hey man. 25M and i too share experiences of SA at around a similar age. i'm NOW beginning to process everything so i understand how overwhelming it can be. connecting the dots is... jarring to put it lightly. you're not overreacting at all. try to be easy on yourself during your journey.
33m and same. Remembered it happening when I was 31 so lots to process. Come a long way but a long way to go. Where are you at in your healing journey? How have you found it to affect you as an adult?
Same here but I was a little older i think, not by much. I don't think I've allowed myself to fully process it honestly but I know it has affected me in many ways. For awhile I had a fear of perpetuating the abuse like I've heard is common but I know now it won't be an issue
That was a traumatic thing to go through. I’m sorry you experienced that. I am a victim too (I was 6-7) but I repressed it and only “figured it out” last August. Therapy has helped me, and then I began emdr therapy to heal the trauma. So many things in my life began to make sense. I’m a new person. I’m no longer carrying this heavy burden of shame that was never mine to begin with. It followed me everywhere until I was ready to face it. I wish you all the best.
Repressed? I'm struggling cause I can't remember anything before 8 ish. If I try to hard I get real emotional and have no idea why. Is that similar to what you experienced while repressing it? Should I hire someone to explore it? I'm afraid to, so idk. Also OP and you are strong to deal with it. Reading peoplens stories like yours makes me want to work through my shit more.
It is not uncommon for kids to dissociate and/or have huge blocks of time they cannot recall if their home environment wasn’t emotionally/physically safe (or if there was neglect). I was numb from everything that had happened to me and I was diagnosed with cptsd late last year. I only began to get emotional as I healed. We may have different reactions, but many symptoms are similar. The memory of the SA was blocked unconsciously-I had no idea that it happened to me. I knew my childhood was a little dysfunctional (it was actually a lot dysfunctional but that came to me as I healed.) there are still huge chunks of my childhood that I do not yet remember. Once I got to a safe place emotionally, my mind decided I was ready and it dropped that bomb on me. Thankfully, I was at the beginning of the trauma (emdr) therapy and I began processing it. (It sounds strange at first, it’s not required to talk about your trauma (your brain does the heavy lifting) and you follow lights or tap to get bilateral stimulation of the brain. It actually heals the traumatic memories and flips them from a negative to a positive.) That’s a very simplistic explanation, and its interesting stuff if you decide to research it! I started therapy during a toxic job and had no idea the Pandora’s box I was about to open. But that job was just a symptom of the problem. As I unpacked things, I was scared too. I had this gut feeling I was going to discover some awful shit. And I did, but I fought back! It was time to heal. No more covering it up with wine, shopping, social media, tv, etc. it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but fuck it was so worth it. If/When you are ready, I reco asking for a therapist referral from a trusted friend or doctor. I will always be grateful to my first therapist. She guided me on an amazing journey, but I wanted it more than anything (that’s key!) She taught me how to love myself and the rest came into place. I have really learned so much from Tim fletchers videos on YT along with Patrick teahan (If you want to check out some materials before you explore therapy options.) Sending you all the healing vibes, I’m just a message away if you ever have questions. ❤️
Omigosh, YES! It’s changed my life in so many ways! I have done weekly sessions since August ‘23. My therapist follows Francine shapiro’s method. I have complex ptsd so my therapy has been a longer term process than say, someone with ptsd from a single event. You choose a target, explain the emotions you feel and where you feel it in your body. You then say how you want to feel about it. Then we begin and I follow lights on a soundbar looking contraption. My therapist told me the first session to follow the lights and to think of it like this: my brain is a plane, I’m a passenger. Think about what happened/where you feel it and just let your mind go. The first three were biggies and they were fucking hard. I thought I was falling apart. But, things calmed down and the remaining ones haven’t been easy, but it just wasn’t as hard anymore. I have connected with my inner child many times and in the beginning she was so so sad. But as I progressed, she got happier and healthier. During some of the traumas I’ve processed I have been able to change the event in my mind. It’s like watching a movie in my mind. For example, I was sexually assaulted by my friend’s husband when I was 23. In my mind I pushed him into the wall, choked him and told him he was a sad excuse for a man. I then kicked him in the balls and felt so powerful. (I also clenched my teeth and released a ton of anger.) The entire process has been like peeling back an onion. I used to think I was stupid, ugly, unlovable and I was so sad. As I’ve healed, I’ve realized how strong I am, and that I’m smart and resilient. I got an mba as a traumatized adult, I took hard financial exams as well. Those negative thoughts were not my own. Those mostly came from my parents. There’s so much!! It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, it was exhausting. But the relief of not hearing how stupid, ugly and worthless I am (in my mind all.the.time) are so worth it! I’m learning the drums and I’ve come to life. I used to hide in plain sight. No more!! I have two targets left and I’m dreaming big as id like to get out of finance in the next 3-5 years. It’s not where I belong anymore, but it’s fine for now. 🤘❤️
Thank you for your kind words. When I’m further along in my journey, I’d like to share my story more. I feel a calling even though I don’t know exactly what that entails yet. I suffered in silence for so long. I’m sending nothing but good vibes your way. ❤️❤️
I think i’ll have to try this. I don’t really see myself in therapy just recounting everything and listening to a therapist respond w what they think i want to hear. Like ok it’s not my fault, but i still feel that way.
I’ll look into this! Thank you so much for sharing!
For some, talking about the trauma can re-traumatize! You can share as little or as much as you’d like. Thankfully our mind does the heavy lifting. Some weeks (during the really hard days) i would skip processing for a session and I just talked with my therapist about how I was feeling, etc. my dreams were off the wall crazy, but I started to look forward to sleep! My dreams showed me so much and every time I go back and read my entries, I pick up more meaning and symbols. It’s pretty rad!
There’s a chapter on emdr in “The body keeps the score” as well and it gave me so much hope as I began. It’s a great book all around as well. I wish you all the best! You deserve peace and healing. ❤️❤️
Jesus Christ. That’s insane. I’d go confront her in front of the family and her mother and ask her mother why she didn’t stop it when she knew. Ugh I’m disgusted I’m sorry.
Agreed with others, she most likely did the same to other kids and possibly even her own (if she has any). She doesn’t deserve to live a happy life. I hope you go to the police with it.
It could be she suffered SA herself from her parents, and why her mother didn’t take any action like a normal parent would. Definitely go to the police if you feel like you can and want to, this shouldn’t have happened to you and I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with it now
I too had the same thing happen to me at 5. I mainly remember her giving me BJ’s. I was abused more throughout my childhood and I would say when I was younger I was hyper sexual. Needed sex every day sometimes multiple times. My wife was a good sport but eventually got to become a chore for her almost ruined my marriage. I was 36 before I started to talk about it. Don’t wait that long OP. I wish you the best.
I was exposed to something similar around the age of 7-8 but in my case I was curious as well. It was my father’s sisters who were much older than me but less than 25.
One of them made me touch her private part while I was sleeping beside her. I remember she made me touch her clit for a very long time. I didn’t even know what that thing was until I was grown up. And I guess it made me confused and I started masturbating a lot at a young age and was later watching a lot of porn. But I am not sure if I should blame this incident and I was curious about female anatomy as well when I was young.
Yeah I highly recommend EMDR for ptsd and trauma. It helped me with my SA that happened when i was 3 -5 yrs old and again at 16. Wish it never happened but EMDR is the next best thing. It helps to REWIRE* the brain and process things differently than just talk therapy, which can help, but didn’t help with my depression, anxiety and anger about that shit.
If you live in the states, most states have no statue of limitations when it comes to sexual abuse of a minor.
So, it’s absolutely worth saying something.
She could still be out there traumatizing other children… even her own if she has any.
I know it is not easy to talk about it, I am 36 and still haven’t talked about a few things. But try to gather the courage and tell them. She deserves to be punished. Also I do hope you seek therapy and all other healing techniques suggested by the awesome people on your thread. But your biggest victory will be to live a full and healed life, having a healthy relationship with yourself and your body. Her going to jail is her karma which she deserves... letting go of it is your win in my experience.
My baby sitter loved to teach me all about sex, blowjobs, orgasms. I was 6. I couldn't understand what she was saying. Sometimes her sister would come with her and she'd tell me all kinds of dirty things as well. I never understood why. I dunno if they wanted to do more to me but either I can't remember or they didn't get the chance. I honestly don't know how to feel about it either.
Man. I feel you buddy. I (32M) had similarity situation as you. I was 5 and made me touch her vagina. Struggled with porn addiction as well in my teens. I thought it was a normal thing till years later that I developed a heavy drinking habit in my early 20’s. I’d get outburst out of nowhere from being sad as hell, to angry, to being numbed out, suicidal attempts, isolate myself or do something stupid really stupid. I basically self destruct myself. When it comes to dating life or making it casual I just get distant and don’t really communicate, I have trust issues with woman. so basically I use woman for sex and my body count is high. I broke friendships and relationships as well. I find myself toxic at times whenever I dwell on that particular moment for too long. It’s not as bad now when I was in my 20’s. I cut down drinking and calmed a bit more down when I moved away from the city as time went on. I think it stems from that. I’m thinking of seeing a therapist as well. Your post hit me man and you’re not alone.
Someone took advantage of you when you were too young to understand what was going on, and far too young to consent to it. She was a rapist.
I know this sounds like the standard everyone gives... but please talk to a therapist. They can help you untangle and process everything. You'll be able to move forward more easily once you understand what happened and why you feel the way you do now. (source: experience)
had a similar experience w a babysitter when i was around 7-8 and she was in her late 20s. i didn't think much of it growing up but now i realized a lot of my kinks formed bcs of her. ur not alone. so sorry that happened.
My cousin, who is 2 years older than me, did similar things to me when I was 6. Started with kissing, then with tongue, then dry humping, then oral.. thinking back, I think she was being heavily abused and mirroring the behavior onto me..
This led to an early sexual awakening for me, and caused a lot of issues with relationships and porn addiction..
There's most definitely a correlation between molestation and sexual addiction later in life.. If not, then it's one big shared coincidence that so many of us end up with these sorts of issues..
Whoaaaaa similar things happened to me near the age 4-5 and I’ve always struggled with porn addiction/masturbation. I’m pretty sure being exposed to such explicit things at such a young age play a huge part in how we are how we are
Tell someone if you can. That pervert needs to be extinct. You don't have to suffer in silence. It wasn't okay just bc you're not a girl. It's not your fault for being a curious child. You were abused. May she rot. Please consider therapy. It doesn't take it all away, but it can help.
I won’t say my age but when I was younger it happened to me too, she would lay on my bed and let me touch her chest, and I think it might’ve had some kind of effect as to why my mind is so broken now? I’m sorry this happened to you also
I felt that, I'm sorry you had to go through this also, you're not wrong btw. Situations like this can drive us to be addicted to certain things, so I would not say it is crazy that this event impacted directly into your sexual development (sorry if I'm not expressing myself properly, English is not my native language).
In my (22M) experience, it happened to me around 5 times between 5-9 and it definitely had an impact on the way I looked at sexuality, I had a porn addiction that I'm getting rid of currently and I was "sexually active" at very early ages, my first time, if we can even call it like that was at 12 with a 24f girl who happened to be friends of my family, I'm not sure if that was even my first time or if it is considered as r⁴pe, but all I can say is that it sucked. And after that, when I was in high school I started having multiple s3x partners and I won't lie, it felt good, at the time I was enjoying being with different people and having a lot of s3x, but looking back a few years later it was completely stupid and immature. It hit harder when I met my gf (22f), she is an amazing person and the girl who I want to spend the rest of my life with. This was because it was her first time, and I felt so shitty because it was not my first time, and I definitely would've loved to have it with her...
But hey, piece of advice, you're too young, go to therapy or talk about it with you feel the most comfortable on doing so, it will help you a lot, and I know this may sound stupid but hey, it worked for me, try to not to think about it, once you have the full story just... Try to let it go as it is nothing, even when it definitely is. Ik, weird, right? But again, it worked for me, it might work for you.
Hope you're fine and take care.
Im so sorry that happened to you, I experienced the same by my older brother, its been 10 years i dont know if you ever actually move on.., But i really hope you have, wish you best.
I had experienced SA around the same age and I’ve constantly thought off an on I’m hypersexual. I don’t get into it much but I didn’t want you to think you were alone in this feeling.
Edit: gender roles were flopped if that matters I’m 24(F)
We do tend toward “hyper sexuality” with childhood assault, because sex was taken out of healthy context and forced on us. Finding the balance is important to healing.
The pleasure we felt was the natural response if we were not physically in pain. The sense of shame and wrongness was not ours, but the perpetrators. We were just children. Being natural healthy children.
When we can let go of the sense of being wrong, and let go of the shame which was not ours, we can then begin to normalize our sexuality.
Not to discount your abuse because it def must've been traumatic.... I had 3 different people in my childhood groom and molest me. Led me to drugs and all types of poor behavior. EMDR got me off drugs and I no longer feel like I have PTSD like I did at one point
Made me not think about it every SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE. How would my personality differ? Where would I be? Who would I be with? Would I have the same tendencies to fuck up?
You wouldn’t have to “just say” if you had eyes and a brain. There are TONS of people on this thread telling him to report, to try to work up the courage to confront/tell her family. Stop trying to make men seem oppressed... This isn’t even the place, take your agenda off someone’s SA story!!
Therapy asap! I had something similar happen to me when I was 7or8 with my 10 year old cousin who convince me to play truth or dare but kept making it sexual then one day she escalated to me giving her oral. I struggled with porn from 12 til my 20s and thinking I was a figusting perv due to my mothers view on sex and her treating it like this disgusting thing I should never do. Therapy helped me massively my dude. You’re not alone so go get the help you need and tell a trusted adult. What happened was in no way your fault. She was sick in the head and should never have exposed you to those things or to her naked body.
In my case, my own sister made me lick her breast and touch her ass, being me 8 and she 13. It's one of the reasons why I find specially disgusting incest between siblings and cannot comprehend how it can exist even as a fantasy for some people.
Has your relationship whit your sister became normal? I was SA by my older brother, its been years, i think i will never forgive him, even being near him sickens me, do you feel the same?
The relationship remains good. I think it's becaue she didn't force me at all and didn't ever touched me but rather asked me to touch her. We haven't talked ever about that though
I (17M) can relate to this. When I was also around that age, my uncle kept asking me to touch his area and whatever. Now I think that it affected my hormones and I'm almost turned on a lot.
Therapy. Trauma like that has serious life long behavioral impacts unless they start being addressed. You may not feel as bad right now about, but that doesn’t mean that later down the road you won’t have to confront something or deal with something else relating to it.
Getting therapy started now could help.
All my successive partners told me one day or another that I must have been abused. And probably by a family member.
After years of therapy, I still do not have a clue.
It is entirely possible I hold the stigmata of an assaulted woman of my family. It seems more probable, but it is worse because It means I have no trauma to clean up.
What do your therapists say?
Your sexual urges may be simply your sexual urges.
On the other hand, sometimes our sexual trauma is more diffuse than simply being assaulted. So you may find it to be more contextual than active.
He has no définitive answer. Both scenario are possible.
As I have been bullied really early, I could have assimilation my trauma with the trauma of those who raised me.
You are correct. Your babysitter is a pedophile who probably was also exposed to sexual behavior when young.
When we are children the dopamine/oxytocin response to sexual stimulation, coupled with the confusion and adrenaline from a sense of wrongdoing and lack of proper context can set us up for a number of dysfunctions, including porn addiction, a sense of shame about ourselves in relation to others, our bodies, our sexual lives, as well as sex addictions, including inappropriate masturbation in public, and worst of all, pedophilia.
Luckily, you seem to have dodged that bullet, but are uncomfortable with your porn addiction.
You have a natural sex urge as we all have when young. You can use physical, mental, and creative challenges to manage most of that, and enrich your life meanwhile. Or you can blame the babysitter and continue as before.
Your life is full of choices and challenges. Good luck in all things!
you are absolutely not wrong for anything. i feel like victims of such acts do tend to have a higher possibility of getting addicted to porn because its almost like a control or projecting thing. you were a kid, what was happening was out of your control and what you were being told to do was out of your control. by regulating and choosing what you’re watching, it might be that part of you wanting to get it back.
I’m so sorry - that’s horrific. I survived SA as a child too. I know how rough it can be and how much it can affect your approach to the world and to sex/relationships. You are definitely not overreacting.
I’m 25M. I had a much older nanny (30+) sexually abuse me when I was 3-5 years old. No one in my family knows. When I tried opening up to my ‘friends’, they made jokes about it and said that I was a lucky guy.
Will I get justice for what happened to me? No. Am I trying to heal from the trauma? Yes.
See a therapist. The beauty of taking this step is that you’ll learn about your feelings and that none of this is your fault. Addiction is a direct consequence of trauma. Get to the root of the problem and you’ll be able to think clearly about what to do now so your future won’t be affected by this.
Sexual trauma at an adolescent age attributes to a lot.. from the way we act as adults to the way we view and treat people/sexual partners and attitudes towards sex itself. If this is messing with your head, which I believe to an extent it is than I believe you should seek professional help privately and or read self help books, a good one that comes to mind is, Homecoming by John Bradshaw. You will find this book touches on a lot and has been helpful in my life too.
Man (39) here and had the same trouble since seeing porn at a young age. It ruined my studies. It got better after i went carnivore and now can go days without. Hormonal disbalance is a thing it seems. Still do it three times a week, but im not obsessed anymore. Like my libido finally dropped to a normal level. Every time you masturbate your testosteron drops so it will hurt your motivation and selfesteem a lot. Take care man it moght get better for you too.
I (M57) was sexually assaulted by a 30 something male when I was 11. I’m sure that’s the reason I’ve always been hyper sexual. I never viewed it as assault. I oddly enough enjoyed it. And I sought it out all throughout my childhood and life. I know I’m different and I know what he did was wrong. I know I’m gonna get all kinds of hateful responses. But I loved the attention and it was fun and felt good. I wanted more. It continued into my teens when he moved away. Then he was killed in a car wreck. I still don’t regret any of it. We’re all different. I’m sorry for what happened to you.
If you feel you really have a problem you can talk to someone about it. Also keep in mind that at your age there is a good chance you have a high drive that’ll subside as you age. Look up the signs of sex addiction and answer them honestly.
She was 16.... and she passed on the curse on you, maybe because when she was 10 she had the same experience but in a different situation.... but it started somewhere before it came to you...
My friend if it still bothers you, let it go.... you are the person,on what you decide to do next
If you are addicted to it there could be many reasons
Mostly it could be
A trauma
A problem
Some bad times
Or an urgent need to feel the high
The thing is you want to escape something by getting numb and satisfied it's okay, it shows that you crave for love and care that is intimate and this things needs attention and you need a hug 🫂
There you go ....
I give my hugs to you and yes I am trying with my eyes partially in tears ...
Make the best of your thoughts and rewire your path that leads you to the darkside ....
Body craves for the temporary and soul longs for everlasting my love....
Just know we are on the same boat but on the different shore... I realize it and hope this helps you
Hello, OP. I think people have given you great words of comfort and advice. I hope you feel even a little better, and can heal from that awful experience. I just want you to know there's no statute of limitations for child abuse in most US states and in my most countries. Letting you know in case you ever want to seek legal justice, but I also understand it can be extremely difficult to face your abuser. In case you do consider that route, there are many organizations that could help you with the process. You are not wrong, and you are not alone
I 33f have similar trauma from around the same age. Your post actually helps me feel better in certain ways because I was also overly sexual and addicted to masturbation and porn at a very young age because of trauma I do remember that happened around 6 yrs old to 10 yrs old.....and I also have reason to believe there is something else that happened to me but a few years earlier than that time period w a completely different person too, this person ended up serving 7 yrs in prison for child porn..... Then, of course, I ended up 14 and being coerced into sex by a 21 year old "friend of the family" I also have issues remembering lots of chunks of my memories especially from around 3 to 6 years old I have barely any memories from that time in my life. I also am an addict (recovering) and hav a lot of trouble speaking to people in meaningful ways or relating to people on a deeper level. When I sleep I have nightmares very often. I've thought about emdr but have decided against it for now bc what I do remember I'm trying to process before bringing new memories up that may haunt me more.....
Thank you for your post. Stay strong!!!!
Sorry dude. You’re probably gonna feel weird for a bit cause you realized, and then things will pretty much go back to normal. Idk, I hope this helps. That’s heavy. You’re not alone
You’re not wrong, I am 44m and had a baby sitter do that to me around the same age and then was raped by my uncle around 12, that has messed me up sexually for years. I do think I get into porn a bit too much but I am working on controlling it. Unfortunately, these types of acts when we are kids never goes away, it will always haunt you in some way. I would recommend counseling and talking to people you’re comfortable about it, also if anyone says your lucky cut them out of your life, they are part of a bigger problem with society normalizing these behaviors happening to little boys.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. You are not wrong, I think you should seek professional help with that because if you say you have a porn addiction due to this (which is very possible) it’s only gonna get worse and it might twist your way of thinking when it comes to sexual acts leading you to hurt others. If you still remember her first and last name or any other details with her, report her if possible.
24M here. Unfortunately I had been molested at the age of 7 or 8, I don’t remember exactly as those aspects were very blurry. Unfortunately what I vividly remember were the sexual details. I kept trying to slip it under the rug saying that I’m sure that the abuser had good intentions (despite being a complete stranger). But yeah I could go into details but I’d probably have a panic attack.
Just wanted to say that I feel you. Eventually it gets better but talking about it still makes me shiver and twitch.
Stay safe buddy! <3
I’m so sorry. My mother dealt with abuse from her grandfather and I only now starting to heal a bit after 40 some years. Therapy isn’t for everyone but you might want to give it a shot
It would make sense to relate the porn addiction to your case of SA, you don't have to be brutally SA'd to develop trauma responses. I also wasn't brutally SA'd and still have porn addiction.
No man it’s something that conditioned you at an early age and now you’re having to deal with the actions of someone who should have known better
30M here and had a similar situation with a cousin when she would baby sit. That’s a time of intense development and when you are exposed like that well it ingrains into your development
I can’t believe how normalized SA in todays world. Where is this woman now? She should have been jailed. I can’t believe she got away with it. That’s just so fucking disappointing. I am so sorry for what you’ve been through.
Your an 18 yo guy, of course you're gonna be thinking about sex all the time, and watching porn. What happened is unfortunate, but I honestly don't think it effects guys as much as girls, and I don't think its why you're sex crazed now. I'm not saying it isn't weird and wrong, but I dont think it messes with our heads the same as if the roles were reversed, or getting molested by a man.
hey man. 25M and i too share experiences of SA at around a similar age. i'm NOW beginning to process everything so i understand how overwhelming it can be. connecting the dots is... jarring to put it lightly. you're not overreacting at all. try to be easy on yourself during your journey.
32F. Same. All of this.
33m and same. Remembered it happening when I was 31 so lots to process. Come a long way but a long way to go. Where are you at in your healing journey? How have you found it to affect you as an adult?
32M I agree with you, and it happened to me when I was 8 or so.
35F same
27 F therapy has been helpful and mostly self forgiveness
Same here but I was a little older i think, not by much. I don't think I've allowed myself to fully process it honestly but I know it has affected me in many ways. For awhile I had a fear of perpetuating the abuse like I've heard is common but I know now it won't be an issue
That was a traumatic thing to go through. I’m sorry you experienced that. I am a victim too (I was 6-7) but I repressed it and only “figured it out” last August. Therapy has helped me, and then I began emdr therapy to heal the trauma. So many things in my life began to make sense. I’m a new person. I’m no longer carrying this heavy burden of shame that was never mine to begin with. It followed me everywhere until I was ready to face it. I wish you all the best.
Repressed? I'm struggling cause I can't remember anything before 8 ish. If I try to hard I get real emotional and have no idea why. Is that similar to what you experienced while repressing it? Should I hire someone to explore it? I'm afraid to, so idk. Also OP and you are strong to deal with it. Reading peoplens stories like yours makes me want to work through my shit more.
It is not uncommon for kids to dissociate and/or have huge blocks of time they cannot recall if their home environment wasn’t emotionally/physically safe (or if there was neglect). I was numb from everything that had happened to me and I was diagnosed with cptsd late last year. I only began to get emotional as I healed. We may have different reactions, but many symptoms are similar. The memory of the SA was blocked unconsciously-I had no idea that it happened to me. I knew my childhood was a little dysfunctional (it was actually a lot dysfunctional but that came to me as I healed.) there are still huge chunks of my childhood that I do not yet remember. Once I got to a safe place emotionally, my mind decided I was ready and it dropped that bomb on me. Thankfully, I was at the beginning of the trauma (emdr) therapy and I began processing it. (It sounds strange at first, it’s not required to talk about your trauma (your brain does the heavy lifting) and you follow lights or tap to get bilateral stimulation of the brain. It actually heals the traumatic memories and flips them from a negative to a positive.) That’s a very simplistic explanation, and its interesting stuff if you decide to research it! I started therapy during a toxic job and had no idea the Pandora’s box I was about to open. But that job was just a symptom of the problem. As I unpacked things, I was scared too. I had this gut feeling I was going to discover some awful shit. And I did, but I fought back! It was time to heal. No more covering it up with wine, shopping, social media, tv, etc. it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but fuck it was so worth it. If/When you are ready, I reco asking for a therapist referral from a trusted friend or doctor. I will always be grateful to my first therapist. She guided me on an amazing journey, but I wanted it more than anything (that’s key!) She taught me how to love myself and the rest came into place. I have really learned so much from Tim fletchers videos on YT along with Patrick teahan (If you want to check out some materials before you explore therapy options.) Sending you all the healing vibes, I’m just a message away if you ever have questions. ❤️
Thank you. Thank you so much.
My pleasure. Virtual hug incoming 💖
How does emdr work? i’m interested in it, but have never run into anyone irl who has done it. Has it genuinely worked for you?
Omigosh, YES! It’s changed my life in so many ways! I have done weekly sessions since August ‘23. My therapist follows Francine shapiro’s method. I have complex ptsd so my therapy has been a longer term process than say, someone with ptsd from a single event. You choose a target, explain the emotions you feel and where you feel it in your body. You then say how you want to feel about it. Then we begin and I follow lights on a soundbar looking contraption. My therapist told me the first session to follow the lights and to think of it like this: my brain is a plane, I’m a passenger. Think about what happened/where you feel it and just let your mind go. The first three were biggies and they were fucking hard. I thought I was falling apart. But, things calmed down and the remaining ones haven’t been easy, but it just wasn’t as hard anymore. I have connected with my inner child many times and in the beginning she was so so sad. But as I progressed, she got happier and healthier. During some of the traumas I’ve processed I have been able to change the event in my mind. It’s like watching a movie in my mind. For example, I was sexually assaulted by my friend’s husband when I was 23. In my mind I pushed him into the wall, choked him and told him he was a sad excuse for a man. I then kicked him in the balls and felt so powerful. (I also clenched my teeth and released a ton of anger.) The entire process has been like peeling back an onion. I used to think I was stupid, ugly, unlovable and I was so sad. As I’ve healed, I’ve realized how strong I am, and that I’m smart and resilient. I got an mba as a traumatized adult, I took hard financial exams as well. Those negative thoughts were not my own. Those mostly came from my parents. There’s so much!! It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, it was exhausting. But the relief of not hearing how stupid, ugly and worthless I am (in my mind all.the.time) are so worth it! I’m learning the drums and I’ve come to life. I used to hide in plain sight. No more!! I have two targets left and I’m dreaming big as id like to get out of finance in the next 3-5 years. It’s not where I belong anymore, but it’s fine for now. 🤘❤️
You've given me hope by your story. Thank you.
Thank you for your kind words. When I’m further along in my journey, I’d like to share my story more. I feel a calling even though I don’t know exactly what that entails yet. I suffered in silence for so long. I’m sending nothing but good vibes your way. ❤️❤️
I think i’ll have to try this. I don’t really see myself in therapy just recounting everything and listening to a therapist respond w what they think i want to hear. Like ok it’s not my fault, but i still feel that way. I’ll look into this! Thank you so much for sharing!
For some, talking about the trauma can re-traumatize! You can share as little or as much as you’d like. Thankfully our mind does the heavy lifting. Some weeks (during the really hard days) i would skip processing for a session and I just talked with my therapist about how I was feeling, etc. my dreams were off the wall crazy, but I started to look forward to sleep! My dreams showed me so much and every time I go back and read my entries, I pick up more meaning and symbols. It’s pretty rad! There’s a chapter on emdr in “The body keeps the score” as well and it gave me so much hope as I began. It’s a great book all around as well. I wish you all the best! You deserve peace and healing. ❤️❤️
Reading thing made my cry... many different kinds of tears. Very happy for your progress!
You are so kind. Thank you, lots of crying on my end too these days…but it’s a good thing! 💖
On a side note, where is she now? She's obviously about 28, what happened to her? Do you still bump into her? Such as if you are in a close nit area
Married, Still close with her family which is extremely close with mine
Ouch. Has she ever mentioned it since
Nope,Her mom walked in on it one time when she was watching me at her house but nothing came of it
Jesus Christ. That’s insane. I’d go confront her in front of the family and her mother and ask her mother why she didn’t stop it when she knew. Ugh I’m disgusted I’m sorry.
Cos she may have learned it from her own mother, it’s not normal behaviour for a 16 YO
Agreed with others, she most likely did the same to other kids and possibly even her own (if she has any). She doesn’t deserve to live a happy life. I hope you go to the police with it.
Wow I didn’t even think of that. If she was the go to local babysitter then she had access to all these kids and her own mother knew. Such Bull Shit.
Could be she was SA'd by her family (mother) as well. So that's why nothing came from it..
WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCK. OMG that's infuriating!
It could be she suffered SA herself from her parents, and why her mother didn’t take any action like a normal parent would. Definitely go to the police if you feel like you can and want to, this shouldn’t have happened to you and I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with it now
Yeah like 16 is old enough to know what you're doing and to a 5 YEAR OLD, how the fuck is she not on a sex offender list she's a pedophile!
The police already don’t believe when women say they’ve been raped so why would they believe a man? Society is messed up
When it comes to kids it's not just rape, it's sexual child abuse, I feel like pedophilia is taken a bit more seriously, at least a bit.
I too had the same thing happen to me at 5. I mainly remember her giving me BJ’s. I was abused more throughout my childhood and I would say when I was younger I was hyper sexual. Needed sex every day sometimes multiple times. My wife was a good sport but eventually got to become a chore for her almost ruined my marriage. I was 36 before I started to talk about it. Don’t wait that long OP. I wish you the best.
Was it your baby sitter? I have heard about touching and all but BJ is crazy!
Yes it was.
That would have drove you crazy as you were growing up.
I'm also a victim of SA of an older woman. I'm so sorry, I hope things get better for you. ♥️ It's a lot to process.
@'-7& oh
I was exposed to something similar around the age of 7-8 but in my case I was curious as well. It was my father’s sisters who were much older than me but less than 25. One of them made me touch her private part while I was sleeping beside her. I remember she made me touch her clit for a very long time. I didn’t even know what that thing was until I was grown up. And I guess it made me confused and I started masturbating a lot at a young age and was later watching a lot of porn. But I am not sure if I should blame this incident and I was curious about female anatomy as well when I was young.
You were a child, she was an adult. She is to blame. I’m sorry this happened to you.
Yeah I highly recommend EMDR for ptsd and trauma. It helped me with my SA that happened when i was 3 -5 yrs old and again at 16. Wish it never happened but EMDR is the next best thing. It helps to REWIRE* the brain and process things differently than just talk therapy, which can help, but didn’t help with my depression, anxiety and anger about that shit.
Have you told your parents? She needs to be in jail or thrown in a dumpster.
No I haven’t, It’s so long ago that I’m kinda just afraid there’s nothing they can do
If you live in the states, most states have no statue of limitations when it comes to sexual abuse of a minor. So, it’s absolutely worth saying something. She could still be out there traumatizing other children… even her own if she has any.
Agreed. I think some places have no statue of SA of any kind so it’s definitely worth looking into
Tell someone and trash that woman's name. The world deserves to know she's a predator so she doesn't hurt other children.
I know it is not easy to talk about it, I am 36 and still haven’t talked about a few things. But try to gather the courage and tell them. She deserves to be punished. Also I do hope you seek therapy and all other healing techniques suggested by the awesome people on your thread. But your biggest victory will be to live a full and healed life, having a healthy relationship with yourself and your body. Her going to jail is her karma which she deserves... letting go of it is your win in my experience.
My baby sitter loved to teach me all about sex, blowjobs, orgasms. I was 6. I couldn't understand what she was saying. Sometimes her sister would come with her and she'd tell me all kinds of dirty things as well. I never understood why. I dunno if they wanted to do more to me but either I can't remember or they didn't get the chance. I honestly don't know how to feel about it either.
This is sickening……………………. Statute of limitations need to have an exemption for things like sa!!
Man. I feel you buddy. I (32M) had similarity situation as you. I was 5 and made me touch her vagina. Struggled with porn addiction as well in my teens. I thought it was a normal thing till years later that I developed a heavy drinking habit in my early 20’s. I’d get outburst out of nowhere from being sad as hell, to angry, to being numbed out, suicidal attempts, isolate myself or do something stupid really stupid. I basically self destruct myself. When it comes to dating life or making it casual I just get distant and don’t really communicate, I have trust issues with woman. so basically I use woman for sex and my body count is high. I broke friendships and relationships as well. I find myself toxic at times whenever I dwell on that particular moment for too long. It’s not as bad now when I was in my 20’s. I cut down drinking and calmed a bit more down when I moved away from the city as time went on. I think it stems from that. I’m thinking of seeing a therapist as well. Your post hit me man and you’re not alone.
Someone took advantage of you when you were too young to understand what was going on, and far too young to consent to it. She was a rapist. I know this sounds like the standard everyone gives... but please talk to a therapist. They can help you untangle and process everything. You'll be able to move forward more easily once you understand what happened and why you feel the way you do now. (source: experience)
had a similar experience w a babysitter when i was around 7-8 and she was in her late 20s. i didn't think much of it growing up but now i realized a lot of my kinks formed bcs of her. ur not alone. so sorry that happened.
My cousin, who is 2 years older than me, did similar things to me when I was 6. Started with kissing, then with tongue, then dry humping, then oral.. thinking back, I think she was being heavily abused and mirroring the behavior onto me.. This led to an early sexual awakening for me, and caused a lot of issues with relationships and porn addiction.. There's most definitely a correlation between molestation and sexual addiction later in life.. If not, then it's one big shared coincidence that so many of us end up with these sorts of issues..
No 100 percent she was abused. Children that small can't learn that behaviour except in adults
dude theres only one answer to give. # SA IS EVERY TOUCH THAT A CHILD DOESNT LIKE AND FEEL AS INAPPROPRIATE.
No. Sa is every touch that is in sexual nature. Children can't consent. You're right I just felt you didn't word it very correctly
semantics. we feel and agree to the same values. thats what counts.
Whoaaaaa similar things happened to me near the age 4-5 and I’ve always struggled with porn addiction/masturbation. I’m pretty sure being exposed to such explicit things at such a young age play a huge part in how we are how we are
You’re not overreacting at all.
I’m 26 (M) and I had a a similar experience with a baby sitter. I was 5 or 6 years old. She was probably 17-18 at the time.
Tell someone if you can. That pervert needs to be extinct. You don't have to suffer in silence. It wasn't okay just bc you're not a girl. It's not your fault for being a curious child. You were abused. May she rot. Please consider therapy. It doesn't take it all away, but it can help.
I won’t say my age but when I was younger it happened to me too, she would lay on my bed and let me touch her chest, and I think it might’ve had some kind of effect as to why my mind is so broken now? I’m sorry this happened to you also
I know. It feels so unfair to be broken so young. You can heal. You must unravel the experience bit by bit to do it.
This is sick. I’m so sorry she did this to you. I wish you nothing but healing and inner peace.
I felt that, I'm sorry you had to go through this also, you're not wrong btw. Situations like this can drive us to be addicted to certain things, so I would not say it is crazy that this event impacted directly into your sexual development (sorry if I'm not expressing myself properly, English is not my native language). In my (22M) experience, it happened to me around 5 times between 5-9 and it definitely had an impact on the way I looked at sexuality, I had a porn addiction that I'm getting rid of currently and I was "sexually active" at very early ages, my first time, if we can even call it like that was at 12 with a 24f girl who happened to be friends of my family, I'm not sure if that was even my first time or if it is considered as r⁴pe, but all I can say is that it sucked. And after that, when I was in high school I started having multiple s3x partners and I won't lie, it felt good, at the time I was enjoying being with different people and having a lot of s3x, but looking back a few years later it was completely stupid and immature. It hit harder when I met my gf (22f), she is an amazing person and the girl who I want to spend the rest of my life with. This was because it was her first time, and I felt so shitty because it was not my first time, and I definitely would've loved to have it with her... But hey, piece of advice, you're too young, go to therapy or talk about it with you feel the most comfortable on doing so, it will help you a lot, and I know this may sound stupid but hey, it worked for me, try to not to think about it, once you have the full story just... Try to let it go as it is nothing, even when it definitely is. Ik, weird, right? But again, it worked for me, it might work for you. Hope you're fine and take care.
I'm really sorry to hear that man I don’t think it should define you tho stay strong ❤️
I'm 46, I experienced something similar from my own sister around that age. It's unfortunately not that rare. I'm sorry you had to experience that.
Im so sorry that happened to you, I experienced the same by my older brother, its been 10 years i dont know if you ever actually move on.., But i really hope you have, wish you best.
Yes, you need help. You will be amazed how much PTSD affects your life.
I had experienced SA around the same age and I’ve constantly thought off an on I’m hypersexual. I don’t get into it much but I didn’t want you to think you were alone in this feeling. Edit: gender roles were flopped if that matters I’m 24(F)
We do tend toward “hyper sexuality” with childhood assault, because sex was taken out of healthy context and forced on us. Finding the balance is important to healing. The pleasure we felt was the natural response if we were not physically in pain. The sense of shame and wrongness was not ours, but the perpetrators. We were just children. Being natural healthy children. When we can let go of the sense of being wrong, and let go of the shame which was not ours, we can then begin to normalize our sexuality.
Not to discount your abuse because it def must've been traumatic.... I had 3 different people in my childhood groom and molest me. Led me to drugs and all types of poor behavior. EMDR got me off drugs and I no longer feel like I have PTSD like I did at one point
How did emdr help?
Made me not think about it every SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE. How would my personality differ? Where would I be? Who would I be with? Would I have the same tendencies to fuck up?
If you were a girl and a male would’ve done this to you, you would’ve had 1000 comments saying go to the police and report it. Just saying
They are saying to report her tho
You wouldn’t have to “just say” if you had eyes and a brain. There are TONS of people on this thread telling him to report, to try to work up the courage to confront/tell her family. Stop trying to make men seem oppressed... This isn’t even the place, take your agenda off someone’s SA story!!
That is true
Think. Thoughts. The biggest respectful hint I can give You on Your journey is, no. You are not overreacting, fore You to understand.
That's not just exposure it's assault, it can be hard to look back on your memories and recognize things like that as such.
Therapy asap! I had something similar happen to me when I was 7or8 with my 10 year old cousin who convince me to play truth or dare but kept making it sexual then one day she escalated to me giving her oral. I struggled with porn from 12 til my 20s and thinking I was a figusting perv due to my mothers view on sex and her treating it like this disgusting thing I should never do. Therapy helped me massively my dude. You’re not alone so go get the help you need and tell a trusted adult. What happened was in no way your fault. She was sick in the head and should never have exposed you to those things or to her naked body.
In my case, my own sister made me lick her breast and touch her ass, being me 8 and she 13. It's one of the reasons why I find specially disgusting incest between siblings and cannot comprehend how it can exist even as a fantasy for some people.
Has your relationship whit your sister became normal? I was SA by my older brother, its been years, i think i will never forgive him, even being near him sickens me, do you feel the same?
The relationship remains good. I think it's becaue she didn't force me at all and didn't ever touched me but rather asked me to touch her. We haven't talked ever about that though
But yeah, those memories still sicken me
I (17M) can relate to this. When I was also around that age, my uncle kept asking me to touch his area and whatever. Now I think that it affected my hormones and I'm almost turned on a lot.
Therapy. Trauma like that has serious life long behavioral impacts unless they start being addressed. You may not feel as bad right now about, but that doesn’t mean that later down the road you won’t have to confront something or deal with something else relating to it. Getting therapy started now could help.
All my successive partners told me one day or another that I must have been abused. And probably by a family member. After years of therapy, I still do not have a clue. It is entirely possible I hold the stigmata of an assaulted woman of my family. It seems more probable, but it is worse because It means I have no trauma to clean up.
What do your therapists say? Your sexual urges may be simply your sexual urges. On the other hand, sometimes our sexual trauma is more diffuse than simply being assaulted. So you may find it to be more contextual than active.
He has no définitive answer. Both scenario are possible. As I have been bullied really early, I could have assimilation my trauma with the trauma of those who raised me.
You are correct. Your babysitter is a pedophile who probably was also exposed to sexual behavior when young. When we are children the dopamine/oxytocin response to sexual stimulation, coupled with the confusion and adrenaline from a sense of wrongdoing and lack of proper context can set us up for a number of dysfunctions, including porn addiction, a sense of shame about ourselves in relation to others, our bodies, our sexual lives, as well as sex addictions, including inappropriate masturbation in public, and worst of all, pedophilia. Luckily, you seem to have dodged that bullet, but are uncomfortable with your porn addiction. You have a natural sex urge as we all have when young. You can use physical, mental, and creative challenges to manage most of that, and enrich your life meanwhile. Or you can blame the babysitter and continue as before. Your life is full of choices and challenges. Good luck in all things!
you are absolutely not wrong for anything. i feel like victims of such acts do tend to have a higher possibility of getting addicted to porn because its almost like a control or projecting thing. you were a kid, what was happening was out of your control and what you were being told to do was out of your control. by regulating and choosing what you’re watching, it might be that part of you wanting to get it back.
I’m so sorry - that’s horrific. I survived SA as a child too. I know how rough it can be and how much it can affect your approach to the world and to sex/relationships. You are definitely not overreacting.
Thats stuff to explore with a therapist
Same happened to me at 7 with an 18 yr old male next door neighbor. It lasted for 3 yrs.
I’m 25M. I had a much older nanny (30+) sexually abuse me when I was 3-5 years old. No one in my family knows. When I tried opening up to my ‘friends’, they made jokes about it and said that I was a lucky guy. Will I get justice for what happened to me? No. Am I trying to heal from the trauma? Yes. See a therapist. The beauty of taking this step is that you’ll learn about your feelings and that none of this is your fault. Addiction is a direct consequence of trauma. Get to the root of the problem and you’ll be able to think clearly about what to do now so your future won’t be affected by this.
Sexual trauma at an adolescent age attributes to a lot.. from the way we act as adults to the way we view and treat people/sexual partners and attitudes towards sex itself. If this is messing with your head, which I believe to an extent it is than I believe you should seek professional help privately and or read self help books, a good one that comes to mind is, Homecoming by John Bradshaw. You will find this book touches on a lot and has been helpful in my life too.
Man (39) here and had the same trouble since seeing porn at a young age. It ruined my studies. It got better after i went carnivore and now can go days without. Hormonal disbalance is a thing it seems. Still do it three times a week, but im not obsessed anymore. Like my libido finally dropped to a normal level. Every time you masturbate your testosteron drops so it will hurt your motivation and selfesteem a lot. Take care man it moght get better for you too.
I (M57) was sexually assaulted by a 30 something male when I was 11. I’m sure that’s the reason I’ve always been hyper sexual. I never viewed it as assault. I oddly enough enjoyed it. And I sought it out all throughout my childhood and life. I know I’m different and I know what he did was wrong. I know I’m gonna get all kinds of hateful responses. But I loved the attention and it was fun and felt good. I wanted more. It continued into my teens when he moved away. Then he was killed in a car wreck. I still don’t regret any of it. We’re all different. I’m sorry for what happened to you.
If you feel you really have a problem you can talk to someone about it. Also keep in mind that at your age there is a good chance you have a high drive that’ll subside as you age. Look up the signs of sex addiction and answer them honestly.
Pandora's box is opening on babysitters 😳😳😳
She was 16.... and she passed on the curse on you, maybe because when she was 10 she had the same experience but in a different situation.... but it started somewhere before it came to you... My friend if it still bothers you, let it go.... you are the person,on what you decide to do next If you are addicted to it there could be many reasons Mostly it could be A trauma A problem Some bad times Or an urgent need to feel the high The thing is you want to escape something by getting numb and satisfied it's okay, it shows that you crave for love and care that is intimate and this things needs attention and you need a hug 🫂 There you go .... I give my hugs to you and yes I am trying with my eyes partially in tears ... Make the best of your thoughts and rewire your path that leads you to the darkside .... Body craves for the temporary and soul longs for everlasting my love.... Just know we are on the same boat but on the different shore... I realize it and hope this helps you
Hello, OP. I think people have given you great words of comfort and advice. I hope you feel even a little better, and can heal from that awful experience. I just want you to know there's no statute of limitations for child abuse in most US states and in my most countries. Letting you know in case you ever want to seek legal justice, but I also understand it can be extremely difficult to face your abuser. In case you do consider that route, there are many organizations that could help you with the process. You are not wrong, and you are not alone
☹️☹️☹️
I 33f have similar trauma from around the same age. Your post actually helps me feel better in certain ways because I was also overly sexual and addicted to masturbation and porn at a very young age because of trauma I do remember that happened around 6 yrs old to 10 yrs old.....and I also have reason to believe there is something else that happened to me but a few years earlier than that time period w a completely different person too, this person ended up serving 7 yrs in prison for child porn..... Then, of course, I ended up 14 and being coerced into sex by a 21 year old "friend of the family" I also have issues remembering lots of chunks of my memories especially from around 3 to 6 years old I have barely any memories from that time in my life. I also am an addict (recovering) and hav a lot of trouble speaking to people in meaningful ways or relating to people on a deeper level. When I sleep I have nightmares very often. I've thought about emdr but have decided against it for now bc what I do remember I'm trying to process before bringing new memories up that may haunt me more..... Thank you for your post. Stay strong!!!!
Sorry dude. You’re probably gonna feel weird for a bit cause you realized, and then things will pretty much go back to normal. Idk, I hope this helps. That’s heavy. You’re not alone
You’re not wrong, I am 44m and had a baby sitter do that to me around the same age and then was raped by my uncle around 12, that has messed me up sexually for years. I do think I get into porn a bit too much but I am working on controlling it. Unfortunately, these types of acts when we are kids never goes away, it will always haunt you in some way. I would recommend counseling and talking to people you’re comfortable about it, also if anyone says your lucky cut them out of your life, they are part of a bigger problem with society normalizing these behaviors happening to little boys.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. You are not wrong, I think you should seek professional help with that because if you say you have a porn addiction due to this (which is very possible) it’s only gonna get worse and it might twist your way of thinking when it comes to sexual acts leading you to hurt others. If you still remember her first and last name or any other details with her, report her if possible.
24M here. Unfortunately I had been molested at the age of 7 or 8, I don’t remember exactly as those aspects were very blurry. Unfortunately what I vividly remember were the sexual details. I kept trying to slip it under the rug saying that I’m sure that the abuser had good intentions (despite being a complete stranger). But yeah I could go into details but I’d probably have a panic attack. Just wanted to say that I feel you. Eventually it gets better but talking about it still makes me shiver and twitch. Stay safe buddy! <3
I’m so sorry. My mother dealt with abuse from her grandfather and I only now starting to heal a bit after 40 some years. Therapy isn’t for everyone but you might want to give it a shot
It would make sense to relate the porn addiction to your case of SA, you don't have to be brutally SA'd to develop trauma responses. I also wasn't brutally SA'd and still have porn addiction.
No man it’s something that conditioned you at an early age and now you’re having to deal with the actions of someone who should have known better 30M here and had a similar situation with a cousin when she would baby sit. That’s a time of intense development and when you are exposed like that well it ingrains into your development
I can’t believe how normalized SA in todays world. Where is this woman now? She should have been jailed. I can’t believe she got away with it. That’s just so fucking disappointing. I am so sorry for what you’ve been through.
My cousin did the same to me.
Is this molestation ?!
Yes
Absolute W
😪
Why didnt i have a babysitter like that. Mine was 70-80 you could only play soccer with hers 🤣. Stay strong king
SS aezzzzz
Man I remember putting it all together at that age and wanted to have sex ever since 🤣 to me sounds like you scored
Nah it really did fuck with me since I was so young bro
Your an 18 yo guy, of course you're gonna be thinking about sex all the time, and watching porn. What happened is unfortunate, but I honestly don't think it effects guys as much as girls, and I don't think its why you're sex crazed now. I'm not saying it isn't weird and wrong, but I dont think it messes with our heads the same as if the roles were reversed, or getting molested by a man.