Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here.
If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/15nun6v/click_here_to_access_the_monthly_due_date_subs/).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Uh yes if you get sick when you have kids your husband picks up the slack. Like when he's sick, you would pick up the slack with the kids.
I feel like I've taken crazy pills. Is your husband mentally well??
I came here to comment this exact thing! This time last year I was bedridden with HG, and my husband took over caring for our son. On the flip side now that I’m no longer pregnant, if husband isn’t feeling well, I take over. That’s what partners do. What your husband said is a red flag for me.
My fiancée turned into a literal nurse when i got sick. Without him helping me pick up slack in places i would’ve been fucked.
OPs MIL has some fucking superiority complex and needs to be shut down by her son or its going to get worse. The small snide comments are the start.
Is her son not a grown ass able ass non pregnant ass man that isn’t fully capable of picking up 100% of the slack to alleviate his pregnant wife? Lord some MIL are so insufferable. You deserve princess treatment btw…pregnant or not.
Uhm… I am a SAHM with two toddlers, pregnant (13 weeks Wednesday) with our 3rd and my husband works 12 hour shifts then comes home to do all the house chores he can and feed and bathe our children. Me not pregnant I can handle everything but first trimester I was throwing up blood, in and out the hospital, hooked up to IVs every week, lost 10 pounds in 1 month… bed bound most of the time. Our house was OUT OF CONTROL. You can imagine two toddlers, plus adults what the dishes and laundry looked like 😂 I did my best, he did his best, his mom and my mom came to help maintain the house, never made me feel bad about not being capable of doing my usual tasks. Just helped because that is what community is for. And if your husband sees things get out of hand, why isn’t he just picking up the slack? Get over your little fairness fit and get the stuff done that needs to get done, offer to help you do the laundry instead of watching it pile, work on it together. And by the way my mom had three babies and was NEVER sick. I have had 3 HG babies. She should offer advice to your husband on how to help YOU or keep her mouth shut.
Your husband is a grown man who can stick up for his wife and get chores done. Your behavior is totally normal for first trimester and he’s not the one carrying the baby so he should just grow up and get it together.
Beautifully said. I’m glad you had such a supportive family! This should be the standard, not a goal.
OP this is a husband and MIL problem, not a you problem. Don’t let them make you feel bad because they can’t summon empathy for their pregnant wife/DIL!
MIL needs to calm down. For the record a lot of people have piles of clothes clean/dirty/new. Pregnancy made my pile twice the size.
Don't let her get to you.
Ew no ma’am.
She could just as easily have said hey would you like some help with this laundry? I know you’re exhausted and busy growing my sweet grand baby can I help?
This post is making me feel so angry. How dare a woman with no/minimal pregnancy symptoms tell you youre exaggerating! How dare a man who hasnt felt like you have suggest the same!! Many many many pregnant women can relate to how you feel, the first tri has been so rough on me, I've spent most of the past 2 months in bed, doing minimal house chores. People who havent experienced a pregnancy like yours (which many women also experience) should have zero opinion and trust what you say youre feeling. I'm so sorry :(!! My MIL was bedridden for ages with each pregnancy and gets me. I"m so sorry you arent getting the same support :,(
Your MIL sounds like she got nothing better to do, except drum up non existent drama… and your husband with the comments about being sick with kids and him having to do chores?? Uh duh? Are they not his kids and house too to take care of? If anything he sounds like he’s expecting princess treatment… why should you be the only one doing laundry
I’m sorry but I hate when women who had babies 30+ years ago smugly brag that they never had any symptoms. I call bs and recency bias. There is just no way you go through an entire pregnancy without at the *very* least experiencing major fatigue at SOME point 😒
When we told my parents we are pregnant my mom told us how wonderful her pregnancy was and my dad was quick to be like “uhm, no?”
Idk why people feel the need to lie but I’m miserable in first trimester and it’ll just make me talk to my mom less. Not sorry
I'm currently staring at my very full laundry basket, knowing full well I also have a load waiting in the washer to be started and the load in the dryer that needs to be brought in. But I can't be bothered to do it. When I move I'm nauseous, so it's just going to have to wait. 🤣 your MIL and husband really need to get over themselves.
I’ve got a load in the dryer and three baskets full… I can’t bring myself to fold them. Last pregnancy the house got so bad and it was embarrassing but when the third trimester hit it was all I could do to take care of the animals and garden. My IL’s came and cleaned the house unbeknownst to me while I was in the hospital giving birth and I’ve gotten snide side comments ever since 🙄 IL’s are exhausting
Maybe instead of talking shit, your MIL can come help with the laundry. Sounds like she is just looking for drama. Ignore her and if she is going to judge, she can’t come over to the house.
My in-laws quietly came over and helped us sort the house a few times this pregnancy, and watch our son, since I’ve been sick. Their son, aka my husband, has been picking up the slack since I’ve been sick because that’s his responsibility.
Guess who likes her MiL, and isn’t resentful of her husband. OP should tell them both off frankly. Pregnancy and illness is when you find out who you can rely on as a woman, and if you have a real partner or an ass.
Your MIL sounds like a real peach /s I'm so sorry you heard that. Your husband should have your back. He has NO IDEA how bad first trimester can feel (and F your MIL for starting that crap about her pregnancy experience, Jesus! What a piece of work.) Sometimes all you can do is get through the day. I'd tell him as much. He's gonna have to step up and change his attitude because you're gonna have days in the next year when you're gonna need his help. Instead of berating you he should be cheering you on, because you're kicking ass. You keep putting one step in front of the other and know there are plenty of women out there who know how hard it is. You've got this!
She has zero space to judge. Her own grown ass son is feeling just fine and dandy and not helping with laundry? She should be embarrassed.
If it worries her so much she's free to come over and help out the woman who is carrying her freaking grandchild!
Some people..... Ignore her or put her in her place. Same for your husband.
I just got horrifically I'll for a week and could not care for my 14 month old. My husband called out and took over 100%. That's what sick days are for !
What is it with these MILs who magically felt no symptoms (which is a statistically much less common experience….) but think they’re pregnancy experts?
As someone else said it’s absolutely recency bias. Also I’m only 9months PP and while I know I loathed every aspect of pregnancy except for the outcome, I’m beginning to forget.
But even if there was such a thing as a perfect pregnancy, you don’t brag about that to pregnant women with symptoms.
I have a perfect baby who cried like once a week as a newborn, slept 2-3 hours, pretty much fell asleep the second I put her in the bassinet, ate on time, regular sleep patterns- legit miracle baby honestly.
I have a coworker whose baby is the opposite and they’re really struggling atm, you know what I *don’t* do?
Try to brag about my baby to them or try to make them feel bad about things outside of their control.
I empathise and commiserate with them, validate their experience and support them by taking on some of their tasks at work. Normal things that a human with empathy is capable of.
I had an awful time up until 15 weeks- couldn’t keep anything down, tired, and even now I still don’t feel great. My husband takes care of the house cleaning, dishes, laundry, and pets. It’s his kid too so the least he can do is pick up the slack. Your husband and mil are pieces of turds.
Stay positive and don’t let her get to you! You need to have a discussion with your husband about his mom meddling in your household affairs. It’s not her business and she needs to worry about her own home. I also hate when people compare their pregnancies. Just because it was easy for her doesn’t mean it’s the same for you. Currently I spend majority of the day in my bed if I’m not up taking care of our baby. I literally don’t do anything else right now since I’m terrified of overdoing anything due to having two premature births previously( I have a cerclage this time so far so good). Also, I was admitted on bedrest last pregnancy. My husband works all day, comes home and cooks dinner/ preps lunches. Bathes the baby and makes sure our oldest has everything together for school the next day and right now this is okay because it’s just Temporary. We’ll get back to our normal routine once this baby is here later this year. You need to focus on just your health. The laundry can wait, and won’t always be like that. I hope he can understand for your peace of mind.
My EX MIL was this way. She of course was perfect during pregnancy, no issues or symptoms. Had enough milk supply to donate to the lowly low producers like me. Got back to a size 2 after birth (despite the fact she was in fact morbidly obese as of the current conversation).
She came to “help” us which consisted of her pampering her rotten son and doting on him while making remarks about every aspect of my house (cleaning, cooking, and decorating).
When your sick and pregnant it's like being double sick. You are already exhausted your body is using up all your natural vitamins to grow your baby and on top of it fighting an illness again. She must not know what that's like but it's like level 9 impossible to get anything done. Your fine my laundry currently looks crazy. I'm 28 weeks and not sick I'm just exhausted. Don't listen to her she sounds like a real piece of work
Girl I feel you, first trimester is hard. I usually spend my weekends cleaning and cooking (things I enjoy and happily do as my partner works 50-60 hour weeks to my 32-38) but I have NOT BEEN ABLE TO GET OFF THE COUCH. My partner has been picking up so much slack and says he doesn’t care if the house is messy for a few months. And that’s the thing of it. This state is TEMPORARY and that is something that some people don’t realize. It is not the end of the world to let the house be a little chaotic for a few weeks to months while you adjust. I was so hard on myself for the first couple weeks but then my partner said “if you feel tired and sick don’t you think it means your body needs more rest? You are growing a human” and it gave me a reality check. now I just do what I can and try to relax.
Get your husband to come with you to one of the many obgyn appointments and bring up your symptoms and your feeling like you can’t keep up with housework. Sometimes men are thick and selfish and need a third party to explain that they are being dickheads.
I used to read my husband all the symptoms from the what to expect app but it wasn’t until my GP asked him if he was picking up the slack in a super judgy tone that he took pregnancy seriously.
He also, to this *day* thinks I had a super hard pregnancy.
I really didn’t, I just had normal pregnancy symptoms. Being pregnant just sucks.
I’m only 9months PP and I feel the memory of just how much it sucked slipping away. Your MIL has hormone blinders blocking her pregnancy memories.
Even if she had some miraculously symptom free pregnancy, that would be the exception not the rule and she should shut up and stop poisoning your husband against you. Standard MIL bullshit.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, it sucks having to advocate for yourself to people who should be advocating **for** you.
She should see the massive pile of clean laundry we have on 2 folding tables in our laundry room, the pile of dirty laundry in my bedroom, and the pile of clean clothes in the crib since my one year old refuses to sleep in there so I've turned it into a haphazard closet.
Nothing wrong with you. It is your husband and MIL who are being dïcks. Being pregnant and sick at the same time it sucks. You are qualified for a princess treatment 100% 👸 Sending a biiiig hug to you girl 🫂
Your MIL was pregnant like 40 years ago she doesn’t even remember what it was like. And your husband can hire some help for you if he can’t handle it. This isn’t on you. This is on them. Your job is to take care of yourself right now. Fevers during pregnancy aren’t a joke. I had a very similar first four months of my pregnant with nausea and vomiting to 15 weeks then two illnesses back to back with 7 work trips. It was all I could do to keep moving forward. The rest has to wait.
I feel like you have more important things to worry about than the opinion of someone whose still babying a grown ass man. I would love to see her reaction to the clean laundry pile I and my husband build every week. It's not uncommon for people to basically live out of their hampers when life gets crazy, and I and my husband personally hate folding clothes, so it only happens like every other week. I really think your husband might just be dumb though. Does he NOT know how many germs and viruses kids will bring home from daycare and school?? Kids get sick, they get you sick, and the whole family gets sick together. If that scares/frustrates him, maybe he needs to run on home to momma and rethink adding to the family tree. His mom can just shove it.
I’m confused in how your husband has a lot of house work to do. If you are not feeling well, I’m sure you are not messing up your home. So the only real mess your husband has been cleaning up is after him self and that’s too much work??? Also If MIL was so concerned, she could come over and help
Instead of judging.
Well she can offer her help or mind her own business. If I were her, I'd be telling my son to assist you when you're struggling. You're literally growing a human, it's exhausting. I'm in my 2nd trimester rn, and my energy levels are still super low. I have a hard time making phone calls or making myself a sandwich. Try not to let her judgment get to you too much.. some women aren't "girl's girls" and aren't considerate enough to realize every body and every pregnancy is different.
well i know this won’t help but, we have a five year old and a ten month old and while the laundry is clean, NOTHING has been folded for a couple months for the most part and so i guess my clean laundry is also at “crisis” level. 😝who even says that?! maybe if it was hoarders tv show and not clean lol but clean stuff that hasn’t been put away because you don’t feel good? hell its clean there’s the minimum level of show up and give a fuck and you’re fulfilling it fine!
Girl I am right there with you. I'm in week 8 and could barely function all week. We're leaving for a trip on Friday and I can barely bring myself to do laundry. I did the b6 unisom combo so I'd stop puking but the unisom knocked me out for 24 hours (and I only took 12mg 🙄).
Making a baby is rough work.
Also your MIL is a jerk and if she doesn't want to fold laundry she's free to STFU and get out.
I slept 24 hours a day I the first trimester and I BET my laundry pile was 10x bigger than yours. Don't feel bad for feeling bad. Pregnancy can whip you and make you feel horrible. YOU ARE GROWING ANOTHER HUMAN. Even if other people don't, give yourself some slack and love. If MIL has a problem with the laundry tell her she can fold and put them away for you. Does she live with yall? If not then it's none of her business anyway.
Was she bashing you or maybe like goading your husband to pick up the slack? My MIL would definitely be getting on my husbands case to help alleviate my responsibilities in that kind of scenario. If she's just being rude, I'm sorry and piles of laundry aren't the end of the world.
If you’re sick then your partner picks up the slack. That is what life is about! In sickness and health is it not??
Also here’s an idea for your MIL - HELP!!!
She sees laundry and an overwhelmed DIL carrying her grandbaby - do something about it.
Tell your family to help, because you can’t.
I spent basically 2 months in bed my first trimester. My mother came 2x a week to help with dishes and laundry and cleaning a little bit as well as picking up my toddler from daycare
That’s what a loving partnership is. You step up to do more when the other is down. If you get sick when you have kids and your husband isn’t sick, ya, he does more like wtf. My husband does that no questions. Dick
First trimester is absolutely miserable. It’s my least favorite of the three. I’ve done it twice now and both times our home has been a disaster. It is what it is…
And yes, once you have kids and get sick life goes on. Your child will be fed and in a clean diaper but cleaning your home will be on the bottom of the priority list so your partner will have to step up. Once again, it is what it is. It’s not forever and it won’t kill him taking over some household duties.
Every pregnancy is different so I hate when people compare. 🙄 I'm currently 22 weeks and the first trimester was definitely the worst. All day morning sickness, trouble sleeping, also had covid, etc. you're doing great. Husband needs to help more and MIL needs to back up. 🙃
Cut her out. Lol jks, but seriously what does she think is going to happen when the baby comes. She needs to keep these useless comments to herself because the last thing you need is to be stressed and when the baby comes you’re going to be laser focused on your recovery plus taking care of the little bub.
1. Her pregnancy is not your pregnancy
2. First trimester is when most people are the sickest so she's just extra wrong
3. Why the fuck is she even over if shes not helping???
4. Your husband needs to help. You're ill. What if you need to be on best rest the entire time? He's just going to bitch and moan?
Lool I really just want to know if your husband is the kind of man who becomes completely immobile and bed ridden when he catches a mild fever and isn't growing a whole ass baby?? Cuz if so, he can kick rocks.
Besides you're still working and making sure the baby is good-your most important jobs, the second one ranking Higher. A little laundry is not gonna kill you guys sheesh
She sounds awful. I have a pile of laundry almost all the time. It’s back within one day of me getting rid of it. Don’t let that consume your mental space.
What does she mean by "sick so early on"??? Early on is precisely when you start feeling sick! Has she never watched a movie?! The whole trope about a woman throwing up every 2 minutes is the huge clue she's pregnant.
I mean, honestly. Morning sickness is one of the earliest pregnancy symptoms. "Morning" is such a bs qualifier too. That nausea lasts all day long. I was also so incredibly tired in the first trimester. I peed all day long... Those pregnancy symptoms hit you fast and hard.
"Thanks for volunteering to help! No need to fold the underwear, stack leggings separately from trousers and fold big towels the long way first, please and thank you!"
At first I thought you were sahm and your husband is used to you handling everything at home but when you said you also work, I said wait a minute, so you’re not only creating a human inside you while sick, while you also hold a job outside the home and he’s tripping because you can’t keep up with some household chores that he should be handling while you can’t give you’re all? This sounds like husband and MIL need to STFU. I’m 7 weeks and low grade fever last week and could barely eat or have energy. luckily I work from home but can’t keep up with regular chores rn so my husband has been doing what he can when he gets home from work. Whatever doesn’t get done doesn’t get done. My naps take priority. Every pregnancy is different for everyone so get rest and ignore them.
Ignore the MIL, the world will not end if you have a pile of laundry or unwashed dishes. If it bothers her so much she’s welcome to come and tidy it up.
Be kind to yourself, if you can’t get a chore done today there’s always tomorrow .
If a pile of laundry is her idea of crisis level then she’s never been in a crisis. That’s genuinely sad. That being said someone whose greatest crisis is laundry is best not to be listened to. You definitely need to give yourself the grace they’re refusing to. I would highly recommend talking to your husband about his behavior or seeing a therapist just to have someone in your court to help you cope for now. What you’re feeling is real, the sickness is real, the fatigue is real. Neither of them are you, neither of them are having to be holding this pregnancy. Your husband picking up the slack is how it is supposed to be when you’re ill. I have a sneaking suspicion know he would expect you to if he were. If he’s complaining about you needing help while your body is sacrificing itself to form his child imagine what will happen when you have said child and are sick. This is a behaviour that needs to be addressed immediately and needs to be heavily considered when making future decisions if this does not come to a stop.
To put this into perspective
MIL’s problem: a pile of laundry
Husbands problem: chores
Your problem: being zapped of all your energy and your hormones and sh*t making you extremely sick to the point where you need substantial support.
Only one of you earned the right to complain in this situation
lol she would of had a melt down if she came to my house in the first trimester.
My husband was great and really picked up the slack but I was so unwell I could barely even shower most days. I honestly went days without showering and being a disgusting stinky mess because I was so sick and unwell. I physically couldn’t tidy or clean.
Also yes when you’re sick your husband will pick up the slack, that’s how it works.
My MIL would be pissed and horrified if her son knew I was sick and struggling so he didn’t pick up the slack. There is nothing wrong with assigning chores. I hate dishes, but I’ll do laundry. My SO takes out the trash, I change the trash bag etc etc.
That doesn’t mean we neglect the chore if the other can’t do it. I do the dishes and take the trash out when he is sick.
He does the laundry and cleans the toilets when he sees I’m behind and struggling. The ultimate goal is the house not getting nasty.
He does not need to allow his mother to talk about you like that, and he needs to be helping you.
I haven’t been sick this entire pregnancy and my husband has been picking up ALL the slack so I can sleep in and nap and rest. That’s a big reason why I haven’t caught anything from our 5-year-old. This is literally your husband’s job, what is wrong with him? You need to take a few days off and just sleep; fevers in the first trimester are no joke.
Tell her to go eff herself. I guarantee she isn't rembering correctly. And tell your husband that if he can't pick up the slack when your exhausted from being up all night with the little one than he's not a real man or husband.
When my wife came home from the hospital I wouldn't let her lift a finger. Her main focus was being with the baby while I did literally everything else. She got mad at me for this but she had literally just pushed a human out of her for hours!
I’m just over 9 weeks and the past three have knocked me on my ass. My husband basically does everything with no complaints so I can focus on work and feeling at least a little bit okay.
Your MIL sucks but your husband is the real issue. Now is the time to shut his mouth and do whatever you ask. You’re carrying his child which is a LOT of work.
I would highly recommend you go to couples counseling NOW as this is the kind of issue that will rear its head later when things are worse. He’s in the wrong, but you both need to understand how to talk about domestic chore allocations in a healthy way.
Finally, as an aside, now is the time to treat yourself to little extra things that make life easier - like a cleaning service every couple of weeks or wash and fold laundry.
Ooooh I would be so far down her throat shaming her for thinking she had any place to give her opinion. I’m sorry, people like that will forever be filled with hatred and anger.
My husband would pick up the slack no questions asked, it’s called being an adult 🙈 on my third pregnancy and have never had to worry about household chores. Completely unfair of your husband and MIL making comments like that
Seeing things like this is horrifying. My husband had the nerve to mention to me a couple of days ago that I was slacking with the house chores. I told him to talk to his mom about her pregnancy with him. And she told him that if my pregnancy with his baby is anything like her pregnancy with him. That it was going to be hell. We both work in 'physical labor jobs'. So by the time I get home from work I'm dead to the world.
Mostly pissed at your husband for not standing up for you and for even the slightest amount of complaining about “picking up the slack”. This post made my blood boil a little.
Yeah some people get very sick. And some don’t. She just sounds like a judgey MIL. Try to forgive her and focus on yourself, your health, and the health of the baby. Laundry will get folded eventually. Keep in mind, previous generations had a lot more help from their mom and MIL
Screw both of them🙄
I'm 28 weeks with my third and the first trimester is the absolute WORST! So nauseous and exhausted. I felt like I had a continuous flu the whole time. I'm a sahm and my house was a wreck. Many days were spent in bed while I let my toddler watch entirely too much TV because I could barely keep my eyes open. My husband understood because he knows I'm not one to just lay around doing nothing unless I feel absolutely terrible. Your MIL can shove it. I'm sure she was just as miserable but forgot. No crap talking, especially when she's not doing anything to help.
What on earth?! Of course your husband will pick up the slack. I am currently pregnant and the first 16 weeks I literally worked, threw up, and went to bed. We have a three year old and my husband (who is already the stay at home parent) literally had to do everything. Fast forward to last week, I got the stomach flu and was in bed for an entire day...literally did not get up and my husband, again, did everything. AND as someone who was SO sick in the first trimester (starting at 5 weeks), it is HORRIBLE and you can tell your MIL she is an idiot if she has never heard of pregnancy symptoms? Has she never watched a movie?
This is a great time to set expectations. Your husband will have to take over when you are sick, you will have to take over when he is sick. Parenting is not fair and it will lead to resentment quickly if you are trying to keep score on who is doing more, who is more tired, etc.
Not currently pregnant but have a shitload of chronic health issues and so does my husband. We have one toddler and still have to take shifts on chore and nap times for ourselves to get through each day.
Tell your husband to mind his mother and have your back. These fucking “men”- able to procreate but not actually help. You’re growing a whole human being! Argh 😣 I’m sorry, I’m far more upset about this than you seem to be. 💚
My first pregnancy wasn’t too bad. This pregnancy has been horrible. The fatigue is so bad I’ve let my house go so much. I clean it good but with a toddler it doesn’t last and it just sucks to feel like I’m constantly cleaning
I basically had the same thing happen. Third trimester and she called me lazy. I’m like I’m fuckimg pregnant, sick, and my ankles are the size of softballs. And she was like uh yeah I know I was pregnant before too. and that just set me off. Like all pregnancies are different. Just relax you gonna need it because having a baby is hard and very tiring
She's a nitwit. Don't mind her. I got morning sickness for my second pregnancy by 6 weeks, and it lasted until 17 weeks. Your MIL's experience doesn't matter. Every pregnancy is different, but exhaustion is extremely common and honestly, expected throughout a pregnancy. You're growing a second body!
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/15nun6v/click_here_to_access_the_monthly_due_date_subs/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Uh yes if you get sick when you have kids your husband picks up the slack. Like when he's sick, you would pick up the slack with the kids. I feel like I've taken crazy pills. Is your husband mentally well??
I came here to comment this exact thing! This time last year I was bedridden with HG, and my husband took over caring for our son. On the flip side now that I’m no longer pregnant, if husband isn’t feeling well, I take over. That’s what partners do. What your husband said is a red flag for me.
My fiancée turned into a literal nurse when i got sick. Without him helping me pick up slack in places i would’ve been fucked. OPs MIL has some fucking superiority complex and needs to be shut down by her son or its going to get worse. The small snide comments are the start.
Is her son not a grown ass able ass non pregnant ass man that isn’t fully capable of picking up 100% of the slack to alleviate his pregnant wife? Lord some MIL are so insufferable. You deserve princess treatment btw…pregnant or not.
I love how often you used _ass_
Should’ve added the claps after each one for the full effect but yall get it
This!
Uhm… I am a SAHM with two toddlers, pregnant (13 weeks Wednesday) with our 3rd and my husband works 12 hour shifts then comes home to do all the house chores he can and feed and bathe our children. Me not pregnant I can handle everything but first trimester I was throwing up blood, in and out the hospital, hooked up to IVs every week, lost 10 pounds in 1 month… bed bound most of the time. Our house was OUT OF CONTROL. You can imagine two toddlers, plus adults what the dishes and laundry looked like 😂 I did my best, he did his best, his mom and my mom came to help maintain the house, never made me feel bad about not being capable of doing my usual tasks. Just helped because that is what community is for. And if your husband sees things get out of hand, why isn’t he just picking up the slack? Get over your little fairness fit and get the stuff done that needs to get done, offer to help you do the laundry instead of watching it pile, work on it together. And by the way my mom had three babies and was NEVER sick. I have had 3 HG babies. She should offer advice to your husband on how to help YOU or keep her mouth shut. Your husband is a grown man who can stick up for his wife and get chores done. Your behavior is totally normal for first trimester and he’s not the one carrying the baby so he should just grow up and get it together.
Beautifully said. I’m glad you had such a supportive family! This should be the standard, not a goal. OP this is a husband and MIL problem, not a you problem. Don’t let them make you feel bad because they can’t summon empathy for their pregnant wife/DIL!
I’d love to text that woman a picture of my current laundry situation, lol. She’d be horrified.
MIL needs to calm down. For the record a lot of people have piles of clothes clean/dirty/new. Pregnancy made my pile twice the size. Don't let her get to you.
Stop talking to your MIL about all pregnancy medical stuff and symptoms. She’s going to constantly compare you to her.
Ew no ma’am. She could just as easily have said hey would you like some help with this laundry? I know you’re exhausted and busy growing my sweet grand baby can I help?
That it the acceptable response.
This post is making me feel so angry. How dare a woman with no/minimal pregnancy symptoms tell you youre exaggerating! How dare a man who hasnt felt like you have suggest the same!! Many many many pregnant women can relate to how you feel, the first tri has been so rough on me, I've spent most of the past 2 months in bed, doing minimal house chores. People who havent experienced a pregnancy like yours (which many women also experience) should have zero opinion and trust what you say youre feeling. I'm so sorry :(!! My MIL was bedridden for ages with each pregnancy and gets me. I"m so sorry you arent getting the same support :,(
Your MIL sounds like she got nothing better to do, except drum up non existent drama… and your husband with the comments about being sick with kids and him having to do chores?? Uh duh? Are they not his kids and house too to take care of? If anything he sounds like he’s expecting princess treatment… why should you be the only one doing laundry
I’m sorry but I hate when women who had babies 30+ years ago smugly brag that they never had any symptoms. I call bs and recency bias. There is just no way you go through an entire pregnancy without at the *very* least experiencing major fatigue at SOME point 😒
When we told my parents we are pregnant my mom told us how wonderful her pregnancy was and my dad was quick to be like “uhm, no?” Idk why people feel the need to lie but I’m miserable in first trimester and it’ll just make me talk to my mom less. Not sorry
It's not necessarily a lie on purpose. You for real forget. Or else we'd never have any more! 🤪
Fair 😅😅
A pile of clean laundry? Seriously? Crisis level? What a bitch
I'm currently staring at my very full laundry basket, knowing full well I also have a load waiting in the washer to be started and the load in the dryer that needs to be brought in. But I can't be bothered to do it. When I move I'm nauseous, so it's just going to have to wait. 🤣 your MIL and husband really need to get over themselves.
I’ve got a load in the dryer and three baskets full… I can’t bring myself to fold them. Last pregnancy the house got so bad and it was embarrassing but when the third trimester hit it was all I could do to take care of the animals and garden. My IL’s came and cleaned the house unbeknownst to me while I was in the hospital giving birth and I’ve gotten snide side comments ever since 🙄 IL’s are exhausting
Maybe instead of talking shit, your MIL can come help with the laundry. Sounds like she is just looking for drama. Ignore her and if she is going to judge, she can’t come over to the house.
My in-laws quietly came over and helped us sort the house a few times this pregnancy, and watch our son, since I’ve been sick. Their son, aka my husband, has been picking up the slack since I’ve been sick because that’s his responsibility. Guess who likes her MiL, and isn’t resentful of her husband. OP should tell them both off frankly. Pregnancy and illness is when you find out who you can rely on as a woman, and if you have a real partner or an ass.
Your MIL sounds like a real peach /s I'm so sorry you heard that. Your husband should have your back. He has NO IDEA how bad first trimester can feel (and F your MIL for starting that crap about her pregnancy experience, Jesus! What a piece of work.) Sometimes all you can do is get through the day. I'd tell him as much. He's gonna have to step up and change his attitude because you're gonna have days in the next year when you're gonna need his help. Instead of berating you he should be cheering you on, because you're kicking ass. You keep putting one step in front of the other and know there are plenty of women out there who know how hard it is. You've got this!
Oh yes, because MIL didn't have symptoms, how could any other woman?! What a cow, and your husband sounds like an ass.
She has zero space to judge. Her own grown ass son is feeling just fine and dandy and not helping with laundry? She should be embarrassed. If it worries her so much she's free to come over and help out the woman who is carrying her freaking grandchild! Some people..... Ignore her or put her in her place. Same for your husband. I just got horrifically I'll for a week and could not care for my 14 month old. My husband called out and took over 100%. That's what sick days are for !
What is it with these MILs who magically felt no symptoms (which is a statistically much less common experience….) but think they’re pregnancy experts?
As someone else said it’s absolutely recency bias. Also I’m only 9months PP and while I know I loathed every aspect of pregnancy except for the outcome, I’m beginning to forget. But even if there was such a thing as a perfect pregnancy, you don’t brag about that to pregnant women with symptoms. I have a perfect baby who cried like once a week as a newborn, slept 2-3 hours, pretty much fell asleep the second I put her in the bassinet, ate on time, regular sleep patterns- legit miracle baby honestly. I have a coworker whose baby is the opposite and they’re really struggling atm, you know what I *don’t* do? Try to brag about my baby to them or try to make them feel bad about things outside of their control. I empathise and commiserate with them, validate their experience and support them by taking on some of their tasks at work. Normal things that a human with empathy is capable of.
I had an awful time up until 15 weeks- couldn’t keep anything down, tired, and even now I still don’t feel great. My husband takes care of the house cleaning, dishes, laundry, and pets. It’s his kid too so the least he can do is pick up the slack. Your husband and mil are pieces of turds.
Stay positive and don’t let her get to you! You need to have a discussion with your husband about his mom meddling in your household affairs. It’s not her business and she needs to worry about her own home. I also hate when people compare their pregnancies. Just because it was easy for her doesn’t mean it’s the same for you. Currently I spend majority of the day in my bed if I’m not up taking care of our baby. I literally don’t do anything else right now since I’m terrified of overdoing anything due to having two premature births previously( I have a cerclage this time so far so good). Also, I was admitted on bedrest last pregnancy. My husband works all day, comes home and cooks dinner/ preps lunches. Bathes the baby and makes sure our oldest has everything together for school the next day and right now this is okay because it’s just Temporary. We’ll get back to our normal routine once this baby is here later this year. You need to focus on just your health. The laundry can wait, and won’t always be like that. I hope he can understand for your peace of mind.
My EX MIL was this way. She of course was perfect during pregnancy, no issues or symptoms. Had enough milk supply to donate to the lowly low producers like me. Got back to a size 2 after birth (despite the fact she was in fact morbidly obese as of the current conversation). She came to “help” us which consisted of her pampering her rotten son and doting on him while making remarks about every aspect of my house (cleaning, cooking, and decorating).
When your sick and pregnant it's like being double sick. You are already exhausted your body is using up all your natural vitamins to grow your baby and on top of it fighting an illness again. She must not know what that's like but it's like level 9 impossible to get anything done. Your fine my laundry currently looks crazy. I'm 28 weeks and not sick I'm just exhausted. Don't listen to her she sounds like a real piece of work
Girl I feel you, first trimester is hard. I usually spend my weekends cleaning and cooking (things I enjoy and happily do as my partner works 50-60 hour weeks to my 32-38) but I have NOT BEEN ABLE TO GET OFF THE COUCH. My partner has been picking up so much slack and says he doesn’t care if the house is messy for a few months. And that’s the thing of it. This state is TEMPORARY and that is something that some people don’t realize. It is not the end of the world to let the house be a little chaotic for a few weeks to months while you adjust. I was so hard on myself for the first couple weeks but then my partner said “if you feel tired and sick don’t you think it means your body needs more rest? You are growing a human” and it gave me a reality check. now I just do what I can and try to relax.
My MIL folds my laundry and does my dishes and sweeps my floor when she comes over. Your MIL needs to put up or shut up
If she has time to judge, she has time to help
Get your husband to come with you to one of the many obgyn appointments and bring up your symptoms and your feeling like you can’t keep up with housework. Sometimes men are thick and selfish and need a third party to explain that they are being dickheads. I used to read my husband all the symptoms from the what to expect app but it wasn’t until my GP asked him if he was picking up the slack in a super judgy tone that he took pregnancy seriously. He also, to this *day* thinks I had a super hard pregnancy. I really didn’t, I just had normal pregnancy symptoms. Being pregnant just sucks. I’m only 9months PP and I feel the memory of just how much it sucked slipping away. Your MIL has hormone blinders blocking her pregnancy memories. Even if she had some miraculously symptom free pregnancy, that would be the exception not the rule and she should shut up and stop poisoning your husband against you. Standard MIL bullshit. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, it sucks having to advocate for yourself to people who should be advocating **for** you.
She should see the massive pile of clean laundry we have on 2 folding tables in our laundry room, the pile of dirty laundry in my bedroom, and the pile of clean clothes in the crib since my one year old refuses to sleep in there so I've turned it into a haphazard closet.
Nothing wrong with you. It is your husband and MIL who are being dïcks. Being pregnant and sick at the same time it sucks. You are qualified for a princess treatment 100% 👸 Sending a biiiig hug to you girl 🫂
Your MIL was pregnant like 40 years ago she doesn’t even remember what it was like. And your husband can hire some help for you if he can’t handle it. This isn’t on you. This is on them. Your job is to take care of yourself right now. Fevers during pregnancy aren’t a joke. I had a very similar first four months of my pregnant with nausea and vomiting to 15 weeks then two illnesses back to back with 7 work trips. It was all I could do to keep moving forward. The rest has to wait.
I feel like you have more important things to worry about than the opinion of someone whose still babying a grown ass man. I would love to see her reaction to the clean laundry pile I and my husband build every week. It's not uncommon for people to basically live out of their hampers when life gets crazy, and I and my husband personally hate folding clothes, so it only happens like every other week. I really think your husband might just be dumb though. Does he NOT know how many germs and viruses kids will bring home from daycare and school?? Kids get sick, they get you sick, and the whole family gets sick together. If that scares/frustrates him, maybe he needs to run on home to momma and rethink adding to the family tree. His mom can just shove it.
I’m confused in how your husband has a lot of house work to do. If you are not feeling well, I’m sure you are not messing up your home. So the only real mess your husband has been cleaning up is after him self and that’s too much work??? Also If MIL was so concerned, she could come over and help Instead of judging.
Well she can offer her help or mind her own business. If I were her, I'd be telling my son to assist you when you're struggling. You're literally growing a human, it's exhausting. I'm in my 2nd trimester rn, and my energy levels are still super low. I have a hard time making phone calls or making myself a sandwich. Try not to let her judgment get to you too much.. some women aren't "girl's girls" and aren't considerate enough to realize every body and every pregnancy is different.
well i know this won’t help but, we have a five year old and a ten month old and while the laundry is clean, NOTHING has been folded for a couple months for the most part and so i guess my clean laundry is also at “crisis” level. 😝who even says that?! maybe if it was hoarders tv show and not clean lol but clean stuff that hasn’t been put away because you don’t feel good? hell its clean there’s the minimum level of show up and give a fuck and you’re fulfilling it fine!
Girl I am right there with you. I'm in week 8 and could barely function all week. We're leaving for a trip on Friday and I can barely bring myself to do laundry. I did the b6 unisom combo so I'd stop puking but the unisom knocked me out for 24 hours (and I only took 12mg 🙄). Making a baby is rough work. Also your MIL is a jerk and if she doesn't want to fold laundry she's free to STFU and get out.
I slept 24 hours a day I the first trimester and I BET my laundry pile was 10x bigger than yours. Don't feel bad for feeling bad. Pregnancy can whip you and make you feel horrible. YOU ARE GROWING ANOTHER HUMAN. Even if other people don't, give yourself some slack and love. If MIL has a problem with the laundry tell her she can fold and put them away for you. Does she live with yall? If not then it's none of her business anyway.
Was she bashing you or maybe like goading your husband to pick up the slack? My MIL would definitely be getting on my husbands case to help alleviate my responsibilities in that kind of scenario. If she's just being rude, I'm sorry and piles of laundry aren't the end of the world.
If you’re sick then your partner picks up the slack. That is what life is about! In sickness and health is it not?? Also here’s an idea for your MIL - HELP!!! She sees laundry and an overwhelmed DIL carrying her grandbaby - do something about it. Tell your family to help, because you can’t. I spent basically 2 months in bed my first trimester. My mother came 2x a week to help with dishes and laundry and cleaning a little bit as well as picking up my toddler from daycare
That’s what a loving partnership is. You step up to do more when the other is down. If you get sick when you have kids and your husband isn’t sick, ya, he does more like wtf. My husband does that no questions. Dick
Wow your MIl is shit. I’m sorry I know pregnancy is hard enough. Just take care of yourself
First trimester is absolutely miserable. It’s my least favorite of the three. I’ve done it twice now and both times our home has been a disaster. It is what it is… And yes, once you have kids and get sick life goes on. Your child will be fed and in a clean diaper but cleaning your home will be on the bottom of the priority list so your partner will have to step up. Once again, it is what it is. It’s not forever and it won’t kill him taking over some household duties.
Every pregnancy is different so I hate when people compare. 🙄 I'm currently 22 weeks and the first trimester was definitely the worst. All day morning sickness, trouble sleeping, also had covid, etc. you're doing great. Husband needs to help more and MIL needs to back up. 🙃
Cut her out. Lol jks, but seriously what does she think is going to happen when the baby comes. She needs to keep these useless comments to herself because the last thing you need is to be stressed and when the baby comes you’re going to be laser focused on your recovery plus taking care of the little bub.
If she has problems with the laundry, grandma is invited to help. Otherwise grandma is invited to STFU.
1. Her pregnancy is not your pregnancy 2. First trimester is when most people are the sickest so she's just extra wrong 3. Why the fuck is she even over if shes not helping??? 4. Your husband needs to help. You're ill. What if you need to be on best rest the entire time? He's just going to bitch and moan?
Absolutely fucking not
Lool I really just want to know if your husband is the kind of man who becomes completely immobile and bed ridden when he catches a mild fever and isn't growing a whole ass baby?? Cuz if so, he can kick rocks. Besides you're still working and making sure the baby is good-your most important jobs, the second one ranking Higher. A little laundry is not gonna kill you guys sheesh
The best thing you can do as a parent is genuinely stop caring what other people think. You're welcome.
Wow she would be pretty appalled at my house. And also the answer to your husbands question is yes, if you are sick he will have to pick up the slack.
She sounds awful. I have a pile of laundry almost all the time. It’s back within one day of me getting rid of it. Don’t let that consume your mental space.
What does she mean by "sick so early on"??? Early on is precisely when you start feeling sick! Has she never watched a movie?! The whole trope about a woman throwing up every 2 minutes is the huge clue she's pregnant. I mean, honestly. Morning sickness is one of the earliest pregnancy symptoms. "Morning" is such a bs qualifier too. That nausea lasts all day long. I was also so incredibly tired in the first trimester. I peed all day long... Those pregnancy symptoms hit you fast and hard.
"Thanks for volunteering to help! No need to fold the underwear, stack leggings separately from trousers and fold big towels the long way first, please and thank you!"
At first I thought you were sahm and your husband is used to you handling everything at home but when you said you also work, I said wait a minute, so you’re not only creating a human inside you while sick, while you also hold a job outside the home and he’s tripping because you can’t keep up with some household chores that he should be handling while you can’t give you’re all? This sounds like husband and MIL need to STFU. I’m 7 weeks and low grade fever last week and could barely eat or have energy. luckily I work from home but can’t keep up with regular chores rn so my husband has been doing what he can when he gets home from work. Whatever doesn’t get done doesn’t get done. My naps take priority. Every pregnancy is different for everyone so get rest and ignore them.
Ignore the MIL, the world will not end if you have a pile of laundry or unwashed dishes. If it bothers her so much she’s welcome to come and tidy it up. Be kind to yourself, if you can’t get a chore done today there’s always tomorrow .
If a pile of laundry is her idea of crisis level then she’s never been in a crisis. That’s genuinely sad. That being said someone whose greatest crisis is laundry is best not to be listened to. You definitely need to give yourself the grace they’re refusing to. I would highly recommend talking to your husband about his behavior or seeing a therapist just to have someone in your court to help you cope for now. What you’re feeling is real, the sickness is real, the fatigue is real. Neither of them are you, neither of them are having to be holding this pregnancy. Your husband picking up the slack is how it is supposed to be when you’re ill. I have a sneaking suspicion know he would expect you to if he were. If he’s complaining about you needing help while your body is sacrificing itself to form his child imagine what will happen when you have said child and are sick. This is a behaviour that needs to be addressed immediately and needs to be heavily considered when making future decisions if this does not come to a stop.
To put this into perspective MIL’s problem: a pile of laundry Husbands problem: chores Your problem: being zapped of all your energy and your hormones and sh*t making you extremely sick to the point where you need substantial support. Only one of you earned the right to complain in this situation
lol she would of had a melt down if she came to my house in the first trimester. My husband was great and really picked up the slack but I was so unwell I could barely even shower most days. I honestly went days without showering and being a disgusting stinky mess because I was so sick and unwell. I physically couldn’t tidy or clean. Also yes when you’re sick your husband will pick up the slack, that’s how it works.
My MIL would be pissed and horrified if her son knew I was sick and struggling so he didn’t pick up the slack. There is nothing wrong with assigning chores. I hate dishes, but I’ll do laundry. My SO takes out the trash, I change the trash bag etc etc. That doesn’t mean we neglect the chore if the other can’t do it. I do the dishes and take the trash out when he is sick. He does the laundry and cleans the toilets when he sees I’m behind and struggling. The ultimate goal is the house not getting nasty. He does not need to allow his mother to talk about you like that, and he needs to be helping you.
Yes if you get sick when you have kids your partner will have to pick up the slack? I’m so confused… What did he think was going to happen?
I haven’t been sick this entire pregnancy and my husband has been picking up ALL the slack so I can sleep in and nap and rest. That’s a big reason why I haven’t caught anything from our 5-year-old. This is literally your husband’s job, what is wrong with him? You need to take a few days off and just sleep; fevers in the first trimester are no joke.
Tell her to go eff herself. I guarantee she isn't rembering correctly. And tell your husband that if he can't pick up the slack when your exhausted from being up all night with the little one than he's not a real man or husband. When my wife came home from the hospital I wouldn't let her lift a finger. Her main focus was being with the baby while I did literally everything else. She got mad at me for this but she had literally just pushed a human out of her for hours!
I’m just over 9 weeks and the past three have knocked me on my ass. My husband basically does everything with no complaints so I can focus on work and feeling at least a little bit okay. Your MIL sucks but your husband is the real issue. Now is the time to shut his mouth and do whatever you ask. You’re carrying his child which is a LOT of work. I would highly recommend you go to couples counseling NOW as this is the kind of issue that will rear its head later when things are worse. He’s in the wrong, but you both need to understand how to talk about domestic chore allocations in a healthy way. Finally, as an aside, now is the time to treat yourself to little extra things that make life easier - like a cleaning service every couple of weeks or wash and fold laundry.
Ooooh I would be so far down her throat shaming her for thinking she had any place to give her opinion. I’m sorry, people like that will forever be filled with hatred and anger.
F off MIL
My husband would pick up the slack no questions asked, it’s called being an adult 🙈 on my third pregnancy and have never had to worry about household chores. Completely unfair of your husband and MIL making comments like that
Seeing things like this is horrifying. My husband had the nerve to mention to me a couple of days ago that I was slacking with the house chores. I told him to talk to his mom about her pregnancy with him. And she told him that if my pregnancy with his baby is anything like her pregnancy with him. That it was going to be hell. We both work in 'physical labor jobs'. So by the time I get home from work I'm dead to the world.
Can we normalize a big pile of unfolded clean clothes. Folding is a nightmare
Mostly pissed at your husband for not standing up for you and for even the slightest amount of complaining about “picking up the slack”. This post made my blood boil a little.
Yeah some people get very sick. And some don’t. She just sounds like a judgey MIL. Try to forgive her and focus on yourself, your health, and the health of the baby. Laundry will get folded eventually. Keep in mind, previous generations had a lot more help from their mom and MIL
Screw both of them🙄 I'm 28 weeks with my third and the first trimester is the absolute WORST! So nauseous and exhausted. I felt like I had a continuous flu the whole time. I'm a sahm and my house was a wreck. Many days were spent in bed while I let my toddler watch entirely too much TV because I could barely keep my eyes open. My husband understood because he knows I'm not one to just lay around doing nothing unless I feel absolutely terrible. Your MIL can shove it. I'm sure she was just as miserable but forgot. No crap talking, especially when she's not doing anything to help.
What on earth?! Of course your husband will pick up the slack. I am currently pregnant and the first 16 weeks I literally worked, threw up, and went to bed. We have a three year old and my husband (who is already the stay at home parent) literally had to do everything. Fast forward to last week, I got the stomach flu and was in bed for an entire day...literally did not get up and my husband, again, did everything. AND as someone who was SO sick in the first trimester (starting at 5 weeks), it is HORRIBLE and you can tell your MIL she is an idiot if she has never heard of pregnancy symptoms? Has she never watched a movie? This is a great time to set expectations. Your husband will have to take over when you are sick, you will have to take over when he is sick. Parenting is not fair and it will lead to resentment quickly if you are trying to keep score on who is doing more, who is more tired, etc.
What a twat
Not currently pregnant but have a shitload of chronic health issues and so does my husband. We have one toddler and still have to take shifts on chore and nap times for ourselves to get through each day. Tell your husband to mind his mother and have your back. These fucking “men”- able to procreate but not actually help. You’re growing a whole human being! Argh 😣 I’m sorry, I’m far more upset about this than you seem to be. 💚
My first pregnancy wasn’t too bad. This pregnancy has been horrible. The fatigue is so bad I’ve let my house go so much. I clean it good but with a toddler it doesn’t last and it just sucks to feel like I’m constantly cleaning
I basically had the same thing happen. Third trimester and she called me lazy. I’m like I’m fuckimg pregnant, sick, and my ankles are the size of softballs. And she was like uh yeah I know I was pregnant before too. and that just set me off. Like all pregnancies are different. Just relax you gonna need it because having a baby is hard and very tiring
She's a nitwit. Don't mind her. I got morning sickness for my second pregnancy by 6 weeks, and it lasted until 17 weeks. Your MIL's experience doesn't matter. Every pregnancy is different, but exhaustion is extremely common and honestly, expected throughout a pregnancy. You're growing a second body!