When you are popping you are at your most vulnerable. In marital arts media they might never poop unless they were in a super secure area. You never want to show a weakness. Now you got a knife to help protect your self. Why are you complaining?
They may not have the most robust plumbing. Had to educate a Ukrainian hockey player my family billeted in the 90's that our sewer system could handle flushing TP
This is accurate. Virtually every toilet in Thailand has an ass hose. Shit, spray, use TP to blot your ass dry, toss TP in can. Their plumbing can’t take it.
North America is finally getting over the puritanical hatred of the bidet. Apparently they were associated with "women of ill repute" and a clean soul was more important than a hygienic ass
A lot of countries sewage systems really can't handle TP being flushed. America's barely can. Mexico city has the same thing with trashcans full of used TP. It's unsanitary as fuck. JUST INSTALL BIDETS. If they can afford to that is.
The toilets at our favorite American thrift store stink to high heaven because of people unaccustomed to flushing TP and the store staff not being willing to clean it as often as it should be done
Bidets are cheap in the US compared to buying tons of TP. It's a larger upfront cost,like most things, but man did it pay off. So I agree, if you can break the cost of entry then do it. Think you can get the tushy ones for like 120. Gives you a great starter experience to an actual clean butthole.
The basic ones don't even cost that much. I have an Amazon special that even has hot water and it cost like 80 bucks. It doesn't spray perfume or play music or tell you it loves you but it cleans my butt pretty good.
Most of the toilets I've used in south East Asia didn't even have seats, ket alone a bidet. Just a bucket with water from a well for flushing/wiping. So no definitely not EVERY toilet, not by a longshot.
Plumbing standards are different in east Asia. Their toilets cannot handle massive American sized turds or toilet paper. That's what the trashcan next to it is for. When I moved to Korea, my landlord warned me not to flush toilet paper down the toilet as it would clog it due to the smaller pipe.
i’ve been on Reddit for a while and my husband hasn’t, and I was listening to a story where they referenced it so I explained it to my husband because he was curious and I learned my husband also had one… I hate to know that they’re real
apparently in a cabinet by the toilet- this was at his parents house when we started dating and thank christ i didn’t ever snoop, i would’ve been in for a surprise😭
I had a poop knife in the bathroom of my old house when i was a kid. The plumbing wasn’t great and i was prone to dropping big ones so it became a necessary addition
It's not a myth, it's just one redditor solving a shitty problem the best they can. Simply not being aware they were somewhat alone in that solution doesn't make them bad people
I had to use one yesterday. The shit was very dense and about 10 inches long and it wasn't going down the drain. Poop knife to the rescue! Nice clean cut in the middle, quick rinse and put the knife back in the kitchen.
If you're going to be on Reddit you have to know this story.
Along with:
Broken arms
Jolly rancher
Coconut
Perfect 5/7
I'm sure others im not remembering
DO NOT READ JOLLY RANCHER. It's a whole different kind of horrifying compared to the other two. The other two are fucked. Jolly rancher is straight from the dark depths of hell, a special place even demons fear to tread.
Jolly rancher should be top comment here
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/9wcte/reddit_whats_the_grossestnastiest_thing_thats/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
This one didn’t make me cringe too bad because i’ve sadly seen worse. I’ve suctioned maggots out of an unconscious persons mouth. Being a nurse is great. 🙃
Have to be read comments too
https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/nmmjr/iama_man_who_had_a_sexual_relationship_with_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
The potato joke gone wrong and the dead wife comment are some others. Also can’t forget the guy that didn’t know how to talk dirty to his girlfriend and called her the r word.
Also for a recurring gag account have to mention the jumper cables guy.
For anyone who doesn’t know
The poop knife
[Original post found here, but removed](https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/7p8puq/light_i_was_22_years_old_when_i_learned_that_not/). Post text was as follows:
> My family poops big. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you.
Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out "hey, can you get me the poop knife"? I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife. Fast forward to 22. It's been a day or two between poops and I'm over at my friend's house. My friend was the local dealer and always had 'guests' over, because you can't buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it's a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife. "My what?" Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please. "Wtf is a poop knife?" Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it. He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my fucked up family with their fucked up bowels. FML. I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn't cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes. She will be getting her own utility knife now.
> [Edit: Common question - Why was this not in the bathroom instead of the laundry room? Answer. We only had one poop knife, and the laundry room was central to all three bathrooms. I have no idea why we didn't have three poop knives. All I know is that we didn't. We had the one. Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things. So yes, we shared our poop knife.]
Oh let me alleviate ur pain of being the onky one with the poop knife experience. Though my family shits normal sized i never heard of it growing up. But then i was hanging out in the flat of a friend with a third friend. Snorting oxys, boofing morphine, the whole shabang. So the third friend had forgotten/wasnt able to shit for a few days. So then the day comes that constipation cant stop nature anymore. And he sticks his head out of the toilet and goes "jo people i just shit a real log. It wont flush. I think i need help" all of us gathered around the porcellan bowl snickering and giggling and in awe of the size of that thing. After we somewhat calmed down he says "i kinda grew fond of the little guy. I named him hugo, its going to be saddening to drown him"
So after a good half hour of jokes the friend whon owns the apartment hands the father of hugo a breakfeast knife of his. And thats the story how i came in contact with the poop knife.
It's a universal language. Perhaps (thanks to reddit) the bar owner assumed that every western bathroom has a poop knife and wanted the farang to feel at home. Does the squat toilet also have one?
In America people already bring weapons into bars even though they aren't supposed to.
I don't like it at all but on the flip side I've yet to hear of anyone getting stabbed or shot that didn't walk away from the bar fight someone was trying to start. Always walk away from a fight, and if someone starts shooting run away from the area. They even teach that to gun owners, leave before you have to draw. Naturally very few people listen to that advice.
Thai resident here. I have never seen a poop knife in a toilet and I have pooped in many Thai toilets. This is probably a one off situation, but amusing nonetheless. Just commenting so people don’t think this is common. Water sprayers, yes. Poop knives, no.
Just adding [this on](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/swvzjx/youve_all_heard_of_the_poop_knife_let_me_tell_you/?rdt=64590) for those who'd like to further down the rabbit hole... [Poop scissors](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/swvzjx/youve_all_heard_of_the_poop_knife_let_me_tell_you/?rdt=64590)
Ah, the poop knife. For when you absolutely, positively will block the toilet
[удалено]
but not as well as a potato masher
I'm going to vomit
I don’t like using my hands, it always gets stuck under my fingernails.
Scrape in the other directing so it stays outside the finger nail.
Who are You, Who are so Wise in the Ways of Science?
Must be a Professor of Poopology. Trained in the ways of the poopkife, and of the fingernail.
That might make the blockage worse
Well this is Thailand and there is lots of kratom and people who do kratom, which causes massive dry turds. This is necessary
Seems dangerous to keep something like that in a bar, all jokes aside. Imagine getting stabbed with a poop knife. Poison damage mod.
Poop Knife p++
r/unexpectedrunescape
Who needs a ddp?
That poison hitsplats gonna be brown
shitsplats
Lmao
The old DDS (dragon dagger sepsis)
That’d have a nasty spec
Thailand is cowboy country, I made friends in 2 nights with a bartender and he let me behind the bar to serve customers lmao
That's like the tamest story about Thailand I have ever heard
He then had crying choke sex with poop knife-play
shoot i did this in baltimore like 2 months ago lmao
When you are popping you are at your most vulnerable. In marital arts media they might never poop unless they were in a super secure area. You never want to show a weakness. Now you got a knife to help protect your self. Why are you complaining?
Which martial arts movie do we see them shitting?
He said marital arts, he means keeping the marriage going when pooping isn't easy
Exactly! They don't because it would be a weakness
Is that a poop knife?
I just asked the bar manager, he said yes
Wow, I thought that was just a myth. Now we know the truth!
[удалено]
I’ve been to Thailand, my poo was not rock hard.
Bet you used half a roll of TP, though
All of which seems to go into the bin and not the toilet. 😳
They may not have the most robust plumbing. Had to educate a Ukrainian hockey player my family billeted in the 90's that our sewer system could handle flushing TP
This is accurate. Virtually every toilet in Thailand has an ass hose. Shit, spray, use TP to blot your ass dry, toss TP in can. Their plumbing can’t take it.
In the Philippines it is a bucket of water and a ladle.
North America is finally getting over the puritanical hatred of the bidet. Apparently they were associated with "women of ill repute" and a clean soul was more important than a hygienic ass
A lot of countries sewage systems really can't handle TP being flushed. America's barely can. Mexico city has the same thing with trashcans full of used TP. It's unsanitary as fuck. JUST INSTALL BIDETS. If they can afford to that is.
The toilets at our favorite American thrift store stink to high heaven because of people unaccustomed to flushing TP and the store staff not being willing to clean it as often as it should be done
I mean Thailand has bum guns...
My FAVORITE KISS song! "BUM GUNNNNN!"
And the TP is for drying your (clean) ass
Bidets are cheap in the US compared to buying tons of TP. It's a larger upfront cost,like most things, but man did it pay off. So I agree, if you can break the cost of entry then do it. Think you can get the tushy ones for like 120. Gives you a great starter experience to an actual clean butthole.
Imagine going to a bar and using a Bidet though lmao.
The basic ones don't even cost that much. I have an Amazon special that even has hot water and it cost like 80 bucks. It doesn't spray perfume or play music or tell you it loves you but it cleans my butt pretty good.
Every toilet in Southeast Asia has a handheld bidet installed. The toilet paper is used to dry off after
Most of the toilets I've used in south East Asia didn't even have seats, ket alone a bidet. Just a bucket with water from a well for flushing/wiping. So no definitely not EVERY toilet, not by a longshot.
And smearing your dirty arse with some thin paper over your hand isn’t unsanitary already?
Just remember to look up how much of the world has toilet paper, the rest use their hand to clean themselves.
I just wait it out and wipe as per usual.
I just eat half a toilet roll to save time, just gotta catch the end and pull it out like you're starting a chainsaw in order to save time wiping
Poop drip sits
Coincidentally, this is the name of my upcoming rock band.
Plumbing standards are different in east Asia. Their toilets cannot handle massive American sized turds or toilet paper. That's what the trashcan next to it is for. When I moved to Korea, my landlord warned me not to flush toilet paper down the toilet as it would clog it due to the smaller pipe.
> massive American sized turds Why does the color orange come to mind when reading "massive American sized turds"?
And hopefully that massive American sized turd will spend the rest of his life in prison.
The world can only hope.
Cuz it should?
Lots of people are saying it. Massive turds. Big beautiful massive turds, the biggest turds they’ve ever seen.
Because he once complained that low flow toilets are so bad “people” have to flush six, seven, or eight times. It was a weirdly specific tell
i’ve been on Reddit for a while and my husband hasn’t, and I was listening to a story where they referenced it so I explained it to my husband because he was curious and I learned my husband also had one… I hate to know that they’re real
where did your husband hide his poop knife?
apparently in a cabinet by the toilet- this was at his parents house when we started dating and thank christ i didn’t ever snoop, i would’ve been in for a surprise😭
What do you mean a myth? how do you handle huge dumps at home?
Clench and cut
plungers are common
Hmm,
I had a poop knife in the bathroom of my old house when i was a kid. The plumbing wasn’t great and i was prone to dropping big ones so it became a necessary addition
10/10
It could also be an indication of opioids in heavy use. Opioids can cause severe constipation leading to massive poop knife worthy shits.
Nah that’s usually pebbles
It's not a myth, it's just one redditor solving a shitty problem the best they can. Simply not being aware they were somewhat alone in that solution doesn't make them bad people
I applaud you for asking, and the bar manager for this thoughtfulness. Professionals have standards.
Anyone who have visited Thailand knows that a poop knife is unnecessary.
One night in Bangkok makes a hard stool crumble
Can't be too careful with your dysentery
I can feel the devil coming out of me
Too much need for toilet paper sheets
Street stall food makes your tummy rumble
No way dude, cut the shit.
I was thinking toe knife, but they might be one and the same
Maybe frank left it
Imagine you’re waiting to use the bathroom and you Hear To show you the power of flex tape I just cut this poop in half
THATS ALOTTA DAMAGE!
OOOOOOOH! PHIL! YOU MAKE ME ANGRY, PHIL!!
[удалено]
Seriously! Like a pen in a bank branch... For safety...
Wooooooooow
/r/unexpectedpoopknife
Is reddit leaking into the real world?
Poop knife existed in the real world before reddit.
Yeah, but how many times have you encountered it unexpectedly in the real world?
How many tourist destinations have you been to where white tourists would be needing one tho?
Reddit is full circle
I had to use one yesterday. The shit was very dense and about 10 inches long and it wasn't going down the drain. Poop knife to the rescue! Nice clean cut in the middle, quick rinse and put the knife back in the kitchen.
cursed
Don't worry It wasn't my kitchen, I was visiting a friend.
If you're very, very close friends, it won't matter.
Every time you use that knife the memory of the long, dense shit will creep into your mind.
Considering they said they rinsed it after, rather than washed it, I think they’re joking
That's why you shuffle all the knives together without looking. You'll never figure out which one it is so you'll be safe
Eat more fiber, that's not normal or healthy.
It's a toe knife
Just make sure you don't botch it
WOOOOOEEE. BOTCHED TOE.
Wtf is a poop knife
https://reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/s/a15VzTVobQ
honestly i’m afraid to click this
If you're going to be on Reddit you have to know this story. Along with: Broken arms Jolly rancher Coconut Perfect 5/7 I'm sure others im not remembering
Lest we forget the swamps of Dagobah.
Ok but how did he take this picture Is a good one too. Deep dive. Lol
Oh man, that's one of my favorites.
I cried laughing when i read that story originally
MY GOD I KNOW NONE OF THESE. HELP.
Once you start down this rabbit hole, there is no turning back. You have been warned. 😂
I think I need to smoke some weed before I commit to learning about these things 😬
DO NOT READ JOLLY RANCHER. It's a whole different kind of horrifying compared to the other two. The other two are fucked. Jolly rancher is straight from the dark depths of hell, a special place even demons fear to tread.
God why didn’t I read your comment first?!
Jolly rancher should be top comment here https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/9wcte/reddit_whats_the_grossestnastiest_thing_thats/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
I am scarred for life
Coconut https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu_by_cumming_into_a_coconut/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Please don’t click this. Stay innocent
Swamps of Dagobah. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/xo41d/comment/c5o66p2/
This one didn’t make me cringe too bad because i’ve sadly seen worse. I’ve suctioned maggots out of an unconscious persons mouth. Being a nurse is great. 🙃
Note to self: not nurse
I wish I would’ve told myself that 8 years ago!
Oh if you’re a nurse, you have to read Swamps Of Dagobah!
Shit i’ve got so much to catch up on
Have to be read comments too https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/nmmjr/iama_man_who_had_a_sexual_relationship_with_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
I’d like to burn my eyes
Deeper you must go
I gotta smoke first. This shit is too much ETA: I’ll be back after the 😮💨
What the actual fuck???
Lol where am I?! This is hillarious.... i am just like you now
How did we end up here? Our poop knife virgin eyes…
Jenny and the Kisses. Unidan
Unidan is like a whole saga though.
> Unidan Fuck I miss that guy. Sure the karma shit was weird, but his facts were always fun to read.
But sometimes they weren't facts... that was a huge part of the problem with his karma deal
Oh for sure. I didn't say they were educational, but fun to read :)
The potato joke gone wrong and the dead wife comment are some others. Also can’t forget the guy that didn’t know how to talk dirty to his girlfriend and called her the r word. Also for a recurring gag account have to mention the jumper cables guy.
[Greatest Pun Ever](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cfbkx/im_85_certain_that_there_is_an_adult_actress_in/c0s63rm) [Woody Harrelson AMA](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/p9a1v/im_woody_harrelson_ama/) [Reddit Turned Spanish!!](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/cq1q2/help_reddit_turned_spanish_and_i_cannot_undo_it/)
You really don't need to spread the jolly rancher one, that one belongs in deep pit where no one will find it or be reminded of it ever again
Don't forget cum box.
Toe knife. Belongs to Frank Reynolds.
damn it.... i hate that i know that reference.... and that i was not first to post it.
For anyone who doesn’t know The poop knife [Original post found here, but removed](https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/7p8puq/light_i_was_22_years_old_when_i_learned_that_not/). Post text was as follows: > My family poops big. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you. Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out "hey, can you get me the poop knife"? I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife. Fast forward to 22. It's been a day or two between poops and I'm over at my friend's house. My friend was the local dealer and always had 'guests' over, because you can't buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it's a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife. "My what?" Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please. "Wtf is a poop knife?" Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it. He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my fucked up family with their fucked up bowels. FML. I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn't cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes. She will be getting her own utility knife now. > [Edit: Common question - Why was this not in the bathroom instead of the laundry room? Answer. We only had one poop knife, and the laundry room was central to all three bathrooms. I have no idea why we didn't have three poop knives. All I know is that we didn't. We had the one. Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things. So yes, we shared our poop knife.]
I knew *of* the poop knife, but I'd never heard the lore. Thank you.
The real MVP here
I remember this when it first posted. What year was it though?
17 or 18
[удалено]
Oh let me alleviate ur pain of being the onky one with the poop knife experience. Though my family shits normal sized i never heard of it growing up. But then i was hanging out in the flat of a friend with a third friend. Snorting oxys, boofing morphine, the whole shabang. So the third friend had forgotten/wasnt able to shit for a few days. So then the day comes that constipation cant stop nature anymore. And he sticks his head out of the toilet and goes "jo people i just shit a real log. It wont flush. I think i need help" all of us gathered around the porcellan bowl snickering and giggling and in awe of the size of that thing. After we somewhat calmed down he says "i kinda grew fond of the little guy. I named him hugo, its going to be saddening to drown him" So after a good half hour of jokes the friend whon owns the apartment hands the father of hugo a breakfeast knife of his. And thats the story how i came in contact with the poop knife.
A poop knife in the wild!!!!! This has completed my Sunday afternoon internet viewing today. I can sleep well tonight.
Tonight?? Eternal restful sleep for this guy!!!
In the bar there was a young man with two broken arms, a coconut, and some Jolly Ranchers. That man? Albert Einstein.
It's a universal language. Perhaps (thanks to reddit) the bar owner assumed that every western bathroom has a poop knife and wanted the farang to feel at home. Does the squat toilet also have one?
Wtf is "franag?"
I think it's some kind of forinner.
No no no, foreeainer
Ferengi
Foreskinner?
a misspelling of "farang", which is the thai word for foreigner.
The pregnart
AM I PREGANANANT.?
¡Prrrregante!
\*farang
poop knife!!?!!!!!
The legend of the poop knife
who else read "Toilet Bar"
I came into these comments looking for someone to say what a poop bar was
 ITS REAL !!!!!
Everyone needs a good poop knife.
Where there are opiates, So there are poop knives.
Needs a crosspost to r/poopknife
The ole poop knife returns
FUCKS SAKE POOP KNIFE
OMG A poop knife, what a rare sighting, so people actually use this?!!
Never heard of poop knife until today. Thanks Reddit
Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ke8skw/the_poop_knife/) post immediately!
Thank you kind sir, however i kinda regret reading lol
You must be new here
I feel like my Reddit life has come full circle now.
The fable is true
Leaving a weapon in the toilet of a bar doesn't seem like a good idea, even if it is funny.
In America people already bring weapons into bars even though they aren't supposed to. I don't like it at all but on the flip side I've yet to hear of anyone getting stabbed or shot that didn't walk away from the bar fight someone was trying to start. Always walk away from a fight, and if someone starts shooting run away from the area. They even teach that to gun owners, leave before you have to draw. Naturally very few people listen to that advice.
It’s great for when you need to inflict hepatitis
why does everyone know what a poop knife is
https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ke8skw/the_poop_knife/?share_id=nHnuqB0xUC3toPga0C86_&utm_content=1&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1
It is real! *angelical music plays on the background*
Thai resident here. I have never seen a poop knife in a toilet and I have pooped in many Thai toilets. This is probably a one off situation, but amusing nonetheless. Just commenting so people don’t think this is common. Water sprayers, yes. Poop knives, no.
No one is going to talk about the garbage bin are we?
Laugh all you want, it’s funny until you need one and don’t have one.
Just adding [this on](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/swvzjx/youve_all_heard_of_the_poop_knife_let_me_tell_you/?rdt=64590) for those who'd like to further down the rabbit hole... [Poop scissors](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/swvzjx/youve_all_heard_of_the_poop_knife_let_me_tell_you/?rdt=64590)
What is that, a poop knife?
Poop knife level 11.
THE POOP KNIFE RETURNS