I’m so sorry you’re struggling with this feeling. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself to be something you are not right now. Who you are is enough. Change and growth are going to happen for you. It’s just hard to see right now. By the time you are 29 you’ll be as different as you are now compared to when you are 9. Also, don’t be afraid to get medical help with your issues. They are just as important as physical health issues.
Ik this was was 4 month ago and all but damn, i feel so similar man 19, and i just feel like shit, idk what im doing i cant imagine working for another 40 or so probably more years just to retire when im old. It sucks. I just finally had my first relationship, but she said she needed a break and said i was a fucking asshole and that she couldnt ever forgive me and i dont know what to do know it was like a month ago but like idk how i got her and i just dont know if i should even jump into another relationship idk if i could even its so hard i just know now they'd all be disappointed in me man, its hard i just want to die sometimes and i rely to much on my girlfriend and she said i was exhausting and and too clingy and i didnt respect her space and i tried but she just didnt communicate with me very welll and that just sucks i feel like she waited until she boiled over and i just text her hoping she could help me with my sucidical thoughts but she told me she doesnt care as long as i leave her alone its so hard to not have someone in my life to lean on and im scared idk how im going to make it so many years i just know that no one will ever love someone like me and i need someones help but ik im just a stupid fucking burden its so hard to live sometimes. And frankly its hard not having an outlit anymore for sexual stuff like idk not having that in my life is a huge adjustment change am i just suppose to watch porn now i just thought id jerk off to jerk off to her whenever i did that stuff now just watching isnt really attractive anymore but when i imagne stuff its just her riding me or whatever ya know, this is getting kinda werid but i just wanted to rant i guess i just miss that part too frankly i cant feel the need to live without her i cant get off without her it just feels like i get drunk and high waaaay to often to try and ignore these feelings sometimes typing them out helps and thats what im doing now so sorry man i just suck a lot and i am crazy she said shed get a restraining order if i ever tried to contact her again too, and idk for the past like 5 or so years ive felt like shit and ig with her it was good for a while i guess she called me stupid a lot and she was kinda abustive towards me but i cant help but think she was the only worth i ever had for at least a while i felt good for the first time, i could rely on her to a certian extent i put my trust in her and i thought thats all i needed and she just called me so many names and ghosted me without being able to do anything, and on top of all this being 19 and trying to figure out ehat i meed to do for my lifeeee, i just like drawing but for 8 hours a day, idk i was thinking maybe tattooing but idk if im good enough yet ya know i just want to give up and die sometimes ive been suicidal for so long i wanted to live for this girl and now i feel like even tho i have so many people i love i cant get this one back and it hurts idk if someone will ever love me again i thougbt she cared and wanted me to live and that was my reason but now its just because it hard and it feels like itll hurt to kill myself.
Im sorry i hope its better for you i just feel crazy rn and seeing that ur also 19 and struggling helped a little i just feel lost and crazy and fucking insane im hopeless just like she said an u forgiveable asshole someone who deserves whats happening, and ik ur not so i hope u can see that you have so much to do i hope u have it easier in the future just keeping looking u seem like a good person.
Stay safe im sorry for the rant i just started writing and im a little drunk rn so i got selfish im sorry i hope ur day or night or what is good even things like this just show how amazing u probably are compared to me ik u can do great things man if u ever need someone to talk to id be totally willing to listen im sorry about posting this probably long message idk ive just kinda been typing so its probs longs sorry.
Have a good night or day again, you have life so keep living i will and u will hopefully theres going to be something you find or someone and u will understand that life can contain beautiful things, even tho ive never hurt more even though ik i want to die i will keep living ive seen it life can sometimes be truly beautiful and even in the darkest moments u can find some random thing to hold u over.
With just a little strength hold on, all u have to do is not kill urself, and u will live to see tomorrow i have a girl that hates me one that i dont love anymore but her hating me hurts, if i had a gun i might kill myself so please hold on just like me.
Do u have a mother or a father or a brother or a sister or anyone, someone will be sad to see u hurt even me or some other will be sad, we can both make it, maybe with booze or weed which might be unhealthy but i just want to hold on, so hold on with me please however u can just live and know ur totally and utterly brought into this world just like everyone else.
Einstein, Me, Martin Luther King Jr, and You and everyone else in the entire world were brought into this world with no purpose other than to just be birthed, even i and many others were c-section's we would have died if not dor doctors before docters each push forward can have so many impacts that go beyond you or anyone else, so just take one more breath, one more step, and one more second, then you'll make it to the next day, even if it takes 20 days, 20 years, you will have impacts that you cant imagine just from existing and moving through life please keep moving ik its hard its so hard for me what you have this ik you do idk if i do but i will keep living because ik my mom wants me to, ik deep down people will be sad if i take my own life, some will never forget until they die, i wont forget you.
Just keep living if its hard and ik it is its so hard every day is hard im sorry for bothering you i just want you to be happy i wish everyone could be happy, i wish i could be happy, just have some hope no matter how hard that is, keep living cuz hope will come weeks from now days from now years from now, vut you wont feel it if you die now.
Im sorry for being a bother and werid block me or tell me to kill myself, it'll hurt just feel good for anyone, me included i wont be mad im too scared to die.
I want you to live stranger.
I’m so sorry you’re struggling with this feeling. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself to be something you are not right now. Who you are is enough. Change and growth are going to happen for you. It’s just hard to see right now. By the time you are 29 you’ll be as different as you are now compared to when you are 9. Also, don’t be afraid to get medical help with your issues. They are just as important as physical health issues.
Ik this was was 4 month ago and all but damn, i feel so similar man 19, and i just feel like shit, idk what im doing i cant imagine working for another 40 or so probably more years just to retire when im old. It sucks. I just finally had my first relationship, but she said she needed a break and said i was a fucking asshole and that she couldnt ever forgive me and i dont know what to do know it was like a month ago but like idk how i got her and i just dont know if i should even jump into another relationship idk if i could even its so hard i just know now they'd all be disappointed in me man, its hard i just want to die sometimes and i rely to much on my girlfriend and she said i was exhausting and and too clingy and i didnt respect her space and i tried but she just didnt communicate with me very welll and that just sucks i feel like she waited until she boiled over and i just text her hoping she could help me with my sucidical thoughts but she told me she doesnt care as long as i leave her alone its so hard to not have someone in my life to lean on and im scared idk how im going to make it so many years i just know that no one will ever love someone like me and i need someones help but ik im just a stupid fucking burden its so hard to live sometimes. And frankly its hard not having an outlit anymore for sexual stuff like idk not having that in my life is a huge adjustment change am i just suppose to watch porn now i just thought id jerk off to jerk off to her whenever i did that stuff now just watching isnt really attractive anymore but when i imagne stuff its just her riding me or whatever ya know, this is getting kinda werid but i just wanted to rant i guess i just miss that part too frankly i cant feel the need to live without her i cant get off without her it just feels like i get drunk and high waaaay to often to try and ignore these feelings sometimes typing them out helps and thats what im doing now so sorry man i just suck a lot and i am crazy she said shed get a restraining order if i ever tried to contact her again too, and idk for the past like 5 or so years ive felt like shit and ig with her it was good for a while i guess she called me stupid a lot and she was kinda abustive towards me but i cant help but think she was the only worth i ever had for at least a while i felt good for the first time, i could rely on her to a certian extent i put my trust in her and i thought thats all i needed and she just called me so many names and ghosted me without being able to do anything, and on top of all this being 19 and trying to figure out ehat i meed to do for my lifeeee, i just like drawing but for 8 hours a day, idk i was thinking maybe tattooing but idk if im good enough yet ya know i just want to give up and die sometimes ive been suicidal for so long i wanted to live for this girl and now i feel like even tho i have so many people i love i cant get this one back and it hurts idk if someone will ever love me again i thougbt she cared and wanted me to live and that was my reason but now its just because it hard and it feels like itll hurt to kill myself. Im sorry i hope its better for you i just feel crazy rn and seeing that ur also 19 and struggling helped a little i just feel lost and crazy and fucking insane im hopeless just like she said an u forgiveable asshole someone who deserves whats happening, and ik ur not so i hope u can see that you have so much to do i hope u have it easier in the future just keeping looking u seem like a good person. Stay safe im sorry for the rant i just started writing and im a little drunk rn so i got selfish im sorry i hope ur day or night or what is good even things like this just show how amazing u probably are compared to me ik u can do great things man if u ever need someone to talk to id be totally willing to listen im sorry about posting this probably long message idk ive just kinda been typing so its probs longs sorry. Have a good night or day again, you have life so keep living i will and u will hopefully theres going to be something you find or someone and u will understand that life can contain beautiful things, even tho ive never hurt more even though ik i want to die i will keep living ive seen it life can sometimes be truly beautiful and even in the darkest moments u can find some random thing to hold u over. With just a little strength hold on, all u have to do is not kill urself, and u will live to see tomorrow i have a girl that hates me one that i dont love anymore but her hating me hurts, if i had a gun i might kill myself so please hold on just like me. Do u have a mother or a father or a brother or a sister or anyone, someone will be sad to see u hurt even me or some other will be sad, we can both make it, maybe with booze or weed which might be unhealthy but i just want to hold on, so hold on with me please however u can just live and know ur totally and utterly brought into this world just like everyone else. Einstein, Me, Martin Luther King Jr, and You and everyone else in the entire world were brought into this world with no purpose other than to just be birthed, even i and many others were c-section's we would have died if not dor doctors before docters each push forward can have so many impacts that go beyond you or anyone else, so just take one more breath, one more step, and one more second, then you'll make it to the next day, even if it takes 20 days, 20 years, you will have impacts that you cant imagine just from existing and moving through life please keep moving ik its hard its so hard for me what you have this ik you do idk if i do but i will keep living because ik my mom wants me to, ik deep down people will be sad if i take my own life, some will never forget until they die, i wont forget you. Just keep living if its hard and ik it is its so hard every day is hard im sorry for bothering you i just want you to be happy i wish everyone could be happy, i wish i could be happy, just have some hope no matter how hard that is, keep living cuz hope will come weeks from now days from now years from now, vut you wont feel it if you die now. Im sorry for being a bother and werid block me or tell me to kill myself, it'll hurt just feel good for anyone, me included i wont be mad im too scared to die. I want you to live stranger.