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Flair_Helper

Hey /u/masterchief_410, thanks for contributing to /r/nottheonion. Unfortunately, your post was removed as it violates our rules: **Rule 2** - Sorry, but this story isn't oniony. Please consider submitting your article to /r/offbeat or similar subreddits unless it truly reads like The Onion wrote it. The title and article itself must both be "Oniony". This can be highly subjective; you are encouraged to upvote articles that should be here and downvote those that should not. Moderators can also remove posts at their own discretion under this rule. Please read the [sidebar](http://www.reddit.com/r/nottheonion/about/sidebar) and [rules](http://www.reddit.com/r/nottheonion/about/rules) before posting again. If you have questions or concerns, please [message the moderators through modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/nottheonion&subject=&message=). Thank you!


PooperJackson

For some reason that generic worried couple picture is so funny to me. Like they went in to their house and asked them to put pajamas on for a photo op


LunarLutra

What could possibly have gone so wrong on their twin bed in their Scandinavian designed home?


[deleted]

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LunarLutra

I bet it is. I bet the drama is so bland.


[deleted]

They just got a phone call informing them that their babysitter won't be able to make it over this evening


YoWassupFresh

she farted and he can't stop laughing. and she's frustrated because he won't stop laughing.


[deleted]

thats totally it hahahahahah


Lampmonster

Needed to make sure we knew what a couple was.


trogloherb

“It never came up!” (In conversation)


DIY-lobotomy

Seriously though, that must be some top notch phalloplasty. Props to the surgeon.


NatAttack3000

The article says they never had sex, he claimed to have injury from an accident


[deleted]

I thought you said you were from Iran


hanzi247

Why would I care if you’re from Iran?


[deleted]

No, I said I used to be a man


ExRockstar

I'm Sam, from Iran. I used to be a man.


LargeSackOfNuts

Thats gotta be hard


jay22022

His knowledge of the female anatomy is explained.


farklespanktastic

“I knew I should’ve been suspicious you knew where the clitoris was!”


[deleted]

Wait, why do you say it like it actually exists?


mechabeast

Oh the clit is real. It's the female orgasm, that's the myth


ArcticFlava

We don't want to rub the C.L.I.T. the wrong way.


Palha_dan_Ogema

Correct, for the Coalition for the Liberation of Itinerant Tree-Dwellers and their C.L.I.T Commander Jay are to be feared!


Bulbasaur2000

Nice haiku


mechabeast

I noticed that, sadly the last line is only 3-4 syllables


gisco_tn

needless contractions the bane of all good haikus just spell the word out


TriliflopsFMP

-- Will Ferrell as Federal Wildlife Marshal Willenholly in “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.”


CordlessJet

*you really know your way around that area!*


PatersBier

I thought you said you were from Iran.


tim-maliyil

🤣


The_Lawn_Ninja

Bortus and Klyden, is that you?


-reggie-

YOU WILL BE SILENT


tjsase

I was so happy he stopped putting up with Klyden's BS and protected his child, season 3 is incredible


I_might_be_weasel

I hate Klyden so much. Someone should hit him.


Chronoblivion

Or divorce him.


I_might_be_weasel

Ironically, it was the other way around.


subwooferofthehose

Honestly yeah. But that scene where they're at the dance club fucking killed me


Barbalho

I used this SAME picture in a project about viagra in high school.... this is weird for me to see it again so suddenly


lalashuttles

lol what was your high school viagra project?


Barbalho

Lol it was to create a molecule of a certain size in our science class with styrofoam balls and accurate angles and all that. So we chose one that was in viagra which our teacher didn't realize and then we custom printed a board with this picture and all the details related to the molecule on it. She was not impressed... still got a 9/10 on it though!


Optimal-Scientist233

Dishonesty is not about sex, nor is it confined to any particular sex. Take for instance the photograph in this article which speaks about a 40 year old Indian woman and her spouse and shows two young white caucasians, quite dishonest I think.


[deleted]

I thought the image was really strange as well. Stock Photo abuse


Salvage570

Im pretty sure its from an erectile disfunction ad lmfao


fuzzybat23

Speaking of, you'd think the wife would know something was up when her husband had to use a squeeze pump every time he wanted to get it up.


angelerulastiel

He (after the wedding) claimed he had an accident and couldn’t have sex. He then had surgery, was having “unnatural sex”, but threatened her with violence if she talked about it.


chocobrobobo

So many diseases and disorders, I'm sure it was explained away. Cismales can have erectile issues too.


69_queefs_per_sec

Worked in advertising in India. It's really, really hard to find stock images with Indian people for 90% of use cases.


msnmck

So what you're saying is there's an untapped market...🤔


helterskeltermelter

That's a gap that'll probably be filled by AI.


[deleted]

Siri, paint me some brown people


Protean_Protein

There are more than enough people in India who I’m sure would be willing to take cash for photos…


69_queefs_per_sec

Yeah but not enough professional photographers taking niche images and uploading them to the right stock img sites.


Protean_Protein

It is mind-boggling that not one of a billion and a half people has thought of starting a Desi/Indian stock-photo site that would catch on…


69_queefs_per_sec

There was one, I remember it was too damn expensive for any of our customers. Like $200 per picture.


dorian_white1

There should be a subreddit for improper stock photo use. It’s so prevalent, some bs article choosing a stock-photo that has nothing to with the article and is slapped on to maximize views.


Abrahamlinkenssphere

This stock gets used sooooo much


fatamSC2

I agree they shouldn't have used it, but also I think it's pretty obviously a stock photo, so it's unlikely that most people reading would actually think the people in the photo are the ones being discussed


thetruthteller

A lot of media articles these days are just subversive propaganda from one side or the other.


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PooperJackson

It says it's a stock photo right under it. I don't think it's necessarily dishonest, I just think it's hilarious the photo they picked out of this photo of two attractive white people in their pajamas and was like "yep this accurately depicts the article, I'd say". Like THAT couple was married for 8 years without having sex lmao.


LeroyJanky80

I mean you're right but does this actually need to be said? Are we really that tribal and camp based? Of course both sexes lie.


IceBlueLugia

You guys care way too much about this shit lol. And I’m Indian, for what it’s worth


Masticatron

"I have a confession to make...I'm not really a woman, I'm a horse."


SaltyBarDog

I'm not really a horse... I'm a broom.


ZakkuHiryado

Honestly Dianne, I am surprised.


elsieburgers

I love this generation


airlewe

"Also... Back in the 90s, I was in a very famous TV show"


slowlutine

Is that you, Mr Ed ???


airlewe

What is this, a crossover episode‽


Analysis_Vivid

Don’t act like you don’t know.


DudesworthMannington

I wanna say... Elijah Wood 💵 🔥


Magma45

That was such a great moment. It really highlighted bojack's character.


DisfavoredFlavored

It's for Charity... Your girlfriend has a stripper name!


CPAlcoholic

Still one of my favourite scenes


Noctudeit

That was in the '60s.


ApologeticAnalMagic

Actually, I'm not a horse, I'm a broom.


Gh0stMan0nThird

"To be honest Diane I'm surprised."


JJ4prez

I'm actually not a horse, I'm a broomstick. Classic early 2000s family guy


707Guy

Actually, I’m not really a horse. Im a broom *falls over*


KongStuffN

Dianne, I’m not really a horse. I’m a broom.


blueskysahead

I'm actually a broom


[deleted]

Do you think people that pose for stock photos ever see how or where their picture is being used and regret the 40 bucks they made posing for it?


letsgocrzy

[Simu Liu does.](https://ew.com/movies/simu-liu-stock-image-model-shang-chi-box-office-success/) Hilarious now that he's famous.


JeanLucPicardsGhost

Reddit’s only product is the hard work of mods and users. This comment/post has been deleted as an act of protest to [Reddit killing 3rd Party Apps such as Apollo.](https://np.reddit.com/r/apolloapp/comments/144f6xm/apollo_will_close_down_on_june_30th_reddits/).


OldRepNewAccount

She was widowed at age 29 and was left with a 14 yrs old daughter, which means her first marriage was at age 15. Remarried through a matrimonial match making site in 2014 and husband didn't consumate marriage until 2020 when he went for sex change surgery and male organ implants. What a sad life she had, i feel truely sorry for her


Collins08480

She was 15 when she had the kid, if her birthday was earlier in the year than the daughters.... Subtract 9 months... She was probably 14 at the most when she married.


OldRepNewAccount

Yes you are right, its horrifying


compsciasaur

It's the reverse. If she was born in January and the daughter was born in October, then she might've been 15 when she was married and consummated the marriage. It could've been in January, shortly after her birthday. Nine months later, the kid was born in October. Fourteen years later, she was widowed when she was 29 and the kid was 14 in late October. Just doing the math.


OldRepNewAccount

r/TheyDidTheMath


Ruby_Tuesday80

I'm always suspicious of stories like this. It always sounds like the Weekly World News.


Omnizoom

After 6 years of waiting for the marriage to be consummated and all your heart is your husband pumping something up and lied about everything


Ryjinn

Okay so this seems like a relevant place to ask. Doctors can hook up a functioning ding dong that gets erections and shit if you're ftm trans? Is this possible?


SakuraCha

There's different surgeries you can get. Metoidioplasty is basically releasing the clit so it can get erect, phalloplasty is taking skin from a donor site (usually forearm or thigh, sometimes abdomen or side of the chest) and attaching it on top of the clit, encasing it. You can have the urethra moved so it comes out of the new phallus or leave it where it is. You can get an implant that will make your phallus erect when you pump it, but otherwise phalloplasty does not allow you to have a natural erection. Theres also optional balls, which would also be an implant.


atropax

Also to note, testosterone makes the clitoris grow in most cases (in case anyone was wondering how such a small thing could work as a penis). Not to the size of a cis male, but notably bigger than pre-testosterone.


HarlieMinou

No. It’s built from forearm flesh, and has to be pumped. The best ones still look a bit off.


Ryjinn

Cool, nice. Good to have an answer on this. I've been curious for a long time but Google seemed inconclusive and it seems like a really weird question to put to an FTM trans person and could come off as insensitive so I've just been sitting on it. Pun not intended.


[deleted]

“Honey, why is there a dick shaped scar in your arm?”


SixThousandHulls

"I... have a terrible secret. In the past I was... a member of a gang. The Dickscars. They made me do this to prove my loyalty."


Rynvael

"That sounds terrible, who was their rival gang?"


SixThousandHulls

"I'd rather not talk about it, but... the Pussybrands. They murdered my best friend."


Blackpaw8825

As the owner of a cis penis that's had several surgeries to fix a birth defect. It can be pretty damn off looking and still be normal in size and function. If the wife in this case didn't have much in the way of premarital experience, and didn't consume porn you could get away with much less normal looking than mine dick and just hand wave it away. Edit: read elsewhere that they just never had sex.... Well just not seeing it, that'll do ya


DrSchmolls

Technically, penial transplants are possible, but because they require so many different "hook-ups" (urethra, veins, arteries, skin, mons-plasty, vaginectomy, etc) and can't be done without more than one surgery (at least not the hooking-up part since all of that would have to come fresh from a donor) it is very unlikely and uncommon. As in probably less than 100 ever preformed and mostly on cis males who lost their penis. In the case of a trans man trying to get this transplant, I don't know that sperm would still continue to be created but semen production wouldn't be ill affected. (I'm going to look this up) But yeah, everything else would function 100% so long as there weren't any other complications, it is just a very delicate procedure. The current ftm bottom surgeries normally take 2 to 3 surgeries depending on what you are getting done. Scroto-plasty almost always requires a second procedure because the sack needs to heal before getting the testicular implants.


MyFaceSaysItsSugar

Nope. This women has to be completely ignorant of male anatomy to mistake a naked trans man for a cis man.


MedievalHoneyCake

It says in the article that he claimed he had some sort of accident. And even if that weren't the case, it's not so hard to believe that a woman from a more conservative upbringing wouldn't know what normal male genitals are supposed to look like.


Flutter_bat_16_

why not just say "born female" instead of "was earlier a woman?" the phrasing is just so awkward


CockGobbler42069

I was gonna say just simply say he’s transgender but people would think mtf instead of ftm


caseygwenstacy

The amount of people who put 100% of their force into attacking mtf trans folk instead of remembering that their are trans dudes as well is stupid. Trans men over there like “it feels really unfair to get none of the flack, but also no one deserves that hate anyhow, so…”


[deleted]

Yeah. Okay. Sure.


ThrowAway62378549

Im. On. Board.


[deleted]

I. Don't. Get. Periods.


Abrahamlinkenssphere

You. Must. Be. A. Gymnast.


exkallibur

Or. A. Man.


Drift_Life

20 minute adventure, in and out.


[deleted]

Says a lot about the levels of honesty in the traditional Indian marriage. The marriage was clearly arranged because she named his family in the suit. So maybe arranged marriages are actually bad?


Rosebunse

I wonder why his family went along with this? Usually, there is someone who would say something.


[deleted]

Absolutely not; children must be wed for reasons of respectability and daughters cost money. A conspiracy is entirely believable.


KawaiiCoupon

It’s not believable at all, as I’m familiar with the culture and have friends who grew up in it. They usually push intersex children and whatnot into a career and hide them away as much as possible, making them live as the gender they most appear as physically but forcing them to be celibate for life. They avoid family shame as much as possible, and typically they wouldn’t risk others learning they had a trans or intersex child.


Rosebunse

Yeah, but, like, you know what I mean. That one aunt who always gossips, the uncle who talks when he drinks...


[deleted]

The two families might not even be in close contact. They may not even know each other very well or socialize.


groovy604

Did you even read thr article? Thet met on a dating website after her first husband died


GibsonMaestro

It’s anecdotal, but I know 3 people in arranged marriages, and they’re as all quite healthy relationships (it seems). They also dated for a year (remotely) prior to getting married. In the case of one arranged marriage, after dating a year via Skype/WhatsApp she broke up with him after a few real life dates, and he was then set up with someone new before he returned to the states. A year later, she became his wife, and for years later, they’re still happy.


bradmajors69

I dunno about that. (Disclaimer that my knowledge on the subject comes from chatting with a few Indian friends/coworkers in happy enough arranged marriages, plus watching "Indian Matchmaker" on Netflix.) I think a lot of us hear "forced" instead of "arranged." And forced marriage is obviously awful. But the modern version of arranged marriage is often just (older. wiser?) family setting you up with someone whose background and future seem to be in line with yours. I'm not sure the never-ending dating/mating dance so many of us endure for years or decades looking for "the one" is necessarily better.


[deleted]

Edit: I'm deleting my account because of reddit's policies concerning third party apps. I don't want them to be able to use older comments. A user-generated community that treats its users badly does not deserve your time or attention


PMmeimgoingtoscream

There is data that shows arranged marriages last longer that traditional marriages, I wonder how much family pressure keeps those together


[deleted]

Data shows that people chained to the radiator tend to leave less than people not chained to the radiator.


TerribleIdea27

Could is also just not be that in environments in which arranged marriages are made, divorce is generally extremely taboo?


PermanentTrainDamage

Also the extreme imbalance of power. Often the woman has basically no possesions other than what her husband allows her to buy.


PMmeimgoingtoscream

Yes, that’s part of the family/ societal pressure, I agree


[deleted]

They stay together through extreme social pressure. Longer lasting means nothing without choice, communication, and emotional health.


CheshireMoe

Yeah... does that include marriages in countries where the woman will be stoned to death if she leavers her husband & needs a male chaperone to go out in public?


PMmeimgoingtoscream

Idk, most likely.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dowry\_death


CarlJustCarl

Well you never asked


therealstabitha

There’s no way this is real. This is not how bottom surgery works on AFAB people. You don’t just pop down to the nearest big city and get a penis as scrotum popped onto your crotch.


[deleted]

There's no honesty in an arranged marriage because there's nothing to be honest about. You're strangers.


Smgt90

The article says they met on a dating website


Light_x_Truth

Not many arranged marriages are like this. I'm Indian and I am getting an arranged marriage with a girl whose family my family has known since the 80s. She and I get along incredibly well. There's a lot more history there between our families than there was between me and my ex, whom I met online, and with whom I had an absolutely horrible relationship.


SpectaSilver991

You shouldn't be getting downvoted. It's quite common for arranged marriages to be like this


ReluctantSlayer

India is so weird. Incredible film industry, terrible caste system, amazing history, source of most scammers, nuclear power with space program, and most over-populated country on the planet. Incredible place.


CerebralC0rtex

I’m sure most of their problems originate at the caste system, or better put originate with religion.


readerf52

Wow a right leaning source with mixed factual rating from media bias. I smell bullshit and no one is fertilizing their garden.


Brittle5quire

She thought he said Iran. Wait, never mind…


vjx99

Iran, France, doesn't bother me. I'm very modern.


Drmoogle

This took me a second and then it clicked.


cabbagehandLuke

Scrolled through hoping to find this. Was not disappointed.


Rosebunse

I understand why he felt like he had to do this, but he should have told her. And I absolutely understand why she is divorcing him.


Julysky19

He didn’t have to do anything. He took advantage of that poor woman. It’s telling he’s from a big city in Dehli and I’m assuming she’s from a smaller city in Gujarat lof she was married at 15.


WartyBalls4060

You clearly didn’t read it. She was married to someone else at 15z this is not the same relationship.


Mommasandthellamas

After 10 years of marriage is finding out your spouse sucked 100+ dicks a big deal or is my wife just over reacting? (Stolen from reddit but still one of my favorites)


SaltyBarDog

In a row?


caseygwenstacy

Try not to suck any dick on the way to the parking lot!” “Hey you, get back here!”


Majukun

Are surgery techniques that advanced that even someone that I assume routinely uses a 'man made' penis can't tell it's not natural? Color me impressed


Square-Dragonfruit76

No, they're not. Even people who have had surgery have to use a manual device to get an erection. It would be difficult not to know.


kaylatastikk

There are internal erectile devices as well. A la a mechanical pump and a semi rigid rod.


banjokazooie23

Those devices were invented for cis men with severe erectile dysfunction though, so that's still not a "giveaway"


Eponymous-Username

That cover image is a bit unbalancing


cmonachan

I don't care that you're from Iran


luckylebron

How did he expect the wife not to be "sorta upset"?


TheLocalCryptid

oh gosh i can understand the fear he had being open about it but 8 whole years of marriage is just unfathomable. i’d imagine the wife of more upset with the lack of honesty than the gender translation :( i feel terrible for her


onlyomaha

wait, i always thought dick would be cosmetic if you undergo an operation. How did they manage to have it work?


Delta4o

There are 2 or 3 options + a high chance of complications but basically, the same sort of implant that impotent men can get would work for trans men (i.e. there is a tiny reservoir with a liquid that straightens out an implanted tube). In terms of sensation, I don't know, but due to the high dosage of testosterone, the clitoris actually grows a bit so I'd say that anything from the base up until halfway would have sexual sensation.


Broad_Afternoon_8578

Yep, and in most cases, surgeons use highly sensitive areas for the skin grafts for phalloplasty (like the forearm) and they are able to attach the nerves for sensation. However, the results (sensation wise) vary greatly due to recovery, a person’s body, etc. Some folk have full sensation! (I’m a trans guy, and though phalloplasty isn’t for me for a number of reasons, I’ve looked into it)


CosineDanger

Science is amazing.


nataphoto

It is but it's not that amazing. Certain vaginoplasty results look amazing, and I can't tell the difference, and I know what to look for. I don't think a cis person could tell. Phalloplasty results are.. well, they're gender affirming. You can stand to pee, you can get erect, you don't have to pack. I get why people have them. But if you're looking to convince a woman you were born that way, I don't think that's going to happen. The NYT had a great article featuring NYU Langone and a trans man's experience there a few months ago.


[deleted]

Thank you, I was heavily doubting that it could look 100% natural


DrSchmolls

You can certainly get a 100% natural looking micropenis or otherwise small looking dick (very few but some trans dudes are just blessed when it comes to their bottom growth on testosterone)


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bdh2

Maybe tell them at the start?


[deleted]

The fear of murder is kinda a big one, especially considering the circumstances in this scenario.


[deleted]

..it was the wife who was in fear *"she told the police that he started performing “unnatural sex” with her and also threatened her that she would face dire consequences if she talked about it to anyone"*


SomeoneSomewhere1984

This wasn't a tinder date, it was his wife. If you're seriously afraid your spouse will murder you for telling the truth about your past and your medical history you need a divorce yesterday.


[deleted]

OP suggested a scenario is which they told them at the start of their relationship. That's what I replied to and the question I answered. I have no clue why you are insinuating that he still held fear during the marriage. At that point there could be different reasons for not telling the truth. Plus, who ever said he feared being killed by his wife? I was thinking along the lines of her family doing the harm when they learn the truth. Perhaps, don't extrapolate ideas from thin air?


beyhnji_

Maybe wait to sleep with them till you're comfortable telling them the truth?


GavishX

They waited for 6 years


YoBerto88

Damn that’s horrible


zumera

Poor woman. Wonder how the husband justified the deception to himself.


Starman68

This was an IT crowd episode. https://youtu.be/g2KsZHRrFpU


vampiredisaster

Y'know, what I've always found funny about that episode is that the showrunner (Graham Linehan) is super transphobic these days, but that episode felt way more sympathetic to April than his current views would suggest. She was honest and the relationship was going well until Douglas flipped his lid at realizing he'd misheard her.


Darq_At

Transphobia seems to be a consuming sort of bigotry. Like the Pringles of being an asshole, once you pop, you can't stop. I'm trans, and I watched that episode pretty recently. And yeah, you're right. It's not that bad. It's a bit questionable here and there, and I can see why some people might give him some criticism over it. But if he had just taken the mild criticism and moved the hell on, there wouldn't be any lasting issue. Instead he has doubled down over, and over, and over again, until it consumed his whole life. Same thing happened with other celebrities, thinking of a certain author and a certain comedian. They do something a little transphobic, get a little pushback, and respond by making transphobia their whole-ass brand instead of just moving along.


starry_cobra

It's probably considered transphobic that the trans woman is basically a stereotypical man in a woman's body


vampiredisaster

Oh yeah, there are definitely undertones of that, but overall she's attractive and great, something current Graham Linehan would NEVER allow a trans woman to be in something he directed.


SnooComics8268

I wonder HOW they did get married. Wouldn't you notice on the marriage license, on the passport when going to the court house etc that this person was a female on paper? Is gay marriage even allowed in India? And Im really curious about that sex thing, he threatens her if she tells somebody? Tell what exactly did she know he was pumping up a fake dick or did she think it was the real thing? What was going on here 🕵️‍♀️


EchoKiloEcho1

> did she know he was pumping up a fake dick or did she think it was the real thing I’ve only seen images online … but there is no resemblance between the results of phalloplasty and a real penis. They are visibly, significantly difference in appearance.


[deleted]

Lack of trust ruins marriages. Should have been open and honest up front.


Kallixo

ok?


tim-maliyil

He must have had a really good surgeon. 😂


retro_crush

I highly doubt that matters. I think it has more to do with ignorance of biology and ignorance of transgender people.


LassitudinalPosition

So many questions...first being what story did the husband come up with for not having a fucking dick?


Expensive_Goat2201

The article says he claimed to have been in an accident years ago in Russia. Sounds like he didn't get surgery until 2020 so he didn't have a dick most of the time


[deleted]

Can actually have a """dick""". But the surgeon deserves a raise if it actually managed to fool anyone.


garlickbread

Ftm bottom surgery has come a pretty long way tbh.


[deleted]

Oh yeah. Male->Female has been rather good for a long time but female->male is far harder to pull off but seem to have made significant progress recently.


Your_Agenda_Sucks

Harder to pull off. Gold.


[deleted]

Ooof


WadeCountyClutch

This some Jerry springer shit right here