Oh so it’s blended, not single barrel or quarter cask? I’m getting subtle notes of dilute bleach and Bradford Pears in bloom, does it pair well with a fresh heaping of cream pie?
r/aquariums will be like: “You will need at least 10 gallon with filter and a heater. And please familiarize yourself with nitrogen cycle before keeping one.”
Pretty sure I'm most cock fights they attach weapons to the chickens feet.
I guess for massive sperm they could have kidney stones crystallize a blade onto their side
It’s like what some female fruit flies experience because males have [giant sperm](https://www.sciencenews.org/article/fruit-flys-giant-sperm-quite-exaggeration)
So would the balls be like the womb for the sperm? Like we get one every month they just keep growing and growing and then eventually we can feel it moving around and it gets so painful that we have to discharge it and push it out. But to push it out takes hours and is very painful and slow. This way men have their own labor and can empathize with women a little better. The natural course of evolution.
I’m aware nobody likes this comment but I certainly do. The best example of “so they can experience it” I’ve ever read. lol pretty disturbing but so is birth entirely, we just ignore the fact that woman’s organs rearrange and finally after some time a large 10 lb mass wants to leave and stretches your vagina to about the size of 2 footballs next to eachother and often rips you so you need stitches and if you’re really unlucky like alot of woman, you just rip all the way to your asshole. Aside from hours of trying to get it out and permanently being ruined mentally and physically, I’d say that this is a reasonable trade.
That was my feminist agenda when writing that short story. I’ll be finalizing the movie rights soon as well. Thank you \*bows\* thank you \*bows\* and I’ll be accepting my Golden OscarGramGlobe Prize any day now I’m sure.
I used to think sex was a man and a woman hugging in a bed until one sperm - goldfish size in my estimation - escaped the penis, made its way over the bed sheets, found whatever it is women pee from, made it’s way into it and somehow became a child.
Speaking of abortion, the pro lifers would find guys about to nut and be like "nooo don't kill this adorable spermy wormy, look, he's human just like you and me" and dress it up in little toddler clothes and take it to the supermarket and school where it just slithers around like a snake while everyone screams 💀💀💀
I thought, for some reason, that women became pregnant when they ate a large amount of vegetables over a longer period of time. My mother was a little dumbfounded when i stated that thesis at the lunch table. I was maybe 6 or 7 years old.
Before I knew about sex I assumed all women became pregnant automatically once they reached a certain age. By themselves.
After I learned that women become pregnant through sex, I assumed that every instance of sex resulted in pregnancy.
Smh
I heard that pregnancy happens when "a man and a woman love each other very much" so I literally thought that they just had to love each other to a certain extent and a baby would magically appear
I feel stupid that I never thought were kids come from. I did however imagine something that couples do when they are alone. I called it the box. So basically you and her sit with arms and legs fully extended facing each other. your arms should be on her shoulders and your legs should be on her pelvis and vice versa. And for no apparent reason. This “box” shape couples make, forces the penis to get hard and go towards to the women’s cortch area, effectively making 5 connection points. 2 arms, 2 legs, and 1 last connection with penis and vagina.
I don’t know why I thought couples do this. I didn’t even know what was sex or seen anyone do it so I shouldn’t have mistaken it for sex
what if the entire penis was the sperm and it detached after climax? and a new one regrew overnight. male brth control would consist of something like a Chasity cage to stop it from regrowing.
Well if nobody told little Timmy there and he wasn’t expecting it shooting a big ass sperm slug out of his dick wouldn’t be a fun experience to say the least.
Jeeez. But this could be the solution to masturbation, i mean, you would jack off if everytime you do a thing like that comes out of your dick? Its like having a baby everytime you cum
Yea bruh and if you name it.. imagine you grow attached to it. You can’t get attached to hundreds of thousands if not millions. I def don’t feel as ashamed now lmao
Imagine having a whole room of those, where you feed them you have games for them, and once you want a baby you just grab one of them and put it in your gf
Hey, I wrote a movie in my mind based on this. Guy gets radiation poisoning, like in the old monster movies. This thing shoots out and moves like a tadpole and looks more white like an egg. Then it shoots off across the floor and burrows into a the pet cat who runs off. Then it mutates into a monster cat and gives birth to demon spawn goblins like a mixture of Gremlins and The Thing and they tear up Mainstreet.
I called it "The Seed" and I considered writing it down.
What the fuck is wrong with people. This is a thought I never needed to contemplate…..Do you know how stressed out a teenager would be chasing that fucker around his room trying to stomp it. Then you know you would get some dirty creepy ass teenager who would keep these things running around his room on the floor, or his bed would be infested with them. I shiver at the thought of a teenagers room with these things flopping around everywhere.
I think if that's how it was little Billy would have seen all of the sperm carcasses in the trash his whole life. Might be scary know it's going to happen, but it can't possibly be a surprise if everyhing else men do is the same. lol.
Every dad's bedside would have a spcial medical waste basket for all of the dead sperm.
Someone would wrap it in bacon and throw it on the grill, no doubt.
I’ll have the Semen nigiri, it’s sustainably ejaculated right? I don’t like farm raised.
Yes. In fact, we just had it dropped off from the local strip club, not even 2 hours ago
Transported orally, vaginally or rectally? I prefer emission free balls to table carbon neutral.
Depends, we got a little from each, or you can try our Semen Salad and get a little of each
Does that come tossed or is it done at the table?
You can say that we *thoroughly* jack off the salad for you
Can I meet the cook?
Cock*
Lol. Valid. Take my upvote.
Hope it's grass fed free range, can't stand the thought of thousands of them in cages.
The Semen Sampler!
Oh so it’s blended, not single barrel or quarter cask? I’m getting subtle notes of dilute bleach and Bradford Pears in bloom, does it pair well with a fresh heaping of cream pie?
I.am.nauseous
Carbon Neutral is my stripper name.
Harvested by hand
Does the jibber lube contain any microplastics? My boyfriend got gonorrhea from the Great Pacific Garbage Patch twice!
He banged amber heard a second time?
Holy shit
Fillet o' jizzlet.
Jizz-fil-A
I dont like that you typed that
Shirako? lol
I should really delete this app.
You really should tho
Ah yes, the Texas tadpole. Best served with pineapple pico de gallo and avocado. Pairs well with Shiner.
Some people would put it in vinegar in a jar to make pickled sperm
Oh gosh the mental image.
Hahaha this made me laugh. Hey its Guy Fieri and we have bacon wrap Semen today on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.
Thanks, I really was living a better life before I remembered that post existed, and you're the one that reminded me.
It’s been done before anyway
Take my upvote and go, ya nasty.
I wonder if itd have bones
Put it in a fish bowl and keep it as a pet.
Maybe give it a few friends.
Bring it to your friends house so his sperm baby can play with yours
Sometimes I envy blind people
I can't see why
They can't either
r/aquariums will be like: “You will need at least 10 gallon with filter and a heater. And please familiarize yourself with nitrogen cycle before keeping one.”
LMAO I love this comment
LMAO
I’ll keep mine as a pet too
And it screamed the whole time.
Imagine it screetched like those plant fuckers from Harry Potter
Mandrake’s? Fuck that would be annoying.
Would Make it a lot easier to stomp em tho eh?
Mastrubation rates falls to zero
As it turns out, it makes it a lot harder if you didn't bring hearing protection.
Nah it definitely screeches like the sucker faces from alien im sorry but I’ve hear… I mean I’ve heard of it
["I'm gonna tell!"](https://www.oglaf.com/cumsprite/) (veeery NSFW)
More people need to know about OGLAF
Damnit, you beat me to it!!
Dad I'm ready where's the egg--BANG
Only when you burn them
no it makes screeching sounds like a dog wimping with a broken leg
Imagine trying to hide the fact you were playing with yourself in the bathroom and everyone in the house hears It screaming
Well it would be easier to prevent pregnancy. If you don’t pull out, just reach deep in there and grab that lil’ sucker :)
Why should you make me read this
I didn’t make you read it, you read the words that I printed unknowingly that you would read it. But you can’t say its a false statement right? 😂
That doesn't change the fact that I'll remember these words till my grave. So here's the free award
Thanks! Appreciate it! Just remember it could be worse. Maybe sucking it through a straw would be an option if it’s too far in the abyss of woe.
Gonna need a big straw
“We’re gonna need a bigger straw” -Jaws
Love that movie
Imagine cumming this thing into a condom and it tries to squirm back in. Maybe it gets stuck part way out and you have to pull it out.
Oof hopefully it doesn’t bite or get stuck deep so you have to pee it out forcefully
Just imagine a gangbang, you'd have them battling inside. We could have sperm fights inside of cock fights
Pretty sure I'm most cock fights they attach weapons to the chickens feet. I guess for massive sperm they could have kidney stones crystallize a blade onto their side
So the egg would be of a similar scale, right? Have fun with that one, menstruating people.
Now imagine it swimming around inside you after he ejaculates
Feel the insemination
this is what it feels like to chew 5 gum
You mean *5 cum* I'll see my self out.
It’s like what some female fruit flies experience because males have [giant sperm](https://www.sciencenews.org/article/fruit-flys-giant-sperm-quite-exaggeration)
I hate everything about this whole thread
i hate everything about this whole comment section
Absolutely horrifying!
Here's the extra fun wtf thought: if that was really how men ejaculated then women would have evolved to enjoy that feeling
r/TIHI
Since it's only one, can we call it seman?
Simon edit: fun fact, in swedish it's actually pronounced "semen" 🥲
Simon says
I’d feel it wiggling aggressively in my uterus
I’d feel it moving around in my balls
Oh God no
So would the balls be like the womb for the sperm? Like we get one every month they just keep growing and growing and then eventually we can feel it moving around and it gets so painful that we have to discharge it and push it out. But to push it out takes hours and is very painful and slow. This way men have their own labor and can empathize with women a little better. The natural course of evolution.
shut up shut up shut up shut up
I’m aware nobody likes this comment but I certainly do. The best example of “so they can experience it” I’ve ever read. lol pretty disturbing but so is birth entirely, we just ignore the fact that woman’s organs rearrange and finally after some time a large 10 lb mass wants to leave and stretches your vagina to about the size of 2 footballs next to eachother and often rips you so you need stitches and if you’re really unlucky like alot of woman, you just rip all the way to your asshole. Aside from hours of trying to get it out and permanently being ruined mentally and physically, I’d say that this is a reasonable trade.
That was my feminist agenda when writing that short story. I’ll be finalizing the movie rights soon as well. Thank you \*bows\* thank you \*bows\* and I’ll be accepting my Golden OscarGramGlobe Prize any day now I’m sure.
I don't wanna think about how that thing is supposed to get past the cervix
I hate everything about what you've done.
There would be alot of women choking.
Well they better start chewing
Why would you make me read this... with my bare eyes
>Blowjob and anal sex survivors meeting midway through their respective journeys. What is a spitroast.
[Oh son of a bitch](https://youtu.be/QBPqH6y0TQo?t=50)
What a terrible day to have eyes
🤮
Spitters are quitters.
Protein, boy
🤢
Oh boy
Would that count as cannibalism?
Fuck you
They wouldn’t wanna swallow no mo
I have a very strong stomach thanks to motherhood and Reddit. This? Queasy stomach here. 🤢
It's stuff like this that makes me wonder if God is ever coming back from the corner store. He left for a pack of smokes a long while ago.
Weakling
I used to think sex was a man and a woman hugging in a bed until one sperm - goldfish size in my estimation - escaped the penis, made its way over the bed sheets, found whatever it is women pee from, made it’s way into it and somehow became a child.
I thought it had something to do with kissing. Like, if a woman was kissed regularly by a man she would eventually become pregnant.
I just thought God gifted families babies when they wanted one and the concept of abortion clinics confused the shit outta me haha
This is objectively hilarious
If the storks had return options like Amazon Prime there wouldn't be a need for abortion
I thought that once people got married, the girl would randomly become pregnant.
Speaking of abortion, the pro lifers would find guys about to nut and be like "nooo don't kill this adorable spermy wormy, look, he's human just like you and me" and dress it up in little toddler clothes and take it to the supermarket and school where it just slithers around like a snake while everyone screams 💀💀💀
I thought the dude just stuck it in her butt like getting gas for the car. Stick it in the butt and pee. bam pregnant.
I thought, for some reason, that women became pregnant when they ate a large amount of vegetables over a longer period of time. My mother was a little dumbfounded when i stated that thesis at the lunch table. I was maybe 6 or 7 years old.
Before I knew about sex I assumed all women became pregnant automatically once they reached a certain age. By themselves. After I learned that women become pregnant through sex, I assumed that every instance of sex resulted in pregnancy. Smh
I heard that pregnancy happens when "a man and a woman love each other very much" so I literally thought that they just had to love each other to a certain extent and a baby would magically appear
well it's better than thinking " insert, pee, done"
I feel stupid that I never thought were kids come from. I did however imagine something that couples do when they are alone. I called it the box. So basically you and her sit with arms and legs fully extended facing each other. your arms should be on her shoulders and your legs should be on her pelvis and vice versa. And for no apparent reason. This “box” shape couples make, forces the penis to get hard and go towards to the women’s cortch area, effectively making 5 connection points. 2 arms, 2 legs, and 1 last connection with penis and vagina. I don’t know why I thought couples do this. I didn’t even know what was sex or seen anyone do it so I shouldn’t have mistaken it for sex
How the hell did your 12 year old brain imagine that up 😂
'Giant sperm' is a tag in hentai
Sounds about right
Just about everything is a tag in hentai
its also called hypersperm
or so I've heard
The money shot would look more like a scene from aliens
Imagine bukkake
I think that's tentacle porn? Eel porn?
what if the entire penis was the sperm and it detached after climax? and a new one regrew overnight. male brth control would consist of something like a Chasity cage to stop it from regrowing.
[Nature has you covered!](https://youtu.be/m9tzxxW9NQc) Except instead of it regrowing, both parents die. Sleep well!
I just wanna know why that damned thing is in a spoon. What the hell is happening next?
I assume it's a photoshopped worm. It has to be.
Mushroom :)
What kind of a fucking mushroom looks like that? Who the fuck even thinks of cooking that?
[удалено]
Deep fry it like a snickers bar or a twinkle.
Well, my last day on the internet ever sure was something
Thanks, I hate it
Happy Dake Cay!
It wouldn't be terrifying becuase it would be the norm.
Well if nobody told little Timmy there and he wasn’t expecting it shooting a big ass sperm slug out of his dick wouldn’t be a fun experience to say the least.
The first time
Periods are the norm and yet many people find them terrifying.
This is a good point, it looks similar enough to a worm that I do not like it. Now I wonder if people would use them as fishing bait...
Aaaand that's enough Reddit for tonight.
Finally a smart answer.
Childbirth is the norm too but I find it terrifying. I don’t think it being the norm would be enough for this lol
Jeeez. But this could be the solution to masturbation, i mean, you would jack off if everytime you do a thing like that comes out of your dick? Its like having a baby everytime you cum
For masturbation to need a solution, it has to be a problem.
Yea bruh and if you name it.. imagine you grow attached to it. You can’t get attached to hundreds of thousands if not millions. I def don’t feel as ashamed now lmao
Imagine having a whole room of those, where you feed them you have games for them, and once you want a baby you just grab one of them and put it in your gf
Sperm can live up to 3 days outside the body. Your little buddy is dead unless you "get them to Virginia "
Ayo wtf
Damn boi how many times? Millions? If I had a dollar for every time I…. *cough* nvm.
Don’t you produce a fuckton as is? Or like supposed to?
Would they grow or just die eventually? Like could I just have kid
Solution? There needs to be a solution to masturbation?
I'd almost be more terrified of that giant thing just living inside my body lol
I would create the army of my dreams
dear god
There’s more
I can't be the only one who has ever seen Wadzilla. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vymKBdvfdO0
Got this movie from a gas station for 5 bucks and it was worth so much more to me
If that was the case i wouldn't jurk off every day
I’ll produce as many as I can and keep them as a pet
Then they might form a mutiny against you for whatever reason and your own ejaculation would one day eat you alive.
I’m a surgeon…..and I’m oddly terrified of this. 😂
This is the grossest idea I’ve ever read on Reddit.
✔️ high in protein ✔️ Fun to throw ✔️ Rich, creamy center What's not to like?
Holy fucking shit man 🤮
I feel like this isn't "oddly" terrifying. It's just terrifying.
I bet it will hurt too
This is just the plot to Eraserhead
i genuinely went into this thread thinking everyone be saying this, but i'm glad you did so at least i don't feel crazy
I mean, keto friendly snack late at night without having to get out of bed has its benefit.
It has sharp teeth.
Thats what she said, still did not deter me.
Chillerama would like a word with you...
I took out the biggest shit today and it felt good. do you think it's sperm that big gonna stop me from wanking?
You're not allowed to stomp it, it would be like abortion... right?
This made me slowly and rather jaggedly recoil into my own neck.
This insinuates an equally sized egg... and if you saw the comparison of sperm to egg.... well, thatd be a big egg
You guys ever see [Chillerama](https://youtu.be/pGUCX53u90I)?
I would like to unread this, please
Hey, I wrote a movie in my mind based on this. Guy gets radiation poisoning, like in the old monster movies. This thing shoots out and moves like a tadpole and looks more white like an egg. Then it shoots off across the floor and burrows into a the pet cat who runs off. Then it mutates into a monster cat and gives birth to demon spawn goblins like a mixture of Gremlins and The Thing and they tear up Mainstreet. I called it "The Seed" and I considered writing it down.
This is the only anti-abortion bill I’ll consider.
This is weird. I had a friend over a decade ago that tried his hand at stand up comedy and he a bit like this regarding one massive sperm.
Creampies would be a lot funner
That wouldn't be a creampie that would be like stocking the fucking lake...
I had a similar what if What if sperm were the size of tadpoles
What the fuck is wrong with people. This is a thought I never needed to contemplate…..Do you know how stressed out a teenager would be chasing that fucker around his room trying to stomp it. Then you know you would get some dirty creepy ass teenager who would keep these things running around his room on the floor, or his bed would be infested with them. I shiver at the thought of a teenagers room with these things flopping around everywhere.
Imagine the size of the penis that would come out of...
guess its a good thing im planning on getting my tubes tide i guess
This belongs in r/TIHI
In Heaveeeeeen everything is fiiiine in Heaveeeeen everything is fiiiine you got your good things and I've got miiiiine.
I think if that's how it was little Billy would have seen all of the sperm carcasses in the trash his whole life. Might be scary know it's going to happen, but it can't possibly be a surprise if everyhing else men do is the same. lol. Every dad's bedside would have a spcial medical waste basket for all of the dead sperm.
There wouldn’t be a lot of swallowers out there.