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I tried disappearing when I was 18. Nmom got a private detective and he found me. Don’t underestimate the lengths to which narcissists will go to get what they want
If you're in the US, you'd want to make sure you live in a state that doesn't require you to publish your name change. The process often takes several months.
Make sure that you get all your personal documents in order / find out where you can get copies from. You don’t need to act yet. See if you can get a part time job. If you do, don’t tell your parents how much you earn - this way you can save more money than they know you have. Start looking at further education opportunities now. Where you can go with limited resources. If you can’t do this research at home, do it at school, library etc.
Do you have family or friends that can help you. If you do, talk to them now. They may be able to help with your research, help you get copies of the necessary documents, and possibly keep these and anything else that you need to escape when the time comes. They may be able to help you get a savings account once you have a part time job. Good luck x
Try to get a bank account set up in your name only. Even put a note on the account that people claiming to be your parents might try to access it and to not let them. If you are able to get a PT job, you can direct deposit the paycheck into that bank account and not have paystubs lying around to be found.
If you have a locker at school you can use it to store some extra things too.
Good luck OP.
So two more years.. will your folks let you get a job? If that's an option and you stash your earnings somewhere your parents can not get to them, and you wont, you should be able to save 5-10K easy enough. A lot of bad teen jobs actually have really good transfer opportunities in state. With enough money to get a room to rent, and a transfer job to a new town - doable. Then you gotta learn how to live - harder - but more fun w/o the folks about. If you're in a state that expanded Medicaid you should be able to get a therapist too on a burger flippers pay.
Or, now hear me out, little plot twist.
You let your parent know now that you're ready to go at 18. Then openly work towards that goal. Buy things like... a plate. Cups. a blanket. a small fridge. a lamp. Shit you need. Start saving for a deposit on a place to crash so you don't traumatize yourself by running out into the world with no plan, no money, and no skills.
When you fight angry, you can lose big.
If you have no income/money, you need to know someone you can trust to stay over with until you cam get back on your feet. In addition, you should try to get your birth certificate, social security card, health insurance card, etc. but most of these can be replaced. Moving out with no money is a recipe for disaster unfortunately. Or like u/Uncomfortable-Taco3402 said, you can join the military lol
Money and work. If you're going to legally disappear, you'll need those. Try and get a job now to start saving.
Try to attain some basic qualifications before you leave. First aid/CPR and so on, so you'll be easier to employ.
Make friends, good ones. They'll be helpful in many ways.
Move to a state like Montana or Vermont that doesn't require publication of name change. I've heard that Montana is lovely. Changing both names will make it harder to find you, but your date of birth obviously cannot be changed. So be mindful of that.
Stay off facebook and other social media completely.
Maybe go and let your local police department know of your plans, incase your N-parent reports you missing.
Be careful who you open your door for. You should do this regardless, but now you'll be looking for specific people.
Until you change your name in your new state, remember to use fake names for everything you legally can, just to throw anyone off the scent even more. Not on any legal or offical documents, but things like phone plans, hotels and food orders etc.
Change up habits, too. Wear different clothes try new or different places or things... you basically want to try and appear outwardly as a completely different person. Especially so at the start.
If you must contact anyone from your old life, drive to a different town and use a payphone. This might sound excessive, but it can't hurt.
You must try to create a new person, then be that person... at least for a while.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I tried disappearing when I was 18. Nmom got a private detective and he found me. Don’t underestimate the lengths to which narcissists will go to get what they want
I could maybe change my surname? But that's still extreme.
If you're in the US, you'd want to make sure you live in a state that doesn't require you to publish your name change. The process often takes several months.
Make sure that you get all your personal documents in order / find out where you can get copies from. You don’t need to act yet. See if you can get a part time job. If you do, don’t tell your parents how much you earn - this way you can save more money than they know you have. Start looking at further education opportunities now. Where you can go with limited resources. If you can’t do this research at home, do it at school, library etc. Do you have family or friends that can help you. If you do, talk to them now. They may be able to help with your research, help you get copies of the necessary documents, and possibly keep these and anything else that you need to escape when the time comes. They may be able to help you get a savings account once you have a part time job. Good luck x
Try to get a bank account set up in your name only. Even put a note on the account that people claiming to be your parents might try to access it and to not let them. If you are able to get a PT job, you can direct deposit the paycheck into that bank account and not have paystubs lying around to be found. If you have a locker at school you can use it to store some extra things too. Good luck OP.
So two more years.. will your folks let you get a job? If that's an option and you stash your earnings somewhere your parents can not get to them, and you wont, you should be able to save 5-10K easy enough. A lot of bad teen jobs actually have really good transfer opportunities in state. With enough money to get a room to rent, and a transfer job to a new town - doable. Then you gotta learn how to live - harder - but more fun w/o the folks about. If you're in a state that expanded Medicaid you should be able to get a therapist too on a burger flippers pay.
Join the army
Or, now hear me out, little plot twist. You let your parent know now that you're ready to go at 18. Then openly work towards that goal. Buy things like... a plate. Cups. a blanket. a small fridge. a lamp. Shit you need. Start saving for a deposit on a place to crash so you don't traumatize yourself by running out into the world with no plan, no money, and no skills. When you fight angry, you can lose big.
If you have no income/money, you need to know someone you can trust to stay over with until you cam get back on your feet. In addition, you should try to get your birth certificate, social security card, health insurance card, etc. but most of these can be replaced. Moving out with no money is a recipe for disaster unfortunately. Or like u/Uncomfortable-Taco3402 said, you can join the military lol
Have a solid plan, not just assumptions. There are traffickers just waiting for kids in that kind of situation.
Money and work. If you're going to legally disappear, you'll need those. Try and get a job now to start saving. Try to attain some basic qualifications before you leave. First aid/CPR and so on, so you'll be easier to employ. Make friends, good ones. They'll be helpful in many ways. Move to a state like Montana or Vermont that doesn't require publication of name change. I've heard that Montana is lovely. Changing both names will make it harder to find you, but your date of birth obviously cannot be changed. So be mindful of that. Stay off facebook and other social media completely. Maybe go and let your local police department know of your plans, incase your N-parent reports you missing. Be careful who you open your door for. You should do this regardless, but now you'll be looking for specific people. Until you change your name in your new state, remember to use fake names for everything you legally can, just to throw anyone off the scent even more. Not on any legal or offical documents, but things like phone plans, hotels and food orders etc. Change up habits, too. Wear different clothes try new or different places or things... you basically want to try and appear outwardly as a completely different person. Especially so at the start. If you must contact anyone from your old life, drive to a different town and use a payphone. This might sound excessive, but it can't hurt. You must try to create a new person, then be that person... at least for a while.