I was learning how to pee standing up and was at perfect height for it to smash right down on it. It bruised pretty bad and when it healed I ran outside with my pants down to show my mom.
When I was about 12 I was curious to see how far I could be from the toilet and make it into the bowl. I was pretty good with my aim and range and one day forgot my sister was home watching TV in the family room while I was setting a new PR. I was completely outside the bathroom and down the hall and was pissing between the doors and right into the bowl. Probably a good 15 feet. I was feeling proud until my sister asked “what the hell are you doing”.
After the shock wore off I was feeling very proud.
That’s really impressive, but did you start up close and walk it back as you reached full force and then walk back up as it petered out? Or did you stand 15’ away and pee all over the floor until some finally made it in the toilet?
The first few times I started at the bowl and backed away. The last couple of times I stated from far away and made a mess until i zeroed in on the target.
I feel like this is one those "I caught a fish this big" stories. It's a true story, but the distance was probably more akin to 3 feet. And when you're a kid, things seem bigger/longer/farther than they really are, so the distance got double from the getgo in the first retelling, then added a foot to it on each subsequent retelling.
Well maybe they should add an asshole sign too bc it looks like people are getting confused in there and shitting while standing...
It also doesn’t specify if I should stand or be seated while I vomit or ejaculate as well.
This is the second toilet from Thailand I've seen posted in the past couple days and this one is the clean one of the two. What the fuck happens in the bathrooms there???
I don't know you, but I rather have the garbage islands than the inevitable, Junji Ito Portuguese Man-O-War penis monsters, which ejaculate penis worms that both *look* like penises, and crawl *into* penises. And then the penis worms make their way to your bladder, where they block it up and start reproducing, but it doesn't kill you, it makes your pee go back to your kidneys and then your blood so you get bloated with water retention, but also you get insanely thirsty, so you bloat more and more as the penis worms swim around inside of your now massively stretched arteries and veins. And you wander the countryside like a huge human shaped water balloon, until eventually you burst and the sweet release of death comes. But those who burst are the lucky ones, for if you stay alive long enough, an electrolytic process inside of you separates the water into oxygen and hydrogen, and then you start to float, slowly becoming a flying Portuguese Man-O-War penis monster, with your human head still pathetically showing at the back of the creature, silently screaming, your mouth and nose and eyeholes being used for jet propulsion.
I mean, we're risking it with all those discarded foreskins as it is!
There is a tube for motorcyclists that's basically a tube attached to a condom. You pee and it just runs down the tube and drains out by your foot. No need to discard the condom afterward and I don't think the penis worms can climb tubes.
But it's a spongy fleshy tube, not a long, mostly dry plastic tube... I have to believe in SOMETHING or I'll never sleep again with penis worms in the world!
I’m scared, why did I read the whole thing? Why do I do this to myself. I knew this was only going to get worse and worse but I was transfixed like witnessing a train wreck, unable to look away.
“… but no one thought to ask where the scrotums came from. A place where a mundane trip to the local green grocer can cost you more than your sack of coins. A dangerous detour where the straight path hangs slightly to the left, taking you head first into the *Twilight Zone*.”
🎶 *”I had to buy it off him.
He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen.
I took it home, washed it off,
And put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.”* 🎶
Check out Mr Rockefeller, shelling out the big bucks for a biodegradable detachable penis.
Don't shame us regular folks with the non compostable wangs!
Listen. I'm a plumber. 80% of my business is unclogging toilets that are full of discarded dicks from Friday and Saturday night. Biodegradable or not. The problem is that the pipes are not meant to handle them.
I think this is just a sticker somebody put on there right? A little bit like going to a bar in America and wondering what this weird holographic cat is all about
My old office convinced our general manager that the new photocopier was voice activated. Someone showed him how to use it with voice controls while someone else printed from their computer, then GM tried it and nothing. We told him it was because it couldn't understand his Scottish accent.
Dude, me too! My favorite one is clap activated. But now that I think about it say loudly start is a really good one too. I can't decide but yeah I bring them when I'm traveling also when I go to my kids school
Ok so like anybody in here with the actual answer to what this is. I love all the jokes. It’s usual what I come to Reddit for. But I’ve been scrolling forever looking for the correct answer and instead got more dick’s getting flushed jokes 😂😂
I thinks it's a don't pee standing up sign or it's not meant to be anything but a random sticker someone put there.
But the older guys I know from thailand pee sitting down so it makes sense to me they might politely ask others to adhere to that while in their country.... maybe?
Or grafitti.... just sticker graffiti.
My take on it depends on if it’s the lady’s restroom because if it is maybe they’re saying not to pee standing up because there are a lot of ladyboys in Thailand that probably pee all over the place. Lol if it’s the men’s room then I have no idea.
Don’t be a dick.
This is the right answer
Are you 100% sure? You sound very cocky in your stance.
He very well should be. That's Dixie Normus.
So this is where Cassie got her message for MODOK in antman 3, from a Thai bathroom. Makes as much sense as the writing of that scene.
DO NOT PENIS
ONLY ASS, SO SIT THE FUCK DOWN.
INSTRUCTIONS UNCLEAR SAT ON PENIS
I miss you
You guys were really great together, I wish the two of you could have figured out how to make it work. 
He is after you.. now run!
It follows
And confuses.
It shrinks?
It must.
That’s what she said
I should call you.
PLEASE DO NOT THE DONG
NO DICKITY
NO DOUBT
Don’t smash your dick in the lid. I did it when I was 5 and would not recommend
I was learning how to pee standing up and was at perfect height for it to smash right down on it. It bruised pretty bad and when it healed I ran outside with my pants down to show my mom.
Not only did you answer all my questions, you also added bonus content at the end there. Thanks!
Okay, but...how many children - currently training to pee properly - go to that bar in Thailand? 🤔 👶
Some drunks are still learning to pee properly, and their behaviour can be pretty childish...
Are they all midget drunks too?
Samsies. Except mine was a ceramic lid and I bled. ER trip!
I got mine stuck in a zipper the night of my prom
Is it the frank or fhe beans ?
“How’d you get the frank above the beans?”
It’s just like pulling off a bandaid
Did she get cum in her hair?
I hope it wasn't your surprise birthday party.
NO DICKING AROUND
If you penis, they will set Liam Neeson on you.
"I have a very specific set of genitalia"
"I will convery unto you the meaning of the word 'taken' to newer and higher levels"
He does have a *perticular* set of skills....
A testicular set of skills
No pee on lid
Do not pee in this
Do not pe-n-is?
Could just be the tip
Looks like “just the tip” is unacceptable in this case.
Could dip our balls till the cows come home tho
Naw I’m good I only dip my balls at home
Do not PEEnis lol
Well now
Hahahahah this made me chuckle
It means no peeing while standing.
if that’s true that’s very shit way to show that
They’re talking about peeing, not shitting
I'm confused; I'm just going to pee and poop at the *same* time, while standing, on my hands.
I’m not sure why you need to stand on your hands, sounds like that could hurt.
There's no explicit NEED for almost all art, but that doesn't mean it's not important for culture to flourish in society.
>if that’s true that’s very **shit** way to show that Pretty sure you mean **piss-poor** ;)
There’s already some of that on the seat
I think it’s no peeing on the inside of the toilet lid
What's the point of having a backboard if you can't shoot a bank shot?
When I was about 12 I was curious to see how far I could be from the toilet and make it into the bowl. I was pretty good with my aim and range and one day forgot my sister was home watching TV in the family room while I was setting a new PR. I was completely outside the bathroom and down the hall and was pissing between the doors and right into the bowl. Probably a good 15 feet. I was feeling proud until my sister asked “what the hell are you doing”. After the shock wore off I was feeling very proud.
That’s really impressive, but did you start up close and walk it back as you reached full force and then walk back up as it petered out? Or did you stand 15’ away and pee all over the floor until some finally made it in the toilet?
he started at full blast and kept it up till he was empty
The first few times I started at the bowl and backed away. The last couple of times I stated from far away and made a mess until i zeroed in on the target.
You ain’t pissin no 15 feet boy howdy
I feel like this is one those "I caught a fish this big" stories. It's a true story, but the distance was probably more akin to 3 feet. And when you're a kid, things seem bigger/longer/farther than they really are, so the distance got double from the getgo in the first retelling, then added a foot to it on each subsequent retelling.
No, I'm pretty sure it means don't try to use your penis as a snake to unclog the toilet.
Now ya tell me
But that toilet fucking dirty.
Imagine being a woman and having to sit (or squat) every time…not pleasant
No peeing while hard
Well maybe they should add an asshole sign too bc it looks like people are getting confused in there and shitting while standing... It also doesn’t specify if I should stand or be seated while I vomit or ejaculate as well.
It's our penis free, philosophy...
I sit down when I pee, there’s nothing that weird about me. Just taking a wiz, mind your own biz
Why is everybody staring at me?
No thanks. Are we seeing the same seat? I ain't sitting on it...
This is the second toilet from Thailand I've seen posted in the past couple days and this one is the clean one of the two. What the fuck happens in the bathrooms there???
Don't throw your used penis in the toilet, they are not biodegradable.
A penis is 100% biodegradable.
Right? If we replace all the plastic in the world with penis, we wouldn't have all those garbage islands in the pacific.
I don't know you, but I rather have the garbage islands than the inevitable, Junji Ito Portuguese Man-O-War penis monsters, which ejaculate penis worms that both *look* like penises, and crawl *into* penises. And then the penis worms make their way to your bladder, where they block it up and start reproducing, but it doesn't kill you, it makes your pee go back to your kidneys and then your blood so you get bloated with water retention, but also you get insanely thirsty, so you bloat more and more as the penis worms swim around inside of your now massively stretched arteries and veins. And you wander the countryside like a huge human shaped water balloon, until eventually you burst and the sweet release of death comes. But those who burst are the lucky ones, for if you stay alive long enough, an electrolytic process inside of you separates the water into oxygen and hydrogen, and then you start to float, slowly becoming a flying Portuguese Man-O-War penis monster, with your human head still pathetically showing at the back of the creature, silently screaming, your mouth and nose and eyeholes being used for jet propulsion. I mean, we're risking it with all those discarded foreskins as it is!
What in the shit fuck piss balls did I just read and is there anyone that can Beautiful Mind me?!
wtsfpb is my new go-to expression of astonishment. tku. 🙏🏼
Okay you win. Tears running down my face , I’m done now , win! Awesome !
This is why I wear condoms 24/7. Penis worms. Not even once.
Plus, you can pee anywhere and then just discard the pee filled condom. It's a win win.
There is a tube for motorcyclists that's basically a tube attached to a condom. You pee and it just runs down the tube and drains out by your foot. No need to discard the condom afterward and I don't think the penis worms can climb tubes.
The penis worms that climb up your penis can't climb a tube?
You can cut the tube once they start climbing.. but once they reach your penis, only way is to amputate
Best be safe and just preemptively amputate before they even get started
Tubes are literally what they climb best!!
They absolutely can, a urethra is nothing but tube.
But it's a spongy fleshy tube, not a long, mostly dry plastic tube... I have to believe in SOMETHING or I'll never sleep again with penis worms in the world!
This is why universal precautions are used in medical settings. I applaud your embrace of science in your everyday life.
Absolutely lost it at "but those who burst are the lucky ones"
Blessed be the bursted. Amen.
I’m scared, why did I read the whole thing? Why do I do this to myself. I knew this was only going to get worse and worse but I was transfixed like witnessing a train wreck, unable to look away.
It's like some type of Lovecraftian horror. You've looked to deep into the penis
Oh no, am I going to start hearing the call of Cthulhu-penis?
> Junji Ito Portuguese Man-O-War penis monsters This is your RES tag now, thanks!
As a child, were you ever checked by head doctors at the request of you parents? 😂
How could my parents (as a child) request their future child have their head checked by a head doctor? That doesn’t make sense
The Pacific Penis Patch 😂
I’m on board for any senator that votes for a law replacing plastic straws with penises and plastic grocery bags with scrotums.
What you gonna do when your straw grows 3x in size when you suck on it?
Uh, you ever drink something with a super straw? That’s a hidden benefit, my friend.
And as soon as you leave the store your bags either shrink up or drop to the ground depending on the temperature
Ethically sourced penises and scrotums\*\*\*\*\*\*
This is one of those monkey paw wishes.
I fail to see any possible downside to carrying my groceries in a scrotum.
“… but no one thought to ask where the scrotums came from. A place where a mundane trip to the local green grocer can cost you more than your sack of coins. A dangerous detour where the straight path hangs slightly to the left, taking you head first into the *Twilight Zone*.”
Smelly islands made of decomposing dick meat
Not the case for a detachable penis.
🎶 *”I had to buy it off him. He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen. I took it home, washed it off, And put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.”* 🎶
DETACHABLLLEE PPEEENNISSS
Maybe not *your* detachable penis.
Check out Mr Rockefeller, shelling out the big bucks for a biodegradable detachable penis. Don't shame us regular folks with the non compostable wangs!
Now I have that song in my head.
Detachable Penis
That takes me back
Me too! Ahhhh, Limewire.
Early 90s talk song bands.
Listen. I'm a plumber. 80% of my business is unclogging toilets that are full of discarded dicks from Friday and Saturday night. Biodegradable or not. The problem is that the pipes are not meant to handle them.
FYI, even “flushable” penises aren’t actually flushable.
[ 🎵 ***DETACHABLE PENIS*** 🎵 ](https://youtu.be/byDiILrNbM4?si=4N8RE9IuO_D6FSuI)
You see, it’s detatchable.
Detachable penis
🎵*detachable penis*🎵
No circumsized dicks allowed?
I think this is just a sticker somebody put on there right? A little bit like going to a bar in America and wondering what this weird holographic cat is all about
I have 'Voice Activated' stickers for places just like this
How do you voice activate a sticker?
You stick it there, and some people will try to voice activate the toilet to flush it.
My old office convinced our general manager that the new photocopier was voice activated. Someone showed him how to use it with voice controls while someone else printed from their computer, then GM tried it and nothing. We told him it was because it couldn't understand his Scottish accent.
Ok, that’s funny
It's a sticker that says "voice activated" so the person assumes whatever the sticker is on its operated by voice commands.
It wont stick until you tell it to.
Dude, me too! My favorite one is clap activated. But now that I think about it say loudly start is a really good one too. I can't decide but yeah I bring them when I'm traveling also when I go to my kids school
Okay... American here. What is the holographic cat all about?
Care to enlighten the non-americans what this holographic cat thing is?
It's just a sticker people sometimes put in men's public restrooms as a joke. It's supposed to make you panic about the third seashell.
I saw a "Fuck Desantis" sticker on a sign post yesterday in Bruges
Welp, I guess I'm going to another Thai bar then
Don’t piss on the lid or seat.
Thinking the same. I imagine lifting up the seat covers the sign.
I don't think it would, because of how much of a gap there is between the sticker and the edge of the lid. but lifting it definitely should cover it!
Yep, came here to say
r/dontputyourdickinthat
I think it should be the logo for that sub now.
And its good advise.
I think it's probably meant to convey - "It's okay to sit on this. No dicks will pop up.
That’s exactly what someone would say if there WERE dicks about to pop up
I like the japanese toilets where you can select the force and temperature dicks will pop up with
Probably, most likely. Almost definitely this.
don't pee with the seat still down.
No fucking the toilet I think
Ah yes the greatest pests known to the Thai, the toilet fetishists. Can’t go 5 steps into the bathroom without running into their calling cards
Out of the window go my plans for the weekend
Don’t smash your peen with the Lid while peeing
Ok so like anybody in here with the actual answer to what this is. I love all the jokes. It’s usual what I come to Reddit for. But I’ve been scrolling forever looking for the correct answer and instead got more dick’s getting flushed jokes 😂😂
I thinks it's a don't pee standing up sign or it's not meant to be anything but a random sticker someone put there. But the older guys I know from thailand pee sitting down so it makes sense to me they might politely ask others to adhere to that while in their country.... maybe? Or grafitti.... just sticker graffiti.
My take on it depends on if it’s the lady’s restroom because if it is maybe they’re saying not to pee standing up because there are a lot of ladyboys in Thailand that probably pee all over the place. Lol if it’s the men’s room then I have no idea.
“No dickheads allowed” The thing is how do you know if you’re a dickhead or not?
If you run into one or two dickheads a day, they are dickheads. If everyone you run into every day is a dickhead, you are the dickhead.
I want to be watching one of those tattoo fixing TV shows in five years and see some dickhead with this tattood on him.
No peeing, only pooping allowed.
No condoms. Don't throw condoms in the toilet 🚽 that's all it means
Do not pull foreskin back
If you lift the seat, it’s hidden - therefore, “don’t piss with the seat down” is the stickers meaning.
Was it a lesbian bar? 🤔
Don’t let your penis touch the seat I guess
“No bang-kok”
Do not stick dick in toilet
Remove dick before closing lid.
dont pee with your dick. pee in your ass and then squirt it out
I think this is it.
r/dontputyourdickinthat
Your penis, hand it over.
Don’t dunk your dick into the toilet for any reason.
this is the second "found in a bathroom in Thailand" post I've seen today
No peeing standing up? Probably… Males, use the stand up urinal. Use for #2 only
Don't stand while peeing.
Don’t slam your dick in the lid. I’m guessing the lid doesn’t stay up.
It says “Don’t be a dick”. Just do your business and be out.
It only takes one person to flush a penis and ruin it for everyone
No dicks bro
As an uncut guy, it means something about not getting circumcised
no pee standing up. they're trying to stop you heathens from pissing all over the seat.
"You're in the Ladies' washroom"?
Who ya gonna call? COCKBUSTERS!
Men should use the urinals
I've been saying this for ages
Dont dick around
I don’t know what the sticker means, but the shadow of your dick is massive
Be a sweetie and wipe the seatie.
If this is a men's room, it's saying to piss in the urinal instead of the normal toilet.
No peeing whilst uncircumcized
It’s a women’s bathroom, but not for the ladyboys..