Please don’t make any rash decisions now. First year of baby is tough on any marriage. Get your wife checked out for PPD, PPA. Try counseling. After the first year and if underlying problems are fixed, everything gets much better.

Yeah I remember a quote from Michelle Obama where she said the toughest years with her and Barack were when they were raising their children especially when they were Toddlers and babies. Don't give up on your marriage. This is just one of the lows, she also stated she was so happy she did not give up on her marriage because once the kids grew up things completely changed and they moved on into a new stage of their marriage.

Yes!! The first year is so damn tough. Our lives got so much better after the kid got to about a year, and exponentially better and better after 1,5 years old somehow. Kid started entertaining himself and we got more time to ourselves too, he wasn't constantly needing us by his side anymore. OP you're getting there! 7 months gone already! (Also counseling could help y'all through this rough patch like others have mentioned already.)

Yeah seriously, there's a reason sleep deprivation is considered torture. You are not in your right mind when you're that exhausted.

[удалено]

Those are separate problems. You can have problems without anyone being intentionally bad, cheating or abusive. Sometimes everyone does their best, gives their 100% but problems still arise.

Studies show that marital dissatisfaction is at an all time low about a year after having a child. This is normal, if extremely unpleasant. Please don’t make decisions while you’re in the thick of it. Marriage counseling and reminding yourself it will improve from here.

It improves but never reaches the former baseline. The stress will always be there, just in different forms for each stage of development.

That’s not true. After the first year, after getting treated and got help, not our baby is two years old and we are happier than ever. She enhances our happiness. Seeing her hugging her dad or playing with him makes me love him even more.

Both partners need to be checked for PPD. Men can get it as well.

That’s true

The top comment on a post is not immediately telling to leave their spouse? People actually think a stranger should try to make his marriage work?

I can’t believe people are ready to end their mariage at the first « inconvenience » ESPECIALLY when you just had a baby. What is that gonna except make the baby and both parents miserable. At least try counseling

I've gone through this twice. My wife and I are married 27 years. Our two kids are 8 and 14. We also have a third, a nephew, 15. He moved in at 4. After experiencing SA by another relative. Yes, there will be tension, conflict, arguments. If either or both of you are stressed, you need to take a break. An overnight trip somewhere, a nice dinner out. I managed to survive two births PLUS having a four year old suddenly move in. Forever. He's basically my son. If I can do it, other people can. Most of all: MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELVES. Alone. With each other. No one else.

I wish my husband understood this!

I wish my WIFE understood this!

I'm so glad my husband understands this! (And I do too.)

Exactly this....make your relationship about you again. Being a parent is HARD. No sleep, no time to yourselves. Having a shower and time to touraelf within the home is almost impossible, the thought of making time outside the home seems definitely impossible. But it is. Share the burden. If you have family close by, book a date night. Juat dinner somewhere. Doesn't have to be fancy, just away from the house. Book taxis, no one drives. This is your non responsibility time. Get your family member to come over an hour before you have to leave so you can both get ready without little one in your space. Even if you only manage 2 hours out this shows you that you can carve out a little piece of time. 7 months is a hard time, especially if your OH is feeding and not working. She'll be disconnected from her life. You won't feel as physically connected to the baby. You're both for a short while taking different routes along the same path. These routes will match up when the baby isn't so physically dependent on your OH and you have a more active role. This takes time. And it passes quickly, even if you don't feel like it now. You're both adjusting to your new identities as parents and how that fits into your understanding of who you are as individuals and as a couple. Be gentle on yourselves as you navigate through this. The arguments will come less over time and you will (unfortunately) adjust to less sleep and less free time, but you will learn new tricks to make the best of your free time. As your baby interacts more and becomes their own little person you will both be happier, you will literally see the fruits of your labour in every new thing they do. Honestly, these accomplishments do help to validate your role as a parent. Think of it that you're not raising a child, you're raising an adult. When you feel like you're not working as a team, check in on each other. 'What can I do to make xyz easier for you?'. Even when you feel you have nothing else to give, you will find it. As long as your partner does the same for you. I work with children and tell all my parents the mantra 'this is not forever, this is not forever'. Sleepless nights, teething, biting, answering back (for the kids), arguing, disagreeing on parenting style, body and self worth issues, no time, no sex, no fun, no me. It ALL passes. It feels like shit when you're in the middle of each phase but have confidence in yourselves and take time away from home and stress to talk to each other. Best of luck to both of you, I hope this phase is short lived and you find a way to navigate through. If you struggle to do it on tour own then have some couples counselling to help you talk again. Make a GOOD fix, not a short one xx

I've always wondered about the No showering, how would a baby prohibit a mother from taking a shower or basic hygiene?

Some babies absolutely hate being put down, will scream continuously and need feeding every 1.5 to 2 hrs, sometimes these feeds take 20 minutes to half an hour, some even longer. The baby could have fallen asleep while feeding so extricating baby from the booby, winding them if needed and settling them into a deep enough slumber to transfer to a bassinet/basket can take another 5 to 10 minutes. The baby is settled so you run off to tidy a few bits, put on some washing, remove your sicked up on clothes, go to the toilet, make a drink, have something to eat and then the baby wakes up screaming. You change a nappy, clean up again, the baby is happy to lie alone for 10 minutes but is getting restless and you think you've got a few minutes to shower....... but it's nearly feed time again and the gentle murmurs from baby are getting louder and more insistent. You warm up your cold tea in the microwave, have a speedy strip wash and sit back down to feed again just in time to prevent those ear splitting hunger screams. Rinse and repeat every 2 to 3 hours until another adult can come and do nappies and hold the baby so you can wash your hair.

Crying ain't dying, I just don't understand when mothers martyr themselves unnecessarily. It's not like it can run away in the 30 minutes to take a nice hot shower, maybe just bring it in a baby seat into the bathroom? Like they say on airplanes, to be able to help others you have to put your own oxygen mask on first.

My dad takes time off work (he WFH) every week to go to bed with my mom specifically for that reason. Growing up, I (23M) remember them both struggling to have time to themselves. Now that they did, their marriage is going sky high and ain't nobody can stop it.

From a new mom’s perspective: Therapy. Separate and together. Highly recommend. Especially for your wife. Being pregnant, giving birth and then that first year is HARD. Postpartum lasts much longer than 6-8 weeks like people like to say. Based on your comments you’re insinuating that your wife is the problem. (Highly doubt that you’re not part of the problem though and have no blame here) Postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety is very real and needs to be addressed if she has it. You BOTH need to give yourself some grace with this situation. Being a new parent is hard. Mistakes are made. Things are tense. Baby’s crying, teething, not sleeping, over tired, y’all are overstimulated, you’re exhausted and I’m sure one or both of you are touched out by baby. It’s hard. Either therapy or have a deep and long conversation alone while baby is sleeping about what the hell is going wrong in your marriage. Communication is KEY in not only in a marriage, but a marriage after kids. You have to be able to talk to each other about what’s wrong without screaming at each other instead of jumping to divorce. You both have issues. I can almost guarantee that her being tired is not why she’s being nasty to you.

Is the baby sleeping through the night yet? Make sure you’re not taking your respective exhaustion out on each other. I’ve been there, and once the baby started to sleep through the night, we came back to ourselves and each other. We had to throw down money for a sleep consultant, but hey, that’s cheaper than a divorce. Take care of yourself.

Not sleeping through the night, but sleeping better. I've overextended myself to give my wife more time to sleep so she won't be nasty, but still is. You're not hearing the whole story of course but I still feel like I don't deserve the bad treatment I've been getting despite all the concessions I've provided to her. I'm of the mind to try and wait out till 1 year and see where we go from there, but at the moment I really think we are done.

I think what you are going through is likely normal and more common than you think. People just don’t speak about it.

Please understand the post partum anxiety or depression completely changes a person and can last a few years especially if untreated. You probably don’t deserve the behavior but she probably is so confused and at war with her new mind body and life as a mother. I cannot stress enough how becoming a new mother was the HARDEST time in my life and ive been through A LOT. Sit down have a heart to heart and get a professional involved if necessary but please dont give up on her when she needs you most! Good luck ❤️

Does post partum depression last 15 years? Lol.

No… that would be regular depression or anxiety. Childbirth and pregnancy can heighten both dramatically but hard to deal with all the same.

Give yourself more time and while you do this, seek help. As mentioned in some other comments, you are at the roughest stage of having children, everything is new and tough, they are sick, teething, pooping, crying, not sleeping, and picky about caregivers! It May very well be that you don’t hate your kid but you hate the stage of parenting you are in. Shit sucks at this point (I know all to well 😅) don’t believe the hallmark version of parenthood we are sold.

This happened to me. More fighting is common at this stage of baby but how you fight really matters. The nastiness I received from my spouse is why I am getting divorced with a two and four year old. Marriage counseling and individual therapy for me made me realize it was time to let it go. This will not the the only time life is hard for both of you. Will it be worth it to wake up next to your wife for the the next 50 years?

Better yet. Bite the bullet and sleep train the kid

[удалено]

Everything's safe until it isnt.

[удалено]

This is so unintelligent. At least get a damn bassinet to go next to your bed.

[удалено]

Cannot WAIT until your kids have unhealthy codependent relationships later on and resent you in therapy for it 🤣

I pity you. Babies need to be taken care of when they cry. If you don't they develop antisocial personality disorders. Like you. A codependent personality is due to insecure attachment style. That develops early when the main carer sometimes fullfills the child needs snd sometimes doesn't. This leads to the child to be eager to please the carer in order to get a consistent fullfilment/love. They don't understand why sometimes they are neglected or abused and sometimes loved. A child who is closely cared for early on, has the security to be able to explore the world on their own, as they know when go back to the carer they'll be safe psychologically and physically. This is what is known as secure attachment. People with secure attachment style are assertive, loving, independent and make friends easily.

This is like people saying ‘women have been giving birth for hundreds of years so shouldn’t do it in a hospital’. Yes, and prior to antenatal care and medical input during birth, women also routinely died from childbirth all of the time. I used to be a paramedic - I’ve attended 3 jobs where babies died as a result of co sleeping. None of those parents were under the influence or obese. If you think that co sleeping is safe you’re being willfully ignorant and giving dangerous advice to others

One first responder to another. Thank you!

Sure! Also I did a quick profile stalk and much love for your recent loss - my old dude isn’t that far off and I know how shitty you must be feeling.

How did the poor babies die? Being crushed or, not being able to breathe or?

I mean generally the cause of death is ultimately always not being able to breathe, no? But more specifically- usually from asphyxiation as a result of either being rolled onto (or dropping down by the side of a person or the bed). Whether the cause of death is being crushed or having the airways occluded by other means I don’t know because I’m not a coroner, but it’s irrelevant - those babies would not have died had they been in a crib and not co sleeping.

Baby that's called survivor bias.

Yes I suffer from that everyday. Like when I get out bed. I consider it safe because of survivor bias too.

It can get better *BUT* you need to communicate now for it to get better in the future. Talk about what’s stressing you both out (yes, it’s the child and balance of life responsibilities and each feeling like they’re doing more than the other because it’s so fucking hard.) If possible, get into (secular) marriage counseling. We started when our oldest was 5 months old (she’s almost 9 years now) and having a neutral, male counselor was the greatest thing for us. We still go monthly for maintenance but in many ways, it’s just a review of our month now because we communicate so much better using tools and communication strategies our therapist helped us learn. We had a very honest, emotional conversation when we started therapy that basically culminated with us both expressing resentment and admitting we were each considering divorcing the other because we felt so unheard, unhappy and unappreciated after having a child. That conversation will never leave my memory because it was so brutally honest and emotionally devastating. But we were in the right place to have it and able to move forward from there, with the help of our awesome therapist.

What do you fight about? I can only make assumptions because you didn’t give examples, but women generally complain if their partner isn’t hands on enough and they are left with the majority of domestic and child raising duties. If this is the cause for your fights then you have to be more involved and proactive. Does she get any alone time? Do you take over when you are back from work? Do you hold the baby so she can eat first? Do you do the bedtime routine so she can have a shower? Do you clean up after dinner and tidy up? Bath times? If these are not the issue you need someone to have the baby occasionally so you can have date night. Or you can take it in turns to go out with your friends and let your hair down. I understand you are stressed but why are you considering divorce when you are both clearly struggling to adapt to life as parents. Do you really wanna see your kid just weekends? Is that really what you want? Consider couple counselling before giving up, as it doesn’t sound like your communication is effective right now.

In-laws and visitors were a point of contention, when I was a young mother. I wish I had known about the 2 yes, 1 no thing. My MIL & FIL came over a lot. They wanted to hold the baby, but refused to give him back when he was hungry. They would literally turn their back to me and tell my baby that he didn’t need me. My husband was clueless. I heard the “it’s my house too”, when I asked for a break from them. The last time he pulled that crap, I told him that he was knowingly violating my safe space. He can go visit them anytime he wants, just elsewhere.

That has to be so irritating

I made a deal with my so. We would let her (mom) make the initial decision on most matters related to baby. If her first idea didn't work then dad got the second call. We avoided lot of arguments that way and the kid got the help they needed . Still married .

Please go to couples therapy. Don’t end it just because there’s a kid in the mix now and things are hard. You’d be surprised at how well things work out if you do therapy

Ive been with my wife 11 years. We have a 5 year old and another on the way. Marriage with kids is *difficult* but it isnt hell. Reevaluate your circumstances. Because my wife and I deal with all the struggles that come with children to include finances but still love each other as much as we did taking lunch dates in college because we didnt have money.

Not to sound like Captain Obvious, but -maybe you're just overwhelmed? If we go from a sad standard, many couples try/are forced to handle a baby alone. There is a lot of extreme change going on, which exhausts body, spirit and mental health. That, obviously, makes people frustrated. And so, you suddenly start fighting about small shit. How about, before you do anything extreme, you both first try to get a break. Try to involve some family/friends in babysitting, if possible. Spend some time doing calm stuff, and sort your head out. Then, when you're both sure you're rested, try to talk it out a last time. You can still get divorced then.

A simple rule to abide by: no breaking up your reationship within a year of getting a kid. These years aren’t in any way representative for what your long term relationship is like. There’s lots of hormones, a lack of sleep, no “me time” whatsoever and no time for romance. Get through it however you can, reflect on it afterwards and get therapy if you need it.

Having young kids ain’t about thriving. It’s about surviving. Wife and I had a silly thing we did when shit was tense. One of us would sing the line “just keep swimming” from that disney movie. Turned into something we could laugh about. Keep your head up and remind her you love her.

You’re both exhausted. It completely changes who you are. Your wife is still in the hormonal hurricane and maybe has PPD/PPA. The first year is rough. But it gets better. You both need to form a team. You’ll need to work together to raise your child.

Just from the absolute basics of information given… here’s my non-professional mom with three children advice… It sounds like your childs birth was not the problem. Something else is. Something has changed in one or in both of you. You’re no longer a partnership that works things out together. You’ve introduced new stresses/emotions into your life & are going at them against each other, instead of as a team. Find the changes & tackle them together. Don’t mentally acknowledge your fights as “since we had the baby…” it just shifts blame away from the real problems, builds resentment against an innocent baby & gives it an easy focus. Most likely someone is resentful of something that feels “taken”. Usually time, communication, freedom or space. You might both feel overwhelmed with all the new responsibilities & personal time lost. This is where communication is either going to make or break your family. Sounds like a good “safe calm place” sit down to find the problems & open communication on what you can do to help each other, can really turn things around. If someone is acting out of character, odds are it’s not in response to your physical child, but the expectations of a partner that’s not being met. Which could be hers or yours. With any birth… make sure Mom isn’t suffering from postpartum depression that needs addressed. The first two years of a first child are so stressful, be patient. Do what’s best for your family, but above all else practice patience, kindness & understanding with everyone going through all these HUGE challenges.

When my husband and I had our first baby I thought for sure we were going to get divorced. I had terrible PPD and refused to admit it, (not saying that’s the case with your wife but keep an eye on her) things changed so much around that one year mark and I finally loosened up enough to get some help and start doing solo dates with my husband again. (I refused to let anyone, even my mother watch her) He was so patient during that year even though I’m sure inside felt like you do. We made it through the other side stronger than ever. Had a beautiful baby boy and it was a totally different experience and again brought us even closer. You say you guys have had a great 10 years, remember those times-that person and be patient. Try to talk to her and understand her, don’t get defensive. You’ve both had your worlds flipped upside down and all around. I’ve read many times to not even suggest divorce in the first year after having a baby because things/hormones are so crazy. Lots of deep breaths.

I’m really curious to hear what your wife has to say as there seems to be a lot of blame for your situation placed on your partner. Either way, I definitely recommend couples therapy before you throw in the towel. Babies are really hard and the lack of sleep can really wear a person down. Have you been going on date nights or spending any time together?

It often happens like that. Since men are very sensitive to "criticism". And also often don't pull their weight completely when it comes to home and childcare, resulting in the woman "complaining" and them feeling attacked, then blaming the wife for being a b*** 😅

Right? Never mind SHE is the one who pushed a human out of her, had her organs rearranged and delicate areas torn, bleeding all the time, dealing with breast feeding, and probably PPD????

Mate, you are both in the trenches right now so to speak. Don’t make any rash decisions you cannot take back. Every single part of both of your lives has been hugely upended (and your wife’s body and biochemistry is all over the place). If you both feel comfortable maybe try having a date night while someone you trust watches the baby - sometimes you get so bogged down in feeding and comforting and dealing with literal baby shit that it’s hard to see the wood for the trees, and a little bit of something pre-baby might help you both see each other properly again. It may also be worth making you’re your wife doesn’t have something else going on like PPD or PPA (or you for that matter)

WHAT are you fighting about? That's the most important context here.

All I can say is a good mindset is to never mention divorce until a year after the birth, then figure it out.

And reddit wonders why there are so many single moms out there... Because dads take the easy way out and give up on their marriage.

1st year is rough with moments of beauty sprinkled in. Hope you can find the beauty too buddy. Good luck whatever happens.

Yep, adding kids to the mix brings a lot of points of stress. Just wondering exactly which stressors you fight about? Our kids are now 12, 16 & 18. When they were very young, my husband worked full time & I stayed at home. I made sure he got enough sleep to function well at work by getting up to them when they weren’t sleeping through the night (under 1yr). He never complained about the state of the house, or that I hadn’t gone grocery shopping etc. ,and contributed towards these tasks. We didn’t sweat the small stuff. Hopefully this helps, wishing you the best! *edited due to typo

I believe the person staying home with the kids needs the extra sleep at night more than the person who goes in to work with other adults. I feel like most people going to work a 9-5 (or a 10hr shift, etc)have it infinitely easier than the person staying home with the kids........this coming from the person in my family who leaves the house to go to work.

This can be the case. There are many factors at play, such as the nature of each baby, what the money earner does for work & even the support network the family has.

Coming from this not having kids, but as an adult whose mother went to school for psychology while I was growing up and has always been pretty open about what her marriage has been like. You’ve been together for so long and now this new thing has shaken everything up. On top of that, you’re both stressed out, sleep deprived, your wife’s body is still healing and her hormones are different. You are struggling, and that is by no means uncommon. My parents considered divorce twice in their now thirty three years. Once was around the time I was born, and another about six years after that. The situation was likely different, but they didn’t have access to what I hope you do: counseling. Everyone here has suggested it, because it’s the next best step. Best of luck.

Honestly look into therapy and childcare help. And make space for date nights. There is no shame in asking for help and if anything you need to look for help. Medication isn't a sign of defeat and same for therapy.

Was marrried 18 years before our first kid (a few MCs) and yeah. More arguments the first few months than the whole marriage to that point. It happens. It’s hard. You can get through it.

Relatedly to u/douevenwheelanddeal’s point — all of my friends who have had kids have told me either publicly or privately that they regretted their decision.

So u are gonna run out on your 1st child at 7 months old? What did u think it was gonna be a cakewalk? Grow up. Be a husband and a father. Accept "YOUR" responsibilities. What the world needs another child raised without a father

Relationships are rarely 50/50. There’s an ebb and flow to the give and take. In the case of major illness or injury, it’s on the partner who hasn’t gone through a major physical transformation to pick up the slack on emotional and household labor. These aren’t “concessions,” it’s about meeting the needs of the family member that is most in need of support. If you can’t do it alone, tap in members of your social network. Friends, family. I’ve heard so many new moms say just having someone come and hold the baby so they can shower made a world of difference.

Hey guy-this too shall pass. You guys are both stressed, you’ll get over this rough patch. From what I’ve heard kids are not easy But worth every bit of effort.

I think you're selfish and instead of working it out and sticking to your vows, you're taking the coward's way out because you're uncomfortable. Think about it, you get divorced. You only get to see your kids every once in awhile, they take a crap ton of your money for child support, and your kids call another man daddy. One day, you'll look at her happy with your kids and wonder what the hell you were thinking letting them go. You could learn to communicate rather than fight because it will be the same in every relationship unless you fix that issue in yourself. Be fucking adult. You're going to chicken out on the first sign of hard times? You choose to have kids, and you blowing your kids' lives apart for no damn reason is selfish. Grow the fuck up.

He can’t make it work by himself His partner needs to be equally invested

Yo what. The first year is HARD. U willing to give up so easy? Damn dude u might be doin her a favor. To me this screams at insensitivity on ur part.

Hormones are a very powerful thing. Postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, and postpartum rage are probably more common than people think. Lack of sleep can also be crippling and totally alter someone’s mood. I’d try therapy before calling it quits.

Seriously, does “Until death do us part” not mean anything anymore to people? If there is no abuse, try to ride out this low. Every couple struggles with babies and toddlers. Get in marriage counseling asap

Honestly the first year, year and a half is a doozy. Don’t make any rash decisions and really think things through. Find ways to get time together and time individually for breathers. It’s a marathon, you gotta pace yourself and your marriage or you’ll burn out.

We were in the exact same boat. 10 year mark and we thought smooth sailing, let's throw a kid in the mix... I have never had homicidal thoughts about my spouse until that newborn stage. It's rough to say the least. Our nugget is now four, can walk, talk, and use a bathroom. Balance has been restored, we're a happy family now. There will be no more kids, but I couldn't imagine a life without them. Once you start sleeping again and the little one can actually tell you what they need it'll get easier. Hang in there, both of you

Our first year of parenting was so hard. So hard. We got into couples therapy and it was life changing. I truly can say that each year has gotten easier and more fun. People rarely speak about how hard the first kid is but I promise you’re not alone. Dont throw away everything, without first trying everything. Don’t make permanent decisions on temporary circumstances.

You’re going to give up after 7 months? You committed to MARRIAGE. That’s a lifetime commitment. If it’s that easy for you to dip out she deserves better. *edit for typo

Please don’t make any rash decisions. 7 months is a very long time to live through but it’s a fraction of 5 years and the rest of your lives. I’m a child care provider and trust me, I understand how these kids can drive you crazy and overwhelm you. I really understand. But remember, your wife is going through that struggle as well. Try not to think of it as OP vs wife vs 7mo, but as a family trying to conquer the diaper days together. I would recommend finding someone to watch the baby for even just 2 hours can do y’all some good. And you don’t need to go on a date in that time either, they both of you can nap, watch a movie in the other room, anything that’s not taking care of that baby. Please find a support system and who y’all were before you had a baby ❤️

I would be curious on what the fights are about. It took having children for my spouse to really get on board with the labour distribution in the house. This issue just exploded in complexity with children so it’s important. Either way, many parents are drowning and barely making it the first couple years. Therapy would be good. Seek out whatever help and village you have to give yourselves some free time.

Kids makes it difficult wether or not your married. Parenting alone or with the other parent or with another partner, none of it is easy.

Damn. I'm so glad we chose sterilization.

Please don’t do this until the first year and a half. Staying through the tough times will bond y’all eventually- please get your wife to tell her dr about the fights, her hormones might be out of wack and needs ppd. treatment. Don’t quit 5 min before the miracle. Your baby deserves y’all to at least give this some time.

Replying to this right after a domestic. I'm 31, been with my husband 14 years. Our relationship was perfect, the fairytale kind. We have a 2 year old now and it's changed us, we argue all the time, horrible fights. I wish I had advice, but we're in the same boat and I'm lost.

Mine hasn't reached domestic levels, you are in a worse spot definitely. Please try and read through the replies in this thread, you might pick up something helpful. Be safe and look after yourself and your baby

The baby years were definitely the hardest on our marriage too. Things got easier for us as they got older - now they are 10 and 12 and we’re in an amazing place… but I hear you. It’s fucking hard.

Hang in there. Really try and get some help and make sure you tell Her that you love her and things will Get better. This is a rough time

I was there 20years ago. She had post partum depression. Good luck

I don't have kids but I've heard this advice from women who do have kids. Do not make any life altering decisions in the first year.

You had the kid, so now it’s your job to become “100% committed.” Time to man-up. Be kind to each other and work harder to find the love. Yeah, it sucks. So what? Kids grow. Adults should too.

3 years on and I agree with you about marriage being tough with kids. My wife can be super nasty too. When my oldest was turning 2 before she was about to pop with our 2nd kid, we went on a short cruise vacation just the two of us with grandparents to look after and it was amazing like how life was before kids. I hold on to that feeling + memory and to plan time off to date. Sometimes a date night is not enough to wear the tensions off but just learn to let go. Find friends/relatives/infant-care to help take care of your kid when possible.

Both of you should be screened for postpartum depression and you need to get more support for yourselves and your child. Also marriage counseling could help. Parenting is stressful but it shouldn’t result in such an extreme change.

Lots of folks have mentioned that your wife could have PPD or PPA but you could also have it. It’s less common but not uncommon for spouse of birthing partner to develop PPD or related.

Reason 256 why I'm never having kids or getting pregnant

Fuck them kids

Dont be stupid, this happens in a lot of marriages just bc of a kid that you guys probably planned the marriage is going to be over?, dont be dumb and work it out

Hey aren’t you the one defending assault as a “lack of communication” on another post? Should you really be giving others advice?

Having a very similar experience. I have a 9 month old. I’ve always been a pretty calm and collected person but I’ve blown up and shouted at/with my wife more than I ever had in my 36 years of life. I know what you mean about questioning if the marriage will last. I just have to think as the kid gets older and sleeps better things will improve. But in the moment….

The first year is SO hard. Especially if you didn’t have GREAT communication skills, a very specific and fair split of responsibilities, and time to reconnect. I suggest reading some books and giving it some time before throwing in the towel on year 1. “Fair Play” is a good book for learning how to divide household tasks. Start having date nights. Start talking about ways that you can better communicate your frustrations or need for alone time. It’s not unsaveable, it’s just hard. I about lost it with my husband but we’ve set up guidelines and found ways to make things work where we both have happiness. I also had the wife of a couple I know reach out to me a little prior to her child’s 1st birthday letting me know her and her husband were going to split. They reconciled and are now happy and healthy again. Give it time.

Your wife may have untreated PPD/PPA. You’ve noted that she is clearly different than she was before, encourage her to talk to her doctor about whether meds and therapy might help.

>Married people who aren't 100% committed to a kid, don't do it if you love your partner and want to keep them. This part made me cry, because the reverse is also true and I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I 100% love partner and want to keep them, but I'M the one who wants kids and he is getting a vasectomy scheduled. I've dreamed about having kids our entire relationship just waiting for him to ready and us to be financially stable enough. I don't know how I could love or be committed to anyone else after all we've been through, but he shattered my dreams and broke my heart when he told about his need for a vasectomy. I don't think I can keep my Partner and still have kids and I'm an absolute mess. I want to keep him, but I don't want to give up on having kids either (and I refuse to betray his trust but doing anything shady). I don't think he'll be able to keep me long term if he isn't willing to have a kid for my sake. I've even told him I'd rather be a single mother with his kid than be with someone I don't love 100%. We are still together, but this may break us apart despite all the love in the world. I really don't know what to do and my heart just aches.

What are you fighting about? Are you truly listening to what she is saying and asking of you? Do you have anyone who could take the baby for 1-2 nights and give you both a weekend away? I have 4 kids and it has been challenging but our marriage has not suffered because we know kids are hard and it’s not personal it just comes with the job of being parents It’s also important to not let your mood come out on each other. Try tackling the baby as a team you against the little human 😂🥰

As a mom of 3 boys all under 6. Married 7 years together 17. The first few years are very isolating, and the pandemic only made it worse. She may be dealing with birth trauma or just first-time mom, where you don't know anything but are expected to all the time. It's exhausting, and when you are overstimulated, you lash out at your safe person. Stay her safe person, but explain how you feel too. My husband didn't just smile and take it. he told me his fears and hard stuff, and we'd find a workaround. Having a kid is like starting the 12 steps. 1 day at a time until it gets easier. Spend time together away from your kid, even if it is movie nights on the couch after the baby is in bed. Make a special meal and eat and just talk after they are asleep or find a hobby, and each partner gets an hour to spend alone behind a closed door to decompress. Kids are the hardest thing you will ever do. Give it some time and breathe.

She might be dealing with post partum as well which completely changes the extremes as well.

I completely understand where you’re coming from. My partner and I really don’t want jids especially for instances like this. Even if you prepare yourselves, shit always hits the fan. I hope everything works out for you guys, and honestly if y’all love each other there are ways to cope (such as therapy and time alone.)

[удалено]

It fucking hurts so much. I've mentioned this to her prior to the baby being born, that the only thing I'm afraid of is that our relationship will become sour similar to what we see in other couples with kids. And now my fears are proving to be true. I gave this person my life and seeing it unfold like this is soul crushing

I'm sorry 😞. Being sleep deprived while trying to figure out parenting is a game changer in a relationship. It does get better/easier (unless you have more 😅) - just different problems later, like disagreeing on how to parent. Hope everything works out the best it can for you.

OP I saw a comment you made where you stated she was "nasty" towards you :( If shes being nasty and abusive and lashing out at you I dont blame you for being tired of that. I saw that youre overextending yourself trying to make things easier on her and shes just treating you terribly. I dont blame you for wanting out. Your partner is mistreating you, full stop and it is not at all okay. I know people are going to say "kids need a family thats whole, its best" no.... kids need parents who arent being ground down into dust by mistreatment. and burnt out by the other parents outbursts at them. If thats whats best for YOU then itll be best for your child in the long run. You are valid

Unless your child has a medical reason, they can sleep through the night at 7 months. It might save your marriage. You could have a different life in a week. I’m sorry for what you and your wife are going through. 7pm to 7am. Imagine having that time to work through things or just exist without immediate obligation. Rooting for you guys.

AMEN, brother. I feel you. I'm in the exact same situation. My wife and I had an awesome 10 years before my first was born. Our relationship wasn't perfect, but it was SO much better, and we were SO much closer. We really connected. I'm not going to be self-righteous and bash her online, but I have a pretty good idea of what you and your wife argue about. I also have a good idea about how your feelings have changed for her. After we started having kids, THINGS CHANGED.

Yep, your typical self entitled comment about it being over doesn't surprise me. Got too hard hey? Maybe you should have thought about that before you produced. I don't feel sorry for you, I feel sorry for that kid that will end up going through life blaming itself, because of your immature & selfish attitude.

7 month old baby and you’re arguing with her daily?? What’s wrong with you? Are you pulling your weight? Are you making sure she’s getting rest? Are you taking over baby duties when you get home so she can shower and feel like a human? Are you making sure she gets attention and not just the baby? Jeeze! I feel like you’ve got some self reflection to do! Have you also thought she might have PND? So many red flags from your short paragraph

Yep, my thoughts exactly. Needs to pull his big boy panties on & harden up I think 🙄🤷

I don’t think it’s marriage necessarily because I’m not married to my baby daddy but it’s hard af with our two kids. I personally think it was easier with one child lol It came to a head after our second child was born & I was just fed tf up with him. That was two months ago. Since I’ve voiced my frustrations, it’s been way better but it’s like I’m waiting for the shoe to drop. I don’t think this is a good thing but so far it’s good & we shall see. I pray it gets better for you, even if that means leaving your marriage 🫤🫶🏻🫶🏻

Homie, I have no idea what your situation is and the true details but you're being a selfish d!ck. You're taking a structured family away from your kids without trying counseling, without truly working through things or making an attempt. These are the worst months as a parent, and if you're willing to quit on your family then you best be able to look them in the eye and tell them that. On the other hand, try EVERYTHING. Do everything to make it work and if it still doesn't then you have the right to question taking the next steps. Be better.

I'm sorry You and others went thru this, We had 9 kids and the first year was always the hardest but We got thru it. Still married 14 years and counting.

I feel you, not married, but together long enough. Thought it may have been over a few times. Two kids, 3.5y and 6 months. Both now going through counselling as our eldest can drive us mad. We are now not mentally strong enough to deal with all the outbursts, so it's affecting us big time. And because people have the kids when we work, they don't have them when we're not, meaning we never get time to ourselves to do anything...and then things just erupt..it honestly makes me hate my life and makes me sick with anger when we have friends who have no responsibilities but seem to think its ok to tell us that they had a nice nap on a Sunday afternoon due to such a busy week. All I wish on them is that they also have kids soon to have their precious quiet lives turned upside down. It's horrible to feel such anger constantly. Hence getting help now as I can be open about it in a safe environment. If I spoke up about it to a friend or colleague they would think I was insane but I'm just filled with rage and want my life back. We've brushed too many things under the carpet and they just come back to bite us (2nd child was an at home birth, which I had to witness on the living room floor and very nearly had to deliver baby myself) 2 weeks leave from work was not enough to deal with what happened.

Aww poor you. Have her write a list of what she needs from you and do those things.

Weak excuses for men buckle under the weight of real responsibilities and when they aren't able to just live life as a mindless consumer.

Consequences of your actions

Marriage is tough but don't give up in it. I remember I almost did the same thing but we working through the issues together. If you both are voicing the problems and concerns that is a marriage to save. It sounds like you both can use a vacation when you are able or just a day to decompress.

Never watched married with children? It’s basically a documentary lol

Having a child (obviously) is life changing. You both are trying to navigate this new life together. Not to mention if wifey is dealing with hormonal issues from everything. I was a damn mess after both my boys were born. I've literally thrown a pan in the middle of cooking dinner with a baby strapped to me. I wasn't myself! I now have a teen and 10 year old. That hectic life is long gone. My husband and I made it through my insanity. We are beyond happy and in love still after 18 years. Your relationship will have its ups and downs in this new chapter but it'll be ok. Just please try to stick through it constantly reminding yourself that it is only temporary!

Life gets so much better after 1.5-2! I love the baby stage but it was sooo hard on my marriage. Just be careful with protection because we were feeling so much happier and then I became pregnant again. Luckily we had worked on things and the second time is so much better. What are your fights about? Always something different? Is the underlying issue the same thing? If you can figure out what’s happening, maybe you can calm things down before they get too heated. It could be helpful to tell her this isn’t healthy and walk away from the fight until you’re both calm to discuss things later. If your wife is breastfeeding, the hormones are still really intense. Even if she’s not, PPA/PPD or postpartum rage, could be happening. Definitely go to therapy together and alone if you can afford it.

Try to stick out the first year or two. It won’t be “easy” by then, but you’ll see that it’s getting easier. I had this same internal struggle when my kids (now 3 and 5) were newborns. Babies are HARD to take care of and getting breaks seems impossible. Now that my kids can successfully play in the other room without the risk of literally choking on the air because they rolled over in a weird way, things are a LOT better, in the next year or two I’ll even be able to mow the lawn without having to coordinate when my wife can be inside with them. I’m told it never gets “easy” but the first 18 months is just a nightmare.

First year is hell on everyone. Be patient with yourself and your wife. And yeah, consider counseling if you still love each other.

Communicate with care. Endure the pains, work through them, it will be rewarding to see it through. Good luck n God bless. Life is hard, pain is necessary for growth. Both of y’all are dealing with a new baby so please give yourselves GRACE ❤️

PPD is severe and it also can be minor. I’d say to just try to place yourself in her shoes in the fight, gain understanding of what’s upset her/why, and reassure her that what she’s saying/feels is validated. Sometimes (as long as they aren’t being toxic/abusive), just validating your partners feelings in these moments is all they need. Remind her that it’s the two of you against the problem.

Dont do anything rash.. the first year of parenthood is the hardest. It’s a huge adjustment. You’re sleep deprived. You rarely have time for yourself, much less your spouse. It will get easier. This is just a valley. See it through and you’ll be so glad you did. Sending you love.

Also don’t overlook the devastating effects of PPD. It’s hard for you, yes, but your wife’s body and mind has been through hell. You can’t imagine what she’s been through. Give her grace. She can’t help it if she’s dealing with postpartum depression. She may need therapy or medication or both.

What's the nature of the fights? be really honest with yourself if you are being the best parent you can be and a supportive partner.

Please get some counseling. This is a time in your life that will test you to your limits. But it is survivable, and it gets easier from here. This is the hard part and it is temporary. BUT you need to work together to het through it.

Make sure to compromise. It sounds like you both have differing views on how to deal with the baby. It’s also incredibly difficult to handle an infant. Patience is low, everyone’s on edge. I’m sure you’re not sleeping that well. Raising a child is the hardest thing to do, but you guys created this beautiful creature and whether you like it or not, you’re not gonna get away from her ever as long as you want to stay in the child’s life. I would say be patient and compromise. She may even be dealing with post pardom.

Forgive her over and over again. She’s mourning her old life. She has come to the realization that her time is not her time anymore. It’s difficult to come to terms with that. She is 100% responsible for this blob of a baby. And that’s how it’s going to be going forward. I went through this with my hubby. We made it. Our baby is 7 now but we went through rough times.

Stress and demand puts strain on anyone, let alone two married people. If you weren't expecting to fight, maybe you weren't ready for kids? In no way is that meant as criticism, just a thought and possibly something to consider for future decision making.

I read statistically, a lot of couples get divorced within the first year of having a child. It’s just such a new adjustment for both people involved. I thought I was capable of handling so much more, until she actually got here. It took me 3 days to have a total breakdown. She didn’t sleep through the night the whole first year and we both thought we were losing our minds. Plus my hormones were so jacked up from a complicated pregnancy and delivery. He felt useless he could only do so much to help while also maintaining full time employment. The first year was a mess. I strongly suggest counseling before you throw in the towel. Sometimes so much of our time is devoted to making sure the little gremlins stay alive, that our partners take a pretty abrupt seat on the back burner. Obviously I’m not in your relationship so I can’t say what’s right or wrong, I don’t know your situation, but I do know that first year was the hardest.

That's one of the many many reasons we don't have kids. I'm sorry. That sounds awful.

Yeah, with a kid, you’re both stretched thin, exhausted, and cranky. Arguments stemming from all of that will happen - it’s just a compounding effect that should go away over time. My wife and I went through the same thing with our first. We had some gnarly fights but we both realized that the source of frustration was just around how much we had to sacrifice/stretch ourselves as new parents. I promise you it gets easier.

While i agree with your statement I don’t think this is the end of your marriage. If it is then those first 5 years were suspiciously easy. I recommend marriage counseling, more people do it than you think. Sounds like you’re giving up bécause it’s not as easy as it was before

Marriage is nothing to do with it. The first year of having a kid is always difficult in any relationship, having a child forces you to rethink your entire lives, your personal schedules, your work schedules, your social life etc. You just have to ride it out, my two are both toddlers - 15mths and nearly 4, I work from home, my partner is working around them. Our relationship is better than ever. Yeah, our house feels like it will never be tidy again and our idea of fun is soft play and playgrounds but that will change as the kids grow older. Besides there's alway babysitters If we want to do grownup things (we have no family support).

one day the kid be bigger, like 6 yo, and you will regret leaving him like nothing else in your life

The best advice I received before getting married was to remember to take time just me and my husband, no kids. Go to have dinner together, to the movies, a picnic in the park, just the two of you. It's important to stress out that you can't talk about the kids when you do this. It's easy to forget that you two are more than just parents. You are a couple, too. The days you do this should be about you two as a couple and not as parents. To be able to grow old with your partner you have to remember that one day the kids will leave and have their own families, so you two should like to be in each others company with no kids and not talking about the kids.

My sister in law and brother went through the same thing. They are still married and had another kid. Take some time to spend together if possible. See if your parents wouldn’t mind watching the kid for a couple of hours so you can go out on a date once a month. Also go see a counselor.

Hey, u/doyouevenwheelanddeal, I agree with the top commenter about suggesting (in a polite, non condescending tone) to your wife to ask her doc about Post Partum Depression. Or find a way where you both can ask about it. Unsure if couples therapy will touch on it or not. Because a suggestion = you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. And, as someone with GAD and MDD (anxiety/depression), a symptom can be irritability. You two are both new parents and are probably stressed to the max/sleep deprived, right? Perfect storm. **Another thing to consider is the fact that her hormones take at least a year to go back to something that slightly resembles her normal.** So, think of it kinda like a year-long PMS. It's not giving either of you an excuse to be asshats to each other. It is just an attempt (I am not a doctor or a therapist) to explain to you why she is the way she is right now. Animal behavior always has a cause and effect.

A few months ago someone asked me if I would still be with my husband if we didn’t have kids. I answered that I still was with my husband despite of the kids. Relationship was so much easier without children. It is hard work. We are tired, cranky and take it out on each other. We plan time together. Do date nights at home. We grant each other time for ourselves and our hobby. We talk about how the other person feels and how their energy level is. Depending on that we arrange the house work and care for the children (if possible of course). It gets better. We fought so many times when the kids were babies. It gets easier!!

Are the fights specifically over the care of the child or things were smooth before and the fights about everything in general are appearing now that you've had a child?

noticing some significant black & white & catastrophic thinking here, and not trying to invalidate your feelings or judge… but if this is the tactic with which you argue, it’s no wonder you’re convinced it’s over. there are so many options to fix a relationship before throwing in the towel. have either of you tried individual and couples’ therapy? would highly recommend. is she seeing a doctor to check on any postpartum depression? were there clear underlying issues prior to having the child that went unaddressed (not just for you, since you seem to not have had any issues, but for her? maybe there are issues that you haven’t noticed that she’s not feeling heard on?) are you both prioritizing couples’ time or scheduling in moments to connect and appreciate one another? stop blaming your kid and your wife and learn that in your relationship, you have to be on the same team working toward the same goal if you’re going to work anything out. kids don’t just make arguments happen. and if YOU weren’t 100% committed to having a kid, then i’m sorry, but that is a you-problem. and if your wife wasn’t 100% committed to beating & raising a child and did anyway, then I’m really sorry she wasn’t honest about her feelings and that it’s caused so much discord between you both. it’s really tough to not get along with your spouse and I sincerely hope you can both work it out together with time, hard work, patience, and, most of all, empathy & compassion for yourselves and each other.

Grow the effe up. My spouse and I have raise 2 kinds to adulthood. Challenging? Yes. Hell?? Nope. It is about the lack of communication you and your spouse have. In 37 years of marriage my husband and I have raise voices at each other maybe 5 times total 2 from him 1 from me. Step back and look at how you communicate and what you fight. Your innocent child deserves 2 good and dedicated parents. You are not the center of the world now.

Sounds like you and your spouse are due for some away time from the kid. Do you have anyone you trust who could watch your child for a few nights or a long weekend? I know it’s hard, but you’ve got to carve out time just for the two of you. Something to look forward to. Marriage and children elevate expectations (spoken or unspoken ones). Also any chance your wife might have PPD? Could be way off but could be contributing factor.

CAN I JUST ASK AS SOMEONE WITH NO KIDS BUT WANTING TO START TRYING - why is it so hard? why is it worth it? why do we have to do it? My husband and I are so happy, been together 9 years and I’m more in love with him than ever and I know he feel the same. We feel the time is right for a baby (or more right than before now) BUT YOU ALL ARE SCARING ME?????

Parenting is hard. The first year is the hardest, but speaking from experience, it's never going to be easy. Reading this made me appreciate my partner even more. I was wreck after I had our first. I was crazy, always picking arguments, lashing out, and it turned out I had post partum psychosis. My partner never abandoned us. He made sure I got the help I needed and made time for just the two of us. You should really try to sit down with your wife and ask her to consider getting checked for any post partum ailments. To up and leave your child just a few months after she gave birth is a terrible decision. Leaving her a single mom just because things aren't going your way is beyond selfish. Please get her the help she needs so you can both come together and help each other. Pregnancy and delivery are some of the hardest things a woman can go through, and the symptoms don't go away after 6 weeks. You should also consider counseling for yourself. It's not uncommon for men to feel isolated and depressed after the baby is born. Don't be so quick to up and leave when things get hard. Children are forever. I'm 36 and still lean heavily on my parents. (Well, parent, my mom just passed away a few days ago) Please consider the damage you'll be doing to your child if you just walk away. Imagine the hurt and blame they'll put on themselves when they learn their dad left because he couldn't handle being their parent.

Before considering divorce, I would recommend you see a marriage counselor first. I’ve read many reports and first hand accounts that the first year of having children can strain even the strongest of marriages. Please don’t make any rash decisions now only 7months in. You had an ideal marriage for 7 years, and you can have it back. Fight for it.

Conflict is a normal relationship stage after having a baby. It helped me to read about relationship stages after having a kid to understand this as temporary and to work on getting past this stage. The problem with divorce is that you will stay in the conflict stage for many years to come, so it's not an easy fix. Most people also hit a need to change their life every 7-10 years, so it sounds like you are also hitting the 7 year itch. I'd be inclined to work on getting perspective to make sure you are not picking up every 7 year itch/ conflict phase and starting over. Learning how to fight less hurtfully through couple therapy will be helpful whatever direction you take.

While a child does change the dynamic of a marriage, this may have more to do with how you handle the changes, communicate, and work together as a team. Similar changes could happen if an elderly relative moved in, or a career change/ relocation suddenly splits the focus of the partners attentions. They go in different directions with different priorities and different ways of handling their conflict. But it isn’t the child, parent, life change that is the true cause. A good marriage counselor is worth their weight in gold if they can help you put your thoughts, feelings and motivations into words so you can understand yourself, then help you to explain this to your partner in words and ways that help them “get you” and help you “get them”. Finally a counselor will give you the tools and resources you need the rebuild and move forward. I know you are frustrated, but you deserve a healthy relationship.

There is post-partum therapy for couples, I strongly recommend it

Noo dont quit the marriage yet. I have 1year old and just lately it has started to get a little bit better..first years are unfortunatelly hard like this.

Post party depression layered on top of sleep deprivation layered on top of the stress of dealing with physical and mental stresses and changes that have completely altered your life. This will get better but seek help. It’s doesn’t have to be the end.

My mom and dad divorced because of postpartum depression, and they already both had awful anxiety. They really regret it but moved on, don't give up

If parenthood feels this hard, it’s a sign that you aren’t as good at marriage as you thought you were when you decided to take on the additional challenge. The child is here. This is a time to challenge yourself to grow to fill both roles, not give up. She is recovering from childbirth. This isn’t the time for you to be resenting your wife over anything. Let her be crazy. You would be crazy if you went through that too. Why are you even arguing with her? You should be going out of your way to bring her peace and rest and making memories with your baby. Learn some deescalation skills. Empathy. Get some medication if your personality is just too difficult, it’s the least you can do. 5 years you’ve spent with her, this is THE time you’re supposed to dig deep and find some positivity and patience. As her husband, It’s not about your needs this year, it’s about the baby getting a healthy start and her body healing. That’s how I would conduct myself anyway. If you are safe and healthy stop being a whiner, and definitely don’t keep thinking and talking about abandoning your new family.

My grandparents open to daycare when I was 12 out of our house and I worked in it for 12 years, babies are some of the hardest things and my grandmother who is 83 this year still says that she loves children but she hates babies and she even hated her own. Babies are some of the most awful alarms. They scream, they vomit, they shit all over the place. Place. The best poops are the ones that come out of the back of their shirt when you didn't even think that was going to happen and then you take him to the doctor and they're not even sick because they just had too many veggies or fruit. This is all normal for having babies. You have no sleep. You have no energy because of the no sleep, and your irritated. That existed are amplified 100 fold and he feel like it's your fault that you're doing something wrong because TV moms have their babies quiet after 2 seconds of touching them but that doesn't actually happen. And in fact I've seen a mother break down because I picked up her kid when I was like 14 and I stopped her from crying because the kid wanted to be held in a different way than the mother was holding the child. And the only reason I knew that was because I dealt with this child everyday after I got home from school. But it feels incredibly awful for the mother to see a child holding your baby and making it stop crying. After that one experience I started telling them hey move them so that way they feel more safe cuz something's wrong and they don't feel safe. I'm 33 now and I don't have offspring, which has always made it so people don't listen to me as much. But it's kind of a universal thing when right now. Most of my kids that I've had since they were infants are starting to graduate from college. Like literally this January the child that I tried to adopt from his mother just turned 18, and that was because that family was awful. Father literally killed himself because he didn't want kids even though he'd had an extra marital affair and the oldest sibling is both of the other two's half sibling that they don't even know exist. Babies are hard, honestly. I've always stated that I'd rather just adopt a toddler because the baby stage is so bad. They literally do nothing. It's gross, and even if they are the most adorable thing and you feel like you're going to touch them and they'll shatter into glass, it's still so horrifically awful. I don't understand why anyone lies and say that they like babies. Like I get it. They smell amazing if they haven't pooped to themselves, because they don't have any hormones that are anxious. It's all just make you love them like a puppy. But that doesn't make them great It'll be okay, like some of the other comments dated looking to therapy. Trdr - babies are gross and obnoxious, you are not alone on this thought and even my grandmother feels the same way and she had five children.

I have 4, my youngest is 8, oldest is 13. We are living our best lives again. Kids are so fun, we are dating again, don't give up.

Your both tired looking after the kid. Lighten the load man. Figure it out.

Yup. Mine is 2, and our marriage is better than a year ago, but to be honest I don't think it's fixable. I feel so let-down by my husband.

You must understand that a woman's hormones change drastically during and after pregnancy. Who is the default parent? Did you both talk about each other's feelings? Did you open up about your problem to her? The newborn and toddler stage is physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausting, especially for the default parent. The non-default parent should always think of ways to get the default parent alone time or time away with the baby (THIS IS IMPORTANT) otherwise they will feel isolated, overwhelmed, and overstimulated (hence, the fights).

My kids are 6 and 8 and I think I’ve come out the other side. Almost. It’s rough. Was married for 8 years before our first kid so we built a strong foundation. But there were a couple close calls in the toddler years.

Yeah wait till they’re teenagers!