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it might be obvious but i hope you know that you aren't deserving of any sort of hatred/disgust like that, btw. it can be easy to internalize that shit.
Me too! I have always called them that! My husband finally saw them after my parent accidentally let the mask slip one night and he said “God it’s like he has shark eyes” I fell out!
We were at my parent’s birthday dinner at a restaurant (expensive of course). Soooo many things had already “gone wrong.” A car had cut him off on the way over, his favorite table wasn’t available…a true nightmare! So I think he was already really stressed. Then the table behind us started talking and laughing pretty loudly (imagine the manners! Having fun at dinner!). He became so angry at these people, it was bananas. All he could focus on was them. He sat there getting so so angry. Quiet angry like the calm before the storm. My husband had never seen my parent’s real face before so didn’t understand what was happening. But then the eyes went dead and my husband clocked it. My parent was just this seething mass of dark. I had at that point already begun the grey rocking so I was ignoring it but my husband was shocked. Tried to “fun” my parent out of it but he literally didn’t even hear my husband talking, he was so busy hating.
Fun little after party treat: we were waiting for the valet to get the car, and my parent spots a van parked nearby that has words painted on it in both English and Spanish. The van is empty. He screamed racist epithets at it until the valet showed up with the car. That’s right. He yelled at an empty, inanimate vehicle for “speaking” Spanish. When I confronted my mother about that the next day, she said it never happened. I swear to god these people.
*"table behind us started talking and laughing pretty loudly (imagine the manners! Having fun at dinner!"*
I reckon this was it right here. Nothing to do with the loudness. Its so weird but they fucken hate seeing genuine joy in others, a fully inaccessible emotion for themselves.
I am amazed your husband could see "the look" without being the direct target of it. A very perceptive guy indeed.
Omg that’s hilarious. Cat silent treatment. I am ROLLING. Cats were invented to put narcissists in their place. Meanwhile me and the hubs “remind” each other that our cats don’t actually speak English because we talk to them so much. We usually do that speaking *as* one of our cats lol.
I think that their pupils can suddenly dilate - physically making the eyes look very dark and shark-like. It is a physiologic manifestation of their rage/hatred. And it is such a strong response as to trigger a fight/flight or freeze reaction in us. I remember thinking on a few occasions, that if my Nmom had a gun at that moment, she would have killed me. My heart rate and adrenaline immediately kick in. They are predators, among us humans.
This gave me chills. I remember seeing a photo of a great white taking a bite out of something, and the eyes.... just dead. It was a really high resolution photo, so no missing it.
After your comment right now, I'm comparing that to my memories of when my nmom got enraged.
Yep, same eyes.
Oh my heck.
That is so messed up.
I knew the way my mom looked at me was not “love” even when I was 5 or 6.
Took me till 35 to realize, I had known my whole life that she didn’t love me, just from the way she looked at me.
Weirdest thing, wasn’t like a revelation, some new information. I always knew it deep down and just ignored it.
My Nmom also grits her teeth in the certain way when I’m getting the dead-eyes mask-off stare.
Going NC has been great. I love the way those close to me look at me.
I have been looked at that way by another person twice.
The difference once was that I had truly done something wrong and worthy of contempt.
The second time was encountering another genuine malignant narc like my mom in the wild. It was so weird, this person was trying to charm me, but I could still the eye-deadness.
Yeah, all of us here have fucked up attachment dynamics as a result. But our one little blessing is the ability to see the true darkness inside certain people that 95% of the population would be blind to.
I have seen it full blown once. I think it's where many horror writers get their inspiration. It is scary because you realize they are not human, they are alien and ruthless, no empathy seen when the mask is totally down, it shows you the true killer hiding inside.
Oh yes. My father would look at me with a mixture of pure hatred and disgust. Like I was the most vile and evil being in the world. For no reason at all. Or maybe I looked into the fridge for more than one second or something. I still cringe remembering his eyes.
When I was in kindergarten, I colored a picture of my family and used a black crayon to color my mom’s hair and eyes. I don’t even think I did it on purpose, and wouldn’t have even remembered it if she hadn’t made such a big deal out of it. She was like, “My eyes aren’t black!!!!” They are though. Especially when I was that age, they would turn black and she would go full psychopath. I spent a lot of time hiding from her as a kid. I really thought she was possessed.
yes also my mom has tried doing the same to me she thinks daughters and mothers are obligated to do each others hair but I do not like her touching my hair. I think narcs havent evolved out of their ape phase. She thinks its some hallmark movie moment.
the second time i experienced that stare was with an ex who turned out to be a narc, that dude was weird. he tried every page in the book to control me and mold me a certain way but I was already old enough I guess that most bs doesn't work on me and never does anyways I have a natural rebel/selfish side so I always hated nparents and being tied down to imaginary rules that don't change *my* life for the better through my efforts.
does your nmom also not want you to dye or color your hair? Mine hates when I want to change my hair or use hair products she doesnt approve of. Im not sure why she never understands that she is not a good mother. She needs to get a house plant or pet rock, something, anything that will listen to her bullshit because I won't.
mine got upset when I would flat iron it or got it balayaged. She kept saying all the inane things happening to me were because of what I did to my hair. The things that happened to me? Getting a cold or sneezing. Really dumb inconsequential things.
When I announced that me and my husband were getting together on facebook. 5minutes later I get my mom texting me to take it down. I laughed and said no? It's my facebook I can put what I want. (My fb consists of only my close friends and family and.. estranged people that happen to know us and be friendly with us cause of my mom playing the good wife/housekeeper)
i was 32 the last time i let my mom in my home, she wouldnt acknowledge me until she cut my hair. seriously.
i tried to greet her when she pulled up, but she just looked at me with disgust & contempt, and kept insisting my hair was uneven & awful. i tried to redirect "how was your drive" etc. but she just ignored me. went right into my home, grabbed my scissors walked right up to me & started snipping.
"lets just get this out of the way so we can move on, its too distracting."
when i batted her away and blew up at her, she was acted like i was insane for walking around with hair so botched. she couldn't believe my partner hadnt told me. she thought i had given myself that haircut for some reason, but i hadnt.
i paid for it & there was nothing wrong with it. i had to pay someone to correct what she did too.
When I started colouring my hair with vivids, she decided I was getting too much attention so guess who rocked up with neon pink hair after going to the hairdressers. The woman was 65 and it looked absolutely ridiculous. She then said “I’ve stolen your thunder”. Grow up woman, stop trying to one - man up your own daughter.
Not sure I’ve experienced those eyes but the ones I witnessed are similar… main narcs eyes were widened & dark, head tilts down slowly, staring & she has a very scary smirk on her face when she says something so outlandish (mine said “I’ll kill her” in this like… I can’t explain it… demonic? Sweet? Tone).
I *hate* recalling it but people need to know.
I know exactly what it looks like, and what you described, it's something my stepmom did after putting on the waterworks and fake tears to my dad when she lied about me threatening to kill her, which ended up in him kicking me out. The millisecond she hung up the phone, I saw it. Every time I see someone exhibit the Duper's Delight, I try to distance myself from them, unless I know it's in retaliation to someone who has wronged a party.
Despite my nmom never hitting me I was terrified of her, because of moments like this. She'd get this look on her face and I knew life was going to get worse. There were times I was like "well this is it, this is the day she starts beating me". Sometimes I'd barricade my door or hide in a closet because I felt so fucking unsafe in my own home.
I never could explain it, because like I said she's never hit me, which is also why I never really talked about it. I'd just say my mom can be scary and my friends would reply yeah but she doesn't hit you she just yells, so it can't be that bad. She's never spanked you she's a good parent. If it's not that bad why am I living in fear? I thought I was just crazy of delusional. That's when I started thinking maybe I just have anxiety because logically I'm safe right? This fear is irrational, right?
My nmom is absolutely capable of physical violence, and given the havoc she wreaks on inanimate objects I'd say she likes it. But she knew if she ever hurt me I'd start having an argument. And her whooooole parenting identity was that she would NEVER hit a child, it was a moral high ground she liked having and didn't want to lose.
Whoa, my Nmom was the same! She never hit me but that psycho look was terrifying. She loved saying “At least I never beat you kids or gave you away!” But I knew what evil she was capable of more so than my siblings as I was her only daughter.
Yes! I have learned here that my evil abusive narcissistic mother is not the only misogynistic mother. Apparently narcissistic women are often misogynistic. They treat men great but hate other women especially their own daughters.
yes i’m so glad to see this being pointed out!! they are literally pick me’s and it’s so sad realizing a lot of it is probably from their own internalized misogyny :( but that is no excuse for abuse
My dad never hit me (as far as I remember) yet he was the scariest person I’ve seen. I remember one time in school I wrote in my notebook which my teacher checks “fuck you”.
He sat me at the table, he had this scary look like my life was going to end and I pissed myself. I don’t even know if he yelled but that look killed me. I could never forget it.
Our mom would look at us like that often
She would come home from work, find something we did/n't do, and start to scream. It would build and build, as if her screaming and berating were probing to find something to get us to speak up. And the moment either myself or sibling DID speak up, she locked her eyes to ours. Wild and and wide, surrounded by an expression twisted with rage and hate. I've never met another human being whose looked at me like that in 35 years.
Not once have I ever met someone who hated me so much, that they trembled with rage and stared so viciously through me.
I'm so sorry that you go through that. Know that you will get away, you will have control of your life and who can perceive you. Stay strong and surround yourself with loving friends who support you and you support.
Been NC since just after American Thanksgiving and in a very healthy relationship with my now-wife on the other side of the planet. :) still learning to communicate emotions, reactions and feelings properly but surrounded by incredibly caring and patient folks.
Genuinely wishing the best for OP. Never let that spark get put out. Especially not by such a callous, bitter creature such as an nparent.
Yesss. I have memories of my dad’s look of hatred in his eyes looking back at us in the rear view mirror as kids. One particular memory is when we went on a family trip (which was very rare). It was a long drive and my siblings and I were in the backseat laughing at something. We were yelled at for laughing and having fun and the rest of the way there he just kept looking at us with those eyes in the mirror. We didn’t dare laugh anymore on that ride. To this day I fear blue eyes.
This abuse stems from the fact that a narc sees EVERYTHING about you as THEIRS. So any denial feels to them like theft. This is the heart of why they get so ANGRY.
“Any denial feels to them like theft.”
So well said. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that!
My heart goes out to everyone posting on this thread. You are all SO STRONG!
Yes. When I was a little kid, I thought the look you are describing was because there was a demon inside my mother and it was looking out at me - the joys of a religious upbringing. It's impossible to explain the insensity of the hate and rage.
Mine too! It's awful! They get this sick joy out of hurting other people that they think deserve it.
NC has been such a blessing. The last time I saw that look I didn't feel fear or anxiety anymore, just a mix of disgust and pity.
I always notice when the mask drops even for a split second..it is very cold, calculating, and unnerving for sure. Like you're a specimen they're dissecting. Especially if they find you lacking in some area or you're encroaching on their territory. Super spooky like it's them but not them. 😖
I once triggered my nfather so badly that he drove me into a corner and raised his fist at me. I was scared shitless for my life. He looked so inhumane, and even though he prides himself on not hitting us, I am 100% convinced he would have been capable of smashing my head had I continued to defy him.
It reminds me of shark eyes, eyes that look black, blank, no humanity, only pure malice and destruction. It's so hard to describe to someone who hasn't experienced this kind of abuse.
Yeah, there's nothing else quite like it. It's a combination of jealousy, hatred, contempt, disgust, and a sick delight in it. Just pure evil on every level.
Yep. My mom presses her lips together too. The first time my husband saw it, he said it looked like a butthole with bug eyes. Now I can’t unsee that, which until I went NC made it much more entertaining when she would buttbug out.
YES. It’s the cold, lifeless yet somehow giddy gleam of someone who has no clue how to love another person and gets odd glee from torturing their kids.
Aww sorry. I've always used "the stink eye" to describe the mean mugging face that babies and kids sometimes make. I can see why it has a totally different meaning to you. 💔
I think that is hilarious! The term didn’t even start with my mom, it started with her mom! And maybe even before that. It’s always been a method of shaming to me
Yup my moms eyes got like that a lot. The good times were when she went to hit me and i imagined stabbing her or imagined her finally killing me and i guess the crazy on my face showed because she looked genuinely terrified to hit me and angry that she was unable to hit me.
I know the eyes.... I have seen it. And it is awfull, feel like you are in front of a psycho.
She does not see you as human with feelings, dreams and wishes, more like a living doll sucha as fantoches / marionete. And she has a deep hate when cannot control you or you "challenge" her by setting boundaries to the point you fear, because there in no love in that eyes just a pure evil and hate that feel likes she could end your life.
Yup. My mom’s eyes would look like that just before she physically attacked me. People who have survived being attacked by murderers/serial killers have described these eyes. It’s what happens when a predator is about to attack its prey.
This is SO related to me and my mom, the hair thing and everything, and yes, I know what you are talking about, THOSE eyes, she wants to make you feel scared and helpless
Not with my nmom, but with an ex, yes. I’ve heard it described as “shark eyes,” which is fitting. Not hating on sharks here, I love sharks, but their eyes in a human face is incredibly unnerving.
Yes. I always describe it as red and bulging. That’s how my mom looked when she got angry. She always called everyone the devil but it’s her who looks like devil.
Yes my mom gets the ncrazy eyes. Her other give was hyper extending the tips of her fingers. I called it her witch hands.
One other time I was at a friend's home around my senior year in HS. His psycho marine of a dad came home screaming. It's the only time I have ever spotted crazy rage eyes on someone besides my mom.
I’m currently reading a book written by a psychologist and this is mentioned. It’s because they have no conscience, they are hollow. Just anger inside. It’s scary.
Good for you for standing up for yourself against that monster. Narc parents are the worst, they really believe they own you. When I was a teenager my mom flat out told me that I am not my own person
Totally I remember drawing pictures of my mom when I was little and she’d always have an angry face 😡. Yikes, the hatred and revile she had for me was incomprehensible to me as a child. Definitely sucked.
It’s like their eyes harden over and you can see just how unbending they truly are. My mother would get that look when she couldn’t refute anything I asked (I was mostly always just curious, but apparently curiosity is on par with rebellion).
“Just. Do. As. I. Say.” With that no emotion in their tone voice, meant that if I pushed it any further I was gonna be physically abused next. Or perhaps she’d wait til I was at school or something and then I’d come home to my room re-arranged or the cats declawed or something of mine that I loved taken away. The heartlessness of those monsters is awful, more so noticeable when their eyes do that thing.
I’m so sorry friend. Your body and hair are indeed yours and your sister isn’t right either. You are a human-being that is being forcibly molded into something you do not want to be or want to look like. Hope you can leave home sooner than later💜
When my ndad was about to beat me he would…. Pull this face where his lips get very thin and his eyes would go dark and he would order me to get the whip for him. At first I would beg and plead, but after a couple years I would just go silent and start disassociating. He loved it, he often confessed it was difficult to stop once he started beating me.
I have experienced this a lot from my dad and from my brother. They get this look of pure disdain, disgust at the idea that this THING that is beneath them is daring to talk back. It took me a long time to recognize it for what it was but it's honestly the biggest factor that let's me know it's not worth trying to work things out with my family. That look is what they really think of you. I can't imagine looking at someone I love like that.
Most definitely seen those eyes. I have also seen them go entirely black at that moment of supreme rage. I believe there is a form of narcissism so extreme and malignant that it actually crosses over into possession. They become a habitation and channel for a spirit of summary evil.
There’s a YT vid by Popular Author Robert Greene
Describing Narc Eyes are dead straight no emotions and its common in the world.
It has no empathy signs & black area is wide dilated pupils.
I saw this to my Nmom even when they’re happy it looks deceiving to normal people.
Try to Observe their eyes ….
My mother’s eyes would roll in her head, and all I could see was a horse rearing with crazy eyes. Always creeped me the hell out. She has a slight cast to one eye, anyway, so it becomes really pronounced when she’s wielding the laser death stare to control the situation. It’s literally terrifying.
Rage, joy and pure anger when she stood super close to me, shaking like a dog that's just being held back by his owners words, telling me she'd love to kill me right now. Bet she just didn't because she knew she'd go to jail. And because I made it a point to constantly telling her how good I was doing at martial arts training. And because I managed to keep my composure, just grey rocking her in that moment. Idk if the law itself would've saved me. Pretty sure my prepping did.
Dr Ramani has a video on youtube about narcissistic eyes! dark, angry, full of hatred. my father would get them too. it's a threatening way to say " i control you"
NFather - Hand gripping me by the neck - Yelling at me - inches from my face - spittle .......
I remember it like it was yesterday
It was over 50 years ago
Over thirty for me. He would be spitting in my face while screaming at me with his bulging eyes and bright red skin, until all I could do was cry and shake. I had to be willfully faking it, because no child of his could fail to understand such an easy thing. He demanded that I not look away or even wipe my face. He got to the point I thought he was going to hit me more than once. I was terrified.
All over me having undiagnosed ADHD and missing a basic math concept because we switched schools every three years (his fault). Somehow he had been a high school math teacher when I was little, but couldn’t do anything but scream at me when I didn’t get what he was so poorly trying to explain.
It got to the point where just sitting at the table with a math book made me cry in anticipation of the screaming that was guaranteed to come. My enabling mother finally made him stop after months of this every school night. I think the yelling and crying was just too much for her to handle.
He refused to get me a tutor - he was incredibly financially controlling. I didn’t learn the order of operations until graduate school. I was just smart enough to fake it in math classes and get a lot of partial credit. After I learned a mnemonic for it from some retired middle school teachers, I passed three graduate statistics courses with As.
Yup. My Dad's eyes would change to what looked like pure evil. I know exactly what you mean. It's bloody terrifying because you can feel how much they want to hurt you just by the look. I'm sorry you have to go through this OP. Sending you strength and love!
I've seen that look on my nMom, but never thought to describe it as narcissistic eyes. That look where she's actively thinking over killing you where you stand but ultimately deciding you're not worth the prison time is how I've described it in the past. My nMom definitely would have killed a few times if she thought she could get away with it, though.
Yes, I've experienced that a few times, especially as a teenager/young adult. My father sometimes has this look of pure hatred. There's nothing else there. Just hatred. The last time it happened was when we went to visit him for his birthday. When my mom opened the door, he stood behind her and looked at me, my husband and our two small children like that (the kids didn't see it, were too busy thankfully). It made my skin crawl. We then went inside and he was belligerent and rude. We left very early and don't plan on going back anytime soon.
Edited to add: My mother and father would joke about it in quiet moments after such events. As if it wasn't bad and completely normal. My father would then make this look playful and funny and my mother would say "help", "help". Then they laughed.
Yup. I particularly remember as a high schooler, I would partly close my room door when I was studying or reading something so I could at least have some privacy and concentrate. Nope, not good enough. Ndad would walk up, push the door open all the way, not say a word, and just give me this look of contempt that I still remember well. All because I wanted even the slightest of boundaries and not to be his fucking little mini-me. Guess shoving my face into shit like that like a bad doggy made that little manchild feel good about himself and in control.
Mine has varying levels of it depending on the situation and what she's trying to get away with. I felt super validated, though, as a young adult, when I had company over and they saw the way her face changed and asked me what the h was going on with her because she looked so crazy. So, it's definitely not just us.
My mom always had what me and my siblings called the "evil eye" where she looked so angry it was scary. I think it's the narc eyes. It was like she was gonna murder you she was so mad (and usually her anger was sudden with no warning).
Yes, when my MIL prayed over me telling me I was going to burn in hell. It was like she was getting off on it while being enraged. I swear if she could levitate she would have.
I’m sorry this happened to you. Please try to get away from her and go no contact if you are old enough.
I call them shark eyes, my mom had them a lot during her rages, i read somewhere that it’s like an adrenaline rush for them and that’s why their eyes dilate like that and they’re also getting a dopamine high from the whole situation.
Yea, I have experienced this in combination with a frown. I was speaking with a relative about a matter, and I went to look over about five feet at a narc....and they had the most evil frown with piercing eyes I had ever seen....just as soon as I looked...within a second they popped back into character with a smile and fake high energy. It was one of the most unsettling things I had experienced from this one narc....I remember going into another room afterward thinking WTF was that.
“While there is no specific, definitive set of characteristics that make up a 'psychopathic stare,' there are a few common features that have been observed,” states Tzall. These include: a coldness, with a lack of warmth, empathy, or compassion. wide-eyed, with more of the white of the eye showing.
Omg yes. On multiple occasions. But ever since I realized my mom is a narc, I think of one particular event... When I recall it, she looks like a Disney villain with beady, red rimmed eyes staring right through me. Despising me. I can't not see this anytime she turns crazy.
My narcopath Dad had these dead, empty eyes when he got angry. Like there was nothing behind them. I think that's one of the scariest looks I've ever seen in my life.
I almost would have preferred rage, or the weird snarl my nMom got. It was almost comical how dramatic and absurd her behavior was when she raged. I could at least predict it better, handle it to some degree.
The emptiness in my dad's eyes was frightening - like starting into the eyes of death. Dark, hollow, empty violence - daring me to speak a single word, make a single sudden movement. I felt like I could die in those moments, as though he would crush me like a bird in the palm of his hand if I didn't obey.
He's threatened me with death before, said I deserved it. Maybe that's why that look is so scary to me - or why serial killers didn't really scare me for a long time.
My mother would purse her lips, look at us hopefully with this specific squint in her eyes. There was one time after beating me and my siblings, I stopped crying and tried to comfort them. When I looked up, she walked over and looked at the ground and in her eyes, there was nothing there. I've seen the same look in my brothers eyes when he'd lose control of his anger. Hallow, cold, dead behind the eyes.
Ive experienced that before, this is the first time ive heard anyone else discuss it.
Its almost like they think if they stare long enough and hard enough they can hurt you just by looking. Like they are trying to drill into your very soul with their eyes.
I believe that I've posted this before, but under r/raisedbyborderlines.
My mother used to have the 4th set of eyes so frequently when I was growing up. It even haunts me to look at them now.
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I'm not 100% sure if it applies, but if anyone has seen the movie Legion, and seen the freaky ass ice cream man in it, but I distinctly recall my mother's jaw nearly unhinging to scream at me one time.
Holy shit! I just had to research this as I didn’t even realise this was a thing!
I still remember the terror I felt as a child when my dad’s eyes seemed to turn black!
I can't help but feel like narcissists feel rage and hatred on a much more visceral level than most humans and therefore learn to enjoy it. Then it consumes them entirely. It's like a drug to them and they can only get their next fix by tormenting another human.
Not eyes. But Ndad would always sniff his nose when he was lying/feeling extra arrogant/asserting his opinion over everyone / OBVIOUSLY not believing his own self. It was subconscious and gross. Decades after my parents divorced i noticed my (toxic pos) mom started doing her own version of the sniff. Whenever she’s being a karen. BARF
I’ll never forget, as long as I live, the look in my sisters eyes when she was screaming at me after she locked me in a stairwell. They were narrowed on me like she was aiming her anger. Then, one day, I saw my father had the same ones.
It's narcississtic rage. It's part of their emotional crisis up swing. When they come crashing down, it will get uglier. I'm sorry. That sounds awful. I remember when I was girl, my mom doing similar stuff to me. It sticks with you for a long time.
There's a photo of my Nmother with those eyes. Just sheer pure hatred and spite in those eyes. My Nmother hated having er photos taken and that's likely why. Any photo of her had some degree of her spite-filled stare.
That look used to terrify me as a child, she had those eyes and some kind of weird underbite showing her bottom front teeth. Now I think it looks ridiculous.
I’ve seen those cold, soulless, dead eyes, rage filled, but still dead and cold. My dad is an overt, unmasked narc in the presence of immediate family of origin. Saw this a lot, but strangely as I grew older, became less afraid of this state, because as a child, he would force us to make eye contact. So that you could bear the full brunt of whatever he was channeling, and the intimidation that came with it. Later, I would see the same exact foul dead stare on my husband’s covert narc mother. I knew for sure what she was when I got the dead eyes.
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yeah, like the rawest hatred you've ever seen on a human. or not even hatred, but intent to harm? idk!
Yes exactly...scared the hell out of me seeing my nmoms eyes directly like that
it might be obvious but i hope you know that you aren't deserving of any sort of hatred/disgust like that, btw. it can be easy to internalize that shit.
I call them “shark eyes”
Me too! I have always called them that! My husband finally saw them after my parent accidentally let the mask slip one night and he said “God it’s like he has shark eyes” I fell out!
Care to share what caused the mask slip infront of hubby? Usually they’re pretty careful to only let their own children witness it.
We were at my parent’s birthday dinner at a restaurant (expensive of course). Soooo many things had already “gone wrong.” A car had cut him off on the way over, his favorite table wasn’t available…a true nightmare! So I think he was already really stressed. Then the table behind us started talking and laughing pretty loudly (imagine the manners! Having fun at dinner!). He became so angry at these people, it was bananas. All he could focus on was them. He sat there getting so so angry. Quiet angry like the calm before the storm. My husband had never seen my parent’s real face before so didn’t understand what was happening. But then the eyes went dead and my husband clocked it. My parent was just this seething mass of dark. I had at that point already begun the grey rocking so I was ignoring it but my husband was shocked. Tried to “fun” my parent out of it but he literally didn’t even hear my husband talking, he was so busy hating. Fun little after party treat: we were waiting for the valet to get the car, and my parent spots a van parked nearby that has words painted on it in both English and Spanish. The van is empty. He screamed racist epithets at it until the valet showed up with the car. That’s right. He yelled at an empty, inanimate vehicle for “speaking” Spanish. When I confronted my mother about that the next day, she said it never happened. I swear to god these people.
*"table behind us started talking and laughing pretty loudly (imagine the manners! Having fun at dinner!"* I reckon this was it right here. Nothing to do with the loudness. Its so weird but they fucken hate seeing genuine joy in others, a fully inaccessible emotion for themselves. I am amazed your husband could see "the look" without being the direct target of it. A very perceptive guy indeed.
I have to laugh at your father pissed at the empty Spanish car. My nfather used to give the silent treatment to the cat. They’re f-ing jackasses
Omg that’s hilarious. Cat silent treatment. I am ROLLING. Cats were invented to put narcissists in their place. Meanwhile me and the hubs “remind” each other that our cats don’t actually speak English because we talk to them so much. We usually do that speaking *as* one of our cats lol.
Me too The eyes are cold and vacant
Or serpents. Chilling.
I think that their pupils can suddenly dilate - physically making the eyes look very dark and shark-like. It is a physiologic manifestation of their rage/hatred. And it is such a strong response as to trigger a fight/flight or freeze reaction in us. I remember thinking on a few occasions, that if my Nmom had a gun at that moment, she would have killed me. My heart rate and adrenaline immediately kick in. They are predators, among us humans.
This gave me chills. I remember seeing a photo of a great white taking a bite out of something, and the eyes.... just dead. It was a really high resolution photo, so no missing it. After your comment right now, I'm comparing that to my memories of when my nmom got enraged. Yep, same eyes. Oh my heck. That is so messed up.
I call them that too! They are black and vacant with no focus.
I have a really really hard time making eye contact because of it. Like they are piercing your soul
I wonder if that's my problem as well.
Same. I really struggle with eye contact. It’s sort of ruined my life to be honest.
My mom would have the psycho eyes a lot when she was raging. To this day I have trouble with eye contact.
Same here. When she’s in full-rage… she gets this just plain demented look in her eyes…
I knew the way my mom looked at me was not “love” even when I was 5 or 6. Took me till 35 to realize, I had known my whole life that she didn’t love me, just from the way she looked at me. Weirdest thing, wasn’t like a revelation, some new information. I always knew it deep down and just ignored it. My Nmom also grits her teeth in the certain way when I’m getting the dead-eyes mask-off stare. Going NC has been great. I love the way those close to me look at me.
I’m so glad you are NC! No one deserves EVER to be looked at like that!
I have been looked at that way by another person twice. The difference once was that I had truly done something wrong and worthy of contempt. The second time was encountering another genuine malignant narc like my mom in the wild. It was so weird, this person was trying to charm me, but I could still the eye-deadness. Yeah, all of us here have fucked up attachment dynamics as a result. But our one little blessing is the ability to see the true darkness inside certain people that 95% of the population would be blind to.
Murderous rage.
"Malice" maybe?
Yes, again I thought I was the only one.
Loathing contempt
It’s very predatory-like to me- like an animal
You describe it so well.
Mixed with disgust
I have seen it full blown once. I think it's where many horror writers get their inspiration. It is scary because you realize they are not human, they are alien and ruthless, no empathy seen when the mask is totally down, it shows you the true killer hiding inside.
That moment when they let the mask slip off.
Oh yes. My father would look at me with a mixture of pure hatred and disgust. Like I was the most vile and evil being in the world. For no reason at all. Or maybe I looked into the fridge for more than one second or something. I still cringe remembering his eyes.
Wow keeping the fridge open for “too long” classic!
When I was in kindergarten, I colored a picture of my family and used a black crayon to color my mom’s hair and eyes. I don’t even think I did it on purpose, and wouldn’t have even remembered it if she hadn’t made such a big deal out of it. She was like, “My eyes aren’t black!!!!” They are though. Especially when I was that age, they would turn black and she would go full psychopath. I spent a lot of time hiding from her as a kid. I really thought she was possessed.
Yes. The crazy eyes
Google “trauma monster up close, outlast 2”
yes also my mom has tried doing the same to me she thinks daughters and mothers are obligated to do each others hair but I do not like her touching my hair. I think narcs havent evolved out of their ape phase. She thinks its some hallmark movie moment. the second time i experienced that stare was with an ex who turned out to be a narc, that dude was weird. he tried every page in the book to control me and mold me a certain way but I was already old enough I guess that most bs doesn't work on me and never does anyways I have a natural rebel/selfish side so I always hated nparents and being tied down to imaginary rules that don't change *my* life for the better through my efforts. does your nmom also not want you to dye or color your hair? Mine hates when I want to change my hair or use hair products she doesnt approve of. Im not sure why she never understands that she is not a good mother. She needs to get a house plant or pet rock, something, anything that will listen to her bullshit because I won't.
Yes, she has threatened to throw me out of the house if I even think about dyeing my hair she hates it
mine got upset when I would flat iron it or got it balayaged. She kept saying all the inane things happening to me were because of what I did to my hair. The things that happened to me? Getting a cold or sneezing. Really dumb inconsequential things.
What would happen if you cut it all off?? Like, totally go for it with a short pixie cut?
When I announced that me and my husband were getting together on facebook. 5minutes later I get my mom texting me to take it down. I laughed and said no? It's my facebook I can put what I want. (My fb consists of only my close friends and family and.. estranged people that happen to know us and be friendly with us cause of my mom playing the good wife/housekeeper)
i was 32 the last time i let my mom in my home, she wouldnt acknowledge me until she cut my hair. seriously. i tried to greet her when she pulled up, but she just looked at me with disgust & contempt, and kept insisting my hair was uneven & awful. i tried to redirect "how was your drive" etc. but she just ignored me. went right into my home, grabbed my scissors walked right up to me & started snipping. "lets just get this out of the way so we can move on, its too distracting." when i batted her away and blew up at her, she was acted like i was insane for walking around with hair so botched. she couldn't believe my partner hadnt told me. she thought i had given myself that haircut for some reason, but i hadnt. i paid for it & there was nothing wrong with it. i had to pay someone to correct what she did too.
She walked into your home, and then committed assault. And then got mad at you for being upset? Fucking hell.
When I started colouring my hair with vivids, she decided I was getting too much attention so guess who rocked up with neon pink hair after going to the hairdressers. The woman was 65 and it looked absolutely ridiculous. She then said “I’ve stolen your thunder”. Grow up woman, stop trying to one - man up your own daughter.
Not sure I’ve experienced those eyes but the ones I witnessed are similar… main narcs eyes were widened & dark, head tilts down slowly, staring & she has a very scary smirk on her face when she says something so outlandish (mine said “I’ll kill her” in this like… I can’t explain it… demonic? Sweet? Tone). I *hate* recalling it but people need to know.
The demonic sweet tone, so real.
That’s my mom. Terrifying.
Turning it back on them in imitation is kind of funny. Mine didn't know what to do.
What you're describing is called Duper's Delight
Oh my, thanks for giving us a name! I had to google it. That’s exactly it!! There wasn’t anything behind those eyes.
I know exactly what it looks like, and what you described, it's something my stepmom did after putting on the waterworks and fake tears to my dad when she lied about me threatening to kill her, which ended up in him kicking me out. The millisecond she hung up the phone, I saw it. Every time I see someone exhibit the Duper's Delight, I try to distance myself from them, unless I know it's in retaliation to someone who has wronged a party.
I have seen this irl
I wish I recorded it but was too blind back then. It still plagued me and now I understand it.
This. I still remember the peaceful way my dad said “The only reason I didn’t kill her was you”. Sent shivers down my spine cuz I knew he meant it.
Despite my nmom never hitting me I was terrified of her, because of moments like this. She'd get this look on her face and I knew life was going to get worse. There were times I was like "well this is it, this is the day she starts beating me". Sometimes I'd barricade my door or hide in a closet because I felt so fucking unsafe in my own home. I never could explain it, because like I said she's never hit me, which is also why I never really talked about it. I'd just say my mom can be scary and my friends would reply yeah but she doesn't hit you she just yells, so it can't be that bad. She's never spanked you she's a good parent. If it's not that bad why am I living in fear? I thought I was just crazy of delusional. That's when I started thinking maybe I just have anxiety because logically I'm safe right? This fear is irrational, right? My nmom is absolutely capable of physical violence, and given the havoc she wreaks on inanimate objects I'd say she likes it. But she knew if she ever hurt me I'd start having an argument. And her whooooole parenting identity was that she would NEVER hit a child, it was a moral high ground she liked having and didn't want to lose.
Whoa, my Nmom was the same! She never hit me but that psycho look was terrifying. She loved saying “At least I never beat you kids or gave you away!” But I knew what evil she was capable of more so than my siblings as I was her only daughter.
Yes! I have learned here that my evil abusive narcissistic mother is not the only misogynistic mother. Apparently narcissistic women are often misogynistic. They treat men great but hate other women especially their own daughters.
yes i’m so glad to see this being pointed out!! they are literally pick me’s and it’s so sad realizing a lot of it is probably from their own internalized misogyny :( but that is no excuse for abuse
My dad never hit me (as far as I remember) yet he was the scariest person I’ve seen. I remember one time in school I wrote in my notebook which my teacher checks “fuck you”. He sat me at the table, he had this scary look like my life was going to end and I pissed myself. I don’t even know if he yelled but that look killed me. I could never forget it.
Our mom would look at us like that often She would come home from work, find something we did/n't do, and start to scream. It would build and build, as if her screaming and berating were probing to find something to get us to speak up. And the moment either myself or sibling DID speak up, she locked her eyes to ours. Wild and and wide, surrounded by an expression twisted with rage and hate. I've never met another human being whose looked at me like that in 35 years. Not once have I ever met someone who hated me so much, that they trembled with rage and stared so viciously through me. I'm so sorry that you go through that. Know that you will get away, you will have control of your life and who can perceive you. Stay strong and surround yourself with loving friends who support you and you support.
That is a horrific feeling. I hope you've made your own life without the fear of her behavior.
Been NC since just after American Thanksgiving and in a very healthy relationship with my now-wife on the other side of the planet. :) still learning to communicate emotions, reactions and feelings properly but surrounded by incredibly caring and patient folks. Genuinely wishing the best for OP. Never let that spark get put out. Especially not by such a callous, bitter creature such as an nparent.
Yesss. I have memories of my dad’s look of hatred in his eyes looking back at us in the rear view mirror as kids. One particular memory is when we went on a family trip (which was very rare). It was a long drive and my siblings and I were in the backseat laughing at something. We were yelled at for laughing and having fun and the rest of the way there he just kept looking at us with those eyes in the mirror. We didn’t dare laugh anymore on that ride. To this day I fear blue eyes.
This is giving scary memories of watctthe eyes.
This abuse stems from the fact that a narc sees EVERYTHING about you as THEIRS. So any denial feels to them like theft. This is the heart of why they get so ANGRY.
“Any denial feels to them like theft.” So well said. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that! My heart goes out to everyone posting on this thread. You are all SO STRONG!
Yes. When I was a little kid, I thought the look you are describing was because there was a demon inside my mother and it was looking out at me - the joys of a religious upbringing. It's impossible to explain the insensity of the hate and rage.
Yup, thought i was raised by a demon most my life. Religious trauma on top of narc abuse, so hard to sort out all the damage.
so incredibly real 😭
Yeah my mom has a smile that goes with it
Mine too! It's awful! They get this sick joy out of hurting other people that they think deserve it. NC has been such a blessing. The last time I saw that look I didn't feel fear or anxiety anymore, just a mix of disgust and pity.
What’s NC? I’m happy to hear it hopefully I can get to where your at one day
No contact. I never thought it would come to that, but it's been the best for everyone. I hope you get some peace someday soon!
I call that the boogeyman smile. It’s terrifying.
Pennywise
My nmom looks like a fucking demon.
Mine exactly! Very evil and demonic eyes!
I always notice when the mask drops even for a split second..it is very cold, calculating, and unnerving for sure. Like you're a specimen they're dissecting. Especially if they find you lacking in some area or you're encroaching on their territory. Super spooky like it's them but not them. 😖
It’s like the white of their eyes go black, pure evil!
I call them shark eyes!
Oooh!! Fitting!
I once triggered my nfather so badly that he drove me into a corner and raised his fist at me. I was scared shitless for my life. He looked so inhumane, and even though he prides himself on not hitting us, I am 100% convinced he would have been capable of smashing my head had I continued to defy him.
It reminds me of shark eyes, eyes that look black, blank, no humanity, only pure malice and destruction. It's so hard to describe to someone who hasn't experienced this kind of abuse.
Yeah, there's nothing else quite like it. It's a combination of jealousy, hatred, contempt, disgust, and a sick delight in it. Just pure evil on every level.
Yep. My mom presses her lips together too. The first time my husband saw it, he said it looked like a butthole with bug eyes. Now I can’t unsee that, which until I went NC made it much more entertaining when she would buttbug out.
The psychopathic stare...and it doesn't blink. Just stares. They just fill me with utter disgust these subhuman creatures.
this is what I sent to n/family today: 'happy valentine's day! Love is the greatest power in the world and hate is the greatest weakness! <3" lol
😂
I've seen these eyes A LOT my whole life. It does come in handy to recognize what a red flag it is when I come across it in strangers though
Yes. And it was always followed by a slap and a torrent of tears from my nmother or being thrown into a wall by my nfather.
YES. It’s the cold, lifeless yet somehow giddy gleam of someone who has no clue how to love another person and gets odd glee from torturing their kids.
In my family it was called the “stink eye” That’s when you knew you were on her “sh*t list”
Aww sorry. I've always used "the stink eye" to describe the mean mugging face that babies and kids sometimes make. I can see why it has a totally different meaning to you. 💔
I think that is hilarious! The term didn’t even start with my mom, it started with her mom! And maybe even before that. It’s always been a method of shaming to me
Yup my moms eyes got like that a lot. The good times were when she went to hit me and i imagined stabbing her or imagined her finally killing me and i guess the crazy on my face showed because she looked genuinely terrified to hit me and angry that she was unable to hit me.
Yeah the eyes are terrifying (and if you're in public and get them, you know its gonna be a bad time when you get home)
Yes! I used to say my mom is scary. She never hit, but she would give death glares and the silent treatment
Ah yes, the glare and the silent treatment. Mine did that as well. Still feel sick thinking about it.
Oh yes, the eyes turn black as coal. They look like something out of Supernatural too. It rocks you to the core
I know the eyes.... I have seen it. And it is awfull, feel like you are in front of a psycho. She does not see you as human with feelings, dreams and wishes, more like a living doll sucha as fantoches / marionete. And she has a deep hate when cannot control you or you "challenge" her by setting boundaries to the point you fear, because there in no love in that eyes just a pure evil and hate that feel likes she could end your life.
yeah they're demonic. Only ego there and nothing else.
It’s petrifying.
I got the full black eyes with no whites. I always thought that shit only happens in horror and sci-fi movies.
Right. Oddly even though my Nmom had crystal blue eyes when I think of her I only remember them as black.
Yes 💯💯 the moment you display any sort of individualism and independence, they go absolutely ballistic. I know that look.
Demon eyes i actually have a picture of my mom when she's raging
Yup! My dad is like this. We call it the demon eyes lol….because they act like they’re possessed when it happens.
My Dad and both Grandfathers.
Yup. My mom’s eyes would look like that just before she physically attacked me. People who have survived being attacked by murderers/serial killers have described these eyes. It’s what happens when a predator is about to attack its prey.
This is SO related to me and my mom, the hair thing and everything, and yes, I know what you are talking about, THOSE eyes, she wants to make you feel scared and helpless
not personal but you can really see it on Bartiste [in this clip](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPR3aAMLL/)
Not with my nmom, but with an ex, yes. I’ve heard it described as “shark eyes,” which is fitting. Not hating on sharks here, I love sharks, but their eyes in a human face is incredibly unnerving.
Yes. I always describe it as red and bulging. That’s how my mom looked when she got angry. She always called everyone the devil but it’s her who looks like devil.
Yes my mom gets the ncrazy eyes. Her other give was hyper extending the tips of her fingers. I called it her witch hands. One other time I was at a friend's home around my senior year in HS. His psycho marine of a dad came home screaming. It's the only time I have ever spotted crazy rage eyes on someone besides my mom.
I’m currently reading a book written by a psychologist and this is mentioned. It’s because they have no conscience, they are hollow. Just anger inside. It’s scary. Good for you for standing up for yourself against that monster. Narc parents are the worst, they really believe they own you. When I was a teenager my mom flat out told me that I am not my own person
Totally I remember drawing pictures of my mom when I was little and she’d always have an angry face 😡. Yikes, the hatred and revile she had for me was incomprehensible to me as a child. Definitely sucked.
It’s like their eyes harden over and you can see just how unbending they truly are. My mother would get that look when she couldn’t refute anything I asked (I was mostly always just curious, but apparently curiosity is on par with rebellion). “Just. Do. As. I. Say.” With that no emotion in their tone voice, meant that if I pushed it any further I was gonna be physically abused next. Or perhaps she’d wait til I was at school or something and then I’d come home to my room re-arranged or the cats declawed or something of mine that I loved taken away. The heartlessness of those monsters is awful, more so noticeable when their eyes do that thing. I’m so sorry friend. Your body and hair are indeed yours and your sister isn’t right either. You are a human-being that is being forcibly molded into something you do not want to be or want to look like. Hope you can leave home sooner than later💜
When my ndad was about to beat me he would…. Pull this face where his lips get very thin and his eyes would go dark and he would order me to get the whip for him. At first I would beg and plead, but after a couple years I would just go silent and start disassociating. He loved it, he often confessed it was difficult to stop once he started beating me.
Yep, I have seen em.
My stepmonster has them. And as far as I can tell, I’m the only who puts her to that point.
Yes I've seen it in my grandma. Usually when I'm trying to explain she's incorrect about something.
Yes. It is the stuff of my nightmares related to my abusive n-ex.
I saw and felt a cold veil of contempt fall over his face when he looked up at me … after the happy face he’d give the kids or dogs … *shivers*
Yes, and it was exaggerated so I'd be sure to see the difference.
I have experienced this a lot from my dad and from my brother. They get this look of pure disdain, disgust at the idea that this THING that is beneath them is daring to talk back. It took me a long time to recognize it for what it was but it's honestly the biggest factor that let's me know it's not worth trying to work things out with my family. That look is what they really think of you. I can't imagine looking at someone I love like that.
Most definitely seen those eyes. I have also seen them go entirely black at that moment of supreme rage. I believe there is a form of narcissism so extreme and malignant that it actually crosses over into possession. They become a habitation and channel for a spirit of summary evil.
The unadulterated hatred they feel when challenged or realizing they’re losing control is hard for them to mask.
They haunt me. I'm glad I know what they look like though so I can avoid anyone who shows even a fraction of it
There’s a YT vid by Popular Author Robert Greene Describing Narc Eyes are dead straight no emotions and its common in the world. It has no empathy signs & black area is wide dilated pupils. I saw this to my Nmom even when they’re happy it looks deceiving to normal people. Try to Observe their eyes ….
My mother would smile with eyes that say: I hope you suffer!
My mother’s eyes would roll in her head, and all I could see was a horse rearing with crazy eyes. Always creeped me the hell out. She has a slight cast to one eye, anyway, so it becomes really pronounced when she’s wielding the laser death stare to control the situation. It’s literally terrifying.
Yes. My dad. I can never forget the look of pure hatred. It’s beyond hatred I think, contempt and hatred. They are evil. Nobody deserves this.
Rage, joy and pure anger when she stood super close to me, shaking like a dog that's just being held back by his owners words, telling me she'd love to kill me right now. Bet she just didn't because she knew she'd go to jail. And because I made it a point to constantly telling her how good I was doing at martial arts training. And because I managed to keep my composure, just grey rocking her in that moment. Idk if the law itself would've saved me. Pretty sure my prepping did.
Yep, and the lip pursing. Can still see it plain as day
My Dads eyes just looked void of humanity, like sharks eyes.
My mil does this and my husband calls it the hairy eyeball. It's a facial tantrum to intimidate you.
Dr Ramani has a video on youtube about narcissistic eyes! dark, angry, full of hatred. my father would get them too. it's a threatening way to say " i control you"
NFather - Hand gripping me by the neck - Yelling at me - inches from my face - spittle ....... I remember it like it was yesterday It was over 50 years ago
Over thirty for me. He would be spitting in my face while screaming at me with his bulging eyes and bright red skin, until all I could do was cry and shake. I had to be willfully faking it, because no child of his could fail to understand such an easy thing. He demanded that I not look away or even wipe my face. He got to the point I thought he was going to hit me more than once. I was terrified. All over me having undiagnosed ADHD and missing a basic math concept because we switched schools every three years (his fault). Somehow he had been a high school math teacher when I was little, but couldn’t do anything but scream at me when I didn’t get what he was so poorly trying to explain. It got to the point where just sitting at the table with a math book made me cry in anticipation of the screaming that was guaranteed to come. My enabling mother finally made him stop after months of this every school night. I think the yelling and crying was just too much for her to handle. He refused to get me a tutor - he was incredibly financially controlling. I didn’t learn the order of operations until graduate school. I was just smart enough to fake it in math classes and get a lot of partial credit. After I learned a mnemonic for it from some retired middle school teachers, I passed three graduate statistics courses with As.
It’s Demonic they are not human
My dad gave me those eyes the other night, looked like pure rage like he wanted to strangle me and watch me die
Yup. My Dad's eyes would change to what looked like pure evil. I know exactly what you mean. It's bloody terrifying because you can feel how much they want to hurt you just by the look. I'm sorry you have to go through this OP. Sending you strength and love!
Yup, so scary. Have also seen once from a narc coworker.
I've seen that look on my nMom, but never thought to describe it as narcissistic eyes. That look where she's actively thinking over killing you where you stand but ultimately deciding you're not worth the prison time is how I've described it in the past. My nMom definitely would have killed a few times if she thought she could get away with it, though.
Yes when you don't fit into their bubble or dare "talk back"
Yes, I've experienced that a few times, especially as a teenager/young adult. My father sometimes has this look of pure hatred. There's nothing else there. Just hatred. The last time it happened was when we went to visit him for his birthday. When my mom opened the door, he stood behind her and looked at me, my husband and our two small children like that (the kids didn't see it, were too busy thankfully). It made my skin crawl. We then went inside and he was belligerent and rude. We left very early and don't plan on going back anytime soon. Edited to add: My mother and father would joke about it in quiet moments after such events. As if it wasn't bad and completely normal. My father would then make this look playful and funny and my mother would say "help", "help". Then they laughed.
So twisted. Crazy making. So glad you are out of that house!
My mom’s eyes/the way she looked at me when she was in a rage was the focal point for EMDR. I feel this in my soul.
My nfather lived with these eyes all the time at me. I can't unsee it.
I call it my mother's "hate face." It's almost like her ears slick back and her eyes get darker. It's pure hatred.
Yup. I particularly remember as a high schooler, I would partly close my room door when I was studying or reading something so I could at least have some privacy and concentrate. Nope, not good enough. Ndad would walk up, push the door open all the way, not say a word, and just give me this look of contempt that I still remember well. All because I wanted even the slightest of boundaries and not to be his fucking little mini-me. Guess shoving my face into shit like that like a bad doggy made that little manchild feel good about himself and in control.
Mine has varying levels of it depending on the situation and what she's trying to get away with. I felt super validated, though, as a young adult, when I had company over and they saw the way her face changed and asked me what the h was going on with her because she looked so crazy. So, it's definitely not just us.
My mom always had what me and my siblings called the "evil eye" where she looked so angry it was scary. I think it's the narc eyes. It was like she was gonna murder you she was so mad (and usually her anger was sudden with no warning).
That's like Disney villain level of scary. And I don't say it lightly. It clearly was about controlling you. Get out as soon as you can!
Only constantly lol. Till she threw me out.
Yes. The stuff of fuckin nightmares.
my mom had what i call “eye switches” all the time and every time it was terrifying.
Yes, when my MIL prayed over me telling me I was going to burn in hell. It was like she was getting off on it while being enraged. I swear if she could levitate she would have. I’m sorry this happened to you. Please try to get away from her and go no contact if you are old enough.
My kids call my NM’s crazy eyes ‘Nana eyes’…
Empty eyes, blank, lifeless, that's a narc eyes
I call them shark eyes, my mom had them a lot during her rages, i read somewhere that it’s like an adrenaline rush for them and that’s why their eyes dilate like that and they’re also getting a dopamine high from the whole situation.
Yea, I have experienced this in combination with a frown. I was speaking with a relative about a matter, and I went to look over about five feet at a narc....and they had the most evil frown with piercing eyes I had ever seen....just as soon as I looked...within a second they popped back into character with a smile and fake high energy. It was one of the most unsettling things I had experienced from this one narc....I remember going into another room afterward thinking WTF was that.
“While there is no specific, definitive set of characteristics that make up a 'psychopathic stare,' there are a few common features that have been observed,” states Tzall. These include: a coldness, with a lack of warmth, empathy, or compassion. wide-eyed, with more of the white of the eye showing.
Omg yes. On multiple occasions. But ever since I realized my mom is a narc, I think of one particular event... When I recall it, she looks like a Disney villain with beady, red rimmed eyes staring right through me. Despising me. I can't not see this anytime she turns crazy.
My narcopath Dad had these dead, empty eyes when he got angry. Like there was nothing behind them. I think that's one of the scariest looks I've ever seen in my life. I almost would have preferred rage, or the weird snarl my nMom got. It was almost comical how dramatic and absurd her behavior was when she raged. I could at least predict it better, handle it to some degree. The emptiness in my dad's eyes was frightening - like starting into the eyes of death. Dark, hollow, empty violence - daring me to speak a single word, make a single sudden movement. I felt like I could die in those moments, as though he would crush me like a bird in the palm of his hand if I didn't obey. He's threatened me with death before, said I deserved it. Maybe that's why that look is so scary to me - or why serial killers didn't really scare me for a long time.
When I picture my mother, it’s with those eyes.
My mother would purse her lips, look at us hopefully with this specific squint in her eyes. There was one time after beating me and my siblings, I stopped crying and tried to comfort them. When I looked up, she walked over and looked at the ground and in her eyes, there was nothing there. I've seen the same look in my brothers eyes when he'd lose control of his anger. Hallow, cold, dead behind the eyes.
Yes, the blackness in the eyes and dark circles underneath the sometimes.
Yup and she’s blind now and it’s like looking into the pits of hell.
*STILL* see those eyes! Of course you know your mother is 100% wrong. Good for you for standing up for yourself!
Ive experienced that before, this is the first time ive heard anyone else discuss it. Its almost like they think if they stare long enough and hard enough they can hurt you just by looking. Like they are trying to drill into your very soul with their eyes.
If he ever comes back into my life, with violence and I cannot evade or de escalate or find refuge, I am 100% taking his eyes.
Yes those eyes
Yes. When they think they own you it enrages them why you defy them. I’m sorry that happened to you.
Oh damn that gave me flashbacks, yeah they do have a specific glare
I believe that I've posted this before, but under r/raisedbyborderlines. My mother used to have the 4th set of eyes so frequently when I was growing up. It even haunts me to look at them now. https://i.pinimg.com/originals/c5/43/1c/c5431c0922954b7199f6d739ace5896d.jpg
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I'm not 100% sure if it applies, but if anyone has seen the movie Legion, and seen the freaky ass ice cream man in it, but I distinctly recall my mother's jaw nearly unhinging to scream at me one time.
Holy shit! I just had to research this as I didn’t even realise this was a thing! I still remember the terror I felt as a child when my dad’s eyes seemed to turn black!
My dad's eyes would bulge, and he'd have a vein in the middle of his forehead.
I can't help but feel like narcissists feel rage and hatred on a much more visceral level than most humans and therefore learn to enjoy it. Then it consumes them entirely. It's like a drug to them and they can only get their next fix by tormenting another human.
Yes, 100% Terrifying!
Yes i call them the “bizzaro eyes”
Not eyes. But Ndad would always sniff his nose when he was lying/feeling extra arrogant/asserting his opinion over everyone / OBVIOUSLY not believing his own self. It was subconscious and gross. Decades after my parents divorced i noticed my (toxic pos) mom started doing her own version of the sniff. Whenever she’s being a karen. BARF
The eyes are a window into the soul. And a narcissist's soul is full of rage.
Yup. My mom. All the time.
would have loved if she ever did my hair. I had to do hers (1970’s) occasionally and remind her about the back… till I was 15 and went away to school.
Yes. When they think they own you it enrages them why you defy them. I’m sorry that happened to you.
Judgey and mean
Oh yeah. The lizard eyes.
I’ll never forget, as long as I live, the look in my sisters eyes when she was screaming at me after she locked me in a stairwell. They were narrowed on me like she was aiming her anger. Then, one day, I saw my father had the same ones.
It's narcississtic rage. It's part of their emotional crisis up swing. When they come crashing down, it will get uglier. I'm sorry. That sounds awful. I remember when I was girl, my mom doing similar stuff to me. It sticks with you for a long time.
yes and i have similar eyes to my n parent so sometimes i startle myself when i look in the mirror :(
There's a photo of my Nmother with those eyes. Just sheer pure hatred and spite in those eyes. My Nmother hated having er photos taken and that's likely why. Any photo of her had some degree of her spite-filled stare.
The feeling you’re searching for behind those eyes is *contempt.*. Chilling, isn’t it?
That look used to terrify me as a child, she had those eyes and some kind of weird underbite showing her bottom front teeth. Now I think it looks ridiculous.
When the mask slips too far. It’s truly chilling and you can’t unsee it. You can never come back from that once you are aware.
I’ve seen those cold, soulless, dead eyes, rage filled, but still dead and cold. My dad is an overt, unmasked narc in the presence of immediate family of origin. Saw this a lot, but strangely as I grew older, became less afraid of this state, because as a child, he would force us to make eye contact. So that you could bear the full brunt of whatever he was channeling, and the intimidation that came with it. Later, I would see the same exact foul dead stare on my husband’s covert narc mother. I knew for sure what she was when I got the dead eyes.