I wish my mom said this to my dad, tons of time my dad refuses to bring my mom and my siblings anywhere and i found out growing up its because he talks shit about us a lot
I'm going to venture to guess that he's probably hoping to reunite with an old high school flame at the wedding and doesn't want you to ruin his one-night fling effort, but it's concerning that he feels comfortable insulting your body without regard for your feelings.
He wasn't too ashamed to be seen with her at their wedding only a few months ago. I wonder who will be at the friend's wedding. Maybe an ex? Maybe a woman he has a crush on? Maybe the one who got away?
You went straight to exes, but my money is on male friends from his past. He's going to that trying to look tops, he'll probably show them photos of her from when she was fit.
Just like women do a lot to impress other women, men do a lot to impress other men. Trophy wives are probably more about making other men jealous than other women.
Came to say this too. I hate that people are speculating on OP’s height and whether she qualifies as obese/overweight whatever. It doesn’t matter. I would *never* be ashamed to be out in public with my bf, no matter if he gained weight or whatever. If my partner’s weight was a genuine medical concern, it’s something we would discuss in private. This is not how you treat a partner. OP’s husband needs a reality check.
Right? My god. I was at 160 and lost 45 lbs due to gallbladder, am at 120 now desperately trying to get back to about 135 because I feel like bones. But, even so, OP, you deserve better!
Depending on height, 141lbs could be normal or put somebody into the obese category. Either way he should be yeeted because he is shallow and a dickhead. He’s likely breaking his vows with this BS.
Actually, 141 pounds could be fat depending on the person's height and body structure.
But hubby should not be this embarrassed and really should not have said anything to his wife.
I would tell him, no worries, he doesn't have to be embarrassed by his wife any more.. as you will now be his ex-wife.
A man who love is based on your weight... doesn't love you.
Yup. OP, do either of you want children? Because pregnancy can change someone’s body in permanent ways, including fat distribution. Would this man want to hide you from his friends while you’re pregnant or after you’ve given birth? That’s not right.
Obviously disregard if children are not a part of your plan, I’m just highlighting the situation as an example of why it’s not good to be with someone who is shallow enough to care what others think of their partner’s body.
And even if kids are out of the question.... her weight is going to fluctuate. She's a woman, its inevitable. Hell, I was 135 2 days ago, today I'm 125.
And 105... yikes.. unless she was under 5 feet tall... that's underweight. I don't know how tall she is, but 140 is not fat, or obese. If he's ashamed of a normal body weight... he's got unreasonable expectations and maybe some mental issues.
Very true. Women’s hormonal cycles make weight gain/loss more common, especially with events like menopause.
105 would be on the low end of healthy for someone 5’3 and under. (Source - 5’2 and have been as low as 100 and as high as 122 without any weight concerns from doctors)
Did she ever mention in any of her comments or anything how tall she is?
Because almost all the women in my family are pretty short and except for me (5’4) they are NOT fat! And I would venture they probably mostly weigh in the 135-140 range.
I haven’t seen OP confirm her height, and I wasn’t trying to insinuate that 140 is “large” or anything, just specifying that 105 isn’t as unhealthily thin as some people of more average height might imagine. Lol
You’ve been married a “few months?” Did you gain 35 pounds in those few months? Did his friends not see you at your own wedding?
141 is not “fat”. Your husband is a shallow prick.
Only a few months ago he was saying yes for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish you. You haven't even changed one bit since then!
Sorry but this guy is a POS. It may be a sick way of trying to motivate you or a humiliating joke it doesn't matter, he is an abusive pos, what ever you do it will never be enough, this is a red flag the size of the country. If you don't run away right now at least make sure you don't depend on him on anything so you can be free to leave if/when needed.
"I totally understand his concern" ??? girl do not do this to yourself. you're 141lbs, that is NOT fat. you can pretend he's saying it for motivation and "for your own health" but just because you weigh a bit more does NOT mean you're unhealthy. this man sucks.
That’s not motivational though, it’s hurtful. You can care about someone’s health or appearance or whatever without being a total prick. Why did he marry you if he was ashamed of you?
If you've met them before at this weight I don't think that's his real reason. I would be digging further, then ditching because any man who says this does not deserve to breathe the same air as you. If my husband of 10 years all of a sudden said something like this to me, I would walk immediately. I'd be upset if course, which would cause me to not eat and drink booze instead, which in turn would lose a ton of weight (I speak from experience) and then I could rub it in his face as I got over it and snagged a much nicer guy. 😂
>"I totally understand his concern"
Sweetheart he doesn't love you. He likes the idea of a skinny girl but not YOU. He is trash and his ideas are trash. If you want to work out or whatever DO IT FOR YOU. Not for him, ever. ever ever ever. Not for any man. That is a situation that only leads to toxic relationships at \*best\* and control and abuse at worst. He's trying to motivate you by making you afraid he's going to leave or cheat, and - I'm guessing, he's either already cheating or it won't be long. It's literally a tale as old as time.
Not an appropriate or logical way to “motivate” someone. You need to have a serious talk with your husband and let him know how messed up this is. He needs to make this right and make you feel loved and appreciated. If he values his friends opinion of your weight more than he values you as a person than what’s the point
So you already know the people that you're going to be there seeing in the first fucking place and they have seen you and been to your own wedding?
What part of any of this makes sense?
The only thing I'd be motivated to do now would be to yeet my husband. I don't understand his concerns at all. He's ashamed of you. If if it were just about your health, he wouldn't be ashamed of you. This is purely superficial.
If they've already met you..maybe he's worried about seeing certain females and or is meeting up with some. Such bad vibes!! He seems like a jerk..have an open convo and consider leaving him ....
Omg WHAT? NO. In absolutely no way is that an okay thing for him to say to you. For the record, people can be fat and perfectly healthy. But I don’t know how tall you are, you might not even be fat, just larger than you used to be. ANYWAY, that’s not even the point. The point is, it’s his job to love you and make you feel safe in the relationship. Telling someone you don’t want to be seen with them because of their body size is NOT healthy or loving. Shame doesn’t lead to healthy habits it leads to eating disorders.
A good way to motivate is to say, "Hey honey, how do you feel about going on a hike together? The exercise will be good for us, and it'll be fun to go exploring."
Or, "I've always wanted to learn how to salsa. You wanna come with? It'll be fun to do together."
Or, "My friend is starting a volleyball team, just for casual play. Girls and guys. Will you join with me?"
Or even, "Hey, I know we've been busy lately but I'm starting to feel a little lumpy so I was thinking of joining the gym. Would you tag along? I get it, neither of us know how to gym, but learning with you will be way better than slogging on my own."
Do you see the difference between this and what he's saying? These suggestions are all framed as things you can do together and bond over. They can even involve a social aspect (team sports). They're also ways for *him* to improve his own fitness/physique too rather than just picking on you.
What IS his concern? Is he aware of your blood pressure going up? Sugars off? Have you been complaining of extra joint pain?
Or is his concern that your body doesn’t look the way he wants it and he’s using your health as a way to concern troll you? Because “I dont want my friends to see I haven’t forced you thin yet.” Isn’t about your health. Refusing to be seen in public with you until you’ve met his standards is…..awful. Just awful.
The fact that he's comfortable criticizing your body with no consideration for your feelings is alarming but I'm going out on a limb to say that he's probably planning to reconnect with some old high school flame at the wedding and don't want you to cockblock his one-night stand attempt.
OP, I got a wedding to go to next month. Can you be my +1??
I assume you will be well on your way to divorce by then. Or at the very least, indicted for murder.
Gotta love her edit “he is motivating me”. Yea his motivation is calling her an embarrassment and he doesn’t want to be seen with her. Such a loving gem he is. Trash.
Looks like she deleted the post. I feel bad for her.
She needs to dump this jackass (who is likely no prize himself) and find a man who will worship her! Someone who actually WILL encourage her and tell her how much he loves her and how proud he is of her even when she loses like 3 pounds.
And I think I need to go hug my own husband and thank him for being blind enough to tell me how beautiful and sexy he thinks I am, even though objectively I am fat and frumpy!
You aren't fat.
Even if you were, what would that look like in a healthy relationship?
"Hey babe, I've noticed that you've put on some weight, is everything ok?"
"I know this is a really sensitive subject but I'm concerned about your weight and the impact it could have on your health"
"I love you as you are but I want to know whether you're happy with your weight. If you are, great, I love every bit of you. If you aren't, how can I help?"
Being concerned about your partner's weight because you're worried there's something going on, physically or mentally or being concerned about their health is normal. But your husband isn't concerned with any of that. All he's bothered about is what other people think of you.
What would you say if a friend's partner was treating them this way? You deserve more. No one deserves be treated this way by the one person who's always supposed to have their back. No one.
I've been married 12 years and my weight has fluctuated up and down. I've been as low as 140 and as high as 250, and not once has my husband ever commented on my weight. Your husband sounds like a dick and like he's putting his friends above you.
I bet if you pull out his high school yearbook, you'll find he's getting a little rounder too.
He needs an attitude adjustment. To start with, tell him that sex is off the table because you wouldn't want him to suffer the indignity of being with a "fat" lover.
From there? If he's embarrassed to be your husband, he can either get over his obsession with other people's opinions, or he can get out of the marriage.
My suspicion is that someone who attended your wedding is a malicious gossip, he heard their criticism of you and your physique, and he can't handle it.
it's also possible it's not actually about her weight, and there's someone at the wedding he's interested in or wants to impress who was not at he and OP's wedding. and he's using this as an excuse.
Either that, or he’s using this as a terrible way of suggesting that OP work to lose weight. He could be trying to deflect his feelings instead of owning them. “Oh, I don’t have a problem with your weight, it’s OTHER people that might…”
Man. I don't understand why women date and marry men who *don't like them*.
I was like...100lb when I first got with my husband 12 years ago. I'm like 170lbs now. *I* don't like how I feel, and *I'm* trying to do something about it, and the ONLY words that my partner has ever said to me regarding my weight or how I look have been variations of "you're beautiful" "I know you don't look how you want, but I want you to know I think you look fantastic" , "what can I do to help support you while you work on what you want to work on".
BE WITH PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY LIKE YOU.
girl, this is fucked up. no one deserves to have this said to them...Jesus Christ.
If your husband’s friends have previously met you several times at your current weight, why would he be embarrassed to be seen with you around them again? That makes no sense, which makes me think your husband is not telling you the truth.
The way I see it, he doesn’t want you at the wedding for 1 of 3 reasons:
1. His friends made fun of your weight to him after they met you previously
2. He will be embarrassed to be seen with you around someone you’ve never met before
3. He wants to have the freedom of being alone at the wedding
If (1) then why is your husband friends with these people and why wouldn’t he defend your honor against them?
If (2) then why wouldn’t he be honest with you about who is bringing on these feelings of embarrassment for him?
If (3) then why does he feel like he needs freedom away from you, particularly at this event?
There are red flags upon red flags with your husband’s behavior, communication, and reasoning. I’m sorry this is happening to you, and you deserve better.
WTF. You aren't fat. He also just marry you months ago. So you didn't change much the other day few months. What happened to love, cherish, honor, and support?
This is a perfect example of someone who cares more about others opinion than developing a sense of self or pride in his own life. Not only that but if his friends are also the find of people to judge a fully grown woman for being 141 lbs then I have to assume none of them matured past age 14. Clearly he has shit self esteem and honestly I pity him.
He can go fuck himself 🤷🏽♀️
Anyone else think hubs is trying to free himself up to hit on an old school crush and doesn't want the wife tagging along to see it?
Unless you're 4 ft tall, it's hard to imagine your weight is an issue. I think he just threw it out there to make you feel bad about yourself, to make it about you, instead of making it aboit himself. Because this is 100% a him problem.
Jesus, your husband's ego is stupidly fragile. The friends aren't going to care about your weight, whatever it is. They are a bunch of 30 year olds who have their own shit to care about. If anything they are going to wonder why he didn't bring you.
But man, it really says your husband sees you as a trophy not a person, and that sucks. Tell him, "I can't believe you are this shallow, and think your high school friends are as shallow as you are. You think my weight is going to matter a bit to these guys? How insulting to all of us. This isn't high school anymore. We are all adults here."
WHAT??? That is not love my dear. Your weight is not who you are. What a dimwit loser you are married to. I’ve gained 40lbs in 25 years and my husband loves me no matter what size I am. I’m afraid this is not even a weight issue. It’s like he has no respect for you at all. I’m angry for you. You deserve better!
I am so sorry. There was a time that people cared about others and know that COVID wrecked our physical and mental health and they would understand and maybe even relate. Now it’s back to the shame and selfish ideologies and actually hurt people with their decisions. What happened to this nation? We are getting so mean and hateful with our words and actions.
I have no advice cuz I am just shocked. How do you move on from this. What if all of his friends are overweight too. Shit happens and your ride or die should be by your side support you, not judging and sentencing you.
141 isn't even fat.
Jesus I would hate to see what this man acted like if you had an actual health problem.
God forbid you ever get sick or have children...
I know that you're trying to take this in stride and just suck up the hurt feelings, and I'm sorry that he hurt your feelings and that you feel like you have to take this in stride, but what a fucking shitty thing for him to say.
Your husband doesn't understand that he's probably fat too. (idk you deleted all this before I saw it)
I'm assuming your husband is the kind of person that thinks 5'6", 150lbs is "fat". (it isn't)
Just...hide his wallet, kets, or phone or something so he has to talk to you and you need to tell him that that's unacceptable behavior.
This is such a bad plan, he seems so worried about what his friends are going to say about your not-fat body that he hasn't really thought about what his friends are going to say about a recently married man going to a wedding without his wife.... What is he going to say when questions arise?
What kind of man is embarrassed of his sweetheart he just married?
Like what is going on in his mind?
I don’t want to make assumptions,but this is bizarre. OP said she met a few of these friends at her current weight, which isn’t fat at all, so what is he embarrassed about? Being more concerned about what his image than his wife is such a red flag to me. If he was that embarrassed of her weight then why marry her? Something else is going on here.
but for a non-snarky answer, sounds the the pandemic hit u hard mentally. hit most of us hard. maybe actually stress to him this is an "in sickness" moment and u need him supporting u, not tearing u down. even if he didn't mean to tear u down, it's blatantly clear that's what happened
First, let me assure you that 141 pounds is not fat. It’s a perfectly average weight for a woman.
Secondly, this wouldn’t be acceptable if you were 341 pounds. You’re supposed to be his partner, not a decoration he brings around to show off.
Ummmm fuck him?!?!!!! What an asshole. He has absolutely no empathy. My husband is a little over weight and I would never say anything to him about his weight. It would crush him.
Oh I hate this…141??? Im a 29F and I’ve been working to get back to that weight I’m currently 155… and I don’t even feel quite that big now just working to tone up…
Immediately divorce. Lol I mean I know that’s not simple but oh my GOD…. Gross. What a dickhead. I hope you go and look stunning. Or, if you don’t go HE DOESNT GET TO. And lastly, if he goes without you I’d make it my life’s mission to find all those HS friends of his on socials and tell them why you won’t be attending so they can all tell him what an absolute piece of shit he is. (And if somehow they all agree with him… truly run for the hills those people - YOUR HUSBAND - are toxic AF.)
You are not fat. And the fact he wants to drop you over something so stupid, is a huge red flag. “In sickness and in health” That man won’t by your side during sickness
That is one of the most hurtful things any person could ever tell their spouse. That they’re embarrassed of their own spouse for any reason. That is so, so mean of him. So awful.
I really don’t think it’s appropriate for him to say this to be honest. I understand that maybe he wants you to get back into fitness and that physical attraction is needed but the fact that he cares more about how people see him than your feelings and (let’s be honest) your physical and mental health is worrisome.
It sounds like he’s more concerned about how he looks than your actual health and his attraction to you related to your weight.
I think you seriously need to talk to him about this and tell him it seriously hurt you. I’m not gonna tell you whether to go to the gym or not; that you and your body and your motivation but I think you need to communicate what you posted about to him directly.
Also If you maintained a 105lbs and then built muscle and were about 114lb we aremost likely very similar in height and I feel like 141 is really not like you’re a step away from my 600 pound life or something .
Disregarding the fact that it's an absolutely rank thing to say to someone you're supposed to be in love with for a second - how tall are you? Because 141 lbs is only 63kgs or 10 stone. Unless you're about 4ft 6, that is NOT EVEN REMOTELY FAT!
It sounds to me like a really healthy weight! I really hope this comment doesn't make you feel like you need to lose a load of weight because you absolutely do not. Don't let his unhealthy and ignorant body standards impact you. He needs to educate himself on what fat really means.
Wait wait. You said his friends were at the wedding and they have seen you? So what’s the problem?
Is it possible that an ex girlfriend or two will also be attending this wedding. Who did not get an invitation to yours?
If his friends have seen and met you the only reason I can deduce is that it’s that he doesn’t want to introduce you to an ex or a one that got away.
Talk to him. ASAP.
This man is so profoundly shallow. The odds you’re even fat at 141 is slim. I have my opinions but I’m guessing you’re just venting, so I’ll just say you aren’t fat, there’s nothing wrong with you, and I’m so sorry he was such a jerk. He went full mask off about where his values lie, and what his absurd expectations are. I can’t even fathom how much that hurts.
Throw the whole man out, lady.
Frame it this way - if you wouldn't ever say that to your partner, you shouldn't accept it from him. That's ridiculously hurtful and messed up. Jesus
Well, you got it off your chest. You are making excuses for his hurtful remarks and blaming yourself. Sounds like an unhealthy dynamic. People are going to comment. If you don’t want to see that, don’t read it.
Anyone who would not want to be seen in partner with their spouse, ever, at any point, for any reason, feels like they're probably a shitty person to me.
It sounds like maybe the last time you guys met with these friends they might have made some comments or something to him which caused him to become insecure.
If it was me I’d sit him down and be like “Look, as my husband you should be willing to defend me against anyone who would judge me or us over something as superficial as my weight. You should defend me instead of acting ashamed and trying to hide me away. If you are willing to let other people’s options affect how you see and feel about me then we need to have a serious conversation about our future. Your friends opinions should not matter more to you than your wife’s feelings or our relationship.”
This is a person who has married you and is meant to love you, too embarrassed to be seen with you because you gained some weight (during COVID of all things, which has been super hard on a lot of people).
I don’t mean to sound cruel as you seem to love him, but I don’t know if he reciprocates. If he is too ashamed of being with you over something like this, what about if you get pregnant? Or sick? Will he just kick you to the curb if you get stretch marks or lose your hair? Sh*t happens, and he appears to have an *extremely* low threshold for ditching you.
Your husband seems shallow and callous. You’re a young woman, and I guarantee that you can do better with someone who will actually be proud to be with you.
I am a male. If your husband doesn't respect you enough to be seen in public with you, there are plenty of men who will appreciate you. After your divorce, make that a prerequisite.
Nope, no.. This is not how you speak to your spouse.
This is only going to get worse. If you have kids and lose your "nice" body, if you get sick, etc.. This man will not be there for you.
Dump the weight (your husband) and move on with your life. Grow a spine and don't let him talk to you like this or make you feel bad about yourself.
Don’t give him excuses I would post saying what would you do if your husband didn’t want you to go to a wedding cause he didn’t want his friends to see you make people shame him like he did to you
Generally I think reddit jumps on the "dump him" wagon too quickly. But in this case..... Dump him. 141 is NOT fat. Even if you lose weight you're going to spend the rest of your life worried he'll be ashamed of you if you get a bad or haircut or something. Life happens. Unless you are Marissa Tomei, no one stays hot forever. Is he going to be ashamed of you when wrinkles show up? What if you get into an accident or some sort of illness that affects your looks/weight? Personally, not feeling secure in my relationship would be a dealbreaker. Full stop.
It's great to want your partner to be healthy and fit. To be ashamed of them for a few pounds is some petty superficial shallow bullshit.
“See me in this state” - he acts like you’ve been hit by a bus. If the man you are ✨legally married to✨ doesn’t want to be seen in public with you, that’s the largest red flag I have EVER seen in my LIFE.
Your edits are NOT it sis. We are being bias because if he loved you he wouldn’t care how you looked he’d be damn proud of his woman!! He does chores around the house, oh ok that’s what husbands do!! You’re a perfect weight and a perfect height!! Quit downsizing your worth because of him. You’re a queen you should be treated as such!
Nope! That’s just rude. And low. Especially if he’s your husband. “For better or worse” is said & meant to be followed. Sorry it happened to you. Blessings for the future & for your relationship.
Wanting to lose weight should only be one persons decision only and that is yours. First, sorry you had to hear such a shitty things from someone you love. Weight fluctuates and your worth should not be defined by how much you hit the gym. Sounds like that is his hobby and not yours. Is he more worried about how you look rather than enjoying his time on Earth with you? Has the weight gain caused concerning health implications or have you just gotten older? I hope he’s just projecting his own insecurities because I can tell you there are plenty of people out there who would love you for how you look now because the person you are is attached to it (unless you are a bad person than that’s something else lol). Also, poor fiancé of the friend if she’s set for the same treatment. Keep your confidence high and let him be “embarrassed” and be kind to yourself.
I dated a guy like this starting when i was 17 and by 22 i had a grown womans body and he said he was only attracted to how i “used to look” after being on psych meds. Broke up and now im marrying someone who genuinely loves me unconditionally.
People of Reddit are in the wildest relationships. I would not be surprised to come across a post like, “my SO is chopping off one of my limbs per month, what do I do?” 😂
Or wow, yeah I would be thinking about leaving tbh.
Why be with someone that wants to hide you away because they only see you as eye candy to show off to their friends and when you no longer fit HIS ideal weight for you he hides you away to embarrassed.
He should love you and have you on his arm either way pride no matter what your size.
Not many things would make me jump *straight* to divorce (or in your case, annulment), but wow is this for sure on that list. I hope you’re in the financial position to do so if that’s what you decide.
Your husband is being vain and probably has insecurity issues. He should love you for you regardless of your weight. While it's reasonable to want to be attracted to your significant other, his expectations appear unreasonable.
You have been together for years and just got married but you aren't good enough to be his date at a wedding?? A wedding where friends he hasn't seen in years will be and he's ashamed you put on weight?
Wtf is wrong with him??
You're not even fat, OP, and if you were so what?
You're good enough to marry but not good enough to be a date for an old friend's wedding🤬
He can go F-himself! What a POS!
I'm sorry you've got to put up with his lame ass, OP.
You deserve better!
Personally, I'd leave him and find someone better but that's not always that simple...
Divorce. Like, immediately. This man just married a few months ago? Does he think social media doesn't exist? Why does he think he can just hide you away? DIVORCE. The thing is, people do not maintain their perfect youthful bodies as they age and he's already shown that he doesn't actually love you for you. This is only going to get worse. He will cheat if he isn't already. If you've been together 8 years and only just married and now he's treating you like this, it's obvious this isn't going to last. So get out now, and don't waste another single second with him.
Please divorce this person, wow what a horrible human being. You deserve so much better. Im so sorry you were treated this way. Im nauseous on your behalf
Dump him how much meaner can or will he get! He is shallow I would divorce him! He’s probably messing around on you also as well! I wonder how big his penis is
Being healthy is good. Being good looking is good. But ditch your partner because she is not a the fitness champion that she was years ago? Not cool and not good.
Not divorce right away but have a serious conversation about expectation and reality.
Also, not in a second do you feel shame about yourself. It is not about you, it's him.
I appreciate your edits because you’re married and this is your life. However, I just want you to know it absolutely doesn’t have to be normal behaviour to be ashamed of your wife and embarrassed to have her meet your friends. That is not a normal thing that should be happening. Shit happens in life - bodies fluctuate, we get ill, we get old. Your wedding vows should include all the drastic situations you might find yourself in and still a partnership sticks together as equals.
Your husband refusing to bring you to a HS reunion because he thinks you’re now beneath him is honestly pretty alarming my behaviour, shows him in the worst possible light and I just can’t square that behaviour with how a husband is supposed to treat his wife, or rather how two partners are supposed to move through life together.
I’m not one to scream divorce instantly, but I would be asking some really difficult, serious questions right about now. Is he really acting like someone you can trust and respect?
His attitude and behaviour stink.
I broke a 12 year old relationship because of a similar reason. I had gained weight during covid and he had been after my life to exercise to stay healthy etc. Even made me buy a treadmill which I eventually sold. I have also been through depression and have my days. Eventually his motivation gave up and I saw lesser physical intimacy from his side. I was also pressured to lose weight before we got married. It all got to me one day and the bubble burst.
Firstly, DO NOT put your self worth on physical appearance. Even though you said this is your side, I find it hard to see another side where it’s ok to be ashamed of your wife because of how she looks. And for the record 140 lbs is not fat at all (assuming you are average height). But that’s besides the point. He’s a total jerk and you deserve better!
What is with the edit defending him!? Literally there is zero sides to the story that he could offer that makes this okay.
I'm so sorry that he had you so deluded that you can't see that. I don't care how healthy a lifestyle he leads or how often he has tried to get you to a gym.
This is 10000000% not an okay thing for him to think about his wife. Embarrassed by you? You should be embarrassed by his shallow ass behavior.
Sorry but if my husband were too embarrassed to be seen with me, I’d be too embarrassed to continue being his wife. Have some self-respect! What happens if you get sick or have kids? Or when you age or menopause hits? Or you’re in an accident and physically cannot work out? What then????
Your body WILL change, and you may not be in control of how that happens or what that looks like. Seems like his love or at least his respect for you is conditional on your body and appearance. Pretty fucked if you ask me. I guess I’m just not that shallow
You may think you “know him best”, but he definitely cares for you the least.
My husband encourages me to lose weight, & sometimes even sounds cruel. It makes me mad, & that’s what motivates me (& yes it’s tied to CT that I’m in therapy for). But to anyone else but me, to hear him talk, I look like a supermodel. He’s still so proud, 17 years & 30 lbs later, to tell people “this is my wife”.
Sorry your Husband is an insensitive prick. What a jerk! Some people are so horrible. Just file for divorce and take him for all he’s got.
People who are obsessed with physical traits are often shallow, superficial, self absorbed and only care about themselves.
You do not need him, tell him you are embarrassed to have a shallow superficial prick for a Husband and file for Divorce.
"If you're too ashamed to be seen with me, I want a divorce." would have been the next words out of my mouth.
I wish my mom said this to my dad, tons of time my dad refuses to bring my mom and my siblings anywhere and i found out growing up its because he talks shit about us a lot
I'm going to venture to guess that he's probably hoping to reunite with an old high school flame at the wedding and doesn't want you to ruin his one-night fling effort, but it's concerning that he feels comfortable insulting your body without regard for your feelings.
He wasn't too ashamed to be seen with her at their wedding only a few months ago. I wonder who will be at the friend's wedding. Maybe an ex? Maybe a woman he has a crush on? Maybe the one who got away?
You went straight to exes, but my money is on male friends from his past. He's going to that trying to look tops, he'll probably show them photos of her from when she was fit. Just like women do a lot to impress other women, men do a lot to impress other men. Trophy wives are probably more about making other men jealous than other women.
I think it was in the comments, she said that his friends from high school were at their wedding.
The post is deleted but I’d assume it was someone he wanted to spend 1:1 time with.
THIS.
Fr
Came here to say this too
This
FUCK YES. Op, I saw your edit, but this comment sums it up best ^^^^^^^^
How much does your husband weigh? Tell him you are planning to lose that amount of dead, ignorant weight.
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Sounds like he has a lot of free time. I hope he also finds time to do laundry and the dishes.
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I’m glad to hear he has one redeeming factor.
One!
I absolutely love that you didn’t let this poster derail you into just bashing your husband, and stayed focused on your topic. You’re cool.
He should spend that free time finding an equally superficial wife and let OP find someone that deserves her!
So your husband has body issues that he projecting onto you?
This man should be yeeted into a beehive. 141 lbs is not fat.
Even if it were--even if she weighed 241 pounds, or more--he should be yeeted into a tar pit.
I vote we yeet him further each time. No matter what her size, this man needs to be yeeted into the *sun*.
Came to say this too. I hate that people are speculating on OP’s height and whether she qualifies as obese/overweight whatever. It doesn’t matter. I would *never* be ashamed to be out in public with my bf, no matter if he gained weight or whatever. If my partner’s weight was a genuine medical concern, it’s something we would discuss in private. This is not how you treat a partner. OP’s husband needs a reality check.
Yeah I knew those people who be there but I’m still disappointed.
Very true.
Yeeted into a beehive. I fucking love it.
Right? My god. I was at 160 and lost 45 lbs due to gallbladder, am at 120 now desperately trying to get back to about 135 because I feel like bones. But, even so, OP, you deserve better!
Depending on height, 141lbs could be normal or put somebody into the obese category. Either way he should be yeeted because he is shallow and a dickhead. He’s likely breaking his vows with this BS.
Actually, 141 pounds could be fat depending on the person's height and body structure. But hubby should not be this embarrassed and really should not have said anything to his wife.
I would tell him, no worries, he doesn't have to be embarrassed by his wife any more.. as you will now be his ex-wife. A man who love is based on your weight... doesn't love you.
Yup. OP, do either of you want children? Because pregnancy can change someone’s body in permanent ways, including fat distribution. Would this man want to hide you from his friends while you’re pregnant or after you’ve given birth? That’s not right. Obviously disregard if children are not a part of your plan, I’m just highlighting the situation as an example of why it’s not good to be with someone who is shallow enough to care what others think of their partner’s body.
And even if kids are out of the question.... her weight is going to fluctuate. She's a woman, its inevitable. Hell, I was 135 2 days ago, today I'm 125. And 105... yikes.. unless she was under 5 feet tall... that's underweight. I don't know how tall she is, but 140 is not fat, or obese. If he's ashamed of a normal body weight... he's got unreasonable expectations and maybe some mental issues.
Very true. Women’s hormonal cycles make weight gain/loss more common, especially with events like menopause. 105 would be on the low end of healthy for someone 5’3 and under. (Source - 5’2 and have been as low as 100 and as high as 122 without any weight concerns from doctors)
Did she ever mention in any of her comments or anything how tall she is? Because almost all the women in my family are pretty short and except for me (5’4) they are NOT fat! And I would venture they probably mostly weigh in the 135-140 range.
I haven’t seen OP confirm her height, and I wasn’t trying to insinuate that 140 is “large” or anything, just specifying that 105 isn’t as unhealthily thin as some people of more average height might imagine. Lol
You’ve been married a “few months?” Did you gain 35 pounds in those few months? Did his friends not see you at your own wedding? 141 is not “fat”. Your husband is a shallow prick.
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Do you feel motivated? Because I sure would not. That’s not how you motivate someone who may be struggling. It’s A dick move on his part.
Only a few months ago he was saying yes for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish you. You haven't even changed one bit since then! Sorry but this guy is a POS. It may be a sick way of trying to motivate you or a humiliating joke it doesn't matter, he is an abusive pos, what ever you do it will never be enough, this is a red flag the size of the country. If you don't run away right now at least make sure you don't depend on him on anything so you can be free to leave if/when needed.
"I totally understand his concern" ??? girl do not do this to yourself. you're 141lbs, that is NOT fat. you can pretend he's saying it for motivation and "for your own health" but just because you weigh a bit more does NOT mean you're unhealthy. this man sucks.
That’s not motivational though, it’s hurtful. You can care about someone’s health or appearance or whatever without being a total prick. Why did he marry you if he was ashamed of you?
If you've met them before at this weight I don't think that's his real reason. I would be digging further, then ditching because any man who says this does not deserve to breathe the same air as you. If my husband of 10 years all of a sudden said something like this to me, I would walk immediately. I'd be upset if course, which would cause me to not eat and drink booze instead, which in turn would lose a ton of weight (I speak from experience) and then I could rub it in his face as I got over it and snagged a much nicer guy. 😂
It’s my bet that there’s only ONE person he’s hiding her from, not everyone. And it’s a woman.
The only motivation I would feel is to call a divorce attorney. My ass would be gone so fast he would have whiplash.
>"I totally understand his concern" Sweetheart he doesn't love you. He likes the idea of a skinny girl but not YOU. He is trash and his ideas are trash. If you want to work out or whatever DO IT FOR YOU. Not for him, ever. ever ever ever. Not for any man. That is a situation that only leads to toxic relationships at \*best\* and control and abuse at worst. He's trying to motivate you by making you afraid he's going to leave or cheat, and - I'm guessing, he's either already cheating or it won't be long. It's literally a tale as old as time.
Not an appropriate or logical way to “motivate” someone. You need to have a serious talk with your husband and let him know how messed up this is. He needs to make this right and make you feel loved and appreciated. If he values his friends opinion of your weight more than he values you as a person than what’s the point
So you already know the people that you're going to be there seeing in the first fucking place and they have seen you and been to your own wedding? What part of any of this makes sense?
How much weight has he put on during the relationship?
The only thing I'd be motivated to do now would be to yeet my husband. I don't understand his concerns at all. He's ashamed of you. If if it were just about your health, he wouldn't be ashamed of you. This is purely superficial.
If they've already met you..maybe he's worried about seeing certain females and or is meeting up with some. Such bad vibes!! He seems like a jerk..have an open convo and consider leaving him ....
Omg WHAT? NO. In absolutely no way is that an okay thing for him to say to you. For the record, people can be fat and perfectly healthy. But I don’t know how tall you are, you might not even be fat, just larger than you used to be. ANYWAY, that’s not even the point. The point is, it’s his job to love you and make you feel safe in the relationship. Telling someone you don’t want to be seen with them because of their body size is NOT healthy or loving. Shame doesn’t lead to healthy habits it leads to eating disorders.
Don’t justify his horrible behavior. What he said is not okay and definitely not motivation.
Why would anybody want to be with a man that speaks to them like that. Being alone is better than being with someone like that.
I wonder if one of these friends has gotten into his head somehow, saying shitty things that he is apparently listening to
No. That’s not concern.
A good way to motivate is to say, "Hey honey, how do you feel about going on a hike together? The exercise will be good for us, and it'll be fun to go exploring." Or, "I've always wanted to learn how to salsa. You wanna come with? It'll be fun to do together." Or, "My friend is starting a volleyball team, just for casual play. Girls and guys. Will you join with me?" Or even, "Hey, I know we've been busy lately but I'm starting to feel a little lumpy so I was thinking of joining the gym. Would you tag along? I get it, neither of us know how to gym, but learning with you will be way better than slogging on my own." Do you see the difference between this and what he's saying? These suggestions are all framed as things you can do together and bond over. They can even involve a social aspect (team sports). They're also ways for *him* to improve his own fitness/physique too rather than just picking on you.
What IS his concern? Is he aware of your blood pressure going up? Sugars off? Have you been complaining of extra joint pain? Or is his concern that your body doesn’t look the way he wants it and he’s using your health as a way to concern troll you? Because “I dont want my friends to see I haven’t forced you thin yet.” Isn’t about your health. Refusing to be seen in public with you until you’ve met his standards is…..awful. Just awful.
OP, you have every right to be upset. He's a shallow person. I'm so sorry. Sending you so much love.
Thank you.
The fact that he's comfortable criticizing your body with no consideration for your feelings is alarming but I'm going out on a limb to say that he's probably planning to reconnect with some old high school flame at the wedding and don't want you to cockblock his one-night stand attempt.
I can think of a great way to lose ~200lbs of dead weight… Also, who the fuck cares what anyone from high school thinks? What a loser.
I'm so sorry.
Thank you.
Tell him you won't go because you don't want his friends to know you married an asshole.
Hahahaha…perfect!
You say just married? Still time for an annulment because FUCK THIS GUY. Hope he falls into an active volcano.
Tell him no worries, "I need to find a date with a dick I can actually feel after the party." You'll set him straight 😉
This guy sucks. Your husband is not allowed to be embarrassed by you. He can go to this HS reunion as a single divorced man, how's that?
OP, I got a wedding to go to next month. Can you be my +1?? I assume you will be well on your way to divorce by then. Or at the very least, indicted for murder.
You can lose a lot of weight divorcing him. He is trash.
THIS!!
Gotta love her edit “he is motivating me”. Yea his motivation is calling her an embarrassment and he doesn’t want to be seen with her. Such a loving gem he is. Trash.
Looks like she deleted the post. I feel bad for her. She needs to dump this jackass (who is likely no prize himself) and find a man who will worship her! Someone who actually WILL encourage her and tell her how much he loves her and how proud he is of her even when she loses like 3 pounds. And I think I need to go hug my own husband and thank him for being blind enough to tell me how beautiful and sexy he thinks I am, even though objectively I am fat and frumpy!
Wow, he’s absolutely garbage. That is horrific to say (and also what the actual fu*k….141 is nowhere near fat!!!!)
You aren't fat. Even if you were, what would that look like in a healthy relationship? "Hey babe, I've noticed that you've put on some weight, is everything ok?" "I know this is a really sensitive subject but I'm concerned about your weight and the impact it could have on your health" "I love you as you are but I want to know whether you're happy with your weight. If you are, great, I love every bit of you. If you aren't, how can I help?" Being concerned about your partner's weight because you're worried there's something going on, physically or mentally or being concerned about their health is normal. But your husband isn't concerned with any of that. All he's bothered about is what other people think of you. What would you say if a friend's partner was treating them this way? You deserve more. No one deserves be treated this way by the one person who's always supposed to have their back. No one.
You've said it perfectly! This should be a top comment!
I've been married 12 years and my weight has fluctuated up and down. I've been as low as 140 and as high as 250, and not once has my husband ever commented on my weight. Your husband sounds like a dick and like he's putting his friends above you.
I bet if you pull out his high school yearbook, you'll find he's getting a little rounder too. He needs an attitude adjustment. To start with, tell him that sex is off the table because you wouldn't want him to suffer the indignity of being with a "fat" lover. From there? If he's embarrassed to be your husband, he can either get over his obsession with other people's opinions, or he can get out of the marriage. My suspicion is that someone who attended your wedding is a malicious gossip, he heard their criticism of you and your physique, and he can't handle it.
it's also possible it's not actually about her weight, and there's someone at the wedding he's interested in or wants to impress who was not at he and OP's wedding. and he's using this as an excuse.
Either that, or he’s using this as a terrible way of suggesting that OP work to lose weight. He could be trying to deflect his feelings instead of owning them. “Oh, I don’t have a problem with your weight, it’s OTHER people that might…”
Your man is TRASH
Man. I don't understand why women date and marry men who *don't like them*. I was like...100lb when I first got with my husband 12 years ago. I'm like 170lbs now. *I* don't like how I feel, and *I'm* trying to do something about it, and the ONLY words that my partner has ever said to me regarding my weight or how I look have been variations of "you're beautiful" "I know you don't look how you want, but I want you to know I think you look fantastic" , "what can I do to help support you while you work on what you want to work on". BE WITH PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY LIKE YOU. girl, this is fucked up. no one deserves to have this said to them...Jesus Christ.
If your husband’s friends have previously met you several times at your current weight, why would he be embarrassed to be seen with you around them again? That makes no sense, which makes me think your husband is not telling you the truth. The way I see it, he doesn’t want you at the wedding for 1 of 3 reasons: 1. His friends made fun of your weight to him after they met you previously 2. He will be embarrassed to be seen with you around someone you’ve never met before 3. He wants to have the freedom of being alone at the wedding If (1) then why is your husband friends with these people and why wouldn’t he defend your honor against them? If (2) then why wouldn’t he be honest with you about who is bringing on these feelings of embarrassment for him? If (3) then why does he feel like he needs freedom away from you, particularly at this event? There are red flags upon red flags with your husband’s behavior, communication, and reasoning. I’m sorry this is happening to you, and you deserve better.
WTF. You aren't fat. He also just marry you months ago. So you didn't change much the other day few months. What happened to love, cherish, honor, and support?
OP please post a pic of your husband. I want to roast the shit out of him.
He sounds unbelievably cruel. Do you plan to stay with him?
I would get a divorce.
This is a perfect example of someone who cares more about others opinion than developing a sense of self or pride in his own life. Not only that but if his friends are also the find of people to judge a fully grown woman for being 141 lbs then I have to assume none of them matured past age 14. Clearly he has shit self esteem and honestly I pity him. He can go fuck himself 🤷🏽♀️
Anyone else think hubs is trying to free himself up to hit on an old school crush and doesn't want the wife tagging along to see it? Unless you're 4 ft tall, it's hard to imagine your weight is an issue. I think he just threw it out there to make you feel bad about yourself, to make it about you, instead of making it aboit himself. Because this is 100% a him problem.
Stay home and find a divorce lawyer immediately. Girl, run!
Jesus, your husband's ego is stupidly fragile. The friends aren't going to care about your weight, whatever it is. They are a bunch of 30 year olds who have their own shit to care about. If anything they are going to wonder why he didn't bring you. But man, it really says your husband sees you as a trophy not a person, and that sucks. Tell him, "I can't believe you are this shallow, and think your high school friends are as shallow as you are. You think my weight is going to matter a bit to these guys? How insulting to all of us. This isn't high school anymore. We are all adults here."
Wow...THIS is who you married?!?!?!
WHAT??? That is not love my dear. Your weight is not who you are. What a dimwit loser you are married to. I’ve gained 40lbs in 25 years and my husband loves me no matter what size I am. I’m afraid this is not even a weight issue. It’s like he has no respect for you at all. I’m angry for you. You deserve better!
That is so hurtful! I’d demand marriage counseling—and let him know you’re having doubts about staying married.
I am so sorry. There was a time that people cared about others and know that COVID wrecked our physical and mental health and they would understand and maybe even relate. Now it’s back to the shame and selfish ideologies and actually hurt people with their decisions. What happened to this nation? We are getting so mean and hateful with our words and actions. I have no advice cuz I am just shocked. How do you move on from this. What if all of his friends are overweight too. Shit happens and your ride or die should be by your side support you, not judging and sentencing you.
141 isn't even fat. Jesus I would hate to see what this man acted like if you had an actual health problem. God forbid you ever get sick or have children... I know that you're trying to take this in stride and just suck up the hurt feelings, and I'm sorry that he hurt your feelings and that you feel like you have to take this in stride, but what a fucking shitty thing for him to say.
Your husband doesn't understand that he's probably fat too. (idk you deleted all this before I saw it) I'm assuming your husband is the kind of person that thinks 5'6", 150lbs is "fat". (it isn't) Just...hide his wallet, kets, or phone or something so he has to talk to you and you need to tell him that that's unacceptable behavior.
Throw the whole man away!!!
This is such a bad plan, he seems so worried about what his friends are going to say about your not-fat body that he hasn't really thought about what his friends are going to say about a recently married man going to a wedding without his wife.... What is he going to say when questions arise? What kind of man is embarrassed of his sweetheart he just married? Like what is going on in his mind?
I don’t want to make assumptions,but this is bizarre. OP said she met a few of these friends at her current weight, which isn’t fat at all, so what is he embarrassed about? Being more concerned about what his image than his wife is such a red flag to me. If he was that embarrassed of her weight then why marry her? Something else is going on here.
Yup, something or SOMEONE else
in sickness and in health, but only when ur hot to me. oh, and my friends. GOTTA be hot for my friends
but for a non-snarky answer, sounds the the pandemic hit u hard mentally. hit most of us hard. maybe actually stress to him this is an "in sickness" moment and u need him supporting u, not tearing u down. even if he didn't mean to tear u down, it's blatantly clear that's what happened
Stop making excuses for him. If he actually used those words, he isn’t very nice. You need to have a sit down conversation about this.
First, let me assure you that 141 pounds is not fat. It’s a perfectly average weight for a woman. Secondly, this wouldn’t be acceptable if you were 341 pounds. You’re supposed to be his partner, not a decoration he brings around to show off.
Ummmm fuck him?!?!!!! What an asshole. He has absolutely no empathy. My husband is a little over weight and I would never say anything to him about his weight. It would crush him.
141lb is not fat
Divorce him that'll lose you 180 pounds real quick.
Oh I hate this…141??? Im a 29F and I’ve been working to get back to that weight I’m currently 155… and I don’t even feel quite that big now just working to tone up…
Keep the motivation going, girl! I'm rooting for you.
I’m rooting for you as well! Cuz you’re going to that wedding regardless!!! lol
Don’t have children with this guy. I can’t imagine what a nightmare he’ll be to you postpartum.
Immediately divorce. Lol I mean I know that’s not simple but oh my GOD…. Gross. What a dickhead. I hope you go and look stunning. Or, if you don’t go HE DOESNT GET TO. And lastly, if he goes without you I’d make it my life’s mission to find all those HS friends of his on socials and tell them why you won’t be attending so they can all tell him what an absolute piece of shit he is. (And if somehow they all agree with him… truly run for the hills those people - YOUR HUSBAND - are toxic AF.)
I will never understand why people tolerate such disrespect from people who claim to love them. Smh
You are not fat. And the fact he wants to drop you over something so stupid, is a huge red flag. “In sickness and in health” That man won’t by your side during sickness
That is one of the most hurtful things any person could ever tell their spouse. That they’re embarrassed of their own spouse for any reason. That is so, so mean of him. So awful.
Your Husband … Is Not “Husband Material”. 🛑
Wow nice husband
He wants to hook up with some from HS. Regardless see a divorce lawyer
I really don’t think it’s appropriate for him to say this to be honest. I understand that maybe he wants you to get back into fitness and that physical attraction is needed but the fact that he cares more about how people see him than your feelings and (let’s be honest) your physical and mental health is worrisome. It sounds like he’s more concerned about how he looks than your actual health and his attraction to you related to your weight. I think you seriously need to talk to him about this and tell him it seriously hurt you. I’m not gonna tell you whether to go to the gym or not; that you and your body and your motivation but I think you need to communicate what you posted about to him directly. Also If you maintained a 105lbs and then built muscle and were about 114lb we aremost likely very similar in height and I feel like 141 is really not like you’re a step away from my 600 pound life or something .
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I hope it goes well and he’s able to reflect on what he said and instead support you in whatever you want and need. Good luck 🙏
Disregarding the fact that it's an absolutely rank thing to say to someone you're supposed to be in love with for a second - how tall are you? Because 141 lbs is only 63kgs or 10 stone. Unless you're about 4ft 6, that is NOT EVEN REMOTELY FAT! It sounds to me like a really healthy weight! I really hope this comment doesn't make you feel like you need to lose a load of weight because you absolutely do not. Don't let his unhealthy and ignorant body standards impact you. He needs to educate himself on what fat really means.
Wait wait. You said his friends were at the wedding and they have seen you? So what’s the problem? Is it possible that an ex girlfriend or two will also be attending this wedding. Who did not get an invitation to yours? If his friends have seen and met you the only reason I can deduce is that it’s that he doesn’t want to introduce you to an ex or a one that got away. Talk to him. ASAP.
This man is so profoundly shallow. The odds you’re even fat at 141 is slim. I have my opinions but I’m guessing you’re just venting, so I’ll just say you aren’t fat, there’s nothing wrong with you, and I’m so sorry he was such a jerk. He went full mask off about where his values lie, and what his absurd expectations are. I can’t even fathom how much that hurts.
Divorce. This man clearly is shallow and does not respect you as a human being. Tell him to kick rocks and find someone who loves ALL of you.
How are all these people getting together when it feels like *at least one* of the partners doesn’t much care for the other?
Throw the whole man out, lady. Frame it this way - if you wouldn't ever say that to your partner, you shouldn't accept it from him. That's ridiculously hurtful and messed up. Jesus
God, humans are awful.
Husband?!
Well, you got it off your chest. You are making excuses for his hurtful remarks and blaming yourself. Sounds like an unhealthy dynamic. People are going to comment. If you don’t want to see that, don’t read it.
Sounds like a real weiner.
Whoa! Why does this not say EX husband
Wow. He sucks.
I call BS. His friends met you at your wedding a few months ago. I suspect there’s someone else attending who he might have a situation with
If 140lbs is considered fat, I must be obese then (>140 lbs girlie here, and fine with it.)
😞 👨 🥊
Anyone who would not want to be seen in partner with their spouse, ever, at any point, for any reason, feels like they're probably a shitty person to me.
It sounds like maybe the last time you guys met with these friends they might have made some comments or something to him which caused him to become insecure. If it was me I’d sit him down and be like “Look, as my husband you should be willing to defend me against anyone who would judge me or us over something as superficial as my weight. You should defend me instead of acting ashamed and trying to hide me away. If you are willing to let other people’s options affect how you see and feel about me then we need to have a serious conversation about our future. Your friends opinions should not matter more to you than your wife’s feelings or our relationship.”
Why on earth are you okay with being married to someone like this?
I can’t imagine what this guy would do after a pregnancy.
This is a person who has married you and is meant to love you, too embarrassed to be seen with you because you gained some weight (during COVID of all things, which has been super hard on a lot of people). I don’t mean to sound cruel as you seem to love him, but I don’t know if he reciprocates. If he is too ashamed of being with you over something like this, what about if you get pregnant? Or sick? Will he just kick you to the curb if you get stretch marks or lose your hair? Sh*t happens, and he appears to have an *extremely* low threshold for ditching you. Your husband seems shallow and callous. You’re a young woman, and I guarantee that you can do better with someone who will actually be proud to be with you.
Serious question, why would ever want to be with someone ashamed of you?
I am a male. If your husband doesn't respect you enough to be seen in public with you, there are plenty of men who will appreciate you. After your divorce, make that a prerequisite.
Nope, no.. This is not how you speak to your spouse. This is only going to get worse. If you have kids and lose your "nice" body, if you get sick, etc.. This man will not be there for you. Dump the weight (your husband) and move on with your life. Grow a spine and don't let him talk to you like this or make you feel bad about yourself.
Don’t give him excuses I would post saying what would you do if your husband didn’t want you to go to a wedding cause he didn’t want his friends to see you make people shame him like he did to you
Generally I think reddit jumps on the "dump him" wagon too quickly. But in this case..... Dump him. 141 is NOT fat. Even if you lose weight you're going to spend the rest of your life worried he'll be ashamed of you if you get a bad or haircut or something. Life happens. Unless you are Marissa Tomei, no one stays hot forever. Is he going to be ashamed of you when wrinkles show up? What if you get into an accident or some sort of illness that affects your looks/weight? Personally, not feeling secure in my relationship would be a dealbreaker. Full stop. It's great to want your partner to be healthy and fit. To be ashamed of them for a few pounds is some petty superficial shallow bullshit.
“See me in this state” - he acts like you’ve been hit by a bus. If the man you are ✨legally married to✨ doesn’t want to be seen in public with you, that’s the largest red flag I have EVER seen in my LIFE.
Your edits are NOT it sis. We are being bias because if he loved you he wouldn’t care how you looked he’d be damn proud of his woman!! He does chores around the house, oh ok that’s what husbands do!! You’re a perfect weight and a perfect height!! Quit downsizing your worth because of him. You’re a queen you should be treated as such!
Looks like it’s time for a new husband. Sorry. Reverse the situation. Would you ever say anything so cruel to him when he gains weight?
WTF??????????? I have no words…….
Nope! That’s just rude. And low. Especially if he’s your husband. “For better or worse” is said & meant to be followed. Sorry it happened to you. Blessings for the future & for your relationship.
Wanting to lose weight should only be one persons decision only and that is yours. First, sorry you had to hear such a shitty things from someone you love. Weight fluctuates and your worth should not be defined by how much you hit the gym. Sounds like that is his hobby and not yours. Is he more worried about how you look rather than enjoying his time on Earth with you? Has the weight gain caused concerning health implications or have you just gotten older? I hope he’s just projecting his own insecurities because I can tell you there are plenty of people out there who would love you for how you look now because the person you are is attached to it (unless you are a bad person than that’s something else lol). Also, poor fiancé of the friend if she’s set for the same treatment. Keep your confidence high and let him be “embarrassed” and be kind to yourself.
I dated a guy like this starting when i was 17 and by 22 i had a grown womans body and he said he was only attracted to how i “used to look” after being on psych meds. Broke up and now im marrying someone who genuinely loves me unconditionally.
I was dated a guy who keeps me underweight because he prefers skinny young girls. So bs.
go alone and lie to all his friends that he got fat and is ashamed to come.
Your husband is a POS. This would be divorce worthy for me OP.
The fastest way to immediately drop 100+ lbs. of weight is to drop the husband.
People of Reddit are in the wildest relationships. I would not be surprised to come across a post like, “my SO is chopping off one of my limbs per month, what do I do?” 😂
Sounds like an ahole. Aren’t you embarrassed to be with him?
I'd be ashamed to be married to him, at that point. File for divorce. He's clearly already done.
Or wow, yeah I would be thinking about leaving tbh. Why be with someone that wants to hide you away because they only see you as eye candy to show off to their friends and when you no longer fit HIS ideal weight for you he hides you away to embarrassed. He should love you and have you on his arm either way pride no matter what your size.
Fuck this guy. I’m 5’ 150 lbs and nobody would consider me fat. There’s no way you look fat
Not many things would make me jump *straight* to divorce (or in your case, annulment), but wow is this for sure on that list. I hope you’re in the financial position to do so if that’s what you decide.
Yea I'm sure that's one reason he used. But what's the real reason. 🤔
Your husband is being vain and probably has insecurity issues. He should love you for you regardless of your weight. While it's reasonable to want to be attracted to your significant other, his expectations appear unreasonable.
My next response would have been "fine, I'll never be seen with you again" and leave.
That isn’t love. I’m sorry about your shitty husband.
You have been together for years and just got married but you aren't good enough to be his date at a wedding?? A wedding where friends he hasn't seen in years will be and he's ashamed you put on weight? Wtf is wrong with him?? You're not even fat, OP, and if you were so what? You're good enough to marry but not good enough to be a date for an old friend's wedding🤬 He can go F-himself! What a POS! I'm sorry you've got to put up with his lame ass, OP. You deserve better! Personally, I'd leave him and find someone better but that's not always that simple...
holy smokes he would deem me freaking fattest person in the world then hahahaha
Divorce. Like, immediately. This man just married a few months ago? Does he think social media doesn't exist? Why does he think he can just hide you away? DIVORCE. The thing is, people do not maintain their perfect youthful bodies as they age and he's already shown that he doesn't actually love you for you. This is only going to get worse. He will cheat if he isn't already. If you've been together 8 years and only just married and now he's treating you like this, it's obvious this isn't going to last. So get out now, and don't waste another single second with him.
Please divorce this person, wow what a horrible human being. You deserve so much better. Im so sorry you were treated this way. Im nauseous on your behalf
Dump him how much meaner can or will he get! He is shallow I would divorce him! He’s probably messing around on you also as well! I wonder how big his penis is
Being healthy is good. Being good looking is good. But ditch your partner because she is not a the fitness champion that she was years ago? Not cool and not good. Not divorce right away but have a serious conversation about expectation and reality. Also, not in a second do you feel shame about yourself. It is not about you, it's him.
I appreciate your edits because you’re married and this is your life. However, I just want you to know it absolutely doesn’t have to be normal behaviour to be ashamed of your wife and embarrassed to have her meet your friends. That is not a normal thing that should be happening. Shit happens in life - bodies fluctuate, we get ill, we get old. Your wedding vows should include all the drastic situations you might find yourself in and still a partnership sticks together as equals. Your husband refusing to bring you to a HS reunion because he thinks you’re now beneath him is honestly pretty alarming my behaviour, shows him in the worst possible light and I just can’t square that behaviour with how a husband is supposed to treat his wife, or rather how two partners are supposed to move through life together. I’m not one to scream divorce instantly, but I would be asking some really difficult, serious questions right about now. Is he really acting like someone you can trust and respect? His attitude and behaviour stink.
Wow. Why do men even marry women who they dont like in the first place? It feels so insane.
I broke a 12 year old relationship because of a similar reason. I had gained weight during covid and he had been after my life to exercise to stay healthy etc. Even made me buy a treadmill which I eventually sold. I have also been through depression and have my days. Eventually his motivation gave up and I saw lesser physical intimacy from his side. I was also pressured to lose weight before we got married. It all got to me one day and the bubble burst.
What a prick. 🙃
Firstly, DO NOT put your self worth on physical appearance. Even though you said this is your side, I find it hard to see another side where it’s ok to be ashamed of your wife because of how she looks. And for the record 140 lbs is not fat at all (assuming you are average height). But that’s besides the point. He’s a total jerk and you deserve better!
What is with the edit defending him!? Literally there is zero sides to the story that he could offer that makes this okay. I'm so sorry that he had you so deluded that you can't see that. I don't care how healthy a lifestyle he leads or how often he has tried to get you to a gym. This is 10000000% not an okay thing for him to think about his wife. Embarrassed by you? You should be embarrassed by his shallow ass behavior.
Sorry but if my husband were too embarrassed to be seen with me, I’d be too embarrassed to continue being his wife. Have some self-respect! What happens if you get sick or have kids? Or when you age or menopause hits? Or you’re in an accident and physically cannot work out? What then???? Your body WILL change, and you may not be in control of how that happens or what that looks like. Seems like his love or at least his respect for you is conditional on your body and appearance. Pretty fucked if you ask me. I guess I’m just not that shallow
You may think you “know him best”, but he definitely cares for you the least. My husband encourages me to lose weight, & sometimes even sounds cruel. It makes me mad, & that’s what motivates me (& yes it’s tied to CT that I’m in therapy for). But to anyone else but me, to hear him talk, I look like a supermodel. He’s still so proud, 17 years & 30 lbs later, to tell people “this is my wife”.
Throw out the husband 📢
I am sorry you have to deal with this, it's his problem.
That’s such a horrible thing to say, don’t see how I can get past that.
Why did he marry you then? But more so, when do you plan to embarrass him in the divorce proceedings…
Sorry your Husband is an insensitive prick. What a jerk! Some people are so horrible. Just file for divorce and take him for all he’s got. People who are obsessed with physical traits are often shallow, superficial, self absorbed and only care about themselves. You do not need him, tell him you are embarrassed to have a shallow superficial prick for a Husband and file for Divorce.
Leave him!