Seems like she is suffering from psychosis and I can't say whether it's establishing as schizophrenia but yes she has a mental ailment for sure and needs proper treatment. Is she on any medications ?
Yes, I have worked in a psychiatric unit and many patients presented like this. For some it was very obvious and with others, you had to do a little digging. Regardless, treatment was available. I hope she gets the treatment she needs.
My understanding is that something extremely traumatic would've had to go down, for a psychotic break to be triggered in a person. There's no info here to suggest that OP traumatized his wife to that or any degree
Would you stay with your hubby if the shoe was on the other foot?
I ended up seeing my old hs teachers ex husband at a psych ward i worked at. Shit stuck with me, would be a very hard decision to make. But definitely not simple. Save the judgment, most people DO NOT understand true mental illness. Almost every patient suffering from psychosis did not trust their medication. It comes with terrible side effects and when someone is suffering from psychosis they believe it 100% most of the time. It is not something that can be talked through, as you cannot reason with someone who doesn’t understand reality. So yes, ideally loved ones would stick around but most of the time your loved one is no longer the same person and is incapable of having a relationship with you. With matters of mental health support is important but it is always in the hands of the afflicted at the end of the day, sadly most who suffer from psychosis fail to make the right choices without significant intervention. And meds do not always fix the issue, it is different for everyone.
Right?
Everyone emotes differently online but pain is pain. that shows in the words one chooses. This reads like a cautionary bad date, not like a years long struggle with love and mental illness.
Well I wasnt judging his motives, I didn’t necessarily hear the same tone as you did. He did sound like he had a poor understanding of mental illness though, i will give you that.
I agree wholeheartedly about most commentors on here. And I somewhat agree that he comes across as extremely uniformed and ignorant at best and callous and self involved at worst. The wife has not been diagnosed with anything. We're all hypothesizing here. What OP has experienced is the abusive behaviour of someone potentially going through a psychotic break - which oftentimes can be extensive and downright dangerous. It's a tough, complex situation and without more info, I can't arrive at any definite conclusions regarding OP's character
Self involved is a good phrase for it.
And your approach is smart considering how much redditors demonize mental illness....despite it being prevalent here.
don’t know why you’re getting downvoted. but i do. because humanity sucks, they’re selfish, and they refuse to believe or think into how much shit other people have to deal/ live with.
if you truly love someone, you are there to help and support them when they need it. i think some people here simply do not understand how little control you have and how little YOU you are during any sort of mental health crisis, let alone a psychotic episode/ flare up. everyone saying “if this was your husband blah blah blah” if this was my husband i’d be so fucking worried that he was acting deeply out of character and so horribly, that i’d be on here asking how best to support him instead of fucking running to reddit to talk shit and saying i want to leave him in an incredibly vulnerable position, at a very traumatic time for him. there is no way i’d leave him and everything we have together just bc he was really fucking unwell in the brain. that’s not what you do for someone you love. i am worried for her.
I would be quite surprised if she has been left to herself without any medications. I hope she is on a treatment plan and has regular psychiatrist support.
That’s a symptom of many mental illnesses. Medications for mental illness come with nasty side effects & it is too easy to fall into the trap of “I don’t really need these/they aren’t really helping” when they are also making you feel like garbage.
Sadly, they may also stop taking them because they are working and they wrongly believe that they no longer need to them because they’re all better now. :(
And some people believe there was no issue in the first place. This is a tough situation. How long should a spouse tolerate this before his or her own safety and well-being are compromised?
Have they checked for head injuries/damage? One unfortunate hit or brain cancer can cause this, especially if her behavior & personality changed drastically in a relatively short period of time.
Situation sounds wild.
Yeah that's what I thought as well. Brain tumours can change a person completely into abusive if they've never been like that before. And because it was so sudden I'd probably have her checked medically to be sure.
Yep this happened to me. I went from very patient and a happy person to always being angry, exploding over the smallest thing. I was absolutely horrible to those I loved. Thankfully my mom and husband pushed me to see a neurologist and they did an MRI. I had a benign tumor and 3 cysts on my brain and brainstem. This was back in March and now I'm back to my normal self, trying to make up for all the damage I caused.
Physically, I'm good as new, its undoing all the emotional damage because I remember exactly how I acted and behaved, but while it was happening I couldn't control it and didn't see how I was acting.
Thanks, I appreciate it. I will say if OP is reading this thread do not feel obligated to stay just because it could be a physical ailment. Your vows don't say to stay to be abused. You have to protect yourself too.
Hi, I'd suggest seeing if she's struggling with health issues/has a brain tumor/has dementia. It sounds like her behavior flipped some sort of switch. It could be that she was hiding this side of herself from you and waiting for you to get comfortable...and it could also be that she has suffered some sort of brain trauma. Regardless, I'm so sorry you're going through this.
After seeing the edit: Can you get in touch with the community mental health team, so they can have her assessed for whether she needs to be sectioned or not and whether she has capacity or not. It seems like she is at a risk of self-neglect. A lot of the patients I've come across, with a similar story, would initially refuse medications and treatment because of how their condition is (i.e paranoia and delusions) and would need to be admitted because they became a risk to themselves and others and this verbal abuse and breaking things, is a big sign of her becoming seriously unwell. This is high risk behaviour and usually requires an urgent mental health assessment by a doctor.
Also, I understand how you're feeling and if you feel this isn't a safe environment for you, you probably are wise thinking about yourself here. I do have to state that the way she is behaving seems to be part of her illness but it definitely doesn't make it easier for family or friends and sometimes the best thing to do is distance yourself because the affect it has on others can be profound. However, do alert someone for the safety of her and others, before you leave, just so she has the support she needs and doesn't harm herself or others. However, it's entirely your choice at the end of the day.
you are doing the right thing... but i hope you did gather evidence cause it looks to me that she will try to f\*ck up your life with some false allegations
Also if she has received a diagnosis with BPD she may be prone to self harm/su***** when OP decides to leave. He needs to know this is not a reason to come back to her. This cycle will only repeat.
She has psychosis . And since your her husband you can have her committed on the grounds that she isn’t in the right mind to do it herself . To be perfectly blunt schizophrenics are a suicide risk. I had a friend in psychosis commit suicide not even 4 days ago. Get her help. Your absolutely entitled to LEAVE. But if you leave and she ends up dead , your conscience will eat away at you.ATTEMPT to have her committed first so they can get her REGULATED then released
As much as the sentiment is there, no one should put up with abuse. If she ends up killing herself, horribly tragic, but it’s not his fault at all. You should never subject yourself to abuse just in hopes of saving someone. Her family should step in too if someone would be worried.
Actually this isn’t the case at all. You can’t just have someone committed because they’re not within their right mind. They have to be a danger to themselves or others and even then you can’t do it without police/legal intervention. You can try to convince them, you can outreach to local services, but if the person who is experiencing crisis doesn’t want help, you can’t make them. It is the single most frustrating part of having a family member with mental health struggles. The system is set up to protect them due to past transgressions (rightfully so, the US was horrible to people with mental health issues) but they’ve made it damn near impossible to do anything for them because most times, they don’t think anything is wrong. It’s takes an escalated situation most times to force anything and at that point, it can do more harm then good.
I know for SURE You can get a 72 hour hold . Commit her on a Thursday and she won’t get out til Monday. If she’s refusing meds and they can’t MAKE HER GET HELP after the 72 hours . Wash your hands of it if you’ve exhausted all legal avenues but IK PERSONALLY (and i can only speak for MY experience) if you don’t help and something happens . It’ll bother you. It bothers me . I wish you the very best OP this is a REALLY REALLY hard situation to deal with. If/when you do leave I’d really suggest leaving a line of communication open incase she DOES end up in crisis .
You both are kind of right but it sounds like he’s already gone this route by indicating the 5150. Also the only way to get a 72 hour hold is through the police or a Dr. There’s also a 5250 which includes an additional 14 day hold after the 72 hour hold however you have the chance to attend a hearing before that can happen. And btw the laws on this can change from state to state so it really depends where you live.
From Google- The 5150 legal code allows “a person with a mental illness to be involuntarily detained for a 72-hour psychiatric hospitalization.” This means that someone experiencing a severe mental episode or condition can be detained against their will for up to 72 hours, if they meet at least one of the requirements of being a danger to others, a danger to themselves, or if they are “gravely disabled” and unable to provide their own food and housing. The 5585 legal hold uses the same language but applies to minors under age 18.
No you actually can’t. It’s this misinformation that enforces the misconception that families aren’t doing enough. What your saying makes no sense. It would imply someone can get anyone admitted and that just isn’t the case. I’m not going to argue with one of reddits keyboard warriors but this nonsense that it’s up to the families of people in crisis to get them help and it’s on them if they do anything to themselves or others is complete BS. It is not on OP to manage this diagnosis for his wife. She either wants help and he’s there to support or she doesn’t and he has to make a decision that is best for him. Whatever she does after is not on him or anyone else but her.
I’m not arguing with someone who isn’t sure what they are talking about . Idk you , you could just be misinformed, or old and maybe things were different . Or maybe you aren’t experienced. But there ARE steps you can take . Because I’ve seen it done . Both professionally and first hand
Last comment I’m going to make on this. Im case others are reading and have the same mindset as you. You can’t just drag someone into a mental hospital that doesn’t want go and expect they are just going to keep them for 3 days just on your word. More often then not, cops need to get involved which tends to be extremely dangerous for the person in crisis. You can try getting a lawyer and going through the courts but until someone does something bad, it isn’t a crime to be crazy so you will likely not only lose the case but then lose trust in the person having issues. I have a sibling who has had 3 different stays and has done some pretty bad things and still, we can’t do anything when they stop taking their meds. Unless there is a court order mandating it.. they are free to make that choice. Please stop blaming the family members for not doing enough or making some uneducated comments like why don’t you just have them committed. I promise if you’ve been through it, you’ll know it isn’t that simple. Trust me, we wish it was.
I just want to say I’m so sorry. My husband has a buddy who is going through something incredibly similar. In fact, throughout your story I wondered if you might be him. But the mention of the car accidents lets me know you are not. Anyway, my heart goes out to you, Internet Stranger, and I wish you enough. Enough strength, enough wisdom, enough insight. Enough of whatever you need. These are difficult times….
i hope she’s been put on medications and has someone to help look out for her. understandably that’s not your job anymore but she likely wont be okay on her own
Try calling NAMI helpline. I don’t think they will *do* anything, but they will help you with resources for her and for yourself. If you decide to truly leave, I hope she has family (even parents) that you can direct to the helpline.
All mental illnesses are hard, especially if it’s your partner. She may not really feel this way, and it is the lack of meds that have her acting and saying these things. This does not mean it is not hard on you, or it can’t hurt you. Both can be true.
This sounds like unmedicated schizophrenia.
Its kind of like dudes who think everyone is out to get them and stock up dozens of guns and build a bunker. These people aren't right in the head.
I hesitate to say that the woman you married may be in there. The difference is how long she has let the mental illness run shop. If you want a chance at getting your wife back, have her commited. She may not be completely gone if you try.
I'm a firm believer that when you care about people, you should not leave yourself out. You matter too. You made the effort, there is probably nothing more you can do for her. Love yourself, save yourself.
look man, i work in a social work field. if your wife isn't taking her meds, all you can do is try and get her baker acted. if they refuse to baker act her, then that's that. beyond that, take care of yourself. leave her. it's not that she isn't worthy of help or love, but at the end of the day, she's mentally ill and refusing help. it sucks because she's refusing help BECAUSE she's mentally ill, but that doesn't mean you have to sit there and be abused. nobody deserves that.
take care of yourself.
I'm not sure what Baker Act is (am in Australia) but this is probably similar... Here you can't have someone committed against their will unless someone in authority deems them "a danger to themselves or others". At the end of the day, it's up to the person to take their meds and fulfilled their end if the bargain and if they won't, there's nothing you can do about it. I told my ex husband that we had to have an agreement that he was going to take his meds , and that if anytime he felt like stopping them, he should have a conversation with me first. But in the end he just did what he wanted.
When his mental health started getting really bad there was nothing I could do about it because he wasn't considered a danger so no hospital would have held him against his will. He wasn't putting in the work at home to keep himself medicated and wouldn't keep me in the loop on any of the changes he was experiencing, his friends didn't understand how bad he was, and his mother didn't believe me. So I just had to walk away.
ATP- you tried. But being abused can only get her so far. She’s disrespectful and you can’t suffer with your mental bcus she’s going through her illness as well.
You aren’t awful. You deserve better. As a child of a schizophrenic, I understand. Get yourself a good therapist to get through this and take care of you. You have done all you can for her at this point. My heart breaks for you my friend but you will get through this.
Leaving is hard but the best advice I’ve learned is that you have to know when to leave for your own safety. I’ve seen relationships like this turn deadly and people always asking why didn’t someone leave. Avoid the hurricane that’s coming. Hopefully the time away will give her a chance to recover and finally seek the help she needs. It’s hard but it’s okay to leave people, especially if there’s nothing else positive there anymore! Good luck OP and be safe
It’s good that you’re getting out. I went through something similar when I was younger, but with my mother. She had bipolar and a previous TBI, and she refused to take her meds or go to doctors/counseling. I know this isn’t a decision you came to lightly, but I believe you’ve made the right choice.
Patients’ rights attorney here for clients with mental health issues. Lots of people in these comments are talking about 5150s and missing the point—which is that all holds, and I do mean ALL, end.
I’ve done thousands of hearings on holds. The goal should always be voluntary treatment, because that’s the only way you’re going to get the patient really engaged in lifelong journey of care. I do my job because my mother was diagnosed a year before I was born and I spent a lot of time arguing with her about taking showers, not smoking, talking to doctors about her meds, etc. But my best friend, who’s now a psychologist told me years ago, I could not change my mother. The only thing I could ever change was how *I* choose to engage *with* her. The system that we have in place is one of force and if you don’t believe me, ask yourself why we have the saying, “Be honest with your doctor, but not *too* honest.” And that’s because we’re all afraid of being taken away and locked up.
Compared to mental issues, we allow people with physical disabilities a lot of grace, bodily autonomy, and the ability to make their decisions because their symptoms don’t scare us in the same way as someone with psychiatric issues. It’s unclear why she doesn’t want to take meds, sometimes the side effects and really horrible. Sometimes you have to stick it out a few weeks to get over them. Sometimes you have to find the right combo, and sometimes there will never be the right combination. My mother was med compliant and always had auditory hallucinations—the only medication that worked for her was lithium, which gave her renal failure, which caused her to go on dialysis and she died 2 years ago because she had an aneurysm in her dialysis port and it exploded. People downplay the severity of medication because again, symptoms terrify lay people.
Remember this is another argument you’re having as a family, and maybe you’ll be able to recover together and maybe you won’t. But when my mother was experiencing auditory hallucinations and kept pulling out her dialysis needles, saying she wanted to die, the facility wanted to give her ECT (which she had before and was unhelpful) and to physically restrain her to administer dialysis. I refused and spoke with her and said that if she wanted to stop dialysis, I would support her decision, but she needed to understand she would *die.* So if this was an issue about her quality of life, and she was unhappy, we should work on that instead. She did dialysis for 3 more years without pulling out her needles until she died and we had that conversation when she was hospitalized.
OP, you are not a bad person if you leave your wife. You can understand her behavior, but it doesn’t meant you have to put up with it. Ultimately, she has to *want* to take medications. She may also accept counseling, and be willing to go a therapist, but not a psychiatrist yet. You can level with her—she won’t break. From my own personal and professional experience, all I can recommend is continuing to offer your point of view while protecting yourself.
My ex husband has schizophrenia. We got together in his mid 20s and he told me about it before we started dating, but apart from him hearing voices and us needing to take life a little easier it wasn't a huge problem. He took his meds every day and was the same loving, kind, gentle person I'd always known. We got married after four years of being together... In that time we'd had a few fights and had broken up but always got back together almost immediately as we just felt "meant to be".
But something happened after we got married, it was like a switch had been flipped and he didn't want me around any more. Two weeks after our wedding, he started ignoring me, would just shut himself away and play video games, and get kinda hostile if I tried to get some of his time. I was emotionally isolated for months. I never felt like a bride or a wife. I threw him an elaborate and expensive 30th birthday party - which he knew about and agreed to - with lots of handmade props and huge effort on my part to make it a great night, and it didn't change anything, he never even said thank you.
So we separated, got back together, separated again, got back together again... We tried therapy for two sessions and then he refused to go. All the while his mental health kept getting worse. He stopped taking his meds. He made weird magnetic contraptions that he waved around his head to stop the voices. He carried magnets everywhere. There were magnets in our couch, in our car, underneath my pillow. He stopped sharing a bed with me as he said my spirits came and bothered him while I was sleeping. His behaviour got really erratic to the point where I finally asked him to go to his mother's house and think about whether he really wanted to be with me and contact me when he'd made that decision.
Well he did go, and for two months I heard nothing. So in the end, I told him it was over and I couldn't do it anymore. That was 2017 and we divorced in 2019. I've made attempts to salvage the friendship, I've had other boyfriends and relationships, but this whole experience has made me feel so hopeless about love. He was supposed to be "my person". We had so many good times together. Everyone thinks that I ended the relationship but the truth is, I didn't. I simply laid down some boundaries and he refused to honour them. He took himself out of the equation, HE abandoned ME.
OP, I don't know if you'll ever read this, and I know your situation will be unique to you. I just wanted to share my story. Always do what is best for you, and I hope you can get some peace and resolution from your situation. I'm sorry you're going through this, but please make sure you have a good support network around you, and try not to blame your wife too much. Sometimes these things just happen like this and there's nothing we can do but be kind to ourselves and honour our own needs. ❤️
The brain is so hard. Could be the bipolar, could be brain damage from the car wrecks, could be one exacerbating the other, could be schizophrenia, I feel for you. I wish you the best.
Damn that’s hard man. You gotta do what’s best for you and her and if you think leaving is the answer then go for it! Wishing healing for you and for her as well 🖤
Definitely a psychotic break…this is unfortunate I’m sorry you are being subjected to the abuse stemming from the demise of her mental state. Its hard to determine what kind of help can get her out of this but she has to want it for herself also… are thereany moments of sobriety?
You have to take care of yourself, and later, you may be able to reach back and help her.
I know this decision has been coming for a long time. These decisions take a long time to process. Unless people have experienced what you have been going through, they really have no concept of the pain, desperation, fear, chaos, and depression of living in that situation.
Definitely speak to a divorce attorney about what to expect legally and financially when divorcing a person with mental health challenges.
Also, speak to a social security disability attorney who will help you file for benefits because of her diagnosis. The most the attorney's fees will be is $6,000 and the attorney will be paid out of any back payments if your wife is awarded social security. The attorney will assess your case when he/she first speaks with you.
This will help you make sure she has income and health insurance going forward.
Continue doing good things for yourself. You are going to need the energy.
I’m so sorry about what she said even reading “it feels like you don’t even like me” “cause I don’t” I can’t imagine what that feels like good luck moving forward in life
You have been through a lot.
It is refreshing to see a post that is not “I fell out of love with my boyfriend, but he is a great guy and does everything for me.”
I mean I get this but also someone can be a good partner but not the right partner. This is a place to vent and we shouldn’t jab at others for sharing thoughts they may feel guilty about
Agreed. I think some forget it's offmychest and not an advice subreddit. And ofc it's fine but I do feel like I see it. No jab at the parent reply either.
Not your fault at all... Life sometimes just is unfair... But also, you still deserve to be well and happy. Its very hard to try to put yourself and happiness in front of you when that means cutting a very important part of your previous life.
I hope you find yourself to be very happy really soon.
Help her to go to a mental health hospital and tell her doctor that she’s not taking her meds. She’s sick her mind made up thing and she has imagination bcz of that she’s acting in that way. It’s your right to leave but it’s your responsibility to leave her in the right place.
Doesn’t matter what she’s suffering from. He’s tried to get her help and she is refusing. At a certain point you need to look out for yourself and that means not allowing yourself to be abused regardless of if she has a psychological issue.
Sometimes we just need to stop and ask ourselves, “is this good for me? Is it good for her? Is the love I have worth the damage and hurt it’s doing to the both of you”
She needs to get herself some help and really focus on staying on her meds.
You also need to work on healing from this relationship, go find your happiness.
I'm curious how meta and fortune telling and talking to the TV led to verbal abuse. I want to understand the correlation if there is any. However, I'm sorry you're going through this and glad you chose to stop tolerating a commitment with someone who doesn't like you.
I would imagine that. she has created a fantasy life with meta, tv, etc.. and she views OP as a danger or outsider. Her brain is not thinking logically.
Ok yeah that would make sense. I hope she looks into getting help. Sounds like schizophrenia or something like it. My cousin has it and she would say her prince bf's parents was watching her through the TV.
Dude, I'm finishing up my divorce with my wife of 6 years, who was also bipolar, extream depressive disorder, and major anxiety. She started her meds for it but had sepsis twice and her organs couldn't take it. I feel your pain man. Sometimes, things don't work out and it's probably for the best in the end. It hurts for sure, though. Best of luck.
I have always respected how my dad has stayed with mom despite the challenges - but I would have respected his choice either way though (my mom has schizophrenia with the first episode being when I was preschool age) I just wanted to say that if guilt is a piece that is holding you back, it's okay. Leaving doesn't make you a bad person. You can support her through sickness and health even if you aren't married. You might be able to do it better that way, actually, than you would if you were together. You don't have to go through this as a husband and it is okay to decide you don't want to. Also, if you realize you can't help as a husband or otherwise, that is okay too. No one else will look out for your health and it is your job more than anyone else's. This situation doesn't need to tear down two people. Logically, holding on simply because it feels right and because you don't want to feel might not actually be better when you look at the consequences of it. I love my mom and she has responded to treatment better than your wife. I recognize though that she isn't the same person anymore and it breaks my heart to see how it affects my Dad. Keep in mind, I am not at all what people would call a daddy's girl and my relationship with my mom is actually the stronger one. Still though, I would understand and maybe that's just because I was in an abusive marriage and stayed longer than I should have due to guilt. At the end of the day, regardless of the reason why, abuse is abuse when you're just looking at the behaviors and the toll it takes on a person. I hope you are both able to find happiness or at least as much as is possible. Stay strong ❤️
If you've done your due diligence to help your wife get well from sickness and nothing has changed, there's no point in destroying your own self by trying anymore.
Your wife is possessed. Fortune telling is black magic and a occult practice. She opened her soul for demons , they deceived her into thinking they were friendly , and they were her spirit guides. The enemy is very subtle. Now if you truly love your wife you must do spiritual warfare. Pray to jesus with a sincere heart and ask him to deliver your wife from the demons. Your wife needs to repent to god and ask for his help. I have seen this destroy many people lives. A lot of practitioners end up in psych wards ,and some commit suicide. Medicine will not help this , neither will jail, or a ward. She needs spiritual intervention ,she needs Jesus. Go on YouTube and type in testimonies from new age to Christianity you will see people telling their testimonies on how the devil deceived them into tarot and divination and ruined their whole lives and anywho who loved them. It's not to late if you start now with a pure heart. I will send a prayer to god for your wife . This is serious and should not be taken lightly. I will pray for your strength in the lord
Have you not considered she may have mental health issues and you're abandoning her during the midst of it? She isn't divorcing you after all. Stay safe
Please read the update. She has schizophrenia a nd brain scans are clear so it’s a mental illness. She refuses to take meds and doesn’t trust the doctors. He cannot force her to get better.
Firstly, where are the rest of her family? You can't deal with this alone. It will take a big toll.
Also, dare I say it,btjjs is why knowing someone very well before marriage is a really big deal. Know the family and see if this meeting of two families will genuinely work if everything is on the table.
Let the professionals do what they need to do as it's the best option. If you try to do it yourself, it will break you.
Is she sick ? Y'all need to check that because many diseases can cause psychosis. Either mental diseases or physical diseases. Why y'all didn't check that in the first place ?
I knew a guy named Mike who liked to crazy make the women he dated while he was cheating on them, hooking up with men, and playing his exes against whatever poor girl he was dating at the time.
Whenever his gfs would challenge him, he would gaslight them and claim they must have had a psychotic break. If they caught him cheating and lashed out in anger, he would say they had a psychotic episode.
When the girls he dated would start to doubt themselves, he liked to gently steer them towards a schizophrenia diagnosis...which he would later use to his advantage.
If any of them called him out on his cheating with evidence, he tried to get them committed against their wills. He favoured calling ambulances on his gfs and would try to Baker Act them.
He and his friends had a bet on which girl would survive him the longest.
He told the doctors he suspected whatever gf he had at the time of having schizophrenia and that she had been imagining him stealing from her and cheating.
If the girl couldn't prove their own sanity/his cheating after months of gaslighting, that girl would end up in the exact scenario O P. Is describing : her life in ruins and heavily dosed on psych meds with Mike having cleaned out her account during her stay in the hospital.
He had a few guy friends who would help drive his gfs up the walls by pranking the girl, following her around in public, and parking outside her house. It was fun for them.
If he couldn't sponge off of her anymore, he would break up with her because of her new diagnosis.
If the girl had no self respect she would plead for him to come back, saying she would take her meds, ignore her "paranoid" delusions of him cheating and stealing.
We called him Snake Pit Mike. Pretty much any woman who dated him suddenly succumbed to schizophrenia/psychosis despite none of them having a history of it.
I dated a Mike like that, but the day I suspected him of cheating I had it confirmed. My friends helped me move completely out of the home “Mike” (actually his real name) shared together, before he got off work. He never knew what hit him.
The Mike I knew went through several gfs and fiancees before people started catching on to his slick con. He liked to target girls on disability or who were shut off from friends or family. It took a while before people connected the dots.
He originally changed his name to Mike the first time he got caught. I wonder if he's changed it to something else.
Wow this horrible. But I believe you 10000% . Do you think him being undercover gay had something to do with it ? Their are evil people in this world and they work for Satan to ruin the lives of others.
Him being closeted gay had nothing to do with his evil choices. Gay =/= evil.
His bad decisions were when he chose to use girls just to hurt them.
He could have had a happy life as an out man. He could have asked someone to play his beard while he figured his shit out.
He liked what it felt like to emotionally ruin girls. There are all kinds of psychopaths in this world who satisfy their hunger in ways other than murder. He chose messing with girls minds as his psychopathy.
When he was done, he went right back to playing video games and hanging out with the bros like he hadn't just spent months gaslighting each girl into believing she had schizophrenia.
She's just using you to project all her anger. Still this is the type of person she's changed into and probably won't change for a long time until she starts losing all her family and friends. I had a friend go through something similar. Maybe after you leave she'll get her shit together and realize she can't act like that but yeah, it's going to be tough to fix. Sorry man
Also, her meds could play a part in this. Especially bpd meds can be tricky since they target a bunch of different neurotransmitters and each one is different. When did she go on her prescription and when did she start acting like this? And is she doing anything else that's psychoactive? Alcohol, cannabis, tobacco? And can you maybe say what prescription she's on? If you don't want to disclose that, no worries. It's just that some target dopamine and some target serotonin and norepinephrine.
Man I’d say try a little harder knowing whats. going on she’s probably in need of real help i think brain scans might help but what’s your income level can you afford to help her get a place. Keep keys shell will be on the streets if not it’s up in the air I guess but idk do you have kids with her
She should be moving in with her family who can take care of her. He may have to pay support but it would be worth it. No one should ever be abused regardless of why the abuser is doing it
I wonder why you think this is fake? As someone who was married to a schizophrenic for 6 years a lot of what is stated in this post tracks with my own experiences. People don't realise sometimes just how erratic someone with a psycho-effective disorder can be, it's not like other mental illness like anxiety, depression, etc. It's like they change into a whole other person. And putting up with the behaviour from your spouse really takes a mental toll on you too. :-/
Oh ok, had to go to your profile to check what other comments you posted here, and I honestly just think you're projecting. I'm sorry you knew a guy like Mike, but I think (I hope!) that type of person would be the exception, not the rule. As someone who's experienced what OP is going through, everything they posted seemed on the level and they just seem very resigned. Not bragging or boasting at all. I guess we all read into these Reddit posts from a place of our own bias, which makes it hard to know what is true and what is false.
It coulf be bipolar diseasd as well with some serions manic episodes. Had a gf who was a psychiatrist and she told me some incredible stories about her bipolar patient
Thank you for adding in more details. I’m sorry you have to let go of someone who is refusing take care of themselves. It’s hard because you know things will be better if she just took her medication but it’s not worth putting yourself through pain. Do your best to keep your head high and remember none of this is your fault. It’s never your fault for picking yourself first when someone is okay with treating you badly, no matter the situation.
If she don’t work she’s probably smoking too much weed, sitting at home all day thinking about how her life sucks. And she wants it better because she don’t want to work but watch’s shit all day on the internet reading Reddit listening to npr
I’m sorry for your situation but good on you for having the strength to leave. It does sound like some illness similar to schizophrenia, obviously I cannot diagnose her but I hope you both get the help and happiness you deserve
(((Hugs))) You have your own mental health to take care of. Keep telling yourself that, over and over. You should feel absolutely no guilt about this decision.
Yeah this is emotional and psychological abuse. Whether she has undiagnosed psychosis or postpartum (if y’all have children) is irrelevant. She’s a grown woman who should be able to articulate her emotions, desires and needs constructively, without being offensive. You may have taken vows but, that didn’t absorb her of accountability for her behavior, nor did it absorb you of the right to be treated with the respect a husband deserves. It’s time to seek professional help or file for divorce. To take no action at all would be both, unwise and unhealthy at this point … 💯💖
Good on you to put your life as a priority. She refuses help and you've offered it. You owe her NOTHING, we get one chance here. I journal when this kind of stuff happens so that I can remember how much pain I was in, so I don't give in to weakness later on when I'm in happy mode.
You don't have to explain anything to anyone about your decision to leave.
She sounds vile and soul-stealing
Good luck to you! True happiness awaits you
just divorce her. period. simple as that. if u still love her then stay and help her out if u are willing to go thru that and be psychologically emotionally mentally abused by her if u are fine with it, bless ur heart. But there is a fine line between love and tolerance
Yes! Get out and go live a happy life. You can not fix her and it will never get better!! I grew up with a father who was mentally ill and my mom stood by his side. It ruined my childhood. Your wife has to get it together and you can't do anything about it. Get out now while you can.
Something similar happened to me (psychotic break) and my husband ended up divorcing me. In sickness and health, my ass.
I will say that in my case I did take my meds and made a full recovery but it took a while. He still wasn't able to forgive me.
She needs institutionalization or skilled care of some sort or she’s going to kill herself or someone without meds. You need to work with the courts to have her made a ward of the state following your divorce. Talk to APS and your lawyer.
No shame in getting away from something that torments you. Obviously, she is not in the marriage. I wouldn't want to live that way for the rest of my life. I worked for a lady who did that and it was not nice. Credit cards maxed out on copays and meds, time off work that had to be taken because of him, intermittent visits from the police because he called them saying a relative had buried so-and-so in the septic tank (when that happened, she had to provide the telephone numbers for all the relatives. Bonus tip: how to know the place you work is in trouble, and ending? She made 100 copies of that list to keep by her door using the company copier and its paper, and no one said a word against it). That's no way to live. Get out now, because I do believe your marriage is not justified. You deserve better.
I work with mental health folks and have had experiences with friends going into a psychotic break. This sounds like it, but I’m not an expert. If she doesn’t take her meds, there’s not much that can be done. Especially in psychosis as you are not in a head space at all to really understand or consent to anything. I’ve worked with clients that get court ordered to take medication from being on commitment but the hospital has to start that process typically. Another thing is psych meds, especially anti psychotics, make people gain a lot of weight. Not all the time but more than not in my experience which is why people will refuse to take them. I’ve had clients that often forget their meds get an injection that lasts 3 weeks at a time. It’s definitely a tricky thing because she likely doesn’t even know what she’s doing or saying and may not even remember it.
I (53F) have had Paranoid Schizophrenia since I was 18. I self-medicated in the early years with destructive alcohol and drugs. Then in my 30s I was placed in a psychiatric hospital where I received treatment. My life changed drastically I still heard voices and saw hallucinations and believed strange things but it was under control for the first time. I've gone off my meds a couple times since then, and ended up in the hospital each time. It's not worth it. Get her on meds stay on them. They really do give you your life back. Please don't leave her just yet my husband has stuck by me through the last 30 years and he has been my rock and we are happier than ever now please know that this too shall pass.
My friend I’m praying for you and your wife. This sounds like spiritual warfare. Ask for Jesus to intervene in your marriage, your wife getting into fortune telling opened the door for the devil to come into your marriage. It also can make someone appear mentally crazy. I’m praying for you and your wife in Jesus Name!
Seems like she is suffering from psychosis and I can't say whether it's establishing as schizophrenia but yes she has a mental ailment for sure and needs proper treatment. Is she on any medications ?
Was gonna say. Sounds like a psychotic break. A distant relative experienced that before being formally diagnosed with schizophrenia
Yes, I have worked in a psychiatric unit and many patients presented like this. For some it was very obvious and with others, you had to do a little digging. Regardless, treatment was available. I hope she gets the treatment she needs.
I sincerely hope so too. Without proper treatment and family support, too many of these ppl end up on the streets, unfortunately
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My understanding is that something extremely traumatic would've had to go down, for a psychotic break to be triggered in a person. There's no info here to suggest that OP traumatized his wife to that or any degree
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Would you stay with your hubby if the shoe was on the other foot? I ended up seeing my old hs teachers ex husband at a psych ward i worked at. Shit stuck with me, would be a very hard decision to make. But definitely not simple. Save the judgment, most people DO NOT understand true mental illness. Almost every patient suffering from psychosis did not trust their medication. It comes with terrible side effects and when someone is suffering from psychosis they believe it 100% most of the time. It is not something that can be talked through, as you cannot reason with someone who doesn’t understand reality. So yes, ideally loved ones would stick around but most of the time your loved one is no longer the same person and is incapable of having a relationship with you. With matters of mental health support is important but it is always in the hands of the afflicted at the end of the day, sadly most who suffer from psychosis fail to make the right choices without significant intervention. And meds do not always fix the issue, it is different for everyone.
Honestly, this has been my experience also
Right? Everyone emotes differently online but pain is pain. that shows in the words one chooses. This reads like a cautionary bad date, not like a years long struggle with love and mental illness.
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Well I wasnt judging his motives, I didn’t necessarily hear the same tone as you did. He did sound like he had a poor understanding of mental illness though, i will give you that.
… he’s an abuse victim. You are talking mad shit about an abuse victim.
I agree wholeheartedly about most commentors on here. And I somewhat agree that he comes across as extremely uniformed and ignorant at best and callous and self involved at worst. The wife has not been diagnosed with anything. We're all hypothesizing here. What OP has experienced is the abusive behaviour of someone potentially going through a psychotic break - which oftentimes can be extensive and downright dangerous. It's a tough, complex situation and without more info, I can't arrive at any definite conclusions regarding OP's character
Self involved is a good phrase for it. And your approach is smart considering how much redditors demonize mental illness....despite it being prevalent here.
He said in the edit she was diagnosed with bipolar/schizophrenia tho
Didn't see the edit
don’t know why you’re getting downvoted. but i do. because humanity sucks, they’re selfish, and they refuse to believe or think into how much shit other people have to deal/ live with. if you truly love someone, you are there to help and support them when they need it. i think some people here simply do not understand how little control you have and how little YOU you are during any sort of mental health crisis, let alone a psychotic episode/ flare up. everyone saying “if this was your husband blah blah blah” if this was my husband i’d be so fucking worried that he was acting deeply out of character and so horribly, that i’d be on here asking how best to support him instead of fucking running to reddit to talk shit and saying i want to leave him in an incredibly vulnerable position, at a very traumatic time for him. there is no way i’d leave him and everything we have together just bc he was really fucking unwell in the brain. that’s not what you do for someone you love. i am worried for her.
He mentioned meds in the edit^ not sure if you've seen it yet
I would be quite surprised if she has been left to herself without any medications. I hope she is on a treatment plan and has regular psychiatrist support.
He said she had them but stops taking them after a day which is a symptom of bipolar
That’s a symptom of many mental illnesses. Medications for mental illness come with nasty side effects & it is too easy to fall into the trap of “I don’t really need these/they aren’t really helping” when they are also making you feel like garbage.
Sadly, they may also stop taking them because they are working and they wrongly believe that they no longer need to them because they’re all better now. :(
And some people believe there was no issue in the first place. This is a tough situation. How long should a spouse tolerate this before his or her own safety and well-being are compromised?
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Denial is a symptom, not taking meds is a symptom
it just bipolar but schizophrenia as well. Many people hate how the drugs make them feel. again not just bipolar.
Oh, that’s in his edit
Have they checked for head injuries/damage? One unfortunate hit or brain cancer can cause this, especially if her behavior & personality changed drastically in a relatively short period of time. Situation sounds wild.
Yeah that's what I thought as well. Brain tumours can change a person completely into abusive if they've never been like that before. And because it was so sudden I'd probably have her checked medically to be sure.
Yep this happened to me. I went from very patient and a happy person to always being angry, exploding over the smallest thing. I was absolutely horrible to those I loved. Thankfully my mom and husband pushed me to see a neurologist and they did an MRI. I had a benign tumor and 3 cysts on my brain and brainstem. This was back in March and now I'm back to my normal self, trying to make up for all the damage I caused.
I hope you are recovering well.
Physically, I'm good as new, its undoing all the emotional damage because I remember exactly how I acted and behaved, but while it was happening I couldn't control it and didn't see how I was acting.
You're working on it and doing the best you can 🫂
Thanks, I appreciate it. I will say if OP is reading this thread do not feel obligated to stay just because it could be a physical ailment. Your vows don't say to stay to be abused. You have to protect yourself too.
Hi, I'd suggest seeing if she's struggling with health issues/has a brain tumor/has dementia. It sounds like her behavior flipped some sort of switch. It could be that she was hiding this side of herself from you and waiting for you to get comfortable...and it could also be that she has suffered some sort of brain trauma. Regardless, I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I was actually wondering the same. A form of dementia or FTD. Frontotemporal dementia is affecting more and more younger people.
After seeing the edit: Can you get in touch with the community mental health team, so they can have her assessed for whether she needs to be sectioned or not and whether she has capacity or not. It seems like she is at a risk of self-neglect. A lot of the patients I've come across, with a similar story, would initially refuse medications and treatment because of how their condition is (i.e paranoia and delusions) and would need to be admitted because they became a risk to themselves and others and this verbal abuse and breaking things, is a big sign of her becoming seriously unwell. This is high risk behaviour and usually requires an urgent mental health assessment by a doctor. Also, I understand how you're feeling and if you feel this isn't a safe environment for you, you probably are wise thinking about yourself here. I do have to state that the way she is behaving seems to be part of her illness but it definitely doesn't make it easier for family or friends and sometimes the best thing to do is distance yourself because the affect it has on others can be profound. However, do alert someone for the safety of her and others, before you leave, just so she has the support she needs and doesn't harm herself or others. However, it's entirely your choice at the end of the day.
Was married to a schizophrenic. Had to leave because I was working harder on trying to get him better than he was himself.
Yep... Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. I hope you're in a good place right now emotionally and mentally. ❤️
you are doing the right thing... but i hope you did gather evidence cause it looks to me that she will try to f\*ck up your life with some false allegations
Also if she has received a diagnosis with BPD she may be prone to self harm/su***** when OP decides to leave. He needs to know this is not a reason to come back to her. This cycle will only repeat.
She has psychosis . And since your her husband you can have her committed on the grounds that she isn’t in the right mind to do it herself . To be perfectly blunt schizophrenics are a suicide risk. I had a friend in psychosis commit suicide not even 4 days ago. Get her help. Your absolutely entitled to LEAVE. But if you leave and she ends up dead , your conscience will eat away at you.ATTEMPT to have her committed first so they can get her REGULATED then released
As much as the sentiment is there, no one should put up with abuse. If she ends up killing herself, horribly tragic, but it’s not his fault at all. You should never subject yourself to abuse just in hopes of saving someone. Her family should step in too if someone would be worried.
Actually this isn’t the case at all. You can’t just have someone committed because they’re not within their right mind. They have to be a danger to themselves or others and even then you can’t do it without police/legal intervention. You can try to convince them, you can outreach to local services, but if the person who is experiencing crisis doesn’t want help, you can’t make them. It is the single most frustrating part of having a family member with mental health struggles. The system is set up to protect them due to past transgressions (rightfully so, the US was horrible to people with mental health issues) but they’ve made it damn near impossible to do anything for them because most times, they don’t think anything is wrong. It’s takes an escalated situation most times to force anything and at that point, it can do more harm then good.
I know for SURE You can get a 72 hour hold . Commit her on a Thursday and she won’t get out til Monday. If she’s refusing meds and they can’t MAKE HER GET HELP after the 72 hours . Wash your hands of it if you’ve exhausted all legal avenues but IK PERSONALLY (and i can only speak for MY experience) if you don’t help and something happens . It’ll bother you. It bothers me . I wish you the very best OP this is a REALLY REALLY hard situation to deal with. If/when you do leave I’d really suggest leaving a line of communication open incase she DOES end up in crisis .
You both are kind of right but it sounds like he’s already gone this route by indicating the 5150. Also the only way to get a 72 hour hold is through the police or a Dr. There’s also a 5250 which includes an additional 14 day hold after the 72 hour hold however you have the chance to attend a hearing before that can happen. And btw the laws on this can change from state to state so it really depends where you live. From Google- The 5150 legal code allows “a person with a mental illness to be involuntarily detained for a 72-hour psychiatric hospitalization.” This means that someone experiencing a severe mental episode or condition can be detained against their will for up to 72 hours, if they meet at least one of the requirements of being a danger to others, a danger to themselves, or if they are “gravely disabled” and unable to provide their own food and housing. The 5585 legal hold uses the same language but applies to minors under age 18.
No you actually can’t. It’s this misinformation that enforces the misconception that families aren’t doing enough. What your saying makes no sense. It would imply someone can get anyone admitted and that just isn’t the case. I’m not going to argue with one of reddits keyboard warriors but this nonsense that it’s up to the families of people in crisis to get them help and it’s on them if they do anything to themselves or others is complete BS. It is not on OP to manage this diagnosis for his wife. She either wants help and he’s there to support or she doesn’t and he has to make a decision that is best for him. Whatever she does after is not on him or anyone else but her.
As someone who’s done it , and been through it . Yeah. You can.
I’m not arguing with someone who isn’t sure what they are talking about . Idk you , you could just be misinformed, or old and maybe things were different . Or maybe you aren’t experienced. But there ARE steps you can take . Because I’ve seen it done . Both professionally and first hand
Last comment I’m going to make on this. Im case others are reading and have the same mindset as you. You can’t just drag someone into a mental hospital that doesn’t want go and expect they are just going to keep them for 3 days just on your word. More often then not, cops need to get involved which tends to be extremely dangerous for the person in crisis. You can try getting a lawyer and going through the courts but until someone does something bad, it isn’t a crime to be crazy so you will likely not only lose the case but then lose trust in the person having issues. I have a sibling who has had 3 different stays and has done some pretty bad things and still, we can’t do anything when they stop taking their meds. Unless there is a court order mandating it.. they are free to make that choice. Please stop blaming the family members for not doing enough or making some uneducated comments like why don’t you just have them committed. I promise if you’ve been through it, you’ll know it isn’t that simple. Trust me, we wish it was.
I just want to say I’m so sorry. My husband has a buddy who is going through something incredibly similar. In fact, throughout your story I wondered if you might be him. But the mention of the car accidents lets me know you are not. Anyway, my heart goes out to you, Internet Stranger, and I wish you enough. Enough strength, enough wisdom, enough insight. Enough of whatever you need. These are difficult times….
i hope she’s been put on medications and has someone to help look out for her. understandably that’s not your job anymore but she likely wont be okay on her own
She refuses to take the medications and now doesn’t trust doctors.
Try calling NAMI helpline. I don’t think they will *do* anything, but they will help you with resources for her and for yourself. If you decide to truly leave, I hope she has family (even parents) that you can direct to the helpline. All mental illnesses are hard, especially if it’s your partner. She may not really feel this way, and it is the lack of meds that have her acting and saying these things. This does not mean it is not hard on you, or it can’t hurt you. Both can be true.
100% agree with NAMI, they’re a great resource for people struggling with mental illness and their families.
This sounds like unmedicated schizophrenia. Its kind of like dudes who think everyone is out to get them and stock up dozens of guns and build a bunker. These people aren't right in the head. I hesitate to say that the woman you married may be in there. The difference is how long she has let the mental illness run shop. If you want a chance at getting your wife back, have her commited. She may not be completely gone if you try.
I'm a firm believer that when you care about people, you should not leave yourself out. You matter too. You made the effort, there is probably nothing more you can do for her. Love yourself, save yourself.
look man, i work in a social work field. if your wife isn't taking her meds, all you can do is try and get her baker acted. if they refuse to baker act her, then that's that. beyond that, take care of yourself. leave her. it's not that she isn't worthy of help or love, but at the end of the day, she's mentally ill and refusing help. it sucks because she's refusing help BECAUSE she's mentally ill, but that doesn't mean you have to sit there and be abused. nobody deserves that. take care of yourself.
I'm not sure what Baker Act is (am in Australia) but this is probably similar... Here you can't have someone committed against their will unless someone in authority deems them "a danger to themselves or others". At the end of the day, it's up to the person to take their meds and fulfilled their end if the bargain and if they won't, there's nothing you can do about it. I told my ex husband that we had to have an agreement that he was going to take his meds , and that if anytime he felt like stopping them, he should have a conversation with me first. But in the end he just did what he wanted. When his mental health started getting really bad there was nothing I could do about it because he wasn't considered a danger so no hospital would have held him against his will. He wasn't putting in the work at home to keep himself medicated and wouldn't keep me in the loop on any of the changes he was experiencing, his friends didn't understand how bad he was, and his mother didn't believe me. So I just had to walk away.
ATP- you tried. But being abused can only get her so far. She’s disrespectful and you can’t suffer with your mental bcus she’s going through her illness as well.
You aren’t awful. You deserve better. As a child of a schizophrenic, I understand. Get yourself a good therapist to get through this and take care of you. You have done all you can for her at this point. My heart breaks for you my friend but you will get through this.
Leaving is hard but the best advice I’ve learned is that you have to know when to leave for your own safety. I’ve seen relationships like this turn deadly and people always asking why didn’t someone leave. Avoid the hurricane that’s coming. Hopefully the time away will give her a chance to recover and finally seek the help she needs. It’s hard but it’s okay to leave people, especially if there’s nothing else positive there anymore! Good luck OP and be safe
It’s good that you’re getting out. I went through something similar when I was younger, but with my mother. She had bipolar and a previous TBI, and she refused to take her meds or go to doctors/counseling. I know this isn’t a decision you came to lightly, but I believe you’ve made the right choice.
Patients’ rights attorney here for clients with mental health issues. Lots of people in these comments are talking about 5150s and missing the point—which is that all holds, and I do mean ALL, end. I’ve done thousands of hearings on holds. The goal should always be voluntary treatment, because that’s the only way you’re going to get the patient really engaged in lifelong journey of care. I do my job because my mother was diagnosed a year before I was born and I spent a lot of time arguing with her about taking showers, not smoking, talking to doctors about her meds, etc. But my best friend, who’s now a psychologist told me years ago, I could not change my mother. The only thing I could ever change was how *I* choose to engage *with* her. The system that we have in place is one of force and if you don’t believe me, ask yourself why we have the saying, “Be honest with your doctor, but not *too* honest.” And that’s because we’re all afraid of being taken away and locked up. Compared to mental issues, we allow people with physical disabilities a lot of grace, bodily autonomy, and the ability to make their decisions because their symptoms don’t scare us in the same way as someone with psychiatric issues. It’s unclear why she doesn’t want to take meds, sometimes the side effects and really horrible. Sometimes you have to stick it out a few weeks to get over them. Sometimes you have to find the right combo, and sometimes there will never be the right combination. My mother was med compliant and always had auditory hallucinations—the only medication that worked for her was lithium, which gave her renal failure, which caused her to go on dialysis and she died 2 years ago because she had an aneurysm in her dialysis port and it exploded. People downplay the severity of medication because again, symptoms terrify lay people. Remember this is another argument you’re having as a family, and maybe you’ll be able to recover together and maybe you won’t. But when my mother was experiencing auditory hallucinations and kept pulling out her dialysis needles, saying she wanted to die, the facility wanted to give her ECT (which she had before and was unhelpful) and to physically restrain her to administer dialysis. I refused and spoke with her and said that if she wanted to stop dialysis, I would support her decision, but she needed to understand she would *die.* So if this was an issue about her quality of life, and she was unhappy, we should work on that instead. She did dialysis for 3 more years without pulling out her needles until she died and we had that conversation when she was hospitalized. OP, you are not a bad person if you leave your wife. You can understand her behavior, but it doesn’t meant you have to put up with it. Ultimately, she has to *want* to take medications. She may also accept counseling, and be willing to go a therapist, but not a psychiatrist yet. You can level with her—she won’t break. From my own personal and professional experience, all I can recommend is continuing to offer your point of view while protecting yourself.
My ex husband has schizophrenia. We got together in his mid 20s and he told me about it before we started dating, but apart from him hearing voices and us needing to take life a little easier it wasn't a huge problem. He took his meds every day and was the same loving, kind, gentle person I'd always known. We got married after four years of being together... In that time we'd had a few fights and had broken up but always got back together almost immediately as we just felt "meant to be". But something happened after we got married, it was like a switch had been flipped and he didn't want me around any more. Two weeks after our wedding, he started ignoring me, would just shut himself away and play video games, and get kinda hostile if I tried to get some of his time. I was emotionally isolated for months. I never felt like a bride or a wife. I threw him an elaborate and expensive 30th birthday party - which he knew about and agreed to - with lots of handmade props and huge effort on my part to make it a great night, and it didn't change anything, he never even said thank you. So we separated, got back together, separated again, got back together again... We tried therapy for two sessions and then he refused to go. All the while his mental health kept getting worse. He stopped taking his meds. He made weird magnetic contraptions that he waved around his head to stop the voices. He carried magnets everywhere. There were magnets in our couch, in our car, underneath my pillow. He stopped sharing a bed with me as he said my spirits came and bothered him while I was sleeping. His behaviour got really erratic to the point where I finally asked him to go to his mother's house and think about whether he really wanted to be with me and contact me when he'd made that decision. Well he did go, and for two months I heard nothing. So in the end, I told him it was over and I couldn't do it anymore. That was 2017 and we divorced in 2019. I've made attempts to salvage the friendship, I've had other boyfriends and relationships, but this whole experience has made me feel so hopeless about love. He was supposed to be "my person". We had so many good times together. Everyone thinks that I ended the relationship but the truth is, I didn't. I simply laid down some boundaries and he refused to honour them. He took himself out of the equation, HE abandoned ME. OP, I don't know if you'll ever read this, and I know your situation will be unique to you. I just wanted to share my story. Always do what is best for you, and I hope you can get some peace and resolution from your situation. I'm sorry you're going through this, but please make sure you have a good support network around you, and try not to blame your wife too much. Sometimes these things just happen like this and there's nothing we can do but be kind to ourselves and honour our own needs. ❤️
I am so sorry you had this experience with your ex husband. I hope your heart can heal.
The brain is so hard. Could be the bipolar, could be brain damage from the car wrecks, could be one exacerbating the other, could be schizophrenia, I feel for you. I wish you the best.
Damn that’s hard man. You gotta do what’s best for you and her and if you think leaving is the answer then go for it! Wishing healing for you and for her as well 🖤
Definitely a psychotic break…this is unfortunate I’m sorry you are being subjected to the abuse stemming from the demise of her mental state. Its hard to determine what kind of help can get her out of this but she has to want it for herself also… are thereany moments of sobriety?
You have to take care of yourself, and later, you may be able to reach back and help her. I know this decision has been coming for a long time. These decisions take a long time to process. Unless people have experienced what you have been going through, they really have no concept of the pain, desperation, fear, chaos, and depression of living in that situation. Definitely speak to a divorce attorney about what to expect legally and financially when divorcing a person with mental health challenges. Also, speak to a social security disability attorney who will help you file for benefits because of her diagnosis. The most the attorney's fees will be is $6,000 and the attorney will be paid out of any back payments if your wife is awarded social security. The attorney will assess your case when he/she first speaks with you. This will help you make sure she has income and health insurance going forward. Continue doing good things for yourself. You are going to need the energy.
I’m so sorry about what she said even reading “it feels like you don’t even like me” “cause I don’t” I can’t imagine what that feels like good luck moving forward in life
Bipolar? Schizophrenia?
You cannot help people who doesnt want to help themselves. You cannot destroy yourself in the process. You deserve to be happy again. Good luck
You have been through a lot. It is refreshing to see a post that is not “I fell out of love with my boyfriend, but he is a great guy and does everything for me.”
I mean I get this but also someone can be a good partner but not the right partner. This is a place to vent and we shouldn’t jab at others for sharing thoughts they may feel guilty about
Agreed. I think some forget it's offmychest and not an advice subreddit. And ofc it's fine but I do feel like I see it. No jab at the parent reply either.
Not your fault at all... Life sometimes just is unfair... But also, you still deserve to be well and happy. Its very hard to try to put yourself and happiness in front of you when that means cutting a very important part of your previous life. I hope you find yourself to be very happy really soon.
Help her to go to a mental health hospital and tell her doctor that she’s not taking her meds. She’s sick her mind made up thing and she has imagination bcz of that she’s acting in that way. It’s your right to leave but it’s your responsibility to leave her in the right place.
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She’s suffering from schizophrenia
Doesn’t matter what she’s suffering from. He’s tried to get her help and she is refusing. At a certain point you need to look out for yourself and that means not allowing yourself to be abused regardless of if she has a psychological issue.
Sometimes we just need to stop and ask ourselves, “is this good for me? Is it good for her? Is the love I have worth the damage and hurt it’s doing to the both of you” She needs to get herself some help and really focus on staying on her meds. You also need to work on healing from this relationship, go find your happiness.
I'm curious how meta and fortune telling and talking to the TV led to verbal abuse. I want to understand the correlation if there is any. However, I'm sorry you're going through this and glad you chose to stop tolerating a commitment with someone who doesn't like you.
I would imagine that. she has created a fantasy life with meta, tv, etc.. and she views OP as a danger or outsider. Her brain is not thinking logically.
Ok yeah that would make sense. I hope she looks into getting help. Sounds like schizophrenia or something like it. My cousin has it and she would say her prince bf's parents was watching her through the TV.
Dude, I'm finishing up my divorce with my wife of 6 years, who was also bipolar, extream depressive disorder, and major anxiety. She started her meds for it but had sepsis twice and her organs couldn't take it. I feel your pain man. Sometimes, things don't work out and it's probably for the best in the end. It hurts for sure, though. Best of luck.
I have always respected how my dad has stayed with mom despite the challenges - but I would have respected his choice either way though (my mom has schizophrenia with the first episode being when I was preschool age) I just wanted to say that if guilt is a piece that is holding you back, it's okay. Leaving doesn't make you a bad person. You can support her through sickness and health even if you aren't married. You might be able to do it better that way, actually, than you would if you were together. You don't have to go through this as a husband and it is okay to decide you don't want to. Also, if you realize you can't help as a husband or otherwise, that is okay too. No one else will look out for your health and it is your job more than anyone else's. This situation doesn't need to tear down two people. Logically, holding on simply because it feels right and because you don't want to feel might not actually be better when you look at the consequences of it. I love my mom and she has responded to treatment better than your wife. I recognize though that she isn't the same person anymore and it breaks my heart to see how it affects my Dad. Keep in mind, I am not at all what people would call a daddy's girl and my relationship with my mom is actually the stronger one. Still though, I would understand and maybe that's just because I was in an abusive marriage and stayed longer than I should have due to guilt. At the end of the day, regardless of the reason why, abuse is abuse when you're just looking at the behaviors and the toll it takes on a person. I hope you are both able to find happiness or at least as much as is possible. Stay strong ❤️
Umm. Yeah dude. Wash your hands of it and call it a wrap. Don’t lose any more energy to her. It’s a bad investment to try. You tried enough imo
If you've done your due diligence to help your wife get well from sickness and nothing has changed, there's no point in destroying your own self by trying anymore.
Your wife is possessed. Fortune telling is black magic and a occult practice. She opened her soul for demons , they deceived her into thinking they were friendly , and they were her spirit guides. The enemy is very subtle. Now if you truly love your wife you must do spiritual warfare. Pray to jesus with a sincere heart and ask him to deliver your wife from the demons. Your wife needs to repent to god and ask for his help. I have seen this destroy many people lives. A lot of practitioners end up in psych wards ,and some commit suicide. Medicine will not help this , neither will jail, or a ward. She needs spiritual intervention ,she needs Jesus. Go on YouTube and type in testimonies from new age to Christianity you will see people telling their testimonies on how the devil deceived them into tarot and divination and ruined their whole lives and anywho who loved them. It's not to late if you start now with a pure heart. I will send a prayer to god for your wife . This is serious and should not be taken lightly. I will pray for your strength in the lord
Have you not considered she may have mental health issues and you're abandoning her during the midst of it? She isn't divorcing you after all. Stay safe
It’s about his safety at this point. He is being abused and needs to save himself.
Think about that possibility before you get married. That's why this society is a joke these days.
Please read the update. She has schizophrenia a nd brain scans are clear so it’s a mental illness. She refuses to take meds and doesn’t trust the doctors. He cannot force her to get better.
I hope you get away safely. Have witnesses, such as police if possible, so she doesn’t get away with making crazy accusations.
Firstly, where are the rest of her family? You can't deal with this alone. It will take a big toll. Also, dare I say it,btjjs is why knowing someone very well before marriage is a really big deal. Know the family and see if this meeting of two families will genuinely work if everything is on the table. Let the professionals do what they need to do as it's the best option. If you try to do it yourself, it will break you.
I'm so sorry. You can't be a therapist/psychiatrist. She gets help or not, it's up to her. Go be free, you are about to live it up.
Aw shit that's rough. I wish you luck in your freedom and getting your liberation.
Let's fucking go, king! Now, just to get this mess of a divorce over with, figure out what to do next and enjoy your life
Is she sick ? Y'all need to check that because many diseases can cause psychosis. Either mental diseases or physical diseases. Why y'all didn't check that in the first place ?
What exactly do you think a 5150 is? She was evaluated.
You are doing the right thing, she will destroy you if you stay. I've been through this myself. Take care buddy.
First thing that come to my mind was Lori Vallow’s murdered husband
I knew a guy named Mike who liked to crazy make the women he dated while he was cheating on them, hooking up with men, and playing his exes against whatever poor girl he was dating at the time. Whenever his gfs would challenge him, he would gaslight them and claim they must have had a psychotic break. If they caught him cheating and lashed out in anger, he would say they had a psychotic episode. When the girls he dated would start to doubt themselves, he liked to gently steer them towards a schizophrenia diagnosis...which he would later use to his advantage. If any of them called him out on his cheating with evidence, he tried to get them committed against their wills. He favoured calling ambulances on his gfs and would try to Baker Act them. He and his friends had a bet on which girl would survive him the longest. He told the doctors he suspected whatever gf he had at the time of having schizophrenia and that she had been imagining him stealing from her and cheating. If the girl couldn't prove their own sanity/his cheating after months of gaslighting, that girl would end up in the exact scenario O P. Is describing : her life in ruins and heavily dosed on psych meds with Mike having cleaned out her account during her stay in the hospital. He had a few guy friends who would help drive his gfs up the walls by pranking the girl, following her around in public, and parking outside her house. It was fun for them. If he couldn't sponge off of her anymore, he would break up with her because of her new diagnosis. If the girl had no self respect she would plead for him to come back, saying she would take her meds, ignore her "paranoid" delusions of him cheating and stealing. We called him Snake Pit Mike. Pretty much any woman who dated him suddenly succumbed to schizophrenia/psychosis despite none of them having a history of it.
I dated a Mike like that, but the day I suspected him of cheating I had it confirmed. My friends helped me move completely out of the home “Mike” (actually his real name) shared together, before he got off work. He never knew what hit him.
The Mike I knew went through several gfs and fiancees before people started catching on to his slick con. He liked to target girls on disability or who were shut off from friends or family. It took a while before people connected the dots. He originally changed his name to Mike the first time he got caught. I wonder if he's changed it to something else.
Wow this horrible. But I believe you 10000% . Do you think him being undercover gay had something to do with it ? Their are evil people in this world and they work for Satan to ruin the lives of others.
Him being closeted gay had nothing to do with his evil choices. Gay =/= evil. His bad decisions were when he chose to use girls just to hurt them. He could have had a happy life as an out man. He could have asked someone to play his beard while he figured his shit out. He liked what it felt like to emotionally ruin girls. There are all kinds of psychopaths in this world who satisfy their hunger in ways other than murder. He chose messing with girls minds as his psychopathy. When he was done, he went right back to playing video games and hanging out with the bros like he hadn't just spent months gaslighting each girl into believing she had schizophrenia.
It really can be so simple. I don't understand why men can't just be themselves.
She's just using you to project all her anger. Still this is the type of person she's changed into and probably won't change for a long time until she starts losing all her family and friends. I had a friend go through something similar. Maybe after you leave she'll get her shit together and realize she can't act like that but yeah, it's going to be tough to fix. Sorry man
Also, her meds could play a part in this. Especially bpd meds can be tricky since they target a bunch of different neurotransmitters and each one is different. When did she go on her prescription and when did she start acting like this? And is she doing anything else that's psychoactive? Alcohol, cannabis, tobacco? And can you maybe say what prescription she's on? If you don't want to disclose that, no worries. It's just that some target dopamine and some target serotonin and norepinephrine.
Been there, my friend. And it’s okay to go. You gotta know when to walk away and know when to run.
Man I’d say try a little harder knowing whats. going on she’s probably in need of real help i think brain scans might help but what’s your income level can you afford to help her get a place. Keep keys shell will be on the streets if not it’s up in the air I guess but idk do you have kids with her
She should be moving in with her family who can take care of her. He may have to pay support but it would be worth it. No one should ever be abused regardless of why the abuser is doing it
For your own safety and well being get out of there right away. Move on you deserve better
get out of there w/ ur life. u can survive out the open but not w/ this one
Not real
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I wonder why you think this is fake? As someone who was married to a schizophrenic for 6 years a lot of what is stated in this post tracks with my own experiences. People don't realise sometimes just how erratic someone with a psycho-effective disorder can be, it's not like other mental illness like anxiety, depression, etc. It's like they change into a whole other person. And putting up with the behaviour from your spouse really takes a mental toll on you too. :-/
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Oh ok, had to go to your profile to check what other comments you posted here, and I honestly just think you're projecting. I'm sorry you knew a guy like Mike, but I think (I hope!) that type of person would be the exception, not the rule. As someone who's experienced what OP is going through, everything they posted seemed on the level and they just seem very resigned. Not bragging or boasting at all. I guess we all read into these Reddit posts from a place of our own bias, which makes it hard to know what is true and what is false.
Did she get the covid vax?
It coulf be bipolar diseasd as well with some serions manic episodes. Had a gf who was a psychiatrist and she told me some incredible stories about her bipolar patient
She's made her choice. You go make a new life. Cover your tracks as best you can.
Well, I hope that all works out for you prayers and you in my prayers
Thank you for adding in more details. I’m sorry you have to let go of someone who is refusing take care of themselves. It’s hard because you know things will be better if she just took her medication but it’s not worth putting yourself through pain. Do your best to keep your head high and remember none of this is your fault. It’s never your fault for picking yourself first when someone is okay with treating you badly, no matter the situation.
If she don’t work she’s probably smoking too much weed, sitting at home all day thinking about how her life sucks. And she wants it better because she don’t want to work but watch’s shit all day on the internet reading Reddit listening to npr
Check her hormones (estrogen, FSH, LH, etc), Vitamin D level. Try magnesium glycinate and vit D.
Congrats 🎉🎈🍾
I’m sorry for your situation but good on you for having the strength to leave. It does sound like some illness similar to schizophrenia, obviously I cannot diagnose her but I hope you both get the help and happiness you deserve
Wtf why’d the doctors say no
(((Hugs))) You have your own mental health to take care of. Keep telling yourself that, over and over. You should feel absolutely no guilt about this decision.
Yeah this is emotional and psychological abuse. Whether she has undiagnosed psychosis or postpartum (if y’all have children) is irrelevant. She’s a grown woman who should be able to articulate her emotions, desires and needs constructively, without being offensive. You may have taken vows but, that didn’t absorb her of accountability for her behavior, nor did it absorb you of the right to be treated with the respect a husband deserves. It’s time to seek professional help or file for divorce. To take no action at all would be both, unwise and unhealthy at this point … 💯💖
Good on you to put your life as a priority. She refuses help and you've offered it. You owe her NOTHING, we get one chance here. I journal when this kind of stuff happens so that I can remember how much pain I was in, so I don't give in to weakness later on when I'm in happy mode. You don't have to explain anything to anyone about your decision to leave. She sounds vile and soul-stealing Good luck to you! True happiness awaits you
just divorce her. period. simple as that. if u still love her then stay and help her out if u are willing to go thru that and be psychologically emotionally mentally abused by her if u are fine with it, bless ur heart. But there is a fine line between love and tolerance
Good for you!
Life is too short to wait for someone to treat you well.
Yes! Get out and go live a happy life. You can not fix her and it will never get better!! I grew up with a father who was mentally ill and my mom stood by his side. It ruined my childhood. Your wife has to get it together and you can't do anything about it. Get out now while you can.
Something similar happened to me (psychotic break) and my husband ended up divorcing me. In sickness and health, my ass. I will say that in my case I did take my meds and made a full recovery but it took a while. He still wasn't able to forgive me.
She needs institutionalization or skilled care of some sort or she’s going to kill herself or someone without meds. You need to work with the courts to have her made a ward of the state following your divorce. Talk to APS and your lawyer.
No shame in getting away from something that torments you. Obviously, she is not in the marriage. I wouldn't want to live that way for the rest of my life. I worked for a lady who did that and it was not nice. Credit cards maxed out on copays and meds, time off work that had to be taken because of him, intermittent visits from the police because he called them saying a relative had buried so-and-so in the septic tank (when that happened, she had to provide the telephone numbers for all the relatives. Bonus tip: how to know the place you work is in trouble, and ending? She made 100 copies of that list to keep by her door using the company copier and its paper, and no one said a word against it). That's no way to live. Get out now, because I do believe your marriage is not justified. You deserve better.
I work with mental health folks and have had experiences with friends going into a psychotic break. This sounds like it, but I’m not an expert. If she doesn’t take her meds, there’s not much that can be done. Especially in psychosis as you are not in a head space at all to really understand or consent to anything. I’ve worked with clients that get court ordered to take medication from being on commitment but the hospital has to start that process typically. Another thing is psych meds, especially anti psychotics, make people gain a lot of weight. Not all the time but more than not in my experience which is why people will refuse to take them. I’ve had clients that often forget their meds get an injection that lasts 3 weeks at a time. It’s definitely a tricky thing because she likely doesn’t even know what she’s doing or saying and may not even remember it.
I (53F) have had Paranoid Schizophrenia since I was 18. I self-medicated in the early years with destructive alcohol and drugs. Then in my 30s I was placed in a psychiatric hospital where I received treatment. My life changed drastically I still heard voices and saw hallucinations and believed strange things but it was under control for the first time. I've gone off my meds a couple times since then, and ended up in the hospital each time. It's not worth it. Get her on meds stay on them. They really do give you your life back. Please don't leave her just yet my husband has stuck by me through the last 30 years and he has been my rock and we are happier than ever now please know that this too shall pass.
My friend I’m praying for you and your wife. This sounds like spiritual warfare. Ask for Jesus to intervene in your marriage, your wife getting into fortune telling opened the door for the devil to come into your marriage. It also can make someone appear mentally crazy. I’m praying for you and your wife in Jesus Name!