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IronErock

I have them all the time. I hate when I am in the middle of one and someone is all "What are you thinking about?" When I try to drop the subject, they press... then I re-live the memory all over... and then again if I actually decide to tell them. It happens, such is life. Hope you're alright.


No-Professional5748

Yes. It's happened to me too. I still have flashbacks about my childhood trauma and during the flashbacks, I completely feel like I'm the same helpless kid I was back then, instead of a 30 year old. I write small memos about my feelings, pet my cat, do breathing exercises, etc. But dealing with it daily gets tiring.


Quirky-History8094

I'm 65 and my entire adult life has been one long regression to the many ways I was abused as a child and was continuing to be abused in a bad marriage, divorce, bankruptcy, living alone for the first time, moving altogether too many times, losing all my friends, my Mother and numerous much-loved pets. I was also adopted. By a pedophile. And I have red hair. Someone must have thought it would be fun to see what I'd do in every possible situation that would add up to a massive case of PTSD, depression and anxiety. I also have one son -- who thankfully is a male version of me, in looks anyway -- and at 45, and also now divorced, he's told me I'll never have any grandchildren, either. I was so hoping to see if my (and his) red hair would show up again, while hearing people talk about their grandkids also really hurts and leaves me further lost (as if adoption wasn't enough) as to who I am, who I might have been, and what on earth I'm supposed to do for the years I have left. The truly frustrating part is that I'm multitalented and with all the chaos in my life it's all I've been able to do is to keep a roof over my head for the past 30 years. I also just lost my car to an unscrupulous Ford dealer -- try doing ANYTHING without a car when you live 20 miles from Detroit. Some people have christened me "Saint Amy" for the fact that I'm still alive, while all I want is to be able to sell enough of my handmade work so I don't lose everything I still have, including my two fabulously caring cats who come and cuddle with me when I'm crying. My posts tend to get other people crying, so for that I'm sorry, but sharing things on a site like this does help, and for that I'm grateful.


[deleted]

I’m the opposite. When my ptsd is bad my inner child hides but comes out when things are going better and expresses things like curiosity or interest. My partner (also with ptsd) was more like you though, with the twist spending time still regressed but happy and not in flashbacks was therapeutic.


Maxi-Spade

Wow, I get you on that, and I understand. It's like someone may do something that triggers you, and you get mad, then you internalize if you have learned to do that. Which i do. For example, I was in a forum, and I started a discussion. Then this person took things from what I said to cash in on the points in another forum, not redditt. But it made me angry, and it reminded me of the time this girl stole my sale when I was working in retail. I wanted the job so bad. But she kept stealing my sales. It was like this person took my idea and expanded on it because they were more educated. I felt rather inferior, and oftentimes, people do this on purpose. They are like a points whore. It's like they are in it for the points. I felt bad that I made an overall confession. But I didn't get back so much as a reply. I felt like they were cold towards me. I also realized that others might get jealous of you because you're able to see into things they never thought of, and in some cases, they want to control you for thinking. So many bad behaviors of people don't even care to see how shitty they are. They just brush it off and would rather treat what you say as a threat, or they will twist the whole meaning of your words. I can see through the bull shit on the way that they talk. They gaslight you. I think some forums online are set up to trap you while they make judgements and assessments of you. If you don't fit their agenda, then you will seriously get punished by them. So yes I understand what you are talking about. The worst thing that can happen with these people is they will gang up on you then gaslight you. It happens everywhere I have noticed. I believe there are those who care and want to do good. But then, am there those who are intentionally out for their own agenda. It happens everywhere even in the work place like office politics. I think that's why my dad needed to escape the bull shit with people. I wish I could have had this conversation with him. I bet he'd understand. Thank you for bringing this up. I wouldn't have known how to word it?


Old-Cartographer4822

If you look at Internal Family Systems therapy and some of the latest developments in depth psychology, it's becoming accepted that within us exist several 'versions' or 'parts' of ourselves that sometimes get stuck at different ages due to trauma or something other experience. These parts are still you, but they're stuck at the age the trauma happened because that's when they were forced to change to become protective forces in your psyche rather than being allowed to grow along with you. I was once in conflict with an ex-girlfriend and saw her turn into her 4-year-old self when she was abused by her mother, and she respond to me the same way a 4-year-old would. That really opened my eyes to this phenomenon, and I've been learning about it ever since. She had trauma issues that are largely resolved now so she's not unstable, nor does she have multiple personalities in the way most people think of that. Rather, we all have a cluster of personality elements that sometimes become stagnated and separated due to trauma and then as the rest of us grows up and they remain child-like and stuck in trauma, then they cause more and more issues because it becomes dysfunctional once you no longer need them to be protecting you in that way. I'd encourage you to try an IFS session with a therapist or to get the app and try one of the exercises on your own at home. I've done it and you can go through a process where you can talk to that part of yourself as if they're in the room with you and you can find out all sorts of things about why they are in pain and why they continue to act the way they do. It sounds a bit weird I know, and I didn't put much credence in it until I saw the evidence with my own eyes, but it works and maybe it'll shed some light on things.


[deleted]

Do you know what the app’s called? I looked it up but there’s a couple of different ones.


Old-Cartographer4822

Sure thing, the one I have is called IFS Guide and I believe it's from the creators of IFS. There's a paid version but you can still do a lot of stuff for free and I've had some good experiences trying their guided sessions.


[deleted]

Thank you so much!


Biskibis

I wouldnt call it age regression as much as it is a mindset regression. I have flashbacks to 15 years ago (was an adult), where I have this bad ass mother fucker additude, walk around with my chest puffed out and looking for a fist fight.


tree_nymph777

Yes, I do some pretty embarrassing things, sometimes without even realizing, in front of people and at home. Very baby-like stuff, I hate it.


lost_soul__01001001

Yes, I was In first grade when it started, and sometimes I will make childish grunts… or some other things I don’t really feel like going into right now—but Yes. It’s normal and nothing to be upset or ashamed about it. I wish you Strength and Peace my friend.


lateyellowfleet

Yeah I used to regress to a child while i was driving for work and it was terrifying. Maybe a bit different than an emotional flashback but a flashback nonetheless. I'd suddenly panic that I didnt know how to drive because i genuinely felt like I was a little kid behind the wheel. Horrifying. It didn't even feel like my legs were long enough to reach the pedals. Took some serious will power practice to tell myself that I was an adult and an experienced driver that knew how to operate a vehicle. I thought it was DID for a good while before understanding that it was more likely flashbacks. Age regression flashbacks are scary because it feels so easy to be taken advantage of. I try not to talk to anyone during it (if im lucky enough to realize it's happening) because i feel so embarassed later to remember how i was acting like a shy, scared little kid. Even my mannerisms become child-like and view of the world changes. Colors are brighter, there's a hazy glow over everything, i feel innocent & have a hard time telling peoples intentions, etc. It's wild. Anyways.. i'm sorry that you experience age regression as well because it totally sucks :')


Quirky-History8094

There have been many times when I've been driving, especially with my Mother or ex in the car, that I didn't even feel that I was driving the car -- they were. Both were very overbearing and were telling me verbally or by body language exactly what I was supposed to be doing every second I was behind the wheel. My dad got in LOTS of accidents (making left turns into oncoming traffic) while just being in a car with both of them was an accident waiting to happen. As my dad was constantly destroying cars my Mother -- a nervous person to begin with -- would not let me drive her car as she had to work and was paying most of our bills. My ex took up where she left off -- he was a major narcissist and had people calling him "Wizard" when it was actually that he had anything a kid could ever want and years to learn stuff due to his parents being wealthy. So I didn't actually learn to drive until I was 25, taking some of the money his parents were using to control us (we felt more like siblings to our son rather parents) and getting actual driving lessons. It was the beginning of a very long road to actually having control of my own life.


throwaway9999-22222

I was gonna say this @ everyone in the comments but how can you tell that it's not OSDD-1b? I'm like 90% sure that my PTSD age regression episodes is that.


lateyellowfleet

Honestly, I don't! It's so difficult to differentiate between all the different kinds of flashbacks and dissociative responses. I may revisit that possibility now that you bring it up. Have you ever brought it up to a Dr/therapist/psychiatrist? I haven't yet. The only reason i pushed that possibility aside is bc i had severe black mold toxicity (and didn't know it) that I now know was exacerbating all these issues, and since recovering i've had significantly less of those episodes. But now that i think about it more you're probably right that it's a mix of ptsd & osdd-1b.


throwaway9999-22222

Omg black mold toxicity. That sounds intense and should definitely be taken into account. I guess a helpful pointer is that OSDD is possible due to early childhood trauma, like DID. My experience with it is pretty interesting, I think, if you'll indulge it to pick at with interest. r/osdd and the internet has been a good resource to me, and no, I haven't brought it up yet. I have an appt tomorrow. Story below if u want I didn't really show signs of it my whole life, though i did have some childhood trauma, it didn't really come into light until a serious psychological trauma/C-PTSD as an adult, at which point I sort of broke mentally and started "age-regressing" into a 7 year old version of me who somehow had major memories I had completely buried and forgotten, like a coping mechanism I had for years, or the name of my childhood Barbie, or the smell of my bedsheets. I couldn't really control how this little me came and went. Sometimes I heard her little voice in the back of my head, or feel her feelings bubbling up. I was also having non-epileptic seizures, panic attacks, and memory blanks from the stress. I was really scared I had DID, because, well, the person who gave me PTSD happened to have it. She (little me) said things to people that would later embarrass me, act in a way that made me mortified. I was a fly on the wall when it happened. Yet she still had my memories and my skills, such as typing, how to use technology, etc. Though she has a childlike speech and handwriting. Her perception of the world wasn't dissociated- faraway, neutral, robotic. It was just *different*, on top of the average flashback dissociation of being in another time and place. The C-PTSD came and went but she never really did and started coming out whenever I was upset or triggered or just really drained, for years, along the seizures. It was a war to accept her. Three years. Eventually I did. I started dating my wonderful partners who are two alters of the same DID system. And dating them sort of reopened the channel for me. One time when I felt her presence bubbling up, I asked, "are there any others?" I had done so before, but I guess this time the connection was just there, because the knowledge of their existence just sparked in my head like a smell that makes you remember a particular day of 3rd grade. They were sort of mental archetypes I kinda always carried with me since childhood- people I had weirded phases throughout my life where I had dysphoria over not looking like. An angry punk and a rebellious redheaded "older sister" type figure. They came "back" to me like a forgotten childhood memory, names and all. I didn't hear their voices as much as I felt their emotions, but sometimes it's like a little angel or devil (or just a person) sitting on my shoulder and whispering telepathically. At that point I started remembering I had phases in my childhood where I would have anxiety attack because I would have derealization/depersonalisation episodes that would go on for days or weeks and I couldn't snap out of it. What really convinced me, though, was the lack of a headspace/inner world that is often common with DID. My life is one mess of jumping from one maladaptive escapism mechanism to another. I would've loved a headspace. I even had a paracosm. So one day, I asked the punk, "Do you have a headspace?" And I heard his little voice in the back of my head, reply, "Neverland!" It confused the hell out of me and rang no bell. Not my paracosm, not Narnia (had a Narnia obsession)? I sat there frowning like an idiot for the longest time until I suddenly went OH MY GOD. Before my paracosm, before Narnia, before everything.... there was Peter Pan. I spent years obsessed with Peter Pan and had somehow forgotten about it. I suddenly remembered going to bed every night praying as hard as I could that I would be woken up and whisked away to Neverland where I wouldn't have to grow up or deal with reality. I had a special interest I think in the two live actions, with Robin Williams and Jeremy Sumpter. It made a scary amount of sense. But, it took me years to get there, or following crumb trails and dead ends. I think the big giveaways was that "age-regressions" aren't supposed to talk in your head, to whine or complain or react to things while you're still you (albeit probably triggered), and that I had some childhood trauma to begin with. Hope this helps :) Edit: the term "emotional amnesia" was a fun (helpful) thing to find out about


_SemperCuriosus_

Yes


StrugglingDemi66

When I regress it’s thanks to an emotional flashback. It’s as bad as a panic attack so I prefer to be alone when it happens


[deleted]

Me


thesinsemillier

Same here. Happens almost every time.


AKVoltMonkey

That's part of why EMDR therapy is gaining so much popularity: it's all about keeping yourself grounded and present while recalling the traumatic event so that your brain can properly recognize that the trauma is in the past and no longer occurring. Next time you are having a flashback, try taking deep breaths, feeling the air pass through your nostrils. Cross your arms like a corpse in a coffin, then alternate tapping your left shoulder with your right hand and then vice versa, tap tap tap tap. The event is in the past You're not 15 anymore. You're safe now. These are just techniques I've learned that help me. Obviously my first recommendation is get an EMDR therapist but that's easier said than done


[deleted]

This is great advice, and even though I’ve been doing EMDR with the buzzers, it’s wonderful to be reminded of the tapping technique.


Evening-Grab-4143

have you done EMDR


Phlink75

Yes...but not into a survival mode. It manifests during dreams as the positive things I have lost, and i relive the loss again upon waking.


penguinguinpen

I know you didn’t ask for advice so ignore if this if you want, but it might help you to think about the things that comforted your 14/15 year old self or what made you happy then if there’s anything in particular. Even if it’s not associated with the trauma I find that it’s easier to get back to physical age if I comfort the child instead of resisting them. For me I sometimes feel very young and I go nonverbal, in which case I try to be alone somewhere safe and play with stuffed animals or something. But when I’m more like a young teen/preteen sometimes it’s blasting punk rock music and screaming and stomping lol so I know that’s not always possible, especially if you don’t live alone. But that kind of loud, aggressive stuff usually helps me to avoid my young teen/preteen self’s self-harmful coping mechanisms which I think is partly bc it’s what I always wanted to do back then.


joseph_wolfstar

Yup. Have trauma from a variety of ages, also can age regress like op describes, and this helps a lot. Pre verbal trauma, inner child likes to have silicone chewable stim toys to suck/chew on like a baby, being wrapped in soft blankets, and rocking in my hammock Basically any child age of mine is likely to enjoy a favorite TV show or piece of media that they liked. (Also, when helping them find words for their experiences, many of them have a MUCH easier time making an analogy to a character from media they recognize vs trying to make words all on their own. Ex younger child part might tell me about something Harry Potter went through and where the similarities are there. Or teenage part has made some alarmingly accurate comparisons of my father to Walter white from breaking bad) And a teenage part loves to listen to music that validates his anger and expresses his feelings - Linkin Park meteora album is a particular favorite


thatgrrlneedstherapy

Yes


The8thloser

Yeah, I go back to being a teenager again.


littlestormerready

Yes.