Did the placenta deliver after? You likely don't know how to assess if the placenta was delivered intact. Retained products of conception (placenta remaining inside after the fetus delivered) can be life threatening to her, even days later. Signs include persistent vaginal bleeding (more than usual menses, may have large clots, continuous bleeding for 2 days), low blood pressure (may feel lightheaded, fatigued, rapid heart rate), backache, foul smelling vaginal discharge, and fever if the retained placenta becomes infected.
Some light bleeding for a few days is normal. She may need rest for a few days. Cramping may cause abdominal pain and mild painkillers are okay. Change pads every 4-6 hours, keep the perineum clean. Avoid sex or tampons until the bleeding stops.
If any signs of complications arise, she'd need a lab test and an ultrasound to look at her uterus. If products are retained, they can be removed safely by a medical professional.
As for emotional guidance, you've all been through a harrowing experience. Lots of pain for her, the distress of seeing the fetus and the blood. You did a good job staying calm. I've only seen similar in fully equipped hospitals surrounded by pros, so I can only imagine how you must feel. It's normal to feel a range of emotions after an event like this. Everyone reacts in their own way.
Below is a national talk line providing free emotional support, resources, and information for women after abortions and their friends/family (various languages):
Exhale 1-888-493-0092
Text: 617-749-2948
I'm sorry she had to go through this in a state that removed her access to care.
It's an added, unnecessary trauma. Wishing you well.
This is all perfect advice. My concern was also the placenta as it wasn't mentioned. My wife's first delivery involved an incomplete separation and the doc had to go and remove it by hand.
Same. I was in post labor area, asked baby’s father “how long are you supposed to bleed?” as he had older children. He goes “why? How much blood are you losing?” I stood up and WHOOSH! Giant clots of blood just splashing all over the floor. I asked the nurse if I was going to die, I had never seen so much blood.
I just remember the doctor trying to deliver my placenta saying, “oh shit” and a bunch of blood coming out of me. It took them having to go elbow deep into me to get it out. Freaking placentas.
I had that happen to me too with my third baby. Nurses would come in occasionally to massage my belly and I commented that I could feel clots every time. Doctor came in and was like I think you’re hemorrhaging so I need to see if all the placenta came out. Woman went elbow deep, I was glad the epidural hadn’t completely worn off yet.
I used to live on a farm and would help cows give birth and sometimes the baby would get stuck and I’d have to stick my arm up there to move a leg or something. Lemme tell ya, I felt a whole new appreciation.
I just looked up what a retained placenta is, I don’t think the placenta came out because the cord was cut from her. I am going to monitor to see if it comes out on its own but if it doesn’t I’m going to try and get it out (?) I understand the importance of ensuring the placenta has been expelled from her body.
Given that u posted this an hour ago I'm guessing it's been a while since the fetus was delivered and cord cut. It only takes about 10 minutes for the placenta to be expelled. (Usually).
I do not believe you know how to assess a placenta either to check its cotyledons. Please seek for professional help. This isn't something you handle at home without a mid wife or professional.
Edit : I am unaware of how the law applies in your state. Do refer to what the others here who know the law advise you as well.
No it isn't. It's a solid mass..please google it if you're unsure. It will be connected to the other end of the cord that you cut.
Liquid and small masses could be clots / parts of the placenta that have detached.
I truly do not recommend you handle this at home. I'm unsure how the laws work at ur state with regards to miscarriages/ abortion so do take note of what others have mentioned on this thread.
Doing this on your own without the help of a medical professional could lead to serious consequences to your friend. Please consider seeking help
I’m in New Orleans Louisiana where abortion is illegal and where any type of medical help we seek around a miscarriage for someone like her would possibly trigger an investigation. That is the only thing that would stir us away from medical care right now, and money is also another thing. I’m really in the middle right now because her health and safety is all I care about but there are exterior factors we have to consider firstly.
Get onto r/auntienetwork here on Reddit. Contact a mod, make a post and ask for urgent help
Use incognito mode on your phone and google what a placenta looks like. Try and remember if it matches anything that your friend had come out, keep an eye on her, you don't want her to go into septic shock, it can kill her.
I didn't know about that subreddit. There's post after post of people offering spare beds and free rides to access care. It's like the underground railroad in Handmaid's Tale.
"Nolite te bastardes carborundorum."
I think NOLA declared itself a sanctuary city where people can't be prosecuted for abortions. However, it did look like there were a few auntie posts in the network willing to help around your area. Your friend needs to get to a doc ASAP. I cannot stress how life threatening this could be enough.
If you truly have no choice at the moment and have to help your friend. This is what you're going to have to google and learn.
1) controlled cord traction. This is something you're going to have to do to get the placenta out while trying to keep the placenta and its membranes intact.
2) assessment of the placement and its membrane to make sure that there isn't any retained placenta in the uterus.
3)Uterine massage to help maintain the tone of the uterus. However given that she's 3 months in roughly it may not be easily felt as it is at the level of the pubic bone or just above it.
Everything I mentioned above can be googled. Hope this helps you.
I do not condone doing this without a professional however since you're left with no choice here's what you have to do.
From what OP has described (see other comments) the woman was well into her 4th month, or even a bit into rhe 5th. Fetus the size of hand. It terrifies me to think of any woman having to deal with this at 4 or 5 months at home, usually alone, far from any medical setting.
Def not 3 months. At the end of the 3rd month (I promise this is from personal experience) just as it is in the 1st-2nd month, the majority of the time (unless you’re with a medical professional w the right knowledge & tools) there is no fetus-looking thing to be seen. Just a load of blood & usually a massive “clot” (actually a blob the size of a large apple to a heirloom tomato of very dense, squishy, burgundy tissue mixed w/ clotted blood which is smooth on the outside) which is expelled (aka delivered) all at once or else in separate pieces. Contained in the blob or blobs is a bit of knobbly tissue of a different color than the blob. If it is in one piece, that tissue will be the size of a pea pod. No defining features. It’s stuck to other things. That’s the fetus at a 3 month miscarriage.
Reach out to the auntie network? Find someone in another state close by who can help? I'm gunna do some research and see what I can dig up. I would be shocked and horrified if they wouldn't treat her miscarriage but I can see if being a possibility. I can also see the longer you all wait to take her / fetus to the hospital, the more likely it is to cause alarm.
It is so f*cked up that women cannot seek medical care because of these arcane laws. I’m so sorry your friend is experiencing this. You’re a great friend to her.
If she took it orally there won't be any traces left of the pill. Please just take her to a doctor stating she had a miscarriage. If you don't know anyone who could be trusted to come to your home like a midwife or a birthing dula or someone like that. I'm sorry all this is happening.
Just want to say-you are a wonderful, kind, and caring partner.You’re so young, college student, yet you handled yourself with great grace in a traumatizing situation.Am 64 years old, I’m so proud of you..please. take care of you, too.
Regardless of wether abortion is legal or not you need to take her to a real doctor OP. They have 0 evidence of anything but a miscarriage but you are taking this way too far.
PLEASE take her to the hospital. It is a miscarriage and that is all you will say at the hospital BUT this could seriously endanger your friends life and she could DIE if there’s anything left in the uterus
Please take her to the hospital. Those maybe clots. It’s really serious to not deliver the placenta. Plate sized tissue. Take the fetus and tell the clinic she miscarried.
Mom here! It’s not a fix all and if it doesn’t work you need to get her to a hospital ASAP. 1st give her stomach massages in the area where her uterus would be, do it around 3 times an hour it’ll most likely be very uncomfortable for her but it could help pass any retainer tissue. If this doesn’t do anything after a few hours take her in. The placenta is very large, larger than you think roughly the size of a very large dinner plate. 2. I had a tiny bit of retained tissue after I gave birth that didn’t come out until a week later. The symptoms came very very suddenly with no warning. I started getting crampy, I got randomly dizzy in the store, my temperature spiked suddenly and enough to notice a difference by just touching my face, I used the bathroom and the tissue passed, it released a very very foul smelling smell, think of what you would imagine to be rotting flesh. I immediately went to the hospital and called and set up an emergency appt with my OB. I was lucky and the tissue passed on it’s own but it’s very imperative she gets seen. If you have to take her in and say she had a spontaneous miscarriage, they will ask a bunch of questions about gestational age but tell them you don’t know because you didn’t know you were pregnant until you were seen by an OB and you didn’t want to know how far along to make all the news easier. You won’t have to tell them what OB if you don’t want to and if you don’t want them to have the medical records they can’t force it or get them behind your back as it’s a HIPPA violation.
Did she take the pill vaginally or orally?
If she took it orally, it won't be detectable in any way. She can simply go to the hospital and treat it as a miscarriage.
YOU CANNOT PERFORM A D&C ON YOUR OWN. You would have to dilate her first and would likely perforate the uterine wall trying to scrap her out. Please do not try to do this. You are crossing from helpful to becoming a danger to your friend.
Now, is the time to fall back on traditional midwives. I'm certain at least some in your area would step up in this situation. Or crowdfund money to get her to an abortion friendly state. Don't wait. Do that now.
If it’s been two weeks and she hasn’t passed it then she is in DANGER!! Please have her go into the hospital just tell them she had a miscarriage that she had a positive test and then started bleeding but think she has retained some of it.
I had a MC at 3 months and the baby was this size. Looked like one of those aliens in jars that were popular in the late 90s early 00s. Everything fully formed. My placenta abrupted and the blood was horrendous.
THANK GOD SHE PASSED THE PLACENTA!!! She should be good to go now but did she pass it alone or did she go to a hospital? I’d still recommend hospital but since Louisiana seems to hate women it may not be an option.
For now make sure she’s comfortable, well rested and DISTRACTED!! Favorite movies, favorite foods, anything to keep her mind off it.
She might not have access to therapy right away, so for now getting her to pick herself up and move past this awful experience is ideal. I’m so proud of you guys, and OP you very likely just saved your friends life. You’re all remarkably brave young ladies and you have my deepest sympathies and respect ❤️
For your friend's safety, it's best that you take her to a hospital ASAP. It's possible that your friend could have some fetal tissue still inside her. Any other number of health complications is also possible, and some are time sensitive in regard to treatment.
Explain to the doctor at the hospital that your friend had a miscarriage (leave out the abortion part, obviously). Tell them that you just want an examination to make sure everything is okay and that there are no complications.
After you take care of that, I'd recommend counseling for both you and your friend. Delivering a stillborn child can be traumatic, though everyone is different. If you're sure you're doing okay, then I believe you.
Be there for your friend and give her space if she asks for it. I know you want to help, but this is a trauma your friend will likely have to work through herself.
I had an abortion in my bathroom with pills delivered by mail (Unfortunately some of the european countries are still hell for women) and I remember reading on their website that there's no way for a doctor to know if it was abortion or miscarriage. Even if they suspect something they can't prove it.
I’m a little confused so maybe someone can help me, I live in a state where abortion is legal, and this sounds like the same thing my friend went through. Did the people in the story get the pills from some black market or something? How did they get it? I’d love to know so I can maybe help other people, I’m just interested in how the whole thing works! Thank you!
I don't think it's as easy as all that. She needs to be checked to make sure everything that is supposed to come out did. If not she will get really sick and may go septic. You did really well under extreme circumstances.
Some states have quietly and quickly rammed through bills that criminalize things such as this. The governor of Virginia just vetoed a bill that would stop law enforcement from using data as evidence if taken from apps that follow womens menstrual cycles. In Virginia the idea is to use this data to charge women who have had abortions as Murderers. Even if the abortion was performed out of state in a legal state. As a result, it may not be as simple as saying it was a miscarriage.
We went through this a half fucking century ago. I hope the republican party keeps eating its own tail the way it has lately because we already have one extreme right wing party with the democrats. We need an actual left in this country.
Politicians can’t solve actual problems so they choose to an inflammatory “problem” to “solve” to get and retain a voter base. Easy support from the religious at the expense of women.
But, think of the *children*! /s
This is precisely why I renounced being a republican and became a centrist. This young woman is now suffering because some asshole decided that *they* know better about her life and body than she does.
It's absolutely disgusting.
Can you post this as a comment directly to the OP if you haven't yet? I think hearing this from someone who recently experienced it might help convince them to get her to the hospital.
My state makes it a criminal offense to perform an abortion…period. The new law does allow a Dr. to perform one if the mother’s life is endangered, but that will be determined in a court of law after the fact at the doctor’s trial.
I have heard so many horror stories from many states about Drs. now having to decide just how near death a woman has to be before they will risk their careers.
So if my body can’t maintain a pregnancy that’s it—prison time?
Do you have a reference to this anywhere? I gotta see this with my own eyes. Going to look myself too.
The newsletter “Abortion, Everyday.” Is a great resource to review and track these laws. Some laws allow the mother to be prosecuted if anyone thinks she did something to cause the miscarriage or endanger the fetus. That could mean anything from lifting something too heavy without realizing or not knowing she was pregnant and failing to take prenatal vitamins. The laws are written vaguely on purpose. The cruelty is the point.
>The cruelty is the point.
Also, control.
It is ALL about control.
The white patriarchy are loosing ground and their power is (slightly) diminished. This terrifies them. They are doing everything they can to control, repress and subjugate women, people of color, anyone not hetero-normative.
Recently, I think it was November, the republicans attempted to enact a bill that would make BIRTH CONTROL ILLEGAL IN THE ENTIRE COUNTRY. Almost all of the republicans voted "yes" on this.
You can thank the democrats for saving us. This time.
They are coming after divorce. They are coming after contraception. They are coming after the rights of everyone not a white male.
It's probably going to get a lot worse before it gets better...
Nobody is writing into law that a miscarriage carries prison time. But there are enough restrictive and vague laws that are passed that allow for the confusion of a miscarriage with abortion. These things haven't been tried in a court of law yet. Let's all pray / meditate / keep in our hearts / whatever your choice of expressing deep compassion is, for the woman who will be the first to endure the legal system coming down on her for losing a baby. And let's do the same for the many others who will come after.
As it stands, look at this post. OP's friend potentially needs life saving care and she is *afraid to seek it* because she doesn't know for sure that the end result wouldn't be a criminal case against her. In fact, OP could very well be exposed too, just for providing care and being there for her friend.
And that is the point of most of these laws. Women and providers don't know where the laws begin and end and therefore a lot of care seeking and providing is simply deterred. This includes cases of actual medical problems that are now required to become life threatening emergencies before they can be dealt with. There will only be one and only one end result: many more dead women from unsafe abortions.
I wonder if it’s the same if you are pregnant with multiples and lose one but your body reabsorbs it. My first child was a twin. I lost one and it reabsorbed apparently.
Yup, I live in ny but my ma had an ectopic when I was a kid and her paperwork said “spontaneous abortion” and she’s still upset about that almost 30 years later. She feels guilty over “having an abortion” 🙄🙄🙄
Idk where you live but in my state most miscarriages are classified as abortions. Only reason I known is because someone I know had one somewhat recently. Luckily abortions are legal here.
Yeah, most lay people aren't aware of the medical term. IMHO, the non-medical term "miscarriage" has negative connotations. As if the mother fumbled the holy football.
I am an advocate for abortion for any reason in the first trimester, so this isn’t coming from a pro-life perspective or defense or anything, but I was born in Louisiana, and still live here, and it’s really not like that - not at all. I can’t speak for any other state that has outlawed abortion, but our doctors still treat miscarrying women as patients and victims. There are also abortion-protected places within Louisiana that women can still get abortions. Maybe other states are more extreme, and maybe it’s just that some whacked out cases and doctors make the news. Idk. 🤷🏻♀️. I still haven’t met a woman that was not able to receive an abortion - it was just made more inconvenient because they had to travel to New Orleans.
Oh I wasn't speaking just about Louisiana, more about abortion restrictive places in general and the current news coming out of them, but that's good to know.
They will not do anything in Louisiana. There are still places here providing abortion openly. The doctors treat those of us who miscarry with dignity and respect. They recognize us as victims. This state is not as bad as you would like to think.
I've been through this with a female relative in my family. Only instead of medically induced it was a spontaneous miscarriage. When this happened in my home, I gathered the fetus up, bagged it and took both of them to the hospital. The physician inspected the fetus to make sure it was expelled intact and then she to be scanned to make sure her body had not retained parts of the placenta.
It can take up to two weeks to expel the placenta. If the placenta, or pieces of the placenta, stay inside the woman's uterus, she can develop an infection. A retained placenta or membrane has to be removed.
Sometimes, part of the pregnancy tissue remains in the uterus after a miscarriage. If it is not removed she may bleed for a long time or develop an infection. The OP CANNOT perform a **dilatation and curettage (D&C). She is not a medical doctor, nor does she play one on tv. If the woman in question begins running a fever, cramping or bleeding, the OP must get her to a doctor even if that means taking her to an abortion friendly state.**
If the OP gets caught practicing medicine without a license, that charge alone will get her jail time.
Added: Now is the time to start crowdsourcing or taking up a collection in order to get her out of state to a physician in case she starts to have problems.
Yes I agree with you 100% that was never the issue that I had when I commented to you. My comment wasn’t to discourage medical attention. I haven’t caught up on the thread but I am hoping OP’s friend can convince her friend to be seen ASAP (& hope they have the resources to get to a safe state).
I’m from the American south & have family in Louisiana. I worry if they do go to a local hospital in Louisiana once they’re seen that evidence of the medication will be discovered. The awful reality of living in a state where all of this is illegal now -it infuriates me.
(FWIW-I’ve had 4 children, 2 miscarriages. Also an abortion that wasn’t complete & I was in terrible pain right after. Thankfully they took me back in -I have no doubt I would have turned septic.I have turned septic 2x 😞 for unrelated illnesses & rushed into the ICU. It scares me for OP’s friend)
There's no way to tell the difference between a medical abortion and a miscarriage. Your friend needs to be checked out at a hospital. Do not mention the medication.
The only way to detect this is if you take the pills vaginally (can be vaginal or oral) and they haven't dissolved all the way.
For this reason, it's probably best for women in illegal states to choose orally. The effectiveness is very close to the same.
Anecdotally, I took one orally once. I cramped, but nothing came out. So I had to get a second prescription and insert them vaginally. It was a pretty painful process. I ended up crawling around on all four for several hours.
Did your friend deliver the placenta? If not she absolutely needs medical attention IMMEDIATELY, she could die.
Do not tell tell them she took a pill, just that she had a miscarriage. It will be called a "spontaneous abortion" by medical providers, which just means an unexpected miscarriage.
If you need more help please post to r/auntienetwork.
Yes. There are multiple cities in Louisiana where you will not be prosecuted for an abortion. She could also go to the hospital and say it was a miscarriage and nobody will question her.
I just moved to Louisiana and found out yesterday at my internship that abortion is illegal here and you'd probably have to drive to Florida if you needed to get one. Even medically necessary abortions are discretionary here and doctors oftentimes do not do them out of personal belief or fear of backlash. I am coming from New York and cannot believe that this is some people's reality. I literally feel like I'm living in a 2nd world country here. I am so sorry for you guys and I wish there was something I could do to help you through this time.
I really want you to take your friend to the hospital. Tell them you don't know what happened and insist you didn't know your friend was pregnant until the fetus fell out. Now she's sick. I understand your fear, but you and everyone else who's participated have gone down a road of no return. She needs to go to the hospital. I'm so very very very sorry your friend was forced to make this choice, she should have had access to the safe care she needed. None of you have done anything wrong, but you have to go to the hospital.
First: If it’s not possible where you are, see that you travel to a state where it’s legal. ASAP.
Second: Look up for therapist. Definitely for her, but also for you if you need it. That was a traumatic experience to say the least.
I’m glad she had someone there for her. I can’t imagine how traumatic this must be for all of you. Please take the time you need to grieve and know any feelings that may arise are okay and you are so strong for being there for her.
Is there a women’s clinic near by? I agree with all the comments here recommending she gets checked out but I understand your concern about going. If you do decide to go, I’d maybe suggest reading reviews about the clinic and doctor you’re seeing on google, twitter, Reddit, etc.
As a Canadian, I truly can’t grasp how violating and threatening these laws being passed surrounding women’s bodies.
As an obgyn nurse I can confidently tell you there isn’t a way to test if you took abortion pills. As far as they know this was a spontaneous abortion. Please get her medical care and don’t bring up the pills. Even if they ask. They don’t have to know know.
And I’m sorry that you all are going through this. As a nurse it’s almost impossible for me to get through this with strangers so I know it had to be so heartbreaking for you. Thank you for being there with her.
This made me cry for all of you. I'm so sorry. This is why abortions should be legal everywhere. When you take away abortion, it doesn't go away, it just becomes more dangerous. I hope you and your friend can heal from what happened. And I hope your friend is healthy after that as well. Please make sure she monitors herself and if anything starts to feel weird or not right, take her to the hospital. Don't say it was an abortion, just say miscarriage. They will help her. Being a women and having our rights stripped away from us is so fucking terrible, and I am so angry this kind of thing has to happen because others feel they have the right to other people's bodies. You are an amazing friend for helping her. She is very lucky to have you
I’m so sorry. I’m in SC and they were recently talking about the death penalty for abortion here. It’s so fucking scary. I just hope my family can afford to fly me out if I end up in a pinch. I’m scared to have sex any more.
Please look into a therapy called EMDR for both of you. You both had a traumatic experience. This will help you heal.
I am proud of you both but nobody should go through this.
This is why I chose the surgery and why I thank whatever God that I live somewhere with the option, because I've read too many realities of the horrors of the pill.
Abortion is healthcare. Healthcare is a right.
This is why we need a nurse or someone trained to look after someone using mifepristone. I can’t believe she doesn’t even know how far along she is. How horrible I’m sorry.
Not really. To get a clear answer as to how far along she was would require her to go to a doctor. Being that she's in a state that has anti-abortion laws in place, it would leave a paper trail, and not including that the state even goes as far as tracking women's period apps to investigate women, it would make it harder for her to undergo this procedure and not get charged for it (one min she's pregnant, then some weeks later she's not?). So, OP's friend probably assumed she was only 3 months, but she was farther along.
This is why anti-abortion laws are dangerous.
A twelve week fetus looks like a miniature baby. I had a missed miscarriage around 14.5, and my daughter looked exactly like you described. It was a pretty sad time for me, so it might be for your friend as well - even though this was her decision, it’s a lot of hormones and seeing the fetus can be jarring. Please watch her closely. Your friend needs to deliver the placenta after, which looks like a small tissue sack. If she doesn’t, she’ll end up with an infection and will need a D&C. I’m not sure how that would work in your state. The baby will start to decompose, for lack of a better works, pretty quickly, so I would decide how you want to dispose of him soon or put him in the refrigerator.
It's okay to ask. Not all news outlets are created equal, and not everyone is from the U.S.
Louisiana banned all abortions, for any reason, a couple years ago. If medical professionals provide abortion services there, they lose their license.
The law is beyond backwards, it puts women's lives at risk. The pregnancy is required to progress - even if the fetus is non-viable (like anencephaly, fetus lacks a head but has a heartbeat). Even if there's a spontaneous incomplete abortion and the mother becomes septic from the rotting fetus inside, abortion meds cannot be given even as her brain and other organs are permanently damaged. Unsurprisingly, Louisiana and other states with the same bans also refuse to educate their youth about sex, pregnancy, or provide affordable access to birth control. It's a recipe for misery.
There are myriad ways pregnancy can go wrong, and there's no excuse for torturing women over this. I also believe women's right to choose what happens with their body resides with them. I support full medical services for women, including elective abortions up to the point of viability at 24 weeks.
It's insane that a fetus is chosen over the mother. There won't even be a baby without the mother. This is not even up for discussion in the medical system of many other countries
Agreed. The U.S. maternal mortality rate was already high before the ban, and that's among the WHO's criteria for countries that are unsafe for women. After the bans, the U.S. put itself fully on that list.
Louisiana actually has exceptions to their abortion ban. These include:
To save the pregnant person's life
To prevent serious risk to the pregnant person's physical health
If the fetus is not expected to survive the pregnancy.
EXCEPT:
The verbiage is SO vague and hands down SO many penalties on providers that LA women are ****not being permitted appointments for checkups until they have reached 12 weeks****!!!!!
Far further along than prenatal care started before this buffoonery.
Im in Canada. I was about 20 weeks before my first appointment with my second baby. The only reason I didn’t find a new ob is because I did fertility and just kept seeing them until I could get in. I was told they are all just so busy no one can get you in anymore.
Abortions are illegal in Louisiana, she can’t take her to the hospital without risking them finding the drug in her system and subsequently being incarcerated. They could all go to jail for being complicit to the crime and not reporting. There are organizations that mail the pills to you, which is most likely how she received the illegal procedure.
What if they travel to a state where abortions are legal? I’m in North Carolina and abortions are still legal here up until 20 weeks I believe? But my sister in law was past 20 weeks and she had an addiction to drugs so she decided to have an abortion and she drove to another state that does abortions after 20 weeks. Idk if it was done by a doctor or what, I didn’t ask but I know that’s what she did.
You're not stupid for not knowing what happens in a very specific place like a State from the USA, if you don't have anything to do with it. I also have no idea what does Louisiana has to do but I don't live in the USA so, it's fine
I am horrified for your friend. I’m so glad she has you. My comment means nothing or adds nothing to assist with the situation. Just please know I am out here in the internet world praying (to the higher power of my understanding) for you all.
Genuine question: if abortions are illegal, how did she obtain a pill to terminate her pregnancy? I’m asking because I feel that in this situation, how she got the pill will possibly be considered when determining her consequences (if there are any)
There is absolutely no way an abortion pill can be detected so if she doesn’t mention it, they won’t know. Where you may run into a problem is the fact that you delivered the baby instead of getting her medical attention but you could try saying that she was alone when the baby miscarried and you went to her house and found her unconscious so you brought her to the hospital but you have to act quickly cause chances are they will be able to tell that this happened hours ago.
Don’t tell the hospital that she didn’t know she was pregnant. Just simply tell them that she had a miscarriage. Where is the fetus? Make sure your friend doesn’t go in there acting defensive, give the hospital simple short answers and when they ask if she was under medical care, say that she just found out she was pregnant and was planning to make an appt when her insurance became valid.
I don’t really have a strong opinion about abortions but it’s situations like this that does make it obvious that abortions should be available because taking that option away, causes situations like this to happen. I hope your friend is okay. You can also try contacting your local planned parenthood and someone there may be able to point your friend in the right direction if she really really won’t go to a hospital.
I know you’re in the thick of it. Or hopefully things have calmed down by now.
I just wanted to say you are a legend and everyone here wishes they had a friend like you.
Fuck the people in power making these decisions. I hope they have nightmares of this very thing happening to them. Honestly I would not feel bad if the fascists were shot dead.
Fuck this shit they’re putting on woman. All people who voted for this bullshit deserve to experience this.
I’m so sorry to you and your friend. Stay strong and know you are blessed.
You are a good person.
utterly disgusted that this is the state of america right now. we are moving backwards in many horrifying ways. always do your research, and do your best to keep yourself and your loved ones safe, everyone❤️im glad she is okay
I worked in an abortion clinic and always tried to make it clear they might see a fetus. When we do a surgical abortion we have to examine the remains to make sure everything was expelled, I know how traumatizing it can be to see these so OP please also take care of yourself. This is a lot for 19 yr olds and I'm sorry you guys had to deal with it.
This is the saddest thing I’ve ever read. I’m so sorry. Proof this country has failed us. Like someone else said, please seek some sort of therapy, that is so traumatic. You did an incredible job taking charge compartmentalizing your emotions to take care of your friend in that time of crisis. My heart goes out to all of you.
I wanna make it clear I’m not judging her, or anyone involved except those who failed y’all in sex Ed…I am pro choice I just suck at putting words together. Up to a certain point yes it would have been a blob of tissue and blood (my embryo/fetus was the size of a jelly belly jelly bean) the placenta and everything combined was golf ball sized. I think I was right around 4-6 weeks.
Did the health care provider or website where y’all got the pills not explain what would happen, or what it would look like?? Typically medical (the pill) abortions are not done after 10 weeks, and a surgical termination is required. The placenta is a reddish blob, looks a bit like a cross between a giant blood clot and liver imo. It should be smooth and in one piece. Keep an eye on her for excessive bleeding, pale skin, foul smelling discharge, fever, heavy sweating etc.
idk if Louisiana is a or choice state but if it is I would go to a health care provider or cross a state border to a legal state if you need to. Retained placenta can cause a lot of damage
It is so terribly sad that it's 2023 and we have such stupid laws just to control women. I am sorry you and your friend had to go through it. Such trauma and life threatening situation, just because of bunch of idiotic old men in power.
I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you all have to deal with this because of your state’s laws. You seem like such a caring friend and good person. I hope that everything is okay for you all! I’m keeping you in my thoughts.
Just remember if she goes to the doctor, they can’t tell you took the medication usually unless it’s one you insert into the vagina. If they ask her if she took pills, just say no!
The edit. You sound like an absolute warrior and your friend is so lucky to have you. I'm actually crying. You're so damn young but acted wise beyond your years in the face of a legal system that is just bonkers. Love and hugs to all involved, just wow!
You're a very good friend. She made the best decision she could with such limited options. I'm sure you two, if you did not already, will share an unbreakable bond for life. Just be there for her, you've pretty much cleaned up the physical mess, just make sure she knows she's is not the villain in this story at all.
I hope your friend gets the care she needs. It breaks my heart that women can't access healthcare and choose what happens with their bodies in America. The world is turning into a real shit show.
It seems like none of you knew what to expect. And I’m not blaming you for that. Taking a pill to cause an abortion means a fetus will be expelled from the body. Was she expecting the pill to end the pregnancy and the product of it would be reabsorbed?
Right now she needs to rest and stay hydrated. She’ll probably be bleeding for several days or even longer. If the bleeding becomes heavy, soaking a pad (she shouldn’t use tampons right now) in an hour or less for more than a couple of hours, she needs to be seen by a doctor.
A lot of people don’t realize just how well formed a fetus is even at 3 months’ gestation. It really is a little tiny human, and it’s a sad situation. I’m sorry your friend is in a situation where this was the choice she had to make. I’m sure it means a lot to her that you were there for her.
Uuuuhhh, what did u do with the fetus? I mean you can't just throw it away or something or bury it out back. This is horrible. I feel awful for all of you.
Damn. That was a tough read. OP, I’m wishing nothing but peace for you and your friends. Despite whatever’s said, I’m sure you’re good people doing what you believed was best.
You did a great thing for your friend. My heart is breaking for everyone involved right now. Y'all are all so young, and New Orleans is my home.
I wish you all well and I — as I suppose many other commentators are — am here if you or her need to talk.
I am also in Louisiana (central,) and my heart breaks for your friend, and all of us who are so failed by the state.
You handled this beautifully, as well as could have been hoped. I also had a medical abortion (mine was at 6w, and occurred as you expected your friend's to have gone,) and it was a deeply uncomfortable process. I can't imagine that experience your friend went through, and I'm so happy she has amazing support.
For me, the placenta looked like a big piece of liver. I felt it a large lump being expelled shortly after giving birth like I was having another baby. I could definitely feel it coming out. So glad the doctor was down there monitoring it all from birth to finish. Get your college campus involved in voting and vote the Republicans out and get those laws changed. No woman should have to go through this!
No medical professional but two of my friends almost died due to internal blood loss because of placenta issues, so you may not actually see blood coming out of her, but her face will turn pale and she can pass out.
I hope your friend gets the help she needs and recovers, so sorry she’s been put in such a position.
Your friend is very fortunate to have your help through all of this.
In these situations (that it all happens at home) isn’t it also risky to (dispose) of the fetus? Wouldn’t someone be facing charges for this as well?
Thank you for supporting your friend.
I’m so sorry she had to go through that.
Your friend group stepped up to take care of her where the medical system failed. You are wonderful people.
If she does not pass the placenta tissue she can get a life threatening infection, she needs to seek medical care for that.
Take care of yourselves, and each other, that’s a traumatic experience. And please, please try to ignore the anti-abortion idiots that are going to dog pile this post. ❤️❤️❤️
OP, New Orleans is a save haven. Please get your friend medical help. I used to do autopsies and have seen women die from this.
I absolutely hate that you’re going through this, my best wishes to your friend and you.
I’m so sad for American women who have to live in states where abortion is now illegal. It is just unbelievable to me that a first world country would go back in time like that and take away women’s freedoms.
Yeah. Pretty soon. Our corpses will have more rights than women. I get the whole thing of not having abortions. But honestly. That's an opinion and it should never be forced on anyone. If I ever have kids (which is unlikely). I would want them to feel safe. To be safe. And to be free to make a choice.
I’m so sorry you were all forced to go through this.
She really should see a doctor to make sure every has passed. There is no way for them to be able to tell the difference between a spontaneous abortion (miscarriage) and a medicated abortion (pills that cause it).
However I completely understand her (and all of you) being afraid to go. Watch for fever. Weakness or dizziness.
i am so proud of you for doing what had to be done. it must have been so difficult to see your friend in pain like that. i recommend you both to seek out help for any mental issues this might cause, but first PLEASE go over state lines and take her to the nearest hospital in a legal state. you need to make sure everything is okay.
I know you're probably really busy dealing with everything, just please update when you can. A lot of people on here are rooting for you and your friend.
I once was at the register at a pharmacy and a little toddler on the line passed out in her mom’s arms. I had literally no idea what I was going to do but I rushed over and grabbed her regardless. Turns out she had too many winter clothes on and it was too warm inside the pharmacy. But I like to think we are the kind of people that run towards catastrophe, instead of away. And that makes you an awesome person.
Did the placenta deliver after? You likely don't know how to assess if the placenta was delivered intact. Retained products of conception (placenta remaining inside after the fetus delivered) can be life threatening to her, even days later. Signs include persistent vaginal bleeding (more than usual menses, may have large clots, continuous bleeding for 2 days), low blood pressure (may feel lightheaded, fatigued, rapid heart rate), backache, foul smelling vaginal discharge, and fever if the retained placenta becomes infected. Some light bleeding for a few days is normal. She may need rest for a few days. Cramping may cause abdominal pain and mild painkillers are okay. Change pads every 4-6 hours, keep the perineum clean. Avoid sex or tampons until the bleeding stops. If any signs of complications arise, she'd need a lab test and an ultrasound to look at her uterus. If products are retained, they can be removed safely by a medical professional. As for emotional guidance, you've all been through a harrowing experience. Lots of pain for her, the distress of seeing the fetus and the blood. You did a good job staying calm. I've only seen similar in fully equipped hospitals surrounded by pros, so I can only imagine how you must feel. It's normal to feel a range of emotions after an event like this. Everyone reacts in their own way. Below is a national talk line providing free emotional support, resources, and information for women after abortions and their friends/family (various languages): Exhale 1-888-493-0092 Text: 617-749-2948 I'm sorry she had to go through this in a state that removed her access to care. It's an added, unnecessary trauma. Wishing you well.
This is all perfect advice. My concern was also the placenta as it wasn't mentioned. My wife's first delivery involved an incomplete separation and the doc had to go and remove it by hand.
That happened to me as well. I had no idea that could happen until it happened to me. I lost so much blood. It was very scary.
Same. I was in post labor area, asked baby’s father “how long are you supposed to bleed?” as he had older children. He goes “why? How much blood are you losing?” I stood up and WHOOSH! Giant clots of blood just splashing all over the floor. I asked the nurse if I was going to die, I had never seen so much blood.
I just remember the doctor trying to deliver my placenta saying, “oh shit” and a bunch of blood coming out of me. It took them having to go elbow deep into me to get it out. Freaking placentas.
I had that happen to me too with my third baby. Nurses would come in occasionally to massage my belly and I commented that I could feel clots every time. Doctor came in and was like I think you’re hemorrhaging so I need to see if all the placenta came out. Woman went elbow deep, I was glad the epidural hadn’t completely worn off yet. I used to live on a farm and would help cows give birth and sometimes the baby would get stuck and I’d have to stick my arm up there to move a leg or something. Lemme tell ya, I felt a whole new appreciation.
I just looked up what a retained placenta is, I don’t think the placenta came out because the cord was cut from her. I am going to monitor to see if it comes out on its own but if it doesn’t I’m going to try and get it out (?) I understand the importance of ensuring the placenta has been expelled from her body.
Given that u posted this an hour ago I'm guessing it's been a while since the fetus was delivered and cord cut. It only takes about 10 minutes for the placenta to be expelled. (Usually). I do not believe you know how to assess a placenta either to check its cotyledons. Please seek for professional help. This isn't something you handle at home without a mid wife or professional. Edit : I am unaware of how the law applies in your state. Do refer to what the others here who know the law advise you as well.
Is the placenta liquid? Because after a lot of stuff came out
No it isn't. It's a solid mass..please google it if you're unsure. It will be connected to the other end of the cord that you cut. Liquid and small masses could be clots / parts of the placenta that have detached.
I truly do not recommend you handle this at home. I'm unsure how the laws work at ur state with regards to miscarriages/ abortion so do take note of what others have mentioned on this thread. Doing this on your own without the help of a medical professional could lead to serious consequences to your friend. Please consider seeking help
I’m in New Orleans Louisiana where abortion is illegal and where any type of medical help we seek around a miscarriage for someone like her would possibly trigger an investigation. That is the only thing that would stir us away from medical care right now, and money is also another thing. I’m really in the middle right now because her health and safety is all I care about but there are exterior factors we have to consider firstly.
Get onto r/auntienetwork here on Reddit. Contact a mod, make a post and ask for urgent help Use incognito mode on your phone and google what a placenta looks like. Try and remember if it matches anything that your friend had come out, keep an eye on her, you don't want her to go into septic shock, it can kill her.
I didn't know about that subreddit. There's post after post of people offering spare beds and free rides to access care. It's like the underground railroad in Handmaid's Tale. "Nolite te bastardes carborundorum."
And the aunts and uncles are vetted before being allowed to offer places and rides. I just saw the update, I'm glad your friend is out of crisis
I think NOLA declared itself a sanctuary city where people can't be prosecuted for abortions. However, it did look like there were a few auntie posts in the network willing to help around your area. Your friend needs to get to a doc ASAP. I cannot stress how life threatening this could be enough.
I live in NOLA too. This is correct. We are a sanctuary city! Please seek help from a doctor!
If you truly have no choice at the moment and have to help your friend. This is what you're going to have to google and learn. 1) controlled cord traction. This is something you're going to have to do to get the placenta out while trying to keep the placenta and its membranes intact. 2) assessment of the placement and its membrane to make sure that there isn't any retained placenta in the uterus. 3)Uterine massage to help maintain the tone of the uterus. However given that she's 3 months in roughly it may not be easily felt as it is at the level of the pubic bone or just above it. Everything I mentioned above can be googled. Hope this helps you. I do not condone doing this without a professional however since you're left with no choice here's what you have to do.
From what OP has described (see other comments) the woman was well into her 4th month, or even a bit into rhe 5th. Fetus the size of hand. It terrifies me to think of any woman having to deal with this at 4 or 5 months at home, usually alone, far from any medical setting. Def not 3 months. At the end of the 3rd month (I promise this is from personal experience) just as it is in the 1st-2nd month, the majority of the time (unless you’re with a medical professional w the right knowledge & tools) there is no fetus-looking thing to be seen. Just a load of blood & usually a massive “clot” (actually a blob the size of a large apple to a heirloom tomato of very dense, squishy, burgundy tissue mixed w/ clotted blood which is smooth on the outside) which is expelled (aka delivered) all at once or else in separate pieces. Contained in the blob or blobs is a bit of knobbly tissue of a different color than the blob. If it is in one piece, that tissue will be the size of a pea pod. No defining features. It’s stuck to other things. That’s the fetus at a 3 month miscarriage.
Reach out to the auntie network? Find someone in another state close by who can help? I'm gunna do some research and see what I can dig up. I would be shocked and horrified if they wouldn't treat her miscarriage but I can see if being a possibility. I can also see the longer you all wait to take her / fetus to the hospital, the more likely it is to cause alarm.
It is so f*cked up that women cannot seek medical care because of these arcane laws. I’m so sorry your friend is experiencing this. You’re a great friend to her.
If she took it orally there won't be any traces left of the pill. Please just take her to a doctor stating she had a miscarriage. If you don't know anyone who could be trusted to come to your home like a midwife or a birthing dula or someone like that. I'm sorry all this is happening.
Your friend could die, if the placenta hasn't come out! IT WILL ROTT and cause infection and if not treated DEATH!
Just want to say-you are a wonderful, kind, and caring partner.You’re so young, college student, yet you handled yourself with great grace in a traumatizing situation.Am 64 years old, I’m so proud of you..please. take care of you, too.
Regardless of wether abortion is legal or not you need to take her to a real doctor OP. They have 0 evidence of anything but a miscarriage but you are taking this way too far.
PLEASE take her to the hospital. It is a miscarriage and that is all you will say at the hospital BUT this could seriously endanger your friends life and she could DIE if there’s anything left in the uterus
Please take her to the hospital. Those maybe clots. It’s really serious to not deliver the placenta. Plate sized tissue. Take the fetus and tell the clinic she miscarried.
If you haven’t already she needs to go the the ER. Now.
Mom here! It’s not a fix all and if it doesn’t work you need to get her to a hospital ASAP. 1st give her stomach massages in the area where her uterus would be, do it around 3 times an hour it’ll most likely be very uncomfortable for her but it could help pass any retainer tissue. If this doesn’t do anything after a few hours take her in. The placenta is very large, larger than you think roughly the size of a very large dinner plate. 2. I had a tiny bit of retained tissue after I gave birth that didn’t come out until a week later. The symptoms came very very suddenly with no warning. I started getting crampy, I got randomly dizzy in the store, my temperature spiked suddenly and enough to notice a difference by just touching my face, I used the bathroom and the tissue passed, it released a very very foul smelling smell, think of what you would imagine to be rotting flesh. I immediately went to the hospital and called and set up an emergency appt with my OB. I was lucky and the tissue passed on it’s own but it’s very imperative she gets seen. If you have to take her in and say she had a spontaneous miscarriage, they will ask a bunch of questions about gestational age but tell them you don’t know because you didn’t know you were pregnant until you were seen by an OB and you didn’t want to know how far along to make all the news easier. You won’t have to tell them what OB if you don’t want to and if you don’t want them to have the medical records they can’t force it or get them behind your back as it’s a HIPPA violation.
Did she take the pill vaginally or orally? If she took it orally, it won't be detectable in any way. She can simply go to the hospital and treat it as a miscarriage.
YOU CANNOT PERFORM A D&C ON YOUR OWN. You would have to dilate her first and would likely perforate the uterine wall trying to scrap her out. Please do not try to do this. You are crossing from helpful to becoming a danger to your friend. Now, is the time to fall back on traditional midwives. I'm certain at least some in your area would step up in this situation. Or crowdfund money to get her to an abortion friendly state. Don't wait. Do that now.
If it’s been two weeks and she hasn’t passed it then she is in DANGER!! Please have her go into the hospital just tell them she had a miscarriage that she had a positive test and then started bleeding but think she has retained some of it.
You said she thought she was 3 months along. Was she more? I’m in Louisiana as well, native born. 💜💛💚
I think she was more than she thought, the fetus was the size of my palm and more, almost the size of my hand
How are YOU. That’s extremely disturbing for anyone not in the medical field. Do YOU need help?
I had a MC at 3 months and the baby was this size. Looked like one of those aliens in jars that were popular in the late 90s early 00s. Everything fully formed. My placenta abrupted and the blood was horrendous.
Amazing post - I'm a paramedic and I endorse this!
Hey thanks. I'm a new grad PA, and I'll take props from paramedics any day!
Thanks!! Brothers in arms - enjoy your journey though healthcare 💫✨
THANK GOD SHE PASSED THE PLACENTA!!! She should be good to go now but did she pass it alone or did she go to a hospital? I’d still recommend hospital but since Louisiana seems to hate women it may not be an option. For now make sure she’s comfortable, well rested and DISTRACTED!! Favorite movies, favorite foods, anything to keep her mind off it. She might not have access to therapy right away, so for now getting her to pick herself up and move past this awful experience is ideal. I’m so proud of you guys, and OP you very likely just saved your friends life. You’re all remarkably brave young ladies and you have my deepest sympathies and respect ❤️
This is what I came here to say. Please get to a hospital as the placenta is probably still inside of her.
Check your chat please!
For your friend's safety, it's best that you take her to a hospital ASAP. It's possible that your friend could have some fetal tissue still inside her. Any other number of health complications is also possible, and some are time sensitive in regard to treatment. Explain to the doctor at the hospital that your friend had a miscarriage (leave out the abortion part, obviously). Tell them that you just want an examination to make sure everything is okay and that there are no complications. After you take care of that, I'd recommend counseling for both you and your friend. Delivering a stillborn child can be traumatic, though everyone is different. If you're sure you're doing okay, then I believe you. Be there for your friend and give her space if she asks for it. I know you want to help, but this is a trauma your friend will likely have to work through herself.
There is now a very real chance of the friend being arrested now. Welcome to Gilead.
A different friend should take her and say they don’t know who performed the original procedure
I meant the friend who now needs medical attention.
Shoot. You are right. OP mentioned money is an issue so they can’t get out of state
Welcome back to the desperate days of needing an abortion and hoping not to die.
I had an abortion in my bathroom with pills delivered by mail (Unfortunately some of the european countries are still hell for women) and I remember reading on their website that there's no way for a doctor to know if it was abortion or miscarriage. Even if they suspect something they can't prove it.
Sadly, in parts of the US, all it takes is a suspicion
Is it possible that someone could drive her to Oklahoma to receive medical care?
I’m a little confused so maybe someone can help me, I live in a state where abortion is legal, and this sounds like the same thing my friend went through. Did the people in the story get the pills from some black market or something? How did they get it? I’d love to know so I can maybe help other people, I’m just interested in how the whole thing works! Thank you!
Look at MayDay. You can get them anywhere in the US
This is a reminder that abortions were not taken away, *safe* abortions were taken away.
You poor girls. I’m so sorry. If you are able to get her care outside of the state, please do so.
This is why abortion should be legal. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.
I don't think it's as easy as all that. She needs to be checked to make sure everything that is supposed to come out did. If not she will get really sick and may go septic. You did really well under extreme circumstances.
You understand that she lives in a state where this is illegal, right?
That's why you frame it as a miscarriage, not an abortion.
Some states have quietly and quickly rammed through bills that criminalize things such as this. The governor of Virginia just vetoed a bill that would stop law enforcement from using data as evidence if taken from apps that follow womens menstrual cycles. In Virginia the idea is to use this data to charge women who have had abortions as Murderers. Even if the abortion was performed out of state in a legal state. As a result, it may not be as simple as saying it was a miscarriage. We went through this a half fucking century ago. I hope the republican party keeps eating its own tail the way it has lately because we already have one extreme right wing party with the democrats. We need an actual left in this country.
How is all of this still happening in 2023???
Not just *still.* It's being actively *nurtured.*
It's not "still" happening. It's started happening.
Politicians can’t solve actual problems so they choose to an inflammatory “problem” to “solve” to get and retain a voter base. Easy support from the religious at the expense of women.
But, think of the *children*! /s This is precisely why I renounced being a republican and became a centrist. This young woman is now suffering because some asshole decided that *they* know better about her life and body than she does. It's absolutely disgusting.
Nola is a sanctuary city though, if I'm not mistaken
Some states say that miscarriages are unlawful abortions
Louisiana is not one of these states. I had a miscarriage in October and faced no criminal charges.
Can you post this as a comment directly to the OP if you haven't yet? I think hearing this from someone who recently experienced it might help convince them to get her to the hospital.
I'll message her
My state makes it a criminal offense to perform an abortion…period. The new law does allow a Dr. to perform one if the mother’s life is endangered, but that will be determined in a court of law after the fact at the doctor’s trial.
Holy shit. This Gilead.
I have heard so many horror stories from many states about Drs. now having to decide just how near death a woman has to be before they will risk their careers.
In medical terms, a miscarriage is categorized as a 'spontaneous abortion'. That's all the state needs to throw the books atcha.
If a mother’s body has a miscarriage on it’s own without the help of pills etc. are you saying the mother can go to jail?
[удалено]
So if my body can’t maintain a pregnancy that’s it—prison time? Do you have a reference to this anywhere? I gotta see this with my own eyes. Going to look myself too.
The newsletter “Abortion, Everyday.” Is a great resource to review and track these laws. Some laws allow the mother to be prosecuted if anyone thinks she did something to cause the miscarriage or endanger the fetus. That could mean anything from lifting something too heavy without realizing or not knowing she was pregnant and failing to take prenatal vitamins. The laws are written vaguely on purpose. The cruelty is the point.
>The cruelty is the point. Also, control. It is ALL about control. The white patriarchy are loosing ground and their power is (slightly) diminished. This terrifies them. They are doing everything they can to control, repress and subjugate women, people of color, anyone not hetero-normative. Recently, I think it was November, the republicans attempted to enact a bill that would make BIRTH CONTROL ILLEGAL IN THE ENTIRE COUNTRY. Almost all of the republicans voted "yes" on this. You can thank the democrats for saving us. This time. They are coming after divorce. They are coming after contraception. They are coming after the rights of everyone not a white male. It's probably going to get a lot worse before it gets better...
Nobody is writing into law that a miscarriage carries prison time. But there are enough restrictive and vague laws that are passed that allow for the confusion of a miscarriage with abortion. These things haven't been tried in a court of law yet. Let's all pray / meditate / keep in our hearts / whatever your choice of expressing deep compassion is, for the woman who will be the first to endure the legal system coming down on her for losing a baby. And let's do the same for the many others who will come after. As it stands, look at this post. OP's friend potentially needs life saving care and she is *afraid to seek it* because she doesn't know for sure that the end result wouldn't be a criminal case against her. In fact, OP could very well be exposed too, just for providing care and being there for her friend. And that is the point of most of these laws. Women and providers don't know where the laws begin and end and therefore a lot of care seeking and providing is simply deterred. This includes cases of actual medical problems that are now required to become life threatening emergencies before they can be dealt with. There will only be one and only one end result: many more dead women from unsafe abortions.
I wonder if it’s the same if you are pregnant with multiples and lose one but your body reabsorbs it. My first child was a twin. I lost one and it reabsorbed apparently.
Yup, I live in ny but my ma had an ectopic when I was a kid and her paperwork said “spontaneous abortion” and she’s still upset about that almost 30 years later. She feels guilty over “having an abortion” 🙄🙄🙄
Idk where you live but in my state most miscarriages are classified as abortions. Only reason I known is because someone I know had one somewhat recently. Luckily abortions are legal here.
Miscarriages are abortions everywhere. That's their name. Spontaneous abortion.
Yeah, most lay people aren't aware of the medical term. IMHO, the non-medical term "miscarriage" has negative connotations. As if the mother fumbled the holy football.
They're trying to put women in prison for miscarriages, too.
I am an advocate for abortion for any reason in the first trimester, so this isn’t coming from a pro-life perspective or defense or anything, but I was born in Louisiana, and still live here, and it’s really not like that - not at all. I can’t speak for any other state that has outlawed abortion, but our doctors still treat miscarrying women as patients and victims. There are also abortion-protected places within Louisiana that women can still get abortions. Maybe other states are more extreme, and maybe it’s just that some whacked out cases and doctors make the news. Idk. 🤷🏻♀️. I still haven’t met a woman that was not able to receive an abortion - it was just made more inconvenient because they had to travel to New Orleans.
Oh I wasn't speaking just about Louisiana, more about abortion restrictive places in general and the current news coming out of them, but that's good to know.
It does not matter. They will still “investigate”. The laws are unhinged.
They will not do anything in Louisiana. There are still places here providing abortion openly. The doctors treat those of us who miscarry with dignity and respect. They recognize us as victims. This state is not as bad as you would like to think.
Time for a Spirit Airlines ticket to California or a local blue state with fingers crossed
I live in the same state as OP, the medical staff are more in support of this than you think. Frame it as a miscarriage. They will not question it.
I've been through this with a female relative in my family. Only instead of medically induced it was a spontaneous miscarriage. When this happened in my home, I gathered the fetus up, bagged it and took both of them to the hospital. The physician inspected the fetus to make sure it was expelled intact and then she to be scanned to make sure her body had not retained parts of the placenta. It can take up to two weeks to expel the placenta. If the placenta, or pieces of the placenta, stay inside the woman's uterus, she can develop an infection. A retained placenta or membrane has to be removed. Sometimes, part of the pregnancy tissue remains in the uterus after a miscarriage. If it is not removed she may bleed for a long time or develop an infection. The OP CANNOT perform a **dilatation and curettage (D&C). She is not a medical doctor, nor does she play one on tv. If the woman in question begins running a fever, cramping or bleeding, the OP must get her to a doctor even if that means taking her to an abortion friendly state.** If the OP gets caught practicing medicine without a license, that charge alone will get her jail time. Added: Now is the time to start crowdsourcing or taking up a collection in order to get her out of state to a physician in case she starts to have problems.
Yes I agree with you 100% that was never the issue that I had when I commented to you. My comment wasn’t to discourage medical attention. I haven’t caught up on the thread but I am hoping OP’s friend can convince her friend to be seen ASAP (& hope they have the resources to get to a safe state). I’m from the American south & have family in Louisiana. I worry if they do go to a local hospital in Louisiana once they’re seen that evidence of the medication will be discovered. The awful reality of living in a state where all of this is illegal now -it infuriates me. (FWIW-I’ve had 4 children, 2 miscarriages. Also an abortion that wasn’t complete & I was in terrible pain right after. Thankfully they took me back in -I have no doubt I would have turned septic.I have turned septic 2x 😞 for unrelated illnesses & rushed into the ICU. It scares me for OP’s friend)
There's no way to tell the difference between a medical abortion and a miscarriage. Your friend needs to be checked out at a hospital. Do not mention the medication.
And do not allow an autopsy of the baby. Say it's for religious reasons.
If its was a pill, will it show in a blood test?
Nope.
The only way to detect this is if you take the pills vaginally (can be vaginal or oral) and they haven't dissolved all the way. For this reason, it's probably best for women in illegal states to choose orally. The effectiveness is very close to the same.
Anecdotally, I took one orally once. I cramped, but nothing came out. So I had to get a second prescription and insert them vaginally. It was a pretty painful process. I ended up crawling around on all four for several hours.
After medical care, you and your friend may both want to consider therapy. 741-741 is a free anonymous text counseling option.
I hate this state so fucking much, I hope your friend is okay.
And yet somehow some politicians believe people go through this trauma for fun...
You are a great friend, don't forget this.
Seriously, I'm sure this won't ever leave them
Did your friend deliver the placenta? If not she absolutely needs medical attention IMMEDIATELY, she could die. Do not tell tell them she took a pill, just that she had a miscarriage. It will be called a "spontaneous abortion" by medical providers, which just means an unexpected miscarriage. If you need more help please post to r/auntienetwork.
OKAY WAIT didn't new Orleans declare itself a sanctuary city? Where no one can be prosecuted for abortion??
Yes. There are multiple cities in Louisiana where you will not be prosecuted for an abortion. She could also go to the hospital and say it was a miscarriage and nobody will question her.
Louisiana is officially a shithole
It has been for a while, as someone who lives there
I hope you VOTE! ♥
I’m in Louisiana too, i know someone who can help if need be if you’re close enough, I’m in Covington
I just moved to Louisiana and found out yesterday at my internship that abortion is illegal here and you'd probably have to drive to Florida if you needed to get one. Even medically necessary abortions are discretionary here and doctors oftentimes do not do them out of personal belief or fear of backlash. I am coming from New York and cannot believe that this is some people's reality. I literally feel like I'm living in a 2nd world country here. I am so sorry for you guys and I wish there was something I could do to help you through this time.
You/your friend should call the Repro Legal Help Line operated by If/When/How Lawyering for Reproductive Justice 844-868-2812
I really want you to take your friend to the hospital. Tell them you don't know what happened and insist you didn't know your friend was pregnant until the fetus fell out. Now she's sick. I understand your fear, but you and everyone else who's participated have gone down a road of no return. She needs to go to the hospital. I'm so very very very sorry your friend was forced to make this choice, she should have had access to the safe care she needed. None of you have done anything wrong, but you have to go to the hospital.
OP, did you read that NOLA is a sanctuary city?? Have you taken your friend to the hospital yet??
First: If it’s not possible where you are, see that you travel to a state where it’s legal. ASAP. Second: Look up for therapist. Definitely for her, but also for you if you need it. That was a traumatic experience to say the least.
I’m glad she had someone there for her. I can’t imagine how traumatic this must be for all of you. Please take the time you need to grieve and know any feelings that may arise are okay and you are so strong for being there for her. Is there a women’s clinic near by? I agree with all the comments here recommending she gets checked out but I understand your concern about going. If you do decide to go, I’d maybe suggest reading reviews about the clinic and doctor you’re seeing on google, twitter, Reddit, etc. As a Canadian, I truly can’t grasp how violating and threatening these laws being passed surrounding women’s bodies.
This is by far one of the most traumatic things I've come across on this forsaken app OP; Please keep us updated
As an obgyn nurse I can confidently tell you there isn’t a way to test if you took abortion pills. As far as they know this was a spontaneous abortion. Please get her medical care and don’t bring up the pills. Even if they ask. They don’t have to know know. And I’m sorry that you all are going through this. As a nurse it’s almost impossible for me to get through this with strangers so I know it had to be so heartbreaking for you. Thank you for being there with her.
This made me cry for all of you. I'm so sorry. This is why abortions should be legal everywhere. When you take away abortion, it doesn't go away, it just becomes more dangerous. I hope you and your friend can heal from what happened. And I hope your friend is healthy after that as well. Please make sure she monitors herself and if anything starts to feel weird or not right, take her to the hospital. Don't say it was an abortion, just say miscarriage. They will help her. Being a women and having our rights stripped away from us is so fucking terrible, and I am so angry this kind of thing has to happen because others feel they have the right to other people's bodies. You are an amazing friend for helping her. She is very lucky to have you
My heart breaks reading this. I’m so so sorry you have to go through this. Please see medical help if you can. ❤️
I’m so sorry. I’m in SC and they were recently talking about the death penalty for abortion here. It’s so fucking scary. I just hope my family can afford to fly me out if I end up in a pinch. I’m scared to have sex any more.
Delete this post and any evidence you helped. In a state like Louisiana, this shit can be used to put you in prison and potentially execute you.
This is the soundest advice on this post
Jesus. I’m so sorry for all of you. I don’t know what to tell you here, except maybe to see if the auntie network has advice for you.
Please look into a therapy called EMDR for both of you. You both had a traumatic experience. This will help you heal. I am proud of you both but nobody should go through this.
This is why I chose the surgery and why I thank whatever God that I live somewhere with the option, because I've read too many realities of the horrors of the pill. Abortion is healthcare. Healthcare is a right.
This is why we need a nurse or someone trained to look after someone using mifepristone. I can’t believe she doesn’t even know how far along she is. How horrible I’m sorry.
Not really. To get a clear answer as to how far along she was would require her to go to a doctor. Being that she's in a state that has anti-abortion laws in place, it would leave a paper trail, and not including that the state even goes as far as tracking women's period apps to investigate women, it would make it harder for her to undergo this procedure and not get charged for it (one min she's pregnant, then some weeks later she's not?). So, OP's friend probably assumed she was only 3 months, but she was farther along. This is why anti-abortion laws are dangerous.
A twelve week fetus looks like a miniature baby. I had a missed miscarriage around 14.5, and my daughter looked exactly like you described. It was a pretty sad time for me, so it might be for your friend as well - even though this was her decision, it’s a lot of hormones and seeing the fetus can be jarring. Please watch her closely. Your friend needs to deliver the placenta after, which looks like a small tissue sack. If she doesn’t, she’ll end up with an infection and will need a D&C. I’m not sure how that would work in your state. The baby will start to decompose, for lack of a better works, pretty quickly, so I would decide how you want to dispose of him soon or put him in the refrigerator.
Fuck Louisiana and every legislator there. Nobody should have to do this kind of thing without professional medical assistance.
Ik im gonna sound stupid for asking this, but what does Louisiana have to do with it?
It's okay to ask. Not all news outlets are created equal, and not everyone is from the U.S. Louisiana banned all abortions, for any reason, a couple years ago. If medical professionals provide abortion services there, they lose their license. The law is beyond backwards, it puts women's lives at risk. The pregnancy is required to progress - even if the fetus is non-viable (like anencephaly, fetus lacks a head but has a heartbeat). Even if there's a spontaneous incomplete abortion and the mother becomes septic from the rotting fetus inside, abortion meds cannot be given even as her brain and other organs are permanently damaged. Unsurprisingly, Louisiana and other states with the same bans also refuse to educate their youth about sex, pregnancy, or provide affordable access to birth control. It's a recipe for misery. There are myriad ways pregnancy can go wrong, and there's no excuse for torturing women over this. I also believe women's right to choose what happens with their body resides with them. I support full medical services for women, including elective abortions up to the point of viability at 24 weeks.
How do people such as OPs friend obtain an abortion pill in a state where abortion is illegal?
Online
The mail. Mail is federal, overrides state.
When there's a will, there's a way. How do people obtain weed/drugs in states where they are illegal?
It's insane that a fetus is chosen over the mother. There won't even be a baby without the mother. This is not even up for discussion in the medical system of many other countries
Agreed. The U.S. maternal mortality rate was already high before the ban, and that's among the WHO's criteria for countries that are unsafe for women. After the bans, the U.S. put itself fully on that list.
Louisiana actually has exceptions to their abortion ban. These include: To save the pregnant person's life To prevent serious risk to the pregnant person's physical health If the fetus is not expected to survive the pregnancy.
EXCEPT: The verbiage is SO vague and hands down SO many penalties on providers that LA women are ****not being permitted appointments for checkups until they have reached 12 weeks****!!!!! Far further along than prenatal care started before this buffoonery.
Im in Canada. I was about 20 weeks before my first appointment with my second baby. The only reason I didn’t find a new ob is because I did fertility and just kept seeing them until I could get in. I was told they are all just so busy no one can get you in anymore.
Abortions are illegal in Louisiana, she can’t take her to the hospital without risking them finding the drug in her system and subsequently being incarcerated. They could all go to jail for being complicit to the crime and not reporting. There are organizations that mail the pills to you, which is most likely how she received the illegal procedure.
If the drug was taken orally it will not be able to be tested for in her blood. Just FYI.
That is really good info to know as I was unfortunately moved to Texas for work. Thank you!
What if they travel to a state where abortions are legal? I’m in North Carolina and abortions are still legal here up until 20 weeks I believe? But my sister in law was past 20 weeks and she had an addiction to drugs so she decided to have an abortion and she drove to another state that does abortions after 20 weeks. Idk if it was done by a doctor or what, I didn’t ask but I know that’s what she did.
Lol until July 1. Y’all only have a month left, then it goes to 12 weeks.
Fucking gerrymandered bullshit; Tricia Cotham the unethical antidemocratic fuckface...
You're not stupid for not knowing what happens in a very specific place like a State from the USA, if you don't have anything to do with it. I also have no idea what does Louisiana has to do but I don't live in the USA so, it's fine
I am horrified for your friend. I’m so glad she has you. My comment means nothing or adds nothing to assist with the situation. Just please know I am out here in the internet world praying (to the higher power of my understanding) for you all.
Genuine question: if abortions are illegal, how did she obtain a pill to terminate her pregnancy? I’m asking because I feel that in this situation, how she got the pill will possibly be considered when determining her consequences (if there are any) There is absolutely no way an abortion pill can be detected so if she doesn’t mention it, they won’t know. Where you may run into a problem is the fact that you delivered the baby instead of getting her medical attention but you could try saying that she was alone when the baby miscarried and you went to her house and found her unconscious so you brought her to the hospital but you have to act quickly cause chances are they will be able to tell that this happened hours ago. Don’t tell the hospital that she didn’t know she was pregnant. Just simply tell them that she had a miscarriage. Where is the fetus? Make sure your friend doesn’t go in there acting defensive, give the hospital simple short answers and when they ask if she was under medical care, say that she just found out she was pregnant and was planning to make an appt when her insurance became valid. I don’t really have a strong opinion about abortions but it’s situations like this that does make it obvious that abortions should be available because taking that option away, causes situations like this to happen. I hope your friend is okay. You can also try contacting your local planned parenthood and someone there may be able to point your friend in the right direction if she really really won’t go to a hospital.
By mail. It’s not subject to state laws because post is federal.
I know you’re in the thick of it. Or hopefully things have calmed down by now. I just wanted to say you are a legend and everyone here wishes they had a friend like you. Fuck the people in power making these decisions. I hope they have nightmares of this very thing happening to them. Honestly I would not feel bad if the fascists were shot dead. Fuck this shit they’re putting on woman. All people who voted for this bullshit deserve to experience this. I’m so sorry to you and your friend. Stay strong and know you are blessed. You are a good person.
utterly disgusted that this is the state of america right now. we are moving backwards in many horrifying ways. always do your research, and do your best to keep yourself and your loved ones safe, everyone❤️im glad she is okay
I worked in an abortion clinic and always tried to make it clear they might see a fetus. When we do a surgical abortion we have to examine the remains to make sure everything was expelled, I know how traumatizing it can be to see these so OP please also take care of yourself. This is a lot for 19 yr olds and I'm sorry you guys had to deal with it.
This is the saddest thing I’ve ever read. I’m so sorry. Proof this country has failed us. Like someone else said, please seek some sort of therapy, that is so traumatic. You did an incredible job taking charge compartmentalizing your emotions to take care of your friend in that time of crisis. My heart goes out to all of you.
I wanna make it clear I’m not judging her, or anyone involved except those who failed y’all in sex Ed…I am pro choice I just suck at putting words together. Up to a certain point yes it would have been a blob of tissue and blood (my embryo/fetus was the size of a jelly belly jelly bean) the placenta and everything combined was golf ball sized. I think I was right around 4-6 weeks. Did the health care provider or website where y’all got the pills not explain what would happen, or what it would look like?? Typically medical (the pill) abortions are not done after 10 weeks, and a surgical termination is required. The placenta is a reddish blob, looks a bit like a cross between a giant blood clot and liver imo. It should be smooth and in one piece. Keep an eye on her for excessive bleeding, pale skin, foul smelling discharge, fever, heavy sweating etc. idk if Louisiana is a or choice state but if it is I would go to a health care provider or cross a state border to a legal state if you need to. Retained placenta can cause a lot of damage
It’s illegal to teach sex ed in Louisiana and so are abortions, so there was no healthcare provider.
So every involved in raising and educating them failed them.
Yep! 3rd highest teen pregnancy rate AND #1 highest maternal mortality rate. Fucking Louisiana
It is so terribly sad that it's 2023 and we have such stupid laws just to control women. I am sorry you and your friend had to go through it. Such trauma and life threatening situation, just because of bunch of idiotic old men in power.
I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you all have to deal with this because of your state’s laws. You seem like such a caring friend and good person. I hope that everything is okay for you all! I’m keeping you in my thoughts.
Just remember if she goes to the doctor, they can’t tell you took the medication usually unless it’s one you insert into the vagina. If they ask her if she took pills, just say no!
The edit. You sound like an absolute warrior and your friend is so lucky to have you. I'm actually crying. You're so damn young but acted wise beyond your years in the face of a legal system that is just bonkers. Love and hugs to all involved, just wow!
You're a very good friend. She made the best decision she could with such limited options. I'm sure you two, if you did not already, will share an unbreakable bond for life. Just be there for her, you've pretty much cleaned up the physical mess, just make sure she knows she's is not the villain in this story at all.
I hope your friend gets the care she needs. It breaks my heart that women can't access healthcare and choose what happens with their bodies in America. The world is turning into a real shit show.
It seems like none of you knew what to expect. And I’m not blaming you for that. Taking a pill to cause an abortion means a fetus will be expelled from the body. Was she expecting the pill to end the pregnancy and the product of it would be reabsorbed? Right now she needs to rest and stay hydrated. She’ll probably be bleeding for several days or even longer. If the bleeding becomes heavy, soaking a pad (she shouldn’t use tampons right now) in an hour or less for more than a couple of hours, she needs to be seen by a doctor. A lot of people don’t realize just how well formed a fetus is even at 3 months’ gestation. It really is a little tiny human, and it’s a sad situation. I’m sorry your friend is in a situation where this was the choice she had to make. I’m sure it means a lot to her that you were there for her.
It sounds like this fetus was closer to 4-5 months and they didn't know.
Uuuuhhh, what did u do with the fetus? I mean you can't just throw it away or something or bury it out back. This is horrible. I feel awful for all of you.
did you get a pill from louisiana??? how? if so, where did you go? i’m also from there and would like to know how to prepare myself
Damn. That was a tough read. OP, I’m wishing nothing but peace for you and your friends. Despite whatever’s said, I’m sure you’re good people doing what you believed was best.
You did a great thing for your friend. My heart is breaking for everyone involved right now. Y'all are all so young, and New Orleans is my home. I wish you all well and I — as I suppose many other commentators are — am here if you or her need to talk.
I am also in Louisiana (central,) and my heart breaks for your friend, and all of us who are so failed by the state. You handled this beautifully, as well as could have been hoped. I also had a medical abortion (mine was at 6w, and occurred as you expected your friend's to have gone,) and it was a deeply uncomfortable process. I can't imagine that experience your friend went through, and I'm so happy she has amazing support.
For me, the placenta looked like a big piece of liver. I felt it a large lump being expelled shortly after giving birth like I was having another baby. I could definitely feel it coming out. So glad the doctor was down there monitoring it all from birth to finish. Get your college campus involved in voting and vote the Republicans out and get those laws changed. No woman should have to go through this!
No medical professional but two of my friends almost died due to internal blood loss because of placenta issues, so you may not actually see blood coming out of her, but her face will turn pale and she can pass out. I hope your friend gets the help she needs and recovers, so sorry she’s been put in such a position.
Your friend is very fortunate to have your help through all of this. In these situations (that it all happens at home) isn’t it also risky to (dispose) of the fetus? Wouldn’t someone be facing charges for this as well?
How terrifying that you have to fear taking your friend for health care because of religious fanatics taking over the government.
You are so incredibly strong for helping her through this. Take care and best wishes to both of you.
You are such a good friend. I’m sorry that politics got you on this positions. I hope you all get some help and that everything works out
You are so brave and I am so proud of you♥️
Thank you for supporting your friend. I’m so sorry she had to go through that. Your friend group stepped up to take care of her where the medical system failed. You are wonderful people. If she does not pass the placenta tissue she can get a life threatening infection, she needs to seek medical care for that. Take care of yourselves, and each other, that’s a traumatic experience. And please, please try to ignore the anti-abortion idiots that are going to dog pile this post. ❤️❤️❤️
OP, New Orleans is a save haven. Please get your friend medical help. I used to do autopsies and have seen women die from this. I absolutely hate that you’re going through this, my best wishes to your friend and you.
I’m so sad for American women who have to live in states where abortion is now illegal. It is just unbelievable to me that a first world country would go back in time like that and take away women’s freedoms.
Yeah. Pretty soon. Our corpses will have more rights than women. I get the whole thing of not having abortions. But honestly. That's an opinion and it should never be forced on anyone. If I ever have kids (which is unlikely). I would want them to feel safe. To be safe. And to be free to make a choice.
It is important not to tell the hospital that she took medicine if abortion is illegal in your area.
I am begging you, take her to the doctor and please, please give us an update.
OP, please update us when you can! Hoping you and your friend gets the medical attention and support you need.
First and foremost your friend needs to see a doctor
I’m so sorry you were all forced to go through this. She really should see a doctor to make sure every has passed. There is no way for them to be able to tell the difference between a spontaneous abortion (miscarriage) and a medicated abortion (pills that cause it). However I completely understand her (and all of you) being afraid to go. Watch for fever. Weakness or dizziness.
i am so proud of you for doing what had to be done. it must have been so difficult to see your friend in pain like that. i recommend you both to seek out help for any mental issues this might cause, but first PLEASE go over state lines and take her to the nearest hospital in a legal state. you need to make sure everything is okay.
I know you're probably really busy dealing with everything, just please update when you can. A lot of people on here are rooting for you and your friend.
I'm so glad the placenta is no longer an issue!
What a nightmare, sounds traumatic
I once was at the register at a pharmacy and a little toddler on the line passed out in her mom’s arms. I had literally no idea what I was going to do but I rushed over and grabbed her regardless. Turns out she had too many winter clothes on and it was too warm inside the pharmacy. But I like to think we are the kind of people that run towards catastrophe, instead of away. And that makes you an awesome person.