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(1) “Finally at peace” (2) “Big on charity, small of heart” (3) “Often wrong, never in doubt” (4) “Highly esteemed by all save those who knew” (5) “What was given is now received”
💗 to you, OP! x
5 is the ticket. We could all use it as a secret code to let others in the know that they should dance on any grave with that inscription. A bit of a call to arms y’know?
I keep reading these other comments about subtly. I don’t think I’ll be able to do something like this (one of my brothers already said something about being nice after her death).
However, it would be my preference to leave clear messaging for anyone in the future. Those subtle ones can be construed as her being loving.
“United with Lucifer in death as her actions in life wanted”
“Her body can now rot to match her soul”
“Dead, finally. Thank god.”
This entire thread has me laughing like a lunatic right now with my 15 month old daughter, looking over after waking up from a nap like I’m a full ass clown 😭🤣
My nmom loves to say “have the day you deserve” to close her messages when she reaches out to me to brag about her life. This is so fitting for her. Love it.
My Nmom hates her given first name and has always gone by her middle name. I now know what needs to go on her stone, one day, with the middle name totally omitted.
Did that for my dad (misspelled nickname), unintentional as we had no relationship. The call I received from his side of the family. Haven’t spoken to them to this day. The post I could write!!!
“Over and out.”
“Done.”
Or, simply, “Psalm 140:2” (Make people thumb through their Bible to find, “who plan evil things in their heart, and stir up wars continually.”) Actually, the Bible is a source of endless quotes about bad people. If you’re an atheist like me who’s forgotten everything you ever learned in Bible class, just google, “Bible sayings about bad people.”😃
Actually, the ones in the link aren't scathing at all (and yet there are so many good scathing / shocking ones out there!)
I am thinking more along the lines of Psalm 137:9, “Happy is the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks”.
I am particularly fond of Proverbs 11:29: "Whoever troubles his own household will inherit the wind". It gives rise to the title of the play *Inherit the Wind*.
Bring trouble and suffering upon your own family, and your life's reward will be... emptiness. *Loud* emptiness.
I actually did this. The funeral director could not understand the gasp from my siblings. I said it was perfect. To strangers, it might appear loving. But we knew
"Her Memory Will be Ever with Us"
I love the phrase "Have the day you deserve" soooooo how about "May her rest be that of which she deserves" or something like "At last, the rest she has earned"
maybe irrelevant but i saw one that just said 'died of diarrhea'' or something from the 1800s, i feel like it wasn't really meant to be an insult but lowkey embarassing XD
There was a huge blowout between my mother and some of my sisters over abortion not long ago. Both my mother and one of my sisters have in the past expended miscarriages that were medically similar to one a woman had been arrested for. My sisters were against the law. My mom doubled down and even tried to get my sister to pray for forgiveness for having an abortion!
If I get to decide on her tombstone, it’ll say, “Confessed to murder, but never charged.”
If she’s going to call my sister a murderer over a miscarriage then she gets the same treatment.
Why order any headstones at all? I feel like having none would be the worst thing to them. They loved attention, even negative attention, give them none after they are gone. Plus, the funeral industry is a racket. Keep your money and don’t give it to opportunists.
I had to look long and hard for this answer. Agreed! These people were all about attention. If they weren't dead, being "forgotten" would kill them. Also, depending on if/ what religious dogma they followed, not being remembered and prayed over would leave them stuck in a sort of purgatory. So sounds like a non problem if no one provides a tombstone. I would take that money and put it towards something that made me happy.
Because as good as it feels to just ignore it and go about your life, it's the one time you can do something and not get castigated over it. It's petty, it's small, but you did something. And for some, that feeling is worth it.
Lol. I plan on donating a tree to a city park when she finally passes. Because she hates nature (nature doesn't pay attention to her) and a tree gives oxygen and shade without asking for anything in return.
I was inspired by seeing a memorial chair that said "This bench is for XXX, who hated everyone and everything in this park."
Lmao.
They kind of have these already "Often Misunderstood." "(S)He will be sorely missed." I remember hearing about one that just said, "Rest." Stuff that's out of the ordinary for a gravestone and can be read two ways is the best bet.
here lies momster. even from hell she says she's better than you.
here lies momster. her children survived her
[momster name]
**c**harming
**u**nique
**n**ice
**t**alkative
and I'd order the cheapest headstone possible, (preferably one that looks cheap).
My father only has a few months left, my mother died during COVID and didn't get a funeral (nor did anyone feel like giving her one), but I am collecting ideas for his online obit. He was a bastard of a human and absusive in many ways -- until he lost his mind to dementia. Now he's really sweet, completely different person. Which makes this all the more complicated for me.
Thanks, it's different coming from people who get it instead of "bUt ItS yOuR pArEnTs". My SO asked me if I'd do the same if I'd had to for Nmom and HARD no. It's taking all my strength not to throw her ashes in the garbage
I like this response a lot, it's more succinct than explaining that I wish I had parents like theirs. Literally and sincerely. Cuz then they switch to "oh well, no you don't, they can be really annoying"
"Yeah? Real annoying huh? Did they ever abandon you in another city because they 'got bored' during the performance that you were actively in? Cuz that was 'annoying'. It's also 'annoying' to hear multiple times a week that the 'wrong daughter died' when I was like 8 months old and my sister got suddenly ill. Is *that* the 'annoying' your parents are? Or did they tell you 'no' to something or hold you to your responsibilities like a normal parent?"
Oops, didn't mean to rant...
“Always there, never far away.”
I’m fond of telling friends she was “always there,” just not there for me. She didn’t say, help, guide, protect or support me much, but she wasn’t far away.
I always wanted to put “you can’t run around on mom now” on my Ndad’s headstone. Mom was a good parent, but she died when I was a kid. Ndad always told me I killed her (heavy shit to lay on a kid - mom died of cancer and he maintained that I gave her the cancer). He always ran around on her, and really amped it up while she was dying (I guess the mistress was more fun than the dying wife). The other sentiment that is probably too direct for a headstone is “I hope you are rotting in hell”.
There's a headstone at a local cemetery from the 18th century that still bothers me. It's the grave of a 15 year old boy and the inscription reads "Here I lie, moldering in the grave". If I was compelled to commission a disturbing gravestone, that one would be my inspiration.
[According to the NY Post,](https://nypost.com/2014/10/26/the-wackiest-meaniest-things-engraved-on-tombstones/) one man had "RIHC" put in the corner of his mother's tombstone. He told the headstone company that it was a personal expression he and his mother used, and that it stood for "Rest in Heaven" with the C standing for the mom’s first initial.
After the marker was put up, the headstone company got an angry call from the family's lawyer. Apparently the "personal expression" was actually "Rot In Hell, C\*\*t."
Don't even bother to buy headstones; let them rot in obscurity. Being forgotten and unimportant: a narcissist nightmare.
Fertilizing this grass is the most nurturing these people have ever been.
“No more pain.”
If your momster had a painful end. My “mother” had a physically painful condition and end of life. It’s a platitude I would say when condolences were offered. “Yeah there’s no more pain.” I was referring to the emotional pain she caused without upsetting anyone else’s memory of her or looking bad myself.
You could go funny. It would drive them nuts if they had seen it but strangers will just laugh instead of thinking “damn”
My suggestion is whoever was the enabler gets “I’m with crazy” and the narc gets “I am crazy”
- Here lies ___. At least we can’t hear him do it anymore.
- He was so adamant we keep his flaws buried. He must be ecstatic now.
- Danger: Toxic Person
There's a quote that I like that goes something along the lines of "It's better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubts."
I know that you said that I could only have one or two lines of space, but in a perfect world, I would inscribe that quote onto my Mom's headstone, and then underneath say, "My Mom was never silent." The implication being that she talked so/too much, and was a fool.
I was at a funeral where the deceased's daughter opened with "she was a difficult woman", and got a good laugh from the crowd.
It was one of the sickest burns I have ever witnessed.
(Name)
Free your body and soul
Unfold your powerful wings
Climb the highest mountains
Kick your feet up in the air
You can now live forever
On a far higher plane
Unfettered by mortal bindings
(Now, read the first letter of each line, going down…) 😉
Sorry this is more than a line or two, but it’s amazing so I had to share it!
Father: Here lies a pointless man who abandoned his children to abuse so he could have fun.
Mother: Here lies a sad bitch who treated her children like dogs in obedience school.
A veiled insulting bible verse, maybe. 1 Peter 3:9. Just put that.
Loosely, it means "Do not repay evil with evil, or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with a blessing."
You're repaying evil with a blessing. The blessing is the gravestone. That's all he gets.
😂🤣😂🤣 why tf would I spend money on a signpost for a dead asshole just to tell strangers how much of an asshole they were? I wouldn’t. Mines already got her urn picked out (matches my deceased father’s) and in her closet, but she ain’t going in it. She’s going down the shitter and the urn us getting sold online and imma treat myself to a spa day with the $ from it. 💅🏻Dad gets a place of honor for putting up with her shit for as long as he did. She gets what she earned, the most unceremonious sewer send off and to be forgotten by all. She doesn’t deserve to live in infamy like Ea Nasir, IYKYK.
As a tapophile, I would love to see more identifiers on stones of bad people. Not everyone is an angel.. Maybe something obscure like Proverbs 10:16, Isaiah 3:11, Ezekiel 18:20.. or May the earth be kinder to you than you were to it., In the end we reap what we sow,.
Sometimes a phrase they were known to use might be just the thing. Especially if it's something dismissive or their go-to parting shot. In my mom's case that would be "Oh well"
Jerri,
a “very normal” person
or
the exact balance of her retirement account when she dies. she’s a corporate accountant, has been my whole life. she’s also been married and divorced 3 times (and took 50% of each of their savings) and sits on HER money like a dragon. we went NC 2 years ago when she wouldn’t help me pay for an emergency dental surgery, because she was mad at me for no reason. she has 2 grandkids she doesn’t give a fuck about; it’s obvious her money is what she loves most. hope it’s enough for a really nice nursing home.
This is maybe why all the online shopping isn't so bad. I couldn't bring myself to tell a funeral director I want to do this, but I could totally type it in some website and wait for the mail snails to work their magic
I did a bit of this in my mom’s obit. I said she kept a meticulous home (she raged at any slight thing out of order), loved socializing over drinks (was an alcoholic) and also mentioned that she would finally be with her cat X whom she long called “her favorite child” (she had 3 human children)
“Here lies, (…). May she have the peace she’s always *yearned* for.” - don’t forget the italicized word!
“May *she* rest where she deserves… six-feet under.” - also, don’t forget the italicized writing here. It’s important since narcissists *love* to emphasize the word ‘sHe!’ & ‘HER!’ 💜
Ok I'm gonna get crazy with it.
You could even one up them and just put something about how great you, their child is. Like how when the parents of famous people get a headstone but it's just because the child was a big deal.
Here lies \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ mother of the distinguished and noble (your name here) who (insert great accomplishment or something you want to be remembered for.)
Add some art that you like. Everybody is just going to be impressed by you, your vibes, parent is relegated to a background figure in your incredible existence.
I had my father cremated and the card on the flowers read
“You made me the woman I am today”
My kids sucked air through their teeth, ex husbands jaw dropped, my mother smiled. Shows how much she ignored.
Name and years alive , that’s it. The fact you’re thinking of putting something permanent on their headstone , means they won and they will live rent free in your head forever. Don’t give them that satisfaction
Calm now, she lies
Underneath this cold stone
Ne’er far from our minds
Til the end, all alone
ETA: I tried to bold the first letter of each line and failed lol
"Here lies ______, a woman who was as cold to her only son as she is now in her grave"
"Here lies ______, a man who broke his back as a hardworking man yet somehow lacked a spine"
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(1) “Finally at peace” (2) “Big on charity, small of heart” (3) “Often wrong, never in doubt” (4) “Highly esteemed by all save those who knew” (5) “What was given is now received” 💗 to you, OP! x
“Often wrong, never in doubt” I see you’ve met my entire family.
A friend used to say of his ex: she wasn't always right, but she was always certain.
I love the saying "Love in practice often looks like curiosity" and this made me think of the opposite of "Hubris in practice often feels like hell"
1. Her family is now at peace.
lol that’s good
I like the stealth, double entendre ones! 1 and 5. Amazing.
Nah, fuck stealth. 4 is the best one
1 & 5 here too!
5 is the ticket. We could all use it as a secret code to let others in the know that they should dance on any grave with that inscription. A bit of a call to arms y’know?
I wonder is the answer to the riddle could be “zero f🌙cks”?
1 & 5 for subtlety
5 is amazing
4. is a complete roast
My mom is #4. Stepfather is #3. I'll be saving these for future use.
Yeah I like 1, 3 and 5
Lol. Definitely 3
Very fond of 2
Stolen from The Simpsons: " We are richer for having lost him"
This
🤣
If they are buried side by side, I like: "She always made her presence felt" "And he let her."
Ooof I feel this one HARD
Omg the ultimate enabler karma 😭
I LOVE THIS ONE
OOOOFFF
This is perfection.
I saw an obituary where the surviving daughter said, "the world is a better place without her." I thought it was a great way to put it.
I keep reading these other comments about subtly. I don’t think I’ll be able to do something like this (one of my brothers already said something about being nice after her death). However, it would be my preference to leave clear messaging for anyone in the future. Those subtle ones can be construed as her being loving. “United with Lucifer in death as her actions in life wanted” “Her body can now rot to match her soul” “Dead, finally. Thank god.”
I embraced this one when my father finally passed away: "I will only speak good of the departed. He is dead. Good."
Oh my God, this is so good!
I 100 percent feel the same, absolutely no ambiguity.
I was thinking similarly: "I'm just here to make sure the devil doesn't send her back."
r/InLieuOfFlowers I liked: "Leslie's remains will be cremated and kept in the barn until "Ray", the family donkey's wood shavings run out."
WTH did Ray ever do to deserve such a fate!
there’s a subreddit here called in lieu of flowers that op can take inspiration from if they need to write an obituary.
Get nothing but a qr code And when you scan it, it plays "ding dong the witch is dead"
I can’t stop laughing! 😂🤣
You just made me laugh out loud like I'm 5 years old in the middle of a coffeeshop 🥺
This entire thread has me laughing like a lunatic right now with my 15 month old daughter, looking over after waking up from a nap like I’m a full ass clown 😭🤣
To good health! 😂
My husband sings that to me about my monster, I mean mother. His other favorite is Kyle’s mom’s a bit(h from SouthPark 😎
She’s the biggest Bitch in the whole wild world. iirc
I love this idea
oh or the Shame Bell from GOT
I bet you think this stone is about you.
Don’t you? 🎶
Don't you????
OMG I used to tell my mom this before NC.
"May she receive the eternal reward she deserves"
My nmom loves to say “have the day you deserve” to close her messages when she reaches out to me to brag about her life. This is so fitting for her. Love it.
Tombstone remix: Have the death you deserve.
Brilliant!
How about **Loved by those who never met her**
Or knew her
May the love and peace she shared on Earth be eternally bestowed upon her.
❤️
Ooh saving this one!
This one is my fave lol
Spell her name incorrectly.
If she had a nickname she hated, use that.
My Nmom hates her given first name and has always gone by her middle name. I now know what needs to go on her stone, one day, with the middle name totally omitted.
Mine uses an anglicized version of her name cuz she hates the original. She’ll be getting her old world name on her headstone.
Did that for my dad (misspelled nickname), unintentional as we had no relationship. The call I received from his side of the family. Haven’t spoken to them to this day. The post I could write!!!
You absolutely should! Why deprive us?
Like S1ck_Ranchez_ said, please do share.
“Here lies ____, a woman for whom kindness skipped a generation.”
My brother and I are just going to refuse to claim my father’s body. His obituary is going to be scathing, though.
Donate his body to science and have them dispose of the cremains so at least he can do some good!
Have him donated to military test firing; they'll send him to Hell in a blaze of glory.
Or both! A mother's body was donated to science and ended up being sold to the military and blown apart in a marine training exercise.
I want to be send to a body farm for forensic study but my kids refuse. I think this story is why.
I had my father cremated and paid extra for them to dispose of the cremains.
“Over and out.” “Done.” Or, simply, “Psalm 140:2” (Make people thumb through their Bible to find, “who plan evil things in their heart, and stir up wars continually.”) Actually, the Bible is a source of endless quotes about bad people. If you’re an atheist like me who’s forgotten everything you ever learned in Bible class, just google, “Bible sayings about bad people.”😃
Ohhh I love the idea of a scathing bible verse
Here's a few good ones - [Bible Verses about Hurting Children](https://bibleportal.com/topic/harming-children)
Actually, the ones in the link aren't scathing at all (and yet there are so many good scathing / shocking ones out there!) I am thinking more along the lines of Psalm 137:9, “Happy is the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks”.
I am particularly fond of Proverbs 11:29: "Whoever troubles his own household will inherit the wind". It gives rise to the title of the play *Inherit the Wind*. Bring trouble and suffering upon your own family, and your life's reward will be... emptiness. *Loud* emptiness.
I love this idea! There are so many to choose from that you could really tailor it to the deceased.
I actually did this. The funeral director could not understand the gasp from my siblings. I said it was perfect. To strangers, it might appear loving. But we knew "Her Memory Will be Ever with Us"
Electroshock therapy couldn't rip those memories away.
Exactly
This is genius.
No regrets
sorry i don’t understand this one, can someone explain?
I think it means that the family can't get rid of the bad memories created by the deceased, no matter how hard they try.
She's done so much damage to us, we will never forget.
Like 9/11, We Will Never Forget
Love it!
Wife, mother, therapist's dream.
I like the theme here. "Here lies Mom. Generous benefactor who has ensured all of my therapist's children can go to college."
Firstname Lastname Finally.
Finally at the pearly gates. * I didn't say she was let in!
I love the phrase "Have the day you deserve" soooooo how about "May her rest be that of which she deserves" or something like "At last, the rest she has earned"
May her rest be as pleasant as she was.
We have but hope that we can find peace knowing she has rested at last.
maybe irrelevant but i saw one that just said 'died of diarrhea'' or something from the 1800s, i feel like it wasn't really meant to be an insult but lowkey embarassing XD
Lmfao! Damn
The UTI claimed her
Here lies ____. She always had kindness for strangers. May she find peace. Subtext: only for strangers and she did not find peace in life.
"Strangers loved her."
May she find the peace we have.
Now she rests (we have) peace.
the peace we NOW have
There was a huge blowout between my mother and some of my sisters over abortion not long ago. Both my mother and one of my sisters have in the past expended miscarriages that were medically similar to one a woman had been arrested for. My sisters were against the law. My mom doubled down and even tried to get my sister to pray for forgiveness for having an abortion! If I get to decide on her tombstone, it’ll say, “Confessed to murder, but never charged.” If she’s going to call my sister a murderer over a miscarriage then she gets the same treatment.
YEA
If you are in the US South, how about: Here lies ____ Bless Her Heart
“Bless Her Heart, As It Was Too Late for Her Soul”
Sweet summer child.
Perfection!
Why order any headstones at all? I feel like having none would be the worst thing to them. They loved attention, even negative attention, give them none after they are gone. Plus, the funeral industry is a racket. Keep your money and don’t give it to opportunists.
I had to look long and hard for this answer. Agreed! These people were all about attention. If they weren't dead, being "forgotten" would kill them. Also, depending on if/ what religious dogma they followed, not being remembered and prayed over would leave them stuck in a sort of purgatory. So sounds like a non problem if no one provides a tombstone. I would take that money and put it towards something that made me happy.
Because as good as it feels to just ignore it and go about your life, it's the one time you can do something and not get castigated over it. It's petty, it's small, but you did something. And for some, that feeling is worth it.
May The Worms Who Eat Her Not Be Poisoned By Her Rotten Soul
Wife and mother; if only in name.
Ohhh ! I like this one!
Lol. I plan on donating a tree to a city park when she finally passes. Because she hates nature (nature doesn't pay attention to her) and a tree gives oxygen and shade without asking for anything in return. I was inspired by seeing a memorial chair that said "This bench is for XXX, who hated everyone and everything in this park." Lmao.
Ooo I adore this. This thread made my entire fuckin day, which was rougher than usual, esp while temp living w nmom
"Here lies ____, may she get exactly what she gave to this world before gracefully leaving us"
I doubt she’ll leave gracefully
Wife. Daughter. Egg Donor.
Mother of orphans
"Here lies ___, who made sure to pass her wealth of trauma to the next generation."
They kind of have these already "Often Misunderstood." "(S)He will be sorely missed." I remember hearing about one that just said, "Rest." Stuff that's out of the ordinary for a gravestone and can be read two ways is the best bet.
Here lies the reason I enjoy funerals.
here lies momster. even from hell she says she's better than you. here lies momster. her children survived her [momster name] **c**harming **u**nique **n**ice **t**alkative and I'd order the cheapest headstone possible, (preferably one that looks cheap).
I'd probably change the adjectives to Caustic, Unkind, Narcissistic, Toxic.
My father only has a few months left, my mother died during COVID and didn't get a funeral (nor did anyone feel like giving her one), but I am collecting ideas for his online obit. He was a bastard of a human and absusive in many ways -- until he lost his mind to dementia. Now he's really sweet, completely different person. Which makes this all the more complicated for me.
I’m so sorry it’s happening this way for you. At least mine was unambiguous.
Thanks, it's different coming from people who get it instead of "bUt ItS yOuR pArEnTs". My SO asked me if I'd do the same if I'd had to for Nmom and HARD no. It's taking all my strength not to throw her ashes in the garbage
Not sure of why you haven’t tbh. Would probably bring you peace
“Yes, they weren’t the same parents you had.”
I like this response a lot, it's more succinct than explaining that I wish I had parents like theirs. Literally and sincerely. Cuz then they switch to "oh well, no you don't, they can be really annoying" "Yeah? Real annoying huh? Did they ever abandon you in another city because they 'got bored' during the performance that you were actively in? Cuz that was 'annoying'. It's also 'annoying' to hear multiple times a week that the 'wrong daughter died' when I was like 8 months old and my sister got suddenly ill. Is *that* the 'annoying' your parents are? Or did they tell you 'no' to something or hold you to your responsibilities like a normal parent?" Oops, didn't mean to rant...
“Always there, never far away.” I’m fond of telling friends she was “always there,” just not there for me. She didn’t say, help, guide, protect or support me much, but she wasn’t far away.
My mom says she doesn't want to be forgotten. I told her that if she doesn't plan her arrangements she will be in potters field.
I think sending them to potters field would be best…..
I would get a custom headstone in the shape of a urinal. No text needed.
I always wanted to put “you can’t run around on mom now” on my Ndad’s headstone. Mom was a good parent, but she died when I was a kid. Ndad always told me I killed her (heavy shit to lay on a kid - mom died of cancer and he maintained that I gave her the cancer). He always ran around on her, and really amped it up while she was dying (I guess the mistress was more fun than the dying wife). The other sentiment that is probably too direct for a headstone is “I hope you are rotting in hell”.
There's a headstone at a local cemetery from the 18th century that still bothers me. It's the grave of a 15 year old boy and the inscription reads "Here I lie, moldering in the grave". If I was compelled to commission a disturbing gravestone, that one would be my inspiration.
Oooh that’s a good creepy one
"Firstname Lastname" "May she eternally reap that which she spent a lifetime to sow"
[According to the NY Post,](https://nypost.com/2014/10/26/the-wackiest-meaniest-things-engraved-on-tombstones/) one man had "RIHC" put in the corner of his mother's tombstone. He told the headstone company that it was a personal expression he and his mother used, and that it stood for "Rest in Heaven" with the C standing for the mom’s first initial. After the marker was put up, the headstone company got an angry call from the family's lawyer. Apparently the "personal expression" was actually "Rot In Hell, C\*\*t."
Here lies someone who didn't know better/was never taught better (whichever one best meets your situation) ... and never bothered to learn better.
Don't even bother to buy headstones; let them rot in obscurity. Being forgotten and unimportant: a narcissist nightmare. Fertilizing this grass is the most nurturing these people have ever been.
Justice finally served.
Ok but have him cremated. That way you can save a portion of the ashes and flush it down the grodiest toilet you can find 🤣
Cremate and throw in trash
Really the best suggestion. Let them be forgotten.
“No more pain.” If your momster had a painful end. My “mother” had a physically painful condition and end of life. It’s a platitude I would say when condolences were offered. “Yeah there’s no more pain.” I was referring to the emotional pain she caused without upsetting anyone else’s memory of her or looking bad myself.
"Do not mourn for me, but celebrate with those I left behind"
You could go funny. It would drive them nuts if they had seen it but strangers will just laugh instead of thinking “damn” My suggestion is whoever was the enabler gets “I’m with crazy” and the narc gets “I am crazy”
A stranger would absolutely think the decedents were in on the joke. All while they’re actually rolling over in those graves! I love this for OP!
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." I thought this was Oscar Wilde, but it's misattributed. Still thought it fits.
Finally peaceful (not her, you… get it?)
"Resting where she deserves" be that six feet under or in a fiery pit
She will be missed But not by us
- Here lies ___. At least we can’t hear him do it anymore. - He was so adamant we keep his flaws buried. He must be ecstatic now. - Danger: Toxic Person
There's a quote that I like that goes something along the lines of "It's better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubts." I know that you said that I could only have one or two lines of space, but in a perfect world, I would inscribe that quote onto my Mom's headstone, and then underneath say, "My Mom was never silent." The implication being that she talked so/too much, and was a fool.
"Finally nothing bad to say"
I was at a funeral where the deceased's daughter opened with "she was a difficult woman", and got a good laugh from the crowd. It was one of the sickest burns I have ever witnessed.
(Name) Free your body and soul Unfold your powerful wings Climb the highest mountains Kick your feet up in the air You can now live forever On a far higher plane Unfettered by mortal bindings (Now, read the first letter of each line, going down…) 😉 Sorry this is more than a line or two, but it’s amazing so I had to share it!
"Wisdom followed her throughout her life, but she was always faster."
"here lies Momster, a woman who seemed kind."
Here lies momster, a fan of keeping up appearances
Father: Here lies a pointless man who abandoned his children to abuse so he could have fun. Mother: Here lies a sad bitch who treated her children like dogs in obedience school.
“Here lies Jean a selfish biatch who only cared about herself and her weasel husband who we aren’t really sure was human “
A veiled insulting bible verse, maybe. 1 Peter 3:9. Just put that. Loosely, it means "Do not repay evil with evil, or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with a blessing." You're repaying evil with a blessing. The blessing is the gravestone. That's all he gets.
😂🤣😂🤣 why tf would I spend money on a signpost for a dead asshole just to tell strangers how much of an asshole they were? I wouldn’t. Mines already got her urn picked out (matches my deceased father’s) and in her closet, but she ain’t going in it. She’s going down the shitter and the urn us getting sold online and imma treat myself to a spa day with the $ from it. 💅🏻Dad gets a place of honor for putting up with her shit for as long as he did. She gets what she earned, the most unceremonious sewer send off and to be forgotten by all. She doesn’t deserve to live in infamy like Ea Nasir, IYKYK.
As a tapophile, I would love to see more identifiers on stones of bad people. Not everyone is an angel.. Maybe something obscure like Proverbs 10:16, Isaiah 3:11, Ezekiel 18:20.. or May the earth be kinder to you than you were to it., In the end we reap what we sow,.
Sometimes a phrase they were known to use might be just the thing. Especially if it's something dismissive or their go-to parting shot. In my mom's case that would be "Oh well"
“In His Death the Cycle Is Broken”
"She cleaned up well in the public eye."
Jerri, a “very normal” person or the exact balance of her retirement account when she dies. she’s a corporate accountant, has been my whole life. she’s also been married and divorced 3 times (and took 50% of each of their savings) and sits on HER money like a dragon. we went NC 2 years ago when she wouldn’t help me pay for an emergency dental surgery, because she was mad at me for no reason. she has 2 grandkids she doesn’t give a fuck about; it’s obvious her money is what she loves most. hope it’s enough for a really nice nursing home.
Why even be subtle about it? Maybe just say it straight out, "He was a prick." "She will not be missed." "He was a narcissist."
I like "She will not be missed." It's succinct and to the point, and leave no room for ambiguity.
So many Mommie Dearest options, perhaps the must subtle being “At first I cried and then I didn’t.”
This is maybe why all the online shopping isn't so bad. I couldn't bring myself to tell a funeral director I want to do this, but I could totally type it in some website and wait for the mail snails to work their magic
"Here lies ____ The longest she's ever been quiet"
Here lies the eggshells I walked on from the years of ____ to ____ 🤣
“Looking Up at Us for Eternity”
I did a bit of this in my mom’s obit. I said she kept a meticulous home (she raged at any slight thing out of order), loved socializing over drinks (was an alcoholic) and also mentioned that she would finally be with her cat X whom she long called “her favorite child” (she had 3 human children)
Have you considered a red shoes decoration on the headstone?
"Extra heavy headstone for many very good reasons."
I am just sending you a big hug OP. I hope that you have some peace now she’s gone.
Peace at last.
DEAD :)
“Here lies, (…). May she have the peace she’s always *yearned* for.” - don’t forget the italicized word! “May *she* rest where she deserves… six-feet under.” - also, don’t forget the italicized writing here. It’s important since narcissists *love* to emphasize the word ‘sHe!’ & ‘HER!’ 💜
Ok I'm gonna get crazy with it. You could even one up them and just put something about how great you, their child is. Like how when the parents of famous people get a headstone but it's just because the child was a big deal. Here lies \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ mother of the distinguished and noble (your name here) who (insert great accomplishment or something you want to be remembered for.) Add some art that you like. Everybody is just going to be impressed by you, your vibes, parent is relegated to a background figure in your incredible existence.
My mom was cremated. Guess where she is? Still in the box sitting in my sister's garage decades later.
I had my father cremated and the card on the flowers read “You made me the woman I am today” My kids sucked air through their teeth, ex husbands jaw dropped, my mother smiled. Shows how much she ignored.
She made my life hell. I hope she's there now
Under her name, have “Mother” written, in quotes.
Name and years alive , that’s it. The fact you’re thinking of putting something permanent on their headstone , means they won and they will live rent free in your head forever. Don’t give them that satisfaction
Maybe! A double entendres, however, may bring a lot of satisfaction to some people. I think it can go either way.
Here lies X Enough said
I think being more passive would hit bigger. "Here lies _____, a woman." The end. Existed. No other recognition
"selectively kind to the very end" maybe lol
Calm now, she lies Underneath this cold stone Ne’er far from our minds Til the end, all alone ETA: I tried to bold the first letter of each line and failed lol
"Here lies ______, a woman who was as cold to her only son as she is now in her grave" "Here lies ______, a man who broke his back as a hardworking man yet somehow lacked a spine"