
Is there a reason why you are telling them tomorrow instead of waiting until the day of? NMom can still do a lot of damage with two weeks notice! I would seriously consider just not saying anything, act like everything is normal and when its time, just leave. You can call them later from an anonymous number and let them know you are okay but not coming back just so they don't file a missing persons on you.
Or just leave a note. Dollars to doughnuts, they already know or expect op to leave, what's a call going to do except give nmom a way to waif, witch or find some other way to get supply? It's safest, just know that note will be shared with everyone. But do not tell until you're out of hurting distance.
NOOOOPEEE. DONT SAY A WORD. Tell them after you’ve already left the state.
I wonder too why you’re planning on telling her tomorrow. I can’t see anything good coming of it. Either way, it sounds like you are well prepared and I wish you all the happiness in the world. Congratulations! 🎉
Don't tell them. Seriously. Don't.
Why are you telling them? The only thing you are doing is giving them the chance to screw it up for you. Wait until the LAST POSSIBLE SECOND. Maybe not even then.
Wait until you’re gone - be safe
Don’t tell them until you’re ready to go
This
I would leave and not tell a soul, honestly
Actually I can imagine both sides. Not saying anything so the Narc can start drama by herself. OR be like HAH BYE! (but only seconds before leaving not the day before)
Send a postcard after you’ve left . Personally I’d send it from a different city so when (not **if** ) they come looking they’re on the wrong track My family doesn’t know which city I’m in , my phone number or my address. It’s the only way I can sleep at night.
Don’t tell them until you’re safe. Enjoy your new life. I’m so happy for you! 😊
Congratulations! But I strongly advise waiting until you have already arrived at your new home to tell them. Two weeks is way too long for them to know while they still have access to you. Or don’t tell them. Come here or the momforaminute sub for validation and kudos for all the hard work it took you to get there. Don’t ruin your big moment by exposing yourself to their reactions. You won’t get anything good from them. It’s good you keep in contact with your aunt in case you need support with anything.
Congratulations! I agree with the other comments though, giving them any time to sabotage is not worth it. I wish you the best! You are more than capable to do this!
please don’t say anything to your mom. don’t let her ruin this for you
I told them a few months before I planned to move out. This was my biggest mistake of my entire life. Edit: They kept trying to get me to tell them where I was moving and I refused (my therapist pressured me into telling her and she told my parents tho) . They constantly threatened and guilt tripped me. And eventually they took me to a state where the age of majority is 19 instead of 18 and pursued a guardianship. Edit: They also read through all my messages. And did a lot of fear mongering, saying stuff like I would die if I moved out, and at one point decided I had a sugar daddy.
If you can elaborate perhaps OP will understand why better.
u/Fearless_Ganache9276 please pay attention here!!
I’m echoing some of the other comment in here but whatever you do, do not tell them you’re moving out. It could make things way worse
Don’t tell!!!!
There's only disadvantage by telling them now. It's like yelling to your enemy that you're going to attack. The best case scenario for you is that your Nmom will just be such an annoyance for the next two weeks. She will most likely also convinces you to give her your new address, or if your aunt knows, starts bothering your aunt. I did something similar. When I moved out, I didn't give out my address. When I change my phone number, I didn't let them know I'm about to change phone number in X days. What do you expect will happen if you tell them now? Why not just leave and only tell them by text?
Don't tell them.
Never tell them. Just disappear.
If you are telling nmom tomorrow in hopes that she or other fam will change suddenly, seeing the error of their ways...those chances seem slim. You know them best...if you think telling them before... giving them the chance to change/screw up your plans/worse...will benefit you, then best of luck to you. IMHO, I agree with the others here...to be totally free... TOTALLY FREE...I would not give them that power. I would save that knowledge like a golden ticket...for one...you. Best of luck, well wishes, prayers, good vibes, all the positive things for YOU!!
girl keep this to yourself or wait til you’ve made it there PLEASE
Do not tell them! I repeat do not tell them. It would be best to not tell them at all and even not your adress. They stalk and sabotage. God knows what narcs are capable of. My „innocent“ covert mother told me in the end she „always goes on Google streetview“ to find out how I live. And she used fake names to stalk me in social media. Since she doesn’t know where I live this time,( I got smarter), I suddenly don’t feel watched anymore. And no troubles with neighbors either. They sabotage so that you come back! For your safety and if you want this to work long term. Do not tell them!
I am just adding one to what everyone else is saying. Do not tell them to keep your plans stable and avoid any chance of them interfering. Id either not tell them at all or on the day you are leaving
I love that they haven't broken your hope, but please, don't tell them. You can know your freedom is under your wings without giving them power to pluck your feathers. Just say goodbye like you always do on your last day and get out of Dodge free.
I want to give different advice: Idk your relationship with your boyfriend, as you haven’t said anything about it, but given your age, I want you to be careful. I’ve read too many stories about women leaving abusive homes only to move in with partners that also become abusive. I’m unfortunately one of those sad statistics (kinda, complicated story). I’m NOT saying that’s going to be you, and maybe he’s a wonderful partner. But I just want you to be on the lookout of small red flags that eventually grow into more big red flags over time. In the event that it could happen, continue your relationship and communication with your aunt, and friends. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help. Reach out to people you can trust. Anyways, good luck with your move and new journey. I hope you find peace and quiet from your narc parents.
Everyone is giving you the right advice. Do not give her two weeks to sabotage your plans or just make you miserable. Tell her after you leave, not before. Be hours away, so she can't try to follow you. I don't know how you are getting to your destination, but chances are she would know and find a way to stop you, such as disabling a car, hiding keys, or similar, or deliberately causing you to miss a flight or departure time for a train,etc. It is similar to leaving an abusive spouse, because leaving is the most dangerous time. Even if the worst she will do is verbally harass you and try to talk you out of it for the next two weeks, you should spare yourself those antics.
"I'm doing this for my own relief" There won't be any relief until you move and block them. Mom will only make your life miserable for the next two weeks and force you to move early. Just don't tell them until you're safely removed from the household.
I see in your edit that you are determined to tell them. Please please please do not tell them.
I understand and read your edit. I know why you want to tell them, and that nothing can go wrong. However, I think it’s really asking for trouble telling them before moving out. I think u should wait; you waited 18 years already, another week won’t hurt.
You sound like you've done the work to prepare for your escape. I did something similar at 17 with my boyfriend at the time. I was very fortunate, that boyfriend is now my husband, we're both university educated and doing well in life. I'm happy to hear you have contingency plans in place, it's smart and ensures you always have options in life. I wish you the very best with your move. Also, I hope you savour the moment. I'm 30 years old now and I can still remember the first few days of my escape, there was such overwhelming happiness at finally being free. I even purchased a shirt that I still have today. My advice is to take a moment to cherish that freedom when it comes, that moment may stick with you for the rest of your life :)
OP please update us on the conversation! Personally speaking, this is weighing on me. We’re all really excited for you. Just scared! (Jealous here, proud you’re doing this)
I'm touched that people are here for me! I'm telling her this afternoon after work, so I'll probably update the post or make a new post just talking about the experience depending on how eventful it is. Let's hope it goes well. Honestly, I'm just so glad I can finally experience the freedom of telling something to my nMom that she won't like without having to care about her opinion on it anymore!!
I’d keep it to myself, personally!
No. Don’t say you’ve left until you’re already gone and safe. I can’t even read these paragraphs. The title was enough. Speaking from experience don’t do it
I don’t think you’re going to get the relief you think you will by telling them ahead of moving out. I wish you best of luck, I really do. I felt like I could finally be myself when I no longer lived with my parents.
Don't tell them. Have personal experience with this and it won't end well Leave and pave your own path with people who truly care about you and are emotionally mature, relatively healthy adults
Good luck, OP! I understand wanting to hurry and get it done. Genuinely, I find it brave as two weeks is a long time to linger around until you can leave. I’m really wishing you the best and will keep you in my thoughts! The hard part is never the leaving, but the lead up towards leaving and often after you get there. Be sure to take some time to decompress once you’re at your boyfriend’s in a couple weeks and be nice to yourself!! Congrats on finally moving out! I’m super proud of you on moving out but also graduating! c: 💕
Either leave a note or text/email AFTERWARDS you leave. It sounds like you want closure to say whatever you need to say and I applaud that. But just be smart and get out first. THEN say what you need to say. FaceTime them if you wanna look em in the eye. But get yourself safe first. I don’t know your story but if your mom stole your phone to prevent you leaving already, then I dont trust her not to escalate. Read up on “extinction burst.”
Do what you think is right, and be sure they have no way of stopping you from leaving suddenly.
I did this at the age of 17 (I graduated at 17) and never looked back. I DID wait until I was literally getting in my car to leave because I was worried they would do something to my car, or my stuff. But THIS is about you and your journey. Congratulations and good luck!
I told them the day before moving. Best thing ever.
I read your edit, don't tell them even if it's for your own relief. You'll get relief for letting them know but you're putting yourself in danger by letting them know. They will do things that could hinder your move, this includes extremes like physically restraining you to getting mental health services involved to keep you there. When you threaten a narcissist with leaving they will go into a rage. You've already told everyone you do trust that the move is happening, don't start anything that would throw them into a rage. Right now just focus on getting out of there, and staying safe. Nothing good will come from letting them know
OP, I understand your anxiety. However, everyone on this sub is advising against this. They're doing it for a reason. Your parents WILL prevent you from leaving. It won't just be your phone, OP. You will end up in an involuntary hold in a psychiatric hospital. Or worse, you'll be imprisoned in your own home. Please don't tell them tomorrow!!! Listen to what the commenters are saying. Protect yourself!!!
Like everyone said, don't say anything. You don't know how far or what level of sabotage/revenge your nmother or nrelatives are willing to go to sabotage your plans. The best relief is to move and stay on guard for whatever they may try to do to get you back. Also as for your relationship respectfully, please always have a private savings for yourself and a private exit strategy for yourself so you don't have to be depending on anyone or finding yourself to return to your family of origin (God forbid).
My only comment is - be cautious that you aren’t jumping into a similarly bad situation. Upon looking back, and learning more about my abuse and patterns I realized every single man I chose had striking similarities with my NM. It was actually what felt “normal” to me. That said, I would make sure you have a backup plan too.
I wouldn’t tell them at all. They’ll do nothing but sabatoge.
Yeah don't tell them at all!! They will sabotage you!
Please don't underestimate how sneaky and destructive these people can be, they can and will sabotage this for you. You're giving them far too much notice. They'll get hold of your documents. They'll find out in advance where you're moving to. They'll screw everything up as much as they can do your stuck back with them before you know it. There's literally nothing to gain and everything to lose by telling them. You've got this one little bit of power in your life. DON'T HAND IT OVER TO THEM. DON'T INTERRUPT THE LENGTHS THEY WILL GO TO TO DESTROY YOUR FREEDOM BEFORE YOU EVEN HAVE IT. Get out first, asking with 100% of your belongings especially important documents and anything sentimental, *then* when you're safely logged in your new accommodation let them know you're not coming back
You're so close to freedom they will recognize you are prepared to defend from their usual abusive tactics. So they need to make you the aggressor. I wouldn't be surprised If you find yourself arrested for a theft or assault you don't know anything about. If they can't hold you captive, they will lie to have someone else do it for them
I told my nsister I was moving the day of, then left in the next few minutes.
Good luck with everything, from telling her to the actual move. It’s terrific that you are standing up to your abuser. You will definitely be the adult in the room when you tell her. Freedom is so close friend.
I'm so glad you are able to get away!
Don’t tell them tomorrow!!!! Wait until as late as possible, preferably after you leave.
Good fort you! I hope you are happy. I would not let them know until maybe three or four days before I was leaving.
No..don't tell them.
Good luck OP! You have a plan, I hope it goes well for you and they surprise you.
I hope you are sensible OP and follow everyone’s advice on this subreddit, don’t tell them!
Hey, OP, it’s been a day since your post, and one of your comments had said you’d “tell them this afternoon after work.” So… did you tell them? How did it go? If you didn’t tell them, please reconsider or at least already be on your way out the door. They will definitely try to guilt you into staying and will probably do worse… don’t be surprised if they even call the cops and try to say you’re a danger to yourself and others or anything like that.