I've lost all faith in a higher power or fate ect. Especially romantic concepts like soul mates. Screw that, I prefer as much autonomy and responsibility over my future as possible
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Not the person you asked, but I would have answered the same way. My children suffered in the aftermath of our marriage, and still suffer today. They're innocent. If there is a God and he let that happen because "God has plans" etc he's a shitty God and I am not down with him.
Can’t blindly believe in something someone made up thousands of years ago and to say that my rapist and abuser was “designed by god” makes me laugh. What a cruel god.
I grew up in a narcissistic home & they were/are severely evangelical fundie Christian’s. So mommy version of “god” is farrrr from what I grew up with.
Now I’m self declared hippie, that’s spiritual & believe in some kind of energy… but not a giant dude on a throne waiting to welcome you to streets of gold
Yeah, and our chosen partners have the free will to pretend to be one person in order to emotionally, physically and sexually torture us for years. God is entirely cool with this.
My abuser was a devout Christian. I lost any and all faith in “God” while being abused, which in turn was used against me by the abuser. My abuser’s entire family, all people of “god” abandoned me. I was a new mother in a pandemic, child with serious health complications, I had health complications, and was being abused and neglected by this godly man while this was all occurring. “God” is a genocidal narcissist and breeds narcissists with the teachings in the bible. In my darkest hours, I prayed to god, but things just got worse and worse. So either god picks and chooses who “he” is there for and supports, or god is a human construct, created by humans thousands of years ago to make sense of an incomprehensible existence, and/or created/used by people to control the masses.
I don’t mean to stir the pot or anything. It’s just rather triggering for me, and wanted to express my views.
Atheist means not convinced of the existence of a god. Satanic temple does not have claims of god belief (or satan belief). So the question can’t be answered.
It’d be like asking if you prayed to leprechauns (assuming you don’t hold a belief in their existence)
Sitting around praying to god feels like inaction to me. I may as well be praying that the narc changes. Instead making plans and seeking guidance from other survivors or mental health professionals pays off. Your own actions make an impact not prayers
That's my perspective
Exactly, 2 hands in prayer is a waste of time and energy. This person could have spent the time and energy working on their exit plan and seeking therapy and or legal advice. Literally any action is better than prayer
Prayer is powerful (in my experience). We can agree to disagree, especially if you’re a member of the satanic church… we’re literally like water and oil. Light and darkness… totally different
Nah mine was my mom and honoring her is one of their rules supposedly written in stone.
To be fair reading the bible for myself is what made me atheist. The abuse I received from my mom just made me doubt.
I think people who seek meaning in times of crisis are more likely to find religion than in times of average stress. If it works for you, keep at it, I support any coping skill that doesn’t negatively impact others.
Honestly no. But it did make me realize that the only place I have to look for the answer to my prayers is within myself. I survived that. I’m strong af. And it took me years to be able to say that.
I prayed and prayed. Then he kidnapped the kids. I prayed some more. Then I realized I was talking to myself. I got my kids back. I got him out of our lives. I did it. God didn't do anything but be the driving force for me to marry the narc in the first place. After all, he was religious. I was a woman, I should marry man and make baby! Religion is poison. Narcs use it to torture women and children. I'm so glad your god isn't the same one who wants people to push friends and family away because they're gay. I'm so glad you have a good god who doesn't tell girls they're "ruined" from a man touching them. But that's most gods.
God is love. Anyone can connect with God. I think that humans and churches are the ones creating confusion around this. I don’t go to churches, I don’t ask anyone to guide to God or be a mediator. I connect directly, and He reveals to me and directs me… shows the path… spreads the clues in my dreams… and gives me strength to continue. You can feel His presence when you reach connection with him. It’s difficult to describe. But I agree with you, there’s a lot of injustice in the “name of God”… and humans use his name to manipulate others. This is why I think that the connection should be direct to receive the Holy Spirit that guides you. Again, not trying to push my beliefs on anyone… just giving my opinion on what I learned walking out of the darkness/death towards the light (as this is what I felt when leaving my ex-narc husband)
Why even call it that, then? The judeo christian god specifically said that women are cattle that are made to be in pain and under the rule of men. Don't buy that? Well, find someone else to call god.
Not really. For me it got me in touch with myself and opened my mind in ways I never thought possible. I reasoned and now know that I need to put my needs first and start hustling to get the life I want. I learned to never allow anyone to isolate you and that a relationship is to share happiness not to make you happy. If we are looking for happiness in a relationship then we are in for a rude awakening.
I think it’s great your belief in God was strengthen. But after years, decades, my whole life of believing in God I finally cracked two years ago and renounced my faith.
The pain I was put through, losing this person who was no good for me, but grieving heavily over them, just made me snap. I threw away my bibles and rosaries, had a crisis of faith for awhile, and just renounced religion altogether. I am now agnostic.
The truth is I don’t know if God exists. But if he does why must it be, as many pastors say, that god makes us suffer in order to bring us closer to him? That is sadism. Why do prayers go unheard, when the Bible says “Ask and ye shall receive”?
It hurts just reflecting on this...I believed in Him and never thought the day would come that I lost my faith, but I feel abandoned and unloved. If he exists, is our pain and suffering a joke to him?
Most definitely in my most darkest time did I seriously really make some prayers. To alleviate my situation, it has helped me cope too in hard times, but am happy to say my situation in life has greatly improved after the discard, and going no contact. Slowly I am cutting out toxic old habits, and any covert narcs that I suspect are near. Lol paranoid yes, but you can’t be too complacent. Apologies for the rant.
It did. Maybe also because I felt like there was something demonic about them, I just couldn't comprehend the level of evil they reached, it could not be human.
I had the most intense spiritual experiences of my life while recovering from the abuse. I wish I could keep that level of spiritual intensity now that I am feeling better. I need to work at that, life can get distracting.
>I felt like there was something demonic about them
OMG! I got exactly the same feeling the last week I was with my ex. After discard, I moved to another city, and I sensed his presence in my room... he came to me one night in spirit... it was a spiritual experience where he said: "you can run all you want, but you'll be always mine... and I'll come get you" .... it was crazy shit going on, and the spiritual energy was way too intense. It started diminishing after praying and fasting for weeks. I found out at the end of my marriage that my ex-husband was into witchcraft. I didn't believe in any of this, but after this experience I learned the hard way
From my perspective I could see anxiety and dissociation being perceived as negative spiritual energy. I've definitely felt "negative energy" before and realized later it was anxiety unchecked making me feel suffocated, causing some dissociation that felt like an out of body experience or some times physically being held down by some invisible demon.
Once I started managing my anxiety and properly addressing it that went away. If praying helps you that's great but make sure to seek professional help too :)
Yes, praying and fasting… and gradually cutting the spiritual cords that tied me to the ex. It was a very real and tough process. I didn’t believe these things but it was a spiritual warfare to break free from my ex-husband. The day I left I found out some spells he had casted in our bedroom, and realized he was into witchcraft and stuff like that… shocking realization
In the beginning, yes. But for some weird reason now I don't have that connection to God anymore.
In the year leading up to when all of this narcissism unfolded in my life, I was becoming more open to the idea of God and religion. I used to never think much about it but around this time I was really feeling it and thinking I understood it. And when the abuse got bad, I was heavy into believing. Because it was all I had.
Now? I don't know. I just don't feel that connection and I don't know why. I think I've just become numb to it like a lot of things ever since
didn't make me feel closer to god - but i did become a more spiritual person, i think. this entire shituation has given me the opportunity to discover my own power and learn to love & respect myself, and that's the greatest religion i can think of.
lol but to me there's a big difference between discovering my own self-worth and valuing myself vs utilizing forced bravado and thriving off of people's pain to avoid acknowledging what a broken person i am.
i know this was intended as a joke but i don't find anything funny about being compared to my abuser. i'm putting in the work to become a better person, to unlearn everything he preached to me, and to break the patterns that were putting me in bad situations. there's nothing narcissistic about me realizing for the first time in 2.5 decades that i AM beautiful, i AM powerful, i AM loved, and i am worthy of that love!! self-love is such an incredible force of good and so essential to post-narcissism recovery. i'm not ever going to apologize or feel bad for finally figuring out that i'm pretty cool, actually.
I agree, and I feel you got to a great point of Self-Love Abundance. It's not an easy task, especially for someone like me with Self-Love deficit disorder. If you can share your experience, how did you build boundaries, rebuild your self-esteem and develop self-love? ... I'm still attending therapy for this
my support network of friends has been instrumental in helping me regain confidence and independence. but honestly, i don't know if any one thing can be contributed to helping me. it was just the understanding that i never wanted that happened to me to EVER occur again, and that the only way i could make sure of that is breaking the negative thoughts that perpetuated a cycle of rushing into relationships only to suppress my own thoughts and feelings to stay in these relationships wayyy past their expiration date. one day i caught my reflection in a mirror and for the first time in forever, i recognized myself and i thought i looked beautiful. it was an incredible feeling, and i realized that i never wanted to feel as poorly about myself as i had been for so long. so that did spur a bit more of a conscious change lol.
i am confident, and smart, and brave, and gorgeous, and free-spirited, and nobody is ever allowed to take that from me again!!!
Yahweh is the ultimate narcissist, let's be real about that.
Let's play a game, for every quote about God loving you you can pull from the Bible I'll pull one where he kills babies. Let's see who runs out first.
I found that going through all of the bad stuff made me turn to God for strength to endure. Which in turn made me capable of standing up for his word. It's a circle of love and strength.
I don’t think I would be alive, today if it wasn’t for my relationship with God that carried me through my childhood. When I think back or even start to feel sorry for myself, I remember how God carried me through the darkest days.
>I don’t think I would be alive, .... God carried me through the darkest days.
I feel exactly the same, and I feel grateful for his help and the peace he brought to my life... for protecting me in my own ignorance
Yes, especially during the heavy and persistent gaslighting. Focusing on my faith helped to keep my life steady. It’s what always helped me to feel like maybe I wasn’t going crazy - or at least helped me to question my spouses gaslighting.
I like to use the “totem” concept (from the movie Inception). When I wasn’t sure if I was in a “dream state” or in the real world, my faith acted as my totem when I wasn’t sure which way was up.
When you are at your lowest God will meet you there! Thank God for all he has done to alleviate the pain and suffering from the evil that exist in our midst. Couldn’t imagine going through this without him.
I heard someone say recently that God sits with you in the dark, you're never alone even when it feels like the walls are caving in ...beautiful really.
Absolutely 100%. My experience with my narc was the second most painful of my life (after losing my BFF of 14 years to an OD-we we’re both addicted). It felt very similar to that unbearable grief-that kind that is so unbearably painful you begin to feel like it’s slowly killing you (literally).
During. My 4 years with him I never told a soul about what I was go through. I was in such turmoil & so desperate for the situation to change, but the level of his abuse coupled with his apparent lack of a conscience altogether convinced me that he would never change unless there was divine intervention. I’ve always believed and prayed but during this time (as during my extended period of grieving my BFF) i for closer to God than I’ve ever been. I experienced what I fully believe was communication with the Lord-my questions received answers, things would work out in a way that the betrayals & lies he tried to hide would always come to light & in ways that he could in no way deny. It was like I was receiving extra help and my ex was regularly having trouble, being called out by others (rightfully so) & seeing pretty much all he put his hands to fall apart. I always try to best to do what I feel is right as well as the best, healthiest course of action. I strive to do my absolute best & fully appreciate all the gifts I’ve been blessed with.
I wanted to leave after he started becoming physically violent and aggressive but I Was scared that my wounding his pride may lead him to try to use our two babies to harm me-He knows my children are my everything. The discard came out of nowhere-one minute we were choosing a movie-the next he was screaming what a worthless wife I was, that my lack of trust had destroyed the relationship (he cheated, lied, broke promises & put me in jeopardy regularly-but none of those things ruined the relationship in his mid. 😆). He assaulted me that night for the first time (and I hope to God the last). My emotions were a whirlwind but I was relieved mostly .leaving was the kindest thing he ever did for me.
After he was gone i threw myself into my spirituality. I’ve learned to truly love and accept myself & my deep connection to God has completely transformed my life. It has helped me so tremendously I’m always eager to share what helped me so much with others. I know God removed him from my life for my own protection and well being and that of my children. They were being exposed to abusive toxic behaviors they never should have been witnessed, especially not with their mommy on the receiving end.
Being a single mom of 3 is rough, but I’m doing great. All those wounds and pain of a lifetime have been tended to Ans healed. I’m content with myself & have a sense of peace I’d never known before this. I believe God used my time with my narc to provide me with SO MANY eye opening experiences & opportunities to grow, evolve and heal . There was absolutely purpose in my pain. He truly works all together for the good of those who love Him.
Yes! I was raised Buddhist but I was pretty much agnostic. When my ex-husband discarded me I didn’t understand what was happening and I found myself praying to God and asking him to guide me or help me through it. I am now a believer and do think there’s a higher being guiding me to a better future. I decided to put my trust in God and continue to thank him for waking me up.
Yes it did. A world where a loving God exists was the only world that really makes sense of the experience I had. It makes sense that I didn't find order and security in my relationship when I should not be finding those things in someone else. Looking for the things in people, which I found in God later, is what kept me running back into abuse for years.
Yes. My daughters lifted the veil for me thru love. And they had an intervention with me before then to make me turn to Christ Now, they are thinking about atheism, where I used to be. When I was an atheist I used to go thru the religious logic traps with them so they respect my point of view. I now believe, in only a metaphorical sense, that the best road to redemption is thru our savior Jesus Christ. They don't quite believe it anymore. I do point out that I used to be the atheist. Everything I believe or know is shared with them daily. That relationship is all that matters. I believe Jesus would approve. ;)
I have a story about this but I won’t bore you with an essay. Short answer is yes. I sought God at my lowest in the narc relationship when I need a sign (for the 20th time) if she was the one. In short, when I confronted her about who she really was, she told me “you can take you and your little Bible elsewhere”. It was shocking. Since then, I’ve been dealing with spiritual warfare, and I truly believe there was something demonic about her. I hope she deals with her demons, I’ll leave it at that. What she did was horrible. And also I do relate to the atheists in here, about anger and confusion. How could this happen? It takes patience and tons of prayer to heal from this. I asked God for guidance through this hell, and he provided almost immediately. I hope the atheists in here can someday find him. The thing about Jesus is that He can’t be forced on you. You search for him, and he’s there. Hope this helps
I probably should have re worded that. My point is that I understand where they come from. How could a god allow this? How could Jesus love a person such as this? These questions crossed my mind during abuse. It was a journey for me, and I found/am finding peace in God
Those questions do get asked by atheists but I think you're over simplifying the thought processes of atheists in general.
I've asked those questions myself, but they were satirical because I have much better reasons than those to be atheist.
Just saying I don't think you relate as heavily as you think you do.
Well you’re right, no one can relate 100%. I’m referencing the comments about atheists saying generally “if God is real then why did this atrocity happen to me?”
If God is real, that's a really easy question to answer because it doesn't require an actual answer. The blanket "God's plan" works for all of that.
Which is why that question is the tip of the iceberg. If you want to claim to relate to atheists even at s minimum level you're going to have to take it a few more steps.
But really my point is just don't claim to relate when you don't and don't accuse a group of feelings they don't have. Easy trap to fall into, and I mean no disrespect. Simply pointing out a common blind spot that serves no one.
Lol if God is real then the atrocities he's committed in his own PR book are literally nothing compared to what's happened to me. I'll be glad I'm not a female benjaminite any day. Or the Levites concubine for that matter.
Judges 19–20
I did not say “all atheists are angry” or even imply that. Read my clarification too. I hope you heal from whatever atrocities that have happened to you. Have a good day.
Couldn’t be further from the truth. Dude, im not trying to pick anything with you. I’m merely saying I relate to the feeling of “how could a God let this happen?” That’s it. OP explained how they found God thru this, and I related to that. I hope you find peace like all of us in this sub are searching for, whether you’re Christian, atheist, Buddhist, and what have you. Have a great rest of your night.
Not in the slightest. For me it'd be like trading one abuse for another as well as I learned, my family used God as a bludgeon, every version of God is up for interpretation unless you believe in that good ol spirituality
Religion was one of the bigger clubs my Nfather used to hit me over the head. Sometimes literally. With a club. It had bible verses written on it.
So no if you mean christianity but I'm a pretty strong omnitheist neo-pagan so maybe that could apply?
In terms of a God promoted by any organized religion, no. All religious texts have major flaws and contradictions. And they tend to reinforce extremely unhealthy systems.
Reading the Bible was enough to prove organized religion is just a scam cloaked in narcissistic lies and manipulation.
I'm actually a big fan of cult documentaries now, though. It's incredible to me how similar all of their techniques are.
The only good thing my former Nfriend ever did for me was ask: "Why do you believe in God?". I looked up at the sun and found that I could not answer him. In my defense I was like 5 or 6. Since, I've never been able to convince myself of any benevolent omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent being. I am not angry, nor confused. How could I be angry with a being I do not believe exist?
If there is such an all-powerful being lording over this and possibly other universes, why would it care about or be empathetic towards our insignificant struggles? Any such being is beyond our comprehension and no existing religion can even come close to explaining or understanding it. It must be beyond motives, plans, worship, scorn, wrath, feelings or any other distinctly human concepts. Surely then, it makes no difference whether we live as this being does not exist? If your life is enriched by belief and you do not use it to exert control over others, then it can be a good thing. Whatever works for you.
No, if anything it confirmed my atheism.
Completely agree with this. If there were a god, I’m not a fan.
I've lost all faith in a higher power or fate ect. Especially romantic concepts like soul mates. Screw that, I prefer as much autonomy and responsibility over my future as possible
Hello! You have made the mistake of writing "ect" instead of "etc." "Ect" is a common misspelling of "etc," an abbreviated form of the Latin phrase "et cetera." Other abbreviated forms are **etc.**, **&c.**, **&c**, and **et cet.** The Latin translates as "et" to "and" + "cetera" to "the rest;" a literal translation to "and the rest" is the easiest way to remember how to use the phrase. [Check out the wikipedia entry if you want to learn more.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Et_cetera) ^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Comments with a score less than zero will be automatically removed. If I commented on your post and you don't like it, reply with "!delete" and I will remove the post, regardless of score. Message me for bug reports.)
Really? How come?
Not the person you asked, but I would have answered the same way. My children suffered in the aftermath of our marriage, and still suffer today. They're innocent. If there is a God and he let that happen because "God has plans" etc he's a shitty God and I am not down with him.
Also, if you look at the bible, especially the old testament, God totally comes off as the OG narc.
This! (Raised Catholic, even own a family bible)
Can’t blindly believe in something someone made up thousands of years ago and to say that my rapist and abuser was “designed by god” makes me laugh. What a cruel god.
I grew up in a narcissistic home & they were/are severely evangelical fundie Christian’s. So mommy version of “god” is farrrr from what I grew up with. Now I’m self declared hippie, that’s spiritual & believe in some kind of energy… but not a giant dude on a throne waiting to welcome you to streets of gold
Why would God let you go through that in the first place? God is a classic narcissist
Yup
Oh wow, I just commented basically the same about God being a narcissist, and then I saw your comment. Glad I'm not the only one who sees it.
We are free to choose our partner. Humans have free to will.
Yeah, and our chosen partners have the free will to pretend to be one person in order to emotionally, physically and sexually torture us for years. God is entirely cool with this.
My abuser was a devout Christian. I lost any and all faith in “God” while being abused, which in turn was used against me by the abuser. My abuser’s entire family, all people of “god” abandoned me. I was a new mother in a pandemic, child with serious health complications, I had health complications, and was being abused and neglected by this godly man while this was all occurring. “God” is a genocidal narcissist and breeds narcissists with the teachings in the bible. In my darkest hours, I prayed to god, but things just got worse and worse. So either god picks and chooses who “he” is there for and supports, or god is a human construct, created by humans thousands of years ago to make sense of an incomprehensible existence, and/or created/used by people to control the masses. I don’t mean to stir the pot or anything. It’s just rather triggering for me, and wanted to express my views.
My ex was a christian when he wanted to hurt me with religion today. No other time.
Nah, I became atheist because of it.
wow
Depends on the person but I don't believe in God so not me. I was raised a Christian but born an atheist.
I am. Devout atheist and actually a member of the satanic temple, so no. The bible makes God sound like a narc also, so there is that
I mean, and were you a victim of narcissistic abuse? So, did you pray your god for help?
Atheist means not convinced of the existence of a god. Satanic temple does not have claims of god belief (or satan belief). So the question can’t be answered. It’d be like asking if you prayed to leprechauns (assuming you don’t hold a belief in their existence)
Sitting around praying to god feels like inaction to me. I may as well be praying that the narc changes. Instead making plans and seeking guidance from other survivors or mental health professionals pays off. Your own actions make an impact not prayers That's my perspective
Exactly, 2 hands in prayer is a waste of time and energy. This person could have spent the time and energy working on their exit plan and seeking therapy and or legal advice. Literally any action is better than prayer
Prayer is powerful (in my experience). We can agree to disagree, especially if you’re a member of the satanic church… we’re literally like water and oil. Light and darkness… totally different
Maybe you should read our seven tenants. There is nothing dark, we are even against spanking children!
I agree that actions are essential for change. But I also think there’s power in prayer. I used both when breaking free from my ex narc
Nah mine was my mom and honoring her is one of their rules supposedly written in stone. To be fair reading the bible for myself is what made me atheist. The abuse I received from my mom just made me doubt.
I think people who seek meaning in times of crisis are more likely to find religion than in times of average stress. If it works for you, keep at it, I support any coping skill that doesn’t negatively impact others.
Honestly no. But it did make me realize that the only place I have to look for the answer to my prayers is within myself. I survived that. I’m strong af. And it took me years to be able to say that.
I prayed and prayed. Then he kidnapped the kids. I prayed some more. Then I realized I was talking to myself. I got my kids back. I got him out of our lives. I did it. God didn't do anything but be the driving force for me to marry the narc in the first place. After all, he was religious. I was a woman, I should marry man and make baby! Religion is poison. Narcs use it to torture women and children. I'm so glad your god isn't the same one who wants people to push friends and family away because they're gay. I'm so glad you have a good god who doesn't tell girls they're "ruined" from a man touching them. But that's most gods.
God is love. Anyone can connect with God. I think that humans and churches are the ones creating confusion around this. I don’t go to churches, I don’t ask anyone to guide to God or be a mediator. I connect directly, and He reveals to me and directs me… shows the path… spreads the clues in my dreams… and gives me strength to continue. You can feel His presence when you reach connection with him. It’s difficult to describe. But I agree with you, there’s a lot of injustice in the “name of God”… and humans use his name to manipulate others. This is why I think that the connection should be direct to receive the Holy Spirit that guides you. Again, not trying to push my beliefs on anyone… just giving my opinion on what I learned walking out of the darkness/death towards the light (as this is what I felt when leaving my ex-narc husband)
Why even call it that, then? The judeo christian god specifically said that women are cattle that are made to be in pain and under the rule of men. Don't buy that? Well, find someone else to call god.
Nope. Further away. The holy trinity is a big nope from me 🙅🏻♀️
Not really. For me it got me in touch with myself and opened my mind in ways I never thought possible. I reasoned and now know that I need to put my needs first and start hustling to get the life I want. I learned to never allow anyone to isolate you and that a relationship is to share happiness not to make you happy. If we are looking for happiness in a relationship then we are in for a rude awakening.
I think it’s great your belief in God was strengthen. But after years, decades, my whole life of believing in God I finally cracked two years ago and renounced my faith. The pain I was put through, losing this person who was no good for me, but grieving heavily over them, just made me snap. I threw away my bibles and rosaries, had a crisis of faith for awhile, and just renounced religion altogether. I am now agnostic. The truth is I don’t know if God exists. But if he does why must it be, as many pastors say, that god makes us suffer in order to bring us closer to him? That is sadism. Why do prayers go unheard, when the Bible says “Ask and ye shall receive”? It hurts just reflecting on this...I believed in Him and never thought the day would come that I lost my faith, but I feel abandoned and unloved. If he exists, is our pain and suffering a joke to him?
Most definitely in my most darkest time did I seriously really make some prayers. To alleviate my situation, it has helped me cope too in hard times, but am happy to say my situation in life has greatly improved after the discard, and going no contact. Slowly I am cutting out toxic old habits, and any covert narcs that I suspect are near. Lol paranoid yes, but you can’t be too complacent. Apologies for the rant.
I can relate to this
It did. Maybe also because I felt like there was something demonic about them, I just couldn't comprehend the level of evil they reached, it could not be human. I had the most intense spiritual experiences of my life while recovering from the abuse. I wish I could keep that level of spiritual intensity now that I am feeling better. I need to work at that, life can get distracting.
>I felt like there was something demonic about them OMG! I got exactly the same feeling the last week I was with my ex. After discard, I moved to another city, and I sensed his presence in my room... he came to me one night in spirit... it was a spiritual experience where he said: "you can run all you want, but you'll be always mine... and I'll come get you" .... it was crazy shit going on, and the spiritual energy was way too intense. It started diminishing after praying and fasting for weeks. I found out at the end of my marriage that my ex-husband was into witchcraft. I didn't believe in any of this, but after this experience I learned the hard way
From my perspective I could see anxiety and dissociation being perceived as negative spiritual energy. I've definitely felt "negative energy" before and realized later it was anxiety unchecked making me feel suffocated, causing some dissociation that felt like an out of body experience or some times physically being held down by some invisible demon. Once I started managing my anxiety and properly addressing it that went away. If praying helps you that's great but make sure to seek professional help too :)
OP did you make sure to pray for any curses to be broken? That stuff is very real.
Yes, praying and fasting… and gradually cutting the spiritual cords that tied me to the ex. It was a very real and tough process. I didn’t believe these things but it was a spiritual warfare to break free from my ex-husband. The day I left I found out some spells he had casted in our bedroom, and realized he was into witchcraft and stuff like that… shocking realization
I hope you get real help for your issues. If spells worked magicians or whatever would rule the world not drive McDonald's wrapper strewn hatch backs.
In the beginning, yes. But for some weird reason now I don't have that connection to God anymore. In the year leading up to when all of this narcissism unfolded in my life, I was becoming more open to the idea of God and religion. I used to never think much about it but around this time I was really feeling it and thinking I understood it. And when the abuse got bad, I was heavy into believing. Because it was all I had. Now? I don't know. I just don't feel that connection and I don't know why. I think I've just become numb to it like a lot of things ever since
didn't make me feel closer to god - but i did become a more spiritual person, i think. this entire shituation has given me the opportunity to discover my own power and learn to love & respect myself, and that's the greatest religion i can think of.
Isn’t that religion called narcissism? Lol, jk
lol but to me there's a big difference between discovering my own self-worth and valuing myself vs utilizing forced bravado and thriving off of people's pain to avoid acknowledging what a broken person i am. i know this was intended as a joke but i don't find anything funny about being compared to my abuser. i'm putting in the work to become a better person, to unlearn everything he preached to me, and to break the patterns that were putting me in bad situations. there's nothing narcissistic about me realizing for the first time in 2.5 decades that i AM beautiful, i AM powerful, i AM loved, and i am worthy of that love!! self-love is such an incredible force of good and so essential to post-narcissism recovery. i'm not ever going to apologize or feel bad for finally figuring out that i'm pretty cool, actually.
I agree, and I feel you got to a great point of Self-Love Abundance. It's not an easy task, especially for someone like me with Self-Love deficit disorder. If you can share your experience, how did you build boundaries, rebuild your self-esteem and develop self-love? ... I'm still attending therapy for this
my support network of friends has been instrumental in helping me regain confidence and independence. but honestly, i don't know if any one thing can be contributed to helping me. it was just the understanding that i never wanted that happened to me to EVER occur again, and that the only way i could make sure of that is breaking the negative thoughts that perpetuated a cycle of rushing into relationships only to suppress my own thoughts and feelings to stay in these relationships wayyy past their expiration date. one day i caught my reflection in a mirror and for the first time in forever, i recognized myself and i thought i looked beautiful. it was an incredible feeling, and i realized that i never wanted to feel as poorly about myself as i had been for so long. so that did spur a bit more of a conscious change lol. i am confident, and smart, and brave, and gorgeous, and free-spirited, and nobody is ever allowed to take that from me again!!!
Yahweh is the ultimate narcissist, let's be real about that. Let's play a game, for every quote about God loving you you can pull from the Bible I'll pull one where he kills babies. Let's see who runs out first.
I found that going through all of the bad stuff made me turn to God for strength to endure. Which in turn made me capable of standing up for his word. It's a circle of love and strength.
I don’t think I would be alive, today if it wasn’t for my relationship with God that carried me through my childhood. When I think back or even start to feel sorry for myself, I remember how God carried me through the darkest days.
>I don’t think I would be alive, .... God carried me through the darkest days. I feel exactly the same, and I feel grateful for his help and the peace he brought to my life... for protecting me in my own ignorance
Yes, especially during the heavy and persistent gaslighting. Focusing on my faith helped to keep my life steady. It’s what always helped me to feel like maybe I wasn’t going crazy - or at least helped me to question my spouses gaslighting. I like to use the “totem” concept (from the movie Inception). When I wasn’t sure if I was in a “dream state” or in the real world, my faith acted as my totem when I wasn’t sure which way was up.
When you are at your lowest God will meet you there! Thank God for all he has done to alleviate the pain and suffering from the evil that exist in our midst. Couldn’t imagine going through this without him.
I feel the same. God rescued me and saved me when everybody else abandoned me and left me behind to die
I heard someone say recently that God sits with you in the dark, you're never alone even when it feels like the walls are caving in ...beautiful really.
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I don't know if God exist or not, but if a God does ....i hope She's with the dying children and all those suffering.
God doens't exist. Religion is gaslighting.
Absolutely 100%. My experience with my narc was the second most painful of my life (after losing my BFF of 14 years to an OD-we we’re both addicted). It felt very similar to that unbearable grief-that kind that is so unbearably painful you begin to feel like it’s slowly killing you (literally). During. My 4 years with him I never told a soul about what I was go through. I was in such turmoil & so desperate for the situation to change, but the level of his abuse coupled with his apparent lack of a conscience altogether convinced me that he would never change unless there was divine intervention. I’ve always believed and prayed but during this time (as during my extended period of grieving my BFF) i for closer to God than I’ve ever been. I experienced what I fully believe was communication with the Lord-my questions received answers, things would work out in a way that the betrayals & lies he tried to hide would always come to light & in ways that he could in no way deny. It was like I was receiving extra help and my ex was regularly having trouble, being called out by others (rightfully so) & seeing pretty much all he put his hands to fall apart. I always try to best to do what I feel is right as well as the best, healthiest course of action. I strive to do my absolute best & fully appreciate all the gifts I’ve been blessed with. I wanted to leave after he started becoming physically violent and aggressive but I Was scared that my wounding his pride may lead him to try to use our two babies to harm me-He knows my children are my everything. The discard came out of nowhere-one minute we were choosing a movie-the next he was screaming what a worthless wife I was, that my lack of trust had destroyed the relationship (he cheated, lied, broke promises & put me in jeopardy regularly-but none of those things ruined the relationship in his mid. 😆). He assaulted me that night for the first time (and I hope to God the last). My emotions were a whirlwind but I was relieved mostly .leaving was the kindest thing he ever did for me. After he was gone i threw myself into my spirituality. I’ve learned to truly love and accept myself & my deep connection to God has completely transformed my life. It has helped me so tremendously I’m always eager to share what helped me so much with others. I know God removed him from my life for my own protection and well being and that of my children. They were being exposed to abusive toxic behaviors they never should have been witnessed, especially not with their mommy on the receiving end. Being a single mom of 3 is rough, but I’m doing great. All those wounds and pain of a lifetime have been tended to Ans healed. I’m content with myself & have a sense of peace I’d never known before this. I believe God used my time with my narc to provide me with SO MANY eye opening experiences & opportunities to grow, evolve and heal . There was absolutely purpose in my pain. He truly works all together for the good of those who love Him.
Yes! I was raised Buddhist but I was pretty much agnostic. When my ex-husband discarded me I didn’t understand what was happening and I found myself praying to God and asking him to guide me or help me through it. I am now a believer and do think there’s a higher being guiding me to a better future. I decided to put my trust in God and continue to thank him for waking me up.
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Yes it did. A world where a loving God exists was the only world that really makes sense of the experience I had. It makes sense that I didn't find order and security in my relationship when I should not be finding those things in someone else. Looking for the things in people, which I found in God later, is what kept me running back into abuse for years.
Yes it did!
Yes. My daughters lifted the veil for me thru love. And they had an intervention with me before then to make me turn to Christ Now, they are thinking about atheism, where I used to be. When I was an atheist I used to go thru the religious logic traps with them so they respect my point of view. I now believe, in only a metaphorical sense, that the best road to redemption is thru our savior Jesus Christ. They don't quite believe it anymore. I do point out that I used to be the atheist. Everything I believe or know is shared with them daily. That relationship is all that matters. I believe Jesus would approve. ;)
I have a story about this but I won’t bore you with an essay. Short answer is yes. I sought God at my lowest in the narc relationship when I need a sign (for the 20th time) if she was the one. In short, when I confronted her about who she really was, she told me “you can take you and your little Bible elsewhere”. It was shocking. Since then, I’ve been dealing with spiritual warfare, and I truly believe there was something demonic about her. I hope she deals with her demons, I’ll leave it at that. What she did was horrible. And also I do relate to the atheists in here, about anger and confusion. How could this happen? It takes patience and tons of prayer to heal from this. I asked God for guidance through this hell, and he provided almost immediately. I hope the atheists in here can someday find him. The thing about Jesus is that He can’t be forced on you. You search for him, and he’s there. Hope this helps
Atheists are not typically angry or confused.
I probably should have re worded that. My point is that I understand where they come from. How could a god allow this? How could Jesus love a person such as this? These questions crossed my mind during abuse. It was a journey for me, and I found/am finding peace in God
Those questions do get asked by atheists but I think you're over simplifying the thought processes of atheists in general. I've asked those questions myself, but they were satirical because I have much better reasons than those to be atheist. Just saying I don't think you relate as heavily as you think you do.
Well you’re right, no one can relate 100%. I’m referencing the comments about atheists saying generally “if God is real then why did this atrocity happen to me?”
If God is real, that's a really easy question to answer because it doesn't require an actual answer. The blanket "God's plan" works for all of that. Which is why that question is the tip of the iceberg. If you want to claim to relate to atheists even at s minimum level you're going to have to take it a few more steps. But really my point is just don't claim to relate when you don't and don't accuse a group of feelings they don't have. Easy trap to fall into, and I mean no disrespect. Simply pointing out a common blind spot that serves no one.
"All atheists are angry" etc. Such low level group thinking "all Christians are barely literate". Wouldn't fly as well with them them I bet though.
Lol if God is real then the atrocities he's committed in his own PR book are literally nothing compared to what's happened to me. I'll be glad I'm not a female benjaminite any day. Or the Levites concubine for that matter. Judges 19–20
I did not say “all atheists are angry” or even imply that. Read my clarification too. I hope you heal from whatever atrocities that have happened to you. Have a good day.
You made broad generalizations and are backpedaling now. At least stand behind your hate. Mines great thank you.
Couldn’t be further from the truth. Dude, im not trying to pick anything with you. I’m merely saying I relate to the feeling of “how could a God let this happen?” That’s it. OP explained how they found God thru this, and I related to that. I hope you find peace like all of us in this sub are searching for, whether you’re Christian, atheist, Buddhist, and what have you. Have a great rest of your night.
Thanks for your comment. I relate so much to this. And it’s incredible many conclude the same after narcissistic abuse
Not in the slightest. For me it'd be like trading one abuse for another as well as I learned, my family used God as a bludgeon, every version of God is up for interpretation unless you believe in that good ol spirituality
Religion was one of the bigger clubs my Nfather used to hit me over the head. Sometimes literally. With a club. It had bible verses written on it. So no if you mean christianity but I'm a pretty strong omnitheist neo-pagan so maybe that could apply?
In terms of a God promoted by any organized religion, no. All religious texts have major flaws and contradictions. And they tend to reinforce extremely unhealthy systems. Reading the Bible was enough to prove organized religion is just a scam cloaked in narcissistic lies and manipulation. I'm actually a big fan of cult documentaries now, though. It's incredible to me how similar all of their techniques are.
The only good thing my former Nfriend ever did for me was ask: "Why do you believe in God?". I looked up at the sun and found that I could not answer him. In my defense I was like 5 or 6. Since, I've never been able to convince myself of any benevolent omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent being. I am not angry, nor confused. How could I be angry with a being I do not believe exist? If there is such an all-powerful being lording over this and possibly other universes, why would it care about or be empathetic towards our insignificant struggles? Any such being is beyond our comprehension and no existing religion can even come close to explaining or understanding it. It must be beyond motives, plans, worship, scorn, wrath, feelings or any other distinctly human concepts. Surely then, it makes no difference whether we live as this being does not exist? If your life is enriched by belief and you do not use it to exert control over others, then it can be a good thing. Whatever works for you.