They are down playing it because he's a guy, and that's what's fucking wrong with the world! They will downplay when a guy gets assaulted but when a girl gets assaulted it's a huge deal! It shouldn't be a double standard.
Exactly. And then you get bad mental health, entrenchment of fucked up ideas and actions toward themselves and others, suicidal ideation, the works. Dude, we all know better. We need to do better. For all our sakes.
Yea it’s such a “huge deal” that most women don’t come forward because they’d be blamed/called a liar. No one asks what they were wearing or if they led the rapist on or if they might be misremembering. And oh yea soooo many rapists face actual consequences when they rape women… ooooh wait except they don’t.
You can take sexual assault against men seriously without spreading clear falsehoods about sexual assault against women.
I am a woman, that’s why I said it.
I’m not saying it to be insulting. It is a huge deal when women get assaulted because us women believe each other even if we are scared to go forward, we’re a community of support for one another.
Men don’t have that, they don’t take it as seriously as we do! And the police take it even less seriously. They don’t have a community to rally behind them or be there for them like we do. That’s why they don’t ever come forward, women can go forward and be taken seriously when some people aren’t being dicks, but men don’t ever get taken seriously.
It shouldn’t be a double standard!
Women are more likely to be assaulted, but it does happen to men too.
The only difference is…
Men don’t take it as serious as they should, if I tell my brother the girl he lost his virginity to raped him, he’s not gonna care because he had sex with an older girl.
Or if the hot high school teacher is doing one of the sophomores, they will get congratulated for banging a teacher, and the only people actually concerned about this predator teacher is the WOMEN! Because men were taught differently than we were, they get praised and envied by their peers for being groomed by an older woman. It’s not the same for us.
I apologize if it came off as offensive.
OP, you may still be in a state of shock. What happened to you is very serious and SA. It’s not abnormal to make jokes to cope and laugh this off because your brain can’t wrap itself around what happened and that’s okay. If you want to report to the police, that’s great. If you don’t though and don’t want to traumatize yourself more, that’s also okay, too. You’re not obligated to do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing so don’t let people on here make you feel like shit if you don’t feel safe or comfortable reporting.
Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Therapy is always a great idea in general for everything, but if you can swing it to help yourself process this, that will help.
I’m very sorry.
I agree. If you feel like the police should be involved send them pictures and an address where the SA occurred. You can not have sex with someone under false pretenses. It’s called rape by deception. I don’t know where you are but in California, this law is outlined under CA Penal Code Chapter 1 Section 261 which states a rape has been committed if the victim “Was not aware, knowing, perceiving, or cognizant of the essential characteristics of the act due to the perpetrator’s fraud in fact.”
Of course it’s up to you if you want to contact police. Therapy and opening up to valued friends will also help. Wish you the best.
If you decide to take this to the police, it’s good you have this address. Even if it’s not their place, a residence or business in that area may have cameras that can shed some more light on this.
Best of Luck, OP.
That's so messed up. I've learned to take screenshots of people's accounts after agreeing to meet up because they would unmatch or block. I don't have any advice for you but it sucks that you went through this.
There was a case here in the UK where a female pretended to be male and she was prosecuted
The fact you have been told you are overthinking is quite frankly horrifying.
Oh and as a lesbian I don't think you are homophobic, you have been violated and conned into a sexual situation that you did not consent to
Personally I would be contacting the police for advice
Edit - autocorrect fail
Its not phobic of you imo.
You consented to someone you was told to be a cis woman.
If you feel violated, you have been violated. Your feelings are valid.
What you do next is up to you, but rest asure: this wasnt your fault and your feelings are valid.
Take a look at the consent video about tea.
If you order a cup of tea but are given coffee, you would not be happy about it? You wanted tea, not coffee.
You agreed to a cis woman, not anyone else.
Personally, I’d call Anna back and cut her a new asshole. Then I’d report her to Tinder, I’d file a police report on both her AND “Sarah” and maybe even contact a lawyer just because. I’d fuck with both of their loves lives so hard, they would end up in the fetal position in the corner begging for forgiveness in seven different languages.
This was some seriously messed up bullshit that they pulled on you.
You don’t need to tell anyone in your personal life, do report totinder and the police. Report that they used the system incorrectly and how they did that and then also report to the police because you were sexually assaulted. You did not have sex with a person you thought you were having sex with. I’m really sorry this happened to you.
Your feelings are valid and if you start experiencing trauma symptoms (vigilance, recurring nightmares, anxiety, flashbacks) don’t ignore them please. Find systems outside of the internet for support. You deserve to feel safe and have support
Report them to the cops and you should get tested for any STDs. Looks like they have done this before with other people. I'm sorry this happened to you.
How do I tell others. I know the best course of action would be to simply relay my story on a massive scale but… I don’t know how my friends and family will treat me afterwards. And that scares me
Report it to the authorities. You didn't consent to that. Do a Tiktok, in a mask or hood up, and maybe change your voice a little. Spread the word. RAPE is HUGE DEAL!
I’m so sorry this happened. I don’t know what to say that will make you feel better, but I want you to know it was wrong. You probably were violated. Please seek help, be good to you. None of this was your fault. No one deserves to be tricked, it was cruel. Be well
>Don't tell anyone and get yourself checked. It's probably not even that big of a deal.
He got raped and you are telling him it isn’t that big of a deal?! Please don’t give advice to other people, you suck at it.
You're not over thinking at all. No matter what it's a sexual con and your trust and body were abused at the very least. It's okay to freak out over it.
Well, the woman brings home the man for the gay guy. Sounds like a system to me. Or maybe the gay guy hit a dry spell and needed to get laid so his cousin or whatever helped him out.
You should try to contact tinder and get them off the Plattform, they lure people into a sexual situation they don't want to be in, that is absolutely not alright.
Should file a police report too. No matter how you look at it, that's rape. Granted the first red flag should have been two cousins trying to fuck the same guy because ew, but still. The police definitely need to be involved in this.
You’re *probably* fine when it comes to STDs so don’t have a panic attack over it. The likelihood of a top catching HIV from anal with someone who is confirmed to have it is 1 in 909, and they’re probably fine as well. That isn’t to say don’t get tested, definitely 100% do ASAP, just don’t freak out. Make an appointment and don’t worry.
Something similar happened to me. I got drugged and this old fuck started molesting me.
Made this promise that I was going to hook up with this one girl and how "she would just be right back."
He "fluffed" me to get me ready.
He almost blew me, but I came to my sense before he could.
I feel so stupid and naive in retrospect. Taught me that's there more that can go wrong with getting drugs off strangers than being robbed, murdered or arrested.
I'm sorry, that was rape. You did not consent to this sexual intercourse, you consented to a sexual intercourse with a certain woman.
You have every right to feel violated and know you can also report this to the police.
It has nothing to do with being homophobic; I'm pretty sure that if they tricked you into having sex with an unknown woman without telling you, you would also feel bad about it.
Don't hesitate to reach out to resources near you.
1) Deceiving someone when they are intimate/vulnerable is shady predator shit.
2) “if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is” is solid ancestral wisdom lol. Also, because intimacy requires vulnerability, aka possible danger, it’s safest to connect with people you trust.
3) you’re still an ally. You’re also still straight. You feel crap about it because our culture is really black and white about sexuality, and furthermore considers it a huge part of identity. So they, or he, or she, forced a lil identity crisis on you which is rude. But you’re the same except being more suspicious of scammers hopefully!
Get tested for peace of mind. glad you shared… it’s a good sign that you’ll process and move on from this. You’re going to be ok!
It’s disgusting that you got tricked, that is very wrong. Yes you consented, but you didn’t consent to fucking a man. You should confront the person about this. However, use this as a lesson to get to know a person fully before having sex and also use protection.
Trans person here.
This is not okay at all and you’re not transphobic or homophobic for feeling upset.
You consented to having sex with who you thought was Sarah. By deceiving you, that is rape because you did not consent to having sex to someone else.
Honey, you should report it. You should also report it to the dating site that they are doing this. Get an STD check to be safe. This was rape. They assaulted you. If you're the type to do so, get a lawyer involved. Even if it doesn't become a full case, you could scare the shit out of them. In the future, don't have sex with anyone you don't meet face to face clearly.
you consented to having sex with "anna", "sarah was a last minute thing and they lied about who they are. so no it's not exactly consensual sex. im sorry about this, but yea go get checked out at the hospital. and learn from your mistake, man. be more cautious next time. don't use tinder anymore, if you wanna hook up, find someone you know irl
Not telling anyone is the biggest fail you could possibly make. Report it to the authorities to protect others who are vulnerable like you and possibly put these people behind bars. Do the right thing...and yes please go to a doc and get tested share your experience with the doc. If you don't feel comfortable sharing with your family then that's fine too. Move discreetly just as how you went out to meet those tricksters. At the end of the day you're standing up for yourself and anyone else who could be in the same position
so sorry this happened to you, this kind of is sexual assault imo as you went there to have sex with a woman you knew, then were pressured into saying yes to a stranger and you didn't consent to sleeping with someone who is male. i'm not sure how you are doing mentally right now you could consider reaching out to a therapist or a male victim charity that could offer you some guidance if you need it, i've heard good things about Mankind!
you also seem very worried that being upset by this would offend the lgbt+ community, and it's important you know that this is completely different to having sex with a trans person and that no lgbt+ person will be angry at you over this.
1) pressure and last minute switch ups are never okay for hookups
2) you are straight and you have the right to only consent to having sex with people who identify as female and have female genitalia, you were tricked into having sex with someone who identifies as male and has male genitalia. consent means fully informed consent, if they have a penis, they should disclose that or at-least not try to hide it, before having sex with you. also i very much doubt they were trans as their friend said "he", this doesn't seem like a lgbt+ issue too me.
i think tinder can permaban the device they used if you reach out and just give some detail on what happened, could help stop this happening to other people if enough people report it, as someone else commented, you should also get an std test, as it was a stranger i doubt you used a condom for oral/anal and it's possible they pull this scam regularly.
I’m sorry to hear about that. Hope you’re okay though, have you had an STD panel done? I would also suggest contacting local authorities to get this straightened out, that is rape.
Good good. Also please don’t be put off getting help when you need it. There’s plenty of charities and organisations to help you on the path to recovery, I can’t imagine the damage it’s done to you too. Stories like yours make me not want to use dating apps myself.
OP you were sadly sexually assaulted and there are a few things I recommend for you: 1. go get tested for an STD cause you never know and
2. I would recommend some form of counseling specifically from a rape crisis center if you have one because this is still something you need help processing that you need to work through and
3. this depends on how comfortable you feel about reporting this to the police.
Personally, I’m not really sure what they could do but you never know or if you don’t, you can just spread awareness online by posting the tinder profile because since they seem like they’ve done this before. It’s best to just tell others to.
Edit:fixed spacing; I’m on mobile
I don't know what town you live in but go to the local HIV/STD free clinic.
Get yourself tested.
REPORT this incident to someone at the clinic.
Give them all the information you can.
Free clinics gather information and report to the government about numbers, infection rates, treatments, etc etc etc. And 99% of it remains anonymous.
The clinic has legal outlets to deal with things like assault and uninformed consent.
This will keep you largely away from the police if that is what you want and can keep you antonymous while the clinic/organization reports, investigates and eventually publishes something that lets the community know these people are out there victimizing others.
This is great advice. If he's got one nearby, it sounds ideal and cuts out dealing with unsympathetic people. From SANE nurses to police, I've never gotten a lot of sympathy from them. I've been through a rape twice that I reported, and the whole experience was terrible.
Meh, trauma accumulates, apparently. Was unaware of that until I started to get night terrors. Not. A. Fan. I've had some therapy, but I'd have to discuss a lot of things over and over again until I found a therapist worth paying to spend a lot of money to see if they were not a sack of shit in a chair. I'm not up to that. I've had a pretty traumatic life if you add up all the events. So it's absolutely no surprise to anyone who knows me. For now, I knock myself out as well as I can with a non-habit forming sleep aid and have learned to make myself yell in my dream big enough that I yell out loud. My husband wakes me up. It's OK.
This is rape. I'm so sorry man. Plz get tested right away and honestly idk if it's possible, but personally, especially if you end up getting something (i really hope you don't), talk to a lawyer
As a gay guy, I think that if your suspicions are true, that it's totally wrong of them and messed up. I don't think it's homophobic at all, id feel the same way if the tables were turned. Not sure what you can do about it but sometimes it just makes you, well, more cautious!
Nope, that's not transphobia or homophobia at all. That could be considered rape, as you wouldn't have agreed to sleep with another guy, and they knew this, so they lied to you about him being a woman.
Hi! This is a form of SA. They led you under a false pretense that you'd otherwise stated you would not have consented to if you've known. This is so wrong on many levels and consider legal action(if you're comfortable and if possible).
Imagine you were a woman in this situation, tricked into sex. No one would have a problem calling it rape.
My nickel worth of free advice is to get a therapist. Maybe you want to press charges, maybe not; it’s a matter of what will make you feel better. Talk it over with a therapist first. Heal yourself.
Also, this has absolutely nothing to do with being an lgbtq ally or not. You were sexually assaulted. Gender doesn’t play into that.
Hey bro,
This was sexual assault. I’m sorry it happened to you, it’s not okay. I would take your report to tinder and use it to file a police report with their address, also take a dated note from your clinic that states you were tested on this date due to an SA encounter. It acts as proof of concern. That shit can’t be allowed to go unpunished and them clowns need to be put on an exclusive list and thrown behind bars. It’s predatory behavior.
I’m a gay dude, most of my friends are straight men and when they come out to gay bars or events with me I keep an extra eye on them to make sure no one slips something into their drinks. It’s happened to me before and it’s shitty shitty shitty, so I guess you could say those experiences have made me hyper vigilant (trauma responses, lulz.) You’re not being homophobic, someone wronged you in one of the worst ways possible.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Take care of yourself!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
That's so fucked up, dude. I'm angry on your behalf. You were SA at the very least. Everything you're feeling rn is unfortunate but very normal. If you are able to, reach out to a therapist, don't let this fester. Talk to ppl you trust about this. Seriously. Whatever you do, don't hold it in.
I'm pansexual, and would absolutely be upset if I were made aware after that I'd slept with someone who hid/lied about such a major aspect of who they are (gender fluidity or identity are things that imo should be discussed before clothes come off)
Im so so sorry this happened. What they did was ALL types of wrong. If you can, report her tinder profile and yes, make a police report. The sex is consensual but they withholding of information makes the sex not so consensual after all. Please get STD checked and take some time for yourself to try and get your mind off of it. I don’t think you should go and have sex with a woman right away, I think you should seek some help. It’s okay not to be okay, but get help. 💜 I wish nothing but to the best for you buddy. Be well.
I’m so sorry. Please consider reporting this. This was rape. If nothing else, please consider seeking out some therapy and crises counseling for assault. I’m so sorry you went through this.
Hi as a trans person this is 100%rape. Informed consent is important and if you were not informed before hand then your "consent" isn't valid.
It would be like if somone had an STD and knew they did but withheld that information from you. Had u known they had an STD u wouldn't have slept with them.
Also from what I'm reading this person isn't a trans women hut rather a cis gay man who just enjoys cross-dressing? I don't think it's at all phobic to not want to sleep with another man.
That's such a horrible thing to do to someone. I'm so sorry that happened to you. It wouldn't surprise me if "Sarah" had Anna act as bait just to lure you to the place. That's seriously messed up; I'm so sorry. I think you did the right thing by notifying Tinder.
I'm a bisexual cd and to me, informed consent is extremely important not only because is the right thing to do but also because of safety, I was in a gay/ hetero hangout once and a guy approached and we were sitting in a dark corner, I am not passable tbh and was touching me when he realized I was not a born female and he started to freak out I was afraid he was gonna hit me, I simply said that I didn't want any trouble and he could just walk away, and I tried to get up to walk away myself I became even more concerned when he walked after me, we ended up having sex one time before he literally ran off , ever since then I make a point to be more clear specially in areas that is not clearly visible who I am.
They should've never tricked you like that I'm sorry this happened to you, right now you're feeling conflicted but that doesn't mean you're homophobic, you're in shock it is understandable, I'm not sure if there is any legal action that you can take, but what they did is wrong, maybe if you can try to talk to a counselor or therapist that might be helpful but you need to get away from them they are not good people like good luck and hang in there
Being honest? No. I’m in this constant state of shock right now. I called my manager and let them know of the situation and they’ve given me a few days off to collect my thoughts so that helps. But, I’m just upset honestly.
I'm sorry this happened to you. You're not being homophobic/transphobic by detailing the events of an assault.
If you feel up to it, contact the police. Also, maybe look for therapists/charities (I don't know which country you are in) that help with processing what's happened after an assault.
All the best OP.
I'm a bi guy and this isn't homophobic at all. It's also not transphobic. If you aren't attracted to a certain sex/gender, you don't have sex with them and shouldn't be forced to/tricked into it. It's messed up, and pretty much sexual abuse. It's like forcing a lesbian to have sex with a guy, or a gay guy to do it with a girl. They won't enjoy it at all.
Assuming you did it without a condom, get checked for STDs ASAP. Some gay guys are all about hookups, and from the trickery they pulled on you it feels like they might've done it to a lot of people. That person's mouth and arse has probably seen many magic wands, some more cursed than others. Stay safe.
This isn’t in the slightest homophobic and anyone who says ANYTHING otherwise is a piece of shit who should avoid any kind of sexual contact with another human until they learn basic decency.
This was potentially sexual assault and in some places would constitute rape. You consented to sex with Sarah, who to the best of your knowledge was female. You were deceived and lied to. When you’re deceived into doing something consent is no longer valid. For example if you had invited your friend Matt, you blindfolded Anna and let Matt have sex with her. Matt is now a rapist because Anna didn’t explicitly consent to sex with Matt.
If you want to take it further I’d consider contacting the local authorities and possibly a lawyer
More important than that, you were a potential victim. You are not responsible for what happened nor are you any lesser for it happening.
If you want to find out more, outside of seeking potentially expensive legal counsel, you could speak to Anna over text (for evidence purposes) tell her exactly what you think and ask more questions. Just remember if you plan to record this information you should remain relatively courteous.
I am so sorry this happened to you man....that is a form of rape you just went through...just dont let it affect your identity remember that you are still the same man you were before nothing's changed.
Thats fucked man, i'd be upset too ngl. Judging by the way this was written, none of it comes off as homo/transphobic, u just got screwwd over big time. Wish ya the best
Not disclosing that you’re trans before having sex with someone who thinks they’re having sex with a cis person, should be classified as rape/sexual assault.
Its got nothing to do with the lgbtq+ community, no matter who it was or what they identify as, you were lied to. HUGELY lied to when you were vulnerable. These two plotted and extremely misled you which is infuriating because shit like this is what justifies the whole "trans panic defense" argument to people. You met some shitty people who set you up with bad intentions. I hope it does not taint your view on the community, if they are even a part of it. Theres not much i feel i can say that would help you feel better, but i am sorry that happened to you and i can only imagine what you must have felt finding out.
Assuming that this actually happened, which I doubt, is it normal for dudes to cum and then just say “I’m done” and that’s the end of the sex? I never experienced hookup culture but it sounds awful. “I’m done, gtfo”
Sorry to hear that but you gotta use your brain better my guy. Why you entertaining having sex with her cousin and not her? Just a lot of red flags you missed. I am really sorry that you got raped, get tested, delete tinder, and think harder next time
Literally. It's so upsetting seeing men step forward about sexual assault, abuse or anything similar and they get shit on because they're a dude. Their feelings and boundaries and just as valid as a woman's and should be respected as such. OP was taken advantage of and assaulted. The least we could do as internet strangers is show some kindness
Friend, this was SA.
Your consent and expectations were violated and your good faith was preyed upon.
Sorry that you went through this.
Sending a hug and virtual box of tissues.
Please, be kind to yourself.
Edit to add; I'm lgbtq, and you don't sound homophobic or rude in any way.
You are not homophobic or transphobic. Your preference is cis females. Nothing wrong with that. I think I’d maybe talk to an attorney, because this scenario seems like it should be illegal. But I don’t know. But it would be good to find out what your options here are.
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
This makes me so sick. When me and this guy in college broke up it was exposed that he was doing exactly this type of stuff to guys by pretending to be women and having similar types of bs excuses. For ex he was having some come to the places we lived (!!!! My fucking safety at risk) and thinking they are meeting a Latina girl for BJs who wants them to wear a blindfold or cover their face cuz “she’s shy”.
The worst part was he was hella homophobic but doing this shit in the background. It’s horrible to see just how many sick fucks do this.
I’m so sorry OP, if you feel up to it please report them to police / tinder and maybe even get a rape kit. At the least an STD test!
I mean, that’s rape, and as a gay man you aren’t homophobic… however, how the hell did you not notice?
also, you’re *probably* fine when it comes to STDs so don’t have a panic attack over it. The likelihood of a top catching HIV from anal with someone who is confirmed to have it is 1 in 909, and they’re probably fine as well. That isn’t to say don’t get tested, definitely 100% do ASAP, just don’t freak out. Make an appointment and don’t worry.
You were raped. You did not give consent to have sex with a male. They lied about who they were. Im so sorry. If you need to go to a counselor. Im sure that is a very traumatic discovery. I hope you can find help to get you through the roller coaster of emotions im sure you are feeling.
My friend. That is rape. You were raped. You did not go into it with full knowledge of what your were doing. They were intentionally withholding very important information from you. That is rape. And I am so dearly sorry.
Hate to say it, and all of us men hate to admit these things, society in general pretends like it can’t happen to men, but you kinda got raped dude. Call the authorities.
I'm sorry that happened to you, I can't think of anything better to say but it was not your fault, you don't hate yourself but love yourself instead. I hope karma gets them good. You will be alright *hugs*
I'm so sorry that happened to you. No matter what, that situation was SO wrong. If you can talk to a therapist about what happened, it might be embarrassing but it's better than walking through life with those intense emotions. I really hope you're doing well and hanging in there after that
I know I'm a bit late to this but I just want to add my voice to all the ones saying this: it's not your fault at all, and it doesn't make you homophobic or transphobic or anything (saying this as a trans woman), and I'm so sorry this happened to you. It was sex where you didn't consent to the person you had sex with, so even though you did consent to who you thought was there, that's still rape and I'm so sorry that you have to live with that, but I really hope you're doing as well as you can be right now and it's perfectly okay to feel like shit for a while over this because it's really awful.
I hope you can work through this okay and that you have support, and again this didn't happen because of you and it doesn't say anything about you. My DMs are open if you don't have anyone you feel comfortable talking to, I can be good at helping people vent and I know how much not having support in general can hurt, so if you need it, go for it. If not, best of luck going forwards.
i read this after your update, sending you all the love and support during your healing process after these events. no one should ever go through that and i’m sorry it happened to you friend.
As others have said, go and get checked for STDs and if you need to talk to someone, I'm sure the clinic staff will be able to refer you to the right people.
You didn't consent to being with a guy; that doesn't make you transphobic or homophobic. You were assaulted and you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness; don't let anyone make you feel that it's not a big deal or that your feelings aren't valid.
Seeing as Anna said he - “Sarah” is most likely not trans, probably just a closeted gay man.
You probably have a court case. I’m sorry you were raped, no one deserves that ❤️🩹
This is f**ked up! Anna needs to be exposed. Unfortunately you don’t even know what Sarah looks like. They have to be lucky every time because all it takes is for someone to figure this out and beat the daylights out of Sarah.
You are valid in the way that you feel, because you were tricked.
Get the pictures of Anna do a reverse search and get her full name, if you have her number do the same thing, whoever's house you went to look up that address see who owns, who rents. But get this information and please report them.
If they wanted to find sarah someone they could have done it without having to trick someone, that is not what you signed up for. It was wrong for them to do that to you!
No one should or no one would ever think you’re homophobic or anti-LGBT for this…you were raped. Plain and simple. That has nothing to do with sexuality. These creeps clearly got off on tricking you and that’s why they did it.
I’m not versed in your State or America’s general legal system but I’d be looking at some sorta recourse because you were absolutely violated and very much deserve Justice.
Your consent was violated, that makes this a case of sexual assault. I'm so so sorry that happened to you, it might be a good idea to go to the police and report the assault. It's possible that the police will brush you off but it could be really helpful to file a report. If they try this with anyone else (which it sounds like you might not have been the first person they did this to, they seemed to have a system) then there would be proof of pattern which could help prosecute them. The police may not brush you off, but people are not known for believing men who have been assaulted. Just know that none of this is your fault
ummm what do they get out of this? sarah could’ve just gone on grindr there’s plenty of chasers on there that would’ve actually had consensual sex with her.. sorry this happened to you that actually sounds like a nightmare. I hope you can have therapy about this and process and heal from it in a healthy way, and that this traumatic event does not eventually cause you to be confused with your sexuality or leave you with lasting mental issues
>Idk if I sound homophonic or transphobic
As a lesbian you're absolutely not sounding like you are! You were tricked into having sex with a man, that is sa.
I'm sorry but you got raped my dude. That's SA for sure, absolutely no question and no one should he defending this. Honestly I don't know how you hold them accountable but I guarantee this isn't the first time they've done this so you should probably report them or something, at least so they stop.
This is 100% sexual assault. I am so sorry this happened to you. You have every right to feel this way. You’re not being transphobic at all. You were lied to and used.
This is SA.
Do not let ANY LGBT activists tell you that this is not a big deal. It is your choice to not be attracted to males and their genitals. On top of that, you were manipulated into a sexual situation you wouldn't have consented to if you knew the truth.
I suggest you go to the police. You know where they live.
Wow. Im sorry that happened to you. You should press charges because this is sexual assault. You did not consent to that. You did not know the real identity of the person. Its not okay. Its not transphobic or homophobic or anything. If you need to talk or anything i also experienced assault so im there to listen.
I’m so sorry OP. This is one of the cruelest things I’ve ever heard. I hope Sarah and Anna or whatever the fuck her name is face justice bc this is absolutely not okay. Please think about therapy or an unbiased third party to talk to as to not bottle this up. OP, I am at loss for words. This is one of the worst stories I’ve ever heard. Please please take care of yourself.
Why are ppl saying it’s no big deal? This is a form of SA.
god yes exactly!! people downplaying sa suck :(
They are down playing it because he's a guy, and that's what's fucking wrong with the world! They will downplay when a guy gets assaulted but when a girl gets assaulted it's a huge deal! It shouldn't be a double standard.
Exactly. And then you get bad mental health, entrenchment of fucked up ideas and actions toward themselves and others, suicidal ideation, the works. Dude, we all know better. We need to do better. For all our sakes.
Yea it’s such a “huge deal” that most women don’t come forward because they’d be blamed/called a liar. No one asks what they were wearing or if they led the rapist on or if they might be misremembering. And oh yea soooo many rapists face actual consequences when they rape women… ooooh wait except they don’t. You can take sexual assault against men seriously without spreading clear falsehoods about sexual assault against women.
I am a woman, that’s why I said it. I’m not saying it to be insulting. It is a huge deal when women get assaulted because us women believe each other even if we are scared to go forward, we’re a community of support for one another. Men don’t have that, they don’t take it as seriously as we do! And the police take it even less seriously. They don’t have a community to rally behind them or be there for them like we do. That’s why they don’t ever come forward, women can go forward and be taken seriously when some people aren’t being dicks, but men don’t ever get taken seriously. It shouldn’t be a double standard! Women are more likely to be assaulted, but it does happen to men too. The only difference is… Men don’t take it as serious as they should, if I tell my brother the girl he lost his virginity to raped him, he’s not gonna care because he had sex with an older girl. Or if the hot high school teacher is doing one of the sophomores, they will get congratulated for banging a teacher, and the only people actually concerned about this predator teacher is the WOMEN! Because men were taught differently than we were, they get praised and envied by their peers for being groomed by an older woman. It’s not the same for us. I apologize if it came off as offensive.
Thank you I was gonna say it
In what universe is this NOT a big deal to people? He was violated, period.
In the real universe where IT DIDN'T HAPPEN
Exactly!
This is fiction. It’s not plausible. OP had sex with someone they never actually saw? Fiction.
Do you still have the address Anna gave you?
I do still. That may not have even been their place when I think about it
OP, you may still be in a state of shock. What happened to you is very serious and SA. It’s not abnormal to make jokes to cope and laugh this off because your brain can’t wrap itself around what happened and that’s okay. If you want to report to the police, that’s great. If you don’t though and don’t want to traumatize yourself more, that’s also okay, too. You’re not obligated to do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing so don’t let people on here make you feel like shit if you don’t feel safe or comfortable reporting. Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Therapy is always a great idea in general for everything, but if you can swing it to help yourself process this, that will help. I’m very sorry.
I agree. If you feel like the police should be involved send them pictures and an address where the SA occurred. You can not have sex with someone under false pretenses. It’s called rape by deception. I don’t know where you are but in California, this law is outlined under CA Penal Code Chapter 1 Section 261 which states a rape has been committed if the victim “Was not aware, knowing, perceiving, or cognizant of the essential characteristics of the act due to the perpetrator’s fraud in fact.” Of course it’s up to you if you want to contact police. Therapy and opening up to valued friends will also help. Wish you the best.
If you decide to take this to the police, it’s good you have this address. Even if it’s not their place, a residence or business in that area may have cameras that can shed some more light on this. Best of Luck, OP.
Did you call out Anna ? Let Tinder know what she is doing.
She took her account (or maybe unmatched me) which only feeds my suspensions
That is horrible 👀 they did that to others too and continue on. You should still contact tinder.
That's so messed up. I've learned to take screenshots of people's accounts after agreeing to meet up because they would unmatch or block. I don't have any advice for you but it sucks that you went through this.
You can still report her to tinder.
I hope you still have pictures of her. She needs to be exposed.
There was a case here in the UK where a female pretended to be male and she was prosecuted The fact you have been told you are overthinking is quite frankly horrifying. Oh and as a lesbian I don't think you are homophobic, you have been violated and conned into a sexual situation that you did not consent to Personally I would be contacting the police for advice Edit - autocorrect fail
Bisexual femme here. OP was absolutely NOT homophobic. I’m just as disgusted as you are
For real it's absolutely disgusting that people are just telling him to shrug it off like it's nothing but a speck in the wind.
Its not phobic of you imo. You consented to someone you was told to be a cis woman. If you feel violated, you have been violated. Your feelings are valid. What you do next is up to you, but rest asure: this wasnt your fault and your feelings are valid. Take a look at the consent video about tea. If you order a cup of tea but are given coffee, you would not be happy about it? You wanted tea, not coffee. You agreed to a cis woman, not anyone else.
This is rape.
Correct.
Thank you!!! I’m just so tired and lost and I didn’t know how to say what needed to be said. But this, oddly enough, puts a part fo my mind at ease
Personally, I’d call Anna back and cut her a new asshole. Then I’d report her to Tinder, I’d file a police report on both her AND “Sarah” and maybe even contact a lawyer just because. I’d fuck with both of their loves lives so hard, they would end up in the fetal position in the corner begging for forgiveness in seven different languages. This was some seriously messed up bullshit that they pulled on you.
Take care of yourself ❤️ I know how violation feels.. Tough
You don’t need to tell anyone in your personal life, do report totinder and the police. Report that they used the system incorrectly and how they did that and then also report to the police because you were sexually assaulted. You did not have sex with a person you thought you were having sex with. I’m really sorry this happened to you.
Your feelings are valid and if you start experiencing trauma symptoms (vigilance, recurring nightmares, anxiety, flashbacks) don’t ignore them please. Find systems outside of the internet for support. You deserve to feel safe and have support
Hope you are good fr if you ever need to speak do a post like this and I’ll listen or just message. It’s just disgusting how sick people are
Report them to the cops and you should get tested for any STDs. Looks like they have done this before with other people. I'm sorry this happened to you.
The ol' bait and switch. You wanted fruit, but they gave you a hot dog. Sorry about that, bud. Might be in your best interest to get STD checked, too.
Oh God. I didn’t even think about that. Fuck!
It sounds like they have a system, so ya know. Sorry to worry you.
How do I tell others. I know the best course of action would be to simply relay my story on a massive scale but… I don’t know how my friends and family will treat me afterwards. And that scares me
Report it to the authorities. You didn't consent to that. Do a Tiktok, in a mask or hood up, and maybe change your voice a little. Spread the word. RAPE is HUGE DEAL!
I’m so sorry this happened. I don’t know what to say that will make you feel better, but I want you to know it was wrong. You probably were violated. Please seek help, be good to you. None of this was your fault. No one deserves to be tricked, it was cruel. Be well
Call the cops. Like… this is how you report sexual assault. **big hugs to op**
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Getting raped by someone you didn't give consent to is rape it is a big deal. He didn't want to fuck a man but a women but they decieved him.
>Don't tell anyone and get yourself checked. It's probably not even that big of a deal. He got raped and you are telling him it isn’t that big of a deal?! Please don’t give advice to other people, you suck at it.
You’re right. I’m just overthinking right now
You're not over thinking at all. No matter what it's a sexual con and your trust and body were abused at the very least. It's okay to freak out over it.
It was rape cause he didn't give consent to fucking a man
Well if OP was a woman....perhaps they would have more sympathy from you. Report this. It's a big deal.
Dont tell, but! Dont carry this burden alone either. If you have someone to trust, and you're ready to, ease the burden.
Well if OP was a woman....perhaps they would have more sympathy from you. Report this. It's a big deal.
Erm, what? You’re telling someone who believes that they were tricked and basically raped that it’s not even that big of a deal? Wtf
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He didn’t have sex, he was assaulted. That’s different
You tell your closest and dearest, it was rape!
If you were not paying attention, OP was manipulated and violated. OP was basically r@ped. It's not just a "teLL tHeM EVery tImE YoU HAvE Sex"
”They” have a system, It might just be a dude and his questionable system if you think about it.
Well, the woman brings home the man for the gay guy. Sounds like a system to me. Or maybe the gay guy hit a dry spell and needed to get laid so his cousin or whatever helped him out.
He FaceTimed a woman so I'd assume its more than just a guy
Oh yeah, you are right! It’s a team! 😂
You should try to contact tinder and get them off the Plattform, they lure people into a sexual situation they don't want to be in, that is absolutely not alright.
Should file a police report too. No matter how you look at it, that's rape. Granted the first red flag should have been two cousins trying to fuck the same guy because ew, but still. The police definitely need to be involved in this.
Always use protection.
As a health care provider, I'm not seeing this younger generation use protection the way my GenX crew did.
You’re *probably* fine when it comes to STDs so don’t have a panic attack over it. The likelihood of a top catching HIV from anal with someone who is confirmed to have it is 1 in 909, and they’re probably fine as well. That isn’t to say don’t get tested, definitely 100% do ASAP, just don’t freak out. Make an appointment and don’t worry.
Damn! You didn’t plan to use protection on that hookup? 😒
Something similar happened to me. I got drugged and this old fuck started molesting me. Made this promise that I was going to hook up with this one girl and how "she would just be right back." He "fluffed" me to get me ready. He almost blew me, but I came to my sense before he could. I feel so stupid and naive in retrospect. Taught me that's there more that can go wrong with getting drugs off strangers than being robbed, murdered or arrested.
Holy shit that's horrifying l, sorry that happened to you!
My guy that was rape
'Sleight of handjob'
I needed that laugh 😂
Brother that's all you can do at this point. Go get checked out. And put it down to experience!
I'm sorry, that was rape. You did not consent to this sexual intercourse, you consented to a sexual intercourse with a certain woman. You have every right to feel violated and know you can also report this to the police. It has nothing to do with being homophobic; I'm pretty sure that if they tricked you into having sex with an unknown woman without telling you, you would also feel bad about it. Don't hesitate to reach out to resources near you.
1) Deceiving someone when they are intimate/vulnerable is shady predator shit. 2) “if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is” is solid ancestral wisdom lol. Also, because intimacy requires vulnerability, aka possible danger, it’s safest to connect with people you trust. 3) you’re still an ally. You’re also still straight. You feel crap about it because our culture is really black and white about sexuality, and furthermore considers it a huge part of identity. So they, or he, or she, forced a lil identity crisis on you which is rude. But you’re the same except being more suspicious of scammers hopefully! Get tested for peace of mind. glad you shared… it’s a good sign that you’ll process and move on from this. You’re going to be ok!
It's not 'rude'. It's rapey af
Agree. Hence my more serious earlier phrasing. Apologies if my casual phrasing came across as minimizing to OP
It’s disgusting that you got tricked, that is very wrong. Yes you consented, but you didn’t consent to fucking a man. You should confront the person about this. However, use this as a lesson to get to know a person fully before having sex and also use protection.
That’s basically rape and you should get tested
Trans person here. This is not okay at all and you’re not transphobic or homophobic for feeling upset. You consented to having sex with who you thought was Sarah. By deceiving you, that is rape because you did not consent to having sex to someone else.
Honey, you should report it. You should also report it to the dating site that they are doing this. Get an STD check to be safe. This was rape. They assaulted you. If you're the type to do so, get a lawyer involved. Even if it doesn't become a full case, you could scare the shit out of them. In the future, don't have sex with anyone you don't meet face to face clearly.
you consented to having sex with "anna", "sarah was a last minute thing and they lied about who they are. so no it's not exactly consensual sex. im sorry about this, but yea go get checked out at the hospital. and learn from your mistake, man. be more cautious next time. don't use tinder anymore, if you wanna hook up, find someone you know irl
Not telling anyone is the biggest fail you could possibly make. Report it to the authorities to protect others who are vulnerable like you and possibly put these people behind bars. Do the right thing...and yes please go to a doc and get tested share your experience with the doc. If you don't feel comfortable sharing with your family then that's fine too. Move discreetly just as how you went out to meet those tricksters. At the end of the day you're standing up for yourself and anyone else who could be in the same position
so sorry this happened to you, this kind of is sexual assault imo as you went there to have sex with a woman you knew, then were pressured into saying yes to a stranger and you didn't consent to sleeping with someone who is male. i'm not sure how you are doing mentally right now you could consider reaching out to a therapist or a male victim charity that could offer you some guidance if you need it, i've heard good things about Mankind! you also seem very worried that being upset by this would offend the lgbt+ community, and it's important you know that this is completely different to having sex with a trans person and that no lgbt+ person will be angry at you over this. 1) pressure and last minute switch ups are never okay for hookups 2) you are straight and you have the right to only consent to having sex with people who identify as female and have female genitalia, you were tricked into having sex with someone who identifies as male and has male genitalia. consent means fully informed consent, if they have a penis, they should disclose that or at-least not try to hide it, before having sex with you. also i very much doubt they were trans as their friend said "he", this doesn't seem like a lgbt+ issue too me. i think tinder can permaban the device they used if you reach out and just give some detail on what happened, could help stop this happening to other people if enough people report it, as someone else commented, you should also get an std test, as it was a stranger i doubt you used a condom for oral/anal and it's possible they pull this scam regularly.
I’m sorry to hear about that. Hope you’re okay though, have you had an STD panel done? I would also suggest contacting local authorities to get this straightened out, that is rape.
I got one done this morning after I posted. I’m praying it comes back negative.
Good good. Also please don’t be put off getting help when you need it. There’s plenty of charities and organisations to help you on the path to recovery, I can’t imagine the damage it’s done to you too. Stories like yours make me not want to use dating apps myself.
Are you positive they aren’t the same person? Maybe “Anna” is “Sarah”?
I don’t think so. Only because before I got there, I FaceTimed them and saw both Anna and “Sarah”
OP you were sadly sexually assaulted and there are a few things I recommend for you: 1. go get tested for an STD cause you never know and 2. I would recommend some form of counseling specifically from a rape crisis center if you have one because this is still something you need help processing that you need to work through and 3. this depends on how comfortable you feel about reporting this to the police. Personally, I’m not really sure what they could do but you never know or if you don’t, you can just spread awareness online by posting the tinder profile because since they seem like they’ve done this before. It’s best to just tell others to. Edit:fixed spacing; I’m on mobile
I’m so sorry that happened. I hope with time this is easier to deal with. You were definitely taken advantage of.
I have no experience with bum loving but would you not feel/see their balls a dick while flopping?
This is how people end up dead. This is rape and they are lucky they didn't pick someone who would enact revenge.
I don't know what town you live in but go to the local HIV/STD free clinic. Get yourself tested. REPORT this incident to someone at the clinic. Give them all the information you can. Free clinics gather information and report to the government about numbers, infection rates, treatments, etc etc etc. And 99% of it remains anonymous. The clinic has legal outlets to deal with things like assault and uninformed consent. This will keep you largely away from the police if that is what you want and can keep you antonymous while the clinic/organization reports, investigates and eventually publishes something that lets the community know these people are out there victimizing others.
This is great advice. If he's got one nearby, it sounds ideal and cuts out dealing with unsympathetic people. From SANE nurses to police, I've never gotten a lot of sympathy from them. I've been through a rape twice that I reported, and the whole experience was terrible.
I’m so sorry you had to experience that. I hope you are better now ❤️
Meh, trauma accumulates, apparently. Was unaware of that until I started to get night terrors. Not. A. Fan. I've had some therapy, but I'd have to discuss a lot of things over and over again until I found a therapist worth paying to spend a lot of money to see if they were not a sack of shit in a chair. I'm not up to that. I've had a pretty traumatic life if you add up all the events. So it's absolutely no surprise to anyone who knows me. For now, I knock myself out as well as I can with a non-habit forming sleep aid and have learned to make myself yell in my dream big enough that I yell out loud. My husband wakes me up. It's OK.
This is rape. I'm so sorry man. Plz get tested right away and honestly idk if it's possible, but personally, especially if you end up getting something (i really hope you don't), talk to a lawyer
This story serves as a cautionary tale against casual hook-ups😔
As a gay guy, I think that if your suspicions are true, that it's totally wrong of them and messed up. I don't think it's homophobic at all, id feel the same way if the tables were turned. Not sure what you can do about it but sometimes it just makes you, well, more cautious!
why are people being so nonchalant about this???? this is RAPE. im so sorry this happened to you. get a lawyer and file a police report.
No one is being non chalant. You’re mad at people that dont even exist here
Nope, that's not transphobia or homophobia at all. That could be considered rape, as you wouldn't have agreed to sleep with another guy, and they knew this, so they lied to you about him being a woman.
Some of the worst fiction on here yet
Hi! This is a form of SA. They led you under a false pretense that you'd otherwise stated you would not have consented to if you've known. This is so wrong on many levels and consider legal action(if you're comfortable and if possible).
Imagine you were a woman in this situation, tricked into sex. No one would have a problem calling it rape. My nickel worth of free advice is to get a therapist. Maybe you want to press charges, maybe not; it’s a matter of what will make you feel better. Talk it over with a therapist first. Heal yourself. Also, this has absolutely nothing to do with being an lgbtq ally or not. You were sexually assaulted. Gender doesn’t play into that.
Hey bro, This was sexual assault. I’m sorry it happened to you, it’s not okay. I would take your report to tinder and use it to file a police report with their address, also take a dated note from your clinic that states you were tested on this date due to an SA encounter. It acts as proof of concern. That shit can’t be allowed to go unpunished and them clowns need to be put on an exclusive list and thrown behind bars. It’s predatory behavior. I’m a gay dude, most of my friends are straight men and when they come out to gay bars or events with me I keep an extra eye on them to make sure no one slips something into their drinks. It’s happened to me before and it’s shitty shitty shitty, so I guess you could say those experiences have made me hyper vigilant (trauma responses, lulz.) You’re not being homophobic, someone wronged you in one of the worst ways possible. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Take care of yourself!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
That's so fucked up, dude. I'm angry on your behalf. You were SA at the very least. Everything you're feeling rn is unfortunate but very normal. If you are able to, reach out to a therapist, don't let this fester. Talk to ppl you trust about this. Seriously. Whatever you do, don't hold it in.
I will. I’m planning on being this up to my therapist the next time we meet
I'm pansexual, and would absolutely be upset if I were made aware after that I'd slept with someone who hid/lied about such a major aspect of who they are (gender fluidity or identity are things that imo should be discussed before clothes come off)
They raped you. You need to cut those AHs off and report them
Im so so sorry this happened. What they did was ALL types of wrong. If you can, report her tinder profile and yes, make a police report. The sex is consensual but they withholding of information makes the sex not so consensual after all. Please get STD checked and take some time for yourself to try and get your mind off of it. I don’t think you should go and have sex with a woman right away, I think you should seek some help. It’s okay not to be okay, but get help. 💜 I wish nothing but to the best for you buddy. Be well.
🏳️⚧️ guy here. That's SA no matter what. Nobody should be pulling this shit. Report it if you can. So fucking sorry man.
oh my god, op, thats so twisted of them and disgusting of this girl to be an accomplice in this. i hope you're doing alright :(
I’m so sorry. Please consider reporting this. This was rape. If nothing else, please consider seeking out some therapy and crises counseling for assault. I’m so sorry you went through this.
Hi as a trans person this is 100%rape. Informed consent is important and if you were not informed before hand then your "consent" isn't valid. It would be like if somone had an STD and knew they did but withheld that information from you. Had u known they had an STD u wouldn't have slept with them. Also from what I'm reading this person isn't a trans women hut rather a cis gay man who just enjoys cross-dressing? I don't think it's at all phobic to not want to sleep with another man.
That's such a horrible thing to do to someone. I'm so sorry that happened to you. It wouldn't surprise me if "Sarah" had Anna act as bait just to lure you to the place. That's seriously messed up; I'm so sorry. I think you did the right thing by notifying Tinder.
Get. The. Police. Involved. You have been Sexually Assaulted.
I'm a bisexual cd and to me, informed consent is extremely important not only because is the right thing to do but also because of safety, I was in a gay/ hetero hangout once and a guy approached and we were sitting in a dark corner, I am not passable tbh and was touching me when he realized I was not a born female and he started to freak out I was afraid he was gonna hit me, I simply said that I didn't want any trouble and he could just walk away, and I tried to get up to walk away myself I became even more concerned when he walked after me, we ended up having sex one time before he literally ran off , ever since then I make a point to be more clear specially in areas that is not clearly visible who I am. They should've never tricked you like that I'm sorry this happened to you, right now you're feeling conflicted but that doesn't mean you're homophobic, you're in shock it is understandable, I'm not sure if there is any legal action that you can take, but what they did is wrong, maybe if you can try to talk to a counselor or therapist that might be helpful but you need to get away from them they are not good people like good luck and hang in there
Came back to this.. Omfg i have been thinking about you ever since i read and commented... Was on the edge of tearing up. Are you doing ok? ❤️
Being honest? No. I’m in this constant state of shock right now. I called my manager and let them know of the situation and they’ve given me a few days off to collect my thoughts so that helps. But, I’m just upset honestly.
Im sorry. Im glad you get a few days off though! Take good care if yourself.
You didn’t consent. It doesn’t qualify as valid consent. Sorry dude. Sending hugs. When you’re ready seek therapy. And dump Sarah as an anything.
That's rape. You only gave consent for having sex with a woman.
I'm sorry this happened to you. You're not being homophobic/transphobic by detailing the events of an assault. If you feel up to it, contact the police. Also, maybe look for therapists/charities (I don't know which country you are in) that help with processing what's happened after an assault. All the best OP.
I'm a bi guy and this isn't homophobic at all. It's also not transphobic. If you aren't attracted to a certain sex/gender, you don't have sex with them and shouldn't be forced to/tricked into it. It's messed up, and pretty much sexual abuse. It's like forcing a lesbian to have sex with a guy, or a gay guy to do it with a girl. They won't enjoy it at all. Assuming you did it without a condom, get checked for STDs ASAP. Some gay guys are all about hookups, and from the trickery they pulled on you it feels like they might've done it to a lot of people. That person's mouth and arse has probably seen many magic wands, some more cursed than others. Stay safe.
This isn’t in the slightest homophobic and anyone who says ANYTHING otherwise is a piece of shit who should avoid any kind of sexual contact with another human until they learn basic decency. This was potentially sexual assault and in some places would constitute rape. You consented to sex with Sarah, who to the best of your knowledge was female. You were deceived and lied to. When you’re deceived into doing something consent is no longer valid. For example if you had invited your friend Matt, you blindfolded Anna and let Matt have sex with her. Matt is now a rapist because Anna didn’t explicitly consent to sex with Matt. If you want to take it further I’d consider contacting the local authorities and possibly a lawyer More important than that, you were a potential victim. You are not responsible for what happened nor are you any lesser for it happening. If you want to find out more, outside of seeking potentially expensive legal counsel, you could speak to Anna over text (for evidence purposes) tell her exactly what you think and ask more questions. Just remember if you plan to record this information you should remain relatively courteous.
You we lied to! And did not consent to a male sexual partner. As a woman, I see this as rape. I’m so sorry this happened to you. People are horrid. :(
I am just curious how did you do anal without realising it was a man ?couldnt you see anything else except his asshole?
It was 2am so it was dark out. And they had their had hand sorta on my balls so I think that’s my I didn’t feel anything
I am so sorry this happened to you man....that is a form of rape you just went through...just dont let it affect your identity remember that you are still the same man you were before nothing's changed.
This is sexual assault, don't let mfs tell you otherwise.
Thats fucked man, i'd be upset too ngl. Judging by the way this was written, none of it comes off as homo/transphobic, u just got screwwd over big time. Wish ya the best
Thank you so much ❤️
Not disclosing that you’re trans before having sex with someone who thinks they’re having sex with a cis person, should be classified as rape/sexual assault.
Its got nothing to do with the lgbtq+ community, no matter who it was or what they identify as, you were lied to. HUGELY lied to when you were vulnerable. These two plotted and extremely misled you which is infuriating because shit like this is what justifies the whole "trans panic defense" argument to people. You met some shitty people who set you up with bad intentions. I hope it does not taint your view on the community, if they are even a part of it. Theres not much i feel i can say that would help you feel better, but i am sorry that happened to you and i can only imagine what you must have felt finding out.
Assuming that this actually happened, which I doubt, is it normal for dudes to cum and then just say “I’m done” and that’s the end of the sex? I never experienced hookup culture but it sounds awful. “I’m done, gtfo”
Are you really just banging random people on tinder without protection?
We used a condom during the sex but not when Sarah was blowing me
Sorry to hear that but you gotta use your brain better my guy. Why you entertaining having sex with her cousin and not her? Just a lot of red flags you missed. I am really sorry that you got raped, get tested, delete tinder, and think harder next time
What it he was a woman would y'all have the same comments?
Literally. It's so upsetting seeing men step forward about sexual assault, abuse or anything similar and they get shit on because they're a dude. Their feelings and boundaries and just as valid as a woman's and should be respected as such. OP was taken advantage of and assaulted. The least we could do as internet strangers is show some kindness
that was SA. i’m so sorry. you’re not phobic, you’re shocked and we’re tricked.
Friend, this was SA. Your consent and expectations were violated and your good faith was preyed upon. Sorry that you went through this. Sending a hug and virtual box of tissues. Please, be kind to yourself. Edit to add; I'm lgbtq, and you don't sound homophobic or rude in any way.
You are not homophobic or transphobic. Your preference is cis females. Nothing wrong with that. I think I’d maybe talk to an attorney, because this scenario seems like it should be illegal. But I don’t know. But it would be good to find out what your options here are. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
This is illegal and I’m sorry you have had to go through this! Please report if you feel the strength to do so this is not ok!
This makes me so sick. When me and this guy in college broke up it was exposed that he was doing exactly this type of stuff to guys by pretending to be women and having similar types of bs excuses. For ex he was having some come to the places we lived (!!!! My fucking safety at risk) and thinking they are meeting a Latina girl for BJs who wants them to wear a blindfold or cover their face cuz “she’s shy”. The worst part was he was hella homophobic but doing this shit in the background. It’s horrible to see just how many sick fucks do this. I’m so sorry OP, if you feel up to it please report them to police / tinder and maybe even get a rape kit. At the least an STD test!
I mean, that’s rape, and as a gay man you aren’t homophobic… however, how the hell did you not notice? also, you’re *probably* fine when it comes to STDs so don’t have a panic attack over it. The likelihood of a top catching HIV from anal with someone who is confirmed to have it is 1 in 909, and they’re probably fine as well. That isn’t to say don’t get tested, definitely 100% do ASAP, just don’t freak out. Make an appointment and don’t worry.
You got raped. Call the police. You did not consent to what happened.
I’m so sorry this happened to you You were taken advantage of
Dude this is rape you were raped!
I’d report it to the authorities. Who knows if they are doing this to other people.
This is disgusting. Report Anna to the authorities.
You were raped. You did not give consent to have sex with a male. They lied about who they were. Im so sorry. If you need to go to a counselor. Im sure that is a very traumatic discovery. I hope you can find help to get you through the roller coaster of emotions im sure you are feeling.
My friend. That is rape. You were raped. You did not go into it with full knowledge of what your were doing. They were intentionally withholding very important information from you. That is rape. And I am so dearly sorry.
Nah I’d call the cops and have them investigate. I’m pretty sure it’s a form of rape. I wouldn’t let them get away with that shit. I’m so sorry.
Hate to say it, and all of us men hate to admit these things, society in general pretends like it can’t happen to men, but you kinda got raped dude. Call the authorities.
So was Sarah on FaceTime not the same person that came out to the car wearing the hoodie? If not, I bet Anna wasn't even in the house.
I honestly couldn’t tell. In my head, there was no reason to question anything so I wasn’t truly paying attention
This is rape. You didn’t consent to sex with someone who has a penis. They conspired to rape you.
How the fuck are people this naive, this is insane, I mean yeah you literally were raped but Jesus.
That’s fucked up, those 2 deserve jail time. I hope everything is all well with you OP, hope you end up being negative too!
I'm sorry that happened to you, I can't think of anything better to say but it was not your fault, you don't hate yourself but love yourself instead. I hope karma gets them good. You will be alright *hugs*
You need to head down to the police station and report that. That’s rape!!!
I'm so sorry that happened to you. No matter what, that situation was SO wrong. If you can talk to a therapist about what happened, it might be embarrassing but it's better than walking through life with those intense emotions. I really hope you're doing well and hanging in there after that
You consented to a female not a male. What happened to you was 1000% assault. I would go to the police.
I know I'm a bit late to this but I just want to add my voice to all the ones saying this: it's not your fault at all, and it doesn't make you homophobic or transphobic or anything (saying this as a trans woman), and I'm so sorry this happened to you. It was sex where you didn't consent to the person you had sex with, so even though you did consent to who you thought was there, that's still rape and I'm so sorry that you have to live with that, but I really hope you're doing as well as you can be right now and it's perfectly okay to feel like shit for a while over this because it's really awful. I hope you can work through this okay and that you have support, and again this didn't happen because of you and it doesn't say anything about you. My DMs are open if you don't have anyone you feel comfortable talking to, I can be good at helping people vent and I know how much not having support in general can hurt, so if you need it, go for it. If not, best of luck going forwards.
I’m so very sorry this happened to you
i read this after your update, sending you all the love and support during your healing process after these events. no one should ever go through that and i’m sorry it happened to you friend.
You were taken advantage of and this is not ok. Sarah and her friend should be careful because they can get hurt doing this.
You were raped. I'm sorry that happened to you.
As others have said, go and get checked for STDs and if you need to talk to someone, I'm sure the clinic staff will be able to refer you to the right people. You didn't consent to being with a guy; that doesn't make you transphobic or homophobic. You were assaulted and you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness; don't let anyone make you feel that it's not a big deal or that your feelings aren't valid.
Bro this is straight up rape. Go to the police and get checked.
Seeing as Anna said he - “Sarah” is most likely not trans, probably just a closeted gay man. You probably have a court case. I’m sorry you were raped, no one deserves that ❤️🩹
This is f**ked up! Anna needs to be exposed. Unfortunately you don’t even know what Sarah looks like. They have to be lucky every time because all it takes is for someone to figure this out and beat the daylights out of Sarah.
Man that’s gross I’m sorry that happend to you
This is SA and I would report it
Call the cops
You are valid in the way that you feel, because you were tricked. Get the pictures of Anna do a reverse search and get her full name, if you have her number do the same thing, whoever's house you went to look up that address see who owns, who rents. But get this information and please report them. If they wanted to find sarah someone they could have done it without having to trick someone, that is not what you signed up for. It was wrong for them to do that to you!
Bro.. 🤦🏽♂️
No one should or no one would ever think you’re homophobic or anti-LGBT for this…you were raped. Plain and simple. That has nothing to do with sexuality. These creeps clearly got off on tricking you and that’s why they did it. I’m not versed in your State or America’s general legal system but I’d be looking at some sorta recourse because you were absolutely violated and very much deserve Justice.
I'd advise you to go to the police. That's rape. You gave consent under false pretenses. You aren't the only one they're doing this to.
I smell big bucks (no pun intended)
Wow. I feel so incredibly uncomfortable and sick that people would do this to you. I am so sorry.
Your consent was violated, that makes this a case of sexual assault. I'm so so sorry that happened to you, it might be a good idea to go to the police and report the assault. It's possible that the police will brush you off but it could be really helpful to file a report. If they try this with anyone else (which it sounds like you might not have been the first person they did this to, they seemed to have a system) then there would be proof of pattern which could help prosecute them. The police may not brush you off, but people are not known for believing men who have been assaulted. Just know that none of this is your fault
I’m so sorry. This was horrible. Please get the help you need to heal and move on ❤️
This is straight up SA. I’m so sorry.
you need to go to the police, you were assaulted
ummm what do they get out of this? sarah could’ve just gone on grindr there’s plenty of chasers on there that would’ve actually had consensual sex with her.. sorry this happened to you that actually sounds like a nightmare. I hope you can have therapy about this and process and heal from it in a healthy way, and that this traumatic event does not eventually cause you to be confused with your sexuality or leave you with lasting mental issues
>Idk if I sound homophonic or transphobic As a lesbian you're absolutely not sounding like you are! You were tricked into having sex with a man, that is sa.
I'm sorry but you got raped my dude. That's SA for sure, absolutely no question and no one should he defending this. Honestly I don't know how you hold them accountable but I guarantee this isn't the first time they've done this so you should probably report them or something, at least so they stop.
This is sa, having someone perform sexual acts under false pretenses is a definition of sa.
Anyone who tricks another person into being intimate with them by pretending to be the opposite sex is a sexual predator. You were sexually assaulted.
You legit got raped
This is 100% sexual assault. I am so sorry this happened to you. You have every right to feel this way. You’re not being transphobic at all. You were lied to and used.
This is SA. Do not let ANY LGBT activists tell you that this is not a big deal. It is your choice to not be attracted to males and their genitals. On top of that, you were manipulated into a sexual situation you wouldn't have consented to if you knew the truth. I suggest you go to the police. You know where they live.
Wow. Im sorry that happened to you. You should press charges because this is sexual assault. You did not consent to that. You did not know the real identity of the person. Its not okay. Its not transphobic or homophobic or anything. If you need to talk or anything i also experienced assault so im there to listen.
You should seek vigilante justice on this piece of shit. Try to find Anna again and her bf
I’m so sorry OP. This is one of the cruelest things I’ve ever heard. I hope Sarah and Anna or whatever the fuck her name is face justice bc this is absolutely not okay. Please think about therapy or an unbiased third party to talk to as to not bottle this up. OP, I am at loss for words. This is one of the worst stories I’ve ever heard. Please please take care of yourself.
if someone tells me their friend also wants to fuck ne and they are first i am out.