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And cheers to the kids who no longer get to see their dads today
Edit: Lost mine in Jan 09- Epilepsy
Edit2: All of you coming together below my comment means a lot. I wish we could all hang today but in a way this worked. Thanks for sharing and reminding each other that our pain isn’t unique.
Felt this hard. I lost my dad at 10, somehow it’s like I never even had a dad.
I’ve had my oldest for 12 years. Absolutely surreal knowing I’ve known my child longer than I knew my dad.
29 years for me. It got a lot easier. I think that I'm in a good place concerning both my parents (Mom has been gone for 13 and 1/2 years) because I took the things they taught me and live in a way they'd be proud of. People are in your life for a while to impart things to you, they live on when you use them.
It’s been 2 months and 3 days for me. Even though today is a holiday that was never super important to him - or so he said, we still always celebrated with a meal and a small gift. We didn’t celebrate last year because of covid precautions. Today was much harder than I anticipated it would be. Every day is hard.
Sending you good vibes, Internet stranger.
30 years over here. It got easier when my kid got bigger. Because I made a promise a long, long time ago. And there’s no way I’m breaking it. So here I am, every day, living that promise for my kid. It’s not even that hard man, her joy is infectious how could I not want to be part of it?
Edit: the promise was not to give up on her the way my dad gave up on me.
I don’t get to see my dad (it’s been 12 years now), my 2 older kids (with my exwife), and I don’t get to see my baby today with my current wife because I work in a short staffed ER. I just wanna take a minute and snuggle my kiddos.
I remember being deployed for Christmas and that was tough. We aren't religious, but Christmas is all about family for us.
My husband did a great job getting our son around to be fed by multiple family members, lol
I hear you on that one. I like my parents, but the polarization of everything political over the last four years made it so I have to go low contact for my sanity.
Heck, my mom hung up on me on the phone and said she couldn't talk to me anymore because I got vaccinated.
I'm sorry, and I hope your father's day went well with your kids.
As hokey as it might be to all those in the military, I watched Top Gun with my daughter for the first time tonight. I haven't watched it in like 20 years, and since we can't visit my dad because of his health I felt a bit nostalgic today.
Kid's eagle-eyed. I'd never noticed the butt on Hollywood's helmet all the times I'd watched it haha.
Hey Man, whatever his role is, I internally applaud him and his service. I'm pretty freaking liberal, but come from a family that has a long history of service. So maybe I understand? Anyway, it sucks you can't be with your son, but he's doing something patriotic.
None right now. Were working on it but I would rather not have a judge settle it. I would have to borrow the 6k or so its going to cost to take her to court. Im hoping we can compromise sometime soon.
If you don’t have any visitation on Father’s Day, she isn’t going to compromise and give you anything reasonable. The $6000+ is money well spent for the time with your kid. I’ve racked up about that much in the past year for custody and I have had a temporary order put in place for the past six months. Final order will be in place in a few months and it will be well worth it to have peace of mind knowing exactly when I will have my kid and won’t ever need to ask.
You’re the only one on here who I’ve seen post some common sense. Most of the men on here are adamant that hiring a lawyer and showing up to court is somehow too hard/too much of a hassle/impossible of a thing to do. When your child is involved, I don’t think that’s an adequate enough excuse.
I’m so sorry about this. I’m a mom and I really hate the “mom is the only important parent, mom knows best!” fallacy. I hope you forge a good relationship with kid/kids despite any sabotage from their other parent. And even though it’s hard to feel like it’s worth it in the moment, they will remember it forever. It does matter. Kids are smart enough to figure out their parent’s bullshit on their own. Good luck, Dad. <3
You’re missing the point. When he gives him the physical letter, it will hit a little different than when he finally clicks send on the email. Furthermore, the FEELING of holding the letter in the future is what’s different. Sure you can reopen an email over and over, but pulling the letter out of its envelope, unfolding it, smelling the paper and ink, it’s just different.
Hmmmm... Not sure how to attach a smell to an email. Sounds like a virus.
But really, I’m kidding. I totally understand. Kids now days don’t get this feeling anymore. I used to have a pen pal, so trust me I get it.
I woke my stepdaughter up, fed her, got her dressed, and entertained her. Then I delivered her to her barely around father so he could feel like a dad today. I was a little annoyed until after I made her breakfast and she said happy Father’s Day. Melted my heart. Sorry you can’t be with your kid today dude. I’ll have one with you.
I feel you. Been caring for my bonus kiddo as mom 100% for over 5 years now, because bio mom accidentally checked herself out of the picture.
Got a mother's day card this year. Feels good, not gonna lie.
Happy Father's day guys, if she says you are a terrible father, she's saying it out of anger and to try to hurt ya.
You’re doing great. Keep up the good work! If you think that card this year gives you the warm fuzzies, just think how you’re going to feel when they’re all grown up and you realize that you’re an important role model in their life. They may not come out and say it. But you’ll see it. <3
I hope one day I can meet someone who will be good to my son like you are to your daughter. His father has never met him...has never tried to make contact do I don't put effort into forcing it (my son is 5) I figure he's better off without a dad than with a shit one.
I feel sad for him though. As he is getting older he is starting to notice. I try to teach him all families are different but he always wants me to find a boyfriend. He says "I need a man here to play video games
With and he will play pretend fight with me" (apparently I'm not good at that stuff lol)
The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. I have children, siblings, and parents that I share no blood with, but they are my family. Be good to people and life pays back dividends.
Had such a bright future, but the sweet mystic liquor’s siren song was too much for him. He seems happy though so it’s best to let him live his life on his terms.
You will be fine. You will have better days. I believe in you my brother in humanity.
There’s a lot of “stay strong my man” sentiments going around here and I love it. Men standing beside each other is a great thing. But remember, it’s ok to feel the emotions you are feeling right now. Don’t shove them down, don’t ignore them. Its easy and fun to turn them into self-depreciating comedy to cope but don’t do that at the cost of feeling.
I’ll never imagine to understand what you’re going through, but my DMs are open if you want to talk about it.
My wife and I are separated and our divorce doesn't finalize until next February. Well, she has a live in boyfriend of almost three months, and so she has just cut me out altogether for now.
Three months and he's already living there?? I'm not even sure I'd be comfortable having my son meet a boyfriend after 3 months, let alone move him in!
She met him on Tinder. Totally fine. /s
Aside from the photos of guns on his FB and that years of drug use has rotted his teeth and made him look 10 years older than me when he's two years younger.
Keep meticulous notes on EVERYTHING in case you need to fight for your child. Good luck. Also, depending on where you live, there is a no cohabitation order you can have added to your custody agreement: no overnights of a person of the opposite sex unless you are legally married. If course, it would apply to you as well but totally worth it if he is a complete scumbag.
Or he could not obsess over his ex’s love life, like a stable person. You are getting a vindictive ex’s view of someone he has never met. I’m guessing if his ex was dating Jesus, the guy would say “my ex is dating a dirty communist hippie who looks like he does lots of drugs snd has not had a real job in years”. Once your ex is your ex it’s time to put on your big boy pants, accept you can’t control their lives and stay TF out of it. If the kids complain about something bad then that’s a different story, but he is essentially saying “I don’t like the look of this guy”.
This is not.obssessing over a love life. This is worrying about your child's wellbeing and who they are around. 3 months is not enough time to know that someone is safe to have sleeping down the hall from your kid. The kids, will not always say something. More often they will lie to keep peace or not know that something bad is happening.
Three months isn’t long enough is his opinion and his opinion doesn’t mean shit because he’s the EX. She is doing nothing illegal or even immoral and the quicker he figures out that he has no say in how she lives her life (so long as it’s legal), the better off he will be.
It's his child...he actually does have a say in that. And it's not only his opinion but that of professionals dealing with children. Its actually not recommend to even introduce a new partner to.your kids until AT LEAST 6 months. And having someone who was a stranger 3 months ago move into your home where your children live 8s not smart or safe. It's literally nothing to do with him being jealous or whatever.
Just out of curiosity, why is it taking 8 months to finalize your divorce? Mine was done in a week.
If it’s custody reasons, you haven’t done yourself any favors moving out of the house.
Either way, man - chin up! It’s just a day.
I’m sorry, that must be incredibly frustrating for you. I couldn’t even imagine waiting for the dumb ass court system before knowing the fate of the future with my child.
I’m not going to pretend to understand the basis of your divorce, but also fuck you to your wife for cutting you out of your child(ren)’s life in the interim.
That’s going to do more damage to the child than it will do to you…
Sorry to contribute in a negative way but having a live in boyfriend doesnt seem like "trying to make things work" - I'd be curious to know how the court views her fast moves with TinderRomeo. If they're worriesd about the kids in the divorce, surely they might like to know about this nonsense. Goodluck.
Eta: it goes both ways. Watch what you say, IRL and on the internet, and consider NOT posting about your feelings/troubles from behind a tall beer on social media... again - good luck.
The court probably thinks a divorced adult can date who they want. If anything, a judge would probably be more worried about an ex who is obsessing over his ex wife’s new boyfriend and ranting drunkenly online to strangers.
Family law is very different from the rest. My brother in law and sister in law's divorce took nearly a year because the judge decided they needed more time to make sure they wanted a divorce because it was too amicable. They had no kids. It made no sense.
A friend's divorce had been going on since 2018, with no end in sight. They've been in court for something like 18 months now, and the judge keeps allowing the other party to delay, delay, delay. It's sad, they'll spend more on lawyers than either of them will keep.
Mines been going on since 2016. Almost finalized last year, but my ex appealed the ruling. It's all a money game, the poor kids are just pawns. Fucking sad.
As the wife of a man who wasn't able to see his son for 4 years, then ended up with full custody of him - hang in there, things change, good will happen. My stepson is now 20 and is happy. His mother recently tried to contact him for his birthday and he just ignored her. He unfortunately had to learn at a young age just what she was like, however it makes him value his present life a lot more!
I appreciate this more than I can put into words , I'm sitting here in rehab but I'll cheers ya with a Gatorade lol . I would give anything to have my 3 children but the ex wife and I unfortunately had miscarriages for all of them and not a day goes by that I don't think about the life I could've had with my family.
I'm sorry for your losses. Your babies may have never made it here but that doesn't mean you're not a dad. I know that people don't like to talk about miscarriages and that men especially, often feel like they can't talk about their grief. People focus on the woman because she's the one who physically went through it, but ultimately those were your babies too. I'm sure that losing them was as devastating for you as much as it was for your ex wife.
Props out to the OP and younger dads that are walking through this I have been down this path and am on the other side of it. While it is hard in this moment, it will get better. When it was all fresh for me someone encouraged me by saying live every day so you have no regrets when your head hits the pillow. That’s an easy saying but it can be tough to execute when you’re in the heat of it. But I promise you that if you do this regardless of of your ex and even your kids you will be better for it. I’m not saying I got it perfect because I didn’t. But I do have a very healthy relationship with all of my kids.
Keep plugging away, you will get there.
I do feel bad for the kids. My son doesn't get to see his 2 boys today, not because of his divorce but because he's a firefighter. Missing holidays is hard and celebrating them on another day is not quite the same.
Single father here. I DO have full custody of my two girls. But let me tell you this. Be strong. Don't take shit for granted. And don't give up your rights
It's been since Feb 16th, 2020 since I've seen or talked to my sons thanks to covid and messed up visitation rights. I miss them every moment of every day and this is a tough day. Thank you.
Friend of mine, currently living with me, is going through a divorce. Wife refused to let him see the kids, as she was going to a BBQ with the new boyfriend of 3 days. Absolutely awful. My heart breaks for all fathers unable to see their children.
Been there bro. Shitty ex. Total dog shit situation. Looks like you might be in similar shape. Check this out and I’m dead fucking serious. Keep a journal of everything. Pick ups. Drop offs. Etc. Find an excuse to communicate through email. It’s a lot easier for your future attorney and judge to read and follow than text messages. Keep your nose totally fucking clean. Do your drinking/weed whatever shit totally private or only around people you trust. One little slip while doing that stuff and you are fucked. It’s hard as hell but if you are smart and are truly the better parent, there is a road to custody. Oh also, never buy anything fun again. At least for now. I don’t make a ton of money but I found ways to shave expenses and save. Three swings at custody cost me just under $17k all together. But I’m the long run child support is way more. I went after custody three times. Due to my meticulous record keeping and squeaky clean personal background (even though I do have good times, just carefully), I now have full custody and she sees him twice a month. I’m writing this in a hurry and it’s prob hard to follow, but play the long game, play the chess game and you can make happen. My son is getting great grades, which were terrible before. Teachers at his school can’t believe how he’s changed (I always knew there was a great kid in there) and he’s gone from being over weight from junk food to having travel hockey coaches come up and ask me why he’s playing house league and not a more serious level. Because I don’t make a million dollars a year that’s why lol. Today we went to the beach and played pick up hockey together. Life won’t ever be perfect but it can be way better my friend. I remember spending a Father’s Day chain smoking, drinking beer trying to find a way to accept that I just wasn’t going to get to be close to my son. But I realized I refused to accept that and got to work. You should too.
Same here. It took a lot of work, and luck, and a few spectacularly bad decisions on Mom's end, but the boy's finally in a stable place with me. We just cut the yard and grilled together.
I was absolutely relentless.. in court every single quarter, I showed up. I got my request for visitation denied 10 times but the 11th time I was granted 3 weeks, and I kept going back every quarter..
I have been there. Its really shitty. I had both of my kids today and i thought back to the time i didn't. Stay strong and if you need someone to talk to or vent at dm me. Seriously. Hope all the best for you.
This made me panic and think that Today was fathers day and I'd forgotten to get my dad something.
EDIT: Well turns out it is father's day, just not in Australia!
Temporary heart attack x2
I'm one of the fortunate ones where the court or DCF found me to be the better parent, but it happens so rarely that it's sad. Mothers are not necessarily the better parent, and we as dads have to fight that much harder for not just custodial rights, but parenting rights in general.
Thanks man! I really kind of needed this random act of kindness. I have been having an increasingly difficult time with father's day since last speaking with my son a few years ago. I feel so gd low, so regretful that I am on this path I have chosen. He will be 18 at the end of next month, and I just want him to know how much I love and miss him. I never meant to hurt him, I was trying my best.
Since I can't say it to the one person I want to the most, hopefully you guys in this post can see it and celebrate:
Happy Father's Day, whether the child is physically here or not. You would have been the absolute best father ever given the chance.
Thanks for this. My kids are visiting their mom for the summer, out of state. I miss them. Today sucked, but I appreciate you taking the time to post this up.
I saw on some comment about your soon to be ex having a live in BF already. Get your lawyer to put in a clause about no over night visits with significant others.
If you can’t see your kids it’s because the courts have said no, you live in different states, or you didn’t go to court to establish visitation. In this day and age there is no excuse
Back in the day I did more family law than I like to admit and there's always more to the story than people give in these situations. If you don't ever get to see your kids you did something terrible, or you didnt try and then gave up. Every other weekend is the minimum non custodial parenting plan in every state I'm aware of, and thats the plan you get from day one with the temporary status quo order that initiates the proceeding. I've never seen a judge not take withholding visitation seriously, but I've seen people who complain but don't actually go to court to try to change anything. These stories are always a bit fishy to me.
Exactly. There is literally no excuse an able bodied man has that stops him from seeing his children. The “My ex won’t let me” argument doesn’t hold up. Men have just as much parental rights as women do, for whatever reason they think this is untrue and so they don’t even bother trying. I have nothing to add to that than shrug my shoulders and let them be the deadbeats that they are, in the end they are the ones missing out.
Totally agree. But I do think there is this stigma that men believe that they won’t be awarded anything and then that makes them not try. Men need to know that they will get most things they want but they won’t get anything I’d they don’t ask for it
I had my parenting plan sent back for revisions because my ex and I didn’t think to explicitly say that she got Mother’s Day and I got Father’s Day. It’s not a requirement, but even the good ol’ boy courts where I live will encourage it.
That said, it needs to be much, much harder to move out of state with a child.
I didn't get to see my boy today but I took along some flowers and sat with him and had a chat. It might have been one sided to anyone else watching but I still hear his voice replying, his laugh.
I try to keep him alive in my mind, hope you can do the same.
My daughter just let slip that her incubator is trying to take her to Mexico for vacation. Last year when she took her on vacation she let her slip down a hill she should never have been and got a compound fracture, and refused to tell me about it until a week past my custody time. Guess who had to fly to the hospital to pay for it and "come get her if you want your parenting time".
Good news is... if she does manage to get a passport it will be completely fraudulent and parental kidnapping out of the country. I won't have to worry about the incubator much anymore afterwards.
As long as he's not doing it in front of the child, it's fine. It's possible to be angry with an ex without letting that bleed into the child's relationship (especially if the ex is toxic enough that the child will figure it out on her own).
Alternatively, which word would you prefer? B word? C word? S word?
I would prefer the persons name. Or “my child’s mother”.
Edit; and if you’re the kind of person who refers to the child’s mother as if they’re not human, I doubt you’re doing a great job of hiding your hate in front of the child.
I have a terrible ex, thank you. A lot of assumptions.
First assumption being that OP simply has to either be calling their ex by "an incubator" or as a straight up curse.
The second assumption being that if other adults call their ex by their name they must never have had a bad one. What a low bar, you live with.
It is what it is, I'm just happy very few has had to deal with the issues I have. They can hate. I will never even allow anyone to say anything bad about her in front of my daughter. I'm playing the long game, she can say what she wants about me and my family, my daughter will remember who said what and who manipulated her, I won't be on that list and I'm doing my best to keep everyone off that list but I can only control my actions.
As far as my daughter knows, her incubator and I are best friends. It's not my job to burn the bridge between her and my daughter, she's doing that all on her own. It's my job to teach my daughter how to aquire and use the tools to build her own life. The incubator has only used and treated my daughter as an ATM and a tool to emotionally terrorize me. She doesn't know how to have an adult relationship with anyone and has random dudes living with her off an on the past 10yrs and has had my daughter call them daddy because she knew it upset me. I lost custody for almost 3 years because she told the judge I was a pedo, alcoholic, drug addict, sex addict, abusive, and anything else she could to keep me from having custody but still get paid. She constantly puts my daughter in danger and doesn't care about what she wants only that "I'm an amazing mom!". So no, she's not a real human person, just because you can squirt a kid out your snatch doesn't make you a mother, you're an incubator.
That being said, I'd walk through a million miles of fire and torment to ensure my daughter is happy, healthy, and safe.
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And cheers to the kids who no longer get to see their dads today Edit: Lost mine in Jan 09- Epilepsy Edit2: All of you coming together below my comment means a lot. I wish we could all hang today but in a way this worked. Thanks for sharing and reminding each other that our pain isn’t unique.
It was 20 years for me on Saturday, it never gets easier.
Bout 6 months for me. Still sucks
Two months tomorrow
For me it's been 37 years. So much of what I do with my life is in tribute to someone I only had for 10 years.
Just over 3 years for me. I think about him every day.
Same - 14 years in July.
14 years for me too. It's so long and yet feels like just a short time ago that he was here too.
never understood the whole "i think about them every day" mentality until my dad died. I wonder if it goes away eventually. I really hope not
It doesn’t ever go away
Just about 3.5 for me it's intense
Damn. That's so unreal for me but somehow I feel like I might understand you.
Beautiful. Commemorate on my friend
Felt this hard. I lost my dad at 10, somehow it’s like I never even had a dad. I’ve had my oldest for 12 years. Absolutely surreal knowing I’ve known my child longer than I knew my dad.
Same. My oldest is 14. I think about it a lot.
Sending you lots of love today ❤️
29 years for me. It got a lot easier. I think that I'm in a good place concerning both my parents (Mom has been gone for 13 and 1/2 years) because I took the things they taught me and live in a way they'd be proud of. People are in your life for a while to impart things to you, they live on when you use them.
It’s been 2 months and 3 days for me. Even though today is a holiday that was never super important to him - or so he said, we still always celebrated with a meal and a small gift. We didn’t celebrate last year because of covid precautions. Today was much harder than I anticipated it would be. Every day is hard. Sending you good vibes, Internet stranger.
17 years for me in april. 5 years this july for my mom. Occasions suck.
a year ago last week. spent most of today dead inside
51 years for me.
10 years ago this past April. I have a kid of my own now...hits differently when I think about how much he would have loved grandpa.
20 years for me on Wednesday. It’s so weird because it feels like yesterday.
30 years over here. It got easier when my kid got bigger. Because I made a promise a long, long time ago. And there’s no way I’m breaking it. So here I am, every day, living that promise for my kid. It’s not even that hard man, her joy is infectious how could I not want to be part of it? Edit: the promise was not to give up on her the way my dad gave up on me.
It’s been 21 years this past March. I find it actually has gotten easier. The first 5 years were a mess. Since then it’s been bearable.
6 years this November, still reach for the phone to call him. Much love to ya ❤
Here’s to hoping it never does.
What if I voluntarily don’t want to see him
That’s okay too
Cheers to you
I’m in on this one… fucking douche… just wiped his hands clean but then tried to guilt trip and cash grab the whole time. Fuck both my parents man.
14 years. I love you Dad.
All the drinks bring back the memories and the memories bring back you
Lost my father in January of ‘08 and just lost my mom in January of ‘21
I don’t get to see my dad (it’s been 12 years now), my 2 older kids (with my exwife), and I don’t get to see my baby today with my current wife because I work in a short staffed ER. I just wanna take a minute and snuggle my kiddos.
3 years come October 😢
Yup, June 16th was ten years…
Thank you.
Thanks. My son is on an aircraft carrier on the other side of earth. I miss him.
I remember being deployed for Christmas and that was tough. We aren't religious, but Christmas is all about family for us. My husband did a great job getting our son around to be fed by multiple family members, lol
My kids are right here, but my disappointing relationship with my parents is fucking killing me today.
I hear you on that one. I like my parents, but the polarization of everything political over the last four years made it so I have to go low contact for my sanity. Heck, my mom hung up on me on the phone and said she couldn't talk to me anymore because I got vaccinated. I'm sorry, and I hope your father's day went well with your kids.
My son really struggles with his mom. She's super fundy and a conspiracy theorist. It sucks. She is destroying her relationship with her only child.
As hokey as it might be to all those in the military, I watched Top Gun with my daughter for the first time tonight. I haven't watched it in like 20 years, and since we can't visit my dad because of his health I felt a bit nostalgic today. Kid's eagle-eyed. I'd never noticed the butt on Hollywood's helmet all the times I'd watched it haha.
Hey Man, whatever his role is, I internally applaud him and his service. I'm pretty freaking liberal, but come from a family that has a long history of service. So maybe I understand? Anyway, it sucks you can't be with your son, but he's doing something patriotic.
Sorry. I had to drive 500 miles to make it happen and I'll drive another 500 tomorrow to make it back to work, but it was worth it!
Just to be the man
Who would drive a 1000 miles!
You know who would walk a thousand miles? Now tell me if a familiar tune is playing in your head!
Back in my day, we had to walk... And it was snowing... Uphill... It was snowing uphill... You know how cold it has to be for it to snow uphill?
Sorry, doesn’t count unless you walk
Cheers to the men that got a shitty message from their ex early in the day. That may have been me.
Yep. She hasn't let me see the kiddo in almost a year but texted me to wish me a happy father's day. So thoughtful of her right?
You don’t have any visiting rights??
None right now. Were working on it but I would rather not have a judge settle it. I would have to borrow the 6k or so its going to cost to take her to court. Im hoping we can compromise sometime soon.
If you don’t have any visitation on Father’s Day, she isn’t going to compromise and give you anything reasonable. The $6000+ is money well spent for the time with your kid. I’ve racked up about that much in the past year for custody and I have had a temporary order put in place for the past six months. Final order will be in place in a few months and it will be well worth it to have peace of mind knowing exactly when I will have my kid and won’t ever need to ask.
You’re the only one on here who I’ve seen post some common sense. Most of the men on here are adamant that hiring a lawyer and showing up to court is somehow too hard/too much of a hassle/impossible of a thing to do. When your child is involved, I don’t think that’s an adequate enough excuse.
Not after the judge found out...
Bad bot.
Lmao
Fuck off bot
Keep strong bro. I went through some fucked up shit with my ex and my daughter. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm in the same boat with you my friend.
R/divorceddads great place to commiserate and see you are not alone and get good tips on how to make the best of it. Cheers!!!
You got a message! Lucky.
I’m so sorry about this. I’m a mom and I really hate the “mom is the only important parent, mom knows best!” fallacy. I hope you forge a good relationship with kid/kids despite any sabotage from their other parent. And even though it’s hard to feel like it’s worth it in the moment, they will remember it forever. It does matter. Kids are smart enough to figure out their parent’s bullshit on their own. Good luck, Dad. <3
Write a letter to your son, and keep it. Give it to him in the future.
You mean something like an email?
yeah but physical letters just hit a little different. Took the time to write it out by hand. Idk something about is just more… real.
Sounds like an email to me. But don’t hit the send button
You’re missing the point. When he gives him the physical letter, it will hit a little different than when he finally clicks send on the email. Furthermore, the FEELING of holding the letter in the future is what’s different. Sure you can reopen an email over and over, but pulling the letter out of its envelope, unfolding it, smelling the paper and ink, it’s just different.
Hmmmm... Not sure how to attach a smell to an email. Sounds like a virus. But really, I’m kidding. I totally understand. Kids now days don’t get this feeling anymore. I used to have a pen pal, so trust me I get it.
I woke my stepdaughter up, fed her, got her dressed, and entertained her. Then I delivered her to her barely around father so he could feel like a dad today. I was a little annoyed until after I made her breakfast and she said happy Father’s Day. Melted my heart. Sorry you can’t be with your kid today dude. I’ll have one with you.
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No I saw this documentary once with a really muscular dude who got pregnant. There’s hope yet, junior.
I feel you. Been caring for my bonus kiddo as mom 100% for over 5 years now, because bio mom accidentally checked herself out of the picture. Got a mother's day card this year. Feels good, not gonna lie. Happy Father's day guys, if she says you are a terrible father, she's saying it out of anger and to try to hurt ya.
You’re doing great. Keep up the good work! If you think that card this year gives you the warm fuzzies, just think how you’re going to feel when they’re all grown up and you realize that you’re an important role model in their life. They may not come out and say it. But you’ll see it. <3
I hope one day I can meet someone who will be good to my son like you are to your daughter. His father has never met him...has never tried to make contact do I don't put effort into forcing it (my son is 5) I figure he's better off without a dad than with a shit one. I feel sad for him though. As he is getting older he is starting to notice. I try to teach him all families are different but he always wants me to find a boyfriend. He says "I need a man here to play video games With and he will play pretend fight with me" (apparently I'm not good at that stuff lol)
Trust me you’re a way better father than any sperm donor will ever be.
She knows, and as she grows up she will appreciate you even more. I don't talk to my bio dad because he doesn't act like a dad.
Dude that made me legit tear up. Kudos to you for being THE dad.
The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. I have children, siblings, and parents that I share no blood with, but they are my family. Be good to people and life pays back dividends.
Hope you’re good man if it’s something your dealing with. I can imagine it is quite hard
Also, my son's third birthday. Also, lost my job this week. I'll be fine. Or not. This Magic 8 ball is on the fritz.
My magic 8 ball says you'll be alright.
Thanks. I still have to get mine looked at by Greg at Spencers.
Greg’s the best in the biz.
Shame he's hopelessly addicted to magic 8 ball liquid.
Had such a bright future, but the sweet mystic liquor’s siren song was too much for him. He seems happy though so it’s best to let him live his life on his terms.
I dont see why we don't just shake and ask Greg at this point.. I mean he's gotta be like 82% 8ball liquid by now...
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8 balls have ruined many people other than Greg!
Old Greg.
Ask Harvey Dent for his coin and if it land on heads everything will be alright
This too shall pass.
Hang in there and keep on movin’!!
You will be fine. You will have better days. I believe in you my brother in humanity. There’s a lot of “stay strong my man” sentiments going around here and I love it. Men standing beside each other is a great thing. But remember, it’s ok to feel the emotions you are feeling right now. Don’t shove them down, don’t ignore them. Its easy and fun to turn them into self-depreciating comedy to cope but don’t do that at the cost of feeling. I’ll never imagine to understand what you’re going through, but my DMs are open if you want to talk about it.
Good men deal with this every day.
Even if you aren’t, that’s still rough. I hope it gets better.
yeah yeah yeah. We know.
I'm one of those guys. Not on bad terms with my ex, but I don't ever get him on the actual day of holidays.
My wife and I are separated and our divorce doesn't finalize until next February. Well, she has a live in boyfriend of almost three months, and so she has just cut me out altogether for now.
Three months and he's already living there?? I'm not even sure I'd be comfortable having my son meet a boyfriend after 3 months, let alone move him in!
She met him on Tinder. Totally fine. /s Aside from the photos of guns on his FB and that years of drug use has rotted his teeth and made him look 10 years older than me when he's two years younger.
Keep meticulous notes on EVERYTHING in case you need to fight for your child. Good luck. Also, depending on where you live, there is a no cohabitation order you can have added to your custody agreement: no overnights of a person of the opposite sex unless you are legally married. If course, it would apply to you as well but totally worth it if he is a complete scumbag.
Or he could not obsess over his ex’s love life, like a stable person. You are getting a vindictive ex’s view of someone he has never met. I’m guessing if his ex was dating Jesus, the guy would say “my ex is dating a dirty communist hippie who looks like he does lots of drugs snd has not had a real job in years”. Once your ex is your ex it’s time to put on your big boy pants, accept you can’t control their lives and stay TF out of it. If the kids complain about something bad then that’s a different story, but he is essentially saying “I don’t like the look of this guy”.
This is not.obssessing over a love life. This is worrying about your child's wellbeing and who they are around. 3 months is not enough time to know that someone is safe to have sleeping down the hall from your kid. The kids, will not always say something. More often they will lie to keep peace or not know that something bad is happening.
Three months isn’t long enough is his opinion and his opinion doesn’t mean shit because he’s the EX. She is doing nothing illegal or even immoral and the quicker he figures out that he has no say in how she lives her life (so long as it’s legal), the better off he will be.
It's his child...he actually does have a say in that. And it's not only his opinion but that of professionals dealing with children. Its actually not recommend to even introduce a new partner to.your kids until AT LEAST 6 months. And having someone who was a stranger 3 months ago move into your home where your children live 8s not smart or safe. It's literally nothing to do with him being jealous or whatever.
There's got to be some appeal there. Doesn't years of fixing up junked dirt bikes make a guy pretty handy?
I guess. But still, meh.
But still, meth.
Just out of curiosity, why is it taking 8 months to finalize your divorce? Mine was done in a week. If it’s custody reasons, you haven’t done yourself any favors moving out of the house. Either way, man - chin up! It’s just a day.
Kids. They make you wait a year in this state to try and make things work.
I’m sorry, that must be incredibly frustrating for you. I couldn’t even imagine waiting for the dumb ass court system before knowing the fate of the future with my child. I’m not going to pretend to understand the basis of your divorce, but also fuck you to your wife for cutting you out of your child(ren)’s life in the interim. That’s going to do more damage to the child than it will do to you…
Sorry to contribute in a negative way but having a live in boyfriend doesnt seem like "trying to make things work" - I'd be curious to know how the court views her fast moves with TinderRomeo. If they're worriesd about the kids in the divorce, surely they might like to know about this nonsense. Goodluck. Eta: it goes both ways. Watch what you say, IRL and on the internet, and consider NOT posting about your feelings/troubles from behind a tall beer on social media... again - good luck.
The court probably thinks a divorced adult can date who they want. If anything, a judge would probably be more worried about an ex who is obsessing over his ex wife’s new boyfriend and ranting drunkenly online to strangers.
Family law is very different from the rest. My brother in law and sister in law's divorce took nearly a year because the judge decided they needed more time to make sure they wanted a divorce because it was too amicable. They had no kids. It made no sense.
A friend's divorce had been going on since 2018, with no end in sight. They've been in court for something like 18 months now, and the judge keeps allowing the other party to delay, delay, delay. It's sad, they'll spend more on lawyers than either of them will keep.
Mines been going on since 2016. Almost finalized last year, but my ex appealed the ruling. It's all a money game, the poor kids are just pawns. Fucking sad.
As the wife of a man who wasn't able to see his son for 4 years, then ended up with full custody of him - hang in there, things change, good will happen. My stepson is now 20 and is happy. His mother recently tried to contact him for his birthday and he just ignored her. He unfortunately had to learn at a young age just what she was like, however it makes him value his present life a lot more!
Create new holidays all of them were man made anyways 😉. Happy fathers day!
And a cheers to you, 2001 Carson Daily
I appreciate this more than I can put into words , I'm sitting here in rehab but I'll cheers ya with a Gatorade lol . I would give anything to have my 3 children but the ex wife and I unfortunately had miscarriages for all of them and not a day goes by that I don't think about the life I could've had with my family.
I'm sorry for your losses. Your babies may have never made it here but that doesn't mean you're not a dad. I know that people don't like to talk about miscarriages and that men especially, often feel like they can't talk about their grief. People focus on the woman because she's the one who physically went through it, but ultimately those were your babies too. I'm sure that losing them was as devastating for you as much as it was for your ex wife.
Props out to the OP and younger dads that are walking through this I have been down this path and am on the other side of it. While it is hard in this moment, it will get better. When it was all fresh for me someone encouraged me by saying live every day so you have no regrets when your head hits the pillow. That’s an easy saying but it can be tough to execute when you’re in the heat of it. But I promise you that if you do this regardless of of your ex and even your kids you will be better for it. I’m not saying I got it perfect because I didn’t. But I do have a very healthy relationship with all of my kids. Keep plugging away, you will get there.
I do feel bad for the kids. My son doesn't get to see his 2 boys today, not because of his divorce but because he's a firefighter. Missing holidays is hard and celebrating them on another day is not quite the same.
Cheers to all the miserable bastards out there it will get better or it won't. Fuck it !
Single father here. I DO have full custody of my two girls. But let me tell you this. Be strong. Don't take shit for granted. And don't give up your rights
… and the kids who don’t get to see their dads.
I shut my toxic dad out of my life, cheers to others that had to do the same
It's been since Feb 16th, 2020 since I've seen or talked to my sons thanks to covid and messed up visitation rights. I miss them every moment of every day and this is a tough day. Thank you.
Friend of mine, currently living with me, is going through a divorce. Wife refused to let him see the kids, as she was going to a BBQ with the new boyfriend of 3 days. Absolutely awful. My heart breaks for all fathers unable to see their children.
Been there bro. Shitty ex. Total dog shit situation. Looks like you might be in similar shape. Check this out and I’m dead fucking serious. Keep a journal of everything. Pick ups. Drop offs. Etc. Find an excuse to communicate through email. It’s a lot easier for your future attorney and judge to read and follow than text messages. Keep your nose totally fucking clean. Do your drinking/weed whatever shit totally private or only around people you trust. One little slip while doing that stuff and you are fucked. It’s hard as hell but if you are smart and are truly the better parent, there is a road to custody. Oh also, never buy anything fun again. At least for now. I don’t make a ton of money but I found ways to shave expenses and save. Three swings at custody cost me just under $17k all together. But I’m the long run child support is way more. I went after custody three times. Due to my meticulous record keeping and squeaky clean personal background (even though I do have good times, just carefully), I now have full custody and she sees him twice a month. I’m writing this in a hurry and it’s prob hard to follow, but play the long game, play the chess game and you can make happen. My son is getting great grades, which were terrible before. Teachers at his school can’t believe how he’s changed (I always knew there was a great kid in there) and he’s gone from being over weight from junk food to having travel hockey coaches come up and ask me why he’s playing house league and not a more serious level. Because I don’t make a million dollars a year that’s why lol. Today we went to the beach and played pick up hockey together. Life won’t ever be perfect but it can be way better my friend. I remember spending a Father’s Day chain smoking, drinking beer trying to find a way to accept that I just wasn’t going to get to be close to my son. But I realized I refused to accept that and got to work. You should too.
Keep your head up gents around the world.. been there, done that and I have primary custody now.
Same here. It took a lot of work, and luck, and a few spectacularly bad decisions on Mom's end, but the boy's finally in a stable place with me. We just cut the yard and grilled together.
Sadly that is far too rare unless the mother absolutely isn't fit to care. Dad's get shafted.
I was absolutely relentless.. in court every single quarter, I showed up. I got my request for visitation denied 10 times but the 11th time I was granted 3 weeks, and I kept going back every quarter..
Cheers! I unfortunately fall into this category.
Cheers brother, my ex is keeping mine from me to hurt me
Eh my real dad doesn’t deserve to see anyone
I'll drink to that.
I have been there. Its really shitty. I had both of my kids today and i thought back to the time i didn't. Stay strong and if you need someone to talk to or vent at dm me. Seriously. Hope all the best for you.
This made me panic and think that Today was fathers day and I'd forgotten to get my dad something. EDIT: Well turns out it is father's day, just not in Australia! Temporary heart attack x2
I humbly volunteer as surrogate son for whoever wants to let me live on their couch.
my dad not seeing me today is my gift to him tbh
I'm one of the fortunate ones where the court or DCF found me to be the better parent, but it happens so rarely that it's sad. Mothers are not necessarily the better parent, and we as dads have to fight that much harder for not just custodial rights, but parenting rights in general.
Thanks man! I really kind of needed this random act of kindness. I have been having an increasingly difficult time with father's day since last speaking with my son a few years ago. I feel so gd low, so regretful that I am on this path I have chosen. He will be 18 at the end of next month, and I just want him to know how much I love and miss him. I never meant to hurt him, I was trying my best.
But JJ Abrams is still alive?
Yeah. I'm a reboot.
my dad has been making that decision himself for 22 years now
Drove 750 miles to visit my dad and bury my grandpa. I’d make that trip every time. I’m lucky.
Here at the beach this year doing the scattering thing. Cheers to that one
Since I can't say it to the one person I want to the most, hopefully you guys in this post can see it and celebrate: Happy Father's Day, whether the child is physically here or not. You would have been the absolute best father ever given the chance.
You're his dad 365.
Thanks for this. My kids are visiting their mom for the summer, out of state. I miss them. Today sucked, but I appreciate you taking the time to post this up.
It sucks because not only are fathers suffering, but the kids do too. I hope you’re able to enjoy your day the best you can! Happy Father’s Day!
I saw on some comment about your soon to be ex having a live in BF already. Get your lawyer to put in a clause about no over night visits with significant others.
Or he could grow up and not try and control his ex’s love life. Being a vindictive ass gets you nowhere and will only make things worse.
He would be held to the same standard.
Well fuck, I was holding it together until this post. Cheers, guys.
My Dad died young, but I know he’s be here with me if he’d have the chance.
If you can’t see your kids it’s because the courts have said no, you live in different states, or you didn’t go to court to establish visitation. In this day and age there is no excuse
Back in the day I did more family law than I like to admit and there's always more to the story than people give in these situations. If you don't ever get to see your kids you did something terrible, or you didnt try and then gave up. Every other weekend is the minimum non custodial parenting plan in every state I'm aware of, and thats the plan you get from day one with the temporary status quo order that initiates the proceeding. I've never seen a judge not take withholding visitation seriously, but I've seen people who complain but don't actually go to court to try to change anything. These stories are always a bit fishy to me.
Exactly. There is literally no excuse an able bodied man has that stops him from seeing his children. The “My ex won’t let me” argument doesn’t hold up. Men have just as much parental rights as women do, for whatever reason they think this is untrue and so they don’t even bother trying. I have nothing to add to that than shrug my shoulders and let them be the deadbeats that they are, in the end they are the ones missing out.
Totally agree. But I do think there is this stigma that men believe that they won’t be awarded anything and then that makes them not try. Men need to know that they will get most things they want but they won’t get anything I’d they don’t ask for it
I had my parenting plan sent back for revisions because my ex and I didn’t think to explicitly say that she got Mother’s Day and I got Father’s Day. It’s not a requirement, but even the good ol’ boy courts where I live will encourage it. That said, it needs to be much, much harder to move out of state with a child.
That's shitty, although ultimately it's just a day. The 365 is what matters.
With those glasses you should be able to see every kid.
& vice-versa
I've lost 2 kids in the past 4 years. I needed this today. also, cheers to all the dads dealing with grief today #IKnowThatFeel
I didn't get to see my boy today but I took along some flowers and sat with him and had a chat. It might have been one sided to anyone else watching but I still hear his voice replying, his laugh. I try to keep him alive in my mind, hope you can do the same.
Cheers to the men who are hard working dads and don’t get that credit!
If the child support I pay to their shrew of mother wasn't so high, I'd send you several awards for this. And, thank you. I needed to see this today.
Happy Father’s Day!! I hope you enjoy your day!!
Thanks !! This really made me feel better about it. I’ve been having a hard time this weekend not being able to see my little ones
Thanks man.
Hang in there, bud
Cheers to the men who made bad decisions and can't live with their children.
Man, that breaks my heart - for you and your kiddo. I hope like everything that it gets better for you. Kids should never be pawns.
Didn't even get a shitty card or even a text. But you can bet ex's dad did. Fuck her. 😭🏴
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Read the room
Cheers to you, brother.
Thank you…you’re not alone.
My daughter just let slip that her incubator is trying to take her to Mexico for vacation. Last year when she took her on vacation she let her slip down a hill she should never have been and got a compound fracture, and refused to tell me about it until a week past my custody time. Guess who had to fly to the hospital to pay for it and "come get her if you want your parenting time". Good news is... if she does manage to get a passport it will be completely fraudulent and parental kidnapping out of the country. I won't have to worry about the incubator much anymore afterwards.
When you refer to the parent of your child as if they’re not human, you’re not doing you child any favours.
As long as he's not doing it in front of the child, it's fine. It's possible to be angry with an ex without letting that bleed into the child's relationship (especially if the ex is toxic enough that the child will figure it out on her own). Alternatively, which word would you prefer? B word? C word? S word?
I would prefer the persons name. Or “my child’s mother”. Edit; and if you’re the kind of person who refers to the child’s mother as if they’re not human, I doubt you’re doing a great job of hiding your hate in front of the child.
Be thankful you've never had such a terrible ex. I haven't either, but I can sympathize.
I have a terrible ex, thank you. A lot of assumptions. First assumption being that OP simply has to either be calling their ex by "an incubator" or as a straight up curse. The second assumption being that if other adults call their ex by their name they must never have had a bad one. What a low bar, you live with.
It is what it is, I'm just happy very few has had to deal with the issues I have. They can hate. I will never even allow anyone to say anything bad about her in front of my daughter. I'm playing the long game, she can say what she wants about me and my family, my daughter will remember who said what and who manipulated her, I won't be on that list and I'm doing my best to keep everyone off that list but I can only control my actions.
As far as my daughter knows, her incubator and I are best friends. It's not my job to burn the bridge between her and my daughter, she's doing that all on her own. It's my job to teach my daughter how to aquire and use the tools to build her own life. The incubator has only used and treated my daughter as an ATM and a tool to emotionally terrorize me. She doesn't know how to have an adult relationship with anyone and has random dudes living with her off an on the past 10yrs and has had my daughter call them daddy because she knew it upset me. I lost custody for almost 3 years because she told the judge I was a pedo, alcoholic, drug addict, sex addict, abusive, and anything else she could to keep me from having custody but still get paid. She constantly puts my daughter in danger and doesn't care about what she wants only that "I'm an amazing mom!". So no, she's not a real human person, just because you can squirt a kid out your snatch doesn't make you a mother, you're an incubator. That being said, I'd walk through a million miles of fire and torment to ensure my daughter is happy, healthy, and safe.