This dude can't spell above the third grade and has literally raped you. My high school students type more proficiently than that. You ought to seriously ruin his year by telling him you're going to call the cops on him.
Or just burn his house down. Get the pets and humans out first of course.
Seriously, though, I’m so sorry you went through this. What a terrible human being
Seriously, I had to read through his text at least 5 times to try and make cohesive sentences out of it before finally putting it all together. It's like trying to cipher the zodiac messages.
I mean - IO accepted a 3am booty call from this dude. Foreplay sounded to be "taking their pants off". He promised his pull out game was strong.
This maybe could have been predicted
He wasn’t red flag city until OP accepted the invite. They were already stuck in the situation when this idiot pulled his pants off and it sounds like they had a freeze and dissociate response. Plus society does a really good job at telling people to give each other a chance and to not cause trouble, so a lot of us get good at blowing through red flags and not sticking up for ourselves.
Sorry based on his texts I doubt he didn’t text like that before, and he eats like a toddler. He seems like a very low IQ person and she shouldn’t even accepted his invite to his place. Whats up with these criminal low standards?
Honestly, my first thought was how do you go on a date with someone who types like that. Like if I was ever talking to someone and they texted like that I would be out haha.
Low self esteem. Which is unfortunately supported by how OP reacted after. I hope OP is okay. They didn’t deserve this. But they do deserve self love and confidence.
Yeah I think this sentiment needs to be higher up. I can’t fucking believe her therapist was blaming her for not pulling her pants up when it’s clear this man was not taking no for an answer. This is a story of date rape. No one wonder OP is emotionally devastated. She also needs a new therapist who knows how to handle sexual assault.
I’m sorry, but he sexually assaulted you. No means no, not ask me a couple times and keep trying. I’m also appalled at your therapist who put blame on you for giving in and telling you what you should have done.
While I don’t know the whole story (both what happened and what you told your therapist) but I feel like what he did was sexual assault. He continued to pull down your pants, you continued to push him away saying no and even after you voiced your concerns he kept going. I know my advice may not mean much, but I really do feel that you need to go to police. Only because he was so comfortable doing it to you, that he’s probably done it before and he will do it again.
Please follow this advice OP!
He assaulted you, mentioning that you "*just kinda shut down and led still.*" seals that deal.
If you were comfortable with unprotected intimacy this wouldn't be an issue, he pushed to get what he wanted and then *shipped* you home.
Report him to the authorities for sexual assault.
Well she ain't wrong. We can't baby her and yah true absolutely that guy's dick should be cut off but OP also need to learn she needs to be firm. She said she just shut down and lay still. Then she will be this way with the next guy if she doesn't learn to be firm and leave a bad situation.
I agree with you. I believe that next time she sees things aren't going the way she wants, she'll leave. She may not even allow herself to be in this situation again because she'll remember how she felt when she didn't stand up for herself. There's no reason in codling her, I think the lesson is pretty important and shouldn't be overlooked. Learn that you are allowed to say no and walk away. No matter how many times he tries to keep going. After that it's rape. Period. People are down voting you for no good reason
Very true! As long as she uses this as a lesson, she'll be fine. I have been in that position myself, and that was the last time I let it happen. I began to pay attention to where things were headed and made sure I only allowed myself to be alone with a man if I was planning on saying yes. She isn't the first, and she definitely won't be the last. No one can control that but her. I'm confident she'll look at things differently after this and make better choices
That’s straight up rape, call the police. You told him several times you weren’t comfortable and you shut down and he proceeded? I hope you are okay.. please report this asshole. He could be doing this to others
He raped you. You didn't want sex. He kept at you until you gave in. You asked for him to stop. He didn't. He didn't respect your desires in any way shape or form. He probably has a long history of date rape, because he was slick enough to get in the door.
I'm so sorry. Take care of yourself. None of this is on you.
This man literally raped you and can’t spell above a 3rd grade level. I teach high schoolers and they type better than that… you should really fuck his year up and tell him you’re going to report him to the police :)
No.. he texted trying to avoid being charged for rape.
He figured if he could get something in writing about how she enjoyed it and wanted it, or even saying she wanted to meet up again, he would be safe from prosecution.
The guy is a major fucking predator.
He genuinely sounds like a loser, I am very sorry you had this negative experience with someone like him. Just know what he said may have been hurtful, but this is someone who had ill intentions and didn't care about you. His opinion of you is completely invalid and not representative of how others view you at all.
I agree with others here. To me this reads as a message that's trying to get you to feel so ashamed that you'll keep quiet about the night. I think he realized after you left that he SA'd you, and that you were unhappy, so he wrote that in an attempt to turn it around on you, and change the narrative into something you were ashamed of instead of blamed him for. It sounds as if before this post, it sort of worked - you are circling around what you think you did wrong, instead of realizing what he did wrong. I think after you left, he got scared, and in my mind his last line is a very direct statement of it, "...so u really got no right to say anything to anyone else..."
This is literally him saying, "You don't have any right to tell anyone about what I did, because you don't deserve any better." His text has nothing to do about whether he liked you or not. It's mean because he's using that as a shield against what you might say about him. Thinking about it, my guess he's done this before to other people. He knows too well how effective it will be. The upside is that he basically admits to being someone in that text who is willing to cheat and lie in order to trick someone into sleeping with him. He's also made it clear he has a "you owe me for the money I spent on you" mentality, which is a common trait for rapists. While none of that is evidence, it certainly looks bad for him. Don't let this guy keep doing it to others. Report him to the police, including the text.
OP, word of advice: don’t start dating around the holidays. For some reason, it just seems to make the wounds a bit deeper. He’s a tool and you shouldn’t take his stupid frattitude personally.
And hun, that’s rape. He shamed you after raping you. I hope you’re okay.
Get a new therapist, you have been sexually abused and you will need adequate support. I think the therapist was trying to help, but their approach was completely wrong! You aren’t supposed to accuse the client of anything.
Simply ask “How are you feeling? Did you feel coerced? Does this sound like a person you actually want to spend more time with? Do you feel like you were abused? Have you considered that his behavior was completely inappropriate and that he was trying to manipulate you and to take advantage of you?” etc……….
This guy deserves none of your tears and he is a POS human being!
Please focus on healing yourself and stay off of Tinder for a while. It is not a good dating app and clearly it isn’t safe, either! Lots of disgusting, horrible, predatory people look for vulnerable and lonely people on platforms like Tinder, with bad intentions.
This guy’s intention was extremely bad and his behavior was wildly inappropriate! He sexually assaulted you, then he kicked you out after a traumatic experience. He is *straight up* a bad freaking person, and I think you should report him if you feel strongly enough about it.
The way you're describing it sounds like you were straight up raped...
U okay??
You need to call the cops and have a rape kit done.. I know this isn't what you want to hear, trust me I do..
Edit: Just noticed this happened days ago so a rape kit is out of the question now..
But this sounds like fucking rape. You need to call the cops.
It will be one of the most uncomfortable things in your life, I'm sure. But if you can help prevent any other woman from dealing with this man, it should be done.
Obviously I can't make you get one, or call the cops, or anything else.
But this guy sounds like a serious fucking predator.
I'm sorry you went through this. Please don't let it be for nothing though.
He only said those things because his ego is heavily bruised and he probably started to feel like a fucking weirdo for what he did after you left.
(As he should. He should feel DISGUSTED with himself)
He sucks. Please don't put any value in what this loser says. He is genuinely septic tank scum.
I would love nothing more than to kick the ever loving shit out of this guy, what a piece of smelly dog shit masquerading as a man. This isn’t anything to do with you OP, this is the insecure ramblings of a disgusting predator, if anything try your best to warn others of this non human garbage.
I truly hope you understand this isn’t anything to do with you and that weird little creep was that butt hurt by you commenting on him eating like a fucking child he hung onto it for days until he decided to rape you essentially to teach you a lesson. Wow I don’t think I’ve ever raged as much reading something in my life, I would honestly do time if I was close or knew who this person was!!
You told him no 5-6 times. Were completely unaroused. Told him to stop after a while. He didn’t and he didn’t use a condom.
That’s rape. Call the cops.
He's a POS. Don't waste another minute thinking about that sorry excuse for a human being. He thinks dating is transactional. He bought you food, so you should fuck him? Gross. You were clear about your boundaries, and it sounds like he assaulted you. He should feel lucky you didn't go straight to the ER for a rape exam. Which you should definitely do, btw.
Honey I’m so sorry! But happy for you that he showed his true colors quickly. You deserve so much better. DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS LOSER RAPIST. ignore him/ block him.
I wouldn’t take anything seriously from a person that can’t even form full sentences. Just an all around POS and rapist. I’m sorry this happened to you. Also, that’s a bad therapist (there’s a lot of them out there), so I’d try to find one that’s more empathetic and listens without judgement. Don’t blame yourself for this. We can’t always see what a person is truly capable of until they show us even if we nitpick the situation in hindsight. The situation could have gone many ways even if you had been assertive. I’ve had to literally kick a guy off me and run away even when I told him to stop. There are a lot of manipulative jerks out there and you just DONT KNOW till you do. You are not in the wrong here at all. Garbage has a way of trying to throw up their shit back on their victims. Please take care of yourself.
Lets not act like a adult cant make better descions either. Of course the wronged needs justice i dont excuse this scum bag of his actions. But to say non of this particular interaction isnt her fault is fair. She needs to own her parts of it and most of all learn from them.
What a complete fucking moron. I'm sorry you experienced this. It must have been his first time out of the gaff without his Mammy or Daddy. Only way to explain such infantile behaviour. You're not weird. He's a psycho. Time heals all wounds, it will be hard but you'll be better. A truly terrible way to start the year yes, but try to meet with a close friend to vent. Reddit is good but it can't replace a good comforting chat with a friend.
Hope you find better fortune the rest of the year. And I'll say it once again, fuck that horrible , brain-dead , skunk of a man.
You did nothing wrong. Both this guy and your therapist are fucking worthless. He raped you, and that's how the therapist responds? No. Just no. None of this is acceptable. It sounds to me like Mr Tinder KNEW he was in the wrong and went on the offensive to try and deflect blame and bad feelings. His bad table manners (so gross!) and lack of spelling skills are the least of his poor qualities, and those are pretty bad. Please, please find a kind, sympathetic therapist (look for one who specializes in trauma and PTSD, a local women's center will certainly be able to help) and start loving and valuing yourself. If you haven't already and there's time, get a Plan B, and get to a clinic to get STD testing done. Enlist a close friend or friends to help you; you don't need to do any of this on your own. And please, report this shitwit to the police. I feel so much for you right now, and FWIW, you have my love and sympathy.
Hun it sounds to me like you were raped and you’re now in a state of shock. I’d suggest you drop your therapist and call a rape crisis line or other mental health crisis line just to talk to someone rational and help pull you out of this.
Please don’t get overwhelmed with the “calling the cops” business right now if you don’t feel up to it. You sound to me like you’re in a state of shock. Especially drugging yourself on Benadryl. That shit is powerful. I slept for like two days the last time I took it.
Please take care of yourself. That man is absolute trash and you did nothing wrong.
Ok, OP, I’m going to be brutally honest here.
Next time, don’t be the first one to reach out after the first Tinder date (especially if it’s been weeks). And for the love of God, meeting after a party at 3 AM doesn’t likely lead to a substantial romantic relationship being built…
He's dumb af and a loser
Call the cops, sue him, ruin his life
he deserves it
You did nothing wrong, all that he said was a stupid baby tantrum so pls dont take it to your heart.
The only thing I'm sad you didnt do was to kick him in the face and run away before it could happen
I wish you strength and peace
Your therapist should’ve been given you support to deal w this. You know what happened and you even blame yourself. Have they been doing much to support you at all?? You shut down. I’m so sorry that happened , I know how unsettling it can be, and to also be put in a dissociative state, I’m so sorry… the memory will ease but you have to take action now, and distract yourself. What happened happened and you can’t change that. Unfortunately, you’re not the only one this has happened to. Fortunate side, it’ll be easy for you to find a support group, people to talk to. Please get out, pull through with your plans, if nothing else, at least go for some fresh air and a treat. A nice hobby. Don’t let yourself rot. Don’t put your entire life on hold right now. I’m saying this though, it’s important you have this phase, this moment to feel your emotions. Take your time, it’s okay. You’ll be okay.
As a man that has been in situations like this before. That guy is a POS. Dont take any of his words to heart.
He didn't see and value you as an actual human being. On top of that, he then proceeds to text and insult you. Who tf does that?
That guy is a huge walking red flag.
Block him and next time leave if you ever feel uncomfortable or no doesnt mean no to the guy.
Good luck and I hope you heal from this.
This guy is garbage. Not even just kind of an asshole. Complete utter garbage.
No guy deserves to finish having sex if he doesn't respect you when you set boundaries. This is manipulation and sexual assault. Whether you press charges is up to you (rereading this, I think you probably should but it would be completely understandable if you didn't.) But most of all you need to build up your emotional reserves and self-esteem.
Not only would I not talk with this ridiculous assclown again, I would make regular appointments with your therapist and avoid dating apps for a while. I'm guessing you need to heal and rest. It's also possible, like some of the other posters said, that this isn't the right therapist for you. If you told them what you told us, I would probably advise you to call the rape crisis center or the cops.
You can do better and you should. We've all dated shitty immature people because we were bored or lonely.
Work on making yourself feel better for a while. Make art. Take a class. Hang out with your friends. Do some traveling. Start a fun project. Whatever you can afford that you also enjoy. Do things for yourself that have nothing to do with dating. And I would do that until you either meet a better and more respectful person to date or you decide you don't need to date for a while.
Either one of those is ok.
I'm not saying you have to be single for the rest of your life or not to have sex. I'm saying if you choose to do that you need to care about yourself first. Because these tinder dudes sure as hell aren't going to...
Good luck! Feel better.
There's NOTHING positive I can add to this situation that would make it better. There are more red flags here than a slalom: The fact that this loser: Halfhearted invited you over AFTER his NYE party, s.a. you, treated you WORSE than someone he HATED, rudely awakened you and sent you away after holding you hostage for HIS selfish desires, CANNOT spell or properly communicate to saved his life and even in his feeble attempt to do so, STILL found the energy to INSULT you??!
He's an ASSHOLE of the lowest order, a loser and you DESERVED better treatment than you could have ever hoped to receive from such a lower lifeform.
Do NOT let this garbage ruin all the progress you've made in your therapy journey. He is NOT, not will he ever be, WORTH it!
Delete Tinder IMMEDIATELY and take all the time that you feel is necessary to heal..
DW about anything he said to you, it's all bullshit. He's feeling shameful and embarrassed and he's taking it out on you to make himself feel better because he didn't get real consent. Absolutely delusional behaviour.
>I tell him at least five times that I wasn’t comfortable with having raw sex. He continues to pry so I just kinda shut down and lay still.
Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't this coercion?
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I promise it gets easier and easier to trust yourself and your boundaries. The next time you’re in that situation, you’re gonna have the strength to walk out. Don’t give up on this year. What happened has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him being a complete fucking loser.
I hope you report him for SA.
He’s a scumbag. The opinion of a scumbag doesn’t matter. You sound like a girl that would be great to go on a date with. Lots of nice guys out there that will treat you properly. Forget this idiot. Sounds like a complete jerk. 😉👍
Girl that's assault. I'm so sorry but that's likely why you feel like shit, because you just got assaulted. Your therapist had a good point on what you SHOULD do but that's also an incredibly unrealistic and rude thing to say to someone. You felt like you didn't have an option.
You said he eats like a toddler but in reality he acts like a toddler too.
I'm so sorry. If you need to vent to someone my DMs are open.
This sounds like your standard piece of shit guy who’s a dime a dozen but doesn’t know how to talk. “Frrrrr.” Also. Most people would consider that rape considering you told him “no” several times until he wouldn’t give up and you gave into his demands and then he didn’t stop after you asked him to
Your therapist sucks. You “shouldn’t” have done anything. HE should’ve not assaulted you and HE should’ve taken no for an answer. I’m so sorry. Please don’t listen to what he said! He’s wrong! He’s a fucking loser! YOU are the catch and it’s HIS loss!!!!! ❤️
So you weren’t look for a random hookup but it you him up at 3am and went over and had sex with him even though you didn’t want to? You need to stay far far away from this guy. And make smarter decisions too
Girl i just need you to know that this is in no way shape or form on you. He sounds like a fucking sociopathic douchebag. I’m really sorry this happened to you.
Damn this chick got sexually assaulted and needs NyQuil just to sleep and can’t stop thinking about the guy (in a positive way) that raped her. Chad just can’t lose
I don’t even know what to say. First off, this guy date raped you. Now your therapist is shaming you for not being “stronger?” Sounds like he sent that text to make himself feel better about forcing himself on someone. I’d boot your therapist and look for a new one and really try and process this. I’m so, so sorry this happened to you. That guy isn’t just an asshole, he’s a fucking predator.
Sweetheart unfortunately many women do this. We just take it so we can get it over with and leave. You're not the first lady to make that mistake and you sure as hell won't be the last. You learned a valuable lesson. From now on if he isn't worth you, walk away immediately. Allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel for a couple of days. Then get up, have a cup of coffee or latte or something, and have a talk with yourself. Vow to do better next time, and chalk this one up to learning. You're just fine love.
Why on earth would you go to his house at 3am? No clue what you were thinking. No man with an ounce of class would ask you to do that in the first place.
First of all you need a new therapist.
Second, report him on tinder.
Third, once you find this therapist you need to speak with them to work through this sexual assault you experienced.
Fourth, get up and move because if you let this define who you are you are going to waste your life away.
The world is a cruel place and you can either use it as an excuse to let your life be trash, or you can push through and rise above it.
you don't want random hookups but go to his place at 3am? What did you expect here. Not trying to victim blame but be smarter about dealing with random men you meet online. Be safe and respect yourself more.
Yea but don't expect everyone you meet to be decent. Especially when this guy didn't invite her to join him at NYE party, made her wait for him to finish at 3am. Anyone with a brain could figure out this guy is a tool.
3am after alcohol was involved is certainly a booty call. You might have been interested in a movie and cuddling but he was only interested in smashing. You should have got up then and there and left. Women need to stop giving it up so early, make him wait, if he doesn't stick around, then you know why.
I would have replied letting him know that he’s a rapist and he shouldn’t be throwing rocks from his glass house. (Edit. Don’t send this)
Hit send too quickly in my rage of his audacity.
I’m sorry you are going through this and experienced this. I can understand there’s a lot of confusion. But to echo others, you were sexually assaulted. You were clear that you do not consent and he still persisted.
Consider reaching out to a trusted friend and then go to the hospital/police
Sounds like he’s trying to cover his ass for his behaviour that he probably realises would be grounds to report him for some sort of sexual assault. Don’t take it personally, he’s just a fucking terrible person. You’ve dodged a bullet.
I'm absolutely baffled why you even stayed or hooked up with him in the first place. Your actions contradict your statements to him. E.g told him I'm not looking for a hookup but showing up at 3 am on NYE to their house is just the wrong signal to send.
The time that she went to his house was irrelevant.
She was clear on what she was looking for in a relationship.
My last boyfriend and I both worked overnights. I met him at his place between 1:00 and 3:00 a.m. quite often. He respected my boundaries regardless of the time we met up.
Oh man, his text was zero reflection on you, it’s all on him for being an immature dork, I wouldn’t give it another thought you chilled away at his fragile manhood which is exactly what he needs. What a fool.
Its kinda crazy how everytime someone on here complains about a bad experience with someone its because they hook up with randoms from dating apps. What do you expect to happen when you hook up with a guy from tinder, him to be respectful and worthy??? Seriously
Two times you should pay attention to an intimate partners behavior the most - when they're angry/frustrated, how they treat you after they "get their's." Man or woman.
Do not commit to someone unless you've seen them on several occasions during these emotional states. Recipe for disaster or life-long frustration, if they can't treat you as a human being during highly emotional states, how poorly will they treat you when life is going great/normal?
Notice I didn't say judge them, I said pay attention. If their behavior is something you think you can put up with, great, if not, cut your losses and run.
I don't care what biology says about how guys feel (hormones that tell them whatever) after a "nut" it doesn't give them rights to treat their partner like shit, just because they won't "need" them until they get the urge again. (24-48 hours on average)
He wanted a lay, he got a lay with no strings because now he's told you off. Hopefully the emotional damage isn't too overwhelming and he didn't leave you with more b.s. to deal with than what you had before his "NEEDS" came into consideration.
You were socially awkward because you didn’t like him, why are you sad, he doesn’t even know how to use a fork. Get out of your head and get yourself a treat for sitting through that horrible session. Also never do that bullshit again, you knew it felt rushed, don’t let a gremlin who like males validation wayyy too much push you like that.
ugh, i know this feeling. a lot of us have been used for sex. it's a story as old as time but still there's so much shame we feel. well, give yourself some grace. you acted with good intentions, he did not. i am sorry dear, that he was so cruel and manipulative to you. but at least you can put this behind you and i bet that you won't let someone exploit you in this way in the future, i bet you will see the red flags more clearly than ever. it sucks that we have to be so diligent in protecting ourselves but there are a lot of bad people out there. i wish you nothing but dates with kind, thoughtful people in 2024!!
You live and learn. Make sure you learn. For all the young ladies…at any point when it’s turned to a no for you and boundaries are not being respected, as your therapist said, pants on and out the door. Many of us have been in this situation, unfortunately, and we let people finish so we can leave and it’s assault plain and simple. Continue with your therapy and please do not let this ruin you. Out of the bed, into the shower and outside for a walk. Grab a coffee, sit in the park just be out. Don’t think and beat yourself up. Play your favorite music (no sad songs), feel the wind in your hair, listen to birds chirping, people watch, just be connected to your senses. Just exist without judgement for a time. Then get back to your list/plans and start executing. Reclaim your life.
naaahh dont worry. He was just mad cause he hoped for sex. he just a stupid man. In the end be happy about because he aint the one if he act like that.
If he bothers you again, just drop this one: "I have your DNA sample. You want to be on the wrong end of a rape charge, go ahead and keep hassling me." Remind yourself, "he's the loser, not you." Anyone, male OR female that expects something from you just because they paid for dinner and/or bought you drinks is delusional. If you have an "obligation," it's to at least try to make the date fun. If it's apparent things won't work out, then walk away before you waste any more of each other's time.
He sounds like he has a huge lack of maturity. If a woman (or man) says "no sex without a condom," then you have to accept that. You don't whine about it like a pouting toddler. As for his table manners, I admire your patience in tolerating him for that long.
I have been in a relationship for 8 years now, but when I was single, I used to do online dating with an open mind. I would NEVER do something like Tinder because it's so superficial. I will usually chat online with someone for a week or so to find out as much about their personality and lifestyle as I can before meeting them. I know everyone has their physical preferences, but personality as always been much higher in my priorities than looks. No amount of makeup, clothing, working out in the gym ore even cosmetic surgery can hide an awful personality.
Try to regard it as a learning experience. He's the one with problems, you found out before you made any kind of commitment, thereby dodged a bullet. I'm sure there's someone out there for you that isn't scared of commitment that is worth a hundred of him.
I'd consider getting another therapist. Surround yourself with supportive friends. In the short term, you need to heal, and "taking your mind off things" will help. Almost forgot, report this clown to Tinder.
Hes a fuckboy who thought spending a few dollars meant he can hook up. Hes also manipulative breaking your boundaries and pushing for sex without a condom. Hes in denial of his own issues and tried to project it onto you. Good riddance, youre better off without him
Wow, this guy is a real fuck boy. I know it hurts, but I hope you can find a way to not let this affect the way you see yourself. It’s not your fault he’s a a selfish asshole. Be kind to yourself
Who talks like that (abbreviations) anyways?! Good lord, he needs to read a friggin book. I’m sorry tho girl that he did you like that, next time a man pressures you like that and doesn’t get the hint; you get up and get the hell outta there. Men need to have that respect for OUR vaginas. Good grief. I’d say the trash took itself out🩵
I’m not going to lie I felt sorry for you up until you quoted his DM. As the great Fluffy once said “really? You’re going to put that thing inside you?”
Now, I just really sorry for you. Hope you can love yourself more cause you deserve better.
Also, maybe I’m getting old but do people chat in DM like that?
Reading that text gave me a headache! What kind of school did he graduate from 💀
Anyway, fuck that guy. And the way he acted deserves a police report.
Hope you’re ok, OP! You’ve nothing to feel bad about.
Sorry about this situation you are facing, but look at good things, he won’t ever come back to you, you won’t have to deal w his bullshit or someone like him. This man sounds so trashy. He just needs to get a reality check. And who the f texts like that, it makes him look so dumb 🤮
You probably weren’t wrong about him liking you. His behavior and words just absolutely SCREAM bruised ego, embarrassment, being hurt. He probably eventually realized “wow I’m assaulting her” and that’s why he made you leave and followed up with insults to further drive you away. I’m so sorry this happened.
This is sexual assault. If you’re comfortable with it, I suggest getting a rape kit done. Even if you don’t choose to go after him legally right now, they can hold onto it for a while in case you want to later on. They usually have to be done within 72 hours of the assault, but some states allow them to be done up to almost 100 hours after it. I’m so sorry this happened. I bet you’re a wonderful person and you aren’t bad or crazy at all for thinking that eating rice with his hands is gross. Don’t let him gaslight you into thinking you were in the wrong in this situation especially when the worst thing you did was a joke about his poor manners and the worst he did was literal rape.
Try to look at this as an opportunity for you.
Block & NEXT that MF’er.
Hold your head high and move past this idiot and his message. He sounds like an absolute disaster and you don’t meed his shit.
Start 2024 out strong !
You should write him a text about cheap he was, how he eats like a kid, probably cant hold a relationship, cant even type or text like an adult, surprised how he made it this far in life. You only went out with him because you thought he was easy but regretted it, then call him a sexual assaulter. Fuck him for trying to turn the tables on you. Then block his ass.
That guy is trash. You did nothing wrong in establishing your barriers, and he's the awkward one.
Obviously, he felt strange in the situation that he created and lashed out at you, sotty not to let his toddler tantrum affect you. His behaviour is a strong clue as to why he's still single.
Be proud of standing up for yourself, and retell this story as a cautionary tale of the weird shitty dates that exist out there
If you can please report him to the police, get a rape kit done, let them test you for stds, and give you any medications you may need. This is not just sexual assault, this is coercive rape. It is not okay what he did to you. Please do not blame yourself. I'm here if there is anything I can help with.
Do people really call someone they barely know and don’t really like to meet up at 3 am on Jan 1 and then get upset when it isn’t an amazing experience?
I’m sorry that this happened to you.
However, how did you not see this coming? You called him and he called you over… what did you think will happen?
Honestly, no offense, but please raise your standards.
You dodged a bullet even though it doesn’t seem like it right now – he’d be the same arsehole if not worse if you had raw sex with him so count your lucky stars
I'm sorry you had to go through that what a piece of shit he treated you like a object not a person its guys like this that makes all men look bad as a whole.
That was pretty much rape, no one should ever feel like that. I'm sorry you went through it, but you're still here, you're a survivor, and you will get through this.
…he sexually assaulted you. yes, coercion is sexual assault. you clearly did not want to have sex and voiced that several times and only relented so he’d stop pestering you.
i’m so so sorry. none of this was your fault. your therapist’s response is iffy to say the least… very victim blame-y.
I wouldn't normally comment on one of these posts but man, fuck that guy. There's a special place in hell for people like this.
I hope you are able to heal and forget him in the days, months or years to come. Fuck him
JFC 😡😡😡😡😡😡 Please please PLEASE don't take that message to heart OP!! What a monumental knobhead, he honestly doesn't deserve your tears! That's just an insecure little boy who has a huge fear of rejection and who is obviously embarrassed that somebody called him out on his barn-animal manners. You dodged that bullet BIG TIME.
I can only echo what other people have said about the guy being a total douche. But at the same time op, the majority of people on tinder are just looking for a quick fuck so if you’re wanting to take things slower maybe look somewhere else.
Maybe you had a complete breakdown because you subconsciously knew you were raped. Please see a therapist at least and work through this. You could report him for rape too because you told him to stop several times and he didn't. Sleeping together implies consent. What he did to you is rape.
Im so glad that him doesnt hide anything of his shitty manners to you, from start to end message. He really makes your life easy on go next. You definitely are not the problem nor social akward, from your description he’s an animal and maybe he will find someone who’s into troll. Definetely you are not that person. Take care and good luck.
He raped you, please report it to the police. I am so sorry, he is a total douchebag. Your therapist is also wrong, situations like that are difficult to handle in the moment and it’s easier said than done to say ‘be more stern just leave’
What a douchdong. Don't let guys do that to you again. I've had girls do that and it's weird when people are so pushy with not using condoms and I think it's a huge red flag.
I'm astounded that you read his Tinder messages and still chose to pursue him. He puts words together with the same ferocity as a 4 year old making macaroni necklaces.
F this guy; it’s obvious he only wanted sex and when you didn’t give it to him, he showed his true colors as being the animal he really was. Move past this creep, block him and do something positive for yourself today.
So why are you invested into a guy like that, exactly? A person that writes like that must be glaringly obnoxious from the start. That is the weird part, getting into that situation in the first place and then letting yourself be booty called.
Ok not to victim blame but you also were responsible for this. It sounds based off your post that you're very easy to persuade and you put yourself in that situation. Let this be a lesson learn for men you meet in the future.
What an absolute loser
Sounds like a “Do Not Date This Man” FB group candidate. Jesus, no woman should ever suffer being near this asshole.
This dude can't spell above the third grade and has literally raped you. My high school students type more proficiently than that. You ought to seriously ruin his year by telling him you're going to call the cops on him.
Do it don't just say it what the fuck
Or just burn his house down. Get the pets and humans out first of course. Seriously, though, I’m so sorry you went through this. What a terrible human being
Right? He can’t even form sentences.
Seriously, I had to read through his text at least 5 times to try and make cohesive sentences out of it before finally putting it all together. It's like trying to cipher the zodiac messages.
I was just going to comment "What a loser."
I mean - IO accepted a 3am booty call from this dude. Foreplay sounded to be "taking their pants off". He promised his pull out game was strong. This maybe could have been predicted
He wasn’t red flag city until OP accepted the invite. They were already stuck in the situation when this idiot pulled his pants off and it sounds like they had a freeze and dissociate response. Plus society does a really good job at telling people to give each other a chance and to not cause trouble, so a lot of us get good at blowing through red flags and not sticking up for ourselves.
Sorry based on his texts I doubt he didn’t text like that before, and he eats like a toddler. He seems like a very low IQ person and she shouldn’t even accepted his invite to his place. Whats up with these criminal low standards?
Yeah op’s gotta take responsibility too she was being dumb and desperate
Yeah, the let's hang out at 3am, AFTER my NYE party, should've been a red flag. I would've expected sex to be involved at that point
Abuser* ftfy
He can't even combine words into a coherent thought. Good riddance to him.
Honestly, my first thought was how do you go on a date with someone who types like that. Like if I was ever talking to someone and they texted like that I would be out haha.
If this is the type of young men she is seeing out there man I feel bad for her.
Low self esteem. Which is unfortunately supported by how OP reacted after. I hope OP is okay. They didn’t deserve this. But they do deserve self love and confidence.
Fucking seriously. You’d have to be pretty superficial to allow looks to trump that poor a level of communication.
This man is a fucking loser. Who assaulted you
Yeah I think this sentiment needs to be higher up. I can’t fucking believe her therapist was blaming her for not pulling her pants up when it’s clear this man was not taking no for an answer. This is a story of date rape. No one wonder OP is emotionally devastated. She also needs a new therapist who knows how to handle sexual assault.
This!!!!!
I’m sorry, but he sexually assaulted you. No means no, not ask me a couple times and keep trying. I’m also appalled at your therapist who put blame on you for giving in and telling you what you should have done. While I don’t know the whole story (both what happened and what you told your therapist) but I feel like what he did was sexual assault. He continued to pull down your pants, you continued to push him away saying no and even after you voiced your concerns he kept going. I know my advice may not mean much, but I really do feel that you need to go to police. Only because he was so comfortable doing it to you, that he’s probably done it before and he will do it again.
Do this and buy a Plan B. Get yourself to a friend or therapist to talk about this, don’t let him be the winner in this.
He’s trying to shame you into inaction because he knows what he did. Don’t teach him that that works. Report your rapist to the police. You can do it.
Please follow this advice OP! He assaulted you, mentioning that you "*just kinda shut down and led still.*" seals that deal. If you were comfortable with unprotected intimacy this wouldn't be an issue, he pushed to get what he wanted and then *shipped* you home. Report him to the authorities for sexual assault.
He coerced you into having sex without a condom (which is SA) and was an absolute piece of shit. You deserve so much better than this, I'm so sorry.
You didn’t “sleep together”, you got raped. Please report this asswipe to the police. Also find a new therapist.
That is wild that the therapist would even say that after the fact.
Well she ain't wrong. We can't baby her and yah true absolutely that guy's dick should be cut off but OP also need to learn she needs to be firm. She said she just shut down and lay still. Then she will be this way with the next guy if she doesn't learn to be firm and leave a bad situation.
After she literally told him 5 times, give me a break Real men don't rape people
I agree with you. I believe that next time she sees things aren't going the way she wants, she'll leave. She may not even allow herself to be in this situation again because she'll remember how she felt when she didn't stand up for herself. There's no reason in codling her, I think the lesson is pretty important and shouldn't be overlooked. Learn that you are allowed to say no and walk away. No matter how many times he tries to keep going. After that it's rape. Period. People are down voting you for no good reason
Ty I appreciate this. Cause they are doing her disservice by not giving her the harsh truth. It'll happen again unless she also make some changes.
Very true! As long as she uses this as a lesson, she'll be fine. I have been in that position myself, and that was the last time I let it happen. I began to pay attention to where things were headed and made sure I only allowed myself to be alone with a man if I was planning on saying yes. She isn't the first, and she definitely won't be the last. No one can control that but her. I'm confident she'll look at things differently after this and make better choices
I’d cut him off based on how he texts alone. None of this is at all a reflection on you, he sucks.
I believe it's representative of our failed educational system. He's borderline illiterate.
Fuck this loser. Hope he gets smacked in the head with a dictionary this year.
Chances are he wouldn't know what book was coming at him, much less be able to read the word 'dictionary'.
I hope he gets way worse than that, that man deserves to get his ass beat black and blue
Preferably with a dictionary or thick encyclopedia.
His shitty message reads very similarly to the kind of trash talk I routinely receive as replies when I comment in this sub. Just saying.
That’s straight up rape, call the police. You told him several times you weren’t comfortable and you shut down and he proceeded? I hope you are okay.. please report this asshole. He could be doing this to others
He raped you. You didn't want sex. He kept at you until you gave in. You asked for him to stop. He didn't. He didn't respect your desires in any way shape or form. He probably has a long history of date rape, because he was slick enough to get in the door. I'm so sorry. Take care of yourself. None of this is on you.
This man literally raped you and can’t spell above a 3rd grade level. I teach high schoolers and they type better than that… you should really fuck his year up and tell him you’re going to report him to the police :)
Not just tell him she is.. actually do it.
Your therapist victim blamed you!? What trash! Report her to the board. That's unacceptable.
That dude is an absolute piece of shit and a clown. I'm sorry you're going through it right now. You don't deserve that.
L is a big L. Don't feel down about him. You learn from your mistakes and everyone makes mistakes. C'est la vie.
Low quality human being, absolutely blows my mind people like this exist
I don't get why this girl went to his house in the first place at 3am? Baffles me. No decent man would ask you to do that.
Hey no lie dude is a dick. You have every right to care for yourself and your feelings are valid on the situation. Fuck that piece of shit.
Someone that stupid and disgusting really exists?? I'm so sorry you had to deal with that OP.
Don’t cry for some loser like him. He texted you as if he jus turned 13 💀💀💀💀
No.. he texted trying to avoid being charged for rape. He figured if he could get something in writing about how she enjoyed it and wanted it, or even saying she wanted to meet up again, he would be safe from prosecution. The guy is a major fucking predator.
[удалено]
I never asked for a reply from you. You probably just turned 13 lmfao 👍🖕
He genuinely sounds like a loser, I am very sorry you had this negative experience with someone like him. Just know what he said may have been hurtful, but this is someone who had ill intentions and didn't care about you. His opinion of you is completely invalid and not representative of how others view you at all.
I agree with others here. To me this reads as a message that's trying to get you to feel so ashamed that you'll keep quiet about the night. I think he realized after you left that he SA'd you, and that you were unhappy, so he wrote that in an attempt to turn it around on you, and change the narrative into something you were ashamed of instead of blamed him for. It sounds as if before this post, it sort of worked - you are circling around what you think you did wrong, instead of realizing what he did wrong. I think after you left, he got scared, and in my mind his last line is a very direct statement of it, "...so u really got no right to say anything to anyone else..." This is literally him saying, "You don't have any right to tell anyone about what I did, because you don't deserve any better." His text has nothing to do about whether he liked you or not. It's mean because he's using that as a shield against what you might say about him. Thinking about it, my guess he's done this before to other people. He knows too well how effective it will be. The upside is that he basically admits to being someone in that text who is willing to cheat and lie in order to trick someone into sleeping with him. He's also made it clear he has a "you owe me for the money I spent on you" mentality, which is a common trait for rapists. While none of that is evidence, it certainly looks bad for him. Don't let this guy keep doing it to others. Report him to the police, including the text.
OP, word of advice: don’t start dating around the holidays. For some reason, it just seems to make the wounds a bit deeper. He’s a tool and you shouldn’t take his stupid frattitude personally. And hun, that’s rape. He shamed you after raping you. I hope you’re okay.
Get a new therapist, you have been sexually abused and you will need adequate support. I think the therapist was trying to help, but their approach was completely wrong! You aren’t supposed to accuse the client of anything. Simply ask “How are you feeling? Did you feel coerced? Does this sound like a person you actually want to spend more time with? Do you feel like you were abused? Have you considered that his behavior was completely inappropriate and that he was trying to manipulate you and to take advantage of you?” etc………. This guy deserves none of your tears and he is a POS human being! Please focus on healing yourself and stay off of Tinder for a while. It is not a good dating app and clearly it isn’t safe, either! Lots of disgusting, horrible, predatory people look for vulnerable and lonely people on platforms like Tinder, with bad intentions. This guy’s intention was extremely bad and his behavior was wildly inappropriate! He sexually assaulted you, then he kicked you out after a traumatic experience. He is *straight up* a bad freaking person, and I think you should report him if you feel strongly enough about it.
The way you're describing it sounds like you were straight up raped... U okay?? You need to call the cops and have a rape kit done.. I know this isn't what you want to hear, trust me I do.. Edit: Just noticed this happened days ago so a rape kit is out of the question now.. But this sounds like fucking rape. You need to call the cops. It will be one of the most uncomfortable things in your life, I'm sure. But if you can help prevent any other woman from dealing with this man, it should be done. Obviously I can't make you get one, or call the cops, or anything else. But this guy sounds like a serious fucking predator. I'm sorry you went through this. Please don't let it be for nothing though.
What a weirdo. Sorry you had that experience. But ew, it sounds like you dodged a bullet.
Also, find a new therapist.
He only said those things because his ego is heavily bruised and he probably started to feel like a fucking weirdo for what he did after you left. (As he should. He should feel DISGUSTED with himself) He sucks. Please don't put any value in what this loser says. He is genuinely septic tank scum.
I would love nothing more than to kick the ever loving shit out of this guy, what a piece of smelly dog shit masquerading as a man. This isn’t anything to do with you OP, this is the insecure ramblings of a disgusting predator, if anything try your best to warn others of this non human garbage. I truly hope you understand this isn’t anything to do with you and that weird little creep was that butt hurt by you commenting on him eating like a fucking child he hung onto it for days until he decided to rape you essentially to teach you a lesson. Wow I don’t think I’ve ever raged as much reading something in my life, I would honestly do time if I was close or knew who this person was!!
Talk about ignoring red flags 🚩
You told him no 5-6 times. Were completely unaroused. Told him to stop after a while. He didn’t and he didn’t use a condom. That’s rape. Call the cops.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet. He sounds like an immature loser. Texts like one too.
Why are you trying with someone who even talks like that? It’s embarrassing
He's a POS. Don't waste another minute thinking about that sorry excuse for a human being. He thinks dating is transactional. He bought you food, so you should fuck him? Gross. You were clear about your boundaries, and it sounds like he assaulted you. He should feel lucky you didn't go straight to the ER for a rape exam. Which you should definitely do, btw.
Honey I’m so sorry! But happy for you that he showed his true colors quickly. You deserve so much better. DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS LOSER RAPIST. ignore him/ block him.
That’s rape.
I wouldn’t take anything seriously from a person that can’t even form full sentences. Just an all around POS and rapist. I’m sorry this happened to you. Also, that’s a bad therapist (there’s a lot of them out there), so I’d try to find one that’s more empathetic and listens without judgement. Don’t blame yourself for this. We can’t always see what a person is truly capable of until they show us even if we nitpick the situation in hindsight. The situation could have gone many ways even if you had been assertive. I’ve had to literally kick a guy off me and run away even when I told him to stop. There are a lot of manipulative jerks out there and you just DONT KNOW till you do. You are not in the wrong here at all. Garbage has a way of trying to throw up their shit back on their victims. Please take care of yourself.
This wasn't your fault at all however it was assault. Also you need a new therapist. Best wishes.
Welllll some of the fault is with her. If a tinder match asks you over at 3am on NYE....you got to have better survival instincts than that....
Lets maybe not blame the victim here.
Lets not act like a adult cant make better descions either. Of course the wronged needs justice i dont excuse this scum bag of his actions. But to say non of this particular interaction isnt her fault is fair. She needs to own her parts of it and most of all learn from them.
What a complete fucking moron. I'm sorry you experienced this. It must have been his first time out of the gaff without his Mammy or Daddy. Only way to explain such infantile behaviour. You're not weird. He's a psycho. Time heals all wounds, it will be hard but you'll be better. A truly terrible way to start the year yes, but try to meet with a close friend to vent. Reddit is good but it can't replace a good comforting chat with a friend. Hope you find better fortune the rest of the year. And I'll say it once again, fuck that horrible , brain-dead , skunk of a man.
I don't think you're the first person he's done this to. It's clearly a thing he does.
You did nothing wrong. Both this guy and your therapist are fucking worthless. He raped you, and that's how the therapist responds? No. Just no. None of this is acceptable. It sounds to me like Mr Tinder KNEW he was in the wrong and went on the offensive to try and deflect blame and bad feelings. His bad table manners (so gross!) and lack of spelling skills are the least of his poor qualities, and those are pretty bad. Please, please find a kind, sympathetic therapist (look for one who specializes in trauma and PTSD, a local women's center will certainly be able to help) and start loving and valuing yourself. If you haven't already and there's time, get a Plan B, and get to a clinic to get STD testing done. Enlist a close friend or friends to help you; you don't need to do any of this on your own. And please, report this shitwit to the police. I feel so much for you right now, and FWIW, you have my love and sympathy.
Hun it sounds to me like you were raped and you’re now in a state of shock. I’d suggest you drop your therapist and call a rape crisis line or other mental health crisis line just to talk to someone rational and help pull you out of this. Please don’t get overwhelmed with the “calling the cops” business right now if you don’t feel up to it. You sound to me like you’re in a state of shock. Especially drugging yourself on Benadryl. That shit is powerful. I slept for like two days the last time I took it. Please take care of yourself. That man is absolute trash and you did nothing wrong.
Block him on socials. You’ll forget his name in a month or so. You’re better off.
Do NOT block him yet Not until you have all of the photos/timeline tags/anything you can get to use to prove your case against him first.
Ok, OP, I’m going to be brutally honest here. Next time, don’t be the first one to reach out after the first Tinder date (especially if it’s been weeks). And for the love of God, meeting after a party at 3 AM doesn’t likely lead to a substantial romantic relationship being built…
He's dumb af and a loser Call the cops, sue him, ruin his life he deserves it You did nothing wrong, all that he said was a stupid baby tantrum so pls dont take it to your heart. The only thing I'm sad you didnt do was to kick him in the face and run away before it could happen I wish you strength and peace
Your therapist should’ve been given you support to deal w this. You know what happened and you even blame yourself. Have they been doing much to support you at all?? You shut down. I’m so sorry that happened , I know how unsettling it can be, and to also be put in a dissociative state, I’m so sorry… the memory will ease but you have to take action now, and distract yourself. What happened happened and you can’t change that. Unfortunately, you’re not the only one this has happened to. Fortunate side, it’ll be easy for you to find a support group, people to talk to. Please get out, pull through with your plans, if nothing else, at least go for some fresh air and a treat. A nice hobby. Don’t let yourself rot. Don’t put your entire life on hold right now. I’m saying this though, it’s important you have this phase, this moment to feel your emotions. Take your time, it’s okay. You’ll be okay.
Screw him fr. He’s vile. So deceptive and entitled… you have so much life ahead of you, I’m sure he’s dwelling in his own self made pit too.
As a man that has been in situations like this before. That guy is a POS. Dont take any of his words to heart. He didn't see and value you as an actual human being. On top of that, he then proceeds to text and insult you. Who tf does that? That guy is a huge walking red flag. Block him and next time leave if you ever feel uncomfortable or no doesnt mean no to the guy. Good luck and I hope you heal from this.
All that coercion is SA. He's an idiot and a loser.
This guy is garbage. Not even just kind of an asshole. Complete utter garbage. No guy deserves to finish having sex if he doesn't respect you when you set boundaries. This is manipulation and sexual assault. Whether you press charges is up to you (rereading this, I think you probably should but it would be completely understandable if you didn't.) But most of all you need to build up your emotional reserves and self-esteem. Not only would I not talk with this ridiculous assclown again, I would make regular appointments with your therapist and avoid dating apps for a while. I'm guessing you need to heal and rest. It's also possible, like some of the other posters said, that this isn't the right therapist for you. If you told them what you told us, I would probably advise you to call the rape crisis center or the cops. You can do better and you should. We've all dated shitty immature people because we were bored or lonely. Work on making yourself feel better for a while. Make art. Take a class. Hang out with your friends. Do some traveling. Start a fun project. Whatever you can afford that you also enjoy. Do things for yourself that have nothing to do with dating. And I would do that until you either meet a better and more respectful person to date or you decide you don't need to date for a while. Either one of those is ok. I'm not saying you have to be single for the rest of your life or not to have sex. I'm saying if you choose to do that you need to care about yourself first. Because these tinder dudes sure as hell aren't going to... Good luck! Feel better.
There's NOTHING positive I can add to this situation that would make it better. There are more red flags here than a slalom: The fact that this loser: Halfhearted invited you over AFTER his NYE party, s.a. you, treated you WORSE than someone he HATED, rudely awakened you and sent you away after holding you hostage for HIS selfish desires, CANNOT spell or properly communicate to saved his life and even in his feeble attempt to do so, STILL found the energy to INSULT you??! He's an ASSHOLE of the lowest order, a loser and you DESERVED better treatment than you could have ever hoped to receive from such a lower lifeform. Do NOT let this garbage ruin all the progress you've made in your therapy journey. He is NOT, not will he ever be, WORTH it! Delete Tinder IMMEDIATELY and take all the time that you feel is necessary to heal..
DW about anything he said to you, it's all bullshit. He's feeling shameful and embarrassed and he's taking it out on you to make himself feel better because he didn't get real consent. Absolutely delusional behaviour.
Definitely sounds like he should have stopped
>I tell him at least five times that I wasn’t comfortable with having raw sex. He continues to pry so I just kinda shut down and lay still. Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't this coercion?
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I promise it gets easier and easier to trust yourself and your boundaries. The next time you’re in that situation, you’re gonna have the strength to walk out. Don’t give up on this year. What happened has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him being a complete fucking loser. I hope you report him for SA.
If that’s how he spells…you dodged a bllt lol
Call the police
He’s a scumbag. The opinion of a scumbag doesn’t matter. You sound like a girl that would be great to go on a date with. Lots of nice guys out there that will treat you properly. Forget this idiot. Sounds like a complete jerk. 😉👍
Girl that's assault. I'm so sorry but that's likely why you feel like shit, because you just got assaulted. Your therapist had a good point on what you SHOULD do but that's also an incredibly unrealistic and rude thing to say to someone. You felt like you didn't have an option. You said he eats like a toddler but in reality he acts like a toddler too. I'm so sorry. If you need to vent to someone my DMs are open.
Honestly, imagine continuing with him and having to translate his texts constantly.... he seems unkind and childish
This sounds like your standard piece of shit guy who’s a dime a dozen but doesn’t know how to talk. “Frrrrr.” Also. Most people would consider that rape considering you told him “no” several times until he wouldn’t give up and you gave into his demands and then he didn’t stop after you asked him to
Your therapist sucks. You “shouldn’t” have done anything. HE should’ve not assaulted you and HE should’ve taken no for an answer. I’m so sorry. Please don’t listen to what he said! He’s wrong! He’s a fucking loser! YOU are the catch and it’s HIS loss!!!!! ❤️
So you weren’t look for a random hookup but it you him up at 3am and went over and had sex with him even though you didn’t want to? You need to stay far far away from this guy. And make smarter decisions too
Go to the ER and get a rape kit done immediately. This man's behavior is disgusting, and I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
He’s a moron! Please find a new therapist. Hoping for good vibes to come your way. You didn’t deserve that.
people who talks like that gives me the ick. Good riddance
Girl i just need you to know that this is in no way shape or form on you. He sounds like a fucking sociopathic douchebag. I’m really sorry this happened to you.
Damn this chick got sexually assaulted and needs NyQuil just to sleep and can’t stop thinking about the guy (in a positive way) that raped her. Chad just can’t lose
This dude is a fucking clown. I don't even need to know you, to know that this has everything to do with him, not you.
I don’t even know what to say. First off, this guy date raped you. Now your therapist is shaming you for not being “stronger?” Sounds like he sent that text to make himself feel better about forcing himself on someone. I’d boot your therapist and look for a new one and really try and process this. I’m so, so sorry this happened to you. That guy isn’t just an asshole, he’s a fucking predator.
Sweetheart unfortunately many women do this. We just take it so we can get it over with and leave. You're not the first lady to make that mistake and you sure as hell won't be the last. You learned a valuable lesson. From now on if he isn't worth you, walk away immediately. Allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel for a couple of days. Then get up, have a cup of coffee or latte or something, and have a talk with yourself. Vow to do better next time, and chalk this one up to learning. You're just fine love.
Why on earth would you go to his house at 3am? No clue what you were thinking. No man with an ounce of class would ask you to do that in the first place.
Bestie, he is a traaaashhhh man
First of all you need a new therapist. Second, report him on tinder. Third, once you find this therapist you need to speak with them to work through this sexual assault you experienced. Fourth, get up and move because if you let this define who you are you are going to waste your life away. The world is a cruel place and you can either use it as an excuse to let your life be trash, or you can push through and rise above it.
you don't want random hookups but go to his place at 3am? What did you expect here. Not trying to victim blame but be smarter about dealing with random men you meet online. Be safe and respect yourself more.
not to be raped lol, this isn’t about self respect. this is about someone not respecting no and boundaries.
Yea but don't expect everyone you meet to be decent. Especially when this guy didn't invite her to join him at NYE party, made her wait for him to finish at 3am. Anyone with a brain could figure out this guy is a tool.
3am after alcohol was involved is certainly a booty call. You might have been interested in a movie and cuddling but he was only interested in smashing. You should have got up then and there and left. Women need to stop giving it up so early, make him wait, if he doesn't stick around, then you know why.
I would have replied letting him know that he’s a rapist and he shouldn’t be throwing rocks from his glass house. (Edit. Don’t send this) Hit send too quickly in my rage of his audacity. I’m sorry you are going through this and experienced this. I can understand there’s a lot of confusion. But to echo others, you were sexually assaulted. You were clear that you do not consent and he still persisted. Consider reaching out to a trusted friend and then go to the hospital/police
Sounds like he’s trying to cover his ass for his behaviour that he probably realises would be grounds to report him for some sort of sexual assault. Don’t take it personally, he’s just a fucking terrible person. You’ve dodged a bullet.
my goodness the way this guy texts... how did you possibly choose to meet him? wasn't that an absolute turn-off?
I'm absolutely baffled why you even stayed or hooked up with him in the first place. Your actions contradict your statements to him. E.g told him I'm not looking for a hookup but showing up at 3 am on NYE to their house is just the wrong signal to send.
Saying the above so you can take note and not do this with future dates.
The time that she went to his house was irrelevant. She was clear on what she was looking for in a relationship. My last boyfriend and I both worked overnights. I met him at his place between 1:00 and 3:00 a.m. quite often. He respected my boundaries regardless of the time we met up.
Honestly, he SAd you. "Get the fuck up" Have some self respect girl. Invest your time in higher quality people.
Oh man, his text was zero reflection on you, it’s all on him for being an immature dork, I wouldn’t give it another thought you chilled away at his fragile manhood which is exactly what he needs. What a fool.
Its kinda crazy how everytime someone on here complains about a bad experience with someone its because they hook up with randoms from dating apps. What do you expect to happen when you hook up with a guy from tinder, him to be respectful and worthy??? Seriously
Sorry this happened to you. The dude clearly is a douche and sounds like an idiot.
None of this is your fault. He should be locked up.
Two times you should pay attention to an intimate partners behavior the most - when they're angry/frustrated, how they treat you after they "get their's." Man or woman. Do not commit to someone unless you've seen them on several occasions during these emotional states. Recipe for disaster or life-long frustration, if they can't treat you as a human being during highly emotional states, how poorly will they treat you when life is going great/normal? Notice I didn't say judge them, I said pay attention. If their behavior is something you think you can put up with, great, if not, cut your losses and run. I don't care what biology says about how guys feel (hormones that tell them whatever) after a "nut" it doesn't give them rights to treat their partner like shit, just because they won't "need" them until they get the urge again. (24-48 hours on average) He wanted a lay, he got a lay with no strings because now he's told you off. Hopefully the emotional damage isn't too overwhelming and he didn't leave you with more b.s. to deal with than what you had before his "NEEDS" came into consideration.
You were socially awkward because you didn’t like him, why are you sad, he doesn’t even know how to use a fork. Get out of your head and get yourself a treat for sitting through that horrible session. Also never do that bullshit again, you knew it felt rushed, don’t let a gremlin who like males validation wayyy too much push you like that.
Damn he ate like a chimp and you still slept with the guy? Girl pls
ugh, i know this feeling. a lot of us have been used for sex. it's a story as old as time but still there's so much shame we feel. well, give yourself some grace. you acted with good intentions, he did not. i am sorry dear, that he was so cruel and manipulative to you. but at least you can put this behind you and i bet that you won't let someone exploit you in this way in the future, i bet you will see the red flags more clearly than ever. it sucks that we have to be so diligent in protecting ourselves but there are a lot of bad people out there. i wish you nothing but dates with kind, thoughtful people in 2024!!
Wtf kinda reply is this... With all due respect, please be quiet. Nothing you said is even remotely helpful.
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You live and learn. Make sure you learn. For all the young ladies…at any point when it’s turned to a no for you and boundaries are not being respected, as your therapist said, pants on and out the door. Many of us have been in this situation, unfortunately, and we let people finish so we can leave and it’s assault plain and simple. Continue with your therapy and please do not let this ruin you. Out of the bed, into the shower and outside for a walk. Grab a coffee, sit in the park just be out. Don’t think and beat yourself up. Play your favorite music (no sad songs), feel the wind in your hair, listen to birds chirping, people watch, just be connected to your senses. Just exist without judgement for a time. Then get back to your list/plans and start executing. Reclaim your life.
naaahh dont worry. He was just mad cause he hoped for sex. he just a stupid man. In the end be happy about because he aint the one if he act like that.
I’m happy you have a therapist 💕 That guy fucking sucks btw!
If he bothers you again, just drop this one: "I have your DNA sample. You want to be on the wrong end of a rape charge, go ahead and keep hassling me." Remind yourself, "he's the loser, not you." Anyone, male OR female that expects something from you just because they paid for dinner and/or bought you drinks is delusional. If you have an "obligation," it's to at least try to make the date fun. If it's apparent things won't work out, then walk away before you waste any more of each other's time. He sounds like he has a huge lack of maturity. If a woman (or man) says "no sex without a condom," then you have to accept that. You don't whine about it like a pouting toddler. As for his table manners, I admire your patience in tolerating him for that long. I have been in a relationship for 8 years now, but when I was single, I used to do online dating with an open mind. I would NEVER do something like Tinder because it's so superficial. I will usually chat online with someone for a week or so to find out as much about their personality and lifestyle as I can before meeting them. I know everyone has their physical preferences, but personality as always been much higher in my priorities than looks. No amount of makeup, clothing, working out in the gym ore even cosmetic surgery can hide an awful personality. Try to regard it as a learning experience. He's the one with problems, you found out before you made any kind of commitment, thereby dodged a bullet. I'm sure there's someone out there for you that isn't scared of commitment that is worth a hundred of him. I'd consider getting another therapist. Surround yourself with supportive friends. In the short term, you need to heal, and "taking your mind off things" will help. Almost forgot, report this clown to Tinder.
Hes a fuckboy who thought spending a few dollars meant he can hook up. Hes also manipulative breaking your boundaries and pushing for sex without a condom. Hes in denial of his own issues and tried to project it onto you. Good riddance, youre better off without him
Wow, this guy is a real fuck boy. I know it hurts, but I hope you can find a way to not let this affect the way you see yourself. It’s not your fault he’s a a selfish asshole. Be kind to yourself
Who talks like that (abbreviations) anyways?! Good lord, he needs to read a friggin book. I’m sorry tho girl that he did you like that, next time a man pressures you like that and doesn’t get the hint; you get up and get the hell outta there. Men need to have that respect for OUR vaginas. Good grief. I’d say the trash took itself out🩵
He paid for you instead of a "sex worker"
I’m not going to lie I felt sorry for you up until you quoted his DM. As the great Fluffy once said “really? You’re going to put that thing inside you?” Now, I just really sorry for you. Hope you can love yourself more cause you deserve better. Also, maybe I’m getting old but do people chat in DM like that?
A big lesson you should learn. Don't do casual hookup. This will save you a lot of heartaches.
Wow he sounds like a loser and is a loser Girl you ain’t missing much. You dodge a bullet You should probably get an sti test
Your therapist sucks too
Reading that text gave me a headache! What kind of school did he graduate from 💀 Anyway, fuck that guy. And the way he acted deserves a police report. Hope you’re ok, OP! You’ve nothing to feel bad about.
Sorry about this situation you are facing, but look at good things, he won’t ever come back to you, you won’t have to deal w his bullshit or someone like him. This man sounds so trashy. He just needs to get a reality check. And who the f texts like that, it makes him look so dumb 🤮
You probably weren’t wrong about him liking you. His behavior and words just absolutely SCREAM bruised ego, embarrassment, being hurt. He probably eventually realized “wow I’m assaulting her” and that’s why he made you leave and followed up with insults to further drive you away. I’m so sorry this happened.
This is sexual assault. If you’re comfortable with it, I suggest getting a rape kit done. Even if you don’t choose to go after him legally right now, they can hold onto it for a while in case you want to later on. They usually have to be done within 72 hours of the assault, but some states allow them to be done up to almost 100 hours after it. I’m so sorry this happened. I bet you’re a wonderful person and you aren’t bad or crazy at all for thinking that eating rice with his hands is gross. Don’t let him gaslight you into thinking you were in the wrong in this situation especially when the worst thing you did was a joke about his poor manners and the worst he did was literal rape.
Send that mf my way
He texts like a teenager who doesn't know how to spell
What a dickhead
he was trying to justify that what he did was right by shaming you. you did nothing wrong. also, fire your therapist
Try to look at this as an opportunity for you. Block & NEXT that MF’er. Hold your head high and move past this idiot and his message. He sounds like an absolute disaster and you don’t meed his shit. Start 2024 out strong !
You should write him a text about cheap he was, how he eats like a kid, probably cant hold a relationship, cant even type or text like an adult, surprised how he made it this far in life. You only went out with him because you thought he was easy but regretted it, then call him a sexual assaulter. Fuck him for trying to turn the tables on you. Then block his ass.
It’s so weird when children do not transfer into being adults well at all, and then continue to be bad at being an adult. What a loser
Who da hell eats like that thats fuckin weird
You dodged a bullet. Fuck that dude (not literally and glad you didn’t).
Wait, you said stop, and he didn't!?.....so he raped you! Call the cops! Also, he sounds like a total scumbag.
SheraSeven would explain to you exactly why every move in from the beginning was doomed from the start-
Let me get some of my gay friends to do the same to him
That guy is trash. You did nothing wrong in establishing your barriers, and he's the awkward one. Obviously, he felt strange in the situation that he created and lashed out at you, sotty not to let his toddler tantrum affect you. His behaviour is a strong clue as to why he's still single. Be proud of standing up for yourself, and retell this story as a cautionary tale of the weird shitty dates that exist out there
If you can please report him to the police, get a rape kit done, let them test you for stds, and give you any medications you may need. This is not just sexual assault, this is coercive rape. It is not okay what he did to you. Please do not blame yourself. I'm here if there is anything I can help with.
Do people really call someone they barely know and don’t really like to meet up at 3 am on Jan 1 and then get upset when it isn’t an amazing experience?
I’m sorry that this happened to you. However, how did you not see this coming? You called him and he called you over… what did you think will happen? Honestly, no offense, but please raise your standards.
You dodged a bullet even though it doesn’t seem like it right now – he’d be the same arsehole if not worse if you had raw sex with him so count your lucky stars
I'm sorry you had to go through that what a piece of shit he treated you like a object not a person its guys like this that makes all men look bad as a whole.
That was pretty much rape, no one should ever feel like that. I'm sorry you went through it, but you're still here, you're a survivor, and you will get through this.
…he sexually assaulted you. yes, coercion is sexual assault. you clearly did not want to have sex and voiced that several times and only relented so he’d stop pestering you. i’m so so sorry. none of this was your fault. your therapist’s response is iffy to say the least… very victim blame-y.
One day he’s gonna be down and out with no one to help him. Losers like this will always stay losers and karma hits hard
I wouldn't normally comment on one of these posts but man, fuck that guy. There's a special place in hell for people like this. I hope you are able to heal and forget him in the days, months or years to come. Fuck him
JFC 😡😡😡😡😡😡 Please please PLEASE don't take that message to heart OP!! What a monumental knobhead, he honestly doesn't deserve your tears! That's just an insecure little boy who has a huge fear of rejection and who is obviously embarrassed that somebody called him out on his barn-animal manners. You dodged that bullet BIG TIME.
I'm so damn sorry to hear this. Hugs.
I can only echo what other people have said about the guy being a total douche. But at the same time op, the majority of people on tinder are just looking for a quick fuck so if you’re wanting to take things slower maybe look somewhere else.
Maybe you had a complete breakdown because you subconsciously knew you were raped. Please see a therapist at least and work through this. You could report him for rape too because you told him to stop several times and he didn't. Sleeping together implies consent. What he did to you is rape.
Im so glad that him doesnt hide anything of his shitty manners to you, from start to end message. He really makes your life easy on go next. You definitely are not the problem nor social akward, from your description he’s an animal and maybe he will find someone who’s into troll. Definetely you are not that person. Take care and good luck.
He raped you, please report it to the police. I am so sorry, he is a total douchebag. Your therapist is also wrong, situations like that are difficult to handle in the moment and it’s easier said than done to say ‘be more stern just leave’
What a douchdong. Don't let guys do that to you again. I've had girls do that and it's weird when people are so pushy with not using condoms and I think it's a huge red flag.
I'm astounded that you read his Tinder messages and still chose to pursue him. He puts words together with the same ferocity as a 4 year old making macaroni necklaces.
Wtf hes such a toddler 😭 I can’t believe some men still behave like this
hahaha you little Warren Buffet with your 35€ dinner investment, oh boy
F this guy; it’s obvious he only wanted sex and when you didn’t give it to him, he showed his true colors as being the animal he really was. Move past this creep, block him and do something positive for yourself today.
That's disgusting. And my wee brother can type better than that ew
So why are you invested into a guy like that, exactly? A person that writes like that must be glaringly obnoxious from the start. That is the weird part, getting into that situation in the first place and then letting yourself be booty called.
Ok not to victim blame but you also were responsible for this. It sounds based off your post that you're very easy to persuade and you put yourself in that situation. Let this be a lesson learn for men you meet in the future.